#self-existent
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"Self insert characters are cringe"
Bro I'm trying to survive capitalism with maladaptive daydreaming. Leave me alone.
#self insert#maladaptive daydreaming#no shame#cringe safe zone#im trying to exist in a hellscape okay#mom said its my turn to pick the coping mechanism
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"I Am He"
Carl Pollard Jesus describes Himself in many ways throughout the Gospels. Each name further explains His love, care, protection, judgment, and attitude towards us. There is one name He used that caused quite an uprising in His earthly ministry. However before we dive into the New Testament, we must start at the beginning. Exodus 3. Here we read that Moses was shepherding his father-in-law’s…
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" Self Defense "
#free palestine#palestine#gaza#occupied palestine#israel massacre#free gaza#palestine will be free#gaza strip#justice for palestine#israel is a terrorist state#self defense#fuck israel#zionsim is terrorism#israel has no right to exist#stop killing children#end the genocide#palestine news#all eyes on palestine#palestine lives matter#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#palstine#israel
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I love thinking about how a Shen Yuan reveal would go from Luo Binghe's perspective, maybe even especially in cases where Binghe doesn't actually get to see Shen Yuan's world or understand it very well.
Imagine finding out that your husband is some kind of interdimensional alien spirit/angel who saw your fate and got so upset about it that he died. Then he came to your world, even though he didn't know that was possible, but since it was he immediately set about making your life less shitty and trying to change your fate. Except he couldn't change all of your fate because some kind of godlike being, the same one that brought him here, didn't want to let him. He's haunted by the fact that he couldn't figure out better ways to help you. He never expected any of his regard to be reciprocated, either, in fact he assumed you'd hate him. You never had to convince him to love you or respect you. He has always loved and respected you. There's basically nothing you can do to lose that love and respect either, because the first version of you that he even knew about was your edgelord comphet idiot mirror universe counterpart.
The bar has been at the earth's crust this entire time.
The fluffy parts of this reveal are obviously good, but I also think Luo Binghe deserves to know just how fully terrible his husband's judgment is. Also that Shizun has been dying for him since before they even met.
I think it'd be fun how often that would probably keep him awake at night, quietly trying not to have a crisis over the fact that his husband has made an honest to god habit of dying for him.
#svsss#bingqiu#shen yuan#scum villain's self saving system#scum villain#shen yuan 🤝 hua cheng: unhinged fanboy devotion to some questionable weirdo who doesn't even know you exist yet#also shen yuan 🤝 hua cheng 🤝 wei wuxian: dying more than the normal amount of times
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he's so mean
#my art#twisted wonderland#twst#oc#twst oc#twst yuu#jamil viper#shiokawa mayu#jamimayu#jamil viper x yuu#yeah this was inspired by that miku trend#i think everyone should draw their yuus/ocs in vocaloid cosplay#jamil voice: what is a hatsune miku#does miku exist in twisted wonderland though#or maybe she goes by a different name like uh#hatsune magiku....#extremely self indulgent joke but mayus (secret) theme colour is mint/teal so i had to#girls when you take their leek#he took everything </3
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Fenton, the Ghost Hunter Hero
So! When Danny first saw a Ghost attacking his school, he was still terrified of his parents finding out about his Powers.
He looked exactly the same in his Ghost Form, sounded the same, he even had the Hazmat Suit his parents had custom made for him on as a Ghost. There was no way anybody wouldn't immediately find him out if he tried to stop Lunch Lady with his Powers, it was so obvious!
But he couldn't just leave her there. She had crossed through the Portal that he opened, and was attacking his friends. He needed to stop her somehow!
So he tried, he just didn't use his Powers. He stole a bunch of his parents Inventions, fixed the broken ones so they actually worked, and ran in to stop Lunch Lady as a Human. The battle lasted far longer than he would have liked, but eventually he managed to stop her and shove her into the Thermos.
And from there on out, he just kept doing it. Danny became the Town's defacto Hero, since his parents were too Incompetent and he had the ability to actually beat the Ghosts, he had to protect the people he had endangered.
Soon enough people began to notice his Heroics. Mr Lancer didn't stop him when he ran out of the classroom, Dash stopped shoving him in Lockers, and his parents were Ecstatic when they found out he had gone into the "Family Business".
He still kept his Ghost Form hidden from his parents and the Public though. It was still too dangerous.
He only ever used his Ghost Form while in the Ghost Zone so he could blend in, and avoid being attacked by the multiple Ghosts who he had forced back in there. Danny Fenton was a Ghost Hunter, Phantom was just another Ghost wandering the Ghost Zone.
(Though he did gain some infamy by defeating some powerful ghosts, like Aragon or Plasmius)
Years down the line, Fenton remained the respected Ghost Hunting Hero of Amity Park, his greatest accomplishment being the defeat of Pariah Dark, the Ghost King.
That battle had actually drawn outside attention to the town for a change, and it wasn't long before Danny was offered a spot on the Justice League's Junior Team. It wasn't every day when the evil Ruler of another Dimension was defeated by a non-powered Human, so it actually sparked some interest in the Town.
Unfortunately, Danny couldn't accept the Invitation.
If he joined the Justice League, it ws only a matter of time before one of their multitude of Magic Users realized the truth and outed him as a Ghost. He couldn't take that chance.
He was content staying as a small town Hero dealing with a "minor" Ghost Problem, no need to overcomplicate matters.
That is, until the JL contacted him again a few months later. Apparently, their Time Travelers had warned of an Evil Ghost known as Phantom, who would one day grow so powerful he would destroy the world and leave it in ruins. They needed his help as an expert Ghost Hunter to track down Phantom, for the safety of the world.
Problem. This version of Danny had never actually met Dan, since his history went so differently. Now he is terrified of what event could have led to him becoming the Worst Supervillain in History.
#Dpxdc#Dp x dc#Dcxdp#Dc x dp#Danny Phantom#Dc#Dcu#Danny is a Hero as a Human#Fenton is a Hero#Phantom is a random Ghost#Danny has Sam and Tucker act as his Sidekicks/Guys in the Chair#They have their powers but also hide them for the same reasons as Danny#Danny never encountered Dan or Clockwork in his AU#This Danny was forgiven more in Class because he was a known Hero so he didn't need to steal the Test Answers#So his friends and family never died and he never became Phantom#But that future with an Evil Danny still exists in this AU somehow#So how the hell did he turn into a Supervillain in this version of events?#Was he destined to become a Supervillain or did the JLA just kickstart a self fulfilling Prophecy?#Danny is scared#The Evil Future Phantom matches him Exactly down to the Powerset and Appearance so he knows it must be him#For context Danny is 16 when he is first offered to join the JLA#And 17 when he learns about his Future
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#rest#give yourself permission to rest#self care#self care is not selfish#self care is not an indulgence#stop the glorification of busy#to heck with the hustle#hustle culture#grind culture#work culture#no guilt#no shame#laziness does not exist#mental health#self compassion#self respect#self love#you are enough#you do enough#you have enough#give yourself permission#you are worthy#right here and now#in the present#mindfulness#produtivity#burnout
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"One fell first the other fell harder" - denial edition
commission info here
Transcription of the chalkboard writing under cut
WEIRMAGEDDON PLAN
1) Get a naive idiot
2) He builds a portal
3) Develop feelings
3) Bring forth henchies
4) PARTY!!!
#billford#bill cipher#the book of bill#stanford pines#ford pines#my art#my fanart#it would not be so compeling if Stanford didn't have MULTIPLE oportunities to back tf down before it got bad AND DIDN'T TAKE EM#likewise#Bill had so many oportunities to either completely achive his goals by for example NOT GIVE FORD 3 DAYS TO MAKE A PLAN AND CALL FOR HELP#or#achieve self awereness / emotional vulnerability for once in his existence and make a genuine conection instead of chasing power#but alas#that makes it toxic yaoi babeeeey
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I love how MXTX's first two books do not take long to show you what weirdos the main characters are. Shen Yuan was waiting his whole life to die and get transmigrated and judges other (fictional) characters for reacting to transmigration poorly. Wei Wuxian wakes up in the body of a deranged lunatic and he disguises himself by acting like a deranged lunatic and does not stop for the rest of the book
Xie Lian is a total weirdo too he's just better at hiding it
#sy plays his role like hes been waiting his whole life for it#(and in a way he did)#wwx has one mode and it's 'flirts with lwj'#xl meets one of the most dangerous beings to exist and decides they need matching friendship bracelets#mxtx#svsss#mdzs#tgcf#scum villian self saving system#mo dao zu shi#tian guan ci fu
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go go demon gang
#also i love thinking art the dynamic between these three kjfnhkd#i think she hauling and binghe have the potential to be the most annoying and loud and bicker-y sibling pair to exist#and mobei jun has just grown accustomed to their shit so he stands mostly ignoring everything they say#but making sure they dont kill each other or accidentally die a gruesome death when theyre being competitive#they all like each other ok. they love each other ok. ok. ok.#scum villains self saving system#svsss#luo binghe#svsss fanart#sha hualing#mobei jun#人���反派自救系统#mxtx
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In the shape of you, something new.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Better drawn mdzs#Yeah let's toss this in the 'mixed' category. Keeping you all on your toes with the quality of my work in this series.#I had to fire off some expectation-lowering shots to rebuild my energy.#I enjoy opportunities to experiment with formatting and challenge myself B*) I really like how this came out!#In this case; I have been thinking about this comic for nearly a year! The reunion scene!#The start of the festering! The longing LWJ feels contrasted against the reality that WWX has been fundamentally changed.#This is the shape of someone you knew. This is no longer the person you had in your head. Maybe that person never existed.#We build up expectations of who we want people to be - but they are never *who* that person is.#Loving the JC & LWJ parallels with this concept as well; they are both self-inflicted victims of pushing their expectations on WWX.#But we are who we are. We cannot become the idealized version of ourselves that lives in another person's head.#And I love how WWX comes back a little (a lot) horrifying. In his actions and appearance - he has changed. Maybe for the worst.
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I don’t know how many “just make it through today”s I’ve got left.
#mentally exhausted#i dont want to be here#im losing hope#tw depressing stuff#i’m so alone#self h@rm#mental health relapse#i hate my existence#anxi4ty#deppresing quotes
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-from Pinterest
#low self everything#body image#depressing shit#diary#tw depressing stuff#i hate my existence#thinner is better#sewer slide#dear diary
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Having this kink is so funny because You will have a crush on someone and think they are soooooo fucking hot and they will stand there and tell you that they are insecure about their body and you will have to do the equivalent of locking your brain in a straitjacket to formulate a response that sounds supportive and socially acceptable when the reality is that you would commit atrocities just to kiss their stomach ONCE. That, if given the opportunity, you would worship them like they were royalty. And you would do this in both a non-kinky way because you love them and think they are beautiful and wish that they could see themself the way you see them but also in the kinky way where it feels like there’s a feral dog inside of you that wants to sink it’s teeth into the softness of them and never let go. You have to stand there and think to yourself “you have no idea the things I would do to you. You have no idea just how desirable you are.” And it’s honestly unbearable !!!!!
#‘I need to lose weight :(‘ NO!!! YOU NEED TO LET ME MAKE SWEET SWEET LOVE TO YOU!!!!#babygirl I will Pavlov self love into you in ways you’ve never imagined#wg text#soft feedism#idk does this make sense. the overwhelming urge to grab someone and shake them and be like#‘the fact that you have no idea what you do to me just by existing is so upsetting. I wish you could see you from my eyes.’
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PIDW but it's a game.
You play as Luo Binghe, the lowliest disciple of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect's Qing Jing Peak. The first part of the game proceeds more or less like a semi-normal fantasy dating sim -- Luo Binghe is bullied and downtrodden, but can seek help and opportunities to build relationships with various female characters, like Ning Yingying and Liu Mingyan. The game's interface implies a truly staggering number of potential romance candidates to unlock, however, so it makes sense that the first part in your disciple years doesn't get you very far in any of the routes.
But then for the second part, things start to shift. You get an option that seems to amount to asking whether you want to make things better for Luo Binghe or not. When you click the obvious choice, that you do, your previously cold and ruthless shizun seems to go through an inexplicable change of heart. You get a weird kind of fanservice-y scene featuring him during the Skinner Demon Mission. Then he features extremely heavily in the Demon Invasion Mission, only to turn up as your companion in the Dream Demon Mission.
After that, it seems like you've gotten onto his route, somehow? Why does the scummy male teacher even have a route in a game like this, though? You try to check for player guides but you can't seem to find any. You try reloading older saves and making other selections, but no matter what you choose, you end up finishing the Dream Demon Mission by moving into Shen Qingqiu's house, and the routes for Liu Mingyan and Ning Yingying and the briefly-encountered Sha Hualing are all greyed out.
But maybe that just means they're inaccessible for advancement for now, or something. And a lot of games have plot points that are on rails, and you can see where Luo Binghe actually getting a place to live would be one of those things. The format of the game changes as well, going from a relatively loose sequence of scenes and interactions to a daily management style, where you have tasks to complete (make shizun breakfast, go to morning lessons, cultivate, do chores, etc) and only a set number of hours in which to complete them. You have affection points, but any time you try to spend them on anyone other than Shen Qingqiu you get an error message. There are dialogue options for flirting with other characters, but they're always greyed out and impossible to select.
Still, you can unlock scenes. A lot of them are just long slow shots of Shen Qingqiu doing things, like reading, or lecturing, or eating. You get missions, and sometimes you meet female characters who seem to unlock new possible romance paths, even though they're still constantly greyed out. Maybe this part of the game's just especially on rails? Waiting for the actual harem-building segment? You kind of like a lot of aspects of it anyway, though. Luo Binghe is an especially compelling character, not at all like the usual sort of non-entity placeholder main guys in games like this. He definitely has personality.
But then you get to the third part. The Abyss. Shen Qingqiu pushes Luo Binghe in, and suddenly you're wondering if you've somehow reached a bad end. You were saving up some of those affection points for later, maybe you should have spent them all on him? Was there something you did wrong to make this happen? You're not even sure why he's thrown poor Binghe away, he was cold and cryptic about it, and now you're wondering if all the time you spent distracted by other things was time you should have spent farming a better relationship with him. You can't help but wonder where you went astray, because Luo Binghe will not stop wondering about it, and wondering about it in ways that make you feel oddly like he is accusing you, the player, of making the wrong choices... but in a way that could still plausibly be aimed at himself, as a character. You feel bad. You kind of want to restart, but you also can't bring yourself to abandon Luo Binghe. You have to see this through, to help him make it to the other side.
Regardless, the Endless Abyss seems like it must be an inevitable plot development. A lot of the game shifts to account for it. There's even an option to essentially select this "thought" from Luo Binghe's internal diatribe, that this is inevitable, and it seems to turn off the litany of recriminations for a while, although sometimes it also results in Luo Binghe... glaring at the screen?
At you?
Anyway the daily management system goes out of the window, and instead there's an energy bar now. Encounters with monsters or the occasional demon woman will lower the energy bar, how much depends on what you choose and how the encounters proceed. Sometimes there are romantic/sexy responses for interacting with the demon women you meet, and they aren't greyed out, but if you try and select them the cursor will jump to another option. You think there might be something wrong with your mouse? Sometimes you get Luo Binghe glaring at the screen scenes afterwards. When Binghe's energy bar hits zero, you're offered two choices -- "sleep" or "think of shizun". Sometimes even if you pick "sleep" the cursor will still jump to "think of shizun", and you'll be treated to another one of those slow lingering scenes of Shen Qingqiu. Except they are becoming increasingly strange, obviously warped by the exhaustion and trauma of the situation, so that aspects are eerie or even disturbing. For example, sometimes Shen Qingqiu seems to be missing limbs, or eyes. Sometimes there's blood on his hands. Sometimes the food he's eating is rotted, or the bamboo house background looks like the Qing Jing Peak wood shed. That kind of thing. You don't mind the idea of harm coming to the man. He deserves it, really, for pushing Luo Binghe into the Abyss. But the few times you try and select options along those lines, the UI glitches again.
Also the "think of shizun" option only restores a quarter of the energy bar, whereas resting restores all of it. But if you try to go for too long without doing it, it will lock you into choosing it successively for a long time.
In addition to the energy bar, there's a calendar. It's not all that sophisticated or even consistent, and it's clearly meant to reflect the fact that Luo Binghe has troubles accurately judging the passage of time in the Abyss. However, the longer you spend in the Abyss, the more violent and unhinged things start to become, and the more the UI starts glitching to reveal disturbing messages, and the more often Luo Binghe "glaring" scenes happen. So you decide to do your best to get Binghe out of here as quickly as possible. This part of the game must be broken, but hopefully if you can make to the next segment, it will work properly again.
Eventually you get to the Xin Mo Mission, which is the last part of the Abyss section, and Luo Binghe escapes.
But the weirdness continues. Worsens, even. You still get missions to like, take over the demon realms and infiltrate Huan Hua Palace, all cool stuff, and you still meet girls who seem to unlock possibly romance paths. But most of the time everything is greyed out. There will be 5 dialogue options but maybe only 1 or 2 of them will be selectable. Parts of the menu are inaccessible. You don't have an energy bar anymore, you have a Xin Mo corruption bar, and it just keeps steadily rising. Sometimes you're presented the option of propositioning a character to "mitigate corruption", but if you try and click it the game glitches or the cursor freaks out and it fails. Sometimes the game crashes outright, and when you reload your last save, it starts with Luo Binghe glaring at you through the screen. You still get the "rest" and "think of shizun" options at times, but neither one helps the corruption bar.
Then. Jinlan City. You reunite with Shen Qingqiu. There seem to be a lot of options for acting vengefully towards him, but they're all greyed out, except for a few which let you chase him down or manhandle him a bit. The whole segment is frustrating, full of weird fanservice-y moments but also mired in how little Shen Qingqiu will say, how often he insists on evading or running away, and how Luo Binghe doesn't seem to have the right prompts to actually get him to explain himself. At times it seems like the "think of shizun" mechanic is bleeding over into the real interactions with the character, so that you can't tell what's really going on vs what are the manifestation of Luo Binghe's trauma or even hallucinations. The Xin Mo bar has maxed out. You have to catch Shen Qinqiu. Catch Shen Qingqiu. Catch Shen Qingqiu--
Then suddenly the bar is at 0, and you're watching Shen Qingqiu's lifeless body fall towards the ground, his energy expended in the effort to push back the corruption. Like, all of his energy.
You catch Shen Qingqiu. Or at least, you stop his corpse from hitting the dirt.
Now the game art is crisp and clean again. All the weird UI artifacts and blocked-off menus are either gone altogether or else working properly. The sound, which had been very gradually deteriorating with low-pitched ringing and muffled portions, is normal. You can hear characters gasping and distantly shouting, and birds chirping somewhere, the ragged cadence of Luo Binghe's breaths, while the camera focuses on Shen Qingqiu's body.
Huh, you think. That's a sort of dramatic resolution to that plot arc, and it raised more questions about Shen Qingqiu than it answered, really. But at least it's over with now? Does this mean Luo Binghe can finally start to recover, or advance other plots?
Then everything blacks out. You get booted to the main menu, or something that looks like it, except the only option you can select now is the New Game+ one.
When you click it, it seems like you've started the whole game over again. Except that there is a Xin Mo corruption bar, greyed out, already waiting for in a corner of the screen. And instead of starting out with a view of Qing Jing Peak, you start out with the young Luo Binghe looking directly towards you. Like he's staring through the screen. It's the basic starting point character, except he already has his demon mark on his forehead, and his expression is way more cold and calculating than anything the junior protagonist would have worn.
"Don't get in my way," he warns.
Then the game proceeds like a visual novel with extremely limited choices. The old selections and the menu for various romance routes don't even appear, the menus have all changed again, this time oriented entirely around hiding Luo Binghe's demonic cultivation (while building it) and managing daily choices and Shen Qingqiu's relationship status. A romance game with only one romance route, and it's the treacherous crusty old teacher? Wtf? But otherwise it seems almost normal, except for the special faint-lettered red options that sometimes appear in weird places on the screen, suggesting things like preventing the Skinner demon from catching you unawares, or saving Shen Qingqiu from Without a Cure poisoning, or keeping out of the Endless Abyss.
Those options seem like they should create different outcomes, and you click them whenever they show up, but they consistently fail. As if there's some other force in the game pushing things back onto the rails no matter what you do...
Anyway, eventually you get through the main plot again, and Shen Qingqiu dies once more. This time the game keeps going from that point, however, with quests to try and find ways to resurrect him. You're starting to wonder why you're still playing -- after all, you signed up for a harem game, not this tragic gay love story? You're not even gay! It's just that Luo Binghe is such a compelling character. You decide it's time to take a break, though, so you get up, do some stretches, go to the bathroom, etc.
It feels like someone's watching you.
You've definitely been playing that game for too long. Sometimes you think you catch sight of Luo Binghe's face out of the corner of your eye, in the bathroom mirror or on the black surface of your phone's screen, just before you turn it on. But when you look twice or turn your phone off again, nothing's there. You call your little sister, to apologize for dropping off the face of the earth for a bit, and you joke about getting too invested in this weird game that might be broken? She hasn't heard of it, but she sounds a little worried as she suggests maybe coming over and taking you out to lunch, or something.
You decline -- she's got a lot on her plate, and she mentioned already having plans earlier -- but then you promise to get some fresh air anyway. But when you go to head out, somehow you find yourself turning away at the last minute. You try again, and yet it's like you just keep getting distracted before you can open the door. After a few tries you give up, swallowing down your growing unease. You take off your shoes and coat. When it comes to it, you really do want to find out what happens to Luo Binghe next.
The game is running.
You don't remember turning it back on...?
The screen is focused on the familiar image of Shen Qingqiu's preserved corpse. You can see Luo Binghe's hand in the frame as well, transferring qi in yet another familiar sequence, the one that seems to run at the end of every in-game day. There's some text.
Is it you? the red letters ask, scrawling and flickering, as if someone is attempting to write directly onto the screen. Are you the one behind all this? Thwarting me at every turn?
Yes/No options appear in the game's usual font and position. You try to click "no", even though you're unsure and feel like you must have missed a scene somehow. But the interface warps and when you hit "no" it changes to Stay Silent.
I can't figure out. Are you here to help me, or get in my way?
Help/Harm. You click "help" but again it changes to "stay silent" afterwards.
What do you want from me?
This time there's no option to select at first. Then, as if being shoved onto the screen by some alternative function, a text box opens up. Like the kind that some games have for implementing cheats or selecting character names. This particular game has never shown such a function before, Luo Binghe's name was locked in and you don't even know if it has cheats. The cursor blinks, and somehow it feels as if you have only one chance, and if you don't take it now, it will be gone forever.
You type in "help" and barely manage to hit enter before the interface blinks out. No list of prompts or possible options appear.
Shizun? the red text scrawls, shakily.
Then the whole game crashes.
You wait, but it doesn't start up again. You try to run it again, but you can't find it on your system, somehow. Really weird. Even if it had crashed, it shouldn't have gotten deleted? But you still can't find it. You start to feel genuinely alarmed. Not only can you not find the game on your system, but when you try and search for it absolutely nothing comes up. You try and go to the online shop page for it, but you can't remember where you actually got it from in the first place, now that you're thinking about it.
What bullshit is this?
What, was the game actually some kind of virus? It couldn't have been. Also who would make a virus like that? You get up and pace, trying to make sense of it.
It's gotta be some kind of mistake. Maybe you've just missed too much sleep, you're not thinking right. You'll take a break and when you come back you'll realize that you were just looking in all the wrong places, somehow.
You head over to the fridge to grab something to eat.
You can't remember the last time you went shopping, but the food in there is probably still fine. Right?
#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#bingqiu#scum villain#long post#shen yuan transmigrates into another new game+ with unhinged frankenbingmei/ge#good luck user!#this system exists to ensure a satisfying gamer experience!#the hell it does#refund! refund!
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I almost do not exist now and I know it; God knows what lives in me in place of me.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Idiot
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