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tiredofthehumanlife · 1 month ago

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Can you wash my back this once

and then we can forget

Barbie dolls: jegulus x gn! Reader

Word: 2.5k

Summary: you go back to your toxic family and James and regulus take care of you after

Warnings: you have my mommy issues now but I tried to keep it vague so everyone can play along, a lil bit of disassociation, Barty's dad is homophobic slight mention of conversion therapy, nonsexual nudity, idk, James stress eats, you call James Jamie love, sad and then sweet

Regulus hated it when you went home. James hated it even more. Every time you had your hand forced into staying in your childhood home for whatever reason you always came back different. You’d come back a lost shell of the person you left as. When James looked into your eyes it was like you were looking through him. You couldn't crack even a tiny smile for days. James felt like he was watching a robot run through your daily chores in replacement of you. He just wanted to hold you so you never had to go there ever again. After the last visit, you came back so estranged from your body, that James really thought it was over. He really thought they'd give up and you'd stand your ground.

Unfortunately, James can't be right about everything. They somehow manipulated you into spending an entire week in your childhood home. Even with James and Regulus trying their hardest to convince you to stay, you still packed your bag. And so with your bag packed under your arm, a promise that it’d be okay this time falling from your lips, and a smile etching itself across your face you left your home.

The knowledge of your whereabouts set James and Regulus on edge. It was like waiting for a car crash you already knew was going to happen. Regulus couldn’t sit down, pacing for hours at a time. James felt like he couldn’t breathe. He picked up baking again in an attempt to relieve stress. It did not. It just made their kitchen more cluttered and caused him to start stress eating as well. James was itching to get you back home so he could hold you to his chest and rock you back and forth. Regulus started reorganizing things that didn’t need to be. He reorganized the silverware drawer three times. He reorganized the closet five times and reorganized his desk eight times.

They were both ashamed to say that they felt relief when your slumped form showed up on the front doorstep. You didn’t knock. James was looking out the window because he heard a car pull up, your taxi. He watched you walk to the front door and stare at it. You didn’t move for the doorbell or raise your fist you just stared. Regulus was sure he had never moved as fast as he did to get out of his chair and to the front door. He swung it open, ignoring the wave of anxiety he got when he remembered it could scuff the wall. You didn’t meet Regulus’ eyes, your eyes staring ahead. You dropped your bag onto the ground, not bothering to lean. You collapsed into Regulus’ arms, tucking yours under his armpits and clutching onto the back of his black button-up. Regulus’ hands moved to hold you back just as tight. One settled behind your head and the other pressed against your back.

It is unfortunate that they can say with their full chest it felt nice to have you home, in even such a state. At least they could wrap your wounded heart and brain, it's hard to do that when you’re towns away. James felt his heart burn when he heard you crying into Regulus’ shirt. Regulus let you have a moment, James awkwardly standing behind you both. You eventually pulled back, sniffing and still not meeting their eyes. Regulus ushered you inside, shooing you to the living room. James’ hand shot out the door, snatching your bag off the step and heading back inside. Regulus kept one hand on your back to comfort you as you stared at the living room floor.

Eventually, James got tired of silence.

“Would you like a bath?” James whispered. he knew to stay quiet. ‘Quiet and soft like a bunny’ Regulus told him while James was scarfing a muffin down his throat. You sniffed and nodded your head just slightly. Regulus hummed.

“Let’s go take a bath,” Regulus muttered to you. He rubbed your back as you both shuffled over into the bathroom. Regulus started running the water, making sure it was the perfect temperature. Usually when you took baths while waiting for the tub to fill you’d read or play music. Regulus didn’t know why he expected it but he thought when he turned round you’d be giving the pages of your book a soft smile. But when he turned his head you were sitting slumped on the toilet seat. You stared down at the floor with a look Regulus recognized all too well. He’d seen it before in his own mirror after a long night of his mother’s torment. He’d seen it on Sirius the night his mother thought Sirius cut Regulus’ hair. Regulus felt his heart sink when he could imagine you sitting in his bathroom back in Black manor and you didn’t look out of place at all.

“Would you like me to leave?” Regulus asked, watching you to see if you’d move from your spot at all. You shook your head. Regulus hummed and held his hands out for you. He helped you stand up, in the middle of the bathroom still staring at the floor.

“So you want me to help you get into the bath?” You nodded, your hands flopping down to your sides. Regulus very slowly and gently pulled your clothes off, letting them pile in the corner. Then he held onto your hand as you stepped over the edge of the bath and sunk into the water.

It wasn’t the first time and it probably won't be the last time that Regulus washed someone because they couldn’t themselves. He did when Barty got a letter from his father, threatening to send him off the fix his queerness. He did when Dorcas failed her History of Magic class, making her parents furious. He did when James got sick and could barely lift his finger without whining. He did when Evan realized he was in love with Barty and thought he could never love him back.

Regulus didn’t mind it. He didn’t mind it at all. He was able to take care of his loved ones in ways he never experienced. There was a voice in the back of his mind telling him if he needed it, you and James would wash his body for him. When their mind wasn’t there for them Regulus stepped in. He washed you to the best of his abilities, which was quite well in his opinion. You hadn’t made eye contact with anyone yet. You hadn’t said a word. You just stared.

It felt like the part of you that made you laugh and smile had drawn itself into your heart, hiding behind your ribs. Your body felt empty and your head felt heavy and light at the same time. Your mind felt like it was seven paces behind, catching the world in broken pieces. You dipped your fingers into the warm soapy water, watching the bubbles slip onto your knuckles.

“Regulus?” Your voice came out hoarse. Regulus didn’t even fully recognize that you spoke, still focused on washing your back. His mind was two steps behind but when he did finally realize you spoke he was startled. He hummed in response, trying not to disrupt your peace.

“Do you miss your mother?” Your voice seemed to clear a little but you still sounded sick. Regulus stayed silent for a moment, his hand on your back pausing. How could he miss his mother? She practically treated him like a punching bag. Though he was pretty sure he knew the feeling you were thinking of.

“No, but I miss who she could’ve been,” Regulus whispered, lightly sratching your back like he knew you enjoyed it. You straightened your back, sitting up a little from the curled in position you were before. Regulus felt the corner of his mouth twitch, glad he still knew you liked back scratches. He pulled his other hand over the edge of the bathtub to join the one on your back. You hummed.

“Do you think your mother loved you in the beginning or did she just always hate you?” You asked, dipping your hand under the water to splash it against the wall. Regulus felt a little strangely talking about such a sour topic while giving you back scratches. He shrugged even though you wouldn’t see him.

“I think I’ve come to terms with the fact that she could never love someone. She’s a narcissist the only person they can love is themself.” Regulus said, dragging his nails up to the back of your neck. You hummed dangerously close to a moan and tilted your head forward, giving Regulus more space to scratch. He scratched at the bottom of your hairline, smiling again when you turned your head back and forth so he could get behind your ears too. He eventually dropped his hands back to between your shoulder blades. You sat up again, staring at the wall.

“Why would any narcissist have kids if they can’t love anyone?” You asked. Regulus was starting to wonder why you were asking him of all people all of these questions. He shrugged, reaching back for the body wash and pulling your arm away from yourself.

“I suppose because they want someone to fix them and someone to break,” Regulus said, rubbing the soap into your arm until it foamed. You hummed.

“But then why did it have to be me? What did I do wrong?” You whispered your voice cracking halfway through. Regulus dropped his hands into the bath, rinsing the soap off. He quickly pulled on your chin so you’d face him.

“No. Baby, it wasn’t you. It will never be you. It has nothing to do with you. You are not the problem, they are. Sometimes bad things happen to good people and it’s just how the straws were pulled. You didn’t do something in another life. You didn’t do something in this life and you won’t do something in a future life. It’s completely their fault.” Regulus said, holding onto your cheeks while he spoke to you so you couldn’t look away. He saw the tears sitting on the edge of your waterline. You sniffed, leaning your head into his hand more.

“But why me? Why couldn’t I get a pretty house with a loving family? Why did I have to pull this straw? And why do I still keep falling into her stupid traps? Why can’t I just be okay? Know my mother is bad and stop making excuses for her?” You whispered, swallowing back tears. Regulus shook his head.

“I don’t know. I do know it’s not your fault you keep making excuses for her. She’s trained you to do that since you were a child. The worst thing about bad people is that they’re still people so it’s easy to find excuses for them.” Regulus said, dipping his wet hand slip to your shoulder. You moved quickly, startling Regulus. Your soapy arms wrapping around his shoulders and tipping your chin over his shoulder. You don’t know how long Regulus held you in that hug but eventually, you pulled away, taking your spot back in the bath water. When Regulus was rinsing off all your body wash, James ducked his head in the door. You didn’t raise your head from where you were staring at the bubbles.

“Dinner is ten minutes from being done. I made you your favorate, my love.” James said, his tone still soft but he was confident to raise his voice above a whisper now. You raised your head, making eye contact with James. Your lips tipped in the smallest, almost invisible way.

“Thank you.” You whispered, your words dripping with sour happiness. James felt his heart soar. Your usual personality showing a slimmer of itself had him beaming from ear to ear and he wanted to scream into his pillow out of joy. James nodded, backpedaling out the door and closing it. You stared back at the water, dropping your smile. Regulus soon helped you out of the tub and wrapped you in a fluffy towel you knew was his. It had his itnitals on it. You hated that he was wrapping you in it. He never let anyone but himself use it. You knew he was doing it out of kindness but you didn’t want to be babied just because you were a little sad.

“Regulus, this is your towel.” You whispered. Regulus hummed, drying off your leg before standing and moving to your arm.

“I don’t want you to use your towel on me.” You said glancing at Regulus’ face. He raised an eyebrow, still drying off your arm.

“Cooties?” You grumbled at his attempt at a joke.

“You don’t let anyone use your towel, you’re babying me.” Regulus shook his head at you.

“No just the only clean towel in the house right now. I’ll do laundry towmarrow and you’ll never have to touch my towel again.” Regulus said, moving to your other arm. You huffed.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Regulus stopped his movements and kissed your cheek.

“I know. I was just teasing. I’m sorry I annoyed you.” You shook your head and looked down at the floor. Soon enough, Regulus was bringing a set of pajamas into the bathroom and helping you into them. James moved dinner to the living room. On the TV was your favorite comfort show. Your favorite blanket was thrown over the back of the couch. Your favorite meal was on a plate with your favorite fork sticking up out of the food. James pretended like he didn’t do it on purpose, looking around the room and pretending he was nonchalant. You sat in your favorite spot, pulling your favorite blanket over your lap. Regulus sat next to you, leaving space in between in case you get overwhelmed. James sat on the floor in front of the coffee table. He stayed quiet, which was unusual for him but you appreciated it. He was a lover of making comments during shows and movies, you liked it at the best of times. At the worst of times, you just wanted silence, even if the person talking was one of your favorite people on the planet. It didn’t stop him from scoffing or snorting at times. Your meal was so good, that you nudged James with your foot. He looked up from his plate on the coffee table, raising a brow at you.

“Thank you, Jamie Love.” You whispered. James smiled brightly, swallowing his bite quickly. He dropped his fork and reached back for your leg. He rubbed your calf, lightly kissing your knee over your pajama pants. He pressed his cheek against your knee, smiling up at you. James pulled back from you, resumeing his eating. He did make a few comments about your show, calling the characters stupid or questioning plot points that were heinously wrong. Eventually, he cracked a joke that made you snort. James turned back, giving you the softest eyes. He was so glad you laughed even if it was tiny. He shared a look with Regulus, who was just as excited as James was. You were coming back. Quicker than last time, too.

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tiredofthehumanlife · 3 months ago

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Honey, our boyfriend drowned!

Barbie dolls: jegulus x gn!reader

Word:5.1k

Summary: lemme set the scene: Regulus' car crashes into the lake on his drive to work most definitely killing him and then some mystique happens and I get too lazy to write actual plot but I add some sad and cute and JUST FUCKING READ IT ITS FUN AND NICE

Warnings: regulus dies (or does he mwhahaahha), lots.of talk of grief and death and blood and nasty and self hatred you and James are going through it, regulus with a cane and long hair, talks of the war but it's the tiniest mention, Barty has attachment issues, there is some cringe bc believe it or not Im cringey as a person so it just happens, regulus speaks Google translate French, James speaks Google translate Hindi, I had so much fun writing this.one and that's so stupid bc Its literally about death but it was a hoot, brotherly love, peter included SUCK MY DiCK OH MY GOD, oh James takes a picture OH and there's a cordless phone but I was personally thinking of the big clunky ones that sat on the wall you know, insinuations of the cave, Sirius says Jesus Christ in shock you say Gods no in shock yodabba dabba, everyone are friends I watched MLP okay everyone loves each other now, take a shot everytime I say warm, you cry, I quit

While you and James were in school, you started dating a boy named Regulus. He was beautiful and graceful. Your relationship continued outside the bounds of the school walls. Once you and James graduated you got a home and Regulus joined you both a year later when he graduated. Domestic life was wonderful for the three of you. And then Regulus died.

It was hard to believe. How could your boyfriend disappear right out from under both of your noses? He left for work one day and didn’t come back. It was like the world paused after that. The walls wept with you both. The house seemed smaller and tighter because everywhere you looked were remnants of him. His books were on the shelf with his writing inside. His additions to the grocery list were still on the fridge. His fancy shoes for events sitting by the door. His winter coat is on the rack. You could still smell his cologne. Maybe that was because James would spray it on Regulus' pillow and clutch it to his chest while he slept. Your day together as a couple consisted of sitting on the couch in silence and staring ahead listening to the clock tick.

His death put a strain on your relationship. You could barely take care of yourselves. How could you love another person when you could barely work up enough energy to cry? So you both floated around the house silently like you were the ones dead. You didn’t talk to James for weeks.

Everyone around you seemed to take a hit from Regulus’ death. Evans and Barty became reclusive, you hadn’t heard from them in months.

Dorcas started bouncing around her friends’ homes, staying the night on a new person’s couch because she was scared to leave anyone alone. They’d slip from her grasp like Regulus did if she didn’t stay with them.

After a few weeks, Mary and Lily took on the role of caretaker. Bringing people dinners and shoving them into the shower so they’d bathe every once in and while.

Marlene tried to crack jokes with people, she was most definitely the kind of person to joke until her pain went away.

Pandora spent all her days sitting in a rocking chair in front of the window. You checked on her once and asked her how she was. She told you, without looking away from the window, ‘I had a premonition about this four years ago. It’s scarier in real life. I can’t just crawl into his bed and press my fingers to his pulse. I’m living in a nightmare.’ You sighed and patted her shoulder, leaving her with the wisest words you could muster: ‘Me too, Panda. Me too.’

Peter is in the nearest Library every day, reading all of Regulus’ favorites. He even came over a few times to borrow some of Regulus’ personal books.

Remus found a French cookbook and started making his way through it one recipe at a time as a way to get up and do something. He said he thought of Regulus with each dish and it made the pain recede like an ocean wave.

Sirius took it the hardest, for obvious reasons. He laid on his couch all day, staring at the bookshelf next to the TV. Remus said he couldn’t convince Sirius to move to the bed. He’d only to get up to use the bathroom. Remus would have to sit next to the couch on the floor and feed him so he didn’t wither away. Remus eventually realized Sirius was staring at the picture of him and Regulus sitting on the shelf. After a long time, Sirius finally moved from the couch, instead taking his tears to his bed. You didn’t see Sirius for weeks.

When Regulus’ funeral arrived it was obvious the impact he left. All 12 of you stared at the empty coffin as it settled into the ground. You didn’t even get the peace of knowing his body was resting in the coffin. They never found it. They found his car in the lake with a massive hole the size of his fancy car on the side of the bridge overhead. The police said his body probably drifted down the attached river into the woods. It was likely his body was scavenged by animals. It did nothing to settle your mind.

Your lover drowned and then was torn apart by wild animals? Great, glad he’s resting peacefully. All of his things were in the car too. The book he was trying to finish during the month of the crash. His bag with his wallet and every other personal item you could think of. He even still had Pandora’s hair clip on the strap. His blood was on the seat and front windshield. Cops said it was impossible for him to have survived, especially with the amount of blood that was lost. He left for work, taking the route he always did, and died in the process.

It took a long time but you all eventually healed from it. Of course, it still hurt when you were reminded of it but you slowly got back to your average life.

Sirius got off the couch. Dorcas slept in her own bed. Marlene finally cried. Lily and Mary started making food only for themselves. Remus put his cookbook on the shelf, next to the picture. Peter moved out of the libraries, finding new books. Barty and Evan even joined you and James on a double date once. Pandora moved away from the window. You and James stopped being zombies dancing around each other. You finally talked it through and cradled the other through the night, Regulus' pillow was shoved into the closet.

You asked your friends for help to pack all of Regulus’ things into boxes. It was terribly hard to move on when his presence was still staring you in the eye. You told Sirius he could stay home but he still showed up. He helped you pack up Regulus’ clothes, taking back the band shirts Regulus stole from him. He even used one as a tissue when he cried about it.

With too many people in your house, you were all able to stuff Regulus into three separate boxes. Remus helped James move them into the attic. even though you wanted him hidden away in boxes didn’t mean you wanted to sell his presence away. You hugged everyone goodbye. It was a sour goodbye, the memory of Regulus’ loss fresh on their minds but happy they got to see all their friends again.

You, along with all the others, had your good and bad days. You’d say an inside joke Regulus came up with and spend the rest of the day crying next to the window. Some days you’d blossom and be like you were years ago. As time went by your bad days became more and more far apart. You and James’ relationship was going strong, you felt like you were in school again. In a positive way.

After a long brunch with Remus and Sirius full of laughs, you and James went home and relaxed. James left to go take a nap and you started reading by the window facing out towards the road that led to your doorstep. After you got through four chapters, James was rising from his nap and kissing you good morning. Though it was really more of a late afternoon, you didn’t correct him. He left to go make himself a snack, still in his pajamas. You continued reading.

As you heard the timer go off for James’ food you glanced up to see if he was getting it. You saw him through the opening, reaching over for the pot on the oven. You moved to look back at your book, pausing when you saw someone on the sidewalk. You were an avid enjoyer of people-watching.

It was a man who left your boots feeling shaken. His hair was longer, reaching down to kiss his back between his shoulder blades. He walked with a limp. He was classily dressed. At the top of his cane was a bird skull. He was dressed in all black and had various silver jewelry hanging from his body. His hair was falling into his face as he stared at the ground. You glanced down at the ground to see his shoes, finding they were just as fancy and put together as he was. You looked back up at his hair, trying to see if you could figure out how he maintained it so perfectly.

As you dragged your eyes up, he shook his head back. His hair flew back revealing his scarred face. There was a scar parting his eyebrow and making a trail across his cheek to his ear. You saw one peeking out from the bottom of his jaw and dipping under his high-collared shirt.

Even with all the changes you recognized him. You sprung out of your chair, flinging your book back towards the coffee table. You heard it clatter to the floor.

“James! Call Sirius!” You yelled as you scattered towards the front door, knocking over items on your way.

“What? Why?” James asked from the kitchen opening. You spun your head back towards him. You probably looked like a frazzled crazy person. You felt like a frazzled crazy person. You were either hallucinating or really watching your dead lover walk down the street.

“Call Sirius, James.” You said, your tone nipping at his hand and making him turn around for the phone hanging in the kitchen. You flung open the front door, ignoring your shoes and the fact the door smacked against the wall.

You weren’t entirely sure Regulus, or at least what you thought was Regulus, wouldn’t run away if he saw you coming. You ran down the concrete steps and your driveway. You ignored the fire the rough ground started on the bottoms of your feet. James stood on front doorstep with the phone pressed to his ear. You caught snippets of his words as you moved to the end of the driveway, staring down the sidewalk.

“I don’t know.” Your chest heaved as your mind caught up with what you were looking at. “Just said to call you.” You stared at the man in black walking down the center of the sidewalk. “Bein’ weird.” You saw the man stop his walking as you stood in his way.

“Regulus?” You yelled. The man stood still. You took a step towards him. James had settled silent. “Regulus? Baby, is that you?” You yelled down the sidewalk. He was standing on the sidewalk in front of your neighbor's house, still staring at the ground. Hr pulled his head up, facing you. Even from a far distance, you could recognize him.

Your body started running before your brain could even tell you to. Regulus picked up his pace, a nice brisk walk. You doubted he could go much faster with his apparent hurt leg but you didn’t care. Your undead lover was on your sidewalk. You picked up your pace, letting your lungs burn. Your heart was burning more, the pain from knowing you’d never see Regulus mixing with the hope that he was really walking down your sidewalk.

“Holy shit.” You heard James say from the first doorstep. “Listen uh, Sirius, I’m going to have to call you back. I think we might be hallucinating right now.” James said. You heard the quiet clatter of the phone on the table next to the front door. You and Regulus stopped with barely two feet between you too. Your chest heaved. You thought your ribs might explode.

Regulus was beautiful even with the scars and obvious dark experiences lingering behind his eyes. You couldn’t imagine what happened in the past year and a half but he was still Regulus after all this time. You felt like you shouldn’t cry because he might feel guilty and leave again. You closed the gap between you two, wrapping your arms around him. Regulus sighed with his chin pulled over your shoulder. You heard his cane drop to the sidewalk, his weight leaning into yours.

You gripped the onto the back of his shirt, crying into his shoulder. Regulus held onto you just as hard. You felt James’ arms join yours, holding onto Regulus. After a few moments of Regulus finally feeling at home and you and James realizing you did all that crying for nothing, you all pulled back. Regulus wobbled a second, before leaning on his other side. James quickly dipped down and held Regulus’ cane out to him. Regulus thanked him, leaning his weight back on the cane.

“You’re alive.” You said, sticking your hands your hands out at Regulus. He gave you a one-shouldered shrug.

“There’s a lot I need to tell you,” Regulus muttered, glancing down at the cane. You shook your head, reaching out for him again. You let your hands cup his face.

“Oh let me look at you.” You traced the scars on his face. You tugged lightly on the ends of his hair. You let your hands dip down, tracing over the necklaces. You looked down at the metal skull buckle on his belt, grinning at his fancy shoes again. Even after all the changes, he was still in his stupid shoes.

“You’re so beautiful, my love. I can’t believe you’re alive.” You said, cupping his face again. Regulus hummed and tilted his face into your hand. You pulled back and let James pull Regulus into his arms. James cradled Regulus’ head to his chest just as he used to when Regulus got bad nightmares. Regulus let out a gasping sob, digging his nails into James’ forearm. James closed his eyes and pressed his nose to Regulus’ hair.

A few minutes later Regulus was sat at the table with his favorite tea hugged between his hands. You watched him from across the table, tracking his every move. It was weird looking at him. Aside from the fact you thought he was dead, it was a stark change.

You got to watch James slowly change parts of himself over the year. The wrinkles near his eyes got more prominent, he cut his hair, and he got new shoes, etcetera. You went from seeing Regulus with hair shorter than his chin to watching him flick it over his shoulder. You saw him with the clear and pristine skin he took pride in the scarred look he was sporting now. Regulus pursed his lips and blew on the hot tea in his hands before flicking his eyes up to you. You didn’t shy away from the fact you were staring at him. James wandered into the dining room his phone pressed to his ear.

“No Sirius, I’m being ser-I’m being for real. You need to get over here now, you’re not going to believe this.” James said, leaning on the doorframe and staring at Regulus. Regulus stuck his hand out at James, wiggling his fingers. James raised an eyebrow ‘You sure?’. Regulus shook his hand, ‘yes.’. James handed the phone to Regulus. Regulus pressed the phone to his ear. He cleared his throat.

“That coffin was uncomfortable, dickhead.” Regulus said before pulling the phone away from his ear and hanging it up. He set it on the table and took a slow sip from his tea.

“I think you just gave him a heart attack,” James said. You hummed, staring down at the phone.

“Yeah I’m not sure if that was the best action but it was a very Regulus thing for you to do so at least some things haven’t changed. “ You said, handing the phone off to James. Regulus closed his eyes as he pulled his tea away from his lips.

Minutes later Sirius was bursting through your door with Remus tailing fast behind him. Sirius peered into each room, making haste to search the house. Regulus set his tea down. Sirius stood in the dining room doorway, frozen in place. Regulus stood from his chair, leaning on his cane and sighing as he did so. He tilted his head to the side, making a small spin to show off his new look.

“Jesus Christ,” Sirius muttered.

“that’s who he looks like, I was trying to place it,” you said, sighing and smacking James’ bicep. Regulus faces Sirius again, holding his arm out. Sirius closed the space, pulling Regulus into a hug. They rocked side to side. You thought of shooing everyone out but you also wanted to watch Sirius’ reaction. Sirius pulled back and smacked Regulus on the crown of his head. Regulus glared at him, obviously, it wasn’t hard.

“Don’t you ever do that again you dick,” Sirius said, before cupping Regulus’ face. He grimaced and shook his head.

“You look like me in fourth year,” Sirius whispered, running his hand through the length of Regulus’ hair. Regulus hummed.

“I thought so too. I missed home, so I grew it out. I plan on trimming it soon though, not really me.” Regulus whispered. Sirius hummed and traced the scar down Regulus’ eyebrow with his thumb.

“What’d you do?” Sirius asked.

“I ended a war before it started, the usual break year plans. I almost drowned and fought off some weird gremlin things. It’s a story.” Regulus said, waving off Sirius’ look of concern. “I’m fine now, other than the trauma I hold with water. But I managed to figure it out. I just take showers weird now.” Regulus added, once again downplaying the severity.

“Well, your funeral was a waste of time,” Sirius said, turning back around to stand next to Remus. Regulus shrugged.

“Did you guys cry?” You, James, Remus, and Sirius shared looks. You all shrugged.

“Eh, not really.”

“I mean what even classifies as crying these days, you know.”

"So much I got dehydrated"

“After the first couple of days, it was a breeze.” Regulus rolled his eyes and pulled his tea off the table.

“So did you guys sell all my shit?” He whispered into his cup. You and James quickly shook your heads.

“Oh gods, no. It’s all in the attic.” You said, pointing at the ceiling above you. James and Remus left for the attic as you and Sirius chased after Regulus. Regulus took his tea from the dining room to the living room, setting it on the coffee table. You and Sirius stared at him as he settled onto the couch. Regulus propped his cane against the side table, taking a sip from his tea. Regulus lifted an eyebrow at the floor. He leaned over and held your book up.

“Thought I taught you better than to throw books,” Regulus said, setting the book on the coffee table. You crossed your arms over your chest. You scoffed.

“I was a little more focused on my undead lover walking into my garden.” You said. Regulus shrugged and gently set the book down on the coffee table. Regulus kicked his foot up, resting his ankle on his knee. James and Remus joined you with all three boxes. They were all labeled with a different form of his name, three different handwritings. Evan wrote R.A.B. in his swirly handwriting. Sirius had written Regulus in his pristine handwriting. You scribbled down Reggie on the top with an almost empty Sharpie. It looked like you didn’t care but you couldn’t bear to look at the boxes any more than you had to.

Regulus leaned forward, tearing open the nearest box. He started rummaging through it and you wished Evan was here. You couldn’t fold things as perfectly as he could. Regulus pulled out his favorite stuffed animal, setting it on the couch next to him. He closed the box, reaching for the next one. He tore it open just as fast. He pulled out his favorite blanket and book. Regulus threw the blanket next to his stuffed animal. He set the book on the coffee table and as you watched him close up the box again, you sucked in a shaky breath. Regulus lifted his head, looking at you. You turned into James’ arms. James tightened his hold. You hated to get James’ shirt dirty but watching Regulue tear through the boxes you were sure you’d never touch again made your throat close up.

“Sorry did I do something?” You heard Rehgulus’ voice behind you. James’ hand ran up and down your back. You felt SIrius’ hand land on your shoulder.

“No, we’re just processing, I think. Lots of changes today.” James said, rocking you back and forth. Sirius took on the role of changing the subject so you still had a little bit of dignity.

“We need to call the others. I mean this is a big change we’ll have to get every-“ Regulus cut off Sirius.

“Listen, I know okay. I know, but I haven’t felt at home in over a year. I just want to spend today here. Tomorrow I will tell everyone of my resurrection but right now I just want a nap. You and Remus can stay if you want, I really don’t care. As long as I get a nap on the couch, I’m okay. I will gather everyone tomorrow but today is just..” Regulus sighed, a visible weight lifting from his shoulders. “Just for me. Is that okay?” Regulus asked. Sirius stayed silent a moment. He glanced around the living room. He shrugged, looking back at Regulus.

“Yeah, that’s okay.” Regulus slipped his shoes off, setting them next to his cane, and laid across the couch. You pulled back from James, wiping at your eyes. You headed off for the bedroom, tearing open the closet. You pulled down Regulus’ pillow and brought it back to the living room. Regulus gave you a soft smile and gently took the pillow from your hands. He set it down before quickly sandwiching your hands between his. He was warm, not cold like a dead body. Maybe he was real. Regulus stared up at you.

“I learned how to cook traditional French dishes,” Remus said, picking at one of the boxes. Regulus hummed. He was on the brink of sleep but still wanted Remus to feel heard. “You should come over for dinner some night.” Regulus nodded against his pillow. Remus left after SIrius and not long after you heard SIrius’ motorcycle fade away. You imagined Remus’ long legs cramped behind Sirius on the back of his bike and snorted.

“I love you, you know that? Every day I wasn’t here I worried for you. I missed you so much I’d feel sick. I’m sorry I left like that.” Regulus said. Your eyebrows pinched and you sank your teeth into your bottom lip, trying your hardest to not cry again. You nodded. Regulus hummed and pressed your palm to his lips. You sighed and rubbed his cheek lightly. He dropped your hands and laid back on the couch, now with his pillow propped behind his head.

Regulus turned onto his side, clutching his stuffed animal to his chest. He pulled his blanket up to his nose. Sirius stood next to Regulus, brushing hair out of his face and gently rubbing his cheek before roughly smacking him and messing up his hair again. Regulus groaned and swatted his hands away. Sirius pulled back and slipped out the front door.

“Mon Soleil?” Regulus whispered into his blanket. You glanced at James, watching his water line fill.

“छोटा राजा?” James whispered, his voice fragile. You looked back to Regulus. His eyes were still closed.

When James heard Regulus’ snores next to his ear he slid the bookmark into their place and set it on the coffee table. James leaned his head back, resting it on the couch armrest. You sighed, watching Regulus sleep peacefully.

“Read to me?” Regulus asked. James nodded and grabbed the book Regulus pulled from the box off the coffee table. James sat on the floor next to where Regulus head was on the couch. He opened the book to the page they left off last time, and you felt like James might cry. He started reading and as he went on you started to wish Regulus had given you a task too. You were just standing there watching them. You quietly joined James on the floor. You sat a foot and a half away from James. He paused his sentence for a second to look up at you and give you a soft smile. You returned it and slipped a hand under Regulus’ blanket. It probably smelled like the attic but Regulus didn’t seem to care, snoozing away. You rested your hand on his hip, lightly rubbing it before getting your hand to sit. You wished to hold his hand but one was clutching his stuffed animal and the other was pressing his blanket to his face.

“I don’t think we’ll be getting much sleep tonight.” You whispered, not wanting to wake up Regulus. James turned his head to face you. He reached over and held onto your other hand, kissing the back. He nodded and looked over towards the wall.

“I feel like we shouldn’t go to sleep because when we wake up, the boxes will be back in the attic. Sirius will be back on the couch and we’ll be sitting on the bed sobbing together.”James whispered. You humed. You slipped your thumb under the edge of Regulus’ shirt, pressing your finger into his warm skin.

“He won’t be warm anymore.” You muttered, eyes still caught on Regulus. James’ thumb rubbed against the back of your hand. You wondered if he was testing to see if you were warm still.

“We’ll visit his grave on Wednesday together and wonder if those wild animals were well fed. If it was all worth it. Stare down at the dirt and know six feet under is an empty wooden box with nothing but a copy of Regulus’ favorite poetry book inside.” James’ voice wobbled and you gripped his hand tighter.

“I thought every day that I would wake up and it’d all be a nightmare. I was just dreaming. All those crime shows got to me and my brain inserted me into an episode while I was sleeping. Every morning I’d wake up to find out we were still planning his funeral. I thought I was dead for a while. Thought this was my punishment for not recycling enough or something.” You said, pressing your thumb further into Regulus’ skin. Not to hurt him, but you needed to feel his pulse.

“I can’t go back there,” James whispered.

“Then maybe we go to sleep tonight. Maybe we’ll wake up and he’ll be in bed with us.” You said giving the side of James' face a sour smile.

“Then we start again. We heal again.” James gave you a sad look and stared ahead again. You decided to lighten the mood a little. “And we had a freaky joint dream.” James snorted. He sniffed and stared down at his lap. He kissed the back of your hand again. You focused on Regulus’ skin under your finger. Still warm.

“And if we wake up to find ourselves right back where we started? What then?” James asked, turning his head to face you. You paused for a moment and let his words stir in your head. You thought about getting thrown right back into that dark and messy place.

You didn’t take showers unless Mary forced you and you hated yourself for everything you did. Why didn’t you stop Regulus and tell him to stay home that day? Why didn’t you drive him to work yourself? Why didn’t you deviate from your routine, anything to save Regulus’ life? And when you got over what ifs that could’ve stopped this all from happening, then you hated yourself for not helping James more. Why couldn’t you take care of him? His parents called every day and he could barely pull himself out of bed to answer the phone. You couldn’t look away from the floor to pick the phone up. You picked apart yourself with sharp nails and then let your pieces rot into something awful that barely resembled yourself anymore. All in the name of grief.

“So sorry to break up such a sweet moment, however I am trying to sleep. So if you two could shut up: that’d be preferable. “ You heard Regulus say. James turned his head back, glancing at Regulus. He looked back at you.

“Seems pretty real to me.” You whispered.

Regulus stayed true to his word, calling every one of your friends to your home. When he joined them in the living room there were screams and cries and most definitely noise complaints from the neighbors. Barty fell to his knees, taking Regulus down with him, and sobbed into his hair. He was an ugly crier too, saliva connecting his two lips when he opened his mouth in a silent cry.

Dorcas and Evan were quick to join them on the floor, wrapping Regulus up in a sea of arms. Probably the first body of water he felt comfortable in a while.

Eventually, Regulus made it to his feet, giving everyone their own hug. Peter told him he had books he found that Regulus would enjoy. Mary smacked him on the back of the head and told him to brighten the fuck up before dragging him into a tight hug. Lily told him she had a new bread recipe she’d been meaning to try. Marlene cracked a stupid joke through her tears and lightly punched Regulus in the arm. Regulus made it to Pandora and she pulled him to her chest, squeezing him as tight as she could.

“I didn’t see this.” She whispered in his hair. Regulus gripped her back just as tight.

You all had a warm dinner made by Remus and Lily. Regulus and Sirius share a nostalgic look after the first bite. You didn’t have a big enough table so you all crowded into the living room, gathering around the rug. Regulus earned a spot on the couch. Barty was at his feet, arms wrapped around Regulus’ leg.

James shot up halfway through dinner, dashing across the house. He came back with his camera. He took one shot of everyone in the living room before turning the camera around and squeezing himself into frame too. He labeled them both ‘Regulus’ first family dinner back’ on the backs. He added the date and set the camera and photos on the kitchen counter deciding to deal with them later.

On his way back into the living room, he kissed you before pecking Regulus on the cheek. As he settled back into his seat on the floor, the group broke into ruckus laughter from a joke Sirius made. Sirius beamed and your and James’ eyes shot for Regulus. You found him snorting out his tea through his nose. His pain, disgust, and laughter all conjoined and you knew when you woke up tomorrow, he’d once again be in your bed. Warm.

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