#saw some things that just made me tired | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

myrthing · 1 year ago

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I'm going to be serious for a bit and refrain from friendly language family ribbing, and before I start I need you all to know how much that distresses me. (That's it, that's the disclaimer.)

There's this thing that is always in the back of my mind in online spaces, and it's this one: Language. To me, the internet is in English. I don't speak Spanish or Mandarin, so those spheres are off-limit to me, whereas English, as the current lingua franca, got taught to me in school. I acquired my fluency online. So: the internet is in English

The Internet is also American. That's not surprising; of course people from the USA will dominate an Anglophone sphere. It's a fucking huge country, with English as its de facto official language. I don't think there's a single European out there who hasn't had some grievance with the absolute US cultural dominance online. Take racism discourse, as a completely non-controversial example: Discussions that start focused on racism in US history are excellent! It is not great when people try to use those exact perspectives on other countries, which erases their native points of view, and prevents cross-cultural understanding. Discussion of worldwide racism can't be forced into a US shaped mould.

Right about here is where I usually start thinking about languages. English is my second language (mine and over a billion other people worldwide). According to Wikipedia, 380 million people speak English as their native language. My first language has ten million speakers.

I'm Scandinavian, so I'm the kind of white that gets creeps salivating about genocide and pure Aryan women. I am, by skin colour and heritage and passport, the kind of privileged person that tops the racial hierarchy (for argument's sake, I'm ignoring disability here).

But only if you think my language doesn't matter. 10 million native speakers are a lot more than what most languages in the world have. At the same time, 10 million doesn't even get you to the top 50 most spoken languages. We're usually somewhere at the tail end of the top 100 most spoken, which should only serve to illustrate how many languages there are in the world (so goddamn many, despite all the ones we've lost).

If I were American, I would be about as privileged as I could be on the global scale. But I'm not American. "White" isn't a language or a culture. I have some touchstone in common with people my age across the western world. I read Harry Potter as a kid, but I never watched SpongeBob. Maybe you have at least heard of Pippi Longstocking, but you certainly never watched Spader, Madame! (yes this is the example I'm going with here, don't question the fact that it's neither for children nor temporarily accurate for my generation)

The point I'm attempting to make, via rambling, is that language matters. The closer you are culturally to the current giant, the more influenced will your culture be. The fewer speakers, the more vulnerable to erasure and decline. An official language of a sovereign nation is more robust than an indigenous minority language.

Language is the carrier of culture. Am I privileged over a Mexican Spanish speaker? Over a person who speaks Hindi? My language is privileged over Saami, over Finnish, over Meänkieli, but is raw numbers of speakers the only thing that matters? Of course not: consider how literature plays a part, how many books or newspapers or comics are written and published in a language. Are there movies, music, radio.

The Internet, as a place where English is the lingua franca, and where the default country is assumed to be the USA, there is an idea that all non-English languages are minority languages, that all non-white ethnicities are minorities. Online, the only reason you have to assume a US default is myopia.

#language #languages #privilege #racism #saw some things that just made me tired #“whose complaints are most valid: the white esl speaker in another country or the brown immigrant in the US” is also a fun topic to cry at #I mean. discuss.#(to be clear: an extremely and interesting valid discussion that gets emotional because language is emotional)#anyway:#upp amaryllis och vakna min lilja; hör hur alla fåglar skrålar #jeff jeff! pam pam! jag får spader madame!

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katabay · 2 months ago

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PAGLUIB

way back in like. march?? I took a stab at writing some kind of kabitserye type of story but it was a mess: it kept veering off into murder mystery drama territory because I was reading a lot of murder mystery novels around then and it Wasn't Good because I hadn't tried writing mysteries, let alone murder mysteries, before lmao

I did write a handful of short mystery stories since then, so next year I might take a stab at this idea again now that I'm no longer jumping head first into a genre pool I don't know how to swim in :)

#now for the part where i have to fight off the impulse to write in some b movie horror elements because ive been thinking about #reanimator a lot lately. ehghghh. thank god for the editing process. to wrangle my thoughts into a linear state of creating #anyway i read an article. interview? on the popularity of infidelity dramas in the philippines and it was poetry to me #and i also enjoy the really intense social melodrama in lino brocka's films. specifically the appearance of morality to cover up/justify #ugly behavior. or like. man i'm tired. whatever was going on in murder by tsismis. that's the thing. someday i'll get more into it #and post excerpts from the actual analysis of the film that actually explains the dynamic im talking around here #komiks tag #original tag #also there's some. vague lingering thought about ikaw lamang in here. not in a way that matters #but in a 'the first episode that i saw was not the first episode of the drama itself and it made me go. oh everyone has rotten vibes'#which is not. well. if you saw ikaw lamang then you know the characters. this is not the takeaway from the show. HOWEVER #i did invent a whole different show in my head between that and when the next episode aired. so.#fake ikaw lamang. ikaw lamang if it wasn't even remotely like ikaw lamang. on the topic of ikaw lamang here's a cringe story for you #still following along. BEFORE i had watched the show. i saw a notebook with franco on it but i didn't recognize the character #i just saw jake in a suit and went oh! cool! i will now Buy This!#anyway i still have the notebook lmao

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gilgil-machine · 2 months ago

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#I remember a few years ago there was one artist that really liked Gil and they were constantly drawing him and talking about him #and one day I saw a message from them that Gil started to make them anxious and feel terrible #because of the whole thing in the fandom that revolves around his character and stuff like that #and they've gone tired of him and stopped liking him and moved to other fandom #and at that moment I felt really sad because I loved how they were drawing Gil #and the fact that they stopped liking him their own reasons just made me feel bad as well #and a few years later I understand that person because whenever I see a certain toxic ship and people that are shipping them #just makes me hate myself and him #because I feel like a total hypocrite for liking such terrible character #and I don't know what to do with that feeling because I really don't want to hate Gilgamesh because he means a lot to me #he helped me to get through a lot of tough times and I know that he's much more than this toxic douchebag #and that I love him not because of that trait but still...#like I could've chosen some other character as my fave #someone like Link or Vash or Ichigo from Bleach but no... I've chosen this golden prick...#maybe I am just as fucked up in the head as those people who into *that* toxic relationship...#personal

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magniloquent-raven · 10 months ago

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yall mfers need to stop

#gay characters written with a straight audience in mind are a thing im not denying that #like 95% of one-off queer storylines in the early 2000s were just #''hello i am a gay. i have just enough personality to pass as human in the eyes of the audience.#now let me explain why you should treat me like a person''#but my god have people taken this phrase and run all the way into hell with it #if i see one more person saying heartstopper is for straight people im gonna start biting throats out #it was created by a queer person first of all #and second of all they did not write an entire subplot about there being no age limit on discovering who you are #for STRAIGHT PEOPLE #that wasn't for them!! it was for all the people in their 30s who watched the first season #and cried their eyes out because they were seeing all the things they never got to have #im so tired yall #i stg any queer media that's even remotely lighthearted or optimistic #is immediately called ''sanitized'' or rejected as some fantasy aimed at straight ppl who dont want to deal with harsh realities #when that just isnt fair at all #also side note the post i saw that prompted me to make this also put ''pretty much all queer media made in asia'' on the list #of queer media for straights #which. feels racist.#i really dont have much of a frame of reference for queer anime/kdramas/cdramas etc. but the generalization feels sketchy #idk man i feel like there's a certain segment of the community who will just say anything they dont like is not For Us #like just because it isn't for YOU doesnt meant no one in the community can relate to/enjoy it ffs

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ssruis · 4 months ago

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Since the prsk videos playlist has over doubled in length since I last shared it here please enjoy the fruits of profound mental unwellness.

#if you saw it the last time I shared it you’ve seen up to akito speaks English everything after that is new #oops all rui + niigo #kidding. there’s some really good vbs videos/entire cast videos/wxs/rks etc #there’s just a lot of niigo videos I hadn’t seen yet and A Lot of rui videos #I did however find 3! whole! mmj! videos! (cheering)#no l/n yet the algorithm has not yet set me on that path.#vbs YY was so cute… Marissa stole the precious thing (?) parody was. something. idsmile mizu from 2 yrs ago made me wanna die.#oh also help me honami. that video is insane. cracked creator.#mine #fix my sleep schedule? no. watch hours of prsk videos? yes.#+ let me know if there’s anything in there that shouldn’t be. I try to vet everything so nothing Weird gets in but I’m tired #and occasionally I save before finishing the video and then it turns weird and while I think I unsaved anything that did I am also stupid.

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here-there-were-dragons · 8 months ago

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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that

#mostly i've just seen like “how dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ect”#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted #which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer #i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good #because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients #i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both #and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like #“a lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!” as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything #no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards #in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be #thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not “just”. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking #“i'm a disability advocate!” no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time #means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about #and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real #and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to #a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte #a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered #and who thinks that “carnivores” are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it #most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist #and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about #how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.

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nobodybetterlookatme · 1 month ago

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i hope you’re safe in your line of work. i’m sure it’s very difficult work and dangerous. it’s also very hot and sexy that you’re a firefighter so it’s really cool that you’re so brave

Well I'm still not dead so that's safe enough I guess lmao but this shit keeps dragging on, like it's crazy 😭 the work usually isn't too bad when we're not on incidents tho, like it's mainly just training and playing in the dirt ahdkaksk it's not as cool and sexy as you think it is unfortunately 😔 but I like to pretend it is and I have fun for the most part so that's all that really matters tbh lmao

#not snz #it's so sad seeing some of y'all with firefighter fantasies #and knowing we would crush y'all's dreams if you ever saw the things we actually do and how we actually act 😔#like i wish i was cool and sexy when i work but alas i am but a crusty little gremlin #also almost every single guy i work with is fucking disgusting in some way lmao #like the lack of hand washing is honestly appalling #tho by snz standards some of the shit that happens is actually hot lmao #shoutout to the one person in my dms who gets most of my stupid little fire stories 💙#anyway i am guilty of making exciting/horrifying things happen to my little ff ocs for funsies #but irl for me it's not that interesting ahdakksks like sometimes things happen but generally no and they're not that crazy #i mean i guess it's crazy rn but overall no #anyway ahdkaks #guess who's on night watch again lmao ✌️#they better fucking let me go home tomorrow tho bc i made plans #i wanna see the bestie 🥺#i think it'll be fine tho like I'm not supposed to be actually on an assignment #just driving around and checking on other high risk areas #I'm fucking tired tho #and i wanna be held 😔#allowing physical affection has absolutely ruined me ahdkaksk like what happened to never wanting to touch anybody ever #oh well 😔#anyway holding onto the hope that I'll be sleeping in my own bed tomorrow #i never sleep well even at home bc of the insomnia and it's damn near impossible to sleep anywhere else bc I'm such a light sleeper #so you can imagine i don't sleep out here lmao it's why I'm always on night watch

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itspileofgoodthings · 1 year ago

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#Early morning Maria vent post #my anxiety the last couple days has just been so high it’s like walking a tightrope #and I saw a friend yesterday and talked about a lot of the under the surface stuff #and it was good but it also brought so many things into this sharp clarity #that made me dizzy #and made me hate my own desire to have everything just laid out so clearly and so starkly in words #like why can’t I just leave things to cliches. Leave my own psyche to cliches. There’s a reason they exist!!!#but the hunger to understand and articulate is always so strong but when it’s for the big stuff you can’t really put into words #doing so always just leaves me so raw and vulnerable and wretched afterwards #and gosh it’s just been building and building the last few days #and I’m just so tired and so fraught and so tired! Of my own overthinking and circling round a problem #but never being able to talk myself into a clear understanding of what I want to do #I am just. Wrecked and wretched!#which is dramatic because I will be fine and things will keep going #but it’s five in the morning and I am completely taut with anxiety #and it’s awful and everything is awful and I need to cry and sleep #but clearly it was time for my early morning vent post that will be deleted later #the hallmark of me on vacation I guess #so this is me [ screaming into the void ]#this is me trying to get some of that out #thanks for listening etc.

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asinglesock · 6 months ago

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just realized my fatal flaw and the great struggle of possibly the rest of my life. while watching a cdrama.

#a sock speaks #local construction #fundamentally I lack the confidence needed to be a writer or a teacher #on the one hand I can't brazen my way out of this by pretending to be confident. I need to actually have the knowledge and skills I claim.#on the other hand I can't just say I'll be confident once I have more knowledge and experience. I have a master's degree!#I want to get more school but more school on its own will not fix this #I've let opportunities pass by because I was depressed. I didn't see how I could be enough for them.#or I was too tired (because I was depressed)#but sometimes it's bc I'm not sure if trying would make things better or worse (that one's on the OCD more than depression)#it makes sense that I lack confidence because of inexperience. but I can only gain experience by going for it. doing things badly is good.#it makes sense that I'm scared to face criticism. I've faced my whole community against me.#I've been stuck at someone's house debating scripture for hours with a migraine and no food. I think that was mildly traumatic for me.#but in most cases I am physically safe and the physical fear is irrational. I can work on this with some gentle exposure therapy.#but I need to bring together the effort to organize my thoughts and the bravado to hold my ground in an argument #and I can only build up this confidence with practice. I need to write. I need to do public speaking.#I'd need a platform for speaking (I'd hate to do a podcast or vlog but it'd be good for me)#but I should write! why am I not writing more? I need to write. writing is the way forward #several years ago I was in such deep despair with life that in order to survive I told myself #that I just had to survive. I didn't have to achieve anything or prove myself in any way as long as I stayed alive #and I went to grad school in Georgia not because I saw a path to a career in biblical studies but because school made me want to be alive #(extremely bizarre case of grad school not being the problem. I know.)#I know I missed a lot of benefits I could've had if I'd been mentally healthy when I went. but it's okay because it kept me going #I can go back to school or not go back. do biblical studies or do something else. I don't have big expectations for myself #but as my mental health improves it occurs to me that I COULD do more if only I believed it was worth the effort #I don't need to fear failure when the alternative was not even attempting it #I need to write. I need to write. I need to write.#I'm thinking I might start a newsletter or blog or something. some Bible stuff and some church/social commentary. just kind of open ended.

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whoblewboobear · 7 months ago

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It’s strange, I’m used to hyperfixating hard on things like HARD (beats my 2yr long beetlejuice musical obsession back with a stick) but Starbreaker- not even fantasy high itself took me over to the point of feeling like a teen about. Like I haven’t had this much fun in fandom in years. I haven’t like- interacted with people this much in fandom in years (which is still not enough but if I beat myself up about social interaction again I’ll jump off a cliff)

But there’s never been a concern of like “this obsession won’t fade for a while but it’ll lose popularity” and that’s fine and surprisingly it hasn’t. But it is different. It’s like adapting to it constantly as the thing itself changes even when there are aspects that you’d like to stay the same. Like that ‘I don’t go to this school of thought, but I’ll still take the class bc it’s interesting’ sorta thing.

And then there’s that feeling of WANTING to contribute but the thing has become such a beast that it’s like oooh I’m so out of my depths here.

Also like constantly having to look myself in the eye and be like ‘bitch you don’t have to talk or contribute to EVERYTHING’ and the sooner I accept that and accept that it is what it is, ill miss things, I won’t get enjoyment out of every aspect and every aspect isn’t for me and that that isn’t a bad thing, I’ll stop having moments of feeling weird and out of place. I have my lil corner and that’s okay

#ngl I think the biggest ‘culture shock’ ig about being in fandom is that tagging systems have changed so much or something bc I’m used to #walking in a tag and that’s where you find everything #but now it’s different #things are tagged wayyy differently and it means missing things or setting aside time to go down a list to check every blog #I dunno #I always feel a little weird about main tagging sb stuff now bc I’ll check the tag and it’s like oh? things are slowing down #but it’s like nooo bc of tagging and different lanes entirely I’m just missing stuff #idk what this is I’m just talking but it’s strange #I think I’m bad at fandom and that defeats the purpose of it bc it’s recreational #it’s supposed to be fun.#it’s /supposed/ to be fun #I saw a post the other day of someone that’s in this purely for Jace and having similar feelings of being out of the loop and it got me #thinking bc on some part I’ve contributed to it and I’ve probably clogged tags #but the lizard part of my brain that gets the dopamine boost from getting a note is like if I don’t main tag it won’t be seen #but truly either way I am mostly talking to myself lmao #so yah know? idk it should be fun #idk what this is and idk if I’ll fully ever commit to a different/quieter tagging system #bc tumblr is the place I got to scream and be annoying without being told it’s too much and some how I’ve convinced myself that on my own #blog and fandom spaces I enjoy that I’m just annoying #and I don’t wanna think that #I think I’m tired. like hyperfixation hasn’t died but the part of me that’s hungry for being completely consumed by it is tired #my one fear is that I’ll be so annoying that my fic will finish and no one will care #which isn’t true bc I’ll care until the bitter end lmao #idk I’ve talked so much that I’m like oh I’ve done the thing again I should shut up #also this is too like- self focused way too self focused #which just makes it worse bc then I’m like that’s what got me in this mess #but goddamn there’s just so much shit I’m missing out on and interactions I’d like to have but about things that I’m out of my depths on #so it made fandom a little lonely and a little secular #feeling like a kid on the outs #I want that feeling to die especially about the things I love

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lucalicatteart · 2 years ago

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Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 10: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression

(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)

Yesterday's poll decided that The Adventurer should join the travelers on the larger river boat for a short lunch ...

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"Before he even fully musters the courage to shout a 'hello', the large group on the boat initiates contact first, gleefully waving at him, whooping and shouting as they near his tiny raft in the water. Apparently, some of them were betting over whether they'd actually find any other travelers out on the river today.. He fumbles over his words a bit, as always, but somehow manages to successfully get himself invited onto their boat for a quick lunch..

After safely securing his raft to the side of the boat with some spare rope, he climbs aboard, stumbling into the excitement of some sort of celebration. A few of them explain that they're traveling for 'kahesallei', an old elven holiday recently re-popularized in some of the larger cities nearby. Whatever it's true meaning and origins used to be, the current significance (at least to those within the city walls) seems to just be mindless feasting, drinking, and gaudy decor. Most of the traveling group are strangers to each other, only brought together by catching a ride on the same tour/party boat, but the mood is light, quite friendly between them, and perhaps a bit drunk.

While the boat itself is relatively plain wood, it's been strewn with gold and orange banners, flags, shimmery tassels, beads, and bushels of dark green ivy braided with fresh herbs and wildflowers. There are flat round tables of food and drink, plenty of cushions to lounge on, and one random guy perched precariously on the edge railing of the boat, gently strumming a lute for background music..

The elderly ship captain hobbles over to The Adventurer, sternly explaining that, no matter what the 'silly' passengers say, he's only allowed to stay for an hour because he didn't pay for a boat ride ticket, and thus really shouldn't even be allowed on board. By the time The Adventurer has mentally processed this information, the captain has already returned to his little steering room, slamming the door shut with a displeased grunt.. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to confront him or question the rules...... But! Hey, at least he has one hour at the party.. How should he spend his time? "

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Additional Information

the adventurer's current main goal: follow his map to reach the abandoned castle ruins and see the rare animal specialist about the mysterious egg he has

#paventure posting #polls #poll #choose your own adventure #LATE AGAIn I know.. I'm still in my weird unproductive spell. literally I've had the same 5 to do list items on my list #for 2 weeks now. I can't even do five simple things in 2 weeks lol. I did start some new supplements and change my diet since #my doctors are still trying to sort out what health issues are going on or etc. so maybe it's something with that #like accidentally on the new diet I'm not getting enough calories or not getting enough of some vitamin or something so it's made me oddly #brain foggy and just really tired and unable to focus well for the past few weeks or something..? ANYWYA. not really sure what #it is specifically but my functioning in terms of actually focusing on and completing tasks has been a lot worse . thus #chronically behind on things. which I am always chronically behind on things in some sense since I always have like 7000 projects #I'm working on at the same exact time and etc. lol. but like.. even more chronically behind than usual .. ToT #ANYWAY.. I'm suprised that the 'try to get a ride on the boat' option didn't get that many votes actually lol #Like.. treveling down a river in a tiny handmade raft is probably.. not extremely safe or efficient lol #But at least he gets to have lunch there. Just the hour that he's on the boat doing whatever will get him a lot further because the boat #is moving faster than his raft would be. It should still get him out of the river and back on track sooner. Because he still has a long way #to go to get to the abandoned castle. I know it's been a lot of days since I'm not keeping up well with actually doing these #daily or every other day - but technically in the story it's only been a little over a day since he left the Inn #The first day he just walked. the second day he saw there was a barrier in his path. then spent half the day building a boat. and now he'e #*he's where he is now. The trip is roughly 4 days and he's like.. a little over halfway through his second. Not counting any detours or #distractions he might run into. But at least at this pace he should be off the river before it starts to get dark #Thate the main thing. you want to get a good rest on solid ground. ideally. So long as nothing strange happens on the boat #but yeah! day 10.. of little elf man adventure... ALSO he is like early 20s I imagine. so he can drink hbhjbjh #I know the 'very quick simple ms paint style' is kind of chibi-ish so it makes people look young but he's not a boy #don't worry. I didnt want it to seem weird like some 10 year old kid walking into a party of drunk 30 year olds #like a toddler hanging out in a night club or whatever. It's safe and okay for him to be there. just for the record. lol #I mean maybe not SAFE safe. it's still a boat of like.. rowdy party goers who could easily fall over the edge into the water or whatever bu #but like.. safe in the sense that he's not a 6 year old being offered vodka by strangers at a party. etc.#despite his goofy nervous demeanor and chronic baby face syndrome he is indeed an actual adult somehow ghbj

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nadjabear · 1 year ago

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Girls when they think they have a good friendship with a man but then they start to like you romantically (I’m girls)

#last time i saw him he did say some stuff that made me suspicious but I decided to ignore it lol #then my friend just told me he said he likes me and wanted to confess his feelings and if I wanted to try something with him #and like ???? i don't talk to him that often where did that come from #we hung out twice before he went back to uni and had a lot of fun but I wasn't flirting at all #idk this is just so sudden #i really don't see him that way and never gave any indications I was interested in him romantically #i haven't been in this predicament in a long time I forgot how tiring it is lol #idk let's just hope he falls in love with someone closer to him and that will reciprocate his feelings #he's a good guy and deserves someone that does like him that way #i hate confrontation so i don't want to make things awkward if he does decide to confess

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mountain-lion-gremlin · 1 year ago

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GUYS SO YOU KNOW IVE TALKED A BIT ABOUT HAVING A LOVER

AND I JUAT GOT THE WONDERFUK OPPORTUNITY TO TALK WITH HIS LAZY ASS PARENTS

(GUYS HE GOT HIS PHONE TAKEN AWAY I AM SK SAD)

BUT LIKE THIA BITCH IS SO LAZY COULDNT EVEN BOTHER TO TRY AND REPLICATE HOW MY PRETTY BOY TALKS

like from the get go I could tell it wasn't him it was SO FISHHYYY

(*gossip girl voice is fully activated btw*)

But also I am so worried for him. I hope they weren't snooping, and I'm glad I followed my gut and didn't try to make contact immediately again outside of the one chat we have

Because if they found out he would be in absolute HEAPS of trouble.

I hope he gets his phone back soon. I can't wait for him to return.

#pls pls pls if you know who I'm talking about #do not say or comment about it anywhere else #this is for both of our privacy and pretend you never saw thus #it's just so frustrating that he got his phone taken and they didn't even try hard to convince me #I think his parents thought I was so emotional over it that I was just in denial #like I'm not stupid 💀💀#my love does NOT talk like that #craziest thing that has happened so far in this relationship tbh #I really hope he's okay and doesn't think I'm really hurt over this #because I'm not I just find this a pitiful attempt from a parent #I also made sure to contact some of his close friends that i know of to not contact him #because he is also a wolf shifter and I really don't want him to be accidentally exposed #I was spamming him though I think they were tired of hearing it every night for the last 6 days 🤠✨️#I didn't know if he was okay I had no warning that his stuff was taken #I was completely in the dark #GUYS IM SUCH A GOOD ACTOR #but yeah #wanted to tell you guys because I did NOT expect this #most likely I will delete this after this whole thing is over #I'm pretty sure he will get his phone back just based on how they talked to me #pretty sure it was his mom or stepmom or something #too nice and passive aggressive to be his dad #plus the energy behind the texts felt more... feminine so to say. MY LOVE IS THE OPPOSITE OF FEMININE #I LOVE YOU HONEY #I'm pretty sure he cut contact with everything he could before his parents took his phone but couldn't get to Amino on time.#I really hope they didn't snoop #that would be horrible for him #I'm really worried #like I was worried yesterday oh hell yes I was #but I am WAYYY worried now

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meowmeowmessi · 2 years ago

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Honestly, as much as well talk about it, I kinda don't seen City as an option just becauss they've built their team over the last 2 years, including ofc Grealish who also plays as a 10 and is a starter, and it doesn't feel like they'd want to make any big transfers now. But still I guess we will see in the transfer window for sure, both for City's squad and Messi's decision.

appreciate the reality check, anons 🥲 it's all on leo and whether he believes in whatever "sports project" nonsense pissg is feeding him atp. i seriously doubt he's going to stay in the tinpot club for much longer (dear god let this not be a jinx), but considering barça's financial situation rn, not to mention tebas,,, i really don't think it's a feasible option. and i don't want it to be, either :// not at this moment, anyway. so yes, we can only wait and see what happens in the next transfer window. i'm not too worried about his options tbh— it's fucking messi, not just any random player: all it takes is the news "he is wants to leave" to break out just like the burofax in 2020 and he'll have clubs lining up at his doorstep

#also i've heard grealish has been flopping lately?#saw some ppl on city twt saying they wouldn't mind messi in their squad in place of grealish that got me going HMMM fjdkfj #jokes aside tho. if he leaves pissg and barça can't sign him then i don't see him going anywhere other than city #bc messi enjoys familiarity. he has juli and pep over there. not to mention city was an actual option he was considering back in 2020 #i'd love to see him in napoli too but they're broke so 🥲#but i really really don't want barça for him rn. administrative and political issues with la liga aside #the way true coolers are moving rn #coupled with PLAYERS saying they hope messi comes back and helps them win the ucl #it's not looking good bruv. hate to burst the bubble but the current squad is only good enough to win the league #there's still a long way to go if they want to conquer europe. and this isn't 2018/19 messi anymore #who can singlehandedly drag them to the ucl semis #if messi comes back and they flop he'll be made the scapegoat. and it'll be so much worse #i understand there's the romantic inside all of us that thinks messi can definitely help the club of his life win the ucl #bc he's the main character of football and a real life mary sue #but listen. even cinderella's magic runs out when the clock strikes midnight #some things are just impossible #and im tired of seeing messi taking the blame for everything. i can take french media throwing stones at him bc they're pests anyway #but i don't want him to get hurt by the club of his life. that'd be too much for me to bear #at the end of the day it's his decision but yeah. city or napoli for me. barça can be his pit stop right before he r words #i have a lot of feelings regarding this sorry ://#asks

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transgender-catboy · 1 year ago

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I love my friends

#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind #for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart #i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and #allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way #i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics #i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either #but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time #but that's the only way I can get those emotions out #I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her #... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going #I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you #probably dead.#💖#vent

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milo-is-rambling · 2 years ago

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Day whatever it is recap!

#📸#I think it’s day five maybe #also I’m at my brothers school for the last time ever :/#probs the last time I’ll ever step into a college dorm again tbh #and I got one last shower in the dorm bathroom which is always good bc if I’m seeing my brother chances are I’ve at very least spent three #hours in a car to get to him #so a shower is nice especially bc I was like panic attack sweaty. tmi? maybe.#I didn’t really do a lot today #at least not postable stuff #a lot of hanging out with family and Millie and being tired and kind of miserable but also daydreaming about any other shit in my life #idk. it all feels weird rn. all of it. and my brain is nagging me saying you’re being/doing x y z for attention even when I’m not telling #anyone shit im doing or thinking or anything and my brain is still like nah. you’re jealous of your brother graduating and not being home #at the end of dads life and at the same time you feel stressed and guilty and feel bad about him not getting closure #but at the same time you just wish you didn’t see his fucking body on the ventilator and all the IVs and the bloat and the popped blood #vessels and the nurses and doctors and knowing they did cpr so much if he even survived he would be miserable and have broken ribs #fuck. I want to be home and alone and crying about this all by myself alone. I hate this I hate this I hate this I want to go smoke a cig #but this is a no smoking campus ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh I am miserable and this is supposed to be this big fun #thing for my brother and I feel selfish and stupid for having feelings and letting myself get upset about my dad but my fucking mother #made some sign to put in an empty chair for my dad and she brought his jacket he wore all the time and I started crying when I saw and then #immediately after we had to go see his parents and my grandfather is falling apart and reminds me of my dad in the hospital and I’m just so #miserable and between horrible thoughts and self harm and everything I’m keeping to myself I am just thinking about how this is so bitter #sweet for my brother like he’s graduating with his friends and then moving away from them all to a place where it’s just all about dad being #dead and he doesn’t like Florida really and he’s gotta start his grown up life (technically he has two more classes online and he’s getting #a blank diploma tomorrow but yeah. things are rough and my body hurts and stress is so bad for me and my chronic pain and I feel like I went #from the most relaxed and comfortable and happy I’ve been in a year to feeling like hell on earth and I feel like I’m bringing down every #one else’s mood but like hello why are we pretending any of this normal thid can’t be real this can’t be real this can’t be real I don’t #want this to be reak I want it to be fake it has to be fake please please please wake up tomorrow and have it be a year ago please #I miss my father and I hate myself and violent thoughts are taking over my mind and I hate it all but things were so good literally up until #I saw my mom and grandparents #my brother was so nice when it was just us too (and later I just mean before mom got here specifically he was still nice to me)

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