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knoxvillesjackass · 2 years ago

Note

You mentioned in the no nut November smut with johnny, possibly doing a reversed one where the reader is dared to do it? Love your stories, and I hope you keep writing! ❣

your tables were easy to turn - j.k

quite smutty, btw!

this is bad, dont come for me. i tried to write this and then rewrite it over such a long time, so that's why. it is the first chapter in probably a longer series. i'll see what happens! hope they will be better, though!

You and Johnny had anything but an average sex life. In fact, it was probably way above average. You craved each other all the time, and you made no effort at trying to hide it from anyone.

Not from friends or even the general public. Some couples found the whole public display of affection uncomfortable. You were definitely not one of them.

But the Jackass crew, they’d seen just about everything, if not too much of everything.

Every now and then, you and Johnny would disappear and no one questioned where you'd gone, or what you were doing. You were fucking, and you were willing to do it whenever and wherever.

“Honestly PJ, your ideas are sick,” you remarked through heavy breaths as Johnny mindlessly moved his lips against your neck, teeth grazing the sensitive skin.

He didn’t answer you, but merely grabbed your ass and hoisted you onto the small table, lips still attached to your neck.

“Try to be quiet, yeah?” Johnny reminded you for the fourth time since the two of you had snuck into a small storage room on set. You were usually claustrophobic, and the barely two square meters room would’ve, in any other situation, sent you straight into a panic attack, but when Johnny had started touching and grabbing you all over, you’d had other things to worry about.

Johnny reached down and pulled his boxers out, his erect and needy cock springing out. You smiled excitedly and wrapped your legs tightly around Johnny’s waist, bringing him in even closer than before.

He snuck his hand down between your legs and managed to pull your panties to the side, despite the room being as dark as it was.

You let out a loud, high-pitched squeal when Johnny slid his index finger into your soaked cunt. He shot you a warning look and grumbled, reminding you to be quiet again.

He worked his finger in and out of you, making sure that you were wet and ready for his cock. You whined impatiently, even though you knew that Johnny was doing it for your good. So that you could enjoy the whole of his cock without pain or any discomfort.

Unfortunately, because of the limited space, serious foreplay wasn’t really an option, so Johnny brought his hand to his mouth and you watched as he licked his fingers and brought them back to your cunt, lubricating it fully.

He brought the tip of his cock to your soaked opening and gazed into your eyes. “Ready?” Johnny whispered and you nodded eagerly and smiled, preparing yourself by grabbing his shoulders tightly.

Johnny's hand went to cover your mouth the second he pushed his cock into you, knowing all too well that you couldn’t bite a moan back, even if your life depended on it.

Johnny was pushing inside of you at an animalistic pace, his whole length filling you up completely.

Johnny removed his hand for a short second to rearrange your legs, and already, you were a moaning, whimpering mess.

“Fuck-Ah!” You yelled out when Johnny hit that sweet spot. He quickly slapped his palm over your mouth once again and shushed you. “I told you to be quiet!” He hissed under his breath and pumped recklessly in and out of you.

“I-I-I can’t,” you managed to mutter under his hand, tears streaming down your face, due to the indescribable pleasure of Johnny’s cock.

“Bite my shoulder,” Johnny whispered and you gazed at him, confused. "Either that or my hand's going back over your mouth; you decide," Johnny grumbled. His hand over your mouth barely allowed you to breathe, so you did as he'd told you and bit down on his clothed shoulder. Your nails were clawing into his back, and you sniffled softly against him.

As his thrusts got sloppier but deeper, you could feel an orgasm forming, slowly and powerfully.

“I-I’m gonna c-“

“Jesus Christ!”

Johnny instinctively threw himself over you completely to shield your naked body from whoever had just interrupted him blowing your back out.

“Get the fuck out of here!” Johnny bellowed, still inside of you as turned his head to spot Steve-O in the doorway, shaking his head and chuckling.

“Could you two just try to keep it in your pants for two fucking seconds?” Steve-O asked angrily and dispersed, slamming the door roughly.

Johnny had stopped his movements, but your hips buckled against his in an attempt to get him to move again, but he pulled out of you, and it caused a loud, displeased whine to leave your lips.

“Johnny!” You hissed as he started putting his clothes on angrily, his eyes focused on the door.

"Johnny, you cannot be serious! I was this clo-"

"We'll continue later," Johnny shut you down, seemingly pissed off as he headed towards the door.

“Where are you going?” You yelped and jumped down from the table.

“Just put on your clothes!” He ordered you and headed out of the storage room, leaving you all alone after slamming the door.

You could hear a commotion in the break room, and when you entered it, Johnny and Steve-O were staring at each other intensely, eyebrows furrowed and all.

“How about you don’t just fucking barge in?” Johnny asked angrily, to which Steve-O rolled his eyes and sighed.

“It’s a workplace, dumbass! None of us wants to see you guys going at it every day!” Steve-O exclaimed. You placed a hand on Johnny's bicep and squeezed it. He looked at you shortly, shaking his head.

“We’ve only just started shooting and you guys are already fucking in the storage room?” Steve-O huffed. “You literally cannot keep your hands off each other, it’s gross.”

For some reason, that comment got under your skin a bit more and you took a step forward.

You were an adult, who could absolutely control herself, and you could prove it too.

“Bet.”

Johnny stiffened up at your word and jerked his head back.

He knew how competitive you could be, and compared with Steve-O’s inability to lose, this could only end badly.

“What are we betting?” Johnny asked. He already knew, but he wished to be proven wrong.

“Okay, fine,” Steve-O perked up a bit, loving the idea of a challenge, where the odds were 100% in his favour. “One month, no touching,” Steve-O smirked.

“Absolutely fucking not,” Johnny sneered and grabbed your arm, trying to pull you away from the conversation.

“A month is too long. Two weeks,” you negotiated, yanking your arm from Johnny's tight grip. Steve-O shrugged and nodded.

“Fucking hold up,” Johnny paused and pinched your arm to make you look at him.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He hissed quietly and passed Steve-O an angry glare.

“I can do three weeks, but when I say no touching, I mean; no touching,” Steve-O smirked.

Now, you understood. This man was really pushing your buttons.

“Fine,” you agreed and narrowed your eyes at him.

“But, if we make it three weeks, you’re never going to bother us again about fucking again, ever.”

Steve-O paused and considered what he would be giving up if you managed to pull off the bet.

“Fine, but if I win, you can’t fuck here, or while I’m even in a mile’s radius of you.”

There was a wicked look in Steve-O’s eyes. If he won, he’d no doubt be ruthless and unfair.

There was a whole lot at stake. But the chance of being able to do whatever you wanted with Johnny, wherever you wanted, without Steve-O’s commentary was too good to pass up.

“Deal.”

“Oh, so I don’t get a say in it? Cool, 'cause this obviously doesn’t affect me at all,” Johnny chimed in, clearly agitated.

“Okay, but how nice would it be if he couldn’t say shit about us,” you quirked an eyebrow at Johnny and he sighed, running a hand through his hair, ultimately shaking his head in dissent.

"We're not doing this sh-"

Steve-O interrupted Johnny with a grin and looked at his watch. “Alright, it’s 13:20. Time starts now. Good luck,” he jibed and walked away, leaving you and Johnny in the break room.

You could clearly sense, that he was angry at you, and you understood why, but your competitiveness seemed to overtake any feelings of remorse, guilt and regret.

You looked at Johnny and bit your lip, well aware that you'd messed up badly. He crossed his arms and breathed out heavily.

"Do you have any idea about what you've just done?" Johnny asked you, and a cheeky smile formed upon your lips. "I don't find this funny at all, Y/N."

Your smile quickly disappeared and you frowned at Johnny's genuine disappointment.

“I think you should head home,” he spoke. This was not a question or a nice suggestion, it was an order.

You frowned and watched as Johnny spun on his heels and left you with an awful sense of guilt.

Johnny stared at you from across the dinner table, exasperated, his arms crossed over his broad chest.

You sipped your wine and raised your eyebrow at him.

"Don't you think you've had enough wine?" Johnny asked and followed the wine glass with his stare as you placed it back down on the table.

"Why are you still so pissed off? Chill out," you hiccupped and scoffed.

"Why? Are you seriously asking me why?” Johnny hissed and bit his cheek. You nodded and leaned forward.

"What the fuck happened to listen to each other, Y/N? I'm so pissed at you right now," Johnny growled as you stared down at your plate of food.

It had to have been the 100th time that day, that Johnny was having a go at you.

He'd been scolding you from the moment he'd arrived home from work. You'd grown numb to his outbursts, slightly starting to feel that the man deserved to not get any sex from you with that temper of his. Besides, he didn't need to scold you, because you already felt awful.

But were you going to give up and let Steve-O win? Fuck no.

Johnny couldn't take the silence for much longer. He twitched and fiddled around in his chair, before eventually slamming his palm into the dining table.

"I have to be on set with that asshole every day for the next four months, Y/N! You fucking ganged up on me with Steve-O?"

Steve-O had been enjoying the rest of the work day by regularly passing Johnny mocking grins and asking how you were doing.

“I think we should make a list,” you suggested and Johnny stopped chewing on his lamb chop and looked at you with a raised eyebrow.

“What?” He asked and stared at you, bitter and indeed confused.

You reached down into your bag and ripped a page out of your notebook and grabbed a pen. "You know, of things, we can't or shouldn't do. Just to make this easier," you shrugged.

You were convinced, that your confidence would come to bite you in the ass later on, but at that moment, you were doing just fine.

"I don't think, that we should sleep in the same bed," you said casually but jumped when Johnny protested with a loud yelp.

He stared at you bewildered and shook his head at your proposal.

"I'm just saying; it'll be easier if we don't sleep in the same bed. That way, we won't get tempted by anything," you explained and ignored Johnny's rolling eyes.

"Do you not see how fucking ridiculous this is? We're a couple, Y/N! Couples have sex, so why are you suddenly insistent on not letting me touch you for three weeks?" Johnny asked, so frustrated that he just couldn't sit for another second. He stood up and paced back and forth.

You were starting to get irritated with Johnny. Yes, you fucked up, badly, but your man was force-feeding you with guilt trips and self-pity, and it had made you feel slightly less guilty about the whole thing.

"Grow up, Johnny! It's three weeks. You'll survive," you sassed and wrote down sleeping in opposite beds as the first thing on your list.

"This is fucking ridiculous," he hissed and you stared at him. "No, Johnny; you're fucking ridiculous," you snapped. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the bar with Penny. I don't know when I'll be home," you hissed, hearing Penny's car out front.

"You're not going anywhere until we've figured this out, Y/N!" Johnny exclaimed. You grabbed your purse and headed for the door. "Come and catch me then," you said sarcastically and closed the door behind you.

You told your friend all about the bet, who seemed to find it as amusing as Steve-O. You needed a break from Johnny and his understandable, but annoying, pissy attitude.

You drank and then drank a little more. Maybe a little too much, but you were having fun. You weren't exactly excited to return home though, but you hoped that Johnny would be fast asleep.

Penny dropped you off after a few hours at the bar. You had a wine bottle in your hand, half-drunken.

The lights were still on in the house. How fantastic.

You entered the house and immediately, you could hear the sound of the shower going. You took a sip of the wine bottle in your hand and walked to the bathroom, opened the door and entered into the steamy room.

Usually, you would be in there with him, back against the wall as he'd mercilessly pound you into submission. Tonight was, by your own fault, different.

A hiccup from you made Johnny turn off the shower and he peeked out to see your drunken state. He sighed and shook his head.

"For fuck's sake, Y/N," he groaned and walked out of the shower, naked and glistening like some Greek god.

You licked your lips as your eyes travelled down his body. He wrapped a towel around his waist, and it made you snap your eyes up to meet his.

"You know how many fucking times I tried to call?" Johnny asked you and grabbed the wine bottle in your hand, placing it out of your reach, You whined at crossed your arms.

"My phone died," you said. That was a lie. You'd just decided, that you didn't wanna deal with Johnny's bullshit while you were having fun.

"How did you get home?" He asked you. "Penny drove me," you responded.

He looked so good, it was almost painful. The bet hadn't even crossed your mind when you decided to wrap your arms around his naked upper body, placing soft kisses on his chest. Your hand moved down to unwrap the towel from his waist.

"Y/N, you're drunk," Johnny said and unwrapped your arms from his body. "So what?" You whined and began to lower yourself and fumble with Johnny’s towel.

He really wanted to, but he couldn't bring himself to have sex with you while you were that drunk. Johnny pulled you up by your arms and shook his head like a disapproving father while handing you your toothbrush.

"You'll thank me tomorrow," he commented. You shrugged, too tired to think of what that could've meant.

You brushed your teeth drunkenly and stripped yourself of your clothes.

You walked into the bedroom and watched as Johnny removed his pillow from the bed and began to exit the room.

"What are you doing?" You asked confused. He stopped in his tracks and turned around. "You wanted us to sleep separately, remember?" Johnny asked.

You didn't have a recollection of ever saying that. "I would never say that," you huffed.

Johnny chuckled. "If you say so," he sighed and placed his pillow back on the bed and laid down.

He closed his eyes and turned off his bedside light, but you kept standing, arms crossed.

"Jooohnnyyy," you whined and he hummed in response.

You sat down on the bed and leaned over Johnny, planting kisses on his neck and down his shoulder, but you didn't reach very far before he shook you off. "Stop, Y/N," he groaned tiredly.

"But, Johnny," you whimpered. "No, Y/N," he tiredly groaned and grabbed your arm, softly forcing you to lay down beside him, your back against his chest, his embrace keeping you locked in.

“Noo,” you whined, squirming in his grip, your ass grinding against his crotch, unintentionally.

The whole night was spent with you waking up occasionally, trying to twist yourself out of Johnny's embrace because you either wanted to drink more or because you were incredibly horny.

Eventually, you just gave up and slept through the night.

#jackass x reader #jackass #jackass imagine #johnny knoxville #chris pontius #dave england #ehren danger #preston lacy #ryan dunn #wee man #johnny knoxville smut #johnny knoxville imagine #johnny knoxville fanfic #johnny knoxville jackass #mtv jackass #jackass fanfic

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stratossphere · 2 years ago

Text

cheater cheater pt. 4 | j.k

you and johnny are getting better. not perfect, but better. and you know better means you just can’t stay away. (pt 1) (pt 2) (pt 3)

warnings: smut, oral (fem. receiving), a tiny hint at drunk driving, reader is a smoker, fluff :)

word count: 8.2k

a/n: the last part…

taglist: @asskickedbygirl @kristinee @lizey-thornberry @faceache111 @brandons-wife

— —

Mark it in the pages, everyone. You, Y/n Y/l/n, were having a good time for the first night in what felt like months. Things had been…slowly…getting better with Johnny, and tonight you were actually getting along.

You were out with all of the crew, as you usually were, but what made being around everyone different this time was that you and Johnny had been slowly working towards getting better, so there was no animosity to tinge the night so far. No more screaming matches, no more angry sex and horrible insults, and no more…other people. You had spent the last three weeks or so doing exactly what you’d promised to do, and it was actually going pretty well.

So yeah. Not perfect, but not bad, either. Johnny was actually somewhere else in the club everyone had agreed to meet at, and you hadn’t actually gotten to talk to him, but your last ‘date’ had ended on a good note, so you weren’t exactly worried.

In fact, you were having the time of your life with your friends.

"Jennifer Aniston!" Steve-O called out the next celebrity in your game of Bang or Rob, and then put his hand to his chest. "Bang. I met her. She's nice."

"Also met her, but rob. Do you know the kind of cash flow she's sitting on? I could buy myself a fucking mansion with that." You scoffed, sipping out of your liquor bomb drink as you spoke.

"I would bang. Blondes are like, the thing, man." Dave said, chuckling to himself as the liquor completely invaded his senses. Ryan put a hand over his heart and let out a girly hum.

"Aww, that's so sweet. I knew there was a reason God made me blond." He crooned. In that moment, your large indulgence on liquor got the better of you, and you laughed hard. What were you supposed to do? Ryan was literally the world's funniest person, and it only got worse once you stopped being sober.

However, your laughter was cut short out of surprise, because suddenly a familiar set of hands was slapping down on the table in between you and Ryan, and then Johnny Knoxville himself was leaning into them as he looked over all of us at the table.

"Sup, losers?" He said happily, a wide grin on his face as he leaned so far against the table that his head was almost level with the rest of you. “I need to talk to Y/n.”

“We’re in the middle of something. Go away.” Steve-O complained, waving Johnny off and reaching right across to drink out of your drink. You groaned and snatched the cup out of his hand before he could put his gross mouth on it, setting it over by Ryan and then starting to get out of your seat because you knew that Johnny wouldn’t give up pestering you until you followed his request.

“Be right back. We’re doing guys next.” You said, jabbing a finger at all of them before you turned to your own lovely attention-whore and dragged him away from the table. "Can I help you?"

You waited until you were sure that you were far enough away from everyone else that you knew before speaking, because you really had no idea what he was going to say. He looked unbothered, his eyes not leaving yours and his smile not faltering as your iron grip on his arm kept him in place.

"Let me buy you a drink." He offered, his smile softening a little bit as he visually tried to relax for your amusement. You paused, knowing he was just trying to get him to yourself, before nodding because one drink wouldn’t hurt.

"Fine. But only one." You warned, caving into his offer and following him towards the bar. Johnny snickered.

“Don’t get too excited.” He teased, his hand finding your lower back to guide you through groups of people to get to the club bar that was centered in the room. Once you made it to the bar, you both sat down on stools to wait for the bartender surrounded by swarms of people, and you raised an eyebrow.

“You know, you could’ve just joined our booth. You didn’t have to drag me away from everyone else.” He had a bad habit of trying to hog your attention every chance he could possibly get. He shrugged.

“They never shut the fuck up. I want you to talk to me.” God. It wasn’t like he was even trying to be subtle. You bit back amusement.

"So you miss me." You summed up, drumming your fingers against your chin where it rested in your palm as you looked at him. It was so evident in the way his eyes wouldn't leave you. When he spluttered, you shook your head and smiled just a little bit. "I don't mind if you do, PJ."

"Of course I fucking miss you. I always miss you." There it was. Just as you were going to try and respond to that with some poise, the bartender reached the both of you for your orders. He used that as his escape from the conversation.

"Rum and coke, please." Johnny gave her one of those wide smiles, and you soured at the way she winked back at him before she slowly turned to you. Johnny didn't seem to pay attention, his eyes glued to you as you ordered after him.

"Same for me." You didn’t want to make it obvious that you still didn’t like the prospect of other women flirting with Johnny, but he needed a wake up call at some point. “She your type?”

“You’re my type.” He replied easily, eyeing you pointedly as he turned completely away from where the bartender was still standing within earshot of you. You almost laughed at that, rolling your eyes.

“I don’t know if I wanna be your type.” You teased, referencing the way his flirting game was always turned up to 11. He winked at you.

"You be whatever you wanna be, babydoll. I'm just along for the ride." Yeah, he had definitely been drinking. He never said anything that douchey when he was sober. You laughed and ran a hand over your face.

"Knox. Shut up and drink." You groaned, motioning to the glass that the bartender had just slid towards him. Yours was nowhere in sight, and you could feel yourself getting irritated towards the bartender. It only got worse when you noticed pen on the napkin she slid after his drink. A phone number.

"Well, would you look at that. Maybe I'll get to find the Ville to my Y/n." He said cockily, waving his napkin at you with an instigating smirk on his face. You tensed slightly at that, because up until now he’d been in about the opposite of a joking mood about that whole situation, before biting the inside of your cheek.

"For someone who wants to make up and fix things, you sure aren't acting like it." You gave up on your attempts to skirt over your harsh feelings, instead meeting them head on with an unimpressed look on your face.

"What? You said to get over it, and when I get over things, I make jokes. And he’s a joke, so it works." And there he went, just proving your point further. You blew out a sigh, desperately wishing that you had remembered to snag your liquor bomb out of the booth before Johnny had convinced you to go to the bar. You weren't drunk enough for his bitterness.

"Stop." You said tightly just as the bartender slid your drink forward, taking a large sip of your drink to soften what could’ve been quickly turning into a fight.

“I’m kidding. Swear. I’ll stop.” Johnny said then, wiggling his eyebrows at you over the rim of his glass as he took a sip two times bigger than yours.

"That’s hilarious. I almost laughed that time.” You muttered, rolling your eyes as you watched him drink. He was clearly having a ball messing with you, and you were trying to will yourself to relax. “Glad you’re having so much fun.”

“You should be having fun, too.” He scoffed, and then you felt yourself jump a little bit when you felt his hand on your knee. Self control. Self control. Self control. “I know a few ways you could have some fun.”

“Yeah? Pray tell.” You tried to look unimpressed, but you found your eyes pulling strongly in the direction of his hand on your knee. It only got worse when his fingers started to skate higher.

“It might be a little…unsavory for where we’re at.” He said coyly, his eyes finding yours with a smirk pulling hard at his lips. You bit your tongue.

"I don't know. Sometimes I allow it. With certain people." You said offhandedly. Goddamnit. Your so called 'iron-resolve' was fucking pathetic. One genuine smile from him and you were ready to spread your legs open for him all over again. There went being patient.

"Well then you’re really gonna like what I’ve got." Just as the bartender leaned over the bar to check on you both, Johnny dipped his head towards you, his teeth finding the sensitive skin of your neck and sinking in softly. "Let me take you to the bathroom."

"PJ. Nuh uh." You pushed his head away from your neck, laughing like an idiot as you were met with lust-filled eyes. You ignored the bartender's sour look in favor of gazing curiously at him. "You seriously want to?"

"I need you, Y/n." He breathed, his hand finding my hip as his head dipped down lower so that you barely had any space between the two of you. You took one look at his parted lips and dilated pupils, then nodded in agreement. One step back was fine if it was two steps forward, right?

"Okay, let's go." You took his hand, abandoning your drinks on the bar-top as you pulled him along towards where you could see the bathrooms on the wall of the club. "Don’t tell anyone about this, okay?”

“No one fucking cares anyway.” Johnny brushed your worries off, pushing the single stall women’s bathroom open and quickly pulling the door shut behind you.

"I don't know..." You mumbled as he closed the door behind you, the twinge of guilt building up into your chest as his arms wrapped tightly around your waist. He swayed you, lips dipping back to your neck right over the spot where he had bit not two minutes earlier. "Someone definitely saw us come in here."

"Y/n." He broke away from your neck, gently taking your face in both hands and holding your gaze strongly. "You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Who cares what those assholes have to say about it, alright?"

Sometimes, in moments like these, the moments that had made you so angry at him before didn’t seem so bad. He could be so sweet. His reassuring words, his soft touches, everything. You sometimes wanted them permanently without consequence so badly.

"Okay." You took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down and pull back into the moment you were currently in. Not exactly a completely romantic one, but one that appealed to you nonetheless. "Sorry."

"Don't say sorry. Just let me give you what you deserve." He said softly, his hand moving to push your hands apart where you were nervously picking at your nail beds. You looked up at him, smiling softly when you realized that you were just being stupid. Trying to hold standards that didn't exist just because you were tipsy.

His hands gently fell to your hips as he pulled you closer to him, his eyes calm and relaxed as he leaned down and kissed you softly. Familiar taste and familiar smell enveloped you, and you fisted your hands in the front of his Budweiser shirt to get him as close to you as he could go.

"You want me?" He broke your kiss to breathe softly into your ear, his wandering hands finding purchase in the back pockets of the Dickies that you had stolen from him once a long time ago and then had just never given back. You let out a shaky sigh.

"Fuck. Yeah." It felt like you were openly admitting it to yourself at that moment. You had thought that you’d be able to forget what it felt like to have Johnny's hands all over every inch of your body, but you were just lying to yourself. You could never forget, because nothing could ever compare.

"Good." He started on the belt that was holding your (his) pants up, his breath shaking in his throat as your hands slid under the hem of his shirt to touch his warm skin with your cold fingertips.

"Not in the bathroom—" You began when he suddenly dropped down to his knees on the ground in front of you once he had gotten your belt out of the loops, wincing at the thought of how dirty the bathroom floor probably was. The pants immediately sagged low on your hips without the assistance of your belt, and he tutted.

"Yes in the bathroom. I need it." He was half demanding and half pleading with you as he loosely hooked his fingers in the waist of your pants and pulled them the rest of the way down your legs. He then raised his eyebrows and slowly looked up to you after getting a look at the lacy thong you were wearing. "You planning on gettin' fucked or something?"

"Something like that." You said breathlessly as he took the fabric of your underwear between his teeth; that cheeky, shit-eating grin on his face as he began to slowly pull them down your thighs. "Okay, showboat. Quit fucking drawing it out."

"Feisty." He quickly used his hand to pull your thong the rest of the way off, and you frowned momentarily when you noticed that he was shoving the thin material into his back pocket. Before you could open your mouth again to voice a complaint, however, his hand was coaxing one of your legs over his shoulder, and then his mouth was on your clit with wide, open-mouthed tonguing kisses.

"Oh, fuck." You were no longer consciously aware of the fact that you were trying to remain subtle, and your head fell back as your fingers laced their way into his hair. "Fuck, PJ."

He hummed, his hand pushing you closer as he swiped his tongue through your pussy over and over again, a sucking sound coming rhythmically from the movements of his tongue. He had a hand splayed out over your thigh, and your hand unconsciously fell down to his, his fingers lacing together with yours so that he was holding your hand while he sucked on your clit.

Way to keep a distance.

You knew you were probably pulling on his hair a little too hard, and you could hear the whimpers and gasps that came from his mouth even with it being occupied, but every swipe of his tongue over your already-sensitive clit had sharp spikes of pleasure shooting through your stomach, and you couldn't help yourself. If you were making a mistake, might as well make the most of it.

"Fuck, I love your pussy. Could eat this all fuckin' night." Johnny gasped in a momentary break for air, his hand squeezing yours even tighter as he gazed happily up at you with shining lips.

"Keep going. Please." You said breathlessly, feeling unsteady and dizzy with the absence of his touch. He really did have you whipped. You could feel a whine building in your throat seconds before he was pressing his mouth back in your pussy, satiating the need that was threatening to consume you and pulling a high moan from your lips.

The sight of Johnny's head between your legs in the bathroom mirror was only pushing you further, and you could feel your orgasm threatening to hit you as you arched your back even further back against the counter while you applied pressure to his head with the hand in his hair.

"Don't stop." You gasped as if you would've been able to pry him away if you’d tried, rolling your hips up towards his mouth. His free hand moved to keep your hips in place, and then with a few harsh flicks of his tongue you were cumming, head dropping back as you let out a sound that was way too loud to be kept within the confines of the small bathroom.

As always, Johnny didn't stop licking and sucking until you were forcibly pushing his head from your pussy, overworked and overstimulated as you pulled a shaky leg from his shoulder. Reality then came crashing in on you over what you had just let him do and where you had let him do it, and the only thing in the room to soothe you was the pleased, fucked-out look on Johnny's face as he wiped his mouth.

"God, you look so fuckin' gorgeous." He breathed as his cheek fell to your thigh, his hand still partially holding you up as you took big, heavy gasps of air into your lungs in an attempt to ground yourself. A brisque smile fell onto your lips momentarily, just long enough to indulge him. However, he seemed to catch on to your hesitancy, and suddenly he was standing up. His mouth was so close to yours that you could practically smell what he had just been doing.

"Look at me." The demand in his voice made your heart jump, and despite the sudden pull of his fingers on your chin, your eyes raised to his slowly. He stared directly at you. "Open your mouth."

It wasn't a familiar request, but the strength of his voice and your craving for his attention after being touched so carefully coaxed you into doing as he asked, eyes slightly uncertain as you stuck your tongue out a little. And then, in a moment that you knew was going to be ingrained into your brain for the foreseeable future, he spat right into your mouth.

"You taste your fucking pussy on my breath?" The look in his eyes demanded a response, and you slowly nodded, swallowing down his spit with your free hand bunching in the hem of his t-shirt. He leaned in even closer. "That's the only place you should be tasting it. You're fucking me, you understand?"

Words could not describe the dizzy pleasure rushing through your brain at the harsh tone of his voice. He could've said anything and you still would've been nodding along like you were now. He pressed his lips to yours, tongue barely swiping into your mouth before he was breaking away.

"Good. Now get dressed and come back out." And then that fucker slipped right out of the bathroom, leaving you pants-less and in shock as you stared at the door he had closed behind himself.

"Fucking Knoxville." You muttered to yourself, shaking your head to clear your thoughts a little bit as you picked up your pants. And now you had agreed to only fuck him. Awesome.

—

That was the last thing Johnny had said to you not ten minutes before, and ever since then, you’d been trying your best to avoid him. You didn’t know how you felt about the things he’d said to you throughout the night, and you definitely weren't sure about the fact that you were feeling a lot more partial to him than you had been a week ago.

Unfortunately for you, if you let Johnny Knoxville put his hand in your pants, there was a good chance he was going to follow you around like a lovesick puppy with attachment issues until you forcibly kicked him away. Which is why, while you were trying to both listen to and tell stories with Dave at the club couch that you had moved to sit on, Johnny was basically up your ass.

First it started with him purposely acknowledging Pontius' invite for conversation right behind you so that he could not-so-inconspicuously rest his hand right behind your head on the back of the couch, which Dave noticed just as fast as you did and sent you a look that was both judgmental and amused. Then it escalated when Johnny sat down directly next to you.

"PJ." You spoke in a warning tone as his arm knocked into yours, and you felt a deep shoot of irritation run through you when he completely ignored you and continued to animatedly talk to Pontius about the long, drawn-out way that he had come up with the stunt that you were all currently in the process of getting set up for in LA.

"You guys are still broken up, aren't you?" Dave didn't sound sure of himself as he asked, and you rolled your eyes. Not everyone in the crew knew that you and Johnny were still…doing what you were doing, although you were sure some of your friends had begun to suspect you. Thankfully you had gotten better at hiding it, and this time you hadn't even left any hickeys on each other.

"Yep. And yet here he is." You grumbled, nodding your head to the side in Johnny's direction. Usually this kind of up-close-and-personal behavior would signify that Johnny had been through a few too many tequila shots, but you knew that there were other reasons behind his clinginess tonight. "He's trying to get fucking attention."

"Doesn't he have a girlfriend?" Once again, Dave did not sound sure of himself on how much that really mattered. If only he knew the half of it. You pursed your lips, taking a long sip of your drink and pondering whether you had enough energy to get up and move.

"Apparently not anymore." It had been three weeks since Johnny had broken up with Mandy. Three long weeks of getting over some of the biggest fights of your lives and slowly repairing the relationship that had been tinged by the never ending drama during your breakup. "He probably fucking annoyed her into leaving like he's doing right now."

Annoyed her in one way, alright.

"Y/n, you are one of my best friends, and I love spending time with you, but I need to be like, four more drinks in before I start listening to this shit." After a second of pause, Dave spoke honestly to you, and although you really didn't want him to leave you with an overly-clingy Johnny, which he was currently getting up to do, you couldn't help but laugh.

"Fine. But take Pontius with you so that I can ream his ass into leaving me alone." You spoke a little quieter then just in case Johnny could hear you over his own rambling, motioning over to where Pontius was kneeled right on the edge of the long couch by him. "And grab me a beer, too."

Just like you thought, as soon as Johnny didn't have Chris' attention anymore, he was immediately stretching his arm over the back of the couch so that it was mere inches from being wrapped around your shoulders before he was turning in your direction. He was met by your bitter glare, which he took in head-on.

"What's wrong with you?" There was no snark in his tone, but you could tell that the allusion was there. You couldn't exactly blame him, because you knew perfectly well that you looked miserable, but god be damned if you weren't going to blame him anyway. You weren't quite done being mad at him, after all.

"Do you have to sit right next to me? You're touching me." You complained, shooting a dirty look at the lack of space between you. He didn't move, which didn't surprise you at all, just let a hint of a grin ghost his lips.

"Did you get rid of everyone on purpose, or are you just scaring people away with that look on your face?" He retorted, raising his eyebrows in question over the rims of his JK monikered sunglasses. You just stared at him, trying to hold yourself back from snapping something back.

"Getting me a drink and being scared off are two different things. Just like making conversation and pestering." You were speaking pointedly, and you made sure that he could tell by the look on your face. He blew his breath out in an almost-whistle, shaking his head.

"You wanna make conversation? I'll make conversation." You could tell that you were starting to get to him, and you had to bite back a grin at the fact. Usually he was pretty easy-going, and your attitude did nothing if not encourage him more, but today he was evidently off his game. He wasn’t quite done being mad at you, either. Baby steps. "You wanna hear the story I was telling Chris?"

"Hell n—"

"It actually involves you. So you know how you learned how to do that move where you kick someone and knock them out just in case we did a bit on it?" Great. It involved you. That was always nice. When you gave up on ignoring him and just nodded along, he continued. "I wanted all the guys to get that done to them to see who takes it best, but I know you're busy tomorrow so I found a different chick that can do the same thing. You know, because it's funnier to have a bunch of guys get knocked out by a girl."

"Why are you setting up before the actual day if it's not a set stunt?" You could get knocked out anywhere in the world. You didn't need a set for that. You knew you were just digging yourself into a hole by asking questions, as he would definitely answer by tenfold, but you were kind of in a tough position considering he was about three inches away from you. And you weren't completely against the fact that you could smell the scent of his sweet cologne due to how close he was to you.

"Because I want them to fall off a ledge and onto a catch bag when they go down." He said it like it was obvious. Sometimes you wondered if something was a little not right in his head. "God, I wish you could be there tomorrow. You could've done those cinematic falling shots. You know, you could always just—"

"Don't ask me to come in. It’s my one day off." You had been working non-stop for close to two months now, and you were starting to get a little burnt out. It also didn’t help that you knew you’d be deathly hungover by the time morning came. Plus, he didn't really care about your falling shots. He just wanted you to be there so that you were the one doing the kicking.

"Even if I did come in, I wouldn't get any shots, because you'd want me to kick."

"You just look so much better on camera." You were supposed to be ‘gently leading back into things’, but he could say things like that. He was just full of good stuff tonight. You raised an eyebrow, shaking your head.

"Funny." You were refraining from making any comments on that. He seemed to be in too much of a good mood for things to genuinely bother him, but you didn't want to chance it. You were honestly enjoying his company (for once) too much to ruin it.

"What? Your face is cinematically pleasing." He protested, reaching out to pat your knee with a satisfied look at his own compliment. You snorted.

"Cinematically pleasing. That's an interesting compliment." You muttered, grinning despite your best intentions. He really was funny, whether on purpose or not. "PJ, you don't care about being cinematically pleasing. You just want it to look like it hurts."

"But I care about you caring about it." He insisted. You then noticed that he had never taken his hand off of your knee after he'd first touched it, and you silently wondered if he was even talking to you past trying to get in your pants for the second time in an hour. "You know, we should really buy you one of those fancy still shot cameras. You take great fuckin' pictures. I think you’re even better than Kosick."

"You're being real nice. I thought you were mad at me." You said softly. His hand hadn't moved up any further, but you knew it wanted to. Especially because he was pointing out things that he never even made a point to mention before.

"Can’t be mad at you when you look as good as you do, dollface." As he said that, you scoffed with a badly-suppressed grin, because he was really something else, but he clearly was oblivious, because he continued to talk. "Anyway, I think the next stunt we're gonna set up is—"

Dave and Pontius never came back. Which meant, in turn, you were left with the babbling wonder for the unforeseeable future, during which he didn't shut up for more than a breath before continuing into whatever asinine topic he could think of next. The only time he'd left you alone was to get up and get the both of you more drinks, but he'd been back with a bottle of vodka before you could make an escape.

By the time you could see your friends progressing into drunk, doing-stupid-things territory, it felt like your mind was melting. You and Johnny were still sitting on the couch, but you were now turned sideways so that you were facing him directly with your legs crossed and your face resting in both hands as you stared dead-ahead in his general direction. You were starting to think that you were going to have to toughen up and escape for home. You weren’t sure you were going to be able to deal with this any longer.

"...and I didn't hate it, per se, but I didn't really like it, either. I mean, it was better with you, but I haven't done it since." He was now on the topic of acid since he'd seen someone selling it in the corner of the club, and he was telling you things you already knew. Like he said, you’d seen him on acid a few times. "Did I ever tell you about the time that I thought you were coming to kill me when we took acid?"

Alright. Enough.

"PJ. Honey." You took the one of his hands that wasn't holding the vodka bottle in yours, evidently startling him out of continuing his story as his gaze steadied on yours. You shook your head. "No more stories."

"Oh, Jesus. I've been talkin' your ear off." He seemed to suddenly realize how long you’d been sitting there and how much more crowded it had gotten since you’d arrived pretty early in the night. You nodded slowly, stifling a yawn.

"I gotta hand it to you. You really know how to keep me from getting out of control in your own, special way." You muttered, leaning your head to the side so that you could rest it against the back of the couch. "And you don't have to tell me about when you thought I was going to kill you when you were on acid. I remember when that happened. You freaked out and rolled yourself out of bed."

"Why didn't you tell me to shut up sooner?" He asked, as if the thought of him rambling until you died actually bothered him. You let go of his hand, reaching into the pocket of your sweatshirt until you found your cigarettes and lighter before pulling them out.

"I was waiting for Dave to come back with my beer." That was a lie, and he knew it, but it was easier than admitting that you liked the sound of his voice. You let smoke pour out of your nose as you lit your cigarette with your head still resting against the couch, looking up at him with tipsy interest. He tsked, reaching out and brushing his thumb over your cheek.

"I tired you out, didn't I?" He asked, speaking softer now as your eyes closed slightly to his touch. Too much vodka and not enough self control.

"Yep." You mumbled, leaning your face completely into his palm and letting out a soft sigh. You could've fallen asleep right there if you’d put some effort in.

"You gonna go home?" He sounded slightly dejected, and you felt your heart ache. Maybe you wouldn't leave alone. Maybe. His hand was still on your cheek, and he was wearing one of your favorite shirts on him.

"Yep." You said again, taking your cigarette out of your mouth and lifting your head up off the couch to look him seriously in the eyes. "I'll take you home with me if you kiss me."

Okay. Zero self control. But he’d been sweet lately, and you felt good about tonight. His lips parted slightly in surprise, and then he was grinning.

"Oh, that's what we're doing now?" He chuckled, his eyes slowly moving down and then dragging back up in a look that was close to eating you alive. He then leaned in, the hand on your cheek moving to grip your chin before he was pressing an open-mouthed kiss to your lips. It was a lot sloppier than you were anticipating, but you’d both been pretty stringent with kissing up until then, so it was barely a second before you were reciprocating with equal effort.

Making out in the middle of a crowded club when it was pretty common knowledge that you weren't together probably wasn't the smartest idea, but honestly, who gave a fuck. If no one was ever going to pull you aside and be real like good friends were supposed to when you were making bad decisions, then you were just going to keep making them in the form of your all time favorite bad decision. Whose name happened to start with a J. And who was slowly working towards turning himself into a…neutral decision.

"Whew. Straight vodka." He said as he broke away from the kiss, making a face. Clearly his tongue in your mouth had betrayed how much you’d been drinking throughout his night of storytelling, and you winced apologetically.

"Yeah. I think I drank too much." You admitted, looking down towards his spit-shined lips another time and then grinning in guilt when you saw that he was watching you. "Way too much."

"Well, now I guess I have to go back to your place, huh? Make sure you don't asphyxiate." He crooned, holding out a hand for you as he started to stand up. You snickered, getting on your feet and then immediately feeling the liquor hit you as you swayed violently. Never drink sitting down.

"Thanks, Knoxville. No hidden intentions there, I'm sure." You raised your eyebrows suspiciously at him, and he feigned an offended look as he extended his arm for you to hold onto with most of your weight.

"Knoxville? You were callin' me PJ a minute ago!" He protested as he basically held you up while you walked, holding one of your hands while you used the other one to take another drag off of your cigarette and shrugged.

"That's your name." You said through smoke, giving Dave a huge grin and a thumbs up as you passed him at the bar with Pontius and Bam. He threw a hand in the air, and you just made a kissing face before he was too far behind you for him to see you anymore. Bam looked even less impressed.

"Not with you, it's not." Johnny was clearly trying to pull you faster so that you’d stop making faces at your friends, and you leaned into his shoulder and groaned at the quickened pace. Your drunk stumbling was no match for his long strides.

"Okay, PJ." You rolled your eyes, almost dropping your cigarette when Johnny reached his arm around your shoulder with his hand still holding yours to pull you away from running into someone. You blinked when your head spun. "Whew. Why did you pick vodka?"

"You like vodka. Clearly." He explained, glancing to the side to give you a pointed look. You chuckled at that, knowing that was about the truest reason he could've given. Vodka and any other liquor, especially liquor bombs, were usually a horrible mix that had you hating your life for at least a day an a half, so you were already on a path towards destruction.

You didn't know if Johnny was even sober enough to drive, but you weren't sober enough to care, so you trailed right along after him until you were getting into his car, which was sloppily parked on the curb to the left of the club. You hadn't gotten a chance to say goodbye to anyone that you had come to the club with in the first place, which you knew you were going to get shit for when you came back to work in a few days, but you couldn't be bothered considering Johnny had been literally holding your hand with his arm around your shoulders.

"I love sleepovers." You hummed as he helped you into the passenger side, blowing him a kiss and silently wishing that he had brought the bottle of vodka with him.

"Yeah, that's all it's gonna be, Y/n/n. You are plastered." Johnny said seriously, reaching across you to buckle your seatbelt and then taking your cigarette butt from you and huffing in a small drag before tossing it into the road. You pouted.

"Then we have to at least snuggle.” When had you ever had a sense of pride and self-respect, anyway? He raised his eyebrows.

"You know, if you keep all of this up, I'm gonna forget some rules that we've been following, sweetheart." He hummed softly, giving you a pointed look before shutting your door and not giving you a chance to respond. You made a face as you watched him walk around to the driver's side, drunkenly wondering when the hell you had ever been ones to follow rules.

"I'm just drunk, Peej. Let me live my life." You groaned once he opened his door, leaning your head against the shoulder of his bucket seat and blinking slowly at him. He turned the car on, giving you an I'm well aware look before resting his arm next to you on the console and taking your hand again.

"Oh believe me, honey. I'm all for you living your life."

The drive home felt like forever. You were getting tired, but at the same time you wanted to keep the party going once you got back to your apartment. You couldn’t help but picture the sight of Johnny in your bed the entire ride, running your thumb over the top of his hand as you did so whilst staring intently out the windshield.

When you finally pulled into your parking lot, you had realized that there was no way you had enough energy to keep any type of party going. Too much vodka and a long work day had sucked everything out of you. Not to mention Johnny sucking a lot out of you in the club bathroom to add onto everything.

By the time you both got into your apartment, you were ready to just give up and collapse on the first surface that was comfortable enough for sleep. However, you didn't get the option, because Johnny had a grip on you that kept you on your feet and off the floor that was looking more and more comfortable by the second.

"I'm not ready to go to bed yet." You whined when he tried to lead you towards the stairs that would lead up to where your room was. You had spotted your living room, and suddenly you were picturing your makeout session at the club. He let out a disgruntled sigh, pausing and looking around before motioning to the couch.

"Whaddya want? To sit down?" He asked, looking down as you wrapped your arms around his waist and rested your cheek against his chest. Drunk you was definitely going to want to kick your own ass in the morning. Especially because Johnny had the innate ability to remember all of what you had been doing the morning after.

"Mhm." You wanted to kiss him. If he hadn't been too tall for you to kiss him without pulling him down you would've, but you settled instead for letting him gently help you down so that you were sitting on the couch before you pulled him down next to you. You really needed to quit drinking. "We could sleep down here."

"Y/n, I already told you, we–"

"Just kissing!" You begged before he could tell you once again that you had rules to follow or whatever. He tongued the inside of his cheek, looking down at you with a spark in his eyes that you had a feeling was amusement. It only got worse when you pulled yourself closer to him, one leg half over his and your hand fisted in his shirt. He raised an eyebrow at you.

"What the hell's gotten into you?" He mumbled as your free hand came up to cup his cheek, his eyes having a hard time making it past your lips by that point. It was still dark in your apartment due to the fact that you had neglected to turn any lights on other than the stove light that was always on, but you could still see the look on his face. You smiled coyly.

"I miss you. A lot. All the time." Yep. You were definitely going to want to kick your own ass in the morning. Usually this happened the other way around, and Johnny was the one drunkenly admitting how much he missed you. And usually you were the one saying–

"No you don't." Johnny's eyes were soft as he spoke, and you couldn't detect the hint of bitterness in his tone that you usually could hear whenever he spoke to you.

“I do. I was trying to keep it a secret.” You mumbled, moving your hand up to cup his cheek. It only took a second of his love-drunk look trained in your direction before you leaned forwards and closed the gap, pulling him in more by the collar of his shirt as your lips met.

It was a lot sloppier this time than before, as you were drunk and Johnny liked it sloppy, so your hands were in his hair before long as you got closer and closer to him with every push of your tongues together.

One of his hands moved to your hip under the hem of your shirt while the other one stayed on your back to keep you from leaning back too far, and you could feel your entire body heating up as you pulled on his hair slightly. You’d been doing your best to keep space between you as of late as a way to actually work on your relationship, and despite all of your best inhibitions, you had really missed this much intimacy with him. He was letting you touch him more than he had in over a month (and vice versa), and he just smelled so good. You really had no self control when it came to Johnny.

"Slow down." He broke your kiss, giving you a look as he pulled your hand away from where it had been starting to push under his shirt and towards the buckle of his belt. Always ruining your plans. "You are really persistent, sweetheart. You know that?"

"I just wanna be closer to you." You pouted, looking at him with helpless eyes and saliva-coated lips as he wiped his own mouth off with his thumb. He let out a sigh, that relaxed grin coming back onto his face as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and slowly guided you into his side. Exactly what you wanted.

"I know. I'm right here." He reassured you, running a hand over your hair and then pressing a kiss to the top of your head. Despite what people (yourself included) wanted to say about Johnny being immature and a little too carefree, he really did do a good job of taking care of you when you were drunk. You got really touchy when you’d had too much to drink, and he never complained. It probably had something to do with the fact that he was about ten times worse, but still. You appreciated what he was doing now as opposed to being dumped in your bed and left with a bucket like the rest of your friends would do.

"You're like, the best. I wish you could sleep over every night like you used to." You babbled against his shoulder, tracing your finger over the pattern of his shirt. He rubbed his hand up and down your arm, resting his cheek against your head.

"You'd get sick of me." He reasoned, watching the way you laced your fingers together with his where you’d dragged his free hand into your lap. You shook your head adamantly, looking back up to give him your most serious look before you kissed him again. And again. And again.

"No I won't. Stay here forever." You encouraged, nuzzling your face into his neck and then squeezing his hand before yawning. "I think I'm ready for bed."

"I'll carry you." He sighed, beginning to shift out of your steel grasp so that he could actually get off of the couch to pick you up. You didn't want to let him go, but you made the effort, forcing yourself to let him pull his hand away before opening your arms to him once he was standing.

You were then carried up the stairs and right into your room, Johnny taking the trip without a single problem in the pitch darkness due to how many times he had done it in the past.

He then helped you get undressed before you attempted (and failed) to do the same for him, ending up with you already curled up in bed while Johnny slowly stripped out of his clothes in the soft hue of the salt lamp you had left on due to being late for work that morning.

When he finally got into bed (and on his past pre-determined side, no less), you immediately enveloped yourself in him again, resting your head on his pillow with your arm thrown over his side as he wrapped both arms around you.

"Can I tell you something?" You asked after a little while of silence, tilting your head upwards slightly so that you could see his face. He let out a long sigh.

"Yes." He didn’t sound excited, but you were grateful that he was indulging you regardless. You paused for a second to gather your thoughts as you ran a finger up and down the muscles of his arm.

"I’m ready to be done. With waiting." You’d been ‘taking things slow’ for what felt like forever now, and you’d had enough of long talks and trying to put your feelings on a trial period. “I really miss you. And this.”

There was a king beat of silence before Johnny responded.

"Are you sure? I’ll wait as long as you want me to, sweetheart." He said quietly, kissing your cheek gently as he massaged your hip. You took a second before nodding to prove to him that you were actually using your brain to think and not just the alcohol level of your blood.

"I’m sure. I want you, and I want to be where we were." Every day that you had spent slowing yourself down and thinking out everything between you had been torture. Necessary, but torture. You had barely let yourself touch him at all, and it had been something that you would forever crave like the air you needed to breathe. “I trust you, PJ. And I still love you just as much as I did.”

Another beat of silence, and then Johnny was turning to basically wrap you in a bear hug with his weight half on top of you.

“God, I’ve been waiting for you to say that for so fuckin’ long. I’ve been done waitin’ for weeks.” He said happily, his voice a mumble against your neck as he let out a breath that sounded like he’d been holding it. “I love you. I never wanna lose you again.”

You were losing the battle to try to stay awake, and his body heat wasn't making it much better, but you wrapped your arms just as tightly around him, running your fingers through his flattened hair. A sense of peace that you had been unable to achieve over the turmoil that had been going back and forth between you for what had seemed like forever had slowly fallen over you, and you couldn’t help the full smile forming on your face.

"I'm glad you came back with me."

"Me too, baby." He sounded more content than you had heard from him in months, and you hugged him a little tighter. As long as you had him in your arms, you didn't care about anything. And it didn’t seem like you were going to have to worry about losing him again.

#johnny knoxville #johnny knoxville smut #johnny knoxville x reader #johnny knoxville fic #jackass #jackass movie #jackass mtv #jackass imagine #dave england #ryan dunn #steve o #bam margera #chris pontius

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babybammargera · 1 year ago

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Ouch

(listen we all know Dave is “accident” prone so that's my inspiration)

Dave England x reader fluff

You're sitting to the side with Loomis (just pretend he was there) watching as the boys film a bit they very originally named the bungee boogie. Slam after slam each of them gets back up and continues to subject themselves to the same outcome. Dave as usual gets banged up a ton and you bite the inside of your cheek trying not to laugh at his final fall. After they finish filming, you patch up Ryan Bam and Ehren before your boyfriend sits down with you to get doctored up himself. You lean over and start cleaning one of the small scrapes he got in the process of filming and he winces pulling his arm away, “Ouch that stings!” you shake your head smiling, and slap a band-aid on it, “There's no way that hurt worse than what you subject yourself to on the daily babe don't be a drama queen.” He looks at the pink bandage and then back at you before standing up, “You make a valid point but it's worth it because you take care of me.” you roll your eyes at him and give him a kiss, “Yeah I think Ed would be a little less sweet when it comes to your so-called medic needs.” He shrugs and grabs a water bottle from the cooler quickly returning to sit down on the grass in front of you. You run your fingers through his messy hair and he leans back against your legs relaxed knowing if he was with you pranking him is off limits. “Despite you constantly getting hurt you really do look cute doing these dumb stunts, I know you hate a lot of them but when you're excited about a bit its adorable.” He grins and turns to face you, “Even the shit bits?” You groan and stand up pretending to puke, “Absolutely not and I'm so glad I avoid set those days.” He helps you gather the first aid kit contents you had pulled out to patch up the boys and the rest of your things, “you love me though.” You hug him and plant a kiss on his cheek, “of course I do babe.”

#jackass #cky #viva la bam #jackass headcanons #dave england #darf #daveengland #mtv jackass #jackass x reader #jackass fic #jackass fanfiction #jackass boys #jackass imagine #jackass fanfic

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mysticficti0n · 2 years ago

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Heyyy! so I was wondering if I could ask u some questions- I've seen this on others accounts and bc I literally love your writing I wanna know you better (off if you're comfortable) 💕

1- name?

2- age?

3- fave bands?

4- dress style?

5- fave food/drink?

6- when did you start writing fics?

7- any advise for new writers?

8- home country?

9- eye/hair colour?

10- who do you love reading fics about?

thank you doll 😘]from pixy

Hey Pix ! (hope your doing good girl ♡) I'd love to answer these off! -

1- B for short

2- 16 (finally)

3- omg I have too many okay- Tokio Hotel (obv) Korn, slipknot, deaftones, Limp Bizkit, Orgy, P.O.D, Linking park, SOAD, evanescence, drowning pool, kid rock, coal chamber, CKY, Pierce the vail, (Hed) P.E, Slayer, Gnarkill

4- erm it differs like streetwear meets emo y2k goth???

5- food- LOVE Pasta literally any type. Drink- either pink monster apple juice is bomb

6- when I was around 13 ish

7- be confident, sometimes your fics wont get over 10 likes and it doesn't matter just keep trying and learning from other creators (my Dm's are open to anyone if you ever want help or wanna become mutuals ♥︎)

8- England 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

9- I have green/blue eyes and brown dots (thanks dad and mom) and naturally blonde but dyed it dark brown

10- omg again many- Tom ,Bill ,Gustav and Georg, Bucky barns bc the ppl that write him are DIRTY, Roger Taylor, Bam Margera, Johny Knoxville, and baso whole of Jackass

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cptnbeefheart · 1 year ago

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theyre playing livin on a thin line in bada bing ? like a lot of the other unrealistic aspects of the sopranos i can forgive this one too 👆

#imagine hearing dave davies gay voice in the strip club Oll The Stooories Have Bean Told.. Of Kings and Days of Olde.. Thes Noe England Now

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so-much-for-stardust6 · 3 months ago

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Needed A Release- Johnny Knoxville

summary: you do a “stunt” involving a sex toy which is controlled by johnny. at the end of the day, you need a release.

lowercase intended

warnings: smut, dirty talk (?) & not proof read

a/n: this feels a bit rough but enjoy 🤒

“there is no fucking way.”

“oh come on, y/n, please!” jeff begged, holding the device in his hand.

“no! i’m not gonna shove a fucking vibrator up my pussy for a stupid show!”

“you do that every night, why is this different?” bam joked.

i turned to him and punched his arm, causing him to yelp out and grab it.

“i’ll pay you fifty bucks.” johnny said.

“dude what?” ryan laughs at johnny’s eagerness.

“what? this’ll be good for the show!” he defended himself.

i sigh as i think over his words, stomach turning as i lean towards yes.

“okay you know what, fine. i’ll do it for fifty.” i shook my head.

the guys cheered at my response, jeff handing me the vibrator.

“we’re doing it tomorrow.” he gave me a sly smile.

“great.” i mumble.

~fast forward to tomorrow~

i walk inside the place, being greeted by a smirking bam.

“hey, y/n/n, how you feeling?” johnny asked, laughing his dumb laugh.

“fuck off, knoxville.” i mumble, heading towards the snacks.

“good afternoon, y/n! you all ready?” jeff says very cheerily.

“ready? i just got here.”

“we’re about to start soon.”

i sigh at his words and go to the bathroom. i kept telling myself that i’m doing it for the money and money only. i take off my pants, getting into a position to easily put the vibrator inside. i softy moan at the feeling, butterflies in my stomach. i shake it off and stood back up, fixing myself up and leaving the bathroom. i ran into johnny and bam who were standing right near the door.

“jesus christ, you guys are pervs.” i scoff.

“you excited?” bam says, emphasizing ‘excited’.

i ignore him and eat my chips before we had to leave.

~fast forward to the van~

“okay, so y/n you’re gonna go inside and ask questions and randomly here and there you’ll feel it turn on.” jeff explains.

“just any questions?”

“questions relating to the product, yeah.”

“and who’s having the remote?”

“we can’t tell you.”

“why?”

“for their protection.” he laughs.

i fake laugh back as i climb out the van, walking up to the store. it’s a beautiful flower store, the fragrance inside was just heavenly.

“hello there! how can i help you today?” the lady at the counter greets me.

“hello! i’m just looking for some flowers for my husband, he loves flowers and it’s our anniversary.”

“oh how sweet, we usually have the husbands buying flowers for the wives! what flowers does he like?”

“hmmm, he loves-“ i cut myself off with a quiet yelp, the vibrator turning off.

“are you okay, ma’am?”

“yes! yes i’m sorry i just accidentally hit my knee.” i lie, gripping the counter as it continues.

“well, we have these beautiful roses. simple yet very romantic.”

i lean into the flowers and smell them, smiling at how good it is. suddenly the vibrator turned on again, making me groan out loud. i quickly cover it up by groaning again, pulling away with a weak smile.

“sorry i just absolutely love roses! they’re my favorite.” i nervously chuckle.

“no worries hun, i love roses too!” she sweetly laughs.

i feel the vibration level go up one, my face contorting with pleasure. luckily the woman was leading me to another set of flowers, looking away. i had a mic and mini camera on me so i grabbed the mic and brought it up to my lips.

“you guys are bastards.”

“i’m sorry?” the woman asked.

“oh i said do you guys sell baskets?”

“like flower baskets?”

“just regular ones, i noticed i saw some on the display in the window.”

“oh yes, what a great eye! we do sell baskets, they’re $7.”

“sounds great! i’ll take one, my husband and i were planning on having a picnic date.” i ball my hand into a fist, trying so hard to not moan.

“of course, daring! let me go get one in the back.”

i watch her as she leaves behind a door. i let out a low moan once i feel like she’s too far. i whimper and throw my head down, squeezing my eyes shut.

“you okay in there?” i hear johnny laugh in my ear.

“fuck off.” i mutter.

i hear the door open again and i whip my head up, putting on a normal demeanor.

“here you go, honey. did you figure out what flowers you’d want?”

“i think i’ll go with those beautiful roses, they smell wonderful.”

the vibrator has been on this entire time, slightly increasing in power each minute. i took a deep breath to relax myself, tears pricking my eyes at the immense pleasure.

“anything else darling?”

“nope, that’s all i need.” i smile softly.

i actually buy the items, loving roses myself. i gave her the cash, hands shaking as i do so.

“you sure you’re alright honey?”

“yes, i’m just cold.”

“it’s summer.”

“yeah, my body heat is very weird.” i laugh awkwardly.

she chuckled back, handing me my change.

“thank you so much, hope you have a wonderful day hun.” the woman smiled.

“of course! you too-“ i cut myself off with a whine as the max setting was on.

my knees buckled at the feeling as my eyes slightly roll into the back of my head.

“i’m sorry, i feel very ill. have a good day.” i quickly say before rushing out the door.

i was panting while resting my hands on my knees, trying so hard not to moan. i hear the guys laughing in my ears as i struggle.

“look at you, getting off by a vibrator in public.” johnny whispers into the mic.

hearing those words leave his mouth made me lose it, cumming on the spot. i slap a hand over my mouth as i moan, falling to my knees. the guys hollered at the sight of me, faces probably changing red at how hard they’re laughing. i felt so embarrassed, ready to go home. i shakily stand up, the vibrator still on.

“someone go help her.” jeff said, still laughing.

johnny climbs out of the van, face red from laughing. i look at him with a glare, so angry he said those words.

“you look like a mess, y/n. you still feeling “unwell”?” he laughs his obnoxious laugh.

he put his hand out and i refuse to take it, reaching for the remote instead. i turn the device off and shove the remote in my pocket.

“you fucking had it the whole time?!” i raised my voice.

“yup.” he giggled.

i sighed angrily and walked off, knees still weak. i open the van door to see all the guys still laughing, making me even more pissed off.

“any bees in there? i heard a lot of buzzing.” bam joked.

i punched his arm and climbed into the back.

“can we please go? i want to get this thing out of me.” i mumble.

~fast forward~

i rush inside the bathroom, pulling my pants off and taking this fucking thing out. i throw it into the sink, grabbing some toilet paper to clean me up. i hear someone knock on the door, i yell for them to come in. i was presentable but my knees were still shaky.

“how’s it going in here?” johnny asks, peeking his head in.

“man fuck you.” i spat.

“what? what did i do.”

“you fucking had it on the whole time! and y-you said that shit!”

“what shit?” he smirked.

“you know exactly what i’m talking about..”

“what are you gonna do about it?”

i huff and stomp over to the door, locking it. johnny watches my every move, eyes dilated. i grab my shirt and swiftly take it off, throwing it on the hook for bags. i then walk over to him and harshly connect our lips, slipping my tongue into his mouth for dominance. he moaned into my mouth, strong hands holding my hips. he grabs one of my legs, wrapping it around his slutty waist. i grind against him, becoming wet again. i grab onto his hair, pulling his head back to kiss his neck.

“you’ve been flirting with me ever since i joined the crew. and of fucking course you take control of the remote. you wished it was you inside me, huh. you fucking pervert.” i spat into his ear.

i felt him get hard into me, smirking against his ear.

“look who’s getting off with dirty words?” i laugh.

“i fucking hate you.” he mutters.

“highly doubt that.”

he turns me around and shoves me onto the sink.

“you’re gonna watch yourself as i fuck you. got it?”

“yes..” i moan out.

he didn’t waste time to pull my pants down, my underwear wet. his hands ran across my ass, squeezing it. the vibrator in the sink caught his eye, immediately grabbing it without thinking twice. i look at him through the mirror as he turns it on, lowering it back to where it was. it vibrated against me, a loud sigh leaving my lips. i dropped my head down and moaned but his free hands grabbed ahold of my hair and pulled me back up. he was focused on what he was doing, rubbing the vibrator up and down my folds. i wiggle my ass to try and get my friction, causing him to laugh at my neediness.

“you’ve been secretly wanting me, huh. all those fake ass shut downs, all those lies so i wouldn’t get into your pants. but you want me so bad, i bet you dream of me of me fucking you so hard…don’t you…”

“fuck…” i cry out.

he muttered something before shutting off the toy and throwing it back into the sink. i heard his undo his belt and shove down his pants. i couldn’t see him from the angle was at behind me, but i bet he was big.

“jeff’s gonna be lookin’ for me.”

“so go fast then.”

he chuckled at my words before slamming into me. i let out a loud moan, feeling him fill me up. he stretched me out perfect, fitting like a puzzle. i was still slightly sensitive from earlier so my senses were at an all time high. tears pricked my eyes already, my knees trembled at his pace and my knuckles turned white from my grip. he held on hand on my waist as he fucked me while the other held my hair, pulling my head back to watch him fuck me. his head was thrown back, brown hair sticking to his slightly sweaty forehead.

“look at you…so fucked out from this.” i dryly laughed, trying to talk as he thrusted.

he opened his eyes and looked at me, lust blown pupils.

“i bet you fucking planned this. you told jeff all about this prank.”

“don’t fucking act like you weren’t thinking of me while that shit was on. wishing it was my cock inside of you, like right now.”

we talked out of breath, stuttering our words.

“i needed a release. asshole. you made me cum.” i moan out.

“at my words. remember?” he laughed in a teasingly manner.

“fuck you.” i spat out.

i was too focused on johnny’s words and face, not noticing how quick my orgasm was coming. johnny noticed though, noticed how my body moved and wriggled under his touch. he smirked as he saw my face contort with pleasure. i let out a long string of moans as i came around him, shoving myself against the sink. he waited until i was done before pulling out, not caring about his own release. i collapsed against my sink, using a lot of my upper body strength to hold me up. i felt johnny’s fingers run up my slit and collect my juices, sticking them into his mouth to taste me.

“so good.” he mumbled.

i roll my eyes at his action, pushing myself off the sink. i pulled up my pants and buttoned them back up. i smoothed my hair out and fixed up my face. johnny watched me as i did so, genuinely smiling.

“stop staring, weirdo.”

“maybe i’ll take a pic, it would last longer.”

“back to flirting, knoxville? you were just inside of me like 3 minutes ago.” i laugh, turning around.

“maybe i can be inside you more often.” he slyly said, pulling me close to him from the waist.

“buy me dinner first.”

“tomorrow at 8?”

i was taken aback from his words, surprised he actually asked.

“seriously?”

“dead. i haven’t been flirting all this time for nothing.” he laughs.

“okay then, tomorrow at 8.” i smile.

“perfect. now i gotta go.” he quickly leaned down and left a kiss on my lips.

i know we already kissed before this but it felt like the first time. i blushed harshly as he left the bathroom, surprisingly not to a bunch of idiots standing outside listening.

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caedmonofwhitby · 1 month ago

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The King of Rome by Dave Sudbury

A song Dave Sudbury wrote about Charlie Hudson’s famous racing pigeon, The King of Rome.

In a glass case in Derby Museum there’s a pigeon called The King of Rome. In 1913 it flew from Italy back to its home loft in the West End of Derby. The Old West End used to be the rough side of town and Charlie Hudson, the man who bred The King lived there.

“I wrote the song because it’s about the kind of place I came from and the people I knew there.” - Dave Sudbury

The King of Rome

The song has been covered by a number of English folk artists, most famously June Tabor

More recently, it has been covered by The Unthanks. Here they are performing with the Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band

youtube

#english imagination #english culture #albion #england #20th century #English music #English working class #english folk music #folk music #the unthanks #the king of Rome #Derby #Dave Sudbury #English folk song #Youtube

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sluggggish · 8 months ago

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imagine if we had Ranger Dave and Danger Ehren

A 22 year old Dave England in Mack Dawg Productions' Pocahontas

#we truly missed out #imagine what we could've had !!!#dave england #jackass #ehren mcghehey

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beardedmrbean · 3 months ago

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Charlotte stood on the train tracks ready for a train to come sweeping down the rails and end it all.

However the driver of that train, 47-year-old Dave Lay, had other plans.

Slamming the brakes after receiving notice of a pedestrian on the tracks, Lay brought the train to a halt and got down to talk with the suicidal woman for nearly half an hour before eventually getting her safely to the next platform.

Local police met the pair, and helped Charlotte get in contact with local mental health support workers then and there. Shaken but feeling good about what he was able to do, Dave departed, imagining the episode had finished.

But Charlotte had other plans.

Looking him up on Facebook the following day, she sent a message thanking him for the kindness he showed her on the rails at Crossflatts Station in West Yorkshire, England.

“I walked down the tracks and sat down, waiting,” Charlotte told the British media service SWNS. “I’m unsure who raised the alarm about my presence but when the next train came, it slowed and stopped far from me. I’m so grateful to Dave for stopping that day and being so patient and understanding.”

After Dave returned Charlotte’s text telling her he was available whenever she needed to speak to someone, they began exchanging messages on a daily basis. They met for a coffee after chatting for two months.

Fast forward three years, and they tied the knot when Charlotte was 22 weeks pregnant with their first child.

Charlotte, a nurse at the British National Health Service, was previously diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and emotionally unstable personality disorder.

Recalling her decision-making process from that fateful day in 2019, she said that she was on the train to work in her scrubs, but nothing felt right. Dave’s arrival had all the hallmarks, she remembered, of a person trained to de-escalate mental health crises.

“I once asked him if he’d ever had any de-escalation training, because he was brilliant that day,” she said. “The conversation from what I can remember was just about mundane things and about both our lives, but it was enough to break the crisis.”

“Life didn’t feel as heavy anymore. The next day I made it my mission to find the man who had been so kind to me.”

DE-ESCALATING DANGER: Surveillance Shows Jon Bon Jovi Stopping Woman From Jumping Off Bridge in Nashville

Dave told the BBC he simply “said all the things he wished he could’ve said” to other people who have committed suicide, and for his part was desperately happy to hear from Charlotte, as he had no way of knowing if she ever approached mental health services, or if she made another attempt to enter the House of Hades.

“I needed to know she was all right. I’d contacted police to try to find out what happened to her and just wanted to make sure she was safe,” he told the BBC. “I felt like I had a duty to make sure she was all right. We’d had that rapport built by the side of the track.”

Charlotte says she hopes that by sharing her story, people will realize that, although it would be ideal if we all had specialist training to deal with a mental health crisis, we are all nevertheless capable of helping by being empathic and present.

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sunnyie-eve · 7 months ago

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Odds Together Masterlist

Series: Viva La Bam & Jackass

Paring: Ryan Dunn x OFC Margera!

Summary: Being related to the Bam Margera wasn't the easiest thing in the world. If Annabelle could she would pay not to be his sister. The only good but also bad thing being his sister was she was also friends with his best friend.

{ Ch.1 | Ch.2 | Ch.3 | Ch.4 | Ch.5 | Ch.6 | Ch.7 | Ch.8 | Ch.9 | Ch.10 | Ch.11 | Ch.12 | Ch.13 | Ch.14 | Ch.15 | Ch.16 | Ch.17 | Ch.18 | Ch.19 | Ch.20 | Ch.21 | Ch.22 | Ch.23 | Ch.24 | Ch.25

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slytherinqueenrose · 2 years ago

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The British pub |Tom Felton|

wc: 2.2k

Summary: While visiting your friends, they take you to the pub to celebrate Halloween. Nobody knew that a wonderful, famous person will appear among their family, friends and neighbours.

Warnings: drinking alcohol, foreign reader, mentions of touching body parts, grammar, possible language mistakes.

A/N This story is partly inspired by my trip to England in 2018. Sadly, I hadn’t met Tom. Or maybe? I didn’t know him back then 😅.

Also, I want to dedicate this imagine to my dearest friend @nobodybutapathetic 🩷🌿

„But I really want a juice. I don't drink alcohol" you said to your friend, sitting in the front seat of his car. Dave looked at you, stopping at the pedestrian crossing, but didn't say a word. Sarah - his sister, and your aunt Darcie, sitting behind you, chuckled quietly. You had arrived in England the previous day. It was your first time in the country, which made you feel incredibly excited. Dave was the fiancé of your friend Megan, who had died in a car accident about two years earlier. Megan had talked a lot to him about your British dream, so he wanted to show you his surroundings, take you to the most interesting places, and do everything Megan would have wanted for you. Since her death, you had felt an incredible emptiness and had slowly given up on the trip, knowing that without her, it wouldn't be the same. Darcie, her mother and your "aunt," convinced you to go on the trip, mentioning how many things Megan wanted to show you. She wanted to fulfill her dream, and you couldn't refuse. You were afraid that Dave and Sara would feel uncomfortable with somebody who was so close with one of the dearest people in their lives, but the British temperament wouldn't allow it. The very next day after your arrival, they proposed a trip to a pub in their hometown for a Halloween party. It wasn't going to be anything big. This certain pub was a meeting place for family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors. They often brought their own friends, which usually turned a group of 50 people into a crowd.

Dave parked in a small parking lot surrounded by a few small clothing shops. You got out of the car, adjusting your costumes. A moment later, his parents parked next to you. English people are very family-oriented people. They spend almost every free moment together.

The six of you were dressed like Hogwarts students. One could say you came for classes rather than a party. It was getting dark. Outside, only one lamppost illuminated the parking lot. Lily, the mother of your new friends, along with their father Steve, headed towards the grand doors. At the entrance, the woman scanned a code on her phone, and the doors opened. The venue seemed quite old and nothing like the clubs in central London. You went up the stairs, bypassing strangers. On the left were the restrooms, on the right were game machines, and opposite was the entrance to the main hall. It looked more like a school common room than a club. Inside, there were many tables, comfortably seating up to 10 people each. Dave greeted some friends near the glass entrance doors, then looked around and pointed you to an available table.

“Don't complain, it's really not strong" Sarah said, taking a sip of her drink. She looked around, checking out other people's costumes. It was definitely not boring. Everyone looked exceptional. At a table in the distance, there were also young men dressed in Harry Potter robes. The brunette was in Gryffindor colors with round glasses, next to him was Ravenclaw, and the blond-haired guy in Slytherin robes just like yours, was sat with his back to you. The whole room looked beautiful. Decorated in such a way that it resembled the interior of a dark castle. You took a small sip of your drink, preparing your face for a grimace caused by the strength of the alcohol, but nothing like that happened. The liquid was not strong at all. You even had the impression that they gave you a non-alcoholic drink, for which you would be very grateful. You started long conversations with your friends. The atmosphere was great, especially considering the fact that someone was constantly approaching you, wanting to get to know you. It even turned out that the woman working as a cleaner at your hotel was a close friend of your friends. It's funny how such a big city can be so small. Maybe an hour had passed. People were slowly feeling the effects, including Dave, who definitely overdid it with alcohol. He reached out his hand, wanting to pull you onto the dance floor. You felt great, despite having a few drinks. But when you stood up, you realized that they weren't non-alcoholic at all. Your legs almost immediately refused to obey you, and you plopped back onto the chair, causing laughter from the others sitting at your table.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" Lily asked, grabbing your hand.

"Yes. The drinks just attacked my legs" you replied, and everyone laughed.

"Well then, I suggest you make a second attempt to get up from the chair" Dave said with a laugh. He intertwined your fingers, and this time you managed to get up without any complications. You went out to the dance floor with the guy and grabbed his arms. He placed his hands on your hips, and you danced slowly to the rhythm of the song. You could feel the gaze of the people around you, especially one person in particular. The blond, dressed exactly like you. You didn't have the courage to look at him. You were already quite embarrassed by Dave's hands roaming your body. The guy rested his forehead against yours. Then he brushed your Y/H/C hair behind your ear and started planting kisses on your neck. You opened your eyes wide in surprise and slightly pushed him away.

"No, Dave" you hissed. The guy nodded and ran his hands down to your buttocks, lifting your rather short gray skirt slightly. Then he returned to your neck and gave you a few more kisses. "Okay, this is really uncomfortable, Dave" you said and moved away from him, freeing yourself from his embrace. "I like you, but this is going too far" you added.

"Sorry, it's the alcohol" he replied, scratching his head.

"I need some fresh air" you muttered before stepping outside. You sat on a ledge with your phone in hand, trying to stop thinking about the situation that just happened. Dave was attractive, that couldn't be denied. But he was also the fiance of your best friend. You wouldn't feel right being involved with someone who had been so close to Megan. And besides, you had the feeling that the guy wanted you precisely because you were close to Megan's heart.

A moment later, a lot of people appeared outside, most of them with a cigarette in hand, including Darcie, of course. She immediately approached you, seeking help with translating a few things. She didn't know a word in English. Really. One time when she wanted to buy a fizzy water, she said “water pssst, please”. Hilarious tho.

Standing next to her was a man dressed as the Joker, who had been sitting with you at the table for the whole evening. He started talking about what he wanted, and you immediately laughed and turned to the woman.

“Jason would like to take you for a walk and show you around.” You explained, and a look of surprise appeared on the brunette's face.

“Where am I supposed to walk with him? Did he suddenly feel like having a romance?” She asked.

“We can go. I'd gladly take a walk myself.” You replied and nodded to Jason. “Unless you don't want my company?” You asked the man, but he didn't even want to hear that you wouldn't go with them. After all, how could they communicate with each other without a translator? “Just wait a moment, I'll tell Sarah that we're leaving for a few minutes.” You smiled at them, then walked over to Sarah, standing by the door.

“Sarah, we-“

“Miss Malfoy?”You heard. You turned your head towards the dark-haired man with round glasses, leaving the pub.

“Mr. Potter?” You laughed, trying to say it with the best British accent possible.

“Mr. Mike Potter.” He replied and held out a pack of cigarettes towards you.

“Miss Y/N. Nice to meet you. And thanks, but I don't smoke.” You said with a smile.

“A Slytherin who doesn't smoke? Such a well-behaved little girl you are.” He chuckled.

“Indeed.” You replied, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“I know someone who would like your costume. I mean, the colors of your costume.” He added, smiling. At that moment, a blond man came out of the pub. You recognized him immediately. Tom Felton, the movie Draco Malfoy.

“Greetings, everyone.” He laughed, then looked at you.

“H-hey.”

“It's Y/N. Mrs. Malfoy.” Mike laughed. “And she obviously likes you, because she stutters.”

“I like that.” Tom replied, winking at you. You smiled slightly, blushing like never before.

“Y/N, are you coming?” Darcie called out.

“Oh God, I almost forgot about her. We're going for a walk, Sarah. Darcie has an admirer.” You laughed to the girl. She later passed the message to her brother as he left the pub, and you ran to catch up with the waiting pair.

“Who's that girl?” Tom asked, giving Dave a light.

“She's the friend of my brother’s fiancé.” Sarah replied, extinguishing her cigarette and Dave nodded. “Single.” She added, entering the building. Tom bit his lower lip, fighting back a smile.

“Did you hear that? Go for her. It's about time.” Mike laughed.

“I know, I know.”The blond replied.

***

The walk passed in a pleasant atmosphere. There was a lot of laughter, especially when Darcie tried to pretend she understood everything and then nudged you, begging for a translation. It took about an hour of walking around the area. You passed many children collecting candies, and some even asked you for a photo. The atmosphere was so welcoming that even you got a small, pumpkin-like box and started collecting treats yourself, engaging people with lines from books. Upon returning to the pub, the first thing you did was taking off your cloak . You were left in a white shirt, a greenish tie, a gray skirt, and high-heeled shoes. On the table, new drinks were already waiting for you and Darcie. This time they were supposed to be really strong. Your friends immediately started devouring the sweets you had gathered.

“Dave! Can’t believe you actually… Ughh...” You protested at the sight of the drinks.

“This is just the beginning. It's 9 PM, the whole night is ahead of us.” The guy laughed, taking a big sip.

“I'll twist your head off, I promise.”

“I don’t want to hear any complaining. One for each of us.” He ordered the bartender, who brought you each a shot.

“Dave...” You hissed, and he winked at you.

“To Y/N's strength.” He laughed. You took the glasses in your hands and emptied them to the bottom. You closed your eyes tightly, feeling the burning in your mouth. It was strong.

“Out of curiosity, how many drinks are you planning to serve us?” You asked, looking from one person to another.

“You'll have two more and then you'll stop counting.” Steve replied.

“That's comforting.” You said with a slight smile. You stood up and went to the restroom. You stood in front of the mirror to fix your hair and makeup. Then you turned around to wash your hands and stood there, stunned for a moment, looking at two different taps. Under normal circumstances, you wouldn't be surprised that older buildings in the UK have separate taps for hot and cold water, but after drinking alcohol, such information reached you a bit slower. Betty, Dave's dog sitter, entered the restroom. Seeing your expression, she started laughing hysterically almost immediately.

“Too bad I don't have a camera in my hand. Your face is the funniest thing I've seen today.” She laughed, holding her stomach. You felt a bit silly, but you laughed along. The woman washed her hands and then looked at you again, bursting into another fit of laughter as she left the restroom. Blushing, you followed her.

Opposite you, by the stairs, stood Mike and Tom. Hearing Betty's laughter, they started laughing themselves.

Vicious circle, laughter can sometimes be funnier than the whole situation.

"If only you saw what I did" she said to them, and you opened your eyes wide. Oh, wonderful. Must feel amazing to look like a fool in the eyes of your idol. She laughed, trying to imitate you. But she did it much better. The boys burst out laughing, and you almost sank into the ground.

"Poor thing" Tom said, then pulled you towards him, hugging you tightly. You rested your chin on his shoulder, and he intertwined his fingers in your hair.

"It's because of the alcohol" you said.

"That's just the first round" Mike laughed. "That's what Sarah said"

"Hopefully the last" you replied.

"It won't be that bad" the blond consoled you and kissed your temple.

"You wanna switch places, Felton?" you asked, leaning back slightly from the boy.

"For you tonight, I am Malfoy. Draco Malfoy" he said with a smug smile.

"Fine. Just don't be as much of a pansy as Draco" you laughed.

"I'll try" he replied, and after a moment, he pulled you onto the dance floor. You wanted to go to your table but the boy grabbed your hips and started swaying with you to the rhythm of the music. You placed your hands on his shoulders, trying to avoid eye contact. You already had intense blushes.

"You won't refuse me if I buy you a drink, will you?" he laughed and lifted your head slightly.

"Should I kill you now or wait?" you replied, rolling your eyes. "No, no drinks. I might end up showing you my old fanfics" you said. Soon after, you bit your tongue, realizing what you had just blurted out.

"Bartender!" he shouted, amused.

"Nooo!" you hissed, covering his mouth with your hand. "I won't show you anything. Absolutely nothing."

"You're disappointing me, Y/N" he replied.

"I'm sorry" you whispered, giving him a kiss on the nose.

"Then let me kiss you" he murmured with an unprecedented confidence, raising his eyebrows, and you couldn't believe what you heard.

"O-okay..." you mumbled. Without hesitation, the boy kissed you in the most passionate and tender way you could have dreamed of. You felt like you had landed in paradise. Tom perfection Felton was kissing you amidst a crowd of people at a party in your beloved country. You kissed him back almost immediately. You felt the boy smiling.

"What's that blush for?" he asked with a smile, caressing your cheek.

"You're imagining things" you shyly replied. The blond hugged you tightly and in that way, embracing each other, you finished the dance. He didn't take his eyes off you and gave kisses on your forehead every now and then.

"I heard you're here on vacation. How long do you think it will take to take care of the formalities and settle permanently on the islands?" he asked, running his hands up and down your waist. "Because, you know, I don't want just a holiday fling."

"And you determine that after a few minutes of conversation?" You laughed, pulling the blond towards your table.

"We'll spend a few days together, get to know each other, and then I'll repeat my words, I promise. And now, a drink, please. Waiter! This little one needs to show me her fanfics but she won’t do it without alcohol!” He said, sitting you on top of his lap.

And you showed him. What a damn annoying blondie.

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