#seriously this is pure crack

[sunlitlemonade]

funniest thing abt harvey & jason hangin out would be that harvey won the kid even without a divorce and jason already likes him better than bruce [apparently]. bruce would lose his MIND.

[kizzer55555]

DP X DC School Project

So...I am part of a dp x dc Discord server under the nickname Jazz. Someone decided to post a Pinterest picture in the fanfic ideas channel. This is the conversation it created. I love this Discord server so much.

Eros:

Danny and Damain working together on school project together.

Or even Dani and Damian up to you.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny and Damian just sounds so much more funny to me.

Eros:

Alrights 👌

BreKitten:

Oh my gosh, that's hilarious

Eros:

And they totally would act like this

Apricot:

crying lmao

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damien: Why wouldn't we shop at [the expensive place]? I am an heir-

Danny: taps the paper 2k a month. You gave up your money to make me feel more comfortable.

Damien: Why would I care about your comfort?

Danny: dramatic gasp How could say that about your husband?!

Apricot:

Damian: husband?! what "husband"?!

Eros:

then proceeded to fight on types of toast and pricy vegetarian meals

Danny: look our family needs a balance diet, we can't live off vegetables alone! The very least we should mix it with some actual food like Ectoplasm.

(if Ectoplasm can be considered all kind of elements/a semi living organism since it revives things then any food brought to life should be counted as a beast of some kind)

Eros:

Also counts since Danny lived off ectoplasm for a fair bit of his life so he would see it as a food source

Eros:

Danny: me. I'm your husband, we agreed to marry to make it easier for the kids.

Apricot:

Damian: KIDS?!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny: Danny Jr and Damian Jr!

Eros:

Danny: yes kids, don't tell me you forgot we had kids! I swear you'll say you forgot we have pets too!

Danny: shows the paper that says they have a pet and two kids

Jazz:

No wait, the ectoplasm comes last. Just the Wayne’s seeing Damian and this random kid fight about every single thing. Finally Damian comes home and says that they finally agreed on something.

The Wayne’s: finally. Looks like this is a good learning experience:

Damian: we have agreed to live off of Lazarus water.

Wayne’s: ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!

And the best thing is that they might not know about Danny being a halfa. So they think Damian is now corrupting random citizens.

Jazz:

Cause like, they both grew up with Lazarus water/ectoplasm and know the nutritional value.

Eros:

Indeed~

Jazz:

Great for child development too!

They both turned out great!

Eros:

Hehehe

Alright now both Danny and Damian are fully into this project now they have at least a agreed idea on food

Because the project they have is this; budget for every day living

So they have food set out

There is now trying to keep the house running and kids/pets alive and entertained

Danny agrees that with his skills he can do the majority of repairs, Damian agrees to take responsibility of the pets

They are now having an argument on how children should be raised.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damian is all for strict discipline, high standards of education, after school activities (he may not want his kids to be assassins but he still wants the best).

Danny's all for independence, finding your own way, encouragement and lots of love and support.

Damian: Do you want our children to grow up to be garbagemen?!

Danny: Do you know how much a garbageman makes?!

Eros:

Danny grew up around a lot of physical affection and love from his folks, except around the time of the accident/the holidays he always knew his parents loved each other very very much.

Damian comes from such an emotionally constipated house hold that he only gets the majority of physical affection from Dick

Jazz:

Lol

This is so perfect.

Danny then says something that puts Damian’s entire world view into question.

Danny: is this how you would treat our pets?!

Eros:

Damian: gasp how dare you, how very dare you!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

XD Danny, recounting the story later to Sam and Tucker: I swear, if he had pearls, he would've clutched them.

Eros:

Hehehe

Jazz:

Me imagining Damian going to Dick to complain.

Damian: can you imagine?! Raising kids and hugging them! Or saying it’s ok to fail!

Dick’s face.

Eros:

Damian complaining to his family: we might have agreed on living off Lazarus water, but now he wishes for our children to just go wild, then compared our pets to them!

Jazz:

Damian: obviously our pets would act nothing like those…savages.

Eros:

It just keeps getting better~

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Waynes are listening to this kind of like a soap opera

Eros:

Sam: wow Danny, at the very least your doing better then when you were partnered up with Val, like the majority of the time you were trying to pawn off raising the kid on each other until the flower was in danger, but I can't say much myself since Tucker pulled a Kronos.

Which opened a new can of worms; how much time were they going to take care and be there for their "kids" what kind of training would they go through

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Hehehe

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny: I learned from my mistakes. I wasn't ready to be a parent then.

Eros:

Their whole class and teachers are watching it like a soap opera

Eros:

The very least they get to see it live and not re counted

Jazz:

(Someone get popcorn, or they just get out their packed lunches early).

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yes! The Waynes and Sam and Tucker get the play-by-play but the class gets to see the actual show!

Jazz:

No wait, someone records it and post it and then it goes viral. (Do they think that the Wayne’s make a lot more sense now hearing of how Damian thinks children should be raised?)

(Are there now more questions?!)

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Oooh. I can see people being even worse to Damian. Maybe pitying him because he grew up with so little love.

Eros:

Then the next day Danny brings up the issue of child raising again since Sam makes a good point.

Danny: okay so I've re think a few things, mainly on occasion the kids should get self defense classes or something like that since it would make most sense to keep them safe. But beyond work and school activities how should we spend our time with them?

Jazz:

People see the two about to continue their conversation and immediately stop what they are doing to bring their phones out.

What if this becomes one of the most popular ‘dramas’? Like, so much in fact even villains will stop what they are doing to watch?

Eros:

(because Danny comes from a physical affectionate house doesn't mean there was neglect from his folks working way too much)

Jazz pretty much raised him when it came to actual child care so Danny is determined to be there for his "kids"

Not just for the fun stuff or being pulled to random projects

Jazz:

They get super invested in this project.

Also, what if people intentionally goad them on? Like seeing them together and asking if a kid should be left alone at home or with a babysitter or what they’ll do during a blackout/tornado?

Eros:

Surprisingly it's Danny who brings a big book of plans in case if emergencies

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yes!

Adonnenniel "Addy": - reply to students and citizens goading Danny and Damian on.

The teacher reworks their lesson plans to do an extended deep dive into home economics so that this can keep happening.

Jazz:

Absolutely.

Jazz:

Some of the emergency responses are normal like, if there is a tornado, evacuate kids to a shelter, others are strange like arguing whether you should fight the burglar or prioritize the kids. Others are just plain weird. A blackout? Both Damian and Danny will turn to face the questioner. Obviously they’ll be able to see in the dark. (Effect of ectoplasm/Lazarus exposure).

Eros:

Danny is even willing to share on the "in case of apocalypses" situations

Jazz:

Neither question why they know a massive amount of information about various world ending disasters/villains.

Eros:

Oh and how they should pack bags for school and for emergencies

Jazz:

Omg, they make a kid survival kit. Including blasters and knives.

Eros:

Danny insists they should put some of the survival kit stuff in the school bag

Jazz:

Everything a five year old should take to school.

Eros:

Ooo discussion on how old their kids should be to learn about weapons and how to safely handle them

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny: Eight should be good.

Damian: Eight is way too late to start!

Jazz:

The fact that both agree this is a necessary subject to teach their kids. Everyone’s reaction to hearing various ways you can kill/dismember a person and why this won’t work. Not because it’s immoral but clearly because young kids don’t have the necessary arm length to complete certain maneuvers.

Eros:

Damian: that's why we should put the kids into martial arts and gymnastics as soon as possible so  they can be flexible enough!

Jazz:

Danny: that’s why we should wait until their older and focus on their aim while young! Their muscle memory will be all wrong by the time they reach the appropriate age!

Damian: they will not always have a weapon to aim. The body is the only reliable weapon that will never fail.

Eros:

Now to add extra into the mix; Bruce and Jazz (who is now Danny's legal guardian) show up to school to pick them up as they are in a middle of an argument

Danny: and who will be the one teaching them? Because proper teachers will be expensive, at least we can teach them at home how to aim properly! It can be a bonding experience!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Jazz: What are you talking about?

Danny: Teaching our young children proper aim.

Jazz: You will not!

Danny: I mean, you're obviously not going to teach them.

Jazz:

Damian: I can teach them perfectly fine.

Danny: what about work? You can’t be with them all the time. 

Damian: I can take them with me. We can travel around Gotham and learn to fight through experience. 

Danny: you are not taking our children to fight on the streets

Damian: what, didn’t you want us bonding?! Make up your mind!

Dick looking at Bruce. “This is your fault.”

Eros:

Danny: You're not letting our children out on the streets, they will put too many people in the hospital! You have any idea how expensive that would be!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damian casually dropping he's Robin?

Jazz:

Danny not even processing it.

Then casually stating he’s dead. Damian skipping that detail.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

XD They're too caught up in the roles.

Jazz:

Exactly.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Maybe afterwards, if they think back on it.

Jazz:

Like vigilantism and the dead coming back to life is normal for them. They are focusing on the children right now thank you.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

And then they both come up with the excuse "I was just adding to lore, it was all pretend!"

Eros:

Not before this;

Damian: fine if you want to control our lives and children then we should just divorce!!

Jazz:

Danny: oh I’m controlling?!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Do they get Alfred to be the judge to oversee their divorce?

Jazz:

Danny: fine, our kids and pets will be happier with me anyways.

Damian: don’t you dare bring the pets into this.

Damian going to Bruce to use the Wayne lawyers for this imaginary family divorce.

He will win this.

Danny actually going to Vlad.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Vlad has been watching the whole time. He doesn't need to be brought up to speed.

Jazz:

Both of them are like, this is ridiculous. But on the other hand, my child actually asked for help from me for once.

Eros:

Hehehe

Danny uses Dani as an example of a child that is better off with him

Jazz:

Lol

Adonnenniel "Addy":

And Jazz even brings it up to Bruce that if Damian didn't get to play like this as a young kid, he might be making up for lost time, in his own intense way.

Eros:

Because that's what Danny is doing too

Jazz:

The absolute struggle both Bruce and Vlad go through on whether or not to actually do this and use up their lawyers, money, and resources.

The viral videos increase. 

Eros:

Danny getting frustrated enough that he is tempted to get Clockwork to be the judge

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Bruce gets his other kids involved? They play as Damian's lawyers?

Eros:

Yesz

Jazz:

Dick is having a blast.

Then Sam comes in for Danny’s defense.

Both Tucker, Tim, and Barbra (possibly Technis) get into a hacking war.

Eros:

Yesss!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yesss!

Jazz:

Cujo and Titus become best friends.

Eros:

Dani is still the example child

Jazz:

Tim is Damian’s example child.

Eros:

Peepaw Clockwork comes in a human form to judges

Jazz:

Alfred and Clockwork have tea.

And discuss their kids.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Tim: I'm older than you! How am I your example child?!

Dick: whispers Hey, he's including you without stabbing you. Take the win.

Eros:

Clockwork: I do hope they figure this all out before their legit kids are born~

Jazz:

Yesssss.

Eros:

Danny: finally stops, going into a blushing and betrayed look at Clockwork

Damian: who doesn't know Clockwork sees the future what on earth are you talking about, we barely are keeping together for the kids we do have!

Gestures to Tim and Dani

Jazz:

Tim: I’m. Older. Than you!

Damian. Then start acting like it.

Danny: (trying to recover) tsk tsk, how can you treat your son this way?

Damian: he’s adopted.

Eros:

Danny: and she's a clone, doesn't mean they can't be loved and cared for as their own persons!

Danny: to prove a point he hugs both Dani and Tim, trying to smoother them with love and acceptance

Jazz:

Tim just looks so done with life at the moment.

Eros:

Danny: plus our pets are adopted, yet you wouldn't love them any less

Jazz:

Critical hit.

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Danny ends up adopting Tim by the end of this.

Jazz:

Lol

He wins Tim in the divorce.

Eros:

Lol

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yesss!

Eros:

Tim gets a new dad

Jazz:

Bruce doesn’t know how to feel about this.

Eros:

This one says "I love you" and is into Tim's science projects

Jazz:

Dani’s like new sibling. Tackle Hugs.

And Danny doesn’t restrict coffee intake. He’s just as bad.

Eros:

If anything he shows Tim a whole world of coffee mixes

Jazz:

Jazz though. Jazz is a bit of a problem with Coffee.

Tim and his new dad form an alliance.

Eros:

Danny takes Tim to Frostbite to get a new spleen

Jazz:

Danny: see? I provide free healthcare.

Eros:

Then proceeds to show off Tim: This is my boi, I won him!

All while Dani is giggling and clinging to their sides

Jazz:

Vlad is looking at Bruce very smugly.

Eros:

Danny would show Tim and Dani off at school after this

Like: behold, my children!

Jazz:

It becomes public that Wayne enterprise’s CEO is Tim Fenton.

Eros:

(and since I'm going with King Danny in this)

That means due to Danny winning and Tim becoming his kid, Tim Fenton is now the prince of the infinite realms along with his new sister Dani

Cass and Steph come back from a big trip once everything is over

Jazz:

They ask what happened. 

Jason gleefully explains that Bruce went to legal war with another billionaire over an imaginary family and ended up loosing Tim to them.

Also, that Damian might have a crush.

Eros:

Jazz:

Lol

Eros:

Because he just went through one of the best non injury fights of his life with this guy

Jazz:

And lost

Eros:

Yet they do agree on a fair bit of things, and now know where their main issues are and can work on them.

Jazz:

The entire world witness this entire thing and there are going to be shippers.

Eros:

Pft imagine the Justice League hearing about this~

Jazz:

Also just think, when they eventually do get together. That high school teacher is absolutely going to brag that it was their project that started this.

Jon might have a crisis on being replaced as Damian’s best friend. Someone explains the difference between boyfriend and normal friend and Jon’s like, ok that’s fine then.

Eros:

Oh man, when Jon finds out everything that had happened

Jon would tell Conner

Jazz:

Conner hears about the clone comment.

Now Conner wants to be adopted.

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Absolutely

Danny be pulling a Bruce

Or would Bruce be pulling a Danny?

Jazz:

Omg, I just realized. Bruce Wayne lost a Custody battle.

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Major L

Eros:

To a child

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Ain't Danny technically a god?

Eros:

Still child

Who would definitely adopt Conner

BuriedReign:

Omg this is like a whole ass fic already, it’s soooo goood! I absolutely bursted out laughing at the “we plan to live off Lazarus water”

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Just got caught up and all I have to say is: 😂😂😂

Btw, I love the idea that Tim isn't legally adopted to Danny (by ghost standards, yes, not by mortal law) but he just goes with Danny cuz he's so done with his family.

Eros:

>:3

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Dani, Tim, Conner. Do we throw in reformed, de-aged Dan for shits and giggles?

Eros:

Pfft yess

And Damian only finds out about Dan after the divorce

This re sparks everything into a new battle~

Eros:

Damian is offended that Danny never told him about their other son Dan

Adonnenniel "Addy":

He wants visitation rights!

Eros:

Damian wants to win Dan, like how Danny won Tim

Adonnenniel "Addy":

That makes more sense

Eros:

Damian goes up to Dan and offers access to all sort of weapons, training/fights, being a heir to a different Kingdom, and possibly be ungrounded if he takes Damian's side in the new Custody battle

The Angst Queen:

When you catch up and burst out laughing

Also - I wanna add something

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Add, please!

The Angst Queen:

Damian would definitely pull a sword at some point - decide to attack and “miss” every time. He does not expect Danny to suddenly have an ice sword in hand. Do then they’re both going at it in a sword fight while still arguing about diaper brands

Damian - so then I attack him 

Dick - WHAT!?!? 

Damian - I know! He didn’t even have the decency to die! He pulled out his own sword! 

Dick in shock whispers - what

Damian - and he still refuses to consider Huggies! Insists on natural diapers!

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Lol

Eros:

Like when the arguments get too much they start sword fighting like the Adam's family

It's how they discuss things and keep up reaction times for both brain and body

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Do they fight in school or at the manor?

Eros:

School, just to add more to the soap opera drama

And for the bats to keep missing the live actions of it

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yes!

Eros:

Except Babs but that's obvious to know why

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Their sword fights go all around the school, interrupting other classes. The security guards or other teachers try to stop them but Danny'll just pull them into the argument. 

Teacher: walking up to them, trying to grab the swords Now, boys, this must stop!

Danny: leaps up onto a desk, put his arm around the teacher's neck as he's still fighting Damian Hey, you look like a reasonable man. Tell me, why would you ever want to buy a waste product all for brand recognition and not cut down waste and get reusable diapers?

Teacher: That's a very leading question and calls on a few logical fallacies-

Danny: shoves the teacher away as Damian leaps for an attack

Eros:

And this is where Damian's crush really began

It's one thing to argue and have different trains of thought

It's another to have someone actually just as skilled as you in the battle of the sword and the mind

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yeeees!

Eros:

Danny: Hopefully the castle is big enough for everyone

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Tim: You have a castle!? O_O

Conner: You have a castle!? : D

Danny: Yep!  Oh, and you two are now royalty!  Don't worry, you won't have to do anything unless you want to.

Eros:

I wonder if Tim rubs it in his other semi siblings faces

Like Steph, Jason, and Damian's faces in particular

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Does Tim take a pic of everything in the realms?

Eros:

Yes

Bruce Kal-el” Wayne:

Or try to

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Tim especially rubs being royalty in Damian's face.  He knows he should be better but damnit, Damian was/is all high and mighty about being the heir to the League of Assassins and Bruce's biological child - he stabbed Tim over it!  Tim gets to gloat a bit that he technically outranks Damian now!

BuriedReign:

Does this increase Damian’s crush on Danny? Damian tries to ask out Danny and makes it ‘rational’ by saying of course he needs to be higher ranked than Tim. While also trying to hide that isn’t the only reason why he wants to date Danny

Eros:

(make Damian unintentionally ghost speak which reveals his true emotions and reasons as to why he wants to date Danny)

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damian: I want to date him for no other reason than to one-up my once brother.  That's it.  Nothing else involved here.  Just pure revenge.  I will not let Tim outrank me in this life or the next.

Jason: Uh-huh. flipping to the next page of Pride and Prejudice  Have fun on your denial date.

Omg, imagine Damian formally asking Danny out on a date!

And Danny's like, despite the divorce, I want to give us another shot.

Eros:

And the plot THICKENS

That's everyone's reactions 😁

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Yes!

Eros:

Where would they even go on a date?

Ooo what if they went to the museum

Or an art gallery

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Or a date to the literal moon

Eros:

I don't think Damian would survive that well

Bruce “Kal-el” Wayne:

Ecto shield giving an artificial atmosphere

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Damian would take Danny to a museum or art gallery.

Danny will chose the next date and take him to the moon.

Eros:

Then definitely the museum should be like the Glenbow Museum

This is just inside the front entrance

It's called the aurora borealis

Because they make the crystals actually glow different colors

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Ooooooh!

Yes!

Eros:

This is a full on walk through section where you learn about the stars and First Nations

Adonnenniel "Addy":

Holy shit, now I want to go to the Glenbow Museum.

Eros:

Art pieces, and they also have a section for mid evil times and even mini battle fields

The Angst Queen:

Side note - I bet Danny makes Damian work to get that date

Eros:

Definitely

[sonicasura]

Considering all the shenanigans that happen in every iteration where Autobot-Decepticons duke it out on Earth and they can connect to the Internet... I am legitimately surprise neither piss off a hacker.

At best, clashes between both sides result in minor property damage alongside disturbing the peace. You know that's saying something if this is the preferred option. Plus the whole planet is caught in the crossfire when you take groundbridges and airships into account.

There are people smart enough to hack government systems so whose to say a Cybertronian is safe? A spiteful technical genius could load up a virus where everybot affected feels the dreadful pain of menstruation. Why upload a kill switch when you can be petty as fuck with period cramps?

Even more savage if the hacker has a countermeasure where trying to remove the virus just upgrades it. To what? How about stimulating the pain women feel going through childbirth. There are machines that programmed to do it like in this clip from Impractical Jokers where Q gets strapped to this device for his punishment.

Offender starts at level one as there are 8 stages. Every attempt increases the intensity by a stage. Pretty sure the 2nd or 3rd stage is enough to make one submit.

Probably the most embarrassing(for Cybertronians) yet hilarious(for the hacker) way to end a war. Both sides have to play nice if they want this 'feature' disabled. It's easy to flip it back on in seconds so no psyches.

Humans are bloody space orcs. We come in many flavors with spite and pettiness being some. To do something like this is possible.

[moritashie]

I HAVE A FIC IDEA vol#8

Tony once was locked out of his lab. ("Go to the meeting," Pepper'd said. "It's going to be an important one" She'd said.) And just when he's gotten an amazing idea. So, he does what any other person would; occupies one of the whiteboards.

What he doesn't expect is to find suggestions for innovative features and notes on his ideas. He writes his own feedback on those notes, and so it begins. Tony Stark has found himself a ridiculously smart, sometimes just so slightly annoying, pen pal.

"Seriously, who are you? I have an entire department that would desperately need your help" "Sorry, no-can-do.You would have a heart attack if you found out who is on the other side, man." "Funny, that's what I was going to say."

Guess whose brown mop of hair appeared on Tony's screen when he brings up the problem to F.R.I.D.A.Y.

[lemonflavoreddishsoap]

no one asked for this but I'm writing it anyway. Also time doesn't exist in this thing, that or Ghiaccio's computer time travelled

Ghiaccio with an S/O who plays Papa's Freezeria on his computer

---------------------------------------------------------------------

This was it. The biggest step in your relationship thus far. No, not marriage.

Ghiaccio agreed to share his computer with you.

You didn't have one of your own and amongst other expenses you just never got around to buying one. So, with a lot of deliberation and building trust, he sent you a message saying that you could make an account on his. You would have to wait until he got home though, so he could show you how.

Unfortunately, you either didn't read or disregarded that last part of the message, and with a childlike glee flung yourself to his desk, loudly click clacking the keys and brute forcing your way into figuring out his password. You must have woken it up from it's sleep because there was nothing open when you got in. Then, you sat back and tapped your chin for a while...what exactly were you going to do first?

Then, like a prophetic vision from God, a wave of nostalgia brushed across your body, making you literally shiver. A flash of color and music and ice cream played in your mind. The name "Papa..." escaped your lips in a longing sigh.

In a flash, you've got google open, searching up Coolmathgames. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT. THE LINK IS PURPLE. Racing through the website, briefly noticing an account signed in, and nearly breaking the mouse as you clicked on the link for "Papa's Freezeria".

....HE HAS A SAVE FILE!! RANK 20!??? When the hell does he have the time to play this??

Despite your sense of curiosity absolutely HOWLING, you knew you had already snooped more than enough, so making your own save file it is, you suppose.

-

Has it been an hour? Maybe two? Who knows, there's no use in me asking anyways because the time certainly hasn't crossed your mind. You're glued to the game, having a nearly perfected strategy executed with each and every cartoon-y costumer. You probably don't even remember whose computer you're playing on - this reality and the reality of Freezeria have entirely merged to you.

At least, that's the case before you feel one hand clamp down on the back of your chair, and another landing on top of your own hand that's gripping the mouse.

"I thought I told you to wait?"

Ghiaccio is clearly restraining himself, there's a rasp in his voice that you only hear when he's giving his all to not shout. Your lips are sealed shut, unsure how to justify your current situation. He must have then taken a good look at the screen because next thing he said was-

"And why the FUCK are you playing THAT!?"

Shit, you legit didn't have an answer. As he's standing there giving you a weirded out look, you remember the hypocrisy in his anger. You stutter wildly, still trying to reach for some explanation, as you duplicate the tab to start the game again - you swear you see his face drop. You point at his save file with a "huh!!" sound, and suddenly he's red in the face, hand retreating from on top of yours as if the contact suddenly burned him.

"Fine!! Whatever. Just finish the fuck up and..." he groans. It always feels good to embarrass him, and plus you know he can never stay mad at you for long.

"I will, I'm almost done with this day. Last order," you promise, clicking back to your original tab and getting right back to work. Ghiaccio has nothing else to do but stand and watch you play. What you don't see is his face slowly contorting in disgust as you sloppily dump toppings over the dessert.

"That's not how you place the cherries!!! That one's supposed to be centered, and the other two have to be NEATLY placed apart! They're gonna fucking hate it!" Ghiaccio exclaims, stabbing the screen with his index finger. You roll your eyes, it definitely doesn't surprise you that he's a perfectionist in this video game.

You both watch in anticipation as the costumer tastes their ice cream, and when a 72% score appears over the "top station" button you let out a cheer. You swivel your chair to face Ghiaccio and gesture to the screen, "see? they liked it!!"

He scoffs at the score, "it sure wasn't deserved."

"What!?" you put a hand on your chest in fake-hurt, "how dare you. Louie would never treat me like this!!"

Ghiaccio blinks at you with wide eyes, needing several long seconds to process what you just said.

"...Since when were you on a one-name basis with Papa Louie!?"

[praetoring]

wfa-esque batfam fic where jason and cass just start getting referred to as the twins simply b/c of their shared birth year compared to the rest

[kenandeliza]

Superboy 1/2

A parody of ranma 1/2 where instead of turning into a girl, he turns back into his kiddo self

[daniwib]

I am finally working on the last chapter of this fic! It's been my longest running WIP and I am determined to finish it before I work on any other new stories. Really. I mean it! Distraction is my Kryptonite, though. Send strength my way, please - and feel free to yell at me if you see me getting distracted by new bright and shiny's!!

[alolanrain]

(Ash is 24 and Raihan is 26)

Non-HAO!Au where Ash and Raihan finally decide to get a house because their adults have have been together for a while at this point. They decide to live in Galar, making frequent visits to Kanto when they can between both of their schedules, and Ash’s friends fucking corner him. Basically vomiting up information he should absolutely know to make sure he and Raihan get a good house. The do’s and don’t and all that.

Ash’s Unovian friends scare him with stories about HOA’s and evil neighbor Karen’s. Even though Galar’s neighbor hood’s are very different then Unova’s, Ash is determined not to fall in love with a house in an HOA. Despite how many times Raihan has told Ash that the don’t exist in Galar and that his fear is wholly unfound.

It’s already hard because Ash is picky about his house. He wants it out in the countryside. Wants a garden like his mom and room for their Pokémon to enjoy and tumble about to the full extent. He prefers a more older look. Brick houses, long gravel road and preferably plenty of trees surrounding the potential future house.

Raihan, the simp legend that he is, is on board but I’m one condition. He wants a more futuristic house. He’s tired of living in old buildings, he lives and works in the oldest gym in Galar already. He’s tired of this shit. So they settle on a compromise; Raihan gets to pick the house and Ash gets to decorate.

Of course their not monsters to each other. Each gets a say regardless as it’s both their future home. It’s lucky that Raihan prefers warmth and comfort over the cold sleekness of what designers dare to call furniture now. He grew up in that kind of cold home and refused to let it deep into his. Not when his love deserves the soft security he’s been denying himself these days do to stress of both their jobs.

It was almost an international league PR scandal since Ash is the Champion of Alola and Raihan is the strongest gym leader of Galar. It’s a rule that gym leaders and other league members like the Elite Four and the Champions can’t date each other, Steven and Wallace excluded because they were engaged before Wallace started going for Steven’s throat on the battle field, and ever more if it’s a colleague from across the pond. The kicker is that the last part is just unspoken. Ex-nay on the dating someone from a different league isn’t written in the rules. Just them coming out dating alone had caused such waves of support and backlash.

Another reason to move somewhere discreet so no one can fuck with them.

If people found out they were finally moving in together at the ages of 24 and 26 after a three year relationship after meeting each other in Unova during a drag type convention during Ash’s later travels in the region.

Low and fucking behold, the perfect house that they both love. It’s a 5 and a half acres in the woodlands that surround a medium sized town just between Hammerlocke and Turffield near the river. The gravel road does come into a more modern neighborhood. Besides the entrance to their property the street is a dead end to anyone else. They fully expect not to know their neighbors and Ash is fine with that. They have no kids and their friends are scattered across the continent and they could just call them. The time spent at their house is theirs and theirs alone with each other. It’s not going to be often with what their work demands of them.

The house is nice and more futuristic looking then modern but the space house design blends well with Ash’s choice of furniture and decorations. The most important part is that the real estate, that Leon recommends still he was blue in the face, took Ash’s fear in stride. Assuring both of them that she checked, double checked them triple checked their house wasn’t in an HOA. Raihan couldn’t be even more thankful for her and offers to pay more so she gets a bigger commission from the sale. It’s not like both Ash and him are even near strapped for cash after all.

So it’s just their luck when a person comes knock-knock knocking on their door as they were relaxing, finally unloading the last of their collective stuff into their new place. It’s a women, obvious Unovian descent and with an okay Galaran accent. Obviously learned through passing and not born with it. Before Ash or Raihan could even get a worse out, the woman let out the sentence that set Ash’s heart to his stomach and Raihan’s stress through the roof.

“Hi my name is Karen, I’m the president of the HOA here, let me be the first one to welcome you two to the neighborhood.”

Leon’s prized estate seller has some explaining to do.

[edupunkn00b]

Mise Out of Place

Edited photo. Original by Icons8 Team via Unsplash.

mise en place (ˌmē-ˌzäⁿ-ˈpläs) noun Borrowed from French. A culinary process in which ingredients are prepared and organized (as in a restaurant kitchen) before cooking Also : the set of ingredients prepared using this process

Written for @starlocked01 for the @sanderssidesgiftxchange. I hope you enjoy this mix of crack and fluff with some elements unexpectedly made canon by last week's video.

Many thanks to the developmental beta reader, "Some Guy," who provided invaluable assistance and cheerleading with this story. Fluff is hard, y'all.

WC: 2k (okay, almost 2K) - Rated: T for a bit of swearing - CW: fluff, crack, and a hint of Remus-y imagery - [ AO3 ] -

“And… we’re live!”

“Thanks, Freddie,” Roman muttered, just out of earshot of the lavaliere mics pinned to Patton's and Remus' aprons.

“Maybe after his glow up,” Janus murmured, equally quietly.

Patton grinned at the camera, the edge of Janus’ hat fuzzy and barely visible past the glare of the ring light. “Hey there, Kiddos—”

“I’m Remus!” Said Side jumped into the frame, one long arm draped over Patton’s shoulders. Instead of looking at the camera, he stared expectantly at Patton, his grin far, far too wide.

Patton nodded, his own smile still plastered on. “And I’m your Happy Pappy Patton!”

Remus leaned closer and they said in unison, “And welcome to Messers en Place!”

Janus’ hat bobbed on the other side of the camera and Patton’s smile brightened. They’d practiced and practiced—and practiced—their video intro, each time failing to be in sync. Even Patton had begun to fear they’d have to rewrite it. But this time, when it mattered, really mattered, they did it!

“And what are we making today, Pattycake?” Remus prompted him when he failed to say his next line.

“Oh, right! To-daay…” He drew out his words as he looked around the ingredients oh-so-carefully spread out over the countertop. Mise en place, Roman had called it. Logan had tried to hide his surprise behind a little fumble with his glasses, but Patton hadn’t missed the way Logan’s eyes had widened.

“Ahem, well, yes, Roman is correct,” he'd finally managed. Remus bounced on his toes next to Patton, picking up each tiny bowl and sniffing at its contents.

“Careful there, Ro Bro,” he'd cackled. “Nerdy Wolverine’s gonna bust a nut with you knowing things.”

“I am not—”

“Hey, Pattycake, what’s this one?” Winking, Remus pulled him back into the present moment and shoved a bowl of brown spices into his hands.

“Oh, um…” Patton sniffed carefully. “It’s cumin, Remus.”

“Well, if you insist…” he began, reaching for his belt.

“Remus!” Roman cried, bonking his brother's head with the boom mic.

“Muse, not now, boy,” Janus murmured from the other side of the room.

Virgil groaned from his perch at the top of the refrigerator, silently tapping the sides of the fire extinguisher in his lap. “Are we sure having these two do a cooking show was a good idea for the stream?”

“Of course it is!” Remus and Roman said together. 

And it really was a good idea. The twins had blurted out the concept together during a brainstorming session and even Logan had agreed this would be first in their livestream series. He'd even suggested the name.

So here they were, the two of them, about to cook. Together.

They could do this. Patton could do this.

Remus’ smile had grown too wide again, eyebrows arched high.

Right, the cumin.

“We’re making spaghetti and meatballs,” Patton remembered his line and smiled at the camera.

“Balls,” Remus muttered under his breath, shoulders dancing.

Patton gasped and sneezed into the little bowl, spraying cumin up into the air and all over his face.

“Oh, I gotcha, Daddy—”

“Remus!” Roman lowered the boom mic with an offended huff only he could manage to sound princely. 

“Aw, Kiddo!” His catigan sleeves were safely tucked beneath his apron, but he brushed them clean anyway. Remus whipped out a concerningly clean handkerchief from under his sash and dabbed at Patton’s face. 

“It’s sweet,” Patton smiled at Roman just off camera.

“I don’t get paid enough for this,” Roman muttered.

“You don’t get paid at all, Princey!”

“Need I remind you all we’re still live?” Logan hissed from the hallway.

“It’s fine, Logan, dear,” Janus murmured, tapping the laptop just out of frame. Comments scrolled up the screen faster than they'd ever been. “The viewers are eating it up.”

Logan frowned at the screen for a long moment before shrugging. ���He’s right. Okay, carry on."

Face now clean, Patton nodded and carried a big stock pot to the sink. “Right, first step is to start the water. Remus, will you—”

“One step ahead of you, Daddy!” Patton barely made out his words over the rush of the faucet.

And the crash just behind him.

Patton swung around, water sloshing out of the pot and onto the floor. “Remus!”

Remus had shoved all the measured ingredients to the far edge of the counter. Spices and oil spilled over the plate of ground meat and the long loaf of italian bread was broken in half. A wedge of parmesan had impaled the softening butter and the head of garlic had rolled onto the floor. At the center of the counter was a giant neon green air fryer into which Remus had jammed the entire—sealed—box of linguini and a jar of sauce. "Oh, and Merry Christmas, by the way. Thought you could use one of these babies!" he said, slapping the top of the device. "Hm… I wonder if I could fit one of those in here, too…"

“Wait, Remus, no—” Patton dropped the stock pot and reached out as Remus cranked the air fryer up to 500°F and slammed the start button. 

“Well, it was nice having a kitchen,” Virgil muttered and pulled the pin from the extinguisher, nozzle aimed directly at the air fryer.

“No, it’s fine,” Patton said, voice cracking even as he grinned up at Virgil.  “Don’t worry, Kiddo, everything will be—”

The air fryer beeped and the scent of burning paper filled his nose. He rushed toward the counter, hands outstretched to unplug the fryer, but his heel skidded on the wet floor and he slammed into Remus’ back instead.

“Hey, if you wanted to dance, Pattycake…” Remus spun around, catching him before he fell. “You could’ve just said so!”

“Remus!” Patton cried, clinging to his tunic as thick black smoke and the flicker of orange flames erupted out of the appliance. “Fire!”

With the grace of a cat and accompanied by a woosh of extinguisher foam, Virgil jumped down and doused the air fryer, the counter and most of Patton and Remus with the fire retardant. 

A spark caught on the edge of Virgil’s hoodie sleeve and the mic squealed as Roman dropped the boom and rushed over to smother it.

“Princey, I’m fine! Let’s get the rest of this—”

“Shit!” Roman swore as he slipped on the spreading puddle of water and extinguisher foam in the center of the room. Virgil grabbed him by his sash, pulling him to his feet.

“Gotcha, your Highnessness.”

Off camera, Logan slid closer to Janus. “Are we still filming?”

“Mm-hm. Wine?” he asked, offering a large goblet he’d procured from… somewhere.

Eyebrow raised, Logan accepted the glass and took a slow sip. “Out of everything in the kitchen, this is what you chose to save?”

“Why, yes, of course," he murmured before finishing his own glass and refilling it.

“Acceptable.”

~

Long after the livestream ended and the kitchen was—mostly—put back into order, the Sides called it a night and, one-by-one sauntered off to bed.

All the Sides but Remus, at least. Well, and Patton.

Remus had waited until everyone else's room had grown quiet and the lights spilling out from under each Side’s door had clicked off. A flickery bluish glow remained under Virgil’s door, but he typically wouldn’t actually fall asleep for another few hours anyway.

Patton’s door, though… Patton’s door had remained closed tight, without even the usual fairy lights brightening the edges of the door frame. And without the happy little sounds of his bedtime playlist.

Patton hadn’t gone to bed.

Taking more care than usual, Remus slipped off his boots and crept downstairs, skipping the creaky third and fifth steps. The living room, kitchen, and hall were dark, the patio door closed and locked with the blinds drawn tight. The clock on the microwave cast long, faint shadows over the kitchen floor and Remus spotted a bit of movement followed by a tiny sound.

He held his breath and waited. There it was again, a soft sniffle.

Dropping to the floor, Remus peered under the kitchen table. Patton sat hunched in the far corner, sweater-clad arms hugging his knees to his chest.

“Oh, hi, Kiddo,” he mumbled, wiping his cheeks against his forearms. “Can’t sleep?” he asked as though Remus was the one hiding alone in the dark.

“Was gonna ask you the same thing, Pattycake.”

“Oh…” Patton didn’t explain what the fuck he was doing down there, cardigan pulled over his potassium bicarbonate and cumin—ha!—stained apron. He just sort of looked down at his hands and pulled his legs up closer to him. Almost like he was making room.

Remus clambered under the table next to him, not quite touching but close enough to smell the smoke in Patton’s hair and clothes. Remus' own clothes smelled like his experiment upstairs and he inhaled the plasticy, acrid scent of burnt dyes and the forever chemicals from the extinguisher. It was even better than the fires for making s’mores at Thomas’ summer camp as a kid.

Remus wiggled his toes, watching Patton from the corner of his eye. He’d tucked his face close to his knees but his cheeks glimmered with new, silent tears. Remus breathed in again. The kitchen would reek of smoke for a long time after this.

“C-A-M—”

“Maybe later?” Patton sniffled. “I’m just not in the mood to sing right now, Kiddo.”

“You sure about that?” Remus scooted a little closer and bumped their shoulders together. “It’ll help if you just sing along…” He waited, watching Patton tap his foot, toes squelching in his still-sopping shoes. 

“C-A-M-P…” he began again, slower this time.

“F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song,” Patton sang softly.

“C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song…” Remus repeated.

A little smile cracked across the other Side’s face, softer and more real than it had been all day. “The C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song.” Patton took a breath like he was about to jump into the next verse but he frowned, nose scrunched. “It still smells like burnt air fryer in here, huh?”

“Yeah,” Remus agreed, nodding his head with a grin. “We made our mark.”

“Yeah,” Patton said, curling over his knees again.

“Aw, Daddy-o,” Remus bumped his shoulder. “Is that why you’re hiding under here? ‘Cause of the fire?”

“Well, yeah,” Patton frowned, staring back at him. “I really wanted to make a great video. I wanted to… you know… make Thomas proud.”

“Fuck, Pattycake, we did! Have you seen the comments?”

Patton just shook his head so Remus sank them both down into his room where he’d left his laptop open to the video page. Views and comments continued to pour in, hours after the stream had ended. “Look!” he demanded, pushing Patton down into a mostly clean chair.

The Moral Side read quietly, eyes growing wider with each scroll. “They… they liked us?”

“Yeah they did!” Remus slapped his back. “So, whaddya say we make Elf Spaghetti next time? We can even add some Crofters to please the nerd.” Patton’s stomach grumbled and Remus’ grin grew. “You know… we never did eat dinner, Pattycake. How about we give it a trial run tonight?”

“Race you to the kitchen!” Patton laughed and sank down through the floor.

“Hey, that’s cheating!”

[sonicasura]

Kaiju No 8's Kafka Hibino gets dropped into the Godzilla/Kong Monsterverse, how much trouble will he cause?

His kaiju form is no doubt an Alpha if you look at episode 2 of the anime or the manga. Would Godzilla get extremely pissy like he did in Godzilla vs Kong? Maybe although the big guy will have trouble finding Kafka if he stays in human form.

Well, imagine our dear himbo being stuck as Kaiju No 8 throughout the entire stay! The mini kaiju that gave Kafka his powers would definitely hold the transformation as the monsters in the Monsterverse are walking radioactive massive disasters. Not small fry like the unnumbered Kaiju and Honju.

Kafka would absolutely have a meltdown for a few hours before coming up with a game plan. (He has another meltdown as I don't think he can age if stuck in Kaiju form.) His plan is affected by where or when he ends up in the timeline. Movie wise, Kong Skull Island is the earliest as the main events begin in 1973.

A good start considering the Iwi Tribe's connection to Kaiju specifically Kong could prove helpful to Kafka if stranded there. He can get a better handle at his abilities and begins to fully understand the monsters in this universe. Or how a displaced himbo somehow dads fucking King Kong.

If he makes it to civilization, then I bet our himbo would start up his very own Monster Sweepers. There are plenty of messes that kaiju had stirred while Monarch was being secretive. Kafka can still wear clothing so he can cover himself up to his hide appearance.

He's bound to encounter Godzilla a bit early as Skull Island kept Kong hidden by its massive storm wall. Kafka getting roared in the face and the man just gives Big G his version of 'Why are you yelling?!'. The himbo wants to get this latest mess climbed up so he can eat some soba.

Kafka being such a non hostile weirdo probably keeps Godzilla from pursuing a fight. Doesn't mean he leaves the man alone. Godzilla instead becomes that one kid who likes to watch frogs and occasionally be a nuisance to the frequent stray cat by booping their nose.

Poor Kafka tried to chill on the beach only for his new gigantic stalker to show up by splashing him with a small tidal wave. Monarch just in panic mode as they don't understand why Godzilla keeps emerging so randomly. Fully unaware he's there to bully the teeny tiny strange kaiju who likes to mingle around humans.

Even when Kafka shows his true power to help stop the latest kaiju causing trouble, Godzilla still be the asshole cat(affectionate) in this scenario. Sitting right on his front porch and in the way of the door so he has to go out the window to leave. (I had to balance Good yet Mischievous boy Kong so Respectful Asshole Godzilla.)

Kafka may absolutely scare the shit out of every human character but they'll learn he's just a giant dork. Lol

[transwicky]

Ok ok who wants my shit post headcanon that I thought of that was just bonkers but hilarious?

Coach Murray is like, super smart. He graduated high school at like, 13 or 14. He went to college.

Got super into sports. Was too young to actually play with the hockey team, but he's MAJOR smart.

He graduated from college at 18, got a whole ass bachelor's in sports admin and stuff. He gets hired by Samwell University right off the bat.

Coach Hall, 5 years older and graduated a year before Coach Murray, is baffled and confused but like. Ok, you funky little smart ass, let's go.

They fight a lot about plays in the office.

The team has no idea that Coach Hall is, in fact, actually JOHNSONS AND SHITTYS GODDAMN AGE (Shitty was a 92 baby and my math says Johnson should be too, so they all the same age).

Until they hear Coach Hall shouting "YOURE BARELY 22 [Name]! NO!" from the office.

And Coach Murray storms out, pissed off, bc his only friend won't go to a fucking club with him bc HES 22 let him be NORMAL PLEASE for ONE GODDAMN DAY.

(Shitty and Lardo take him to the club.)

[your-local-uwu-artist]

accidentally obtained forbidden knowledge, I searched in the depths of my sleep deprived twisted tumblr-user mind and found pandoras box. I shalln't open it! this one is for the drafts. only my irl friends shall be burdened with this curse

[ima-ghost-art]

Its always "tattoo artist eddie this" or "will becoming a tattoo artist that"

WHAT ABOUT TATTOO ARTIST DR MARTIN BRENNER???

I think we are all ignoring the already skilled tattoo artist Dr Martin Brenner is for successfully giving out matching uniform tattoos ranging from 001 to like 017????? Like that takes skill dude???

(Please note this is definitely a joke lol)

[ask-sad-ghost-piett]

I had another dream about that security footage of Lord Vader slaughtering the Rebel Scum over Scarif. It’s the kind of sight one never forgets. I have many strong emotions about it.

[zosonils]

wow sims 4 unpirated is possibly the most disgusting experience i have ever had playing a video game and i literally have not started playing yet