#real housewives recap

[trexalicious]

Harry and Meghan Hit A New Low With The Mental Health Summit...

[joke-moon]

got a text from my dad during the freo/collingwood game: "Fyfe does have cock sucking lips"

[jodielandons]

why does youtube keep recommending me videos that are basically about attracting men???? honey that's the last thing i wanna do!

[bkdotblog]

"White Lies and Black Eyes," S3E12

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 3 Episode 12 Recap

My Title: "The Heather Black Eye Discussion Episode"

My rating: 4 out of 5 black eye reveals

Support for Lisa Barlow: Unassailable

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Absolutely demented start to this episode.

Remember last week, when the lead up to Heather Gay Black Eye Reveal was edited like a murder mystery? The recap of the previous 48 hours that opens Episode 12 is edited like a nightmare trauma flashback. In case you forgot about Jen Shah going ballistic at every single San Diego-based gathering, a montage with intentionally distorted audio reminds you that you never did, and you never will <3 So: Whodunnit?

Too early for a BK's take but here I am going: My hunch last week was that Jen decked Heather in the night—Deck me classy mama!—but that possibility seemed too entertaining to be true. However, the edit here heavily implies that Jen, after a long day of exhibiting several different forms of toxic social behavior, did do something to Heather that resulted in a black eye. What do U think? I am dying to talk about this—please leave a comment if you are, too!

Heather summons Jen to her room first thing in the morning. Jen, feeling at least a little silly, dons Heather's wig from last night. When the black eye is revealed, Jen seems shocked. She asks what happened, and Heather says this:

"That's why I need you to help me figure out if someone really wants to talk about what happened last night."

!!!

Because Heather doesn't "want any of the ladies to get in trouble," she needs a cover story for the eye. Watching Jen try to be funny about this is very uncomfortable. Her first suggestion is that a spider laid eggs in Heather's eyes, and her third is that Heather invited a Tinder date back to her casita who "got rough." I took this opportunity to Google whether or not Jen has been fired from the show and the jury is apparently still out. Let's trade her in for Mary Cosby!

Heather calls an adult (Meredith) who arrives wearing under-eye patches. When Heather reveals the eye, Meredith is shocked. Watching her react next to Jen is like watching Meryl Streep act against an orange wearing a wig.

"We were with you until 4 in the morning!"

Cue found footage: 4:50 AM, outside Heather's room. We only saw the doorknob turn in the preview, but now the full clip plays. The door opens. Jen saunters in. Knew it!! But wait... then Meredith walks in. And Angie K. And everybody is laughing!

Everything looks good.

And then everybody leaves! End footage.

Meredith's shock is beginning to simmer into confusion. What happened? She keeps asking. Heather says, I don't want to talk about it. Meredith is like, So you know what happened. And then Heather finally says: I don't know what happened.

San Diego: Day Three dawns. This is the worst trip I have ever been on!

Lisa stops by Whitney's room when she's getting ready. Their budding friendship continues to grow. Whitney is still cross with Heather, but she's also sowing seeds of conflict against Meredith. She basically tells Lisa: I thought you were the bitch all along, but Meredith is the real bitch, and she's trying to take you down. Which incenses Lisa and suggests a confrontation is not far off.

[BK's Take: I am still hoping for a Lisa-Meredith reconciliation this season, but this does not bode well.]

[BK's Take, fashawn: Love Whit's jammies!]

The ladies gather and go over the day's itinerary: Roller-blading, go-karts, see the San Diego sights, and SLAY all day rosé! Lisa amusedly recalls when Jen came into her room the prior night topless and gave her a midnight hug.* This prompts Whitney to ask about what went on after she went to sleep. Heather, wearing sunglasses, says things "got a little rough."

Everybody asks: What do you mean?

Heather says: I think we all know what I mean. And she reveals her black eye for the third time in one episode.

While my heart goes out to all victims of Jen Shah (both physical and fiscal!), Heather's wild oscillation on the "I don't want to talk at all about this" and "I need to do a dramatic eye reveal three times" x-axis coupled with her OTHER wild oscillations on the "I don't know what happened" and "Everybody knows all of the details about this already, so I needn't even say them" y-axis is exasperating. Almost as exasperating as that graph metaphor I just tried to pull on u... Sorry! Just trying new things!

Whitney feels nauseous. Everybody is shocked. But Heather insists that she doesn't want to "make the trip about [her] black eye." Everybody decides to drop it for now, though we need to keep a black eye on Whitney, who, you may remember, is on a hilling journey...

To the Go Kart track!

Sorry they're called "GoCars" and they're just little cars for riding around San Diego in!

Most of the pairs are talking about the eye --

-- except for Heather, who is listening to Lisa soliloquy about her closet.

That was fun! For the second activity of the day, the group splits. Meredith, Jen, Heather, and Angie go to a winery. Danna, Lisa, and Whitney go roller skate.

During both activities, conversation inexorably drifts to the Black Eye. The roller skaters discuss theories of how it could have happened over waffle cones. Whitney says: Either she did it to herself (i.e. fell) or someone did it to her (i.e. Jen punched Heather).

Meanwhile, at the winery, Meredith expresses her concerns, and makes it clear that "whatever happened" with the eye "was not ok." Just as I understand the want to not discuss it, I also see Meredith's point: Obviously, if somebody on this group trip physically harmed another person, it is kind of the group's business to know... right?

In her confessional, Heather issues a meandering and bizarre statement about how she won't say anything about the incident until someone else says something. She won't show her cards because "nobody is showing their cards", she won't "spew her theories." In other, less insane words: The next step is the puncher admitting to the punch.

Jen remains silent. The conversation moves through Heather's fractured relationship w Whitney to Whitney's friendship with Lisa to Lisa before Jen speaks up to offer some tea on an SEC filing against one of the Barlow's companies. Also, the Barlows were seen crowdfunding $25,000 for their tequila business — isn't that a little tacky, coming from "the richest bitch" of them all?

On the boardwalk, the ice cream cones have long melted when Danna serves up some complementary tea: Meredith has been talking about an SEC document and a crowdfunding thing relating to Vida Tequila? Lisa goes ballistic. In a confessional, she hypothesizes that Meredith is reacting to her (frankly iconic) "hot mic moment" from last season. It looks like their conflict is about to breach new heights!

Lisa says: "I don't pop pills, bitch. You do."**

(In the sprinter van, Meredith essentially confirms that, yes, this is because she called talked about her dumb fucking family that poses on the hot mic.)

Meredith is suggesting and Heather is dramatizing the idea that Lisa could be a broke hypocrite. Angie is uncomfortable. Jen keeps her mouth shut, wisely.

It's 9PM, and almost time for the Greek Goddess-themed dinner!

Angie goes to visit Lisa, who is not dressed according to the theme by any stretch.

Lisa is upset about Danna's revelations. Angie is like, thank goddess you brought it up because Meredith was talking shit! Set phasers to Meredith!

Unfortunately for Mare, it seems like her closest allies at the moment are Jen and Heather, making them a little bit less than a united front.

Greek Goddess Dinner outfit awards: Whitney is best greek goddess (fashion), Jen is best greek goddess (halloween costume), Heather is best greek goddess ("Ask Me About My Evil Eye!"). Lisa is in good spirits until Meredith arrives to the table—then her nerves start to fray. "Who pissed in Lisa Barlow's Diet Coke?" Heather wonders.

Angie is brought in by male escorts. A little grand, for somebody outside the main cast! But then she gives everybody a gift: An evil eye necklace. Lisa has a very canned response for her confessional: "I'm going to need this to ward off these evil bitches."

Then somebody asks how the day was, and things begin to begin. Whitney, shit-stirring for a brand new team, asks:

Nobody really speaks up, so Lisa doubles down. Meredith and Lisa get into it. Meredith is trying to downplay her part in having two on-camera conversations that put Lisa's business in a bad light, but she still feels that Lisa has done more to malign her. Lisa calls on Angie for backup.

Heather catches on that Angie and Lisa had a pre-dinner conversation, and she offers some condescending advice toward the head of the table:

"It's in poor taste to host a dinner where you stir up trouble right before it starts."

Meredith brings it back to Lisa's hot-mic rant, saying that when Lisa made comments about Mr. Meredith's business, she "endangered the livelihood of his 4,000 employees. That is reckless." This comment confused me.

[BK's Take: Meredith does not strike me as a particularly gracious person, at least to these women. I don't know what her principles are. She has a track record of assuming the absolute worst intentions of those around her and then reacting to those assumptions--see the above paragraph for a recent example. Having successful friendships does not seem as important as occupying a high ground of some sort and looking down from it. I don't love it. Would still like to see Lisa and Meredith come back together at some point, before Mare's bff Jen goes to prison and she's left with just Heather!]

At one point, when Lisa refers to her hot mic "rant", Meredith calls it a "tirade." Lisa: It was a rant! Meredith: It was a tirade. For the official record, these words are synonyms and are nearly interchangeable. I don't understand the nuance Meredith is suggesting. I think she's just a little bit dumber than she wants to appear in the moment.

Whit: "How do we move forward, knowing everybody remembers it differently, fills differently, knowing that we all love each other?"

Heather: "Maybe my eye is a metaphor for our friendships," she offers, because we don't know where it came from or how, but we roll with it, and sometimes we put a patch on it (?) and sometimes we don't. But I think these women are like Heather's black eye in other ways: You understand it's all being played up for drama, but when you look closely, you can see something wild, and violent; a retribution in waiting.

That's all! Thank you for reading. Episode 14 drops in two weeks. Until then, have a wonderful holiday, and Happy New Year. 🌌 BK

<><><>

Gay Imagery

Adding insignia to injury

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*Crystal Kung Minkoff would have filed charges!

**Cute delivery and all, but Lisa, there's nothing wrong with taking pills for our mental health. As Mother, you should know this!

[emdelphi]

❄️❄️ Real Housewives of Salt Lake City - S03S12

okay I don’t know if there’s much of a RHOSLC fandom on here but anyone who isn’t watching this show is missing out on one of the greatest shows on television.

*this has turned into an Agatha Christie novel

*okay as someone who has actually been punched in the face (by a random person on the train) and woke up with a massive black eye- my reaction was to laugh about it, until my mum saw FaceTimed me the next day and was like ‘um you need to go to the police’ and then I realised it was serious - just like Whitney calm down.

*all their outfits are gorgeous on the go cart scene - this show is so unpredictable for fashion lol

*”I’ve got my go cart outfit on” “oh cool”

*I love Lisa Barlow

*this go cart scene is beautiful, like you couldn’t script it better

*I love meredith in lawyer mode - like yessss advocate for your friend meredith!!

*merediths makeup is so beautiful

*omg heathers hair in her interview scene!!!

*”I don’t pop pills bitch! You do”

*seagulls???

*they all look beautiful at this dinner!!! I want this outdoor area

*”jen had an eyepatch”

*omfg Angie’s entrance!!! I need to start doing entrances like that

*omfggggg those necklaces!!! I need to go to an Angie k party!!!

*Heather always has the weirdest takes

*”you endangered the livelihood of his 4000 employees”

*meredith is so fucking messy

*”cancelling my makeup artist during the height of a pandemic - I mean who the hell does that?”

*wtf is this episode ending and we don’t know what happened with her eye????

*I have no freaking clue what happened - was it Whitney? Was it Jen? Did she fall? Was it an unnamed third party?

*if this ends out as she fell over I swear to god………….

*also I just learned that Jen isn’t coming to the reunion. Heartbroken but I get it

[katieroo28]

ope. a little late with this one. sorry to the two people who read these each week.

here’s my weekly recap for December 18th through December 24th, 2022! let me know what your thoughts are! agree? disagree? give it to me, my dumplings.

BEST MOVIES I WATCHED: Dumplings (2004), Inland Empire (2006), Jawbreaker (1999), Shrew’s Nest (2014), The Addams Family (1991), and Addams Family Values (1993)

BEST TV I WATCHED: FINALLY finished The Baby on HBO, Let the Right One In, and Real Housewives of Miami

CURRENTLY READING: lmfao it’s getting embarrassing saying the same three books each week because i’ve hit a wall with my reading/attention span so uh ignore this for now.

[gemstarb]

Watch "SCIENTOLOGY RECAP: Miscavige Mic Drop - Real Housewives Scientology Drama with Rebecca Minkoff" on YouTube

[biglisbonnews]

The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Portuguese Pettiness Would it even be a Housewives international vacation without dinner table tears? https://www.vulture.com/article/the-real-housewives-of-atlanta-recap-season-15-episode-10-healing-by-sheree.html

[napakmahal]

Good Looking Boy (Pt 2 to Normal Girl)

Hey, so let’s pretend I didn’t fly off the face of a Earth on not update for like a month but part two is finally here. Enjoy

Tadashi was not doing well. He felt like shit and looked like it too. Ever since your argument, Tadashi had started going through a medium-grade depression. You two didn’t break up, and you still took him out after his hearing but something was off and he hated it. For the first time in history, Tadashi’s clothes were blocking the door to the boys’ bathroom. Hiro pulled on the door handle but the clothes and other crap were making it difficult to open.

“When are you gonna clean your side of the room?” He asked out of breath with a cramped hand.

Tadashi didn’t respond and just pulled his comforter closer to him indulging in shitty reality T.V. When Tadashi goes through seasonal depression, he doesn’t want to watch anything that feels like he’s working. He doesn’t want to watch a murder mystery that requires him to remember tiny nuanced details from the first episode or anything philosophical that would make him think. Enter reality television, it’s dumb, effortless, entertaining, and has in-depth recaps of what happened in case he missed something in the episode before. Hiro hadn’t realized how bad it was until he got home one day from school.

Tadashi was staring at his laptop while chewing on a piece of anti-headache mint gum. (mint helps with headaches)

“What are you watching?” Hiro untied his shoes and threw them into an unidentified corner.

“Vanderpump rules.”

It was like Hiro could hear horror movie music start playing in his ears behind someone screaming “I WASN’T YOUR BEST FRIEND HOE!” It was then he finally decided to call all of Tadashi’s friends, he needed assistance. He already had to watch his older brother self-destructively indulge in The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Love Island every winter and he wasn’t sure either of them could take anymore.

That afternoon, Wasabi pulled up in his yellow Volkswagen with the rest of their friends. Hiro had asked them to drive around the back to the garage and meet him inside the garage. Once they were all inside, Hiro made sure to shut the door and gave everyone a small can of iced tea so they’d have something to spit out at the news.

“Okay, so why have we been summoned?” Fred cracked his can open.

Hiro took a deep breath, “Tadashi’s been watching reality shows, and it’s not December.”

“Shit, is he okay?” Gogo ran her hands through her short layered hair.

Honey urged, “Yeah what happened?”

“Have you guys ever met y/n?” Hiro brought his voice levels down. The entire group nodded, referring to meeting you at a karaoke bar where you were Tadashi’s plus one. “Alright well, I haven’t and neither has my aunt.”

“So?” Wasabi shrugged like it was no big deal because it really didn’t sound like a big deal.

“Sooo, she came by like last week and we had no clue who she was. I don’t know what happened but I know Tadashi and her got into some kind of fight and things are weird now.”

“Did they break up!?” Honey gasped.

“No, they still talk but it’s mad weird.”

Gogo pushed, “Weird, how?”

“Like they talk like strangers. ‘Hey, how are you?’ ‘Good, you?’ ‘Good, what are you doing?’ ‘Nothing, just bored. ‘Me too” over and over again.” Hiro wasn’t exactly a relationship therapist but he knew that was not normal for a girlfriend and a boyfriend that has been together as long as they had to talk to each other like that.

“Did you call her?” Fred leaned forward in his chair.

“Psh, no.” Hiro scoffed.

Wasabi asked, “Why not?”

“Because I don’t know her like that!”

Fair enough response. They knew something was going down with Tadashi when he stopped joining their group calls claiming to always be ‘tired’ and when he started leaving the lab hours earlier so he could go straight home and rot in his room. They tried, but nothing seemed to work, and he wouldn’t tell them the problem. He just didn’t want to depress anybody.

“Honestly,” Honey sighed. “I think we have to call her because I’m not so sure there’s anything we can do about it. It’s a problem between them.”

“But they do talk and it’s not going anywhere.” Hiro countered.

Wasabi backed up Honey’s point by saying, “That’s more like conversing, actually talking would be totally different.”

That night, Hiro snuck to the side of Tadashi’s room and typed in his passcode (Tadashi’s phone passcode is Hiro’s birthday and his wallpaper is an old picture of 5-year-old him sitting between his parents in the hospital bed holding onto baby Hiro with the help of his dad.) But his home screen is a picture of you two brushing your teeth in the mirror making faces with toothpaste foam all over your mouths. Hiro clicked on the messages app and sent a text.

——————————————————————————

This was so depressing. You'd been listening to a playlist with 800 different moods to it while you did your makeup to go absolutely nowhere. You hadn’t been exactly normal since the whole ‘my boyfriend didn’t tell your family about me’ thing. He’d reiterated to you that talking about boyfriends and girlfriends in the Hamada house is odd and uncalled for. You understood but still, something was off. This was the longest time you two hadn’t slept over, or just sat in your car talking for hours. You missed your boyfriend so much. But every time you talked to him it was so awkward like he was still feeling guilty over what happened. Sure it hurt but you’d accepted it and they knew you now. You’re grown, learning to accept things with peace is part of growing up. Plus it was just a familial thing and Tadashi loved his family so much. He makes fun of Hiro endlessly but he would rather die than have anything happen to him, he paid his aunt’s light bill without her knowing because he felt bad after seeing her on the phone with a tax collector, and he misses his parents so much. Once he was having a hard time picking out a suit he could wear to an internship he felt overwhelmed and he said “If my dad was here he’d help me.” Still, it still seemed Tadashi was holding back in all of your conversations.

You finished up your double-winged eyeliner and just as you were about to change Hit em up to Something Stupid, your phone dinged. Both your wallpaper and home screen was the picture a stranger took of you, your mom, and Tadashi at your mom’s graduation.

T

Hey, can we talk?

You texted back: Like rn?

T

No, in person.

Fuck. That’s never a good sign. But yet you just said: Ok, when?”

T

Tomorrow, my place. There's an opening on the side where the garage is. Knock.

These tiny sentences were starting to confuse you. Tadashi didn’t text in small sentences. He was the person who wrote grammatically correct paragraphs in text. Usually when he planned things he would tell where what time, when, where, and why he wanted to meet up. So this was starting to scare you. Regardless, you agreed to meet in person. You took off your makeup and tried to get as much sleep as possible.

——————————————————————————

Tadashi wasn’t looking much better the next day. He came down from their room hours after Hiro did. It wasn’t uncommon for Tadashi to sleep in his boxers, especially in the warmer months. But he usually puts on shorts or sweatpants before coming down. Not this time.Hiro was mid-sip of his daily emergen-c (he suffers from low vitamin C) when he saw his older brother looking like he got hit by a cable car walking down the stairs. Hair a mess, wearing a plain white shirt, his blue and white boxers, and eyes like bruised shopping bags. He looked like something Mochi coughed up.

“Good morning.” Hiro said warily.

Tadashi just groaned in response and leaned past him to get to the vitamin cabinet. When he reached to grab the large container of calcium vitamins, Hiro backed the hell up.

“Bro,” Hiro nearly whispered in disbelief. “When’s the last time you showered?”

Tadashi still said nothing and just shot his brother a dirty look. He took his calcium pill and went back upstairs to their room. It wasn’t until he sat down on his bed and stared off into space for a moment that he’d come to the realization.

“Fuck, I need to shower.” He whispered to himself.

He grabbed somewhat presentable clothes and his designated towel and went into the bathroom. Now, for those who don’t really understand depression, this may seem gross. But for a moment, Tadashi just leaned on the door and took a tired breath. Just the thought of exerting roughly 600 muscles to step into a shower, turn on the water, and scrub his entire body for roughly fifteen minutes just to scrub off bodily-secreted toxins made him feel really fucking exhausted. But he did it in the same way he did it when he wasn’t going through a depressive episode. Warm water for skin and cold water for hair. He remembered how appalled you were at seeing him just step into lukewarm water to shower and laughed when he hissed at how hot your average water temperature was.

He missed his girlfriend so much.

Tadashi just let the water run over his head without doing anything at all for like 2 minutes.

“This is so depressing.” He muttered to himself.

Some may think, ‘Dude just take a shower and quit being gross. You’re too old for this shit’ and the truth is, he’s thinking the exact same thing. So he reached for his green tea hair wash and instead of taking a normal shower, he took an everything one. It was tiring and he felt like toppling over and just rotting on the cold porcelain of the shower floor every second he was in there. But by the end at least he felt clean and smelled like classic male body wash.

Meanwhile, the time you were supposed to arrive was getting closer. Hiro was watching the clock profusely as he looked at his aunt who was just watching the Food Network and petting Mochi in her lap.

“Can we go to the mall?” He improvised.

“The mall? For what?” She looked back at him.

Shit. He needed to say something that would actually urge her to take him. “I want to look at new shoes!”

It was like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. Hiro had been wearing the same shoes for years and the soles were detaching from the actual shoe part. The old laces were so messed up he was using the laces from a pair that didn’t fit Tadashi anymore. Why did he have to be one of the only teenage boys not obsessed with shoes?

So when he asked to look at new shoes to get, she jumped at the chance. Screaming at the top of the stairs that she was taking Hiro to the store while Tadashi finished showering.

Once they left, a feeling of satisfaction filled Hiro’s chest as he saw your car stop at the red light closest to the cafe. They drove off and you got closer to the cafe. Usually when someone texts you ‘Hey can we talk’ they’re usually about to drop an absolute bomb on them. Was he planning on breaking up with you? Shit. Maybe you could give him as many reasons you could think of and he’d change his mind? Or maybe he didn’t want to break up at all. Maybe he just wanted to see you in person. Regardless of the reason you were sweating bullets.

You walked over to the garage and started knocking on the door for him to open. You could hear him rushing towards the side door.

“What did you forget-” He opened the door expecting to see Hiro. Instead there you were with a look of concern and slight discomfort on your face. He stared at you as little droplets of water from his hair dribbled down his neck and soaked into his shirt. “H-Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Umm, you texted me.” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Tadashi reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Had the days blended together so badly that he couldn’t even remember making plans to meet up with you? When he opened his messages with you, he knew exactly what happened. He didn’t text like that but you know who did? Hiro.

“Fucking Hiro.” He ran his fingers through his wet hair.

“That makes more sense.” You let out a breathy laugh. “S-so do you like want me to go home, orrrr?”

Tadashi yelped a little too loudly, “No!- um, no. I don’t want you to leave, unless you want to go home.”

“No I’ll stay.”

Tadashi invited you inside and sat down at the kitchen island to just sit, silently thanking divine intervention for him taking a shower before you got there . A few beats and declined beverage offers later he spoke up. “So how are you?”

“Okay,” You nearly slapped your hand over your forehead. The two of you could not live like this anymore. “Tadashi, what are we doing?”

“What do you mean?” He froze.

“Just we aren’t on the same page. And that’s not us, we’re always on the same page. It’s like we’re strangers to each other. I don’t want to feel like a stranger to my boyfriend.”

Tadashi immediately went into panic mode and started reassuring you. “You’re not a stranger to me and I’m so sorry I’m making you feel that way I just-”

He stopped. You knew about his winter bouts of depression but you didn’t know the extent of how often they could happen. Nobody did. Tadashi wasn’t one to burden people and if he thought he could handle it he wouldn’t bother ask for help. He never asked for help doing projects, never asked for a ride to school, never asked Aunt Cass to turn in a library book for him. He probably should have told you about his new episode, you’d understand he knows you would and thinking about it he can’t really come up with a good reason for not telling you. Because the phrase “I just didn’t want to bother you” is horseshit no matter how true it is.

Your voice got softer as you leaned forward and touched your hand to his. “What’s wrong.”

“It’s back,” He whispered so quietly you could barely hear him. “Since our fight it’s been back and it’s getting worse.”

He didn’t need to say what “it” was. If it was seasonal depression he would call it that but it wasn’t. It was the kind of thing he got whenever his parents death anniverys came or when he just woke up randomly and couldn’t even muster up enough every to roll out of bed and onto the floor.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You cooed at him gently.

I just didn’t want to bother you. But he didn’t say that out loud, instead he just shrugged his shoulders and felt his eyes start to sting with tears. “I-I’m sorry.”

You were going to cry. You leaned forward and gave him a hug, his head resting in the nook of your neck. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. Are you doing okay?”

He answered honestly. “Not really, but I’m feeling better.”

You two sat there engluphed together in silence as he listened to your pulse and you ran your fingertips up and down his spine.

Oh my good looking boy.

“Oh no, you know what I just realized.” You said still holding him close to you.

He muttered into your skin, “What?”

“We just had a communication fight.”

Fuck, you’d never had one of those before. Sure you’d get into arguments but you’d never had a problem because of a lack of communication until now. Even though you swore you would never be one of those couples. Shit just happens.

Maybe it was because he thought it was funny, or because you were the one to say it, or it was both but Tadashi started laughing. Truly laughing for the first time in weeks. His back heaved up and down as he laughed until he lifted his head from your neck and pressed his forehead to yours.

“I love you, so much.” He whispered, loud enough just for you. Only for you.

You ran your thumbs over the skin on his face. “I love you too, okay? Always will, remember that.”

You’ll fight again eventually over whatever. But something had changed since then. Whatever it was you doubted that you would ever run into a communication problem again.

Hours later when Hiro and Aunt Cass came home they found you and Tadashi laying on the floor next to piles of folded clothes. You’d been working to help him clean his side of the room, and a three part murder mystery playing in the background.

[ramonabringthatpinot]

The Real Housewives of Melbourne as a Site of 'Feminist Exchange', Featuring Neither Realism Nor Housewives

It is a typical evening. I sit down, and begin to watch the second season of The Real Housewives of Melbourne, eager to see a new iteration of cast members uncover their unreachably exotic lifestyles and dramas over the course of a season. A season recap plays, and, following it, comes what I find to be my most anticipated part of watching a new season: the housewives’ taglines. Gina Liano arrives on screen, with a lion’s mane of hair and a golden floor-length gown. The word ‘GINA’ appears on screen in large, gold letters as Gina herself crosses her heavily fake-tanned arms and declares ‘I deal in fact, not friction.’

Gina openly alludes to the dualism of ‘friction’ and ‘fiction’ that occupy uneasily close spaces in The Real Housewives, recognising the artificiality of its combat. But does ‘fact’ always have to stand in opposition to this ‘friction’? How can ‘fact’ be defined when used from entirely within the constructed setting of The Real Housewives? How does is actuality expressed across a medium of pure fiction? Of course, her tagline also alludes to what became Gina’s ‘brand’ across the first season. She reiterates to other cast members, and the eager audience, her profession as a lawyer, and thus, her inferred proximity to ‘truth’: ‘I’m a lawyer darling, I deal in fact.’(1) The tagline openly confronts the uneasy rules that constitute the narrative universes constructed in reality television. In one line, she references her societal role as a lawyer, her disdain for conflict and ‘friction’, as well as gesturing towards the construction of the narrative that she participates in.

‘I deal in fact, not friction’, The Real Housewives of Melbourne (Season 2, Episode 1), Matchbox Entertainment, January 2014, online video recording, Hayu <https://www.hayu.com/player/episode/29538344255> [accessed 20/07/2023].

Under this context, where do ‘fiction’ and ‘facts’ begin, end and intersect in the realm of reality TV, or, more precisely, in the unusual positionality of the documentary-soap-drama hybrid? Gina’s tagline illuminates these questions rather than answering them directly. More precisely, she references a ‘reality TV’ that has a troubled relation to ‘reality’ itself. What we see here is a co-opting of actuality into fiction, and, to invoke Slavoj Žižek, we see a procedure of offering a product deprived of its substance.(2) It is the cinematic form of cream without fat or coffee without caffeine: it is ‘real housewives’ with no realism nor housewives. Furthermore, nested in this overarching narrative construct, a construct which serves to provide a ‘real’ slice of life, according to The Real Housewives’ executive commentary, are the performances which constitute the identities of the cast member herself.(3) The performances of gender, class and race are mediated through the performance demanded of reality television and documentary forms, then edited and reassembled further beyond recognition in the pursuit of plot and storyline.

I take Žižek’s sentiment of ‘[the obfuscated] line that separates fiction from reality’ and extend it into the realm of woman-centric narrative reality television.(4) In this pursuit, I examine how real-life identities are reconfigured into characters, the ways in which this impacts performances of gender, class and race, and what these processes reveal about the ‘real world’ that they are drawn from. The overarching aim is to trace the boundaries of how reality television deals with what Angela McRobbie describes as an ‘exchange for feminism’; the subversion of ‘progressively’ coded media into a narrative structure that continues to restrain its subjects and reinforce stereotypes.(5) While The Real Housewives of Melbourne ostensibly seeks to empower women through its platforming of their lives, it only platforms the lives of those who already hold privilege, while ironically diminishing and humiliating them and their subordinates. This coincides with a culture-wide co-opting of progressive ideals in their assimilation into neoliberal capitalism, wherein they are substituted for their opposites. Of course, according to Judith Butler, this overarching categorisation and platforming of ‘women’ as a stable category is in itself a process of restriction, as she suggests that ‘the category of “women,” the subject of feminism, is produced and restrained by the very structures of power through which emancipation is sought.’(6) Thus, parallels emerge between the platforming of women in The Real Housewives and their restraint in a variety of ways; the subscription to the category of ‘woman’, the privileging of already privileged lifestyles, and the promoted humiliation of its cast members.

Indeed, the narratives surrounding ‘empowerment’ itself mark a shift towards a neoliberally individualised expression of womanhood; a Foucaultian, commodified neoliberal woman, who is subjected to the subverting core tenets of McRobbie’s ‘feminist exchange’.(7) The ‘empowerment’ enacted by The Real Housewives appears to instead be a process of elevation from an already economically privileged status into one that is also socially privileged: the subject commodifies not just as a rich woman, but is culturally exported as a celebrity too. As an extension to this, Brenda Weber examines elevations to celebrity status as she proposes that celebrity status signifies the combination of image and charisma as currency in an Americanised neoliberal global marketplace of personality.(8) For the power-hungry aspiring Housewife, pure economic wealth does not suffice; she must translate her personality and identity into a commodity from which she may reap social wealth.

FOOTNOTES

(1). Gina Liano, The Real Housewives of Melbourne (Season 1, Episode 2), Matchbox Entertainment, January 2014, online video recording, Hayu <https://www.hayu.com/player/episode/29538344255> [accessed 20/07/2023].

(2). Slavoj Žižek, ‘A Cup of Decaf Reality’ (2015) <https://www.lacan.com/zizekdecaf.htm> [Accessed 25/07/2023].

(3). Alison Brzenchek and Mari Castaneda, ‘The Real Housewives, gendered affluence, and the rise of the docusoap’, Feminist Media Studies, 17.6 (2017) 1022-1036.

(4). Žižek, (2015).

(5). Anglea McRobbie, The Aftermath of Feminism (London: Sage, 2009), p. 1.

(6). Judith Butler, Gender Trouble (London: Routledge, 2006), p. 4.

(7). Michel Foucault, The Birth of Biopolitics (Hampshire: Palgrave, 2004), p. 240.

(8). Brenda R. Weber, ‘Celebrated Selfhood: Reworking Commodification through Reality Celebrity’ in Makeover TV: Selfhood, citizenship and celebrity (Durham: Duke University Press, 2009), pp. 215-251 (p. 215).

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Brzenchek, Alison, and Castaneda, Mari, ‘The Real Housewives, gendered affluence, and the rise of the docusoap’, Feminist Media Studies, 17.6 (2017) 1022-1036.

Butler, Judith, Gender Trouble (London: Routledge, 2006), p. 4.

Foucault, Michel, The Birth of Biopolitics (Hampshire: Palgrave, 2004), p. 240.

Liano, Gina, The Real Housewives of Melbourne (Season 1, Episode 2), Matchbox Entertainment, January 2014, online video recording, Hayu <https://www.hayu.com/player/episode/29538344255> [accessed 20/07/2023].

McRobbie, Angela, The Aftermath of Feminism (London: Sage, 2009), p. 1.

Weber, Brenda R., ‘Celebrated Selfhood: Reworking Commodification through Reality Celebrity’ in Makeover TV: Selfhood, citizenship and celebrity (Durham: Duke University Press, 2009), pp. 215-251 (p. 215).

Žižek, Slavoj, ‘A Cup of Decaf Reality’ (2015) <https://www.lacan.com/zizekdecaf.htm> [Accessed 25/07/2023].

[saintmeghanmarkle]

PROPAGANDA! By H.G. Tudor by u/number1crsh

PROPAGANDA! By H.G. Tudor So today H.G. Tudor put out a video entitled "Propaganda: Her Time To Shine" where he reads a news article entitled "Meghan Markle's time to shine on the world stage" by Kuba-Shand Baptiste. (I will post the video link below).Listening to H.G. read this article, I found myself growing more and more irritated by what he was saying, which now has me hoping that this trip to Nigeria is abysmal. I mean, like, I really, REALLY hope it is the trip from Hell and we see Meghan expose herself in a big way, just so the people that are out there praising her and telling the world that she is the best thing out there since sliced bread will have to eat crow. I don't like being like that and wishing bad things onto people, that shit always comes back to bite you in the end, but when it comes to these two...I don't know, it's just different.Maybe I'm just being petty. Am I? If I am, oh well. To quote Jen from "Real Housewives Recap"--"Come sit next to me and we can be petty together."https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJMRgobN7PI post link: https://ift.tt/Ff4ZTVL author: number1crsh submitted: May 03, 2024 at 02:37AM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

[trexalicious]

Pretty crappy looking $100k four day wardrobe...

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

Real Housewives Recaps on the controversy.

[offsidenewsco]

"This type of chaos is exactly what I was expecting from a series between the two messiest teams in the NHL. Real Housewives across the nation should be taking notes on reaching these levels of entertainment and animosity."

Read our #TimetoHunt recap.

[bkdotblog]

Everything Worth Knowing: SLC Reunion Part 1

A brief recap of the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Reunion Part 1

Hi girls and gays,

Pardon the delay in posting. Not to brag but I am in fact currently on vacation, using a VPN to stream shoddy BravoTV.com footage of the Salt Lake City reunion like a thirsty digital hamster drinking from a thirsty digital hamster’s drinking tube. I know that nobody cares, and in fact most of my followers I have discovered to be sexy lady e-Bots, but I thought all two of you who read these might like to know the facts of my tardiness. Apologies!

Alas, I could not let another week go by without barking my thoughts into the void, like a thirsty digital hamster who also barks. I’m going to sum up some of my thoughts on the reunion part 1, which are mostly negative, and will hopefully be back to share my thoughts on part 2 as soon as I can watch. If you feel inclined, let me know your thoughts on the reunion and season 3 writ large below in the comments. Mary Cosby bless us all,

BK

Key Takeaways

The set design was “dilapidated church.” It looked like a Super Smash Brothers stage, and I loved it. 

2. Some of the ladies took ketamine and shrooms in Zion. For my money it was Whitney, Heather, Jen. Fun! I would have too. Lisa was being weird about it. 

3. Jen Shah called Heather “right before she walked into the courtroom” to enter a guilty plea. What did Heather say? “Good luck!” And then they cried. OK!

4. Heather’s Black Eye mystery was solved in the most anticlimactic way possible. Her repeated assertion that she both does and doesn’t know what happened actually checked out: She was extremely drunk, and embarrassed of how drunk she had been. Unfortunately, her need for a storyline superseded this reserve. Also, even if it isn’t true, now everybody watching thinks Jen punched Heather. Damage done, ten fold. At least we can all move on. 

5. Whitney Rose has become the moral center of the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City universe. When the ladies would get bogged down in meaningless specifics — such as what Meredith meant by she wouldn’t want to file with the SEC at this point in her life because of the “compliance” involved — Whitney would realign them — by reminding that it wasn’t about the content, but the implication that Lisa’s business were financially insecure — with the precision of a master chiropractor. I am a big Wild Rose fan after this season. BRB … lemme go buy some skincare!!

6. Meredith Marks has lost all appeal. At this point, Meredith’s position on the show is purely decorative. During the first non-Jen topic of the night, Meredith reminds the viewers that she has said, time and time again, that her issues with Lisa are not about the hot mic moment. Really? This was news to me… I thought that was the whole thing? (“Don’t come for my fahmlae!”) Instead, it was about the texts she posted after the last reunion, which other than being private are pretty flattering for both sides. Later on she calls Jen to settle a matter of hearsay related to Lisa using the term “pill-popper”. Tell me: Is there anybody on Latter Day Saint's green Earth with less credibility than Jen?

For me, Meredith was at her most interesting last season when Jen was arrested while she was in a bathtub across state lines, basically instantly believed Jen to be guilty, and swore off their friendship. Now she and Heather are swirling the toilet bowl after their BFF Jenny. Utterly pathetic. 

7. The only path forward for Meredith is to reconcile with Lisa. By demonstrating the human quality of forgiveness, Meredith might be able to trick audiences into believing she is more than simply a tennis bracelet brought to life during an occult ritual gone awry. Otherwise… have fun on Ultimate Girls Trip, Mare! 

8. Danna and Angies… I’m not seeing star power. Sorry, girls. There’s always TikTok! But I did appreciate Danna for consistently seeing through Jen's antics. I did not appreciate her blaccent.

9. Lisa Barlow came out on top, but not without taking some hits. Lisa’s sort of byzantine attitude about drugs was a stain on an otherwise perfect reunion. My favorite part was when she was like, “Why are we calling Jen for her thoughts on a particular matter when she is going to jail for deceiving the public?” And everybody was like, “Oooh…” like it was below the belt. It wasn’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

10. Next season, we need a devout Mormon housewife to come on the show. She is our only hope of taking Heather down a few notches. 

11. Mary Cosby will also do. I need Her Divine Greatness Ms. Cosby like a thirsty barking hamster needs water. Bravo: Give her what she wants!

[katieroo28]

The 12/11 - 12/17 weekly recap is upon us. Feel free to follow me on any site I’ve linked (Letterboxd, Serialzd, and Goodreads). Also feel free to respond with your thoughts on anything I’ve watched or read or your own weekly recap.

BEST MOVIES I’VE WATCHED: All Good Things (2010) and The Host (2006)

BEST TV OF THE WEEK: The White Lotus Season Two Finale, Family Karma, Real Housewives of Miami, Minx, and Season 12 of Drag Race

BEST GAME PLAYED: The Dark Pictures: The Devil in Me

CURRENTLY READING: Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir, The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones, and Portrait of a Thief by Grace D. Li

LISTENING TO ON REPEAT: Raspberry Beret by Prince