#separation meta

[i-heart-hxh]

Hello! I definitely love your account and I think there is no one better than you to answer my doubts about Killua and Gon's relationship, Why do you think Killua thanked Gon if he doesn't thank his friends, according to him?

Hi! Thank you for the compliment, I appreciate it! 💖

I actually have gotten a few asks about this recently, and I completely understand why--it's one of those disquieting odd little things in the series that feels like it's introducing uncertainty more than answering any questions. I don't feel completely set in my opinion on it, but I do have a lot of thoughts to share that might be clarifying. If anyone has additional input or thoughts, feel free to chime in!

I'll start by posting the scenes we're talking about, it's helpful to have a direct reference:

There's also this scene with Palm:

And in the separation scene:

(There's a whole scene between this, I recommend looking it up but I don't think it's necessary to post the whole conversation for this post.)

So, the first mystery of this whole thing is... Why does Killua say this to Ikalgo and Palm in the first place? A few potential reasons:

Killua is increasingly helping others more and becoming a more selfless and caring person, and he doesn't want it to be a big scene or a big deal when he does it. It's part of the way he's coming into himself and defining friendship in his own way

Similarly: Because Killua shows his care for others in his relationships with acts of service primarily, it makes sense he wouldn't want or need it to be acknowledged constantly

He and his friends will be fighting alongside each other in war/battles/dangerous situations, on a practical and safety level it doesn't make sense to acknowledge helping each other every time, especially in the midst of a battle or other risky situation

He and Gon have gotten used to helping each other, and in their relationship they tend not to thank each other constantly (even when it's perhaps warranted at times...), so it's become a pattern Killua has gotten used to and is now perpetuating in his other friendships

Killua feels awkward/vulnerable about being thanked and prefers for it to remain unspoken for that reason

Mystery #2 is... What does it mean that Killua does thank Gon after having said this to Ikalgo and Palm?

A few factors may be:

Killua has not communicated this newfound attitude and philosophy to Gon, so it may simply not apply to him yet

Gon thanks Killua first, which I think puts Killua in a weird position because to suddenly refuse the thank you and explain this whole philosophy he has now would be awkward, especially when they're just about to separate

Killua went to extraordinary efforts to save Gon--this was not a quick and simple thing that is undeserving of a thank you, and especially with how Gon treated Killua previously, so in this case he may see it as a thank you that's earned and appreciated (note that he said he doesn't need to thank his friends every time, not that he'll never ever thank his friends again)

I do think Killua is legitimately grateful for his journey with Gon and where it lead him, even with all the pain he went through in Chimera Ant Arc, and even with the uncertainty in their relationship at present, and he's legitimately grateful that now Alluka can have a good life because of what happened

And, a thought I do want to expound on more at length:

I do think, at their parting, Killua still isn't entirely certain where he stands in his relationship with Gon. They presumably haven't talked deeply about the issues between them, Killua's question about them being friends or comrades was never answered because he never asked it, and Killua likely still has some lingering doubts about how Gon sees him and also perhaps even how worthy he is of being with Gon, even after managing to ultimately save and heal him.

It is entirely possible he's not applying this logic to his friendship with Gon because...he's not sure they are friends to the degree they used to be, and he doesn't want to presume and list this rule out with someone who, in his view, may or may not consider him a friend to the same degree at this point. It's similar to Gon using Kite's words during the separation rather than bringing up the relationship between the two of them more directly--I think both were skirting around the topic because they didn't want to a) make it harder to leave each other, and b) further hurt each other or themselves by defining their relationship at the last moment and then having the other react to that in some way that's painful.

This doesn't mean their relationship is doomed if Killua thinks this, by the way. I think--similar to Gon happening to use "nakama" towards Killua after Killua had a crisis about that exact word--on a narrative level it's intended to throw some doubt into where their relationship leaves off. It's clear there's still a lot they need to say to each other and a lot that still needs to be resolved, and I think Killua thanking Gon after telling his other friends he doesn't need to thank his friends fits neatly into that. Togashi is leaving us with doubts and uncertainty because...there's still more for them to work through and heal from, and in the future hopefully we'll get to see them resolving these issues. But I'm sure the separation is intentionally fraught and complicated and meant to make us wonder what their relationship will be like going forward.

Hopefully in time we'll get to see how that resolves in canon, but for now I don't think this "thank you" situation is anything to panic about, for all the reasons I listed above. It does introduce some uncertainty, but I think it's because Gon and Killua are still in the miscommunication and difficulty phase of their story, and we simply haven't gotten to the point where they can clear things up yet.

I hope that's helpful, and at least a little bit reassuring!

[fellthemarvelous]

I get that the bookshop fire was traumatic for Crowley because he thought he lost Aziraphale.

I keep seeing people say they want Aziraphale to know what it would feel like to lose Crowley, but I'm pretty sure my eyes weren't the only ones open when this happened...

Right?

"And that was the last I was to see of Crowley for some time."

Aziraphale has lost Crowley. To Hell.

He could do nothing to stop what happened in Edinburgh, and I can't imagine that he didn't fear he'd lost Crowley for good here.

Aziraphale has experienced more heartbreak than some fans care to even acknowledge. He exists in constant fear of losing Crowley to Hell again. AGAIN.

We saw Aziraphale save Crowley from Hell in 1941 with the human magic trick he used on Furfur.

Aziraphale was the one sitting in the bathtub of holy water after the Notpocalypse, knowing this was the reason he'd been so scared to hand Crowley his own thermos of holy water in the first place.

He's lost Crowley to Hell before and he will do anything to prevent it from happening again.

That's the impact Edinburgh had on Aziraphale. This is the impact that losing Crowley had on Aziraphale.

[juniemunie]

[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]

Hitting a lil' too close to home?

[theriverbeyond]

it is soooooo interesting to compare the way the Fifth and Sixth engage with the necrocav dynamic because like, on first look (and especially compared to Everyone Else) they both seen so devoid of Issues and Problems and Violence. Contrast them with, like, the Third and Eighth houses, which are two of the most explicitly exploitative but also (IMO) the most honest necrocav relationships in the entire series -- they're (literally) exploitative, (literally) consumptive, (literally) violent, built on unquestioning devotion that demands blood. Pal and Cam and Abigail and Magnus seem almost idyllic in comparison, and YET!! their relationships are no less shaped by the Empire's cult of violent and required devotion, they are just less honest about it.

Like, the micro-level dynamic between Abigail and Magnus is as sweet and simple as they come, but there's no extricating their intimate relationship from the setting of violence in which that relationship is trapped in i.e. the cavalier as meat, the cavalier as a battery and the human body as something to be consumed and exploited.

And both Houses KNOW their relationships are built on violence. Both the Fifth (and Palamedes) seem visibly uncomfortable with the power dynamic inherent to the necrocav existance! Abigail and Magnus address this by attempting to perceive their dynamic as a marriage first and necrocav second, but their rejection of the necrocav framework is almost wholly aesthetic. They exist within and directly benefit from the bloody gears of the Empire without complaint, and even Abigail's critiques of the God/Empire seem to be purely academic in nature, more curious intrigue than any kind of genuine dissatisfaction with the status quo. And Magnus is by his own admission not a duelist nor any kind of fighter, but as a cavalier he takes up the sword, follows Abigail to Canaan House, and they both die together in the laboratory.

Compare this to the Sixth house, where instead of rejecting the paradigm at all Pal and Cam seem to have taken the stance of "through the power of love we can make necrocav healthy, actually", but again this is dishonest -- no amount of romanticization of necrocav consumption allows their relationship to actually BE non-exploitative, and the lie of equality haunts them to its natural end point i.e. their ultimate surrender to the Lyctoral process via their mutual death in flame.

And their relationship is especially interesting because of how Cam has thrown herself into the position of "cavalier" with complete abandon, leaving Pal unwilling to truly extricate himself from the role he has been assigned despite his clear discomfort with that level of devotion. See: "I can't bear this, I'm eating your life", "I never had rights to [your soul]" -- but, you know, he didn't HAVE to become the Master Warden, he didn't HAVE to accept Cam's devotion, he didn't HAVE to choose her as his cavalier. He chose to bear this, and he chooses to accept her ceding rights to her soul. I mean he does explode himself to prevent her from throwing herself on a spike to force his ascension but like, that didn't really stick, did it? Pal wants to escape the societal hierarchy he was born into, Cam says "no", and he accepts that answer, again and again and again.

"There was no alternative" / "We had the choice to stop"

[radiance1]

Gotham: Holy shit there's a random animal running around Gotham city and no one's ever caught it before. They say it only appears in thunderstorms and anyone unfortunate enough to cross paths with it look as if they've been hit by thunder.

Dan phantom, the 'random animal' who is in fact a Raiju in question: If I destroy this place I'll be fucked over by Clockwork. But if I don't destroy this place I'll keep being followed by this brat.

Damian Wayne, the brat in question: There is an animal roaming Gotham in thunderstorms, father. We must save it!

[bliss-in-the-void]

I—

This is why language barrier SUCKS. In the manga (and the Japanese dub), the way Satoru replies to Suguru’s concern for him on Okinawa beach is so nuanced, it gets lost in translation.

Chapter 70, Satoru’s english line is “you’re here too.”

The original Japanese version is “オマエもいる”. (Omae mo iru). On the surface, that also means “you’re here too.” But there is so much nuance with the chosen word for “you”, オマエ.

Generally speaking pronouns are avoided altogether in Japanese, but especially the ones addressing someone as “you.” It can be seen as derogatory, rude, or weird, so a lot of people avoid it and use someone’s name or title instead.

Especially for “Omae”, generally it’s used to signify the speaker sees the other person as lower than themselves. When it doesn’t mean that, it can mean:

- addressing a very very close friend (usually between men only) and this implies a certain level of trust and understanding between the two for the point to come across as closeness and not disrespect

- addressing one’s beloved as a sign of protectiveness (this is a more recent and modern application of the word)

Satoru wouldn’t be addressing Suguru in a rude way. We all know how deeply he respects him, no matter what. What I think is very interesting is that Akutami chooses to write it out in Katakana (オマエ) instead of Hiragana (おまえ) or Kanji (お前). Generally speaking Katakana is only reserved for foreign words, which makes it stand out more. It could be stylistic. Or it could be to put emphasis on the word.

I think it’s meant to add depth to the bond between Suguru and Satoru. It’s as if to convey, these two characters share a special closeness that isn’t present between themselves and others outside of the bond.

[aroaceleovaldez]

forever mad that HoO introduced Diocletian's scepter as an object but. gave it to Nico and had Jason promote Frank about it.

Like. Okay here is an object that can summon the dead. It can only be used by a child of Hades/Pluto and a Roman officer in unison. HAZEL IS RIGHT THERE!!!!!

Nico can already summon the dead! He doesn't need a special object for it! Literally IN THE SCENE WHERE THEY GET THE SCEPTER, NICO RAISES THE DEAD. HE'S NOT WEAK ENOUGH THAT HE CAN'T! Hazel meanwhile has never raised the dead before (kind of - she did a little bit like once)! Theoretically she's fully capable of it but she's never properly tried it before! Giving her an object to help facilitate practicing with that would be perfect, especially given the scepter expires after a certain number of uses! Also, since Hazel ends up a praetor in TOA anyways, there's no reason why she shouldn't get promoted to be able to use the scepter all on her own! In fact her getting promoted in the House of Hades would be the perfect place to do so because it's a scene where she's taking the lead and saving everyone else! In fact it's a significantly better place to promote her to praetor over the scene where she ACTUALLY gets promoted! And even if you don't have Hazel promoted instead, then you'd still have it be Hazel and Frank working together to command the armies of the undead, which is perfect because they're a couple and it'd be a great way to show how well they work together!!!!!

LITERALLY THERE IS NO REASON TO NOT GIVE IT TO HAZEL. WHAT'S THE DEAL.

[fantastic-nonsense]

when people learn that Batman and Batwoman are different mantles with different meanings attached to their existence, different legacies to leave, different sets of affiliated supporting characters, and different rogues galleries that have very little to do with each other and aren't just gender-specific titles for the same superhero I will finally know peace

[yokyoaaa]

Metadede wedding but EVERYONE got invited

[somewhatsentientspellbook]

That final scene with the gods discussing the future of the Divine Gate was incredible - everyone was at the top of their game!

A huge reason for why I found it especially good, was watching Tal as Melora bare her teeth and refuse to indulge the others' idea of leaving Exandria. She helped lead the pantheon to this rock of elemental chaos, she bound herself to the natural world, she is as much a part of Exandria as the titans had been

But now she's being confronted with a future where she must leave it behind for the sake of the little creatures that inhabit her world. And sure, she made the world liveable for them, but she also made it liveable for her family - of course she wants to stay!

The thing, though, is that we know they leave. In the present day, the Wildmother is tucked behind the Divine Gate where she and her kin cannot physically interfere with their creations. But after learning what we have during these three weeks of Downfall? That feels so much more tragic

Melora has chosen to sever a large part of her connection to Exandria, her home, for everyone's sake but her own

[i-heart-hxh]

Do you know what Alluka's exact wording was when she promised she'd give Killua back to Gon? I've seen different translations of those lines and was wondering what was the most accurate (a lot of nuance gets lost in the English translation).

Hi! She said "しばらくの間独り占めしたらお兄ちゃん解放しますから

また遊んであげて下さいね.” (Shibaraku no aida hitorijimeshitara onii-chan kaihoushimasu kara. Mata asondeagete kudasai ne.)

This is essentially, "I'll release my big brother after I've had him all to myself for a while, so please play with him again later."

There is some very good insight into the exact wording/phrasing used in this post (that I link constantly, but it's really helpful). I was going to pull out an excerpt, but I think it's better to just read the whole post--it has a lot of pieces that all tie together, and pulling out parts of it doesn't allow for a full understanding.

But basically, she's saying that she's going to keep Killua to herself exclusively for a while, and then she'll release him back to Gon so they can play again. I think this statement bodes very well for Gon and Killua's relationship in the future, both because Alluka is saying that so directly and because Togashi chose to have her saying such a thing, as if telling the readers clearly, "Yeah, they'll get to be together again in a while, don't worry."

Though, I wonder what it will mean for Alluka when she does "release" him--what she'll do at that point, what that will mean for her. Of course, it's possible they'll just all stay together nonetheless, and I'd love to see that, but I almost wonder if Alluka knows something we don't about her situation with Nanika... It's a slightly ominous feeling I get with regards to Alluka and Nanika's future, but I could be overthinking it.

I hope that's helpful!

Also, here's the official translation just to compare with:

[mecachrome]

pre-mclaren oscar piastri primer (ft. maxf, landoscar)

0. introduction

for a few months now i've been wanting to make both an oscar primer and a timeline of pre-mclaren landoscar moments, but i couldn't figure out which one to prioritize… then after some deliberation i finally realized i could just combine the two things together! so. here is an oscar-centric timeline that is mainly about his racing background, moving to the uk, and how he became acquainted with other members of the rfm pack—aka lando, maxf, and logan. i don't know whether any of this information is useful or even vaguely interesting, but i mostly just wrote it for myself and thought i'd share what i had in case anyone else wanted to check it out. please feel free to comment or shoot me an ask if anything here is egregiously incorrect; i've checked and linked as many sources as i could but it's of course possible that some errors remain :)

1. background, rc racing, early karting days (2007-2015)

oscar piastri was born on april 6, 2001 in brighton east, a suburb of melbourne not far from albert park circuit, as the son of chris and nicole and to-be oldest brother to 3 younger sisters. a love for all things automotive ran deep in the piastri family: both of his grandfathers were mechanics and his father had also co-founded his own vehicle diagnostics software company, hp tuners, aka oscar's sponsor throughout his racing career. thanks to his father's business, oscar's family was objectively well-off and managed to contribute a fairly substantial amount of support toward his junior career, but they also weren't swimming in cash by multi-millionaire motorsport standards either.

(L-R) edie, mae, hattie, and oscar, from nicole's twitter — each sibling is ~2 years apart (source)

while most drivers on the current grid were introduced to motorsport through go-karting, usually at or before the age of 7, oscar's path to single-seaters differed slightly. he first developed an interest in racing via remote-controlled cars at the age of 6, when his father brought him a monster truck as a souvenir back from a business trip in america. oscar began racing them that same year, eventually moving to safer electric track vehicles and even winning the second class of the national titles in 2010, at the age of 9. he was so small then that he often needed to stand on a milk crate to see the cars on track, and the next-youngest competitor at the time was twice his age. (source)

oscar on the podium at age 8 (nov 16, 2009)

oscar with his father chris, who often competed alongside him in a separate class (dec 21, 2010)

by 2011, oscar and his father were seriously considering his potential of pursuing rc racing as a viable career path, but things changed when he was introduced to karting via a friend's daughter in the rc community and his aspirations slowly shifted toward racing from inside a car. oscar was an unsurprisingly sporty and competitive child growing up; he'd played some cricket and aussie rules football and knew that all he wanted to do was race professionally, full-stop, at the time thinking along the lines of australian racing categories like v8 supercars. he was still competing in remote car racing as late as 2013, but he began karting seriously within australia in 2014, placing respectably in the junior categories of several regional karting series against relatively senior and more-experienced racers, and even going to france for a one-off event where he finished on the podium of the iame international junior x30 final. this outing affirmed his potential to his father and motivated the two of them to split time between australia and europe in 2015 as they juggled his karting future; plans for two more european events that year fell through, including the cik-fia world championship at the kfj level (which logan sargeant would go on to win), but at this point they were officially looking to take his career to the next level and commit fully to european karting in 2016.

this is when ricky flynn (and the hypothetical idea of lando norris!!!) comes in. before we get into rfm and karting professionally in europe, it's important to note that the defining aspect of landoscar's junior careers is that their pathways never once intersected. in fact, they don't even seem to have met properly before oscar entered the f1 grid as alpine reserve, although they'd spoken over social media and oscar was familiar with several people around lando's life—for example, maxf, logan, guanyu, and even lando's older brother oliver, who had also raced for rfm.

in short, you could say that landoscar's biggest hindrance was their parallel excellence. oscar was good enough to catch up and even surpass everyone else at lando's level, but lando remained untouchable throughout the years. oscar is only 1.5 years younger than him, but their f1 careers are offset by 4 years (2019 vs. 2023 debut) because of exactly two things: oscar's 2022 gap year in alpine and his two attempts at formula renault eurocup. on the other hand, lando sped through all of his junior categories in blistering fashion, falling short of the championship only once: the year he placed 2nd in f2 behind george russell. this is significant because many talk about the clinical nature of oscar's rapid single-seater ascension and three b2b2b victories (still very impressive, especially given his limited karting career!), but all of that speaks equally to the illustrious nature of lando's junior success and the sheer magnitude of faith placed in him as mclaren's "golden boy" coming up the ranks. to put things into further perspective, lando was teammates with maxf and jehan daruvala at rfm until 2014, jehan competing in the same class and max one below, yet by the time oscar was racing max and jehan—in f3 in 2020 and f2 in 2021, respectively—lando was already into his 2nd and 3rd years of f1. here's a chart that hopefully makes a bit more sense:

majorly simplified timeline showing lando, guanyu, maxf, logan, and oscar's junior careers + the karting classes they primarily competed in each calendar year. maxf did not complete his 2nd f3 season and many of them contested multiple/different formula renault series, but this is just a rough overview of their feeder series experience. 

2. moving to europe, rfm, regional formulae (2016-2019)

back in australia, oscar was a member of the oakleigh go-kart racing club and being actively mentored by james sera, a multi-time australian karting champion and fa kart dealer who worked with young karting talents alongside his cousin david. in late-2015, he presumably helped oscar and his father reach out to ricky flynn, who ran ricky flynn motorsport (rfm) and whose team was at the time enjoying exorbitant success in the karting scene; lando had won the world championship at the kf level the year prior, and logan would soon clinch the kfj title in 2015, results which further drew oscar's interest toward the team. ricky flynn agreed to take oscar on and have him and his dad move out to europe, and by november 2015 oscar announced on social media that he would be joining rfm the next year. in january of 2016, he and his father moved to hertford, uk, so that oscar could begin a 100-day karting program and travel extensively around europe to attend races. this is where he met logan sargeant, who was in his final year on the team but competing a class above, now at the ok (previously kf) level. oscar himself was only competing in the okj class.

not oscar-related, but as you can see guanyu, logan, and maxf were already acquainted before oscar and logan met, since the three of them and lando had been in rfm together as of 2014 — (may 11, 2014) & (feb 6, 2015)

oscar and logan in 2016

in an interview published on june 7, 2023, oscar reflected on leaving australia and committing to his racing dream, saying:

"i think if there was a turning point, it was probably when i started finishing towards the front in australia, and i started winning a couple of races here and there and finishing in the top three of championships and stuff, and then went to europe and fully committed to going down that route. [...] there's obviously a very big commitment at that point when you move halfway across the world without family and stuff. so i knew at that point that i really wanted to become a professional because, firstly, that's what i want to do anyway, but, secondly, now i'm sacrificing seeing my family, and stuff like that to be able to do this — which was a sacrifice i was more than willing to make."

like the majority of oscar's karting career, his time with ricky flynn can primarily be summarized as decent. none of his performances were particularly stellar, and in november 2016 he placed 6th in the fia world championship final behind the likes of victor martins and théo pourchaire (he mainly competed against guys like them, dennis hauger, caio collet, etc… once again logan was a class above and lando/maxf had already graduated to single-seaters), but he showed promising racing foundations and a great capacity for improvement, especially given that he'd moved to europe the same year and was still adjusting to life and racing on the opposite hemisphere. about 6 months into his new karting venture, oscar had settled in reasonably well and his father decided he would return to australia to continue on with his life, so they made the joint decision that oscar was to begin boarding at haileybury's uk campus and continue racing in europe entirely on his own. uk and australian school years are misaligned, so my personal understanding is he moved to europe after finishing year 9 in australia, attempted online school/took a few months off (he says he did online coursework here, but mentioned here that he was out of school, so it sounds like it must have been a very half-hearted effort…), came back to australia over the uk summer to do some more karting, then began boarding in september 2016 as a year 10 student. he spent ~4 years there and eventually received his a-levels in 2020, except his final year was disrupted by covid and he never sat his exams. (blog post mentioning his a-levels + btg transcript excerpt about his exams; his website says he attended haileybury from 2016-19, but i think this mainly encapsulates his boarding period, as he was still doing remote work in april 2020.)

oscar in f4 with his gcse revision guide, 📸 sebastiaan rozendaal (may 20, 2018)

2016 is also when oscar began his well-documented super-liking of several of lando's social media profiles. i think understanding oscar's time in rfm and his extremely british single-seater origins helps better paint his history with lando and maxf; my personal understanding of pre-mclaren landoscar is that while oscar never formally met lando or maxf during his karting days, he knew of them quite well through rfm and thus followed them on instagram/twitter after moving to the uk. of course, oscar has a fairly active social media presence in general, so young oscar quietly liked instagram posts and tweets from many different people, but i do feel compelled to note that in the early days he liked lando, maxf, and logan's posts with seriously impressive frequency compared to anyone else on the grid (or anyone in general, really); after creating his twitter account in may 2016, some of the very first tweets oscar liked were from maxf, and he also liked a multitude of mundane lando tweets from 2016 until… today, while on the other hand he didn't start liking george's tweets—another similarly-aged young british talent—until late 2017. (he does have some fun george-admiring moments though, but that can wait for another time!) outside of rfm, other people oscar was familiar with during his early racing years were british f4 teammate ayrton simmons, to-be series champion jamie caroline, and old australian karting friend christian pancione, who appears to still be one of his best mates (if not his best) as of today. fun fact is that christian raced for the carrera cup as a support event to the australian gp in 2023; here's oscar allegedly checking the quali live timing at lunch during his own media day. 

so, to conclude, oscar's early lando focus basically traces back to the motorsport path he took at the behest and guidance of his early rfm connections in the uk. the thing is that despite growing up in australia and vaguely admiring several aussie drivers in f1 as a child (read: mark webber and eventually daniel ricciardo), oscar has never had a specific driver he consistently mentions when pressed for his racing "idol," likely since his personality inherently resists idolatry and he instead views successful people more as actionable benchmarks or reference points for self-improvement rather than as unattainable paragons of accomplishment. as a kid forced to grow up almost entirely on his own, the majority of his racing aspirations were molded independently in the uk—he completed his karting career in the uk, boarded at haileybury for 4 years (fun fact: other drivers to attend include jehan, callum ilott, and clément novalak; callum was a few years above oscar and finished school in 2017, but the two would later become quite talkative over social media anyway), raced in british f4, became a brdc member, contested eurocup under a british license and therefore had the british flag raised and british national anthem played during his wins, stayed in the uk even at alpine since the factory is based in enstone, etc. oscar basically moved to the uk from australia without having really met anyone significant in the racing scene (other than jack doohan, or more importantly jack's father mick, but jack is younger and did an extra year of karting) and pretty much didn't have anyone specific to "look up to" at the time. oscar's first acknowledgement of lando's online existence was in december 2015, when he liked one of lando's instagram posts prior to moving to england, so it can be assumed that lando basically functioned as his most accessible reference point in the junior ladder as a 14 year old dipping his toes into the european racing scene for the first time. that is my highly subjective analysis of the situation!

select quotes re: oscar's inconsistent responses to his motorsport "hero" (or his favorite driver / a driver he looks up to in general):

(f1fs; mar 9, 2022) "i started watching f1 in… 2009 was the first season i properly watched. so when brawn came in, obviously mark was the only aussie on the grid at that point, so i was kind of naturally going for him. then joined by daniel, so obviously going to support the aussies, but i think watching lewis has been nothing short of spectacular, and a very good role model. [...] i think when i was first watching, i supported mark, but, you know, and i hope he takes no offense to this—vettel was winning everything at that point. so i was supporting mark, but vettel was doing most of the winning. i think now that i understand more about racing though, i would say [the driver i look up to the most is] lewis, mainly. the way he goes about things on and off the track is quite exceptional."

(mcl youtube; mar 29, 2023) sporting idols mentioned: ayrton senna, alain prost, michael jordan (see also ultimate athletes list)

(p1; aug 10, 2023) "i would say i never had like one specific idol. when i was growing up watching mark webber was at red bull, and obviously being australian, red bull being very quick at the time, i kind of naturally followed him. i mean—even like some of the guys in the junior ranks above me. like lando was always kind of two, three years above me, winning… most things on his way up. so i guess kind of him in some ways?"

(eff won; dec 4, 2023) "i don’t really have like one specific [idol]. i think what lewis has been able to do in terms of getting to seven world championships was incredibly impressive. i think what max is doing now is also very impressive…" 

the first lando post oscar liked on instagram (dec 21, 2015)

the first maxf posts oscar liked; instagram (feb 26, 2016) & twitter (may 9, 2016)

anyway, back to british f4! despite his initially unconventional foray into motorsport, oscar's journey progressed in a much more orderly fashion once he stepped up to single-seaters. his actual debut was in f4 uae, which he ran 3 rounds of between 2016 and 2017 (another fun fact: this is where he briefly acquainted himself with mclaren indycar driver david malukas, who would later recall him being very intelligent and whom zak brown allegedly spoke to oscar about before appointing to their indy team). after cutting his teeth on actual car-racing for the first time, oscar decided against moving up to the ok class as he felt confident in his ability to be competitive in single-seaters. his first full season was therefore the 2017 british f4 championship, during which oscar signed with arden while logan went to reigning champions carlin (lando had won with them in 2015, then maxf in 2016). oscar made his way to the top step 6 times in the season and placed just barely above logan for 2nd in the championship, finishing behind the considerably more experienced jamie caroline. arden was also founded and is currently owned by red bull team principal christian horner, so it was during oscar's time there that christian took note of and interest in his talent; oscar reportedly did a few runs in the red bull simulator but was passed over for joining the academy, which christian later voiced regret on. (source)

maxf, logan (center), and oscar (to max's right) on a day maxf was visiting the 2017 british f4 grid (april 11, 2017)

linus lundqvist, oscar, and logan on the podium at snetterton (jul 30, 2017)

jamie and oscar, who were… er, mathematically in the main championship fight. for some reason they made them take these photos (sep 30, 2017)

after a successful f4 outing with arden, oscar returned to the team for his first season of formula renault eurocup in 2018, a renault series that ran in its specific configuration until 2020 before merging with the parallel regional series frec to become what is today known as freca. this season proved to be less competitive for oscar, as arden was relatively inexperienced in this series and oscar's three teammates were afflicted with what can colloquially be referred to as a "skill issue," making it difficult to collectively develop the car throughout the season. (blog interview) the series was thus returning driver maxf's to lose, who at the time was racing for reigning champs r-ace with teammates that included oscar's fellow rookies logan and victor martins.

despite the unideal environment, oscar managed to prove his worth by placing a respectable 8th in the series, scoring 110 points as a rookie driver and capping the season off with 3 podiums and a top-finish of 2nd place—a jarring contrast to his teammates' joint total of 12 points. this result attracted the attention of r-ace and granted him a seat with them for the 2019 season, at which point maxf and logan both graduated to f3. thankfully that wasn't too much of a concern for oscar since he'd always intended to do two seasons of eurocup, and now he finally had a chance to win the first serious championship of his racing career with an established racing outfit.

oscar, max, and yifei ye on the hockenheim r2 podium (sep 23, 2018) [full gifset]

oscar's second season of eurocup is when he truly started proving himself as a driver, or at least to the people whose names, money, and opinions mattered around the paddock. his main competition in 2019 was again victor, who was now racing for mp and had been made a member of the renault sport academy back in 2018 after a strong performance in french f4. despite a close title fight, oscar managed to hold him off for the championship in the final race of the season, kicking off what would soon become an impressive string of consecutive single-seater series titles. even sweeter was the fact that all eurocup champions were awarded a renault sport academy spot that could be left or taken as they pleased, and of course—while the finances weren't nearly as impressive as alpine would later proclaim in their baseless smear campaign—oscar's connections in the racing world were limited as an australian driver almost exclusively managed by his father, so he gladly accepted the offer for the many venues of support renault presented to him.

see also: bby oscar briefly mentioning lando after winning eurocup in 2019 (@ 1:10)

oscar being lifted by his team (r-ace) after placing 4th in the abu dhabi finale and winning the title by 7.5 points

3. renault sport academy, lockdown, f3 (2020)

many things happened in 2020. one: oscar became an official member of the renault sport academy, joining the likes of max (who'd been picked up on merit after winning british f4 in 2017), guanyu, christian lundgaard, caio collett, and fellow new recruit hadrien david (victor had been strategically demoted after oscar's win because renault is a notoriously unserious organization, but again this is not the post). two: by the time oscar was ready for f3, moving up the ladder proved to be exorbitantly expensive, and he realized he needed better funds and managerial support to sort his career out. he'd been offered a spot in prema's f3 team by team-owner rené rosin at the end of his eurocup season, who'd named him for the post-season test before the championship was over and stressed that the spot was his no matter where he finished. (source) prema is unquestionably one of the top—if not frequently the top—teams one can drive for in most junior series (though there is also somewhat of a self-selection bias; if you ask oscar he is not a significant beneficiary of prematax!), having absolutely demolished the f3 competition that same year and achieved a clean sweep of the drivers' standings with rob shwartzman, marcus armstrong, and jehan at 1-2-3 consecutively. oscar completed post-season testing with them in spain alongside to-be teammates logan and fred vesti in october (source), before confirming on jan 26, 2020 that he would be joining them for the f3 season as a renault junior.

so, where does mark webber come in here? apparently mark's trainer from red bull and wec had also been oscar's trainer since 2016 (i'm pretty sure this is australian physiologist simon sostaric), and it was through their joint connection that oscar was introduced to mark. according to mclaren's 2023 season preview, "the pair hit it off, and webber took his countryman under his wing," signing oscar to jam sports management, aka the management agency he runs with his wife ann. mark's support would become a major factor in helping oscar progress through the feeder ranks and establish himself in f1, mainly because he had actual connections and could help oscar network with sponsors and negotiate his way during future signings. of course, more on this later.

as an aside, here are a few things mark has said about oscar:

"he’s got that white line fever when he puts his helmet on and turns into a different character, which is sensational." (mar 1, 2020)

"one of oscar’s biggest strengths by a mile, compared to everyone he is competing against — and this will be a huge string to his bow when he makes it to f1 — is his composure. he has immense levels of composure. [...] if you are weak mentally you won’t make it. he was on his own from an early age. he did brilliantly with his studies. but the racing disease would not go away, he wants it very much." (sydney morning herald; dec 11, 2021)

"he’s a prost, mate. he’s such a thinker and so calm. at first i thought i needed to inject a bit of urgency in him, but actually no, he’s got his own frequency. that’s just where he is." (the race; oct 7, 2023)

estimates provided by chris piastri on the cost of oscar's junior career, stressing the million-dollar commitments of running a single season of f3 or f2 (source)

anyway, back to the chaotic events of 2020. i think something that's good to keep in mind when discussing oscar's time in the renault sport academy is that he was actually a relatively new recruit, as in he only participated in a single training camp with the other juniors in 2020 and most of them (max, christian, guanyu, the temporary ghost of victor) already knew each other before. oscar essentially met with renault's factory team in early 2020, filmed promotional material with other juniors in january before attending the season opener together in february and then heading to winter training camp later that month, after which he and max left early for f3 pre-season testing in bahrain on march 1—a blessing in disguise, seeing as caio, hadrien, and christian remained behind and would soon be stuck quaranting in a hotel in tenerife—then briefly spent a week at school before returning home for what was meant to be a quick pit stop at the australian gp, which at the time had yet to be canceled.

then, of course, lockdown happened.

simplified breakdown of renault junior stints, notably showcasing the academy's struggles to meaningfully promote any of its juniors

oscar at the 2020 renault season opener alongside then-academy director mia sharizman, then-tp cyril abiteboul, alain prost, f1 drivers esteban ocon and daniel ricciardo, and the other academy juniors: fewtrell, lundgaard, zhou, david (feb 12, 2020)

oscar and maxf behind the scenes of the same event (feb 12, 2020)

stuck in australia for three months, oscar would end up participating in two fia virtual races, one for f2 and another for f1 (jun 7, 2020). a fun landoscar tidbit is that he finished 5th in the virtual gp right behind lando, so they technically had raced each other before 2023, depending on... well, whether you count a 2020 sim race wherein george russell and alex albon lead the pack as a real race. nevertheless, this was a time when drivers were becoming much more active online, seeing as streaming was the best way to keep their images relevant and connect with fans, and despite oscar expressing little interest in streaming on twitch he would still experience a considerable uptick in his online activity and twitter reach that year.

racing resumed on july 4 at the red bull ring in austria; oscar had been granted an exemption to travel to the uk and complete a 2-week quarantine back on may 27, a reassuring indicator to the motorsport world that the f3 season would run after all. now that he no longer had to attend school, having received 2 b's and 1 c for his maths, physics, and computer science a-levels, oscar relocated from hertford to oxford in june to be near the renault facilities, which he visited nearly every day to train at, and began living independently (as in in a flat) for the first time since 2016, rooming with fellow renault junior caio collet.

as i said before, this season is when oscar's online presence and "memeability" began to really conceptualize, enabled primarily by the fact that he was a) finally living outside of a school dormitory, and b) now, of course, signed at prema, a team notorious for its social media visibility, literal family atmosphere, and frequent youtube pandering. according to this f3 article, his twitter followers jumped from 795 at the start of the season to 11.6k by the time he won the championship, an audience built significantly off the self-deprecating string of jokes he used to tweet regarding drs and general reliability issues faced throughout the season.

what i guess i want to touch on here is how oscar's online presence has always been concentrated around the bare fundamentals of his personality: dry humor, candid words, sparing emojis, a few humorous photos detailing the mundane reality of his everyday routines, and at most the occasional inopportune meme or reaction gif (#thepiastri 🤷‍♂️, f2 in baku, jetpack guy, so on). he's bantered frequently with callum on twitter and near-obsessively liked memes, videos, and other updates lando shares with his audience, but he also has seemingly little interest in building up his own "brand" the way lando so smartly has with ln4 and quadrant, and quite frankly seems viscerally incapable of wanting to engage one-to-one with fans or otherwise leveraging the popularity of his material image. basically what i like to say is that oscar enjoys being adjacent to "lad humor" and will happily enable it, but he really has no interest in being the one to initiate it himself!

"there's some things you want to share, some things you don’t. in today's age and sort of having the profile that us drivers do, we kind of just have everything shared,” piastri said. “but (social media) can be used for good, certainly within the profiles that we have. but in some ways, it can be negative, and there's always going to be people out there that don't like you for being you.” piastri tries to write as many of his posts as possible, and he checks those written by his team to be sure they sound authentically him. (the athletic; jun 29, 2023)

along these lines, oscar does enjoy the spotlight, only he seems to prefer it concentrated in a specific lens toward a specific productive end. he's endlessly capable of seeing the objective upside of a situation, joking after he was made a meme in baku following his f2 sr1 collision that he was all for it if it got him popularity. after his eurocup championship he also said: "i think everyone loves a bit of spotlight on them. i think that's just human nature, so a bit of attention's always nice." which is interesting to me!

but back to racing. this season would unexpectedly become two things: maxf's last competitive season in motorsport—especially disappointing considering that he'd gone into the championship expecting to put on a second-season title charge, instead failing to gel with the hitech team to the point that each increasingly poor weekend made him spiral mentally—as well as oscar and logan's last season racing against each other before f1, since logan would later encounter financial difficulties that left him stranded in f3 as oscar catapulted himself to f2 victory. 2020 was obviously a weird season in general because of covid and the gap from pre-season testing, so it also meant that oscar had gone into the season fairly rusty; he managed to win the first race of the season, but on top of his drs rollercoaster he did struggle with middling results in qualifying and was met step-by-step throughout the championship by logan.

maxf's last race in f3 was the barcelona sprint race on august 16, with three rounds left to the end of the season. he dnfed in an unfortunate first-lap incident mere moments after oscar charged his way up from 5th on the grid to the front of the pack, where he would eventually breeze his way to victory and pull himself near-level with logan for the championship lead. i recognize that this is an oscar post and not a maxf post, but i think their time in f3 during an extremely isolated and covid-affected period speaks to both an interesting dynamic between them (the little kid who always lagged a series behind you suddenly beating you on merit) and their respective temperaments toward racing. while at renault, max reportedly lived with jack aitken during the week but would return to his family home on weekends, so it makes sense that he struggled to adapt when covid hit and drivers were collectively forced into very regimented sporting bubbles. mark webber, who worked for channel 4 as a commentator and had access to the f1 paddock, basically couldn't see oscar in person and instead spoke to him over the phone every day on race weekends. maxf said of his decision to quit:

"normally [...] i’m able to stay calm under pressure and i don’t let many things get to me but when you have a bad qualifying result and you see guys up there that you know you’re capable of beating, it definitely takes a dig at you inside and it’s been a lot to process throughout the year." (source)

while then-academy director mia sharizman, who worked closely with the renault juniors, spoke of oscar's inherent propensity for independence and how he adapted well to the pressures of living on his own:

"if you look at oscar piastri, he has been living on his own, [away] from his family who are in melbourne for the past five to six years. because he has been living on his own in boarding school, he learns how to live on his own, and he thrives in that. we have to force him... 'have you spoken to your father?!' it's just things like that, but he thrives in that. that's why he thrived in those weekends racing. he loves being on his own without anybody. on the other hand, we had max fewtrell, for example, who can't – he couldn't survive the 11 weekends racing, because he always needed his family to be around him. so those are the things that suddenly you see and, i think that that we see now, after a few years a driver who is quick, a driver who has the talent, and then the driver who is stable." (source)

2020 is also when lando and oscar spoke to each other on twitter for the first time. yay! after lando went semi-viral for having a meltdown over a hornet on three separate social media platforms, oscar first joked with him about it on august 24 (this was incidentally also the day maxf announced his functional retirement, which oscar liked as well 😭), before referencing the incident again a few weeks later in september.

(aug 24, 2020) / (sep 10, 2020)

outside of drs tweets and trying desperately to banter with lando norris, oscar's popular tweets at the time included several food-related mishaps and home appliance tragedies. while this isn't actually a lando moment, he was also slandered by the LN4 twitter account a month later on october 17 for reasons that remain a mystery, resulting in this set of interactions:

(oct 17, 2020) / (oct 19, 2020)

bonus: maxf's tweets @ oscar (when you aren't close enough to just text him.......)

but back to f3. similarly to his second season of eurocup, oscar would go on to clinch the title in only the final race of the year, this time even more stressfully—he never got pole that season and won arguably off of consistency, benefiting from errors and unfortunate collisions involving his primary competitors. after a hectic qualifying and string of contentious grid penalties set for the before-last round in monza, he began the feature race 15th on the grid but put on an impressive performance to finish on the podium, buffing his points lead after logan was tapped by clément and put out of the points. he, logan, and fred all dnfed in race 2 (read: the novalak pendulum swung away from oscar's favor to maintain stringent cosmic equilibrium, while logan and fred threw away a points opportunity with a teammate4teammate love tap), and oscar went into mugello with only an 8-point lead over logan and a 24-point lead over pourchaire. this weekend proved equally hectic, as is frequently the case with f3 racing standards, but in short oscar and logan entered the final sprint race level on points, with théo approaching terrifyingly near in their rearview mirrors. logan was unceremoniously taken out of contention on the first lap after contact with zendeli, and oscar managed to squeak his way to 164 points in the championship by placing 7th in the race; théo finished 3rd, with 161 points, two positions away from claiming both the race and the championship title.

a succinct summary of an eventful season! (posted jun 30, 2021)

despite winning the f3 championship in far-from-dominant fashion, oscar's career was now steadily on an upward trend. on october 30 he was rewarded with a private test in the r.s.18 at bahrain alongside christian and guanyu, and a month later confirmed that he would be racing for prema again in f2 (december 1, 2020). as a rookie f3 champion there was a moderate amount of interest in him, but no one really expected him to carry home the f2 title on his first try and so one of the main favorites going into the next season was his second-year teammate and 2019 f3 champion rob shwartzman.

4. f2, alpine reserve duties, #piastrigate (2021-2022)

at the start of 2021, fernando officially took daniel's place at renault and the team rebranded itself as alpine, parting ways with team principal cyril abiteboul and functionally replacing him with new ceo laurent rossi—part of a no-tp management structure, frankly a self-evident infrastructural faux-pas from a million miles away. the renault sport academy was then also renamed to alpine academy; again i know that this is an oscar post so i won't get too into the details of Alpine Being Alpine, but understanding how the academy functioned does help better contextualize the inevitable unfurling of piastrigate.

the main issue, really, would always be laurent rossi, or at least the values laurent rossi had been hired to represent and which he willingly peddled during his controversial tenure at alpine. after rossi's appointment it was reported that "the renamed alpine academy was now being tugged in two directions between director mia sharizman's ideal as a creator of future f1 drivers and alpine's chief executive officer laurent rossi's commercially-led preferences." (source) mia directed the academy from january 2016 until may 2022, and had been the one to restructure its recruitment process by demanding better funding and robust testing programs to cyril:

"when we first restarted the team in 2016, it was, we didn't even have a two-year-old car program at that time. we had to use a 2012 program using the [lotus] e20. [...] then in 2018, i went through it, and i said to cyril abiteboul, "look, let's try and do this." we needed financial resources. i needed a head start with financial resources to kick start the program whereby you entice drivers, and you offer [a place] to the academy drivers. it was more to see how they are... it was more of an evaluation process... that was what the first idea was. then we developed the program to develop the drivers to suit their formual 2 program." (source)

(note: mia also believed that 2020 was a disappointing year for all of his juniors save for oscar's performance in f3, which is a whole other thing. but rossi's greatest shortcoming was that he had singular, insulated vision, and he resisted any external input to the detriment of reactionary business decisions, a fact that alienated alain prost and soon led to his exit from the outfit in 2022. not a good look!!! prost would later call rossi "the best example of the dunning-kruger effect, that of an incapable leader who thinks himself able to overcome his incompetence with his arrogance and lack of humanity toward his troops." 🤌)

so basically, the cracks of mind-boggling incompetence within the team's leadership structure were long evident. on a brighter note, oscar's 2021 f2 season would quickly become his strongest single-seater contest ever (f1 youtube has a good summarizing video of his season, if interested); because of covid, f2 was experimenting with a three-race format this year in which quali set the reverse grid for sr1 and sr1 results then set the reverse grid for sr2, which essentially meant high qualifiers were rewarded for simply maintaining composure in the first sprint and running cleanly in the top 10 in order to secure a favorable grid spot in sr2. oscar adapted well to this format, building off his reputation of smooth, consistent driving on top of slowly improving his qualifying results over the course of the season, finally breaking through with his first feature-race win in monza. 

oscar with mia sharizman

this is also around the time when lando mentioned oscar in official f1 media for the first time, reading off a question about him to daniel in an interview posted in october:

"this one's not even about formula one. it's about oscar piastri. oscar pias-tree! [...] he's been on it this year." — (full video) (oct 1, 2021)

of his own f2 campaign, oscar said:

"i thought that i could challenge for race wins, but i probably wasn't expecting to be so consistently at the front. consistency is something that i’ve had as a trait throughout my career, and i was expecting to be consistent in my results this year — but maybe a bit lower down!" (source)

not only did he end up being consistently at the front, he became virtually unstoppable in the second half of the season. on december 11, oscar clinched the title in abu dhabi with two races to spare, ending the season with 5 consecutive poles and 4 consecutive feature wins, 60.5 points above his previously-favored teammate in the standings. #notbadforashitqualifier!

by now oscar was a hot commodity in the paddock; the only problem was that alpine didn't really care, mainly because rossi had enthusiastically re-signed ocon to a three-year deal in 2021 and held zero intention of actually promoting any of its juniors to one of the race seats, plus the one open spot at alfa romeo had instead gone to guanyu and his considerable financial package (though oscar has always been vocally defensive of guanyu's appointment to his detractors). instead of moving to another series, such as indycar or super formula, oscar recognized that he'd proven everything he needed to prove within the feeder system and opted to remain on the grid as alpine's reserve driver, mainly so that he could embed himself in an f1 team environment and—most crucially—avoid being left "out of sight, out of mind," because once you go to america you usually don't come back.

i'll keep the rest of this post brief since i feel like everyone already knows What Went Down, but a quick highlight for fellow landoscar enjoyers was the 2022 australian gp on april 10, during which oscar accompanied rosanna tennant for the post-race show and awkwardly participated in a chaotic lando & alex interview. as far as i know, this was landoscar's first time interacting on-camera!

o: "i haven't raced either of them, no." l: "not yet!" o: "not yet. hopefully soon." — (full video) (apr 10, 2022)

then silly season started, and everything was thrown into disarray when sebastian vettel announced his imminent retirement and fernando subsequently took his place at aston martin; alpine scrambled to recover from this blindsided move and prematurely promoted oscar to an f1 seat, to which oscar eventually posted The Tweet—claiming he'd never signed a contract with alpine and would not be racing for them in 2023, thus kicking off #piastrigate. or the piasco, or whatever you prefer to call it.

here's a good article that properly summarizes the crb ruling, but tl;dr: mclaren and alpine had come to an agreement back in march to loan oscar to mclaren's stable of reserve drivers after daniel contracted covid; mark webber, who was close to andreas seidl from their time at porsche in wec, quietly negotiated a contract with mclaren for 2023 that oscar would then sign on july 4, which was reportedly initially a reserve deal with an upgrade clause to a full-time drive given a dr buyout; alpine's legal team turned out to be essentially one overworked legal director who mishandled the situation thanks to a lack of organizational support, while a concrete williams deal never actually existed no matter what people continuously allege, and any proprietary right to oscar's services that alpine purported to have for the 2023 season would soon be voided by crb rule on september 2. in other words, they dun goofed.

because tumblr dies when i try to include it in this post, here's a link to a condensed chronological timeline version of this post.

that's it for now. i'm sure you know how the rest goes!!!

[brown-little-robin]

PARALLEL!! In S1E8 of mp100, Reigen reveals the delightfully baffling ethic he works by. When a woman tells him that a fortuneteller told her that there was a spirit on her shoulders, Reigen instantly disapproves of someone telling her that and doing nothing about it. And of course he considers himself so much better than this fortuneteller for... also lying to the woman, but giving her a massage. So he's allowed to lie to people, but he draws the line at not helping them. That... that's perfect. That's what he does with Mob, after all. He lies to Mob constantly about being a psychic, but he considers it fine because he's helping Mob by doing so. The woman had real pain in her shoulders; Mob has real pain in his heart. Reigen helps with both by allowing them to think he's a psychic.

Shortly after that, in S1E10, Dimple makes this remark while possessing a security guard:

IT'S THE EXACT SAME ETHICS. (okay, it's slightly worse because it's just harm reduction rather than actively helping, but Dimple is on the right track, okay?) Dimple's allowed to possess people, to steal their bodies (temporarily), but he's not allowed to let them get hurt. Letting the body he possesses be damaged is a step too far. Reigen's allowed to lie, but heaven help people who lie to others without helping them.

Just. Yeah. Dimple and Reigen both use people. Reigen lies to them, Dimple possesses them. Reigen twists the mind, Dimple twists the body. And yet they're both disgusted and offended by people who would use people without care for their welfare. They're better than that. They're not irresponsible.

edit: alt text for images 1 and 2 provided by @princess-of-purple-prose! thanks!

[ohtendril]

let me just talk about light real quick

light is hope

they kiss in the night, in the shadows, but you canstill see the warm light coming from behind pen

at first pen is doused in light, and colin gets a taste of light (hope), only to become reckless (with jealousy, dreams, yearning). but then after the kiss, colin becomes the one who's doused in light,

first it's the fire light in the dream, then the bright morning light, so metaphorical to his realization. but as time goes by and pen get familiar with debling, by ep.4 the light is flickering as he sits in his study. the candle light goes out. and again, light is hope.

we see the flashbacks. we see him react to them. he can't let the fire go out. he can't give up hope. and he doesn't even after pen says she will accept debling's proposal, he still goes after her, he's still covered in warm light

and he reflects that light onto pen. and they become reckless together in the light and shadows

[microclown]

Crowley and Aziraphale's communication in the final 15 is bad, but going back through the season I've realized it's even more prevalent than I thought…

not all of these miscommunications are a problem, but they barely have one interaction that doesn't include some form of lack of communication, so I thought it was worth highlighting the pattern

List under the cut, analysis at the end

Aziraphale doesn't tell Crowley about the naked man, Nina does

Aziraphale doesn't tell him it's Gabriel, he tell him it's Jim, Crowley sees it's Gabriel

"I feel like your exactly and my exactly are different exactlys" (aka miscommunication- assuming they're on the same page when they're not)

Cowley doesn't tell Aziraphale the stakes, that he could be erased from the book of life for helping Gabriel

The Apology dance is literally dancing around the issue. He doesn't want to apologize because he doesn't believe he is in the wrong, but they never talk through it, they just move forward

"Ah, we're going to the pub!" As they're walking in the door. so Aziraphale didn't tell him where they were going, he just lead him there??

Aziraphale and Crowley don't agree on how to get Nina and Maggie together, but they go ahead and execute their own plans without discussing it further. Crowley does ask "I'm lost, am I doing a rainstorm?" but Aziraphale has already moved on and doesn't answer him. He's already decided the ball is the better option, but he doesn't communicate that. Later, Crowley tries to tell Aziraphale about his plan with the rainstorm, but Aziraphale ignores him. "You don't want to hear about my plan?" Then when Crowley tells him the rainstorm plan was a bust, Aziraphale has no idea what he's talking about.

After telling Crowley about the Clue, Aziraphle doesn't let them discuss it at all. He literally cuts Crowley off from asking any questions about it "no! not another word."

When Aziraphale asks to take the Bentley, he doesn't really ask, he's telling Crowley he's going to take it. Crowley says no indirectly "You can't drive my Bentley." Aziraphale explains that he can drive because he has a license. So Crowley says "No" plainly. Aziraphale ignores him. Crowley says "No" again, louder, clearer, slaps Aziraphale's hand away, but Aziraphale still ignores him.

When Aziraphale tells Crowley what he learned about Gabriel in Edinburgh, they never discuss it fully because Crowley cuts him off to execute his rainstorm that they've also never fully discussed.

Neither Aziraphale or Crowley tell the other that Shax confronted them. More importantly, Aziraphale doesn't tell Crowley that Shax tricked him into revealing that Gabriel is in the bookshop.

Aziraphale is very coy with Crowley while planning the ball "wait and see!" He never actually tells Crowley his plan.

When Aziraphale suggests "just talking" to Gabriel, he looks pleased when Crowley says "Actually, I will." He doesn't seems to read Crowley's tone. Crowley then proceeded to yell at Gabriel and tells him to jump out a window. Probably not what Aziraphale had in mind.

Of course, the whole scene in the ball. Crowley doesn't tell Aziraphale about the demons straight away, he leads with a seemingly less urgent "somethings wrong". Aziraphale is barely listening anyway. He's too in his own world, too caught up in psyching himself up to ask Crowley to dance.

After the demons storm the ball, Aziraphale tells Crowley he's got a suggestion, but Crowley cuts him off "I've got it."

Crowley doesn't tell Aziraphale what he learned in Heaven. He doesn't tell him about Armageddon part 2, or that Gabriel was fired for not wanting to go ahead with it. He doesn't even tell him this during their big fight at the end, when you would think it would be a convincing point towards Aziraphel staying.

Neil has revealed that Crowley never told Aziraphale that he was living in his car

And then their final argument is laden with miscommunication, (people have gone into great depths analyzing this already, but I’ll just sum it up so it’s included) - Aziraphale assumes Crowley would want to be an angel again, but they’ve clearly never discussed this. Crowley assumes Aziraphale is on the same page with why heaven is so bad, but they’ve clearly not fully discussed this either.  Crowley can barely look at Aziraphale when he’s confessing. He can’t get out the word “partner.” He can’t finish his sentence “I would like to spend…” Then there’s “nothing lasts forever” which Crowley interprets entirely differently from Aziraphale’s intention. “I don’t think you understand what I’m offering you” “I understand, and I think I understand a whole lot better than you.” And then, when Crowley has given up on trying to communicate verbally, he kisses Aziraphale as a last “Hail Mary” to get him to understand. But of course he doesn’t. That’s not communication. 

So.

If you’re still with me, what’s the point of laying all this out? Well, a couple of things. I’ll try to organize my thoughts coherently. 

 _

Crowley and Aziraphale’s communication is beyond a simple fix

It is so much worse than I originally thought. What they need is couples therapy. They both need to become aware of the broken way they relate to each other, and they need to do a lot of work on listening to each other, giving each other space to talk, and being honest with what they know and how they are feeling. We needed someone to call them out, make them aware of this, but Nina and Maggie TRIED this season, and it was not enough. Unfortunately, I’m fairly confident season 3 will not just be six hour long couples therapy sessions. I’m not sure how much room for working on communication skills there will be at all. Neil has described season three as big, loud, and action packed. I have no idea how this issue will be resolved in that context. 

_

Something horrible I realized when making this list. Crowley’s relationship with Aziraphale is beginning to mirror his toxic relationship with heaven. Aziraphale develops a plan- taking care of Gabriel, investigating the clue, organizing the ball. He wants things to go just the way he has in mind. He does not let Crowley say no. He does not let Crowley ask questions!!! And now Aziraphale is running heaven? What makes us think he would treat Crowley any differently in a real position of power? It would have been so. bad. if Crowley accepted Aziraphale’s offer. Yes, Aziraphale and Crowley are on the same page on preserving the world and humanity, and yes they love each other and want to be with each other, but when it comes to what to do about it, they don’t see eye to eye. And neither of them know how to properly collaborate or communicate. 

_

Finally, why do Aziraphale and Crowleyhide things from one another? Simply, they don’t really trust each other. I mean they do, sort of, but not entirely. They have a deeper trust. They trust that the other cares about them, and won't harm them intentionally, but they have so many deep rooted issues with trust from their past with heaven and hell that it overflows into their relationship. People have said Crowley keeps information from Aziraphale to protect him, but that also comes from a place of mistrust. He doesn’t trust Aziraphale to protect himself. He doesn’t trust him to do what he would do with that information. Similarly, Aziraphale doesn’t trust Crowley to let him do things his way. They don’t know how to collaborate! Not really. It's something they want, but were never taught. Collaboration was never encouraged in Heaven or hell.

[crimeronan]

this is a bit silly but while i'm thinking about adam being low-empathy: another thing that hurt my feelings about Adam Discourse (TM) a few years back was the insistence among some people that you can't draw parallels between adam's dad and adam himself because adam's worst fear is becoming his father. this is probably uncharitable but a lot of it felt like it came from people who either hadn't been abused, OR people who HAD been abused but were Perfect Victims (TM).

like. adam isn't a perfect victim. he's vicious and temperamental and cold and easily frustrated and lashes out and cannot process his own emotions. he's stubborn and a control freak and a neurotic prey animal and he makes mistakes and he makes insane assumptions not just about himself, but also about other people.

it felt like some people read the "too much monster blood in him" line, when he's like Well I Guess I'm Broken Forever, & they were like oh nooo honey no baby you don't have any monster blood in you. you're not a monster and never could be

when the whole point is like. the whole point is that actually, adam COULD be. he could be!!! he's NOT a monster but he could be. pains are taken repeatedly to show that his first instincts are Not to nurture/care/be kind. he's (reasonably) callous about ronan's situation in the beginning, he doesn't give a fuck when kavinsky dies, his first thought about opal is "ugh i wish we could just get rid of her" and then he hates himself.

my point here is: he has to TRY. adam is trying so fucking hard for all four books. people who read him in bad faith read sins into him that he didn't commit -- wanting to hit blue once is equated to having actually hit her, etc. but people who stan him often have the opposite problem of acting like "monstrosity" is a quality that Good People couldn't have, and therefore adam can't have, because he is Good People.

adam isn't a monster. adam could easily be a monster if he stopped trying. the reason adam isn't a monster isn't bc he's a perfect victim, it's because he Gives A Fuck. u know??