#replaying a character’s scenes 4 times over

[khaosrealms]

So like...HEAR ME OUT i have a list of characters i simp for...and idk which you write for but its unhinged...? Uhh Shao, Baraka, Goro, Motaro, Tremor, Cyrax, Jax, and Syzoth but reptile form

You're allowed to judge me i just wanna know which mf you write for

LEE.

i write for shao, baraka, goro and motaro (loosely….. because they show up barely in mk1 so i kinda gotta form my own conclusions on their new versions. but let’s be real, they are probably the same as always), cyrax, jax, and syzoth (scales gladly included 😩) ! the last mk game i played before 1 was 9, which bites, but i’m trying to pull myself back into the series�� so i mostly write the new lads but i can certainly try the old folks if i give myself time to research!

[salmalin]

My sincerest apologies and warmest welcome to my rant about FF7: Crisis Core. Or, as I like to call it,

Propaganda: The Video Game

I say this with the utmost affection. Crisis Core ranks really high up there in my favorite Final Fantasy 7 installments. I played it when it first came out, borrowing it from a friend to play on a borrowed PSP. And, the more I learn about the game and the more I replay it, the more everything lines up.

This game is not about Zack Fair.

This game is about how Capitalistic Propaganda can sink into every aspect of life to the point where it is entirely indistinguishable from reality. And it’s very overt about it. So…

Here we go.

My treatise on Propaganda’s starring role in Crisis Core.

Part One: The Timeline

Something that a lot of people gloss over due to decades of Child Heroes in media—Japanese Shonen and Shoujo series in particular—is how young these protagonists are. We’ll hand-wave a lot of stuff in non-live-action series with just a little bit of suspension of disbelief. And that’s honestly just accepted these days. But here’s the thing about those hand-waves.

Final Fantasy 7 doesn’t do that.

Now, FF7 hand-waves a lot of stuff. For example, how far you can travel in a day by foot, the distance a man weighing approximately 165lbs can jump after being genetically fused with what might as well be a cocaine demon (Jenova), and how much hairspray one can reasonably carry on a cross-country journey while on the run from the feds.

Age is not one of them.

Exhibit A: Yuffie Kisaragi.

Do I really need to say more? She acts her age. So does Zack. And Aerith, even. Most of the characters in the original lineup were over twenty for a good reason. We see several kids in the series, and they all act their age, too—both the OG and the remake. Age is not a thing that FF7 really grapples with. It’s something they take relatively seriously.

Now, to the point.

Zack is 16 when Crisis Core starts…

… and he was 13 when he ran away from home without his parents’ knowledge to join the military.

Which accepted him.

At 13.

Without a parental permission slip.

Think about that for a second.

… Or for the next several parts of this breakdown.

Part Two: The Main Character

As I mentioned in the introduction, Zack is not the main character of the events of Crisis Core. Instead, he is the focal point of the second person POV. This is not the first time Square has done this. It was done most notably with FF9, FF10, and FF12. (I’m not going to go on an Akira Kurosawa rant right now, but please check out his film “The Hidden Fortress”. FF12 and Star Wars episodes 4-6 borrow heavily from this film.) The purpose and position of this character is such that they might best witness the effects the other characters make on the world as their stories unfold, usually in the role of a love interest. For Akira Kurosawa, it may have been told this way because these people are most effected by the decisions being made.

“Well, then, Sal,” you may be asking, “who would you say is the main character? Would that be Aerith, since she’s the love interest, like in the other games?”

No, actually.

It’s the antagonist.

And by that, I mean Genesis.

Hear me out. I used to hate Genesis, for I was once young, full of judgement for flamboyancy (thanks, internalized homophobia), and was led by the narrative to believe he was mean to his friends. Then I met my Lovely beta who loved him, so I wrote a fic for her as a gift. So for that I kinda just… read stuff. Because that’s the thing about Propaganda—you gotta read stuff to navigate it. I read the in-game emails. I re-watched all the scenes I could get my hands on with him. I read his wiki and tried to track down more information about him. Then I watched the scenes in Japanese and gained a better understanding of not just Genesis, but Sephiroth’s character. And I realized that Genesis was put on this road from the start. In fact, a big part of the fact that he’s seen the way he is in Canon—only at his most hostile and lowest points—is because the story is told through Zack’s point of view.

So before we get into the breakdown, here’s the hard facts about Genesis.

1. He was a test tube baby who may or may not technically be Angeal’s fraternal twin brother, which we are not going to unpack right now.

2. He was adopted by a relatively rich family.

3. He was a child genius (which requires not only resources, but drive to achieve), and at a tender young age of like… ten or something? He decided to mess around and literally invented pasteurization. Which is incredible, and really speaks to his knowledge of the world and ability to grasp complex concepts even at a young age. But, again, this is not the time or place to unpack that.

4. He was best friends with Angeal, who might as well have been the sweetest, kindest boy to ever walk the Planet. (I’m biased. I love him.)

5. As a teenager, he became fixated on Sephiroth, who had gained national acclaim as a SOLDIER despite them being the same age. (Please see part 1 and think about that for a second.) He then goes to join SOLDIER and brings Angeal with him. And Angeal brings his step-father’s puritanical “hard work is honorable” mindset with him. (On that note, Angeal and his father’s arc really are a wonderfully scathing letter to companies that overwork their employees and how toxic/unhealthy that line of thinking is. But. Again. We are not unpacking that right now.)

6. At one point he became consumed with LOVELESS, a series of poems with heavy prose and symbolism thicker than syrup. It got to the point where he was so well known for it that there was an entire fanclub dedicated to both him and analyzing the text.

7. While he was in SOLDIER, he repeatedly had his achievements publicly accredited… to Sephiroth.

Over and over and over again.

Everyone did, really. They mention it in the beginning of the game. Sephiroth even got public credit for Zack’s raid on the castle when he wasn’t even there. How much of his legacy is real? How much of it is made up? How much of it was faked? We don’t know. No one knows. But he keeps getting credit, anyways. And when Genesis confronts him about it, Sephiroth doesn’t care. In the Japanese version of their fight scene, you could even say he indirectly implies that he wants Genesis to take his place as the “hero”. In the English, Sephiroth’s line is, “Come and try.” But in the Japanese the line is closer to, “Wouldn’t that be nice?” Which, depending on how you take his tone, can mean wildly different things—from mocking, to earnest, or even admiration—which is especially to tell because he might be annoyed with Genesis at the moment.

Fun Fact: In Ever Crisis, Sephiroth explicitly says they are making up his achievements in the press to target boys his age for recruitment. (Thus why they accepted Zack at age 13.)

My theory on this line is that he is being cynical; that Genesis doesn't understand just how harrowing and even humiliating his experience has been. This only enforces my theory that the "come and try" translation in the English not only does a disservice to a line as wonderfully heavy as, "Wouldn't that be nice?", but fundamentally misunderstands Sephiroth as a character.

8. Genesis then took the fight to Shin-Ra. Inspiring a good chunk of their staff to leave the company, he then staged multiple attacks on facilities, staff, and the main building—which also spilled out into the city of Midgar. He murdered his parents, buried them, killed everyone in town, and… Yeah. It wasn’t pretty. A lot of innocent people died simply because they were vaguely associated with Shin-Ra. These are the actions of a villain. What’s more, this is clearly a sign that he has been acclimatized to death and violence by Shin-Ra to the point where he doesn’t even consider taking hostages.

Except.

Except the entire town was a Shin-Ra town.

Banora, canonically, was a Shin-Ra built town, which means everyone there was basically an employee of the company. No one was safe. Everyone was a threat. And that…

That was how he was raised. And he finally knew the truth—that every moment of his life was touched, controlled by Shin-Ra, all the way down to his very conception. He has never known freedom. He has never known his own identity. And now that very cage was killing him, slowly and painfully, and turning him into something that couldn’t even be recognized as human. He was watching himself rot in the mirror, and it was all because of Shin-Ra’s greed. And as he searched for salvation, he sunk into LOVELESS as he always had, hinging his entire life on Minerva’s Gift because he knew he was dying and that was all he had.

9. And then he died…

10. … but then it turned out LOVELESS was actually kind of a blueprint, and he did meet the Goddess, and he did get reborn without his degradation so he was rewarded for his journey in the end.

So why wasn’t Genesis the main character of the game?

Simple.

His actions challenge the status quo without being about the status quo. It’s a story about revenge. It’s a story about retribution. It’s a story about answering mass violence with mass violence and ultimately being rewarded by it. And while, yes, the series is an action-based violence simulator, the violence in the original FF7 was a guided, tactical effort. (For all that the characters aren’t the brightest bulbs in the sun lamps.) But the biggest, most obvious shift in the narrative happened when they realized their role as terrorists—bringing mass violence to the company via bombing and open aggression—was just resulting in increasing levels of retaliation against uninvolved people. They might as well have been a child beating the ankles of a giant. The goals and themes of the game fundamentally change when they realize that answering mass-scale societal violence with mass-scale physical violence was not only unsustainable, but also wasn’t going to solve their problem.

FF7 is about change and learning when violence—and what kind of violence—is appropriate in the face of different threats.

Genesis’ arc undermines all of that, and making him the main character would contradict the very heart of the OG game.

So, instead, we are positioned as Zack, connected to him through a mutual friend. From there we see all the damage and horror this vengeance brings to those living under the status quo.

But also, that plotline’s a major downer in a lot of ways, so they needed to lighten things up a bit to keep audience involved. And that’s why Zack is, well…

Part Three: Zack is a Himbo

Please, for the love of all that is holy, keep in mind that everything I say here is with the utmost affection.

Zack is dumb as a rock.

He is a charismatic, enthusiastic sixteen year old jock who ran away from home at thirteen years old to join the military. Which, please know, why I say “military” I mean “private security guard force with a standard-issue Death Baton and a license to kill”. The first scene in the game is him being excited that he gets to murder a bunch of people in a simulation, which he is immediately scolded for by his mentor. He is a glorified, souped up private security guard who is canonically only in it for the glory at first. He wants to be a “hero”, but doesn’t seem to fundamentally know what that means. And, over the course of the story, the definition of that clearly changes for him.

Which tracks, because the story takes place over a period of time with high stress.

Occasionally I see people saying they wish that Zack had more complexity to him, and honestly? The game. Would be. SO. BAD.

Full Disclosure: I am not the biggest fan of Zack specifically because he lacks a lot of nuance. I wish he was a bit more complex, too. But I also know that would break the game. What’s worse, if he was still on Shin-Ra’s side because he understood Shin-Ra’s mission… Well… That would make him a villain, or a cog at best. That’s not main character material. It would make the ending more messed up, though.

Anywho, Zack was thirteen when he left home. He had no formal education. He didn’t tell anyone what he was doing. He even joined without a permission slip from his parents. This means that Shin-Ra was accepting thirteen, possibly fourteen year olds into the military. (Some people will say this tracks because you can get a job at fourteen in many parts of Japan. But, and this is important, you aren’t allowed to be a security guard until you’re quite a bit older, and you need a specific license for it, much like in the US.) Clearly they didn’t teach this boy critical thinking skills. Not because he’s a himbo, but because having their Super-Powered Private Security Force With A License To Kill think independently would explicitly go against their interests. (EX: Genesis.)

Shin-Ra needs SOLDIERs to follow orders or the company would no longer be able to function. Seconds and Thirds aren’t even allowed to reject missions. (One could argue that sending certain someone on back-to-back missions would be a good way for them to eliminate undesirables within the ranks by sending them to their deaths, which… would make an incredible fic idea, actually.) We already know that First, Second, and Third Class rank assignments do not actually reflect the power of the SOLDIER. This is canon. I would instead argue that those who make the rank of First Class aren’t necessarily the most powerful, but are instead the most visible in the media, thus the easiest to market, and/or the easiest to manipulate and control. (For a great example of this, see The Umbrella Academy.)

The point is, Zack may have been elevated to his position as a first specifically because he is malleable and single-minded. Even after all he saw with Genesis, he stuck by the company to the very end, with the exception of the time Sephiroth was literally guiding him to fail a mission. Zack allowed himself to take Shin-Ra’s side every time, taking down their enemies and following their orders, preserving his “honor as SOLDIER” as he had been taught. The only thing that made him stop…

… was literally getting put in a jar.

It was when he was no longer a SOLDIER.

Part Four: Honor

There is no such thing as SOLDIER Honor.

I repeat: There is no such thing as SOLDIER Honor.

It is a fictional thing that is borne of an ideology based around hard work. It only has power because it is believed in. It is an intangible social construct similar to the law, mathematical order of operations, and gender roles. So why are Angeal and Zack obsessed with it?

Pretty simple.

Angeal’s step-father followed it.

Now, we know three things about Angeal’s step-father.

1. He was chill with the fact that Gillian was already pregnant when they started dating.

2. He was a very good father.

3. He worked himself to death trying to pay off the sword he bought Angeal.

This, of course, says a lot about Angeal considering he rarely uses the sword. He essentially sees that sword as the symbol of his step-father’s life. Everything he uses it for, he sees as more important than his step-father’s life. That thing is usually Zack.

Zack, who is the child who joined the military based on stories of heroes.

Zack, who rises against Angeal in the name of his own step-father’s ideology and tries to talk him down, even at the very end. But Zack fails because he fundamentally doesn’t understand what’s going on, partially because “Soldier Honor” is just one more aspect of this narrative he was given. It is a narrative that Angeal has had to step away from, even though he doesn’t want to leave the memory of his step-father behind. He was a good man. He was a good, hardworking man.

And that is why he died.

Corporations will use you up until there is nothing left, then honor your memory/sacrifice. Shin-Ra was doing the exact same thing the company his step-father worked for did; using up SOLDIERs until they outlived their usefulness. And Angeal was horrified to realize that his “SOLDIER Honor” wasn’t honor at all.

It was willingly submitting to control.

But, unlike Angeal, over time, this meaning changed for Zack. Partially because he didn't understand it fully in the first place. It became about acting with integrity. It became about helping people. It became about not lying down and watching the abuse Shin-Ra handed out in exchange for literal money; for maintaining the status quo.

At the very end, Zack understood what it meant to be a hero.

Part Five: The Conclusion

To sum up, Zack believed in and idolized the propaganda spread by Shin-Ra at such a young age, and was so convinced by it, that he ran away from home at thirteen to join the military.

He was their target demographic, so they happily took him into their ranks. What’s more, people think this is normal enough that we see no one opposing this, because the only people who oppose Shin-Ra are “extremists” or “violent terrorists”.

Zack then became their loyal puppy, groomed to fill his role as super-powered attack dog to sick on anyone they deemed appropriate, and he filled the role. He believed he was doing good. He didn’t think they were invading another country, because that’s not what he was told.

He went after Genesis, because that’s what he was told, and he wouldn’t let Genesis’ actions shake his faith in the company.

Then he went after Angeal, hoping to get answers, only to become more confused. Angeal taught him about SOLDIER honor. He taught him about a higher calling. He was the one who made Zack truly loyal to the company. This challenged everything Zack knew.

He went with Sephiroth, planning a small rebellion of their own (a white lie on paperwork) to get answers, only to find things he wasn’t ready for and couldn’t fully understand.

Zack is shaken by each of these events. Horribly. At times, we even watch him grieve. But time and time again, he doesn’t leave the company. He sees the damage they do first hand, and he doesn’t leave the company. The company isn’t the problem, to him. He reads their emails, does their dirty work, and “maintains his SOLDIER honor”.

Zack swallows what they give him right up until what they give him is torture.

Zack swallows what they give him until he becomes their victim.

Every step of the way, Zack is fed a story of how the world is. He was raised on it. He lived it. He became part of it. He was paid peanuts to enforce the status quo Shin-Ra installed in the world by force, and he was proud of it because it was, to him, something to be proud of.

Zack believes the propaganda whole-sale, and we get to watch, from the point of view of an outsider, as it slowly destroys his life before killing him.

Propaganda has the power to make suffering normal. Propaganda has the power to make murder righteous. Propaganda has the power to take a thirteen year old boy out of his home so they can give him a sword, and when they point him in the direction of their enemies he charges of his own volition, because they made him believe in their cause. And he believes in their cause because he believes that it makes life better for everyone.

But that’s not what’s actually happening.

That’s just what he was told.

Crisis Core is about propaganda, and the depths to which it can affect our lives. It changes our belief systems. It changes our perceptions of reality. And when it’s torn down around our eyes, it can make us go insane. It can make us violent and unreasonable as we realize just how much violence is being forced upon us—violence other people just plain do not see. It's just a a piece of paper. It's just a law. It's just a job.

It's just a war.

Final Fantasy 7 was about Fascism.

Crisis Core is about the propaganda that built it. It is told from the point of view of a boy, then a man, steeped in it. He watches until the people suffering around him—Sephiroth, Genesis, and Angeal—are twisted into villains by the truths and lies around them. Genesis and Angeal are tortured by truths, Sephiroth is transformed by lies, and Zack is subsequently hunted down to conceal them.

Crisis Core is Propaganda: The Video Game.

[seraphinitegames]

Hey, Mishka!!!

I've been replaying TWC over the last couple of months, and must say, it's been an entirely rejuvenating experience for me. Like, I was reading it the first time, although I've replayed the series quite too many (worrying number) of times already. And it still manages to amaze me, EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I've repeated this in the past, and I'll repeat it again. The Wayhaven Chronicles is a blessing for me and I'm sincerely thankful to have come across it when I did. And I'm grateful to you for making this lovely world a reality (and of course, the four beautiful vamps)! Really eager for Book 4 and have already player the demo; can say it's gonna be worth the wait. It every time is.

Replaying the series in the last few months, I had a certain uncontrollable urge to drop and ask a few questions to you. Apologize in advance for the long ask and message, but it had been bottling up inside of me for SOOOOOO LONG.

1. In Book 1, when we're to lead the investigation in one of the three directions, is there any way to get success in any direction without Bobby making a big joke out of our investigation in the newspaper?

2. In Book 2, when Nicole and Max Salinas come to report their incident, can Tina actually find out anything unusual? If so, what is actually needed to explain that?

3. In Book 3, I noticed if we choose to go the final mission alone, depending on the route chosen, Boddy/Doug will end up tagging along as well, jeopardizing everything. Is there still a way to complete the mission successfully and rescuing everyone like it happens when we go along with Rebecca?

4. Less of a question, but more of a plea. Please tell me we can get a pet anytime in the series. I was just curious if we can get one.

5. How powerful is the big baddie in Book 4 compared to Unit Bravo? You don't need to answer if this verges on spoiler-y territory.

Really sorry to overwhelm you with this, but it's just months and months of joy, happiness, and sheer ecstasy making me blabber on about this world like this. Thanks once again, for making this truly beautiful story, world, and the vampires a reality.

Have a good day!!!! Lots of love from India!!

You can never play a game you love too many times (I keep telling myself that as I gradually burn a hole into my poor old console playing Dragon Age over and over, lol!)! If it brings you happiness, then that's what is important! :D

Ok, let's see about the questions...it's been a whole since I've gone through the older games without being in editing mode, hehe!

I don't think so...Bobby is, well, Bobby. And that scene was there very much to establish their character and show the player what type of person they are.

I don't think so, again. If there's anything unusual or odd, then I usually like to let the MC find that instead of it happening 'off-screen' so it's more impactful for the player—unless it's Verda discovering stuff, because that needs to happen for…reasons.

Iirc, in the Bobby/Doug routes, you get the auction scene, so a lot of that branch involves focusing on saving yourself! But the other team that joins Unit Bravo will help in saving a lot of the captives in that version.

I would love that being a massive animal companion fan myself, hehe! But likely not, just because the MC is away a lot from home, and that's unfair on the pet, even a fictional one, lol. I was tempted to give the MC a supernatural pet that hung around at the facility—that was definitely a strong idea at one point just so I could write a pet in the series for those that wanted it (me, I was the one who wanted it, hehe!) :D

**BOOK FOUR DEMO SPOILERS AHEAD** It's not just that Book Four's villain is terrifyingly powerful (or will be. They are, thankfully for the MC and UB, in a weakened state for a while due to what's happened to them and what happened in Chapter Two) but it's a lot to do with the fact that their power specifically counteracts and weakens Unit Bravo's. So that's a double whammy!

Thank you SO incredibly much for the amazing message! It means more than you can know <3

[sadsock]

thoughts on the bear after season 3 has marinated a bit

now that it’s been a week, there is no doubt in my mind that clairecarmy are not endgame. sydcarmy may not be either (at least in season 4) but it’s not gonna be claire. I think the babysitter comment was intentionally placed to contrast with what the faks say to claire about taking care of carmy. the writers know what not to do and they won’t do it. I trust them to understand that a romance can’t be the answer to carmy’s trauma and pain. it’s love and connection, yes. but his relationship with claire simply did not offer that in a substantial way and they know it. her purpose was to highlight his issues and just what he needs to work on when it comes to relationships and personal growth.

him getting stuck on thoughts about her is bc he’s so painfully aware of this. he knows he messed up badly and knows he keeps messing up all his relationships this season, and he can’t forgive himself for it. so instead he replays every moment with her almost as form of self-punishment (note how anxious it makes him). it reaffirmed everything he feared about himself not being built for normal relationships like normal people, and he spiraled. he is stuck in a self-loathing loop and only knows to drown it out by obsessing over work and being a perfectionist (hence perpetuating the abuse inflicted on him by donna and EMP chef).

not to mention all the promo for the show, claire is barely shown in clips or even the actress molly. and we rarely see her character interact with the other main characters on the show either. this is simply not how you treat the endgame people.

I think carmy’s next arc will be about him forgiving himself, cleanly breaking things off with claire, talking to his mom, and mending his relationships with a focus on richie and sydney. I imagine he will have important scenes with nat and the baby too to represent a new chapter for the berzattos. it will be about him reconnecting with himself and the people he loves, giving himself a chance to experience a softer and kinder mindset. since sydney represents focus on the present and hope for the future (the best meal and all the talk about legacy and family trees), I expect the season will end by showing where they are in their relationship, both professionally and personally.

this is why I wish for a season 5 or second part of season 3 before season 4. so we can have enough time to watch carmy settling into a healing mindset and a renewed outlook on his life and passions (cooking and art perhaps?), as well as meaningful character arcs for sydney and the main crew. all in all, I think this season was important to show carmy just how bleak the world is when he chooses to be so destructive and shunning all the light in his life.

[hulloitsdani]

Um. So. I may have gotten stressed and started transcribing FEH’s story mode. Might currently have all of book 1 written down. Perhaps a third of the way into book 2.

This started as a way to have the preface chapters handy since they’re not replayable. But then I looked on the FE wiki and saw that they only have a small fraction of the chapters written down. And that scared me, because means that my hyperfixation has a nonzero chance of becoming lost media if the app were to go down one day. So now I have all of book 1 in my back pocket, including the preface, two intermissions, and the two relevant xenologues. Once I’m further along and have a few more books accounted for, I have no problem making the document public. But until then I encourage others to also write some of its content down. Just in case, you know? Especially those prologues and Tempest Trials.

With that PSA out of the way, omg book 1 hi!!!! It’s been forever!!!!

Apparently, I haven’t reread book 1 in its entirety since I first played Heroes! I’ve gone back to look for specific scenes and replayed the levels on harder difficulties (self inflicted or otherwise), but I haven’t done a thorough second pass before. Which was news to me, because that meant I was consistently blindsided by scenes and characterization that I completely forgot about! Did any of you remember that Zacharias was apparently Alfonse and Sharena’s childhood friend? I didn’t! But there it is, chapter 7 part 5 after battle cutscene, Anna specifies that aspect of their relationship. That’s crazy! How does the timeline even line up on that??? If he spent his childhood in Askr, how did he manage to have a strong relationship with his significantly younger sister? How did he find himself rubbing shoulders with enemy royalty? Could he have inadvertently met Peony? I’m not changing my takes on his character, but I would love to know.

Speaking of character, apparently seven years spent writing a character naturally changes how they sound! Who would have thought. It made seeing the book 1 versions of our Askr trio a little jarring, but in an oddly nostalgic way! This was a phase of the game where the story, its characters, and its world existed with the singular purpose of introducing new players to what Heroes was trying to do. Which was, at the time, being a cute yet unobtrusive gacha app tie in with simplified FE mechanics to give you that gameplay fix on the go. And to its credit, it does do a good job of this! It ain’t a masterpiece, but I was charmed by its emphasis on showing off all these cool characters you could go summon. Ryoma gets to talk for a few lines and you are going to look at his very pretty art! But that meant that the world and characters of Zenith take a bit of a backseat. They’re not here to be too complicated. The Order of Heroes are the friendly faces that go on adventures and meet these heroes that you can summon for only $19.99. But we all know where the game and its story is going to go from here. That emphasis is going to wane as FEH grows into its own identity (and also earn IntSys over $1 billion worldwide).

But that’s a later development. Before that fundamental shift is where book 1 sits. It’s in this fascinating position where these characters have yet to solidify into their recognizable forms. And if you don’t believe me, chapter 9 part 4 has a scene where Sharena and Alfonse’s roles have reversed. For once, Sharena is posing the cautionary “what if the information we are getting from this total stranger is a trap?”, to which Alfonse responds “nah I’m getting a vibe that it’s fine and that we should believe him whole heartedly.” Like??? Huh???? It’s Bruno, but still, that’s hilarious! Alfonse’s pragmatism bordering on paranoia hasn’t established itself as a massive driver of his character yet. Nor has Sharena’s role as trusting emotional core and moral compass of the group. It was very easy to borderline Mandela Effect it into being there, but it isn’t. Not quite. There are hints, sure, but once again these characters were initially made to be simple at the time. The depth doesn’t quite exist yet.

It wasn’t until I was writing this very paragraph that it finally dawned on me why the Askr trio voice lines, especially Alfonse’s lines, are such a big deal. That's where Alfonse’s character arc with trusting Kiran resides. There's the pragmatism we know and love! It’s not super present in the text of book 1, but the depth of these characters can be found in the voice lines you unlock from building them and earning the crown jewel level 40 conversation. That’s where Alfonse’s arc with his self isolating behaviors crumbles at that sight of one silly tactician. That’s where Sharena finally wins a fight against her own loneliness by forming genuine friendship with this stranger form a strange land, who is appreciative of her loud eccentricities. That’s where Anna apologizes about her initial underestimation of Kiran, thanks them for being more reliable than she could have ever hoped for, and swears that whatever hell may come their way, they’re in this together. The books themselves don’t seem to reflect this characterization until book 2, where they overall act more in accordance with the rest of the narrative. It’s as if they're taking from the voiced lines’ example and extrapolating more on the story they imply.

The one standing in slight contrast to all this is Bruno, as he's the most interesting character in book 1. It's blaringly obvious he's Zacharias, but it's genuinely amusing how deep he is in his own gaslighting. He can't manipulate, mansplain, manwhore his way out of this one folks, but he's certainly going to try! His lies aren't even that good, but it honestly contributes to how at wits end he is. Like, sure honey, I totally believe you that you just killed Zacharias. I bet he has an eight-pack too. Just take a nap for two minutes. But then everyone believes him because our protagonists have yet meld their group braincell. Overall, an amusing time.

I don't have a particular point I'm trying to make with this one. Just having a fun and pointing out the things I've noticed. Might give a little update for every book I complete. However many that will be.

[bookqueenrules]

Coda, Coda, Coda-DD Episode 4

In this post, I asked TDers to be on the look out for the Easter Egg that's not really an Easter Egg which Gimple mentioned on the NYCC panel. It was unclear if he was saying it was in episode 4 or not, but if he did mean episode 4, he was clearly referring to the Coda symbols in this is episode. For a reference as what a Coda is and how it is connected to Beth and her return, here is a wonderful post by @twdmusicboxmystery

I found two coda symbols in the episode. Please let me know if anyone found others. Interestingly, there are other TD related symbols above each of the codas.

In the garage with Theo and the other older gentleman, I don't remember his name, the coda symbol is clearly reflected on the top of the car.

The fact that this coda symbol is literally a reflection on a CAR is like a neon sign for TDers. If Beth did survive by being left in a car, either in the backseat or the trunk, putting the coda symbol on the car would be a clear sign that Beth was "resurrected" from the car as TD believes. Above it is a car sign for a brand of car, these cars no longer sold in North American, with a Chevron pattern like the one in the gray sweater Beth wore during Coda.

Next, there is the coda painted on pillars at the Nest. Soon after Isabelle's Coda-like death, this appears clearly in the shot behind Losang. Above the coda is a compass rose. I won't go over the compass rose symbolism as many other TDers have written about it for years.

So what do these codas mean? If this is the "mythology" Gimple is referring to, why is he calling it out? We know he uses symbols of all kinds in every episode. So, why call out this symbol now? The obvious answer is that the episode is the second Coda and now we will be going back to the first coda and Beth will return. Another NYCC tidbit is that right before the question that elicited Gimple's "Easter Egg" response was a question about crossovers and cameos. Gimple and Zabel looked at each other, laughed, and Zabel said that they are working on something right now.

By the end of season one and now throughout season two of DD, they have clearly repeated parts seasons 4 and 5. Based on this, below is my conjecture as to when Beth will return.

There may be post credits scene that airs after the cable broadcast of 2x6 where we see that Beth is alive like we saw Morgan after 5x8 Coda.

2. It could mean that we are in middle of a replay, but the replay isn't complete. I did a post explaining how we have seen a replay of 5x01, 5x02, and 5x03 here. However, knowing how the rest of the season goes, I don't think we have seen the replay of these episodes yet.

Honestly, as disappointing as it may be, I think season 3 will be about replaying some of these episode before we get Beth.

I'll post more about it later, but we already have a S3 spoiler that during a celebration a military like vehicle pulls up. Then, a man was heard yelling, "They kidnapped my daughter." I believe they were filming episode 2. So, @galadrieljones I believe you were correct about the kidnapping. It's not Laurent but a new character in Spain. Assuming D and C go after the girl, and I am sure they will, that episode may be the replay of Consumed and/or Crossed.

Another confirmation from S3 spoilers is the train connection. Trains are mentioned strangely in a couple of places in episode 4 as @twdmusicboxmystery pointed out in her video. She predicted that we would see a train soon. Guess what? A BTS picture was posted of a yellow(the color of reunion) train being filmed in Spain.

I'll post all the BTS pics I have as soon as S2 is over. I mention all the things TD has been and continues to be right about to show that we should not be too upset if she doesn't show at the end of season 2. She will show soon. Judging by the replays, she will show by the end of season 3 at the latest. Hang in there! In the mean time, Bethyl has the BEST fanfiction writers to keep us entertained!

TD is right. All the signs and symbols point to Beth's return. She will return. Unfortunately, TPTB are not in as a much of hurry to get there as we are.

[movedtone0mile]

tangled hearts

this is part 2 of this

prince!haechan x maid!F!reader

warnings: angst, impossible love :), lot of dialogues, fighting, conflicting feelings, jealousy :(, smut mdni, prob bad English sorry

word count: 4.8k

summary: after that night you spent with the prince, you don’t seem to hold on to the same feelings you always had for him, but none of your internal conflicts matter, since the wedding is approaching, and you will have no part to play in this unfolding drama.

A/N: maybe like 4 people requested a part 2 and I'm a people pleaser. + thank you to the people who have supported this and given me ideas for part 2💗

After what happened, you retreated to your room in silence. Donghyuck asked you to stay but you thought it would be in your best interests not to, and just like that, you left. 

In the quiet of your room, laying down on your own bed, you stared up at the ceiling, lost in your thoughts. You could not help but feel conflicted. You had always thought of Donghyuck as selfish and capricious, but something about him changed that night. You saw him in a new light. You tried to push him out of your mind, as you knew all of this was just a big mistake, but he kept creeping back in. Nothing good would come out of you thinking too much about him, you knew that perfectly well. 

You kept replaying your encounter in your mind over and over nonetheless, the way that he had touched and looked at you. You drifted off to sleep conflicted and confused that night. 

꧁ ♡ ꧂

The next few days passed in a blur. You tried to avoid the prince as much as possible, but you were still working for him after all. 

Donghyuck, on the other hand, did not seem the slightest bit bothered about what had happened. He was acting the same as he always did. Complaining about the slightest inconvenience, whining about everything, he was insufferable. On top of that, he would never look in your direction. He talked to you, yes, he was asking a lot from you, “Y/N, bring me this, do that…”. But you never had the chance to have a real conversation ever since. He was acting as if nothing had ever happened, which only added to your confusion and frustration. 

You would talk to him if only you had the chance to. Every time you saw him, he was always surrounded by two or three other servants, and with the wedding approaching, he was often busy with preparations, and so were you. Yes, the wedding, you frequently thought about it. The reason why you were now in the state you were in. You had accepted this foolish idea, first out of generosity for the lady who was going to marry the prince, but now… it was hard for you to feel the same way about her. But you had to come to your senses; the princess was coming here next week, in order to meet Donghyuck and for the engagement party, and deep down, you hoped that he would be insufferable enough to have her flee. 

꧁ ♡ ꧂

The kingdom was buzzing with excitement when the Princess arrived. Princess Victoria was an amazing young lady, she was gorgeous, gracious and her mind was sharp. The difference between her character and the prince was blatant: she seemed even more well-mannered next to him. Oh, of course, Donghyuck was acting very differently around her, but you knew his true nature. 

The entire kingdom was delighted to have Lady Victoria as their future queen, and even you did like her. She was a kind-hearted woman, your heart would be made of stone if it did not melt at her contact, and unfortunately, it was not. If it was, you wouldn’t feel the twinge of jealousy you felt every time you caught the future couple together. They have been spending a lot of time together since her arrival. She was here for him after all. Donghyuck showed her around the city, and they both got to get to know each other better. All of which you had to watch from afar. 

You could not help the way you felt. You tried your best to keep your feelings under control, but it was getting more and more difficult. Every night, the scene replayed in your head, every night the cold of your bed became more unbearable, every night you saw him in your dreams. You wished you never did what you did. You wished you would have just continued to despise him, and you would not care about him spending the rest of his life with somebody else. 

He told you he did not want to marry. He did. You did not answer him that night. You picked up your clothing and told him it would be better if you left. But he told you he did not want it, so why was he all over her now? Probably that he was not expecting someone like her, you thought. A woman like Lady Victoria would certainly be hard to resist for a man in need of a wife. You knew you could never be that wife anyway, you had to stop torturing yourself about what he could have said that night, because none of it could ever happen. 

꧁ ♡ ꧂

Friday was the day the engagement party would take place. You and the other servants were all over the place, there were so many things to get done before the evening, and all of this shattered your heart into pieces. But who could you blame but yourself? You should have known this would end this way. 

Around midday, you found yourself in the prince’s room. It was your turn to tidy it. If this was up to you, you would have never gone back to this place, but of course, it was not. You still had duties to fulfil, and that you felt some strange way about the prince would certainly not be enough of an excuse to skip chores. You thought about how anyone would burst into laughter if you ever told the story. It was ridiculous, really. You had made it everybody’s business that you hated Donghyuck for the last six years, and now you would claim that you slept with him and were starting to get feelings for him?

You laughed nervously as you approached the vanity -avoiding the bed for as long as you could. You put things in their places and cleaned up the dust before footsteps caught your attention. They stopped and you carefully left your eyes to the mirror before you. There, you saw the reflection of the prince, standing on the other side of the room, in front of the door that connected it to the bathroom. You looked at each other for a moment, through the mirror, before you turned around slowly to face him. You had not been alone since that night, and seeing his hazel eyes look into yours had you feel a twinge. 

Tentatively, you opened your mouth to speak, but the words failed you. Nothing but air was coming out of it. “Y/N, I’m glad you’re here,” he said after awkwardly clearing his throat. Your eyes were full of expectations as he continued, “I need you to help me choose what I will wear tonight.” You had to hold yourself back from jumping him at this exact moment, but you could not refrain your mouth from hanging open. 

Seeing your reaction, Donghyuck sighed, “You know we can’t have this conversation.” with that, he pinched the base of his nose, which only added to your anger. “I thought you had moved on already.”

“How could I?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. You wanted him to give up on his pride more than anything, but still, it was hard to do the same with your own. “Stop acting like this is my fault! You were the one who left, I asked you to stay but you refused!” he spat, aggressively. 

You took a step forward, and raised your voice too, “Then why do you act as if nothing happened?!” Suddenly, he grabbed your wrist, “That night, I showed you a part of me I do not want anyone to see, least of all you. Do you understand? We should have never done that!” His voice was assertive and his words harsh. With your wrist still, in a tight hold, he was standing a few inches from you, and the mixture of both his proximity, which you had longed for days and his spite, made you want to cry. 

“That night… you asked me to tell you that I loved you. Why did you ask? Do you love me, Donghyuck?” you asked, on the verge of tears, your voice as cold as possible. At this point, you couldn't care less about calling him by his first name. 

He lowered his head and let go of your wrist. “I am soon to be married, Y/N,” he said, taking a step backwards. You looked up at his expressionless look and heard your voice crack a little, “So you will?” Donghyuck shook his head, “You’re telling me that as if I had a choice.” Just like that, the tears in the corner of your eyes dried somehow, and you let out a dry chuckle. “I mean, you are a prince, you have more power of will than I could ever dream of.” He sighed, again. “This is not how it works, Y/N. I will have to rule someday, I need to marry, and have an heir of royal blood. Everything is already planned, this is an arrangement between my father and the king of the adjacent kingdom to ensure peace between both countries. This is settled: I will marry his daughter.”

“Why are you explaining this to me as if I was some kind of child?” you asked in disbelief. “I am not! Wh- Don’t make this any more difficult!” he cried out, exasperated. “Oh no, this is not difficult at all. You are of royal blood and I am nothing but a servant. This is why you are explaining to me the political situation of the country I live in. This is why you never had any intention of marrying me!” you didn’t mean to say that last sentence. It came out on its own. “What are you talking about?!” He seemed so angry that the whole palace could hear his shouting and he would not care. “You never even liked me in the first place! If you had ever shown me some sympathy before, maybe I wouldn’t have agreed to marry a woman I know nothing about!”

There was a moment of silence, the reflection of the blow of his words. “This is laughable really.” Your voice was shaky, “You think everything is owed to you, don’t you? You have never been anything but insufferable with me for years, and I am the one who has to show sympathy?! I thought you would finally see me as your equal after what happened, but I was wrong. I am still your servant, and I will always be under you. I will always be the one to bow to your demands.”  And with that, you left the room. 

Your heart was hammering in your chest while you walked the halls to your room. What an idiot you had been. 

꧁ ♡ ꧂

The grand ballroom was decorated with sparkling crystal chandeliers that illuminated the room with a warm, golden glow, as well as furnished flower arrangements and elegant centrepieces. It was impossible for you to get any satisfaction from your hard work though, you were still mad at the prince and conflicted about this whole situation. You had to come clean with yourself. Earlier, you said a lot of things without thinking, which had you questioning even more your own feelings. Indeed, something had changed this night. Something about him, about the way you saw him, how you interacted with each other. This was different from any intercourse you had before. The resentment between each other had aroused a burning passion within you, and it was impossible for you to calm the fire, now that the flames were burning you from within.

The guests, all dressed in their finest attire, began to arrive, mingle and dance to the soft music that played in the background. The prince and princess were the center of attention,of course, making their rounds and greeting the guests, arm in arm. You watched from the sideline as Donghyuck interacted with his fiancée, smiling and giggling at everything she said. You couldn’t believe how he was acting with her. Was he going to reveal his real character once she is pregnant with their first child or will he be strong enough to hide it for the rest of his life? That was it, even though you felt new empathy for the version of him you had seen that night, it was not love. It could not be. You wanted to scream, tell her that he was not what he was pretending to be, that he was a despicable character, not worthy of her affection. Your heart was torn between hate and longing. The desire to ruin his life was oh so strong. You wanted to ruin everything he had, this bright future that was destined for him, that golden frame of him and his future family, you wished to tear it into pieces. 

Donghyuck was looking at the princess with both admiration and affection, a stark contrast to how he had always treated you. Their eyes were locked on each other as they twirled and danced around the room. Your heart felt heavy in your chest, you would never have that, neither with him nor with anybody else. You realized that what you felt was simply jealousy, and that struck you like a blow from a sledgehammer. You lost yourself, staring at him as he led her around the room. 

Still in the middle of a waltz, he stole a glance in your direction, which you averted as soon as you caught it. 

Bending down, he took her hand and brought it to his lips before kissing it softly. You tried to hide it, to keep a stoic expression on your face, but your hands were clenched into fists and your jaw tightened, as your heart twisted with envy. No one could know about your inner turmoil, and since all eyes were on the royal couple, you figured no one would notice if you disappeared. 

꧁ ♡ ꧂

Music echoed down the palace halls as you hurried through them, your heart pounding in your chest. 

“Y/N, wait.” Donghyuck’s voice echoed between the halls. Not looking back, you continued to walk, which did not stop him, since he kept following you. “What do you have to say to me? I think you cleared everything up before the party.” you spat, speeding up. “Y/N listen to me!” with large footsteps, he caught up with you and grabbed your wrist, it was starting to become a habit, you thought. “Let go of me!” shoving your arm out of his hold, you turned to face him, your eyebrows furrowed. “Then, stop running.” You sighed and crossed your arms on your chest, ready to hear whatever he had to say. 

“Why would you care anyway? About all of this, about the wedding.” He did not sound mad, more like confused. So were you. You hadn’t quite come to an agreement with your own feelings, so how were you supposed to put them into words, in front of him of all people? The frown on his face became more evident, and you could tell he was waiting for a serious answer, so you had to come up with something. “I just can’t stand to see you acting all lovey-dovey with her when you spent the night with someone else, not even a week ago.” Donghyuck huffed at your words, “You’re saying this as if I was cheating on her!” “Yes, you did!” You retorted. “I had not even met her when we did that, I know nothing of her ok. This is a marriage of convenience god, how many times do I have to tell you?” Anxiously, he passed his hand through his hair, pacing in front of you. 

“Oh, so you are never going to be intimate with her, since it is of convenience.” Really, you didn’t mean to say that out loud. You hated how it made you sound, like you were jealous, like you only wanted him to be intimate with you. Nothing could've stopped your cheeks from flushing, and Donghyuck froze. You two exchanged a glance and he took advantage of the moment of peace to close the distance between you. “I cannot promise you that I will not.” he sighed. “I have obligations to fulfil…” gently, his hand reached for your cheek, “But if I do, I would only think of you.” 

It was tempting, really, to submit to his almost sweet words. A part of you wished to lean into his hand and happily settle for what he was offering, but you had your pride, and he should know that better than anyone else. Moving his hand away, you looked into his eyes, and your silence spoke all the words you could have said. Donghyuck sighed, softly shaking his head. 

“You know what, Y/N? I think you take me for a fool.” he laughed nervously, rising inside of you an anxious feeling. “You have been the one to always reject me, and look, you want me to make a move on you, but every time I do, you still reject me. Every step I take towards you, you shove me three steps back. I don’t know what you want from me. I wanted to think that if you accepted to spend the night with me it was because you felt the same way I did… But now, I cannot follow you.” You hated that. You hated the tight feeling in your throat. You hated when he was talking like that. 

No words would come out of your mouth, and you felt tears starting to form in the corner of your eyes. It was pathetic, but you had nothing better to do than turn on your heels and flee, leaving Donghyuck behind you, his head low, and his heart, just as heavy as yours. 

꧁ ♡ ꧂

You could not sleep that night. Your eyes were glued to the ceiling, your throat tight and your stomach knotted. What was next? Donghyuck gets married and you spend the rest of your life taking care of him, his wife and then, his children? 

For one second, you considered the possibility of running away, to leave the palace and the temptation of Donghyuck behind. But that was childish. You did not do this job out of mere enjoyment, you did it because you needed it. You had nowhere else to go. Plus, it would be pathetic of you to escape your entire life all because of a prince you couldn’t stop thinking of, one that you despised more than anything just a few days ago. You had always prided yourself on being practical and level-headed, so what were you doing right now? 

That night, you felt like you were something more. You felt alive, thrilled, and excited like you had never been before. And despite the whole situation, you longed to feel this way again. You sat up, and let out a long sigh. Maybe you needed this temporary escape from your miserable existence. You could figure out the outcome later. 

Barefeet, you made your way down the palace’s silent halls, your heart pounding with both anticipation and adrenaline. The palace was asleep, the only thing you could hear was the song of the cicadas from the courtyard. The skin of your feet against the marble echoed down the hallways, your steps slowing down the closer you got from the princely suite. 

Eventually, you reached the large door and hesitated for a moment, your hand hovering over the handle. Then you heard his voice through the door. Muffled words that you could not understand, but they convinced you to push the door open and step inside. You scanned the room and found him sitting on the edge of his bed, facing the window, his back to you. Slowly, he turned around, the moonlight was illuminating his features, he looked dreamy. “I was hoping you would come,” he said, his voice soft and low. You gave him no answer, so he kept going. “Y/N, I think it is time we are honest with each other.” 

He got up and approached you. “I cannot tell you that I will cancel my engagement or my upcoming wedding. I cannot tell you that I will propose to you and give you the life that you deserve.” he leaned closer, leaning his forehead on yours. “Because I won’t,” he whispered and managed to break both of your hearts in one single sentence. “Why would you think that I want that?” you managed to sound as fierce as you could, but the crack in your voice gave you away. “What is it then?” he asked, his hand brushing against yours. 

Cradling his face in your hands, you murmured against his lips: “I don’t love you.” You watched his eyes get watery, and gulped before continuing, trying to keep your voice steady. “We can keep whatever we have right now. I do not want you to abandon your responsibilities. I am not asking you to elope with me.” “We could if you only asked,” he said, and you gave him a wistful smile.

“This cannot work, Donghyuck. We can’t leave together, we can barely bear each other’s company.” you chuckled lightly. By that time, his hands were resting on your waist. “Why did you come then?” there was a sound of hope in his voice. You, on the other hand, did not have the luxury of hoping for anything. “I told you, we can keep whatever we have…” you trailed off before locking your lips together. The kiss felt like a weight had been taken off your shoulders. You felt relieved. What happened the other night was real, you did have that chemistry that made your heart pound in your temples. He deepened the kiss, as you were both eager to feel each other, hands were roaming your bodies. 

When you pulled away, there was a moment of silence between the two of you, except for your ragging breaths. “I want you. Ever since that night, I haven’t been able to think about anything else.” he sounded demanding, which was your favourite version of him. You took a step forward, forcing him to step back. “You can have me.” You forced him backwards until he stumbled onto the bed. As he sat down, he looked up at you, alert to each of your movements, hanging on your every word. “Or I can have you…” you breathed while sliding your hand over the nape of his neck. 

There were so many things you had to say to each other, yet, you decided not to say a word. With your eyes glued to his, you slowly untied the lace of your bodice, you got rid of your nightgown, letting it slide to the ground. Donghyuck squeezed the back of your thigh, approaching his lips of your stomach. His warm breath on your skin had you shivering. You grabbed onto his hair, as he trailed kisses down your belly. 

“Lay down,” you told him, moving his head away from you. “You are giving me orders now.” he chuckled, stroking your thigh. ”It seems so.” Smiling, you pushed him down and straddled his lap. You were getting comfortable and he was getting lost in your eyes, a sly smile painted over his face. “I hate it that you have this power over me,” he said. “Is that so, Your Highness?” “Oh, now you respect titles,” Donghyuck smirked, thrusting his hips up. Exasperated, you shushed him and pushed him to sink even deeper into the mattress.  

You helped him out of his undergarments, revealing his tan and glowing skin. Peppering kisses on his neck, you rocked your hips against him, and he let out small whimpers. Donghyuck throws his head back, while you bury your face in his neck, inhaling his musky scent. “Hurry”, he rasped, already panting. Sitting up, you positioned your dripping core over his hardened length, impatient to calm down the fire in your abdomen. 

You lowered your hips onto his lap and hiss as his length stretches your folds out. You do your best to relax around him, but Donghyuck is too eager to wait. He grabbed your hips and rolled them against his. Your breath hitched and your nails scratched his glistening torso in reaction. This time, you found it easier to lower your guard and let him lead just a little. He guided you to bounce on his shaft, setting up a fervent and steady pace. 

He petted your hair tenderly, his eyes searching for yours, again. He already seemed tousled. Travelling your body down to your core, his hand reached for your bud, which he began to circle with his thumb. You whined at the new sensation, grinding on his hand.  Donghyuck keened as your walls clenched around him and continued to roll his hips languidly. 

Fairly quickly, overstimulation came over you, you could feel a pulsating sensation in your core and had to hold back a wail. You sucked in a sharp breath, swatting his hand to push it away from your swollen clit. This competition between you two was still ongoing, and you could not let yourself be defeated. He had to lose his composure first. 

You watched his eyebrows come together, and his features become rigid. You could tell he was close to losing it. “What is it, Your Highness?” you teased, grabbing locks of his hair. “Are you close?” Visibly unable to form words, his mouth fell open, silent cries escaping it. Relishing in his dizziness, you took great pleasure in watching him convulse. You picked up your pace, slamming your hips against his faster. 

Donghyuck quivered, sweat rolling down his temples and the sound of his breathy moans, mixing with the one of skin slapping, already filling the room. Pushed over the edge, he spasmed in ecstasy, crying out with his eyes closed. He jolted his hips a few more times, while you lazily undulated yours, eager to ease the ache between your thighs. 

Donghyuck looked like a mess, his cheeks were tinted with a pink flush, and his eyes glazed over. “You look all dishevelled, Your Majesty.” you cooed, replacing a strand of hair behind his ear. It wasn’t so bad to be soft and gentle together. However, it seemed only possible when Donghyuck was blissed out, you knew he would never act affectionately outside of the shadows of his room. 

Before you knew it, your eyes rolled back, as your back arched, and you felt your hips stuttering as well as your walls fluttering around his cock, when you came with a loud groan. You scratched him hard enough to leave marks in the process. His girth continued to massage your walls comfortably, while heat spread under your skin. You were panting, and biting on your lips hard enough to draw blood, just to prevent yourself from calling his name over and over again. 

When the euphoria subsided, you collapsed on top of him. There, you snuggled close to him, one leg over his body. You let the air fill your lungs and cool your sweaty skin, savouring the feeling of relief. 

While you laid on top of him, Donghyuck’s hand reached for your back, drawing small patterns on your skin. His feather-light touch surprised you, but you melted into his embrace nonetheless. You laid there in silence for a moment, on top of his heaving chest, before you felt the air thickening. He was about to say something, to ruin this, you sensed it. Propping yourself up on your arms, you faced him, expectant. Donghyuck took a deep breath, before sighing: “I love you.” your eyes widened at his declaration. “Would that change anything?” he asked, staring into your eyes, visibly looking for reciprocity. Gently taking his face in your hands, you leaned down and kissed him with passion. It may not be the answer he was hoping for, but you were unable to give it to him, to say it out loud. It was a more gentle way of saying no. 

This would have to continue that way, there was no other. You will live up to both your fates, finding refuge in each other, in stolen instants of intimacy: temporary escapes to your existences. There was no place for love in that situation.

[hpowellsmith]

Happy birthday, Royal Affairs!

It's been a year since Royal Affairs came out and I've been over the moon about how it's been received. It's meant that I've been able to write full-time, make Honor Bound as rich and detailed at high speed, and do a lot of physical and mental health recovery after various periods of burnout. I'm really grateful for everyone's support, here and elsewhere, and it really makes a huge difference.

I had so much fun returning to the characters after a while away for the epilogue - if you enjoyed the game at release and haven't replayed for the epilogue, I very much recommend giving it a go!

After beta testing, I wrote up a retrospective about what came up and how I organised my work. I thought I'd share it for some insight into my process, for players and authors. Here it is:

In Crème de la Crème I ended up adding large branches to the plot during beta, but I was fortunate not to have to do it this time around. Mostly it was building on what was there or bringing certain things to the forefront, or adding a few different ways of navigating situations.

As feedback came in, I was lucky enough to have so much that it became unwieldy to act on it in one go, so I made a priority list.

Highest priority was game breaking bugs or large continuity problems like Dominique's final game scene switching to Beaumont's.

High priority was smaller continuity bugs like the game confusing who you were romancing or whether you had or hadn't done a particular action earlier.

Medium priority was things like small scene additions or multi romance responses, or tweaking first impressions of characters, and so on.

Low priority was nice-to-haves like allowing a character to be romanced only late on.

Alongside this, I fixed typos and made small adjustments - easy wins that added polished. There were also some major sweeps that I did: a stat test clarity sweep, a stat change sweep, a reduction of tests in casual conversations, and repetitive words or phrases.

Stat test clarity:

I picked 3-4 stat tests at random from each chapter, copied their text into a separate document, and highlighted words that reflected the stats. For example: for Authoritative I had things like "I order them to..." "I tell them what to do", "I stay aloof to maintain my authority..." and so on. I edited testing choices to include these keywords, and also edited the stat guide to include them.

Checking all this had the side effect of helping me spot unnecessary tests or points where the stat being tested just didn't match the situation at hand.

Stat changes:

There are a lot of points where stats can change, and not all of them made sense at the start of beta. I did variations of this sweep several times, including the Action Skills, NPC stats, and adding a lot more chances to boost your Powers of Persuasion. Again doing this check helped me spot unnecessary or unintuitive tests and changes.

Tests in casual conversations:

This was again something that I iterated several times. Some of the commentary about Crème de la Crème said that the stat tests felt punishing or too difficult, and an early playtest from my wife flagged that some of the tests in Royal Affairs felt unfair. Why should a character's relationship reduce when you're trying to be affectionate, if the circumstances aren't in a state where that makes sense?

So I stripped out a lot of this, generally replacing a success/failure with flavour text (such as a Subtle MC perhaps being, well, more subtle about holding hands with someone). In some cases, where a character needs to be drawn out of themselves to talk more emotionally (Beaumont or Hyacinthe, on occasion), or they see the conversation as a contest or challenge in some way (mostly Javi or Trevelyan), I left them in. But I liked that they were a rarity rather than default.

Repetitive words or phrases

As I was writing, sometimes I noticed that I was overusing phrases, so if I got that feeling I would make a note for the sweep. In the end there wasn't as much as that as I thought, but there were a lot of qualifier-type words that reduce the impact of a sentence - "a little" was one, or "really", usually in dialogue - or filler words like "down" in sentences like "you sit down beside them".

I also looked for phrases like "you know" or "you suspect" to spot places where I could express whatever it was that the MC knows more elegantly (this is something a former colleague told me once and I've never forgotten it!)

More involved edits

With some major things that I did change, I'd put them on my to-do list before beta but they were either unwieldy and I wanted to start testing sooner rather than later, or I wanted to check whether other people agreed. It was great to have more opinions and mostly they confirmed what I'd thought. With others, I studied the feedback to gauge whether the effort of making the changes would be worth the payoff. In most cases, I decided to go for it.

In general, this stage involved adding things, including:

more worldbuilding details to give more context to the plot

more teacher interactions throughout; added scenes as well as offhand references to other classes; more about Clemence and Vere and expanded outcomes to their storyline

romanceable characters responding to players romancing other people: in the moment, checking in about where your relationship was at, and a set of final breakup conversations if it was left until the very last minute (this was a very big undertaking and would have been better to do earlier - a lesson I've taken to Honor Bound)

lengthening the main suffrage debate

adding slow-paced romance dynamics for two characters (I was really keen to do this but was disciplined about making it low priority - it was a lovely idea and I knew I'd enjoy doing it, but it was very much a nice-to-have compared to other things. I was delighted to be able to do it!)

more communal scenes with classmates to give more of a sense of living in each other's pockets

adding an option to confide in Asher about a particular plot point and for them to assist with it if wanted (I was so happy about adding this: it's one of my favourite Asher moments, even if few people see it!)

tweaking some of the friendship/romance conversations to add more emotional chat (mostly this applied to Javi and Hyacinthe; there was a bit added to Asher and Dominique at Verdancy)

more pet time

more narrative and conversational responsiveness about whether an imperilled character was romanced

more Javi asexuality chat

more detailed outfit descriptions throughout with more choices about what to wear

generally expanding some scenes to give more breathing room to important moments

In the end I added 45000 words to the game during beta testing, thanks to feedback from editor review, continuity testing, and copyediting. Testing took place during late December 2022 and January 2023, and I massively appreciate everyone who contributed to make this big game as polished as it is!

-

[phantasmiafxndom]

Please request 1 (or all 4) of the following demons for this scenario: Akaza, Kyojuro, Gyutaro or Yushiro. They are both watching a romantic movie in the living room, a kissing scene happens and the owner asks if they have ever been kissed. When they say no, he asks if they want to know how they feel and answer yes, they receive a kiss on the lips. It's just a chaste kiss, just lip contact and it only lasts a few seconds. And then he goes off to do his business, leaving the demon alone

This is assuming that the characters have already caught the feelings~ ;3

. . .

Akaza

He's left frozen in place, eyes wide as he struggles to process what just happened. Despite an utter lack of experience with affection of any kind, Akaza knows that kisses are supposed to be significant, right? And the one you just gave him was so, so gentle. His chest suddenly feels all fluttery and tight— there's no reason for him to respond so much to just a momentary touch, and yet, the moment just keeps replaying in his head. It's hard to tell what he's feeling, beyond a flustered sort of confusion.

Kyoujurou

His normal response when you do something kind to him is an immediate, loud expression of thanks— and yet, this time, Kyoujurou can't get a single word out. There's a flush creeping across his face as you walk away, and his mind is running a mile a minute trying to make sense of why you did that. He can't deny that he's had the passing thought of being kissed by you before, but the reality is a hundred times more overwhelming. He'll pull himself together soon enough, but for now, he's just stunned.

Gyuutarou

It's almost cruel to do that to him with no warning— the spike of panic that follows the kiss is dizzying. Gyuutarou can hardly believe you actually did it. He's disgusting. Anyone can see that and yet, you still kissed him. It couldn't have meant anything, and yet, his heart is still twisting up painfully at even that small scrap of affection. As soon as you leave, he's curled up in a ball of self-conscious misery, unable to stop thinking about every little thing that could have displeased you about those brief few seconds.

Yushirou

He nearly pulls away the second it registers that you're kissing him, and there's no containing the startled little yelp that escapes. Once you pull away, Yushirou looks dangerously close to passing out— he's red-faced and trembling, tripping over a jumbled sentence of what might be thanks. Leaving afterward is a mercy; he's embarrassingly overwhelmed and very much needs the time to process what you did. Was his crush on you really that obvious? Were you just pitying him with the kiss, or could it be...?

[shsy7573]

Random Lucifer (Hazbin Hotel) Character/Song Analysis Kinda Thing… I Guess

Okay, so yeah, Luci has 100% taken over this page. So what? I’m not obsessed, you are.

Anyway, I’ve been listening to ���More Than Anything” on repeat since it dropped, and like a lot of the fandom I tear up every single time… but unlike a lot of the fandom, it’s not because of the sweet father-daughter moment (which, don’t get me wrong, doesn’t help the situation because it’s just so damn wholesome).

No, what gets me is how, just through a couple subtle moments, the show is able to convey just how absolutely shattered Luci is as a character. And, you know, because he’s my favourite, bestest, snek-baby-duck-boy, it makes me a little emotional…

So now you’re all gonna hear about what goes through my mind every time I listen to it. YAY!

“Charlie! You don’t understand, Heaven never listens. They didn’t listen to me. They won’t listen to you!” / “You don’t know that—” / “I do!”

It starts before the song even truly begins. When I’m listening, it’s usually these first few lines that grab my attention. I end up replaying the first 4-5 seconds of the song over and over again because the pain in that “I do” is so fucking good! (And because I like to suffer apparently cuz I end up sad. Life of an angst lover I guess).

It’s the first time we see him with actual tears in his eyes. The raw delivery of that line is so attention grabbing, and manages to say so much in such little words.

I think the reason this particular scene tickles my brain so much is because it’s the breaking point for his character in a way. I am, and always will be, a sucker for moments where a character’s walls finally come down, and we get to see what’s been festering inside. When their deepest thoughts and how much they’re hurting are revealed. The entire song is what that is for Lucifer, starting with these two words right here. I truly cannot put into words just how much my breath is taken away by Jeremy’s delivery of this line. I cannot articulate how much I love it, and how important it is for Luci’s character. it just hits so deep and so right for me and I love it.

Lucifer isn’t just saying that he knows Heaven isn’t going to care about her plan (I don’t think anyone thought that’s all he was saying but whatever). He is saying that he knows what Heaven does to dreamers. He knows what they’ll do because he has already been there, and it destroyed him. They took his ideas that they saw as too outlandish, and they squashed them. Cast him aside. And he paid the price for it when he went bashing their back and did his own thing anyway.

Luci is a broken dreamer. Throughout the entire episode, and the series as a while, we are given very strong hints of this. However, it’s not until this song that we really see it in action. It’s not until these moments that we are able to see past both the veils of “Imposing King of Hell” and “Goofy Guy who’s trying his best but not great at Dadding,” and get a look at how genuinely depressed this man is.

“My dreams were too hard to defend.”

This scene eight here. The more I see it, the more I fall in love with it. Just a great example of ‘show don’t tell.’

He’s talking about having big ideas, he’s talking about giving people a chance and reaching outside the normal, he’s talking about being cast out of Heaven. I just love the parallel he’s drawing between Charlie’s mission, and his own past.

Charlie created the hotel in an attempt to give people who have been seen as lesser to all of Heaven some sort of chance. She is choosing to have faith in them, and to open up opportunities for them to lead a better life.

Lucifer, when he gave Eve the fruit, was taking a chance to allow humanity the chance to have free will. He wanted them to experience everything life had to offer for themselves like angels got to. He offered a chance for them to lead a better life.

He had everything, and he had complete faith that what he was doing was right. All the light and hope of his dreams was right in the palm of his hand. He had so many ideas that he thought, if they were saw through, would make the world a better place.

But it didn’t work out for him.

“And in the end, I won’t lose it all again.”

Now, the first seconds of dialogue may be what I keep rewatching, but this has got to be my favourite visual of the entire song. It’s such powerful imagery, and I fangirl over it every time.

Look at how small he looks in that shot (I know, I know, he’s tiny regardless, but like seriously). He is completely outnumbered, hopelessly overpowered, totally at the mercy of all his Heavenly superiors… and he’s all alone.

He lost everything because he had the gall to dream. It’s not hard to look at the song (and the episode at large, really) and find not only his feelings of being wronged, but also his immense guilt. It shows in how much he hates Sinners. They are basically the worst of what he did, a constant reminder of the day his mistake caused him to lose his home and everything he held dear, and they are all he gets to see. Only being permitted to see your failures for all eternity? No wonder he’s fucking depressed.

The day Heaven cast him out was the day he stopped dreaming. Because dreaming big only leads to pain, failure, and suffering.

“I just don’t want you to be crushed by them like… like I was.”

This next moment is kinda self explanatory and obvious and really doesn’t need any commentary, but I’m gonna talk about it anyway. Because I love it, and I love him, and… you know… angst. I’ve mentioned my lust for it several times now throughout this post, you really shouldn’t be surprised.

I just feel so bad for him. Lucifer made one mistake. One simple, misguided mistake that ended up introducing evil into the world, and all of Heaven came down on him for it. And, you know what, in the narrative presented by the show, what he did wasn’t that bad. He just wanted to give the world’s newest creations the same freedom angels had, and it backfired horribly. Lucifer, like Charlie, was an idealist who saw the best in people and wanted to help.

And what did he get for his good intentions? Shoved into the cesspool he unintentionally created, and forbidden to ever see anything good that came from his dream.

If I had to guess, Lilith was the only thing keeping his mental health afloat for a long time… and then they had Charlie.

“The tales about your lofty dreams. I’d listen breathlessly, imaging it could be me.”

His daughter became the light of his life. Something that he cherished and indulged more than anything else in the world. To him, she was perfect, and he wanted to do right by her in any way he could.

Lilith told their daughter stories of all her father’s dreams regardless of what he thought of them, and when the little princess came asking him… how could he refuse? How could he refuse her anything?

So he shared them with her. All the tales of grandeur, and fantasies of everything he wished the world could have been. All the dreams he had long since let go.

“And in the end, it’s the view I had of you that show me dreams can be worth fighting for.”

Now, the scene where Lily take’s Charlie away has always been excellent brain fodder for me because of how somewhat ambiguous it is. You could interpret his sadness to have SO MANY meanings. However, I have inevitably decided on two potential head-cannons/theories to share here for what could possibly be going through Snek-King’s head.

One: Lucifer loves his daughter, but he feels estranged and like he’s failed her in some way. She’s such a joy, such a wonder, and in a way it's his fault she’s trapped down here with all of human ties worst. He wasn’t to be close to her, and to make the world perfect for her… but he already feels like he’s failed her in the most unforgivable way. He keeps his distance because part of him doesn’t want her to have a super high of an opinion of him. It’s kind of his depression manifesting, saying that ‘she shouldn’t admire you and your stupid dreams when they’re the reason she’ll never see true light and happiness.’

The angst addict in me likes this one more, but still I’ve got another one that always pops.

Two: He feels like he’s selling her false hope, and he can kind of see the place her innocence is headed. He’s seen the horrors of the world, and he knows the more he indulges her dreams and fantasies, the more she’ll suffer when she sees that’s not what the world is like. He knows from personal experience how much it hurts when your dreams come undone, when you lose hope in the world.

Listening to Charlie’s actual lyrics, she tells him that he was the one who inspired her to dream, that he was right to dream, and that she’s not going to back down. In the song, Luci realises that 1: maybe he didn’t fuck us as badly as he thought and that she actually doesn’t blame him and wants her in his life and/or 2: she has her mother’s willpower, and she’s never going to stop dreaming or let her world be sullied like he did. She’s so much stronger than he was.

So he lets her in.

(Side note… AWWW, look how TINNYY he is! He’s so small. The start contrast in the second image gets me every time)

There’s a bit of symbolism in the song which I ABSOLUTELY adore, and it has to do with the wings. In the flashback, Charlie mentions his “lofty dreams,” when we see the duck, which later transforms to have multiple sets of wings. Later in the song, when Lucifer finally lets her in, he also sprouts those wings.

And I just love this, because I think it acts as the perfect symbolism of him finally opening his mind again. Not just to his daughter, but to the possibility of dreaming in general.

He takes her to a circus, a place filled to the brim with spectacles and thrills, a place where humanities wildest imaginations seem possible.

But even though he’s beginning to open up, and he’s willing to help her in whatever she does, he’s not ‘fixed.’ His depression and self doubt and feelings of hollow emptiness and guilt and apprehension aren’t gone.

And he’s still terrified of seeing her spark go out like his did.

This tiny smile break is so addicting to watch for me. It speaks volumes. Once again, my angst loving heart eats it up every time. It says, “I’m still worried, and there is still so much shit going on in my mind right now about all of this, but I’m here for you.”

And that’s what counts.

Luci’s character showed a lot of colours, and came a long way in this singular episode, but he’s still got a big uphill battle to climb. He still has to come back into his own where dreams are concerned. Maybe he never will, not completely. Realistically, he’ll never go back to the way he was.

But maybe, just maybe, in helping his daughter he’ll find something worth believing in again.

That is, of course, if they decide to give him a character arc beside ‘Dad who is trying and doing better,’ but for that only time will tell.

—

And THAT concludes my rant on the Rubber Ducky Ruler. If you stuck around this long, good for you! I wrote this whole thing on a limb at midnight, and NO I’m not going to go back and edit it because why would I ever want to see all the horrid grammatical and spelling errors I’ve inevitably made.

Maybe I’m off the mark on all of this. Maybe I’m head-cannoning too much. Maybe I’m just trying to suck out every hint of potential angst out of a song that’s supposed to be sweet and wholesome. That’s for you to decide. But for me, I’ve decided that I’m satisfied with this analysis. In the end, I just needed to express all the thoughts bumbling around in my head SOMEWHERE before I exploded, and unfortunately, I feel like I’ve run all my friends dry talking about this baby to them, so now it’s your turn. But, anyways, I think that about wraps things up. It’s time to go to bed.

Farewell, stay hydrated, and have a lovely rest of your day/night :)

[velvetjune]

replayed The Lake House dlc, so more of my thoughts under spoilers! (This is long)

I cannot believe how many things I missed during the first run of this game:

1. The whiteboard of the AI Alan Wake manuscript pages produced with evaluations. One repeating the word “scream” for half of a page gets praise for its wording and tone. “Pistol looked at flashlight in shock.” It must’ve been so much fun for the writers to make up all of these.

2. Jules Marmont has extra footage directly after the Dr. Darling video on the second floor if you go back. I don’t know what exactly triggers this video, but it was when I was doubling back to get the black rock weapon.

3. The research archives appear normally from above, then shift multiple times, before returning to normal (… as normal as the shelves infinitely repeating is). This happened in the first playthrough, but I was stressed over my survival and never noticed.

4. The research archives actually go through areas with different mediums/classifications. There’s tagged artifacts/photos, tapes, film, books, and it ends with paintings. It’s nothing mind bending, but the detail was nice to see.

5. Diana’s tape on the tortured artist and human experimentation. This, with Jules’ video, only added to their monstrosity.

I wouldn’t be surprised if the Black Rock Launcher is used in a similar way in FBC Firebreak. It wouldn’t be the same, but this felt so much like a set up for the kind of strange and innovative tools that FBC employees experiment with, especially when trapped in a lockdown at the Oldest House with access to Black Rock Quarry. Maybe Emily can finally make her black rock knives!

It’s hard to not think of Alan and Alice when it comes to any other creative characters in relationships in this game and the hardships with balancing that sorta life. There’s the Bookers with Tammy, a successful true crime writer and attempted poet (!!!), and Ed, a playwright trying to get recognition and feel inspired. It feels right that he would end up taking Wake’s work to write the Marmonts (also with shades of Alan and Alice) into their own supernatural lakeside cabin, fit with a marriage that’s falling apart.

The actors for both Marmonts are incredible. They both perfectly portray their outrage, jealously, and stubbornness that’s consuming their relationship and work. This mad scientist drama could easily end up too cheesy, but they sell it. Love that these negative emotions and their attempt to enforce it on artists for their suffering lead to the crack in the lake house through them. There’s so many things to pick at in this dlc, whether for the relationships, work environments, ai, artists, etc.

Only for this bullet point, but Final Draft Spoilers: Diana thinking of Jules’ smile as her last moment before being taken, while Jules’ last moment (‘Breakthrough in the Lake House’ page) is feeling pride over his work…………

I want more office drama for horrible mad scientists for Control 2. Honestly I want anything Control 2

After briefly checking online, I’m proud of myself for quickly solving the calendar problems. I actually really liked this kind of simple task to find little clues and, by doing so, getting to know the people through their passwords. I’m terrible anything with puzzles, so very grateful to have this over something elaborate or. math.

The Dylan scene is also skippable, which is unthinkable (one of the best parts of the dlc!). There’s all this disgust and horror from Estevez towards the Marmonts’ control of the Lake House, only for it to reveal that Dylan was also trapped there and experimented on by Dr. Darling and the researchers there (all approved by Trench!). Estevez isn’t aware of this, but it was a cold reminder of how truly awful it was for Dylan and how fucked up Trench and Darling are for kidnapping a child…. And then abandoning him in a small prison cell.

The horror elements in this DLC were nice, although not extreme. Tbh I don’t consider any of Remedy’s games to be scary, even if they’re still horror, but this had good moments! The distortion of the environment and constant looping made me doubt myself. Jules’ death as a taken was violent (albeit obscured), to the level of Nightingale’s cult attack, if not worse. Loved the emotion from the Marmonts seeping into their taken personalities. Aw1 had more of this and it made the Taken far more upsetting and real.

Sometimes Alan is creepy and I enjoy seeing him through other characters’ eyes. Alan/the Dark Place manifesting manuscript pages that would perfectly dig under the Marmonts’ skins and infect them was unnerving and a little funny. shows they never had a chance. While it’s not physically like that, the words describing the Lake House slowly being sunken into Cauldron Lake and the water dripping in—Chef’s kiss

AWAN had a conversation between the scientist where she discussed fate and agency (…Alan’s indignation at her being remotely critical over her 😭 he’s such an asshole). It reminded me of Diana’s notes on whether Alan wrote and controlled her life. There’s some agency that Alan takes away just by guiding these events and trying to influence people through a story. How much is him actually controlling or changing things is another question, but having that kind of power is scary, especially from another’s POV (Saga, now Estevez and the Marmonts)

Estevez seeing Alan typing the later event of her meeting Saga and THIS being what led the FBC straight to her was a great scene of wrapping everything up. I liked the weird dark goo in the Dark Place. Fun stuff!

Poe <3 Loved this promo of her new song. 6 deep breaths coinciding with Estevez’ reassurance to herself, although the lyrics also could apply to others. Dylan trapped in his cage, yet able to connect to these worlds; Alan (+Alice) in the dark place, then post-game, ‘finding roads everywhere’. I’m playing the first Alan Wake, so the breathing made me immediately think of the deep breaths taken by Tom the Diver throughout that (+ the addition of another voice breathing near the end)

Clay Murphy wrote the screenplay to this and to Number One Fan (Night Springs), which means he might be the funniest person ever

[slytherinshua]

FAVOURITE genre ➳ fluff. warnings ➳ crying. spoilers for weak hero class 1 ep 4. pairing ➳ jihoon x reader. wc ➳ 783. a/n ➳ i was rewatching this scene and it really does always make me cry and then i thought of this fic idea 😭

Your snack bowl had been discarded and you didn’t even remember the last time you had blinked. Your eyes were glued to the screen of your laptop like some kind of hypnosis was occurring. The small teddy bear that your boyfriend had won at an amusement park for you a month ago was clutched tightly in your arms, serving its role as emotional support quite well.

You were in awe at how thrilling the scenes of the drama were. And, though violent, it was quite beautiful the way the fight scenes were choreographed and executed. You had visited Jihoon on set a lot while he filmed, but you never could tell quite how the end result would turn out. The final released version of Weak Hero Class 1 did not disappoint, though.

You were on episode 4 already even though you had only started earlier this evening. You only took one break to get more snacks and emotional supports (your blanket and the teddy bear). The show was already pulling at your heartstrings— or maybe it was your boyfriend’s phenomenal acting. 

The episode was nearing the end and Sooho, Youngyi, and Sieun were in the hospital after the fight with Gilsoo and his gang. An adoring frown etched on your face at the sweet scene. Sieun was very different in character to Jihoon, but there were similarities you could spot and it made your heart warm.

[ What’s your deal? ]

[ What? ]

[ I mean, you… You’re so warm-hearted. Your eyes, how you behave, how you speak, and your face. It feels awfully strange. ]

Tears welled in your eyes, finally escaping and cascading down your cheek as Sieun smiled. The first time he ever smiled. You sniffed and pressed the back button to replay the scene, too immersed in it to hear the sound of the door opening in the background.

And you were still crying on the couch by the time your boyfriend walked into the living room. The episode had finished and the computer screen was black. Jihoon was confused— you had sounded happy and excited just a couple hours ago when you texted him and said you were going to watch the drama, so why were you sad now?

“What’s up?” He asked, moving your empty snack bowl to make a spot on the couch for him. You tried to wipe your tears and turn to him, but one look at your boyfriend and all you saw was Sieun, triggering even more tears. 

Jihoon panicked. “Baby, what’s wrong?” He pulled you closer, holding you in his arms and scanning your body to make sure you hadn’t hurt yourself physically.

You tried to form a coherent thought to answer his question, muffling a response into his shirt, “He’s just…”

Jihoon furrowed his eyebrows, “He’s just what?”

“He’s just… so… cute.” You sobbed, hugging Jihoon tighter.

“What? Who’s cute?”

You paused, a smile slipping onto your lips as you caught a hint of jealousy in his voice. You waited until he nagged you again about who this guy you thought was cute was before you finally told him.

“You’re crying because of Sieun?” He questioned curiously.

“He smiled, Jihoon.” You told him again, this time with even more emotion.

“I know. I acted out that scene.” Jihoon said helplessly. You weren’t crying anymore and his earlier panic had subsided, but instead he was left confused as to why that particular scene had left you in such a state.

“I wanna hug him.” You frowned, replaying the scene again.

Jihoon stayed silent at your comment, not bothering to bring up the fact that you kinda were hugging Sieun right now, since Jihoon was Sieun. But he just smiled and pulled you a little closer to his chest.

“Baby.” He mumbled softly.

“Hm?”

“Am I your favourite actor?” 

You sat up slightly, pulling away so you could actually look at your boyfriend’s face. “No, I think I like Hyunwook more.” You deadpanned.

Jihoon frowned, “But you were even crying over me. You haven’t cried over Hyunwook.”

“Who says I haven’t?”

Jihoon whined in protest at your teasing and you giggled and snuggled closer to him again.

“Isn’t it a bit too violent for you to be watching, though?” He whispered.

You frowned, “You expect me to not watch something my favourite actor is a lead in?”

“Are you sure I’m not your favourite actor?”

“Favourite singer? Probably. Favourite boyfriend? Definitely.”

“I’m your only boyfriend-”

You shushed him with a laugh, “But favourite actor? There’s some competition. But, hey, at least you won the other two categories!”

“I’m your favourite actor.” He muttered as if to convince himself of the fact and kissed your temple.

“Whatever you say.”

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ misc taglist (let's be real, it's more like park jihoon taglist): @yeonjuns-redhair

[pjsk-headcanons]

its ya boy, 🎲 anon (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ with genshin impact headcannons this time!!

ichika straight up refuses to play genshin for no logical reason. (source: i was this like 6 months ago and now i have an average of 1.5h+ in genshin a day)

shiho is very secretly into genshin. shes a chongyun main. no she doesnt watch that one streamer. also she despises whales and has no c6s. or c5s. or c4s. or c3s. shes only a chongyun main because she has c2 chongyun and xingqu and she doesnt have the heart to seperate the boyfriends.

saki has the most incoherent horribly unbalenced teams. what is an elemental reaction. also she has no impulse control and 0 primos constantly.

honami doesnt play genshin but she can recite almost the entirety of raiden ei's story quest from the top of her head (because shiho cried in it and wont let it go.)

airi is the only mmj member who plays genshin. she is ar 55 and has streamed genshin pulling in the past. shes not a whale but her viewers are and theyre convinced that yelling "motto motto jump high" in the twitch tts will bless her pulls. it does not. she threw a chair once after losing the fourth 50/50 in a row. hey, at least she has c6 diluc and mona?

kohane doesnt play genshin but she does play honkai! shes kinda shit at it but sticks around for yaoi and dang heng's voice (me too girliepops me too)

toya has only missed 4 days of login in the whole of genshins lifespan. hes entirely f2p. he has all the lore memorised. he predicted natlans release date 3 months before it was announced. if he didnt live with haramuchi hed probably do cosplay. he has c6 furina and got it in 80 pulls. noone believes him. hes max ar. its so intense. he has posters. he has every achievement. hes done every character quest. yeah.

akito is horrific at genshin. like really bad. hes only up to the start of fontaine bc he saw the court scene and decided to replay the ace attorney trilogy. hes a kirara main and doesnt know what elemental reactions are. kinda like saki he has no impulse control and constantly has 0 primos but he has a toya who stole his account info and will grind for him simply bc theres nothing left for him to do on his main.

tsukasa has an account. it functions as saki and toyas reroll account. mostly sakis because toya has impulse control. he has never actually played the game.

nene is an avid genshin player and was ashamed of it at first but now she has keyrings of visions and shit. shes also actual shit at the game itself. shes there for lore, characters and gambling. she has matching albedo/fischl/sucrose pfps with rui and mizuki

rui got genshin bc mizuki played and actually got really into it. hes a childe main but has matching albedo/fischl/sucrose pfps with mizuki and nene.

mizuki plays genshin 100%. theyre unironically really good at it. fischl main though chiori is a close second. matching albedo/fischl/sucrose pfps with rui and nene! (i should specify, not as a ship. like buddies. besties even.) friends in-app with shiho's totally secret account thats not called sbibo or anything. they bonded over crying in raiden ei's character quest. tragic siblings or smth.

ena is a genshin player but only because airi made her get it so she didnt have to stream alone. shes a kaveh main. reads fanfiction. ao3 search history between her and god. arllechino simp. the works.

mafuyu doesnt get to play much but she does sometimes. shes a ganyu main and spends an awful lot of time critiquing the bow users. when sethos came out she cheered in vc. (hes the only one who uses it correctly)

bonus: npcs!!

mio plays genshin!! shes a noelle main and has c5 on her.

nanami plays genshin only when her chat demands it, but shes played with airi before! they failed at windtrace together

kotaro got genshin after hearing toya ramble about it and doesnt really get it. he never got past mondstat but he did watch a 4 hour plot summary and proceeded to understand none of it

yuuki plays online with mizuki a lot but other than that doesnt play much

.

[lokiondisneyplus]

The easiest way to save the Time Variance Authority and the timelines from imploding on themselves? Why, Time Slip again and again into the same scenario hundreds, if not thousands, or maybe millions of times until you get it right (this is not actually how to save the TVA, but that’s a story for another time…).

The beginning of Episode 6 of Marvel Studios’ Loki is essentially Loki reliving a no-good, very bad day again, and again, and again in hopes of just once getting the Temporal Loom to stop overloading. Loki literally spends centuries trying to figure this out, which means that on-screen everyone at the TVA is reliving the same scenario again and again…and again. And again.

Behind the scenes, that meant that the cast had to film scenes from Episode 4 again (and again and again) to mesh into Loki’s quest in Episode 6. While Loki might be frustrated with having to replay this multiple times the rest of the cast was left very bewildered — mimicking what we see on screen for the TVA characters.

“I think the funniest part of all of that, though, was as we were shooting it, you are essentially replaying that Episode 4 over and over and over again, as performers, as actors, they just start to lose track of days, and where we are in the story and what's actually happening,” Executive Producer Kevin Wright explains to Marvel.com. But taking everything a step further, star Tom Hiddleston was clued into what was happening in the latter half of the season with this constant reply of Episode 4. The rest of his friends at the TVA? Not so much. 

“I would say the way that Episode 4 ended, the way it was shot, our cast, outside of Tom, thought something very different was happening,” Wright adds with a laugh. “We kind of lied to them about what was happening to sell a really insane performance. Up until I think they had all seen the episodes, they had thought something very different was going to happen at the end of 4. I think there was all this extra level of confusion for them, as we're repeating this moment over and over and over again, trying to figure out why that is happening and what is going on.”

And the cast certainly felt this confusion. Season 1 of the series was filmed in order, while Season 2 was filmed out of order, so no one questioned why one scene was being filmed again and again (and again for centuries).

“Sometimes we’re the end before we’ve shot the beginning before we’ve shot the middle before we’ve shot the beginning of the middle and then the end of the middle and then the end of the beginning,” Star Sophia Di Martino jokes. “It’s already a head melt trying to get your head around this series and all the time slipping and to-ing and fro-ing between universes but then shooting out of sequence is like a hat on a hat and the hat is really confusing.”

But Di Martino didn’t care how many times they had to film it because it just meant she got to see her friends every day on set.

“We did a lot of days in [Temporal Core] room, over and over again. There were some really fun times when we were all going a little bit stir crazy, Cabin fever on the edge, but it was really lovely knowing I was going to come to work every and see all those guys every day.”

To the surprise of no one, Tom Hiddleston kept everyone’s spirits up, because as Wunmi Mosaku notes, “He has the whole script in his head at every moment and he can tell you exactly where you were just coming from and where you’re going.”

“He’s always reminding us like, this is the first time even though we’ve shot this a thousand times, this is the first time we’ve done this. The repetition of the scenes was really, really hard to keep the intensity equal as well because it’s a repeated scene. Honestly, some people are just magicians, and I would say Tom Hiddleston is one of those, I don’t know how he keeps happy, and chirpy, he doesn’t dream about [filming] it all night. He keeps the joy in the room.”

Not only was he the cheerleader, but Hiddleston was also working extra hard to keep an air of mystery for the scene, continuing to film while others had left.

“Oftentimes, a lot of that with Tom specifically was shot when the cast would go on their lunch breaks,” Wright adds. “They would all go away, and Tom would stay back with our directors and our camera operator and everybody and kind of just like churn through so many different versions of these. It was weirdly a thing that I think we all had the same idea of what it was going to be, but only Tom kind of had it in his head of how it would end up.”

Don’t worry, Hiddleston always took a lunch, too, as Wright notes, “he just did it later.”

[shaapes]

how does it feel having played night in the woods for such a long time ? (i just saw that this blog was made in 2017, and i only just now finished the game and am replaying it)

it feels weird !! but it also makes me appreciate this game so much more, honestly.

i first played it while i was in high school. i felt a lot for the characters and gravitated a lot towards mae's emotions and gregg's storyline. i was dealing with my own emotions and felt a lot of comfort in the game as well as just really loving all the characters.

i replayed it last year and it was a very different but equally emotional experience.

i've graduated university now and did not have a good experience there. mae's lines about not making any friends, her mental health while there, and why she left hit a lot harder. i didn't drop out like mae, but i almost did a few times, and i connected a lot with how she seemed lost and things hadn't turned out how she expected.

but having worked both jobs i like and ones i hate now, i also understood the other three a lot more - i both saw parts of myself in mae and saw how her friends all had lives that she was now appearing back in. the disconnect in the stages their lives were at but their love for each other regardless was very important to me.

i played bea's storyline last year. when i played in high school, i liked bea but didn't connect with her story as much as others - i usually just did the gregg hangouts. i felt like i was seeing bea through completely different eyes this time, and understood her a whole lot more now. some of her scenes felt like i finally understood her and she understood me.

sorry, i don't think you probably expected this much info! but it has been a really interesting experience for me over the years to come back to this game now and then, and see how the experience changes as my life changes. i think that there is so much to say about nitw, and the things we individually connect to in the game vary not only from person to person but across the different stages of our life. if i replay it next year, there might be new lines that hit completely different than they used to. if i replay it another 7 years from now, i think in a way it will feel completely different because of how much i'll have changed.

i hope you enjoyed your first playthrough, and i hope you enjoy your replay too!! this game has so much to offer. if you let it, it can have a really special place in your life. i don't think i'll ever be over it.

p.s. i used to be so good at demontower, i beat it at least 4 times (getting both achievements for myself and my best friend) and nowadays i can't get past the second level?!

[mariailoveyou-guerin]

Was gonna have quiet weekend watching these 4 ep and my polin season over and over again but ofc work friends knew and said let’s watch together and now I had to get this last minute(had to pay extra last minute to make it fun and like mini social call or tea time to go with the team) when at first I was just gonna get pasta + sushi and 2-4 muffins just for myself that’s gone now

it’s really my fault 😂 for saying it’s based on my favs and they like oh polin is the people you watch for right since your other favorite characters left or aren’t there meaning (Edwina and Marina 😂) I was pretty mad they weren’t in season3 and they also knew this season meant more bc polin feel in love in April in books and 2/3 us have birthday week around that time so they wanted to silly celebrate even tho they ain’t watch any season so far and I’m like you really don’t need to just watch polin scenes on YouTube since I never watched s1 and skipped literally more then half of s2 to the polin edwina marina queen and Ben scenes and I still watch the show just fine! in conclusion never tell work friends about what you are gonna do all weekend now instead of taking my time watching the 4 ep for 16-18 hours I have to watch it in 4 hours because they won’t get me going back and forth replaying certain scenes for polin but oh well can always spend the rest of the weekend doing that so why not I guess enjoy this nice off work time with work colleagues since they always getting me to go to their bar gigs to watch them perform live!