#says himself that relationships between men and women don't work and are only fit to procreate

[worshipfulmercy]

i have so many thoughts about his gender and how he's kind of textually a woman and/or abinary (read tags if interested)

[yelling-space]

sex hcs

// Might be a lil heavy 4 a first post idk??? thought it be a good indicator of what u can expect from me in relation 2 each charter encase that's sming u want 2 avoid tho,

so enjoy this short summary the Main 4s feelings on/relationship with sex and daans here 2 for some reason

none the left over colours fitted Enki so i made him pink 2 spite him

Cw :(Impyed) child prostitution + s/a

Cahara

-whore by birth,slut by choise

-has a hate-love relationship with sex(regardless position) and kinda treats it like a "get out of jail free" card, rellised from a young age the amount of horrble suitions he can get out of if he opens his mouth a lil wider and swings his hips a little

-can be pear pressured/guilted into agreeing 2 sex + for as mutch as hes into and enjoys sex he feels so gross and unclean and not comfy in his own skin after regadles who its with (he will internaly throw up and try 2 rip his skin of if you call him "exotic")

-will cry if he has totally normal fully consensual sane safe sex w a partner/ his wife

-doesnt understand the religious belifes of immodesty or sodomy esply when those higher up dont tend 2 practice what they preach , OPPOSITE of a prude , open whore.

D'arce

-closeted butch top that didnt realize her desire to fuck pretty men was actually her lesbian soul shining through

-lotta her,,,less practical ,vewis on sex stem from deep rooted homophba + was 2 goal oriented and determined 2 became a knight 2 even think about or consider it before espacping the dugon

-full heartedly believed all women harbour a disgust 4 the male sex organ and that coupes just did not have sex endless it was 2 convive a child , as you can imagine she was in for a surprise when discovering that was not the case.

-horrifically inexperienced and guided by her desire to dominate, and thus becomes known for owning The Scary Strap" that medieval men are afraid of

Enki

-Dead body fucker. That Necromancy spell is NOT going to just go too waist ,

-not all that interested in sex in general and never really saw any reason to engage with it when spell books are literally RIGHT there . saying that he most definitely gets of on having something completely under his control regardless what end the "fucked-fucking" scale he's on

- not really into sex with living people + how he's probably kind of inexperienced due to an isolated upbringing hence the want for control over puppeteering a sexual partner (dead body), or the high he gets off inflicting acts of sadism given how his ideas of intimacy have been twisted from childhood

-100%%%%%%% a fucking freek btw just cuz hes not 2 instered in sex dosnt mean hes not a fucking freek man fucks dead people and probs vry mutch into s/m

Rag

-wife kink. you don't understand how much he loves his wife.

-probs thinks sex is something shared between two lovers and is something meant 2 be full of affection and enjoyed by both party's

-probs see's s/a being viewed as something incredibly disrespectful, cowardly and the abuser deserve of death getting his shit kicked in (this is funny because i like 2 imagen rag starts projecting his dead wife onto cahara when he starts 2 lose it in the dungeon)

-did not know sex work existed or brothels were a thing, got jump scared by it when taking cahra back 2 see his wife with the others , he was vry confused and not rly sure where he was MENT 2 look so spent most the time with his eyes glued to the floor, celling or his friends faces (he respects women even if he's not rly sure what's going on)

Daan

-lil sex adictic freek , dosnt even realy enjoy sex that much,just so used 2 it being apart his life hes not entirely sure what 2 do without it,+allows himself to ast least feel incontrol the situion (for once in his life) cus he knows what the goal is and faster he gets it over with faster he'll be left to his own devices again.

-sex is all he rly knowns and grown up around, as well as one the only things hes ever seen actually be meaningful to anybody,regardless there relationships with there partner. but it feels like its something he owes people/doesnt really enjoy it regardless if he acrly wants it or not.

-dosnt proply understand how relationships work or that there's more 2 them then just sex (or that people could even *want* him for more then sex for that matter)

-sex was allways seen as something transactional or something for control - cant have any of that with fagcat, but can at least indulge in it in a way that makes him feel like he's way 2 finally has some small aspect control his life again.

-Honesty like ¾ his sex life is just him being abused by Pocketcat

[autisticbee]

Just saw your newest posts about Dan Vs so would you mind sharing those I need my daily dose

Of Dan Vs thoughts? Sure. Here's some random thoughts & hcs. got a little long oops (I can't remember how to do read more on mobile...)

- Mr. Mumbles is immortal. why? Who knows, but it's a silly cartoon so I get to hc the cute kitty as immortal, alright?

- I've seen ppl joke about dan vs """cancel culture""" but the thing is, I think he'd be all for it. I think he'd find it funny. I mean the dude has his own version of a call out list.

- Dan has hypermobility (1. He mentioned having a double jointed thumb 2. I have hypermobility and I say so)

- Chris is pansexual but doesn't realize it until later in life, he honestly had just not thought about it too hard & had only had a few relationships prior to getting married kinda young, all with women, until something leads to him realizing his feelings for Dan are not entirely platonic & it's just like. Oh.

- Dan on the other hand is pretty openly bisexual, he has a preference for men(projecting 🤪) but has (... slightly) better luck with women (men are more likely to want to kill him)

- something, that's not a life or death situation that gets magically reset, prompts Elise to tell Chris the truth about her job. because I hate the fucking person can't tell their partner they're a spy/agent/superhero/what the fuck ever trope it Feels Bad Scoob and Chris has expressed sometimes feeling a lack of communication between them in the show which ):

- speaking of Elise finds out Chris is part bear but in like the most casual way possible

Elise: I'm thinking of making Chris see a doctor, he gets sluggish and strangely irritable during winter months which makes me wonder if he might have seasonal depression.

Dan: nah, that's just the bear part of his DNA

Elise: the. the what.

- Dan and Elise both have C-PTSD (I don't think I have to explain why Dan does, Elise's is from basically being trained as a child soldier & just that she's likely experienced many traumatic things during her job), Elise copes with it mildly better than Dan but she's mostly just better at putting up a front of normality

- also Dan is obviously autistic. he's undiagnosed and doesn't realize until he's in his 20s or 30s. The discovery of noise cancelling headphones make his life a little bit easier

- Chris is also neurodivergent in some way but I haven't narrowed down the flavor yet 😭

- Dan is a trans man this is fact in my head I won't accept anything else, I have like tried to work out timelines and shit just to make it all fit within canon(yes I know most ppl just go screw canon but I just like making things work within it, I'm weird like that). I can't decide if he's had top surgery(post-job at the chicken place, hence the funny note about it) or he just naturally had a small chest and testeorone "masculinized"(for lack of a better word) it somewhat (cause I did prior to going on multiple medications that I could sometimes pass as having a flat chest). He doesn't want bottom surgery cause he doesn't see the point (slightly nsfw: "until they can give me synthetic semen and a prostate I'm not interested"). again mostly projecting there lmao

EDIT: in case this wasn't clear, I mean he sees no point in it for himself, not that he thinks nobody should have bottom surgery

- Dan is a closeted romantic. This is hinted at in canon imo, the thing with the anger management lady is clearly a metaphor for wanting more than a fling. Dan seems to take his romantic attraction to people very seriously, like with Hortence despite not interacting with her much. also his face when Honey kissed him. he's just secretly a big sap who wants to be loved

- Dan is a catboy in spirit. I say in spirit because he has no idea what a catboy is but he's just sooo kitty cat coded. knocks things off tables when annoyed. plays with toilet paper. claws and bites. I hc he meows as a stim with Mr. Mumbles sometimes. Also he hisses at people.

- I know what Chris said in the family cruise ep but I like to think Chris does actually think of Dan as family, mayhaps the holding out the hand scene was a acceptance or realisation of that, maybe that's what the thing he was going to say but forgot towards the end was. this isn't even really a buddyshipping thing it's just that me personally if my best friend didn't consider me family I'd want to jump off a cliff(/j) so I can't handle the thought (seriously though what was Chris going to say. It haunts me.)

- I'll end this on a fuzzy feelings self indulgent headcanon. Dan, Chris and Elise(+ Mr. Mumbles) become a weird little family of ther own. Dan and Elise are like frenemies, who share the same partner, but also deep down they care for each other. platonic love/hate relationship <3

[crystalsenergy]

the primary archetypes and the 12 zodiac signs (and planets) #1

all images here do not belong to me. Credits to the appropriate authors.

I have long wanted to bring up a relationship that I make of Carl Jung's primary/most important archetypes with the 12 signs and major planets of astrology. Jung talked a lot about the phenomenon of synchronicity and from this I can think of how archetypes are actually present in the collective unconscious as he said. They are universal symbols present in the minds of each one of us, regardless of culture, and translate meanings that we will see present repeatedly (but in different languages) in various places. in Astrology, I can notice the presence of the main archetypes of Carl Jung.

the order of the archetypes and corresponding signs:

Animus - Aries/Mars

Anima - Taurus/Venus

The Child - Gemini/Mercury

The Mother - Cancer/Moon

The Father - Leo/Sun

The Maiden (the virgin) - Virgo/Mercury

The Persona - Libra/Asc-Venus

The Shadow - Scorpio/Pluto

The Hero (the hero) - Sagittarius/Jupiter

The Wise Old (Sage) - Capricorn/Saturn

The Trickster (the rebel) - Aquarius/Uranus

The Self - Pisces/Neptune

and what I find most interesting in this relationship is how the meanings of the signs fit in very well with those of the archetypes, and furthermore, how the order of the archetypes makes a lot of sense thinking in terms of the psyche and human existence. for example: the animus and anima are part of a "pair" of opposite characteristics that we need to know to possess within ourselves. it is said that men have more animus and women more anima, because the first, among many characteristics, is related to rationality, and the second, to sensitivity. well, it's not quite like that. not necessarily a woman has as predominance anima and a man animus. it can happen exactly the opposite, because we shouldn't relate animus with masculine and anima with feminine, this idea is no longer relevant considering the evolutions we made. so, animus and anima in the end is about an exchange that we need to have within ourselves and with outsiders so that we can balance these opposites. in relationships, in special love affairs, what do we do? we seek to balance, even if unaware of it, our characteristics with those of the person we relate to. for it is through exchange that we can evolve. and which signs and planets, better than any other, represent this exchange in astrology? Mars and Venus, respectively as Animus and Anima, and Aries and Taurus, as Animus and Anima.

finally, we can note that the signs are in the same order as the zodiac: from Aries to Pisces, and that this order perfectly matches the order of what we can possess in our psyche.

let's go to the meanings of each archetype, sign and planet:

1. The Animus - Aries / Mars

The "Animus" archetype is related to an internal energy that moves us to live, it's the impetus. It's an inner force that animates us. One of the characteristics of this archetype is to build something with all the energy you have within you, applying efforts after you want to do so. It's an archetype that makes a person capable of solving problems, with a lot of attitude, protagonism, physical and internal strength and a very strong personality. Again remembering: NO, this archetype doesn't represent only men, as this is a somewhat outdated vision. I'm sure you already know or will meet women with a lot more Animus than many men out there - who act like this, not only claim to be such things.

All of us, regardless of gender, may have more or less of this Archetype in us. And when we have too little, it's time to work to establish a balance, integrating more Animus - either through relationships, learning by projecting yourself into those who already have these characteristics, or through your self-knowledge, noting the need to integrate that part that so much is lacking in you - a drive for life, a lust to act and take sides with yourself.

Aries, in turn, exactly resembles the above characteristics. For those who already know the sign, you know what I'm talking about. Aries is the first sign of the zodiac, the one that opens everything, that brings out the need to establish a strong bond between you and your own personality, the one that shows us how there can be someone with the energy to give and sell. Aries is intensity, it's looking at yourself, it's building your identity and personality.

Mars rules Aries, and gives to this sign exactly these characteristics of having a lot of energy, of knowing how to fight for what it wants, a lot of lust for life and for achieving its goals and so on.

2. The Anima - Taurus/Venus

The Anima archetype has characteristics that are opposed to the previous one, but at the same time complement it. Anima is related to sensitivity, with a contact between the external and the internal world. I would say it's more from the outside in and not from the inside out (as it is with the Animus). While the former has within itself what it wants to externalize, the Anima archetype is much more about pulling what is outside to bring it inside.

In other words, there is an exchange between the external and the internal world, not a mere injection of energy into one of them. It's said that Anima is great at nurturing and giving love as it's more sensitive and less focused on her/himself, however, this ability to love is not restricted to others.

Anima is able to appreciate itself, to nourish itself. Precisely because you have emotional contact and this exchange between what's outside and what's inside, you have empathy. It has in itself the ability to relax and enjoy life, feel the energy it has in it and appreciate its meaning. Anima appreciates a balance between giving and receiving. And yes, it has persistence much like Animus, but it's something more controlled in the sense that here there's a weighting before putting in that energy. But when you insert it, it's done with a lot of persistence. These are some of the many characteristics of the Anima archetype.

Taurus is the sign of appreciation of oneself and the other, it's one with a lot of persistence and energy, but much more restrained than Aries, precisely because it's much more cautious than impulsive. It's the sign of sensitivity, love, give and take, nourishment and fidelity. Taurus loves to appreciate the good things life has to offer, from nature to earthly pleasures.

Venus is exactly the one who bestows these characteristics on the sign of Taurus, for ruling it.

3. The Child - Gemini / Mercury

The child's archetype is the beginning of everything - the discovery of the things in life, it's the archetype of innocence, of curiosity. Impulsive, curious, creative, stubborn, extroverted... these are some of the characteristics of children and, yes, they represent very well the meaning of the child archetype (well integrated, without its "shadow" functions activated). Furthermore, the child archetype gives a person the ability to deal with life in a lighter, more playful and fun way, without having such a heavy and serious view of everything. It gives us an ability to nurture our innocent side and has a warm heart ready to make everyone around you feel good.

Gemini relates very well to this given how curious and young this sign is, that even gets the name "eternal youth", for being so playful and simply wanting to live life without too much worry, wanting to live without having much to think about: just living in the present moment. It's a sign of socialization, communication, and there is nothing that children (and Geminis) know how to do more than that: talk with others easily, speak openly and enthusiastically, even with those who don't know, with strangers. Extroverts and eternal curious. Gemini / who has a lot of Gemini in the chart even has a sweet and "childish" voice, even if the person is an adult.

Mercury confers many of these characteristics on Gemini, and so it also relates perfectly to the child archetype.

[mcmusing]

It's often mentioned that Neal's weakness is his lady loves. Honestly, though, this was only true with Kate, his juvenile fixation. Sarah and Alex seemed more helpful than hindering while no one could have predicted how unhinged Rebecca turned out to be. The women mostly bring out his deep desire to put down roots, which seems to be his life goal way more than being a career criminal.

Like Johnny Storm with his older sister, Neal's emotional kryptonite is his surrogate father, Peter.

It's as beautiful as it is engaging that Neal is a romantic, artistic, intellectual con with an awe-inspiring skill set. By the power of irony, it's the salt-of-the-Earth, classic blue collar, traditionally masculine lawman who can tear down all of his smiling facades. The writers had to be careful not to drift Neal over into gary stu territory and Peter fulfills that among many other aspects. The two are both so human around each other, especially during private moments between the two of them. They stay men yet their relationship features interactions normally associated with female friends. Such as Neal giving Peter fashion advice, talking so openly about their lady problems, Peter's eagerness to have another romantically committed guy he can relate to (Peter likely doesn't fit in so well among the bachelor bros), and of course, their physical affection.

Yes, Neal can be defiant with Peter, but that's typically for specific goals. He doesn't try to hack his anklet to party downtown or anything. I believe he's also aware of where the line is with Peter before an action results in punishment or potential lock-up again.

Look at the way Neal speaks to the marshals, non-white collar agents, new bosses, and the rest of law enforcement in general. At best, he regards them as playthings. *None* of that with Peter. They snark and argue, but even then Neal doesn't put up much of a fight. Those moments don't really occur until late season 4. Peter treats him like a partner, but the agent is the alpha.

Not only does Neal not enjoy lying to Peter, doing so makes him fairly stomach sick. It significantly throws off his hypnotic charisma and  persona as well. He has to outright avoid Peter at times because not only is tbe deceit uncomfortable, his father figure can see through his soul from a mile away. When he messes up, Neal is quick to bury himself in work to atone. Not because he's terrified of going back to prison, but because he hates being in disgrace with him. Notably, while Peter never directly apologizes, Neal frequently does.

While Neal loves and respects June and El, there's extra layers to his relationship with Peter. The reason is not the popular opinion of the current day, but it's no less true. There is no substitute for a strong male role model in a boy's life. Do all fatherless guys fail at life? Certainly not. But take a poll and most of them will admit to having a perpetual void because of it. Maternal figures can provide food, love, comfort, and instruction in etiquette, but we canNOT advise them through the difficult journey to manhood beyond how to treat a woman. Observing interactions between an unrelated adult and a younger male showcases this.The attentive awe on the boy's face as the man speaks about various subjects says it all.

Remember that Peter is not only his first real male elder, he's also the only adult to ever make him such a priority. Peter knows more about his CI (Child Informant) than Neal does himself at times.

Neal has Peter propped up on a high pedestal. He thought he could pull a fast one on him in early season 1, but very soon he realized Peter's full capabilities. Neal talks about him with so much reverence- in any context-, adoration, and occasionally intimidation. Even when it frustrates him, he knows Peter and his mean rules are only there to protect him. Compare this to Mike Ross, who adores Harvey Specter, but needs constant reassurance that his mentor cares about him despite all of the ample evidence.

Another reason, often overlooked in these types of discussions, is that Peter is not only his one male role model, but provides the bulk of his platonic affection. Definitely the only one capable of a feel-safe hug. Neal is so naturally affectionate yet he can probably barely remember receiving non-sexual human contact. On top of not wanting to lose his nice life in NY, Neal doesn't want to lose that.closeness. Even when he was on Goodnight Cinderella, Neal admitted to enjoying working with Peter and took his drugged up self straight to the Burkes' house. Seriously, one 'I'm here for you, precious' phone call is enough for anklet-attached Neal to say treasure-smeasure and stay with his fed father.

When Peter was at his angriest with Neal- no, not that irrational scene from No Good Deed- after El's kidnapping, he did the previously unimaginable. He forcefully shoved/pinned Neal and called him an SOB. On Suits, that's called Monday. On White Collar, stuff just got real! When he did it, Neal didn't try to fight back and he appeared more apologetic than afraid. If Peter had gone so far as to strike him- as in, jaw punch, not hand slap- Neal probably would have believed he deserved it.

Okay, now, I'm wondering if this was part of the reason for the boost in affection between them later in season 3. Peter had never gone that furiously far with Neal before and subconsciously wanted to make up for it. It's important to keep in mind how Divine their dynamic is, so it is a strong possibility.

Don't kill yourself.

Do remember you were designed by the Divine 💓

[floatingbook]

Hello. My apologies if this is an inappropriate ask.

Anyways I know straight women can live fulfilling lives without men however I'm struggling to get past this block I guess you could say. I sometimes get a desire to have relationships with men which is natural because that's how attraction works, I know no man could ever be like men in fiction so I don't date them, but sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling of what if I'm making a mistake, could I ever live a wonderful life without men, the answer is yes but I can't get past this internalized misogyny.

My brother told me that I'm making a mistake and I will be miserable and lonely if I don't have a husband and children, it scared me. It still does, I would love to have daughters but no husband or son for the love of god.

Do you know how to overcome this internalized misogyny? It's eating me up inside, I feel so guilty and even ashamed.

Well anon, first of all, you cannot trust any man’s words when it comes to this. Men have way too much to win by making sure that women do stay in their place and act as good little housewife. Of course your brother is going to say that you’re making a mistake, because otherwise it would mean acknowledging how he himself is a terrible prospect for any woman too.

Whenever you make a choice between two opposite propositions, it is normal to wonder about what would have happened or what would happen if you had decided otherwise. You’ll never know unless you rescind your original decision. Here, not having a husband or children doesn’t mean you’re making a mistake or that you’re destined to be miserable and lonely. You could still be perfectly miserable and lonely while married to a man and with children; and a man is not the only solution to loneliness nor is it a guaranteed ticket for a happy life, as you well know.

You don’t owe marriage to any man, nor do you owe children to anyone. You are not born to be a wife nor a mother. Picture yourself in a year, in five, in ten, in twenty. Where do you want to be? You know what you want. Embrace it. Second guessing yourself too much is just going to make your life miserable. Stand by yourself! You are strong enough, smart enough, to make your own decisions, and no one else is more qualified to decide where your life should go.

Given the society we live in, one where women are supposed to marry men and give them children, you’re always going to doubt yourself a little, periodically. Remember who you are, where you stand, and why you made the decisions you made. Remember that you are allowed to live your life in the way you see fit. You’re not living to make your brother, your relatives, or any strangers on the street happy. You’re living for yourself. Put yourself first. You have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about.

[taehyungsbabyygirl]

Socialità

Chapter 1

Genres: Light fluff, tinge of romance and wholesome(?)

Warning(s): The littlest bit of sexual tension if you squint

----------

Fortune, fame, beauty.

Those are the things that people had associated you with.

Who does not know Y/F/N Y/L/N? You're basically in every magazine cover, every Youtube thumbnail and news headline. Surpassing Kylie Jenner as quote unquote The World's Richest Young Businesswoman and even beating Ariana Grande as the most followed female influencer on Instagram.

Who really are you? Well, to explain it simply to people who are unaware of you, your businesses and socialite status, you are the owner of a multi-billion dollar brand.

What started with a small online business at 16 which sells nightwear for women with affordable, cheap prices had bloomed into a luxury brand known for their elegant, classy clothing line, ranging from lingerie to formal clothing such as glamorous dresses to charming suits and tuxedos for both men and women.

The brand name? After years of rebranding, it's finally official that the name is, Socialità. Fitting with your brand's target market which were rich socialites from across the globe. Of course there was a reason for that, considering that the materials were high quality, imported ones such as satin and silk from Japan, Egyptian cotton, and French lace, also the designing and productions team who were amongst the best in the art of fashion and exclusivity of everything that was made under the brand, without a doubt would result in a higher cost of production and simultaneously a higher price for the merchandise itself.

And all this success did not come easy, there were countless times when you wanted to hideaway and give up on everything you had invested on. At the age of 28, you finally got to where you are now, thriving with the business that you had built with your own bare hands from the confines of your own bedroom.

But, there was one thing that you were lacking in, the love department. Although you were pretty much well-known by youngsters to elders alike, luck does not seem to be on your side when it comes to romantic relationships. It's not that you weren't romantic or sweet enough, gosh you are a hopeless romantic actually, but you just somehow fall for the wrong person, time and time again.

All the people you had dated once you established a name in the fashion world were either self-centered jerks or gold-digging leeches who were only there for the fame and riches. It's as if you had dated way more men than Taylor Swift ever had, except, you don't call these people out in songs.

Aside from owning a lavish clothing brand and billions to your name, having to work with socialite circles, had granted you the socialite status too. You'd be lying if you say that no rich bachelor had tried to flirt around with you but, your previous horrible experiences with dating as a successful businesswoman made you put your guard up and in the end turning you into the most sought after bachelorette of the 21st century.

-----

"What??? The Bachelorette?? Gosh guys, that would be a horrible idea." You shook your head, swirling the red wine in your glass before sipping on it.

It was a normal weekend evening for you and your peers aka your personal management team which consisted of Selma, Carrie, Lulu, Trey and Giovanni. Sitting in the dining room of your enormous mansion in Calabasas while drinking cheap wine and munching on Cheeto Puffs.

You just finished ranting about how you are so unlucky in love and that you're almost turning 30, without being cuffed to someone. In your opinion, people in their late 20s had already met that person and having good balance in their work, social and love lives but you're here having a nonexistent love life instead.

Tired of constantly listening to the same rants over and over again, Giovanni proposed that you put yourself in a controversial yet exciting TV show, The Bachelorette.

"Girllll you should give The Bachelorette a try, I mean I know that the show is basically scripted but it seems exciting, no?" Giovanni chirped.

"Oh my god yasssss! I'd have the time of my life if I'm surrounded by a dozen of good-looking hunks!" Carrie joined in and daydreamed.

You snorted and put your glass down on the marble surface of the table.

"Yeah but the men on there are usually insincere and only in it for their 60 seconds of fame and the winner of the show is probably just motivated by money. What difference does it make with me going to a private party or nightclub and getting to know dudes there?" You retorted; brow raising to your two friends.

"Sis, the difference is, these men would have to submit a form regarding their background and audition for the show! If you want, we could even be your reps during the audition. We know who are the best people for you!" Selma answered your rhetorical question while pouring herself another glass of wine. She's your PA and bestie so she knew how to reply with the same energy as yours.

Sighing deeply with your fingers pinching your nose bridge, you thought once, twice, thrice and made your decision. Well, what's the worst that could happen right?

"Fine, fine! I'm in with the idea. But if this thing goes south, I.Am.Out." The dominant businesswoman persona in you presented herself whilst the others, especially Giovanni, cheered upon your agreement with their idea.

-----

After months of preparations for your big reality TV debut, it was finally the day for the first week of The Bachelorette. Although you're the one being the prize and the one being chased, you felt uneasy and nervous to meet the men who had passed the auditions to become contestants.

"Don't worry! Me and Giovanni made sure that we only let the best ones pass the audition. And when I say the best ones, I meant, socialites, doctors, businessmen and even kinsmen of royalty!"

"Only the best for our QUEEN!"

Those were the words that came out of Selma and Gio's mouths. Thankfully you have these reliable people to help filter through the applicants of the program. If you gave the show's producers 100% control over who comes in and comes out of the show, it'll be a hot mess and they'd probably choose the men based on their looks and bulkiness but not necessarily the brains and skills.

Throughout the audition process, all of the men's background and names were kept a secret from you by Selma and Gio, it'll be a surprise, they said and you trusted them with it.

Sitting at the back of a limousine alone, you started to fidget with the dangling diamond of your earring subconsciously; a habit that you developed whenever you had cold feet.

The vehicle was heading towards the villa where the first meeting would happen between you, the bachelorette and your suitors.

You and the production team had discussed about how the first meeting would be. You thought that the idea of having to stand in front of the villa's front door while the men arrive in limos were quite cringy and not to mention time-consuming and unnatural so you proposed the idea of having the men arrive in a first come first serve basis and sit in numbered rooms in the villa while awaiting you. In that way, you could see who was punctual and who was late. But the catch is, the contestants only have 5 minutes to chat up with you and leave a good first impression.

-----

Alas, you finally reached the villa and stepped out of the automobile. Your dress was a satin, rosé coloured one with a modified A-line, basque waist and halter neckline; glamorous yet not over the top, suitable for a socialite like you.

Not wasting any time, once the cameras started rolling, you entered the ginormous villa and headed upstairs to the rooms, knocking the door gently before entering the space.

The first man you met was Kim Namjoon, he introduced himself as an engineer, a sound engineer. He was confident from the get go and eloquent too.

"Hmm an engineer ay?" You propped your head with the palm of your hand; leaning against the couch's back pillows.

"Yeah.. My family insisted I do that. I wanted to be a musician at first, and that's why I took up sound engineering now." He gave out a dimple smile which you couldn't help but grin at. They're adorable.

You liked his presence and how outspoken he was but sadly the 5 minutes were before you knew it.

Next, you met up with a gentleman named Im Jaebum. A winery owner. He gave you a warm hug from the first time you entered the room.

"I heard that you're a wine conoisseur yourself Y/N? I'd love to take you to Napa Valley where my winery is. I'm sure we'll have a blast there." He smiled and acted a bit smug.

"That sounds like a plan.. I'm not a person who would say no to wine." You replied with a light wink, returning the smugness to him.

Continuing on, after Jaebum, you entered a room which looked bigger than the previous two you'd been in.

By the big window, there was a man with broad shoulders who introduced himself as Kim Seokjin, as he turned around, he greeted you and pecked your hand.

"Nice to meet you I'm Kim Seokjin, just call me Jin." He smiled softly, inviting you to sit down next to him.

"Nice to meet you too Jin.. So what do you do?" You asked carefully; quite intrigued by how good-looking he is with the slicked back hairstyle he has.

"Well I'm a professor of English and Korean Literature. Probably one of the most uninteresting jobs among the other guys." He timidly admitted; being quite humble.

You immediately disagreed with his statement, telling him that literature components are fascinating and that educating people about it is a magnificent job.

Afterwards you conversed with a man named Park Jinyoung. He was also extremely dashing and he's a car dealer. But not just any car, the ones he sells are top brands such a Lamborghini, Maserati, Tesla and Ferrari.

"My job is amazing. Good money, good image, but there was something missing and I think we both could relate to that, we both are looking for love." He half-bragged which didn't really impress you but you agreed nonetheless.

As you politely excused yourself to move on to the next room, where the man was leaning back and scrolling through his phone. Fair skin and contrasting ebony coloured hair.

This guy gave off a cold vibe to you but that made you even more intrigued to get to know him.

"Hi..." You sat on the couch with him and he gave a small smile as he put his phone the side.

"Min Yoongi.. Nice to meet you." He extended his hand out to shake yours. A pretty formal greeting despite the consequences you two were in at the moment.

You two kept the conversation going by talking about your jobs and background. Everything you asked, he answered in all honestly and you liked that. The push-and-pull game was a fun one to play but with Yoongi, the small talk you had was chill and relaxed, the most natural one you had the whole night.

Up next was a kind looking male, taller than Yoongi who seem to be nervous about meeting you for the first time.

"Hello!" You greeted him with a bright smile to ease his anxiousness.

"Hi, hi.. I'm Mark Tuan. I'm an artist.." He abruptly greeted you back.

"Ooh! Like musically or..?" You tilted your head.

"Visually.. I draw and paint."

You led the conversation with the man since he looked very hesitant and awkward the whole time.

The next room had a bubbly and energetic man who was basically radiating good vibes as you entered the room. His name was Jung Hoseok. As you peeked into the room, he immediately walked towards you and gave you tight bear hug with a huge smile plastered on his face.

"Well besides my job as a paediatric specialist, I also enjoy dancing. Do you like to dance?" He jumped off the seat and proceeded to pull you up with him to playfully salsa. His actions made you laugh happily.

"You're so spontaneous!" You hit his chest lightly, still laughing at you guys' actions.

After the exciting interaction between you and Hoseok, you had to calm down and lower your expectations again after it skyrocketed because of the doctor earlier.

That's when you met a muscular man, if Hoseok earlier had radiated good boy vibes, this one radiated bad boy vibes.

He was Jackson Wang, a well-known socialite who is the heir of Wang Co. Ltd. A company which sells electronics such as smartphones, tablets and computers.

"Hello.." You said softly, slightly intimidated by the man's comparably bigger size to you.

"Hello, pretty lady." He took your hand in his and kissed it just like Jin had but his way of executing it was different. The male kissed each of your knuckle and it got you culture shocked.

"Oh wow.. Okay.." You laughed awkwardly as you looked at the man kiss your hand.

The conversation went well with him despite you noticing that he was practically staring at your with those deep brown eyes while you spoke about yourself to him.

The sexual tension was there and you were hoping, praying that the next man would tone down a bit and let you relax, thankfully custom jeweler, Park Jimin did.

"I'm a jeweler.. And can I just say, I adore these diamonds. You have remarkable taste." He proceeded to run his hand gently through the diamond earring you were wearing.

"Thank you! And I absolutely adore this choker you have on.." You reciprocated his action which made him smile softly.

Next up was the room of a private jet pilot named Choi Youngjae.

"Nice to meet you Y/N! I hope we could create good memories here. I'd love to bring you on a helicopter and show you the aerial view of California." He mused but you're not entirely impressed but acted as if you were in order to not hurt his feelings.

"Aww I'd like that. The view must be amazing!" You cringed at your own words but smart enough to mask it.

Hmm, you foresee someone who's potentially going to go home first in this show. His words lacked personality and character and not well thought.

Come on, you obviously had rode a helicopter and saw the aerial view of California. You ride it to work whenever the traffic is congested. He could at least thought of another country or state but instead he settled with Cali, the state where you are based in.

Disappointed, you moved on to the next room, surprisingly, the atmosphere was different, the area was dimly lit and the man sitting on the chair had his legs spread.

"Hi.." He spoke with a deep, low voice that caused you to bite your lip.

"Hello.." You smiled amidst the tense situation, making your way towards him.

"Kim Taehyung.. Fashion designer and owner of TH Couture." He answered without you asking.

The male was quite blunt but his demeanor was alluring. There was a mysterious aura circling him, totally someone to keep an eye on. The conversation was as intense as Jackson's but the two of you had the same interest which was fashion so you didn't feel as awkward as when you were with Jackson.

After Taehyung, it is down to three more people, you were already losing momentum and excitement as you already had spoken to 11 men that night. Before entering the next room, you took a deep breathe and loosen up your shoulders.

In the room was a man, he looked the most different, he had a lengthy name, a Thai one.

"Kunpimook Bhuwakul, but just call me Bam Bam.. I know my name's quite long and I'm also more comfy with Bam Bam.." He bowed to you like a gentleman and smiled handsomely at you.

"That's an adorable name! Bam Bam huh?" You sat down and grinned at the latter.

"You think so? You're adorable-er" He winked at you and caught you off-guard.

As the five minutes of jokes and flirty pickup lines ended, you bid farewell to the Thai man, little did you know that the person you just talked to was related to the Thai royal family.

Entering the 2nd last room, there was a tall man, looking around the well-furnished room but as soon as you came in, his attention diverted to you.

He greeted you with enthusiasm, introducing himself as Kim Yugyeom, an app developer and gaming streamer.

"Gosh you're pretty." He said straight-forwardly while smiling brightly and hugging you snugly.

"And GOSH you're tall!" You replied with those words and the same smile as what he had on his face. At this rate, reciprocation is really your best friend when you don't know how to react or reply to a certain remark from the suitors.

You talked about the apps Yugyeom had developed and the variations amazed you. He had created tons of apps such as games, workout apps, e-commerce platforms, online stores and sorts. But when he started talking about games, you began to lose interest in the chatter. Games weren't your strongest suit but you were happy that he is passionate about them and sharing it with you.

Finally! The last room! Which meant that this person is the last person to arrive to the villa. You wonder who this latecomer is and when you got into the area, your eyes widened.

Jeon Jungkook? He was somebody you had worked with and still actively working with. He is the person in charge of the photography and videography for Socialità and seeing him on The Bachelorette is a huge surprise.

"Wait.. JK?" You didn't know how to react.

"Hey! There's my girl!" He walked towards you with his bunny smile and gave you a hug. You couldn't believe that this was happening, Selma and Gio must've put him in to pull a prank on you.

"One question. Why?" You laughed in disbelief.

"Can't a man try?" He questioned back cheekily.

You two continued the conversation casually without any awkwardness as the two of you had known each other already. That was when you got to know that he had taken a liking on you ever since you two started working together. Everything he told you had sounded sincere so far.

-----

After the first meetings were over, all the men were put in the lounge to get to know each other's competition while you were interviewed by the crew regarding your first impressions of all of your suitors.

"Well everyone was pleasant. But there were a few who didn't pass my vibe check. I guess we just gotta see how it goes." You gave an ambiguous answer to the camera.

"Who do you think caught your eyes the most?" Henry, the producer asked.

"Hmm.. I don't want to seem bias, I mean this is the 1st episode after all but... Hoseok was fun to be around.. Jackson came off very strong. And well Jungkook too of course!"

"You seem to know him.." The producer stated.

"Yes yes.. We actually work together.. I didn't know that he'd want to participate in this show too." You shrugged and flashed a pearly white smile.

"Do you see anyone who might be going home soon?"

"Oof.. That's a dangerous question. That'd probably be ..."

To be continued (3 March, 12 AM, KST)

Author's note: Sorry for the delay guys! I underestimated the length of this chapter but I hope you guys like it! Don't forget to like and reblog this to show support! Also follow so you don't miss out on updates! This chapter is more of an introductory chapter so we'll be seeing more action and interaction between Y/N and de boyzzz.

Who do you think would be eliminated first?

Tagging @aretha170

[fonulyn]

So my partner is amazing and let's me ramble about RE to them whenever I want to, and even sat down to watch Vendetta with me when I bought it, so the other day I was like explaining Leon and Chris' characters (bc my partner knows how much I love them both lmao so of course that's what I was talking about), and we have both come to the conclusion that Leon is a bisexual disaster, and Chris is a homosexual. The running joke is that Leon is also just generally a whore, out there living his best life, and Chris is the kind of gay guy who no one expects to be gay bc of stereotypes and his habit of never really talking about himself, but he also was never really in the closet about it, so he's surprised whenever people are surprised to learn that he's gay lolol but in all seriousness Leon is not only bisexual, but he's the type to fall in love easily despite all of his background and trauma related to betrayal, so his heart is almost continually broken, either bc he's betrayed or he loses whoever it is he's found himself in love with (and sometimes both i.e. Krauser, and Ada at the end of RE2), either through death or just leaving bc he knows he can't stay/can't be with whomever. As for Chris, maybe I'm reading into it wrong, but despite all of the like, romantic connotations they try to put into some of his games (which I don't. Really see? Like there was some in the first game with Jill but I just cannot see them together like that, neither seem interested in one another like that. And of course, Jessica, who I can't stand, and who Chris is supposedly totally oblivious to? Like she thinks he didn't notice her flirting in RE revelations, and Parker is like "is it that, or is he maybe interested in someone else?" And the assumption there is that he means Jill, but again, I don't see it? Even in that game! But that line of Parker's always makes me think "yeah, he's more than just interested in someone else, he's playing for a whole nother team entirely!" lmao. And I haven't seen much for 5 but I'm sure it's there between Chris and Sheva, and then for 6 from what I understand there really is hardly any talk of Chris in regards to any women at all? 8 has nothing, as well, and the DLC for 7 is just another "Chris loses his entire team in horrific fashion yet again" side plot, so nothing there either), he never seems interested. He's always focused on the task at hand, not letting emotions get in his way, and like, some could argue that that's why he doesn't show interest or why Capcom doesn't create more romantic lore around him, but if they really wanted to Make Sure he was straight and Make Sure everyone playing these games knew that, I imagine there would be some one line little hints in the games of him talking about how he can't let himself get distracted, or in his line of work there are no happy endings or what have you, but. There's none of that. Bc he isn't forcing himself not to be interested, he isn't purposefully focusing on saving the day so he doesn't have to get hurt knowing he can never have whichever high potential for a dope ass protag female character who's constantly sacrificing herself to save him bc what better purpose could they serve, right Capcom?, he's just. There, doing his job and trying to save whoever he can, not getting distracted in anyway whatsoever by any of the women in his life, romantically at least. He still cares way too much, but it never comes off as romantic to me in pretty much any way. Also the note he leaves in his STARS locker in RE2remake, Claire being like "this doesn't sound like Chris at all!" Is funny to me bc like, I don't really remember so correct me if I'm wrong, but she doesn't elaborate on WHY that note doesn't sound like Chris lmao is it bc he's respectful to women at all times and doesn't ever objectify them, probably hates when other people do? Or is it bc he would never be interested in women in this way ANYWAYS, the man is so gay, he must have left this note so that Claire would know something is Up, bc her brother is Such a homosexual.

Anyways sorry, I just wanted to ramble/get your opinion on this. Over-analysing RE is actually really fun lmao

haha not gonna lie, I opened your ask in the car on the grocery store parking lot and tried to read it on my phone, and gave up squinting at the small screen halfway through :'D now that I'm back at my laptop though, lol, all good :'D

first of all I'm happy you have someone to ramble to even though they aren't into the thing themselves! :D I regularly rant about RE fandom things to my brother haha and he listens patiently although he isn't in the fandom at all, he's only played the games and that's it. but he still listens to my shippy rambles lol.

as for your thoughts? makes sense to me tbh. I definitely headcanon Leon as a bisexual disaster most of the time, because it does seem fitting. maybe it's partly because I think he's absolutely breathtakingly stunning and it'd be a shame to deny anyone that, so, naturally he wouldn't care about such trivial things as gender, pfth, love is love.

also Leon falling in love easily? absolutely. too damn easily. c'mon this is a man who gets attached to anyone who shows him even the tiniest amount of basic kindness in the matter of minutes. he canonically forms attachments with Claire, Ada, Krauser, Helena, Buddy and JD (JD 😭)... whoever else am I forgetting? but this is the guy who meets someone and would die for them five seconds later. so. it tracks.

and you know what, I can 100% see Chris being only into men. because like. I don't see the romance there either when he's interacting with the women in his life? okay, sure, I could imagine something there between him and Jill if pressed seeing the way he so single-mindedly wants to save her and then holds her in the scene after they get that thing off her chest. maybe. but even there it doesn't really feel super romantic to me, personally.

in the first game with Jill there's not... a lot of romance I don't think? sure she falls asleep against his shoulder in the evac helicopter but i mean, i've fallen asleep against a friend like that? not an indication of romance? they're clearly important to each other! i am not trying to diminish their importance to one another at all! they'd die for each other and they'd do anything it takes to protect each other and i do think their relationship is compelling but... i don't really see anything inherently romantic in it.

and Jessica, yeah, Chris is 100% oblivious to her advances. it is implied in the game that he's into Jill instead but other than that there's again zero actual romantic interaction between Chris and Jill. I was actually talking about this with my brother, who said the same, like there were so many chances in Revelations to put something romantic in there between Chris and Jill but there just. isn't? anything? except for Parker's comment. which is why it felt so damn out of place? (and like my brother would've wanted to ship Chris and Jill, he was kinda bummed about this i feel :'D) so interpreting it to mean he's not interested in women at all would actually make more sense lmao.

as for RE5, I've played it twice (with my brother lmao do we see a theme here) and honestly I don't remember anything in the game that would've insinuated anything more than solid partnership between Chris and Sheva?? if someone who's more familiar with the game wants to correct me on this, then please! but at least off the bat I can not remember anything so I think they actually didn't try to even hint at romance for them?

and in RE6 Chris is way too focused on killing "Ada" to have any thoughts about anything else :'D so no. no mentions in there regarding him and any women. at all. not even hints of Jill which is so incredibly weird (and stupid tbh) bc she was made to be so important to him in RE5 and then doesn't even get a mention in RE6? (/shakes fist damn you capcom! the characters exist outside the games they're in!)

I think that's pretty much the main difference between Chris and Leon tbh. Chris sees the job at hand, and he knows it'll help, he knows it'll save people and it'll make the world safer and he's so single-mindedly focused on the job that he sees nothing else. while Leon sees people, for the better or for worse, and he is willing to take detours if it helps even one person in the meantime. like in RE6, Leon willingly ignores the task at hand to go help just about anyone. Chris doesn't want to pause even when pressed bc he has an end goal in mind.

and bear in mind, I am not trying to say this somehow makes Leon better or Chris better or anything. they're both doing this to help. they both have their heart in the right place. they both care. but they're just so different! their personalities, and their way of dealing with things is different! I feel Chris is really target oriented and wants to get the job done. while Leon's easily distracted from it, because of all the damn feelings :'D

but yeah. i love them both, and i think it's really damn fascinating how they're both the good guys, the heroes of the franchise, but they both take to things so differently.

i don't know if any of this makes sense, I think i rambled too :'D but hey-o, it was fun lmao.

and hey no need to apologize at all!! always feel free to shoot me a message if you wanna chat!

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Three [PT. 1]

Words: 3k

Warning(s): explicit language, drug abuse

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NIKKI

1987

I throw another drink back not long after yelling obscurities at Viv as she stomped out of VIP to leave and go home, between more lines of blow, a trip to the bathroom to get a fix and some drinks, we decide to take the party to Steven's new place. 

"You guys just can't be too loud, though, got it?" He says as sternly as he can as we get inside and he fumbles for his key. 

"Alright, alright, alright," I mumble, stepping inside, grabbing his bottle of Jack off the counter before getting comfortable on the floor by the window. 

We all talk--as best we can--for a little while, Steven and the boys making some calls to get some dealers here, and the only thing on my mind is getting a potent fix, until I hear something...very faint, very familiar...very, very, familiar...I furrow my brows to focus more, ignoring the guys' laughter and voices, my eyes training on the wall opposite of me. 

My subconscious puts it together before my conscious does, like smelling a blanket from a childhood home and immediately being taken back before your brain can quite grasp the feeling. 

Multiple memories shrouding that sound of Vivian that only she can really pull off. 

It doesn't take rocket science equation solving skills to put together why I'm currently hearing her soft, pretty moans carry on next door. 

I'm pretty sure more members of Guns, aside from Steven, are staying here right now. 

Apparently Stevie hears it not long after and slips into the next suite, where the sound is coming from, that's connected to his suite. 

I don't hear it anymore after he gets back in here. 

"Dealer's coming or what?" I ask Steven, my high starting to get blowed from the fact that my wife is next door on her back for someone who isn't me. 

I'd be jealous if I weren't numb to it by now.

"They're all tied up, man." Steven tells me and I groan, thinking for a second. 

An idea comes to mind that makes me want to bang my head against the wall, but I'm desperate and left with no option at this point. 

"I know a guy," I mumble, dragging myself up to the phone in the little kitchen area, reluctantly dialing a number I never wanted to dial again. 

It rings once...twice...three times… 

"Hello?" He answers and I roll my eyes. 

"'Sup man, it's Nikki." I reply, trying to put on my best "friendly" voice, even though it's making my blood boil that the bastard I could see myself killing is ultimately the one that's gonna be able to save the day. 

"Hey, dude." He replies. 

"Me and a few buddies of mine are out here at the Franklin Plaza Suites and need a few things." I rub the back of my neck. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

It's quiet, and he reluctantly breathes out. 

"I'll see what I can do." I can hear the satisfaction in his voice that I'm having to call him. 

Within the next forty minutes there's more people here than I'm comfortable with, groupies, and hangerson, and other drug adoring morons, and then my saving grace comes through the door once Steven lets him in. 

Slash is already slipping into a Jack induced stupor. Sally came in a few minutes ago screaming at all of us guys for leaving her at the Cat House. 

We didn't even realize we'd forgotten her. 

She's in the bathroom, probably keeping herself in there to keep from starting an argument with Slash in front of everyone. 

Robbin's on the phone with Laurie.

Apparently it's just in men's nature to get fucked up, call our wives, and profess our undying love for them despite the fact we cheat on them nearly every time we hangout with our friends. 

I wonder what would happen if I went in there on her and Duff right now. 

What would she say? 

Probably nothing. 

She'd just look at the floor and try not to cry, probably. 

What would I do? 

I know that I know what's going on between them, but if I actually walked in and saw them together, caught in the act…

I'd either be a pussy and cry over it, or kill them both--him first and make her watch, and then just slowly torture her or something. God, I'm fucked up. Even though I'm pretty sure being married to me is torture enough to her. 

I know it's torture to me, too. 

"Here dude," Sparkie hands me a syringe and a spoon, and I look at him, too out of focus to concentrate on getting it right. 

"Fix me." I say to him and he scoffs. 

"Okay, dude." He starts getting it ready and I look at that wall again. Staring at it, taking a sip of my drink. 

Fucking Vivian. 

Of course. Her. Of all the women I've hooked up with and dated in my life, she--the most harmless, at least in my dumbfuck mind when I first met her--is the one to screw me over like this. 

And I've let her. 

If I did what Vince does to Sharise and have that whole, "no hanging out with your boy friends without me" rule, this wouldn't even be an issue. 

That's the problem. Somewhere along the way I loosened her leash a little too much and now she's chewed her way through it entirely. 

"You look like you're in hell, you know," Sparkie tells me, fixing the tourniquet around my arm… "But that's okay, you're about to be in heaven in just a few seconds." He assures me. 

I know he's right. I just need to hang on to that. 

In just a few seconds, I'll be--

I hear Vivian, again, and I reach around my neck and grab onto her cross I've been wearing for weeks, now, squeezing it at the sting of the needle going into my skin. 

I feel him shoot me up, my mind waiting to chase and catch the high that I just know is about to come. 

My fingers slip from the crucifix, and I feel myself fall back before a weightless feeling washes over me.

Present

I keep rereading the damn paper, repeatedly, trying my hardest not to throw a fit...

Nikki Sixx and his wife, Vivian, recently confirmed that she is indeed pregnant issuing a simple and straightforward,"Yes, it's true," statement earlier this week through Nikki's manager, and--as speculated--her pregnancy is not with Nikki. Many fans and some friends of the couple are blown out of the water by this sudden turn of events, others who are familiar with the rockstar and his band but never really paid much attention to his personal relationships, are now curious as to who exactly Vivian Sixx is. Well, in an open letter, rumored to be intended for print in Rolling Stone, a few anonymous former roadies of Mötley Crüe--who partook on their Girls, Girls, Girls, tour in 1987--are here to introduce who they saw behind the scenes of flashing cameras and public sweet moments with husband Nikki. 

"This is a letter to Mötley Crüe fans, we're a mere handful of people out of the many who witnessed monstrosities behind the scenes while on tour with the Crüe since Summer of 1987, none of which were caused by the band or any members, themselves, but one woman in particular. We had no reason to really bring any of this up, but in light of recent news, we are disheartened and angered of the betrayal against one of the four men who gave us an opportunity to live several months in our lives that will forever impact us in the best way known, and provide heartwarming memories by the dozen. This is not an attack on Nikki Sixx, especially given his past struggles with opioid addiction, alcoholism, as well as his abusive wife. The first time we met Vivian, she was polite and friendly, but very assertive. It was obvious it would be her way or no way,  and often times she and Nikki would go back and forth with who was running things. It was obvious Nikki was unwell at times, whether it'd be hungover, sick from withdrawal or simply tired from a show the night before. Vivian would choose these times when he was at his most exhausted to pick fights with him. He'd tell her to go away or 'f**k off,' and she'd continue to verbally and mentally beat him down more than he clearly already was. When Rolling Stone came to interview the band shortly after the wild rumor Vanity started publicly, we were told Vivian had tried to physically attack the reporter working on the story, simply because he made the comment that Pepsi wasn't good for her. Small things like that would often set her off, leaving security, managers, and band members to try to dodge fists while pulling her off of her unsuspecting victim, who was typically Nikki. Many times we'd hear them arguing in the hotel rooms, dressing rooms, bathrooms, tour bus, etc., usually followed by sounds of what we can only describe as 'pitchy, hungry, pornstar moans' on her part--clearly using her body to get back in his good graces after wearing him down. After their fights, Nikki would always have a bottle of alcohol on hand, some kind of drug, and would keep to himself. Our comradery with him soon began to dwindle with each month because it was obvious she was beginning to suck the life out of him. He was more introverted overtime, and higher more often than he was at the beginning of the tour. It really got bad when Guns N' Roses came on tour for a month, because Vivian's attacks on him and the other members of Mötley Crüe, began to pop off as randomly and explosively as fireworks. We'd witness some foul exchange (brought on by Vivian)  between her and Nikki backstage, either verbal or physical, nearly every night. People can talk down on the Crüe for being bad boys, but they've shown everybody that's helped them on tour, gratitude. All the wives and girlfriends that would come on that we'd offer food and drinks to would always express gratitude with a smile and a warm heart, but Vivian would always stay silent and cold towards us. She's a trashy, bitchy, whiney, hateful, spiteful, conniving, plotting python that now has her cold-blooded grasp around not only Nikki's neck, but also Duff's. Her game is to find the most well rounded guys while maintaining under her guise that she's a kind, Christianly woman, and see how far she can push them until they work themselves to death, literally, with trying to please her. We aren't surprised that she's pregnant, she probably video taped herself conceiving the damn thing and sent it to Nikki. We hope she did so it can be practice  for her inevitable low-budget porn career when she runs out of rockstars to f**k and kill, as we've mentioned, she already sounds like one in the throws of passion. Anyway, Nikki, we're hoping you decide to kick her aside and start fresh. Duff, get a paternity test, dude. Crüe fans, don't let that red-headed bitch fool you."

"Who the hell is Page Six to give these bastards a platform in the first place, Doc?!" I snap.

"Nikki, I am handling it, I'm on it--"

"--You tell the L.A. Times and Rolling fucking Stone if they take this shit and run with it, too, I'm personally coming to their offices and fucking them up. Not the publications themselves, but the people trying to put this out there in print, individually." I hiss.

"Nikki, just--" 

"--And who the hell--what roadies did this?!" 

"I don't know, Nikki, but I'm trying my hardest to get it cleaned up." He assures me. 

"'She's a trashy, bitchy, whiney, hateful, spiteful, conniving, plotting python that now has her cold-blooded grasp around not only Nikki's neck, but also Duff's. Her game is to find the most well rounded guys while maintaining under her guise that she's a kind, Christianly woman, and see how far she can push them until they work themselves to death, literally, with trying to please her'?!" I read that snippet, just so he can be reminded how fucked this is, trying my hardest not to start pitching a fucking fit. 

"Fucking AJaxx isn't even cleaning this up! Press mongrels are gonna be humping these bastards legs for giving them sales for the next nine months!" I outburst. 

"Sixx, don't worry about it, alright? It won't go past this shitty Page Six story, okay?" 

"It's fucking horse shit." I ignore him, trying to keep my cool. "Fuck." I kick at the leg of the table, running a hand through my hair.

"I guess one decently positive thing is that Viv doesn't know about this," he says next and I shake my head a little, feeling a migraine starting to come on, strong. 

I was tempted then to check myself out of rehab and 'handle' it myself, but decided it wouldn't be worth it. I hoped it would go away and it would all blow over eventually.

"Vivian, don't listen to any of it, alright? Me and you and everyone on that tour know damn well it wasn't just you being a bitch and us being the innocent victims." I say through the phone as Viv tries to calm down, her breathing shaky and ragged from crying so much. 

"I know that but the fans and other people don't know that." She says to me, her voice quiet and tired. "I'm so embarrassed, Nikki." She adds. "I'm already embarrassed that everybody knows I cheated on you but now this whole thing…" she trails off and I feel guilt tug at my heart. 

I don't know what the fuck to say. 

I'm used to criticism from the press, but none of them have tore into me or any of the guys--except Vince after the Razzle accident--so personally and extensively as they're tearing at her. 

Calling me a devil worshipper and saying my music is shitty gets annoying and frustrating and even infuriating at times, but attacking my wife and calling her a low budget porn star and telling me to kick her aside? 

Fuck that. 

"I'm sorry, Viv. I really am." I assure her, honestly, closing my eyes when I hear her stifle a little sob out. "Where are you at right now?" I ask. 

"Duff wanted me to meet his family." She tells me. "I'll be back Saturday." 

I'm relieved she actually has a reason for not being here, but I'm also hurt that she didn't give me a heads up. But I don't want to talk about it right now. I think she's been punished enough today. 

"Okay...you didn't show yesterday and I was just worried." I admit. 

"I know, it was just a spur of the moment thing. He asked me last week and I didn't think it'd be an issue." 

"Oh." 

I glance around and let out a breath. 

"I, um, I'm gonna go. I got a group thing with the guys at 3:00." I tell her. 

"Okay." 

"Are you gonna be okay or do I need to break out and kick someone's ass?" I ask her, half-joking, and she laughs, making me smile. 

"I'll be okay." She tells me. 

"I'll see you next week, Sixx." 

I can practically hear the smile in her voice when she says, "see you next week." 

We hang up and I rub my lips together, taking a few deep breaths before heading to where me and the guys meet with Amber three times a week now. 

Tommy and Vince are waiting for me, and I plop down beside them, leaning forward, elbows on my knees, hands running over my face…

"Psst," Tommy nudges me and I look at him as Vince gets up to grab a cup of coffee. 

"What?" I ask him, and he puts his finger over his mouth. 

"You seen the shit they're on Vivian for?" He whispers and I furrow my brows, looking around. 

"The room is empty except us, dude, why are you--"

"--Shh," he says. 

"Why are you whispering?" I finish my sentence. 

"Because they probably have this motherfucker bugged out the ass." He replies, glancing around again. "I'm thinking of breaking outta here, man." He whispers very, very quietly. 

"You do know we're not being held here by legal obligation, right? They won't chase us down and have the cops on us if we just check ourselves out." I point out and he furrows his brows a little. 

"Oh." 

"Why do you wanna 'break out'?" I ask. 

"I miss Heather and my dogs and I wanna be able to be there Viv, dude. She fucking needs us right now and we're, like, over an hour away--disconnected from shit. I mean we wouldn't even know what the fuck was going on in the world if Doc wasn't keeping us in the loop, ya know?" 

I think about it for a second. 

"We're over a month into our three month stay, dude." I state. "We can't just throw in the towel, now." 

"I don't mean ditch it and stay gone. I just mean check out for a few days, go back home, see what all is going on and come back." He shrugs. 

It seems oddly appealing. 

Way too appealing, actually. 

"I don't know, Tommy…" I rub the back of my neck.

"I already talked to Vince about it and he's down."

"Of course he is." 

"And we wouldn't be doing it tomorrow or anything. I'm thinking next week." 

"Does Doc know?" I ask. 

"Fuck Doc." He scoffs. 

"Agreed." I nod, chuckling. 

"So, you in or not, man?" 

"Just for a few days?" 

"Just for a few days." 

"Then we're all coming back in?" 

"Like we never left to begin with." 

"No drugs, no parties, not even alcohol." 

"Just spending time with our families and then back to the grindstone." He states. 

"...I'm in."

 ...You know when you're on a shitty diet, eating boring, tasteless, "healthy" food, and then decide you've been stuck to your diet long enough that you can have one slice of cake because you're disciplined enough to control yourself? And now, two years later, you're still telling yourself you'll get back on your diet because after that slice of cake you just said, "fuck it," and never thought about forcing yourself to eat lettuce again? Let's just say leaving rehab prematurely works the same damn way.

[starship-imzadi]

S5 E12 Violations

This opening immediately brings to mind the "repressed memories" craze in psychology in the 1980's and 1990's. The "fad" has since become regarded as incredibly harmful and dangerous as human memory can be quite malleable and undependable. A lot of people were treated to believe they had repressed memories of horrible abuse and sexual trauma in their childhoods, made horrible accusations, for events that never actually happened. Not only do these fabrication create real trauma and ruin relationships, they also delegitimize the actual trauma and abuse others have suffered and very much remembered from their childhoods.

Now, that isn't quite applicable to this episode, but this episode has some heavy moments and perhaps the worst abuse, out of all the abuse, Troi suffers through the series, and I want to address it the best I can.

"father, you know you're not supposed to probe someone's memory unless they've given you permission."

A.k.a. you have to get consent

"you are right, but sometimes with a beautiful woman I cannot help myself."

Red flag?! But not the red flag we're looking for. (Still: not appropriate) Beverly's laugh doesn't seem like acceptance to me, rather it's the socially acceptable way for women to cope with remarks that certain men think are flattering but are actually creepy. In a post #metoo world my hope is that as a society this is understood better than when this episode aired. I'm sure for many women it's just as evident as it ever was.

To be clear, this memory reading isn't sexual. What it is, is intimate. For whatever reason no other type of telepathy in Star Trek is depicted as a high form of intimacy, except for the now forgotten telepathic link that Troi and Riker have (which was formed because of the closeness of their relationship). But, to have access to someone's mind would be an incredible vulnerability, the sharing of one's mind a great intimacy, and the invasion of one's mind a great violation. A strong analogy for these is sexuality.

I want to make this distinction because there are violations and intimacies that are not sexual, and I think allowing for a broader analogy makes this a stronger story.

This conversation between Geordi and Data about memory feels like exposition to explain the concept to the audience. But, it seems to misrepresent some of the finer points, like how human recall and triggering recall actually works, how neurological structure and age factors in, how trauma effects memory, or in fact how humans encode specific memory or general concepts (like remembering the layout of your childhood home.)

"perhaps you would like to resurrect solve memories"

Is Beverly flirting with Picard? Or just teasing him

This scene with Troi brushing her hair and drinking hot chocolate is.... incredibly frustrating. Because of the "on again off again" or complete neglect of the story between Troi and Riker's relationship. Why have we never seen this part of their relationship before? Where does it fit it? I've seen people question at which point the memory becomes manipulated, wondering if Riker would ever force himself on Troi...which I would categorically say: no he would not.

"imzadi we can't, not when we're serving on the same ship"

"have you stopped thinking about us, just answer that" "I can't stop thinking about you"

They're clearly on the Enterprise, and Riker has a beard, and it could feasibly be somewhere in the past three and a half seasons. As the audience we are not privy to the original memory free of Jev's manipulations.

"Do you know what she was doing when this happened?" Riker's voice is so gentle.

Beverly's little smile as she walks in and sees Riker talking to Troi is exactly how I feel. "I miss you. Please don't stay away too long." Is so sweet and a bit heartbreaking.

Now, we see an apparent memory of Riker's. Troi's memory seemed to be hazy and pink like an old romance filter might be in black and white, but Riker's memory is distorted and stretched, and both have distorted and slowed audio. By contrast, Keiko's memory had no visual or audio distortion at all. Riker's apparent memory is feasible like Troi's.

Troi's assault is what almost everyone focuses on, because the "violation" of the episode is seen as an analogy to rape and because this element is inexplicably used again in the film Nemesis. However, I would like to point out that the two memories shown up until this point are both memories of vulnerability. The memory with Troi isn't just about sex, it's about the intimacy she has with Riker, a relationship they both want but don't feel like they're allowed to have. Riker's memory is of vulnerability of those under his command, as he has to actively make a choice that will kill a crew member to save the rest of the ship. His crew is ultimately his responsibility, their lives are in his hands, and he has to carry the responsibility of their deaths under his command.

Now we see Beverly's apparent memory. Her's is also a clear instance of vulnerability: seeing her dead husband's body. This memory is most likely of the three we see to have some reality to it. We do know that her husband died and Picard was the one to tell her and Wesley of his death. (It's mentioned in the pilot episode and in "The Bonding")

Rethinking the search parameters is incredibly clever on Geordi's part and he deserves more credit for it. It's almost... intellectually refreshing to see rather than a simple solution, and I applaud the writer who wrote this bit.

If Riker wasn't still in a coma he would be right by Troi's side.

"I'm remembering something from a few years ago" so, it is a memory, they're all actual memories, up until a point. "It's not Will, sombody's taken his place." when the person in her memory is hurting her the face isn't initially shown, we can't see who it is. But, before when the memory was safe and positive, we could see Will's face.

(the background soundtrack is a little too much and the whole sequence of Troi in pain makes me really uncomfortable.) And Worf and Picard.... don't react except Picard, very conservatively, places a comforting hand on her shoulder. Which fits with his decorum and all things considered is really, really sweet.

"A perverse source of pleasure perhaps. A need to exercise control over another." Even though Troi's memory was romantic or sexual in nature and through Jev's manipulation has the strongest direct parallel to literal sexual assault, rape is ultimately about power, the assertion of power, domination without consent. It is in direct opposition to intimacy, sexual or non sexual. intimacy is vulnerability plus trust and safety, regardless of what that vulnerability is.

I just realized the Ullian coats remind me of paper snow flakes.

I've seen some people confused that after everything that has happened why Jev would jeopardize himself by going to Troi. He seems to honestly like Troi, in whatever way he can, but at the same time is not in control of his impulses and desires, and whatever he likes about her is warped into his sick desire to overpower her. It's fantastic to see Troi fight back; Jev talks about how fragile she is, and it's important that we see that she is in fact NOT how he sees her.

"this form of rape" here is the first time the word is specifically used BUT I want to reiterate that Troi, Riker, and Beverly have all been subjected to this trauma.

It's good, and nice to know, that they will be getting counseling and help to process through what has happened. It's not always but on occasion TNG acknowledges that its characters have suffered with potential long term ramifications.

[make-me-imagine]

I would love a ship please! For Stargate (SG1 or SGA) and Sherlock. With the prompts "Friends to Lovers" and "Fake gf/bf" however you see fit. I am female but don't care about the ships gender. I changed from working in science to being a science teacher. I love learning about anything and working out. People say I am loyal, determined, honest and analytical but can tend to be too ambitious / overwork. I am very fit and play soccer but also enjoy videogames and guitar. Flannel leather j. style.

Special 5k Ship Event (Read post if your going to request)

-

Hope you like them! I’m having a bit of trouble writing today so forgive me if the drabbles seem a bit lazy, I cant seem to focus on being creative today :/

Stargate: 

I ship you with Jack. He would appreciate your ambitious and determined behavior, but would chastise you if you overwork yourself. You two often work out together, and do outdoor activities on the weekends. He trusts you more than most people and knows that you always have his back, just as he has yours.

Prompt: Fake Boyfriend/Girlfriend 

You stared at the other people around you as you thought about how you got into this situation. Siting side by side with Jack, closer than you’ve probably ever been. You were stranded on a new planet, having been separated from the gate as well as the others due to a storm. The people in a nearby village took you in, though you found that they had an odd social behavior in which men and women could not associate unless married.

“Well, it’s a good thing we are married then” Jack had said, when the people first pointed out that you two were so close and that it was taboo.

You took a sip of the unusual drink one of the villagers had given you as Jack leaned in to whisper into your ear “We’ll stay here for the night and head back for the gate in the morning”

Nodding you noticed one of the village leaders smiling at you, returning the gesture he leaned forward a bit “I can see that you two have a strong bond, you must have been together for quite some time”

You and Jack shared a look before Jack smiled at the man “Oh, well, we’ve been together for about, two years, give or take” he said, taking a drink as you nodded along, ignoring your pounding heart.

Two years is as long as you had been working at the SGC, and two years since you met Jack. Two years since you developed feelings for him. Feelings that were returned by him. But though both of you knew of these feelings for each other, a relationship between you two was not allowed.

Knowing that he’d probably not get the chance again anytime soon, Jack wrapped his arm around your side, pulling you a bit closer. He knew that he could use the excuse that it was to keep up appearances, but, there was no need for excuses. Not around you, so instead he would cherish these intimate moments with you while he could.

After having been shown to  small cabin to sleep for the night, you and Jack stared at the small bed.

“Want to rock paper scissors for it? you asked as he began taking of his shoes.

“Nope”

“No?”

“Why would we?” he said as he sat on the bed “We’re married remember?” He glanced at you, smirk on his face “Besides, what if one of those snoopy villagers peaks in tonight and sees us separated like that? Can’t offend the locals now can we?” he relaxed lying back on the bed patting the area beside him “Now come on, we need to get some rest”

You stared at him for a moment, wondering when he got so brave. He really wanted to take this chance while he could didn’t he? Pushing back your nerves, you took off your shoes and lied down next to him.

Your bodies were touching as you lied in the small space, both of you staring up at the roof in silence. After a few minutes Jack broke the silence “Nice folks here, odd, but nice” 

You chuckled quietly at his attempt at conversation “Go to sleep Jack”

He smiled to himself at he use of his name, you only ever referred to him as Colonel, except on rare occasions, and every time it made his heart flutter. “Yes m’am” he muttered as he turned over, blowing out a lantern on the side table.

As you lied in the darkness, slowly drifting to sleep, you both thought silently of how you would keep the intimate touches at the dinner between you, there was really no need to go into detail on reports. Just like there was no need to mention you sleeping in the same bed, or how Jacks arms wrapped around you in the darkness as he held you against him throughout the night.

Sherlock: 

I ship you with John. He would find you to a refreshing presence in his life. You listen to his rambles and rants about something stupid Sherlock did, and he listens to you talk about your work and things that are stressing you out. He enjoys your company so much that he hates days when he cannot see you. Though he is not one for video games, he will play with you sometimes when he wants to cheer you up. 

Prompt: Friends to Lovers

Somewhere along the way, your’s and John’s nights-out to a bar to have dinner and rant about your day became less like two best-friends going out for a fun night, and more like date-night. 

And at some point, your quick walks home became John walking you home to make sure you got home okay. And then those walks became detours through the park as you two talked and laughed. 

One night, things changed even more so, not so suddenly, but naturally. You and John walking side by side, shoulders brushing. And as a large group of people went by, you two moved aside, backs up against a fence, Johns hand slipping into yours as he helped you maneuver past the crowd. 

Without even realizing, his hand never left yours. Not until you got to your apartment and he realized he had still been holing on to you. You shared a shy chuckled before you decided to give him a kiss on the cheek as a parting goodbye.

The next night out, you didn’t hold hands, but the cheek kiss became a normal thing, And eventually, hand holding did as well. You never talked about it up front, instead you relished in each others company and the gentle intimacy of your intertwined hands. It became so natural, so normal.

Until one day, when a man during a case you were helping out with decided to flirt with you. You patently and kindly went along with his conversation, not really responding to his flirty remarks.

Eventually, John, having picked up on the situation (after a hint from Sherlock), he came over to save you. Introducing himself to the man with a not so subtle annoyance at the mans presence. 

“So are you two colleagues?” the man asked, referring to you and John.

“Yes” John answered “And I’m her boyfriend” he added on quickly.

The man, having suddenly felt awkward, came up with an excuse before shuffling away.

You smiled, amused at his sudden departure. Turning to John you chuckled “Boyfriend huh?”

John smiled cheekily at you “Of course, it’s only natural. Us being together.” Taking your hand in his, he lead you out of the room, ignoring the smirk from Sherlock as you passed by. 

[jisssooyah]

Hi you... if you were going to curate a little season of films for me, which ones would you choose and why? They don't need to be horror, I'm just curious what you would choose 🌸

I don’t know if you’ll like these movies, or if you’ve already watched them, but after i watched these films, i felt like they might need to belong to you now. i hope they make you smile, roll your eyes, and cry just as much as i did.

1. city of god (2002): this is one of the most immersive and gorgeously shot films i’ve ever seen. it’s set in rio de janeiro during the 60s and spans decades exploring the drug culture in the slums and how this can affect kids just as they are trying to figure their own selves out. the way this film is shot, feels like you were at the sea with them as the sand crunched underneath your feet. but the way that the director captures these individuals, makes you so fucking relieved that you don’t live through any of the circumstances that they go through. 

2. the dreamers (2004): set in 1968, this film follows three students in Paris who come of age and explore one another and their limits during the revolution. while these students prop themselves up as individuals obsessed with sex, running underneath themselves is a current of jealousy, obsession, and blurred familial relationships that made me increasingly uncomfortable. you find yourself feeling bad for the children, and ultimately upset at their upbringing because of their parents. 

3. if beale street could talk (2018): this movie is based off of james baldwin’s titular 1974 novel. in it, the director expertly and vigorously explores love: a love that feels so real that it hurts. the cast is what sold this film to me. the way they talk, laugh, cry, and smile at one another is achingly beautiful and terrifyingly sad. i wanted to transport myself back to their time period and watch the main characters fall in love because the film didn’t seem like enough. 

4. the neon demon (2016): this film follows an emerging model who sacrifices herself to the demands of the industry in order to be attractive and beautiful. there are so many stunning colors in this film that it makes you dizzy, like you’re in a trance and that’s what this world is for the main character: a trance. as she oscillates between reality and fantasy, her world and the characters in it, increasingly seek out to alter her personality. 

5. death becomes her (1992): a deliberately ultra-campy parody of trashy, pandering "women's pictures," soap operas and paperbacks from the '80s and '90s. The three leads all do some of their best work - it's hilarious watching Meryl Streep play a terrible actress, Goldie Hawn is particularly hilarious during her character's cat lady phase, and all around just a really fun and eccentric film. 

6. princess cyd (2017): i can’t think of anything to write for this but i just wanna say that this is literally one of the most pleasant movie experiences i’ve ever had. so much light and genuine interaction in warm sun rays radiating positive energy and an openness that is far too uncommon in movies nowadays. people talk, people connect, people grow bonds and are allowed to be sexual or intimate or personal without an air of shame or judgement. just pure kind and curious human association. 

7. spiderman: into the spiderverse (2018): the message of Spider-Verse is not "gentrify yourself! stop expressing your personality and just conform to what society wants you to be!" After all, what makes you different makes you Spider-Man, and Miles' final expression of himself as a superhero still retains much of his personality and individuality...they're just being used in more productive and fulfilling ways. It's the little things that drive the point home, like noticing that the title page for Miles' finished Great Expectations essay has been stylistically doodled and colored like street art. Rather than seeing his artistic gifts as an opposition to his schoolwork, Miles infuses them together to make the best of the hand he's been dealt.

8. my life as a zucchini (2016): initially heartbreaking and sad, but slowly becoming more joyful and heartwarming as the plot moves along. The film really feels like it captures the essence and child like wonder of these kids, all of them going through hardships but managing to find something to help each other out. It’s so refreshing to see the actual orphanage portrayed in a more positive light, not the usual horrid dump that a lot of lesser movies play them out as. The animation is stunning. One of the best uses of stop motion I’ve seen, everything is so colourful and detailed. There’s some moments set in snowy mountains and these look incredible. There’s clearly been so much love and care put into each and every scene here. The music too, sounds spectacular, it really works well with each scene. 

9. lovesong (2016): Mindy and Sarah have that type of relationship where they don't need words because they speak in a language made out of glances and touches. This movie is about the fear of ruining a meaningful friendship and losing an important person, about love that is so complicated that one might not even try because the outcome seems to be so obvious.

10. her (2013): Heartbreak is formative: it changes you heart side out, and leaves your muscles a little stronger, your skin a little thicker, your bones easier to repair. Before this film, I’d never seen anything constructive in having your insides pulled apart by the seams by another person, but this film taught me how. Being in love and then being forced out of it is an experience that changes you fundamentally, but Her taught me its purpose – you don’t need them to leave you so that you can find someone who’s a better fit, because perhaps you never will. You need it to participate in humanity. The common denominator is being hurt, and without it, you’re barely alive.

11. shoplifters (2018): bittersweet and richly transportive, Shoplifters is a film that nonchalantly eases you into its tragic beauty in a way that doesn't punch you hard until the end. It simultaneously made me want to be part of the film's world and also very glad that I'm not. The setting the characters live in is messy and cluttered and full of dysfunction and lies, but it's also got family, and laughter, and fist-bumps, and slurping warm noodles while rain pings on the tin rooftop. So nuanced, so many tiny moments of delicate beauty and unassuming heartbreak, so many people making terrible decisions with good intentions.

12. god’s own country (2017): though it is a love story between two men, this aspect is only addressed briefly in a single scene. Rather, the film is about finding someone who makes you want to be a better person, someone who comes into your life just when you needed it most. Gheorghe helps Johnny open up and realize the beauty of the simple life. From this relationship, Johnny begins to feel comfortable with expressing himself, and his love and gratitude towards others. He also begins to appreciate life in the country, surrounded by stunning landscapes and the beauty of simplicity. Addressing the Yorkshire countryside, Gheorghe says "It is beautiful, but lonely." Johnny is presented with the notion that he doesn't have to be cold and miserable, slaving and drinking his days away. He is presented with the possibility of no longer being alone and finally finding happiness and contentment - and it is more than gratifying to see him accept it.

13. disobedience (2017): a tender star-crossed daydream. the three main character dynamics are special enough on their own, but the romance that blooms at the center is cathartically intimate and even magical: a reunion that feels so inevitable. catching glimpses of a past life, details we aren’t privy to. all the stolen kisses and whispers and promises. a bond so strong that they fall back in sync with each other like second nature, even if they try to fight against it. even if it won’t work. and yet they choose each other, even if for a few minutes.

14. raw (2016): this film is so gross and I like that. There is tons of blood and unique body horror and it all works perfectly for the tone the film is attempting to set. The use of color, specifically neons, creates a constant feeling that you are traveling through some sort of weird ghost world, which I really like. Overall, it's a very well put together film with flashes of brilliance.

15. the night is short, walk on girl (2017): what an absolutely magical adventure of a film. Essentially this is a heavily episodic look at a night in the lives of several people, centered on a woman and a man as she gleefully floats from event to event while he neurotically obsesses over how to "coincidentally" talk to her. The storytelling is incredible; while the overarching narrative is simple there are countless threads woven together to connect everyone in the story to each other. That in itself is a big theme: connections between people, how everything is interrelated, and what a large impact seemingly insignificant things people do can have an impact on everyone around them.

16. coraline (2009): Coraline is the best stop motion movie ever made in my opinion. Before the film released in 2009, I read the book and was completely blown away by its creativity and story. It’s a pretty dark tale featuring many scenes of fright that work well in both a horror setting and an animated kids setting. On surface value, this film is quite horrifying, which is something I’ve always loved about it. While it does make a few minor changes to the book, it improves upon a piece of art that was already jaw-droppingly good. Coraline feels like a real little girl with some real problems. She’s selfish but likable which is something most films cannot translate well. Of course, she has a pretty awesome arc as well which brings this movie to a perfect close for her character. The other-mother is also perfectly done. She is almost exactly how I imagined her in the book and the animation on her is spookily gorgeous. There is not one dull moment in this film. It is literally a perfect piece of cinema.

17. the third wife (2019): haven’t seen a film this visually delicate in a while. Ash Mayfair works with the looming mountain surroundings to make her characters —these women, these girls— as small as possible, as isolated as possible. Uneasiest of all is the protagonist May, so young and so weighed by responsibility, her position blurs between being one of the wives and being one of the daughters. It’s an extremely bleak tale of circumstance. An old tale, certainly, but so beautifully crafted it doesn’t matter. Mayfair holds a fearful tension throughout, and it only ever shatters in the cruelest of ways.The abundance of women and display of sisterhood begin as a comfort, but horror takes over as we realize how conditional and fragile that comfort is. Even the daughters are subconsciously aware, one of them praying to the gods to grow up and become a man, shearing her hair off in naive triumph. It’s a doomed cycle of girls performing roles which are unfortunately their best option, right up until the final scene of May with her daughter, still in their mourning clothes. She, like the older wives, finally realizes they’re the same as the cattle laying on their side for too many days.

[traincat]

I've been ranting to my friends about Johnny being abused and raped recently and one of them said: Lyja has damaged and put an element of distrust into every relationship he may ever have. which is really fucking me up and I wanted to share in part bc I don't wanna be sad alone and also bc I think that's an interesting side effect of Lyja's time in his life that doesn't get talked about enough

Thank you for sharing this because the thing is I do think there is a very definite divide in how Johnny acts particularly in regards to relationships before and after his marriage to “Alicia.” I doubt this was entirely intentional on the parts of the writers who handled the book after, but I’ve said before that I think after a certain amount of time and with enough stories behind them characters tend to take on a life of their own, and even if the writers are hesitant to address it there’s no way an event like his relationship with Lyja couldn’t have deeply effected Johnny.

Simply put: I don’t think “playboy Johnny” exists before Lyja. I don’t buy into “playboy Johnny” much as a general phenomenon, because if you actually look at the canon there’s just not much to actually back it up, but he certainly has at periods played into this public (both in and out universe) perception of himself. What I mean is, pre-Lyja, there is absolutely no proof Johnny had ever engaged in casual sex. (There’s actually no proof he wasn’t a virgin when Lyja began working her way into his life while masquerading as Alicia; this panel from Fantastic Four #275 is the first time Johnny having sex is addressed:

That shirt is Johnny’s – you see him wearing it the issue leading up to this one. To be clear, there’s nothing in the issue that supports this being Johnny’s first time, either – it’s just that he doesn’t have any sex scenes prior. Either way, this is not the reaction of someone who had a good time.)

Pre-the Alilyja incident, Johnny had a grand total of three relationships: Dorrie Evans in high school, Crystal Amaquelin, Frankie Raye. He had a few dates with a girl named Lorrie Melton who called things off with him because he was more serious than she wanted to be, and shared a whole one kiss with a girl named Valeria from the Fifth Dimension (no relationship to his future niece). He also briefly pursued a girl named Julie Angel, who blatantly wasn’t interested in him. When Julie’s friend Sharon came onto him during this period, he reacted with discomfort:

(Fantastic Four #259)

So, playboy Johnny Storm, a womanizer who sleeps around – he doesn’t exist in canon at this point. (If anything, Johnny repeatedly reacts negatively to being kissed suddenly and without his permission leading up to and during the marriage.) Then you have the marriage, which happens fairly quickly – Johnny and Alicia’s relationship is “cemented” in FF #275, they get married in FF #300. I want to note that Johnny’s pretty young when he gets married, especially by modern standards – you have to do the Spider-Man math with this one, since Johnny’s age at this point in canon isn’t stated, but he and Peter both get married at roughly the same time. We know that they’re roughly the same age, Johnny being 16 when he got his powers and Peter being 15 and these things happening fairly closely together. Peter comments very shortly after he’s married that he’s been out of high school for five years, which would make both him and Johnny roughly 23 when they respectively tied the knot. Alicia is labeled during Byrne’s run as three years older than Johnny, but it should be noted that Byrne has a habit of making women younger and putting them in relationships with much older men – which would track if it’s his opinion Alicia first met Ben when she was 19. (It’s my personal belief that she should be older than that, but that’s neither here nor there.) We have no idea how old Lyja is in comparison to Johnny. So he’s young, and the relationship escalates very quickly, which, looking at it with the retcon in place, makes sense, because Lyja is on a mission to infiltrate the Fantastic Four. So it’s quick. The marriage, the Skrull reveal, and the ensuing melodrama lasts… a while after that. 

Then the big reset button that was Heroes Reborn got hit after Fantastic Four #416 and Johnny and family were shunted off to a pocket universe for a little bit, sans Lyja. Fantastic Four v2 is the first look we get at a more playboy-ish Johnny Storm in line with, say, the Chris Evans version of the character – older when the accident hits instead of being a fresh-faced teen, a bit irresponsible, comes off a little bit like he might be a dog. But this reboot canon can’t really keep it up: it reunites Johnny and Crystal temporarily, and then everyone gets snatched out of their alternate reality bubble and planted back in their regular timeline anyway. 

So let’s look at Johnny’s relationships after his marriage:

1) Alysande “Caledonia” Stuart: A young woman Johnny found and rescued in another dimension who lived with the Fantastic Four for a while. I’m including this even though it isn’t strictly a romantic relationship – Johnny appears to have feelings for Alsyande, but it’s unclear if they’re reciprocated or if she just feels a deep debt of loyalty to him for rescuing her. Either way, I really like how this relationship is handled; they’re both very respectful of each other in a way that’s missing from a lot of Johnny’s actual romantic relationships. They definitely didn’t have sex. 

2) Namorita Prentiss: The first actual romantic relationship Johnny has post-Lyja. This one’s another weird one; Johnny and Namorita first get together after teasing the paparazzi and commiserating about being famous. They then proceed to spend next to no time together. Seriously, like, to the point where the books remarks on it:

(Fantastic Four v3 #55)

Johnny and Namorita do do things like attend celebrity functions together, so I label this as Johnny’s first “publicity” relationship – less about being in love, and more about him and the other party looking really good together for the public eye. (This is also something he never did before his marriage.) Anyway, they break up off panel, although Johnny did apparently ask Nita to move in with him at one point, which she refused.

Kourtney: A second and much more prominent “publicity” relationship. Kourtney is a supermodel who we’re first introduced to when she breaks up with Johnny when the Fantastic Four go broke and he falls out of public favor. They do get back together for the duration of Marvel Knights 4, and then they apparently break up again. Nothing to write home about in this relationship – she and Johnny don’t really appear to actually like each other all that much, especially on her end. 

We enter a relationship deadzone for Johnny as we hit Waid’s run. He starts it off apparently shaking off a bad celebrity breakup, and while he goes a bit moony-eyed over a few pretty girls at the beginning, basically nothing happens. He at one point meets up with a girl from the internet who claims to be a fan of his and things seem like they might get romantic… except his body language really is screaming the opposite:

Fantastic Four #514 – I’m not saying how much of this was intentional or even what the intent was, but if there’s something a comic book artist should be good at conveying, it’s body language. Here Cole’s is aggressive – leaning in, touching his face – and Johnny’s is closed off – hands in his pockets, leaning away from her. It’s just interesting if we’re supposed to believe he’s hot for this girl.

Anyway, Cole turns out to be the Wizard’s daughter, catfishing Johnny to find a solution for her unwanted superpowers. So. That lasts two issues and nothing happens between them.

Psionics: And now we enter Millar’s run. Millar’s run is probably the biggest contributor to Playboy Johnny – not only does he have an ill-advised sexual affair with a superpowered bank robber named Psionics, he also gets walked in on – apparently – about to have a threesome with two girls cosplaying as Storm and the Scarlet Witch. I’ve had a problem with the cosplay scene for a while now, because it just doesn’t fit with Johnny’s 616 personality. Something about it has always felt very off. And while I could just go “well it’s Mark Millar,” it occurred to me on a recent reread what’s wrong with it: it feels staged. Johnny’s in the middle of filming a reality show; the camera crew is who walks in on him. If he was trying to cultivate this playboy image, well, one way to do it is to make sure you’re walked in on in a compromising situation. He and the girls are all still fully clothed, and he actually ditches the scene as soon as they’re discovered – to congratulate Ben on his engagement, but still – while the girls frankly seem more interested in each other. It’s a weird scene still, but there’s nothing in it either way to say he was or wasn’t setting it up to make it look like he was the kind of womanizing carefree celebrity party boy who has threesomes with hot cosplay girls while not actually doing that.

As for Psionics, the hot bank robber he sleeps with? Well, turns out her family from the future kidnaps him and uses him as a giant power battery in a machine that has a good chance of killing him. No bad feelings or anything, though.

Again with the awkward body language. He certainly just stands there while she kisses him. This is the exact opposite of smoldering passion. Also, next time he sees her she tries to kidnap his niece, kills his longtime family friend Alyssa Moy in front of him, and then gets murdered right before his eyes. So. That all happened.

He has one apparent would’ve-been one night stand in Hickman’s run after this, except she turns into a bunch of bug monsters and activates the Negative Zone portal. He also has a highly implied brief sexual relationship with Daken Akihiro at this point, who… uses that connection to make Johnny feel horribly guilty over Daken’s apparent death and then so Daken can steal a weapon from the Fantastic Four. There’s a weird pattern here.

Darla Deering: The last and most recent of Johnny’s publicity relationships – Johnny starts seeing Darla, a major pop star, sometime after his experiences in the Negative Zone. This is another “they’re in a relationship but they don’t spend any time together” fling, too – at the end of the relationship, when Darla’s gotten together with Scott Lang, Johnny actually admits that he liked dating Darla because of Darla’s celebrity lifestyle more than he liked her. 

Here we hit Robinson’s run. Johnny does a lot of partying after he’s lost his powers, and while it’s not explicit, there’s something of an implication during this point that he is sleeping around. However, his most serious relationships in this run are with his family, Wyatt Wingfoot, and Peter Parker, and he has no consistent romantic partner. 

Which brings us to his last serious relationship: Medusa. This one’s a weird one, too, and it’s one where I’m not hesitant to blame the writer’s lack of research at all when Medusa and Johnny were genuinely very close during her stint on the Fantastic Four team. It’s clearly a placeholder relationship – we know Black Bolt/Medusa were going to get back together. If anything, I think here Johnny’s holding onto a piece of his then-missing family the only way he knows how.

So, a couple of relationships post-marriage, but by in large, with the exception of Namorita where we see hardly any of their actual relationship on page and perhaps Medusa, nothing serious. Certainly nothing like his impassioned “head over heels” falls for Crystal and Frankie Raye. So there’s very definitely a change in Johnny after Lyja and in how he behaves in romantic relationships – the implication that he does have casual sex, the uptick in relationships that are clearly for the public eye, a lack of a previously held deep devotion to his partner. I think you could make a really good case for all this coming about as a result of lingering and unaddressed trauma from Lyja. 

There’s also, and this isn’t explicitly romantic, the appearance of this little quizzing game:

(Fantastic Four: Secret Invasion) This actually is Lyja in her only appearance since FF #416, disguised as Sue and trying to convince Johnny that Ben is a Skrull for… well for nothing good, obviously, but the book never actually gets into why she’s attempting to separate Ben from Johnny, except that separating him from his family is exactly what she tried to do before she was discovered to a be a Skrull during their “marriage.” But it’s telling that when Johnny feels like something isn’t right, he immediately starts quizzing “Sue” about things she should know. Definitely seems like the kind of game someone who unwittingly married and was abused by a shapeshifter would invent to make sure that the people in his life are really who they’re supposed to be.

So I definitely think there’s a lot of lingering trauma there that, if a really good writer dug into it, could inform a lot about both the romantic relationships he had after that point and his romantic future, especially if it was paired with a story where he explores his romantic feelings for men. It’d be interesting to see it doubled up with doubts after his relationship with Daken in that regard, since Daken also used him to gain access to the Fantastic Four. I’d love to see it all really gotten into and actually, for the first time, addressed, especially if it was in the context of a romantic relationship with Wyatt Wingfoot, who was present during the early days of Lyja’s seduction of Johnny and is also who Johnny ran to after he discovered the truth about the monster Lyja told him was their child. A lot of history to get into there.

[edelgoth]

Hi! I would like to request a matchup if I may. (I hope I'm doing this right) If its alright with you, and not to much trouble I would like to get a female and male matchup from Dragon Age Inquisition. My mbti is INTP and my enneagrams are The Investigator, The Challenger and The Individualist. I'm creative, polite, non-judgemental and self-confident but also distant, distrusting and cold to people I don't care for. I'm honest and eloquent. Hobbies: art, writing, reading, sports and music.

hey!! you did everything right!! and thank you for waiting. sorry this got so long; i just tend to ramble when it comes to my da babies sljfdlfkj

for the women, i match you with...

cassandra!!

it maybe a long road to getting to know each other; you’re both distant anddistrusting, and it may take a bit of miracle work (probably from varric – hejust wants to get the seeker off his back) to make it happen, but it absolutelywould

but,once you opened up to each other, i think you’d find quite the connection?

i thinka lot of what makes cassandra distant (on top of having lost her first love) isthat she feels like it’s part of her responsibility as a seeker? i think theargument she has with the inquisitor about romance is an indicator of that

thepoint i’m getting at here is that cassandra is quite the passionate soul, and ifeel like she’d be really drawn to your creativity!! i think on the whole,cassandra would be attracted to the qualities of a type 4 (individualist) mixedwith a type 8 (challenger); i just get the feeling that she’d be drawn to thebalance of those qualities?

i thinkshe’d really admire your self-confidence, as it’s a quality i really see hervaluing in a partner. she likes people who can stand for themselves, i think,and would find it quite attractive

also, ifeel like you being more eloquent may help her find the words to expressherself? she feels quite deeply and powerfully, but she often struggles to findthe words to describe that.

cassandrais a very righteous individual, so i think having a non-judgemental partnerwould help balance her out. she can have some trouble accepting ideas thatdiffer from her own, but you (especially as an enneagram 5) would be able tohelp her open up her worldview a little!!

ohbless, and your politeness would help balance out her brashness!! i think youwould likely soften her edges just a little; nothing drastic, and nothing thatinherently changes her as a person. maybe just to help her think before leapingevery now and then

tradingbooks!! as long as your cool with reading dramatic romance novels (probablywritten by varric), of course. but, i think you two would definitely stealquiet moments away, just reading while in each other’s company. she reallyvalues those times.

honestlythe biggest fan of your writing. reads it voraciously.always wants to know what’s going to happen next. very passionate about eachand every plot point and character. and pleasemake art of her. she wouldn’t know how to handle it. it’s absolutely a surefireway to make her a blushy mess (especially if you do portraiture).

may isay, kind of a power couple? although, is cassandra capable of not ending up ina power couple? and i think your honesty would be really important to her; sheneeds a partner who’s willing to tell her what they really think, and frankly ithink it’s one of the key things that would make your equals (also theassumption is that if you’re honest, you’d also be able to handle it when she’sbeing honest sklfdsjdflskj)

i thinkthe two of you have enough similarities to really ‘get’ each other, while stillhaving differences that balance out quite well!!

alternativematchups

vivienne: you share a lot of qualities, such as your self-confidence and youreloquence, so i think it would be quite easy for you two to build some kind ofrapport!! but, i think since you both tend to be quite distant and have atendency to distrust people, it may be hard for the two of you to really crossthat distance and be vulnerable with one another. but you two would be an absolute power couple! i think vivienne would findyou delightful, and she’d adore youreloquence. nothing better than a little bit of wordplay.   

josephine: she definitely appeals to your softer side, andthe relationship would take on a different hue. i feel like josie would appealto the enneagram 4 in you more than anything else, and honestly? Any relationshipwith her would be wonderful. i feel like she’d also be quite drawn to your creativity, as well as the self-confidence and more type 8 qualities in you. but, you’d also be this very lovely non-judgmental couple; you’d probably might make a good political couple? for some reason, i just feel like you’d be good at helping her with work?

male matchup is under the cut!!

for the men, i match you with… 

blackwall!!

i think this relationship would be quite different from the one above,but I still think it would work really well!!

for one, i think blackwall is some kind of ixfj (probaby) and that tends to be a very good fit for intps. there’s some good functional balance with the fe & ti!! 

this is more a case of logos meeting pathos; blackwall, while a bitdistant, is more openly emotional. he’s distant because of his lack ofself-worth as opposed to feeling any duty to be so

i think, maybe, you could teach him to have a bit more self-confidence. despitehis past, he’s shown a sincere determination to repent for his past wrongs,and he should be proud of theprogress he’s made. his actions genuinely reflect a man who is doing his bestto be good, to be better, and i think he would really benefit from havingsomeone point that out

i think he’d need to be with someone honest, because they’re more likely to tell him how they see it; i think blackwall can get very caught up in his mind, so an honest s/o would really ground him

but, i think having an s/o who’s non-judgmental would be very important to him, too. it’s something he not only admires, but tries to emulate in himself;  so someone being honest and non-judgmental is kind of perfect for him!! 

he loves listening to you speak or reading your work because he finds your eloquence charming!! thinks you’re better than varric (but don’t tell the dwarf that) 

oh, it’d be so cute if you sat there making art while he worked on his woodcarving!! better yet, if you’re into painting, you would decorate his woodcarvings for him!! and he’d absolutely love it if you did it for the things that he liked to give to the local kids 

okay, okay, but playing sports games with the local kids?? um?? cute?? you and blackwall are like their aunt/uncle and it’s adorable 

i think at his heart, once you get past his somber and serious exterior, blackwall would be very kind and gentle in a relationship? he’s never going to let you feel unappreciated 

but, at the same time, i think you could help ground his emotions? he’s prone to melancholy and self-loathing, and hopefully you’d be able to help break those sorts of thought loops  

in general, just a good, solid couple that’d do each other a world of good!! please love this man, he deserves it!!

alternativematchups

varric: now, varric is incredibly different to blackwall, but i still think this’d work really well!! he’d be more drawn to your creativity, and i think he’d enjoy having someone to complain about the woes of writing with. varric’s also a very laid-back, open person, so he’d enjoy the fact that you’re not very judgmental; he’d feel more comfortable talking to you about literally anything and everything. while varric still maintains a bit of emotional distance from people (entps represent), he’s still very warm; i think that could help breach the distance between the two of you? i chose blackwall mainly because while varric definitely works, i think i get more of a “best friends taking the world by storm” vibe from this match!! 

solas: i have very similar feelings for this pairing as i do towards yourmatch with vivienne. you have qualities i think he’d admire (a lot of itcomes down to type 5 being part of your tritype dskjd), and i also think he’dbe attracted to your creativity and self-confidence. i think i chose blackwallsimply because he’s more emotionally accessible?? solas can be quite distantand even judgemental at times, and on the whole less open to connection (unlikewith cassandra, who i feel really wants toconnect with someone – especially romantically – but just doesn’t know how).but, should all the pieces fall into place correctly, i think you’d be a prettygood pair. 

[acsversace-news]

Before the midpoint of FX’s The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story, the narrative of serial killer Andrew Cunanan’s life has been told in reverse chronological order and devoted episodes to each of the murderer’s victims. But the fifth episode, titled “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,” lives up to the promise creator Ryan Murphy made to shed a light on institutionalized homophobia in the 1990s, juxtaposing the coming out stories of two of Cunanan’s victims with the moment the killer unravels.

Darren Criss, who plays Cunanan, spoke with The Hollywood Reporter about the pivotal episode, and how it helps fuse the past few episodes of the series — which have focused on Cunanan’s victims Lee Miglin, David Madson, Jeffrey Trail and William Reese — back with the titular fashion designer. “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” follows the struggle of military man Jeff Trail to come to terms with his own sexuality while Versace toys with the idea of publicly revealing his own relationship status. Their two very different experiences — one leading to Trail’s discharge from the service and the other leading to a high-profile piece in a national magazine — are both in conflict with Cunanan’s own spiral about his own identity and self-worth.

“At this point in the series you haven’t seen a lot from the Versaces, and so it’s nice to be juxtaposing someone like Jeff’s coming out story against Gianni coming out with The Advocate,” Criss tells THR. “Two different worlds are trying to face the same obstacles and being met with very different resistance is really interesting because you can see this very harrowing world that Jeff is in constant conflict with versus this very … glamorous side of the coin, which would be Gianni’s side. There’s a real heroism to both.”

Below, Criss discusses the series’ unique structure, building Cunanan’s back story and the lack of Versace in the series.

It’s interesting to see Andrew there for Jeff when he needs help accepting his identity as a gay man, but Andrew’s entire trip to Minneapolis to see David and Jeff is a cry for help and he won’t accept any from either of them.

Andrew has this savior complex, which is why I think he really thrived so much in a place as complex as San Diego in the ‘90s because you have a vibrant gay scene right on top of the vibrant military town. So it’s sort of built-in conflict within a lot of young men who Andrew meets. Andrew stands for everything that these men would find attractive — not in a sexual sense but in a personality and joie de vive sense, the guy that is now offering refuge and a place to celebrate what would otherwise be a source of conflict for them. It was a feeding ground for someone like Andrew to feel needed in a really fulfilling way.

[Andrew] has many tragedies, but one of his biggest tragedies is that I think he needs to be the purveyor of everything. He needs to be in control. He has to be the one that is buying the drinks, throwing the parties, introducing people. He needs to be the one that is giving the help, and as a result I think his output is so high that nothing goes in. And so his own help system, as far as gaining help, is manifested by only being able to help others. He just gives himself away to so many people to the point where he can sort of cover up his own shortcomings by being this constant giver.

Finding somebody like Jeff is sort of the gold mine Andrew gravitated toward. Even though he was really helping out Jeff — and he really does in a very earnest, beautiful way, I think — Jeff was also unconsciously there to help Andrew, just to give him some kind of purpose because he needed to feel love. So their meeting was very tragic.

Watching this episode from the perspective of someone who might not have really understood the nuances of the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” military policy at the time, what can you say about how the episode might have enlightened you?

Even if you are of an age where this is something that you were aware of, unless you were gay and in the military at the time, I feel like there’s no way you’d have the same insight or experience as somebody like Jeff or his peers. You really can’t have a shot at working with what that actually means on a day-to-day basis. It’s a continuing question and struggle for our brothers and sisters in arms and people who serve our country. I think maybe hearing the specifics of Jeff’s particular story hopefully will make this more accessible to people and seem a little more real, and seeing the real struggle that it presents for a lot of young men and women.

Although the story is being told in reverse, the first four episodes have a very clear structure. This episode played with time a bit differently — what was filming it like?

Luckily and very thankfully, to the credit of Dan Minehan, who directed both four and five, we did something that I hadn’t done in a very long time, and it’s something that actors really thirst for — we had a table reading. We actually read through both episodes in chronological order, and we shot in chronological order as much as possible, those two episodes together, which is really an absurd luxury. I was thrilled that they took the diligence to really try and execute this in a more linear way. So, in that sense, it made these very much a two-parter. I watched two episodes together, so I actually would be curious to see how people experience it, having had a week or so in between. It’s a really interesting structure. Some people seem to take to it, others really don’t like it because there’s less of, I guess, a payoff — or it’s an inverse payoff, because you already made your decisions about the person.

Shooting out of sequence, to me, just means I get to have this kind of CSI map emotional trajectory on my wall and I have to kind of play emotion Tetris as far as what fits where, in order to get what yields this to get this. And how does point A have to connect to point B? I’m still curious because I still haven’t seen the very last episode. To me, that’s where it all comes together again.

In the next three episodes that you have seen, what did you learn about Andrew and what are you looking forward to audiences learning about him?

I was always interested in Andrew’s life as a teenager because it’s always easier to identify with a young person that has so much more time to go. I think, inevitably, when you know somebody has done something as terrible as Andrew did, you connect every moment of their life to those actions. Any little thing he did in high school, “Well that’s, you know…” Now you look at it differently because you know that they’ve committed murder. It’s interesting in looking at really gifted, young, talented kid and just really exploring how fun and charming he was. A lot of the grim atmosphere that he was breathing in towards the latter part of his life, I really, really wanted to make sure that we couldn’t connect that dot to the dots of his youth.

We shot a lot of stuff that I thought was really fun and showed just an honest-to-goodness, lovable teenager. I don’t know if that all made it into the show, but I remember those scenes and I really enjoyed being able to paint those colors of Andrew. I had to wait the entire shoot to be able to finally show these more affable colors. Earlier in the season where we know what he’s done, there’s sinister undertones of even his happier moments because we’re closer to the famous murders. We can’t help but question everything he’s doing. I couldn’t wait to get him as a teenager because I really wanted to confuse people’s senses of who and what you’re rooting for.

That was the first chance to really embrace the best parts of someone’s life … you may have not liked him, but you couldn’t say that he wasn’t the life of the party. [A high school classmate of Cunanan’s told Criss], “I just want you to know that Andrew was such a good friend. We really loved him. He was so much fun and he was just someone you could count on.” She said it with such — it was so heartbreaking to hear because you could tell the tone was totally mortified when she read the news 10, 15 years after the fact.

That’s the person that I was really hoping to create and that’s what makes this structure interesting. It’s like Merrily We Roll Along. You start with them at their worst, and how do you feel about them when you see them at their best? It’s pretty divisive. It’s either going to make you really mad, or its just going break your heart that there was such a loss of potential there. The memorable parts for me was just showing a kid that’s just trying to figure out his life like every other kid.

The end of this “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” episode saw Andrew and Jeff fighting about honor, which really seemed to be what set Andrew off on his killing spree.

I was speaking earlier about the metaphorical mapping out of Andrew, and as far as the big red circles, with the red pins on 'em, that moment is a huge one. That comes back to a question a lot of people have who don’t know the story and this case very well: “What happened between San Diego and Minneapolis? What triggered Andrew to go AWOL? What happened between the two of them? They were inseparable.” Something must’ve happened between them for him to go to Minneapolis and carry out this action that you can’t help but assume is planned.

That’s a big question mark for a lot of people. We will never know what happened, and our show could never dare to say that this is truth by any means. But for our storytelling sake, it’s not necessarily about what really happened so much as it’s about the emotional arcs that had to have happened in order for these things take place. So in our case, we have this scene where there is a cathartic laying of cards on the table, where the ethos of both characters is kind of put on the line. You have, basically, Jeff calling Andrew out. Not too dissimilar from what had happened in the last episode, where the thing that set Andrew off on David was him finally calling him out for what he was and basically making Andrew live inside a world that is real and therefore not very pretty.

Any time Andrew forced to be exposed to the real world around him or the truth, it’s a very unpleasant thing for him. So that set him off in the last episode, and ultimately ended with a fight in the car and very rageful homicide. That was the second of the murders. So the first one — “no one wants your love” is the line that Jeff says. And that’s enough to turn a cog in Andrew’s brain. To hear that from the one person that he’s given everything to, you can’t help but feel bad for the guy, even though hopefully most people wouldn’t do what he did.

He’s giving so much of himself to people that they now have to feel beholden to holding him up. And so it’s sort of emotional hostage — you’re now feeling entitled to someone’s life because you’ve given them something that they didn’t ever really ask for. That’s a pretty big awakening point, for Jeff to realize that this guy is unconsciously using him. And he calls that out, the truth that Andrew’s not ready or emotionally prepared to hear or deal with. And if he can’t have something, he has to take it, and he has to destroy it.

He couldn’t have Jeff; he couldn’t have David; so he had to literally take it. He couldn’t have Versace’s fame, success, everything, so he to take it. Even to take someone’s car. So when Andrew is deprived something, the ultimate way to really take it back and be in control is to be more powerful, and to be the controller of that person’s life.

[allthefreakingtime]

I'm sorry if I'm being annoying but could you elaborate on the azoffs don't control who Harry dates... I'm confused. I'm so sorry if it's a stupid question I just don't understand

Hi, anon! I’m going to try to answer your question even though I’m aware that it’s a minefield.

So, first of all, a disclaimer: this is only my opinion. You do get to not agree, but please don’t call me names for my opinion. I love Harry and Louis with all my heart and I love them equally. I believe they’re together and in love.

I’m also not comparing their closets (I’m not going to talk about Louis at all, but I think it’s important to state). I believe they’re both proud, young, gay men who would be out if they could.

Now, to the answer:

Harry and Jeff are very good friends. Jeff is also Harry’s manager. So he does have an interest on Harry succeeding, because that will bring him more money. But also, Harry hired Jeff and could fire him. Which means, Jeff probably tries to work in Harry’s best interest to the best of his abilities.

When it comes to stunt girlfriends, Jeff theoretically doesn’t have the authority to force Harry to participate in them. Columbia, however, might. (Not saying it does, saying it might)

So we have three possibilities here:

A) Jeff (without any label interference) suggests the idea of a beard to Harry and convinces him that it’s the best idea for his career right now. Harry agrees to cooperate.

B) The label pushes for it (but doesn’t force it), Jeff sees the point they’re making and tells Harry that it might not be the worst idea in the world for reasons (keeping audience, selling more, whatever they are). Harry agrees to cooperate.

C) The label forces it and Jeff and Harry have no choice but to go along with it.

Choices d) and e) are Harry came up with the idea on his own and Harry is actually dating her. I don’t even entertain choices d) and e).

No matter what really happened between a), b) and c), I still assume Jeff was the casting director. He narrowed down some girls and chose the one he thought fit the part best. Tess, for example, was bad casting: seemed great on paper, but was way too willing to profit from the situation and promo herself. Camille, let’s see what she turns out to be like.

I think Harry negotiated his contract with Columbia this time and he has a lot more control than he used to have with syco. So, I tend to go for option B).

I don’t believe Columbia doesn’t at least apply a bit of pressure for Harry to stay in the closet, so a) is out.

Now, could c) be the thing? Yes, of course it could. Don’t judge anyone who believes in it. Just, from what I’m seeing, I think Harry’s relationship with them (so far) is a bit better than that.

Now, does that mean Harry is closeting himself? No. It’s about the pressures of the industry he works in, the stare of the public eye, the fact that such decisions affect not only himself but everyone that works for him and depends on him.

Life is complex and sometimes “having” to do something doesn’t just mean you’re held at gunpoint. Means it’s the best choice for your circumstances. I don’t know Harry’s or Louis’ circumstances and I won’t pretend to.

So, no judgement from me, no matter what choices he makes. And if he had not choice, my heart goes out to him even more.

Those sentences very much apply to Louis as well.

I would bet my right hand both Harry and Louis would rather not have to fake date these women. I wish with all my heart both of them didn’t have to.