#rare good look day from me!
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You don’t understand how moisturized and conditioned I had to be for this
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I've never heard of emts working only at events? What's that like for you if you don't mind my asking?
Yeah, there are ambulance companies that staff certain events, but there's some event specific companies out there lmao. For me specifically, it's almost entirely college events, whether it's happening on a campus or not. It's not great, usually pretty boring, but it's better than being on an ambulance or in a hospital. We do get actual emergencies sometimes, but usually it's just getting drunk people to the tent or giving out water and bandaids lmao. Again, boring as fuck, but I chose this over working on a 911 rig, so that's on me 😔 if I'm being so real tho, other than my coworkers, the best part of the job is the food lmaoooo it's so good and all the food trucks/food booths give discounts or free food to us depending on the location and event. And there's almost always a ton of downtime, so I basically just get paid to sit there and vibe for the most part
#not snz#when i say i love my job i mean i love very specific parts of it lmao#idk if I've said it here before or not and this is gonna sound so bad coming from someone working in healthcare#but i don't like patients lmao#i love the book stuff and i love everything in theory and i know how everything works and I'm very enthusiastic about it#but man do i not like patients ahskaksk#there are exceptions obviously but those are few and far between#it's why i love being an emt at my fire station bc we don't reslond to medical calls#like I've done medical calls there for the public but very rarely bc people either approach us or we stumble upon them#so i really only do my emt things on the people i know and i love that#i love my coworkers so I'm always happy to make sure they're okay and help them out when they're not#but i feel nothing for the public and i didn't realize i genuinely couldn't care less about them until i started doing my clinicals#it's just awkward and I'm not invested in them i just like figuring out what's wrong with them and interact with them as little as possible#again there are exceptions and i do like some of the patients but generally I'm just trying to hand them off asap#so yeah i do like working events bc the alternative is being confined to a tiny box or trapped in a hospital#i like being outside and being able to walk around the place and do things if i want to#and obviously i adore my partner#and even on the rare occasions i work with someone else all day i love my other coworkers too#and i mean yeah this might be more boring than working on an emergency rig However#it pays so much better#like why do y'all think my medic partner works there lmao he's actually good with patients and prefers the ambulance#but the pay in the field is shit so he gets paid way more working events than he would at the three letter company#insane actually that he makes over ten dollars more an hour working chill events than he would being overworked on a rig#anyway i digress#I'm looking into pathology assistant school rn bc there's like no patient interaction there but i still get to be nosy#so that's perfect for me lmao#everyone keeps saying i missed my calling as a vet tho like i don't cry when a dog dies in a movie lmao i wouldn't survive#working with animals would be amazing but the only thing that really gets you money is being a vet#so that can be a hobby
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concert logs!
*Note: I have severe dissociative amnesia which has caused me to lose many years of my life. Some details of concerts from 2023 and before may have details left out for this reason, and I apologize.
Ones I've Attended + Reviews:
BRATS ALA Tour 01/10/2020 My first ever concert that I went to with my mom, where there was another act I can't recall performing first. Many people were shouting and pumping their fists in the air, and I snuck off to join a random crowd of strangers who were dancing. Rei, despite her vocal cord damage, was really good at performing, and I met all of the girls four times throughout the entire concert. I got an autographed poster that I still have to this day and Hinako and Aya recognized me when they saw me! The anime convention itself was really fun and I think I took home a Pokémon poster just because the artist was immaculately talented. I did sadly forget to film it. Overall Rating: 10/10.
BRATS & BANDMAID COVID-19 Digital Concert 2020~2021 There's very limited knowledge of this concert online, and I can't recall the exact date, but a Japanese streaming site was selling live tickets to an online BRATS and BANDMAID concert for an entry fee. This was during the coronavirus pandemic when nobody could go out, especially in our respective nations. The girls would perform their songs and between sets, would read live comments and greet everyone watching. I went for BRATS and was so happy to hear the girls play "Karma" live that I cried. The BANDMAID girls were a joy to meet as well, and their set was super good. It's the only digital concert I've ever attended, but it was nice that both acts gave it their all even though they had no actual "live" audience. Overall Rating: 10/10. DPR 2022 Regime Tour Las Vegas 10/09/2022 I went around my birthday week with my roommate and we traveled out to Vegas for it. We got okay-ish seats though we were quite far back and next to a girl who wouldn't stop screaming in my left ear. I was under the impression it was just Dabin and was shocked when Kream opened up, but I think they all did a great job performing. Nothing was better than Ian's "Seraph" performance with the beautiful black wings and the astronaut Dabin brought out was so cute. "Venus" was also pretty memorable because he was throwing roses at the crowd. Overall Rating: 8/10. OnlyOneOf Grand America Tour L.A 04/30/2023 We got basic tickets because everyone rushed to get V.I.P+, and I didn't like how competitive it was to get tickets considering my roommate had to wait hours only to find out the ticket site required an account. Our seats weren't that great, as we were quite far from the stage, and the boys were visibly tired throughout their performances. A good half of the concert was just videos of the members dancing and goofing around that weren't released to the public yet (see: picture above). We were the last branch of the NA tour, though, and their agency was shit at organizing the entire tour. We were supposed to sing along to blueblueseOul with a whole fanchant that the staff gave us in secret but no one ended up doing it? The venue was luxurious though. Overall Rating: 3/10. eaJ That Feeling When L.A 09/02/2023 There were various other artists performing at TFW that year but I only stayed for eaJ, and filmed the whole set to upload to my concert channel. I only went to impress my father and his girlfriend at the time, but the concert made me a loyal fan instantly. He hurt my eardrums so bad with the extreme high note at the end of "No One's Fault" and "VISIONS", and yes, he is louder than he sounds in the recordings. The audience was quite small and intimate, so he came down to come say hi to us and be in the middle of the crowd for a while. He held everyone's hands including mine (it was magical smh), and afterwards gave autographs and took pictures with some fans. I think it set my concert expectations way too high but it was cool. The 626 Night Market was also fun too, because there were a lot of interesting and at times questionable foods and beverages for sale. I came home with a giant teddy bear glass and I still use it to this day! Overall Rating: 10/10.
Suave Punk Secret Concert 10/14/2024 I'm not sure if I'm allowed to reveal many details about this because it happened in a private location but Justin gave a little concert to some people without telling. I got an autograph and a chance to meet the literal most beautiful person in existence. Some of you may know where it happened, and some people who went may have already told. I'm not telling. 💋 Overall Rating: ohmyfuckinggoditwasenlightening/10.
Coco & Clair Clair Girls Tour Hollywood 10/20/2024 Went just for the hell of it, and also because the concert was on my birthday! Tickets were pricy but I went with my roommate and sat at the bar seat that came with an unexpected poster and a good view of the stage. The venue was very pretty and looked more like a musical theatre set-up than anything because literal art was all over the walls. Sadboi opened up and while I wasn't into her music, she did bring the hype. There was one DJ before her and another after who brought the club energy before the actual performance, and the DJ sets had everyone jumping and moving. Clair Clair screams a lot, I learned that night. Both girls were super pretty and performed very well, even coming back at the end to perform an encore for us. Overall Rating: 9/10.
Artists I Want to Go See:
Shygirl I love Shygirl. That's it, that's the reason. THORNAPPLE THORNAPPLE's concerts look so breathtaking and Yoon Sunghyun, in addition to being musically beautiful, is such a talented performer. I really want to see Dongkyun play guitar live too and take pictures of the members up close, and also want to see how they play as three members now. Honestly, I'd kill to see any of MPMG's acts live, or to go to a festival with various MPMG acts performing. Suave Punk I already went to his "mini" concert but... since I literally met him via private connections a little while ago, he told me to come see him and one of our mutuals play live, so I'm kind of obligated to go see him when he tours again. I also promised I would anyway...🤭 Halsey I've been a fan of her since her debut year literally because my mom exposed me to her music by accident via the car radio. It's been my dream to see her perform live at Webster Hall ever since hearing the tapes of the songs sung there on Spotify, so hopefully one day that will happen.
#concert life#I have conflicting remembrances of the dpr concert because of my amnesia but I tried my best to remember objectively.#my only issue is what the venue looked like because I seem to remember there being only standing room#and yet I remember sitting on a balcony very far from the bathroom (but I swear I snook off to use the bathroom once??)#anyway please I need to go to korea to see thornapple. I don't like korea as a country because of their society but sacrifices must be made#I tend to go to concerts now more because what the hell than because I actually like the acts.#the issue is my beloveds rarely come to my country let alone my city at a time that isn't a weekday when I have obligations the next day#and ever since getting pneumonia I don't like to take false sick days off work. because if I get deathly sick again I may need 'em.#but usually those turn out good so I'm not complaining.#mom wants to take me to a goth metal festival soon too so maybe that'll be nice...#I was supposed to go see onlyoneof when I had pneumonia again and had VIP+ tickets and all but...pneumonia.#I almost died it wasn't fun.#personals💖💟
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oh yeah the way mass effect made me think of portal which is surely what youtube was doing too in sliding me a portal related video which made me think of like ah yes that little harmonizing thing want you gone credits song does, another banger. then i was like wait speaking of secret losersongs filmed rehearsal videos just the other day was reexperiencing like code monkey's really a banger as well, the way that part of the chorus could have one line end on One Pitch then the next line end a half step up but Doesn't & that pwns actually. then going hang on and they're both jonathan coulton. they're All jonathan coulton (adding in: wow just like will putting still alive on his off the shits jared kleinman a.m. pump up playlist)
#portal / 2 / 2's co-op mode; the rare VideoGames i've Actually Played#the rare puzzle centric games that pwn b/c the Parameters & Goals are always sufficiently clear....#so i did not play mass effect at the time or since. meanwhile i did happen to meet ellen mclain once. wah#doubting that mass effect had any characters singing a song over the credits. Maybe.#but seems plausible indeed the most any individual sings is the optional source material for modern major general / scientist salarian#and that has no Complete Version until here's william lmao. good for him. & those games coming out when he was a little college lad....#wait what the. mass effect the first & portal the first released a month apart in '07??? i guess that tracks lmao but#happy birthday video games....portal 2 in '11; me3 in '12. weird that i was Also in college#''great day to not be in high school'' post like hell yeah it is & i evaded high school entirely lmfao#which was a major motivation in going to college. i can just cut out [school years] that's what i'm talking about. & it did.#hang in there everyone in high school. or middle school god forbid. or college even though it's Also indeed better. lord#just another thing like well try not to die i suppose while put through endless [pass test]#anyways then this full version is created & will sings it!!! & kills it!!! cosigned all the mass effecties....#suppose it's plausible that will ''in college doing musical theatre times'' would look up the composer of credits bops & go from there#let me put together a cabaret solo show & oh gee i dunno....
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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You know, looking at a diet soda can it occurs to me that it might not be so wretched to me if the cans weren't so unpleasant
Like we know that things like color play a role in how our brain perceives things, and I realized looking at the can that they're always this bland but at the same time nasty looking silver and it just... it looks foul and I think that compounds with the fact that I also just plain don't like diet soda
My point here isn't to say anyone else shouldn't like diet soda, just how I never realized how much of an impact the can has on me not liking it... there's just something offputting about it to me
#I don't ever drink soda these days#like I drink so little soda that root beer is basically something I treat like a dessert at this point#and it's funny; cause I drank nothing but soda when I was a teen#it was just kinda like a switch flipped one day; no idea on why#which is a shame; cause I've known people who really really wanted to stop drinking soda and... I wish I could tell them what I did#but... I kinda didn't do anything; I just changed#would love if I could give practical advice#now; you'll never hear me shitting on people for drinking soda; or have me sitting here telling people how awful it is#we all know what soda is; I mean man... you wouldn't have helped me if you lectured me back when I was drinking nothing but soda#in fact you'd probably have held me back from whatever clicked to make me stop cause you would have annoyed me#...but I don't miss it; now it's so damn sweet to me cause I got sometimes years without drinking it#nah... occasional root beer at a specific pizza place or with dessert; that suits me just fine#anyway; what my real point was is take my thoughts on diet soda with that grain of salt that I don't like regular soda either#I'll take regular over diet any day cause I prefer the sweeteners... like... if it's gonna be a once in a blue moon thing#I know which sweetener I'd rather taste; and it's not gonna be that big a deal to me either way cause I have it so rarely#but yeah; when I make this observation know it comes from someone that never drinks soda#so it's not like my input is that important or useful#...and yet... I'm not gonna go look up how to spell it; but you know barques... barks? you know that one root beer has a silver can#and that wasn't as much of a problem though... I think that even though I liked it the can was a hang up for me that spoiled it a little#really I just like all the brands of root beer; they're all different; but all good in their own way#I should go to Japan and preform as a masochist for them; since my understanding is the general consensus there is#that root beer tastes like medicine; let me put on a show as a weird american who drinks the thing they think is bad and enjoys it
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We <3 hearing things
#i swear I am hearing stuff#it might be because this is an old house and those make noises sometimes#but maybe there's something#and maybe there's nothing at all and I'm imagining this#i think I'll clean my room sometime the next days....#it's overdue anyways there's this one corner where i haven't looked at in like two years out of fear what might linger in those depths#my room is a nightmare for people with dust allergies#carpet everywhwre last time i dusted off was too long ago to remember#there's some mold on my windows because i used to rarely open them#that was before I noticed that fresh air is really nice actually and i like breathing good#my couch creaks too and I know my heater sometimws makes strange noises#the boiler from my floors bathroom got the verdict “out of date and should probably be replaced''#it works well but now I'm a tad scared of it exploding#or giving me carbon monoxide poisoning#We're paranoid like that ig thats in up here nowadays#god I really should deepclean this thing sometime#by couch too i sleep on it every day so I seldom get the chance to really do something there#because. like. i kinda need that thing#but I vacuumed and where was a lot of dust#why do I live in filth I even try to keep it somewhat alright#sigh I'll just do what I can do for today and chamge my bedsheets#we'll see about the rest when we get there
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||. was browsing through tags of a comic thor post and found this beauty in someone's tags:
i love the acknowledgement of odin as a godking above father & how that’s hurt thor not just loki
obviously, I won't name the person's reblog on this blog but it's something I've always felt is largely true about the mcu odinfam situation, particularly where the father and the boys are involved.
Odin's parenting style (being strict, and the all-father above just a father), hurt Thor just as much as Loki. They were both hurt by their parents and especially in vying for their father's approval. (aka: his affections, because really any child desperate for their parent's attention, approval, pride is really just craving unconditional love.) People seem hard pressed to believe that this sort of pain was exclusive to Loki... which I fundamentally don't understand. (Need I remind everyone that Odin didn't just say "you're unworthy to call yourself a king and a hero bc you're being selfish in your ambitions"... which is true. He also got a good, walloping "you are unworthy of the loved ones you have betrayed" TO HIS FACE before being stripped of his powers and banished to some backwater planet for an indefinite amount of time...)
The reality of the situation is Loki always had Frigga to lean on, confide in, and be in his corner. Even if it was off-screen, truth is that he told Frigga what he learned about being a Frost Giant the first chance he got. He confided in her his worry for Odin's health ("i never get used to seeing him like this"). She actively expresses support and validation in front of him in a way that Loki at least positively acknowledges even if he doesn't always receive the words, and while I don't believe Thor wouldn't have gained the same solace from his mother, I am of the opinion - based on (this deleted scene from "THOR") in particular - that she would give support in the same way she would with Loki ... and it never landed with Thor. Because Thor is not Loki. And Frigga doesn't always know how to speak to Thor so Thor can hear her.
So, really at the end of the day, whether it was true or not, Thor only had himself to emotionally rely on. Coupled then with being primarily under the express tutelage of an extraordinarily strict father who was priming Thor to uphold his own legacy, (apparently not be anything like Hela despite the two kids being polar opposites) and 'never seek out war but must always be ready for it' and then you get a sentiment that ultimately can be summarized in Thor's words at the end of Dark World when he comments his reason for surrendering his birthright of his own volition: "I would rather be a good man than a great king." (which, sidebar, but I am entirely convinced is Thor commenting on his father's way of ruling, his father's way of parenting, his father's way of being. And quite frankly, no, I don't think the real Odin would ever let Thor give up his birthright to go live on Earth when Odin is old, dying, and the whole of Asgard is primed and ready to follow Thor as their new All-Father.)
alt., in the words of comic!thor his (extremely mixed) opinion of Odin:
"A hard god, my father, but one who would move heaven and earth for his children. And did , quite literally, on many occasions. From Odin, I learned command. I learned the ways of the worlds and the godly arts of war."
#(not really a full meta or w/e bc one day i should really go through the entire 2 thor films and compile)#(all of my thoughts on every thor/odin interaction but tl;dr their relationship is a mess.)#( meta . ) — son of cosmos . lightning flows through thy veins .#my meta#(thor loves him and he wants to make him proud but he also wants to be nothing like him...)#(all because thor's instinct is to follow his heart - and odin's is to follow his head. those two things are at conflict with one another.)#(and yet despite everything thor is still that same little boy-)#(-who looked up at his father and saw this legendary hero. a true warrior. the pride of all of asgard who is a mighty hero and great king)#(who was able to keep bad people in line by being SO strong they were scared to oppose him and was still the wisest in all of asgard-)#((besides his mother))-#(because he knew better than to seek out war without a good reason)#(imo keeping true to that and adding in the element of ... //sighs loudly// h e l a -- means delving into thor's psyche and figuring out-)#(-at what point does his adoration of odin breed resentment and insecurity and subservience bc-)#(lbr it's all there. it's just not as loud as loki's literal crying and screaming about his daddy issues)#(which isn't shade to loki he just literally screams and cries about it. thor ....very rarely speaks his true heart about this topic.)#( ooc . ) — stories that leap from the page .#long post#(sorry for not putting it under a read more folks but it's too important to me)
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look i live in california i know damn well the price of groceries is absurd. but whenever i see someone say “i buy hellofresh because it’s wayyy cheaper than groceries” i wince. you people just dont know how to fucking shop
#and I mean okay that’s not your fault probably but. I don’t know man I don’t like big wasteful companies taking advantage of the fact that#people (namely around my age range) don’t know how to buy staple foods and frozen produce and etc to cook with that lasts a long time and is#absolutely cheaper than hellofresh especially in the long run#I do understand the lack of time/energy to cook meals from scratch believe me but these days I RARELY cook anything that takes longer than#a hellofresh meal would. use the recipes on their website if you want but please im begging you look up tips for sustainable low-effort#grocery shopping.#I will admit. factor meals do tempt me. because my old roommate got them for a couple weeks once and I tried them and was actually very#surprised by the quality. like they actually taste like homemade meals. but logically I know it’s not a good deal except for the time it#would save. sighh#kibumblabs#said roommate is also the reason I tried hellofresh for like a week or two (she bought it and then never wanted to cook anything so I#ended up cooking them so they wouldn’t go bad) and don’t get me wrong they’re not bad#but there’s so much unnecessary packaging waste and the amount you make leaves for basically no leftovers or anything to use later and so on#it’s just really a bad deal in comparison to making anything yourself
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reading The Americans post about that writers strike as a european is like ...... oh wow they really ARE that far behind on the whole workers rights front huh
#wga strike#like i'm not saying this negatively AT ALL!!!#but from the perspective of someone who grew up in a country with STRONG workers rights it is glaringly obvious just by the posts about it#that this doesn't happen often there and wholeheartedly: good for them! for exercising their right to strike!#but it's just so ... outlandish to me that apparently people feel the need to over explain the situation and the motivation of the strikers#and give an entire backstory on it to (i assume?) try to turn public opinion in favour of the strike#i've even seen posts explaining the concept of a strike#and it's like ... girlie they want higher wages and better working conditions and if they're not happy with the offer made by the companies#they'll go on strike. that's just how it goes.#makes me sooooo fucking glad to live somewhere where that's normal. i'll take the trouble of having to plan my life around certain big#strikes (looking at public transportation here...) every couple months ANY DAY of the fucking week over living in a society where#striking is apparently so rare that it needs explanation and justification
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i should list the hermits i watch ok here hold on
religiously (every video):
bdubs, grian, pearl, tango, gem, scar, mumbo, zedaph, impulse, etho, iskall
consistently, but have missed a few:
doc, ren, keralis
sparingly (i’ll catch a video when i can/feel like it):
beef, joe, cleo
‘in theory’ (i started off strong but ive fallen behind):
xb, xisuma, cub, false, stress, tfc
i don’t watch:
jevin, hypno, wels
#i’ll hang out in a joe stream every now and then because hes the only one that streams on youtube and i avoid twitch as much as i can#also he streams at a good time for me. lunchtime. thats rare!#my post#i feel soooo bad about falling behind on xb and cub especially theyre both so cool#false too but thats been kinda consistent across all seasons#i will say: i watched everyones episode 1. and most peoples episode 2.#also this is specifically for season 9#season 8 i watched everyones final episodes even if they didnt have a ‘finale’#season 8 was also the first season i branched out from just grian and mumbo. like mumbo noticed the moon was getting big and i was like#‘i need to see other povs of this to see their reactions and to see if i can find the exact day the moon got bigger’#so i watched impulse xisuma pearl scar tango bdubs cleo …ren? gem. i think.#and *thats* where i went insane. now look at me. this is also around the time i joined tumblr.#anyway this is also basically a tier list of where youre commonly gonna get tango but everywehre posts from#s7 i watched post-season end and i only watched grian and bdubs#s6 i watched g and mumbo#s5 i watched mumbo#and i watched a small amount of mumbo s4#(in the small break between s5 and s6)#s6 and 5 i watched live s7 i took a break for the plague and went to zelda instead
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More WIPs from a project that was supposed to be a quick joke and is now A Whole Thing!
Here is a preliminary Hikari, and Samo's big brother! He has also escaped his genre, and he is not aware that most of the things he says sound incredibly threatening! Although only Hikari seems to notice anyway. (Luckily for Hikari, he really is a nice guy!)
@adamofingolstadt - a Hikari for you! 😊
#wips#i escaped my genre#once I finish these pieces I will post them with full image descriptions#original characters#the brother character has the same issue as tatsu from way of the house husband. he's a sweet guy who always sounds like a murderer!#Ya know for the last 2 years or so I have been pouring my heart and soul into a graphic novel (link to drafts in my blog description;#I've been told they are fun to read!) but somehow I have posted less art from that than I have for this! 😅 at least as far as tumblr goes.#There's a bunch on ao3. all this is quite alright tho - Silly side projects are actually absolutely vital to keep my love of art alive#and in the long run it will actually help me build the skills and passion I need to finish my novel!#I'm just hoping i have the juice to finish all this stuff in the next week so I can get back to the novel#but I am ultimately subject to whatever the ADHD decides. I hope if I take a break from this that I do come back to finish my other pieces#I am getting faster though. I drew both of these pieces in one day and also have time to work on the comic.#today was a wildly productive day. tomorrow I am going to concentrate on being a vegetable. 😤#I must respect my body's rare gift of productivity by offering it rest and care.#I may change hikari's design a little bit but I think it's looking pretty good. added the ear piercings bc of the wonderful fan art I got!#honestly the fan art may be better than what I've made here - the bat with nails and the hands were SO good
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#you couldn't pay me a million dollars to smoke
I keep seeing ads for cotton candy flavored vape pods on tumblr and it made me wonder…
Why/Why not in the tags?
I’m interested because I feel like when I was in high school/college in the mid-10s, almost nobody smoked - even if you otherwise had some pretty hard vices. I think it was considered not really worth it for something with such a small buzz. But now, idk. Maybe the advertisers are right to target people here because it’s just that popular again??
(Reblog for a bigger sample size etc etc.)
#i think one of the few good things they did in the 80s and 90s was teaching kids just how fucking god awful smoking/nicotine actually is#and like actually seeing the consequences of what consuming nicotine can and does to you#and not just as someone who might smoke it#but to those *around* it#if someone lights a cigarette around me (which is incredibly rare these days) i will walk away#like i REMEMBER when it was still legal to smoke indoors at bars and restaurants#kids these days have no idea HOW BAD IT COULD BE walking into a place and just being assaulted with THAT#i will say it was weird living in norway and traveling europe and having to deal with how casual smoking was like get the fuck away from me#one of my cousins stayed in ireland for a few months (doing absolutely fuck all but living at a bar) and she picked up smoking#and she came back and couldn't understand why i was so disgusted with her and wouldn't let her light up anywhere NEAR me#and i remember one day she said 'yeah well it's not actually that bad for you.'#and i looked at her and said 'what cancer? heart disease? those aren't BAD for you?!'#and she literally tried to tell me that that was made up#and the way i clocked her like WHO TOLD YOU THAT? THE FUCKING DRUNKS YOU LIVED WITH AT THE BAR? WHO SMOKE AND DRINK ALL DAY???#this fucking girl has *asthma* and is like ~bUt iT's nOt tHaT bAd~#she's finally stopped smoking cigarettes but has moved to vaping and is like 'yeah but this is healthier' no it's not goodbye.#anyway smoking/nicotine in all forms is gross and disgusting and i don't want anywhere near it goodNIGHT
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also im so sick of the acne like its so annoying and its such bullshit bc im not on t anymoreee i havent been for months so can we wrap it up I know my hormones r all over the place bc i was on and off t so willynilly for a while but now i have been off t for like. literally a year atp i think. so we should be settled and that means acne you may leave
#i didnt even have acne during my like. first puberty. granted i started t when i was 16 (january 28th 2021 if you were curiousssss.#it was such a niiiiiiice dayyyyy and i had on my favorite skirt and i was so happy abt starting t and then my granny suddenly died. which#obv sad but like tactically it was very helpful on her part bc now ill always remember the day i started t.#but ya. and then i was on and off it A TON mainly for like. insurance reasons and then like me being shitty at taking medication#consistently. iam happy with the changes but i also feel like i like. well yk i wanna go back on it eventually. but i have had some changes#my voice is def deeper than it would be i have my shitty tstache i think my face looks more masc Mostly bc everybody spontaneously started#telling me i look like my dad. and other changes but were in polite company. so im not going to talk about my penis. KJBFSIUBFEJB but ya.#but the fucking acne likee. i didnt have any during my first puberty aside from like. id occasionally get ONE smack dab between my eyebrows#or on the tip of my nose. very rarely id get both at the same time#but now my cheeks r like the fucking mountains. and i donot like ittt bc idk why. ik acne is genetic and theres nothing bad abt having acne#i jsut dont understand why i do and i am insecure abt it . i apologize .#idk. maybe my facewash is actually hurting bc recently my nose hass been feeling a bit dry after using it#i also dont shower enough. ik acne is genetic and not a cleanliness thing necessarily but i do need to shower more thats just a thing abt m#doing a silly little jig I struggle with hygiene bc im mentally ill. you know. basically IDKKK#i only wash my face once a day (on good days . when i do my morning and night routines)#and then in the mornings i just do water. yk... i only use the actual wash at night. but idkkkkk#+ i probably do have acne scars. i cant tell bc of The acne but i am The picker .. sigh . its ok. im working on achieving neutrality with#all of that so my tactic is to be like I will have acne scars bc i picked at my face. and i try not to attach anything else to that#statement i just try to be like well this because that. and im working on that for everything like. yk. I always get weird abt talking abt#it esp nowadays bc my brain gets mad at me for 'failing' it (tbc its a good thing i failed it) but yk. it helps with the that stuff ...
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taking a break from cleaning because i need to 1) pace myself and 2) spread this out over 2 days so that it doesn't get a chance to get too dirty again before i gotta do final tidying and pickup before the chaos ensues, but i've gotten a surprising amount done for like 20 minutes of clean and 10 minutes of Silly Shit.
#the whiteboard to-do list has been a game changer for me in general#like i don't often have a lot of stuff to put on it#but when i do it's really good at keeping me on track/focused#without being too overwhelming to look at#(or while it might be overwhelming as soon as you knock something off if the list looks too cluttered you can just erase it)#(and then bam less shit on your list both physically and mentally)#my productivity hack is 1) erasable to-do list and 2) find a 15-20 minute video to pop on and work to#you don't gotta pay attention to it but finding something you enjoy listening to is a key#i don't wear headphones while working because i don't have wireless ones and i rarely wear pockets indoors because fuck that noise#so i just pop my phone in a central location to where i'm currently working and let her go#if i have to leave the room i can hear it going and i know i gotta go back for it when i'm done#you just work for the length of the video and assess where you're at when you're done#if you did extra stuff that wasn't on your to-do list#write them down and cross them off - or just pretend you've already wiped them off the list because you did them#and since it's not on your list *now* you don't have to worry about it#i used to work almost exclusively to markiplier's prop hunt playlist but i've expanded for shorter bursts#because that's what i put on if i think it's going to take all day (and then i get about 45 minutes in and go alright i finished)#anyway ymmv if you even got this far or were thinking about taking my advice#i'm just telling you what works for me#and of course it's really mostly onlyhelpful if i've already got the spoons for doing shit that day in the first place lmao#speaking of which i did figure out where the extra spoons came from earlier this week#bad news boys: it was the hormone cycle and now i'm bleedin' out me vag again#okay real sorry if you got this far on the tags thank god this is my own post lmao
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Growing up, we had these beautiful Abert's Squirrels around. They have these big bushy tails and long tufted ears. Gray fur and white bellies.
My grandparents who raised me loved to watch them out on the porch, they put special birdseed out just for them and would watch them every morning.
My Papa especially loved them. He set up his recliner by the big full windows in the living room so he could watch them and the birds all day while he read the paper and his book. He built he house himself 40 years ago and made sure the entire wall of the living room facing the porch was all windows. It was his and my favorite room in the whole house.
One day, while driving, an Abert's Squirrel darted across the road, too fast for Papa to stop hisnold truck, and he hit it. He slammed on the brakes, but it was too late.
He was devestated. He was a military man all his life. Fought in Vietnam. Before that he was raised in a town so rural that the school was only one room. He was taught men don't show emotions, especially over "trivial" things. Him hitting that squirrel to this day is the closest I've seen to him crying.
My Grandmother is a tiny, gentle, deeply compassionate woman who would set out slices of pear for the wasps to eat. She cried openly. She collected the squirrel with a towel and wrapped it gently, and told Papa she would find a good place to bury it. Maybe in the garden.
But since Papa had tried to stop the truck, the squirrel wound up barely being touched by the impact. It was in almost perfect condition. Still soft and beautiful.
Papa has a few hunting trophies. A pheasant he was particularly proud of is his favorite. Grandma took the squirrel to hid taxidermist in secret and had it made into a piece.
Its a beautiful piece of taxidermy. She had them pose the squirrel on a branch as if it was climbing one of the pines and had stopped to look curiously at you, its head cocked and its fluffy tail up. Its black button eyes are big and dark and look truly alive again.
She gave it to him that Christmas. It's been displayed in our living room ever since, where Papa can see it while he reads, and the squirrel can look out the window with him.
#it didn't make up for the animal's detah#but it was my grandparents- my parents#my parents legally speaking-#way of honoring it. and I always thought it was very tender and beautiful.#Papa is autistic the same way I am. I see myself in him all the time#each day he becomes more tender. age has made him kind in a way he couldn't be for most of my childhood.#he turned 90 very recently. he was born in the 1930s smack dab in the middle of the dust bowl#he had relatives that trainhopped to california but he stayed in Oklahoma#i've been thinking about him so much lately#his memory is starting to deteriorate#I live so far from him now but I want to talk to him every day#his voice lights up when I call and he always tells me “Looking forward to hearing from you tomorrow!”#he has a big deep booming voice that rarely sounds below a shout. people often think hes angry when he isnt. he has trouble regulating tone.#but Im very good at reading it now. the love in it.#Im sorry for posting such a long reply to a poll and going on and on in the tags. i just love my Papa so much. I call him Daddy now because#he really is my father he raised me since i was a baby. and it made him so happy when i asked if i could. and my grandma when i asked#if i could call her Mama. She cried again.#if anyone reads this I'd like to know. I dont usually talk here. this all just spilled out of me.
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