#reasons for mouth ulcers

[callixton]

hmm i think i made the right decision by not going in to class today but so far the extra rest is not making me feel less sick and i am feeling. more shitty. so hopefully this is gone by tomorrow bc i don’t think i can miss more than one more day

[muchmossymess]

man I have GOT to get into the habit of using my fidget toys bc my lips are suffering the consequences of being the most mailiable thing in reach

[evisceratedplague]

50 excuses for not eating

1. You’re not hungry

2. You don’t like that certain food

3. You ate a big breakfast and are still full.

4. You’re allergic to that food

5. You ate earlier

6. You have a sore throat

7. You’re vegetarian/vegan

8. You’re saving your hunger for a big family dinner

9. You have tooth ache

10. You have stomach cramps

11. You feel sick

12. You have a stomach ache

13. You’ll eat something later

14. You have a mouth ulcer

15. You bit your tongue and it hurts too much to eat

16. You’ll eat when you get home

17. You’ll eat when you get hungry

18. You don’t have any money to buy anything

19. Invent an illness where it hurts when you eat but when you don’t it’s fine

20. You don’t feel like eating right now

21. You just ate something

22. If you have braces say you just got them tightened and they hurt

23. You’re still full from lunch

24. You have a nut allergy

25. You don’t like that food unless it has a particular sauce/dip/dressing that isn’t there

26. You’re craving one particular food which you’ll have later

27. You ate too much earlier

29. You ate all your food and have none left

30. You can’t be bothered right now

31. You’re fasting for religious reasons

32. You ate with someone else

33. You need to finish your homework

34. You need to finish studying

35. You’re busy doing something ‘important’

36. You have an intolerance to a kind of food

37. You want to go for a run later and don’t want a full stomach

38. You forgot your lunch

39. You forgot to bring a snack with you

40. You overate earlier

41. There was a bake sale earlier and you’re stuffed

42. You’re going out to eat later

43. You ate out earlier

44. Your doctor put you on a special diet

45. Your dietitian put you on a special diet

46. You’re fasting because you have a fasting blood test soon

47. You don’t want anything right now

48. You’re taking part in a famine

49. You don’t have time to eat

50. Nothing looks appealing

[seaslugandscylla]

Some notes under the snacking issue of Sebastian post caused my brain to weeoweeo it way too much than I expected, so well here are the continuing of topic xd

Sorry it's an essay because I can't write succinctly

1. How did the evil corporation(insert it’s name please) feed?

As far as I’m concerned, the shady corpo experimented on him to check/make people to able to breathe under water. Keeping him alive was quite crucial to success so I think they would provided him with proper amount of of food or at least the full nutrient content preparation. However, it changed when his body started to rapidly mutate, grow and evolve into what he’s now. The vast increase in his need of food and the fact that the gills didn’t develop very well, due to the scientists not very smart move - mixing his DNA with atmospheric oxygen snake and whale, caused the team to shrink his portion and gave him bare minimum in form of drip-feed… Auch

2. How didn’t he die from literally any nutrient deficiency sickness?

As I said it before I do not know the lore very much only basis. So forgive if I mess up some facts about the events. Going back to topic, after the event of beating the life out of his guards/special troops everyone left the lab immediately. Leaving everything behind including the rations, which were sent there for the staff to eat, all kind of medicine - pills, drops, syrups, injections etc. and whatever crops left( no idea if in the game is any „farm” but the transport would be extremely expensive so I think they would love to slash costs especially when there are vertical farms which are efficient, cheap and easy to maintain and during evacuation they could simply destroy it if nothing like this exists there). He simply gain most of crucial elements via all those supplements. Especially via drips which are the least painful without activating all digestive track. I like to think the reason why his extra arm is in the bandages is the fact that he often injects himself with various needles and his veins are in horrible state. At some point point all these supplements will end and it won’t end well for him, but not yet. That’s solves a bit the issue of lack of scurvy, nyctalopia and any other issues alike. Here’s the misery fish and his banana bag of lovely Zn and vit C

3. Another snacking issue

He is in constant state of hunger. No escape from it. The small human stomach ruthlessly dictates the size of his next snack and for how long he cannot eat, because it’s full, but it’s better to have at least one full than none. That could cause another big issue which is connected with the unconditional reflex - food in mouth equals activiting the synthesis of digestive enzymes and HCl in both tracks at the same time. Both are connected to one nervous system and the information goes to both, no matter if only one should start working. Not good situation, one belly is digesting itself,easy way to get ulcers or esophagitis, which not only are extremely painful but also deadly especially in his case with no health care or even chance to get any. He had to figure it out quite quickly how to make his eating as harmless as it’s possible. The easiest way I think would be simply some herby stomach drop, the one which highers the ph and stops HCl from being created. But I fear it works on human part- So he had to create strict timetable - when he eats, when he takes drops, when he can eat again. To keep the snake stomach in check and never letting it be fully empty and miraculously avoid the sinister autodigestive ideas of snake element. So his best friend is a tiny bottle of disgusting drops from a nurse office

4. How not to starve to death with body like that?

Dense soup. Maximum proteins in the smallest velocity and in easy to consume and digest way. It passes both stomachs faster because tough long chains are already broken into smaller ones so it can be faster absorbed and used. It’s also very easy to make and can contain many ingredients giving the biggest diversity in one sip. Still starves because it’s not enough, but there is no better way :”)

And no he wouldn't threaten anyone that he would add them to his soup. He was a human and he exactly knows there are too many weird fellas out there. No way he'll risk getting new traumatic event, he won't take it anymore-

The last thing is this two sentences:

Honestly I wasn't prepared to read something like this with straight face at 6AM. It wasn't in my weekly bingo card, but jup it made my day, thanks

[ranticore]

Centaur anatomy notes which I might turn into diagrams (courtesy of me in 2023)

The air flow is one-way, in the nose and out the mouth, the main body lungs do the most work and the human torso lungs work to strip out the last % of oxygen, so they are actually engaged on the lower chest exhale which passes air back out through the human lungs and mouth. In times of exertion they can inhale and exhale simultaneously using their two sets of intercostal muscles. Even non-athletic centaurs have very high endurance and good breath control. lower respiratory tract infections are extremely dangerous as are any conditions that might partially occlude the airway (like a common cold), so pulmonary health is very important to centaurs

cardiac system is similarly duplicated, there's a big barrel heart and a smaller human chest heart which aids in the circulation of blood from the upper lungs. the human half heart and lungs are larger than their equivalents in humans because the alimentary canal is not duplicated, so there's lots of free real estate in there (i.e past the human half diaphragm there's no stomach, liver, etc, those are all in the animal half)

a centaur can survive their upper-body heart and lungs ceasing to function (by trauma, disease, etc) but not the reverse. in the modern era, it is actually possible for a centaur to give a(n upper) heart transplant and survive but they would experience reduced quality of life as a result (having low tolerance to physical exertion). however it is an option for recipients whose lower heart has reduced function as this is life threatening

diet is determined by animal type. ungulates are nearly all vegetarians, they need a specialised diet high in cellulose and enough roughage to save them from getting painful ulcers. they drink spirulina water and consume specially-formulated hay/grass/etc products. they could eat a handful of plain grass if they wanted but there's not much flavour in that. grazers eat as many as six or seven small meals a day, carnivores would eat one or two.

the babies are all altricial like human babies. this means ungulates are born with their lower halves less developed than their newborn animal equivalents and can't walk for the first few months of life (coordinating six limbs is tricky). human chest handles the lactation as it's easier to cradle a baby there. i know we were all dying to know

flexibility is pretty good as previously mentioned but it does vary by species. the big cats can even climb ladders and have an easier time living in conventional housing

an ungulate centaur has two ways of lying down; sternal recumbency and lateral recumbency. in sternal recumbency the human half is held upright, in lateral, that's the full 'passed out' lying on ur side experience, and lateral recumbency is required for REM sleep. beds consist of thick pads or bedding (straw etc) and are usually ground-level. REM sleep time varies for animal type, for horses they'll need about 2 hours of it every day. they can nap and sleep shallowly while standing up. too much time spent lying down is bad for circulation as weight on hooves is actually a part of the circulatory system in horses, so they will spend most of their time standing to avoid issues with venous drainage. where a centaur is injured, a full body sling (suspended from a wheeled frame usually) can help them keep as much weight on their hooves as possible while also supporting them.

spinal injuries are very common in centaurs for obvious reasons, particularly torsion or compression fractures to the acute spine, which is the junction between the upper and lower body. this area is heavily reinforced and incorporates a structure similar to the stay structure in a horse's leg, which makes supporting the upright torso effortless. but all the reinforcement in the world won't stop nearly every centaur getting a sore back in their later years. ruptured discs are extremely common. in modern times, many would have brace implants fitted there. because there's more than just the torso's own muscles supporting it, it's easy for a centaur to hold their torso in what might seem like a high-effort position to humans (i.e not just upright)

[myetherealexistence]

List of excuses

Not mine, found on WordPress but i found It rly helpful and thought I'd share <3333

You’re not hungry

You don’t like that certain food

You ate a big breakfast and are still full.

You’re allergic to that food

You ate earlier

You have a sore throat

You’re vegetarian/vegan

You’re saving your hunger for a big family dinner

You have tooth ache

You have stomach cramps

You feel sick

You have a stomach ache

You’ll eat something later

You have a mouth ulcer

You bit your tongue and it hurts too much to eat

You’ll eat when you get home

You’ll eat when you get hungry

You don’t have any money to buy anything

Invent an illness where it hurts when you eat but when you don’t it’s fine

You don’t feel like eating right now

You just ate something

If you have braces say you just got them tightened and they hurt

You’re still full from lunch

You have a nut allergy

You don’t like that food unless it has a particular sauce/dip/dressing that isn’t there

You’re craving one particular food which you’ll have later

You ate too much earlier

You ate all your food and have none left

You can’t be bothered right now

You’re fasting for religious reasons

You ate with someone else

You need to finish your homework

You need to finish studying

You’re busy doing something ‘important’

You have an intolerance to a kind of food

You want to go for a run later and don’t want a full stomach

You forgot your lunch

You forgot to bring a snack with you

You overate earlier

There was a bake sale earlier and you’re stuffed

You’re going out to eat later

You ate out earlier

Your doctor put you on a special diet

Your dietitian put you on a special diet

You’re fasting because you have a fasting blood test soon

You don’t want anything right now

You’re taking part in a famine

You don’t have time to eat

Nothing looks appealing

[mamamittens]

Oh, Sweet Child of Mine (Pt. 14)

Platonic Yandere Whitebeard Crew (Ft. Others) & Reader Insert

Main|First|Previous

Warnings: Yandere behavior, uh... technically but not really vore (I apologize for any PTSD flashbacks that word gives you) but really just being in the mouth of a large creature, and of course, burn related injuries. If yandere content makes you uncomfortable, please do block the tag 'oh sweet child of mine' as well as any variation of 'one piece yandere' that you feel is necessary.

Ngl, I kinda thought I was funny implying that the reader died. Oh well.

Word Count: 1,865

Marco had, on occasion, wondered if the only reason he had never experienced an ulcer or heart attack was because of his fruit.

He did not, however, consider testing that theory by racing against a literal volcano to save his hotheaded brother.

He had seen you look at him, desperately trying to communicate a single word to him.

Run.

He’d already started to dive down to cut off whatever insane stunt you were about to pull when you reached your arm back and pressed it against Akainu’s jacket. The marine looking down at you in shock. If you said something else, he didn’t register it.

Decades as a pirate on the Grand Line, and even he struggled to mentally piece together the next thirty seconds.

He saw Ace. He was definitely reaching down to grab him while Akainu was distracted.

Then what seemed like the literal gates of hell was thrown open. Heat so strong he felt fire in his lungs as he was thrown through the air, Ace clutched in his talons by mere seconds. The world tumbling and spinning as he was spat out of a cloud of smoke so thick he thought he closed his eyes if it wasn’t for the burning in them. Wings thrashing to regain balance, healing several times over as he struggled to remain airborne under his own power.

Ace was spitting and coughing, clutching Marco’s legs as he gasped for air long after Marco managed to stabilize them.

Marco could only circle what was once a relatively normal island in horror.

Roughly around where they were just moments ago was a caldera, bubbling magma still erupting forth with plumes of toxic gas. The land flattened and carved away from the force, cracks spilling more lava outward. Boats were capsized at the docks and at sea where people ran once the fight started, the people screaming as the water rushed back to claim the space it had once occupied. With force.

The ocean rushed back over the island, spilling into the magma pit and burying it in water. Gas boiling up. After several moments, the water returned to it’s normal level at the ruined shoreline. The pit now a boiling lake. If Akainu had still been there… he was dead now.

Marco dropped several feet as the realization sank in.

You were probably dead too.

Marco looked around desperately across the water, trying to see you clinging to a boat or people. Anything. But there was nothing but chaotic waves and people sighing in relief that it was over. You were gone.

Marco let out a low, sad trill, leaning down to brush his beak in Ace’s hair, nipping his ear to console the young man before starting a much more sedate flight to the nearest inhabited island. Ace clutching his talons as he sobbed, his tears falling to the sea.

--*--

It was dark. Dark and humid. A low buzzing sound vibrating your beaten body as you breathed shallowly. Everything hurt. You could only lay on the weirdly soft, wet thing. Struggling to breath. The taste of sea salt and rancid fish permeating your skin.

There was a high keen, probably from yourself, and the floor seemed to lurch. The buzzing intensified as light spilled in. You clenched your eyes shut as the sound of the ocean overwhelmed you. Fresh air spilling in with the cry of seagulls.

After a long moment orientating yourself, you opened your eyes again.

You were in a mouth.

You were in a mouth!

Laying in a sad, wet pile on a tongue with front row seats to rows and rows of sharp teeth. At least, you assumed they were teeth. Your glasses were gone so it looked more like fingers. You scrambled to sit up but your body screamed out in agony, forcing you to lay there instead.

“W-W-What…?” You murmured.

“Maaaaooooo~! Maaaaoooo~! Mao!” The cry echoed around you, your overstimulated body protesting the cheery vibrations. Despite the pain, you grinned. Eyes watering as you sobbed in relief.

“M-Mao! B-Baby! You saved me!” You laughed, crying as the movement pulled on your injuries… well, everywhere. “You saved me… C-Can you take me to an island, baby? I-I need help. You—you did so good clever baby but I’m not o-out of the woods yet.” You panted, body protesting any attempt to get comfortable as Mao closed their mouth back. The buzzing vibrations rolling out as you felt them speed up.

You closed your eyes and tried to rest. Resolutely ignoring how you planned to get help. Walking… was probably out of the question.

Thankfully, Mao had planned for that.

Their mouth opened back up to panicked screams.

“H-Holy fuck! It’s going to eat us!” Light spilled in as Mao’s tongue moved out slowly.

“I-It’s tasting the air for our scent!”

“By the seas, what is it doing?!”

“I-I don’t want to die like this!”

“?!”

“Wait! What the fuck?! What the fuck?!”

“I-Is that a person?! On it’s tongue?! A warning?!” You shivered as a cool breeze swept over you.

“A-Ah… is it… getting them help?”

“Let me just… uh… nice sea king?” You hissed as hands slowly swept under you. “Easy there, you’re in rough shape if even a sea king won’t eat you.”

“M-Mao’s a precious baby!” You protested with a pained gasp as you were lifted up into steady arms. “I-Isn’t that right, clever baby?”

“Mmmmmaaaoooo~! Maaooo~!” You opened your eyes and saw only smears of pinks and blues. Giggling dizzily as you collapsed into the stranger’s arms.

“Bbbbbaaaabbbyyy~!”

“I think they’ve been fried.” Someone whispered.

You only chuckled, eyes sliding closed as you passed out.

You came to wrapped up like a mummy, burns and cuts treated with an IV in your arm for fluids. Yeah, after all that fire and lava, you were probably pretty dehydrated. Your clothes had to be tossed, replaced with a simple shirt and loose pants. Marine neckerchief reduced to little more than a rag, though the iron bracelet was still firmly in place—it had even given you some burns from being heated up. Your host was a lovely young couple who ran an inn. A local doctor checking in on you every day for the past week.

You were quite a ways from Banaro island now. Several islands over, in fact. Mao had dropped you into the arms of a fishing vessel that quickly left the devastated area due to the lack of fish and excess amount of toxic ash.

You still didn’t have any glasses, so you were fairly useless in helping out around the inn for the trouble while you healed up. Instead keeping the wife company at the front desk. Thankfully, the bandages had been dialed down compared to when you woke up. Now just wrapping up your arms, hands, and legs. You did have a sunburn though, considering what you escaped, you called it good.

You rubbed your eyes a little, laying your head on the desk as you rattled the little bit of chain left in the air. At the very least, you wanted to get rid of the damn thing. Bolt cutters or something. Laying on it bruised your wrist and it was starting to rust up your bandages from sheer damage.

“Oh! Hello! Are you here for a room?” You sighed, wondering when the news coo would finally deliver a paper to inform you if Marco and Ace survived.

A gentle hand steadied your arm and the sound of metal breaking broke the silence. You shot up in surprise as the bracelet clattered to the desk, ripped clean in half.

Shocked, you looked back, eyes squinting furiously as you tried to make sense of the shapes. Tan skin color smear with a dash of orange at the top. A tan redhead? The hand reached out to your face, ignoring how you flinched backwards.

As the calloused hand cupped your cheek, you sensed a devil fruit for the first time since Banaro.

Cinnamon and campfire. Laughter and smoky night skies.

“You’re alive…”

“You made it!” You both whispered at the same time. You laughed, tears falling as you blindly leapt forward to hug him. “Ace!” You cried, body protesting harshly to your relieved affections. You squeezed your eyes shut, letting the tears fall despite how it burned your eyes.

Strong arms carefully wrapped around your body, rubbing over the fabric and bandages like he couldn’t believe it. His body jerking as your shoulder grew wet.

Birdsong and incense. Fireworks at twilight.

Another hand brushed your cheeks, wiping away your tears and blue fire popped over your body weakly.

Laughing louder, you opened your eyes to find Marco in front of you, gently pressing his forehead against yours. Blue eyes red with tears as he chuckled.

“Found you.”

You reached out and tugged him closer, sniffling as he joined the tearful reunion.

“Y-Yeah. You did.”

Even weakened as you were, the close contact with Marco’s fruit eased your pained body. Fire flickering through your bandages every few seconds like a dying flame.

“We’re taking you home.” Ace promised into your shirt. “Everyone was worried sick. Thatch almost broke out of the med bay to go with us.”

Your breath hitched.

“…He’s alive?” You asked softly. Marco chuckled, kissing your temple.

“Yeah. He’s tough like that.” Marco shifted but didn’t let go of Ace nor yourself. “Have you been taking care of them?”

“U-Uh, yes! Well, Doctor Mills has been watching over them too, but they’ve been resting here for a week now.” Your hostess answered in shock.

“Thank you. We almost skipped this island to go straight back to Oyaji. But Ace convinced me to rest more. We’ve both been ran ragged for months. We’ll compensate you but… can we get a room to rest in? Just one. We can share a bed I just… we’ve had too many close calls recently.” Marco asked. You snorted a little.

More amused than anything else, you wondered how much of that request was to ensure you didn’t try to run off.

It was hard to get either of them to let go long enough to collapse in a large bed. Marco and Ace deliberately making sure you were in the middle as they carefully inspected your injuries. Marco pressing his flames into what seemed worse off. Already you felt leagues better than before. You yawned, rolling your eyes as Ace poked at the bruises on your wrist from the chain. You pulled him down and wrapped your arms around his chest, satisfied that you barely felt a twinge from the movement.

After a moment, Marco laid down too, bringing the blanket over your shoulder and tucking his chin over your head.

“We have a lot to talk about.” Marco whispered into your hair. You hummed sleepily.

“I know… hey, Marco?”

“Yeah?”

“… I’m glad my stupid gamble paid off.” There was a huff of air at the back of your head. “I’m glad you’re both okay. I thought Admiral Akainu was going to kill you.”

“You’re grounded for a year when we get back.” You couldn’t help but giggle a little.

“How lenient.”

“Don’t push it.”

[deviant-doughnut]

Augusnippets: Day Twenty-Three

Chosen Prompt: Wiping Away Tears

CW: Past violence, past captivity, implied past non-con

In the dead of night, Whumpee staggers out of the bedroom with the ghost of his nightmare still clinging to him. It feels like an infected wound at his centre, thrumming beneath his sternum, aching. He moves through the hallway, muscles taut from lurching awake. He steps into the lounge, throat raw from his ragged breathing. His eyes draw instantly to Caretaker’s form, hunched over at the kitchen table, elbows on the granite, tired face aglow in the light of the laptop screen. He taps at the mousepad twice before Whumpee sniffles, and the cocoon of the silence is pierced.

Caretaker startles, soft gasp at the back of his throat. His gaze snaps to Whumpee, body poised swiftly with tension. It’s like that a lot since Whumpee was rescued; the two of them ready to fight at the merest shifting of shadows. Whumpee longs to reassure him, but he’s out here for a reason and his pulse thuds, laced with a dread so heady it dizzies him. He can’t even bring himself to smile, worries his lip instead. At the sight of him, his sleepwear oversized from the stress related weight loss, his arms wrapped around his slim frame, Caretaker gently sighs. The tension eases from his frame, and slips from the kitchen stool to slowly cross the room.

“Sweetheart,” he says. His bare feet pad across the dark wood, a sound so soft and domestic that it only worsens the ache in Whumpee’s chest, sends the teeth of his terror deeper towards his bones. Caretaker hesitates then, ten feet between them as he ducks down to catch Whumpee’s gaze, rises to full height to draw it up with him. “You can’t sleep?”

“Are you coming to bed?” Whumpee asks. Caretaker scrubs a hand down his face. When he looks at Whumpee again his eyes are heavy with fatigue, blooming with worry so physical it might as well alter their colour. He’s visibly troubled, and it’s all because of Whumpee. Three days spent in the presence of evil and Whumpee isn’t the only one changed. Three days spent thinking his lover was dead, and Caretaker is different too. The ghosts in Whumpee’s dreams follow him into wakefulness, slip out into the shadows that crowd the corners of their apartment, seeping under Caretaker’s skin just the same, drawing into his lungs with each breath.

“Yeah, baby,” he breathes. “I was just…doing some research.”

“Into what?” Whumpee mumbles. Caretaker shifts through the distance between them, reaches slowly for Whumpee’s hand.

“Into therapists,” he answers, squeezes Whumpee’s hand.

“Oh,” says Whumpee, squeezing back even as his eyes drift from Caretaker’s face to the slow rise and fall of his chest. “Okay.”

“It can wait now,” Caretaker tells him. “Did you have a…a nightmare? Do you wanna talk about it, love?”

The question is a door drawing open between them. The thought sends him hurtling backwards in time — tied up in that farmland shed, torchlight finding his scantly clad body as the door creaks slowly open. It illuminates him where he waits in his terror, slung from the ceiling by a meat hook, by handcuffs that limit his blood flow. The memory stands like a barrier between them, like a wall over which he can no longer see Caretaker. His selectivity on what happened to him in that place feels less like free will now, feels more like deliberate suffocation. It feels like Whumper’s hand over his mouth when the beating was finally over, blood and freshly broken bones ignored, one leg hiked painfully up.

Whumpee’s eyes well suddenly, the burn of their wetness so stark that it aches. His breath stutters. He’s been home for two days now and his body is taxing him, taking physical recompense for his secret. There’s an ulcer throbbing dully at the inside of his cheek, low enough on the left that it catches his bottom teeth sharply, sore enough that it’s too hard to eat. His stomach aches from morning to night, a counterpart brewing inside of him. The tears blur his vision and it feels like restraint. He pulls his hand free of Caretaker’s grip, presses the heel of it hard to his eye. He wipes his left eye roughly, grinding the heel of his palm without mercy, desperate to clear up his vision. All the while his chest heaves, his free hand shakes, and he wishes there was nothing to tell Caretaker.

“Hey,” breathes Caretaker. “Hey, sweetheart, wait. Shh, hey.”

He touches his fingertips to Whumpee’s hand, guides it slowly away from his face.

“You’re going to hurt yourself,” he tells him, voice as soft as the touch that follow, as the fingertips that touch Whumpee’s cheek. “Let me.”

And he does. Whumpee’s tears have turned closer to sobs, hiccuping gasps as Caretaker leans in close. His uses the edge of his delicate thumbs, skating his touch upwards along the length of Whumpee’s cheeks. He gathers the tears on his skin as Whumpee watches, Caretaker’s warm and worried gaze shifting from one side of his face to the other. He’s watchful and diligent, committed to the task of wiping his tears. Beyond the tall windows of their sixth storey apartment, the moon eases outward from beyond darkened clouds, full and round and almost orange. He remembers tracking the moonlight in that shed, its paleness shifting over the concrete for hours, rescinding as the sun rose in its wake. The days — the three he spent in that place — were always easier than the nights, as if even someone like Whumper couldn’t bring himself to abuse him then step into sunlight.

“There’s something I haven’t told you yet,” Whumpee whispers. He says it like an apology, and maybe it is. It’s born of shame — a painful infection inside him — and it comes from the guilt at his silence. Caretaker stays close to him, keeps his hands pressed softly to his face. “It’s not because I don’t trust you. I…I promise it’s not. But I have to tell you now. I can’t…I have to—“

“Shh,” Caretaker soothes. “You can tell me anything, sweetheart. Nothing you can say will make me love you any less, or think of you any differently, okay? You’re my light. That’s never changing.”

“Okay,” Whumpee whispers, then swallows hard, worries his lip for a moment longer. Caretaker brushes his thumbs over his cheeks as though Whumpee is still crying. And maybe he is, his eyes still aching. Right now he can’t imagine ever stopping.

He draws a deep and shuddering breath, and opens his mouth to tell Caretaker the truth.

-

Thanks to @augusnippets for this event!

[fungus-no69]

I know Cain is trying not to be in a relationship with Sydney till everything settles but how would he react to a corrupt!Sydney?

cw: a lot of anxiety and guilt, sexual trauma and responses, silly mentions of sex toys at the end

Not well!

Since Cain's so set on protecting Sydney from people who try to hurt them he'd probably immediately feel guilty for 'letting' Sydney fall victim to the other people of the town- even though he probably has very little; if any relation to the corruption. There's also his concern that Sydney may become 'like them' (other civilians) which he's very ashamed over and won't acknowledge.

He'd probably worry himself to a stomach ulcer because he's agonising over what happened so much, but at the end of the day- Corrupt Sydney is still Sydney. A bit more fucked up and manipulative sure but Sydney.

Not gonna lie- Cain would totally fall for Sydney's lies and shit even if he's meant to see through it for the first few times (even light hearted ones like the handcuff scene in sirrus' shop). He can't help it okay :[. He's not stupid but he's... kind of gullible when it comes to his (very few) friends and trusts Sydney more than anybody else in rapechestershire. I'm mentioning this because of Sydney's whole 'you made me like this' thing they seem to have. And yes, I know it's the pc's fault but shut your goddamn mouth I'm hijacking this bus.

He'd also become a bit more paranoid(??) around Sydney because hell if Sydney lies to him once then what's saying they won't do it again?? And there's also his very very present sexual trauma and repulsion so god forbid Sydney makes ANY kind of advances on him because he will freak out and quite possibly run away only to return days later. If that doesn't happen because he physically can't run away for whatever reason he might cry.

Regardless, it'd cause a massive rift in their relationship despite their best efforts due to Cain's own self-inflicted alienation and such. It could be fixed but it'd take a lot of time and negotiation. And communication. Which Cain happens to be terrible at.

It sucks but he'd have to be fucking 30 years out of dolville and with an ungodly amount of therapy sessions under his metaphorical belt before he can begin to stomach corrupt Sydney.

on a funnier note because I don't want to end this post sadly, it'd lead to interactions that basically go like:

Sydney: (holding anal beads and obviously teasing) hey Cain, what's this

Cain: ????? i don't ffucking. know???? that shit you put on christmas trees??????? (ball garlands)

[horizon-verizon]

https://www.tumblr.com/groovybiha/749056181944958976/why-does-she-want-to-be-queen-given-that-the?source=share

"Why does she need a special reason to want to be queen? Also, show! Rhaenyra is the type of queen who is willing to lose her title for what she considers is best for the realm. But of course, she hasn't shown any good qualities."

She has no unique traits or qualities that make her really stand out, we don’t really know her true motives or intentions behind anything outside of just being short sited and mistakenly believing her position as heir will be enough to shield her from consequences and her complacency fueled by arrogance. Plus we don’t really know the reasons behind wanting to rule outside of “i will be queen because daddy says so”. Why does she want to be queen? What kind of ruler does she intend to be? What legacy did she wish to leave behind? Entitlement aside, without these things being made clear, it’s impossible to really root for her when you don’t know what they intend to do or stand for as a ruler.

OP is not totally wrong. I actually happen to think that show!her could have had a "special" reason to want to be queen.

HOWEVER what I think it could have been is not the altruistic kind or one focused on lawmaking necessarily. It's a defiant one. [#2 of the list below]

And, yes, why must she "rise to the occasion" as if even if she were one of the better rulers, she'd wouldn't have been usurped....the greens/Otto didn't care about her abilities unless they were to block them from installing Aegon as heir! They just wanted power and Otto explicitly states that he doesn't think that Rhaenyra will ever be accepted bc she is female in the 1st or 2nd episode.

So, Rhaenyra, as other male heirs, should be heir because her father named her as heir and she is the eldest. The usual way heirs are chosen! To say that she needs to do "more" to be seen as "deserving the throne" is a moot point when the reality is the alternative is any of the greens, who are thankfully not very good candidates on their own merit. Why so much scrutiny for her, as if she has done horrible evil things that spell out her rule being one of tyranny?! When the evidence shows she's anything but and that's more likely with any of the green boys?

I've often mentioned how siphoned [post-writer: ozymalek] of character older Rhaenyra seemed. I know some of those I follow and mutuals feel differently, that older Rhaenyra has gone through at the Keep a lot for her to have become more reserved, less outwardly expressive, less bold, etc. It's simply going to always make an ulcer in my mouth. If it was anyone else, I'd be fine with this, but this is Rhaenyra, whom GRRM himself has shown that even after her time at KL, she retains a fieriness that I simply do not see in show!Rhaenyra. Not bc Rhaenyra was anything "special" as her own person, but in principle, I think it's beyond disrespectful to wantonly change a person's character simply because you happen to believe they are unpalatable. even if this character is the most evil person in the word, you're just doing it on behalf of your own feelings rather than interested in honest fiction. It shows that you don't really respect a person's humanity unless it makes you "comfortable".

All which lends to wish-fulfillment text that could lean in multiple directions and frameworks--including the sexist one HotD takes--mishaping the story itself into something not like itself. It comes from the writers not caring or fully getting F&B [ozymalek], but also latent misogyny.

But OP was talking more abt what would make Rhaenyra seem a good, capable ruler on her own, which yeah, like I said in other posts:

not every protagonist needs to be a more "moral" character, bc it seems OP's approach to "likeability" is whether or not this character will be a good ruler or one who thinks majorly outside of her own desires, which is very fair. But we also should look at what the text is saying about the character when they are not "likeable"--this' not really Rhaenyra's role, that's more Dany's. The point of the Dance and us caring abt Rhaenyra is to witness how regardless of her character, she's basically set up, how it didn't matter that she was amoral or tried to impress anyone, they usurped her bc they wanted power and she was a woman. HotD rather should have written for multiple times where Rhaenyra's unfairly assessed apart from actual truths of her character for audiences to understand that.

and thus HotD failed to give us the entire process and set up for why Rhaenyra would definitely would seek for power when she's been put into a corner for most of her life as was book!Rhaenyra---I tend to believe that Rhaenyra is asserting her right to ascend in the orig story because she wants to claim that which has always been denied to her according to her sex, or what people have said was something she never deserved....this is a wound that HotD should have given to their Rhaenyra, or made more obvious, and we even see the beginnings of it in episode 5 when she says "I am the crown", or a hint of it. When she's thinking of her role as the protector of the realm. That ambition born of determination beyond what daddy wants her to do. Instead, she has been pushed back to making most of her avoidant decisions about war based on Viserys' faulty no-war-ism---NOT because I think wars are not devastating and that we shouldn't take the steps to avoid it, but bc it's beyond obvious that, in F&B, the war or some sort of conflict was going to happen regardless bc Aegon refused to accept Rhaenrya's terms...this was before Aemond killed Luke, btw. And HotD did not show us Aegon flat out refusing Rhaenyra's attempts at preventing a war, instead showing us dead-Luke off after Rhaenyra sends Luke away...that context is missing. Also, in the show, she's tasked with being the one to make sure their line leads to the Prince that was Promised, while Aegon the Elder never was. We don't even get a discussion or see how she processes how she would address this dilemma even in the event that she gives up the throne and Luke doesn't die. Her talk with Daemon, when he chokes her out--maybe instead of that nonsense, they could have had them talk about this event and even if he feels like he's indulging her, Daemon gives his thoughts and they converse about it? But no, HotD wants the spectacle of marital abuse. 🙍🏿‍♂️.

So OP has the point of HotD not showing us WHY/HOW Rhaenyra decided she must be Queen, even if it were for more self-interested reasons, they'd still be reasons with a sound line of strong rationale--for some relatable even.

Basically, OP is describing HotD writing Rhaenyra sexistly--show!Rhaenyra is more of an extension of her dad's wishes and motherliness than her own person to me. Book!Rhaenyra, I believe, never would have really pursued the throne or want to rule if Viserys hadn't named her as his heir, but because she's put into that position and others wish to define her as unworthy based on her gender, she must do more than fight for the throne but fight for her gender value not to block her from her loss of dignity. Of course the greens deciding to usurp her & her deciding to fight esp after Luke's death began a war that would claim thousands of smallfolk and highborn lives, but I also don't want this element that fuels a feminist thought to be obscured simultaneously. Otherwise, the motive for why marginalized groups tend to be more tenacious or even "ruthless" than their more privileged peers, social superiors, etc., will easier characterize them as "unfathomable" and irrationally cruel. When the rationale rather is right there in our faces, thus reinforce=ing the desire for the simplicity of the dangerous status quo.

And I can see why they'd be more intrigued by Alicent, yes they did give "glimpses of what lead to alicent being how she was in later years".

...It's also very obvious that Alicent has also been dumbed down by the latter end of episode 8...arguably worse than Rhaenyra for the sake of her becoming more of a Trumpwife blindly trying to just follow the rules. And done so through making her a SA victim by 15 instead of a 18 year old with ambitions of her own. That's the male gaze at work. [post by @xenonwitch], not that SA victims who act like this doen't exist, but that they made Alicent this. Thought that tis change was somehow less sexist than her ambitious Evil Stepmother original self. And expected us all to just take it and erroneously use the ol "F&B is unreliable", as if ages aren't accurately told in the book!

To this day, I still haven't heard reasons as to hwo show!Alicent's rewriting isn't a sexist change. Not "uninteresting", sexist.

Yes book Alicent was a traditionalist, but she at least strategized and was kept abreast of what was going on around her! So, no, Alicent doesn't intrigue me either in the show nor am I very thrilled with her character who seem to just mope around all day about her not knowing anything or where to find "help"; she just repulses me. Her suffering does not endear her to me, and even with me seeing how she became the women she is, the writing still has her unable to manipulate others and be too manipulated. Much too vulnerable. It's a clear dilution of character like Rhaenyra, just in a different way.

So me and OP agree in that they should have just stuck to the book. Just not so much on Alicent and defintely not on Rhaenyra being "spoiled" as they imply.

Also, Show!Rhaenyra has always performed her duty! She obeyed Viserys when he gave orders, she accepted the position, she married LAenor despite not wanting to, she attended those meetings, she even went beyond any instruction and retrieved that egg back from Dameon no muss no fuss!

believing her position as heir will be enough to shield her from consequences and her complacency fueled by arrogance

This was never the case. I'm very tired of people implying and accusing women and girls who act this way as "spoiled" and "entitled". She was actually asking for fair terms for her "duties", which Viserys shut down the minute he kicked Daemon out and refused Rhaenyra's obvious choice in book and show. What are her other duties? Cup-bearing, attending council? She does all that!!! Being faithful to husband so she has leg heirs? She triedi that, it didn't work bc LAENOR IS NOT THE TYPE OF GAY MAN WHO CAN GET IT UP WITH A WOMAN ENOUGH TO IMPREGNATE HER and these same people would rail her if she were to use a Valyrian sex slave or something. And if she tried someone else, how do you know they wouldn't try to take advantage of that and she'd have another worry and danger to her and her kids to deal with?!!!

People keep saying that she should have not gone sleeping with anyone or "hurting" Criston and people around her, when really it was those people who made dumbass choices that affected her.

Marriage tour? Viserys should have married her to Daemon. Her sleeping with Cole? Daemon brought her to a brothel, and why is she so stressed? bc her dad married her best friend and said friend is trying to still be friends AS WELL AS be her superior. Mom just died a few years back, and said friend has already had a son and is pregnant while Aemma was cut open after multiple miscarriages and traumatic births. Viserys is aware Otto is there to get his blood on the throne, yet needs to be told he needs to dismiss him, only to later bring him back! Again, marrying her to a gay man, thus putting parentage of her kids to a little more doubt than otherwise. Laenor going off doing fuck all when he is supposed to be more at her side than he is. She became the Princess of Dragonstone in action and actually became a ruler in all but name for abt 6 yr in the show, 10 in the bks! That is performing a duty (yeah she left bc of Alicent, still doesn't make it any less a duty of the designated heir to look after Dragonstone and the dynasty's dragons housed there)! Her with Cole? Wasn't she drunk and he had ample ability to just leave! Of course it wasn't smart, but it was hardly either an attack or something that other nobles and royals don't already do... so why is she so uniquely amoral?!

A woman/girl who's either spiraling, terrified of not having or being able to retain what little autonomy one has over one's life, or just resistant against constrictive social mores on her based on gender--even when she is in the upper class--should never be shamed. Called "unfortunate", sure, but not shamed!!! These people sound like they'd call young girls "fast"!

Rhaenyra doesn't think her position will save her from harm. Her talk with Alicent proves that, where she had to turn the tables against Alicent to avoid getting punished unfairly. And epsiode 7 has her do similar, bc she can see where it could have easily turned into people looking more at her sons than Aemond with the restoration of the bastardry claim (once again, go back to what I said about Rhaenyra not being able to get Laenor to impregnate her). She was the one who had to prompt & guide her father or trigger Alicent so she'd protect her sons, Viserys wasn't being very competent! Her position as heir and as Viserys' daughter certainly helped her, but it would have been useless in that situation without her having to work at actually making it work for her! And we see how her being heir actually has turned her life inside out where she's put into this ort of position because her society has never had a female ruler and doesn't think she is capable of really being a leader bc of her gender! Her heir status actually gives her a set of unique problems!!!!

She wasn't (in-world) "complacent"; she was just horribly written in her elder years and in her younger years she was still reeling from being forced into a place she's deathly afraid of, no pun intended. Her mother died in the ambitions of men; she's afraid of being married off to a man who'd allow her to die for his own ambitions by using her body for heirs and access to Targ power. She is at war with her identity and gender. And she is a teenager while all this is happening--no matter the time, teens will rebel to try to see their own limits as well as try to find ways to thicken and realize their own autonomy. What we are actually seeing is a teenage girl forced into denying her own desires and needs until, gravely misunderstood, she's compelled to suppress her deeper desires.

That was the intent HotD had for her. And you could still have this, but make her less...of a female-friendless doormat?

[arfidmeals]

ok this ones gonna be a little more serious and a little long but i’ve been having health anxiety so,

Symptoms of Low Nutrients, and What You Can Do For Them

Feeling faint or dizzy randomly/when you move certain ways, feeling cold: a general sign you’re not getting enough to eat. you may have low blood sugar. focus on getting more calories. get some fruit in you, ideally.

Brittle nails, hair falling out: usually from iron, vitamin B, or protein deficiencies. Supplement what you can (though try to get tested for iron deficiency before taking iron supplement). If you’re having trouble getting iron from dark greens/seafood/beans, try some dried fruit. protein is in a lot of things, make a list of foods that work best for you.

Constipation: most common nutritional cause of chronic constipation is vitamin D deficiency, a lot of people have it. supplement that shit, or you can also find it in some fish, eggs, and other random foods (again, look it up).

Blood in stool: okay first of all. if you have this issue and the blood is dark SEE A DOCTOR im sorry. but if it’s just an occasional occurrence and the blood is bright red it’s probably from either a fissure or a hemorrhoid which in nutritional deficiency land happens due to a lack of fiber. there are a lot of fiber supplements you can take but you can also find fiber naturally in whole grain, lentils, and fruits.

Brain fog/chronic fatigue: oh god there can be a ton of reasons for this but consider first that you’re not getting enough food/calories in general. then, focus on if you’re lacking vitamin D, E, C, omega-3, or B12 specifically (which seem to be the most common ones for this).

Reoccurring canker sores/mouth ulcers: can be a sign of vitamin C, B, B12, or iron deficiency most commonly. honestly i think most ppl should take B12 supplements anyways bc its important and a lot of ppl are deficient in it. but yeah, focus on those vitamins and you can treat canker sores by gargling salt water or using an antimicrobacterial mouth rinse.

obviously this is not an exhaustive list, but these seem to be some of the most common warning signs of nutritional deficiencies. if you’re experiencing any of these and you think it would be beneficial to see a doctor/nutritionist, i recommend it.

[devoted1989]

3 vital nutrient supplements vegans need

1. LONG CHAIN OMEGA 3 FATTY ACIDS

There are 2 types of omega 3 fatty acids:-

* ALA is an ESSENTIAL omega 3 fatty acid that can only be obtained through the diet alone.

* DHA and EPA are non-essential, meaning the body can produce its own through our ALA omega fats. However, they are still essential in the sense that we need them in our body. Non-essential in the sense that we don’t need to consume them from outside sources. Animal products are naturally high in these two, and so are a direct source with no need for conversion.

Lots of plant foods contain ALA such as chia, flax, hemp seeds, walnuts, and soy products. You would think that we could make plenty of our own DHA and EPA from these, but this is not actually the case. Unfortunately, the conversion rate for plant based ALA into EPA is only around 5% and the conversion to DHA is practically zero.

This is the reason why studies show that vegans are consistently lacking in these vital nutrients.

Possible symptoms of low omega 3

* Dry or flaky skin, hair and nails

* Depression

* Confusion

* Night blindness

* Cardiovascular problems in the long term

Luckily, you can easily buy an omega 3 specially designed for vegan and plant based diets, therefore this should be an easy problem to fix.

2. VITAMIN D

Very few foods naturally contain vitamin D and the ones that do are mostly fish, seafood or egg based, and therefore not eaten on the plant based diet. Vitamin D deficiency is a worldwide problem among meat eaters and plant based eaters alike, but worse so for the latter.

If you’re lucky enough to live in the sunshine, then you may not need to supplement vitamin D (though do be mindful of the fact that as a plant based eater you won’t be getting ANY through food). But, if you are not getting a good 15 minutes of midday sun on at least a quarter of your body every day then you may need to supplement, even if it’s just low dose.

Don’t forget to be mindful of the fact that it may not be good for you to have such exposure to the mid day sun anyway.

For the rest of us who live in less sunny climates, then a supplement of 1000 iu daily is a must. Vitamin D3 is the most highly absorbable form.

Possible symptoms of a vitamin D deficiency

* Low immunity

* Low energy

* Aches and pains in the bones due to lack of absorption of calcium (vitamin D is needed in the body to absorb calcium).

* Depression and low mood

* Slow healing times

* Bone loss

* Hair loss

* Muscles aches and pains

3. VITAMIN B12

Vegans and plant based eaters who do not use a B12 supplement are among the highest group to be deficient in this nutrient. Although it can still be found in spirulina, chlorella, unwashed organic vegetables (though, who’s going to eat an unwashed carrot?), certain mushrooms, fortified nutritional yeast, and other fortified, processed vegan foods.

But, you may find that you probably still aren’t getting enough due to how much, and how rarely you eat these foods.

Possible symptoms of low B12 levels include:-

* Low energy and fatigue

* Weakness

* Pale skin

* Unexplained pins and needles

* Changes in the way you move around and walk

* Mouth ulcers

* Disturbed vision

* Dizziness

* Breathlessness

* High temperature

* Depression

* Anxiety

A good B vitamin works well and covers all bases. It’s best to use one that is predominantly B12 with smaller doses of the other B’s. Sometimes taking this supplement every other day is enough, especially if it’s good quality and pretty high dose to begin with.

Other nutrients you may need

* IODINE – Found in seaweeds and iodised salt.

* IRON – Found in beans, green peas, nuts, seeds, cruciferous vegetables, fortified cereals and nut milks.

* CALCIUM – Found in Green leafy veg, watercress, broccoli, butternut squash, oranges, tahini, sesame seeds, figs, chickpeas, fortified tofu and nut milks. Remember you need adequate Vitamin D to absorb calcium properly.

* ZINC – Found in wholegrains, nuts, seeds (especially pumpkin seeds, wheatgerm, legumes).

By Zest Forever.

[arccanine]

I'm realizing I really don't even think to post about the things going on in my life anymore. But I want to share the joy of Pepper with anyone who will listen, and express some of that love that soon won't have anywhere to go anymore.

Last year, for my birthday, we adopted the kindest soul of a ferret I've ever met, Pepper.

Earlier that year, we'd had to put our last ferret, Mishka, to sleep, which was devastating not only to us, but to our remaining ferret, Cinnamon, who had always had a cagemate to play with. She was incredibly depressed being alone, refusing to eat more than the bare minimum and spending so much time curled up asleep in the bed they used to share.

It took us a while to feel ready to "replace" him in our lives. But after six months or so, our hearts were healing, and our remaining girl was still so lonely, so we began to keep our eyes open. We'd half-jokingly look at ferrets in towns 6 hours away right before some long trips, debating whether or not we wanted to break our 2 ferret limit to pick up a bonded pair, since that seemed to be the only option available nearby no matter where we looked.

And then one day, there was a single ferret listed only a few blocks away from our home.

She was 3 years old, raised by a teen girl who no longer had the time for her now that she had A Boyfriend (no hate btw, I think it's a funny and dumb reason, but I'm honestly so grateful to any owner who realizes they're not giving their animal the care they deserve). While Cinnamon and Pepper were interested in each other, Pepper was raised alone with cats and dogs and didn't properly "speak ferret", leading to a lot of miscommunications with body language. We also slowly realized she likely has neural crest disorder (sometimes also called "Waardenburg Syndrome", but that term is really just reserved for humans) — a product of the rampant ferret inbreeding problem with big box sellers like Marshall's. Which essentially meant she was a little bit slower, a lot sleepier, and had some difficulty reading body language, but she was otherwise a healthy and incredibly affectionate ferret.

I remember being doubtful and not ready to get invested in a new animal if she wasn't going to be a good fit with Cinnamon. I actually remember a few times talking to Taran and wondering if we should consider finding her a better home, since it seemed like they were really struggling to connect.

But sure enough, Cinnamon and Pepper grew to love and understand each other despite the not-perfect communication — starting with sleeping together, cuddling, grooming each other, and finally figuring out how to properly play fight (something Pepper was incredibly excited to learn, if not too much so lol). Cinnamon put on some weight again, and Pepper began to open up and show off her silly side.

After a month or two, they were perfect little buddies. She became a part of our little family and our outings — a required member for our weekend restocks at the pet store, park visits, or whatever outdoor events were happening around town. The daily wake-up scritches where she would throw her whole body against your hand, rubbing her face into your fingers and against the soft blankets to help her rub the sleepiness away. The play routine, watching her discover the joy of being bowled down the hall and running back for more, loving chasing you, being chased, climbing tubes, getting into places she shouldn't be, or searching for her next sugar fix (which we wouldn't actually give her, but that sure didn't stop her from trying).

But this all came to a halt last week, when Pepper woke up shivering and wouldn't stop, mouth covered in painful-looking ulcers. We immediately rushed her to the emergency vet. We remained hopeful through the week — we'd caught it early, she was healthy (if not a little pudgy) to help buffer the loss of appetite, and she was receiving medicine to help her fight any possible infections or stomach ulcers. We got her in for bloodwork on Wednesday and let them keep her a few nights to help give her around the clock care while we waited for the results.

It seems like she very suddenly suffered from what we can now only assume is kidney failure. We remained hopeful that this was just the start of a new period of her life where we'd have to give her a little more daily care or maybe some medication, but after they ran another bloodtest, we found out that despite the constant care, nothing had improved, and her prognosis was suddenly much more grave. We learned all of this on Friday afternoon, and decided to take her home with painkillers to help keep her comfortable and loved before we were ready to let her go.

It hasn't even been a year since we got her. And we love her so damn much. It's like I wish everybody else loved her as much as we did, so I could at least feel like she's being mourned properly when we'll finally have to put her to rest.

I wanted to dress her up for the halloween market again, I wanted to watch her bound through the forest to sniff and dig at some more of that dirt, I wanted to take her to the park some more and let some more kids meet an animal they've never seen before — letting her charm them by being a little animal that loves their gentle touches. Her squinty little eyes, the way her ears flatten back as she accepts your kiss on her head, the way she chittered like a little bird when she was happy or excited and running around, the way she rubbed her face and whole body on our fake grass, the way she gently licked at Taran's nose while he held her even now as she's slowly dying.

I don't know what else to say other than I just wanted more time. More of what we already had. That it hurts so much that I was expecting more, that she was completely fine the night before, and that I was wrapped up in the monotony of the day to day that I didn't realize it would be our last good night together.

It feels so cruel that some ferrets can live for 8-10 years, and that some barely scrape 4 just because the companies pumping them out don't give a shit about their quality of life. But we've done absolutely everything we could, she went into it as healthily as she could, and we can be at peace knowing it's just her time now. There's nothing else to do now other than keeping her comfortable, saying goodbye to our favorite places and favorite people, and reflecting on all of the joy she brought us in such a short amount of time.

Love you, Pepperoni. Thank you for everything.

[xskeletal-illusionsx]

Reasons I Continue to Recover: A Reminder for Self

🖤 Freedom from obsession

🖤 The ability to feel emotionally stable

🖤 Better cognitive and physical abilities

🖤 Feel better overall

🖤 Regained and strengthened my sense of agency

🖤 Able to feel genuinely good emotions

🖤 Able to connect with others, especially over recovery

🖤 Freedom from the cycle of behaviors

🖤 Ability to find real solutions to my problems

🖤 Freedom from fears

🖤 Freedom from a need for control

🖤 Hair doesn't fall out anymore, and it's healthy again

🖤 Skin isn't super dry

🖤 Nails don't break off from being super brittle

🖤 Healed bone density (no more breaking bones!!!)

🖤 No more ulcers in my mouth/throat

🖤 Teeth aren't super sensitive anymore

🖤 Able to heal and grow my relationship with my family

🖤 Able to enjoy food!!!

🖤 Freedom from the isolation that illness brings

🖤 Freedom from feeling weak and not empowered

🖤 Not passing out or feeling dizzy all the time

🖤 Much more stable mood

🖤 Less stressed out

🖤 Freedom from feeling forced to adhere to unrealistic beauty standards established by wh*te supr*ma*y, misogyny, and p*d*ph*l*a

🖤 Freedom from feeling like I should adhere to beauty standards for a gender I don't even identify with

🖤 Feeling more comfortable/assured of my gender identity regardless of "how I look"

🖤 Being alive and able to write this list, in hopes that maybe it'll reach someone else who needs to hear/see it

[overheaven]

i know i have a lot of things i could be doing better (stretching more, not getting lost in hyperfocus, trying to remember to feed myself) but gotdang i should not be in this much pain always!! anyways gonna journal about that here

it is wacky to have that HUH? THIS ISN’T NORMAL? moment but legit within the last like. two weeks only i have realized my body hurting all the time is not just me being 31 or having bad ergonomics because i realized my partner has the same type of lifestyle and yes she absolutely gets pain flare ups too! but not like this, not all over, and usually improved with minimal changes. & i’m having like “i need physical therapy repair” levels of pain consistently for the last few years, all over in varying different places, and wow yeah like. that really isn’t normal huh.

and maybe i don’t exercise regularly enough but i DO try to be aware of my posture and do at least some end of day before bed decompression and stretching… i know for a fact there are people my age who do even less than that (for whatever reason) who aren’t in this much pain like. is it my bed? am i just sleeping on really shitty mattresses? is it just me doing art or playing video games for too long and getting RSIs? is it a vitamin deficiency?

like i shouldn’t have to be going to the orthopedic walk-in with a different swollen limb or a new pain every month. this is beyond just “agh i got tennis elbow from overexertion” this is “i got tennis elbow from sitting with my arm on the sofa wrong” this isn’t just “my back hurts cause i have an office job” this is “my back hurts when i sneeze, cough, and breathe” this is “i got a muscle spasm so deep i had to go to the ER because i couldn’t unbend my hip without wailing”

then there’s these other elements like, my mouth ulcers have been acting up a lot these past few months, and in recent years i’ve started getting tonsil stones, i developed acne (2-3 years after starting T!) that needed to be treated with accutane even tho that doesn’t run in my family at all, my ongoing habit cough and other respiratory issues… idk i might just be clinging onto the hope that there will be one compact answer to all of this but i wonder if it’s all connected.

it kind of just feels like everything in/on my body flares up or breaks out on the regular. it’s like it’s fighting itself lmao. and idk where to start trying to repair it because each thing is compensating for something else.

i do wonder if this is some sort of long covid thing which i mean i don’t doubt having caught it exacerbated or accelerated issues, but a lot of these have been present beforehand so like. yeah i guess i’m hoping this won’t be written off as “just covid” shit like. bone and joint issues run in my family REALLY bad, as do thyroid issues… idk i wonder if i’m finally getting that shit too lol. got my mom’s side’s shitty eyesight early, might as well get the rest too now ://////

[crmsnmth]

Acid Reflux

I guess I should've seen this coming You never were one to finish anything you start It just so happens I was next and you were going to play chess with my heart

Was i just a fucking joke to you?

What was said to friends in confidence and yet you never figured out how to talk to me That just meant we never would see a fight But a good screaming match should be considered healthy

You were so considerate as you drove that knife into my crooked back

I should've tried at least to be healthy But shame is easy when it's always been an old friend So I'll spread myself thin, like hard butter ripping apart toast and I'll find myself back here in the same place again

I am not carnivorous and I hate violence when it's real

I throw up in my mouth at least a hundred times a day the doctor says it's ulcers lining my gut in rhinestones And I have no real reason to not believe him Leaving his office to take another long walk home

I'm completely alone in a metropolis

It's never been as quiet in this house until you walked back down to your truck in the road The silence became so overwhelming and I promised god I'd pay every debt I've ever owed

When does it change from prayer to begging on my knees?