aceislonely

[aceislonely]

having poor object constancy for people sucks so bad because there's no nice-sounding way to say "i love you and care about you but when you're not around i forget you exist"

[aceislonely]

Where are my fellow touch-starved "I want to be kissed and held but only by one specific person that I haven't met yet and that likely doesn't even exist and if anyone else touches me I will bite their head off" aroaces?

[aceislonely]

When it comes to asexual allyship a lot of people wanna have their cake and eat it too (pun unintended). People like a lil 'aces are valid' moment but don't actually unpack compulsory sexuality. People see sexless queer representation and always clock puritanism before they ever clock asexuality. No one's actually reading the ace theory and texts coming out. Everyone keeps doing surprised Pikachu faces whenever a conservative or TERF says they're against asexuality despite the fact ace activists have been saying since day conservatives are not anti sex but anti sexual autonomy. 'Aces are queer' until we actually are. Even ace support posts keep ending with some expectation or condition that asexuality is #valid as long as asexuals still perform a small quota of sex/sexual activity. I'm so over 'Aces still have sex!' 'Aces are hot' Aces are sexy' 'Aces aren't virgin vanilla prude sexless puritans!' disguised as support.

Like no. Sorry. Until you accept that some asexual people's no is permanent, that some asexual's singleness is permanent, that some asexual's childless-ness is permanent, that some asexuals are the 'no' in little to no sexual attraction and i'd say most importantly, that queer sexlessness isn't a biological, social or moral failing, I don't believe you'll ever genuinely support asexuality. (In reverse, I also feel similar about aromanticism and romance).

Like a lot of u haven't gone beyond 'the a isn't for ally' and it shows. I don't want people to support asexuals just because we're soooo hot or because we write the best smut apparently or because we could have hypothetical sex or because we could do hypothetical kink or because our minds are soooo dirty actually or because we'd do romance reallllyyyy well or because we can still have kids or because asexuals hand out water bottles at the orgy or some shit. I want people to support asexuality because no sexuality is deviant and it's basic human decency.

[aceislonely]

hi! may I ask why you'd be against an open relationship? I obv get why you wouldn't want your partner to have other romantic relationships or ongoing arrangements where there's a chance they'll fall in love (I'm against that as well), but even though I consider myself monogamous, I think I'm going to tell my partner that they can have like one night stands or something, because to me it seems like a reasonable compromise. but idk if is there something I'm not considering.. is it a bad idea? or just your personal preference? sorry I'm just curious because we seem to have kinda similar opinions on this type of stuff but i don't get this one opinion of yours in particular ^^"

hello :)

yeah it's really just personal preference. for me exclusivity is part of what makes a committed relationship appealing in the first place, and without it... tbh i just wouldn't be interested. it's kind of hard to explain but that's the gist of it

[aceislonely]

i automatically distrust anyone who refers to sex as a need

[aceislonely]

It's "representation is important!" and "queer people need to see themselves in media!" until it's aro/ace people. Then it's: "uhhg that's what fandom is for!"🙄"uhm, why do you need canon representation?"🙄"Can't you just HEADCANON it like a normal person?"🙄

[aceislonely]

Love without Sex

I’m doing a Philosophy paper on Asexuality. Please reblog if you think Love without Sex is possible! I really need the data. Like if you think love has to have sex.

[aceislonely]

I worked really hard to love myself and usually I do, but man, sometimes being asexual really sucks.

Like. I’m isolated from my peer group in a pretty fundamental way. Everyone thinks I’m innocent or selfish or a prude, and the longer I go without seeking out sex the stronger these perceptions get despite the fact I am a grown woman. I have no connection and no desire to participate in the one thing every piece of media I have consumed since the age of eleven has touted as not only the most important thing in the universe but the act that makes us human. I search for love but sex is a caveat and I’m told over and over to either have an open relationship (which I wouldn’t want as a monogamous person) or I’m shit outta luck because no one wants a sexless relationship. Whether they see me as a prude or selfish or broken, the word asexual from other people- whether it is known or not- is usually either mocking or pitying. Just. It’s exhausting and I’m tired of feeling like a defective human because there this huge thing everyone else wants and I want it as far away from me as possible

I dunno. It just really sucks.

[aceislonely]

You never have to have sex. Ever.

[aceislonely]

you know how a lot of aromantic people are uncomfortable with real life romance but like it in media? i'm the rare opposite variant: i'm alloromantic and like romance in real life but dislike it in fiction

[aceislonely]

[aceislonely]

You deserve to have your boundaries respected

[aceislonely]

another reason alloace people get so much shit is that to most people, 'sexless' as an adjective for relationships is a synonym for passionless, chemistry-less, unhealthy, incompatible. so they hear that we want sexless relationships and take it to mean BAD relationships, when all we really mean is we want loving relationships without sex. because it's not a bad thing to us.

a lot of alloallo people can't separate their sexual feelings from their romantic ones and i think that's part of why alloace people get so much shit. they don't understand why we want the romance without the sex because to them romance IS sex. that's why people go on about how they don't understand the "point" of sexless romance (the point is romance, hope this helps) and are always saying dumb shit like "a romance without sex is just friendship". even though, if that were true, romantic relationships and fwbs wouldn't be considered two different things. but they ARE considered two different things, because one has romance and the other doesn't. like. romance is a feeling and relationship type all on its own, whether sex is involved or not, and whether you personally understand that or not.

[aceislonely]

a lot of alloallo people can't separate their sexual feelings from their romantic ones and i think that's part of why alloace people get so much shit. they don't understand why we want the romance without the sex because to them romance IS sex. that's why people go on about how they don't understand the "point" of sexless romance (the point is romance, hope this helps) and are always saying dumb shit like "a romance without sex is just friendship". even though, if that were true, romantic relationships and fwbs wouldn't be considered two different things. but they ARE considered two different things, because one has romance and the other doesn't. like. romance is a feeling and relationship type all on its own, whether sex is involved or not, and whether you personally understand that or not.

[aceislonely]

on the last day of pride month i'd like to remind people that people are ALLOWED to be repulsed by sex. no theyre not puritans, no theyre not saying no one should have sex, no theyre not claiming that all sex is evil and wrong. please properly tag posts about sexual topics (yes even if theyre just jokes. not everyone wants to see that) and stop assuming that EVERYONE who dislikes sex is either a prude or overly santised

[aceislonely]

for a lot of ace people, the lack of interest in having sex is because of the lack of attraction we feel. i know there's a big emphasis on attraction =/= behaviour in ace spaces but let's not forget that often times the former does have a big influence on the latter. they're not separate for everyone

so here's to the aces for whom disinterest in sex is a significant part of their asexual identity <3 ily

[aceislonely]

ik it's kind of a dumb complaint but i wish people wouldn't automatically default to suggesting open relationships/polyamory for aces who want romance but not sex like it's a one size fits all solution... i'm not against polyamory, live ur life!! but me, im as monogamous as they come. like for me exclusivity is a big part of the appeal of romance and without it a relationship flat out wouldn't interest me at all. i just want a loving, committed, and intimate but sexless romance

i'm not okay with the idea of my future partner banging other people <- seen as reasonable and pretty standard when said by a non ace person, but unreasonable and prudish and restrictive when said by an ace person

sorry i can’t be a “cool” ace. sorry i want to experience devoted romance like other people get to. sorry i’m not enough the way i am

i KNOW i'm being whiny but sometimes i wanna cry bc it's like i'm getting constant passive aggressive reminders that no one will ever want to fully commit to me... and that unless i compromise who i am, i'll never be enough for someone. it's funny no one ever says the partner who wants sex should compromise instead. why are my wants in a relationship automatically less important??

people push back against the idea of a romantic but nonsexual monogamous relationship, even in ace spaces! it's so frustrating and disheartening :(

Submitted 06/10/24