#really hate it? stop complaining. like. delusion.

[killerelysia]

Pardonnez-moi, Monsieur!- Solivan brugmansia x Yan!G.N Reader! (Part 3!)

The kid at the back is a 18+ visual novel Minors don't interact!

Words: 10000

Genre: Yandere-(Self aware yandere won the poll)

(Reader is G.N)

Summary: You’ve become consumed by your obsession with Solivan Brugmansia. What started as innocent curiosity quickly spiraled into a fixation. He started it and you began to stalk him, learning every detail about his life. You felt a sick sense of satisfaction in making Sol’s world safer while growing increasingly delusional about your connection with him. Your love for him deepens as you fantasize about the future, convinced that you are the one who truly understands him—better than anyone else. Despite the line between reality and obsession blurring, you remain certain: Sol is yours, even if he doesn’t know it yet.. You're his and he's yours...

Trigger Warning: This content contains themes of obsessive behavior, stalking, manipulation, mental instability, and delusional thinking, Drugging, Yandere?, Hopeless in love for attention Please read with caution.

Obsessive behavior: The reader becomes dangerously fixated on someone, bordering on stalking and delusion.

Manipulation: The reader engages in schemes to control or harm others, often through deception.

Mental illness: Delusional thinking, possible dissociation from reality, and unhealthy fixation on someone.

Violence: There are references to bullying, physical harm, and emotional manipulation.

Emotional abuse: Both in terms of how the protagonist manipulates others and how they might internalize toxic behaviors.

Stalking: The reader watches and follows the person they are obsessed with.

EXTRA: He's a character from a game named The kid at the back!! Note, The relationship presented here between sol and reader is extremely toxic!! In no way, Just because I'm writing doesn't mean I support this kind of toxicity. Note, It's okay to like sol if you know the flaws and don't be a blind eye on them! Again, I don't support his actions etc! If you hate sol ignore this.

Somehow you managed to talk with Sol, Thank Hyugo- THO, He tried to kill you.

Of course, you're gonna complain.

You managed to strike up a normal conversation with Sol, and now he’s explaining the so-called assignment Mr. Professass (Professor) gave.

“Let’s use your face as an example,” he says with a sly grin.

“There, you’re making a cute expression right now—that can be considered expressionism.”

You blinked at his compliment, momentarily stunned. Sol seemed to know a lot about art, effortlessly weaving the concept into the conversation.

“Oh! Expressions! That’s easy! I used to draw a lot of yo—” You stopped mid-sentence, coughing to cover your sudden slip. Sol raised an eyebrow at you, his expression a mix of curiosity and mild amusement. How could he act so normal, like nothing ever fazed him?

“Was your friend good at art?” You asked, smoothly steering the conversation.

“Friend? Oh… you mean Hyugo. He ditched me at the last minute for some family business. He never talks about them, and I don’t pry.”

You nodded, a flicker of endearment softening his sharp features despite the faint annoyance in his tone. “He seems loud.”

“He did say sorry for dragging me into his mess—making me take his place and all.” You waved it off with a small smile. “But honestly, he’s a good guy. The best wingman, really.”

For a brief moment, you observed Sol closely. He rambled on about Hyugo, shaking his head as if exasperated, but there was a lingering warmth in his voice that betrayed his true feelings.

“Our first meeting wasn’t exactly ideal,” you said suddenly, cutting into the moment.

Sol paused mid-thought and tilted his head. “Oh? That’s…” His cheeks reddened slightly.

“I didn’t mean that chair situation,” you teased, leaning back. “I’m talking about your blue Jolly Rancher of a friend. That little menace tried to kill me with a pocket knife.”

The confession spilled out so quickly you almost laughed, but the expression on Sol’s face turned from confusion to shock—and then worry.

“Wait, seriously?” he asked, leaning closer. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, trying to downplay it. “It’s fine, really. I’m sure he won’t do it again.”

But Sol wasn’t convinced. His expression darkened slightly, an uncharacteristic seriousness in his voice. “I’ll talk to him. Thank you for telling me, Y/N. I’ll make sure he doesn’t pull anything like that again.”

“There’s no need for that!” you insisted, waving your hands in reassurance. “I’m sure it’s all water under the bridge now.”

Even so, Sol didn’t look entirely convinced. His determination to address the issue was kind of… cute. Watching him brood over it made your heart skip, a warmth pooling in your chest.

You pulled out your sketchpad on a whim and began doodling Sol’s expressions—the way his brows furrowed when he was deep in thought, the subtle pout tugging at his lips.

“Would you believe me if I told you Hyugo’s one of the top students in the entire class but is always missing in action?” Sol asked suddenly, breaking your focus.

“Probably busy with… uh… family stuff?” you guessed, barely glancing up as your pencil danced across the page.

“Yeah, something like that,” he muttered before noticing your scribbling. His gaze shifted to your sketchpad, and he leaned in curiously.

“Wait, were you drawing me this entire time?” Sol asked, his voice laced with both surprise and suspicion.

“Me? No, of course not!” you lied, trying to shield the sketchpad from view.

“Liar,” he said with a pout that nearly made your heart combust.

“Aww, come on, it’s not a big deal, Sullivan!”

“As in that monster from…?”

“Sorry, Sol.” You grinned sheepishly, attempting to cheer him up, but his exaggerated pout only grew more dramatic.

And for the millionth time that day, your heart had died from his unintentional charm.

You found yourself lost in the moment, staring at your sketchpad and then at Sol. A small, almost creepy smile crept onto your lips as you tilted the page toward him.

“You’re really cute,” you said softly, almost absentmindedly.

Sol blinked, his mouth opening slightly in shock.

You leaned closer, pointing to one of the sketches. “Like, look at this one. That little furrow in your brow when you’re annoyed? Adorable. And here!” You flipped to another. “This one, where you’re mid-smirk? It’s like you’re plotting something, but it’s so soft at the same time. And this one…”

You kept going, your voice trailing into near-obsessive detail about every single expression you’d captured. The way his lips curved when he was amused. The slight tilt of his head when he was curious. The barely-there pout when he was annoyed. Each word only made the lovesickness in your voice more obvious.

You caught yourself—barely—and let out a sheepish laugh, trying to backpedal. “I mean… Sol, you’re just… really cute, okay?” You smiled, hoping to play it cool, but the way your heart pounded in your chest wasn’t helping.

Sol stared at you, his face quickly turning an intense shade of red. He looked like he wanted to say something, but the words just… weren’t coming.

Instead, he sat there, completely speechless. His ears burned red as he glanced between you and the sketchpad, frozen in place.

You leaned back, smirking as you tried to hide how flustered you were. “What, no snarky comeback? Cat got your tongue?”

Sol looked away quickly, burying his face in his hands with a muffled groan.

Your heart sank as you realized you might have overdone it. Sol was still red, his hands covering his face, and for a moment, he seemed smaller than his usual confident self.

“Ah, I—” you stammered, your voice softer now. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to come off, uh, intense or anything.” You rubbed the back of your neck awkwardly, looking down at your sketchpad like it was a guilty accomplice. “I just… got carried away. You’re really cool, Sol, and I—”

You cut yourself off, biting your lip. You didn’t want to scare him off. Sol wasn’t like this when he was around other people. It was rare to catch him vulnerable like this—unguarded. And now you were worried you might’ve ruined it by being too much.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” you added quickly, your voice almost a whisper.

Sol finally lowered his hands, his expression unreadable for a second. His gaze flickered to you, then to the sketchpad, and back again. He blinked a few times, his blush still lingering.

“You… didn’t scare me,” he said, his voice quieter than usual. “I just… wasn’t expecting that.”

You froze, not entirely sure how to respond.

He glanced away, rubbing the back of his neck this time, mirroring your earlier nervousness. “I mean, it’s not every day someone… notices things like that about me.”

Your heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t pulling away.

“Still,” you said with a soft chuckle, trying to lighten the mood, “I’ll tone it down. Promise. You’re just… interesting to draw, that’s all.” You paused before adding, “And, uh, to talk to. If that wasn’t obvious.”

For a moment, the awkward tension melted away. Sol leaned back slightly, still blushing but less defensive now. “Just… don’t let Hyugo see those sketches, okay? I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Deal,” you said with a laugh, relieved that the moment hadn’t ruined anything. If anything, it felt like you’d taken a step closer to understanding him—the real Sol, beneath all the bravado.

Sol leaned back in his chair, his usual cool demeanor cracking just a bit. "Alright, who's going first? You sketching me, or am I sketching you?"

You grinned, already pulling out your sketchbook and a charcoal pencil. "Guess that answers your question."

He raised a brow. “Want me to pose or something?”

“Nah, just sit however you want. It’s fine.” You waved him off casually, but your focus sharpened as you scanned his face, taking in every detail.

The way his jet-black hair fell in a soft cascade over his shoulders, streaked with green that caught the light just right—it was mesmerizing. His bangs framed his face, that one streak cutting down the middle and drawing attention to his eyes. And those eyes, with their burning orange inner ring fading to crimson at the edges, like embers glowing in a dying fire, they were impossible to look away from. His jawline was sharp but not harsh, balanced by the soft curve of his lips, which always seemed to rest in a mix of a pout and a smirk.

He was... handsome. And you couldn’t help but stare.

Too long, apparently.

Sol turned his head suddenly, catching you red-handed. His expression twisted into something flustered, and he turned away,

"Eyes on me!"

Sol blinked, jolted out of his daze. “Oh—sorry. I’m, uh, not used to staring at someone for that long.”

You tried to laugh it off, but your voice came out awkward. "“You know, just your boring face and all.” I got it! My face is boring!"

Sol turned back toward you, his cheeks tinged pink as he gave you a shy glance. “Your face isn’t boring,” he muttered, almost too softly for you to hear. “It’s… more… beautiful.”

Your heart slammed against your chest. Heat flooded your cheeks, and for a moment, you felt like you might combust on the spot. You stared at him, utterly frozen, the charcoal pencil trembling slightly in your hand.

Oh my god, I’m dying. This is it. I’m dying. Again. For the millionth time.

You tried to recover, puffing out your cheeks in mock frustration to defuse the tension. “Nope. Not doing this. You’re not allowed to be cute while I’m trying to work.”

Sol smiled—really smiled—and it was devastating. Soft, genuine, and just shy enough to make your heart stutter.

And then, as if to finish you off completely, you almost missed the way his eyes lingered on you. They were hazy, love-drunk, filled with something dangerously soft and unspoken.

Oh, you sick bastard, Sol, you thought, trying not to let your face give away the chaos in your head. I love you for that.

You started sketching, letting the charcoal glide over the paper with care that bordered on reverence. Each stroke of the pencil became a quiet obsession, capturing the slight arch of his brow, the curve of his jaw, the sharp bridge of his nose that added so much character to his face.

Your fingers moved instinctively, but your mind was a storm.

This won’t be enough.

You paused, glancing up at him again. His face was relaxed, but there was a faint curiosity in his eyes as he tried to stay still for you. That softness in his expression—it was the kind that sent a thrill down your spine. It wasn’t just a face you wanted to draw; it was him.

Your chest tightened. No amount of sketches could ever capture him fully. His little mannerisms, the way his lips twitched slightly when he was lost in thought, how his lashes cast shadows across his cheekbones when he glanced away—how could charcoal and paper ever do justice to that?

No drawing will ever be enough until I get you. All of you.

You swallowed hard, your pencil slowing for a moment as you scanned his face again, letting your gaze linger just a second too long. His expression shifted slightly—was that a flicker of unease? Or maybe curiosity?

You smiled softly, trying to mask the possessive edge in your thoughts. “Sorry. Just trying to get it perfect.”

Sol tilted his head, his lips twitching into a small smirk. “Take your time. Not like I’m going anywhere.”

Oh, you’re not. Not now, not ever.

The thought burned in your chest as you leaned closer, focusing on the details. The dip of his collarbone where it peeked from his shirt, the way his hair caught the faint light from the window, framing his face like a portrait already waiting to be hung. Your pencil moved with an almost feverish precision, each stroke pulling you deeper into your fixation.

And yet, it still wasn’t enough.

You let out a shaky breath, glancing up at him one more time. He caught your gaze this time, and his eyes softened. “How’s it going?”

“Fine,” you murmured, your voice quieter than you meant it to be.

But in your mind, a different answer screamed: It’s not enough. I need more.

You quickly looked back at your sketchpad, your cheeks burning, hoping the intensity of your thoughts wasn’t plastered all over your face.

The bell rang, slicing through the quiet moment between you and Sol. You startled slightly, realizing how much time had passed, and quickly closed your sketchbook.

"Alright, we’re done for now," you said, tucking the pencil into your bag.

Sol leaned forward, his curiosity practically radiating off him. “Wait—can I at least peek?”

You shook your head firmly. “Nope.”

“Boo,” he said, pouting in a way that almost felt illegal. The exaggerated downturn of his lips, the wide-eyed pleading look—it was devastating.

You sighed heavily, knowing you were no match for that expression. “Fine. Just a peek. But no judging, alright?”

He grinned triumphantly as you opened the sketchbook, angling it toward him. His gaze settled on the page, and for a moment, he didn’t say anything. He just stared.

“Wow,” he finally breathed, his voice low and almost awed. “You… you drew this? Like, just now?”

You tried to play it off, shrugging like it wasn’t a big deal, but your heart raced. “Yeah, it’s just a rough piece. Nothing special.”

His eyes didn’t leave the sketch. “Nothing special? Are you kidding me? It’s—” He paused, his brow furrowing slightly. “It’s perfect. You captured… everything.”

Your chest tightened at his words, but you fought to keep your expression neutral. Instead, you just smiled weakly and looked away, your thoughts a whirlwind. Of course, I captured everything. I’ve drawn you so many times, Sol. In my mind, in my journals. You’re practically etched into my soul.

“It’s not that great,” you muttered, trying to dismiss his praise.

He blinked at you, his expression shifting from awe to disbelief. “No. It’s good. Actually, it’s better than good.”

You opened your mouth to argue, but he shook his head, cutting you off. “It’s better than anything I’ve ever drawn.”

Your eyes widened. “Get the fuck out.”

“No, I’m serious!” he said, looking at you earnestly. “It’s amazing, and—wait, you think I’m talented?”

You froze for a split second, and then words tumbled out of your mouth before you could stop them. “I mean, yeah. Your portrait which I st—uh, think!—is really good.”

You coughed mid-sentence, your throat suddenly dry as panic set in. Sol’s eyes widened, and he immediately jumped up, grabbing a bottle of water from his bag. “Hey, you okay? Here, drink this!”

You took the water, your hands brushing briefly as he handed it to you. His concern was palpable, his orange-red eyes scanning your face. You quickly gulped some water and waved a hand to reassure him. “I’m fine! Just… choked on my words. Literally.”

He frowned, clearly not convinced, but let it go.

You cleared your throat and tried to steer the conversation back. “Anyway, we’ve still got two more works to finish for this project. Let’s… exchange numbers so we can plan things out?”

Sol nodded, pulling out his phone. “Yeah, good idea.”

The exchange was quick, and within moments, your phone buzzed with a message.

Sup.

You stared at it, blinking, before a laugh bubbled out of you. “You type so differently than you talk.”

Sol raised an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

"Nothing."

You glanced at Sol, who was now scrolling lazily on his phone, and a thought hit you like a freight train. He was so intriguing, so magnetic, but also… so misunderstood.

You couldn’t stop yourself from blurting out, “Y’know, I bet a lot of people mistake you for someone you’re not.”

He looked up, tilting his head curiously. “What do you mean?”

You hesitated, suddenly self-conscious under his gaze. “I mean… you come off as this super confident, kind of aloof guy, but you’re… more than that. People probably don’t take the time to really get you. To understand you.”

His brows furrowed slightly, and you felt your chest tighten. You hadn’t even planned this conversation, but now you were tumbling forward without brakes.

“And I… I want to be that person,” you said, your voice wavering. “I want to understand you, Sol. I want to know the real you. I want us to…” You paused, trying to swallow the lump in your throat. “���to be friends.”

The word friends fell from your lips like a rock, heavy and jagged. It sounded so wrong, so painfully inadequate for how you felt. You wanted to claw it out of the air and burn it before it could reach him. But what else could you say? You couldn’t just ask him to marry you on the first day you’d truly spoken.

Sol blinked, his expression softening. For a moment, you thought you saw a flicker of something deeper in his eyes, but then he smiled.

“So,” he said, leaning forward slightly, “let’s make today the start of something. The start of a wonderful friendship. What do you think, Y/N L/N?”

Your heart shattered into a million pieces.

Friendship?! FRIENDSHIP?! Your inner voice screamed, but outwardly, you managed a bright, almost too-cheerful nod. “Yeah! Of course!”

The smile on your face didn’t match the agony in your chest. You were happy to be close to him—really—but it wasn’t enough. Not when you wanted so much more.

Sol leaned back, his casual demeanor unchanged, you felt your heart breaking all over again. And yet, as painful as it was, you told yourself it was a start.

I’ll take this. For now.

But deep down, you couldn’t ignore the ache that wouldn’t go away. The way the word “friendship” echoed in your mind like a cruel joke. You wanted more, and the thought of settling for less was unbearable. Still, you smiled at him, masking the pain, determined to be patient.

Even if it killed you.

As you stood up, preparing to leave, a strange weight settled in your chest. Sol’s words echoed in your mind, the promise to see each other tomorrow. It was enough to make your heart ache, to feel something stir inside you that you weren’t sure how to handle. The idea of friendship—just friendship—with him made everything seem so much harder.

You gave him a smile, even though it felt like your insides were twisting in pain. “Will we see each other tomorrow? And… if it’s possible, could we hang out?” Your eyes were a little too soft, a little too vulnerable, and you couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eye for fear of what would spill out.

His expression shifted, that familiar lack of emotion, the calm mask he wore all the time. It was hard to read, hard to decipher, but you didn’t need to. You already knew the answer. His expression was now full of...surprise, he answered faster than you expected!

“Ah! Yes, of course! See you tomorrow.” He gave a small nod, his voice reassuring but distant. You were sure he didn’t feel the same urgency, the same burning desire that you did.

You patted his shoulder, your fingers lingering for just a second longer than necessary. The sensation of his warmth sent a shockwave through you, and you fought to keep your cool. “See you tomorrow, Sol.”

You turned and left.

Your footsteps echoed in the hallway as you walked away, a slight frown pulling at your lips. The walls around you were decorated in some half-hearted Halloween theme—streamers, fake cobwebs, jack-o’-lanterns—but it all felt like a blur. You didn’t care about the decorations or the meaningless chatter around you. Everything felt muted, distant.

Then, as you pulled your phone from your pocket, a text from Crowe appeared, and your stomach twisted.

Crowe: "Waiting for you outside the gate."

It hit you like a punch to the gut. Crowe. Your friend. The one you’d always relied on, the one you cared about deeply. But now… you were torn. Torn between Crowe and Sol, between what had always been familiar and what was now irresistible, unsettling. You couldn’t lie to yourself: having a friendship with Sol was so distracting. Every time you saw him, you couldn’t focus, couldn’t think. It was overwhelming. And it was dangerous.

You cared for Crowe, too, didn’t you? Of course you did. He had always been there for you, your anchor in a sea of chaos. But… when you thought of Sol, when you remembered his gaze, the way he spoke to you, how he looked at you—how he made you feel—you couldn’t deny it anymore.

You stopped in the hallway. Your breath caught in your throat. The truth had become too real.

I’m choosing Sol over Crowe.

The thought was like a blade, cutting deep into your chest. It wasn’t that you didn’t care about Crowe. You did. You always had. But this… what you felt for Sol—this strange, insatiable need to be closer to him, to know him, to feel something more than friendship—was undeniable. Crowe had always been there, but Sol… he was different.

But now, you had a problem. A big problem.

You loved Crowe. Or, at least, you thought you did. And you couldn’t bear the thought of losing him, of him hating you, of him finding out about the way your heart raced when Sol was near. It was so unfair to Crowe, but you had to do it. You had to.

It was painful, but there was no other choice.

You took a deep breath, shaking your head as you walked toward the exit, your heart heavy with the weight of what you had to do. You couldn’t think of Sol anymore. You couldn’t let yourself be distracted.

You had to push Crowe away.

And the only way to do that was to make him hate you.

As the thought settled in your mind, you could feel your stomach churn. It hurt. It really hurt. But this was the only way to make sure you wouldn’t be distracted. To make sure you could stop yourself from falling any deeper.

You reached the gate, and Crowe was standing there, leaning casually against the wall. He looked up as he saw you approach, a smile lighting up his face. It made your chest tighten.

You hated what you were about to do. But you had no choice.

No one ever said love was easy.

It wasn't just for that.

He's watching, He's always is.

Crowe stood there, radiating his usual easygoing confidence. His bag was neatly placed on the ground, his posture upright and casual, arms held behind his back as he tapped his foot in quiet anticipation.

You felt like you were walking in a dream—or maybe a nightmare. Each step toward him was like dragging yourself through thick, suffocating fog. You were broken. Pieces of your heart scattered, and you didn’t even know how to piece them back together. You didn’t know what you were doing, what you even wanted anymore.

You finally reached him, forcing your voice to sound steady. “Crowe… what’s the work?”

Crowe blinked, clearly surprised. “Work?” His eyebrows furrowed, a flicker of concern crossing his face. “No, Y/N… I just wanted to hang out.”

The words stung like a slap, and a pang of guilt twisted in your chest. Just wanted to hang out.

But the words should’ve been comforting, right? Crowe was always like this—sweet, casual, like he cared. He never made things complicated, never put pressure on you, just wanting to spend time with you. And yet… there was that feeling gnawing at you. A feeling you couldn’t shake, no matter how hard you tried.

“I was thinking of taking you somewhere,” he continued, his voice lighter now. “There’s a neat park nearby. It’s a bit quieter. I can lead you there if you want.” His face lit up with excitement, and for a split second, you thought you saw something more.

Why was he so… excited?

Do you think…? No, it can’t be right.

You looked down at your feet, the weight of the situation sinking in. Regret gnawed at you, but you still smiled, trying to push the discomfort away. “Yeah… that sounds nice.”

Crowe grinned, his eyes bright with that familiar warmth. “Great! Let’s go then.”

Take his hand

TAKE HIS ARM

HAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

You bit your lip, trying to find an excuse, any excuse to create distance. You didn’t want to be close to him right now—not when your heart was torn between him and someone else. Not when you couldn’t stop thinking about Sol, and the pain of choosing between them was suffocating.

And then, a solution hit you.

“I’ll carry your bag,” you said quickly, as if the words could erase the guilt already creeping in. You didn’t wait for his protest, picking up the bag and holding it in your hands, keeping it between you and Crowe like a barrier.

He frowned, about to say something. “No, Y/N, you really don’t have to—”

“I insist,” you cut him off, your voice firmer than you felt. “It’s fine. Really.”

You couldn’t let yourself touch him, not right now. Not when your thoughts were so clouded with confusion and desire. You couldn’t let the connection between you two grow any deeper. You had to keep distance, even if it was just a simple gesture like this.

Crowe sighed but didn’t argue, following you with that same concerned look in his eyes.

This is the only way to make sure you won’t get distracted.

You tried not to think too much about how wrong it felt to avoid him like this, but every time you looked at Crowe, your heart sank a little more. He was your friend, your best friend, but the truth was, your feelings were too complicated, too mixed up now.

you walked side by side, the silence between you two felt heavy, suffocating. You tried to focus on the road ahead, telling yourself that this was the right thing to do.

Every step felt like you were walking further away from the person you used to be, a person who hadn’t been so consumed by obsession, by him.

How had it gotten this dark?

You couldn’t ignore the ache in your chest, the constant pull toward Sol. You kept thinking about him—his face, the way his eyes met yours with that unreadable expression, the way your heart had thundered when he leaned in closer, the way he seemed perfect. You hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him, not even for a second, and now—now everything else seemed to fade into the background.

You could almost picture it clearly: Sol, leaning down toward you, his lips just inches away, his eyes so intense as if he could feel what you were feeling. You felt your breath quicken, your heartbeat escalating, imagining the moment you would kiss him, desperate for his touch, for something real—something more.

But then, just as you were about to lose yourself in the fantasy, something yanked you back to reality.

Crowe’s hands were suddenly on your arms, pulling you back from the abyss of your thoughts. His grip was firm but gentle, as if afraid you might break under the weight of your own mind.

“Y/N…” he said, voice low, laced with concern. His eyes searched yours, his gaze soft but full of worry. “You’re… you’re making a really concerning expression right now.”

You blinked, feeling a strange, almost drooling sensation, like you were half there and half lost in some other world. You realized you’d been staring into nothing, your mind completely consumed by the image of Sol.

You couldn’t believe it. You couldn’t believe what was happening to you.

“Y/N, you…” Crowe hesitated, unsure how to put it into words. “You look… almost…” He trailed off, his voice a little shaky. “Disgusting?”

His words hit you like a bucket of ice water. Disgusting?

You felt a pit form in your stomach. What was wrong with you?

But Crowe didn’t leave it at that. He could see the confusion in your eyes, the hurt behind your forced smile, and he gently squeezed your arms. “No, Y/N. Nothing you do is disgusting, okay? Nothing.”

His words were meant to reassure you, but they only added to the chaos in your mind. It was almost like you wanted to believe him, but the truth was too overwhelming. You were becoming obsessed with Sol.

No shit sherlock!

You looked at Crowe, barely able to meet his gaze.

You kept walking, but something inside you pulled back. You felt like you were drifting away, each step carrying you further from reality. You heard Crowe's footsteps pause behind you, and when you turned around, his worried expression stopped you in your tracks. His brow furrowed, his mouth set in a firm line as he studied you.

Without warning, he grabbed your hand, his grip gentle yet insistent.

“I wanted to talk about you maybe trying out with our new friends,” Crowe began, his voice a little too calm, too measured. But there was something in his eyes—a flicker of concern—that made your stomach twist.

But he didn’t stop there. “But I won’t ignore the fact that you’ve been different for the past couple of months… something’s wrong.”

You froze, your heart racing. The evening sky had turned dark, the sun dipping below the horizon. Shadows stretched across the empty street as the quiet evening began to feel suffocating. You didn’t want to hear this. You didn’t want him to see through you.

“Ichabod,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, as you tried to brush him off. "You’re wasting my time. I told you, I wanted to hang out. I came out for you." Your words sounded cold, distant, like you were trying to push him away. You weren’t sure anymore if you were trying to hide yourself from Crowe or from your own feelings.

Crowe’s eyes hardened, his jaw clenched as anger began to brew beneath the surface. “Tell me what’s really going on.” His voice was tight, almost accusing. “You’ve been acting off for weeks now. Something’s wrong, and you won’t even talk to me about it.”

His words dug deep, and you felt that same uncomfortable pressure in your chest.

You opened your mouth to say something—anything—but nothing came out. The thoughts in your head were too chaotic, too tangled.

“You’re just tired, right?” Crowe asked, his tone softening, but there was still an edge to it. “That’s why you’re being so cold, so distant?”

You didn’t answer. You didn’t know how to. You were exhausted—mentally, emotionally—but that wasn’t the only reason you were like this. The real truth was something you couldn’t even admit to yourself, let alone him. You couldn’t talk about it. You couldn’t say it aloud.

Without waiting for your response, Crowe let out a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, we’re heading to the same place, but… this isn’t just to hang out. I’m not going to ignore the fact that you’re acting strange.”

Your heart sank. He had already figured it out.

Crowe’s words were sharper now, almost impatient, as if he was done pretending like everything was fine. “We’re going to talk. Not just waste time. We’re going to talk about what’s going on with you.”

Your body tensed. You felt the pressure of the moment building. You didn’t want to face this. You didn’t want to confront what was happening inside you, because the truth was far more complicated than you were ready to admit.

“I’m fine,” you said quickly, the lie tasting bitter on your tongue.

But Crowe wasn’t buying it. His expression was unreadable, but his grip on your hand remained firm, guiding you forward. You could feel him watching you, analyzing every movement, every word, trying to figure out the truth.

You stood there, staring up at the night sky, your thoughts drifting once again. The stars above were beautiful, too beautiful for what you were feeling. It felt like everything around you was so peaceful, so perfect—but inside, you were falling apart. You couldn’t stop thinking about Sol, the image of him haunting your mind as you pictured him in every corner of your thoughts.

You had to get home. You had to go back. You wondered if he had drugged the food yet, the thought making your stomach churn with an odd mixture of excitement and dread. Sol… you thought.

Why was I always thinking about him?

You chuckled softly to yourself, a laugh that didn’t feel like it belonged to you. The sound was hollow, almost insane in its desperation, and you had no control over it. The more you thought about him, the more you couldn’t stop imagining all the what ifs—what if you could be with him? What if you could make him yours?

You closed your eyes for a moment, the image of Sol’s face appearing before you, his expression warm, inviting, even though it was a fantasy.

You opened your eyes, and it was like you were in a trance. There was Crowe, standing beside you, watching you intently, his gaze sharp and focused. You didn’t notice him at first, lost in your own world, but when you did, you were startled by his expression. He was just standing there, his posture stiff as he watched you with a mixture of confusion and something darker.

His eyes narrowed, almost like he was trying to understand what was going on in your head. It was as if he saw something in you that you didn’t want to admit.

You couldn’t even hide it anymore. You were obsessed. You were lost in thoughts of Sol, and now Crowe could probably see it. He was watching you closely, almost like he was analyzing every move, every flicker of your gaze.

Crowe was silent for a moment, closing his eyes as though trying to calm himself down. He didn’t say anything, and neither did you. There was something heavy hanging between you two, something unspoken that made the air feel thick and suffocating.

You felt like you had been caught, but it wasn’t just about your actions anymore—it was about the part of you that was slipping away, the part of you that was losing its grip on reality. The part of you that was getting too close to Sol. Too obsessed.

You couldn’t even bring yourself to explain it. You couldn’t bring yourself to admit that the only thing on your mind right now was him, and you couldn’t lie to Crowe. But you couldn’t stop.

You were spiraling deeper into this madness, and the more you tried to pull yourself out, the further you fell.

Crowe didn’t speak, but his eyes were still on you, studying you with such intensity. The silence between you two was deafening, and it felt like you couldn’t escape from the weight of the moment. You didn’t know how much longer you could keep pretending everything was fine, because inside, everything was breaking apart.

Finally, Crowe sighed, his voice low and heavy. “Y/N…”

But you didn’t want to hear it. You didn’t want to hear him lecture you about your behavior, about how wrong you were, how obsessive you had become. Because you already knew. You already felt it. And the worst part was that you didn’t care.

You were too far gone.

Crowe coughed, a forced sound that echoed in the silence between you two, and the moment was ruined. The image of Sol, the one you had been fantasizing about just moments before, began to fade as you were pulled back into the present. You clenched your jaw, an unfamiliar anger bubbling up inside of you.

“What?” you snapped, your voice sharper than intended. The irritation was there, raw and unfiltered. He had broken your daydream—your escape.

Crowe, startled by your sudden outburst, looked away, his eyes betraying a hint of confusion and concern. “Y/N… what happened to you?” he asked, his voice softer now, but still laced with that underlying worry.

You immediately shut down, wanting nothing to do with the question. “Nothing’s wrong,” you muttered, your gaze already shifting back toward the stars, seeking refuge in the familiar expanse of the night sky. You sat down on the grass, trying to drown out the noise in your head.

Crowe didn’t stop. He sat beside you, his presence heavy as he continued to ask questions, trying to piece together the puzzle of what was going on with you. But you didn’t want to hear it. You didn’t want to think about it.

You buried yourself in the task of picking at the grass, mindlessly drawing out Sol’s name in the dirt with the tips of your fingers. Sol...

Your eyes softened as you traced the letters, the feeling of love and obsession creeping in once more. You didn’t care if it was unhealthy. You didn’t care that you were losing it. In that moment, Sol was everything.

Then, Crowe’s voice broke through again. “Y/N… I’m talking to you.”

You snapped your head toward him, your patience thinning. “Shut up,” you muttered, the words slipping from your mouth before you could even register them. He had ruined it again. He didn’t understand. He couldn’t understand.

Crowe went silent, and when you looked at him, you saw that his expression had shifted. He looked hurt—surprised, even. But that wasn’t what caught your attention. It was the way he was looking at you, as if he had just realized how different you had become.

Your heart skipped a beat. You knew. You saw it in his eyes, in the way he now regarded you. You were scary.

You suddenly felt that weight pressing down on your chest—the guilt, the realization of what you had just become. Your eyes, the same ones that hadn’t slept properly in days, were dark and haunted. You could feel the darkness inside you swirling, pulling you deeper into this obsession.

You felt the regret hit you like a wave, and without thinking, you..

Crowe’s eyes softened, and there was a painful hesitation in his voice. He looked at you, trying to piece together the person in front of him—the person you used to be. “What happened to you...?” His voice was tinged with sadness, something you had never heard from him before. It was like he was watching a stranger before him, and it made you feel... uncomfortable, uneasy.

You cocked your head slightly, feigning confusion, though deep down you knew exactly what he was getting at. “What do you mean?” you asked, your voice quieter now, as you tried to keep your emotions under wraps.

Crowe ran a hand through his hair, a sigh escaping his lips before he spoke again. “It’s just! Look at you! You’re... nowadays sleep-deprived, always walking away... One of the students even complained to the council that you were... laughing a lot in the restroom. You threatened them to be silent... This isn’t like you...” His voice faltered at the end, as if he were afraid to say too much, afraid of pushing you further.

You shrugged, trying to dismiss it. “Ah, so what?” You could feel the coldness creeping into your tone, but you couldn’t stop it. It wasn’t like you cared anymore.

“I’m not sure who you are anymore...” Crowe's words were heavy, like each one was a weight being pressed onto you. “You used to be a quiet, caring, bookworm artist who liked to listen... and a good child who cared about their father getting their land back. But now...” He trailed off, his voice thick with concern.

You stared at him, your expression hardening. “Ichabod, stop it... Crowe, what’s with you? What are you trying to say?” Your voice cracked slightly with frustration, but you didn’t let it show too much. You weren’t going to let him make you feel guilty, not when everything inside you was already breaking apart.

“You’re not yourself anymore,” he said, his voice quiet now, almost pleading. “Is there a reason...? You’ve become so... cold. Toward me too... You used to...”

The words hit you like a punch to the gut, but you refused to show any sign of weakness. You didn’t want to hear it. “You only know me for what you think,” you said through clenched teeth. “You don’t know me as a person. You don’t have the right to complain.”

Crowe’s face twisted, the hurt evident in his eyes as he took a step closer, his voice trembling. “Complain?! Y/N! I’m someone who cares about you! I’m worried about you!”

You couldn’t stop the bitter laugh that escaped your lips. “Cared?” you spat, the word leaving a bad taste in your mouth. “Don’t make me laugh, Crowe. Didn’t I just say? Friend... friend... friend...” The word felt like a poison on your tongue. You hated it, but you said it anyway.

He was taken aback, the raw emotion in his face faltering as he blinked at you, unsure how to respond. “Then... What am I to you?” His voice was shaky, desperate for an answer.

You looked at him, almost broken, as the answer came to you, something so twisted and bitter you couldn’t help but say it. “You WERE MY savior,” you said, your voice hollow. “A friend.” You looked away quickly, trying to hide the sinking feeling inside you. What have I become?

Crowe stood there for a moment, processing your words, before he shook his head slightly. “Then I guess... I don’t really know who you are anymore, Y/N. What you are...” His voice cracked. "I’m sorry for ruining your day.”

You didn’t know how to feel anymore. His words had hit you harder than anything, but you couldn’t bring yourself to show it. “Yeah, you don’t,” you whispered. Crowe was about to..leave but he held your arm.

Crowe’s grip on your arm tightened, his voice sharp and laced with panic. “What’s wrong with you?” he demanded, his face flushed with a mix of confusion and frustration. “Why are you acting like this? What happened to you?!”

His desperate eyes were searching yours, but all you could feel was anger and suffocating tension. You had enough of his questions, enough of his concern. You had too much of him in your life, and it was beginning to tear you apart. You couldn’t breathe in the face of it anymore.

"Shut up!" you screamed, the words ripping through the silence. "Shut up, Crowe! Just... shut up!"

You yanked your arm away from him, the fire in your chest growing. This wasn’t you, not the person he thought you were. Not anymore. You had changed, and he needed to accept it.

Crowe’s eyes widened in shock, but you couldn’t care less. He didn’t understand. He wouldn’t. You were done trying to explain yourself to someone who couldn’t see the chaos inside your mind.

Suddenly, you grabbed him by the collar, pulling him closer with force, your body trembling with the anger you could no longer suppress. “YOU’RE THE PROBLEM!” you screamed at him, your voice cracking. "YOU distract me, away from my life. You make everything so damn complicated! I want to focus on something, but you keep getting in my way! You make everything harder!"

Tears welled in your eyes, but you fought them back, gritting your teeth. “I DON’T WANT FRIENDS! LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!”

Your breath came in shallow gasps as you shoved him away, forcing yourself to take a step back. You grabbed your bag, clutching it tightly as if it were the last thing keeping you grounded.

Crowe stood frozen, his face pale, looking as if your words had physically struck him. But his voice was quiet, almost resigned. “Have fun with the group of people you’re trying to fix,” you spat bitterly. “But stay the hell away from me. I’m done.”

You turned sharply, your heart hammering in your chest as you walked away, the cold night air hitting your face, but you barely felt it. Your legs carried you without thought, away from Crowe, away from the situation you had created.

“Have fun with your new friends. I’m telling you this now... if you want to live happily... Stay with them. I’m done for.”

And with that, you walked away, your heart torn in two but your mind resolute. You didn’t look back. You couldn’t afford to.

You made it home, the door slamming shut behind you as you staggered into the dimly lit living room. The emptiness felt like it was swallowing you whole, but it was the kind of emptiness you had grown used to. The kind that didn't scream for attention, just quietly gnawed at your soul.

You collapsed to the floor, pulling your knees to your chest as your body shook. The tears came like a dam breaking open—heavy, hot, and relentless. It wasn’t just from the fight with Crowe, not just because of the raw pain in your chest. No, it was because you had to do it. You had to push him away, had to convince yourself that you hated him. You had to protect him.

It wasn’t like you didn’t care about Crowe; it was the opposite. You cared too much. And that kind of care was dangerous when you had someone like Sol watching you from the shadows, his jealousy like a burning fuse ready to snap at any moment. You had seen it, the way he watched Crowe, the way his eyes hardened whenever his name was mentioned.

Sol could never find out about Crowe. If Sol knew, he would kill him—you were sure of it. And that couldn’t happen. Not while you still had this insane, twisted obsession with Sol. The last thing you wanted was to lose the only person who made you feel something in this chaotic mess of emotions.

and to be peaceful with sol.

You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand, taking a shuddering breath as you reached for the small pile of things you had been hiding in your bag. It was a strange collection: a piece of bandage you had stolen from the nurse’s office, a pencil Sol had left on his desk, a scrap of paper with a doodle of his—just things, little things. But to you, they were treasures. They were all you had left of him.

Hugging them to your chest, you buried your face in the soft bandage. His scent lingered faintly on it, something sharp and comforting. The smell of Sol. The smell of everything you wanted. It calmed the storm inside your head, at least for a moment.

Your mind wandered, thoughts growing hazy as the delusions crept in. You imagined Sol with you, imagined him loving you, imagined a life where he saw you as something more than just an object of desire. But that was all it would ever be—delusion. And yet, it felt so real, so comforting in that moment of weakness.

You clung to the bandage tighter, your tears soaking into the fabric. You couldn’t stop it. You wanted to scream, to let it all out, but the sensation of holding onto something—anything—was a distraction. It kept you from falling apart completely.

And in that moment, despite the overwhelming sadness, you felt a twisted sense of gratitude. “Thank God…” you whispered, your voice cracking. You didn’t even know what you were thankful for...

You sat there in the darkness of your room, the weight of the bandage pressing against your chest as you clutched it tighter, your fingers trembling with a twisted sense of ownership. The smell of Sol was still faint on the fabric, but to you, it was everything. It was him, in your hands, in your arms, in your mind.

A sick, deranged smile stretched across your lips, creeping its way into your expression as you hugged the bandages closer. The soft, comforting scent of Sol's presence made your heart race, and every thought felt like a desperate plea to keep him to yourself, to make him yours. It didn’t matter that you knew how wrong it all was; it didn’t matter that you were sinking deeper into this madness. In this moment, you were consumed, body and soul, by the idea of him.

You could almost see him—feel him—right next to you. The way his eyes would soften when he looked at you, how his voice would whisper your name in that quiet, gentle way, if only he knew how much you loved him. The fantasies played in your mind like a twisted film reel, each scene more vivid, more real than the last.

“Sol...” you whispered, barely able to keep the name from slipping off your tongue. “You’re mine, aren’t you?”

Your voice was soft, almost reverent, but there was a madness in your eyes. Your pupils dilated as your smile deepened, the corners of your mouth stretching until it felt like your face couldn’t contain the longing and obsession.

The bandage in your hands was no longer just a piece of cloth. It was a symbol. A symbol of the twisted bond you had with him, the bond you were building, even if he didn’t know it. You felt your chest tighten, your breath hitching in your throat. You imagined what it would be like when he finally realized—when he finally saw you, truly saw you, not just as a fleeting moment in his life, but as the one who loved him the most, the one who would never let him go.

Your mind raced, wild and untamed, thoughts spiraling in a whirlpool of desperation. What would you do if he knew? Would he ever love you back, or would he push you away like everyone else had? No. You wouldn’t let that happen.

You could feel a twinge of possessiveness, something dark and primal clawing at your insides, as you pressed the bandage to your face, inhaling deeply.

I need him. I need him so much…

A bitter laugh bubbled up from deep within your throat, a hollow sound that echoed around the room, dark and twisted. “I’ll make sure no one takes you from me. Not anyone. You’ll be mine, Sol. Forever...”

You closed your eyes, your fingers clutching the bandage as if it were the most precious thing in the world. A tear slipped down your cheek, though it wasn’t from sadness. It was from the overwhelming need, the obsessive desire that consumed every corner of your heart.

You smiled again, slower this time, as you whispered to the empty room, “You’ll see... You’ll see, Sol. We’re meant to be. You have me in your order already.."

The sudden buzz of your phone broke through the fog of obsession, pulling you back to reality with a jolt. Your heart skipped a beat as you saw Crowe’s name flash on the screen. You felt a rush of panic that surged through your chest like ice-water.

Shit.

You quickly unlocked your phone, your fingers trembling as you read his message. "Hey, can I add you to the group chat with the others? Just thought it’d be fun to hang out more!"

You stared at the words, each syllable clawing at you.every interaction with Crowe felt like another chain around your neck, pulling you further away from Sol, from the delusion of him.

Your heart raced, a sick, suffocating feeling creeping up your throat. You couldn't afford to keep Crowe close. He was a distraction. The more you interacted with him, the more dangerous it became. Sol was always watching, always simmering in the background, and you couldn’t risk him finding out about Crowe. No more distractions.

Before you could stop yourself, your fingers moved faster than your mind. You typed the word “no” before deleting the message, quickly following up by erasing his contact entirely.

Done. That’s it. No more Crowe.

You breathed a sigh of relief—for now. You thought you could relax. You thought you could get back to your twisted little world with Sol, without anyone else interfering.

But then it happened.

The sickening realization hit you like a brick to the chest.

SHIT.

Crowe had added you to the group chat before you deleted his contact.

Your heart sank. You cursed under your breath, panic bubbling up inside you. You immediately opened the group chat, only to be greeted by a flood of messages. His name was there, right at the top of the list, and your chest tightened as you saw a few of the others already chatting away.

The chat was buzzing with messages about the Halloween party at school this Friday. The excitement was palpable, everyone discussing costumes, plans, and what to expect. You couldn’t help but feel a twinge of anticipation in the air as you scrolled through the messages, catching bits and pieces of the conversation.

Your mind drifted, and a thought struck you suddenly—maybe I should ask him to come with me.

Without a second thought, you quickly snapped a screenshot of the party announcement that Deryl had sent earlier, one with all the details. You attached it to the message and sent it in the group chat, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe you weren’t just sharing the information with the others.

Almost immediately, your phone buzzed with a response from Sol.

“A Halloween Party hosted by the school?” he asked, his message clear and direct, as always.

You felt a small spark of hope rise within you. Maybe this could be the perfect chance.

You sent another message, your fingers hovering over the keyboard as you typed, asking if Sol had eaten yet. It felt like a random question, but your mind was racing, eager for some kind of connection.

You kept sending little questions, almost aimlessly—anything to keep the conversation going. It felt like you were trying to fill the silence, but deep down, you knew what you were really doing.

You were craving his attention, his responses. You couldn’t help it.

"I'm not quite into parties," Sol replied after a moment, his words calm but distant.

"Oh... Well, that's alright, just asking, that's all," you quickly typed back, trying not to sound disappointed, though a part of you was.

Then, to your surprise, another message came in almost immediately.

"Wait."

Your heart skipped a beat.

"If you're coming, then I'm coming as well."

The words sent a wave of excitement through you. He’s coming?!

"Really?!" you typed, almost too quickly, feeling a smile tug at your lips.

"Really," he replied, and for a moment, you felt your stomach flip.

"Do you plan on dressing up?" you asked, the curiosity getting the best of you.

"I don't know. Do you?" he responded.

"I mean, it's a costume party. Why not?" you replied, enthusiasm creeping into your tone.

"I'll think of something then," he said, and you could almost hear the slight smile in his words.

You hesitated for a moment, not sure whether to push Sol into the idea of going to the party. It felt like too much pressure, so you decided to soften your approach.

"It’s fine if you don’t want to come..." you typed, trying to make it sound casual. You didn’t want to make him feel obligated, but you couldn’t deny the ache in your chest at the thought of being alone at the party.

"Pardon?" he responded quickly, a bit confused. You could almost picture the raised eyebrow from him, a slight shift in tone.

"I mean, it’s Friday, so it’s the weekend, right?" You continued, trying to hide the vulnerability behind your words. "We could still hang out without going to the party. I just... didn’t want to be lonely."

There it was, the truth spilling out, but also a part of you knowing it was a perfect excuse for your real intentions. You needed Sol close. You needed him to understand that Crowe was out of the picture, that no one else could get in the way.

He was quiet for a moment, then typed: "Do you want to hang out with me?"

Your heart skipped. You didn't even hesitate.

"Yes," you typed, without a second thought. It was like you were dropping the last of your guard, exposing the raw, desperate need for his presence.

But deep down, you also knew you were playing the game just right. You were making sure to look like you were alone, like you didn’t have anyone else in your life. Crowe was out, and now Sol could see how easy it would be for him to sweep in. He’ll understand, you thought to yourself. I’m the fresh rabbit, and he’s always watching.

Your thoughts wandered to your conversation. You knew Sol liked horror films, he’d mentioned it before. You felt a surge of inspiration.

"What about a horror movie?" you asked casually. "You know, something fun, something we can watch while hanging out?"

There was a slight pause before he replied. And then it came.

"I guess I could do that...," he typed, and for the first time, there was something different in his words. It was as if he wasn’t just dry and indifferent anymore. He sounded... slightly interested.

It made your heart flutter. He’s cute, you thought to yourself, smiling as you typed.

You slipped into the kitchen, eyes scanning the food you had prepared earlier. You opened the containers, one after another, heart thudding in your chest. But it wasn’t touched. Not a single bite.

Your chest tightened as you checked another batch, and then another. The seals were intact. Nothing had been opened.

He’s not coming tonight.

You felt the realization hit you like a wave. The silence of the empty space was deafening, and you wanted to scream, to cry, to lash out at the crushing disappointment. But instead, you swallowed it all, letting the heaviness settle deep within.

Grabbing something quick to eat, you barely tasted it. The food turned to ash in your mouth as you moved to your room. The quiet was unbearable. You needed to do something—anything to distract yourself from the longing, the ache that refused to go away.

You sank to the floor, pulling your sketchbook and supplies toward you. The charcoal pencil felt familiar in your fingers, a lifeline. You began to draw, the lines forming without thought, your hands moving like a machine. Stroke after stroke, his face emerged on the paper. Sol.

His soft, yet piercing eyes. The way his lips held a hint of mystery, the curve of his jawline—strong but refined. Every detail you etched felt like worship, your devotion spilling onto the page. You poured yourself into the drawing, the room around you fading away until there was only him.

When it was done, a small, trembling smile tugged at the corners of your lips. You stared at the portrait, your sleepless eyes red and raw, but filled with an almost manic satisfaction.

Slowly, you hugged the portrait to your chest, clutching it as though it were him. The paper crinkled slightly under your grip, but you didn’t care. You kissed the charcoal lips on the drawing, your own trembling, tears sliding down your cheeks.

"Please... just be mine already," you whispered brokenly, your voice trembling with desperation. "I can’t wait anymore, Sol. I... I’ll do anything, just tell me what you want. Tell me, Please."

You stared into the lifeless eyes of the portrait, waiting for it to answer, to give you some sign. But of course, it was silent. You begged again, your tears smudging the edges of the drawing.

"Say something... please," you choked out.

But the portrait didn’t speak. It remained still, just like the real Sol—always so close, yet so far.

Curling around the paper, you let out a soft, pained sob. The ache in your heart felt unbearable, but you couldn’t stop. This obsession, this need—it had consumed you entirely. And no matter how much it hurt, you didn’t want it to stop. You wanted to push yourself with work.

The laundry room was quiet, the steady hum of the machine and the rhythmic sloshing of water the only sounds accompanying your thoughts. You moved mechanically, pulling clothes from the hamper, sorting them into piles, trying to ignore the lingering haze of obsession that clouded your mind.

I can’t keep going like this... you thought to yourself, folding one of your shirts. I need to focus on normal things. Normal people do laundry. Normal people don’t... don’t...

Your train of thought derailed as your hands brushed the fabric of a familiar piece of clothing. You frowned slightly, realizing something was missing. The set wasn’t complete. You glanced at the piles, searching, your hands moving faster, more frantic. Something wasn’t right.

Quickly, you abandoned the laundry, heading to your cupboard to double-check. You rifled through your drawers, tossing clothes aside until you found what you were looking for—or rather, what you weren’t finding. One of your shirts—your favorite, the one you wore at home—was gone.

At first, you froze, confusion flashing through you. Then, slowly, your lips parted into a soft giggle. Your face flushed as the realization dawned on you.

Oh, Sol...

A hand flew to your mouth as a giddy, almost delirious laugh escaped your lips. Your knees buckled, and you sat down in front of the cupboard, staring at the empty space where that clothing should’ve been.

He took it again. He stole it. That adorable little thief... How cute.

Your blush deepened as you thought about it. He can’t help himself, can he? It’s unfair... You glanced toward your bed, where the collection of his things was hidden away. He gets to take my clothes, and I only have his bandages and a pencil. It’s not enough.

You hugged your knees, staring dreamily at the laundry pile. The fabric, the scent, the soft feeling—it all reminded you of him. You let out a small, love-struck sigh, the flush on your face deepening.

"Oh, Sol," you murmured to yourself, your voice barely above a whisper. "When will you realize you already have me entirely like this? And yet, you still sneak and steal like a kid... You’re so cute."

For a moment, the world outside of Sol ceased to exist. Crowe, the laundry, your day-to-day life—it all faded into nothingness. There was only Sol. Your heart raced as you stood, your movements purposeful now. You opened the cupboard and pulled out the box where you kept his things—your most precious treasures. The bandages, his pencil, a tiny doodle of his you’d swiped from class. All of it.

You sat on the ground and opened your journal. The familiar pages greeted you, filled with sketches, notes, little scraps of his life that you’d painstakingly collected. Each page was a testament to your obsession, your devotion.

But this journal was full now, the last page crammed with your thoughts about him. There was no more room to document the all-encompassing love you felt. You smiled softly, running your fingers over the cover before carefully placing it into the box with the rest of the treasures.

"Time for a fresh start," you whispered to yourself.

You pulled out a new journal, the pages pristine and blank, waiting to be filled. You grabbed a pen and carefully wrote "Sol" on the first page in your neatest handwriting.

"Yay!" you said aloud, a childlike excitement bubbling up as you hugged the new journal to your chest. You tucked the box away in the cupboard and stood, a sense of accomplishment warming you. This is perfect. It’s all for you, Sol.

The day’s events had left you feeling drained, but for the first time in what felt like months, it wasn’t a bad kind of exhaustion. It was the sort that pulled you to the ground with a soft, irresistible weight. You lay down, clutching the sketch of Sol you’d finished earlier, holding it close like a lifeline.

You stared at it for a moment, tracing the lines with your fingers. His eyes, his lips, his hair—it was all there, captured perfectly. You pressed a kiss to the paper, your eyes fluttering closed.

"I love you," you whispered to the drawing, your voice barely audible. "One day, it’ll be real..."

The tears that slipped down your cheeks weren’t sad this time. They were soft, almost sweet, as you hugged the drawing closer and allowed your exhaustion to take over.

For the first time in what felt like forever, you drifted into sleep, clutching Sol’s likeness to your chest. Your dreams were filled with him, his presence warm and consuming, just like always. But this time, there was a strange comfort in it. The kind that made you feel like you were exactly where you were meant to be.

[onlyseokmins]

size matters • l.c.

Pairing: lee chan x afab!reader Genres: major smut (minors PLS dni!), losers + idiots + besties to lovers Warnings: *deep breath* MONSTER COCK CHAN, swearing, love me some switch action, reader does not use specified pronouns but refers to their pussy as "she", reader also wears a skirt, pet names, alcohol and goofy drunk antics, bad humor, use of "whore/slut", tons of dirty talk, they're kinda pervs, mentions of toys, masturbation (fem), hints to past sexual partners, mentions of oral (male), actual oral (fem. receiving), car sex (kind of), condoms, fingering (fem. receiving), WAP lmao and squirting, bantering, degradation, wee bit praise, unprotected/protected MESSY sex, underwear play (??? lmao), precum play (??), edging, face-riding, groping/manhandling, objectification, reverse cowgirl position, bulge kink, slapping/spanking, possession, almost choking, biting, tears and crying, a bit of overstim and if i missed smth lmk sdfjkajdf WC: 8.3k A/N: this started out purely self-indulgent as usual and reads like a bad pornhwa but it's also nana month so a happy early birthday to @bitchlessdino because i will be asleep when the clock actually strikes 12 tomorrow! and bc i will dedicate all chan content to the loml! this is like my 3rd longest fic on this blog and 4th longest fic ever and it's just utter filth and smut... hate it here. i always get into a crazy headspace when i write for this man. i hope y'all enjoy my delusions before i retire out of shame 😬

"I'm worried my dick's too big."

Laughter bubbles in your chest at the same time the beer you'd just taken a swig of swishes around in your mouth. It's so like your best friend to say something stupid. Especially when your mouth is full.

He frowns in mild annoyance as you rock back and forth with mirth, struggling not to spit out your drink and make a mess. But also trying to refrain from choking. Because if you die, you sure as hell will find a way to make sure everyone knows that a dumbo and his terrible concern over having a big cock drove you to your demise in such an unfortunate manner.

And no one wants that.

"I dunno what's so funny," the man in question irritably gripes, "but for god's sake, calm down and swallow."

Though it ends up that Chan is the one gulping first. Ears burning and eyes widening when you wiggle your brows deviously and do as he says. Sticking your tongue out for good measure — just for proof that yes, you did swallow —  but he's quickly whipping his gaze away. Head turning to the side as if that does anything to hide the embarrassing look overtaking his expression. 

He thinks you'll back off, hoping the nervous twiddling of his fingers will deter further teasing. But he should really know better. The telltale signs are littered across the table in front of him and even overpower your usual sweet scent when you lean close into his personal space.

"So, you like it when someone swallows versus spits for you, Channie?"

"You're drunk."

"So are you." 

Because that's what happens every movie night. The two of you enjoy too many beers after a feel-good show and start talking nonsense.

"Yeah, and we're having a very serious conversation right now. A drunk one. But still, serious."

You purse your lips. "You're bluffing. No way you're complaining about the hugeness of your dick. 'Cause no one does that."

"It's not like I'm trying to boast or even insecure, I'm just worried."

"Worried about what?" you snort and push at his shoulder. "There'd be no reason to worry if you know how to use it. In the end, size doesn't matter at all."

Chan quirks an eyebrow, side-eyeing you. "At all?" 

"If your technique is good, it shouldn't matter as long as everyone feels satisfied. You know, you just gotta hit that one spot…" 

You start doing hand motions to demonstrate your point that seem wildly inappropriate and are honestly so drunkenly uncoordinated to the point that Chan not only feels compelled to stop you but doubts anyone would feel good from that. Then again, he's never really managed to partake in sloppy sex, so who knows? 

He grabs your hands to still them and though you no longer move, you protest. "What? You'll have 'em seeing and feeling stars! To be honest… you prolly will too if ya try your best."

"You know, I do know how to pleasure someone. It's not really an issue once I'm inside, it's just getting there that's kind of a problem."

"Channie, are you secretly a virgin?" You lay your head on his shoulder, hand running down his forearm and weaving your fingers between his. "Issokay if you are."

"You know I'm not!"

"Well, yeah I guess you're a bit of a whore. Still love you no matter what."

Chan chokes out your name in frustration. "All I'm saying is that I have a huge cock and I'm sad about it!"

"And you keep saying I'm drunk. Look, you're valid in being… upset about having a fat dick even if I don't understand. Just telling you that sometimes a ton of prep is helpful and even a decent amount of lube. No shame in that. Not everyone's built to take a large-ass, whopping cock." And then you mumble extremely quietly, "If it's even that big."

Unfortunately, he hears you and scoffs. Popping his shoulder up to gently shove you off him. Though that only causes you to grasp for his sweatpant-clad thigh and hold onto it for dear support in your half-drunken stupor. The perverted part of both your brains flash to your hand squeezing tightly around something else; the unmistakable heat of said something else radiating towards the closest part of your hand and causing a hot rush to flare across your entire body.

Or maybe that's just the alcohol.

Doesn't stop you from shamelessly ogling what you can only presume to be his bulge, gray fabric stretched over his groin and straining against muscular thighs. 

"Are you flaccid right now?"

"What's it to you?"

"Just curious. Thinking about my different dildo sizes."

He balks at that. "Pl-please don't."

"Yeah, not sure I wanna compare what your dick would realistically feel inside me," you admit even if you find it difficult to tear your hungry eyes away to take in Chan's mortified expression. 

"Can we stop talking about my personal parts now?" he squeaks out and you shoot him a dubious side-eye even though you do easily acquiesce.

"With pleasure. Speaking of which…"

Chan's hushed groan of "Oh dear" goes ignored even after you drape an arm on the back of the couch behind his head, lay the other across his chest, and splay your legs over his lap. Your lips end up leaving a sticky residue on his cheek, neck, and ear as you graciously whisper your own sex secret — the spontaneous topic of tonight — to him. 

"Only my bullet vibe has the ability to make me squirt. None of the others, not even the thirteen-inch one with suction ridges. So yeah, hm… size doesn't matter, does it Channie?"

"Well, those are toys and uh… my big dick is simply what it is. A big, regular human dick. Nothing fancy."

"Then you should try harder."

He apologizes for having such blatant ignorance about the matter and then eventually you end up falling asleep together. 

Limbs tangled and wrapped around one another just like every other night you doze off with the comfort of the other's body warmth. And like usual, you and Chan peer at each other with eyelids heavy from sleep and goofy but comforting smiles — merely inches apart when the sun's rays sneak a peek through the blinds to shine onto your faces. Because everything's normal and just right between the two of you. 

Like always.

Except it's not.

All you can think about is your best friend's dumb, gargantuan cock and his weird embarrassment about it. If you didn't know Chan as well as you do, you might think he was just using that as an excuse to get into your pants but you know better. He's genuinely perturbed over his too-big dick! 

You let out a sigh. Warm breath fans the tip of your ear while large hands lay on your hips, ringed fingers teasing the bare skin revealed by the daring crop top you decided to wear tonight.

"Am I boring you, baby?"

"Kind of," you admit, displeased that you weren't enjoying the usual thrill of grinding on the dancefloor with a hot man. Turning around to face said man, you purse your lips. "How would you feel if you had a big dick, Cheol?"

He raises an eyebrow in the self-assured way only the Choi Seungcheol can. "Shouldn't you be asking what it's like possessing the largest dick of the century?"

"Not helping, I'm not talking about big dick energy."

"That's not what you said when it was shoved halfway down your throat."

"Can't say much if I'm sucking someone off, you dolt. And I said you made my jaw hurt 'cause you're a guy that likes it rough, not 'cause I thought your dick was overly huge."

"Brat," Seungcheol says rather affectionately, "so whose humongous cock are you taking tonight?"

Your eyes wander over his shoulder to the bar, the same place he noticed your gaze strayed towards all night. A glee-filled smirk is on your face when you meet his eyes again though you only casually state with a shrug, "An absolute loser's."

"Wasn't aware it was self-pleasure night, sweetheart," he jokingly snorts, nudging you in that direction before you can get too mad at him. But not without delivering a playful slap on your ass as a 'good luck to charm' to send you on your way. "Go get 'em, Tiger!"

The cocky bastard must think you're after Soonyoung tonight, who greets you by placing a polite kiss on the cheek and a casual side hug. Though he looks hella fine tonight with slicked-back hair and donning the signature head-turning 'leather jacket, silver jewelry' fit that Seungcheol is sporting, he's not who you have in mind.

You squeeze him back though, always ready to return the affection you receive. "Rare to not see you dancing, tough crowd tonight?"

"Nah, I just have my priorities set." He angles his head toward the bartender who sneaks subtle glances at the two of you as if to distinguish what intentions you had approaching such a striking man. 

That they just so happen to have their eyes on. Luckily Soonyoung does too.

"Ah, well, so do I!" 

Never one to want to get stuck between two people and cause a potential misunderstanding, you pat him on the arm, wink encouragingly at the bartender, and skip away to find the person who's been occupying your mind for the past few days in a very different way like crazy.

Chan hasn't moved from where you last caught sight of him — in the corner of the bar nursing the same glass of bourbon for far too long. There's distinctly more water in it from the rapidly melting ice ball than alcohol but you still ease it out of his grasp. Taking a sip only to wrinkle your nose in disgust.

Your best friend observes your expression with a bemused one of his own after you hand it back, lip gloss staining the rim. A far cry from the darkened, sultry stare that followed as you moved from one gyrating body to the next. You wonder how you've never noticed it before. But then again, you yourself have never thought about him in that kind of way until now. 

While momentarily lost in your thoughts, Chan's working on getting the attention of Soonyoung's flirt target to order your favorite drink. But you place a hand on his arm, squeezing the firm muscle beneath your fingertips. 

"I wanna go home."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just feel like leaving."

He shakes his head. "You looked like you were having a good time."

"Ooh… are you jealous?"

"Hah, jealous? No. Concerned that someone did something you didn't like? Yeah."

"There will be," you tug him by the open collar of the flannel he's wearing so you're nose-to-nose, "if he doesn't take me back to his place right now."

His eyebrows raise, eyes widening as they drop down to the pouty curve of your lips. You swear he even peers at your cleavage with the tiniest of squints before finishing what little bit of liquor is left, standing, and pulling you along with him outside.

Walking to his car parked by the sidewalk is truly a breath of fresh air, the chill of the evening breeze and city noises rushing by helps bring Chan back down to earth. No longer on the crazy high fueled by the hypnotic, seductive thrall of the nightclub's booming bass that adds to him being wholly entranced by your teasing allure. 

Now it's just you and him. Simple as usual, getting ready to drive around.

"You want to go to my place?"

"Yeah."

He starts the engine, checking the side mirror to estimate when there will be an available opening to pull out. "Whaddya wanna do, stop somewhere for snacks?"

"Sure. Maybe condoms too."

"I'm sorry, what?" It's a good thing the car's still in park when his foot stomps on the gas pedal out of shock, revving the engine and making you both jump. "Why?"

Chan even goes as far as to steal a glance over his shoulder at the backseat. As if you had miraculously snuck in someone from the club that you were planning to fuck and he didn't know about it. 

There's no one there, of course.

"Why… are we picking up… condoms?" he repeats. "I um, I have a bunch of unopened boxes i-if you need them."

"You do? Good."

"Uh, can you at least let me know how many are used so I don't suddenly run out?"

Your eyebrows raise though he doesn't even dare look at you. "Do you think you'll cum that much?"

"Pardon?! N-no, I only have a surplus because I bought them in bulk!"

"I thought you weren't having sex a lot because you have such a big cock. One that rarely goes inside anyone."

His hands cover his face. "I'm saying it's fine if you want to use them!"

"Gee, thanks. You want me to make condom balloon animals or something?"

One brown eye glares at you between fingers. "… If you're into that."

"I bet extra large ones would make brilliant animal balloons but that's a sad waste when they could go around a dick instead. I mean it can't be easy for you to find ones that don't break. Whatever, at least you have a ton. And as you know I'm on the pill."

He has to know. He has to ask. "Are you confused or is it just me?"

"Clearly, because I don't know why you think I'd be into filling condoms with air and not cock."

"Forgive me if I'm wrong, but — I mean like there's no way — but are you implying that you want to… you know, with me…?"

"Whaddya mean 'no way'? Fuck yeah, I wanna fuck you! Sorry, was that not clear?" 

Chan chokes on his saliva and has a brief hacking fit. "No?!" 

"Damn, uh… my bad. Sorry, I thought it was super obvious. Simply put, I can't get the thought of you out of my mind or my pussy, so yeah. We should totally bang. Have sex and all that. Only if you want to obviously. No hard feelings if not."

Oh god, yes he does. Since he now knows that you can squirt, let alone with something as small as a little bullet vibrator, all he can think about is what would happen if he teased your cunt with the thick head of his cock. It's been driving him absolutely feral and fueled a rather ugly feeling when he saw Seungcheol all over you earlier. 

But now that he knows you want him? Maybe just as much as he wants you? Explicitly? 

He starts driving in an attempt to help collect himself. You're at ease, able to read him well and know he'll need some time to process and organize his thoughts. So, you wait in silence while he does just that, and when he speaks again his voice is low, laced with utter desire.

"You've been thinking about me?"

"Uh-huh."

"Your pussy has too?"

"Mhm, Channie… she's been crying for you like crazy."

"Fuck," he mutters and grips the steering wheel tightly to avoid swerving into the berm. He rasps out in a desperate beg, "C-can you touch yourself for me? Let me hear how loud she is?"

And you sweetly oblige with a hushed, "Of course," and can't lift your miniskirt up faster than you do now, pushing the drenched thong underneath to the side. Your clit's been buzzing nonstop ever since he whined about his big cock and you got to glimpse the outline of it. And with him now sitting beside you as your thumb rubs at the tiny nub, pointer fingers dipping in and out of your clenching hole, you both let out groans — you at the thrilling sensation and him at the insanely filthy sounds.

Chan steals a moment to take in the sight when he switches lanes, loving the way your tongue lolls past glossy lips that part to release little whimpers of pleasure. It's unlikely you'll squirt right now. But there's still a slick sheen of arousal glistening on your thighs so he holds onto the sick twist of hope that a trace will be left behind. He's pleased and licks his lips but has to swiftly pay attention to the road again, especially when your head rolls to the side, eyelashes pleadingly fluttering at him.

He needs to get home fast. Now.

The car fills with the sloppy noises of you playing with your cunt which grows wetter and wetter by the second. The air is heavy and oozes sex, the compact space growing more humid as you work and rile up your pussy, yourself, and the man beside you. You keep easing up to that delicious edge but never fully dipping over it, making sure to continue growing needier and more wanton until the blurry scenery rushing past the windows half-registers as familiar in your already fucked-out state of mind.

"Wanna get a feel of your cock," you whine out with no shame at how pitiful it sounds. "Gotta know how many fingers to stuff inside to stretch myself out for the real thing."

The way he spits out your name like a curse word makes your gummy walls contract tightly, emitting a moist suctioning sound when you pull your fingers out and bully them back in. 

"No. You have to wait."

"Don't wanna! Been waiting long enough."

"So fuckin' needy," he taunts as if he's not panting heavily with his fingers drumming against the steering wheel. "I don't think they'll come even close to opening up that tiny hole of yours effectively for my dick. But size doesn't matter, so whatever. Right, sweetheart?"

You cuss him out jokingly while working knuckle-deep inside your cunt. Humping against your palm and pulling at your nipples with the other hand underneath your top when he rolls to a stop at an empty four-way in the neighborhood. 

He swats your arm out and away, curiously sweeping his own fingers across your damp folds that flinch at the sudden contact but still mourn the devastating loss of being filled before he slaps at them. Chan grins like a total heathen at the way your hips jolt upon impact, growing more and more delirious at the way droplets of your arousal splash out at the action.

"If you cum by rubbing yourself on that seat — no hands — before I pull in the driveway, I'll let you touch me to mentally prep yourself before we get inside. Before I get inside you." His words are enunciated with a smirk that drops after bringing soaked fingers to his lips — eyelids fluttering with a grunt at your taste eagerly licked clean with his tongue. "God, do you know how delicious you are? Need you to sit on my face at some point, wanna drown in that sloppy pussy."

His dirty talk could be enough to finish you off, you belatedly realize. The earlier command to rut your aching clit against the scratchy fabric to soothe it makes you thrillingly feel like a depraved whore. 

"You're a fuckin' perv, Chan," you growl out as if you aren't doing exactly what he asked on instinct and loving how he's talking to you. How good he is at making you feel divine.

"Yeah? But I want something to remember this by."

"Sick," you snarl through gritted teeth like the knowledge of him thinking about this moment every time he gets in his car and looks at the passenger seat isn't getting you off even more. Bonus points if he jerks off to it. You act like it's not the catalyst to you coming undone, blaming it fully on the bump of the asphalt connecting to the concrete driveway hitting your hard nub just right — absolutely defiling his poor car with your arousal. "Sick in the head."

Neither one of you care. 

In fact, Chan's so pleased he ignores the words you both know you don't mean. Grabbing the hand you buried deep within your hole, but then chose to use it to grip at the console while following his command, and guides it to his mouth. Happily repeating the same thing he did to his own, maintaining eye contact as he tongues at your fingertips. Pupils dilating with how addicted he's become to your taste. Growing more and more eager to have it straight from the source in the very near future. 

Then he places your spit-coated fingers where his cock strains against dark jeans. A darker, damp spot on the denim signifies how much precum the tip is leaking, begging to be released. He squeezes the hand sandwiched between his and the hardening length, shallowly thrusting up into your palm so you can completely grope at its mouth-watering, jaw-aching girth. 

"Feel that?" he goads, "that's gonna have to fit inside your tight cunt."

Your eyes nearly cross at the realization. And of course, your pussy forlornly clenches around nothing, dripping out more arousal to add to the already soiled mess beneath you. 

Oh, you cannot wait.

He wasn't lying, positive every single finger stuffing your hole couldn't compare to the size you just felt beneath those very appendages. Tears collect at your lash line, already anticipating the sheer amount of pleasure you know you'll be feeling with a very warm and real dick. And he's not even anywhere inside of you yet!

Chan coos and wipes the tear that escapes to your cheek. Then he gets out of the car and comes around to the other side to help you walk since your legs are weak and shaking — for more than one reason. That's fine because it gives him almost a weird sense of pride and an excuse to grind and grope at you as he pleases while unlocking the front door. Surprisingly, both of you are giggling together as if you're naughty teens again, always up to no good. It feels strangely wholesome, a light sense of relief blooming and filling your entire body.

Until you're on the other side of the door and those feelings morph back into something carnal. More primal. And Chan must feel it too because you swear he growls when pinning you against the wall. 

"You'll let me eat you out, right? 'Course you will." 

Now it's your turn to feel perverse satisfaction, watching as his lip trembles at the very thought of getting denied such a treat. Feeling the man's absolute desperation through the fingertips that dig into your hips and slightly hike up the already ridiculously short skirt you're wearing.

"C'mon bestie, please."

"… You did not bestie-zone me right now."

"I — " Chan hesitates and you fear the reality of the situation has hit him. That he'll back out and leave you a yearning mess like this. But then he leans in close to whisper hotly against your ear, "What, you want me to call you something like baby?"

Your hum of consideration encourages him to continue, palms sliding down the sides of your bare thighs and lowering himself at a pace that matches the syllables of each word leaving his mouth. Keeping eye contact with you the whole time as a mischievous smirk lights up his stupidly handsome face. 

"Darling? Babe? Lovely sweetheart? Or…" His voice gets thicker, more gravelly until he's finally on his knees and peering up at you. "A vixen? Seductress? Little whore? My slut?"

His hands sneak upwards again, pausing when they're hidden under the pleat of your skirt. 

"Still, you'll always be my dear best friend." He acknowledges and for some reason, it fills you with a comforting sense of reassurance.

And then he waits, hoping — praying — to get your permission.

The coy way you lift up the skirt in no way matches the cute grin you flash at him. Biting your pointer finger as you reveal your pretty pussy for Chan, its puffy lips spread by the continually soaked thong stuck between them. His eyes flick almost nervously away from yours to get a look, letting out a strangled moan at the sight. 

Automatically drawn like a bee to honey. His heart thumps anxiously when your fingers bury in his bangs to yank at them, halting him just short of being able to stick his tongue out for a taste that he already misses. He whines, fully surrounded by the heady scent of your arousal and unable to feast. But you have something to tell him first.

"You can't make me cum."

"What? Why? Need to stretch — "

"No. I already spent hours practicing with my thirteen-inch, so it'll be fine. We're doing this so you know what the telltale signs are when I'm about to cum when this," you briefly release his hair so manicured nails can pet the outside of your glistening wet cunt, "is wrapped around your dick." You smile when he moans quietly at the revelation and you tug lightly again at silky strands, eager to hear more before you absolutely break him. "And don't you want to see me squirt?"

"God, yes."

You shove his face between your inner thighs. "Then this'll help, baby boy. So, don't you dare let me cum unless it's on your cock."

Chan really can't protest against what you call him and honestly wouldn't want to because that would mean leaving the delectable meal he's finally being allowed to dine on. Though your thong remains in the way, he uses it to his advantage. Sucking all the wetness out of it with a hearty groan of appreciation, pushing it back between your folds, and running his tongue that put it there in zig-zag motions along the sorry excuse for fabric. Then repeating the same motions on either side of the bare supple pussy lips that clench at every nibble, suck, and brush on them.

It isn't very long until he gets frustrated by its restrictions though, feeling outrageous at how jealous he's getting of a piece of cloth that gets to wrap around your cunt all the time. Like you can read his mind, you pull him off with breathless laughter at his inevitable moan of sadness and mumble words of reassurance that you're doing it for his benefit.

He can't really hear with the rush of adrenaline roaring in his ears but he surely sees how you rip the offending thong away. It tears easily, falling apart at its most sodden point. And finally, your pussy is truly bare all for him and he rushes to dive back in. Slurping and sucking at your drenched hole like a dehydrated man finding an oasis in the desert.

Again, Chan's intentions were to leave you weak with the magic his mouth and tongue could work but you don't really allow him. His neck's cranked at an awkward angle as you continue to grip at his hair and smother his lips and tongue with your cunt, sloppy ruts back and forth causing your clit to catch and bump against his nose. He doesn't mind even if he's ninety-nine percent positive this is how you'd get off on one of your toys — no, he definitely has not imagined that — but he's not complaining.

There's something in the way that you're utterly using him like he's nothing but an object for your ultimate pleasure. It has the blood rushing down to swell up his cock even more. And maybe he's willingly happy to do so. Offering his body for your pleasure, making sure to stiffen his tongue so it will hit part of your clit as you move and grind all over his face. 

It's kinda hot. He also might be enjoying this a little too much.

And just as his eyes roll up for the umpteenth time out of delicious, delirious dizziness, he feels it. 

The buildup must have been when you started humping his chin shamelessly, slamming down harshly enough that he's sure he'll have bruises to show off. Settling more and more of your weight forward to arch your back, breasts heavy as they follow gravity, and your nipples visibly poke through the crop top's thin material. 

Your hips jerk up and away a few times, the subtle wiggle in them certainly has your ass jiggling cutely. He also notes how your "ah" moans turn to "mhms", positive you're biting your lip with closed eyes and a pleased grin. By now the hands tangling in his hair have made their way to the back of his head and Chan knows one thing for sure.

You're on the brink of climaxing.

And as much as he wants you to make more of a mess on his face, he's a little afraid of what you might do — or might not do — so he obediently, but regretfully backs away and sinks down to sit on his heels. Pathetic, the way he has to simply watch like a good boy as your slit flutters above him and you release the death grip hold you had on his poor hair.

Once all of your weight is supported by the wall again, you slide down it to plop on the floor. A sheepish grin on your face as you praise him for doing such a great job, reveling in what a sexy, fucked-out look he's wearing — mussed-up hair, swollen lips, and a shiny mix of sweat and arousal decorating his face as his eyes struggle to refocus while he catches his breath.

He embarrassingly thinks you might kiss him when you lean in. Only to jolt with surprise at your hand slipping into his back pocket and he flinches after you squeeze at his well-shaped ass with a naughty giggle. 

"A souvenir," you murmur in his ear and he feels the spongy ball of your torn thong when he stands like it's a gold coin weighing down his jeans.

"Can't believe you ripped those yourself."

"Can't believe you didn't rip them."

"Didn't wanna ruin them," he admits because he'd honestly feel bad. Though you shoot him a funny look that he doesn't quite understand as he assists your wobbling frame on the walk to the bedroom.

"Dude, you've already ruined so many, what's one more pair?"

"Huh?"

It's amazing how serious you are when you ask, "Don't you remember how wet I've been getting thinking about your dumb cock? Almost ran out of panties to wear."

With that admission, Chan is immediately rushing you down the hallway and has you on his bed at record speed. It's so comical that you have no choice but to once again fall into that giggly headspace like earlier as you help one another strip each other's clothes off.

"God, why are you like this? Such a fucking little tease."

"You love it."

"Hm, yeah," he looks at you with such tenderness, "guess I do."

You verbally agree even as you grab at his wrist before he can throw his boxers to the ground. "Hand 'em over. It's only fair if you have mine," you point out when he raises an eyebrow.

"Someone's full of surprises."

"Well, somebody's loved all of them so I'm sure he'll like this one too."

Though he falls onto his back easily when you push him down, he can't help but raise concern. "I get that you… practiced, but wouldn't a better position be with me on top? You'll like — "

"And I get that you liked being used like a dildo, baby boy." 

You miss the chagrined look that rapidly spreads across Chan's pretty face at the callout. But that's okay because you turn around to throw a leg over and straddle his prone body, staring at your prize of the night — the fattest dick you've been fantasizing about in the flesh.

"Thanks for these, by the way." You send a wink at him over your shoulder, waving the boxers that dangle off your pointer finger. "Need something to bite onto," you add and moan when you deliberately let your tongue meet the salty patch of precum smeared on them before clamping the black cloth between your teeth.

His heavy cock jerks up, already overwhelmed by everything you're doing. His hips follow suit, also lifting once the feeling of your dripping cunt soaks his abs as you sit and press him back against the bed and reach a hand out. He groans, clutching at the blanket when your palm rubs at the sensitive skin. You marvel at how your decently sized fingers fail to fully wrap around the entire girth.

It already weighs a ton laying against the hand you're using and struggling to prop it up. Shining in all its glory from the excess that's leaked and coated it thoroughly. You seem happy to add to it and Chan's eyes widen at the couple of clear globs of arousal that drip out of your cunt, aided by two free fingers spreading your pussy lips and contracting your inner walls to squeeze them out. And then you sink a little lower, kissing the tip of his cock with your clit before rubbing the thick head between your folds.

"You're… you're so w-wet, mhm, fuck!" He's already on the brink of tears and this is just the beginning. And the gasping man might've just let out a sob at the sight of both of your hands shaking, clasped around his dick as you position it at the right angle and slowly ease the tip inside. "God, 'n so soft," he fucking gargles out due to how much he's drooling.

You're no better off. The saliva that's pooling in your mouth at the delightful ache and burn has completely saturated his boxers. They do nothing to muffle your moans that only grow higher in pitch with the few additional inches you attempt to take, a little more each time. But at least you won't grind your teeth together, plus you're buried in the taste and scent of Chan's essence. Even more so as you topple forward, nails digging into his shins.

It's almost humiliating. How you've ended up face-planting into the mattress and your hips take on a mind of their own, humping up and down midair yet still on the top of his cock. Circling and gyrating as they attempt to both run away and plop firmly up and down onto the hard, thick length begging to fully bury into your tight cunt that's slowly widening to accommodate. 

Luckily, it's not like Chan can make fun of or even blame you, focusing everything he can on not thrusting up into your wet heat on his own accord right now out of consideration. The man understands it's a stretch, a painful one at that.

He doesn't mind staying mildly distracted. There's so much to take in. Ogling the way your ass bounces and jiggles, pornographic sound effects of his cock absolutely bullying your pussy as it squelches in and out. Filling the room with nasty noises audio porn wishes it could truly replicate amid both of your pants, moans, groans, and whines.

It feels like forever until his length has finally made its home within your squishy walls that welcome it inside with a multitude of affectionate squeezes. But honestly, that barely lasts because your hips refuse to let up and once the stretch no longer burns as much and instead melts into mind-numbing pleasure, all you can do is ride him into delirium. And Chan fucking loves it, continuing to watch how your ass reverberates with each downward slam accompanied by the sting of ass cheeks slapping against his stomach over and over again.

"S-so slutty f'me, b-best friend actin' like a whore on my dick."

"Ah, mm… cock… your cock! It's makin' me act slutty!"

"Yeah? You like being my slutty best friend, baby?"

You lug your head onto the leg you'd been riddling with love bites and salivating all over after spitting out his ruined boxers, looking tearfully in his direction. Cross-eyed with a goofy smile on your face at how fucked-out you've become as your clit grinds against his squishy balls that tighten, firm, and fill up with each thud of your hips. 

"Mhm… yeah."

"You gonna be my slutty baby from now on?"

"Ohhh, touch me Channie… please!"

"Since y-you asked so nicely." He squeezes at your ass cheek though it's quickly wrenched out of his grasp because you can't stop moving. "But I… I asked you a question." And then his palm flies out, skin meeting skin in a loud crack against your other cheek. As if it's actually a punishment. "My pretty whore's too fucked out to answer, h-huh?"

"Mhmph! More… more!"

A gasp leaves your mouth and impossibly, your hips only speed up before they suddenly halt. Practically screaming at this point with how good your best friend's cock is buried so deeply and fully seated inside as you somehow manage to sit up with inhuman strength. 

Oh, but your darling Channie knows why.

He lazily grins, empty mind now playing all the signs through his head along to the same moments happening in real-time. You have a death grip on his thighs, certain he'd really impale you in a morbid way if you lose your hold as you bounce haphazardly. How nice, he decides to aid you — giving into the urges to thrust up into your suffocating little cunt whenever you rise up so you constantly remain stuffed full every single time.

Your back does its arch thing and he runs a hand down the curve, pushing down ever so gently as he takes over. It's his turn for a slapping assault, his balls returning the favor on your tender clit that pokes and rubs at them, egging on the brutal pace you started in the first place.

"Gonna squeeze the life outta me," and you clench even tighter around him so that even the air in his lungs is sucked out by the squeeze of your cunt. "You wanna murder me with that sweet pussy of yours? Choke the life outta me, sweetheart? Like the well-behaved little whore that you are?"

Chants of "yes, yes, yes" fall in between salacious moans of "mhms" and "fuck Channie, so good" and it fuels Chan into true unleashed feral mode. The addition of the white ring forming at the base of his cock in no way, shape, or form is helping to reign him in at all. He presses appreciative bruises into the skin of your hips, aiding your sore and tired legs with the powerful strength of his arms.

"A creamer too… oh my god, what can't your cunt do baby, fuck — so freakin' perfect."

"All… all for you!"

Chan laughs and it's mean, a petulant frown causing your lips to jut out at his mocking tone. "For me? You gonna be a-all mine from now on? Let me be the only one t-to stretch this sweet hole out?"

Ongoing cries of "yes" mixes and slurs with "yours" but it's enough for him, especially when you manage to moan out with a promise that you're definitely his slutty whore and will only be his forever.

That pleases him, an elated grumble rumbling in his chest. "Gonna fill 'er up real good and you'll swallow me whole baby. Feel me for days, drippin' outta — ah, shit!" 

His voice cracks, the hands assisting your movements haul your hips up and then down, anchoring them firmly against his pelvis. You peer over your shoulder at him in utter dismay at suddenly being empty. His missed cock trembling without your warmth, flopping hot and hard against your stomach. Granting a helpful outside visual of how deep it can drill up into your cunt. But that's kind of useless when you already experienced it first-hand, so all you can do is send Chan a weepy glare.

"S-sorry babe, we just, I should probably… " His eyes dart to the unopened drawer of his nightstand. "Gonna throw a condom on."

You let out a scoff of disbelief and discontent, surly brat behavior poking through. "Doesn't matter, wanna feel you fill me up. 'N then squirt it all out, won't matter anyways."

"That's not how it works."

Chan's grateful the usual post-nut clarity somehow hit before. It's still awful timing and might have been a complete mood killer but you're both so worked up — you in particular — it doesn't seem to matter. Even as he nudges you off while reaching for a package, you back up and try to grind against his cock to change his mind. But you reluctantly give up, especially when he ends up reacting with a harsher hiss more from rolling the latex down the sensitive length than your plump ass rubbing it. 

You're honestly a little offended. 

He hushes and tries to soothe you. Fumbling with the slick mess around your gaping hole and dipping inside occasionally with one hand as he works on the condom. But you know for a fact you've been ruined because you barely feel a thing after your cunt's been stretched out for and filled specifically with his huge cock. 

Now you just wish he'd ultimately finish the job of ruining you. Oh, and maybe continue some more after. And a lot. 

You grimace because you're able to think too much. And then Chan's finally all ready to go and your cheek is suddenly pressed into the rumpled sheets, nipples brushing deliciously against them. You're pushed onto your forearms and he helps widen your knees at a spread angle so your pussy is fully presentable and gapingly accessible. 

"Good thing I'm flexible." 

"Yeah," Chan licks his lips, "just as I'd expect from my sweet slut." 

"You gonna fill this slut up then, Channie or — " 

You're cute off by the squeal at his cock ramming back inside of where it belongs. Meanwhile, he chuckles darkly, running a hand through sweaty bangs as he tries to distribute weight solidly with how he's risen to his knees. Finding little support from the mattress to support the onslaught of powerful thrusts in and out of your pussy and discovers a better method with a tight hold of your hips where his hands instinctively fall. 

"Best way to shut a whore up is to fuck them." He clicks his tongue in disapproval because you're nuzzling face-first into the bed, muffling the sounds that drive him crazy. "Doesn't mean I don't wanna hear you moan f'me, baby."

What he doesn't know is you're trying to find something to bite into that won't end up being your poor tongue. 

To manhandle you as he sees fit, Chan's fingers slip down to splay around where your vocal cords lie. Thumb digging beneath your jawline into the soft fleshy skin of your neck. Teasing you with a not-quite-there chokehold that causes you to pulsate around the cock sliding in and out with little resistance thanks to the help of the slick that pools endlessly out of your core. 

Then he's turning your head to the side to watch your eyelids flutter rapidly. Noticing how your jaw is clenched, teeth practically gnashing at each push into you that now relentlessly strokes that bundle of nerves. Taking pity, he lends a finger. Prying open your mouth and not caring when you bite down on it with a ferocity that could break skin — that's what he offered it for anyways — though it will definitely leave behind bruising indents that'll take days to heal. 

But he wouldn't care if you ended up breaking his bones too. With the way he's driving his dick over and over into you like a madman, he possibly could break something by that alone. The new position benefits the both of you greatly, granting him a better angle to reach deep and you find comfort in the way his body lays against yours. Pressing you down further into the bed, the weight comforting.

Even through the latex, he can feel the little bump of nerves his tip brushes against that's just rough enough to make him shiver. He purposefully aims his pelvis to be able to hit it each time. The lone arm at your hip wraps around your abdomen and he moans at how he can feel the bulge of skin pressed against his forearm from the size of the monster dick within you. 

It drives him feral, punctuating each sharp thrust with a praising hiss of, "Best. fuckin'. pussy. ever!"

And then it's happening. You can literally see the tightly-wound knot unraveling. Can feel as it loosens while your cunt suctions around his cock in a hard, vice-like grip. You cling around him, refusing to let him leave your warmth for a second. Not even daring to let him slide even a bit out. Though he wouldn't even think of it. As the mental ties come undone in your brain, so does your body — plummeting over and free-falling off the cliff of pleasure.

White flashes across your vision as your body writhes and shakes beneath Chan. Overcome by how fucking amazing it feels to be so full with the devastatingly huge dick of the person you care about the most tearing apart your insides. You're sobbing, tears drenching your face and where it lays. 

Chan's praising you through it all, complimenting how good you are for him, how perfect everything about you is, and how only you — his bestest, sluttiest, sweetest friend — could take him so well.

"Fuckin' knew you would be the one," he confesses and presses a kiss against your neck. It's so tender, full of love and gentleness despite how his hips cruelly still haven't let up, and it makes you wail even louder. "Ever since you smiled at me. Now, c'mon sweetheart 'n give it all to me. Show's only just gettin' started."

He's guiding you through the most intense orgasm you've ever had as it spirals from a crashing wave into a soon-to-be gushing waterfall. Yes, you've squirted before. But never with such a delightful buildup like this. And he knows you can take it, knows it's what you want as he coaches himself to hold off from his own finale. You let out a hearty moan, shaking at the overstimulation and feeling him twitch repeatedly inside. Almost as if his dick itself is begging for your release so it can do the same.

Your body listens and obeys, utterly charmed by your best friend's cock. Not like that would change the impending fate bound to happen anyway. Your cunt expels him out with a spray that splashes against his abs and drips down his thighs. Chan swears and grabs his length that bobs in the air upon being freed, fingers holding the condom tightly at the base like a makeshift cock ring. 

Furiously jerking off just a little bit to reach completion and then he's emptying what feels like a life's worth into the poor condom that can barely contain it. Unlike your pussy that would take it all if given the chance. It inflates, ballooning out and filling up with so much cum it's threatening to pop. As if it wasn't working overtime, straining around the sheer size of his cock.

It's so full and heavy, gravity weighing it down to flop against your folds that squirt out a tiny bit more upon contact that has your legs seizing. Your lower body — now growing numb — was somehow still sustained by Chan's insane one-arm strength until he flops onto you. Bringing you both down onto the wet mess on the bed.

"Get off, you're heavy," you grouch though a dumb smile lights up your blissed-out face.

He laughs breathlessly and rolls onto his side, bringing you into his arms and looking at you with stars in his eyes. You nuzzle into his neck, inhaling his comforting scent you never want to be without now that you've been fully encompassed by it in such an intimate manner. So you wait, feeling the way your hearts both beat rapidly and he takes a deep breath. Chest expanding as his lungs fill with much-needed air after so much exertion. 

Anticipation brims from the crown of your head to the tip of your toes when Chan finally asks, "Hey, do you still think size doesn't matter?"

You blink. Once. Twice. Thrice. Definitely not the question you were expecting.

There's a lively spark still dancing in his tired eyes and you match it with a playful smile. "I'm not really sure, I think you'll have to prove it to me a few more times."

"Suppose there's still a lot of condoms we can't let go to waste."

"Aw, you don't want me to make you some balloon animals?"

"That offer is tempting but…" Sneaky hands tickle the swell below your breasts and you giggle, half-heartedly batting him away. "Not as much as you are."

"And you know… there's still a lot of chances to confirm some things while we test out whose theory is right."

"Confirm what, my dear? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I've already staked my claim on what's mine." It's embarrassing how easily Chan can read you, a know-it-all smirk on his face as he cups your warm cheek oh-so-lovingly. "My slutty bestie's the only one who can take my cock like a champ, there's no way I'm letting you go now."

It's even more embarrassing that your heart and sore hole flutter at crude words that totally shouldn't make you feel like a silly fool in love. But because you are, it only makes you fall harder.

"So, you're mine now too?"

"If that's okay with you."

And of course, it's okay with you, you verbally affirm. Feeling his smile against your own when he leans in to kiss you. You'll confirm later that size really doesn't matter.  After all, you just happen to be lucky that your bestie-now-turned-boyfriend has a huge cock to complement the equally huge amount of love he has stored for you in his heart.

onlyseokmins: June 2023 ©

[weneeya]

don't hide yourself w/ higuruma m.list | rules

note. now that jjk is over, we can go back to happiness and delusion :D i never wrote with higuruma before and it's a real SHAME so i'm here to deliver, please enjoy and feel free to request stuff <3

Having Higuruma Hiromi as your coworker didn’t seem like something easy at first, and you had to admit that it was kind of true. He wasn’t the kind of man to really talk or be anything more than simply polite. The bare minimum. 

The first time you really spoke with him was when you both got out to smoke at the same time. You forgot your lighter and he offered you to use his instead of going back inside to take yours. After this, you both got out to smoke together a few other times. 

Today was one of those days where you were exhausted. You were overworking yourself most of the time, and he noticed it. He couldn’t really say anything about it, because he knew he was no better. But it still worried him a little to see you light up cigarettes one after another. 

“It’s gonna kill you quicker than you thought,” he said, leaning against the wall behind him. A soft sigh escaped your lips right after the smoke left your mouth, and you glanced at him from above your shoulder, shrugging your shoulders like you didn’t really care. 

The light frown that appeared on his face was unexpected, you had to admit it. It wasn’t so rare to see him frown, but directed to you? With this small hint of worry? It was definitely new. “Don’t joke about that. You need to take a rest. When was the last time you slept for more than a three hour nap?” 

You looked away after his words and it was enough of an answer for him. He sighed before moving from the wall, stepping closer to you. He extended his hand to you, and you looked at him with an eyebrow raised. “Give them to me,” he said, and you were about to fight back when he took another step, even closer. “Don’t make me repeat myself.” 

You rolled your eyes and put your cigarettes between his fingers. He put them in his jacket, before looking back at you. You seemed frustrated, he could see it already. “I have an offer, you’re listening?” And simply nodded, listening to what he had to offer. 

This is how you ended up on the couch of his apartment after work. You were sitting in there, eyes closed as you finally let your body relax a little. He came back from the kitchen, putting a cup of tea on the table in front of you, before he sat next to you. He never thought you would accept, but here you were, taking a rest on his couch. 

“You look better without this frown on your face,” he said, a light grin dancing on his lips. You looked at him quickly, softly punching his shoulder. “I’m not frowning all the time,” you bite, and he chuckled a little. “Most of the time though,” he added, and it made you roll your eyes with a slightly amused smile. As you did, you turned your face away from him. 

You were always doing this. When you laugh, when you smile, all the time. You were never letting him see your smile. He didn’t like it. With a confidence he didn't know he had, his fingers slowly reached for your face. They held your chin in the most gentle way ever, making you look back at him. 

“Don’t hide yourself. I want to see your smile.” And you swore you could feel your cheeks softly burning up after his words. Since when was Higuruma this… gentle? He never seemed to be a rough man, but you never expected this either. He was your coworker, your friend. Not that you were complaining! But-

Your flood of thoughts got cut out by the soft smile that appeared on his own lips, making everything stop in your head. You simply looked at him in disbelief, and his fingers left your chin to brush a small strand of hair from your face. “I didn’t expect the blush, but I like it.” 

Of course he noticed. You hated yourself right now, hiding your face between your hands after he spoke. It made him chuckle once again, and you felt your heart racing in your chest. You slowly put your hands away, glancing back at him, clearly embarrassed by the situation. 

“You’re teasing me,’ you said in what was almost a whisper, and he slowly shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe, but I’m not lying.” And you couldn’t help the light smile that drew itself on your lips. I felt nice to finally feel safe with someone ; it had been a while since you did. 

So you ended up spending the night at his place, and a few more after this one. Slowly, taking a break became an excuse to see him after work, and he never said you no. After some time, you finally stopped hiding your smiles from him, because they were all directed to him, and him only. Because soon, Higuruma became more than a friend, and way more than a simple coworker. 

He became a safe place, the one you wanted to spend your life within.

thank you for reading!

[neverinsignificant]

How I Am Getting Myself Out of A Funk

This past month, I’ve been in a very terrible funk that has left me with overwhelming stress, an unregulated nervous system, feelings of discomfort (hopelessness, worthlessness, etc…), bloating and a bad case of imposter syndrome. I realize I’ve been wallowing in my own self pity and not taking care of myself the way I should, so I am being honest and admitting that I am scared as to what road my life may take if I do not improve where I know I can by taking the necessary steps. Here’s how I’m getting myself out of this funk:

• Taking my iron medication

I was prescribed medication for my iron deficiency anemia years ago and I haven’t been taking them due to my fear of swallowing pills. I use to let them dissolve in orange juice, but I grew to hate the taste and realized I wasn’t getting the full benefits by doing it this way. I have a complicated history with pills and I would like to get over it by learning & possibly speaking with a specialist who can help me get over my fear as iron has many benefits that would be beneficial to my body.

• Growing comfortable with my therapist

I recently started therapy and as much as I like my therapist, it has been hard to open up to them as much as I’d like. I know it’s because this is a new experience, but once I grow the courage to discuss some of the things I really want, I know my stress levels will decrease and mental health improve because I won’t have to worry about them anymore.

• Cultivating gratitude

I complain…. A lot because if it ain’t one thing, it’s another but by cultivating gratitude, I can practice to be more thankful of what I have and lessen my desire for more and negative thoughts. It will also lead me back to the path of my spiritual journey, which I seem to have slightly abandoned.

• Consume more water

I made a Habits I’m Not Waiting Until January to Implement post back in December where I said this same thing and I wasn’t consistent, but it’s never too late to do so now.

• Working out with positive intentions

Usually when I workout it has been with the intention to develop a certain body type, which lead to me closely examining and prodding at my body in the mirror, but as someone that comes from a family with people who develop physical health issues as they age, it’s important for me to workout simply to remain healthy, especially as I am still young with an able body. Develop stronger knees; hip mobility; straight posture, strength building.

• Breathwork + thought-stopping

This will go hand in hand with meditation. Simply saying “stop” to negative thinking doesn’t usually work for me, but what does is reframing the thoughts I’m having by making a positive light out of it or actively listing solutions. I don’t tend to be consistent with this, but I’ll try.

• Focus on my gut health

Lymphatic drainage by dry brushing, drinking peppermint tea, eating cleaner based foods, consume more fiber-rich foods, cut out gluten, eating more with smaller portions.

• Say “Girl, fuck you”

To people, emotions, circumstances. Simply dismissing the issue has sometimes helped, especially if they’re minor. Living in delusion isn’t always bad.

I’m not a “clean,” health and wellness guru, goop using (whatever tf that is), green juice drinking everyday girl and that’s okay. This is fairly new to me and I didn’t notice the severity of my health until I felt a sharp pain in my chest from stressing. I won’t fully immerge myself in this “aesthetic” as it isn’t in my interest to do so, but I will incorporate some of the habits to my benefits.

“Everyday the sun won’t shine, but that’s why I love tomorrow!” 🌟 -Glorilla

[quillkiller]

seven scenes from a marriage

a bellareg marriage au & house of black study

— cw: incest, abuse, unhealthy relationships, 1.2k words.

i.

Sirius leaves, is disowned, and no one knows what to do with you. You hear your mother spouting curses and traitor, traitor, traitor, and she looks at you like you’re dead weight, now. And you understand her, you do. You’ve always pitied your mother, looked down on her for giving birth to three daughters and not a single son.

You’re not a son (that’s your curse), but at least you would’ve always been a Black; and now you’re dead weight.

You hate him, your favorite cousin, the one you taught how to hold his wand right. Your co-conspirator at miserable family functions, your own flesh and blood— a traitor.

ii.

Regulus is made heir, your soft spoken baby cousin. Sirius’ little brother, his constant shadow, always one step behind him unless you could manage to steal your older cousin away for a few hours.

It’s strange seeing Regulus without his brother in front of him, covering him like a shield, and you think it’s the first time you’ve properly seen your baby cousin. He looks wobbly on his knees, like a weak comparison to his older brother. It’s strange following his gaze and not finding Sirius at the end of it.

Your mother doesn’t want you to marry him and your father strikes her with an open fist to remind her of her place. He says, you’re not a Black, and then, you don’t decide who my daughter marries.

Regulus is heir, now, after all, and you’re just a girl despite having eight years on your baby cousin.

He’s malleable, though, like clay, and you’ve got strong hands and sharp teeth.

You give him the Black smirk and a wink. He flushes a pretty pink at that, lips parted and long eyelashes fluttering as he tries to hide behind an imaginary body.

You think, sweet little lamb, as you crowd him like the predatory wolf that always lived inside you.

iii.

He looks at you so sweetly, your baby cousin. As if you’re his guiding star, like he needs you; like he used to need his big brother— and you struggle a little not to see him as a blushing seventeen year old kid instead of the heir of house Black.

Regulus has always watched you, mostly whenever you interacted with Sirius, as if you were standing in his way or, sometimes, as if he wanted what belonged to his brother: you.

You let him touch you and he’s so gentle, like he doesn’t know what to do with his hands or where to put them. So you do it for him, your back against the wall in his childhood bedroom. He calls you pretty, so pretty, and it’s easy to believe him when his lips are trembling, his hands shaking.

You were never pretty, that was always for your younger sisters.

It’s Regulus’ birthday so he goes down on one knee and puts a ring on your finger. His gray eyes never leave your gray eyes. His lips taste like home, like solidity, and you bite down to taste some of your shared blood. Sealing the deal.

You tell Narcissa about it over tea, showing off your ring, and you’re both laughing. You tell her how sweet he was, as if he couldn’t quite believe he was allowed to touch you, stars in his eyes and bending to your every will. Narcissa can’t stop giggling, that’s our baby cousin! And you laugh, too, and say, he’s my fiancé, actually, and you give her a wink.

Regulus writes to you every week while he’s doing his last year at Hogwarts. He finishes the letters off with kisses every time. He complains about Sirius and you roll your eyes.

He writes, I can’t wait to be yours, and you forget, for a moment, that you’re the girl.

You write him back, you wanna be my wife, cousin? because you can’t help yourself. It’s going to your head.

He writes, please.

iv.

You’re a married woman and you can’t help but resent how well it suits you. It was your biggest nightmare growing up, the end of your delusions about autonomy that you never really had in the first place. You’re a girl, something to be handed over and dealt with. First you belong to your father, then you’re supposed to belong to your husband.

All girls grow up just to become their mothers. At the hands of husbands like their fathers.

Regulus isn’t like his father. Or your father. He’s not even like his brother. He’s heir, and you’re his wife— and people respect him more than they respect you. That’s to be expected.

It’s different behind closed doors, though. As if the roles are reversed. Regulus looks to you, as if asking you to take the reins. Like he’s a marionette and you’re holding the strings.

It’s a heady feeling, being man of the house.

v.

Regulus looks to you, so he takes the mark because you ask him to, because it’s what’s best for him. And you want what’s best for him.

He doesn’t ask questions, only gives you that look that goes to your head before he straddles your lap and says, you take such good care of us, and you pull him closer by the waist and say, I’ll always take care of you, darling.

Because you do, you take care of you and yours.

vi.

There are whispers of a cave, the sea, but they get smothered with ink and death. As if they’re whispers from another life, far from here.

Sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night, and it’s cold and dark, and you’ll panic for just a second, like you might never feel happiness again. Then you turn on the lights.

You rise to the top, hand in hand, Mr and Mrs. Black. The Dark Lord speaks directly to you, like you’re a person, like you’re worth listening to. Your husband stands at your back, you cover him like a shield— and he’s always one step behind you.

The Dark Lord takes a liking to you both. He lets you sit the closest to him, your husband to your right. The others give you strange looks whenever they forget themselves.

You don’t let them forget themselves.

vii.

It works— you’re happy and it works.

You’re enough like Sirius that Regulus can fall in love with you, and eventually he stops giving you that searching look of his. He stops trying to find his brother in your eyes— until all he sees is you.

It’s easy to dote on him. He’s soft and pliant, you lead and he follows. It’s almost love, for you. You love him because he’s your cousin and because he let you remain a Black. You love your marriage, the power, being man of the house.

You’re a good match and you remember cursing Sirius for abandoning you, and now you wouldn’t trade this for anything.

You take care of you and yours. He stays faithful and submissive like a wife, and he smiles so sweetly when he smells another woman’s perfume on your robes; like he’s just grateful you came home to him, because that’s what matters.

Your mistresses mean nothing to me, he says, you’re my wife, so you kiss him to let him know who you belong to.

He keeps you out of Azkaban, you make him a believer.

It works— you’re happy and it works.

[psycho-killer-writer]

Dom!Draco Malfoy smut pls?? (u can ignore ofc)

my first story with smut lets be nice. Also didn't edit it I got lazy so if grammar errors or mistakes... oops.

summary: after accusing draco of cheating, you confront him and realize your were all wrong he must punish you for that ridiculous accusation.

Dom! Draco x fem reader

"THAT STUPID ASSHOLE! I fucking hate him, I'll kill him, how dare he... breath" I say in rushed breath trying to catch my breath. "really breath is that why your like going crazy" I love pansy like a sister but I'm gonna punch her in the fucking throat, "of course not but I'm angry so I can say what I want"

Pansy looked with complete confusion "how about you just tell me the problem". Oh yeah the problem kinda forgot what I was complaining about, that's what men do I guess. "That albino looking mother fucker had the audacity to take Astoria grass green or green glass, whatever who cares what her name is" I sneered.

pansy rolled her eyes giggling "you know what her name is"

"of course I know what her name is, Its fucking Astoria Greengrass for christ sake I have oddly sexually confusing dreams about her" I rant then pause hoping I didn't sound so crazy, pansy's just stares then shrugs "who hasn't".

"anyways like I was saying, he took her to meet his mom! who does that people that date and commit that's who" I was seething I thought what we had was passionate, animalistic, even say love but hey to early to tell.

pansy snorted "what are you gonna do go up to his room and demand he stop seeing Astoria, and tell him to stop existing around her."

I scrunch in disgust "oh god no im not some tacky pick me girl".

------------------------------------------------------------------------

No thoughts just anger and a little bit of delusion I walk up to his stupid door and bang on that stupid door, so loud that it rattles the hallway. Then the stupid door is ripped open and his stupid anger face is in front of me.

"who the he- oh hey" he says in sudden softness once he realizes who is causing the scene. "miss me that much the whole hallway can hear how wet you ar-"

he is suddenly caught off once I slap him across the face his face is suddenly whipped to the side, and he looks ahead past me in shock... then anger.... then he smirks at me and licks the inside of his cheek

I didn't even let him speak when I push past him and turn around to face him while he close the door.

I just start unloading all the crap (mostly insecurities, but pride ) I have been holding in. "how dare you I gave you my virginity, does it look like im one of those people who pass it around letting everyone get in here.. don't answer that. Then you bring that tall drink of water I have dreamt her kissing all over this body, to your mothers house. YOUR MOTHERS HOUSE! I doubt that prude can do the things and I can do and let you do the things to me that are disturbing but weirdly make me horny."

Don't know where I am going with this but I feel this heat and I'm just going to keep yelling and not know where this is going to go.

" so I guess I was nothing but a body to you, im not good enough to be yours, to meet your mother, and maybe in the future I won't be married to you that I sometimes fantasize about, and your mother won't love me so much that she gives me all her clothes in her will, and I'm getting off track again SEE THIS IS WHAT YOU DO TO M-"

I don't even get to finish my speech because he yanks me from the back of the neck and kisses me hard on the mouth I almost couldn't breathe

after a while we both gasp for air and he keeps are nose touching "God the things I should do to that mouth". dammit he knows how to make me drip.

I looks at him in confusion and heartache how can he ask for this knowing the pain he is causing me.

"One, I don't know how you found out and I don't want to know, all I know your kinda crazy and to never hide anything from you" he chuckled and I was about to kick him in the ball when that smart son of a bitch block my leg.

"I took Astoria to the manor to tell my mother that we are not going to be committed to each other, since we were kids we were supposed to be married at 20, but I met you and there is no one I would rather be with then the insane girl that turns me on when she giggles, or my heart that skips a beat when you look at me or touch me." we both chuckle and I have a tear going down my eye.

god I feel like an idiot.... I win... wrong moment

"I feel like an idiot" I am embarrassed

he smiles pushing my hair away from my face "don't be it just shows your the one... I love you " he expresses

I gasp I forget ho to breathe, fucking suck it Astoria " you what?"

"I love you" he repeats

"one more time didn't quite catch you"

he chuckles and throws his head back "im gonna take it back"

"to late mister its out there forever"

" as much as I love make up sex I gotta punish you for acting like a spoiled brat" he said gripping the back of my head with my hair "ima fuck you so hard it's gonna feel like I hate you"

he rips my shirt wide open tearing it right down the middle and tearing it to pieces throwing it across the room. Leaving me in just my skirt and white bra.

He places his hands on my breast and squeezes with suck adoration "God these thing are so beautiful, and so goddamn sexy" he grips them tight then reaches behind and break the clip. Ripping of my bra

" that was my favorite one " I whimper, your so lucky i'm turned on jerkface

" what did i just fucking say" he seethed grabbing my jaw "you wanna run your mouth, then I wanna hear you scream"

He yanks my head toward him and kisses me with such love and anger at the same time. "Get on the bed and turn around on your hands and knees."

Fucking finally... holy shit i'm such a slut

I climb on the bed sightly nervous and very excited for what he is about to unleash on me. there I sit only in a skirt and my garter stockings, my boobs completely open and sensitive.

ready to be used

I feel his presence right behind me and his cold deadly hand riding up my leg to the ends of my skirt pushing it up to mu hips, only to reveal that I 'forgot' my underwear.

"ohh fuck" he seethed and gripping my flesh tightly "you knew what you were doing, you wanted to be in this position didn't you, you filthy little slut" feeling his grip tighten only shows how wet he is making me.

"oh sorry, I guess I left my underwear in Potters room after he fucked my brains out... oops" I look over my shoulder and give him a sadistic smile. Of course im lying I just like to poke the dragon a little bit.. or the ferret if we are getting technical.

I don't even get the chance to to process before he gathers all his strength and completely rips the skirt off of me

dam he is on a roll, my big mouth is going to make me run out of clothes

"please keep fucking talking let me punish you more, cause after this you won't be able to even speak."

i'm to fucking insane for this to turn me on

"oh fuck yes please punish me, I dererve it im a bad girl" I whimper. He simply smiles and groans out "oh yeah baby you are I say the punishment fits the crime"

He then slaps my ass, and I let out a slight gasp. "fuck your practically dripping, you like that don't you" he demands while slapping the other cheek.

"Count slut" he says while he spanks my right bum.

"one"

Smack

"two"

Smack

"three" I whimper how can pain fee; so good

Smack

"four"

Smack

"five" im tearing up from the intense feeling

Smack!

"six"

Draco put all his force in the last one I couldn't help but cry out and moan at the same time.

he messages my red flesh and leans down to kiss it "fuck baby you did so good, you take my punishment like a good girl.

he then proceeds to reach down my heat and feels how wet I am I let out an involuntary moan and my thighs tremble lightly .

all of a sudden im flipped on my back and he then proceeds to kiss me, we are both turned on we are making out without a care in the world its messy and hot and we don't care, I gasp for air and he then starts to kiss done my body while kissing each breast with such determination, I forget how to breath. "Draco please, I can't I need to feel you" I gasp

"you will baby soon, I gotta make sure your nice and prepped" he says while kissing the inside of my thighs

he grips my my thighs that are placed over his shoulders and I can see the dents in my skin his long fingers are doing.

I feel a long wet lick going up making me shiver and right when he licks my clit and sucks hard, so roughly nibbling on it. Giving me a sense of pain and pleasure at the same time not able to control myself I let out shrieks and moan; trying so hard to keep it in.

he can easily charm the room, but something about someone hearing the sounds of pleasure rattles Draco in a way that challenges him to challenge me. I can't take the pleasure the way his lips suck my clit then enters his tongue in and out of my pussy makes me gasp.

"yes, yess, ohhhhh fuck " I moaned out in high pitch

ohh yes, yes don't stop, ohh fuuu-" I became inherent too focused on my pleasure to even

next thing I know he enters his long cold fingers once again and curls them which makes me gasp and wither . "ahhhhh yess, fuck yes" I can't stop screaming

he looks up with is cold grey eyes and smiles.

" you like that dont you. oh fuck yes look at you its like your begging for it. ima fuck you so good, for that little stunt you pulled" he seethed

I couldn't take it anymore I couldn't hold it I came so hard. "ohhh fuccc, ahhhhh" i couldn't control it my juices sprayed Dracos hands, he would stop he kept curling his fingers in me. I was so sensitive my legs were shaking I was shivering with over stimulation.

he crawls up toward me looking into my eyes and smiles and kisses me hard with love and compassion, we break apart nose touching.

he keeps eye contact and tells me " your such a good fucking girl you know that, merlin you come too good." he exhales with such satisfaction.

"you know I love you right" he looks at me with adoration

"of course, I made you repeat it like three times" I giggled

"good because im going to fuck you like I hate you" he says dropping his smile into something sadistic

he quickly pulls away and flips me on my stomach again picking up my legs to balance myself. He slaps my ass and enters me slow to accommodate his huge size and after a while he pulls out and and pounds into to me with no mercy.

my eyes cross as the sudden intrusion draco grabs my hips and continues to pound me from behind the room filling with skin slapping and moaning. thrusting into me with such determination and ruthlessness I can't stop screaming

"holy fucking shit take my cock you dirty girl" he tells me groping my hips hard where my skin starts to tingle and pound into me relentlessly.

"ohh yes , yes fuck me I deserve it" I grip him so hard having his cock enter my pussy nonstop.

draco then grabs my hair by the roots and pulls my head back and puts his face above mine "you like being treated this way being used like some possession a slut just for me, now open that goddamn mouth" as I obeyed his order he spat in my mouth and I swallowed it with delight then kissed me it was messy and wet but we didn't care all we focused on is the pleasure of him fucking me roughly.

"holy fuck i'm gonna come, i'm so close" I screamed he then spared me hard and pulled away. I shivered from the emptiness

"you better hold it cause i'm not done" he whispered in my ear, suddenly he flips me on my back and grabs me by my thighs and hooks his hand under by leg onto hip and enters me again with more passion and fill me up all the way I can feel the warmth of his cock invading me while he controls me moving ui and down due to his hands moving me on his cock he groans and huffs from the squeezing of my walls.

"yes- yes -yes" I say in high voice small tears forming my eyes from the pleasure and I can't handle it "hell yeah baby cry those happy tears for me milk me like a good girl". h go forward and puts his weight on his hand on my throat and goes at a faster pace pounding me while squeezing my throat I couldn't handle this amount of pleasure

"fuck mee yesss ahhhhh" I come hard around his cock I can't take it y eyes roll to the back of my head while he lowers his pace but takes deep thrust while he comes in me.

"look at me while I come in you dirty girl, fuck yes you like that, me filling your pussy take it like a good girl" he says as he empties out inside me as I calm down from my high .

he pulls out and I whimper from the emptiness he kisses the side of my calf and sides at me as he relaxes my legs and joins me next to the bed and we look up at the ceiling in exhaustion.

draco is the first to look at me he Tuens his head "you should slap me more often" I laugh at his comment "the way you act there would probably be plenty" I say turning my body and lean top to look down at his beautiful face "I guess its only fair that I should apologize to you"

"uhh yeah sounds reasonable" he smiles at me twirling the end of my hair

"good then"

"waiting for my apology"he looks at me with a smug face, and I look at him confused "I just did, didn't you hear me."

"what you said you should apologize but you didn't do the action" he says smugly

" take it or leave it ferret" I say and I wrinkle my nose in his face and he does it back reaches up and kisses me. "oh you love testing my patience don't you babygirl"

"all joking aside I really am sorry for invading your privacy and going all phyco" I admit with guilt and embarrassment

"I will admit it was kinda a turn on especially your little rant about us getting married" he snickered

"please forget about that I was seething I don't know why I was saying all that.... out loud" I added and he pulled me down to lay on his chest underneath the covers and made me look in his eyes "that all I think about and dream every night darling, because I love you" he confessed and I swear to merlin I came a third time.

"good because I love you too" I respond and all was right I put my head on his chest and basked in each others company

" So in this vision do we have a dog: draco asked and you always loved his soft spot for animals and remembered he was never allowed to have a pet.

" No, but there is a ferret" and si felt a smack on my ass I laughed " of Course there is a dog, you couldn't pick one so you chose both"

"good" he said and smiled pecked my lips and held me as we fell into the night slumber.

[wannaeatramyeon]

I just thought what type of personality is thier child like and what type of dad they are.

Example: Daniel's child will be a chubby child like he is, probably shy and cute child. Daniel would be a dad that give confident to his child so they won't exprience hardship like and also both of them will have a shenanigans of eating in the middle of the night.

Gun's child would be mini Gun but doesn't look for fight like his dad. You can say the child is more of gentleman than Gun tendency. The child probably be like "Mom, How and why did you marry dad" Points at thier father who is rampaging in fight.

Thanks for the ask Sam and sorry it's taken so long 😭

Agree with your HC altho I wonder if Daniel might swing too much the other way being a health nut (after all the bullying and Lookism) and you would have to help him find a happy medium??

Lookism Boys as dads + what their kid is like

Wow that's a mouthful. HC for Jake Kim, Samuel Seo, Warren Chae, Goo Kim, Ryuhei Kuroda, Eugene, Vasco, Zack Lee, Johan Seong

General HC

Most would take after their dad and be at least adept with fighting

Unless specified they would turn out pretty ok. We all know the flaws these men have (except Jake he can do no wrong 🙏) so the coparent needs to balance that out

Jake and Samuels kids would be bff, much to chagrin of Samuel lol. He ends up seeing Jake far too much for his liking but his kid is happy so what can he do

Warren's kid and Yenna bff. Duh

Goo's and Ryuhei's hate each other at first. Always getting each other into trouble. Until. Wow, think of the chaos we can cause TOGETHER

Gun's kid IMO would probably get on with someone like Eugene's. But would be hilarious if they got swept into the Vasco/Zack/Johan dynamic

Eugene's is a bit of a loner. All the fancy upbringing means they have connections and networks rather than close friends 😔

Vasco's, Zack's and Johan's would be like siblings. Constantly pick on and insult each other. They're allowed to. But if someone joins in - WTF DID YOU JUST SAY?? YOU WANNA FIGHT?

Jake Kim

As a dad

Listen. I don't know whether my levels of delusion are way off with this man but he can do no wrong. He would be the best dad, best househusband. He would be harsh but fair and sooo much fun. Unfortunately your kid would be spoilt rotten with all the Big Deal Uncles and Auntie.

The kid

Like father like son/daughter. Absolute unwavering sense of right and wrong, maybe sometimes not too understanding of the shades of grey. A confident kid and heartbreaker - not purposely tho but their rizz will be off the charts like their dad. Of course a natural born leader. That runs in the family too.

Warren Chae

As a dad

Oof. If you thought he was protective over Sally then you have another thing coming. Needs a bit of talking around to give them their freedom and experiences. Apart from that you really can't complain. Warren has an infinite amount of patience. Also reads to them all the time to stop himself missing out words.

The kid

The cutest kind-hearted little soul! Would just be so nice and sweet! Super well adjusted and surrounded by loving adults (Hostel), and also Grandpa Manager Kim. Yknow the kids who are also constantly dirty? Like constant speck of dirt on their face? Yeah also that.

Samuel Seo

As a dad

It might be better if you're a single parent because he is gonna pass on some gnarly generational trauma. Your child will either end up like a mini-Samuel or fingers crossed there will be shitloads of therapy (for daddy and child).

The kid

Strives for perfection, and super ambitious. There's no avoiding some traits. Another natural leader, but rules less with an iron first than Sammy. Would be vain af, and looks after their appearance a LOT. A bit shallow and judgemental but will eventually grow out of it.

Goo Kim

As a dad

Shrewd af and always knows what's going on. Good luck to their kid because there is no lying to Goo. He'll play along and then drop the hammer. However, a bit too lenient so you would have to be the disciplinarian. Lets the kid just get on with things and learn by experience. "Oh you wanna play with the sword? Have fun!" "GOO NO-!"

The kid

Little shit. Sorry there's just no way they wouldn't be a mouthy little asshole. Goo would make sure they respect the parents, but otherwise they are a danger to society. A troublemaker. Figures out all the loopholes to any rules and laws... A constant headache but you can't help but be impressed.

Gun Park

As a dad

Does a lot of research before their kid is born. This guy is pretty thorough with things he is interested in, so if he's taking an active part in the kid's life then he will be meticiulous. Initially. Then, like Goo, will let their kid make their own mistakes. Otherwise, very hands on, doesn't believe in outdated parental roles. After all, this is Gun's ultimate masterpiece.

The kid

Christ. This kid could be the most intimidating child to have ever lived. Not as intense as their dad, but they are playing 5D chess while everyone else is just learning their shapes and numbers. They're cocky and confident, with the skills to back it up.

Ryuhei Kuroda

As a dad

Extremely similar to Goo imo. Would also love to embarrass the kid. Not purposely mind, just he can't keep his hands off or kissing you and no kid needs to see their parents so grossly in love.

The kid

An absolute menace, just like their dad. Huge prankster, mostly harmless. Don't get them together with Goo's kid because jfc they would be absolute terrors together. Unlike their dad in his youth, they would respect the shit out of women. You've seen to that.

Eugene

As a dad

Probably a little cold and severe, putting a bit too much emphasis on grades and perfection. Despite that, would actually be pretty good. Someone that reads up a lot on how to raise a kid, bonding with them etc etc. to form a somewhat healthy relationship.

The kid

Private school little wunderkind. Will grow up with the absolute best of everything and spoilt too so you would need to keep them grounded. Expected to take over Workers. Business acument and ambition will be drilled into them from an early age.

Vasco

As a dad

What is there to say about Tabasco that we don't already know. Would dote on them hand and foot. An absolute pushover! Their kid pulls out the puppy eyes and it's game over. Would teach them to protect themselves but probably draw the line at anything more.

The kid

Really creative? Vasco would place less emphasis on grades and would help to nurture their interest in the arts. But actually super smart too thanks to Uncle Jace's influence. Tbh I think the kid would be pretty perfect and with the kindest heart and stands up to bullies just like dad!

Zack Lee

As a dad

So so similar to Vasco. Has all these ideas on what they should and shouldn't do as a parent. Kid pops out, and Zack's a goner. Literally would do anything and everything for their child. Go absolutely crazy with pride if the kid is interested in boxing.

The kid

Would have no game... Like dad. Sorry. Good job they would be good looking af to even it out. Not a huge emphasis on education and grades thanks to Zack's influence. More focused on athletics. A little shallow and arrogant, but a huge softy underneath.

Johan Seong

As a dad

Panic and anxiety from the day their kid was born and every day after. First because of worrying about their eyes, second because he's just not comfortable with having an actual dependent. Tries to teach them about the evils of the world. Eventually chills out overall and reverts back to being the gentle-hearted boy he used to be.

The kid

For practical reasons, taught braille from an early age just in case. But otherwise a mini-Johan but without the trauma. Very softly spoken and sweet. Just an absolute ray of sunshine. Always accompanied by their dog, their bff and partner when a fight arises.

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

Hear me out, this probably isn't really too crazy to say but Step 2 would be a perfect fit for the Jerk Squad

And considering how Frederick and Nichole are, tbh I can see them sending Tam to the boarding school in XOXO Droplets because of the prestige and wanting their daughter to have the best academics the US education system can offer (assuming they ended up taking her back when the originally planned)

Qiu would thrive but Tamarack would barely be swimming but damn now I'm out here trying to develop ships and shit. Are y'all seeing my vision here???

I can see Everett crushing on Qiu for sure honestly. He would like the way they carry themselves, one hot jerk to another.

Ngl I can see Nate and Tamarack becoming a thing once he gets over the emotional intimacy fear thing. I say this because in my head, I see NateTam being a childhood ??? to lovers type beat. Their parents all went to the same university and are all good friends, so they grew up knowing each other. He's known Tam since their elementary school days back when she was just an energetic wild child who got on his nerves and saw her transform into the shy, insecure person she is in Step 2. So he begrudgingly looks out for her, in his own Nate way, at their school. Part because his parents told him to and ask him about Tamarack incessantly and part because he kinda, sorta, lowkey, can quietly admit he cares about her. Kind of. You won't catch him admitting that shit out loud for a WHILE though

(JB calls Tamarack 'Candi with an I' because her eyes remind JB of candied apples)

And hear me out... Jeremy and Tamarack. Tamarack's autumn gold gamboge hair with its beautiful sparkles is what makes Jeremy stop hating the color orange. Like it would be rocky of course, especially since whether regardless Tam wouldn't be a Jerk Squad member, but I can see it still coming to fruition. Like I'm not sure what exactly the dynamic would be... but I still see it. She gets a job working at his parents' shop, he listens to her practice the cello and doesn't have much to complain about which is basically as much glaze as someone can get from the guy, so yeah. Pretty high praise. His parents would be all over setting him and Tamarack up because she's so sweet, they think she would be perfect for him.

Sweet as Tamarack is though, she's opinionated and is one to move forward even if someone else won't go with her. She's got some sass and spunk so she won't be so sweet that Jeremy wouldn't be able to stand being around her for long periods of time.

But I also think Jeremy and Qiu would be really good together too honestly. Not just aesthetically, but I think they'd get a kick out of each in their own way. Plus, Qiu knowing Pran already helps

Feed my delusions in the ask box. What's your OL/XOXO crossover thoughts?

[hawnkoii]

(TW: Mentions of d€@**th + r@**p€ threats, incest, NSFW)

@cherrysuzaku / @serenesaku the things you have lied about on my name.

I have heard and read everything and I have never heard bigger lies in my life. I have been informed of what you told people behind my back, telling them i know things that I genuinely was not aware of just so you can paint me as a bad person. If you’re going to lie about something, at least try to make it sound believable. I should be showing all of our discord messages, showing everyone how you made weird fetishized cuck headcanons of my oc watching your oc, Hanako, and Urogi have sex. I should show them the oc you drew and attempted to ship him with Sumine. I should show everyone how you kept bugging me to draw you something, and if the commission came out bad, you wouldn’t pay me for it. I will show a glimpse of our messages below 👇 because there will be some to accuse me of aimlessly talking out of my ass with no proof. (Warning: NSFW)

I did not say anything at the time since I felt like I was overthinking, and others didn’t complain about you. I did not say anything as I did not speak to many people in the community at the time, and I wanted to keep and make mutuals. I did get petty, as shown in the screenshot, because i was tired of your constant weird headcanons. Should I have said flat out I didn’t like it? Yes, I should have, but I didn’t want to come off as a prude. I felt bad cause i felt like I just scolded you, so i followed up by saying “it’s not a big deal”. I tried to leave subtle hints that I didn’t like it, not that I want to gatekeep the character, but I hated how you put my oc down like that. Your attempt to pull my oc away, make my oc look bad, make ME look bad, and literally bother me to make an oc x oc ship with you after I said NO a billion times is disgusting. I always wondered why no one ever complained about you, which is why I stayed silent and tried to get along with you. I’m tired of it. Thursday was my birthday and I tried to be positive but I couldn’t because of how you literally lied to people about me, leading to de**th threats, r**pe threats, and rude messages due to people thinking i was the troll, and then you have the audacity to ask me if i had a good birthday. Hell no i did not.

If there is one thing I genuinely regret now, is how I was so blind to your behavior. I don’t believe it, and I can’t believe I stayed up late a few months ago to draw you something for your birthday because I really cared for you. Have you ever cared for me in the same way I used to care about you? What were you going to do for my birthday other than be a manipulative liar that purposely left out information to me so I, and others, could sympathize with you. I wish I knew the full story so I didn’t just blindly side with you and think others were bad. You realize I saw terrible (now confirmed fake) screenshots of someone potentially being racist and straight up rude, so obviously I made insults the same way you were insulting others (they will not be name dropped). You took advantage of my vulnerability with you, victimized yourself, and I’ll never forgive you for that. You are not a victim Serene, but maybe a victim of your own delusions and ego. I am an adult as well, but remember our difference in maturity. The mental gap between an 18 yr old (I am now 19) and a 24 yr old. Your frontal lobe is more developed than mine, and pretty close to being fully developed and making better conscious decisions.

Because of your lies and how you led people on, I can’t stop getting d€@*th and r**pe threats. Am I saying that you are at fault for other’s behavior? No, i am not. But you have repeated this process so many times with others and you just don’t seem to learn. At some point your victim complex is going to lead to others getting hurt. Telling me to block and not talk to certain people, yet you go behind my back and talk to those very people yourself to incriminate me. Why did you do that? So I don’t talk and share my side of the story and you can keep me in the dark and have someone to blame? It seems like this is the reason because once I got in touch with these said people you told me not to communicate with, we realized we shared similar issues we had with you. I was relieved to hear I wasn’t the only one that was treated this way by you, and I stayed silent initially because I just didn’t want to be that guy, and because you seemed to be on good terms with a lot of people in the community. I have noticed a good chunk of the people in your server have either blocked or unfollowed me. Have you told them whole truth, Serene? Or have you just told them enough so they sympathize with you. People that have similar experiences with you can be silent about you, as it is their own story to tell when they feel comfortable, but I will not be silent about you anymore @cherrysuzaku

I would speak to you in private about this, but you have proved to me that you are not a trustable or reliable person, and I know that you will just respond with “I’m sorry” or by freaking out. You are not listening to me.

“I’m sorry” “I’m sorry” “I’m sorry” “I’m sorry” “I’m sorry” and then you never fix your behavior. If you are going to be on hiatus, LEARN something before you come back and don’t just feel sorry for yourself.

Now you are going after my friends and repeating this chain of behavior with them, leaching onto them for what I can assume is free art, which I see you have gotten unfortunately. I see you asking them weird questions and trying to form an oc x oc ship with them as well. I have seen you create an oc to ship with their oc that is already taken. God knows who else you are acting this way to. I am not stupid, Serene. The second you were pushed away by one trio that felt uncomfortable with your behavior, you try to nudge your way into mine. Don’t think I didn’t notice how less you spoke to me during that time you were all ‘buddy-buddy’ with the first trio you tried to be with. I am not one to gatekeep people, but as soon as my friends told me what you were saying to them in private, I had an internal panic. I knew exactly what you were doing the second you tried to butter up my friend with some fanart. And ofc when i recently blocked you, you go to others to complain, as I have seen, looking for someone to feel pity for you. I have tried to let the weekend pass while i deleted my Tumblr app, i have reported messages, but the threats of people saying they want to “destroy every hole in my body” and that my mother “should have ab0rted me” is too much. And that’s not even the worst message. These threats have spread to my instagram DMs. Again, i am not 100% blaming you for this Serene, but what you have said has led to this, even if you didn’t want it to go this far. It’s a permanent scar on my emotional state and my reputation, so why should I let you go?

I will also mention your neediness. When I made some fanart for my friends, this is how you reacted (first image):

(Sorry for the constant pfp change from me)

Instead of supporting my art, you made me feel terrible. I felt so bad here, but I didn’t know what else you wanted me to do. I just wanted to have fun in the community and make people I feel comfortable with feel happy as well. And if my memory serves me correctly, this is not your first time freaking out to me when I make art for friends, and it just comes off as jealousy, honestly. (2nd screenshot) Shamelessly during messages you would just randomly ask for free art and guilt trip me. Like, come on, you should just know not to do that, even if you were trying to joke. In the 3rd screenshot shown, you wanted to ship my Urogi fankid with your Urogi fankid. Why would you even suggest incest or bring it up? Not to mention you blatantly stealing character designs from me and my friends, and stealing my oc’s name shamelessly. I would think it was an accident, but as I have heard from others, you have done this before. You have stolen character concepts from others. Not to mention you even admit to knowing/feeling like you’re stealing. If you know, then stop. I shouldn’t have to tell a grown woman how to act.

Reasonable crashout from me. I will not be a pushover this time and allow myself to be threatened and slandered. I have allowed this behavior for too long. Gmfu if you think i’m letting anyone talk down on me online. I do not wish to be silent anymore, so I did not consult anyone before speaking on this. I am writing this so that people would not harass Serene back, but just be wary. I have heard her do so much worse to others, but for now it is not my right to say it since it is not my story or experience. You are not a good person Serene, and never a good 'friend' to me. If you had my best interest in mind, you wouldn’t have done the things you did, and try to accuse me of being the troll. You have genuine problem, Serene. I’m saying this in the nicest way possible, please get therapy if you have not already gotten it. And if you have, I hope you feel better soon.

[cacaitos]

nvm it's not the contradictions i said in the tags it's the synthesis. like the entire story he's been on a very thin line, weaving in and out of the awareness of how much he's projecting his mom onto bum, that fair enough does comes across as partially an attraction, but that´s a feeling that gets subdued under the main function of the reenactment of certain event: it more than nothing serves to retroactively change their power dynamics. he's not the one roped in, manipulated in, vulnerated in; he leads, he hits, he *rapes, he wins this time.

so, imo, that scene on ch 13 when he shortly flashbacks to his mom (the scene from my banner for short), is ofc a slip on the dnamic reversal i f bum had really 'betrayed' him on the external side, but internally the fact that he had gotten an erection w/o noticing about it is a short moment of full awareness of the horror of the relationship w his mom; again i´ve always thought of that scene as very bizzare looked at it so far away of the more similar intensity of last season, but it is the fact of noticing not an attraction but moreso a reaction out of his control that's more reminiscent of the action that originated it ie rape. trying to say that him feeling like that against his wish is the proof that his mom still wins. not the horror of being attracted to her so much as is that she still has that much power over him.

so that was on the stage of the story when he was still trying to compartimentalize whats memory and present, the roles, the control, the distance, even when trying to give bum apparent choice and space only so far it strengthens his attachment to him. buuut now that, though i **struggle to say what exactly about the events w bum's uncle were that triggered anything, he's quite literally allowing the ghosts back in the house. and is both performing the roles of the past as-is while also believing that if he behaves differently the ending for those roles will be different. he's his father and he doesnt want to die like him, and bum is his mother and if he treats them right this time, like good son and husband, then he wont die by their hand again.

in this he has given bum, not necessarily unintentionally, a more ample space to express Want (and thus the implicit part that despite the material power dynamics he's allowing it and will comply). there are echoes, imo, from that time (to start somewhere) in the first chs bum asked to suck him off (understanding this is pre-kidnapping feelings speaking) and he denied. while the whole thing of being wanted despite being a piece of shit was mostly desirable before bc 1. the ego boost 2. of the sense of superiority (mom thing again), admitedly there is smth slightly threatening of someone whose Want seems to be greater than their justified dislike for you and the threat you pose, a Want so hungry. then again in the motel scene, when he denies giving bum oral he asks so eagerly and intensely. sw 'won' those times. but by allowing bum rn to Want more freely now is inadvertedly nurturing an desire and a facet of his mom's personality not the same but similar in intensity at least. a want that even if unreciprocated doesnt, by nature, leave him uninvolved. and he accepts the situation.

yeah yeah i recall this is the ch that he lost it yeah

[taeraemisu]

delusional ; matthew zb1

synopsis ; in which reader is desperately holding onto the very thin thread of wanting to meet their childhood friend again even though they have lost all contact with each other

genre ; childhood friends to lovers, reader did not give up hope woah, a sprinkle of a cafe au, fluff !!

pairings ; matthew x reader, taerae being reader’s good friend

word count ; 1.5k words

“am i being delusional?”

“yes, one hundred percent.”

you and taerae were closing up the cafe you both work at, ten minutes till closing. just like any other night or waking moment, you were complaining to your dear friend taerae about a certain guy you could never forget.

“but hear me out-“

taerae puts his hands up, stopping you from speaking any further. “let’s look at this logically. you last saw him when you were 10, we are currently 21. the chances of him being here, right at this moment, is very slim.”

you groaned at the dimpled-boy. he was not wrong, but could he blame you? there wasn’t one moment where you have ever forgotten about his existence. and how could you? no one could forget the seok matthew if they ever meet him. he was someone who would be stuck in your head forever, a certain boy you will see passing by on the street and you can’t seem to ever forget him despite knowing nothing about him. that’s the kind of guy seok matthew was.

“okay, okay but just hear me out!” you said as you sweep the empty cafe. “maybe, and just maybe, he’s an exchange student right now and is currently here!”

taerae rolled his eyes, looking at you with the ‘really’ eyes. “think about what you just said, as slowly as you can, and what’s the probability of that.” he was washing the cups as he talks to you, so prepared to shoot down your delusions once more. “out of all the ideas you have mentioned to me, how many times has it been true? and how many times have i been right?”

you groaned. you hate how he was always right. there was once you were so convinced matthew would walk past you on the street right at that moment. did it happen? no. or the time how you and taerae were having dinner at a local restaurant and you were so convinced he was working there as a part-timer, about to serve the both of you your food. but did it happen? no.

maybe that’s why the both of you got along so well. one was delusional while the other is logical and shoots down the other’s delusions.

“just you wait, he is going to walk through those doors at this moment and order a drink,” you flashed a grin at your friend. taerae shakes his head, wiping the cups and putting them away now. he glanced at the clock. “i hope not, we are closing in a few minutes-“

the bell rings, making the both of you snap your head to the door. a foxy looking guy walks in, smiling sheepishly at the both of you. “it’s probably really late but is it okay if i could order one drink to go?”

the both of you stared at the guy in shock. taerae glanced at you, bewildered. you were right?! he could not believe this. the seok matthew was standing in front of the both of you. he had seen matthew’s photos so many times before, having you to thank, and he was so disappointed he recognised the guy instantly,

you, on the other hand, could not believe your eyes. seok matthew, the guy you have always wanted to meet again, was standing in front of you, right at this moment.

“if you guys are closed i could go-“

“no!” you said, a bit too loud. “i mean, we could make one more drink. you can stay as long as you like, we were both planning to stay to study anyways.” words jump around your head, trying to form proper sentences. could you even speak?

taerae looks at you, looking at you as if he is saying is-studying-really-the-best-you-could-think-of.

“yeah, we could make one more drink. what would you like?” taerae took over, while matthew walks over to the counter, leaving you standing in your spot while you stare at him. you remembered him, but does he remember you?

“does ice americano work?”

“of course!” you say a little too quickly before you behind the counter to prepare his drink. “name, sir?”

taerae rolls his eyes. you definitely knew more than just his name. “i mean, aren’t i the only person here?” matthew chuckles.

“procedures we have to follow,” you gave a soft smile while you prepare his drink. he returns a smile, eyeing you. “matthew, seok matthew.” you made his drink and gave it to him. you were trying to make it as slowly as you could cause when would you ever see him again?

“thanks!” matthew took a sip of the drink. “oh, wow, i might actually come here more often.”

“please do,” you said a little too quickly again before you realised you were staring at him. you could not think straight around him.

“so matthew, do you go to any schools nearby or did you just happen to be here?” taerae took over once more, looking at you with the you-owe-me look before looking back at matthew.

“i am actually! i go to zerose university nearby! i’m the new exchange from canada! what about the both of you?”

you stared at him in shock, you were right again! 

“no way? we both go there too! maybe we will be seeing you around more often,” taerae grins before you both bid a goodbye to matthew who leaves the cafe. you just stare at taerae in shock. “who’s the right one now?”

weeks and a little over a month have past since you first met matthew again, and he started to appear at the cafe you work at a lot. he would be there before you even start your shift and leave till closing. you never had the courage to talk to him though, even though you recognised him. what if he doesn’t even remember you?

“here’s your matcha latte,” you smiled at him as you serve his drink, looking at how all his papers and books were spread all over the table. “how’s the assignments, woohyun?” you asked, finally making small conversation and not relying on taerae to do most of the talking. “honestly professor kim gives the easiest-“

“how do you know my name?”

you stopped talking and looked at him. “you told me your name? matthew?”

he was now eyeing you. “not that one, my korean name. woohyun.”

you paused, instantly going red. how is it the one time you talk to him you messed up? he doesn’t even remember you so now he probably thinks that you are a stalker. “i … oh look! customers, i have to go!” you speedwalked away, leaving matthew in his seat while you turn red all over. how could you mess everything up?

after serving customers, you stayed in the break room, not daring to go out. taerae and your other co-workers took care of the rest of the shift while you panic. i can’t lose him again.

once again, you and taerae were responsible for closing. when you finally get out of the break room, matthew was still there in his seat, in a deep sleep. you were so embarrassed you could not even look at him. “taerae, what am i going to do?” you whispered to your friend. “i can’t face him anymore.”

taerae grins at you. “you should wake him up, everything is already cleaned up and we can’t just leave him here.”

“cant you do it?”

he shakes his head, nudging you towards matthew. you sighed and consciously walked up to him, shaking him softly to wake him. how could he still be gorgeous while sleeping?

“matthew-“

he woke up instantly, flinching in his seat. “i’m so sorry!” you apologised, playing around with your fingers. “it’s closing time and we have to close—“ you turned back to look at taerae who was long gone, no where to be seen in the cafe. oh this bitch. “—actually, i have to close. so sorry for waking you up.” you bit the inside of your cheek and thought about what happened earlier. “and for earlier, i swear i’m not a stalker i just-“

matthew cuts you off, giving you a hug. “i know you yn. so sorry i did not recognise you sooner. you did look familiar i just didn’t want to assume.” he pulls away and cleans his things up. “if it weren’t for taerae or your woohyun incident, it might have taken longer for me to remember you.”

you tilted your head. taerae?

“oh, you didn’t know? after you called me woohyun and disappeared off, taerae explained how you recognised me and how we knew each other since we were kids,” matthew chuckles. “he heavily emphasised how you are not a stalker.”

you grinned, oh you owed your friend so much. “he did one thing right,” you mumbled. matthew grins at you and pulls his bag over his shoulder. “which was a very good thing because …” his voice trails off. “i have been wanting to ask you on a date.”

you widen your eyes. “a date?”

“you can say no! no pressure or anything just-“

you cut his words off, giving him a peck on his cheek. “i would like that, actually.”

you have so much to thank taerae for.

© taeraemisu do not copy my works !

[slytherinshua]

YOUNG LOVE

genre. fluff. warnings. kissing. a little flirting. food mention (ice cream). pairing. harua x reader. wc. 882. a/n. from this request for lovely @haecien to feed the ever-growing &teamie delusions.

“Really? You got vanilla?” You asked, raising an eyebrow as your boyfriend walked back with two cones in his hand. Chocolate for you and vanilla for him.

“Come on, it’s not that different than chocolate! You got a basic flavour too!” Harua complained, handing you your cone.

You licked it, smiling at the rich flavour of the dutch chocolate, “At least chocolate is more interesting than vanilla.”

Harua frowned, “Stop the vanilla hate.”

You laughed, “Okay, okay. I’ll forgive my basic boyfriend ‘cause I love him.”

Harua’s cheeks flushed at the comment even though he wanted to argue that he is far from basic. It’s the exact reaction you expected from him and it makes you smile. His cheeks always flush when you tell him you love him. You almost wonder if there’ll be a day when he can still act cool and collected when you say those 3 simple words, but you know it’ll never be any time soon. It’s been months since you first said it to him and he still gets flustered every time.

You’re sure it must be some magic charm that Harua has, because even after years of having a crush on him, and over a year of dating, it feels like you’ve only just fallen for him. You still feel butterflies in your stomach and your heart racing like crazy when he does something. And you still have the same effect on him that you always have. Loving Harua feels like it’ll never get old, like the feeling of young love will last forever. 

“What are you thinking about?” Harua asks, breaking you from your trance of licking your ice cream and admiring him as if he was hypnotising you (which he kinda was).

You blinked a couple times to reset before your lips curved up into a big smile, “Well… Now I’m thinking about the ice cream on your lips.” You said smoothly. Harua barely had time to furrow his brows in confusion before he felt your lips on his, softly kissing him, using the little bit of melted vanilla ice cream as an excuse.

“W-what was that for?” He inquired, his own lips tingling from your kiss and lifting a little into a soft smile. He liked your kisses.

“I told you. There was ice cream there.” You repeated.

“If you wanted some of mine, you could’ve just asked.” He informed you sweetly. “I thought you didn’t like vanilla, though…” He added in a mumble as an afterthought.

“It tasted better cause it was on your lips.” You said boldly.

Harua took a breath, “Okay, now you’re trying to flirt with me.”

You giggled, “Is it working?”

“I don’t know. I think I’m in love with you regardless.”

“Cheesy…” You mumbled, cheeks flaring. You hated how he could make you blush so easily from just a single sentence.

“You did it first!” He defended with a laugh, sending both of you into a fit of giggles.

To onlookers, you and Harua were the type of couple that people awed at. You often got compliments that you were lucky to have each other, and you agreed wholeheartedly. You were lucky to have each other. Spending moments with someone you felt so right with was probably the best feeling in the entire world. And the moment Harua came into your life was the start of your happiest memories.

“Ready to go?” You asked happily after finishing the ice cream. You held out your hand for Harua, and he nods before lacing his fingers with yours and giving you a gentle squeeze.

“Where to next?” You questioned, swinging your arm back and forth with Harua’s as you walked down the street away from the ice cream shop.

Harua hummed and then shrugged. You took it that he didn’t really care where you ended up going next, as long as he was with you then he’d be up for anything. So, you just kept walking down the street until Harua stopped abruptly.

“Huh?”

“Kitten.” Harua whispered, eyes wide and staring at the sidewalk in front of him. You halted as well and looked down, eventually spotting the little black and white kitten who was sitting a couple feet away from you.

“He’s got little mittens.” You cooed at the black spots of fur around the paws. Harua walked a bit closer and crouched down a little closer to the kitten. They both peered curiously at the other and you practically felt your heart burst at the sight.

Harua held out his hand patiently and within a few seconds, the kitten was rubbing up against it and purring softly. Harua pouted and looked back at you with shiny eyes.

You laughed, “Are you gonna cry?” He shook his head and sniffed away the tears that were starting to build up. “He’s cuter than you and that’s saying a lot.” You commented, watching your boyfriend pet the cat contentedly. 

The moment only lasted another minute before the kitten ran off and Harua stood back up. 

“We should do this more often.” Harua said, grabbing your hand again.

“Do what?”

“Be spontaneous. It’s nice to not have a plan… or a destination. I like just being with you, you know?” Harua remarked with a smile.

You hummed in agreement, “It’s nice.”

↳ &team taglist: @yeonjuns-redhair,, @kpoprhia,, @weird-bookworm,, @edensgardenn,, @cyberpunksunwoo

[helphelph]

Rating tmf ships but I come up with the wackiest rating systems because im insane

jailey - one if you cant look at the crowd look at me okay out of two princess stickers

Classic. It's not one of my favorites but defienetly in the A category. They have a good buildup and great chemistry. I think nobody would argue against that they're probably going to be endgame and I'm fine with that.

jaisy - is this really how you're gonna leave things out of two childhood friends

They're one of my favorites. Daisy's always there for Jake and Jake is always so kind to her. I wish we could have seen Jake being there for Daisy with her problems as well but Sean slid in there(not really complaining but alas). I really hope we see more progress in their relationship in season 2 although I think season 2 will be focusing more on jailey.

jean - one idk out of where did this come from

I dont find them as appealing as other ships but defienetly not my least favorite either. They're cute. I guess. Not much to say tbh I havent really thought about how a romantic dynamic would be between them.

jander - one hear me out out of hate isn't strong enough of a word

I havent really interacted with the tmf fandom much so idk how ya'll treat non canon ships that arent drake but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say I like this ship. I also love lander ofc and thats the beauty of multishipping. But yeah I think jander is nice. B tier imo.

jia - 8.5/13

Ahhhhhhhhhhh. The sweet scent of unrequited love. I'm not that much of a big fan of them but I like the angst. Also they look good together lol.

jilly(?) - one slap to the face out of however many jake ships there are

Sorry Jake x Millyshippers, not my cup of tea. I just dont see much appeal to it really. But you do you gang. (No but seriously hwo many Jake ships are there?)

juke - why so serious out of jake's favorite jacket that he got from a thrift store down in blah blah blah...

Nottt for me. Don't have much to say about them. D tier.

drake - endless thoughts of what could have been out of its as if we never were

I'm afraid it was never casual guys. But jokes aside, Drew paralelling the people that canonically have a crush on Jake(or do in subtext) is just so dear to me. Like yesss feedmy delusions. I love the concept of unrequited love on Drew's end and Jake having no idea until it's too late. ("I'm not in love with you anymore." "I didnt know you ever were") They have so much capacity for angst and I love that.

drakailey - boaf? Boaf out of HEAR ME OUTT

Guys hear me out. Can't decide between Drake and Jailey? Have them both. But honestly I really like this ship. It's a fun dynamic to think about what can I say. Also they need more content tmf fandom I am begging you.

Lander - 10/10

I saw an edit of them that was Zander saying how he's "not like Stacy yknow" and Luke was like "Yes, and?" and I think that's beautiful. Their relationship is nicely balanced and healthy. I just wish the fandom would stop making Luke Zander's parent, always telling him to "calm down". They're widely mischaracterised in the fandom which Zander really isn't that hard to mischaracterise so idek how yall do that...

Milliot - how does this work out of one cactus with flowers

Don't get me wrong, I like them. I really liked them when they were first introduced and I am really glad they got a bit more fleshed out in the spin off. I really liked Elliot's character. What confuses me is that I'm usually not a huge fan of the nerd x troublemaker trope. But they work because Milly's not an asshole to other people (Except zoey but she highkey deserves it sooo)

Droey - three sappy nicknames out of fifteen "busy weekends"

I don't. Like this ship. No matter how much I dislike(half true) Drew nobody deserves to get cheated on. Zoey's an immature girl and she really needs to grow up (side eyes the jomies cameo in the spinoff). I know a particular of the fandom likes to make them be in sort of a "lavender relationship" and I'm not really against that I'm just talking about their canon selves.

Dria - we got rejected by jake out of pretty girls walk like this (if somebody understands the references I'm making I'm kissing you)

I meaannnnn... I just don't think Drew would go after his cheating ex's ex best friend. Now that I put it like that it doesn't sound too bad... I'm not opposed to it but I wouldn't really go out of my way to look up content for them.

Zia - 4.7/10

I'm really not sure about this yall. Not a big fan of it though. I guess I could say I'm neutral.

Saisy - three misunderstandings out of one red rose

They're cute, they have chemistry, what can I say? I'm not really a huge fan but im not against it either. I like it. B tier.

henriam - two best friends out of one room

(see what I did there? haha) They're just such a fun ship I dont really have that much to say honestly. They will kiss.

Driam - 8/10

I don't LOVE it but you know what I do love? Ya guessed it! It's the angst potential. Ooh one sided driam... with one sided henriam as well... wowww... yummy

Jenry- two dorks out of one hero academia

Pretty cute. Not my favorite but I do like it. :3 They're just so sillyy.

There are soooo many ships!!! I think I'l make a part 2 for this. This post is getting a bit too long.

[ikamigami]

I am really hoping that something comes along that shows Eclipse how wrong he is about our Sun, that his perception of Sun that he's using Sunrise to project on is wrong, and maybe show some of the fandom that too, though I wonder how they'd do that?

I'm hoping for the same, dear anon..

That's why I'll make a bold statement and say that Sun and Eclipse's relationship is important as much as Sun and Moon's relationship (yes I count Nexus here as well)..

And I think that Eclipse may really play a part in helping Sun to open up about his true feelings..

Cause I think that it can't be a coincidence that Eclipse went to a dimension where Sun is acting exactly the way Eclipse was always assuming our Sun truly is..

Even if their story isn't a masterpiece and has many plot holes and inconsistency.. I really think that it doesn't change much when it comes to this being a well thoughtout story..

Like maybe I'm giving them too much credit but I think that Davis and EC are good storytellers/writers..

Even if I was complaining about some things it was mostly due to fans.. and also because of my mental issues which I pointed out many times that I was exaggerating and all.. but my anger was mostly due to fans reactions..

Because I was afraid that Davis and EC will look at what majority of fans say and will choose this to implement into a story cause they're not professionals so they rely on what fans say..

So I was afraid that they'll turn Sun evil because this is what many fans expressed wanting to see.. but at the same time I wanted to trust them that they won't do that.. and look they gave us Dark Sun who is considered an Evil Sun..

I wanted to trust in their writing hence why I decided to stick to my theories and such cause I believe that Sun story is prolonged with his mental issues and trauma.. hence why he was in the background at times (many times) and I was trying to keep coming up with theories on what may be happening in Sun's head at these times.. but certain group of people in this fandom didn't like my theories..

And the way they treated me and later that Miku episode and Nexus' insanity arc left me unsure of everything..

Especially seeing what Davis was posting about fans.. that they're not professional story writers.. and that they forgot about stuff and all.. which is understandable and valid and I actually am not angry at him or EC or Kat or Valentine..

But what that certain group of people did to me.. make me doubt myself.. I mean it's mostly due to my guilt delusion.. but this is it..

I just can't stop thinking that VAs are talking about me.. that I'm this unforgiving and ever-complaining fan.. which it may seem like that from some of my posts ngl.. but I really feel like I destroyed VAs fun time with doing these shows.. here I said that.. this is what I really think and I can't stop thinking about it..

Anyway let's get back to your ask, dear anon..

I really think that all of this has purpose - yes I'm probably dumb - and Eclipse will realize his mistakes against Sun.. sooner or later.. I'm not good at guessing what exactly will happen so idk if I'll try to do that when I didn't watch EAPS.. I'm still debating if I want to watch it or not.. but knowing that Eclipse thinks of our Sun so badly and so openly there.. makes me not want to watch it..

Also I know that I called EAPS a garbage show.. but I shouldn't do that.. I was angry that both Puppet and Eclipse are so frustrating.. but I think that Davis and Valentine are doing wonderful job with the show and their roles causing us to feel all of these emotions 👏

I never said that I think that they're job as writers or VAs is bad just because I don't like some of characters or their personalities.. cause like even if Puppet annoys me and Eclipse also is getting on my nerves at times.. it doesn't mean that I hate Valentine and Davis..

As that said I think that Sun's relationship with Eclipse is crucial for both of their arcs.. just like it is for Sun's relationship with Moon (including Nexus)..

Because it's just like Solar Flare said that Eclipse needs both Sun and Moon just like Sun and Moon need Eclipse..

Maybe I'm wrong and dumb for thinking that this is what that line meant and all..

I really thought that me trying to make sense out of how Sun is treated in the show will help fans to have more faith in VAs writing..

And even if my theories were/are wrong I thought that I could share them with other fans..

But I just don't know anymore.. really..

But I'm still making theories and keep talking about these shows cause that what makes me happy and I enjoy doing so..

That's why I'm trying not to think too much about being potentially the cause of VAs burnout with these shows.. even if it's really hard at times.. with this stupid guilt delusion QwQ

Sorry that I didn't answer how Eclipse will realize that he was wrong about our Sun.. but I really don't know what may happen cause I didn't watch EAPS at all.. my only take is that maybe Puppet's dream will become reality.. maybe not 1 to 1 but it will..

I'm sorry if this doesn't satisfy you, dear anon 🙇‍♀️

[cosmicjoke]

At this point why do people keep complaining about E/L shippers. I don't get it😭 It's becoming redundant tbh. It's not like they're going to change. On the contrary, at Twitter they just keep growing in masses. We're letting them occupy Levi spaces too often.

I know it's not your fault because you don't control what anons ask. I'm sure you're tired of talking about it too lol

I feel like tearing out my hair whenever I see Erwin's name and I don't even have anything against him🖐🏽💀

I'm really glad you said this, because this is exactly how I feel. I keep getting asked about it, over and over, and it's driving me nuts. That's why I pinned my post about Levi and shipping, to try and get these people to stop bugging me, lol. Instead of asking me about Levi, or wanting to just talk about Levi as his own, separate character, people keep coming to me complaining about Levi/Erwin as a ship and how awful the shippers are, and I really, really just don't care. I don't care about the ship, and I don't care about the shippers. I want to talk about Levi, not about these people and their delusions, lol.

The problem I feel, is I get why people want to complain about it, but by complaining about it constantly, and focusing on it, instead of Levi himself, they're letting these people win. They're letting the shippers dominate the conversation surrounding Levi, so that instead of actually discussing Levi as a character, they only ever talk about the ship of him and Erwin, whether it's to complain about it or not, you're still ONLY talking about it.

Like, damn, there's so much to talk about with Levi as a character. So much to discuss and analyze and understand. But I would say 95% of the questions I get are either people complaining about how much they hate shippers, or coming and telling me about some negative bullshit some idiot on twitter or ticktok said about Levi (when I've said repeatedly that I don't go on those platforms specifically to avoid seeing that shit, and yet they tell me about it anyway). It's like they want me to reassure them that what some moron said about Levi isn't true. You can figure out it isn't true on your own just by reading the manga or watching the anime. That's all you need to counter these fools. Nothing they say should matter or bother you, because the canon completely undoes whatever mad claims they want to make.

Anyway, yeah, it's getting to that point for me too, whenever I see Erwin's name, I feel irritation, because almost every time, I know it's going to be someone asking me if Levi cared more about Erwin than humanity, or accusing Levi of caring more about Erwin than humanity, or asking some dumb fucking question about "the vow" and completely not getting that it wasn't FOR Erwin, it was for all his comrades that gave their lives that day in Shinganshina. It's fucking stupid. Why are people so insecure about Levi's character? They shouldn't be. Levi's character speaks for itself. He doesn't need defending, because he's a genuinely good person and a hero.

[hidden-poet]

Okay I had such a crazy busy week and I finally got to read chapter 5 of Commander Snow and WOW what a ROLLERCOASTER!!! Again, I really appreciate you making these super long 🙏 it’s seriously the best feeling reading your work!!! I honestly can’t get enough of it! Alrighty, let’s get into this masterpiece….

Is this girl really trying to get herself killed by selling the spare morphling bottles that Coryo gave her…? Even though we know he won’t. But girl… you are really asking for it 😂

“You freeze seeing Commander Snow, marching through the streets with the cavalry behind him.” - I just froze 🥵 just give him to meeee NOW!!! I NEED HIM 😫 - “That’s Snow’s girl.” - HELL YEAH I AM!

The way he just comes out of the crowd just to swallow her whole face, neck and collarbone 😂 and hooking her hands over his neck 🥹 ughhh needy little mamas boy bitch who just wants love and nurture from her 🩷 and him biting down on her neck 😫🥵 like I don’t care how bad it hurts just bite me and drain me like a vampire please and thank you! 

He really out here just sending for her now to be taken to the Compound 😂

I love it when Lucy Gray is brought up! The way Smiley made her sound like some sort of killer 😂 I'm like… no. Does Smiley have a death wish sharing all this with us? Boy do you not know what your Commander is capable of by now?

HE’S SUCH A NEEDY LITTLE WHORE MY GOD 😫 Laying his head on her lap and not that being enough for him to then force her hand over his chest 🥵😫

Her thinking Tigris is his girl back at the Capitol 😂 - “No, she’s my cousin. You’re my girl.” - THAT I AM DADDY 😈

Coryo not wanting to talk to her about Strabo Plinth because he KNOWS he’s responsible for Sejanus’s death and got that Plinth prize… 🤦‍♀️

HE'S TAKING US TO THE CAPITOL FOREVER!!! Poor girl is so scared that he’s taking her away from her home.

“He adjusts to a more menacing position; his fingers tightened on your face, his body stiffened into a hard stance over you and his eyes squinted down on you.” - I just love how he gets mad when we don’t comply… It's like a child throwing a tantrum in a way; which makes sense considering his severe undiagnosed mommy issues 😂 - “Do you honestly think you have a say in the matter?.” - No I don’t. Only you can control my life now 😫

Okay I could not stop laughing at the way he just kicked Miss Escot out and told her to fuck off 😂

“Say you’re sorry,” - GOSH he’s so petty… 😂 If I say no, can I suck his dick again? Unwilling of course…. UGHHH 😫 I just love how possessive he is with her by throwing out the moonshine because he doesn’t want her drinking and just casually cutting out people from her life because their a “bad influence” when really... he just wants her all to himself. I mean I ain’t complaining…. 😂

Not him cuffing her up and making her watch the executions… Sir, I am not an animal here? But at the same time…. meow 😈 -  “Watch me up there,” - Okay WHORE 😂 I just love how he has this constant need for attention and validation from her. Even in Chapter 2; when he grabs her jaw and tells her to tell him how much he is taking good care of her and to tell him how handsome he is… it is both so sad and pathetic where you can’t help but feel bad for him and sympathize with him… my poor baby boy 🥹🩷 he is doing NOTHING WRONG.

***ME GETTING HATING HIM***

Okay. FUCK HIM for killing that little boy. That was beyond CRUEL. That was sooooooo heartbreaking and traumatizing 😭 he’s terrible.

“I tried to send him to the Capitol as an Avox but Commander Bonza was determined to see him hang”. - YOU ARE IN CHARGE YOU PSYCHOPATH! His ego of not being shown as weak for his stupid presidential run. My god 🤦‍♀️

Now is this boy really looking for comfort from HER? After what you just made her watch? And by YOUR COMMAND! THE DELUSIONS…. - “He cried for his mother in the holding cell” - 😑😑😑 boy you really don’t need be saying all this to her right now…. - “They don’t hang children in the Capitol. You’ll never have to see it again.” - YET YOU STILL MADE HER WATCH THIS?

***BACK TO LOVING HIM AGAIN***

Coriolanus remembered crying for his mother on nights when the pain in his stomach from hunger was too much to bear. It felt almost therapeutic now to hear you cry for the boy. In a way, you were crying for Coriolanus too. - Okay I am again conflicted for this man 😂 MY POOR BABY JUST WANTS US TO FEEL THE PAIN HE WENT THROUGH AS A KID 🥹🩷 COME HERE I’LL GIVE HIM ALL THE COMFORT HE SO DESPERATELY NEEDS 😂

Again with the desperate need for her to stay with for the night 😫 - “No, no. I need you to stay.” - “You’re not leaving me.” - 🥵🥵🥵 is it getting hot in here? - “You’re telling me no? After everything I’ve done for you?” - Aside from terrorizing me and the people around me? 😈 Also not him threatening her to stay with him 😫😈

Holding her hand back to his apartment 😫 now this boy thinks we're a married couple now? Him wanting to share everything 🥹 he gets a kick out of her wearing his clothes….. OWNERSHIP 😈🥵 I couldn’t stop laughing at him just casually eating in the kitchen after what he had done 😂 and the grin he gives her as he chews like a little demon child 😂 

Masturbating to her in the shower? 🥵 I have to say I am shocked by his self control in the pussy department tbh 😂

HE LIKES TO BE THE LITTLE SPOON 😭🥹 the way he just tugged her wrist over himself and burying her hand under his cheek 🥹😂 She’s definitely getting used to him (unwillingly of course) 😂

I love how he just flattened the bed sheet for her when he got out of bed 😂 “Go back to sleep” - Yes, Daddy 🥵 And am I the maid now? Ironing his clothes and shining his shoes…? YES SIR 😈

Okay so now that he locked her in his apartment without her knowing he locked it in the first place…? Berlin Syndrome anybody? AND The damn Peacekeepers ignoring her 😂 they're like ‘yea no we can’t help you or your boyfriend will hang us’ - “What’s wrong?” “Hey, what happened?” - ???? 😑😑😑 ???? THE DELUSIONS OR HE’S JUST THAT SICK 😂

“She’s been with me. Who are you?” - Ooof 🥵 I’m sorry but Edmund and Coryos whole interaction at the house had me dead I can’t with them both 😂 - “Didn’t I see you next to my girl at the hanging?” - Yes. I am your girl 🥵 - “I don’t want him in the house if I am not here.” - Yes, daddy 😈 - “You seemed close with the maintenance man,” - Idk why this made me laugh so much 😂 - You think I am letting you stay here after finding a man lingering in your house?” - Don’t you just love a psychotic possessive man 😂

Man he really is impatient with her ‘moving in’ with him now 😂 how sweet of him to pack her undies tho 😂

Wow he really is isolating her now from everyone? Her boss, her mom and Edmund. My heart honestly broke for her mom when he was dragging her daughter away 😭🥹

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!! HOLY SHIT THAT WAS INTENSE! Coryo is definitely going to kill Edmund. Without a doubt (and he doesn’t know about the kiss 😳... yet at least) - “Kill them and you kill me,” you threaten, “I swear, there is not a single thing you can do that would stop me.” - I mean obviously he can still kill Edmund without killing your mom...

I couldn’t stop laughing at the fact that his gasp waked her up too 😂and look at him scooping her up in his arms, holding her too tight like she’s a stuffed animal and smelling her 😂 She is his source of comfort 🥹🩷

I APOLOGIZE FOR THIS BEING REALLY LONG AND I'M JUST KICKING MY FEET IN EXCITEMENT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!

p.s. I just realized I kept misspelling Mabel's name in my last reaction ask 😂 I went from Ma'bel' to Ma'ble' 😂

I was twirling my hair and kicking my feet reading this❤️🫡 I must have read it four times before responding. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Commander snow part 5 and S.lands on top both will be out before the end of this week. Can’t wait to hear your thoughts! I love them, you are genuinely so funny.

Hope your week slows down a bit for you! Also don’t worry about Mabel vs Mable. I spell it both ways too 😭😂 potato- poTATo.