#prozac is so bad holy shit

[roachemoji]

[wild-at-mind]

cn alcohol

So I’ve rambled before about reducing the dose of my SSRIs, and the other day I talked about antidepressant usage as sticking plaster on the NHS mental health services...I keep meaning to talk more about this but rest assured that a LOT of people are on these damn things. In my case I actually got an assessment back in 2017 to see which one I should actually be on, after spending years on the default one for newbies with my symptoms profile, then a year or so on the one they try when that one isn’t working (that one was soooo fucking bad holy shit i never felt so bad as on that one, let alone coming off it!). But then I went on prozac and I’ve been on that for 5+ years. It’s fine, y’know. I reduced the dose recently, I just sort of felt like I should, and after dutifully not drinking for years to not interfere with the medication and fuck with my mental health like a good patient, I started drinking again in the past year. Just the odd drink here and there. My idea was to come off the meds altogether because I’m better now, right??? I’m trying to have a social life suddenly (for some reason) and I’m drinking alchohol and feeling like I’m having baby’s first pint in the pub after turning 18, it’s been so long. Not on antidepressants and able to drink more as a result, and coming into my gender identity as a transmasc person....it felt like maybe I could forget the lost years and do the things I might have done back then. Only...I’m clearly not better, you only have to look at my past evening’s posting, and fucks sake, I forgot that I’m on antihistamines 10 out of 12 months of the year so what was the fucking point of coming off the antidepressants??? FYI if your hayfever defeats the antihistamines the GP says ‘ok take more of them in this unapproved dose’ so that’s what I’m doing. Antihistamines just kind of....make you more of a lightweight, which is saying something for me, and give you a hangover even after one drink. You will feel it way more in the morning and was it worth it for one???? Btw obviously googling mixing antihistamines and alcohol gives some overblown results, a lot of which doesn’t look familiar to me at all (hallucinations apparently??), this is just my experience. Hangover for no reason. I think this is a lost cause and I should increase the SSRI dose again.

[vitospaghetta]

💌 ok so I take prozac and one day I kept forgetting that I already took my meds. So a took 3x the dosage I should and started thinking "hmmmm maybe the devil isn't so bad but why would he make deals with people and then take all their stuff?" so I draw a pentagram on my bedroom floor, lightened some candles and tried to summon Satan. Anyway, I ended up passing out from the prozac and woke up the next day in the middle of a fucking pentagram. I swear to God I thought I was kidnapped but then remembered what I did the night before. After that I put an app on my phone to never forget to take the RIGHT amount of meds again

Holy shit asdfghjhgfd

I say give it another go. Try to summon the devil while 100% coherent.

[12thgirl]

Mmmm yesterday

[littlevampiregirl]

Reviews of every psychiatric medication I’ve tried, brought to you from my boredom to your eyeballs:

Fluoxetine(prozac): bad. I would say did nothing for me, but it did made me want to die slightly more. Was on it for like, 2 years even after telling psychiatrists it wasn’t working because they wanted me to “give it time” lol. 0 stars. Utter shit.

Propranolol: been taking this one for about 7 years now with no problems, although it doesn’t do much for crippling anxiety (it’s more for performance/minor anxiety I think) it does help with that scared-baby-deer look that anxiety gives you. So, good enough I guess. 3 stars

Moclobemide: I was on this for around 3 years. Had to stop because there was some sort of nationwide shortage (this is when I was switched to lamictal). It worked well, although I am glad I was switched to lamictal because the lamictal works even better at evening me out. I think of this one as lamictal’s little sister who tries her best. 4 stars.

Quetiapine(seroquel): HOLY GRAIL. Truly, you can’t be mentally ill if you’re unconscious. When I was regularly taking seroquel I felt like I was floating around in a chill haze all the time (that is when I wasn’t knocked the fuck out). I wish I could’ve kept taking it but the seroquel weight gain is real. Also my attention span went to shit. RIP. 4 stars (knocked a star off for making me fat) (which is bad because I used to have an eating disorder & it was triggering as fuck)

Lamotrigine(lamictal): another holy grail. I’ve been taking lamictal for…3 years now I think? Lamictal has been the best for making my highs not quite as high & my lows not quite as low. I get more time in the middle ground. 5 stars. BFF’s 4 lyf.

Aripiprazole(abilify): Gives me random twitches but contributes to keeping me chill. 4 stars for helping keep me stable but also making me randomly break out the cha cha slide.

Diazepam(valium): I take this one during moments of crisis. Makes me feel like my body is melting. 5 stars.

[newhologram]

copypasta from IG stories the other day:

damn, my new psychiatry clinic is so thorough. i’ve never heard of a mental health center doing so much work for a patient in the first 30 days. i’m STILL in the “new patient intake” now almost 4 weeks in. i’ve had so many appts with them.

finally talked to the actual psychiatrist today about meds. she’s referring me to their pain mgmt doc bc she thinks regular valium would be great for me to have for not just the narcolepsy, but my ptsd, and my chronic pain. but i can’t see that doc for 6 weeks, so in the meantime she gave me a full bottle of xanax. 20 doses. like, holy shit.

this is huge bc my old psych refused to give me xanax for the first 1.5 yrs with her unless i first went on prozac, despite my documentation of not being able to tolerate antidepressants. they made me worse. i have treatment resistant depression and PMDD, i can’t afford a drug i know makes me worse risking my life again. finally after all that time she agreed to give me xanax but she would only give me 7 small doses to last about 4-5 months until she would refill it. i had to endure so many terrible ptsd relapses while actively being emotionally abused. it was BAD.

this is giving me hope. having this for emergencies will keep me out of the ER not just for mental health stuff but xanax does help me with my spinal/leg spasms. saves me from some nasty flare ups too.

(childhood trauma is wild 🤪

weird to realize for most of my life i didn’t realize this wasn’t normal bc they had programmed me to believe i was just a terrible person who deserved this kind of stuff. )

[cannabiscomrade]

so lmao i'm self-diagnosed with adhd, professionally diagnosed with ptsd. after bad experiences with zoloft and prozac, my new psych put me on wellbutrin? and holy shit i have never functioned so well in my life. i'm gonna talk to her in our follow up about a professional adhd diagnosis, because i think being put on an adhd med and being helped might be a sign that there's something to my self-diagnosis. i'm just so amused because this was intended as an anti-depressant? oops, found a 2-for-1.

Ah that’s awesome! I’m glad you found something that’s successful for you.

I hated Zoloft for my PTSD, it gave me hallucinations and convinced me I was developing psychosis. I saw shadow people quite a bit, even after tapering off. Plus the sexual side effects were too much for me personally.

[cr0wswithknives]

Y’all.

I just rode my horse for the first time in I wanna say a year????

He’s got some major anxiety and I think some ptsd from a storm we had like 2 years ago and riding in the woods after a bunch of trees fell super freaked him out. (Thanks mom. Great brain thinking.)

We’ve been working on him this entire time. He’s bucked us off, kicked, reared, the whole shebang of bad horse behavior.

We worked with a trainer last summer. He made almost 0 progress. Then we gave him a break for like ~6 months bc weather was bad and both my mom and I have been busy with stuff, but we just got back on his regimen and Holy. Shit.

Four days. Day 1: doing some groundwork in our round pen. No bridle, no saddle, just halter and a lunge whip. Day 2: more groundwork, no tack. Just get some energy out and work on trust. Day 3: groundwork, then putting his saddle on without tightening the girth, and leaning some weight on him at the block when he stood still. Day 4: groundwork, saddle, bridle, walk up to the block and put some weight. I leaned a foot in the stirrup, took it out, tested the waters. I was completely ready for him to freak out. He was calm enough, so I hopped on. My mom held him in case he decided to go nuts (which we have seen). He was fine. Not perfect, a bit confused and kinda suspicious but went with it. I walked him around the ring, did some walk’n’whoa, and hopped off. He was completely okay.

This may not sound like the biggest deal but Y’ALL. This horse has been a source of stress for me and my mom for the last 2 years. We have him on essentially horse Prozac at all times bc if we didn’t he’d be too anxious to do ANYTHING. Horse people will understand how scary an easily spooked horse can be.

I love this horse with my whole heart, he’s my baby boy and I’m so so so happy that we’re making him better. He wants to be good. He wants to make us happy. If he couldn’t be what we need (a chill trail horse that he was when we got him) he’d have to go, and that hurts to think about. But the fact that I just rode him when the last time I tried to get on him he tried to throw me off is absolutely insane.

Anyway I love my boy and I’m so proud of him.

[williamsockner]

SPN S5 E18 “Point of No Return” Watchnotes a.k.a. “Oh We’re Actually Doing the Mental Health Stuff This Episode”

Dean actually writing a suicide note and mailing his things to Bobby is further than I thought this show wanted to go but here we are, so. And Sam even seeing this coming and being like “you’re going to kill yourself, right” no question mark even! God! This show doesn’t even seem to be aware when it’s gets real dark versus stupid fantasy dark?

This entire group of macho dudes are talking frankly about suicide. I love Bobby so much. I love Bobby bringing love and community into this manpain shitshow. Bobby’s got so much of the stiff-lip toxic masculinity happening but if he’s leveraging it to keep the boys from being fucking stupid I’m into it.

“WHERE THE HELL IS ZACARIAH” zacariah is my favorite angel, I am so happy for every episode where he gets to chew scenery and just be a giant celestial jackass, I am here for you Zack, you are a fun villain, A+

sorry about your lots Adam

sorry about your lots Sam

honestly what did Adam’s actor have to think of that he came back to play a character that is a two-dimensional copy of the not-particularly-developed character he played before, like, hey would you like to play this character you did last year, yes? okay but be super stupid and unsympathetic and trash all the characterization you had because remember, GHOULS.

“If we’d known we’d had a brother we’d have found you!” Tab this for when the brother totally forget they have a little brother trapped in Hell for like. Eight seasons.

“You think you could take a half second and stop trying to sacrifice yourself for a change” thank you Sam sorry about your lots.

Dean, stop rolling your eyes at Sam, he’s putting up with so much of your passive-aggressive self-involved self-pitying shit this season.

Sorry, Dean, bad Winchesters go in the shame cage until they take their Prozac.

You know, somewhere out there there’s a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend style AU where the show stops just writing the boys’ debilitating psychiatric issues and starts addressing their debilitating psychiatric issues.

Cas just leaves the fucking door open because he’s taken up the Winchester habit of licking paint.

“I REBELLED FOR THIS???” and then Cas beating the everloving shit out of Dean is the content I am here for.

Cas like, “take a power nap, Dean.”

Hahaha Zachariah you dick. I love you so much. “If it’s any consolation, you happen to be the illegitimate half-brother of the guy we do care about!”

Get back in the shame cage, Dean.

Hahaha Heaven’s magic escape room is in Van Nuys? Christ, the real estate market is a bitch these days.

I love that Cas’ pep talk to Dean is “I think you suck, please don’t prove me right.”

Remember when like a single angel was enough of a threat to base an entire episode around? But now we’ve raised the stakes so much that they’re icing like eight angels per episode? Right, this is more evidence of the powers creep that ended up completely stunting the entire show.

STRAWBERRY JAM BLOOD, this is the most strawberry jam episode yet.

Jesus Christ the boys are so incompetent like holy shit, you guys, you suck at this.

Man the dead Zachariah image with the wings burned into the wall is legitimately a lovely visual.

Dean: Is it time for me to talk about my feelings again? Sam: Actually I would prefer if you- Dean: SO, MY FEELINGS.

[roachemoji]

big talky !!!

[darkling-er]

Hope’s Savior ( John Seed x OC ) | Part 12

Summary: Trinity-Hope Johnson finds herself in the middle of a holy war, leading the Resistance, while having a complicated relationship with one of the cult’s herald. And she thought her first case would be easy. Oh how wrong she was!

Pairings: John Seed/Fem!Deputy, John Seed/OC, Earl Whitehorse & OC ( uncle&niece ), Joseph Seed/Fem!Deputy ( kind of ), might add more later

Warnings: mild language, violence, eventually smut, masturbation, oral sex, you know guys the usual, use of drugs ( bliss and other, thanks to Sharky ), fluff ( does that even need a warning? ), manipulation, angst, mention of mental illness ( insomnia, depression ), mention of child abuse ( from John’s side ), torture, I think that’s it? I swear it’s not so bad!

Word Counter: 4413

Notes: Okay, so things going to go fast from here. For a bit, not super fast. Also: I love Nick Rye! *-*

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | MASTERPOST for the others

It has been a long time since Hope had such a nice sleep as she just had in John Seed's bed. Feeling the expensive comfort all night long, body and mind relaxing. Her senses being dim from the scent surrounding her through her dreams. No nightmares, no burning fields or Jacob's voice demanding her to kill. She wakes up on her own, head burried in the youngest Seed brother's pillow. Her hand stroking the fabric of it, smiling to herself.

Hope opens her eyes and yawns as she slowly sits up in the king sized bed. Her head doesn't hurt as much as it did yesterday. She rubs her eyes from the sleepiness and as she does she notices something on her wrist. She actually didn't realize she was wearing a wrist watch all along.

“What the...” She wonders as she looks down at the watch. She's not an expert, but she knows something expensive when she sees one.

She doesn't remember having it, until... Until she got into John's bunker!

“What the hell? Did he buy me a watch?” She laughs in disbelief as she look at her wrist. She shakes her head, can't believe the man did that. Yes, she mentioned it to him that she lost her watch in the Whitetails, but this? He brought her a gift? And an expensive one at the look of it.

She gets up from the bed, bare feet meeting the fine wooden floor. Even the floor feels nice, of course. She chuckles for herself as she stands up and walks toward the door which she thinks leads to the bathroom. She doesn't know what she was expecting but as she watches the door open, revealing a huge bathroom she stops at her tracks. A shower cabin in one corner of the room and a bath tub at the other. A huge ass mirror above the sink and a toilet, covered in a fluffy blue toilet seat. Luxury and money screaming off of every bit of the room. Just like everywhere else in the house.

As she steps into the bathroom she notices the bathtub, that it has jets in it.

“Oh, you’ve got to be joking.” She says as she looks at it in disbelief but with a huge smile on her face.

She starts the water, then starts looking for bath bombs or anything that she could put into the water. She opens the cabinet above the sink, the one with the mirror and she’s faced with a bunch of medical bottles.

She frowns, looking at the descriptions. Everyone is named for John, but a few of the bottles have a different name. ‘John Duncan’ and on that Hope doesn’t know how to react. Why is John’s name Duncan? Isn’t he a Seed? I thought Faith was Fake Seed…

She looks at the names of the medications: Normison, Prozac, Adderall… All kinds of drugs against insomnia, depression and anxiety? Wow, now I feel even more sorry for him. Fuck.

She looks past the medicines and she spots toothpaste and a couple of toothbrushes. She checks them, grabbing one that looks unused and start brushing her teeth. I could get used to this. She didn’t pay much attention to hygiene since she arrived in the County. And now she wanted to do everything that she didn’t have the chance of.

She feels refreshed as she puts down the toothbrush then she stops the water, that already filled up the bathtub. The young woman puts some stuff into the water, all kinds of nice smells filling the air in the bathroom. She gets out of John’s shirt and her underwear and sets it down at the sink, then she gets into the tub with a sigh.

Her muscles relaxing in the hot water she closes her eyes. As she lays there her radio crackles to life in the bedroom. She opens her eyes and listens, waits for a voice to talk to her.

“Deputy... We need to talk.”

What...the...hell... It’s Joseph Seed. Why is Joseph Seed calling her, what should she do? Hope gets out of the bath quickly, wrapping a towel around her body as she leaves wet marks on the floor while walking back into the bedroom. She looks at her radio on the bed in disbelief. He never called her. Hell, he didn’t try to talk to her since the Cleansing.

“I know you can hear me... I know you’re in my brother’s house.” His voice is calm as always, soothing and friendly. The reason why she has goosebumps all over her body. She shakily takes the radio in her hands, but doesn’t push down the button to talk. She never talked to him before, he never heard her voice.

At her silence there’s a dissappointed sigh, but not an annoyed one. He’s nothing like John. Why are you comparing him to John?

“I’ve had a vision of you last night...” The man continues and she just stands there, water dripping down from her body as she looks down at her radio in her hands. “I’ve seen what’s coming next. The Lord showed me a glimpse of the future: you standing above my brother’s corpse.”

There’s silent again and Hope mouth drops. Her heart feels heavy at those words. Just like in the voice mail, but now he said it. No metaphors or hidden clues. She thinks of John, the man that owned this house, who has the smirk of the devil. She thinks of him dead, belove her, his beautiful blue eyes turned into glassy ones. She shakes her head, closing her eyes as she tries to delete this picture out of her head.

Joseph continues on the other end as she does:

“I ask you...” He seems to search for the right words, then he exhales and continues. “I ask you to spare his life... He wasn’t always like this, he was the most loving out of all of us. He was just a boy when all those terrible things happened to him.”

Hope imagines a young boy again, crying on the kitchen floor while his parents beat him. She doesn’t notice how it affects her until a tear drops down from her face to her hand that is holding the radio.

“I know he can change, he can change through love. I’m only asking you to spare his life. You don’t need to kill him, Deputy... Please think about it.”

And with that her radio turns silent again. She stands in the room, water dripping down from her body, towel hanging around her. All kinds of thoughts run through her mind. Mostly about the so called vision of Joseph. She wonders if the Father called John about this vision as well, but she has a feeling that he didn’t.

She tries to forget about it as she puts up her underwear and her jeans, Sharky’s sweater and the denim jacket on her body with her dirty boots. It’s easier to wear the weathered clothes rather than trying to explain why she wears John Seed’s shirt.

She makes her way out to the corridor and as she looks down into the living room she smiles at the sleeping Sharky and Boomer, cuddling up on the couch. It’s a cute picture, really. She walks through a door out to the balcony and then down to another building, which she assumes is the garage.

Well, almost. As Hope enters the garage she whistles, watching the yellow plane being parked there.

“Hello, beautiful.” She smiles, running her hand long the door of the plane. She remembers John’s being a dark one, and there’s a huge text saying: ‘Rye and Sons’.

She smiles as she enters the plane, although she never in her life flew one. I learned to fly a chopper, how hard could this be?

She puts the headphone on her head and starts the engine of the plane, ready to exit the building. I didn’t die yet, that’s good. She amuses as the plane starts to roll out of the hangar, taking a turn to the airfield.

She flies into the air and starts to panic as she does. This definitely doesn’t work as a chopper. But there’s no going back.

A man’s voice comes through her radio and she tries to concentrate not falling to her death and listening to him speaking as well.

“Hey! This is Nick Rye! Who the hell are you and where do you think you’re taking my plane?! Goddamn Peggies... Wait, wait wait. Ain’t no Peggie dumb enough to pull a stunt like that... Shit, you’re that Deputy I been hearin’ about, ain’t ya?”

Hope laughs nervously as her hands shake around the control of the plane.

“Did you just call me dumb?” She laughs. “Yup, that’s me. Thought I would return your plane to you? You need it?”

Nick humms on the other end:

“Yup. You gotta bring that bird back to me. It’s our only way out of this shit storm. Now I need to make sure they didn’t mess with it. Let’s run it through some tests. Hang a sharp left at the crop circle and fly super low along the river.”

She makes the plane turn left and almost gets a heart attack.

“This thing is a lot more sensitive than a chopper!” She says panicked but manages to straighten out the plane.

“Did you ever fly a plane?” Nick asks and she laughs nervously with a ‘nope’. “Man, you’re either brave or stupid.”

Hope laughs at that nodding to herself.

“Probably both.”

The man on the other end sighs:

“Either way, you just saved my life. Hell, you saved my whole family. Peggies attacked my place just as we were fixin’ to take off good. Swiped my plane and left me to fight for my life. I’m damn near outta ammo.”

Hope takes another sharp turn to left and she feels like she’ll fly right out of the plane, bumping her head on the metal ceiling. When she manages to straighten it out and watches the river below she starts to get lower in the air. She pulls it back up when she almosts flies right into the water as Nick’s excited voice follows her, making her a bit less afraid of the flight.

“God damn! Breakin’ into John’s ranch of all places and makin’ it out in one piece. Way to show those fuckers.”

She chuckles at that, while following the river.

“Yeah, they had that coming. So I figured why the hell not.” Her voice is proud of her own actions. Though it was probably just a bold and idiotic idea.

“They must have been mystified.” Nick laughs with her. “Man, what I’d give to have seen the looks on their faces. Stupid Peggies.”

She follows the river, trying her best to not to crash as Rye continues to speak.

“That’s all they do around here. Show up at your door, like they did to me, and take whatever the hell they want. You know, I shoulda figured everythin’ would be alright. That plane’s never let a single one of us Ryes down. Don’t know what we would’ve done if we lost that plane.”

“Mhmmm...” She says as she tries her best at controlling the plane.

“You should be comin’ to a big fork in the river. Hang right.”

“Oooookay.” She says and watches for the direction. Honestly she just wants to land this thing and survive the day. She should’ve taken lessons before going off, flying around the county. And she’s not even wearing a parachute.

“Yeah, takes a certain kind of man to defend his home. Between you ‘n me, I’m not sure I fit the bill. I don’t know if you got little monsters of your own, but--”

“I’m twenty-one” She laughs, defending herself.

“Okay, but! I’m telling you, the thought of leaving mine fatherless puts the fear of God inside me. And mine ain’t even born yet.”

Hope smiles to herself. A family-oriented person, huh? That’s not a bad thing.

“If runnin’ means I can protect my family at the cost of losin’ my home, so be it. That’s the right move ain’t it?”

Hope smiles to herself, touched by how he wants his family to be safe.

“I think so, yeah. I mean I’m not a parent but I would probably do the same.”

There’s a moment of silence before Nick continues to speak:

“Still, makes my goddamn blood boil that I gotta uproot from the place my family worked so hard to put together. They earned every inch of this land with blood and sweat, and now I gotta lose it to some man-bunned little twerp and his posse of inbreeds? Fuck it!” Hope laughs so hard at that that her hand shake, making her stops as the plane moves dangerously. “You don’t mess with a Rye without it leavin’ a scar. Let’s give ‘em a long kiss goodbye, partner!”

Hope smiles at the sudden nickname, finally getting to be called something else than just ‘Deputy’ and ‘Rook’.

“I’m in it. What should I do?” She asks as she flies over a bridge.

“You should be flying over a field. Light up any Peggies you see. And if you see any Bliss tankers, blow ‘em sky high.”

Blowing things up? Now that’s a thing I really love! She flies over the field and angles the plane, starting shooting at the silo. Getting a bit too close, worried it won’t blow up she hoists the plane up a bit in the air, the silo blowing up below her.

“Woooohoooo!” She laughs, happy like a kid at Christmas’ morning.

“Joseph has his minions poisoning our water supply. Check out the irrigation reservoir or places like it, and lay waste to ‘em.”

Hope flies over a forest, being a bit more confident with the plane. Nick even compliments her on it.

“Look at you being an ace in that thing. You’re like the next Clutch Nixon! Man... he was so cool.”

The junior deputy giggles at that. She heard about the stunt man, he’s a god damn legend in Hope County, but she doesn’t think she’s anywhere near him if it comes to planes.

When she catches sight of the bliss tankers she lowers the plane a bit, shooting them all up.

“Peggies do most of their fueling just north of my runway. Take ‘em out before they get in the air.”

She looks into the distance and considers it.

“Yo, Nick! Do you have like bombs on this thing?”

She asks and Nick humms:

“Yup! See the big red button people tell you in movies to not push?”

She looks down at the controls, the button ot top of it.

“Yeah, I see it.” She replies, readying her thumb over it.

“When you’re ready, drop the bombs on top of the peggies head with pushing it down. You’ll get the hang of it.”

She waits until she reaches the field, the planes being under her and she drops the bombs. And they blow up good, she doesn’t have to do it twice. She laughs, happy of her win as Nick speaks to her again.

“If you do a nice smooth turn, it should put you on a good approach to my air strip. See ya soon!”

She turns the plane, not being as clumsy as before, but starts panicking.

‘Wait, wait, wait, wait! How the hell do I land this thing?!”

Nick hushes her, voice calm, trying to calm down the young woman.

“Now, people say landing is the hardest part, but I’ll show ya how to do it right. Just get the runway in front of you while steadily lowering your attitude.”

Not understandin professional or any language she shrieks:

“What?!” She lowers the plane a bit as she nears the air strip, trying to not die while landing.

She slows down the plane a bit as it lands on the ground, shaking her in the process.

“Umff..” She says as she rolls on the runway.

“Awesome landing, partner! Bring the plane to me. You’ll see me wavin’.”

She moves the plane toward him, trying not to crash into the man in the process. She stops the engine and gets out of the plane, thanking God that she landed safely.

“I think I’m gonna vomit!” She says, leaning on her thighs as she looks down at the ground, but she doesn’t.

“Oh my god, oh my god, look at her... Son of a bitch, you did it!” The man comes up to Hope hugging her close and she can’t help but giggle at the embrace. “You did it, thank you!”

Nick releases her and looks at the plane. He looks in the way of his house shouting:

“Kim! The plane’s back!”

A woman’s voice replies back to him:

“Yeah, I heard!”

Nick turns back to Hope and motions to the plane.

“Hey, come on, let’s turn it around. Come on, grab on!”

She does so, helping him turn the plane, though she’s not as strong as she wants to be, so Nick does most of the muscle work. The man chuckles at her:

“You know, this is the first time in a long time I feel like shit’s actually going my way. Those damn Peggies...”

When they finish turning the plane around he shouts again:

“Kim, come on!”

Nick looks at the plane:

“Please tell me they didn’t fuck with her... You know...” He turns to Hope while checking the yellow metal bird out. “This plane’s been in my family for three generations, can you believe that?”

Hope smiles at him:

“That’s awesome.”

The man shouts again to Kim:

“Kim, you coming?!”

The reply comes, annoyed:

“Yeah, I’m coming!”

Nick raises his hands and shakes his head as he walks past Hope:

“I swear, that woman sometimes... Anyway, my grandpa first got it when it got back from World War Two.“ He climbs on the yellow bird and opens the door to it. “Was his pride and joy.”

“Nick!” A shout comes from Kim.

“I made a few... modifications over the years...”

“Niiick!” Hope turns to the voice then back to the man.

“Kim would ya just hurry up?”

Hope smiles but frowns as soon as the woman replies:

“Nick! The peggies are on their way!”

Nick’s smile freezes:

“What?” As if on cue a plane flies over above them, dropping a bomb near on the forest to them. Fuck! “Those motherfuckers, they just won’t let up!”

A couple of bullets fly right into the plane, almost hitting Hope and Nick. She picks up her AR-C and looks at the man.

“Jesus Christ. Listen. I’m better in the air but you’re a fuckin’ beast on the ground. I’ll hit ‘em high you hit ‘em low, what do you say, partner?” She gives him a brofist nodding. “Horah!”

He enters the plane and Hope turns around, starting to run toward the house. Keep the pregnant woman safe, that’s a priority!

“Kim’s in the house! I’m trustin’ youy partner, keep her safe!” He says through the radio as Hope shoots the peggies outside of the house.

A worried scream comes from inside:

“Nick, Nick, Nick!”

Hope turns her beast mode on and fights herself inside, taking out every damn peggie in her way. As a cultist tries to break into a room upstairs with a bat she takes him out, while Kim inside shouts:

“Tell John Seed this is our place!” God, I already love this woman! Hope smiles to herself as she moves out of the house, standing on the porch, ready to kill anyone who dares to come near the Rye house.

“Ah, dumb move Nick. Shit, shit! Hangar, they’re at the hangar!”

Hope leaves the house, peggie free and runs to the building near it.  She climbs on top of the hangar, she likes being on the high ground. Easier to hit targets.

She shoots down the ATVs and the truck, but a bullet almost flies through her, Hope takes cover on the roof. Snipers!

Nick comes to her aid though:

“Stay back. I’m gonna light up these snipers on the roof.” And he does, Hope thankful she doesn’t end up dead today.

After getting clear all of the peggies Hope goes up to the house, waiting for Nick to land. When that happens and he makes his way inside she waits outside, until the man opens the door again, suitcase in hand:

“Come on, Kim. We’re leaving.”

“No.” The pregnant woman says firmly in the back of the room.

“No?” Nick asks back, placing the suitcase on the porch. “C’mon..” He motions to Hope to help him out.

She follows him inside:

“No, this is our home.”

“Kim, you just don’t understand...”

Hope stays silent, not wanting to get between the conversation of husband and wife. Nick gives her a suitcase to hold and she does that.

“Don’t understand what? That they’re stealing our land and kidnapping our friends and God knows what else?” Kim steal the suitcase from Hope’s hands and the junior deputy stands there awkwardly, listening to them.

“Kim...”

“Nick. Your grandfather built this place. You really want to turn your back on that? And what about all the times you talked about handing off the business to our daughter?”

Hope stands next to the pair, looking from one to the other. A smile breaking her face as she listens to them. Is this how being in love feels? Cute.

“I talked about handing off the business to our son.” Hope wants to laugh at that but stops herself.

“You’ve seen the ultrasound. It’s a girl.”

The man shakes his hand:

“That was on a messy black and white TV screen. You know them things ain’t reliable.” He points at Hope in question and she widens her eyes, putting up her hands, wanting nothing with this conversation.

“Nick...” There’s a moment of silence and the man places his hand on Kim’s pregnant stomach and Hope smiles at that.

“I love you.” He says to Kim, who replies with a ‘me too’.

“Awww...” Hope says smiling at the pair, feeling like a third wheel in the moment, but enjoying their happiness.

“Well, Deputy, looks like the Rye family’s digging in. Hey, listen, if you need air support, you gimme a holler. You and me, we’ll be like Butch and Sundance.”

He seems so happy as he brings back the suitcases into the house, Kim turning to him:

“Nick, they both died at the end.”

He looks up at the woman shaking his head:

“Nah.”

Hope looks at Kim, smiling down at the woman, she takes her hands in hers and whispers:

“Please, take care of him.”

Hope nodds and mouths a silent ‘of course’. Nick stands up and looks at the woman, coming up to them and holding them both in his hug.

“Wow, sudden... but okay.” Hope giggles and starts to suffocate with Kim and they both let go of the man.

He smiles down at Hope, questioningly:

“So, partner! What’s your name?”

Hope looks at him surprised and just stands there, looking up at the man. She feels like tear are gathering in her eyes. Such a simple question, but it makes her heart warm and melt. Not only he doesn’t call her Deputy non-stop, but he also asked her name? She doesn’t get that much attention from others. Hell, she doesn’t think anyone knows her name, other than her uncle, colleges and Adam.

“Sorry.” She says, wiping down her tear, laughing. “I feel like an idiot for crying at this, just you know. Not many people treat me like... well like another human being.”

She feels small, she fears she’ll cause them to cringe, but Kim comes up to her, arms wide open and she hugs her.

“Well we do. We’re greatful for what you did to our family,...?” She looks up at Hope, which is funny, considering Hope is quite small as well.

“Hope. My name’s Trinity-Hope Johnson. But I prefer Hope.”

Kim and Nick smile at her and she feels like she’s already at home. She didn’t feel this around others. Not even Sharky, though the man is considered to be her best friend.

“Welcome to the family, Hope.”

After staying for breakfast -which she skipped while flying around the Valley- and talking to the Ryes the junior deputy leaves their house. A smile on her face she steps into the car, which she asked to borrow from Nick. When she drives to the Ranch she is surprised to find it empty. No Sharky, no Adam. She tries calling Jerome, Mary May, even the Ryes but no one answers.

Hope starts to get worried, not knowing why is the sudden silent. Then her radio crackles to life on her belt. She expects it to be Sharky or Adam explaining where they went, but the voice calling her belongs to someone else. She freezes, fear starting to build up in her. How is that every time John calls her on the open station he sounds so monotone? Cold, while speaking on the private channel he always seems to ease up a bit?

“Atonement is the final step before fully accepting The Word of the Father into your heart. Our sins - having been finally exposed - can now be removed... Freeing our souls and opening our hearts. Now, the pain of Atonement is measured by the severity of the sin... and thanks to your Deputy, the sins of this Resistance are indeed...severe. You will all Atone for what the Deputy has done. You will all welcome The Word of the Father into your hearts. You will all say Yes... Your actions have consequences, Deputy. I’ve gathered all your friends here in Fall’s End to atone for your sins.” Hope blinks a few seconds, not knowing what to do.

“You’re welcome to join us. After all, if it weren’t for you they wouldn’t be in this predicament... This is your last chance to say Yes, Deputy... Don’t be late.”

The call ends and Hope stands in the home of the man who kidnapped her friends... She wants to cry out to him from anger, but that wouldn’t help them... She looks at the answering machine on the dining table and thinks about Joseph Seed’s morning call. He saw what’s coming next. And if she has to kill John Seed to save her friends? Then so be it...

A/N: This is the watch she got from John:  Vacheron Constantin Overseas Small Model.

Tags: @onl-you , @redaurora17

[darth-vading]

Holy shit

[untitled-universe]

11/15/2017

Girl

Age 14

10:13 PM

Recommended song - The Summer Ends by American Football

                         Lately, I’ve realized when I search my medications I just see a bunch of 20 somethings reviews. Nobody is really going through puberty in most of these forums, so I guess I’m making myself a guinea pig. I don’t really have anything else going on for me, so might as well help others in the process.

                         I have been prescribed Gabapentin, Prozac, and Seroquel. I’ve been taking Gabapentin for maybe a year and a half now. It’s just 200 mg because I keep going on and off of it. I’ve been taking Prozac for about eleven months. I feel like it was okay at the start, but I haven’t really been feeling well lately. I am taking samples of Seroquel at 50mg every night, for maybe 3 weeks now. My doctor thought that I needed something else to take along with my Prozac because that by itself isn’t working. 

                         So far I have noticed while taking Seroquel I have more bursts of energy to do things. I eat a little more, not much. I eat maybe 2-3 meals a day now, instead of 1 big one. While on Prozac, I had no appetite, and I was losing weight. Which was pretty bad, because you’re not supposed to lose weight by not eating. Back to Seroquel, I don’t get tired, probably because I’m on a low dose. I do get so dizzy that I eventually go to sleep to make it stop. I have really weird dreams on Seroquel. I feel more aware of dreams while taking this med. I feel like I’m lucid dreaming a bit. Gabapentin is for my anxiety, I’m currently not in school because of my anxiety, so that doesn’t really say much about the drug. I don’t really feel a difference while being on Gabapentin.

                          There’s basically all I gathered on my meds, so yeah. I’m going to sleep now, cause holy shit do I hate this dizzy feeling.

[antis-delete-your-blogs-pls-thx]

@bendisbisexual oh, hey, same! I've had OCD for as long as I can remember. Obviously the one thing you're going to come across the most in terms of treatment is the hardest. Exposure therapy. Expose yourself to a situation that triggers a compulsion and then resist it as long as you can. It sucks, I've broken down crying while attempting it, it's not easy, but it does work. I also take Prozac for it, which made it SO much easier to manage, holy shit. Of course, you have to speak with a doctor to get a prescription for an SSRI, but if the opportunity ever arises, I'd definitely ask about it.

My worst obsession and compulsion is probably as a result of my ADHD, but the fear of forgetting important things and something horrible happening because of it. Or even unimportant things. Like my knowledge of the definition of a certain word or the link to a certain webpage would be life or death somehow. So at my worst, I'd have to write words and URLs down on "remember me!" documents. Before I got medicated, I could barely even read on my bad days because I'd see a word that my brain thought would be important later and have to write it down. And with novels where there are lots of complex and interesting words, this really happened every five seconds.

And of course, intrusive thoughts. Reassuring yourself that they don't define you, etc. Especially here on Tumblr where people demonise intrusive thoughts that aren't "manic pixie dream girl" enough like "jump up and down on the bus while screaming 'SPRINKLES!'" or whatever. Remember: they don't make you a bad person, they're not your "true self" speaking. Especially to those with POCD. Sorry Tumblr is such a nightmare about this.

Hey Mouse, I really like learning more about the Cluster B personalities. Keep them coming please!!

Aa, ty, I'm glad me trying to quiz myself on my own knowledge of the DSM isn't boring people too much.

I know a lot of my followers have them too, so if anyone would like to share their experiences I will gladly reblog. There's a big difference of course between just listing out symptoms and what it's like to live them.

Also if anyone wants me to talk in-depth about all my diagnoses (ADHD, autism, OCD, GAD, social anxiety disorder, depression -- yes, I'm a bit of a long list) I'm down lmao.

[davidvsgoliath-blog1]

Breaking News!!! The “Magic Pill” for depression and anxiety! This “Magic Pill” saved my life!!!

Have you ever struggled with depressive thoughts? Have you had anxiety so bad, even simple daily activities become overwhelming? Does fear of change or the fear of making the wrong decision bog you down? Do you feel pressure to keep up with what “society” deems normal? One last question. What if I told you I found a cure with the help of a Friend. I have a quick and inexpensive fix to end your suffering. I will be up front and tell you it requires no up front fees and this isn’t a hoax.

This was not an easy cure to find. I had no desire at the time to find such a cure. In fact I was ready to die, so finding a cure to my sickness was irrelevant. But, one day the cure found me. It was an intervention of my soul. My addiction to alcohol and drugs was the first crutch to go. Before I go any further, if you are a hypocrite and truly believe that alcohol is not a “drug” then you don’t deserve the privilege to continue reading this blog. I’m a hardcore alcoholic. I’ve been in 5 impatient treatment centers, numerous nut wards for suicide watch/ alcohol withdrawal, and I’ve been privileged to nearly die from being such a “drunk loser”. Someone to immoral to drink like the rest of the “normies”. Normies is a term made up in the AA world for people who can drink without crossing the line into alcoholism. I found early on I was good at drinking and took pride in it. I could drink your whole family under the table in one sitting. My blackout stories brought me so much pride that I nearly killed myself from the shame. I had zero emotional support as I was told “quit drinking” and get back to the regular flow of life and things will magically get better. 

What wasn’t mentioned is this type of recovery for someone like me needed medication. I tried it all Prozac, abilify, lexapro, Zoloft, Xanax, and that’s just to name a few. I was so miserable with pills, even in sobriety. I would reestablish employment and typical Chris fashion work my ass off and gain praise. Then seemingly everything that was supposed to get better never did. I would hide in my house from the world. I didn’t want anyone to know the “loser” I was. I was reminded constantly by family and friends that unconditional love no longer existed. I felt all alone, and again even in sobriety I wanted to die every day. I thought God had singled me out from jump street to suffer and die miserably.

I will never forget finding this cure to set me free. I realized my drinking was a symptom of deeper pain that doctors couldn’t cure. I will never forget the people and friends that helped me discover key to unlock my chains of bondage. I was scared however at first. I knew it would require a leap of faith and trust the Man who showed me this cure. I can’t thank him enough. Out of all the people in the world, the Man who held my key to peace and happiness picked me to share it with. I’m so blessed I can now share it with all of you who suffer. All of you who look fine on the outside, but are dying inside. I need to clarify before I reveal this secret that I preface I’m from no religious sect and do not dabble in politics. I’m an independent with no ties to a sect, denomination, or weird club. What I tell you will disappoint those who have little faith, and aren’t ready to be honest with themselves. You may have to change. WHOA! I know it’s scary, but I tell you I’m here to help you walk through. Don’t you want to live FREE?!

I only ask of you to open your hearts and minds. I want you to understand that you can find Love outside of flesh and blood. Have you ever considered that maybe you suffer so much because of how special you are? You may say that sounds ridiculous. Well, I found out one day that Jesus had a super man crush on me. The Love I felt was so pure, I couldn’t help but let this happen. It felt so Right. It felt for the first time in my life I felt unconditional love. I couldn’t even understand what was happening. First, I thought crap! How do I Love this perfect outlaw back? I can’t see him. It doesn’t seem like my prayers ever have been answered. I had spent my entire life lying in shit, but since I feared change I decided even though shit stinks, I was there to stay. What changed for me was actually getting to know who Jesus was on a personal level. 

I found that JESUS wasnt even religious. He loved all the same, and His unfailing Love was unconditional. He was smart, funny, cunning, humble, and most important to me of all, he was a “badass”. This amazing Man isn’t some weird made up folk tale. I think there’s enough proof of that in books and movies for even your stupidest skeptic. I can’t believe how many years I was ignorant or ignored blessings. I slowly started to see how important knoledge of Satan was as well. Satan is real. He’s smart, powerful, and hides in plain site. Look around you. Does our world seem normal? I think not! I wish everyone would join me and understand the Real Jesus. The world needs to know that religion is man made. False prophets and hypocrisy at every corner is not Jesus. The power you feel from the Holy Spirit is the cure to depression, anxiety, fear, suicidal thoughts, addiction, life without purpose, resentment, and overall suffering. It cured me me of all, and not only that I soar like an eagle. God reminds me of how loved I am every day. He built me in his likeness and blessed me with many afflictions to hold strong and one day help others find this Miracle Cure! 

Stay tuned to my everyday miracles! I’m willing to help anyone to obtain this if they desire. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help. WWJD? WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? I think that phrase and slogan needs to make a huge comeback in this broken, fallen world. Satan is ever so strong, and people are dying from abuse, neglect, addiction, starvation, and flat out murder. Where is the LOVE? Where is the empathy? Where is the human compassion that every innocent child has until they’re no longer innocent. I have literally escaped the pits of hell thanks to MY MAIN MAN JESUS! I’m in love with who and what he represented. HE IS GOD, He humbled himself to become man. Then once he was man he lived a life of a peasant. He learned, laughed, and was a normal human being. He took on our suffering and with grace took our sins at Calvary. If you can’t even give him a chance just based on the fact he basically took an eternity of bullets for you. Then know my wicked story and what hell I came from, and maybe from a relative standpoint you will know I’m %100 genuine when I say JESUS CHRIST is real and lives today. He will cure you if you let Him. It takes an open heart and an open mind. That’s the only requirements to be saved and feel the freedom and Love I feel from His daily presence! Believe me when I tell you, if this cure worked for me then I believe it will work for you guaranteed. What do you have to lose? You have plenty to gain! %100 of your misery is guaranteed back if you like laying around in shit the rest of your existence on earth. I forgot to mention there’s a retirement package included. It’s an eternity of love, peace, and pure freedom. If I’m wrong you will just die like you already think and you can tell me after you pass “TOLD YOU THERE IS NO SUCH PLACE” ;) Nothing to lose, but eveything to gain. This is an easy all in move for any and all sufferers. Let’s unite and fight this sickness together!

Yours Truly,

Christopher David

j

P.S. go to greatcyclechallenge.com and help to fight kid’s cancer. My team name is team Hope. Please donate, or get off your bum and ride! :) We have raised over $1,000,000 so far and the real race doesn’t start until June 1st. Thank You and God Bless!

[cantfakethecake]

Ask meme!

I was tagged by @klickitats to do this...probably about a week ago? Oops. Really though, thank you so much for the tag!

The usual rules: Answer the questions and tag nine people to do the same. 

How old are you?

25

Current job?

Full-time student, for the time being. I had to quit my job at the library a few months back because it clashed with my field work schedule. Said fieldwork fell through thanks to a few kind-of-shady things I won’t get into here, so I’m stuck in get-a-job limbo until I’m assigned a new placement.

What are you talented at?

It’s silly, but I’m great at alphabetizing things? Give me any word, and I can alphabetize the letters in it on the spot. I also have a great memory for tiny personal details - which is great, until I come off as creepy for remembering something someone told me offhandedly two years ago. I can bake like a champ as long as I have a recipe handy. I also tested with a 143 verbal IQ while going through an ADHD evaluation? It hasn’t been useful for much beyond bullshitting papers at light speed, but I’ll include it as long as I’m feeling a little braggy!

What is a big goal you are working towards?

Beyond graduation and a vague “being able to financially support myself”? No idea. I switched my focus/major from “mental health and addiction” to “community/social justice” just a few weeks ago, and this early on? Most of my hopes for future jobs are less “goals” and more “prayers.” If it’s even a little bit less miserably boring than the jobs I’ve had in the past, I’ll take it!

What’s your aesthetic?

Jeans and plaid (usually with Toms), dogs, fresh-baked bread, comic books, coffee mixed with hot chocolate, half-finished coloring book pages, fidget toys.

Do you collect anything?

Not really? Moving from a decent-sized apartment back to my tiny childhood bedroom has made me pretty strict about getting rid of things I don’t absolutely love. I’d rather have a lot of small, unrelated things than one massive collection that takes up my limited space!

(I do have way, way too many books and coffee mugs, but that’s less about collecting and more about Half Price Books being where impulse control goes to die.)

A topic you always talk about?

I mean, right now I get to be a pretentious grad student and get philosophical about social justice issues every day. Other than that, though? Crown me Shit Queen of Garbage Town, but I’m the biggest fucking gossip. I’m always, always here to listen to people rant. I don’t care who we’re talking about. A shared coworker? Your second cousin who I’ll never meet in my lifetime? Don’t care. Just hook up that social IV and start pumping in some Grade-A Salt. (That’s the worst sentence I’ve ever written, and I’m almost sorry.)

Pet peeves?

That thing where you drop a credit card on a smooth surface and you can’t quite get your fingers under it to pick it back up again. I may have been frustrated by this nearly to the point of tears a week or two ago.

Good advice?

Following the lead of everyone else I’ve seen answering this, and directing this at younger-Betsy:

You are not broken. You have a super-fun combo of ADHD and severe anxiety. Prozac is your friend. Talk to someone - maybe sometime before you’re nearly 18? The view from 25 is great, but I’d love to not still be learning some of the social stuff most people figured out in high school.

Your preferences are not shortcomings. Not going to school dances is a valid choice, and you’re not missing out on some universal milestone by staying home. You’re missing a night where you leave homecoming after one hour, because the blaring music and mass of dancing people put you into sensory overload and you started crying in the bathroom. Branching out is good - but in order for it to go well, you need to respect your own likes and limitations. Don’t let people shame you into doing something that hurts.

Don’t stick that packing peanut up your nose. Really, don’t. It’s going to get stuck, and you’re going to hear about it at every holiday dinner for the rest of your life.

On a similar note: You’re three years old, and you’re at a birthday party. You want a piece of cake. I get it. But you also just watched a neighbor kid shove a bunch of those metallic confetti stars into the cake. Don’t eat it. I know - a bunch of kids are already eating, and they’re doing just fine. This is your first chance to learn that the odds are never, ever in your favor. You’re going to swallow a confetti star and choke on it. I promise. Don’t do it. You don’t even like cake.

You do not want a baby. I repeat: YOU DO NOT WANT A BABY. You like the idea of shopping for tiny outfits and picking out names and those half-asleep cuddles you get to enjoy when you’re babysitting. You’re sixteen. You don’t want to commit yourself to years of giving one human being your complete and undivided attention without a break. You don’t even like playing with your DOG for more than 20 minutes at a time. Like, thankfully you’re Ohio’s Least Datable Teen, because holy shit. 25 year old Betsy really likes not being a parent.

“Hi. Do you like Sonic Adventure 2 Battle?” is not an acceptable conversation starter. That is not how you make friends in a middle school class full of strangers. Alternatives include: Anything else. Literally anything else.

You are not set in stone. The world’s perception of you is one of the most malleable things you’ll ever handle. Fake it ‘til you make it, and keep trying when you fuck up - because you’re the only one who’s going to remember that one time you said something colossally stupid. (I mean, you’re going to remember it forever and ever and ever, and still physically cringe when you remember it out of the blue ten years later - but no one else gives a shit! Really! It’s only half bad, and the payoff is so worth it.)

Recommend three songs?

Oh god, I’m awful about getting into new songs. I tend to find a new artist once or twice a year, and listen to them on repeat for a few months. I was getting a bit better about listening to new things on my drive to school - aaand then my car’s stereo died. Nice. My picks are old, and I think I’ve probably recommended them at least five times each by now, but I’ll go with...

Tomorrow is Mine, from Bayonetta 2. My problematic favorite game series forever and always - but god, the music’s catchy.

Tomorrow is a Latter Day, from The Book of Mormon. 

...I’m struggling to come up with a 3rd, so I’m going to fall to the embarrassing garbage that’s actually been stuck in my head for days now. Enjoy.

Tagging: @alistairswaifu, @blondepomeranian, @bronwinning, @dragginage, @theherocomplex, @truck-shepard, and anyone else who wants to do this! I know everyone says that, but I really do mean it. I’m nosy as shit. I’d genuinely love to see it!