#reminder to self that importance of me being active is to others

[sordidmusings]

Could be out o pocket but there seems to be a wall perceived by many readers between them and the creator. May be related to our general mythologizing of content creators but that’s a whole separate discussion (a lot of it stems from the mythos of “genius” and if you want a damn good read, try Linda Nochlin’s “Why Have There Been No Great Women Artists?”. It’s related I swear lol she deconstructs many ideas around creativity and talent and genius and was one of the earlier ones to do it. V thankful to Aesthetics class for introducing me to her). There could also be some touches of the idea that a certain type of productivity is the only valuable thing a person can do, which narrows the concept of creativity (ironic lol). I had typed out a lot more but I think it’s time I digress 🤡

You are not unworthy of talking to creators you admire. Or people you admire for that matter. Sure the effect may vary - one who is used to droves of interaction will cherish your specific interaction in different ways from someone who almost never receives it, but whether it’s a brief joy to a large creator or the thing that keeps a small creator going, it is valuable.

A last note is I do also understand the feeling that you interacting with anyone is a bother to them and having social anxiety cripple even your online interactions. I’m often lost in that sauce lol it can be especially difficult if you’ve been called a burden explicitly, talked over and ignored, or have a history of feeling as if your social interactions “fail”. Finding the level that is just outside of that comfort zone can both help you and give that little extra bit to the creator. Maybe you have to do it on anon. Maybe you can only add comments in tags. Both of those are still much more encouraging to creators than a like because it’s more human - it reminds you that there is an actual person enjoying something you made and that they actually have -thoughts- about it. The thoughts are especially good - there’s almost nothing a creator loves more than knowing that their creation actually lived in someone else’s head, if even for a time. If your creations only live in your own then it can quickly feel like what is the point of -making- them when it’s so much easier to just think about them.

Long story short - the creator you enjoy likely wants to connect to you as you want to connect to them and any time you find yourself able, please do

Everytime I see posts like this I get filled with such profound sadness

Cause you know who has the same brainrot as you? The same unhinged feelings as you after you've read the fic? The person who always wants to scream about the fic with you?

THE PERSON WHO WROTE IT

I never used to leave comments but since I got into the habit of commenting on everything i enjoy it's been incredible. Especially when the author gets back to me about it and we get to have a discussion of what other ideas they had. One writer replied to my comment with a 5 paragraph essay detailing the Floorplan of the building the characters lived in and it was incredible

Anyways this is all to say that if you find a fic that just makes you want to scream from the rooftops, leave a comment saying that to the author and maybe they will join you and you can scream incoherently together

[biscuitdolly]

୨ৎ absolute necessities .ᐟ

if you're trying to glow up, get healthier, etc, these are the very basics that you absolutely NEED to follow!

01, WATER .ᐟ

Staying hydrated is crucial for your health and wellbeing. While the recommended daily intake is 8 cups of water, you can gradually increase your consumption over a few weeks if that seems too overwhelming. Drinking enough water provides numerous benefits, from clearing skin and flushing out waste, to boosting exercise performance and supporting weight loss. Despite being the very essence that sustains life, water is often underappreciated.

02, FOOD .ᐟ

I used to skip breakfast, thinking it would help me lose weight. However, studies show that those who eat breakfast tend to lose more weight and keep it off longer. The truth is, food is incredibly important. It's best to regulate your eating habits by consuming at least 3 meals per day, even if they're only small portions. Some food is better than no food. If you want to go on a diet, that's fine! but make sure you research healthy dieting methods. At a minimum, eat one serving of fruits and vegetables daily, and try to increase that to five servings per day if possible. Proper nutrition is key for your overall health.

03, HOBBIES .ᐟ

i have this previous post regarding hobbies you could try! It's so important to find fun activities that you genuinely enjoy and look forward to doing. Hobbies add fun to your life and pose as a nice break from technology and the stress of work and school. They also greatly improve symptoms of depression and anxiety. You could do some physical activity, such as a sport you like, or something more calm and creative, like painting or writing.

04, SLEEP .ᐟ

a lot of people struggle to fall asleep at a decent time. Try getting ready for bed early. Personally, I tend to take off my make up and do my skincare immediately after i come home for school/work so i don't have to worry about it before bed.

Technology is probably your sleeping schedule's worst enemy, as the blue light from the screen keeps your brain awake, so try to pause screen-related activities at least an hour before bed. Also, try not to snack 2 - 4 hours before you go to sleep. This is because lying down makes it harder for your body to digest food, which can result in sleeplessness.

Forcing yourself to go to bed super early isn't helpful either. Like I've mentioned in my other points, take things slow and gradual!

05, SOCIALIZATION .ᐟ

Engaging in simple social interactions, such as conversing with family, seeing friends, or greeting people on the street, is incredibly important. Isolating yourself in your room all day accomplishes nothing.

There was a time when I dreaded spending time with friends, convinced I lacked the energy or mood. However, once I forced myself to make plans, I realized how much I genuinely enjoyed their company. Other people are what make life truly worthwhile. So why not reach out to a friend right now and invite them to hang out tomorrow?

06, ACTIVITY .ᐟ

you don't need an exercise routine if you don't want one, but simple physical activity is still a daily necessity! At least 30 minutes is recommended. Personally, i most enjoy plugging in my headphones and going on a walk around my neighbourhood for an hour or two.

07, SELF TALK .ᐟ

Arguably one of my most important points, quit the self-deprecating talk. You never realize how much it affects you until you quit it. Yes, you can absolutely get that assessment done. Yes, you are a likable and amazing person. Just keep affirming and reminding yourself that you are worthy, and you will attract so many good things. Trust me, it will help you so much in the long run.

[valent1neg0d]

THINGS I WISH I KNEW WHEN I WAS GETTING STARTED WITH THE LAW OF ASSUMPTION (AS SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN MANIFESTING FOR 5 YEARS)

1. the law of assumption is personal. considering how we have different sets of experiences, different environments, different upbringings, and even different languages, we have different assumptions.

because of this, we are affected by teachings and success stories differently. it's important to note this since a lot of manifestation coaches will teach you about the law in a way that worked for them (and the others they may have taught) but it's possible that their advice (even my own) may not be the best for you. even abdullah and neville goddard, two of the people who are known to start this discipline, may have ancient or varied belief systems and techniques. this is normal considering the world they lived in before is different from the world we live in now.

although, you should still read on abdullah and neville because they will teach you the basics and they will help you understand the foundations of the law.

as an example, you might manifest your dream career faster with simple affirmation techniques but a coach may have taught you to focus on visualization techniques.

even the idea that "dominant THOUGHTS manifest" or "what you BELIEVE in manifests" is entirely up to you.

note: notice how i said "may not be the best for you" instead of "may not work for you". any technique can, does, and will work.

how i learned this: when i was learning about the law, i mainly focused on neville's teachings because he was one of the most prominent figures in the practice. and though i liked his practical techniques (especially mental diet and inner conversations), there were some beliefs that i do not agree with e.g. divine timing, appointed hour, avoiding "does not" "is not" "will not".

when i was going through sammy ingrams' takes, she said that it's better to have concise affirmations/short list (non-verbatim) than a long list of 25+ affirmations. but going through affirmations without being specific about them doesn't personally resonate with me and that's just because i'm a detail-oriented person (also a writer).

what i can advise:

learn about different approaches

a. through scientific concepts. e.g. quantum physics, reticular activating system, cognitive reframing, cognitive behavioral therapy, the psychology of placebo effect, the psychology of affirmations, Baader-Meinhof phenomenon (a.k.a. the psychology of self-fulfilling prophecy)

b. through religious and/or spiritual concepts. e.g. passages from the Bible, passages from the Quran, deity work, spells and rituals

c. through self-development. e.g. identity-based habit

start the practice with an identity you like in the present or an identity that you resonate with (learning style, talents, interests, etc.)

examples:

-visual learner = vision boards

-loves writing = scripting

-words of affection love language = affirmations

take teachings with a grain of salt. do not limit yourself and do not allow other people to limit you. experiment with concepts, ideas, and techniques, and have fun with them.

2. techniques are only reminders. you are manifesting either by thinking, feeling, or acting out your desires. you are manifesting every second of the day either with your thoughts, emotions, or by embodying a state. you are only being intentional when you anchor techniques.

note: it is true that your dominant thoughts manifest. it is also true that what you believe in manifests, the same way that your inner knowing manifests. BUT these ideas are meant to empower you. they are meant to remind you that manifestation is as easy as thinking, feeling, acting, believing, understanding, deciding, etc. if an idea doesn't feel good to you, it doesn't have to be an ultimate truth you embrace and carry on with. this is the same with techniques.

what i can advise:

choose one technique and practice it for 7 to 21 days. it can be mental diet, affirmation tapes, sats, mind movies, etc. as long as you can persist with it. give it time. give it time. give it time. in other aspects of the world, you give change some time. when you're calcium deficient and you decide to drink calcium supplements, you realize that it's counterproductive to ask "why am i still calcium deficient?" as soon as you start your regimen because you know your body is changing with the supplement and you put your trust into it. after all, why would you choose a supplement you have no faith on? you just give it time.

note: you can still manifest changes to be instant. you can affirm "i am seeing results now", "results come immediately", "my manifestation is quick". the amount of time you're using a technique does not equate to the amount of time your results will come.

the reason why i encourage you to practice for maximum 21 days is so you can fully explore and master the technique you chose. with the abundance of topics and methods discussed in social media, switching and trying new things is tempting. now, there is nothing wrong with this. it's just that, you wouldn't be able to take a step back and reflect on what worked and what takes more effort when you change techniques every so often.

try a technique that is popularized in the media. a lot of the times, the reason why this technique gained traction is either because it's simple or because it has worked for a lot of people. now, here's the thing: if said technique wasn't for you, at least you can say "oh this is a tiktok/twitter/youtube/old/beginner technique, there are other techniques out there" and you can try another technique with less resistance. but, if it did work, then it did. congratulations.

you can invent your own. here are some techniques that i invented throughout the years.

a. "name is set and solid with the fact that..." - works amazing for sp, getting people to commit, getting people to pursue you

b. "okay! manifestation powers go brrr!" - funny but i do this when I'm spiraling; it also helps me surrender doubts and i think it's because it's so simple and unserious lmao

you can combine them. for example, you want to do sats but you cannot hold a vision for long, what you can do is montage photos or videos that is similar to the vision you want to manifest. you can also have affirmation tapes running in the background.

3. "concept" work can be such a banger. assumptions are basically the conception about the world, about yourself, about the people around you. hence, when you manifest and apply the law of assumption, you change or reinforce a conception.

these can be done through:

self-concept

what it is: your awareness about yourself; the way you perceive yourself.

how you can apply it: there are multiple ways to establish your self-concept but the best way, is to start reinforcing the universal truth: that you are inherently worthy. you deserve money and resources because you are worthy. you deserve love because you are worthy. you deserve ease because you are worthy.

other ways to grow your self-concept is celebrating the identities you have within yourself that you like e.g. that you are strong, you are disciplined, you are beautiful. be careful about strongly tying yourself into these identities though because these are not the reasons why you shall receive. again, you shall receive because you are inherently worthy.

why it works: by having a strong self-concept, you develop ease. you are less likely to rationalize or question the law or why you deserve the things you're asking for. and as you may think, rationalizing may be a form of resistance. questioning may be a form of resistance.

one of the ways i have seen this is when people receive incentives from work, instead of just receiving or saying "thank you", they say things like "what have i done to receive this?", sometimes completely rejecting this gift because of fear that they might lose something when they receive. this can be an example of a weak self-concept. consequently, the company starts questioning "did my employer really do enough to receive this?".

on the other hand, someone with a strong self-concept can take this incentive and buy the things they like because they know they deserve it. they can also take this incentive and say to themselves "oh it's because i worked hard these past few days". it's the knowing and confidence they have within themselves that everything around them has no other option but to recognize.

conception of other things (e.g. of love, of money, of a specific person)

you can work on your conception of other things the same way you work on your self-concept: choosing a narrative that is uplifting to you.

in case you have resistance to a specific object, you can also listen to people's success stories to start shifting to a more positive and desirable perception. one of the ways i do this is by going back to abdullah and neville's story. these two men lived at difficult times, through difficult eras, yet they manifested their desires. they managed to let go of the 3D.

4. practice some distance as you're starting. you were exposed to a different life before the law, it's only normal and human to have doubts or spiral once in a while. however, when you set distance on things that do not help you embody the state, you set distance on things that will feed your doubts and spiraling.

for example, if you're shifting to a state of wealth and you're affirming "i have 1,000 dollars". it's unhelpful and opposing to be constantly surrounded by someone else saying "you only have 10 dollars".

now, i do understand that not everyone can do this right away because of circumstances. but PLEASE do whatever you can to set this distance. find a voice to reinstate your truth.

a personal story, i am an asian girl living with a grandmother who was pessimistic about love because her two children (my mom and my aunt) struggled with it. because of this, she used to constantly remind me of how love is difficult. i didn't know this at the time, but this created a set of beliefs in my head. consequently, as a teenager, i only seeked and allowed love which was difficult because that was all i've ever known. that was all my assumption.

but around the pandemic, i went back to the countryside with my dad where i had a lot of time on my own. this was when i got deep into new-age spirituality and did shadow work. from here, i realized: this is not my assumption about love. before my parents broke up, my assumption was that love is easy. you only have to make the other person laugh. when i was busy in school and would spend most of the time at my friend's house, my assumption was that love is support and light. i started to get these epiphanies that a lot of my pessimistic perception was because of someone i was constantly surrounded with and that i have to build new assumptions.

but around august 2020, i have to go back to the city with my grandmom. i was afraid of the toll i might get into when i got back. however, because i already practiced distance and understood what are the assumptions that serve me, what are the assumptions that i want, i was more at peace. i listed down affirmations about myself, about love, about money, about being "deserving".

after this, every time she told me what love was, i can stop her and say no. i can tell her that it's not the universal truth, and certainly not mine. along the way, i started manifesting that she believes love is easy and supportive. i started manifesting that she believes i deserve love that is soft and tender.

then, when i got into my relationship, she was nothing but happy and supportive.

other ways i have practiced distance while manifesting:

unfollowing content creators who normalized hating men.

unfollowing content creators who were shady and negative about relationships.

unfriending highschool guy friends who do not make me feel safe about men.

unfriending relatives who make unnecessary comments about my looks, my studies, my relationship, and my earnings.

unfollowing girls who made me feel bad about also liking girls.

unfollowing manifestation gurus who romanticize struggles because "the more you struggle, the more you get blessed"

unfollowing manifestation gurus who say stuff like "if you want money, you have to take action to deserve it. not just manifesting"

now, you can totally manifest these people to change and be better, as long as it will make you feel good.

that's all i can share today (since this post is already getting long). i hope you learned a thing or two. thank you so much for reading. i love you and i appreciate you !

xo

[starsworldd]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬-𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐨 𝐚𝐱𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐬

PLEASE READ:

long post - thank you for 2k! i apologize for the wait but this took me a longggg time to prepare.

it’s also important to note that planets in taurus/scorpio will effect how you resonate with the interpretations below

reminder that readings are open! i’m now selling persona chart readings of planets/angles as well

take with a grain of salt

1st (scorpio) - 7th (taurus)❤️: relationships are a source of comfort and wisdom. scorpio risings’ experience of reality has to do with trust, hard truths, and taking back your power but their relations with others often bring a sense of peace and value into their lives. people may perceive you to be useful and smart in these similar qualities as well. your partnerships help to balance out the chaos and even insecurity you face at times with your identity and precense in the world

2nd (scorpio) - 8th (taurus) ❤️‍🔥: you are powerful in your resources/skills and in the way you support yourself overall. in this lifetime, how you find worth and appreciation for yourself and what you have (skills, physical resources, etc…). you may feel suppressed or face much controversy for what you value or for how you choose to support yourself monetary-wise or as a person. your biggest comeback story in life may have to do with self-esteem and with how you accumulate worth and value (physical or moral/mental) into your life and goals.

although there may be much turbulence and important realizations/truths that are found in how you support yourself and your goals, the transformations and scary things you face in life ironically enough can bring you lots of support if you choose to make good use out of it (which taurus is naturally good at). of course, this is the house of fears and traumas so a big part of your life story may include building your own sense of independence by learning from times of distress.

3rd (scorpio) - 9th (taurus) 💋: you could be especially sensitive to input from others and be able to pick up undertones and double meanings from others easily. communication, creativity (especially having to do with hands or written words), is your superpower. you grab others’ attention easily with your stories and artistic output when you learn to harness your fears/limitations effectively. this also makes you very intelligent of your community + gossip because scorpio rules over extremes as well

while in your everyday communication and daily life you may uncover and discuss skeleton’s in other people’s closet and may be doing a lot of activities that use a lot of your energy (scorpio is ruled by mars, planet of action), this makes you very comfortable (taurus) in being able to adapt to different environments and perspectives (9th house). having taurus in this house can make someone very wise because they find value and meaning in variety.

4th (scorpio) - 10th (taurus) 💄: people with scorpio in this house have usually had some sort of significant event or trauma regarding their family or childhood or may have regrets as to their actions in the past. these people could be born out of either extreme poverty or wealth too. these people’s sense of safety/privacy can be very important to them or they could feel like this aspect of their life is being compromised often (mars = conflict) but you could also find safety/comfort in curiousity or things that are “off-limits”.

if the private/emotional life of the native is exacerbated and transformative for them the career and reputation for the native is where they feel appreciated and most creative. having these signs in this house-axis can be indicative of a strong comeback story (extreme poverty to extreme wealth or even the other way around). the career-field can be very fulfilling (emotionally or monetary wise) and where you are grateful or feel lucky for the events your work presents.

5th (scorpio) - 11th (taurus) 🌹: feelings of creativity, romance, and happiness are taken to extreme lows and highs throughout life. if you’re a cancer rising, i believe this is where the “moody” reputation for us comes from. like leo rising, there could have been significant changes or revelations during childhood that changed your way of deriving happiness and familial support. these people may crave for luxury and overindulgence and can do so by turning their pain into power. scorpio in this house can make someone very grateful as well.

if our sense of happiness and luck undergoes significant change and gives us our “comebacks” throughout life, the 11th house is where we have already found peace and prosperity with our place in society. we encounter valuable experiences when polishing our individualism (5th) within our community (11th). we can find personal contentment and growth in accepting our individual, unique role amongst the people around us. you may like to surround yourself with confident people as well.

6th (scorpio) - 12th (taurus) 👠: these people can feel very unlucky or trapped throughout life, with the 6h ruling bad luck + burdens and scorpio relating to extremes. scorpio is a smart zodiac i’ve noticed as well, so these people usually have a certain way (especially that requires much energy) of doing their work and job that could defy others’ expectations. extreme focus on a certain obstacle or insecurities is also possible and can take awhile to finally figure out what makes you feel secure and satisfied with how you manage your burdens.

if your everyday burdens and responsibilities test your strength to the max in this lifetime, your imagination, creativity and solitude is where you find peace. it could also be that these people do unusual things to satisfy their need for pleasure and wholeness, because the 12th house is where we are easily misled. these people are internally comfortable with their thoughts and ideas, regardless of how odd they may be because it takes them to a place of stability from their scorpio 6h.

7th (scorpio) - 1st (taurus) 🍒: these natives’ partnerships/commitments make the native have to look more deeply into their underlying intentions or feelings with said partnerships/commitment. this can bring a lot of disturbing but also very eye-opening and insightful experiences that affects the native’s identity and ambitions going forth. scorpio can also be a curious sign so there can be a little bit of investigative or persistent approach to your partnerships and this is where your power can derive from.

it may seem like your partnerships “destroy” parts of your identity, because you approach the world from a sense of wholeness and peace. at least, these are circumstances that you are ambitious to achieve in your life. pleasure and steadiness are big life themes and at first it may seem like life is rather dull or boring, but similar to scorpio in its opposite function, taurus asks us to dig a little deeper into the simpler things in life and to find enjoyment.

8th (scorpio) - 2nd (taurus) 🍫: when dealing with other people’s problems (financially, intimate connection, debts, etc…) it brings about experiences that require you to fix what’s wrong or holding you back in life in rather uncomfortable ways. this can indicate someone who is afraid to acknowledge psychological blockages or who lacks the necessary bravery/instincts to attack underlying problems. you could earn valuable assets (tangible or not) from others when you engage with activities that are “gross” but healing/heroic.

this native survives on feeling complete. having a sense of wholeness is very important to these people and makes these people very resourceful because they are able to make the seemingly mundane valuable and able to work in their favor. these people are good at feeling in control of their life, future, and choices because they are committed and secure in their abilities. these people place much importance on authenticity, diversity, and self-sufficiency.

9th (scorpio) - 3rd (taurus) ❤️: when achieving mastery/global knowledge, and self-discovery it may have to do with bringing up topics that you ignored or swept under the rug especially having to do with your identity/precense (in context of the world and society). your global approach and experiences have to do with dealing uncomfortable topics in order to achieve better awareness and understanding of all aspects of the world. how you navigate foreign environments and your sense of flexibility is your strength.

if foreign experiences provide you with strength through perseverance, your intuition and familiar environments provide you with strength through growth (tangible or not). although it may seem like the everyday social rituals and ideas (including intuition), can appear mundane, this setup of houses gives an opportunity to grow a garden that provides roots, beauty, and good taste in the way you perceive and express yourself local environments.

10th (scorpio) - 4th (taurus) 🪭: these people have to have a ton of intiative when working in their career and towards their big goals in life. it may feel as though these people have to start from a bad hand of cards (compared to everybody else) in order to make it to the top or that their working conditions and/or responsibilities throughout life may feel difficult to complete or deals with high stakes/status. but even though there are difficult tasks they have to be done and you have drive/resourcefulness to do it!!

if the workplace is where you see the thorns in your garden (where you have to get rid of them) your home life and condition is where you see the roses. taurus is good at being able to attract good circumstances for themselves because taurus is very representative of wholeness and the feeling of completion. there’s probably more opportunities for you to setup and manage your domestic life the way you like. wisdom may be found through your domestic life too.

11th (scorpio) - 5th (taurus) 🧨: your surrounding communities/people who support you seem to try to pick you apart. you may feel as if the people who you’re around with don’t actually support you or that there’s something incomplete or “wrong” with the circumstances and people that made you successful, imposter syndrome possibly? your supporters/friends could show you things you couldn’t see before, likely for the better although they may reveal this in dramatic or difficult circumstances.

if you feel incomplete about the people/circumstances that support your public achievements, your creativity and lust for life is where you find contentment. these people feel most stable and appreciated for their talents and way of enjoying themselves. for these people, they find stability, growth, and satisfaction when they engage with activities that bring them happiness. they find beauty and appreciation from others for their self-expression/creatvity.

12th (scorpio) - 6th (taurus) ♠️: your drive to feel complete is what can you mislead you in life. this may be because you feel as if there’s always something missing or not being to shown to you but you are persistent in finding what that something is. this same energy can make the native very wise because they have to overcome their demons over and over again throughout life. but at the same time, you could also feel like your sense of resourcefulness and strength fails to manifest in reality.

if there’s conflict/determination in trying to protect yourself from things that induce bad energy, then there’s likely to be tranquility and acceptance in doing activities that can put your life back on track. the 6h is known as the house of bad fortune in astrology so these people are good at being able to find the most reliable way out of a difficult situation. and while these natives could be good at finding solutions, slacking off and overindulgence can lead to oversight with tasks.

once again thank you for 2k!

hope you enjoyed🥰

[iridessence]

I saw this Reddit post (and a few communities I accidentally and regrettably stumbled upon thereafter) that reminded me of how a decade-plus ago, fat people were really using this site (and others) as spaces to find and build fat positive or fat activist community, foster important discussions as well as self-express with our bodies in different ways we didn’t see represented in mainstream media… and then how horrifically awful we were treated by people for it. Like people really could not let us live, they were VILE. And then things just got eclipsed and watered down by body positivity's moment.

I don’t talk about it as much as I used to because I am focused on my life in other ways, and I channel that fat positivity in giving myself the best life I could dream for a person in my position and of my means, and by being visible onstage and online, but I do sometimes feel a touch disconnected from fat positivity community online and I miss it. I’m not talking plus size style or fitness, but spaces centered around discussion about everything to do with the experience of moving through the world as an unapologetically fat person.

Anyway if there’s a space where people are still active, let a girl know. I know there’s still some posts and blogs on here but it doesn’t feel as big (heh) as it used to be here.

[gremlinmodetweeker]

Goblin Mode Daddy König

I’m gonna be honest folks, König doesn’t stop being a goblin when he has kids. He’s a good dad, don’t get me wrong, but he’s a bit of a nightmare.

Art from This Post

Thankfully, König is a good father and husband. He’ll clean up after the little ones, he’ll take shifts when caring for them (especially in the first year), he’ll go so far as to take a weekend to be with the kids so you can rest. He does expect you to pull your weight, kids are a choice and a lifestyle when you have them. He wants you to care for them as a good parent would.

However, there are times where König is a little… Curious with children. Not in a bad way, in more a ‘Bro you’re kinduva dick’ sort of way. Not malicious to a point of harming a child, no never. But he’s a dick.

So, when König goes on walks with his kids he’ll put them up on his shoulders if they get tired. He really wants them to love nature as much as he does, of course! He wants them to love the woods and forests and to embrace the world around them. This also means he takes them tent camping and when they complain about not having anything to do he’ll tell them to find ways to entertain themselves. He won’t keep them busy all the time; they need to learn what to do with themselves when they have freetime. This also means that when they come up asking him to entertain them when he’s napping, he’ll wake up, grunt, then turn over and go back to bed. They’ll learn that bothering dad when napping typically doesn’t go well.

The other delight of König is when he’s playing games with them. He’s determined to teach them self defense. It’s very important! What he doesn’t expect is for his kids to get in trouble at school for using some of these techniques on their bullies. He’s not mad, just a bit sheepish when he’s called in and has to explain that no, they didn’t do it out of nowhere, actually he has been the one teaching them self defense so, you know, sorry about that.

König is great when watching kids. It’s just that he does it in his own way. He’ll actively involve them in what he’s doing. This means that his kids watch horror movies wayyyyy too early. They also learn to curse far too early for your liking. At least he teaches them to be responsible with it, but still. C’mon man. He at least does turn it off and care for them if it’s too scary. He’s not a monster, just sometimes a bit oblivious.

He’s also very intent on ensuring a good education. His children fear not the sandal, but the pen and paper as he forces them to write paragraphs about why kicking their dad is a bad idea. He’ll lecture them too, of course, but he does take delight in pushing education into every avenue in life. Yes, this means that you’ll sometimes stop on a trail and get a half hour lecture on how to use a flower in stews and herbal remedies. His children are begging him to stop but he’s insisting that they learn.

Unfortunately, this leads to smart kids, and smart kids know how to be sneaky and how to mouth off. Unfortunately for them, König is better in both areas. He can be downright snarky with his kids. He’s blunt and straightforward and also determined to remind that no, they cannot say whatever they like whenever, they need to learn their manners first.

Now, the true goblin nature of König comes out with food. He’s a nightmare with food. He was before having kids, he will be after. It’s just now he has new targets.

When his kids get cookies, they will inevitably make the horrible mistake of offering a bite to their father. Just a little one, but they want to share! Sharing is good! Sharing is not so good when your father devours your entire cookie with a smile. He just eats the whole thing. There is no sharing food with daddy König. He’s König the Devourer and his children aren’t immune to his ways.

Sometimes, one of his kids will offer him a lick of icecream. He proceeds to take the cone and then refuses to give it back until there’s naught but a napkin left. His children learn the meaning of the word ‘betrayal’ at a terribly early age. Perfidy will haunt their every memory involving their father and food.

I cannot stress the shock on König’s face when he steals his toddler’s cookie and then gets slapped.

This leads to playfighting. König is surprisingly gentle and good with playfighting. He’s good at falling in such a way where he doesn’t hit the kid behind him in the process. He’s actually quite good at avoiding accidents entirely. Part of it is being hyper-vigilant as a colonel, part of it is just that König really cares about his kids. This said, he won’t always stop an accident if he thinks it’s a good learning opportunity. If his kid runs into a sliding glass door, that’s a great learning opportunity. Again, he’s a bit of a dick.

He’s especially a dick when being introduced to his kid’s friends. König is a big, big man. Being five and meeting your friend’s dad is always scary, but when said friend’s dad is König? Oh good lord it’s terrifying. König used to try to ease kids into his presence but now he just accepts they’ll be terrified of him.

Now before I go into the next antic, I want to make something clear. König is a very quiet man. Extremely quiet. However, when his children make a mess, he doesn’t always want to go upstairs and knock on their door. Being in the military and having a big body gives him a nice big voice, and he’s more than happy to shout for his kids to come downstairs for something. Sometimes, he’ll yell about something but he’s not actually that mad about it. As I’ve said before, König would never yell at his kids with all his energy. He might raise his voice when he’s particularly strained, but he avoids yelling (in anger) as much as possible.

However, when yelling for his kid to come pick up their toys, imagine his horror when his son comes down and then another kid comes following behind. Oh König has so much explaining to do. He didn’t realize the play date was today, not now at least. He’s mortified that he just yelled at the top of his lungs and nearly made a child soil their pants. He has to get down low and really help calm the kid down with cookies and milk to make sure the kid won’t pass out. He has so much explaining to do when the kid’s mom comes to pick him up. It’s a genuine nightmare for König. He probably tried to ask you to deal with it for him but sometimes you gotta face the consequences of your own actions. König learns this the hard way.

König is good with other kids, but sometimes when he slams a door too hard or yells when he stubs his toe, visiting friends can get the willies spooked out of them. He always tries to apologize, but there’s so much you can do to calm someone down when you’re big and covered in scars (or worse, wearing a hood).

König isn’t a perfect father by any means, but the thing that matters most is that he always loves his kids. He always emphasizes how much he cares about them to you and to them in particular. He’s good at keeping his cool when things get heated and he’s great at getting to them on their level. He really does love his children above all else. His family is the most important thing in the world to him. He’s determined to shower them with love and affection. He’s strict about education and helping them get ahead in school, and he’s insistent that they are good kids and not spoiled brats, but he won’t ever hit his kids. He’ll never scream at them and call them names. He might grunt and make sarcastic comments, but he won’t ever hurt his child.

Or at least you say that until he accidentally sits on one and they both scream.

Konig Dump

Headcanons

[honeytonedhottie]

how to stop being toxic⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⭐️

the point of this post in general is a reminder to be self aware so that then u can become an individual that u are proud of ✨

SELF AWARENESS ;

everyone has traits in themselves that they aren't necessarily proud of and thats okay. its only natural bcuz we are humans. whats important is that u are able to acknowledge it and work on it.

toxic traits and behaviors stem from things like our own insecurities, conditioning, our egos and a multitude of other things. when we aren't toxic we free ourselves up for better people and experiences.

SELF ASSESSMENT ACTIVITY ;

do some shadow work, dig deeper and do some journalling to rly assess some of ur personality traits whether u classify them as a negative or a positive trait. some examples of traits include

having trouble taking accountability (shifting blame)

once you've classified that trait, write a sentence that explains why that particular trait is/isnt toxic. so for this particular trait ur sentence could look something like

trouble with taking accountability for myself and my actions is a toxic trait because it displays my inability to be responsible for myself/admit fault. this can jeopardize relationships and opportunities for me, it can also hinder my growth as an individual.

just because you notice toxic behaviors within yourself, it doesn't mean that u are a bad person. in fact, since u can acknowledge it and wanna improve it, that shows that u are a good person.

HOW TO ACTUALLY STOP ;

look for the source of toxic behaviors that u display. some ways that can help u to identify what makes u act in that way is by seeing a therapist who can help u to dissect and understand urself, intentional journalling etc.

when u find urself in situations in which u think that ur being toxic, u can practice mindfulness and nip it in the bud. the more that u practice doing this the easier and more natural it'll feel.

be a good listener

show urself compassion

start journalling/going to therapy

listen to feedback

listen to feedback from others from an impartial view. dont take criticism or negative feedback personally. take the feedback that u get and apply it cuz thats one of the many ways u can grow.

[prentissluvr]

only got eyes for you — sam winchester

cw : lawyer!sam x gn!reader, fluff, very light angst, reader has sort of low self-esteem, feelings of insecurity, alcohol consumption, reader gets a lil tipsy, very vague allusions to sex if you want it to be heh but definitely sfw, mentions of unwanted physical touch, 2.7K words. requested !

summary : you're convinced no man, certainly not one like sam, the successful, kind, and handsome lawyer you meet at your hotel, could fall in love with you, but he's only got eyes for you.

MOVED BLOGS TO @sammyluvr !! no longer active on this blog! all fics can be found there!

he’s a shining star. an angel halo, maybe. 

odd, because he looks just about the same as every other man in this overpriced luxury hotel bar. black suit, shiny hair, and an air of wealth and importance. and yes, he’s handsome. but he’s also beautiful. he’s beautiful and has kind eyes that tilt your whole perception of him. it just feels like… like he’s good, or something of that sort.

you’re sort of tipsy and you can’t stop staring at him.

you wonder at the concept of hotels as a liminal space. for you, this hotel is an in between. it’s a pause. it’s somewhere you’re not one hundred percent you, but not pretending to be someone else. and it’s supposed to be about you, in a way. it’s your reset button, your “slow down and take a deep breath.” and it’s certainly not supposed to be about gorgeous men.

it’s just that he’s magnetic. you can’t help staring at him and you can’t help but wallow in the bottom of your empty shot glass because it feels like everyone else in this room feels his magnetism just as well as you. or they just think he’s handsome as hell, which they wouldn’t be wrong about.

but you’re not supposed to be wallowing, especially not over a man who’ll never even look your way. you’ve seen three separate people offer to buy him a drink tonight, each one of them reminding you about what you can’t have. what you’ve never managed to have. and so, your pick-me-up treat of a vacation has turned right back into “i’m still convinced that no one will ever fall in love with me.”

all because you’ve been staring at a pretty man across the bar for just a little over an hour. in your defense, you’d like to remind the audience that you’re slightly tipsy. at first, as a treat to yourself. and at first, this man was a treat too, of the eye candy variety. 

now? you want him out of your sight… or in your hotel room bed. so, clearly feeling very logical, you keep looking.

⟢⟢⟢

sam doesn’t like the attention. sure, it’s very flattering to be offered so many free drinks and given plenty of flirty smiles. but the unwarranted touching, the paws on his elbow or shoulder or, god forbid, the bare skin of his hand… those he hates. he doesn’t like being stared at either. it feels ignorant and disrespectful, especially when it’s followed up with the sway of hips and poor flirting if said onlooker approaches.

and almost all of them are so… prissy, priviledged, and haughty. it’s not as if sam isn’t wealthy; he’s a successful civil law attorney working at a big firm. but he can’t stand people who’s money has gotten to their heads.

their stares are hungry, their touches an extention of the fact that they think they should get whatever they’d like for their five course dinner.

but there’s one stare, just one, that sam doesn’t mind. he’s not bothered by the fact that he can constantly feel your gaze on him. mostly because he can tell that you’re tipsy and not trying to stare as much as you are. you look away, embarrassed each time he glances in your direction.

you’re not shameless and you’re not looking to take. you’re just looking for the sake of it. 

sam thinks that your eyes seem kind and curious, even from where he’s sitting. and a little bit sad, for a reason he’s not privy to but would like to know, maybe even fix somehow. he supposes he’s privy to nothing about you except for the way you look, and the way you look at him. he thinks he’d at least like to know your name.

maybe he’ll see you in the bar again tomorrow night. or maybe he’ll never see you again at all. maybe you’ve been staying at this hotel for a month, and tonight is your last, as it is his first.

that means he has a choice. risk talking to you tonight or risk talking to you never. now sam isn’t bold and sam isn’t a flirt, but sam is certainly a lover, so he’ll take a chance.

⟢⟢⟢

you sigh when the pretty man stands, though you suppose it's better for you that he leaves. only he doesn’t leave. he turns and looks at you. he turns and walks to you, a soft smile on his face.

on instinct, you tear your gaze away, playing with the empty shot glass in front of you. he must be looking at someone behind you. but you can see him out of the corner of your eye as he gets closer and he is not looking at someone behind you.

you look up and try to smile back, nervous.

“would, uh, would it be okay if i sat here?” he asks, hand resting on the back of the chair next to you. his voice is kind, and you were right; so are his eyes.

“sure,” you nod, voice a little quieter and breathier than you intended. you swallow and wonder how long it’ll take you to sober up as he settles into the chair beside you. he’s even more brilliant up close and you smile at him because you can’t help it. it feels like he deserves to be smiled at, though you’re not sure where that feeling comes from.

he smiles right back and says, “thank you… can i ask your name?”

and that strikes you; he asks “can i…” and “would it be okay if…” and makes his intentions clear without overdoing it. you hesitate. are men like him real? he’s bound to have flaws, of course. but he’s a man, so you feel like he’s bound to be horrible in some way or another. and you have trouble believing that his interest in you is anything, certainly not after seeing all of the beautiful people who have approached him first and been turned down.

then your tipsy mind thinks fuck it, because you’re only here for four more days and you’re here for yourself and frankly, you’re here because constantly being stinted in love and attention is getting to you. and here is a beautiful man who’s giving you his attention over at least three other rich and gorgeous people. so you come to the conclusion that you should let it happen. see where it goes, tell him your name and ask for his. 

letting attractive men flirt with you should definitely count as living for yourself. it’d be a crime to deprive yourself of listening to his rich voice and seeing his kind eyes, which are hazel up close. already, you guess that they change color depending on the light or the shirt that he’s wearing.

so indeed, you tell him your name.

“nice to meet you,” he smiles, “i’m sam.” now, sam notices your hesitance at first. it worries him for a second, and he thinks he’s maybe making you uncomfortable. but your gaze shifts and your voice sounds at ease, maybe even a little bit pleased to answer him.

“it’s nice to meet you too,” you say, hoping you sound as sincere in those words as you feel.

as far as first meetings go, sam is stellar. he’s a lawyer, and though he’s humble about it, you can easily tell that he’s successful. he’s here partially for a small vacation, but mostly to check out a new firm. he’s looking to move to a new city too, somewhere that needs better immigration lawyers. clearly, he wants to help, and from what you can presume, he’s succeeding on that front. he’s here for just two more full days, and likes classic literature.

but he doesn’t just talk about himself. he asks about you like he really wants to know. and his face just lights up when you tell him that you live in boston. that’s the top of his list right now for new cities, he visited a month ago and thinks he might love to live there. so you run your mouth a little bit, giving him all of the ups and downs of living there. mostly the ups. you want him to like it, you want to sell it to him. how silly is it to hope that he moves there?

he offers to buy you another drink too, but you wave him off politely. it makes him laugh a little when you admit that you’re already a bit tipsy and don’t think that you should drink anymore.

“of course,” he nods, so respectful by nature. he wonders how silly it is to add you to the list of reasons to move to boston. sam finds you to be completely lovely. you’re just as respectful as him and it makes you happy when he tells you he likes your city.

tomorrow is the day that sam focuses on the work side of things. but thursday is for exploring the city, he tells you.

“i, uh, i know that you’re here for a solo trip, but, um… if you’re willing, i’d love to see some of the city with you,” he suggests. you like that he’s not perfectly smooth all of the time. he’s even a bit awkward. it’s endearing and helps you relax around him. 

“i’d… love that too,” you say, letting a wide smile stretch across your features. it feels a little bit too good to be true, but you can’t help but wonder if this is just things finally going your way, even if it only lasts a day or two.

“great,” he grins back. “let me give you my number so we can plan something.” you nod, pleased at those words. you’ll have his number. if you ever feel bold enough, you can text him. if he likes you enough, he might text you first. if he moves to boston, maybe he’ll tell you. then you can offer to show him around a little more or bring him a housewarming gift and maybe bring him to your favorite coffee shop.

then you remember you’re supposed to be pulling out your phone for him. you reach for your pocket to find it empty.

“oh, right,” you mutter to yourself. “how about i give you mine. i, uh, left my phone in my room to get away from it for a bit.”

he raises his eyebrows. “impressive,” he jokes. “i respect that. i’d kill to get away from mine for even a little while.” he pulls his phone out and opens up a new contact before handing it to you. you type in your number and full name as he talks. “most people working in law don’t know what work-life balance means.”

that pulls a small laugh from you. “i can only imagine,” you chuckle. you hand him back his phone and talk a while more, trying to hide just how giddy you feel about him and all of this.

you glance behind you to check the time on the clock. it’s late. as you turn back to sam, you catch someone’s gaze. she’s glaring at you, unabashed. you furrow your eyebrows and look away, confused for a moment. then you register her to be one of the people who had approached sam earlier and you frown. she’s stunning, well dressed, and certainly far more wealthy than you. overall a better technical fit for sam.

with some saving up, your job pays well enough for you to afford this nice hotel, but you’re just not on the same level as most people here. you know logically that it’s no reason for you to think of yourself as less than or not good enough for sam, but your deep-seated insecurities about romance resurface.

sam notices the change in your demeanor. not just your expression, but your whole body language shifts. you seem uncomfortable next to him, uncomfortable in here. the flick of your eyes anywhere but his face and the tug of your lips read as insecure. he glances back to where you’d looked, and he too catches the glare of the woman behind you. she sends him a suggestive look before returning to glaring daggers at your back.

he scoffs and looks away without giving her anything at all.

“don’t mind her,” he says, voice soft and annoyed all at once. you look at him, surprised that he noticed. he looks sort of pissed, but he smiles at you. “she tried to give me her number earlier,” he explains, despite knowing that you most likely saw with the way you were watching him. “i said no. i wanted your number, not hers.” sam’s confident when he tells you this, and your heart just about melts.

how can someone who barely knows you at all know just what to say? how can someone stare the things that scare you in the face and say “i’m here too now” without even knowing what it is that you’re afraid of? how can it take a single night for someone to say that and you just let them because it was said with so much purpose and respect? how can you know someone for just a few hours and just feel like you can trust them?

you have no answers, but you wonder because that’s exactly what’s happening.

you smile at him and nod. “good thing, then.”

⟢⟢⟢

sam is very good at loving, very good at making one feel loved. and that’s something you get even before he really loves you.

like when you see each other in the lobby the morning after you meet and he smiles brightly and walks right over to you with a wave. he wears a knee length brown coat over his black suit and it looks beyond charming. then he asks if he can buy you a drink that evening if you’ll be in the hotel at the time. you accept with a smile and he looks happier than you to be the one to treat you.

you make your plans for the next day in the hotel bar, and nobody asks sam for his number that night.

and the next day is a total date, even though you don’t call it that yet. his fancy, environmentally friendly car is brought out by the valet service and he drives you everywhere. to the museum and the down-to-earth, homey sandwich shop that you eat lunch at. you both have reciprocal museum memberships that get you in free. he actually pays close attention to the museum exhibit, but he pays more attention to you and what you like about it. you swap halves of your sandwiches because you both were interested in the same two.

in the afternoon, he takes you to the gardens that you wanted to visit and tells you he’s glad to have you around since he wouldn’t have known where to go.

then, sam drives you back to the hotel and tells you to text if you don’t want to eat dinner alone. “otherwise, this is goodbye, for now,” he says. so you say right then and there that you’d rather not eat dinner alone as long as he doesn’t want to either.

you’re tired from the afternoon sun, so you meet at the hotel restaurant. you stay for dessert, you stay for a glass of wine. you head to the bar and he has a single beer. you decide a zero-proof is best for tonight, and he gladly pays for that too.

he invites you to his suite in the most gentlemanly, respectful way possible, and tells you that nothing has to happen. you accept the invitation, feeling better than you have in a long, long time. sam makes you feel good.

in the morning sam kisses your cheek, a little shy about it, before he leaves and he promises to text. he tells you he likes this city, but he still likes boston more.

he sticks to his promise to text, maybe not as well as he’d like, but he’s a busy man. and what he has to give is more than enough for you.

it’s such a joy when he calls. it’s an absolute delight when he tells you that he’s decided to move to boston. little do you know, one day you’ll move into his apartment there. for now, you’re sitting in your favorite cafe with him, showing him around like you promised you would over the phone.

sam does an excellent job of making you feel loved.

[another-goblin]

Spoilers for 2.3

Some thoughts, speculations, and headcanons about our little dialogue with Ratio (+more)

1. This tells me that Ratio and Aventurine are friends (or as close to being friends as both of them are currently capable of, which isn't much, but still). Yes, what Aventurine thinks about TB could have been them discussing their mission. But I choose to think that they just chat with each other sometimes, because they actually enjoy it. Aventurine feels comfortable enough to just share what he thinks about the people he meets, and he knows that Ratio is interested in his opinions, and he's right. He listens and takes note. btw people being actual friends is my favorite trope for romantic couples.

2. Ratio seeing his relationships with Aventurine, and our TB, and people in general as a teacher and a student and being constantly in his teacher mode made me think. Probably all significant relationships in his life were those of a teacher and a student. He cannot see himself in any other role because he has never experienced it himself. I wouldn't be surprised if even his parents provided him with knowledge and education instead of parental love. This may also be why he's so frustrated with people who don't fit these two roles: normal people not interested in bettering themselves through education, students who don't take studying seriously, most scholars, and especially the Geniuses, for not actively sharing their knowledge or doing anything to uplift humanity.

3. Ratio seeing their relationship with Aventurine in particular this way is appropriately weird and a bit unhealthy, in my opinion (but what did we expect from him), considering that they are undeniably close. But that's probably the only way he knows to show his care for somebody:  to teach them stuff and help them better themselves.

4. On Avenrutine's side, he seems amused by it, in a good way (the way he playfully refers to Ratio in the descriptions of some of the 2.1 quests, "Your professor friend," and so on). He even seems to be a bit proud that an actual professor has taken an interest in him.

5. But what can he teach Aventurine? He might share his actual knowledge. I think the "Death" and "Dormancy" part of his note is him doing that. But he mostly sees his duty as a teacher in showing people that they can achieve a lot by themselves if they stop relying on higher beings who don't care about them and start relying on themselves (with little help from Ratio.)

But "relying on himself and achieving things" is what Aventurine has been successfully doing most of his life. So is it the "little help from Ratio" that matters here? Or is he helping Aventurine stop relying on his supposedly supernatural luck and realize how capable he actually is?

6. This. (btw 'philosophical zombie' means "a being in a thought experiment in philosophy of mind that is physically identical to a normal human being but does not have conscious experience" (from wiki), so basically just some weird concept in philosophy.) But what an admirably in-depth knowledge of his 'not partner' he's showing here. Are you equally interested in the inner worlds of all your students, doc?…

7. Anyways, that reminded me of what Jade said about the Stonehearts, even using the same word 'void'. So. Aventurine has a void in his heart, caused by his inability to protect people he cares about. It's very significant that Diamond gave him the power of Preservation specifically to help him fill that void, to be finally able to protect somebody he cares about. The problem is, he doesn't have anyone to protect anymore (he doesn't even see himself as worthy of protection). Until recently. So, and I'm being extremely self-indulgent here, if Ratio got in danger, Aventurine protecting and saving him would fill the void in his heart. And btw what can boost one's self-worth more than protecting somebody who's important to you? I mean, he should snap out of that 'I'm only worth the money my slaveowner paid for me' mentality sooner or later, I hope.

(the problem is, I'm not sure how it can play out now that he doesn't have his stone anymore. And he lost it, not protecting anybody but nearly killing himself and furthering the IPC's agenda. Although doing something like that without the stone would be even more significant)

Also, I hope Ratio won't realize that, and won't deliberately put himself in danger for Aventurine to save him. You know, for educational purposes.

8. He just runs around helping people, making sure everybody's okay, and, emm, 'enhance their living', that's his thing.  And even broadly speaking, with his scientific discoveries, and him saving people on Herta station. And considering that 'everybody's my student' thing, I feel like he sees himself as responsible for everybody (in his own way).

And some people still think that he's selfish and egoistic. He even gets angry when we ask for an autograph:

9. Aaand that's the third time he disappeared in the middle of a conversation involving Aventurine. I understand him, though. As somebody who also 'detests noisy gatherings', group chats aren't much better.

------

ok this was supposed to be hidden in tags but i think tumblr found it too scandalous or something i don't know, i'll just leave it here: the more I write about Ratio, the stronger the urge to just call him Rat, you know, lovingly also whoops sorry, I'm physically incapable of writing short posts, it was supposed to be a short comment about their friendship, how much content can I squeeze out of a half-minute long dialogue?, the answer is yes, but I just had to get it out of my system

[messiahzzz]

i’d briefly like to talk about the “it was fine” dialogue option that happens the morning after gale’s Last Night Alive scene in act ii and about the fandom's general reaction to it.

gale is a character who evidently enjoys the occasional teasing. taking the piss out of your partner every once in a while can certainly be a way of showing affection. however, it is important to consider the context of the situation: what is at stake for him and his current emotional state, as well as what exactly had transpired between the two of them prior to said conversation.

gale: forgive me. these were already trying times before elminster delivered his missive. now, for me at least, they are potentially end times.

after he and tav had spent the night together and confessed their love to each other, gale is once again showing himself utterly vulnerable and is carefully asking them for reassurance.

gale: [..] i hope that night meant as much to you as it did to me.

gale: but you - you led me away from the edge.

gale: without your words, your touch... i fear i would have sought purpose and solace in that void. you reminded me what living can feel like.

he wants to check in with them, after both of them have shared something tender and very intimate, something he might even consider life-altering.

gale: we didn't just make love. we bonded, body and soul. i got lost in you.

it’s not even about gale “not being able to read social cues” and “not recognizing the fact that it was meant in jest.” in fact, i’d argue it is a rather tone-deaf, inconsiderate response and just genuinely a REALLY BAD TIME to joke at your partner's expense when they are actively baring their feelings to you and are asking you for reassurance.

i have seen people write off his reaction as “unwarranted” or “overtly dramatic” but in my humble opinion, it is pretty understandable given the nature of their conversation and what he is asking of them. it's also sad how there seems to be a general pattern of gale's emotions and boundaries getting played off as a joke, while other companions get shown the courtesy of thorough analysis/understanding. he is proud of his skill as a lover and the fact that he was able to bring them pleasure, yet his inquiry is less about him wanting tav to stroke his ego and more about him, once again, asking if you indeed share the same feelings for each other… after the emotional high has now passed.

gale has an ever-present need for clarity in his relationships, very likely due to the fact that this was something he couldn’t request of mystra. he might appear more sensitive in that regard compared to the other companions. he doesn’t want to take himself too seriously, but this still often clashes with his general feeling of inadequacy. where he is able to take criticism as long as it isn’t related to his performance, overall prowess and usefulness.

yes, his response is passive-aggressive and yes, he IS obviously hurt by what tav said. yet merely repeating “it was fine” in response to a heartfelt, genuine question could’ve as well been interpreted in that manner. if tav does clarify that they have only been joking, he apologizes to them instead. otherwise his dialogue remains the same, albeit said in a more embarrassed & awkward tone.

gale is a character who is dealing with deep-rooted self-worth issues and yet that doesn’t mean that he wants to be handled with kid gloves, far from it. he craves a relationship in which his emotional needs are recognized, respected and cared for, where he can be unabashedly open and vulnerable without facing ridicule nor pity for it. and he is more than willing to give the same in return.

also y’know — there is a time and a place.

[theblackfemininesociety]

It’s a NEW YEAR besties,

We know you ladies are booked and busy with New Year resolutions, goals and plans to prosper (or we hope you are!) we just want to step in and remind you that BALANCE is the key to avoiding burnout and remain in your feminine energy.

Tip #1: Quiet Time With God

We will always encourage you to stay close to God and build a relationship with Him. Seek and you will find! Go to that quiet place and dwell in the Spirit of the Lord and the Word. The Bible teaches so much about life and even femininity! Here at BFS we know Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. We will do a deep dive on femininity and the Bible soon! So stay tuned for more!

Tip #2: Plan It Out!

January is the perfect time to start using a planner! We need you to become the kind of woman that is always taking a moment to write down and plan out her days, weeks and even hours to stay focused, productive and balanced !

Utilizing a planner not only keeps you organized but also establishes a routine that transforms you into the woman you've always envisioned. By planning, you can schedule meaningful moments of self-care, ensuring you prioritize your well-being and happiness.

Tip #3: Self-Care Days Are Mandatory!

This is a rule we hold all of the sisters of BFS to! You MUST have self-care days where you love on yourself and get away from life for a moment, a day, or even a weekend. This is key to remaining a soft woman in tune with her femininity as you balance life!

Prioritize your self-care in whatever way feels right for you, ignoring the consumer-driven videos on TikTok promoting an ideal skincare routine. Self-care days are unique to each woman. Concentrate on practices and rituals that acquire reflection, alleviate stress and anxiety, and promote relaxation ! This is a crucial part of you remaining in your feminine energy while balancing life.

You need some self lovin ME TIME! this non negotiable and make sure you romanticize this time. Spice it up a little, try a new recipe or plan a certain genre of music, put on some nice pj’s or even buy flowers.

Tip #4: Set Boundaries!

Assess Your Priorities! Regularly evaluate what’s important to you and learn to say NO to commitments that drain your energy or don’t align with your values.

Practice how to Communicate Clearly — Be honest with others about your needs. Clear communication encourages others to have respect for your boundaries. If they cannot do so, then you know they do not deserve to be in your life!

Tip #5: Seek Supportive Relationships (Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help)

Build Your Girl Gang — Surround yourself with friends who empower and support you. Engage in deep conversations and share experiences that nurture your spirit. We are so passionate to give Black Women a safe space so much so that we created “The Ladies Room” a Groupchat of like minded woman, ready to support, encourage and hold each other accountable! Click Here to Join

Tip #6: Balance Masculine and Feminine Energies

Take a moment to appreciate the good things in both sides of your personality. It’s important to be assertive when you need to, but don’t forget to be open and nurturing too. Know when to trust your gut and embrace your intuition, and when it’s time to take charge and be assertive. Finding this balance can really improve how you handle things overall!

Tip #7: Celebrate Your Femininity

Start by dressing for yourself! Wear clothes that make you feel beautiful, confident, and feminine, regardless of the occasion. Then, engage in Feminine Hobbies, explore activities traditionally associated with femininity, such as baking, sewing, or floral arranging, that resonate with you. This helps with not only tapping into your femininity but also giving you tools and outlets needed when you feel like life is too overwhelming!

Were basically besties now!

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[changbinsboobs]

Who in Skz goes out clubbing?

Hello guys im back🌝

Aaannnnddd the answers will probably shock you. Def shocked me 👁️👄👁️

Chan - yes occasionally on the regular. Like if the phase is tight i see him going weekly or something, but always with a group of friends and always for fun, social interactions etc. Not to get drunk, pick up women and be a lil rascal.

Lee Know - no he prefers his solitude and peace and quite. Also the night is dark for a reason he says, when its dark you should be home sleeping. Instead of doing other stuff.

Changbin - feels socially pressured. If he goes he goes against his will. I feel like he may be in circles with very social people who like s bit wilder things than him, and even tho that's not so much his thing he wants to make his friends happy and spend time with them so he goes every once in a while but i don't see him staying long or being active, u probably wouldn't even notice he's there. Its really not his thing.

Hyunjin - he goes but rarely and its intentional. Like he doesn't go there just to let some steam of or just because someone invited him. He has to have a reason to go and a mission to fulfill. I see him going more to social networking partys. (The other guys probably too, like i don't see idols like them going to regular clubs😂). But for hyunjin i see when he goes out partying its something like an after party or a private party involving certain important people etc. He goes to things like this to put himself out there, make himself be seen, win opportunities, get acquainted with people that could be helpful to him etc. It's more like a job to him than leisure.

Han - Im seeing two polar opposites, struggled, something addiction. So if i have to string everything that im picking together i would say he either hates it and u CAN'T force him under any circumstances to go - or he suddenly loves it and get so addicted to it you can't keep him out if the "club". But that energy's really heavy and not nice at all. Reminds me of someone with a gambling problem - that type of addictive.

Felix - isn't up to his values, he has better things to do than that. I see him having went in the past while he was still "undeveloped" (his words not mine if y'all crazy felix fans come at me again im blocking ur asses IMMEDIATELY🫵🏻😤) bubnoe that he's ~mature~ stuff like thats not up to his standard. Seriously tho idk when that shift happened exactly but in the time frame of 6 months (since around i started my acc and have been reading on him) his energy has changed sooooo soooo much. I think he's going through a phase of discovering himself and building his own sense of self. As someone who can definitely relate and would say is already on the other side, i think his transformation/ rebirth hasn't really finished. Let me explain - in the past his energy felt really really strong but u couldn't see/dense it probably it was very mellow, unused, unseen by himself even, it was very very weird seeing someone with that much power not having it utilized. It felt unsettling (now i think i understand why but thats a topic for another time). He didn't really have a sense of self, was very easily swayed, influenced, and didn't really know much about himself or the world, he just felt like a little newborn and went along with the flow not really having a steering wheel i his hands he just sat on other peoples boats and floated on it and let himself be taken by wherever others brought him. This however is not the case anymore - he has his own boat, and now thinks that having a boat means the work is done and he has found his sense of self and knows who he is etc. But thats just the first step, the actual work/journey begins now. He has to learn how his boat works, learn to navigate tides, to know his surroundings to interact with other boaters (idk what they're called). U get where im going at? And oftentimes with people that have been denied their power, freedom and sense of self, and finally come to a point where they reclaim those they switch to a polar opposite of what they were before because that past self is what others were, not u, so the brain makes u go the opposite way to find urself. I see felix being in THAT stage. His energy once very fluid & accepting, suddenly feels very rigid and convinced of certain beliefs and values, he doesn't seem to have the ground to be so convinced in yk. Because that switch is so sudden. So yeah in short i believe he's on a journey of discovering himself and now he's experiencing the stage of the "other side". Eventually he'll come to a crash out, live the consequences from the breakdown and within the healing period he'll actually find his true sense of self and begin from then nurturing that seed and "growing himself" more and more as time goes. Thats my prediction.

Seungmin - loves them 👁️👄👁️ it's really his thing i think he's a hidden charmer. Like ... an actual actual charmer a casanova, a don juan. Those a mainly directed to seducing women tho, i don't see him having that reputation, he's just overall charming and can attract lots of people, feels good in that energy can entertain and just overall he's made for parties and clubbing apparently. It gives him energy & confidence.

I.N - loves clubbing too and does it quite often. Like i see him whenever he can he goes out could be as often as every night or every other night. Definitely a couple times a week. There's not much else to pick up on here, idk why he öikes it so much or what he does when he goes out but yeah he does it often.

[accio-victuuri]

XZ Album 《我们 WE》 early cpns.

you know we just need a few things to see and it’s a whole bunch of cpns we can produce after 😂😂😂 that’s the magic of being a turtle. lol. we may be interpreting this whole thing wrong but that’s usual when it comes to speculations we make and i think that’s the joy of it.

i’ll start of with this one that made me want to scream and cry:

i mean… shut up…. noooooo… wdym 😭😭😭

why you gotta pull the wei wuxian imagery like that. i’m very very weak for this. the writing mimics that of a red ribbon. of all things. tho the WM here as how fans interpret it and how i think xz intended it to is WM: WǒMen (我们) as in We/Us or WM: We and Me (我和“我们”) (Wǒ hé “Wǒmen”). not to mention that the color scheme of this red is 911005. his bday. everything is intentional.

but still. red ribbon. come on. who can blame us for clowning like this when he makes it so easy. it’s not a secret that the untamed and the role of wwx is important to him career wise and well *ehem* personally *ehem* because of a certain someone. if you don’t wanna look that far then just go with the W as in WANG. lol. and if it’s WM, M flipped is still W. so that’s how transfixed he is with the letter W. i wonder why. 👀

now we move on to the snippets of what the song means & how it’s making us think of wyb’s previous single everything is lovely ( which has a separate cpn too between them )

QQ music said this line connected to the album/song:

“About me, about you, about TA (him/her), or the relationship between people in this big city.”

this is pretty similar to the message of everything is lovely — it’s about appreciating everyone and looking at life and your surroundings as interconnected. they both have that sense in them. what we do and say, it has an effect and we are all related even if it’s a big city we live in. plus the use of TA which does not specify the gender. we love that! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

we get more of an expanded idea too via xzs post of the activity for the release. it mentioned a description. you can substitute the we to us if that reads better to you:

“Some people say that WE are close friends, cats and dogs waiting for us to come home every night are concrete in life.

Some people say that WE make friends with all kinds of emotions... are virtualization hidden inside the heart.

These characters of “ME”, and emotions form different "WE".

We are placed in a prism named "life", where light breaks it down into multi-faceted spaces. We travel through different spaces as lights flow and capture our own colors.

Starting from "Me", feel the intersection related to "Me", and then return to understand "self". What is the "we" behind "Me"?

A trace of emotion, a thing, a friend... The bits and pieces around "Me" all make up "We".

i think if you are someone who have been watching them for a while and the messaging they are sending out then you will see the common theme/connection here. the cats and dogs waiting for us to come home every night. that reminds me of the cpn that they have a cat and dog at home, at some point. and it’s what they want too. the interconnection of you/other people and appreciating everything around you, that’s the vibe i’m getting right now. of course we will know more one we have the song/s and the full lyrics and possibly some backstory from xz.

a coincidence too that the “me and we” is giving the same energy as “ u and i” which is in wyb’s weibo bio. which i know is something UNIQ related but there you go.

what’s more chilling i guess is the “we” was emphasized and used as a caption between them by hui-ge ( cpn about this fansite here which is a primer of sorts but there are other instances aside from what’s there ) which was i have a we / i have us. i mean. come on. too bad they haven’t posted in so long especially because fans were looking too much into them ( cpn about this photo/ post here )

the use of “we” which they have mistakenly said back in 2019 when talking about themselves:

other minor similarities:

* the concept of multiple xz and wyb through something prism/mirror like.

* both xz and ybo using similar captions which is not new but most importantly, starting an activity for fans to participate in. which i’m not sure but possibly other artists do too. but whatever, let’s add that 😂

* and the PINK! because pink is the color of love! what are the chances they will use the same color?

lastly, one of the release dates is 11/19. and as cpfs we have a whole story about that and it’s nice that we get to continue that timeline. cpfs think it’s a confirmation of the importance of this date too ^^

-END.

i surely missed some things on here and that’s fine. if something important comes up i will make a separate post! i’m so excited for this month! xz really blessed us 🥹🥹🥹😅

[thevalleyisjolly]

I think part of the reason why Ten and Donna's relationship is so compelling to me is that they share the same main character flaw. In RTD's memoir, he described how he created each of the main companions with a central character flaw. Rose was selfish, Martha was selfless to the point of self-denial, and Donna was self-absorbed. And while all of those flaws were mirrored in Ten in different ways, I think Ten's central flaw was, like Donna, being incredibly self-absorbed.

While I don't dispute that Ten could be arrogant and vain, I think the degree to which he was those things sometimes get exaggerated. Every Doctor has had instances where they behaved arrogantly, as if they were the ultimate authority in the room and were owed everyone's attention and even unquestioned obedience. Many Doctors have preened over their looks or boasted about their intelligence and their achievements, whether as a strategic move or (more often) just because they felt like reminding everyone they were the smartest person around. Arrogance and vanity are recurring character traits across many of the Doctor's regenerations, and while Ten has displayed them more loudly and infamously than other Doctors, I think the unique flaw that better defines this regeneration's character was his propensity for getting completely caught up in himself.

Consistently throughout this regeneration, he ignored or just failed to recognize other people's needs because he was so preoccupied with his own issues. Infamously with Martha, but also with most of his companions past and present at some point (Sarah Jane, Mickey, Jack, Donna) and certainly with countless ordinary people that got caught up in the danger around him. The thing that makes this self-absorption rather than callousness or deliberate cruelty is that it wasn't because he considered them unimportant. Ten frequently affirmed how important every life was and how valuable the most ordinary life was, and he really believed it. But as much as he believed it, he constantly struggled with the practice, with prioritizing ordinary people when he himself was embroiled in turmoil (whether active danger or his own personal issues). He believed fundamentally that each life had value and importance; he just saw whatever he was going through or doing at the moment as having even more value and more importance.

Ten didn't lack compassion for others. Indeed, he felt very strongly for people who were in distress and regularly put himself at risk to try and help them. But he often struggled to look beyond himself - his own concerns and demons and ego and fears. If someone's needs or feelings align with his own or seem to be relevant to the issue at hand? Good! He'll try to help if he can. But if someone's needs clash with his own, or their opinions challenge his own view, or their feelings push uncomfortably against his own emotional state? All of a sudden, he's very busy, he becomes rude and dismissive, he clams down, he acts ignorant, and if all else fails, he runs away.

The Chamelon arch storyline in "Human Nature"/"Family of Blood" is incredibly fascinating because John Smith embodied the Doctor's self-absorption on a much more recognizable, human scale. He was happy to be benevolent and kind when people acted within the sphere of what he knew. As a teacher, he recognized when a brilliant student was downplaying his intelligence to avoid attention from school bullies, and he tried to encourage Timothy within the bounds of what a teacher could do. But when people started disrupting his own little world of happiness -particularly Martha or his students interrupting romantic moments with Joan- then he became curt and dismissive and even more obstinate about his preferred way of things. All things that the Doctor also does, but which we notice less because he's usually the perspective we're rooting for to solve everything and save the day so is it really a big deal if he's rude towards another character? And then there's the original act of self-interest that Joan calls the Doctor out on at the end - he brought death and destruction to this village that he chose on a whim, without thinking of anyone else, all because he personally didn't want to confront the Family even though he was capable of stopping them.

All this to say that this flaw is part of what makes his relationship with Donna so compelling to watch. You have these two fundamentally self-absorbed characters on a journey together and they inspire each other to start doing better than they were before. They're growing together in the same direction with each other and because of each other. Donna, seeing the whole wide universe with all the good and the bad of it, realizing not only how small her worldview has been until now but then reaching out to make connections with people she wouldn't have given the time of day to before. The Doctor, absorbed with all his own burdens and traumas and memories and promises, being furiously and desperately shouted at by his best friend to do something. Save someone. It doesn't matter how small the act or how insignificant they are in the greater scheme of things. Never mind the greater scheme. Never mind us, never mind you. Just look at the person suffering in front of you now and help them.

[identityua]

Can I have Venti, Focalors and Ei dating hcs?

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DATING THE GENSHIN ARCHONS.

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PAIRINGS: Ei & Furina x GN!Reader

WARNINGS: Mentions of death (Makoto). Me completely bullshitting everything about Focalors, since we have practically nothing to go off of. Tooth-rotting fluff as well! TAGS: Romance, kisses here and there, maybe even cuddles, pda, possessive behaviour (only a tad and mostly on Focalors), kinda sad, but also nice.

(I didn't write for Venti sorryyy)

EI

• The only way for your relationship to develop is already after the decree, because well, she was absent during it. Which means you don't have to put up with the awkward Shogun puppet, and actually hang out with Ei herself! • Let's start off with the fact that the electro archon is pretty much, entirely clueless about the whole romance thing. Unlike the other archon on this list, who has some idea of it either due to experience or media, this one spent thousands of years isolated. So let's be honest, you are going to need a lot of patience and skill to guide her into the playing field.

• In the first stages of your relationship things would be awkward, maybe even embarrassing. Baal wouldn't know how to react to your advances. Attempting even a simple peck on the cheek, would result in a confused:

"What are you doing, may I ask? A kiss, hm... It feels uncomfortably wet."

• Despite the lack of intimate knowledge, she will try her best with you. Because you are one of the most important things to her, you make her feel warm and secure, something Ei hasn't experienced in a long while. She will just have to put up and learn with you "interesting human antics."

• I hope you have a good dentist. The electro archon has an extremely sweet tooth, and in addition she has a whole array of servants and cooks at her disposal. Pretty much every date/hangout will consist of consuming copious amounts of sugar at one point or another.

• She doesn't really understand that humans need nutrition in different forms, not only sweet mochi and dango. So either try to explain that to her or... eat some protein beforehand.

• Being around Ei is calming. Whether you are an active or a quiet person, somehow her presence just balances everything out inside of you. Messy thoughts turn silky smooth, as just her soothing voice is enough to make you forget your troubles. Who needs a therapist when you have the electro archon?

• While you get to enjoy the tranquility that comes with being in her gentle company, sadly for Ei it is the exact opposite.

• Don't get me wrong, she loves spending time with you but... Ei just cannot shake off the sticky feeling that comes with it. You are a mortal, and mortals die. Their lifespans are short and often insignificant, little flickering candles that die out in a moment compared to how long she has lived.

• The thought simmers inside of her with each passing day, painfully reminding her of what she has felt when Makoto passed. Thoughts of eternity are mixed into this painful concoction as she wonders, has she made the right decision?

• However the archon is wise. She is a deity that has lived for many a millennia, and remembers the lessons she has learned through healing and self-discovery. The precious moments in life will hold no meaning If she staggers their flow. What matters is the now, she will worry about the later when it comes.

• Your relationship is neither public or private, because she doesn't exactly care If anybody knows. If danger is to come for you, because somebody with malicious intentions finds out you are affiliated with her -- Ei can protect you, no doubt about it. So it doesn't truly matter If somebody is aware of it or not. I would worry about Miko finding out, which she of course will, because that kitsune will not ever stop teasing the both of you about it.

• The one to think about marriage the least. It's not in the cards for either of you, and as she is slowly letting go of the idea of eternity, the symbol of "eternal love" can be a bit too ironic.

• Overall, a relationship with her is the exact opposite of the one with Furina. It is calm, secure, and loving, everything that a wounded soul like her would need to heal and keep on living. You are the light of her days, and no matter how fleeting, Ei will cherish every memory made together.

FURINA

• You know how the traveller is considered to be the saviour of many nations, due to their heroic acts? Saving cities from destruction and stuff, and how their journeys are super dangerous? Well, you made their job 10 times more difficult. Because Furina's act just went up by a mile.

• The citizens of the city of Justice simply cannot be happier that you exist, because around you, their beloved Lady puts on an even better, grand performance (in hopes of impressing you.)

• Chief Justice, however? Pray for him and his nerves.

• As long as you are present beside her in court, she tends to be in a better mood during the trials, even the ones she would normally consider boring. After all, how can she be bored If her precious mortal is right by her side?

• At the same time however, her emotions are bursting out of her, with you around. Yes she is in a better mood and more agreeable to compromise, but this drama queen cannot hold back from showing off in front on her partner. You are the only one who can influence her. So, you have to physically sit her down, and your conversations during trial are often something along the lines of:

“In my holy opinion, you are utmost guilty!”

“Love, he just asked a question, let’s not make assumptions just yet.”

“UGH, fine🙄”

• Will make comments during trials that are guaranteed to be the foulest roasts you have ever heard. The entire time you two are just trash-talking everyone, gossiping like high-schoolers.

• The hydro archon cannot get enough of you, but she is highly inexperienced in relationships. Therefore she will be flustered to initiate anything, but will brush it off with a mocking laugh. She adores acting all high and mighty, like you are lucky to even be around her (It’s the other way around). However If you were the one to touch her out of nowhere, she would practically melt, trying her best not to cling onto you like a koala.

• (Sometimes however, she does cling like a koala.)

• PDA is a bit iffy, because she does get extremely flustered, but she wants everybody; and I mean everybody to know that you are hers. So the Lady Justice will sit there, head up high with pride, blush all over her face, boasting about how she is the best of archons and of course has the best partner. Kiss her on the cheek and watch steam come out of her ears.

• Lady Furina is the type to say “Eyes on me” to her partner, but not in a suggestive way, no. She just wants yours undivided attention, and will get annoyed If she can’t have it 24/7. Please for the love of everything, set boundaries with her. She is a being that has lived for hundreds of years, she has no idea what that is.

• Kisses with her are a bit awkward, stiff even. She would never allow for them in public (only on the cheek is okay, since she prefers not to get too flustered). Which means they would be intimately shared only between the two of you. Furina would drop the act ever so slightly, her truthful nature slipping out. The scared of rejection, terrified of losing you nature, which she hides underneath so many covers of her flamboyant personality. Perhaps, this vulnerability is what makes her kisses so emotional and so very her.

• Despite the fact that she can be a bit much, she tries to be as caring as possible around you. As someone who spends days and days analysing criminals, she picks up on behavioural patterns very easily. Therefore, as soon as you are upset, she is on the case, looking for a way to get you smiling again. She will drop anything and everything to be at your side If you need her, because you are just that important to her.

• However having said that, she is not the best at picking her words sometimes. Furina can be a little offensive with her comments, so just let her know it bothers you. After all she does care for you, and would hate having you hurt.

• Will not apologize. Unless she has tremendously fucked up, don't expect any verbal apology. Focalors is like Slavic parents, instead of saying “I’m sorry”, she will bring you a gift and tell you to stop sulking. After all, she’s the god of Justice, she’s not used to being wrong.

• The one archon out of all in Teyvat to think about marriage the most. I mean she is the holy deity and persona number one in her own court, she can arrange that whenever and however she wants. As your relationship progresses, Furina finds herself daydreaming about you and her having a majestic wedding. The thought makes her giddy with excitement.

• Dates with this archon are spontaneous, and are probably the most unique you have had in your life. I mean, who else would take you sightseeing into the abyss? Yeah, only this one.

• Can be a Karen to service workers whenever you go to restaurants. Don’t let her, or she’ll never stop.

• Overall, being in a relationship with Focalors is spontaneous, fun and lively. Never a dull moment with her, but she can be overbearing and a bit clueless. Have patience for her, she does truly love you after all, as much as a deity can.

+

• Catching Focalors’s attention in the first place is not that difficult, for one reason. Yes, she seeks constant entertainment and you would think that she needs a jester for a partner to keep her in a relationship. But due to her tendencies and the fact that everyone only adores her for the dramatics she puts on, she can get quite lonely.

• No one really knows or understands the hydro archon for who she is, therefore she is terrified of slipping up, making a mistake, showing any sign that she isn't all mighty and all knowing.

• So If you manage to see past that façade, and not make fun of her for it? Take her heart, It's already yours.

[lyraeon]

A while back I learned something important from my therapist, and since I was trying to recount it anyway to share with a friend, I thought I would bring it to y'all as well.

We have all had at least one of those days where we've stayed up way too late doing something fun but we just don't want to stop doing it. Logically I figured that's just because "well yeah I don't want to stop, I have to go to sleep then to work and those suck compared to it."

Except then that starts happening often and you feel bad about always staying up every night, but then you feel worse and get more stressed because you know you're doing something you're "not supposed to", but because you're more stressed you want more fun time... endless cycle.

But as I was talking about it all and told her I thought I was self-sacrificing, the therapist had a very useful question for me:

"How do you normally know it's time to stop having fun? Like you know it's time to finish work because your shift's over, you know it's time to stop doing the dishes when they're all done or the washer's full, what is your signal to stop having fun?"

And I had to search for a while to answer.

"When the activity is done" - okay sure, but many games and books and series, or doing your own creative thing, "done" may take days upon days or even be non-existent.

"When I had to pass the controller" - obvious and easy one! If you knew you had a finite turn then the defined end is readily there, and you're also prepared for it! But requires pre-arranging the limits.

"When I got in trouble for it" - ding ding ding, we found the big problem.

When you grow up with "fun" being a forbidden activity you're only allowed to do after everything else is done to 100% perfection, then you learn to sneak it in where you can fit it. And you need that shit, seriously - you cannot get through life without some source of enjoyment, some tiny glimmer of joy among the tedium.

Many of us learned to read under the covers, or to play our gameboy in the bathroom and hide it under the sink, or that we could get away with running around the backyard for another 20 minutes if we just learned which intonation of "come inside" was the actual trouble line, or whatever other ways to cram in as much joy as we could before the hammer came down, for whatever severity that meant in your house.

And so that feeling of "I shouldn't be doing this, I'm going to get caught, but if I'm going to get in trouble anyway I might as well get as much out of this as I can" becomes part of what you expect to feel when you're having fun. And you only know how to stop having fun when you feel that way when you get in trouble for it - and in absence of anyone else controlling your behavior, that means the bad guy becomes either whatever task pops up to remind you responsibilities exist, or your significant other pointing out it's really late and they wish you'd come to bed, or your boss yelling at you for being tired all the time... or it becomes you.

If you don't learn that fun isn't a forbidden activity, if you stay stuck in the mindset that it's something you have to cram in in secret and hide that you're even doing? It becomes so so easy to hate the voice of reason in your head that's trying to encourage moderation and we're going to regret this tomorrow.

And that escalates. You keep being too tired the next day. You keep feeling even worse when you sit down to enjoy yourself the next night because now you're already tired, so stress gets to you faster, and now you feel guilty about how late you're staying up so you're not really enjoying playing your game or scrolling Tumblr or whatever anymore, you're just nervously glancing at the clock, "have I spent too long yet? How much longer can I do this before I get in trouble?"

Even though now you're in your 20s or 30s and it's been a decade since the last time anyone else told you it was bed time.

Learning that you're allowed to have fun isn't easy; guilt and shame are emotions that run very, very deep. And neither is learning to have a healthier relationship with saying "okay, that's enough for today".

For one, you have to stop threatening yourself. "Tomorrow is gonna suck" and "You're going to regret this" and "we're going to get in trouble at work" don't work. You already feel bad, you already know it's gonna suck, so why wouldn't you try to cram in one more hour now while it's not the day that's going to suck yet? Punishment is not incentive.

Because by now you're in a situation where sleep is a horrifying punishment that ends any fun, but you're not enjoying your fun anyway because you're tired all the time on top of feeling ashamed for doing something fun, and you're spending the entire time beating yourself up for being an idiot with no self control who can't even handle going to bed on time like a normal human being...

etc etc etc.

You will hear a lot of people give advice on how to get rid of the idea of having to "earn" sleep or fun or happiness by doing "enough" other things. To learn to accept that just being alive is enough reason to "deserve" to do those things. That will work for some people, but for others it just ends up one more thing to scold yourself about, especially when you're already in the habit not of denying yourself entirely but instead of doing it and feeling guilty the whole time.

But learning to set limits ahead of time, so that you're not anticipating some unknown time that a nebulous authority figure is going to finally have their horror monster timer run out and leap out at you but instead know when and what to expect? Holy shit it helped.

Don't get me wrong, it hella felt like depriving myself at first, like I was being grounded, and I looked at my phone beeping saying it was bedtime quite often and got annoyed.

But then I stopped treating fun as something that had to wait until the end of the day and everything else had to be done first. It is way easier to stare down sleep and go "I don't need you", especially if you have any kind of insomnia making the idea of being in bed a dreadful one on top of it. It is harder to say that about dinner, or calling a friend, or walking the dog. Plus then the day isn't over yet, so giving up on your fun isn't also accepting that as the defining moment of the end of your day!

So you have to start practicing looking for places to squeeze in a little more fun - "I've got an hour before dinner, that's perfect to make some tea and watch two episodes." "My favorite youtuber just put up a new video, why don't I take a break to watch it before I finish this homework?" "I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow anyway, and if I leave an hour early I could go kick around the bookstore first."

And once you do, fun starts to feel less shameful.

Don't get me wrong, if your issues run deep enough it still does sometimes. But when you get to have these moments of joy that you don't feel the need to hide or apologize for and where punishment isn't part of the routine, then fun stops feeling like something you have to dig your claws into for fear of having it taken away from you once someone catches you with it. And that means that finishing a level and glancing over at the clock is something you do because it actually managed to click a satisfaction switch in your head and you wondered if it was a good note to end on for now, instead of something you do with your breath held and the berating words already cycling in your mind.

I am not offering this advice expecting it to work for everyone or be easy or anything like that. I am someone with Depression, ADHD, and pretty severe PTSD sharing a technique that one therapist told me that really happened to click for and help me specifically, in case it might help someone else be a little nicer to themselves today, too.