#ISK LIKE i always knew i had issues w mental health i just never thought it was actually depression i thought it was something else idk i j
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Mmmm yesterday
#i just gotta talk for a minute#i like. properly got diagnosed with depression yesterday and that was really scary#to hear it out loud from a professional and realize its real and not just the way i am#for years i have been like...not unconfortavle with the d-word but just very conscious of it and tried to not use it for myself becahse#because i always felt like i was appropriating something and mever wanted to claim i was depressed#but i AM#it was like. incredibly validating to have someone hear all my problems and tell me it doesnt just have to be like that#i always avoided calling things my depression meals or saying something had cured my depression as a joke because it felt unfair to the#the people who were actually dealing with it#and after the appointment i went and cried in the bathroom for twenty minutes just because the realization really hit me#ISK LIKE i always knew i had issues w mental health i just never thought it was actually depression i thought it was something else idk i j#i just never let myself think about mysef WITH depression and yesterday and also this morning it just keeps hitting me#ill be doing whatever and my brain just goes ‘i cant believe im depressed’ like not to sound gross but i never thought that would be me#dont get me wrong god it feels so good to not think that its just my fault for not being able to cope with life#but god it really was so hard to answer all those questions we talked for almost an hour and i was choked up by the time i sat down in the c#in the chair and i cried for probably half the session#she wanted to prescribe me prozac which was. wow. im not afraif of medication ive been aware of and around mental health issues all my life#i just never thought it would HAPPEN to me like i never thought i was bad enough because i could always function#but holy shit having someone tell me it isnt supposed to be like this and it can be FIXED (maybe). wow.#i didnt want the script right away i kind of need to do my research omg wait i said prozac no she wants to prescribe me zoloft#yeah i m gonna do my research and i have to book a counselling session and get blood work done and then in three weeks i have a follow up ap#appointment to see how the sessions helped and if i still want to try medication#because like. thats an option for me now?? its still crazy to me even though it shouldnt be because it makes SENSE god i have been dealing w#with this for SO LONG imagine if i had forced myself to get help sooner holy shit#its been one experience talking to a doctor and i feel hopeful u know#anyway ive lost track of what i said and what i wanted to say so im done but pls like if u read thnx#screams#oh i just want to add that i have no idea how to breach this subject with my parents. they have so much going on and i KNOW they are going t#to blame themselvesand i cant deal with that u know ive spent years carrying their emotional burdens for them#and i need them to just let this be about me
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