#regulus post cave

[tiredofthehumanlife]

Honey, our boyfriend drowned!

Barbie dolls: jegulus x gn!reader

Word:5.1k

Summary: lemme set the scene: Regulus' car crashes into the lake on his drive to work most definitely killing him and then some mystique happens and I get too lazy to write actual plot but I add some sad and cute and JUST FUCKING READ IT ITS FUN AND NICE

Warnings: regulus dies (or does he mwhahaahha), lots.of talk of grief and death and blood and nasty and self hatred you and James are going through it, regulus with a cane and long hair, talks of the war but it's the tiniest mention, Barty has attachment issues, there is some cringe bc believe it or not Im cringey as a person so it just happens, regulus speaks Google translate French, James speaks Google translate Hindi, I had so much fun writing this.one and that's so stupid bc Its literally about death but it was a hoot, brotherly love, peter included SUCK MY DiCK OH MY GOD, oh James takes a picture OH and there's a cordless phone but I was personally thinking of the big clunky ones that sat on the wall you know, insinuations of the cave, Sirius says Jesus Christ in shock you say Gods no in shock yodabba dabba, everyone are friends I watched MLP okay everyone loves each other now, take a shot everytime I say warm, you cry, I quit

While you and James were in school, you started dating a boy named Regulus. He was beautiful and graceful. Your relationship continued outside the bounds of the school walls. Once you and James graduated you got a home and Regulus joined you both a year later when he graduated. Domestic life was wonderful for the three of you. And then Regulus died. 

It was hard to believe. How could your boyfriend disappear right out from under both of your noses? He left for work one day and didn’t come back. It was like the world paused after that. The walls wept with you both. The house seemed smaller and tighter because everywhere you looked were remnants of him. His books were on the shelf with his writing inside. His additions to the grocery list were still on the fridge. His fancy shoes for events sitting by the door. His winter coat is on the rack. You could still smell his cologne. Maybe that was because James would spray it on Regulus' pillow and clutch it to his chest while he slept. Your day together as a couple consisted of sitting on the couch in silence and staring ahead listening to the clock tick. 

His death put a strain on your relationship. You could barely take care of yourselves. How could you love another person when you could barely work up enough energy to cry? So you both floated around the house silently like you were the ones dead. You didn’t talk to James for weeks. 

Everyone around you seemed to take a hit from Regulus’ death. Evans and Barty became reclusive, you hadn’t heard from them in months.

Dorcas started bouncing around her friends’ homes, staying the night on a new person’s couch because she was scared to leave anyone alone. They’d slip from her grasp like Regulus did if she didn’t stay with them.

After a few weeks, Mary and Lily took on the role of caretaker. Bringing people dinners and shoving them into the shower so they’d bathe every once in and while.

Marlene tried to crack jokes with people, she was most definitely the kind of person to joke until her pain went away.

Pandora spent all her days sitting in a rocking chair in front of the window. You checked on her once and asked her how she was. She told you, without looking away from the window, ‘I had a premonition about this four years ago. It’s scarier in real life. I can’t just crawl into his bed and press my fingers to his pulse. I’m living in a nightmare.’ You sighed and patted her shoulder, leaving her with the wisest words you could muster: ‘Me too, Panda. Me too.’ 

Peter is in the nearest Library every day, reading all of Regulus’ favorites. He even came over a few times to borrow some of Regulus’ personal books.

Remus found a French cookbook and started making his way through it one recipe at a time as a way to get up and do something. He said he thought of Regulus with each dish and it made the pain recede like an ocean wave. 

Sirius took it the hardest, for obvious reasons. He laid on his couch all day, staring at the bookshelf next to the TV. Remus said he couldn’t convince Sirius to move to the bed. He’d only to get up to use the bathroom. Remus would have to sit next to the couch on the floor and feed him so he didn’t wither away. Remus eventually realized Sirius was staring at the picture of him and Regulus sitting on the shelf. After a long time, Sirius finally moved from the couch, instead taking his tears to his bed. You didn’t see Sirius for weeks. 

When Regulus’ funeral arrived it was obvious the impact he left. All 12 of you stared at the empty coffin as it settled into the ground. You didn’t even get the peace of knowing his body was resting in the coffin. They never found it. They found his car in the lake with a massive hole the size of his fancy car on the side of the bridge overhead. The police said his body probably drifted down the attached river into the woods. It was likely his body was scavenged by animals. It did nothing to settle your mind. 

Your lover drowned and then was torn apart by wild animals? Great, glad he’s resting peacefully. All of his things were in the car too. The book he was trying to finish during the month of the crash. His bag with his wallet and every other personal item you could think of. He even still had Pandora’s hair clip on the strap. His blood was on the seat and front windshield. Cops said it was impossible for him to have survived, especially with the amount of blood that was lost. He left for work, taking the route he always did, and died in the process. 

It took a long time but you all eventually healed from it. Of course, it still hurt when you were reminded of it but you slowly got back to your average life.

Sirius got off the couch. Dorcas slept in her own bed. Marlene finally cried. Lily and Mary started making food only for themselves. Remus put his cookbook on the shelf, next to the picture. Peter moved out of the libraries, finding new books. Barty and Evan even joined you and James on a double date once. Pandora moved away from the window. You and James stopped being zombies dancing around each other. You finally talked it through and cradled the other through the night, Regulus' pillow was shoved into the closet. 

You asked your friends for help to pack all of Regulus’ things into boxes. It was terribly hard to move on when his presence was still staring you in the eye. You told Sirius he could stay home but he still showed up. He helped you pack up Regulus’ clothes, taking back the band shirts Regulus stole from him. He even used one as a tissue when he cried about it.

With too many people in your house, you were all able to stuff Regulus into three separate boxes. Remus helped James move them into the attic. even though you wanted him hidden away in boxes didn’t mean you wanted to sell his presence away. You hugged everyone goodbye. It was a sour goodbye, the memory of Regulus’ loss fresh on their minds but happy they got to see all their friends again. 

You, along with all the others, had your good and bad days. You’d say an inside joke Regulus came up with and spend the rest of the day crying next to the window. Some days you’d blossom and be like you were years ago. As time went by your bad days became more and more far apart. You and James’ relationship was going strong, you felt like you were in school again. In a positive way. 

After a long brunch with Remus and Sirius full of laughs, you and James went home and relaxed. James left to go take a nap and you started reading by the window facing out towards the road that led to your doorstep. After you got through four chapters, James was rising from his nap and kissing you good morning. Though it was really more of a late afternoon, you didn’t correct him. He left to go make himself a snack, still in his pajamas. You continued reading.

As you heard the timer go off for James’ food you glanced up to see if he was getting it. You saw him through the opening, reaching over for the pot on the oven. You moved to look back at your book, pausing when you saw someone on the sidewalk. You were an avid enjoyer of people-watching. 

It was a man who left your boots feeling shaken. His hair was longer, reaching down to kiss his back between his shoulder blades. He walked with a limp. He was classily dressed. At the top of his cane was a bird skull. He was dressed in all black and had various silver jewelry hanging from his body. His hair was falling into his face as he stared at the ground. You glanced down at the ground to see his shoes, finding they were just as fancy and put together as he was. You looked back up at his hair, trying to see if you could figure out how he maintained it so perfectly.

As you dragged your eyes up, he shook his head back. His hair flew back revealing his scarred face. There was a scar parting his eyebrow and making a trail across his cheek to his ear. You saw one peeking out from the bottom of his jaw and dipping under his high-collared shirt. 

Even with all the changes you recognized him. You sprung out of your chair, flinging your book back towards the coffee table. You heard it clatter to the floor. 

“James! Call Sirius!” You yelled as you scattered towards the front door, knocking over items on your way. 

“What? Why?” James asked from the kitchen opening. You spun your head back towards him. You probably looked like a frazzled crazy person. You felt like a frazzled crazy person. You were either hallucinating or really watching your dead lover walk down the street. 

“Call Sirius, James.” You said, your tone nipping at his hand and making him turn around for the phone hanging in the kitchen. You flung open the front door, ignoring your shoes and the fact the door smacked against the wall.

You weren’t entirely sure Regulus, or at least what you thought was Regulus, wouldn’t run away if he saw you coming. You ran down the concrete steps and your driveway. You ignored the fire the rough ground started on the bottoms of your feet. James stood on front doorstep with the phone pressed to his ear. You caught snippets of his words as you moved to the end of the driveway, staring down the sidewalk. 

“I don’t know.” Your chest heaved as your mind caught up with what you were looking at. “Just said to call you.” You stared at the man in black walking down the center of the sidewalk. “Bein’ weird.” You saw the man stop his walking as you stood in his way. 

“Regulus?” You yelled. The man stood still. You took a step towards him. James had settled silent. “Regulus? Baby, is that you?” You yelled down the sidewalk. He was standing on the sidewalk in front of your neighbor's house, still staring at the ground. Hr pulled his head up, facing you. Even from a far distance, you could recognize him.

Your body started running before your brain could even tell you to. Regulus picked up his pace, a nice brisk walk. You doubted he could go much faster with his apparent hurt leg but you didn’t care. Your undead lover was on your sidewalk. You picked up your pace, letting your lungs burn. Your heart was burning more, the pain from knowing you’d never see Regulus mixing with the hope that he was really walking down your sidewalk. 

“Holy shit.” You heard James say from the first doorstep. “Listen uh, Sirius, I’m going to have to call you back. I think we might be hallucinating right now.” James said. You heard the quiet clatter of the phone on the table next to the front door. You and Regulus stopped with barely two feet between you too. Your chest heaved. You thought your ribs might explode.

Regulus was beautiful even with the scars and obvious dark experiences lingering behind his eyes. You couldn’t imagine what happened in the past year and a half but he was still Regulus after all this time. You felt like you shouldn’t cry because he might feel guilty and leave again. You closed the gap between you two, wrapping your arms around him. Regulus sighed with his chin pulled over your shoulder. You heard his cane drop to the sidewalk, his weight leaning into yours. 

You gripped the onto the back of his shirt, crying into his shoulder. Regulus held onto you just as hard. You felt James’ arms join yours, holding onto Regulus. After a few moments of Regulus finally feeling at home and you and James realizing you did all that crying for nothing, you all pulled back. Regulus wobbled a second, before leaning on his other side. James quickly dipped down and held Regulus’ cane out to him. Regulus thanked him, leaning his weight back on the cane. 

“You’re alive.” You said, sticking your hands your hands out at Regulus. He gave you a one-shouldered shrug. 

“There’s a lot I need to tell you,” Regulus muttered, glancing down at the cane. You shook your head, reaching out for him again. You let your hands cup his face. 

“Oh let me look at you.” You traced the scars on his face. You tugged lightly on the ends of his hair. You let your hands dip down, tracing over the necklaces. You looked down at the metal skull buckle on his belt, grinning at his fancy shoes again. Even after all the changes, he was still in his stupid shoes. 

“You’re so beautiful, my love. I can’t believe you’re alive.” You said, cupping his face again. Regulus hummed and tilted his face into your hand. You pulled back and let James pull Regulus into his arms. James cradled Regulus’ head to his chest just as he used to when Regulus got bad nightmares. Regulus let out a gasping sob, digging his nails into James’ forearm. James closed his eyes and pressed his nose to Regulus’ hair. 

  A few minutes later Regulus was sat at the table with his favorite tea hugged between his hands. You watched him from across the table, tracking his every move. It was weird looking at him. Aside from the fact you thought he was dead, it was a stark change.

You got to watch James slowly change parts of himself over the year. The wrinkles near his eyes got more prominent, he cut his hair, and he got new shoes, etcetera. You went from seeing Regulus with hair shorter than his chin to watching him flick it over his shoulder. You saw him with the clear and pristine skin he took pride in the scarred look he was sporting now. Regulus pursed his lips and blew on the hot tea in his hands before flicking his eyes up to you. You didn’t shy away from the fact you were staring at him. James wandered into the dining room his phone pressed to his ear. 

“No Sirius, I’m being ser-I’m being for real. You need to get over here now, you’re not going to believe this.” James said, leaning on the doorframe and staring at Regulus. Regulus stuck his hand out at James, wiggling his fingers. James raised an eyebrow ‘You sure?’. Regulus shook his hand, ‘yes.’. James handed the phone to Regulus. Regulus pressed the phone to his ear. He cleared his throat. 

“That coffin was uncomfortable, dickhead.” Regulus said before pulling the phone away from his ear and hanging it up. He set it on the table and took a slow sip from his tea. 

“I think you just gave him a heart attack,” James said. You hummed, staring down at the phone. 

“Yeah I’m not sure if that was the best action but it was a very Regulus thing for you to do so at least some things haven’t changed. “ You said, handing the phone off to James. Regulus closed his eyes as he pulled his tea away from his lips. 

Minutes later Sirius was bursting through your door with Remus tailing fast behind him. Sirius peered into each room, making haste to search the house. Regulus set his tea down. Sirius stood in the dining room doorway, frozen in place. Regulus stood from his chair, leaning on his cane and sighing as he did so. He tilted his head to the side, making a small spin to show off his new look. 

“Jesus Christ,” Sirius muttered. 

“that’s who he looks like, I was trying to place it,”  you said, sighing and smacking James’ bicep. Regulus faces Sirius again, holding his arm out. Sirius closed the space, pulling Regulus into a hug. They rocked side to side. You thought of shooing everyone out but you also wanted to watch Sirius’ reaction. Sirius pulled back and smacked Regulus on the crown of his head. Regulus glared at him, obviously, it wasn’t hard. 

“Don’t you ever do that again you dick,” Sirius said, before cupping Regulus’ face. He grimaced and shook his head. 

“You look like me in fourth year,” Sirius whispered, running his hand through the length of Regulus’ hair. Regulus hummed. 

“I thought so too. I missed home, so I grew it out. I plan on trimming it soon though, not really me.” Regulus whispered. Sirius hummed and traced the scar down Regulus’ eyebrow with his thumb. 

“What’d you do?” Sirius asked. 

“I ended a war before it started, the usual break year plans. I almost drowned and fought off some weird gremlin things. It’s a story.” Regulus said, waving off Sirius’ look of concern. “I’m fine now, other than the trauma I hold with water. But I managed to figure it out. I just take showers weird now.” Regulus added, once again downplaying the severity. 

“Well, your funeral was a waste of time,” Sirius said, turning back around to stand next to Remus. Regulus shrugged. 

“Did you guys cry?” You, James, Remus, and Sirius shared looks. You all shrugged. 

“Eh, not really.” 

“I mean what even classifies as crying these days, you know.” 

"So much I got dehydrated"

“After the first couple of days, it was a breeze.” Regulus rolled his eyes and pulled his tea off the table. 

“So did you guys sell all my shit?” He whispered into his cup. You and James quickly shook your heads. 

“Oh gods, no. It’s all in the attic.” You said, pointing at the ceiling above you. James and Remus left for the attic as you and Sirius chased after Regulus. Regulus took his tea from the dining room to the living room, setting it on the coffee table. You and Sirius stared at him as he settled onto the couch. Regulus propped his cane against the side table, taking a sip from his tea. Regulus lifted an eyebrow at the floor. He leaned over and held your book up. 

“Thought I taught you better than to throw books,” Regulus said, setting the book on the coffee table. You crossed your arms over your chest. You scoffed. 

“I was a little more focused on my undead lover walking into my garden.” You said. Regulus shrugged and gently set the book down on the coffee table. Regulus kicked his foot up, resting his ankle on his knee. James and Remus joined you with all three boxes. They were all labeled with a different form of his name, three different handwritings. Evan wrote R.A.B. in his swirly handwriting. Sirius had written Regulus in his pristine handwriting. You scribbled down Reggie on the top with an almost empty Sharpie. It looked like you didn’t care but you couldn’t bear to look at the boxes any more than you had to. 

Regulus leaned forward, tearing open the nearest box. He started rummaging through it and you wished Evan was here. You couldn’t fold things as perfectly as he could. Regulus pulled out his favorite stuffed animal, setting it on the couch next to him. He closed the box, reaching for the next one. He tore it open just as fast. He pulled out his favorite blanket and book. Regulus threw the blanket next to his stuffed animal. He set the book on the coffee table and as you watched him close up the box again, you sucked in a shaky breath. Regulus lifted his head, looking at you. You turned into James’ arms. James tightened his hold. You hated to get James’ shirt dirty but watching Regulue tear through the boxes you were sure you’d never touch again made your throat close up. 

“Sorry did I do something?” You heard Rehgulus’ voice behind you. James’ hand ran up and down your back. You felt SIrius’ hand land on your shoulder. 

“No, we’re just processing, I think. Lots of changes today.” James said, rocking you back and forth. Sirius took on the role of changing the subject so you still had a little bit of dignity. 

“We need to call the others. I mean this is a big change we’ll have to get every-“ Regulus cut off Sirius. 

“Listen, I know okay. I know, but I haven’t felt at home in over a year. I just want to spend today here. Tomorrow I will tell everyone of my resurrection but right now I just want a nap. You and Remus can stay if you want, I really don’t care. As long as I get a nap on the couch, I’m okay. I will gather everyone tomorrow but today is just..” Regulus sighed, a visible weight lifting from his shoulders. “Just for me. Is that okay?” Regulus asked. Sirius stayed silent a moment. He glanced around the living room. He shrugged, looking back at Regulus. 

“Yeah, that’s okay.” Regulus slipped his shoes off, setting them next to his cane, and laid across the couch. You pulled back from James, wiping at your eyes. You headed off for the bedroom, tearing open the closet. You pulled down Regulus’ pillow and brought it back to the living room. Regulus gave you a soft smile and gently took the pillow from your hands. He set it down before quickly sandwiching your hands between his. He was warm, not cold like a dead body. Maybe he was real. Regulus stared up at you. 

“I learned how to cook traditional French dishes,” Remus said, picking at one of the boxes. Regulus hummed. He was on the brink of sleep but still wanted Remus to feel heard. “You should come over for dinner some night.” Regulus nodded against his pillow. Remus left after SIrius and not long after you heard SIrius’ motorcycle fade away. You imagined Remus’ long legs cramped behind Sirius on the back of his bike and snorted. 

“I love you, you know that? Every day I wasn’t here I worried for you. I missed you so much I’d feel sick. I’m sorry I left like that.” Regulus said. Your eyebrows pinched and you sank your teeth into your bottom lip, trying your hardest to not cry again. You nodded. Regulus hummed and pressed your palm to his lips. You sighed and rubbed his cheek lightly. He dropped your hands and laid back on the couch, now with his pillow propped behind his head.

Regulus turned onto his side, clutching his stuffed animal to his chest. He pulled his blanket up to his nose. Sirius stood next to Regulus, brushing hair out of his face and gently rubbing his cheek before roughly smacking him and messing up his hair again. Regulus groaned and swatted his hands away. Sirius pulled back and slipped out the front door. 

“Mon Soleil?” Regulus whispered into his blanket. You glanced at James, watching his water line fill. 

“छोटा राजा?”  James whispered, his voice fragile. You looked back to Regulus. His eyes were still closed. 

When James heard Regulus’ snores next to his ear he slid the bookmark into their place and set it on the coffee table. James leaned his head back, resting it on the couch armrest. You sighed, watching Regulus sleep peacefully. 

“Read to me?” Regulus asked. James nodded and grabbed the book Regulus pulled from the box off the coffee table. James sat on the floor next to where Regulus head was on the couch. He opened the book to the page they left off last time, and you felt like James might cry. He started reading and as he went on you started to wish Regulus had given you a task too. You were just standing there watching them. You quietly joined James on the floor. You sat a foot and a half away from James. He paused his sentence for a second to look up at you and give you a soft smile. You returned it and slipped a hand under Regulus’ blanket. It probably smelled like the attic but Regulus didn’t seem to care, snoozing away. You rested your hand on his hip, lightly rubbing it before getting your hand to sit. You wished to hold his hand but one was clutching his stuffed animal and the other was pressing his blanket to his face. 

“I don’t think we’ll be getting much sleep tonight.” You whispered, not wanting to wake up Regulus. James turned his head to face you. He reached over and held onto your other hand, kissing the back. He nodded and looked over towards the wall. 

“I feel like we shouldn’t go to sleep because when we wake up, the boxes will be back in the attic. Sirius will be back on the couch and we’ll be sitting on the bed sobbing together.”James whispered. You humed. You slipped your thumb under the edge of Regulus’ shirt, pressing your finger into his warm skin. 

“He won’t be warm anymore.” You muttered, eyes still caught on Regulus. James’ thumb rubbed against the back of your hand. You wondered if he was testing to see if you were warm still. 

“We’ll visit his grave on Wednesday together and wonder if those wild animals were well fed. If it was all worth it. Stare down at the dirt and know six feet under is an empty wooden box with nothing but a copy of Regulus’ favorite poetry book inside.” James’ voice wobbled and you gripped his hand tighter. 

“I thought every day that I would wake up and it’d all be a nightmare. I was just dreaming. All those crime shows got to me and my brain inserted me into an episode while I was sleeping. Every morning I’d wake up to find out we were still planning his funeral. I thought I was dead for a while. Thought this was my punishment for not recycling enough or something.” You said, pressing your thumb further into Regulus’ skin. Not to hurt him, but you needed to feel his pulse. 

“I can’t go back there,” James whispered. 

“Then maybe we go to sleep tonight. Maybe we’ll wake up and he’ll be in bed with us.” You said giving the side of James' face a sour smile. 

“Then we start again. We heal again.” James gave you a sad look and stared ahead again. You decided to lighten the mood a little. “And we had a freaky joint dream.” James snorted. He sniffed and stared down at his lap. He kissed the back of your hand again. You focused on Regulus’ skin under your finger. Still warm. 

“And if we wake up to find ourselves right back where we started? What then?” James asked, turning his head to face you. You paused for a moment and let his words stir in your head. You thought about getting thrown right back into that dark and messy place.

You didn’t take showers unless Mary forced you and you hated yourself for everything you did. Why didn’t you stop Regulus and tell him to stay home that day? Why didn’t you drive him to work yourself? Why didn’t you deviate from your routine, anything to save Regulus’ life? And when you got over what ifs that could’ve stopped this all from happening, then you hated yourself for not helping James more. Why couldn’t you take care of him? His parents called every day and he could barely pull himself out of bed to answer the phone. You couldn’t look away from the floor to pick the phone up. You picked apart yourself with sharp nails and then let your pieces rot into something awful that barely resembled yourself anymore. All in the name of grief. 

“So sorry to break up such a sweet moment, however I am trying to sleep. So if you two could shut up: that’d be preferable. “ You heard Regulus say. James turned his head back, glancing at Regulus. He looked back at you. 

“Seems pretty real to me.” You whispered. 

Regulus stayed true to his word, calling every one of your friends to your home. When he joined them in the living room there were screams and cries and most definitely noise complaints from the neighbors. Barty fell to his knees, taking Regulus down with him, and sobbed into his hair. He was an ugly crier too, saliva connecting his two lips when he opened his mouth in a silent cry.

Dorcas and Evan were quick to join them on the floor, wrapping Regulus up in a sea of arms. Probably the first body of water he felt comfortable in a while.

Eventually, Regulus made it to his feet, giving everyone their own hug. Peter told him he had books he found that Regulus would enjoy. Mary smacked him on the back of the head and told him to brighten the fuck up before dragging him into a tight hug. Lily told him she had a new bread recipe she’d been meaning to try. Marlene cracked a stupid joke through her tears and lightly punched Regulus in the arm. Regulus made it to Pandora and she pulled him to her chest, squeezing him as tight as she could. 

“I didn’t see this.” She whispered in his hair. Regulus gripped her back just as tight.

You all had a warm dinner made by Remus and Lily. Regulus and Sirius share a nostalgic look after the first bite. You didn’t have a big enough table so you all crowded into the living room, gathering around the rug. Regulus earned a spot on the couch. Barty was at his feet, arms wrapped around Regulus’ leg.

James shot up halfway through dinner, dashing across the house. He came back with his camera. He took one shot of everyone in the living room before turning the camera around and squeezing himself into frame too. He labeled them both ‘Regulus’ first family dinner back’ on the backs. He added the date and set the camera and photos on the kitchen counter deciding to deal with them later.

On his way back into the living room, he kissed you before pecking Regulus on the cheek. As he settled back into his seat on the floor, the group broke into ruckus laughter from a joke Sirius made. Sirius beamed and your and James’ eyes shot for Regulus. You found him snorting out his tea through his nose. His pain, disgust, and laughter all conjoined and you knew when you woke up tomorrow, he’d once again be in your bed. Warm. 

[sliebman10]

Grief/Mourning

Harry had his misgivings about bringing Sirius here. It was the site of unnaturally dark magic after all. And Harry didn’t like to think of what happened here. 

Dumbledore. Voldemort. The horcrux. Regulus. Kreacher.

But he would also never say no to Sirius.

So they apparated to the cave by the lake. The malevolent air was not present in the daylight, now that the cave no longer held a part of Voldemort’s soul. 

Sirius looked around and crouched by the water.Harry wasn’t sure what to do, but Remus crouched next to him, putting his hand on Sirius’s back.

“D’you think he’s still in there?” Sirius murmured.

“I don’t know, Pads…it was a long time ago,” Remus said, looking out onto the tranquil surface of the lake. 

Sirius wasn’t remembering the boy he’d glared at across the Great Hall at Hogwarts. He was remembering the toddler who he ran through the grass with at Grandfather Arcturus’s manor. He was remembering the boy he shielded from his mother’s wand. He was remembering the last act of bravery, switching the horcrux so Voldemort could no longer find it. 

Sirius wiped his eyes and stood up. He conjured a wreath of flowers next to the lake.

“Happy birthday, Reggie,” he whispered.

Word count: 208

@wolfstarmicrofic

[soulfullives]

luna's tongue was poked out as she drew on regulus' arm, swift lines and small, wonky stars littered across an ugly, skull-headed serpent.

the dark mark had turned into a mere memory etched into regulus' skin, another part of the constellation of scars and beauty marks adorning his body. what used to be black, dark and venomous, had turned into a soft pink, almost white, a strange kind of redemption of the excuse of a man he used to be.

the thing is, regulus black had never been a good person. however, not being a good person should never be equated to being a bad person, because they're not the same thing, and they never would be. regulus had never fully rotted; however, he allowed himself to, giving in and serving a master that had only needed him for what he considered to be good deeds.

the thing is, regulus black had never been a good person. he had hurt people, and sometimes, he lay awake, thinking of what if's and what could have been's. what could have been if he had never lay a hand on anyone, what could have been if he had not lost so many people to a war that hadn't been theirs to fight.

he had drowned in glory, once. he had basked in it, a gold rush, a lavender haze, even if he had been a mere pawn in a game, the last resort to one, victorious "checkmate!". however, he had let himself be used; what else had he been supposed to do?

the thing is, regulus black had never been a good person. however, he would try to be good, even if just for luna. for the little girl who drew stars around the scar that the dark mark had left in his arm and, for a moment, regulus let himself bask again. not in glory, this time, but in love.

"what's that?" luna asked; always a curious thing, like her mother, she was.

"it's the sign that dark people wore before you were born, luna." he smiled to her. what was the point in hiding what he had once been? "i will tell you more about it when you grow up older. that's a promise, moony."

"were you a bad person?" she looked up to him. he was so much tinier than him, so small, so vulnerable.

"do you think i am a bad person?" he asked.

"i don't think you could ever be a bad person." she smiled, resting her head against his upper arm. the sun shined over them, luna's silvery grey eyes (that resembled sirius', actually) glowing with warmth and, in that moment, regulus allowed himself to rest his head against the wooden gate and smile.

[gaycorneroftheworld]

To the Dark Lord,

I know I will be dead long before you read this---

[daysofnights]

guys i forgot i used to write ff in my notes app when i first got into the marauders (3 yrs ago or so) and what was i on at like 16 this shit hurts to read full fics planned with snippets written like at least five i just forgot about

[yourbestbuddie]

DUDE 😭

This is so Regulus Black coded of him

[luizd3ad]

First Home | Poly!Moonwaterkiller x GN!Reader

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ࣪˖⤷ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ࣪ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ˖ ⤷

Pairing: Remus Lupin X Regulus Black X Barty Crouch Jr x GN Reader WC: 1,094 CW: Poly Relationship, Anxiety, talks of Remus being in pain Author's Note: Heyyyy so like I know I haven’t been here for a while but I’m hoping I’ll be getting back into this😌🖤 Summary: Remus nervous about his first full moon in the new house

. ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆₊☽ ◯ ☾. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° .

Remus was pretty happy with his life at this point. 

He had great friends, a promising career and the most perfect and loving partners he could ask for.

But that didn't change the fact that for one night a month he absolutely loathed his life. 

He hated the moon almost as much as he hated himself during the moon.

Though over the years he had learned to accept what he was significantly more than he used to. 

He had learned to tolerate it. To live with it.

But that didn’t mean it didn't scare the absolute hell out of him most of the time. 

Especially when the conversation of moving in with his partners came into the loop. 

He was feeling beyond apprehensive about the idea of it all. 

It wasn't because he didn't love his partners, quite the opposite actually. It was because he loved them so much that the thought of accidentally hurting them or cursing them with the same fate as himself or… worse…  would often send him into a spiral of anxiety, overthinking and self loathing.

But eventually after months of reassurance -and Barty pouting- Remus caved and agreed that the four of you should finally move in together.

So after weeks of searching for a home -which according to you and Barty felt like it was taking ‘fucking forever’- you finally found your perfect home and moved in as soon as possible. 

That was a few weeks ago now and last night was the first full moon in the new house. 

Yesterday before nightfall Remus was beyond terrified. 

His mind had been clouded with overthinking and the absolute worst scenarios his brain could manage all day.

So when he woke up still in the basement that he and your entire friend group had spent countless hours reinforcing and charming -to Remus’s standards and preferences of course- he was so grateful. 

So grateful in fact that he was able to be distracted by the pain in his body a few moments longer than normal.

But eventually the pain consumed his body like it normally did.

For what could have been a few minutes or a few hours -Remus wasn't really sure- he just laid there looking up at the ceiling of the basement basking in the pain that ran through his body and his normal post full moon self loathing. Just completely lost in his own mind that was until he was pulled out by the sound of your voice.

“Moons? Are you awake?”

The sound of your voice had involuntarily brought a smile to Remus’s face and sent a wave of calm and comfort over him.

“Yea I’m awake love.” Remus groaned while sitting up feeling a few of his joints popping and his muscles tensing up.

It didn't take long for him to hear the sound of your footsteps coming down the stairs with a hot cup of coffee -that you meticulously made sure was exactly to his liking- and his favorite blanket in hand. 

Both things Remus had gladly and gratefully accepted.

“We made breakfast, if you're up for it.”

The sweet softens off your voice was slightly interrupted by Regulus chuckling.

“And of course by ‘we’ Y/N means they did the majority of the cooking since we all know I can't cook to save my life and we value our health enough to not want a repeat of when Barty tried to cook dinner for us the other week.”

Remus couldn't help but laugh a little, no matter how much it hurt, when he heard a very dramatic gasp from Barty.

“I'll have you know Black that I'm an excellent cook, you're just too much of a prick to appreciate such perfection.”

Remus continued to chuckle at the very familiar childish bickering happening between two of his lovers. 

He was actually enjoying the small distraction so much that he didn't notice when you sat next to him until he felt your shoulder brush against him.

“How are you feeling really, Remus?”

Remus couldn't help the small sigh that escaped his lips when he heard your words. “As good as to be expected love… I'm just grateful I didn’t get out and hurt one of you or worse...” 

You sighed softly and looked at Remus with a soft and loving look in your eyes. “Remus, I know you're worried but this bassment is a fortress. We'll be fine.”

Though you sounded so sure in your words Remus still wasn't fully convinced. 

His mind was already starting to spiral at this point with the possibilities and of the dangers that he imposed on the three most important people in his life.

Remus hadn't even realized he was now staring off into the black abyss of his coffee cup that was currently warming his hands till you placed your hand on top of his gaining his full attention.

When Remus’s eyes met yours he couldn't deny the love and honesty that he saw swimming in them which made your next words comfort him.

“We are fine. We will be fine. I know your anxiety won't go away but you need to remember that you have done everything in your power to ensure our safety and that's all you can do. Plus you know better than anyone that the three of us are very skilled with our magic so we are more than capable of taking care of ourselves. Not everything is on you Remus. We knew what we were signing up for when we asked for the four of us to move in together. We love you and everything will be fine I promise.”

Remus just sighed and nodded. 

A part of him honestly did feel better, he knew that he would never be a hundred percent comfortable for that one day a month but it made him feel better to know that you genuinely believed in your words and in him.

“Okay, I'll try to calm down more… I’m just so scared that I'm going to hurt one of you but I'll do my best to keep my anxiety at bay... Thank you, my love.”

Remus wrapped his arm around you and kissed the top of your head just being happy in the moment.

Once a month he loathed his life.

But everyday before and after the full moon he genuinely loved his life.

Right now he loves his life.

He had one of his lovers in his arms while his other two lovers were ‘fighting’.

This is the life he will forever be truly grateful for.

. ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆₊☽ ◯ ☾. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° .

[emlovessid]

@jegulus-microfic february 7, star, 229 words inspired by this post by @batman-soup part two

If you’d asked James ten years ago – who spent his weekends in his garage, messing around with his friends as they played music – he never could have imagined that they’d make it far enough that he’d be considered enough of a star to be on Dancing with the Stars. 

And yet, here he is, sat in a producer’s office about to meet the professional dancer who is going to have the very hard job of making James not look like an idiot on national television.

He’s not sure when he became enough of a pushover that he caved to his bandmates’ peer pressure to actually sign on, but it’s too late to back out now as the door to the room opens and his whole world comes crashing down around him.

He doesn’t even need to see his face to know that it’s him, his eyes stuck on the hands that grip the door handle, hands that he would recognise anywhere; recognise the scrape of them down his back, the shape of them against his tongue, the feel of them pressed against his neck.

It’s only when his manager, clearly unaware of the internal crisis he’s having right now, says, “James, meet Regulus,” that he looks up and makes eye contact with the boy who broke his heart and inspired the album that brought The Marauders to international success.

[deathnguts]

One of my most popular posts is about me comparing Remus and Barty as people and characters and I said I view them as two sides of the same stance coin, and I stand by that.

But in that same vain, I view Bartylus as like an inverse of Wolfstar. Yknow? Like, based on the cards the characters were dealt then Remus parallels Barty and Regulus parallels Sirius, but then based on actual personality Remus parallels Regulus and Sirius parallel Barty. So shipping the pairs would be similar in a significant way, you’d think? But it really isn’t, but it also absolutely is. Like, I don’t think Bartylus and Wolfstar are two sides of the same coin the way characters being shipped are.

I think Bartylus is Wolfstar, like, inside out and bleeding. The heart still beats in the same tune but it’s fleshy, it ticks and thrums and echoes in the caves. Where Wolfstar is two dogs letting out their inner demons and desires to one another in the light of the full moon, Bartylus is two vampires feeding off of one another in the darkest catacombs without a care for who will stumble across the sight. Wolfstar is teeth and tongues where Bartylus is blood and maw.

Bartylus is Wolfstar but it came-back-wrong(tm)

[hollowed-theory-hall]

The Riddle of Tom Riddle: Part 1/?

(Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7)

The Death Tool of Voldemort's Wars

So, I did say I'll make this post somewhere, so here it is.

When trying to make sense of Voldemort’s behavior in the books, I noticed that the two wars were actually very different. How they were waged, how many people died, and who was most targeted along with Voldemort's goals.

(Because I mentioned it, I'll just say Voldemort’s behavior in the book is really weird and somewhat contradictory, but I found a way to explain that. Consider this the second post on my way to analyze Voldemort after the Horcruxes one)

The Wizarding Population in the UK

The first step to figuring out how bad the wars with Voldemort actually were is to know the size of the wizarding population in the UK. Numbers of deceased don't mean much without being able to calculate percentages.

If there are 40 students a year at Hogwarts in 1990s → 400 wizards and witches between ages 10-19

Account for fewer births during and right after the war with Grindelwald in the 1930s-1940s, and the war with Voldemort in the 1970s

Account for longer life acceptancy (Average of 130)

And we get an estimate of something like this:

With wizards being around 0.01% of the muggle population in any country.

The population in Britian in 1991 was 57,359,454, making the wizarding population 57,359*0.01% =~ 5,700

The population in Ireland in 1991 was 5.1 M, making the Irish wizarding population about 510.

So as a rough estimate, we'll say there were ~6,200 wizards and witches in the UK and Ireland together in 1991

Probably less though considering JKR killed most of Harry's grandparents' generation with Dragon Pox....

By the same logic above in the 1970s the Wizarding population in Britain and Ireland was ~5,600 + ~300 = ~5,900 wizards and witches.

So, now we have the estimated size of the population and we can gage how much damage these wars actually caused.

So, I may have compiled a list of all war casualties from both wars. I will not place the full details here (like the exact year each died), but I'll mention sides, who they were killed by, and any other information relevant to understanding the war's influence on wizarding society, and what we can learn from it about Voldemort's intentions.

For these lists:

(M) - muggle (MB) - muggleborn (PB) - pure-blood (HB) - half-blood (O) - other $ - Death Eater or affiliated ^ - Order of the Pheonix member or affiliated Italics - killed against Voldemort's orders

The First War: Surprisingly Targeted

Killed By Voldemort Personally:

~4 unnamed goblins (O)

Dorcas Meadowes (PB/HB)^

James Potter (PB)^

Lily Potter (MB)^

Killed by Death Eaters:

Mr. Bones (PB)^

Mrs. Bones (PB)^

Robert McGonagall (PB)

Marlene McKinnon (PB)^

~4 more unnamed McKinnons (PB)^

Mrs McGregor (M)

Douglas McGregor (M)

2 McGregor Children (M)

Caradoc Dearborn (PB/HB)^

Dean Thomas’ Father (PB)

Edgar Bones' Wife (PB)^

Edgar Bones (PB)^

~2 Edgar Bones' children (PB)^

Benji Fenwick (PB/HB)^

Frank Longbottom (PB)^ - Not dead, but counts

Alice Longbottom (PB)^ - Not dead, but counts

Fabian Prewett (PB)^

Gideon Prewett (PB)^

Killed by the Order of the Pheonix & Aurors:

Evan Rosier (PB)$

Wilkes (PB)$

+ 13 muggles killed by Peter Pettigrew on October 31st, 1981

+ Regulus Black who died in the cave with the Inferi

This lands us at 45 casualties (including the Longbottoms) for the first Wizarding War. Now, let's look more closely at the numbers.

Not counting the muggles and creatures other than wizards lands us at 24

24/5,900 =~ 0.40% of the wizarding population was killed in the first war.

And did you notice anything interesting about the names on the list? There is only 1 muggleborn and 1 muggle family, whose death wasn't even on Voldemort's orders. What does it tell us about the war?

Well, first off, Dumbledore's idea of morality and not using dark magic and lethal curses kind of sucks. This is hardly a war, it's a massacre. 19 Order members and their families die compared to 3 Death Eaters, one of which was killed by Voldemort's creations. Moody and Mr. Weasley aren't kidding when they say the first war was rough in the fifth book. It really was, but only for their side.

The innocent casualties of people not belonging to any side in this war stand at 19 (including the 13 muggles killed by Pettigrew), and 6 (not including Pettigrew).

It's just wild how Peter Pettigrew has the most kills in this war, more than Voldemort. And it tells you a lot about Voldemort's priorities.

His priorities clearly aren't to kill all muggleborns, we can see that much. So what are his priorities? What is he actually waging a war for if it's not to kill all muggleborns like all the characters tell us?

Well, I will post a full rundown of the timeline of the first war at some point, but for now, what we know is that Voldemort is targeting the Order of the Phoenix, who opposed him. And he is in general causing chaos for the Ministry of Magic.

We know that by 1981, Voldemort practically won, with the ministry having more spies of his than any other group. The ministry was made up of Death Eaters. But we don't know of any rules he passed in this time, or moves to legalize dark magic or outlaw muggleborns — nothing like that happened.

What did happen, was that Voldemort made a cave filled with Inferi and experimented with potions (he invented the potion of despair in the cave).

It seems, more than anything, the war was there to distract the ministry or weaken it, and less about accomplishing a specific political goal. And if he was after a specific political goal, then it isn't blood purity as he isn't rounding up muggleborns like in the second war.

The low death count overall (especially when compared to the second war) is because Voldemort is there. Voldemort does not approve of unnecessary death, even muggle one:

“Nice costume, mister!” He saw the small boy’s smile falter as he ran near enough to see beneath the hood of the cloak, saw the fear cloud his painted face. Then the child turned and ran away. . . . Beneath the robe he fingered the hand of his wand. . . One simple movement and the child would never reach his mother. . . but unnecessary, quite unnecessary. . . .

(Deathly Hollows, page 295)

Voldemort himself does not like unnecessary death. He considers it and killing in rage below him at the end of the First Wizarding War. He doesn't do it himself and doesn't let his followers kill unnecessarily up until the night he kills the Potters.

What exactly Voldemort was trying to accomplish is a question I've pondered and have a few more posts about. But understanding he wasn't really after the death of all muggleborns and neither was he after control of Magical Britain, which is made very clear by the second war, is the first step to understanding him.

The Second War: Chaos Galore

Killed By Voldemort Personally:

Bertha Jorkins (PB)

Cedric Diggory (PB)

Bathilda Bagshot (PB)

Charity Burbage (PB/HB)

Alastor Moody (PB)^

Rufus Scrimgeour (PB)

German-speaking child #1 (M)

German-speaking child #2 (M)

German-speaking woman (M)

Mykew Gregorovitch (PN)

Gellert Grindelwald (HB)

Peter Pettigrew (PB/HB)$

2 Unidentified Death Eaters (PB/HB)$

Severus Snape (HB)$

Killed by Death Eaters:

Bodrick Bode (PB/HB)

Emmeline Vance (PB)^

Sirius Black (PB)^

Amalia Bones (PB)

Florean Fortesque (PB)

Mrs. Abbott (PB/HB)

Igor Karkaroff (PB)$

Montgomery (PB/HB)

4 Unidentified Muggles (M)

Gibbon (PB)$

Albus Dumbledore (HB)^

5 Unnamed muggles in Gaddley (M)

Gornuk (O)

Edward Tonks (MB)^

Dirk Cresswell (MB)

Dobby (O)

Lavender Brown (PB)^

Camelia (PB/HB)^

Vincent Crabbe (PN)$

Colin Creevey (MB)^

Remus Lupin (HB)^

Nymphadora Tonks (HB)^

Fred Weasley (PB)^

Killed by the Order of the Pheonix:

Bellatrix Lestrange (PB)$

Killed by Golden Trio:

Bogrod (O)

Tom Riddle (Voldemort) (HB)$

+ 42 more casualties for the Battle of Hogwarts.

What we see here is that this second war was much deadlier. The Battle of Hogwarts alone had more casualties than the entirety of the First War. Even if I'm generous and add 20 more dead to my estimate of the First War, it doesn't come anywhere close to the death tool of the Second War.

Now, I ask myself, why?

The Second War was much shorter, officially ongoing between May of 1996 and May of 1998 (2 years), with the First War officially waging from 1975 to October of 1981 (6 years). What was so different between the wars that caused this kind of escalation in the second one this quickly?

We see the Second War unfold, we watch how quickly the Ministry of Magic falls and the Death Eaters take over. They quickly make laws such as the Muggleborn Registry — things that didn't happen in the first war.

“Attendance is now compulsory for every young witch and wizard,” he replied. “That was announced yesterday. It’s a change, because it was never obligatory before. Of course, nearly every witch and wizard in Britain has been educated at Hogwarts, but their parents had the right to teach them at home or send them abroad if they preferred..."

(Deathly Hollows, page 182)

Lupin is talking about the Muggleborn Registry and compulsory attendance to Hogwarts — completely new things, never seen before in Britain. They weren't around the first go-around even if Voldemort had the same amount of control over the ministry (it being made up of his followers even in the 1970s). So, what changed? What's the difference?

I pondered this question, and I realized what the main difference is — Voldemort. He is different. His priorities are different.

In the second war, Voldemort doesn't show any care for the ministry, government, or unnecessary death the way he did in the First War. In the First War he limited his Death Eaters, focusing them on targeting only Order members, but in the Second War, not only did he let them loose, but he let himself loose as well.

And I'll prove just how unconcerned he is with Britain and the war during Deathly Hollows and Half-Blood Prince.

In Half-Blood Prince, when the Death Eaters break into Hogwarts to kill Dumbledore, arguably their biggest achievement in the war thus far, and where is their leader? Off, somewhere. Researching wands so he could kill Harry Potter.

And where is Lord Voldemort, leader of the Death Eaters when his followers take over the ministry and start passing the aforementioned rules? He's in Germany, tracking down the Elder Wand.

“That’s—that’s pretty, Dolores,” she said, pointing at the pendant gleaming in the ruffled folds of Umbridge’s blouse. “What?” snapped Umbridge, glancing down. “Oh yes—an old family heirloom,” she said, patting the locket lying on her large bosom. “The S stands for Selwyn. . . . I am related to the Selwyns. . . . Indeed, there are few pure blood families to whom I am not related. . . . A pity,”

(Deathly Hollows, page 225)

Voldemort is so unaware and un-present in Britain during the time he supposedly rules it, that Dolores Umbridge can strut around the ministry with the locket that is his Horcrux and holds a piece of his soul and is his Slytherin family heirloom and claim it to belong to the Selwyn family and to be hers. And she wasn't tortured horribly to death.

Yeah, Voldemort never stepped foot in the Ministry throughout Deathly Hollows. At least, not until he retrieved the elder Wand and was convinced he could kill Harry.

In the First War, Voldemort had intentions, unrelated to blood purity as they were, but intentions nonetheless. He was actually leading and had goals for the war. In the Second War, it looks like he gave up. Like he decided killing Harry Potter is the only important thing and he isn't even bothering with anything else and lets his Death Eaters do as they please.

Conclusions:

Voldemort didn't really plan to win the Second War, he didn't really care what happened to the Ministry, as long as he could kill Harry Potter whom he is quite obsessed with. Like, he's really weird about Harry Potter, and maybe I'll talk about it more in-depth, but he's obsessed with being the one to kill Harry with a wand of his own, to the point of ignoring literally everything else.

If you are going to fight an opponent that is trying to kill you, you should probably be just as willing to be lethal in turn or you'd end up massacred like the Order of the Phoenix from the 1970s....

[saintsenara]

metas on characters and characterisation

the golden trio

- canonical proof that ron is hot - is harry more like lily or james - is harry short? - on fanon!hermione - the trio and the horcruxes - thoughts on the trio's post-canon careers - what would a dark!golden trio look like?

tom riddle | lord voldemort

- how do i write voldemort, and why? - what is interesting about voldemort as a character archetype? - my pet peeves when it comes to writing voldemort - reading tom riddle as a victim of childhood sexual abuse - tom riddle and ginny - tom riddle has his mother's eyes [plus: other things he inherits from her] - tom riddle's speech and accent - voldemort's bad heart - voldemort's campest moments - voldemort's horcruxes do not make him insane - voldemort loves the golden age of hollywood. no, really - voldemort would hate being minister for magic. i'll die on this hill - what does dumbledore get wrong about voldemort? - what if merope had lived? - what if tom riddle had been raised by ron? - what would have happened if tom riddle had been committed to a psychiatric hospital? - what would voldemort be like as a father? - when does voldemort's relationship with slughorn go wrong? - where does voldemort buy the diary? - where is the cave? - would the riddles have changed tom jr.'s name? - would tom riddle have done better in a different house? - tom riddle sr.'s characterisation - tom riddle sr.'s class background - on morfin and merope - where is little hangleton?

severus snape

- how old was snape when he joined the death eaters? - is snape draco malfoy's godfather? - snape's training [or: why is snape called a potions master?] - snape and fem!harry - why doesn't snape seem to know what horcruxes are? - lily and petunia's class background compared to snape's - was snape welcome in lily's house? - what might snape's relationship with slughorn be like? - what was snape's patronus before lily's death? - when was snape made head of slytherin?

the marauders

- did the marauders work post-hogwarts? - how involved was lupin in bullying snape? - james, lily, and sirius thought they were invincible - snape is afraid of lupin [and not the other way round] - the marauders' bullying of snape was not only physical - why does sirius hate snape on sight? - why does snape leak that lupin's a werewolf?

others

- barty crouch jr. is the best villain in the series [and was a loyal death eater from the start] - ludo bagman was genuinely a death eater - stan shunpike was genuinely a death eater - thoughts on the lestrange brothers - why does regulus black turn against voldemort? - why does slughorn know what horcruxes are? - why is charlie away from home so much?

[bradleysass]

Brushstrokes of Black - word count: 886 - Jegulas James's grief post canon cave sacrifice

The flat was silent, save for the soft swish of James Potter’s brush against the wall. The air smelled faintly of fresh paint, sharp and acrid, and the light streaming through the windows was muted by the gray haze of a cloudy day.

He dipped the brush into the tray again, dragging it through the deep, muted blue that he’d spent far too long picking out. The walls had been a pale beige when he moved in—dull, lifeless, and wrong. He couldn’t live with that kind of emptiness, not after everything.

Not after him.

James pressed the brush to the wall again, the color spreading in long, deliberate strokes. He’d thought painting might help. It was something to do, something to keep his hands busy and his mind occupied. But as he worked, the memories slipped in anyway, unbidden and relentless.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of black—inky hair, perfectly styled and shining in the light. His breath hitched, and he turned his head sharply, but there was nothing there. Just an empty room, a blank canvas waiting to be filled.

It wasn’t the first time.

James closed his eyes, letting the brush fall to his side as he exhaled slowly. He could almost hear Regulus’s laugh, soft and rare, like a secret meant just for him. He could see the way his lips curved into a small, private smile that somehow lit up the whole world. His world.

But that world was gone now, swallowed by darkness, leaving only shadows and echoes in its wake.

With a sigh, James opened his eyes and dipped the brush into the paint again. His strokes grew faster, more erratic, the blue spreading unevenly as his thoughts spiraled. He couldn’t stop seeing Regulus in the edges of his vision, couldn’t stop remembering the way he used to sit on the edge of James’s bed, his long fingers absentmindedly tracing the spine of a book as they talked about everything and nothing.

Regulus had been a contradiction: sharp and soft, distant and deeply present. He was the Black heir, but he had burned brighter than any of them, even Sirius, though he’d never let himself believe it.

And now he was gone.

The brush faltered in James’s hand, leaving a streak of paint that dripped slowly down the wall. He swore under his breath and grabbed a rag to wipe it away, but the stain remained, faint and stubborn, like a ghost.

Like Regulus.

He leaned his forehead against the wall, the cool surface grounding him for a moment. “You bastard,” he muttered, his voice cracking. “You had to go and be a hero, didn’t you? Had to save the world and leave me here to pick up the pieces.”

Regulus had never told him the truth. Not directly. James had pieced it together later, after Kreacher’s trembling voice recounted the story of the locket and the lake, after he’d found the note Regulus had left behind.

To the Dark Lord, I know I will be dead long before you read this…

James had read the letter so many times he could recite it from memory. Each word was a knife, cutting deeper every time. Regulus had done it for the greater good, for the chance to bring Voldemort down, but James couldn’t help wondering—had he also done it for me?

He wanted to believe it. It was a selfish, stupid thought, but it was the only thing that made the loss bearable.

The brush fell from his hand, clattering to the floor. James turned and sank onto the couch behind him, the weight of it all pressing down on his chest. He raked a hand through his hair, his fingers catching in the messy strands.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw him again. Regulus, standing by the window, his arms crossed and a faint smirk on his lips. James froze, his breath catching in his throat. He didn’t dare move, didn’t dare blink, afraid that if he did, the vision would vanish.

“I’m losing it,” James whispered to the empty room.

But the image didn’t fade. It stayed, solid and clear, as if Regulus were really there, watching him with that inscrutable expression he always wore when he thought James was being particularly ridiculous.

“You’d hate this, wouldn’t you?” James said, his voice trembling. “The paint. The mess. You’d say I’ve got no taste, and then you’d show up next week with a proper color swatch and a plan.”

Regulus didn’t answer. He only smiled, the corners of his mouth softening into something warmer, something James had seen only a handful of times.

James closed his eyes, tears slipping free despite his best efforts to hold them back. When he opened them again, the room was empty.

The brush lay forgotten on the floor, a small puddle of blue spreading beneath it. James picked it up slowly, his hands steady now as he dipped it back into the paint.

The walls wouldn’t fix anything. They wouldn’t bring him back. But maybe, just maybe, they could hold the pieces of James’s grief, layer by layer, until he could breathe again.

And as the blue spread across the walls, rich and deep, James thought he saw Regulus’s smile reflected in the strokes.

[quillkiller]

do u think if regulus somehow survived the cave and, once free, barty learned of his betrayal to voldemort would barty stick with regulus despite feeling himself betrayed or would they end up fighting eachother every chance they get. a bit like sirius and reg who end up on different sides of the war and seek eachother out in every duel just to see eachother. Like they still can’t stay away from eachother but now they hate eachother so everything is more complicated. tbh i think that’d be pretty one sided because regulus does not see how betraying voldemort could hurt barty at all, i think he’d be kind of compassionate.. would even pity him for what he went through

me & and kara had a meeting over this ask and here’s out conclusion…

we don’t really know what happens with bartylus if reg somehow survived the cave… we don’t necessarily think he’s with voldy out of some kind of loyalty, but for a lot of other complex reasons mostly to do with barty sr and his upbringing. barty is revenge personified. to me however there could ever be hatred or spite between bartylus no matter the betrayal. they always always always regress to their adolescent teenage selves when they’re together, it can’t be helped.

we also don’t see regulus on the field ?? i have a hard time picturing regulus like out on all the raids…. i think his role as a death eater is something completely different. and, if they were in the field, i think regulus and sirius would always avoid each other, knowing that neglect and silence cuts deeper. and because they don’t actually want to hurt each other. if anyone wants to hurt anyone its reg wanting to hurt sirius, and sirius defending himself. i don’t see them seeking each other out though. sirius would seek bella out on the battlefield, but never regulus. sirius can and does stay away from regulus and he proved that when he left home. even if it hurts ! the sacrifices we make to save our own lives and what not :/ i dont see either of them trying to reach out in any sort of way, both too proud and stubborn, and knowing that silence will hurt more

we also don’t think that regulus’ betrayal with the locket is an indicator that he’s now a good person / or that he would join the order. similar in how i dont think narcissas act of betrayal isn’t an indicator that she’s good either. it was personal for both of them. a way to (hopefully) save their loved ones (draco & sirius) and a defiance against voldemort. fighting against voldemort doesn’t equal being on the good side. and if that’s the case i can see barty choosing regulus over voldy. he’ll find other ways to get his revenge / the reason (to me) that he was so devoted to voldemort in the end is because all his friends died and he had nothing left BUT revenge. now he has regulus, and where regulus goes barty follows.

not to go on and on about dil’s masterpiece bartylus microfic but it really changed my life forever when barty runs away w reg and reg says ’you’re hardly the first one to ask’ and barty says ’i didn’t ask’ <- HE DIDNT ASK. i dont think he’d question regs betrayal, wouldn’t take it personal, wouldn’t pity him for it. reg survives and decides to leave / maybe try to find the other horcruxes and barty is like ’cool, guess that’s what we’re doing then’ and invites himself. and regulus would never, could never, tell him no. they’re childhood best friends and their carnal weird fucking need for each other will always outweigh anything else between them. they’re not strategic or calculating in their relationship, aren’t capable of it <- and they’re both strategic and calculating people, barty especially. it’s like that post ’when you’ve known someone for too long you’re doomed to always see them as a person.”

so if regulus survives and decides to continue to fight against voldemort, i think the natural transgression for barty is to leave with him <- lap dog tendencies. i don’t think either of them do it out of the goodness of their hearts or join the order.

[seriousbrat]

Since I'm writing about this rn, it has struck me that Dumbledore is willing to drink the potion in the horcrux cave because he believes that Voldemort wouldn't wish to kill the drinker immediately so as to question them... Dumbledore's usually pretty good at guessing Voldemort's thought processes, but as Harry discovers, this isn't true, because the potion causes thirst which leads the drinker to the lake, and then they're pulled down by inferi and die anyway. I'm wondering, was Dumbledore simply wrong, or is this because Voldemort was arrogant enough to believe that he would immediately be able to tell his horcrux was destroyed and get there in time to question whoever it was before leaving them to die? (in DH he does seem to believe that he would be able to tell.)

This is a pretty big flaw in Voldemort's logic if so, because as Kreacher, Harry, and Dumbledore all demonstrated, I think most people would be more likely to take the horcrux and try to destroy it later. Maybe this isn't too hard to believe because Voldemort also committed the major oversight of not realising that a house-elf or an underaged wizard could also be accompanying the drinker (which is extra stupid since he himself travelled across the lake with a house-elf.) I guess it makes a certain sense because Voldemort, who ultimately works alone, who underestimates everyone he considers inferior, might not have been able to fathom the loyalty, trust and love required for Kreacher and Harry to follow Regulus and Dumbledore into the cave.

It's also interesting that Dumbledore creates a very similar situation to that of Kreacher and Regulus-- he expressly makes Harry swear that he will follow any orders without question, he even tells Harry to leave him behind if needs be, which is what Kreacher does in his case. We know house-elves can disobey/work around some orders if they really want to, and in both cases Kreacher and Harry are ultimately following orders not because they have to but because of loyalty and trust. (I know Kreacher is literally bound to obey, but think about it this way- would he have done as much for Sirius, or would he have found a way around it like he does in OotP?)

Really the foreshadowing (or post-shadowing really haha) for Kreacher's tale is so good. It's hinted at when Dumbledore points out that it's Voldemort's mistake to underestimate the less visibly powerful, and I also really like the way that Harry can picture the scene perfectly as Kreacher narrates it-- because he lived it himself, after all.

[coyotelip]

thanks to lovely @jeguluses for tagging me!♡

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ♡

okay then!

☆ 1. betaverse (WIP)

my piece for jegulus kinktober! it's partly written, but I'm one of those authors who fall in love with their current wips!

it's beta!regulus/alpha!james, I was a little overwhelmed by traditional omegaverse, so I decided to do it more about betas 👀

posting will be on Oct.3 and Oct.8, stay tuned!

(aaaand I already have an idea for wolfstar spin-off, which would contain more plot and traumas!)

☆ 2. karma is a bitch

look, I'm just a girl, I love smut, reading AND writing, so!

my remus/james/regulus agenda! also my first time writing threesome, and I think it was good. I some kind of fall in love with remus/james dynamic here and want to do more of them after that.

☆ 3. growing up together

fluffy domestic wolfstar parenting harry!

this is my comfort collection of microfics, I'm just having fun here, creating some family-friendly content. it's work in progress, but you can read each chapter separately, there's no such thing as one big plot.

☆ 4. I look in people's windows

aaaand here comes the angst. my canon divergence fic about regulus, who loses his memory in the cave. now it's only one part, but I am planning to write more.

jegulus with trust issues, platonic regulily, maybe pandalily mentioned a little. black brothers angst. yep, it's what I'm planning.

☆ 5. ???

well, now it's hard to choose something more, I don't have that much works...

you can check my ao3! or my microfics, I have plenty of them and love them dearly ♡

want to tag someone, but it seems like everyone already did that tag. so, if you're not and want to, consider I'm tagging you!

[bowiesversion]

Folklore songs and what marauders moment/hc I picture while listening

The 1: Remus to Sirius while he's in jail, esp the older years. Again, not my favorite. (alternatively, Jegulus. Regulus to James after James marries Lily)

Cardigan: Do I even have to say it? Wolfstar. The whole thing.

The last great american dynasty: Okay follow with me here, Andromeda and Sirius. Andy left and forged a path so Sirius could be the next one to do the same thing. (Just trust me)

Exile: Angsty wolfstar, The first verses (Bon Ivers) is Remus watching Sirius hook up diff girls, second (taylors and his mixed) is post war/after Sirius went to Azkaban. (alternatively Jegulus)

My tears ricochet: Sirius after Reg died. ("And I can go anywhere I want, Anywhere I want, just not home, And you can aim for my heart, go for blood, But you would still miss me in your bones")

Mirrorball: Peter or James, see this post for more

Seven: Sirius and James. (And I've been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted, Your dad is always mad and that must be why And I think you should come live with, Me and we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry, Or hide in the closet) If that's not them idk what is

August: Jegulus. Esp Regulus to James, right before James gets with Lily (following my canon timeline of James and Reg hooking up, but James going onto Lily bc he can't properly love Reg the way he deserves to be loved)

This is me trying: Peter. So so so peter, imagine he's on his knees telling James this is him trying, trying to finally make a name for himself. To finally get some of the spotlight.

illicit affairs: This one I don't really have a moment/char for. My first thought was possibly (still secret) wolfstar, then maybe Peter when he first started going to DE meetings, and he's hiding it from everyone. But again, both are not my favorite so tell me in the comments what you think!

Invisible string: Marylily. They're so Taylor Coded too btw.

Mad women: Dorcas Meadows. She's so angry, esp after ALL HER FRIENDS DIE.

Epiphany: Regulus in the cave, thinking of James and/or Sirius.

Betty: Sirius to Remus after the prank, if she sang it slightly more angry it would be perfect.

Peace: This one was really hard, because this song is so close to me. But I really think James. James to EVERYONE tbh, he just has so much love. (it's also Jegulus, but shhhh)

Hoax: OKAY OKAY HEAR ME OUT. I know it's a love song, I KNOW. But listen to it with Regulus after Sirius leaves the house. This one is actually so sad, and I'm a sucker for Black Brothers Angst. (You know I left a part of me back in New York, You knew the hero died, so what's the movie for?, You knew it still hurts underneath my scars, From when they pulled me apart, You knew the password, so I let you in the door)