#sex neutrality

[leikeliscomet]

Sex repulsed, averse and indifferent asexuals are not harming you just for existing. Sex repulsed, averse and indifferent asexuals are not erasing you just for existing. Sex repulsed, averse and indifferent asexuals aren't stealing your representation just for existing. Sex repulsed, averse and indifferent asexuals are not puritans just for existing. Sex repulsed, averse and indifferent asexuals having the rights to not have sex, asserting indefinite refusal to sex, not having children, relationships and having full bodily doesn't have any negative impact on you.

I will always support sex favourable asexuals. I will always support asexuals right to wear what we want, asexual biological parenthood, asexuals in sex work and asexuals that enjoy sexual activities. To paraphrase Sherronda J Brown, I will always support every queer person's right to be a sexual being. But what I'll never support is compulsory sexuality. To paraphrase the rest of the quote, there must always, always, ALWAYS be the option to say no and the right to affirm that no. I'm noticing pushback from some, not all and i have to stress it's not everyone, sex favourable asexuals for simply asserting that no. This is compulsory sexuality. There's literally no other reason why another asexual in your community not having sex or not wanting to and asserting this makes you so upset. The idea it's sex favourable erasure or worse, puritanism for sex repulsed, averse and indifferent asexuals to state our unconditional right to exist with bodily autonomy including *yours* is compulsory sexuality. And this community isn't going anywhere till this shit is unpacked.

Im not gonna get into how and why I got into the ace community and why i care so much today but there's parts of sex favourable asexuality that I can't acess and parts of sex indifferent and sometimes repulsed asexuality that I need. And when you come to my page to decentre me in my own experience you are adding to the long list of shit in society that already makes sexuality difficult for aces like me.

When you assert that your participation in (heterosexual) sex makes you more normal, valuable or human than my ace experience and that that need to centre that participation you are fundamentally no different to every lesbophobe I've ever met, every Catholic puritan that's fantasised over my reproductive potential & every non ace cishet person that stigmatised my lack of sexual attraction to men.

When you treat me existing as a Black asexual as somehow regressive to your idea of sex positivity, especially as a white or non Black sex favourable ace, and have the need or frankly audacity to 'remind' me about having sex you are no different to every anti black racist ive ever known who claims Black girls are fast, thats shamed the Black girls of my community for having the inappropriate behaviour of wearing clothes on bodies they think aren't suitable and every non ace cishet person that's sexualised me since day.

And when you assert that sex repulsed, averse and indifferent asexuals, heavy on the repulsed, are bad representation, stereotypes, children, emotionless, robotic and sanitised you are fundamentally the same as those puritans you claim we are.

Stepping on the backs of the stereotypes, the childish, the frigid, the prudes, the sexless, the hags, the spinsters and the virgins you hate won't ever make you tall enough to reach the validation you think compulsory sexuality will offer you.

As long you as you have a knee jerk reaction to any repulsion, aversion or indifference alongside asexuality or simple terms, that asexuals being repulsed, indifferent or averse to sex is wrong, are the exact same as the 'allosexuals' you claim to hate on a regular basis.

It worries and pisses me off that i even have to say this but people are putting words in my mouth. Ace community, I mean this in the most direct way possible: Get your fucking shit together.

Merry Christmas.

[aroaceconfessions]

The hate asexuals receive is in large part due to people not correctly processing their religiously and societally ingrained guilt about enjoying sex. Therefore they see asexuals as some sort of threat or attack on them for having sexual feelings.

Sex and sexual attraction are morally neutral. Having sex is fine, not having sex is fine. Both are equally good. There is not anything inherently "pure" about not having sex and as someone who doesn't, I resent the implication.

It is not enough to know intellectually there's nothing morally wrong with sex, you have to internalize it and emotionally process it. And that's where a lot of people get hung up, because they don't know how to do that properly.

[satanicspinosaurus]

An interesting thing I realized from camping with other queer folks is that once you get tagged in their head as asexual, it's really a box for many of them, the same way it can be for cis het folk. (The box is a very different shape, of course.) I had a friend legit try to make sure I knew gore could be a sexual fetish. (This same person also asked if feet could ever be NSFW.) Like, for me, sex is not a native process to me. But I do like humans and I am very romantically inclined. As a curious bugger, I think it's a more logical assumption to guess I catalogue sex stuff the same way I collect dino facts. I will google basically anything I am not aware of, and I love asking questions. People are amazing, and I want to hear about the stuff you enjoy. In general, I find most "kinks/fetish" (which ahhh this implies there's a normal way to have sex) is some combo of: human anatomy has fun hacks (sounding), desires can overlap (vore/gore), trusting and doing something with a person is fun (D/s), rewriting shit society threw at you (weight gain, fem dom), full ass accepting it to the logical extreme to take ownership of it (anything dehumanizing), or you just saw it as a kid and it imprinted on you. I might be somewhere on the sex-neutral to repulsed side of things, but I am consciously, actively also sex positive. [Also, kink-based folks are very nice and label shit. I like people who enjoy consent & boundaries!!! But will like also just be happy to explain. This is very cool to me as someone who can't understand the appeal of most kissing.] Also like I make SO MANY bdsm jokes. One should, eventually, assume I have some knowledge.

[standardpoliticalsideblog]

like it's not that no sexual content is ever gross, fetishizy, bigoted, etc., like oh yeah no there's some truly reprehensible sexual content out there. but there's also plenty of reprehensible non-sexual content out there. and if you find yourself automatically assuming that any sexual content you see is Bad Somehow--anything involving queer people or bipoc must be fetishizing, anything not involving either of those two must be conservative, and of course anything vaguely "horny" just in general must be made by someone who has no life outside of being horny all the time--then maybe the problem isn't "everyone [else] on the internet is a gross icky horny freak and i'm the only normal person here!!!!!!!" the problem is that you were raised in a conservative and very culturally religious society and never bothered to unpack why you were taught to believe that sex, in and of itself, is Bad.

[strangerstilinski]

𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 +𝟏𝟖

your pleasure is so important to eddie. his one goal every time you fuck is to give you the most blinding, intense orgasm possible, but once he makes you cum all bets are off. that's when he really lets loose because then he's just chasing his own end. his whole weight comes down against you. crushes you beneath him and it's slick and warm with your combined sweat and his thrusts get wild, earth shatteringly hard. just plowing home in desperate search of release and it's so goddamn overstimulating, his hips slamming little ah ah ah's out of you with every frantic hump

you can practically feel his moans echoing in your skull, hardly dulled by his face buried in the pillows beneath you, his sweat-damp curls tickling at your face

and oh man.. thinking about him just pressing you so deep into the mattress. he's so sweaty. it's hard to keep ahold of him, your fingers scramble, nails biting into his slippery skin in an effort to keep him in your grasp. you can barely breathe, you're still winded from your orgasm and he's laying on top of you, he's panting and whining into your neck, POUNDING into you so so desperately because shit he's close

his thrusts get erratic but simultaneously harder and so much more powerful. his balls are slapping your ass and it's sloppy. it's loud. he's making noises into your ear that have you losing your goddamned Mind

and when he finally cums? it's borderline fucking violent

his moan is practically a shout against the curve of your throat. he slams into you so hard that it pushes you up the mattress a little. it has him gripping your shoulder and hip to keep you in place m, to force your further onto his cock until you're nearly crying at how deep he is and, god, he just KEEPS CUMMING. tightening his arms and rutting into you with these little groans that practically vibrate your skull and-

[aro-bird]

Here's me begging people again to learn the difference because I've been seeing more and more people confuse these terms when discussing some things in the ace community:

Sex-Favorable - A descriptor that refers to a person's personal feelings about engaging in the act of sex that specifically refers to them being fine and even enthusiastic in engaging in sex and other sexual acts. Often confused by some as Sex-Positivity.

Sex-Positive - A moral or political position that refers to a positive outlook on sex as something positive and something that should not be shamed for any consenting persons regardless of their own personal feelings towards sexual acts on themselves.

Sex-Indifferent - A descriptor that refers to a person's personal feelings about engaging in the act of sex that specifically refers to them being indifferent in engaging in sex and other sexual acts.

Sex-Neutral - A moral or political position that refers to an indifferent outlook on sex. They may not have strong feelings about it one way or another.

Sex-Averse - A descriptor that refers to a person's personal feelings about engaging in the act of sex that specifically refers to them being averse in engaging in sex and other sexual acts. Often confused by some as sex-repulsion.

Sex-Repulsed - A descriptor that refers to a person's personal feelings about engaging in the act of sex that specifically refers to them being repulsed or disgusted by thoughts or material related to sex. This has no bearing on their own political/moral position on sex. Often confused by some as Sex-Aversion or even Sex-Negativity.

Sex-Negative - A moral or political position that refers to a negative view on sex as something negative and something that should be forbidden and only be a means of procreation. Some people who are sex-negative may only view it as a way to procreate so people who engage in the activity without any plans of procreation (and especially members of the queer community) may be deemed as immoral or even evil.

If we're going to have proper discussions of these things, please please please can we use the proper terms. I need to stop feeling fight or flight whenever I see someone trying to vent about "some rude sex-positive aces" or see someone proclaim that they're "sex-negative" like I'm serious. I keep on having to double-take whenever I have to read posts and discussions because of this.

[cuntphoric]

gojo is all about giving attention to you and all the right places! kissing you slow, taking time with each part of your body, treating every inch of you like it's his favorite thing to touch - he just LOVES worshiping you. and when it comes to cumming, he's all about making sure you're satisfied first, always making sure you're the one who's taken care of before he lets go. after, he'll hold you close, running his hands over you to massage you, his cock still throbbing against you as he pulls you deeper into the hug, soft and tender, like he's not just giving you just his body but all of him.

[leikeliscomet]

(Longgg post incoming) So I've grown tired of 'non fiction sex media' if it that's the official name and i mean that some media, usually a video or article on sex in society, usually sex positive or tries to be, that swears its gonna 'change the way we think about sex' and 'broaden the conversation' and 'address the taboo of sex' and in 9 times out of 10 the asexuality section isn't good. And that's assuming asexuality is even mentioned in the first place.

First of all some of these articles and videos don't even get the definition right. I know the ace community's argued what the real definition is since day but 'little to no sexual attraction' is the mainstream definition and it's literally 5 words so I'm confused at how something so basic keeps getting fumbled. It's not celibacy. It's not abstinence. Why do we have to keep saying this mannnnn

I've watched The Leftist Cooks' video, Sex and The Revolution after it was in my recs and I wasn't sure if I should because of reasons I just stated but I had free time and I saw someone say it mentions asexuality so i was like, 'why not?' and watched it in full. The asexuality section mentioned how ace people are erased from conversations about sex but their own video aids that erasure because the ace section barely has the theory of the group they're addressing and it comes across as so underdeveloped. They can pick apart and dissect and enjoy parts of TERF theory (not to say this makes them bad people or whatever bc u can agree with someone's opinion but not their philosophy and critique patriarchy and gender roles without being a TERF) but like, you could engage with fascist text before asexual text...? It brings up allonormativity and amatonormativity which is good but then conflates them. Love and sex get equated so it makes sense to bring up romance in a sex video and aces do experience amatonormativity and aros experience compulsory sexuality, but why are we focusing on aces' experience of relationships when the other sections are about sex? Why isn't the ace section specifically talking about ace people's navigation of sex? 'The label is new' This just isn't true. Define 'new' because if you mean within the past 10 years then no because the little to no sexual attraction definition can go back to 2000s AVEN but even further when you look at the Asexual Manfiesto and that was in the 1970s. If you mean not within 100 years then no again, because there's texts going back to 1800s (first coined by Emma Trosse to be exact) using the term asexual to mean someone who didn't have sex, had no libido, had no children, no partner or no sexual attraction and even though we know now these things aren't inherently ace it's most likely some of the people described with the old definition would be seen as ace today and that those sexless people would've included asexuals. And that's not even getting into the dozens of other terms used to refer to ace people in the past like autosexual, nonsexual, monosexual, group x etc. If you mean not within 100 years then you can easily say the same for the rest of the lgbt community so why draw the line at asexuality?

'Anything I say will be immediately dated' If any basic research was done they would've found decades worth of studies they could've included that are still relevant. The video came out in 2024 they could've added Ace by Angela Chen or Refusing Compulsory Sexuality by Sherronda J Brown! The TERF theory you just read out is outdated hello?? Again if they bothered to read it, yes the ace community has loads of disagreements and yes, the actual rights that aces do and don't need has been long debated, but the fundementals have been pretty much the same; sexual autonomy for aces centering the right to have and not to participate in sex and sexual activities, legal representation alongside other lgbtq+ identities in healthcare, education and the workplace, including asexuality in sex ed and lgbtq+ activism to make people more aware, increased asexual characters in fiction and to end compulsory sexuality. The asexuals section goes on to contradict the anti-born this way arguments right at the start of the video. I'll save my thoughts on 'born this way' for a different post but in the video itself, it's addressed that if sex wasn't used as a measurement of humanity and if patriarchal expectations of sex didn't exist we wouldn't need an asexual or allosexual label but 'that's not the world we live in'. Asexuality or at least, frigidity in humans, has been medicalised for centuries. Asexuals that see themselves as born ace aren't doing it to cling to some medical validation it's because asexuality has never been seen as medically valid in the first place which is why it was in the DSM. Which is why ace activists fought to stop medical stigma and still are. It's why we have 'we are not broken'. Whether you're a born ace or made ace, asexuality just isn't seen as real, which is why we have a label and community (or at least should) for the people that fall outside what society calls the 'right' amount of sexual attraction. If LC can understand this nuance for why some people need asexual as a label then where is this grace for other identities? In a society that stigmatises attraction to the same gender there's value in the term 'gay'. When this overlaps with patriarchy there's value in 'lesbian'. When you look at the stigma of attraction to multiple genders we have 'bisexual' and 'pansexual' When that society has rigid rules of gender and sex we have 'trans' and 'non-binary' and 'intersex' and so on.

It rightfully calls out the harms of treating sex as inherent but then does this for other intimacies. It reaffirms human sexuality is varied and that labels can be limiting but then asserts a bunch of other categories to broadly sum up the human experience... whilst telling us we shouldn't do that? Sarah reads up a passage from a feminist on the importance of touch which I have no issue with because the feminist was talking about herself but she says in the text that wanting to be touched makes us feel human. There are loads of contexts where a human might not want to be touched (sensory issues, trauma, not wanting 'romantic' touch, not wanting 'sexual' touch). Neil says humans are social creatures and again we could make arguments there's contexts of trauma and what is acceptable socialising in the context of introversion and neurodivergence. The video asserts that we should let go of all these labels but there seems to be contexts where the big labels actually do come in handy.

Ending the video saying you wanted to argue that good sex could be a form of praxis when by definition that is the compulsory sexuality and allonormativity you just name dropped 30 minutes before. By definition sex repulsed and averse leftists both ace and non ace can't carry this out regardless of 'goodness'. What is 'good sex'? Because if it's defined under compulsory sexuality and amatonormativity which many other 'sex positive' media does where it 'must' include an inherent romantic and sexual attraction then that leaves sex favourable aces and aroallos out of the running too. Conservatives, puritans and TERFs are having good heterosexual sex they're enjoying very much and still enacting violence on everyone else. Maybe I shouldn't have been expecting some in depth ace analysis when they joked about sexless trans lesbians sleeping in separate beds at the start of the video as the 'perfect' ideal of puritan queerness, as if the issue is the sexlessness and not the control of sexuality including sexless people's and when that image of queerness applies to a lot of asexual and sexless queer people participating in romance and when the perfect ideal of puritan queerness isn't an acceptance of sexless queer people in a house witha white picket fence but wanting queer people violently corrected or fucking dead.

It reminded me of Rowan Ellis' asexual discourse video which I already have a draft post about and essentially it has the same problems as LC's section and the handling of asexuality in sexual social commentary. The misrepresentation of the ace inclusionist movement is used to 'both sides' the argument. Plenty of ace inclus will say trauma, neurodivergent and celibacy can be grounds for being asexual. If the video actually unpacked the real harm within the ace community like the homophobia and racism not just in passing but depth maybe I'd rate it more but no she equates the harm of rape culture, ableism, misogyny and homophobia of ace exclusionists with *checks notes* asexual inclusionists having a less than perfect definition of asexuality? She says 'both sides' have poor argument techniques even tho whilst it can be true for them, ace inclusionists arguments, that asexuals face discrimination and asexuals have been a part of lgbtq+ spaces before 2014 was correct because we have various studies and primary sources proving this (The National LGBT Survey and the works of Lisa Orlando, Emma Trosse and Magnus Hirshfeld) whilst exclus claims of aces 'stealing resources' and 'making up labels to be oppressed' are just that... claims.... 'She keeps mentioning harm of the discourse but what 'harm'? What is the harm and to who? Because if we're talking asexuality in an asexuality video and the impacts on asexual community, you're not convincing me that aces imperfectly defending the community with anecdotal evidence holds the same weight as using rape culture, ableism, homophobia and misogyny to claim humans can never permanently say no to sex and never not have sexual attraction is an issue of 'both sides'. Wild cus this video had various theorists and activists like Yasmin Benoit, Marshall Blount and Canton Winer and *still* reached this conclusion.

I also think of Anthony Padilla's ace videos and their sensationalist thumbnail text like 'THEY HATE SEX' and 'IT'S LIKE KISSING A WALL' to generate clicks. I've watched Anthony's videos and they're actually alright but still, I can't help but think why does he need to use these phrases to engage people if it's really about highlighting the community? Ik he's an OG Youtuber so they usually do things like this but his rebrand was amount moving on from that. I also think about articles that do the same, using titles like 'GEN Z HATES SEX' 'WHY WON'T GEN Z HAVE SEX??' 'NO ONE FUCKS ANYMORE!11' (The Leftist Cooks put a screenshot doing this exact technique when discussing puritanism) just to actually mention that asexuality and aromanticism have got visibility but how meaningful is it address ace and aros whilst using the same compulsory sexuality that has left us so unaddressed in the first place?

Already made a post saying this but yeah we get this compulsory sexuality in what's supposed to be sex positive media when you have no asexual or aromantic politic. When non-ace allies try to speak without engaging in our theory and when aces centre their content in explaining asexuality to non-ace people in a palatable fashion instead of centering our own community and it's most marginalised. This isn't some post slagging of the Leftist Cooks, Rowan Ellis or Anthony Padilla specifically but to use their work as examples. And yeah, I'll admit my criticism is harsh but why shouldn't it be? When people both ace and non ace learn about asexuality, it's their media that people will go to over people that are actually asexual firstly, but asexuals that experience multiple marginalised experiences and the least palatable. I can't help but notice it's aces of colour and/or trans aces picking up the slack. Refusing Compulsory Sexuality isn't a perfect ace book (to be specific Black trans aces have critiques for the use of 'socialised as women' and lack of analysis of transmisogyny & transmisogynoir) at the same time it's managed to summarise the aims of asexual activism (asexual visibility, representation and freedom and abolishing compulsory sexuality), what's harming asexual people (compulsory sexuality, capitalism and allocisheterosexual patriarchy) and steps we can take to do it (asexuality in legal, medical and psychological definitions, asexual stories and fiction, supporting ace victims/survivors, asexual community and coalition with other lgbtq+ labels and more) in it's first 2 chapters, basically 10 minutes to read in what it's taking Breadtube hours and journalists months just say 'labels bad' 'humans sexualitites are different' and 'everyone's valid'...well... yes! What else?

There's SO much sexual analysis written by asexual and aromantic people engaging in ace and aro theory, giving me the depth i want from what mainstream sex positive media is severely lacking. And speaking for my Black acey asexual self, I'd spend my time on non fiction sexual media that will productively include my experiences and correctly engage me instead of alienating me.

I get enough of this from sex *negative* media already.

[allurilove]

Yandere Manager x singer you

Rated 18 + — mature short content !

Includes: yandere male manager x gender neutral singer reader, he’s secretly pining after you, your own little stalker, forbidden romance ig, male masturbation, takes pics of you sleeping, non con touching.

You met your yandere manager at the bar. You had been a part of a small band that never really made it big, but you always had shone brighter than the rest. You were magnetic, already having that star potential, and happened to sit right next to the man who worked for one of the best record companies. He just got off work, his sleeves pushed up above his elbow, and his glasses folded neatly next to him. He never really liked to drink, he was a different person when he did, but today was a special occasion. You were here. He already knew who you were, and he used a second low-key instagram account to see your stuff. He glanced at you. Your get-up was cute. He assumed that you came back from a concert or party, as there was a bit of confetti in your hair. You wore minimal and possibly sweat-proof makeup, and your eyes were striking with the black eyeliner.

Your manager sort of fell for you the first time he met you. It wasn’t easy to catch his attention, but you managed to do it. He had slid you his business card, paid for the rest of your drinks, and put on his best speech to convince you to sign with him. You became a solo artist in the blink of an eye, your singles and albums making it to the top forty, and you had the fame you wanted for so long. It just came with the price of having a stalker. As a manager, he had your location at all times. For safety purposes… of course. He threw a cap on, tiptoeing around the city to spy on you and your friends.

Your manager was responsible for your fan club. He would never tell you this, because it was simply embarrassing to admit, but he made a blog to gush about you. ‘A hundred reasons why you should stan y/n’ was the beginning of his secret outlet. He was the one that started the #manager and y/n would be cute hashtag on twitter, uploading a bunch of pictures of you and him having a ‘sweet’ moment. He spent hours scouring the internet to watch countless of edits of you, and he even made some himself. His cold and methodical demeanor would disappear the moment he was in the comfort of his home. He would lay in his bed, giggling and kicking his feet, twirling a piece of his hair as his eyes lit up at the sight of you on his screen.

Your manager acts like a helicopter parent. He’s always on your ass. He never texts you paragraphs or long sentences, so he could spam you and make sure you had definitely seen his messages.

“Where are you?”

“Out drinking again?”

“What happened to being responsible?”

“You have a show in two days.”

“I’ll be disappointed in you if you are drunk.”

“You better be at my house in two seconds.”

“Two seconds or I’m coming to get your ass.”

He liked you being drunk (only when you were around him). You would mumble and whine, his name on your lips constantly as you complained. And he got to be your hero for a while. He also forbids you from having any groupies. If you and him can’t fuck, then you can’t see anyone else. It was as simple as that. He couldn’t stomach the idea of you being with other people, and that’s why he had you at his apartment 24/7. When you were traveling for your shows, you best believe it that he was with you too. To him, it felt like you guys were practically married. Living together on the same bus, cooking together, sleeping near each other in close quarters. He would never cross the line when you were conscious; but when you were sleeping… it was free game.

The yandere manager took pictures of you. You were so worn out after your concerts, that you didn’t feel him moving your body. You trusted him because he gave you zero reasons not to. You trusted him enough that you didn’t expect him to start peeling off your clothes. He wanted his camera roll to be filled with your body. He gently put his hand on your thighs, squeezing the fat as he snapped a picture of you in your underwear. His fingers would sometimes find its way inside your mouth, subtly testing out your gag relax, and filming it for his pleasure. He flipped you onto your stomach, pushing your legs apart with his knee, and had his camera working hard to catch up with his thumb. He rapidly pressed against the button, trying to catch all the angles of your ass and sex.

Your manager touches his dick when you send him raw recordings of your voice. You were a night owl, your brain never shutting down until three a.m. and you sent him new songs you were working on. He plugged in his earbuds, lying back onto his bed, and hit play. He hummed the newest lyrics, his eyes closing as his hand slowly traveled down towards his crotch. He palmed himself, feeling his dick hardening in his grey sweatpants. He wanted you badly.

Your manager thought you were perfect, drop dead gorgeous and fucking hot. You have this sex appeal that makes his knees weak. He imagined you whispering the words to him: the heat of your voice warming the side of his face, your hand feeling up this tip, and wrapping around his long cock. Would you think that his dick was impressive? Would you be happy with how much cum that shoots out? Would you love it so much to gulp all of it down?

“Fuckin’ hell. Take it down your throat.”

“You love this don’t you? My big star.”

Your yandere manager wanted to sleep with you so badly. But he swore to himself to not get involved with another one of his clients. He groaned, his eyes opening to stare at his blank white ceiling, and his desperate cock softened in his hand. He hadn’t gotten any action lately, and he was oh so waiting to find the perfect moment to be with you.

Allure: extra stuff! idk i feel iffy about this fic

this is definitely reader and yandere managers text messages.

[everyones-favorite-butchboy]

just had the realization that when people say “i want you carnally” its not a fucked up pseudo-meme like ive been using it. there are people that actually mean it and actually have other people in their sexual fantasies. shocked and upset.

[lgbtlunaverse]

I've been wrestling with two beliefs I hold simultaneously but that I previously (incorrectly) thought were contradictory: that sexuality is inherently harmless, but also that specific kinds of sexual desire have been used to enact and justify grievous harm. The notion that men's sexuality is more important than women's consent, that white men's sexual access to white women must be protected from the "threat" of men of color, the idea that this specific kind of desire is so inherent to a proper society that if you have the wrong kind of sexuality you deserve to be shunned and harmed.

How can sexuality both be inherently harmless and measurably harmful?

Anyway, the answer is very easy, and part of why I feel like we should stop treating sex as something completely unlike other things and horniness as unlike all other emotions. Because I realized that, oh, right, this happens to other feelings too.

You know another feeling that is not inherently dangerous but is frequently used to enact and justify violence? Fear.

Fear is not inherently evil. Not even if it's irrational and your level of fear does not correspond to the level of danger you're actually in. In fact, irrational fears are such a common phenomenon we literally have a word for them: phobias. Which you are not evil for having. (Am I calling phobias the fear equivalnet of kinks? Kind of... I guess)

But fear and discomfort are used all the time to harm people. Let's say some random white woman is walking home late at night, and she notices a man is following her. This man might just be walking in the same direction by coincidence, but there's a small chance he's following her on purpose. It is quite natural for the mind to wander, and we frequently fear what we do not know. Discomfort or fear, in this situation, is neither inherently harmful nor unusual. However, if this white woman has been inundated her whole life with 'stranger danger' narratives and stories of women being brutally kidnapped, assaulted, and murdered by strangers. (Even though the vast majority of female victims are killed by someone they know, most often a romantic partner or family member) and she then, by the flash of a streetlight, spots that the man following her is black, and she has also been fed a narrative that black men are inherently violent and dangerous, that feeling of discomfort is enhanced and distorted until she believes she is in genuine danger and calls the police.

Statistically speaking, that guy really was just walking in the same direction, and is unlikely to be a threat. However she has now seriously endangered him, and justified it by the fact that she was scared.

A man justifying sexual assault because he couldn't help it, he was just so attracted to her. (And she led him on! She was barely dressed!) Is weaponizing his horniness in exactly the same way as people who call the authoroties on a disabled homeless person because they were "acting weird" are weaponizing their fear.

And all emotions can be weaponized this way. Anger is used to justify domestic violence ("you shouldn't have provoked me") Happiness and fun is used to jeoparidize safety (the last 30 years of olympic games have had a death toll among construction workers of over 116. The 2022 world cup alone has an officially admitted death count of 40, but the real cost is likely in the hundreds) disgust is used so often it's hard to restrict it to a single example (queerphobia, ableism, fatphobia, racism, misogyny, it's everywhere)

Sexual desire is just one way among many where the comfort of the powerful is valued above the safety of the opressed. It's not unique, but instead painfully common. And it's useful to keep this in mind not to devalue it or deny it's happening, but because we can borrow tactics and learn from similar situations rather than getting stuck on endless debates on whether porn is intrinsically evil or not, which will get us nowhere.

[inchidentally]

something about how Lando repeatedly has said how he and Oscar are the strongest teammate pairing and work together better than any other

and how Oscar always puts the burden of responsibility for a result on himself alone and sees Lando and the team as the people he's proving himself to

and how Lando celebrates with the team by being passed around to each of them like a long wished-for newborn baby and Oscar celebrates by ducking his head and immersing himself into the team's masses and looking for what Lando's doing

Lando embodies the team's - and Oscar's - emotions; Oscar absorbs the team's and Lando's emotions

how Lando says he deals with tough times by reminding himself of the good times and looking forward to them

and Oscar says he views success in terms of having it "on the books" and deals with tough times by an onward and upward attitude

how Lando has gone through so much to stay with McLaren and Oscar went through so much just to get to McLaren

and how neither of them even remotely skirt the issue and state that McLaren is where they are happy and where they plan to remain and "for many years to come" and "look forward to many more" and Lando saying "all these years" before realizing he and Oscar were only on their second season together.

how they weren't in any rush to turn their relationship into A Thing or a meme ship name and didn't force the friendship to happen until it felt comfortable because they had a job to do for the team and fundamentally had to avoid the Them of it all from interfering in that in any way - that they put the team first and Them second and look how that's resulted in them being what they'll tell you is the best partnership on the grid.

Lando being regularly misunderstood and vilified because his reaction to severe stress is emotional hyper-vulnerability, Oscar being misunderstood and vilified because his reaction to severe stress is to shut down and withdraw emotionally.

Lando is beloved but also infantilized. Oscar is respected but also dehumanized. Lando is loved and hated for his emotions and compensates by portraying himself as stupid or brainless so please don't think he's an asshole based on that one poorly worded quote. Oscar is admired and distrusted for his emotional regulation and compensates by saying he's just boring and self-deprecation so please don't see him as an evil robot just because that response was by rote instead of from the heart.

Lando openly says how he feels about team orders and conflicting results; Oscar says that's just how racing goes sometimes because everyone's out to win. Lando feels the highs and the lows in equal extremes because he needs to feel things; Oscar often withholds his visceral extremes because he needs to feel them when he feels safe. (which is why we only see That Smile on him when it's Lily, Lando, his mum and dad, and now winning the championship with McLaren)

their relationship formed with the absolutely least expectations and has followed not a single beat of PR advice and they don't post on social media when they hang out socially and they got their privacy door separating their drivers rooms away from everyone and sharing a hallway only with each other and they have their own private debriefs and agreed about the sprint swap without telling the team. they react to huge expectation races by staying glued together even during driver parades and down time despite being around each other all the rest of the race weekends. when a race doesn't have as much gravitas is when they feel happy going to separate groups.

people think Oscar getting awkward on camera and sticking to scripts will hurt Lando's feelings but the result is Lando beaming at him fondly and giggling. people think Lando wanting to spend paddock time with his many close friends on the grid will hurt Oscar's feelings but half the time Oscar is happily watching Lando with them (maybe more than half the time) or bringing up said friendship for no reason all on his own. or making an effort to get to know those guys specifically himself.

like idk there's just something about the extremes of fans on Lando and Oscar's respective sides so fully Not Getting the guy they claim to stan so hard for and it being proven most clearly by how they always expect the exact opposite reaction from their guy to Lando/Oscar respectively. they expect either bloodshed or PR overtime and instead it's just blurry footage of Lando and Oscar laughing while waiting for a private jet or a story of them sulking at Alex for beating them at a board game or a post race video where they were already laughing with each other before realizing the camera was on and they were rolling. in the best possible way it feels like they just look at these people chewing concrete "on their behalf" and laugh in that creepy perfectly matched giggle they do sometimes.

[kitty-safe-space]

Friendly reminder you're still valid and you're not "weird" if you:

dont have/dont want a cg

wear/want to wear diapers in a sfw way

wear/want to wear a collar or tail/ears in a sfw way

dont have/want any little gear

dont use any community labels

are still figuring out your regression

you have a fully adult life outside of agere (e.g if you are sexually active, drink, work, etc)

dont fit the stereotype of the "agere aesthetic"

aren't white, skinny, neurotypical, etc.

are a boy, nonbinary, trans, etc

are lgbt+ in general

are disabled and/or mentally ill

get sad/struggle with your mental health while regressing

regress because of/to deal with trauma

your regression is yours, you know yourself, and as long as you're staying safe and not hurting anyone, no one can tell you otherwise.

Dni: lgbt+ exclusionists, r/adfems, ns/fw, e/d, s/h or discourse blogs, pr0ship, anti-agere/petre/sfw cglre or if you call people cringe because of their interests.

[clowndensation]

the thing about bg3 being so massively popular is that 1. on a personal level that's fun, because games i like doing well is cool to see :) 2. by law of numbers, i KNOW there's a lot of gamer bros out there trying out the hot new tactics rpg, who are now getting blasted from every direction by all of their male companions propositioning them. which is something that can be so beautiful to imagine. if you're me.

[angelyuji]

Hehehe yandere Stan would lose his mind over his obsession touching themselves to the thought of him

OHHJMGGGOD STOP YES HE WOULD.

18+!!! minors dni!!!

tw // dubcon, non consensual watching, smut, kinda yandere if you squint

he would be sooo obsessed with watching you too. like ur in ur room and he’s peeking through door, jerking off with you, but the moment he hears you whimper his name ohmymgofodd bro

your hand works fast and you can feel yourself getting close. “stan…” you feel yourself whimper, eyes closed, imagining the old man’s hand instead of your own. “stan….” you can hear yourself get louder, lost in the thoughts of him.

“oh, sweetheart.” a very familiar, rough voice brings you out of your trance. your eyes fly open and stan pines is standing in front of your bed. you try to cover yourself, but stan grabs your foot and pulls you forward. you fall back and he holds you down, knees apart. “keep going, baby. i was enjoying the show.”

stan is definitely one for mirror sex too like he def forces you to watch as his cock presses into you or makes you look into the mirror as he touches you/makes you touch yourself idk.

[st0ne-arr0w]

Rough sex is great and free use is wonderful but low key, the best is waking up, rolling over, kissing your partner awake before slowly easing into eating them out. Gentle oral, my tongue being soft on them as they wake up. Planting gentle kisses, listening to soft moans and sighs early in the morning, and after they cum, making them coffee and holding them until it’s time to get up and get dressed for the day.

Just make sure to tease them publicly all day until you can roughfuck when you get home