#real fake quotes

[incorrectblockb]

the full context doesn't make this any less funny btw

[vaniloqu3nce]

Enid, coming back from the principal’s office: Wednesday! Why am I being called to the office for disappearing students!

Wednesday: You said you wanted our haunted dorm to win this year for most terrifying setting.

Enid: Most terrifying decorations, Wednesday. Please don’t tell me it was a real portal to hell. I thought you meant that figuratively! Like a haunted house gimmick!

Wednesday: It wasn’t a real portal to hell.

Enid, sighing in relief: Thank God, then what’s-

Wednesday: It was a portal to the in-between realm. I imagine they’re dealing with some very unhappy ghosts with unfinished business. Lucky.

Enid: …Wednesday

Wednesday: So what did Weems say? Did we win?

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript:

Well, you found me.

Congratulations.

Was it worth it?

Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart.

Audio source

[pinkeoni]

WILL BYERS IN EVERY EPISODE Episode #107: THE BATHTUB

[aflamboyanceofflamingos]

Bruce: Tim, your turn, what’s your New Year’s resolution?

Tim: It has come to my attention that some people view my absolutely hilarious self deprecating jokes as concerning, so I’ve elected to redirect that hatred…

Bruce, under his breath: thank god

Tim, as he goes into his supervillain pose: To being more mean to others

Jason, as he laughs at Bruce putting his head in his hands: That’s brilliant, I want to change mine

Dick: From ‘Making more people uncomfortable with jokes about my gruesome death’?

Tim: Moving on, I plan on getting a head start on my resolution. Duke, does Ms. Prauss still teach?

Duke: The chem teacher? I don’t have her but from what I’ve heard from my friends she sucks

Steph: SHE DOES! Oh my god she was so sexist- she would yell at the girls for the littlest things but let the boys obviously cheat-

Babs: She was even worse when I had her!

Duke: My French teacher is the exact same way!

Cass: Mr. Lovegood? He’s like the best

Duke: No, he was great, we got a new one and she doesn’t even have a teaching license and we know more then she does-

Luke: That was just like Mr. Goldhorn, could not teach and always stuck me with this one guy who couldn’t get a single lab right- We were in AP Physics

Tam: Wait Tim, Steph, I think she was in your year- Do you know Alana-

Steph/Tim: OH MY GOD-

Bruce, Gordon, and Lucius as they watch their children shit-talk various teachers and classmates from highschool for a full hour: I don’t know why I expected this to go well

Tim, very happy with himself: :)

[cupiidzluv]

queen shit

[felizzlemynizzl]

[marvel-lous-guy]

Peter: Yknow that theory that no two people see colour exactly the same?

Tony: Oh god, not again

Peter: What if that means everyones fabourite colour is the same?

Tony: What? Why?

Peter: because your yellow could be my red, so both of our favourite coloures are my red. And Harleys green could be my red too-

Steve: -Peter, I appreciate your enthusiasm-

Clint: I don't

Steve: but now is not the time for it.

Peter: ...why not?

Tony: because we are in a quinjet above a Nazi base

Peter: oh, right, that. Sorry

[sharkaiju]

Ford about the memory gun: Do you really think that's a healthy coping mechanism?

Fiddleford: Oh not at all! Thanks for asking :)

[psychotrenny]

The obsession that some Liberals have with "Unity" and "Compromise" as inherently desirable ends unto themselves, rather than potentially applicable means, excellently demonstrates the foolishness of their idealist worldview. Like they believe that conflict happens because some people just don't like each other, that they were somehow infected with bad ideas that drive them to fight, and so you can solve all conflict by getting them to just start liking each other by believing good ideas of peace and love instead. The idea that some groups are opposed because of very real material reasons, that can't be banished with a change in attitude, is simply not something they consider. And so they value the mere act of resolving a conflict over the conditions that said resolution create.

While certain forms of unity and compromise are very useful to advancing a cause or movement, others are a waste of effort and resources and some lead to active disruption and damage. You need to consider the actual situation that you occupy, and the actual terms that this unity will be on, before you start advocating it. Like there's this quote I've seen attributed to the oral traditions of the Haitian people (although I've had trouble finding a source for this so take this supposed origin skeptically) that I think is worth keeping in mind: The unity of the chicken and the roach happens in the belly of the chicken

[auss2egr2t]

[gaylactic-fire]

Constantly fighting between "children are so much smarter than we give them credit for, and if I have to read another fic where a five year old does goo goo ga ga speak I'm going to crush my skull with a comically large hammer" and "a five year old would not fucking say that. How are you all falling for this??"

[literary-landscapes]

[leclercloml]

Footballers | Fake Text Part 4

(Jude Bellingham edition)

[future-king-of-ithaca]

Still can't get over the fact that someone said, "no, we aren't dating, we're bound together forever, like the stars, so fuck you, actually."

And I fucking answered with, "even stars die."

JESUS

[cupiidzluv]

honestly, real.