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olivia091108 · 1 year ago

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how to be a jackass Introduction

Word count:1.k

Tonight I’m going out with my sister and her boyfriend because apparently ‘I need to get a a life’ which I think is kinda rude but the only reason she’s saying that is because her and her boyfriend are thinking of moving out together but I don’t know anyone around town and she doesn’t think I’m responsible. She’s right

“Are you kidding me we need to leave in a half hour and your still in your pyjama’s chop chop”she claps her hands in my face.

She can get quite stressed when it comes to me I wasn’t the easiest to grow up with I was a bit of a hothead we both have a few stories from tell of our fights which she still has a scar form that she never shuts up about

“Alright calm down I have loads of time” I push myself off the sofa and just as I walk past her I barge her against the wall and quickly scurry to the bathroom and lock the door before she gets crazy.

I walk into my room with a towel wrapped round my body and one in my hair and flick the tv on just to have some noise in the background it was an alright show jackass that I would watch when I get back late and nothing else is on except teleshoping. I don’t have anything against it but they need to step it up cos I know give me 10 or 20 bucks I’ll do anything they do.

I find an old shirt from when I was like 15 or something and picked up some jeans that were laying on the floor before slipping on some shoes.

“See I’m ready in what 5 minutes you need to take some Xanax I swear”

“Your hair is literally dripping” I flip my head back and forth no doubt getting it on her. And walk down to her boyfriend Oliver who was gonna drive us.

Once we get their it’s already kicking off and walk towards the bar but some grown men are standing there ignoring me while I ask them to move so I manage to budge my way through them and get a rum and coke.

I start to sweat being surrounded by 15 people who clearly know nothing about personal space. I see my sister and Oliver talking to some dude and my sister starts pointing me out and calling me over.

Y/n come here so you know that show you love jackas-

Love? No I don’t love it I don’t even like it that much but what does that have to do with anything?

“Y/n”she says my name like my mum used to when I would break something she jerked her head to the man just standing there and at first I’m confused but then I realise who he is Oh shit

you don’t like the show sweetheart?the leader of the show asks

“I mean It’s alright but you could do better.” He laughs a bit at my words “oh yeah what then?”

“Nah I didn’t mean to be rud- no I’m serious what do you think”

“Do more nasty shit or more extreme stuff and more painful stunts all in saying is anything you lot do I could do if I knew I was getting paid or just for a laugh”

Ill buy you a drunk if you make out with that man at the bar he points to a fat man who is drenached with sweat and is missing a tooth at the bottom

“Easy.”

I walk over to him and straight up grab his face and kiss him slipping my tongue and feel him grab a handful of my ass and a few seconds later pull away and walk back over to Johnny using the bottom of my shirt to try and wipe my tongue

“Ok your’e turn Pants that biker playing pool” Johnny looks at him and he looks like he will smash his face in. He walks over there and waits till he has his back to him and as hard as he can yanks his jeans down with his boxers coming as well exposing his bare crack Johnny turns round and ores tends to be in a conversation with some random lady.

The man pulls Johnny to face him and holds him by the colour getting redder and redder. His friends start crowding him and they look like they’re gonna jump him so I walk over and tell him.

“Sir they ran into the bathroom he didn’t do it.”

He lets go of Johnny and storms towards the bathroom with his friends following hot on his heals. I burst out laughing making my eyes water.

“I was about to get my ass kicked”Johnny said joining in on your’e laugh.

The night progressed like this having a couple drinks doing some dares. I didn’t even know that Olivier and my sister left. Some of his fiends joined in.

Running along the bar naked then getting pushed off -Chris

I poured salt in my eye

Ehren getting pool balls thrown at him.

And obviously Steve o lit himself on fire spreading it onto my hair

And so on by the end we were all drunk as fuck and had been kicked out.

I wake up with a throbbing head ache and open my eyes but getting blinded by the lights once they adjust I’m in the bath but I don’t recognise it. I get out and try and find out where I am I hear voices so I walk towards it and then it clicks.

We got kicked out and went back to Steve os apartment carrying on the night everything else’s is a bit hazy right now.

I see all of them in the living room chatting and I also see Steve o wearing my shirt that is 4 sizes too small and some boxers.

Hey Steve o can I have my shirt back I groggily ask making them look towards me probably forgetting I was here.

Yeah dude. He takes it off and throws it at me and I take off the one in wearing and give it to him.I turn around and change

“Dude that bruise is gnarly” I look down at my hip bone and see it decorated with a purple bruise from when I tried to break the door down.

“Y/n you weren’t bullshitting last night we’re you? Johnny asks

“What about?”

“Well we were thinking you were right we gotta be more exciting and you seemed pretty into it would you wanna join.”

“No offence babe but Johnny she was drunk as shit she won’t do any of it sobre”

“Try me.”

Time skip

“Im y/n y/l/n and this is electric mouse trap.”

I stick out my tongue and let Chris clip it on to my tongue and immediately feel the electricity. I Jump around in pain trying to keep it in as long as I can to prove to them I can do it. I Shake my head and rip It off my tongue and It feels numb. I try to speak but all that’s coming out is jibberish and everyone including myslef laugh.

“Welcome to jackass y/n”

Guys I’m baaaack

This will be a slower burn series of bam x reader and jackass girl don’t know how often I will post but I’ve planned at least 3 chapters and I’m so excited message me any headcannons you wnat in this

Ik bam wasn’t in this but just you wait

My requests are still open

-liv

#liv’s writing #jackass x reader #bam margera x reader #steve o x reader #steve o #bam margera #johnny knoxville #jackass imagine #jackass #chris pontius #dave england #danger ehren #ryan dunn #wee man #preston lacy

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missusdunn · 1 year ago

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Bam Margera X f!reader X Ryan Dunn pt.1

Warnings!! - Smut, Oral f!giving, cussing, 18++++

Dating Bam Margera threw you into a lot of spontaneous adventures. The parties, impulsive trips across the world, dangerous stunts. It became normal to expect the unexpected. The only predictable thing about Bam was his selfishness especially when it came to you. You are his and his only. You couldn’t even have a friendly conversation with another man without Bam going into a bitch fit. However, there is one exception. Ryan Dunn. They’re a two-in-one deal. You can’t get close to one without the other. And Bam trusts Ryan so no reason for jealousy. Just a trio of pals.

One night, Ryan invites the two of you to his apartment to drink and hang out. Anticlimactic but fun nonetheless. You and Bam head over there with a bottle of vodka and let yourselves in. “Oh hey, you two! Thanks for knocking, so considerate!” Ryan greeted. Bam chuckles and says “Don’t act like you don’t walk into my house like that, asswipe.” “Whatever,” Ryan grabs the vodka from Bam “this’ll make up for it.” I roll my eyes, kick off my shoes, and make my way to the couch. Bam follows suit and Ryan goes to the kitchen to get cups. Bam stretches and melts into his seat. “Finally a night to relax with my two favorite people.” He smiles and puts his arm over my shoulder. I playfully roll my eyes “Don’t be sappy just to get into my pants later.” He sarcastically puts his hands up “Sorry, sorry.” He smirks. “I have better tactics anyway.” He cups my face with his right hand and leans in for a kiss. Of course, I kiss back and it doesn’t take long until his tongue is in my mouth. After a few more seconds Ryan is back. “Excuse me but I’d appreciate it if you two didn’t fuck on my couch!” He says playfully. “We’re not fucking, Dunn,” Bam grumbles with a slight pout having cut the make-out short. “Yet. Thank god I stopped it just in time.” Ryan says placing cups on the coffee table. I laugh and pick up my glass to fill with liquor. Ryan stops me from picking up the bottle and pours it for me. “Oh, such a gentleman,” I say sarcastically while taking a sip. “Anything for you, darling.” He playfully winks filling up the other two glasses. “You fuckers know I’m right here right?” Bam rolls his eyes as Ryan and I laugh. Bam grabs the remote and tosses it to Ryan. “Put some shit on, Dunn let’s get fucked up.” As he chugs his first round.

A couple hours later we’re all buzzed. It didn’t take long for the TV to become background noise. After multiple conversations filled with slurs and giggles the topic of Ryan’s love life came up.

“You really haven’t been getting any lately?” Bam laughs. “Dude it’s not a big deal!” Ryan defends himself. “I’ve just been busy!” Bam continues to laugh “Yeah you’re so busy binge drinking on your couch!” Ryan’s brows furrow “fuck you.” I hit Bam on the shoulder and give Ryan a sympathetic look. “Ry, there’s no shame in not having sex! Not everyone can be sexually active twenty-four seven.” I say “Unlike some whores…” I motion to Bam. Ryan lets out a chuckle and Bam rolls his eyes. “If I’m a whore that would make you one too, idiot,” Bam argues. “Oh babe you and I both know that’s not how it works,” I sigh “Your body count is 10x times mine!” “Whatever since you’re fucking me you’re a whore by association.” He snickers. “You’re such an idiot.” I sip my drink. Bam smirks and leans in. “Your idiot.” Kissing me and turning it into a full-on make-out session in less than ten seconds. That’s gotta be a record.

Ryan groans. “Again please do that anywhere else.” Bam pulls away and looks at his friend. “Yknow what just fucking join, Dunn.” Ryan’s eyes go wide and I’m too shocked to say anything. “What?” Ryan asks, thinking it’s a joke. “It’ll help with your blue balls that make you so pissy,” bam smirks “and I know how long you’ve wanted to fuck y/n.” Ryan keeps his eyes on Bam with red coating his cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Bam chuckles “Yes you do!” He points out “Before we started dating you, I would talk about all the things we’d do to her!” Now I’m the one with cherry-red cheeks. “Come on, Dunn you down or not?” Bam looks at me as if he’s asking with his eyes. “I’m down if Ryan’s down…” I stumbled out. Bam looks back at Ryan “Alright, let’s do it then.” Ryan agrees. Bam smirks in satisfaction and motions Ryan to sit next to me. Now I'm in the middle. Bam goes for my neck kissing and sucking. While I’m left looking into his friend’s eyes. Ryan hesitated a little bit but then kissed me like it was the end of the world. My throat vibrated with moans and Bam’s hands made their way to my chest. Groping me through my top before pulling it over my chest to expose my tits. I gasped into Ryan’s mouth from the sudden movements. Ryan pulls back to look at my breasts, groaning at the sight. He pushes Bam’s hands away and replaces them with his own. Bam immediately starts to kiss me sloppily. As Ryan has begun sucking on my tits making sure both nipples get the same amount of attention. My moans gradually increase the hotter it gets. I push both the boys away from me. They give me a confused and concerned look. Before they could say anything I got down on my knees in front of them. Their eyes widened in realization before slightly scooting closer together so they weren't too far apart. I began to palm them through their jeans, both of them already hard. “I need you both now,” I whine. Immediately the two start fumbling with their belts whipping their dicks out.

I spit onto both of my hands and begin to jerk my boyfriend and his best friend off. Bam’s groaning and Ryan has his eyes closed letting out breathy moans. I wrap my mouth around Bam’s dick and begin to deep throat him. Trying to get his cock covered in as much saliva as possible. As my left hand continues to stroke Ryan’s Bam grabs my hair and pushes me down on his length a bit more. Groaning when he reaches the back of my throat. I push back off his lap and replace my mouth with my hand. I shift my attention to Ryan and I start to suck the tip of his cock, swirling my tongue around it. And jerking off his shaft twisting up and down. Ryan’s heavily breathing with his eyes locked on mine. I continue to switch between the two men with my mouth, whilst jerking the other one off. Bam’s moans get louder letting me know that he's close. I have a hand on each of the men's shafts. I begin to firmly stroke Bam, twisting up and down. My tongue hovers over his tip waiting for his cum. With a final groan, Bam shoots his load onto my face. From the lewd image of my face covered in cum Ryan finishes in my hand. “Shit.” Ryan curses. I move my face towards my cum-covered hand and clean it up with my tongue. Both boys catch their breaths before sharing a chuckle. “I can’t believe we just fucking did that.” Ryan laughs. “I remove my hands from them, cleaning myself up with a nearby throw blanket. “Consider it an early Christmas present.” Bam continues. “You may wanna wash this…” I smirk, tossing the soiled blanket at Ryan. The two laugh as I get up to go to the bathroom. Until Bam interrupts my movements “Hey, where are you going? It’s your turn.”

#viva la bam #viva la bam x reader #ryan dunn #bam margera #bam margera x reader #ryan dunn x reader #jackass x reader #cky x reader #cky #jackass smut #jackass imagine #jackass #ryan dunn smut #bam margera smut #jackass hcs

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b4mpyre-k1zz3s · 6 months ago

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Night in New Orleans

Normally the men Y/N is in charge of managing are the ones getting in trouble, not the other way arround. This time, while shooting in Louisiana for the second movie, it’s a bit of both.

Johnny Knoxville X Gn!Reader, Bam Margera X Gn!Reader (if you squint)

(Fluff)

5.7k Words

Warnings: Highly suggestive content, crude language, heavy nudity, alcohol, drug use, fights, blood, hurt/comfort, flirting, stripping, fighting

An: Another manager Y/N fic!! I can’t seem to get away from this premise for the life of me! XD they’re just so fun to write for!! Also as proof of how much research goes into these fics, every location mentioned in this fic is entirely real and on Bourbon Street! I had an ex that went to New Orleans but I’ve never been there myself, so I could only hope it’s as wild as I immagine it to be! Also, this fic takes place ~2006 during the filming of Jackass Number Two because they filmed a good chunk of that movie in Louisiana! Anyways,thank you for sending in requests and please keep sending them!

Backroads seemed to stretch on forever as you ranted to Jeff on the phone, “MTV is not paying me enough for this shit! I mean, it's bad enough I gotta spend every day with idiots, now I’m the one who’s gotta find them when they run off?” The dusty road ahead of you was solely illuminated by the one working headlight on the van as you drove through the darkness, your only source of direction being the man you were on the phone with, “It's not my fault they decided to run off to some ranch in the middle of Nowhere, Louisiana!” You rolled your eyes, leaning forward against the wheel to try and see ahead as he sighed, “Listen, we gotta shoot in the morning so just get them back to the hotel. Manage the talent!” Click.

Fuckin Jeff, making you go out in the middle of the night in the stupid van that was bumbling allong on its last legs- you didn’t even want to immagine what went down in it based on how it smelled. The whole ‘manage the talent’ thing became almost a motto for when shit turned sour but calling them talent was an overstatement. This is what chauffeurs- better yet, the town dog catcher is for, not managers. Thanks to his amazing directions, you ended up at a ranch, sure, but it seemed practically deserted as you pulled up into the dirt parking lot. Squinting into the darkness, you could barely make out the carved writing on the wooden sign that hung over the front gate that read, ‘New-D Ranch’, whatever that meant. You waited for a few minutes, trying to catch a breeze from the one working AC vent while wondering why the hell you hadn’t quit already to find a job somewhere a little more sane before you heard the swish of the doors behind you opening.

You knew it was Johnny who called shotgun when you heard the slight twang in his grumble as he slid in the passenger seat, “Christ, for a nudist ranch you’d think there’d be more chicks…” Blinking, you turned to him, looking him up and down. Shoulders, chest, thighs- oh god he was naked. Well, naked save for those stupid sunglasses he never seemed to take off. The guys chattered amongst themselves in the back seat as you whipped your head around- yeah, them too. Knoxville must have seen how big your eyes got or the blush that spread across your cheeks, and judging by the way he chuckled a little and let his knees drift apart as he settled down in his seat, he didn’t seem to mind. Pervert. It’s not like you could help it that he was so shameless and all blue and glowy from the way the moon kissed his skin. Finally, you got your words out, yanking the van into gear as you peeled out, “Why are you all naked?”

Admittedly, you were speeding a little down the desolate road while Chris and Steve filled you in on how they heard about this totally rad nudie ranch from this guy at the hotel bar and were down to get with some really hot chicks that night, but all they found there were dudes and farm animals. Every now and then you would sneak a glance over at Johnny who was still wearing that shit eating grin he always had when he knew he was pushing your buttons. You didn’t want to debate yourself if this whole thing was turning you on or pissing you off, but you didn’t have a whole lot of time to consider it as you saw those flashing red and blue lights in your rear view mirror. Shit.

What a perfect time to get pulled over. Veering the car off to the gravelly shoulder, you did the routine. Yes officer. No, I don’t know why I got pulled over. My license? Oh sure! Right here, officer! He flashed that stupid little flashlight inside the car and audibly gasped as he gawked at the proud exhibitionists- that is, all except Bam, who was redder than a tomato and practically squirming in his seat as he desperately tried to cover up his junk. You could tell Officer Friendly got a little uncomfortable with the way Chris suggestively raised his eyebrows at him from the way he stuttered as he continued his police spiel, “May I ask why you are out at this hour with a- a van full of nude men?” Thinking for a moment, you tried to come up with a worthwhile excuse, “Well, I, uh- these are my brothers, officer, and they had a little too much to drink tonight, so they called me to pick them up from the bar!” Making eye contact across the center counsel, Johnny nodded with a very clear tone of amusement in his voice, “Yeah, brothers.” The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

All the cop could do was awkwardly ask for your license and go back to his car, leaving you alone in the oppressive humidity and near silence as crickets chirped faintly. Turning around, about to deliver the lecture of a lifetime, you noticed Steve eerily uiet and nevrous, of all things. Looking up at you from his nails that he was biting to the nub, there was a trace of panic in Steve’s eyes as he started, not even waiting for you to ask what was wrong, “I’m fuckin’ naked and I gotta warrant, man! I-I can’t go t’jail- not like this…” You rolled your eyes at his dramatics- really it wouldn’t surprise you if they all had warrants based on the shit you had to get them out of. As he stood up a little to get a better view out the front window, he anxiously bounced his leg, murmuring to himself, “Fuck, man. That’s it. I-I’m gonna make a run for it.” Your eyes shot open and you pushed him back into his seat. If there was anything you didn’t need tonight, it was a naked man under your care on the loose, so you shut that down fast, “Steve! Stay!”

When the cop returned, the guys turned to look in completely different directions so as to not appear suspicious as you got the news that everything seemed fine with your license. He let you off with a warning and a shake of his head, muttering something about you taking your brothers home to sober up and getting some damn clothes on them while you were at it. Yes, officer. Thank you, have a nice night, officer. As you started back to the hotel, Chris, who was previously distracted by looking at fireflies out the window, noticed something, “Woah, dude. What’s wrong?” Glancing in your rear view mirror as you pulled away, you saw Bam, in between Steve and Chris, white as a ghost with sweat just pouring down his face. Running a hand through his soaked curls, he shook his head, “Shit, dude! I was worried- like, I-I’m small and cute! And naked!” Johnny turned to face him and piped up, “And famous.” Bam disregarded any traces of sarcasm as he turned to you, “And famous! I’d get the shit kicked out of me, dude!” With how cool these guys were normally, the way they freaked out when a cop showed up surprised you.

By some miracle you made it to the hotel, a motel, if you were being honest, in the middle of bourbon street. The place was the definition of a shithole, but you’d stayed in worse and it was better than sleeping in the van so you made do with the used condoms under the bed and roaches in the bathroom because if they could survive this, so could you. Not wanting to leave the guys unsupervised for too long, you decided that your best bet at getting the guys from the car to the room would have to be something in the near vicinity, and while scanning the parking lot, you got an idea so good it made you want to ask for a raise. An assured grin crossed your face, ”I’ll be back.” Just as you were halfway out the door you heard Bam protest with an exhausted sigh, “Fuck it! I’m going with you.” He climbed over Chris to open the door, putting his hands up as he got over his previously held shyness at being nude in front of others, “I’ve been sittin’ between two naked dudes and I gotta get the fuck outta here.” Stopping just before an indecent exposure charge, he held his hand out to you, “Gimme your jacket.”

Begrudgingly handing over your hoodie to Bam, he casually tied it around his waist backwards to cover his crotch loincloth-style as you made a mental note to wash it before you wore it next time it got chilly. Decent enough, you thought, shaking your head as you walked towards the shitty hotel pool that glowed teal in the night. You tried to pretend he wasn’t there as he followed on your heels through the parking lot and through the metal gates that fenced the pool in. As you nearly dove into the big plastic green thing that housed the neatly folded towels, you heard Johnny wolf whistle from the van. Initially assuming that it was directed towards you, you flipped up, clutching an armful of fluffy white fabric, but before you could shout something back you very quickly noticed that Bam’s pale little ass was just completely out. Goddamn it. As you handed out the towels, he didn’t seem bothered in the slightest when Chris chuckled and said something about hating to see Bam go but loving to watch him leave.

Making sure to stay behind the group like a Border Collie to a herd of sheep, you marched the idiots through the lobby who were miraculously dry despite allegedly having come from the pool. As celebrities go, they didn’t attract as much attention as you would have otherwise expected, but that didn’t stop a few drunken women splayed out in the wide, red silk upholstered chairs in the lobby from loudly propositioning them. Steve threw up a ‘call me’ gesture and Bam dragged his feet, whining something about you never letting them have any fun as you nudged them along. You were so exhausted that you didn’t even bat an eye when Chris ‘accidentally’ dropped his towel and glanced back at you with a finger over his lips like one of those pin up girls. Humorously snatching the towel off of the ground, you shoved it into his arms as you all crowded into the tiny, rickety elevator that was surely over it”s weight limit. How strange it must have looked from an outsider’s perspective- you and four nearly naked men, all packed shoulder to shoulder into that tiny space. But you were too tired to care about any of that, leaning your forehead against the wall with a thump as the doors closed.

You were the one Jeff gave the keys to because you were the only one deemed responsible enough, so you tossed them to Bam as he passed you in the hall, but while the others were stumbling in and tossing off their towels, Johnny lingered in the hall as you went to unlock your room. The hallway was only maybe wide enough for you to stand on one side and stretch your arm out to touch the other side, so you really had to look up to talk to him, “Where’re you going?” Holding his towel up far too low with one hand, Johnny shrugged, leaning against the wall opposite to you, “M’goin t’our room.” Most people, if they were in your shoes, staring up maybe six inches away from this ruggedly handsome, partially nude man, would fold like a house of cards, but you were not most people, so you kept your composure. Shrugging, you unlocked your room. “No, this is my room.” The dryness of your words contracted with the playful tone in his voice, “You sure ‘bout that?” Tossing your keys into the bed, you turned to him flatly, “Yep!” Johnny shrugged, turning to leave before dropping his towel. He cackled that signature Knoxville laugh, picking it up only after he heard you snicker from your doorway.

After sending the kids off to daycare, you finally got a moment to yourself. Your day was mostly spent lounging about your room, trying to savor the peace and quiet however short lived it may be. But it came to a stop all too soon when your hotel room phone started ringing- it was Bam, who was apparently too lazy to just go next door and knock. He mumbled over the line, sounding a little embarrassed to ask you, “We wanna go out, n’Jeff says we can’t without you.” This premise never ends well. Hearing your sigh, he turned defensive, “Hey! We just wanna go get some food, okay? That’s it! Jeez…” In the background, you could hear Johnny say something about how the boys were starvin’ over there. “Okay, fine!” You relented after hesitating for a moment, “As long as it's just for food.”

The group walked through a blur of light and sound, dazzling neon signs flanking either side of the street: Bourbon Gifts Cigar Shop, Tropical Isle- Home of the Hand Grenade, signs advertising $5 Jager Bombs, but no restaurants. The guys seemed to have completely forgotten about looking for dinner, more concerned with what trouble they could get into than feeding themselves. “C’mon, Bam! I know this kickass voodoo lady that lives ‘round here- she’ll totally get us footage!” Steve’s excitement was met with a shudder, “No fuckin way, man. Like I wanna get hit by brooms’n play with snakes ‘n shit.” Maybe the fact that Johnny was holding the portable video camera from the hotel room should’ve tipped you off that they may not have been on the prowl for food. He chuckled, turning to Steve, “She sounds sweet. Think’y could get me her number?”

So far you had done a pretty good job at keeping the guys together, even if you had to grab their hands and tug them through the crowds like you were their mother when you caught them rubbernecking to peep into whatever strip club you were walking past. Suddenly, you saw Chris dart away from the pack. You weren't sure if it was the Penthouse Club, the Kama Sutra Cabaret, or Lary Flynt’s Hustler Club that he b-lined it into, but just as soon as he did, the rest of the guys followed quickly behind, leaving you stranded. Knowing how much shit you would get into if you lost one of them or god forbid someone got arrested, you went after them.

Given your line of work, you would’ve thought that, by this point, you would have gotten a little more familiar with the inside of one of these places, but nope. This place was on some real Girls, Girls, Girls shit, like the image of a strip club- mirror poles, velvet tablecloths, and women wearing barely more than a smile and nine inch heels. Averting your eyes from the ladies onstage, you let out a sigh of relief when you spotted Knoxville sitting at the bar. Hopping up onto the tall red vinyl stool next to him, you let out a sigh of relief as Johnny glanced over to you and let out a chuckle, taking a sip of his beer before reassuring you like he could read your concerns without you having to open your mouth, “If you’re lookin’ for the fellas, they’re out on the floor. S’not like they’re goin’ far”

Rolling your eyes, you kept your head low as you scouted the place out. “I thought we were gettin’ dinner.” This was not the kind of place you wanted to be found in, and you bet Johnny could tell from how entertained he seemed at your discomfort, looking you up and down, “Well, for these guys, this is dinner.” You couldn’t deny, you actually were kinda hungry, distracting yourself by eyeing the initials that were keyed into the countertop, “I don’t even think they have food here…” Knoxville nudged a glass bowl of peanuts sitting on the bar top toward you with a smirk. “Here,” He grabbed one himself, crushing the shell in his hand before tossing one in his mouth with a smirk, “Lemme buy you dinner.” Taking one from the bowl yourself, you scoffed, a smile ghosting over your face as you murmured, “Oh, you’re quite the gentleman, Knoxville. Strip joint and peanuts.” Laughing, he relented to you, “Alright, how about I make it up to you with a nice dinner sometime- one good dinner? I owe you.” Wait, was he asking you on a date? Before you could consider maybe taking him up on that offer, you felt a tap on your shoulder. “Hey, hey- Y/N!”

Turning around, you weren’t sure if you were annoyed or relieved to see Bam standing behind you, holding out a fifty, “Y’got any singles?” It was like a kid asking his mom for money to go to the movies. Johnny shrugged, turning to you to remark, “I mean, at least he’s tippin’ the ladies. Not like Steve-O over there.” He jabbed a thumb at the corner where Steve sat, a herd of women clustered around him. Sure, Steve never tipped, but every time you saw him at the club, he was never drooling over the strippers. Instead, he would be sitting over in the corner, just chatting up the ladies while they were on their break. Strangely enough, they always seemed to be more than eager to hang out with him, waving and blowing him kisses as they headed back onstage. It bewildered you, but it was kinda sweet in a weird way. “Wha- no! I don’t have any singles!” Bam shrugged at your reaction, turning to walk away, “Ah, I’m sure I can get some at the bar. Thanks though!”

The question you were about to ask Johnny, about where Chris was at, was answered before you could ask it. Just as Bam ran up to the edge of the stage with a handful of singles, excited to see some T and A, you could see his face just fall as he muttered to himself at the sight in front of him, “This is so fucked up….” You yourself stared slack jawed as Johnny snickered at the sight of Party Boy himself strutting out onto the stage wearing nothing but his silver mankini while the beginning riff of one of those cock rock strip club songs started up. Not one to miss this kind of thing for the world, Knoxville whipped out the camera to capture the wide eyed shock in Bam’s eyes that turned to disgust when Chris started his little routine, eyeing the fat stack of ones in his hand. He kept inching closer and closer to the edge of the stage- specifically, closer to Bam. Getting down on his knees, Chris wasn’t shy in the slightest about shaking what he had (which he had quite a great deal of), barely inches from his face. Even you couldn’t deny that he was pretty damn good up there, and it seemed that Johnny agreed as he got up to toss a couple singles up there with a whistle. As the song reached a crescendo, everything seemed to reach a fever pitch and Bam hurriedly shoved the bills in his arms onto the stage, unable to stand it any longer, “Just take my money- and get your junk outa my face!” Pontius smirked, tucking the cash in the strap of his mankini with a wink. He whispers something you couldn’t quite hear, but you assumed was some sort of flirty comment from the way Bam rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

“You know, this is how I wanna spend my night.” Johnny turned to you as you tried to speak up over the music, “Watching Chris strip.” He chuckled, leaning back on the sticky bar, drink in hand. “Yeah, me too.” The incandescent lights of the club looked so pretty in the reflection of Johnny’s glasses that you hardly noticed when Bam ran back to the bar in the stupid little way he ran everywhere, as Candy or Trixie or whoever was strutting out onstage. He just happened to cross paths with Chris, walking off the stage and flipping through all fifty two dollars he got. Bam stopped him in his tracks with a hand on his baby oil covered chest, “Dude. Gimme my money back.” Chris just gave him that stoner laugh and shook his head, “No way! I earned this. How about you go up there and shake your little moneymaker?” Bam turned a little red and debated arguing or just getting more money. Looking back up at the stage, he gave in, more concerned with what article of clothing the girl on stage was shedding than his own money.

But just a few moments later, it was him who was getting physically tossed out onto the sidewalk, landing on his ass. All you saw was this little dark blur getting hoisted up by this bouncer twice it’s size and going flying out the doors. Of course, all the guys followed behind, laughing as he stumbled to his feet. “Rookie mistake, man.” Steve joked, his hands in his pockets as a curious few of the ladies peered out the door after him. You should’ve known that of all people it would be Bam who got a little too handsy with the girls. Nobody on the street even stared at the spectacle as you fled outside after them. “Okay, that’s it- let’s just call it a night.” The guys collectively groaned about you being a killjoy and begged for just one more stop at another bar for a nightcap as you threw your hands up in the air, not easily swayed, “C’mon, it’s a sign. Let’s just get you all back to the hotel…”

You got them safely tucked away in their room for the night, but of course the chaos didn’t cease. Maybe an hour passed after you collapsed onto your mattress with the lights off, trying to get a few hours of shuteye before you had to deal with them in the morning when the shouting started. Chalking it up to some couple having a marital dispute next door, you brushed it off until you realized which room it was coming from. Oh. Oh no. Clambering to your feet, you jumped at the telltale sound of an appliance shattering against a wall and tried to run the numbers of how much that’d cost to cover as you scrambled out the door. Hoping it was just a coffee maker or something and not a repeat of the time Bam hurled an entire Zenith television out of a plate glass door, you barged in the room.

Now, you didn’t know what the argument was initially about, but you got the gist of it as Steve’s elbow made contact with your mouth, slamming into you. Everything froze. Just your luck to get caught in the crossfire of one of his drug induced fits. Bam, who was on the other side of the room, was completely shirtless, as was Steve, but significantly more all together mentally and seeming to be on the other side of whatever conflict was happening. Running your tongue over your teeth, you confirmed that none of them were missing, but that wet iron taste lingered on your lips. “Holy shit…” This quickly sobered Steve up, whose voice was barely a whisper as he watched the blood that got Jackson Pollocked all over your face drip down your chin and neck. That was one way to break up a fight.

Blood trickled down the drain as you held yourself over the bathroom sink in the guys’ room, blinking away the tears that swelled in your eyes. Everyone cries when they get hit in the nose- it’s probably a reflex or something, you thought, not that it hurt that bad. Glancing up to the mirror, you caught sight of someone standing in the doorway- Knoxville, holding this ice pack he fashioned out of a towel full of ice from the hall. It seemed that your waterworks had really gotten his attention, judging from the concerned tone in his voice, “Y’alright?” Taking it from him, you gently pressed it to your face, wincing at the cold sting. “M’fine.” He smirked but the tone of his voice was still present as he sat down on the lid of the toilet seat next to you, “You sure?” Johnny waved you closer, gesturing for you to lean down towards him. You did, and he reached out to gently grasp your chin, “Lemme see…well, that might leave a mark.” It was an oddly intimate moment, feeling his noticeably larger hand on top of yours as he went to move the ice pack. Leaning it to get a better look at your face, Johnny smiled just barely, “I think you’re gonna be alright.”

With the way the guys treated you the next day, you would’ve thought you were the queen of England. When you woke them up the next day, they didn’t whine or complain in the slightest, instead obediently getting out of bed and starting to get ready, avoiding your gaze. You felt like the headmaster at some British private school for undisciplined boys. As you stood idly in the doorway, perplexed at their sudden shift in behavior, you noticed something- Knoxville was MIA, and it seemed that nobody cared or was willing to say anything to you. Dipping your head in the door, you scanned the room, “Does anyone know where-“

Jumping a little, you caught your breath after the initial surprise when you realized it was Johnny who was standing next to you out in the hallway, maybe six inches away. He smirked at how easily he startled you and wordlessly handed you one of the two complementary breakfast coffees he had in his hands. Look at Mr. Suave-Cool, coming in with the apology drinks. Still, you weren't going to say no. Taking a sip and pondering how he could be the constant center of attention and, at the same time, so damn sneaky, you didn’t even notice when Bam sprang up from his bed, scampering to lean against the doorframe behind you. While all of the guys were quietly doing it already, Bam seemed the most eager to grovel, not even waiting for you to turn towards him before he started fawning with uncharacteristic earnestness, “Hey, I just wanna tell you I am so sorry about last night- I mean, it was totally Steve’s fault, but I feel so bad!” Immediately, you turned to Bam and looked him up and down, as did Johnny, who snickered at the fact that he was standing there without a care in the world, totally naked. At this point in the trip you were so desensitized to the male nudity that you didn’t even say anything. From behind him in the room Steve, who had his shirt halfway over his head, was clearly over his faux niceness by the way barked at Bam, “Oh, fuck you man!” But when you made eye contact with him, his ego shrank up like he just got into a cold pool as his voice dropped a decibel, “I-I mean, you looked pretty rad with all the blood and stuff...” Chris, who was totally unbothered by all of this, just smiled at you as earnest as ever, “Yeah! The blood was totally sexy, dude!”

“Is there anything I can do to make it up?” Bam looked at you with this eager to please look on his face, and you weren't one to pass up this opportunity. You thought that hell would freeze over before any of these guys would ask to do something nice for you. “Well…if you really want, you could grab me a danish from down front.” He started off before he glanced down and noticed the obvious. Quickly running back into the room to tug on a pair of jeans- no underwear, Bam slipped past you and ran down the hall in that same stupid way he did at the strip club.

While the guys were out for the day, you shot a call over to Ed the Medic, who was, as his name implied, an on set medic (if you could call him that) who they only really kept around because he really liked giving people pills, so this was maybe the first time anyone called him for a legitimate injury. He was nonetheless happy to pawn them off onto you. While you debated whether or not you should take them, the throbbing pain in the middle of your face failed to cease, so you gave in, throwing them back and hoping the high would wear off before the guys got back and you made a fool of yourself the same way they did with you.

For the first time that trip, nobody wanted to go out that night, not after the day they just had. Drenched in sweat from the hot Louisiana sun with sore muscles from a day of stunts, all anybody wanted to do was maybe have a beer and crash for the night. Nobody was more exhausted than Bam, who arguably had the worst day out of any of them. From getting locked in a trailer with snakes and racking his nuts to having to eat and by extension throw up a piece of cowshit- not even Johnny asking to take a gander at his sprained dick could bring any humor to the situation. So as soon as they got into the room they all fell onto beds or chairs or whatever they could find, content to call it a night before six. That is, until you came knocking on the door.

“Heyyy!!” Stumbling into the room, you were all giggles as you bumped into Johnny who had opened the door. He looked down at your purple, swollen face confusedly as you slurred your words, “Didn’t you guys wanna go out…? C’mon, let’s go. I wanna party!” Turning back to the other guys, they all reflected the same bewildered expression as his- never once had you ever expressed interest at partying, or at least their idea of partying. However, though he had arguably had the roughest day out of all of them, Bam’s mood shifted at your sudden change of opinion, getting up from his place on the bed with a grin and putting a paintball-scarred hand on Johnny’s shoulder, “Alright, you heard ‘em! Let’s party.”

The streets were nearly empty as you and the guys walked them. Hell, you didn’t even know you were on Bourbon street until you saw the street sign on the corner as you left the hotel, “Wait, this is that Marti gras place, right?” Johnny nodded as he walked close to you, making sure you didn’t run off or hurt yourself doing something stupid. He clearly wasn't doing a very good job at it, made apparent when you tugged your shirt up to your neck, squealing, “Oh! I’m gonna get some beads!” Imitating women who flashed for plastic at those parades, it seemingly didn’t occur to you that not only were you about three months late to the whole Marti gras thing, but you were doing it to nobody in particular. Johnny noticed, his eyes going a little wide as he grabbed the sides of your shirt, quickly but gently pulling it back down, “Woah, woah- Y/N,” There was this almost protective tone in his voice as he talked to you the way you usually talked to him when he had a few too many that night, “If you wait right here, I can get you some beads, okay? Just- just stay in this one spot.”

He returned shortly after with a handful of multi-colored strands of plastic beads, brilliant iridescent purple and greens under the gas lamps that lined the sidewalks. Your eyes sparkled, “Woah…you got these for me…?” Johnny nodded. Maybe instead of getting them from a float like you assumed he had ran into a gift shop and hastily bought the first bulk bag of necklaces he could find, but he wasn’t technically lying. As you happily pulled them over you head, Bam elbowed you in the side, raising his eyebrows as he leaned in with a grin, “I could get you some beads if you flash those titties again.” Before you could comply, which you would’ve been more than happy to do, Johnny put an arm between the two of you, pushing you apart. What a killjoy! Still, he gave you a good explanation, “You don’t need any’a Bam’s junky beads cause I got you the good ones- the fancy kind.” Looking down at the beads in your hand again, you weren't sure what made them so fancy as they just looked like any old beads to you, but you trusted him. “Besides” Johnny brushed Bam’s hand off of your shoulder, “Why don’t I take you out on that dinner I was talkin’ about?”

You spent half of the meal gushing to the guys about your shiny new beads you got, somewhat less high but far from sober. Chris and Steve found your predicament absolutely hilarious, sitting on either side of you with giddy smiles at their uptight manager who was finally getting in on the fun. The lot of you ate your dinner in that sleepy little twenty four hour cafe a block from your hotel (about as far as you had gotten) and afterwards Johnny took you back to the hotel and up to your room with an arm around your shoulders, preventing any further mishaps. Dragging your feet, you collapsed onto your bed in your jeans. He gently removed your shoes and tucked you in before quietly leaving to go back to his own room next door. If there was going to be another time you ever ended up high, he would be the man you would want to babysit you. Tomorrow would be the last day of shooting in New Orleans, and you would be mortified at the stories of your behavior, but for that moment that night everything was just perfect.

#jackass #bam margera #johnny knoxville #chris pontius #steve o #fluff #ryan dunn #jackass fanfiction #jackass fanfic #johnny knoxville x reader #if anyone is currious the song I imagined for the club scene while I was writing it was Mother by Danzig <3

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1800miserablethot · 5 months ago

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More head cannons of mine that nobody asked for

Nicknames for the Jackass Crew

Bam Margera

He's a damn sub so we can just guess the nicknames he likes

Pretty Boy, Baby Boy, Baby, Good Boy, Sweetheart, darling, Bambi (though he won't admit to liking it), Bam Bam, etc

Now he would be into degradation so nicknames like bitch, slut, whore, etc would get him going too only if you said it in a way that claimed him as it. Like “You're my little ___”

Ryan Dunn

He gives major golden retriever vibes, and also switch vibes.

He would like the regular ones, yk baby, babe, honey, etc

I feel like he would secretly melt if you called him a good boy.

Johnny Knoxville

He's a top 100%

But the nicknames he likes are Baby, Babe, and simple stuff because usually, it's him calling you nicknames like darling, sweetheart, babydoll, etc.

I’ll bet everything that he likes being called daddy

Steveo

He's basic, I really can't see him kinky.

He likes being called babe, baby, and that's probably about it lol I feel like he's not into the mushy stuff and not because he's a jerk or “I'm too cool for it” its just not y’alls thing.

Chris Pontius

He's a sweetheart so he's your sweetheart, he likes being called baby, sweetheart, or honey (and due to him being a party boy you tease him and call him honey bunny and he lives for it), you also joke and call him your little devil because of him dressing up as the devil and pissing off Christians.

I don't see him having a top bone in his body at all, but he isn't a sub sub like Bam is, he's right in the middle but not a switch yk? So he's gonna like nicknames like pretty boy, good boy, etc simple stuff.

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sunnyie-eve · 8 months ago

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10 | Getting there

Series: Odds Together

Paring: Ryan Dunn x OFC Margera!

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: None

| MASTERLIST |

"I just got the worst wake up of my life so now I'm gonna take it out on Dunn. Little back story, Anna has to bunk with Dunn because her bed is still dying from a prank we did on her." Bam tells the camera before going into the bedroom with the guitar he plans to slam on Ryan.

He sees Dunn laying on his stomach with one arm on top of Anna's left arm, who was laying on her side facing him. Bam liked how close the two were as friends but refused and never could imagine them more than friends. So part of him hated seeing how close their faces slightly were.

As soon as the guitar hits Ryan's back he starts shouting making Anna slightly jump before coving her face with her hands.

"What is going on?" Ryan asks annoyed.

"We're going to New Orleans and you two need to get up." Bam places his hands on his hips. Neither of the two move to get up so Bam jumps kicking off the wall landing one the two but mostly Ryan.

"I'm giving you the count of two to get up or else we're leaving your asses. One, two. Alright see you later." Bam leaves them.

"What a dick." Ryan groans.

"Nothing new." Anna groans as the camera crew leaves them to sleep.

When the two finally wake up it was almost 4 o'clock in the afternoon. "I miss my bed." Anna groans popping her back.

"It should be ready for you when we get back." Ryan tells her and she looks at him.

"I don't wanna go." She whines following him outside to see his ride. "Look at that. We both can't fit on that. Have fun." She smiles patting his back.

"They did it in Dumb and Dumber. Fine just ride with the crew." He looks at them and they agree she could.

On the Mini bike, Ryan stops at a place to get it juiced up to go faster than 31mph. "I say it won't make it over 40." Anna glances at Ryan standing on her left.

"Anything is better than 31." He tells her so she starts to smirk.

"Even 32?" She fully turns to face him.

"Anything over 35." He gets more specific. "You just gotta get smart with me, huh?"

"You know I do." She grabs his shoulder leaning towards him, "Because I'm actually smarter." She blows into his ear.

As more time and distance goes Ryan already had a chat with Bam and Raab. He almost lost a map and got a ride in the back of a truck.

"Okay, I'm done of this shit. We're flying the rest of the way." Anna grabs Ryan by his blue vest.

"I know our guy."

They arrive to New Orleans before the rest so they start to have fun drinking and getting a lot of beads. "You still wish you stayed home?" Ryan asks Anna as they look out at the crown of people.

"Yes, I still do!" She laughs drinking her drink.

"Why be home when alone and bored than here having fun?" He asks nudging her shoulder.

"Well for starters... I'd get a break from all the bull I deal with everyday." She leans against the railing looking at him with a smile.

"That's a very good reason... but I know a better reason to be here." He does the same as her actions.

"And what would that be Dunn?" She tilts her head.

"You're with me and I'm great to be with." He holds his cup out to her and she dings it with hers.

"I will admit that, yes. Only when you aren't around the others though. I'm sorry." She says making him laugh.

"All I'm hearing is that you say I'm great and you love me." He says making her shake her head.

"I never said I love you."

"You just did." He points out making her roll her eyes as he puts an arm around her shoulder. "Just admit it. You love me." He walks them over some so he could sit and pull her down to sit on one of his legs.

"Didn't you just say I did though? So I don't have to say it again." She takes his hat off him to fix the sides of his hair before putting it back on him.

Ryan just looks at her before remembering he has to speak, "Yes, you do."

Anna huffs not wanting to say it, "Fine, I love you." She says looking into his eyes before she gets off of him. The sudden realization she's falling for him all over again since she's gotten back and getting close to him again.

"Hey, look who it is." Ryan points out Bam so they go over to him. Ryan taps on Bam's shoulder making him turn around, "Where the hell you been?"

Bam suddenly realizes who was in front of him making him scream. "What the hell? When did you get here?" He asks them.

"Like hours ago." Ryan tells them.

"You got here before us?" Glomb says shocked.

"Look at us." Ryan motions to the beads around his and Anna's necks.

"There was no way you both actually fit on that shit." Bam eyes them.

"Fuck no. He rode that shit and I rode along with the crew watching his ass on the thing." Anna says half of the truth.

"This dickhead beat us in a moped! In a blue leather vest." Bam says making Ryan laugh and Anna walk off some.

"Anna you came!" Raab walks over to her. "I called you'd stay home. Look at you proving me wrong."

"You're already drunk really?" She laughs at him.

"No, I mean I probably won't remember anything." He laughs making her laugh. "Glad you came. You should've woken up earlier. It was a fun ride here and stoping at skate parks." He gives her a kiss but she didn't care.

"I'm kinda glad I didn't though because I would be stuck with Vito complaining about all the stops you guys did." She says knowing her uncle.

"Plus there was pranks between the buses." He puts an arm around her pulling her into his side.

"Where did Anna go?" Bam finally noticed she wasn't with them anymore.

Ryan looks around and sees her laughing with Raab basically hanging on to her. His arm was resting on her shoulder but making should she was kept into his side. Every time he talked to her, he would awfully lean close towards her while pulling her closer to him.

"With Raab." Ryan tells him while eyeing them down.

Bam looks over at where Ryan's eyes were focused. "I gotta go save her." Bam says making his way through everyone to get to her. "We lost you." He tells her.

"It's okay. I found her." Raab shakes Anna with a smile.

"Okay." Why don't you come back to the rest of us." Bam grabs his sister pulling her towards him.

"I will but I need to find a bathroom inside first. I'll be back." She slips away.

"Annabelle!" Bam shouts wanting to keep an eye on her.

"You're sister is fine in her own." Ape shows up with everyone making their way towards him.

Bam looks at Ryan trusting him the most, "I'll go find the bathroom." He leaves the group going inside.

Meanwhile Annabelle got to the bathroom with no problems but leaving was a different story. This random drunk guy grabbed her arm trying to keep her there to have a conversation.

"I really need to get back to my friends and family." She tried to tell him but he just wouldn't.

"You should let loose some." He removes his hand but walks closer to her.

"Really, I told my brother I'd be right back." Anna potentially tells him.

Ryan finally spots Anna with a guy looking very uncomfortable so he goes over to them. "There you are. We were getting worried about you." Ryan snakes his arm around her waist holding her closer to him then leans down giving her a quick peck on the lips. "This guy bugging you?" He eyes the drunk man.

"We were just talking." The guy tells him while Anna was staring at Ryan shocked by his actions.

"We should get back to the others." Ryan looks down at her.

"Yeah." She nods her head so Ryan walks them away. "You didn't have to do all that." She speaks up as he keeps his arm around her.

"It worked though didn't it?" He laughs.

"Well yeah but the kiss wasn't necessary. You showing up and the arm would've worked fine." She removes herself from him. "Thanks though." She goes to the others while Ryan curses at himself.

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berzahoes · 1 year ago

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headcanons: female jackass member

an: just some headcanons that i’ve been thinking about lately lol

I love johnny’s shirts but you would have an even better wardrobe

basically this:

you’re not afraid to kick all of the guys’ dick when they’re being assholes or just annoying

you love hanging out with johnny’s daughter if she’s on set (she’s not on set often but when she is you’re literally best friends)

you’ve probably broken an arm and a leg at the same time

you know practically everyone had beef with each other in the early 2000s?? NOT YOU or if you do want to have the whole hollywood experience then you do you <3

you definitely made some appearances on viva la bam

chris + you = besties THAT IS ALL I WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH CHRIS

you cannot go a full five minutes without cursing (me, it’s literally my vocabulary)

you know how when dave england gets drunk he’s like the worst?? you’re not that bad but when drunk dave is doing stupid shit drunk you is hyping him up

you’re always gaslighting the guys

you would shoot someone with the paintball gun (probably johnny or bam) and they would be on the ground in pain and jeff would just ask “what happened?”

you, casually with a paintball gun in your hand, shrug

“SHE SHOT ME”

“that never happened”

ok but i also love that the only female jackass member would have an obsession with dyeing her hair idk why

nvm i do bc imagine being on edge at work all day bc you think the guys are going to prank you

stress = hair dye i don’t make the rules

SPLIT HAIR OR IDK THE PROPER TERM BUT YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN

omg narcissa malfoy hair yeah <3

ok that’s all i got nothing else 😭😭

#jackass #johnny knoxville #jackass forever #dave england #preston lacy #wee man #ehren mcghehey #bam margera #ryan dunn #steve o #chris pontius #jackass imagine #jackass fanfic #jackass x reader

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jackasswhre · 1 year ago

Note

Hiya idk if your requests are open but if they are can I get a jackass image/fic (Platonic) where reader gets dumped by their partner

This is kinda hard to explain

But yk how some people write a fic and there multiple people in that in fic that's kinda what I'm thinking like something with whatever jackass guys you want

(⁠ʘ⁠ᴗ⁠ʘ⁠✿⁠)

hiiiiii, yes they are open, sorry ive been really busy lately so i havent posted

i did headcanons bc i dont really know how to write full fics, also i did johnny, steve-o, ryan, bam and pontious :) hope you like it!!!!

Platonic!Johnny Knoxville/ Steve-o/ Bam Margera/ Ryan Dunn/ Chris Pontious x reader who has just been dumped

Johnny Knoxville

(im really sorry his is gonna be short bc i have no idea what to write for him)

Ok so i feel like Johnny would definetly hug you and tell you that it's going to be okay

Like some motivational dad talk lmao

Because his way of comforting you is most likely talking about it

And if you don't want to talk about it then he 100% understands and tells you that he's here for you

Probably watches a comedy movie/show with you so you will laugh

Orders takeout or makes food himself

Just like makes sure you feel alright and makes you forget about the person who just dumped you

Does anything you ask him to

In general he's really gentle about it

Steve-O

I feel like Steve-O wouldn't really be into the whole talking thing

I mean like he definetely will listen to you rant if you need to but he just wouldn't really know what to say

It also depends on what era it is

Because if he's sober then he's incredibly sweet and like Johnny probably watches a movie with you

But if he's not sober then he'll 100% suggest going to the bar and getting shit faced after like 10 minutes of hearing you talk about the breakup

And like honestly you two would have so much fun that night

Drinking and laughing

Honestly maybe even crying

If you don't want to go to the bar then he understands and goes by himself

Lmao jk he's not that mean

He might whine a bit but if you really don't want to go then he gets it and you guys probably fall asleep on the couch watching some early 2000s cartoon

Bam Margera

Now here's the deal with Bam

He totally and completely gets it and is there for you

But he will also suggest that you guys go skate to let some anger out

If you can skate it's not even gonna be a suggestion

He'll literally grab you, pull you off of the couch and throw you in the car to go to the skatepark

If you don't know how to skate he says that he'll help you and while you're there he "teaches" you different tricks but in reality he's just having fun and he may have slightly forgotten that you can't skate

Once you guys are done you probably hit up a gas station, buy some snacks and sit on the sidewalk

In the middle of converstation he'll ask if you're okay and if there's anything else he can do

Bam's an amazing friend so he'll help in any way he can

If the person who dumped you was a guy and was a total asshole then he definetely calls Dunn and they "talk" to him

You guys spend the rest of the night listening to HIM and maybe even smoking

Ryan Dunn

Bro when I tell you that Ryan is the best friend anyone could have I mean it

I mean like first of all he would 100% give you an AMAZING hug and tell it's gonna be alright

Then he would probably take you to the store and buy you whatever snacks and/or drinks you wanted

You guys would spend the rest of the afternoon/evening/night/whenever talking and watching tv

He shares some of his stories on how he got dumped and tells you that he knows how you feel and wants to make you as happy as possible

If you want to laugh then he'll put on some show or tell you funny stories

If you want to cry then he will totally cry with you

If you're mad then he will first try to calm you down and if that doesn't work he'll find an abandoned building or something where you guys can break stuff

If the rest of the viva la bam/cky guys hear about what you guys are doing they will 100% join you (and if you don't want them to Ryan tells them to fuck off)

Ryan's the definition of the sweetest friend anyone could have

Chris Pontious

Lets get one thing straight

Chris is the funniest person on the planet

So when you tell him about you getting dumped, his goal is to make you laugh as much as possible

Whether that's while you're crying

Or when you guys are talking about other things

He tries to get your mind off of it and he does anything to do it

Even if he totally embarasses himself in the process

As long as you're laughing he's happy

He's also really good at talking so if you don't want him to make jokes 24/7 he'll 100% listen and talk to you about other things

I feel like he gives really but also kinda stupid advice

Idk how to explain it

Maybe its the fact that normally everything that comes out of this dudes mouth is goofy as fuck

Or maybe its just the fact that he hasn't fully stopped making jokes

Whatever it is the advice is still pretty good

And he is still fully devoted to making you happy

Also please laugh at his jokes

Even if they're kinda bad

It'll boost his ego so much lmao

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so-much-for-stardust6 · 1 month ago

Text

Needed A Release- Johnny Knoxville

summary: you do a “stunt” involving a sex toy which is controlled by johnny. at the end of the day, you need a release.

lowercase intended

warnings: smut, dirty talk (?) & not proof read

a/n: this feels a bit rough but enjoy 🤒

“there is no fucking way.”

“oh come on, y/n, please!” jeff begged, holding the device in his hand.

“no! i’m not gonna shove a fucking vibrator up my pussy for a stupid show!”

“you do that every night, why is this different?” bam joked.

i turned to him and punched his arm, causing him to yelp out and grab it.

“i’ll pay you fifty bucks.” johnny said.

“dude what?” ryan laughs at johnny’s eagerness.

“what? this’ll be good for the show!” he defended himself.

i sigh as i think over his words, stomach turning as i lean towards yes.

“okay you know what, fine. i’ll do it for fifty.” i shook my head.

the guys cheered at my response, jeff handing me the vibrator.

“we’re doing it tomorrow.” he gave me a sly smile.

“great.” i mumble.

~fast forward to tomorrow~

i walk inside the place, being greeted by a smirking bam.

“hey, y/n/n, how you feeling?” johnny asked, laughing his dumb laugh.

“fuck off, knoxville.” i mumble, heading towards the snacks.

“good afternoon, y/n! you all ready?” jeff says very cheerily.

“ready? i just got here.”

“we’re about to start soon.”

i sigh at his words and go to the bathroom. i kept telling myself that i’m doing it for the money and money only. i take off my pants, getting into a position to easily put the vibrator inside. i softy moan at the feeling, butterflies in my stomach. i shake it off and stood back up, fixing myself up and leaving the bathroom. i ran into johnny and bam who were standing right near the door.

“jesus christ, you guys are pervs.” i scoff.

“you excited?” bam says, emphasizing ‘excited’.

i ignore him and eat my chips before we had to leave.

~fast forward to the van~

“okay, so y/n you’re gonna go inside and ask questions and randomly here and there you’ll feel it turn on.” jeff explains.

“just any questions?”

“questions relating to the product, yeah.”

“and who’s having the remote?”

“we can’t tell you.”

“why?”

“for their protection.” he laughs.

i fake laugh back as i climb out the van, walking up to the store. it’s a beautiful flower store, the fragrance inside was just heavenly.

“hello there! how can i help you today?” the lady at the counter greets me.

“hello! i’m just looking for some flowers for my husband, he loves flowers and it’s our anniversary.”

“oh how sweet, we usually have the husbands buying flowers for the wives! what flowers does he like?”

“hmmm, he loves-“ i cut myself off with a quiet yelp, the vibrator turning off.

“are you okay, ma’am?”

“yes! yes i’m sorry i just accidentally hit my knee.” i lie, gripping the counter as it continues.

“well, we have these beautiful roses. simple yet very romantic.”

i lean into the flowers and smell them, smiling at how good it is. suddenly the vibrator turned on again, making me groan out loud. i quickly cover it up by groaning again, pulling away with a weak smile.

“sorry i just absolutely love roses! they’re my favorite.” i nervously chuckle.

“no worries hun, i love roses too!” she sweetly laughs.

i feel the vibration level go up one, my face contorting with pleasure. luckily the woman was leading me to another set of flowers, looking away. i had a mic and mini camera on me so i grabbed the mic and brought it up to my lips.

“you guys are bastards.”

“i’m sorry?” the woman asked.

“oh i said do you guys sell baskets?”

“like flower baskets?”

“just regular ones, i noticed i saw some on the display in the window.”

“oh yes, what a great eye! we do sell baskets, they’re $7.”

“sounds great! i’ll take one, my husband and i were planning on having a picnic date.” i ball my hand into a fist, trying so hard to not moan.

“of course, daring! let me go get one in the back.”

i watch her as she leaves behind a door. i let out a low moan once i feel like she’s too far. i whimper and throw my head down, squeezing my eyes shut.

“you okay in there?” i hear johnny laugh in my ear.

“fuck off.” i mutter.

i hear the door open again and i whip my head up, putting on a normal demeanor.

“here you go, honey. did you figure out what flowers you’d want?”

“i think i’ll go with those beautiful roses, they smell wonderful.”

the vibrator has been on this entire time, slightly increasing in power each minute. i took a deep breath to relax myself, tears pricking my eyes at the immense pleasure.

“anything else darling?”

“nope, that’s all i need.” i smile softly.

i actually buy the items, loving roses myself. i gave her the cash, hands shaking as i do so.

“you sure you’re alright honey?”

“yes, i’m just cold.”

“it’s summer.”

“yeah, my body heat is very weird.” i laugh awkwardly.

she chuckled back, handing me my change.

“thank you so much, hope you have a wonderful day hun.” the woman smiled.

“of course! you too-“ i cut myself off with a whine as the max setting was on.

my knees buckled at the feeling as my eyes slightly roll into the back of my head.

“i’m sorry, i feel very ill. have a good day.” i quickly say before rushing out the door.

i was panting while resting my hands on my knees, trying so hard not to moan. i hear the guys laughing in my ears as i struggle.

“look at you, getting off by a vibrator in public.” johnny whispers into the mic.

hearing those words leave his mouth made me lose it, cumming on the spot. i slap a hand over my mouth as i moan, falling to my knees. the guys hollered at the sight of me, faces probably changing red at how hard they’re laughing. i felt so embarrassed, ready to go home. i shakily stand up, the vibrator still on.

“someone go help her.” jeff said, still laughing.

johnny climbs out of the van, face red from laughing. i look at him with a glare, so angry he said those words.

“you look like a mess, y/n. you still feeling “unwell”?” he laughs his obnoxious laugh.

he put his hand out and i refuse to take it, reaching for the remote instead. i turn the device off and shove the remote in my pocket.

“you fucking had it the whole time?!” i raised my voice.

“yup.” he giggled.

i sighed angrily and walked off, knees still weak. i open the van door to see all the guys still laughing, making me even more pissed off.

“any bees in there? i heard a lot of buzzing.” bam joked.

i punched his arm and climbed into the back.

“can we please go? i want to get this thing out of me.” i mumble.

~fast forward~

i rush inside the bathroom, pulling my pants off and taking this fucking thing out. i throw it into the sink, grabbing some toilet paper to clean me up. i hear someone knock on the door, i yell for them to come in. i was presentable but my knees were still shaky.

“how’s it going in here?” johnny asks, peeking his head in.

“man fuck you.” i spat.

“what? what did i do.”

“you fucking had it on the whole time! and y-you said that shit!”

“what shit?” he smirked.

“you know exactly what i’m talking about..”

“what are you gonna do about it?”

i huff and stomp over to the door, locking it. johnny watches my every move, eyes dilated. i grab my shirt and swiftly take it off, throwing it on the hook for bags. i then walk over to him and harshly connect our lips, slipping my tongue into his mouth for dominance. he moaned into my mouth, strong hands holding my hips. he grabs one of my legs, wrapping it around his slutty waist. i grind against him, becoming wet again. i grab onto his hair, pulling his head back to kiss his neck.

“you’ve been flirting with me ever since i joined the crew. and of fucking course you take control of the remote. you wished it was you inside me, huh. you fucking pervert.” i spat into his ear.

i felt him get hard into me, smirking against his ear.

“look who’s getting off with dirty words?” i laugh.

“i fucking hate you.” he mutters.

“highly doubt that.”

he turns me around and shoves me onto the sink.

“you’re gonna watch yourself as i fuck you. got it?”

“yes..” i moan out.

he didn’t waste time to pull my pants down, my underwear wet. his hands ran across my ass, squeezing it. the vibrator in the sink caught his eye, immediately grabbing it without thinking twice. i look at him through the mirror as he turns it on, lowering it back to where it was. it vibrated against me, a loud sigh leaving my lips. i dropped my head down and moaned but his free hands grabbed ahold of my hair and pulled me back up. he was focused on what he was doing, rubbing the vibrator up and down my folds. i wiggle my ass to try and get my friction, causing him to laugh at my neediness.

“you’ve been secretly wanting me, huh. all those fake ass shut downs, all those lies so i wouldn’t get into your pants. but you want me so bad, i bet you dream of me of me fucking you so hard…don’t you…”

“fuck…” i cry out.

he muttered something before shutting off the toy and throwing it back into the sink. i heard his undo his belt and shove down his pants. i couldn’t see him from the angle was at behind me, but i bet he was big.

“jeff’s gonna be lookin’ for me.”

“so go fast then.”

he chuckled at my words before slamming into me. i let out a loud moan, feeling him fill me up. he stretched me out perfect, fitting like a puzzle. i was still slightly sensitive from earlier so my senses were at an all time high. tears pricked my eyes already, my knees trembled at his pace and my knuckles turned white from my grip. he held on hand on my waist as he fucked me while the other held my hair, pulling my head back to watch him fuck me. his head was thrown back, brown hair sticking to his slightly sweaty forehead.

“look at you…so fucked out from this.” i dryly laughed, trying to talk as he thrusted.

he opened his eyes and looked at me, lust blown pupils.

“i bet you fucking planned this. you told jeff all about this prank.”

“don’t fucking act like you weren’t thinking of me while that shit was on. wishing it was my cock inside of you, like right now.”

we talked out of breath, stuttering our words.

“i needed a release. asshole. you made me cum.” i moan out.

“at my words. remember?” he laughed in a teasingly manner.

“fuck you.” i spat out.

i was too focused on johnny’s words and face, not noticing how quick my orgasm was coming. johnny noticed though, noticed how my body moved and wriggled under his touch. he smirked as he saw my face contort with pleasure. i let out a long string of moans as i came around him, shoving myself against the sink. he waited until i was done before pulling out, not caring about his own release. i collapsed against my sink, using a lot of my upper body strength to hold me up. i felt johnny’s fingers run up my slit and collect my juices, sticking them into his mouth to taste me.

“so good.” he mumbled.

i roll my eyes at his action, pushing myself off the sink. i pulled up my pants and buttoned them back up. i smoothed my hair out and fixed up my face. johnny watched me as i did so, genuinely smiling.

“stop staring, weirdo.”

“maybe i’ll take a pic, it would last longer.”

“back to flirting, knoxville? you were just inside of me like 3 minutes ago.” i laugh, turning around.

“maybe i can be inside you more often.” he slyly said, pulling me close to him from the waist.

“buy me dinner first.”

“tomorrow at 8?”

i was taken aback from his words, surprised he actually asked.

“seriously?”

“dead. i haven’t been flirting all this time for nothing.” he laughs.

“okay then, tomorrow at 8.” i smile.

“perfect. now i gotta go.” he quickly leaned down and left a kiss on my lips.

i know we already kissed before this but it felt like the first time. i blushed harshly as he left the bathroom, surprisingly not to a bunch of idiots standing outside listening.

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stratossphere · 2 years ago

Text

attention | j.k

for once, you’re drunk and johnny isn’t, and you’re a needy drunk.

warnings: reader is super drunk, knoxville is unimpressed, fluff <3

word count: 3k

a/n: i’m obsessed with whiny reader and i can’t help it i’m sorry!!!!

taglist: @asskickedbygirl @kristinee @lizey-thornberry @faceache111 (lmk if you want to be added!)

— —

Being drunk in a room full of people who weren't really drunk was fucking miserable. Sure, everyone was probably a little tipsy, but you’d been out with your other friends right before getting to Johnny's house for what was turning out to be the first actually casual work get-together in all of Jackass history, so no one was anywhere close to your level.

And, to make things worse, when you got drunk, you got touchy. Johnny was sitting next to you on one of the couches, but there was a good amount of distance between you, and he was currently completely entrapped in a conversation with Jeff about technical Jackass stuff, which meant that he was paying you zero attention.

He was also wearing the leather jacket with the red, white, and blue stripes, which wasn't helping much either.

"Yo. You want another beer?" You were jolted out of your little pity party by a hand hitting your shoulder, and you looked up with a deep frown to see Dave standing above you. The only benefit to Johnny not paying any attention to you was that there was no one to cut you off when you clearly needed it. A grin formed on your face.

"Why yes I would." You accepted, trying to keep your voice composed so that you didn't sound as drunk as you actually were. Dave nodded and headed off in the direction of the kitchen, just as you got up on your knees and leaned over the side of the couch so that you were close to where Bam, Steve-O, and Ryan were sitting on the floor playing cards and arguing adamantly. "Whatcha doing?"

"Jesus. Your breath smells like a liquor bomb." Bam groaned as he dipped his head away from you, making a face as he shielded his cards from your view like you were any part of whatever game they were playing.

"Well, you'll have to excuse me. I've already been to three bars today." You said dryly, narrowing your eyes as you finally caught a look at his hand. With context telling you that they were playing poker, you winced. "Damn. Shitty hand."

"Y/n." Bam shoved you slightly, and with all of the alcohol in your system you almost went tumbling forward right over the arm of the couch. You looked back momentarily so that you could hook one foot on Johnny's leg to keep yourself from falling before you smacked Bam in the back of the head, to which he just swung right back with a glower on his face. "Go blow Knoxville, you fuckin' asshole."

"Dude. Gross." Steve-O protested, kicking Bam from where he was sitting across from him. That earned him a kick right back, and then they were going back and forth hard enough for Bam’s back to slam back against the couch. Ryan ducked away from the fighting, taking the opportunity to get to your point of view so that he could look at Bam's cards before quickly sitting back.

"Should I even be giving you this?" Suddenly Dave was next to you again, and he was giving you a skeptical look as you turned slightly on your side so that you could look at him. You scoffed.

"Um, yes. I am fine." You reassured him in a voice that certainly didn’t sound fine, taking the beer before he could make his decision on whether or not he was going to give it to you. Before you even moved an inch towards popping the tab, suddenly you were being pulled back forcefully by the belt loop of your jeans, and you turned around in indignant shock to see Johnny's knowing stare trained directly on you.

"You're fine, huh?" With a quick look to the side, you realized that Jeff had moved on to talking to Spike and Pontius, leaving Johnny's attention completely open to realizing how drunk you were. It didn't help that you were literally keeping yourself from falling over by holding onto him with your foot. "Give me that."

"But—"

"I wasn't asking." And then he was pulling you completely away from your end of the couch, getting you close enough to where he could snatch the beer out of your hand and put it on the side table that was right next to him before he forced you to sit down.

"You're so lame. First, you completely ignore me, now you're stealing my beers." You complained as you deflated next to him, crossing your arms in a pout as your shoulder hit his. He let out a chuckle of disbelief.

"Oh, my poor girl. You think you're gonna survive?" He teased, his arm shifting so that he could put it around your shoulders. You keened to his touch despite your disdain for his reprimanding, as it was exactly what you’d been craving since you’d arrived.

"No. I wanna cuddle." You complained, resting your cheek against his shoulder and reaching your hand up to his cheek so that you could hold his head against yours. The liquor and beer in your system was clearly numbing your awareness to the rest of the room, as you normally wouldn't be caught dead being even close this touchy in front of all of your friends, but he just smelled so good and you knew that even if he wasn't explicitly letting on, he always ate that shit up.

"Holy shit." He slowly peeled your hand off of his face, leaning back slightly to look you in the eyes. You knew he was checking to see if you were visibly on drugs as well as being drunk (which you weren't, for the record), and you widened them dramatically to make it easier for him. "What were they giving you at that club?"

"Irish car bombs." You boasted, flexing your arm as you remembered how impressed your other friends had been with the quick rate at which you’d gone through five consecutively. It was always fun to show off in front of people that weren't on the Jackass level of bad decisions. "Not that many though, babe. I swear."

"What, like three?" Even that number seemed to irk him. You froze slightly, because he really wasn't going to like being informed that it had actually been five, and then a couple of whiskey shots on top of that, before just smiling as convincingly as possible and shrugging.

"Something like that." It's not like he could've tortured the information out of you. You snuggled in closer to his side then, fingers grabbing absentmindedly at the opening of his jacket as you let out a yawn against the warm skin of his neck. "Who cares? I didn't even throw up."

Yet.

"Wow. I don't think I have ever seen you being this sweet." He marveled as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head, putting a hand on your leg where your knees were drawn up towards your chest and then interlacing your fingers when you put yours over his. "I should be getting you on video."

"You're so mean." You complained, ignoring the fact that he was gently running circles on the inside of your palm with his thumb where he was holding your hand. Even with just his minuscule touches, you could feel yourself starting to fade out, and you knew that it was caused by his innate talent to calm you down completely every time he was in touching distance.

"I think you're a little touchy. No pun intended." He said, lifting his arm to show how you were practically stuck to him. "This jacket's probably a little dirty, dollface. Give me a sec to get it off so your shirt doesn't get gross."

You let out a small whine of protest, feeling your heart aching as he pulled his hand out of yours and then promptly realizing just how drunk you really were. You literally felt about five seconds away from crying as you were forced to let him get off the couch, only feeling half-consoled when you got to watch him strip down a layer to reveal the 'MID FUCK MUNCH' shirt he was wearing underneath his jacket. It made you laugh just a little bit.

"Bro. Did you get roofied?" You vaguely heard Wee-man's voice from somewhere in front of you, but you had reclined back to lie down on the couch with your eyes closed by that point, and you weren't about to open them again to locate where he was speaking from.

"No. Say no to drugs." You mumbled, snickering to yourself at your own joke as you rolled onto your stomach and basically face-planted against the couch. The liquor was really starting to hit now, and any tiny piece of self-awareness that you had possessed before was slowly fading away with every passing second.

"Alright. Bedtime for you." Johnny said decisively, nudging you with his knee as he kneeled down on the couch next to you. You opened your mouth and let out a scoff of indignation, your hand shooting out to his arm to stop him from pulling you up.

"No no no! I'm having fun!" You pouted, smiling widely in the face of his irritated stare when you looked up at him. "Come on. Come lay with me."

"Quit trying to steal Knoxville from us, you fucking alcoholic." Bam snapped at you from out of your eye-line. Even in your hammered state you knew how much of a hypocritical callout that was, and you narrowed your eyes before sitting up as fast as you could manage so that you could shoot him a downright venomous look.

"I hope you fucking die." You spat, taking one of the pillows off of the couch and chucking it at the back of his head and spilling his beer in the process. About half a second later, you were being grabbed by your arm and pulled right up off the couch onto very unstable legs as Bam grumbled profanities in your general direction. You knew you were in trouble before you even turned to see the glare on Johnny's face.

"Upstairs. Now." This time there was no room for persuasion in his voice, and you paled slightly. Yeah. You were fucked for the night. You got a symphony of jeers considering your violent act against Bam had drawn everyone's attention onto you, and you blindly threw two middle fingers to everyone in the room as Johnny started to pull you towards the hall. He glanced back momentarily in the direction of your friends. "I'll be back in 10."

"What? You're not even gonna stay with me?" You whined despite knowing that you had definitely just fucked up those chances by wishing death on Bam, hanging off of him slightly as you complained. He just shot you a look, continuing towards the staircase and then grabbing your hand tightly in his as you began the trek up the stairs.

"You spilled beer all over my goddamn floor and you told Bam you hope he dies. You lost your privilege." He muttered, having to do most of the lifting to get you up each step as you swayed dangerously with each movement. "And I can't just go to bed with everyone still downstairs. You know that."

"Oh. Okay." You tried not to make it evident that you were pouting, but he could probably hear it in your voice. After another minute or so, you finally made it all the way up the stairs, and you felt yourself yawning as you caught sight of Johnny's bed when you got to his room. A hundred times better than the couch.

Johnny hadn't spoken a word since his irritated lecture on the stairs, and when you sat down on the edge of the bed to let your head catch up with your eyes, you felt anxiety rush through you at the scowl that was still on his face.

"Baby. Don't be mad at me." You whined, tilting your head up to where he was standing above you and giving him a desperate look. He cracked a small hint of a smile, reaching out and tucking your hair behind your ear before cupping your cheek in his warm palm.

"I'm not mad at you. You're just a handful." He muttered with a small sigh, taking his hand away before you turned your head enough to bite him like he would've done to you had the roles been reversed. "C'mon. Get in bed and I'll be up in like, the next hour."

"But I miss you." You whimpered, letting him guide you towards getting into your coined side of the bed despite your complaints because, despite all of your talk, you really were tired. Slamming drinks and causing problems could really take a lot out of someone.

"You'll survive an hour." Johnny, of course, never fell for your begging. Not unless he had about double the amount of liquor in his system than what you currently had in yours.

"Can you sit with me until I fall asleep?" You tried instead. You knew you were really pushing your luck, but you couldn’t help yourself, barely making it to the pillow before you were lying down completely as he started to undo the button of your jeans. Great bonding experience with your boyfriend who was definitely not in the mood. He sighed.

"Just a little bit, okay? I can't be leaving those assholes unattended in my house for too long." Once he finally got your jeans undone (and your bra, with only a little bit of a suggestive look as he did so), he pulled the comforter over you, turning off the small lamp that was close to your face and then rubbing your back gently. "Well? Were you finally able to outdrink someone for once today?"

A dig at the fact that, although you may have been flirting in the territory of alcoholism, you were nowhere close to your boyfriend or friends on Jackass. That would take about another bottle of Jack a day at least to achieve.

"Fuck off. I outdrink all of the other people I hang out with." You grumbled, barely able to keep your eyes open by that point as he continued to rub your back. "By a lot."

"Oh I bet, sweetheart."

After that you didn't respond, and after a few minutes, you could no longer fight the alcohol coma that had been threatening to consume you for the past hour or so. You were able to get one last look at an amused looking Johnny before you passed out with your face directly in the pillows, the only focus in your brain being his hand on your back as you drifted into what was sure to be at least a 12-hour bout of unconsciousness.

—

When you woke up again, it was because you could feel shuffling in bed next to you. You groggily opened your eyes, trying to figure out which way was up and vice versa, only to roll right against the person doing all the shuffling. You immediately smelled familiar cologne, and a sleepy smile made its way onto your face.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake ya." Johnny said softly, his hand brushing momentarily against yours. His face was pretty close to you, and you immediately smelled the brewery on his breath. You turned the other way and raised your head to check his alarm clock. 2:50.

That asshole. You had gone to bed at 9:45.

"You partied without me." You pouted as you rested your head back down, right on top of his. He let out a slight groan of indignation, but ultimately didn't move away. In fact, he moved closer back into you, reaching an arm back to throw across your waist.

"You already did enough partying." He barely spoke loud enough for you to hear, but you could hear the thickening twang of his southern accent bleeding through due to the fact that he was clearly drunk. You found it endearing when his voice went into a slight hum as you reached up and ran your fingers through his hair. "You doin' okay, sweetheart?"

"Yeah. Just missed you." Taking your head off of his to give your fingers more room in his hair, you instead laid it on the pillow so that your lips were just barely brushing the back of his neck. He always smelled so nice no matter how much he drank. "I wanted to cuddle with you."

"I can turn around—"

"No. Just stay like this." You pulled one leg over his hip so that he was as close as he could physically get, pressing a kiss to his neck as you continued to fuck with his hair. If you could've squeezed him tighter without hurting him, you would've. "I'm smelling you."

"You're a weird fuckin' chick, babydoll." His voice was fading, and you could tell that he was close to falling asleep, which was exactly what you wanted. You slid one hand under his arm so that it was resting against his now-bare chest, scratching your nails against his skin gently.

"Mhm. Love you, baby." You mumbled, your fingers losing purchase in his hair as it started to become harder and harder to keep your eyes open. He was warm, you were cold, and his body warmth was beginning to lull you back towards that coma that he had awoken you from not long ago.

Johnny mumbled back a version of I love you in return that was jumbled by sleep, and then it wasn’t long before you could both hear and feel his snoring where your cheek had settled on his back as you hugged him tight.

You fell asleep extremely tangled up, both eventually turning to face the same way before you were at each other's chests with your arms and legs all mixed up. You knew that you were both going to be wickedly hungover in the morning, and that there was a high likelihood that someone was going to spring out of bed in an attempt to make it to the toilet before they threw up, but for now you were completely content in the comfort of his arms.

And it didn’t hurt that you knew that you’d be able to trap him in bed with you all of the next day if he was as hungover as you were predicting.

#johnny knoxville #johnny knoxville x reader #johnny knoxville fic #jackass movie #jackass #jackass imagine #jackass mtv #bam margera #steve o #dave england #wee man #ryan dunn #chris pontius #jeff tremaine #spike jonze

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