#pretend i didn't break hiatus for this

[helioooss]

midnight rain

synopsis: sana and y/n used to be the top celebrity couple in the entertainment industry. over a decade after a nasty break up, they meet again at a jimmy kimmel show

w/c: 5.2k

warnings: mentions of drug use and overdose, read at your own risk, angst with a happy ending

a/n: first story in ten years, creative brain’s a bit rough these days, haven’t been on tumblr since its golden days. also not proofread. hope ur all well and enjoy this one :)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Your heart was beating out of your chest, each thump pushing you further you into a downward spiral as your clammy palms tapped against your bouncing knee. Leaning against the chair, you refused to make eye contact with anyone — the worried look on your face was enough to push them away, anyway. In a situation like this, it would be strange to not feel anxious.

After all, it had been over ten years since you let the love of your life go and agreeing to see her on live television was a decision that you have been regretting since the day you said yes.

Two minutes, you blew a breath out as you stared up at the monitor in front of you.

"Welcome to the Tonight Show!" Jimmy trailed off with a smile, the audience in front of him clapping as they yelled in excitement. "Thank you for being here, tonight we have two very special guests —"

A staff member tapped your shoulder, pulling you out of your messy thoughts with his apologetic face. "Y/N, it's time."

Uncrossing your legs, you nodded your head with a shy smile. The fact that you could hear your own heartbeat amongst all the noise made you uneasy, so you stood there for a moment longer; wondering what Minatozaki Sana looked like in person.

You haven't been this nervous since the world found out about your relationship with her.

Taking a deep breath, you walked out with your heart in your throat. You bowed your head at Jimmy and waved your hand at the audience members, screaming can be heard from the other end; your name being chanted, their anticipation shining through from seeing you on television again after what seemed like an eternal hiatus.

It would be a lie to say it didn't feel good to relive what was once your life like, but you don't regret disappearing from the spotlight.

You were happier now, away from all the awards and glory, you think.

As if you were in a movie, time suddenly stopped as she emerged from the other side in the black Yves Saint Laurent dress you bought her all those years ago — brown hair flowing freely past her shoulders as she mirrored your gestures towards the crowd. Watching her fondly, you were reminded of the moonlight that illuminated the surface of the endless ocean; truly God's masterpiece in its purest form. You were frozen in your spot as you stared at her with the utmost adoration and respect.

Then, she finally settled on your eyes and suddenly you felt like a kid again.

"Hello stranger," she said with a sly smile, taking the seat next to yours with the crowd going wild at your first interaction. "Hi Jimmy, thank you for having me."

"Yeah, I'm gonna pretend that you didn't acknowledge Y/N first," he teased, making her and everyone else chuckle. "Anyway, wow, you look wonderful. And so do you, Y/N!”

You grinned, nodding as you try to remember the rough script on how the conversations would go in your head. "Thank you for having me back here, Jimmy, I appreciate it."

"It's the both of you this time," he raised his eyebrow suggestively. "Which is amazing, the world hasn't seen you together in twelve years. Am I right?"

"Yes," she looked at you, heaving out a breath as she laughed. "Sorry, it just feels so weird to see you again."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Suddenly, you were pulled back into past; during the last time you ever saw her in the alleyway behind Stanley's; your favourite getaway restaurant during midnights. Every now and then, you remembered it; the pain from losing her always came back like it just happened and you wonder if you've really moved on.

"We can't keep doing this," she said with tears welling in her eyes. "It's so hard, Y/N, and as much as I love you, our relationship is mentally breaking me."

You shook your head in desperation, cupping her cheeks with both of your hands. "That's what they want, you know that, our fans want us to break up. You don't have to do this, baby, I'm sure there's another way. We can talk to both of our managements —"

She sighed, pulling away from you. Both physically and emotionally. "I've spoken to mine and they respect my decision.

You paused, repeating the words in your head to make sure you heard her right. It felt like she just stabbed you in the back as you gawked at her with defeat in your eyes, shoulders slumping while piecing everything together. "The last time you spoke to them about our relationship was over a month ago, and you're only talking to me about this now? Is that how you've been feeling this whole time?"

Her tears rolled down her face, understanding the betrayal you felt. "It's not just the fans, Y/N, it's literally everything. I barely get to talk to you and see you. How can we both work it out when we can't even create time for each other?"

"I'll do anything for you, my love, just say the word and I will cancel everything - you know that! Every project, every interview, every shoot, literally anything —"

"No, I stand by my decision," she said firmly. "Perhaps, when you and I have achieved all our dreams...then we can work it out. This isn't the right time for us —"

"Four fucking years, Sana," you bellowed angrily, fists clenching. There was pain written on her face from hearing you call her by her name. "From the very beginning, we have been there for each other. What the fuck am I supposed to do without you?"

"Let me go — we'll both be happier without each other."

"No," you shook your head, tugging her closer towards you. However, she resisted. "Please, please don't do this. Don't leave me like this. What happened to forever?"

Her tears rolled down her cheek at the sound of your defeated voice. As much as it hurt her, she had to make up a lie on the spot. "I don't love you anymore. I — there's someone else."

Just like that, all of your hopes and dreams for the future shattered. Without her, the life you built meant nothing.

She really wanted you out of her life and there was nothing you could do about it. Shoulders slumping, you looked down - the thunderous roar of the oncoming storm startled her whilst it had no effect on you. "Okay, I see what you're doing. It's going to start raining, you should go."

She doesn't know whether it was the coldness in your voice or the wind, nonetheless, she shivered. "Y/N -"

"Leave, that's what you wanted, right?" you looked up at her, eyebrows furrowing. "I don't understand what I've done to you to justify what you're doing. I know I don't deserve any of this. If you're going to leave, leave now and never come back. And when I say never, I mean it, Minatozaki Sana."

She nodded her head, turning on her heel with a sob. Tiny specks of rain began to pour down on you, the rest of your world going down with it. You watched her walk away from you as if it were the easiest thing - did she ever really love you?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"I can't pinpoint whether that's a good thing or not, but considering I'm your ex, I'd say that's a bad thing," you joked, rolling your eyes playfully.

She laughed once more, shaking her head at you. You swear that sound never failed to put you on a pedestal. "It's just surreal, I haven't seen you in so long. You look younger than I can remember."

"You never reply to any of my messages," you put your hands up at her as Jimmy bursted into another set of laughter. You didn't know where the confidence was coming from, but you were relieved you were feeling something else other than being constantly nervous. "I'm joking, I don't have her number. I'm sure you don't mind giving it to me after the show, right?"

"God, get a room," Jimmy whined, turning you into a blushing mess. "Before you both propose to each other, Sana, let's talk about the dress you're wearing tonight. Somebody may or may have not told me that you're wearing something very special."

"We'll talk about my number after the show," Sana turned to you, winking; making the heat rise on your face. "Yes Jimmy, this dress is probably my favourite one out of everything - I don't wear it very often, obviously, but this beautiful Yves Saint Laurent piece was a gift from Y/N thirteen years ago."

You stared at her in awe, the way she spoke with so much grace never failed to impress you. The years had done her a favour - life always seemed easier on her than it was on you.

She left you behind, after all.

"Look, I'm just glad you kept it because this archival piece cost me a lot back then," you admitted with the biggest grin on your face as you looked at anyone but her. You couldn't place what it was about her that struck you so forcefully, but you simply couldn't take your eyes off her and you somewhat needed to feel in control of your emotions. "It was our first anniversary, I had just gotten a pretty decent check from Little Women and I wanted to give her something special."

"You got a big check in twenty-nineteen and the first thing you thought of was a dress for your girlfriend instead of a Lamborghini to flaunt on Instagram?" Jimmy scoffed as you and Sana giggled at him. "Get out of here!"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Your anniversary was coming up and frankly, you wanted to give her the world. You were panicking inside; with the amount of things you've gotten her, none of them felt special. You hummed as you sat in Chou Tzuyu's kitchen, patiently waiting for her to acknowledge you.

"You know, if you weren't my friend, I'd have you sent out of my house already," she grumbled in a playful way. "Seriously, I'm telling you that she will love that Saint Laurent dress by Tom Ford."

You sighed, shaking your head. "It's our anniversary though, it's special. Do you think giving her a dress and taking her to Hawaii are good enough?"

"Jesus Y/N, that woman looks at you with stars in her eyes — she will love anything you get her. If you ask her to marry you right now, I believe she will say yes in less than a heartbeat."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The show was going very well, you felt relieved as time went by, and you were actually enjoying the things you found out about Sana after you had broken up.

She went on to become a successful solo artist and fashion model after Twice's disbandment, and you couldn't be any prouder. It had always been her dream and you always knew she was made to be a superstar - you prayed for her to achieve it, even if it meant she would be harder to reach.

You were able to open up about your past; the dark hole you fell into after the breakup — all the women, the legal troubles and the projects that failed because of your behaviour; it wasn't easy to talk about, but somehow, the way she intensely listened made all the fear go away. It would be an understatement to say you haven't felt this comfortable in years — just watching her talk about her passions put you in awe.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You were barely conscious in a suite at The Ritz in Paris, an unlit cigarette resting on your mouth as you scrambled to find the lighter in your pocket. The only thing illuminating the room was that stupid lamp on the office table. And you hated it, you really did, because it was the same model she broke the last time you were here with her.

You felt so warm - breathing heaved and beads of sweat forming on your forehead. And you laughed to yourself because it was pathetic, really. You were all alone in the city of love because the love of your life decided she wanted to move on from you.

And suddenly, the door opened with Jongin appearing from behind it.  "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Kai..." you could barely mutter his name as the world spun around you. "You're here!"

He knelt in front of you, forcing you to sit up. He tapped both of your cheeks worriedly. "Look at me, open your fucking eyes!"

You cupped his face back with a chuckle, everything seemingly softer around the edges. "Eyes open."

"I need you to tell me how much of these pills you had and when," he dangled the two bags in front of you but all you could think of was her face; the way her eyes lit up whenever you told her you loved her and that smile of hers that never failed to put you in a spiral. "Momo, I need you to stop freaking out and call an ambulance right now."

You were lying against Jongin's chest, your vision blacking in and out.

"We're at the Windsor suite at The Ritz, we have called the hotel medic and they're coming," you heard someone frantically say. "Y/N looks really unwell. Please hurry, please!"

There was buzzing all around you, and you smiled to yourself before giving in and closing your eyes. "Happy 27th birthday to me."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"But how are you doing now?" Jimmy asked with a sympathetic look in his face.

"I..." you looked down, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. "I don't think I know who I am anymore after everything. I regret everything that I've done - all the fame and the money, I don't think it was worth losing myself over the superficial things. Then again, rehab and lots of therapy helped me a lot, you know, I always thought I wouldn't make it past 27...but here I am. All thanks to everyone who held me together."

Everyone began clapping in the audience, your cheeks reddening at all the attention. Despite being a nervous wreck, you managed to let out a small smile. You could feel her eyes on you, yet you refused to look again.

"Would you change what happened in the past?"

Deep down, you were aware of the answer to his question. It'll always be a yes. Everything that you have now wasn't worth more than her.  As ridiculous as it sounded, you would've given it all up for her; without her in your life, it always felt like you achieved it for nothing.

It was supposed to be her and you against the world. As much as it sounded wrong, your love for her will always be greater than your dreams.

"Yes, I would've," you pursed your lips, looking down at your roughed up running sneakers. Compared to her look, yours was too casual. If you were younger, you would've been on the same level as her. You didn't belong to each other now, what else was different about her these days? "For most of you who didn't know, the world hated that her and I were together. Everyone criticised each move we did. We were young...really young, it felt suffocating to hear the same things from the public but god, I loved her so much. To this day, I'm firm on my decision that I would've given up on my dreams for her if it meant I could keep her."

You were truly not over what you had, but with everything that has happened after that, you don't think you could let her in again. Not now.

Not when you were still a mess.

She placed her hand on top of yours, gently squeezing it. "If I knew that letting the world find us would ruin what we had, I would've kept you a secret," she paused, looking at you with pure adoration plastered on her face. "For as long as I could have."

Jimmy nodded his head, satisfied with your answers. "Well, that's it for tonight's show everyone. Please give a huge round of applause to our dear Y/N and Sana!"

You stood up, stepping closer towards Jimmy as you wrapped his arms around him, whispering. "Thanks heaps for having us tonight, never thought we'd cross paths again."

He was smiling as if he understood how it felt. "Anytime, Y/N, my wife and I were big fans back in the day."

You didn't respond, eyes following her instead. There was a sudden sharp ache in your chest as you watched her walk away from you, not bothering to look back.

Jimmy noticed the change in your emotions, squeezing your arm in comfort. "Hey, she'll be backstage for another half an hour. Don't let this chance slip away."

You heaved out a sigh, a defeated look on your face. Perhaps, her actions were all for the show, but god, her face said it all — she missed you as much as you missed her. "I can't, Jimmy. I'm a mess. I think I'll always be a mess. Do you think I could leave without her seeing me or knowing about it?"

There was surprise written on his face at your question. "I thought you guys did great out there, don't you wanna rekindle it?"

"No," you frowned. "I still love her...but its been over a decade and a lot has changed. She rejected me the last time I saw her. She seems happier - I'm still working on myself. I can't risk it."

"I understand," he smiled at you with sympathy. "Come, I'll get one of my producers to show you out."

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

"Sana is here with her rumoured girlfriend," Lisa rasped out, closing the door behind her as she leaned against it - eyes wide and all that. "How are we gonna hide her from Y/N? She's literally sitting outside."

Jennie had horror written all over her face as soon as her eyes landed on your messy face - wonton soup smeared all over your mouth. "Actually...Y/N is here."

Lisa gasped at the sight of you. "I thought you went to order more drinks at the bar!"

You shook your head, standing up. "No, I ordered it through a QR code like I said I would. Where is she?"

"Y/N," Jennie held your hand to stop you. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I'll be fine, Nini," you smiled reassuringly, rubbing your thumb against her skin. "I just wanna see what she looks like now."

"It's been seven years, Y/N," Lisa deadpanned, arms crossed and still blocking the door out of the private dining area. "She has moved on and so have you."

"We all know that's a lie."

With a mask of disappointment in her eyes, she took a step ahead to get out of your way, her shoulders slumped as she shook her head disappointingly. "This is going to pull you back a hundred times worst."

And it did. You wished you had listened to Lisa because as soon as Sana's eyes landed on yours, her smile faltered and turned into a worried frown. "Not now, Y/N, talk to me when you're sober. And in private."

"I am sober, Sana," you whispered frozen in place, a pang of pain rushing through every nerve end in your body. “Can we talk, please?”

She wouldn’t even look at you. “If you have anything important to say, I don’t want to hear it.”

You felt sick, stomach twisting in more ways than one and a sudden onset of frustration washed over you. “How could you be so cruel?”

She was once the constellations you admired, now the moon weeps at how she dimmed the brightness within you.

“We’re in public!”

“Nobody fucking knows us here,” your frail attempt at choking up your anger was visibly failing. “You know what? Fuck this, whatever. Have a nice life.”

“Y/N, wait,” she seemed taken aback at your outburst, quickly standing up to trail behind you.

“Fuck you, Sana.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The days that followed after your first public appearance became a blur. You were all over the news again, this time, they were all positive things about you (according to your publicists). Many old friends from the industry have been trying to reach out, some wanted to meet up for their own good - however, most were just glad to see you alive and well.

Since your hiatus, you have been away from the public eye; all of your social media accounts remained stagnant. Even the sleaziest paparazzi companies couldn't figure out where you were.

After all, you were and still are one of the biggest names on the industry.

"Here goes nothing," you said as you tapped on the 'share' button. It was a selfie of you in your bedroom - your bookshelf and art collection on the background. The caption was a simple 'this is 34'.

You closed your eyes as you inhaled a deep breath; it was your first post in nearly three years and you feel absolutely terrified. They were definitely going to judge the way you've aged, the books you read and a lot more other things that you should be prepared for and be used to - but you weren't.

Not long after, your phone rang; interrupting (thankfully) you from your dilemma. It was your mum on the other end. "Hey ma," you greet with a grin.

"Your dad, siblings and I wish you the happiest birthday today, my darling. Will you come and see us this year?" she asked with hope in her voice.

"Ma, I was just there last week," you playfully rolled your eyes. "Besides, if I come now, they will figure out where our family home is. And eventually, the public will find out where I live too."

"I know, I know," she hummed. "But you've been celebrating your birthday alone for years now. Why can't you invite your old friends? I'm sure Jongin and Momo and Lisa and Jennie and Jisoo and Jimin and Jungkook and —"

"Okay, okay," you chuckled. "I'm sure they all miss me too but I don't think I'm ready to let people in again. They're all living very busy lives. I enjoy my solitude right now and —" the sound of ringing from your front door cut you off, startled, you moved the phone away from your ear to make sure you weren't hearing things (again). "Uh, there's someone at the front. Must be one of my book deliveries — well, I hope."

"Aren't you gonna open the door?"

"No, why would I? Then they'll find out I live here." However, the doorbell rang once more. "Oh god, what if I accidentally put my location on my Instagram? Ma, I'll call you back."

"Y/N, it's —"

"Bye, I love you!"

You quickly hung up and turned your phone off before padding across your camera room to see who the person on the other side of the door was.

Your breath hitches at the sight of your ex-girlfriend patiently standing outside with a birthday cake on her hand. After a month of not seeing her, your shoulders slumped into a more relaxed state as you take another deep breath; pressing the red button.

"Sana?" you said with hesitation through the speaker. "You have red hair?"

"Hi Y/N," she waved at the camera. Damn that smile. "Happy birthday, please let me in before anyone sees. And yes, I had to dye it for a shoot."

You cleared your throat. "Uh, I'm coming," you walked towards the front door with your lips tucked behind your upper teeth. You pull the wooden door open, revealing the fiery-haired beauty on the other side. Your heart hammers against your chest and your fingers visibly shake as you step away to let her in. "It suits you."

"Thank you," she smiled shyly, looking around your place. "This is a lovely home, Y/N."

"Come," you took the cake off her hands as you walk towards the open kitchen with a view of the forest surrounding your house. "Pretty bold of you to assume caramel is still my favourite."

She frowned. "Is it not?"

You laughed. "No, no, it still is." As soon as you set the cake on the counter, you looked up to meet her gaze. "How did you find me?"

"Your parents," she quickly tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, awkwardly wrapping her arms around her loose cardigan. "I called to see how they were doing."

"And why's that?" you curiously raised an eyebrow, attempting to kill the assumption that she missed you in your head.

She took a step closer towards the counter — the only thing separating you away from her. "Because I wanted to find you," she paused, biting her lip. "After the interview, you disappeared. Just like that. No goodbye, no nothing. Why?"

"Why not?" your tone made her flinch, reminding her of the same coldness you showed her in that alleyway.

"We were doing so well...the interview, I thought you would maybe want to catch up —"

"I did, then I remembered how you broke my heart and then many other thoughts came along after that. Remember when you told me there was someone —"

"An obvious lie, Y/N, there was only you."

A sigh escaped your lips as you avoid her eyes. "For years, I made myself believe that it was true just so I could hate you. And not even a year later, Sana, not even a year, you began dating someone else. A fucking CEO out of all people — a guy who was probably busier than most of us combined; that was such a massive slap in the face considering you told me it wasn't working because of our schedules."

"It was —"

You raised a finger, stopping her. "No, I told you to leave and never come back. I told you that, do you remember?"

"I do," she tilted her head carefully, gaze holding that same familiar hurt all those years ago. "I do, and that's the sole reason I refused to knock on your door again for a decade - no matter how much I begged myself to. I couldn't bring myself to, anyway, not after I hurt you."

"So why are you here?" you asked, voice strained.

"Because I'm still deeply in love with you after all these years, because I believe you're the love of my life and I still want to grow old with you. And I want to love you again if you'll let me, Y/N, please. I love you, that's why I'm here.”

You looked up to find tears pooling in Sana's eyes, she turned away before wiping them away with her fingers. All you could hear was the drumming coming from your chest, your head all over the place once again.

You remembered it so vividly, the moment you wanted to marry her...the cherry red box that was sitting untouched in your safe after all these years. And it hurt.

"Say something, please," she sniffled, pleading you with her eyes as she placed her hand on top of yours - her cold skin against yours now lingering for a moment too long.

"Look at me, Sana," you exasperated, arms flinging wide open. "Look at the mess I am. I've been to rehab more than I can count my fingers. I ruined my own reputation and I hurt so many people along the way. There were days where I could barely breathe, days where I wanted it all to stop. And those days still come every now and then. I have pushed everyone away - even my own family. There's a barrier between me and all of the people I love, the gap will always remain because of the things I've done. And you say you want me?"

"I want you, chaos and all. I have loved you all these years...what's so different about now?"

"Do you know how long has it been since our break up?" you scoffed, pinching the bridge of your nose to stop the tears from coming. "You are in love with the idea of me, not who I am."

"Then let me unravel you once more, Y/N, this is all I'm asking for. I know I walked away when you needed me the most and I'm so fucking sorry, I live with that guilty everyday - god, I was so worried. I didn't sleep for a year when we were 27 because I didn't want to wake up to find out you were dead like everyone else would say. I should've reached out then because I knew that I couldn't live this lifetime without you. I didn't want to, not if you weren't in it. I ask myself why I didn't, but I can never find the right answer. All I know is I'm here now, and I'm never gonna let you slip away ever again."

Your walls began to crumble at her intimate confession. This time, you took both of her hands under yours, unable to stop yourself now. "I was going to marry you but you didn't stick long enough for me to do that."

"W-what?" she stammered, her voice breaking. "You were?"

It felt as if there was a knot wrapping your heart and your chest together, squeezing in a way that it almost hurt to breathe. There were so many thoughts flying through your mind, a million of what would've, could've and should've beens.

She unexpectedly collided her body against yours, making you stumble in your feet. Your hands luckily gripped the edge of the counter, balancing her and you together. Her arms snaked around your waist, engulfing you in a tight embrace as she whispered a million apologies.

"I'm so sorry," she cried, pushing you away with her hands. "Oh my god, how did I fuck this up so bad? I love you so much, why?"

"We both were fuck ups, weren't we?" you chuckled through the tears flowing down your cheeks. "Too young to know how cruel the world was."

"Will you please let me in again, Y/N? Let me fix this. I want you and I want us again. I don't care what they all think.”

"I don't deserve you, Sana, I think I'll only end up hurting you. I've been alone for so long now that if you asked me what love was like, I would only be able to mutter your name and remember what ours was like."

"Like the way I hurt you?" she croaked out, intertwining her fingers with yours - thumb rubbing gentle circles against your cold skin. "We'll work through it, together. I know what I'm walking into, I'm not as naive as I used to be. It won't be easy, but I love you. And I can't let this go - I'll never love again if it's not you."

You braced your hands on her hips, pulling her again. You welcomed her in, arms wrapped around her body - never wanting to let go. You stayed like this for a while; the comfortable silence filling all the missing puzzle pieces in your life. "I'm scared."

"I know," she sighed, rubbing your back with her palms. "I'm here now."

For years, you were lost. But not anymore. She was here now and you were home. Again.

[flowerofbenevolence]

Twisted Wonderland Housewardens with a LP! Athanasia! Reader

This is a gift for @blues824, who inspired me with their amazing work, specifically their headcanons. This was also originally going to be a request, but since they are currently on a hiatus, I decided to make this myself.

Preface: Once upon a time, you were the unloved, ignored, and abandoned second princess of the Empire of Obelia. The nobles would always mock you for being the daughter of the emperor and a mere dancer. Even your father, the cold-hearted Emperor Claude De Alger Obelia, utterly despised you since you had killed your mother during childbirth. Your older half-sister, Crown Princess Jeanette, on the other hand, was beloved by all for her beauty, kindness, and being the daughter of the emperor and a high-ranking noble and was often heralded as "The Lovely Princess". In the end, when you were framed for poisoning your lovely older sister, your cruel father sentenced you to death, only for you to be reincarnated into the magical world of Twisted Wonderland.

I used to read the manga, "Who Made Me a Princess" a long time ago and dropped it during the chapters when Claude lost his memories. One day, I will return to it.

Riddle was absolutely stunned by your beauty the very moment he laid eyes on you. With your platinum blonde locks, delicate, fair complexion, and of course, jeweled blue eyes, you were most definitely the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. But of course, being a strict and serious control freak, he often yelled at you for breaking rules and associating with idiots like Ace and Deuce. He would never admit it, but he was jealous that someone as gorgeous and graceful as you would choose to associate with such imbeciles rather than him.

After his overblot, however, he found that his infatuation with your beauty and grace become a much deeper, more passionate, true love for you. You understood his pain of being a misunderstood, heartbroken little boy with a strict, abusive mother more than anyone else did, and never blamed him for becoming a monster. Sevens, you had even cried tears of heartbreak and empathy alongside him! Apparently, you were not just pretty on the outside, but beautiful within as well. And for that reason, he would always in debt, and in love, with you.

He seriously never understood why you were always so gloomy and withdrawn. Every time he or someone tried to compliment or praise you, you would always respond in such a self-deprecating way that it broke his heart. Didn't you know just how lovely you were? Something in him told him that something terrible must have happened to you for you have such low self-esteem.

He was utterly horrified when you told him about your past. He had his own fair share of heartless parents, to have been executed at the hands of your own father . . . how could someone be so cruel!? It didn't take long before his shock became fury. How dare - How dare someone do such horrid things to you - the loveliest rose of the field!?

"Oh, my rose . . . what terrible things you have endured! Don't worry, while you weren't the lovely princess of your past life, while you aren't a princess anymore, while you are technically nonexistent in this world, you will always be The Lovely Princess to me - no - you will be the Wonderful White Queen!"

When Leona first laid eyes on you, he pretended not to care, but don't be fooled. His eyes widened slightly upon perceiving such beauty, before later returning to sleep, allowing your face to plant itself into his mind like a seed. He had seen beautiful women before, but never one with eyes like jewels. Immediately, he ordered Ruggie to do research on jeweled eyed people and was infuriated when he came back empty-handed. He just had to know more about you and your kind.

After your saved him from his overblot, it would be safe to say that his deep fascination with your eyes became an intense, powerful love. You had a pure soul that had purified his, and he would always be enamored with you for it. However, just because you had a pure soul didn't mean you were completely pure and innocent of all the evil in the world. He could see that with the depressed and sullen manner of which you carried yourself. Upon asking you about it, he surprisingly was unsurprised to know that you had lived a terrible life in the past, full of humiliation, a malevolent father, and a negligent older sister. He also wasn't surprised to know that you had been a princess. It honestly kind of explained the sophisticated manner you conducted yourself with. The only thing he was shocked about was the fact that you had died, specifically executed, and came back to life. However, surprised or not, that didn't mean that Leona's blood didn't boil. He had his own experiences with being in the shadow of your older sibling, but to have been sentenced to death because of it? That was a whole other level of cruelty.

"Oh, kitten . . . I can't imagine all of the things you went through. Always know that while I'm unable to make you an empress, you'll always be the lovely princess in my heart."

Unlike the others, upon laying eyes on you, Azul couldn't care less about your looks. Or at least, not yet. Instead, he legit thought that because you had jeweled eyes, you had the ability to cry jewels, and he wanted to make a profit out of it. Imagine his disappointment when he found out you couldn't. It was, however, after that he started to take in consideration your appearance. With your ethereal, otherworldly beauty that rivaled Vil's, he decided to try and turn you into a model and make money off you from there. Imagine his disappointment when you refused.

He honestly had no clue why you were so insecure. Couldn't you see how beautiful you were!? It threw him into a jealous rage. You should have been grateful. Afterall, some people, such as himself, grew up being mocked for being ugly, and people like you were far more than fortunate. However, something inside him just commanded him to find out more about you, and what caused you to be so sorrowful.

He found out shortly after the two of you started dating, which was after he fell in love with you for saving his life following his overblot. His heart broke knowing all of the things you must have endured as the unloved second princess of Obelia. He wanted to find that wicked father of yours and make him sign a contract that would bind him to the very bottom of the sea even if he lived in another world. How dare someone hurt his angelfish like this!?

He also began to wonder if he was good enough for you. Regardless of how hated you were in your first life, you were still a princess. He, on the other hand, was the son of a mere restaurant owner as well as an unsightly octo-mer. However, when you assured him that you loved him and that he was more than worthy of you, he started crying tears of joy. Oh, he would have destroyed the entire malevolent empire of Obelia if you simply asked.

When Kalim first saw you, you reminded him of his favorite jewel back at home. He immediately began bombarding you with questions. Where did you get those contact lenses? Why were your eyes jeweled? Were there other jeweled eye people in your world??

It was only when he saw how uncomfortable you were that he stopped. However, that didn't mean that like with everyone, he tried to be friends with you. He honestly was very confused at how fragile and anxious you were. Did he do something wrong? Why were you avoiding him? Why did you evade everyone? But following Jamil's advice, later stopped.

Speaking of Jamil, following the events of Book 4, Kalim found himself falling for you. You had revealed to him the wicked conspiracy of his most trusted companion. You had comforted him and offered advice during his time of grief and feelings of betrayal. But most of all, in stark contrast to your usually cowardly disposition, had saved the life of his friend.

When you told him about your past, he initially refused to believe you and thought you were joking. Executed at the hands of your own father? You must be pretending to be a novel protagonist. There was no way anyone in the world could possibly be that evil, right? It wasn't until he saw you crying that he realized you were being dead serious. Guilt and horror immediately flooded his heart as he began apologizing nonstop and comforting you. He couldn't believe someone as lovely and loving as you, had gone through something so terrible. Sevens, he couldn't even believe that someone as innocent and graceful as you, was related to a monster! He promises that for as long as he lives, he would make the happiest girl alive until his kindness rivals the cruelty of that wicked father of yours.

When he first laid eyes on you, he could feel the claws of envy digging deeply into his heart. With your delicate, fairy-like facial features and ocean blue gemstone-like eyes, you most definitely were the fairest of all, even topping Neige in all his glory. So, without a shadow of a doubt, he was hatefully, painfully jealous of you. First, he had Neige, and now he's got you.

His resentment only worsens when he sees how shy and gloomy you are. Afterall, insecurity does imply wasting potential and a lack of tenacity, and Vil hates those who put no effort into improving themselves. Yet something inside him made him feel guilty to be harsh on you. He couldn't understand. Surely this was because he found your beauty irresistible, even if you didn't see it.

After you saved and forgave from overblot, however, his perception made a 180. He began to believe that you were an angel who was not only beautiful, but humble as well, and merciful despite the evils of the world. The only thing that remained the same was his confusion towards your insecurity. Didn't you know how honored he was to be in your presence? Didn't you know how precious you were???

He was absolutely heartbroken when you told him about your past. Unlike Kalim, he knew for a fact that you were not joking because of all the tears that stained your face, and because he's an actor who knew when people were telling a story or not.

"Oh, you poor thing! That evil emperor doesn't deserve to have such an amazing woman like you as his daughter! Always remember, meine liebe, that you are precious and no one in this world can compare with your beauty both inside and out!"

He's also deeply irritated by the story of "The Lovely Princess". How disgustingly trashy! Not only is the main protagonist wayyyy too boring and bland, but she made you suffer alongside your father! If it were to be a movie, play, or TV show, he wouldn't play it even if it was the last chance he got to play the main protagonist.

(Before reading Idia's part, please know that I have not finished Book 6 and am not very familiar Idia's character, so this mayyyy be inaccurate.)

OMG! She looks like a waifu from a manga or anime! Is what he thinks when he first lays eyes on you. You were just so beautiful, you had to an isekai protagonist (and you are!) Your eyes were so glamorous, they couldn't possibly be real! But, of course, being the otaku shut-in he is, he never had the audacity to ask you about where you got your contacts. As a result, he was stuck admiring you from afar.

His crush on you only grew as he saw how much of an introvert you were. You were constantly surrounded by people who told you to have more confidence in yourself, that it reminded him of himself and Ortho. As a result, he strongly empathized with you and your struggle, and that connection was just watered the flower of his love.

When you told him about how you were executed by your father in your past life, he honestly felt like summoning S.T.Y.X.'s forces to blow up the Obelia Empire. Let those sucker normies rot in Tartarus! How dare they harm his waifu like this!? He caresses your cheek, assuring you that while you didn't manage to become the Lovely Princess, you would always be his Persephone.

(Again, since I have not finished Book 6, I have not even STARTED Book 7)

When Malleus first laid eyes on you, not only did he fall head over heels in love at first sight, but he also thought you were a fellow fairy. He was very surprised when he saw your round human ears. who knew humans could be so beautiful? Not to mention how your eyes looked like jewels and dragons loved shiny treasures. Either way, he fell ardently infatuated with you for being the first person to not fear him.

He was honestly very intrigued to see that you were a very shy person. People normally avoided him about of fear, but you normally avoided people out of fear. It was kind of like opposites attract. He, who yearned for friendship despite being feared like a monster was in love with you, who yearned for loneliness despite attracting attention with your beauty.

He also grew suspicious of your status as a commoner when he saw how sophisticated your manners were. You carried yourself with poise and grace, like how a future empress was taught to do. Of course, he wouldn't dare accuse you of lying to him, but he began to wonder if there was more to the story.

When you told him about your past as the abandoned princess of Obelia, a storm started brewing as he prepared to strike down the entire wretched empire of Obelia. How dare someone harm his Y/N!?

"Oh, my dear . . . How dare someone do that to you!? And your one and only kindred at that! Curse that treacherous father of yours! Don't worry. With me, you will forever be safe and happy. Anyone who dares to offend you shall face my wrath. I will make sure of it."

When you tell him that you told him you were a commoner instead of an (abandoned) princess because you were ashamed of that fact that you were the abandoned princess of a kingdom that didn't exist in this world and that your mother was a commoner, he tells you,

"Oh, darling, that's nothing to be ashamed of. I will always love you even if you are a peasant."

[agathaswoman]

Blood or Loyalty

Pairing — Rhaenyra Targaryen x Queensguard Fem!Reader and Alicent Hightower x Kingsguard Fem!Reader's Twin

Word Count — 1,254

Request — Yes or No

Hi how have you been 

I have a story that I think will be interesting if you don’t mind writing it 

so if have watched the latest episode of HOD then you know the twin ser arryk was sent to pretend to be his brother ser errik so he can murder the queen but in the fanfic idea I have the reader has a twin who stayed back in kings landing with the greens because she’s in love with Alicent, but aegon sends the reader’s twin to dragon stone to pretend to be the reader and kill rhaenyra and you can decide how it ends 

Does she die  or does she catch on

Summary — Having to face your twin with your sword pointing at her and vice versa. Will your moral and loyalty for the rightful heir Queen Rhaenya will falter while trying to stop your beloved twin from harming the Queen?

Warnings — violence, anxiety attack, and breaking down

A/N — hi, yes, im back after years of hiatus T_T and im here again because of House of the Dragon omg i just love this series so much and tbh i still haven't watched any episodes on season 2 since im still waiting for it to finish hehe BUT i've seen some clips so i have bit of an idea  about the request. what team are y'all on? im team black since day 1 !!!

please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work. reblogs, likes, and comments are always welcome. i do not own any of the characters.

It is currently a slow night for you as you are patrolling the castle grounds, clad in your full armor while clutching the hilt of your sword that you named, ‘Porphura Hexen.’ Whereas ‘Porphura’ means purple, which is associated with “nobility, power, and ambition” while ‘Hexen’ comes from how people make rumors about you practicing witchcraft because of the unexplainable deaths of the men that tried to win your heart, where it's a guarantee that they will meet their demise. It's either they die on battlefields, catch a sickness that does not have a cure, or even how the family of those men slowly lose their riches and connections.

You were looking over the castle's embrasure when you heard unusual heavy footsteps that you hadn't heard ever since Queen Rhaenyra made you her Queensguard. You quickly unsheathed ‘Porphura Hexen’ as you stealthily followed the noise, you immediately quickened your pace when you heard Queen Rhaenyra's soft voice saying your name. You immediately barged into her room, and there, you saw your twin sister clutching her sword tightly and pointing its tip toward the Queen.

“Sestra!” You called your twin in your native language.

Without hesitation, you charged forward with your sword to attack your twin to take her attention off the Queen. She instantly turned your way and blocked your attack.

“What are you doing, sestra?!” You shouted at her trying to put some sense in her head.

“King's order! This is the King's order!” She shouted back at you as she was trying to prevent your sword from getting close to her neck.

“King's order, my arse! Stop this madness now! Are you out of your mind for trying to harm the rightful heir of the Iron Throne?!” You screamed at her as you put your strength on your legs so you could stand your ground and let the Queen run out of the room.

“My Queen! Go! Leave the room!” You said as you pushed your sister's body far from the Queen's way with the help of the force from your legs.

You heard your sister's body crash on a shelf which made the books fall on top of her head. So, you immediately went to your Queen's side and helped her up so she could escape the room along with the servant who got involved in the mess.

“Go, My Queen. I'll handle this,” when Rhaenyra was about to run along with the servant next to her, you reached for her wrist and gave her your dagger, quietly exchanging silent stares, “Take this. Be careful…my Queen.” 

You didn't wait for Rhaenyra's response as you immediately dodged an attack from your twin when she aggressively swung her sword at you.

“Go! Alert the guards!” You felt guilty for trying to order the Queen but it will always be your mission to guarantee the Queen's safety, no matter what.

Once you were sure that the Queen had a safe distance from your twin, you gave all your focus towards her and only deflected her attacks to you.

After a minute of only deflecting your twin's attacks, she cornered you into a corner with her blade's tip pointing at your neck, “Sestra…we should be in this together. You and I, just like the old times. We're born together, aren't we?” she tried to convince you.

“This isn’t just about the King's order…isn't it?” You asked, staring right into her eyes. Ever since the both of you are young gals, she can never hide the way her eyes falter when it is faced with your own piercing eyes.

She avoided your gaze, “It's about the Queen Dowager, ain't it?” She remained silent, only her shaky breaths indicated that your guess was right. “She's only using you, sestra!”

“My affairs with the Queen Dowager aren't and shouldn't be any of your concern,” she raised her voice a little bit when you spoke the truth.

“Not my concern? Have you gone mad?!” You looked at her with anger, not seeing the person in front of you as your twin sister anymore. You scoffed while frowning at her, “Just like the old times, huh? We took an oath! A vow, sestra! We are to fulfill our sacred duty To protect and serve the realm! Where have your honor and morals gone to, huh? They usurped Queen Rhaenyra's throne! The rightful heir!”

You sighed, leaned your head on the wall behind you, “Sestra…” Your twin whispered as she slowly lowered her blade pointing at your neck. 

You looked straight into her eyes, “We were born together, weren't we?” You said as you swiftly plunged your extra dagger into your twin's stomach, “You parted us…you forgot your oath, our vow, sestra.”

You watched her fall on her knees with blood coming out of her mouth and eyes going dull in seconds, “But I still love you, sestra.”

A thud was heard when your twin's body completely fell on the floor, her eyes looking at you with a lone tear streaming down to her cheek and the stone-cold floor.

You fell on your knees as you stared at her cold dead body. You heard multiple footsteps entering the room but you only focused on your twin's form as you slowly closed her lifeless eyes.

You took a deep sigh as you stood up with a grunt whilst picking up your sword. You faced the small council that gathered in the room with only their sleeping garments, “The assassinator of the Queen that was sent by The Greens has been exterminated.” You reported to them.

You swallowed deeply when you felt the urge to sob, but not here. Not in front of them. As the small council kept on discussing the event that happened, Rhaenyra only stared at you. She saw how your hands were quivering while trying to calm them by gripping your sword's hilt.

Rhaenyra cleared her throat, and the small council immediately turned silent, “Ser Y/N, you're dismissed. You've done enough for the day.”

You immediately turned your head at the Queen, “But, My Queen. With all due respect, as your Queensguard, it is my dut–”

“I am fully aware of what your duty is, Ser Y/N” Rhaenyra took a deep breath, “As my Queensguard, I need you on your best. So, please, take a rest. At least, just for a while.”

“We will still need you, Ser Y/N,” Rhaenys, Ser Corlys's wife, added.

Ser Alfred approaches you and pats your shoulder, “I'll take care of the things here myself. Now, in the meantime, take a rest.”

You sighed as most of the votes were against you staying around the small council. So, you dismissed yourself and went straight ahead to your room.

As you entered your room, you carefully took off your silver armor on your body and placed it neatly on its storage. You took your bloodied dagger as you sat on the edge of your bed.

The moment you sat on your bed, your twin’s voice rang inside your head, “Sestra, you…a-are always the better between the both of us. K-Keep believing y-yourself…and keep p-protecting the Q-Queen…Rhaenyra. I love you…” Your twin sister breathed her last breath after saying her last words.

You sighed deeply as you stood up and took a damp cloth to clean your dagger. As you are cleaning your sharp dagger, you feel your tears falling onto your hands. Soft sobs rang inside your room as you broke down behind closed doors, missing your twin's presence more than ever.

[storiesforallfandoms]

icdiwabh ~ joseph quinn

word count: 3688

request?: no

description: after finding out that her recently broken up with ex is already in a new relationship, she puts on a happy face for the public. but she can't do the same with him

pairing: joseph quinn x female!reader

warnings: swearing, angsty angst, rpf, use of y/n

based on this song

masterlist (one, two, three)

To give her credit, my best friend and guitarist, Chloe, tried her best to keep me from looking at my phone before our show. And it was working. I didn't even think anything of it, just that we were goofing off before a show as usual.

And then my phone chimed with a text from my mom. She always sent me a good luck text before a show. I unlocked my phone to respond, then saw that my social media notifications were blowing up more than usual.

I shouldn't have looked, but you know what they say about curiosity and the cat.

I opened Twitter to see I was being mentioned a lot. Mainly in replies to other tweets, and most of the tweets were along the lines of, "What happened to @(Y/U/N)?" I clicked on one to see what that context was, and was brought to a tweet from Pop Crave.

"Joseph Quinn photographed on a date with Doja Cat," followed by various photos of my ex-boyfriend getting cozy with another woman.

I felt my heart drop and break into millions of pieces.

I know what you're thinking: why would seeing my ex moving on hurt so much? It's not like we were together. We were both free to see whoever we wanted now. But there were a few reasons this news was upsetting; for one, we had only broken up three months ago, which apparently is around the time when these pictures were taken. Second, Joseph had broken up with me due to the fact that I was a singer, which meant we didn't get to spend as much time together as either of us would've wanted. I understood at the time. I mean, of course the break up still hurt, but I kind of knew it was coming when things between us had felt different the last month or so of our relationship.

Then there was the biggest reason: Doja was the woman he told me not to worry about.

I am not joking.

Joseph and I were together when the whole Doja versus Noah stuff happened online. We both laughed about it at the time, and i had jokingly asked Joseph, "Should I worry about you getting stolen away by Doja Cat?" He had wrapped me in his arms, kissed me, and said of course not.

Obviously, that had changed.

Chloe found me just as the tears started to fall. She was quick to hug me and whisper comforting words.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry," she said. "But we have to get to the stage."

Performing was the last thing on my mind, but I had thousands of fans waiting for me. I couldn't let them down just because I was heartbroken.

I followed Chloe to take my place. I wiped the tears from my eyes, hoping my face wasn't too red or puffy. Our backstage crew passed me my microphone as the countdown for the show to start started in my earpiece. I took a deep, calming breath, pushing everything out of my mind. As the blinding stage lights hit me, I put on my best show smile.

~~~~~~

The next few weeks were tough. I had to go on a full social media hiatus, meaning I deleted all social media apps from my phone to keep myself from seeing any more updates on Joseph and Doja. Chloe took up posting on my accounts so no one suspected anything. We had already decided the best course of action was to ignore the questions and comments, and to pretend like the news didn't even hurt me.

But it did. It hurt me more than any words could ever describe. Having to go on stage two to three nights a week and sing the love songs I wrote about him made it even harder. I struggled to keep it together on stage sometimes. I saved the emotions for when I'd get back to the hotel or the tour bus. Then I'd be able to cry until my eyes hurt and were too heavy to stay awake.

Some nights were sleepless, though. On those nights, I'd usually just lay awake or try to use one of the streaming services on my phone to distract myself. One night, I found myself too hungry to be distracted. My stomach was rumbling enough that I could hardly hear the show I was watching. After some quick Googling, I found a 24 hour diner that seemed like it would be slow enough for me to go without being recgonized.

I pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a baggy hoodie with the hood up to cover my face. I put my phone and my hotel room key in my pocket, and left to make my way to the diner.

As I expected, there weren't many people there. Maybe one table with two young ladies sat there, plus the workers. I kept my hood up anyways as I ordered, just in case. The host who took my order did look at me like he may have known who I was, but he didn't say anything.

My plan was to get my food and take it back to the hotel to eat it. But that plan was quickly changed when a familiar British voice said, "(Y/N)?"

I froze. There was no way he was actually here. It had to be a figment of my imagination. A hallucination made up by my misery over the breakup and his quick moving on.

But when I looked up, there he was. He was also in a hoodie and sweatpants, but was doing less to hide his identity. Actually, nothing to hide his identity. I couldn't help but glance around to make sure no one was looking at us or there was no paparazzi that had followed him and started snapping photos.

"How did you know it was me?" I asked, then realized it was a stupid question and winced at myself.

"That's...um...my hoodie."

I looked down and realized that he was right. I hadn't even noticed that I had it, even when I packed it for the tour.

"I was wondering where it went," he said with a little smile.

"Here it is," I said, lamely flourishing my hands. "I'd offer to give it back, but I'm not wearing anything underneath."

I saw him swallow at my comment. I thought I saw a tinge of pink creeping onto his cheeks, but I figured it must've been the lighting or something. There was no way I could still make him blush when he obviously had no feelings for me anymore.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I'm in town shooting the Fantastic Four movie," he explained. "I just finished a late shoot, so I stopped in for something to eat. What are you doing here?"

"I had a show tonight. I couldn't sleep, and I'm hungry. So..." I did my lame flourish again.

"Oh yes. The post-show adrenaline."

I ground my teeth to keep from saying anything. The weeks of sadness and misery suddenly vanished and became anger. I was angry at him for reminding me that he knew me so well. That we had shared memories on sleepless nights like this. I was also angry that he didn't think our breakup and his quick moving on would be the cause of my sleeplessness. Did he think I didn't know? Or just that I'd be okay with him and his new girlfriend mere weeks after our two year long relationship ended?

I just shrugged in response.

My order was called and I quickly grabbed it. I turned to give Joseph a wave as a goodbye. I needed to get out of there and get back to my hotel room to wallow in my dispair.

But it seemed Joseph had other plans, as he stopped me before I could leave. "Do you want to sit? Maybe...catch up?"

"Is that a good idea?" I asked.

"I don't see why it wouldn't be."

"You don't want your new girlfriend to see paparazzi photos of you with your ex."

There, it was finally out. No more tiptoeing around the topic.

It seemed to have its desired effect as Joseph was now awkwardly shuffling. He rubbed the back of his neck, which was now undoubtably turning pink. "So, you've heard."

"Of course I heard!" I snapped. I glanced around again, realizing I was raising my voice. "Your pictures are everywhere, and I'm being tagged in them cause we never told everyone we had broken up."

"I'm sorry you had to find out that way."

I scoffed. "How else was I going to find out? Were you going to call me and tell me you were dating the girl you said wasn't a threat to our relationship?"

He sighed. Before he could say anything else, they called that another order was ready, and evidently it was his. It was also packed in a to go bag, so he clearly had no intentions of staying either. With any luck, he'd drop this stupid idea of sitting down for a "catch up" and let me leave to deal with all the emptions I was feeling.

But of course, luck was not on my side.

Joseph grabbed his food and turned back to me. "Just...sit with me for 15 minutes at least. Let me explain."

Even though I very much wanted an explanation, I said, "You don't have to explain anything."

"Just...please, (Y/N)."

And that's how I found myself sat in a booth that was tucked away, in the middle of the night with my ex-boyfriend.

It was a bad idea, and I knew that. Besides the fact that I definitely should not be sitting down with the ex that I had been in shambles over for weeks, it was also a bad idea publicity wise. Joseph wasn't trying to hide himself. Anyone could see us and snap a picture, or call paparazzi to make a quick buck. Even with me trying to hide myself, someone would eventually put the pieces together to realize it was me. Then we'd have a whole new shit show on our hands.

I opened my food and started to eat. There was no point in letting it go cold and completely ruin my night. Joseph wasn't as quick to do the same. He was watching me. When I realized he wasn't eating, I made a gesture for him to start talking.

"Is there anything specific you want to know?" he asked.

Well, that was a stupid question. There was a lot I wanted to know. So much so that I knew we'd be here way longer than 15 minutes if I asked it all.

I decided to ask him the most prominent question on my mind: "Did you leave me for her?"

He seemed stunned by my question. "No! No, of course I didn't. Why would you think that?"

I gave him a look. "Come on, Joseph. We both know why I'd think that."

He shuffled in his seat. "It's not like that."

"Then explain it. That's the whole reason I'm sat here."

So he did. He told me he met Doja (he used her real name, which made my stomach churn) at her concert. He had gone with a few friends, and when she found out he was there she brought them backstage to meet her. He swore it was all casual at first, that they were just friendly and were making light of the situation between her and Noah. When things started changing, he swore it was just a rebound thing.

"I never meant for it to become anything more," he insisted. "I was still so hurt. I just wanted something that would take my mind off of the pain."

I couldn't hold back the scoff that escaped my lips. "What?"

"Oh, nothing," I said. "I'm just so sorry to hear that you were hurting."

"What, you don't think our breakup was hard for me?"

"Weirdly enough, no, I didn't think you took things hard when you dumped me."

Joseph sighed. "It wasn't - "

"And you know what else?" I cut him off. "You told me you found it hard for us to be together because of our professions. And, honestly, I understood! If you weren't away filming, I was away touring. If you weren't doing press for a movie or show, I was doing press for an album. It wasn't easy, and while I was willing to go through those strifes for us, I did understand how it could be too difficult for you. But then you turned around, not even a month after you dumped me, and started dating another singer."

He was quiet. He couldn't even meet my eye.

I felt a lump forming in my throat, and my voice cracked as I said, "If you didn't love me anymore, you could've just said that."

He looked up at me quickly. "That's not - "

He was cut off again. Not by me this time, but by his phone. Someone was calling him. When I looked at the screen, I saw her name. It felt like a knife directly through my heart.

I packed my food and stood. Joseph looked like he was going to say something, but I put a hand up to stop him. "Answer your girlfriend, Joseph."

He didn't try to stop me when I left this time.

~~~~~~

As I expected, photos of Joseph and I got out. I didn't know to what extent as I still wasn't back on social media. My manager confronted me about it and I explained what had happened. She wasn't upset as I wasn't the one who hadn't been concealing my identity, and she agreed that the best course of action was just to ignore everything until it blew over.

Another two months passed and the tour finally ended. It became easier to perform as the time went on. Not completely easy, and I did have a night or two where I slipped up and got emotional on stage, but eventually I was able to put the meanings of my songs aside and just performed them for my fans. I knew some nights weren't as great as others, but I got through it, and finally I was going to have a break.

Chloe reluctantly agreed to let me have my social media back. I was still hurting a little, but I told her I couldn't isolate myself forever. It just wasn't healthy. Besides, I would need something to keep me occupied while I was home, besides just watching mind numbing reality TV. She finally relented when I told her she could watch me block the words "Joseph Quinn" and "Doja Cat" on all social media so that I wouldn't have to see any posts about them.

I was honestly surprised to find that I didn't want to look up anything to do with them. For a long time, the desire to know about their relationship was eating away at me. There were so many specifics I felt like I needed to know, but I eventually realized that I was just going to hurt myself further if I looked into them. Of course, I didn't completely stop thinking about Joseph. I didn't expect to. We had been together for two years, almost moved in with one another. I thought we were going to get married. You don't just let that go easily. But at least it was getting a little easier to live in a world where he was no longer mine.

On one particularly nice day, I decided to go out on the balcony to read. It was one of those fall days where the sun was out and there was a little heat coming from it, but not enough that it was unbearable. A slight breeze would blow through every so often, just cool enough to keep it tolerable outside. I was laid back in one of my deck chairs, engrossed in my book to a point that I hadn't heard someone approaching.

"Must be an interesting novel."

I jumped at the sound of a voice coming from my driveway below. I bookmarked my page and sat up to see the last person I wanted to be around. "What are you doing here, Joseph?"

"I just got back from filming."

"Good for you."

"I...I was hoping you were home."

"Well, you see that I am. Don't let the gate hit you on the way out."

"(Y/N), can we just talk?"

I stood from my seat and leaned over the balcony railing to look at him. "We said all there was to say in that diner months ago. There's nothing else to be talked about. Besides, do you want more pictures of us to come out? I'm sure Doja wouldn't be happy to see her man making a personal visit to his ex's place."

"We broke up!"

I stopped. "What?"

"Last month. It was all over social media, or so Lupita tells me." He tilted his head. "You didn't hear?"

"I-I blocked yours and Doja's names on social media so I wouldn't have to see any tweets or posts about you."

Joseph looked at me for a moment before barking out a laugh. I couldn't help but put a hand over my face as I laughed as well. Of course, by trying to block him out completely, I had totally missed the one thing I would've wanted to see.

I was a bit reluctant, but eventually I invited Joseph to come up. He knew his way through my place, he had been there enough times. I sat back down on my deck chair and pulled another one closer to me, as he appeared in the glass doorway. He sat down next to me and memories of all the times we had been out here flooded back to me.

"I wasn't done talking that night in the diner," he said. "I still had so much to say, and I have even more to say now."

"I didn't want to hear it," I admitted. "In my mind, after hearing how you and Doja got together, it just made more sense if you had broken up with me because you didn't love me anymore."

He shook his head. "It wasn't that at all. I never stopped loving you."

I was itching to ask him if that meant he still loved me now, but instead I said, "Then why?"

"I broke up with you because I loved you so much," he said. "Because loving you but not getting to spend time with you hurt so much, and I knew there was no way around that. When I started getting more job offers I knew things were just going to get so much busier for me, and that our already very short time together was going to dwindle down more and more, and I hated the thought of that."

"I would've taken a break," I told him.

"I couldn't ask you to do that. You love making music and performing. I could never ask you to stop doing that, or to change that. I thought the best thing for you would be if you could find someone who wasn't as busy, and who'd be able to go on tour with you and be at all your shows. Someone who wouldn't be in a different time zone basically 11 months out of a year and only be able to call you for an hour max every night."

"But what if that's not what I want?" I asked. "Yes, it was hard not to get to see you all the time, but I never would've traded that for anything else. I was so proud of you for all those roles you were getting, and even if I only got to talk to you for a few minutes, I loved getting to hear what you were doing. Because you were achieving your dream, and I got to be there to experience it. I don't want someone who can be with me all the time, I want you."

I hadn't noticed that we were both sat on the edge of our chairs. We were so close we were almost touching. I could smell the familiar scent of his cologne and it was making my heart skip a few beats.

"I should've talked to you instead of deciding just to end things," he said, his voice soft and quiet.

"You should've," I agreed. "And then if you were going to rebound, you shouldn't have done it with the girl you told me not to worry about."

He awkwardly chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, not my finest moment."

I sat back in my chair, although I didn't want to. I wanted to keep being this close to him, or maybe to get closer. "So why did you two breakup anyways?"

"She was nice and all, but she wasn't you."

We sat in silence, letting his words sink in. He was looking at me, almost like he was waiting. Maybe I was waiting, too, to see where that confession was supposed to go. After a few moments, my body moved before my mind could comprehend what was happening. I quickly leaned forward, nearly putting myself on Joseph's lap, and started kissing him. He kissed me back immediately, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me the rest of the way onto his lap.

"I missed you," he mumbled against my lips.

"I missed you too," I admitted. I pulled away to add, "But don't think you're completely off the hook. You did still hurt me, you know."

"I know I did. I'll spend the rest of my life making up for it if I have to."

I smiled. "I think I like the sound of that."

He smiled back at me and pulled me back in for another kiss. Eventually, my book was abandoned on the balcony, and the large blinds were closed to keep from anyone being able to see the reunion happening inside.

[rememberingliampayne]

Dear Liam,

Sometimes I try to live in denial, pretending you're still here. As a fan I find it's difficult to fully comprehend the idea of death, especially since I've never met you in real life. I have spent most of my life emerged into being a fan of you, from one direction days to supporting your soloist ventures. I have constantly kept up with your content from listening to your music, having pictures of you up on my wall for years (and consistently still to this date), or watching your social media presence. You are someone I one sidedly interact with daily, yet you're no longer here. It is so difficult to understand that you are no longer here because I don't see you in real life, so it had been difficult for me to NOT live in denial over the fact that you left us. But I'm truly devastated that it has really happened, and I will never see your new content. How is it possible that I won't be listening to new music, or opening a new tik tok or snapchat story ever again.

The few times that it does hit me for real, I think it would be easier to just pretend it's not real. I go about watching old edits or interviews just like how I would always watch old one direction content. I mentally tell myself that it's just a hiatus, and I like to think that you're taking a quick break lol. This makes it easier to cope with the unexpected loss of you, my literal idol.

As only a fan, and not a family member or loved one, I cannot even imagine what those closest to you are going through right now. I think about and regularly pray for your whole family, and Bear, and everyone who knew you personally, as they grieve through this. I hope everyone you knew is doing okay, and I know you're probably watching over them right now :)

Liam, I appreciate everything you've ever done for me, getting me through some of my roughest times, as you probably have done for many other fans, and being such a ray of 'sunshine' in everyone's lives. You were always such a kind heart from what I've watched of your content, constantly donating to those in need. Did you know that the choose love x liam payne shirt has been purchased SO many times since you passed? You've done so much other good work which just goes to prove how kind of a soul you are.

Rest in paradise Liam, we are all going to miss you so much. Even though you didn't know many of us, we will always miss you and appreciate everything that you are.

[bekolxeram]

During this hiatus, other than rewatching S7 for cute moments that we missed and coming up with headconons and new fic ideas, may I suggest going back to actually read/watch/listen to interviews with the cast?

Certain more dedicated members of the fandom tend to overfixate on one single sentence or even word the cast uttered and ignore all context around it. Sure, some of them might came into it with an agenda (like many journalists did sadly) and confirmation bias took care of the rest of it, but at the same time, who has time to read pages of disjointed chat with actors improvising answers without full knowledge of the production side of the show?

I've seen people proving Eddie's queerness by this quote from Lou's interview with the Hollywood Reporter in April:

This alone has been interpreted all sorts of ways, from Ryan not accepting this storyline (which doesn't make him homophobic btw, he could've simply not seen Eddie's story going this way, or he thought he wasn't equipped to do this storyline justice), to Buck's LIs not agreeing to come back because of scheduling conflict, to the writers just thought it was more appropriate for Buck to be queer.

I'm not here to speculate anything, I'm just going to point out earlier in the same interview, Lou also said he always knew this storyline would be with Oliver:

I don't know what's going on here, Lou might have insider information, but it also could be him just speculating over Tommy and Eddie's quickly formed friendship. To my knowledge, Tim has never confirmed that Tommy's queer storyline would be with Eddie before it supposedly fell through. In fact, Tim did say once it felt like Buck's story:

And then there's Lou's supposed dislike of filming make out scenes:

I do agree with him that gratuitous scenes on TV are unnecessary. I can't even count how many times I'm watching TV with my family when a graphic sex scene comes on unprompted, and my family members and I have to try our best to pretend we don't see it. But he also said that he didn't like it only when it didn't add to the story. Like we saw in 7x06, Lou gladly rubbed his face into Oliver's because this is how Buck came out.

There's also the part most people skipped through when Lou talked about the 7x04 kiss:

Lou (and everyone involved in the storyline) doesn't want Tommy to seem predatory. I have no idea if it's a reference to a possible earlier version of the script with an Eddie bi awakening instead of a Buck one. What I'm getting is that Lou and Tim tried to avoid playing into the stereotype of gay men hanging around knowingly straight men just to get into their pants.

And boy was Lou right. If they went for a full make out scene, the fandom discourse would've been so different. Naysayers wouldn't have been latching onto bachelor party costume or daddy issue joke. It would've led to much more serious allegations.

I'm happy it all worked out in universe as well. As we've seen from the past 7 seasons, Buck has no problem getting sexual partners. In the past he tried having physical relationships with women in hopes that it would lead to an emotional one, he also tried intentionally holding off intimacy just because he thought it would get in the way of boding with someone on a humanly level. This is the first time someone picked up Buck's (unintentional?) flirting, decided to break the ambiguity (landing it like a good pilot), gave him a brief peck to test the water, and then left to give Buck time to process his feelings.

Not only was it okay for Buck, it left him wanting more.

And lastly there's the allegedly "Tommy is just Buck's gay mentor to test thing out with" thing:

But earlier in the interview, it was established that Lou said it as a response to why the other shippers should still embrace Buck and Tommy's relationship. He didn't actually know what would happen in the future:

[simplydnp]

wait what is we don’t talk about dan era

context

this is the time between when the hiatus started until dan's coming out video Basically I'm Gay (and some may argue continued after that as well, just in a different way) coming off of ii, joint content regularly--joint life essentially--to the New Era where phil would specifically Not talk about dan in videos. it was noticable because they would always talk about each other, particularly in one-off moments, so it was strange, from an audience perspective, to almost be pretending dan didn't exist.

once BIG happened, we understood. but dan did 'appear' more after that during 2019. 2020 though, there's several videos that feel like they're specifically missing dan in them. phil baking his birthday cake alone, a tour of my plants (back on my old blog i have a live reaction to this video; it's coated in dan Energy cause he's doing the camerawork, but you never hear him), catching a pigeon, to name a few. obviously, not every video needs to be joint content, but if dan wasn't taking his break, if he wasn't doing his book & dinok, these are the ones you could expect him to have popped into in earlier years.

since then, we slowly saw him returning not only to some videos, but also, phil mentioning him again. the wall only fully came down once the gaming channel came back though. (literally has there been a phil video since where he doesnt mention him at least once, not even to mention how many dan is physically present in)

[ohbabydollie]

I feel like if they didn't allow mutual break up!schlatt into the delivery room, he would absolutely throw a fit over it, almost getting violent but deciding not to because he didn't wanna go to jail the day his new baby was born

Can i be 🐝 anon if you dont have one?

so real 🐝 anon

maybe he found out during the stream, but since you guys have been keeping things on the down low. you on a hiatus due to the pregnancy, he had to pretend like nothing was wrong.

he had about an hour more of videos and pictures left to view and he was absolutely shitting himself and speeding through the photos, commentary, etc.

you had calmly called someone, got the suitcase, got a snack and calmly sent schlatt a text that someone was picking you up and taking you to the hospital. that only made him hurry even more, you could have the baby any second.

he didn’t want to miss this!

so he pulled through, finished his stream and booked it to the hospital with other things you might need.

he was so worried and the staff didn’t make it better

“are you related to the patient?” the receptionist asked

“no”

“are you their husband or boyfriend?” she asks as schlatt shakes his head no

“then im sorry sir, you’re going to have to wait out here”

“no, im not gonna wait out here! the love of my life is fuckin’ giving birth to my only kid and i’m being told to wait out here!”

“sir calm down, unless you’re authorized to go into the delivery room, you cannot be let in” she explained

“this is BULLSHIT!” he yelled angrily

“sir, you have to calm down or we will escort you off the premises” she said

schlatt let out a sigh before texting you that he arrived but they wouldn’t let him in.

he’s sitting in his chair, angrily, before someone comes out for him

“c’mon man, put on some scrubs and shit, she’s close to having the kid”

[lover-of-mine]

The funniest part to me is even IF Tim had planned on “breaking the Buddie shippers hearts” there’s 0 chance he would give that away to anyone. He knows that a huge number of people tune in for that will they won’t they dynamic. Plus if a BT “I love you” in 8b was really happening they would feel secure…not attacking Ryan.

Here's the thing, objective point of view, coming from me as a writer not a shipper. After the cemetery scene, the show added a lot of space between Buck and Eddie, so much so that we spent a solid amount of time during the last hiatus wondering how they would bridge that in canon, I actually hit a moment of speculation at some point wondering if the plan wasn't to separate their storylines permanently because the opportunity was right there. So "breaking the buddie shippers hearts" could've been very easy to write during season 7. You make Eddie and Marisol real solid, maybe even introduce Buck's bisexuality and give him a boyfriend and drift them apart. But they opened season 7 saying distance? what distance? how about we use this episode that reintroduces dynamics to let everyone know Buck is Eddie's co-parent with all the letters and pretend we didn't create a gap last season? Then we have 704, if the goal was just giving Buck a boyfriend and stir him away from Eddie for real, Eddie wouldn't be as tied to the narrative as he was. They would've made Buck reach out himself, not go batshit insane over Eddie hanging out with his crush. After making it clear to the audience that T and Eddie have similar interests and making Buck act the way he did during Under Pressure, establishing that's how Buck acts when he has a crush and forcing you to reevaluate the way Buck reacts to Eddie at first. Then you have Eddie inviting Marisol to move in and Buck and T going on their first date. Again, they could've made that the "breaking buddies heart" episode, establish that Eddie loves Marisol, make Buck and T THE perfect love-at-the-sight relationship. But what they actually did was make Eddie crash the date, T leave Buck on the curb, Eddie has literal erectile dysfunction about his girlfriend, Buck is more worried about lying to Eddie than being walked out on, and both Buck and Eddie were ready to hide in the loft forever and actually only go back to their respective love interests because the other told them to. Then we have the bachelor party. They could've had Buck and T be all lovey-dovey and Eddie be the odd man out. Again, this is a story, T having to work is a writing choice that works to get him out of the bachelor party AND the wedding. But what actually happens is T doesn't dress up even though they make a point of letting us know how much effort Buck put into the situation, then they make a point of showing us Eddie suggesting matching costumes right after. They make a point of showing us Buck and Eddie getting drunk and stupid, then make a point having Eddie with Buck while Buck helps make things easier for Maddie while they look for Chim. Then they didn't let T be at the actual wedding ceremony. Then Eddie meets a copy of his dead wife and the show makes a point of showing us Eddie lying to Buck about it. Not Eddie's girlfriend. Buck. Then the show made a point of panning the camera from Buck to Eddie. Then, Buck had plans with T that he immediately dropped because he realized something was off about Eddie. An Eddie who immediately gives up his second girlfriend after Buck calls him out on it. Eddie calls Buck for help and Buck is just there no matter what he needs. Then somehow Buck is everywhere while Chris is leaving and no one questions it. Not even Eddie's parents. Buck is there every step of the way to support Eddie and Chris. That scene could've had Pepa or Abuela. Both people we've seen stand up for Eddie before. But no, Buck is the family Eddie needed at that moment. But somehow, I'm supposed to believe that means nothing because of that weird ass dinner when bt hasn't even held hands since the kiss in 706? Oh, be fucking for real. Buck and Eddie are somehow more intertwined now than they have ever been. After they were presented with THE perfect opportunity to separate them. Unless something awful happens, they are not dropping buddie.

And, honestly, yeah, if they are so secure because an "I love you" is coming, then why THE FUCK are they attacking Ryan??????

[genericpuff]

You know what do you think of hanza cancelling her own comic that is the guy upstairs? Like for me,I really really hope she's okay. And I know blacklightjack(he make a video about this) and the line he says about artists need to grow a thicker skin is just. I'm sorry like,look I get what he's saying but hanza have to cancel the comic because of toxic shippers. Sure,you can just ignore them and pretend they don't exist but they will still still still annoy you and h*rass you to the point you can't take it anymore and have to cancel the comic because of the whole goddamn toxic fanbase.

(as a Malaysian myself,I need to say this,I really hope hanza is alright. And in my language saya harap dia dapat bantuan Dan menjaga kesihatan sendiri)

So...

sigh I feel like this isn't the answer or essay you expected but I hope you're open to at least hearing it out all the same.

I do not think Hanza handled the situation in a way that benefitted her as a creator or her audience of people who genuinely love her work.

I DO think she was justified to be pissed off with the people harassing her. Those people suck ass and they're the definition of "this is why we can't have nice things."

But like... the notion of "you need to grow thicker skin" is true in being a creator who puts their work out into the world for an audience. Hear me out, this does NOT mean "creators aren't allowed to have feelings". But it does mean that you have to find peace with the fact that there are gonna be weirdos and assholes who take shit too far within your community. You don't necessarily deserve that. But you can't give those people power over you by going scorched earth in the way that Hanza did, because who does it really benefit? Hanza is now out a job and she's soiled her own reputation with her audience by basically going "FINE, because of these few people who were shit, NO ONE gets to have a good time!" And that's just... not a productive or healthy way to deal with these issues because it's just doing what those trolls and shitheads likely wanted. They wanted a reaction out of her, and she delivered it to them on a silver platter.

Like, I think of the dumbasses complaining about Hanza "taking advantage of the dark romance community" (she didn't, she just made a horror thriller comic that they felt entitled to see romance in) and guess what? Now those dumbasses have power over here because she ended the comic and in their heads, I'm sure they're thinking "good riddance". By choosing to not only end her comic, but spoil it entirely for her fans who were there in good faith, Hanza gave power to the people who weren't even a part of her target audience to begin with.

I do think it's ironic if people assume I'd automatically boo the "grow thicker skin" mantra because like, y'all... many of my complaints here are literally about people like Rachel who behave badly with their audience and desperately needed to grow thicker skin. In a lot of ways she's not even reacting to direct harassers, she's reacting to people simply discussing her comic in their own spaces which aren't mean for her. If she spoiled the ending of LO for her fans and ended the comic prematurely, I would feel awful, but... it still would have been her decision at the end of the day that she'd have to stand by and take responsibility for.

I think, at best, if I were to give her any unsolicited advice, she should have just put the comic on hiatus, taken a break, focused on her mental health and given herself enough distance to ask herself if she wanted to continue TGU. Maybe it still would have ended the same way, but at least she would have given herself the time and space to heal and rationalize her choices.

Instead, by choosing the nuclear option of spoiling the series for her readers and axing the comic - just to backpedal and go back to "no no it's just an indefinite hiatus!" - she gave up her power to the people who were harassing her. She reacted in a way that gave them power over her, not herself over them.

And I say this as someone who's currently on an indefinite hiatus with their main project, which I still have not spoiled for the 5 readers I have, despite the fact that I have zero clue when I'll return or if I'll even be able to. Whether or not Cyra and co. break out of the Reaper Society is now a 2 year old question.

I say this all as someone who has been harassed and is still harassed for doing what I wanna do. My first ever webcomic website when I was like 17 used to get emails and comments from shitty classmates and other local yokels who knew of me and wanted to pick fights over a teenager's dumb lil' gag comics. I kept making those comics anyways for myself and for the people who did like reading them, until I was ready to drop the comic on my own terms and move onto my next project, which would be Reaper. Reaper also got a lot of nonsense complaints and harassment. As did my fanfiction projects, as did my digital art, as did everything that I've ever put out into the world through the Internet, because the Internet just sucks for everyone always and then you die 🤣

And now, 10+ years later, I get the occasional "you're a shitty talentless person who isn't gonna amount to anything and yaddayaddayadda" which, to be fair, is a reaction from the folks who are unhappy with my intentions to make a Lore Olympus rewrite comic!

But I'm not going to give them power over me by stopping. I have a story I want to tell and if I stopped telling that story due to the shitty things they had to say and do, then I would be punishing myself and punishing my audience for the actions of a few bad apples. I do not deserve to have those abusive actions targeted at me (though they surely do and that's on them) and I do not have to put up with it, but I genuinely would not be able to live with myself if I gave them power over me by reacting in such an explosive way that my bloody remains land on everyone around me, including the people who were supportive and loved my work along the way.

That said, I also don't know to what extent Hanza was harassed. I've seen people claim she was doxxed, but have yet to see any evidence of that. I have seen people claim she got death threats, but Hanza hasn't shown anything to back that up. I'm going to assume the best of her that the harassment must have gotten pretty fucking bad for her to want to quit, and again, that is justified, and I cannot in any way use my experiences as a way to diminish hers. Maybe she just flat out isn't interested in making TGU anymore which... I can definitely say I relate to that, too.

There's this sort of mindfulness technique in stress and emotional management where you have to recognize that other people's actions are NOT your responsibility, but your REACTION is, because your reaction is what you can control and have power over.

Rachel Smythe finished LO in spite of what wackjobs like me said (and still say) about her and she has power in that perseverance, power that wackjobs like me cannot and *should* not try to take away from her.

mongie decided Webtoons was not suited for her work and vision and decided to put the comic on hiatus until she could get her distribution rights back and continue Let's Play on another platform. She has power in that decision and integrity, power that Webtoons cannot take away from her.

Whether or not you like my work, whatever opinion you have of it that you're entitled to, I have power in knowing that I started a project that I now love dearly and can take pride in, and has brought closure to people like me who were left disappointed by LO. I have power in that stubbornness and refusal to let other people determine what I'm capable of.

Even if you remove the external influence of the audience from the picture, we all have power as creators that we need to harness and take ownership in.

By going nuclear and spoiling her comic for her audience and ending it entirely, Hanza may have gotten the short term satisfaction of turning the school bus around to go back home, but she still disrespected herself and robbed herself of her own power as a creator which will ultimately stick with her far more than it will the harassers who will inevitably move on to some other target and forget she even existed. And that's a decision that she has to live with.

The harassers got under Hanza's skin and gave her more than enough reason to feel frustrated. But they did not choose to spoil and end the comic. She did. And she is ultimately the only one who will have to live with the consequences of that.

I do hope she's okay and that she's getting the time and space she needs to heal from this. If this truly is the outcome that she feels gives her the most power and the ends justified the means for her, I hope she found strength in it, regardless of the opinions of people like myself that ultimately should not matter to her. I hope the people harassing her get what's coming for them whether it be actually getting called out or just the universe delivering karmic retribution on them. I hope Hanza can find joy and peace again either in TGU or whatever project she pursues next. But most importantly, I hope she finds the confidence and power she needs to stick to her guns and create what she wants to create, unapologetically.

"Growing thicker skin" doesn't mean we as creators have to be comfortable with abuse - it just means we need to do ourselves the honor and favor of making decisions that give ourselves power rather than giving it away to the abusers who do not have to live our lives at the end of it all.

And that is my very big bag of cents on that.

[rheakira]

Happy June and Pride Month! I've come with an update.

So these past weeks, I've been doing a lot of thinking. From how this was meant to be my break to recoup but ultimately became a period of frustration and grief behind closed doors for me, I've finally decided to make a concrete decision.

I've decided to come back and be as active as I can manage.

Simply put, after watching a number of people around me make it clear that they didn't want me to be part of their community, I came to a very clear conclusion.

The longer I'm away, the more comfortable some people are in not only pretending I never existed, but they'll also feel more just and powerful in hurting people like me the next time they come around due to lack of accountability.

So, no. I will no longer be on hiatus. I will be posting art again. And I will be a regular face in this community as I have always been. Because if the color of my skin is enough to make people do everything in their power to remove me from what should be a safe space for everyone and consistently try to push me over the edge, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to be a lot more persistent in my presence.

Not just for myself and my happiness, but for the safety and happiness of POC that want to be part of community and enjoy what they love without bigots blocking the door.

For the past few months, I've been at the lowest point in my life, not only from IRL events, but from a long term pile up of bigoted attacks and manipulation to ruin my standing in communities with no real reason other than people deciding they can't stand human beings like me. I was heavily contemplating the worst, but I'm honestly I'm so sick of the behavior toward BIPOC queers and disabled folks that I entirely refuse to be silenced anymore.

Expect more art from me! And if you're POC, queer, disabled, etc. I hope you stick around or hop right in, because I plan to keep you seen and appreciated when everyone wants you gone. We deserve to be where we belong and to be treated with equal care to our white, cishet, and abled peers.

Thanks for listening. Criticisms on this choice will not be acknowledged. Happy to be back! I've got lots of projects in the works to share with everyone. ✌

[rainbow-nerdss]

Ok first of all the wording of your poll cracked me up. Second, what can you tell me about Tommy being Abby’s ex. I am *intrigued*. Thank you 💞

hahahha thank you 😂

Okay, the Tommy as Abby's ex fic is one i started a few months back, right at the start of the hiatus! The premise is basically exactly what it sounds like, Buck and Tommy are having "the ex talk" and Tommy mentions an ex at dispatch before he came out... and Buck spirals once he puts the pieces together.

It will be a break-up fic, but i haven't fully planned what that will involve yet, and will probably result in buddie endgame! (I don't do bashing, so it'll definitely be more "buck realising he's been looking in all the wrong places" than "tommy is bad" fwiw)

here's a little snip for you!

"You haven't mentioned... What about before? Did you ever, you know, date women before you came out?" Tommy sucks his teeth for a second, then nods. "Yeah. I don't talk about it much—I'm not the proudest of it, but I actually had a pretty serious relationship with a woman while I was still at the 118." "Really?" Buck asks, voice neutral while Tommy gathers his thoughts. "Yeah. It was... Good, I thought. Until I met her brother, and thought damn, he's hot." Buck throws his head back and laughs. "You did not sleep with her brother!" Tommy snorts a little. "No. God, no. He was happily married to a woman, had a kid on the way and all. Nah, it was just a moment of: shit, I really can't keep pretending this isn't a fact about me. You know?" Buck nods. After a pause, he asks the question. "What did you do?" Tommy sighs. "That's the part I'm not proud of—I didn't do anything. I kept dating her. She was going through a lot—family stuff, her mom was sick, and I just... Didn't wanna do that to her." Buck hums, tracing patterns over Tommy's arm while he stared into space, remembering.  "How did it end?" Buck asks. "Badly. She knew something was off, always so perceptive. She confronted me, and I just... I couldn't keep it in anymore. I told her. She ended it." "Damn." "Yeah. She's fine, though. After the initial hurt,  she rebounded with some hot young probie she met on a call, and now she's married with step-kids. We still send Christmas cards to each other." Tommy laughs. Buck... doesn't.

[write-orflight]

Golden: Chapter 3

**Gif Not Mine**

Prev -  Next

Pairings: SpencerXReader (Friends to lovers)

Rating: M

Words: 2. 1K

Warnings: No warnings. Over-bearing mother maybe??

Request: OPEN/CLOSED

Summary: One misheard conversation turns Y/N and Spencer’s perfect friendship upside down. Now, she needs him to play pretend for her parents wedding. Will their friendship last this one little hiccup? Or will it change how they see each other forever?

A.N Guess who's back in the house?? Sorry for my long hiatus I didn't have a way to write for a while but now with my new laptop. I plan on writing a lot more! reply to this if you want to be back on my taglist. Love, Cia

Chapter 3: I know you were way too bright for me 

You sprinted across the quad at record speed. In fact, you’d be surprised if a track coach didn’t try to recruit you because you knew you had to be breaking some type of record. You saw Spencer walking from his Advanced Physics class when you tackled him from behind, sending him toppling over. 

Spencer sputtered for a second before turning over realizing it was you. “Y-Y/N, What the heck?!” 

“Shut up.” You say, from your perch on top of him. You pull the folded piece of paper out of your back pocket, shoving it in the taller man’s face. “Read it and weep.” 

Spencer squinted slightly at the paper. “This is a C…” 

“Hell yea, it’s a C!” You say, excitedly. “In calculus! Effectively bringing my D up to a low C.” 

“And we’re happy?” 

“Yes!” You say, shaking the man by his shoulders. “Because I never have to take that shit again, which means we’re going out tonight.” 

Spencer groans which you mock. “Don’t you think you should be studying instead? To bump that grade up.” 

“Nope, C’s get degrees, so I’m getting shots. Which means you are too.”

“Fine… but you’ll have to let me up first.” Spencer says. You mumble a quick ‘oh yea’ as you get up off the man’s lap. He brushes the dirt off his pants as he stands with a small frown on his face. 

The two of you walk in silence in the direction of the bar just off campus before Spencer looks over at you.

“I’m proud of you for getting a C, Y/N.” Spencer smiles down at you. “I know you were struggling with Calculus. You should be proud.” 

You smile up at the man. Spencer doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the supernova you seemed to hide behind your teeth. “Thank you, Spence.” 

—-----------------------------------------

“Let’s just tell her we both died.” You say, as you drive down the road that leads closer and closer to your childhood home. “We’re in the FBI, she’ll believe it.”

Spencer laughs. “Faking your death won’t solve our problems, Y/N.” 

“Fine… witness protection then.” 

“We’re gonna be fine, our story is air-tight, we prepped for this, and it’s only for a week.” 

You sank more and more into your seat as Spencer turned down Cherrytree Drive, your childhood street. You couldn’t help the dread that entered your heart as you passed the big tree you used to climb as a kid which was also how you broke your arm in the 7th grade. 

Spencer parks in your parents' very expensive, long driveway. Your parents were both doctors and did fairly well for themselves even after retirement due to some good investments. Spencer looked over at the petrified look on your face and gave you a pity smile. 

“Look, if you want we can say there was a last minute case and we can turn back. But it’s your parent’s anniversary and even though you don’t like the circumstances, I know you’d be more upset if you missed it.” You blew a breath, you knew Spencer was right, as he often was. “I’ll be right here… Whatever you want to do.” 

You sigh again. “Fine, let’s just get this over with.” You say, before swinging the car door open. 

The first person you see is your sister running down the front steps, her mellow-demeanored husband following shyly behind her. You run halfway to meet her as Spencer grabs your bags. 

“Y/N!” The wind is knocked out of you slightly as the 2 of you collided. “God, it’s been too long, how come you never visit?” 

“You know, my work schedule. We’re just lucky the serial killers took a break this week.” You laugh at your sister’s scared expression. She never liked the details of your job, being one of those people who thought Serial killers only existed in the 70s. 

She changes the subject almost as soon as possible. “I see you roped Spencer into saving you from the Momster. Do you really think you guys are gonna pull it off?” 

“Well, Spencer seems to think so and he’s smarter than me, so.” 

Your sister hums for a second. “You know, I think you two are gonna pull it off.” She says, in a way that almost sounds sneaky, you raise an eyebrow at her. “You wanna know why I think you’re going to pull it off?” 

You decide to indulge her. “I don’t know, why Rachel?” 

“Because I don’t think you guys are going to make it through the week before realizing you’re madly in love with each other.” She says, making mock kissy faces at you which you push her for.      

“Don’t be ridiculous, Rach, You know me and Spencer are just friends.” 

She holds her hands up in mock defense. “Hey, I’m just saying. I don’t look at any of my friends the way the two of you look at each other. I’m just saying maybe this weekend, the party, all the Romantic energy.” Rachel says, wiggling her eyebrows at you. You roll your eyes at that. “Maybe you’ll see what I see.” Rachel shrugs.

“And what do you see?” You say, deciding to indulge her. 

“A man who's completely in love with you.” She says, turning to the two men who were getting your bags from the car. Well, Jacob was getting the bags from the car while Spencer excitedly explained ancient marriage traditions. You can’t help the smile that spreads across your face. You look over at your sister who is smirking at you, you roll your eyes at her again. 

“Come on, let’s go find mom.” 

You find your mom standing at the kitchen counter baking while your little sister, Isabelle, was sitting on the other side of the kitchen island studying. You walk up and tussle her hair. 

“Hey Squirt!” You say, excitedly. 

“You know, I’m an adult now, right?” She says, hands moving up frantically to fix her hair. “I don’t like being called Squirt.”  

“Oh, I’m sorry, Izzy.” You say, watching her grumble a soft ‘my name is Isabelle’ under her  breath before turning your attention to your mother. “Hey Mama.” You say, softly as you go into her waiting open arms. 

“Oh, my baby! I’m so happy you were able to make it!” She says into your shoulder. She pulls away holding you at arms length. “So… where is he?” She questions in a kind of sing-song tone. 

“Where’s who?” You say, deciding to play dumb to mess with your mother. She just levels you with a look. “He’s getting our bags with Jake.” 

Your mother lets you go to swat at you. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were dating Spencer! Of all people!” 

“Yea, I know, Mama.” You say, already starting to feel bad for lying to your mother. “It’s just new and we work together… we just wanted to keep it under wraps and all.” 

“And it’s not a problem? Working together?” 

You shake your head. “Spencer and I work well together.” 

“No, I mean dating and working together. Your coworkers don’t mind?” 

“Oh.” You say, understanding her question now. “No, none so far. But we do different things for the team.”  

“Oh, I know they were probably rooting for you crazy kids as much as we were. When I told your dad, he even smiled.” She says, happily. It doesn’t sound like much but for the stoic man it was practically jumping for joy. 

As if on cue, Spencer walks in and your mother immediately forgets you exist. “Oh, Spencer!” She says, smiling brightly at the young man. 

“Hi, Ms. Y/L/N.” He says, softly. 

“Oh, honey, you can call me Abigail.” The older woman says. “Or even Mom if you’d like.” 

“Ma!” You say, slightly embarrassed. “Do you think we could go upstairs and unpack? We had a long trip.”

“Of course, honey. I set up the guest room for you guys, unless you want to sleep in your old room?” Your mother asks. You frown at the thought of sleeping in your eye-draining bright pink room with Tween Beat posters probably still on the walls and shook your head. 

“We’ll take the guest room.” You say, practically pulling Spencer away. 

Once the two of you are secluded in the room, you take the first sigh of relief you had been holding. 

“We can still back out if you want.” You say, as Spencer sets your bags down. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know my mom would be so… pushy immediately.” 

“I did.” You give Spencer a confused expression. “I’ve been preparing for this since you asked me. I know what your family’s like, it can't be any worse than what we do everyday.”             

“It could be. It’s my mother.” 

As if you were speaking of the devil, you hear the familiar rapping of your formative years on the door before your mother just fully walks in half-covering her eyes with her hands. 

“Hope everyone’s decent?” 

“We’ve been up here for 4 minutes, Ma.” You say, rolling your eyes while Spencer smirked at the antics of your mother. 

“I just wanted to see what you were wearing tonight.” Your mom smiled. You and Spencer looked up shocked. 

“Umm, what’s tonight, mother?” You say, eyebrows raised. Your mom holds her hands up in mock surrender. 

“I know we said we were only having the two parties for the vow renewal but I was so excited that you were coming home and bringing Spencer. I may have invited a couple of people over for dinner tonight.” 

You clench your jaw, knowing your moms game. “Uh-huh, a couple of people… And how many is a couple people?” 

“Like… maybe 50… or 70?” 

“Mom! We’ve been traveling all day, I hardly think we’ll be the best entertainment.” 

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be fine. It’s only dinner anyway.” Your mom says, tapping your cheek in that enduring this is not open for discussion way she tends to do. “Now, try to look presentable, people will start arriving by 6.” She says, leaving without another word. 

“Shit!” You exclaim, frustratedly, face planting into the bed “Spencer, honestly if you want to leave right now, I wouldn’t blame you. I should’ve known she’d pull some shit like this.” You say, muffled into the clean sheets. 

You feel a hand at the small of your back. You ignore the warm feeling that travels up your spine at Spencer’s touch. You knew this weekend was gonna be a test of your self-control but if a hand on your back was going to make you dizzy then maybe you needed to be the one to back out this weekend.            

“I know who your mom is too, so I already anticipated it. However, if you just want to leave, we can go.” 

“But then I’d feel bad, I dragged you out here, made you help me with a ruse…” 

“You need to remember, I came here for you. I decided to go along with this for you, because you asked me to. I care about you. I’ll do whatever you want.” 

You turn over and look up at Spencer and you can’t help but feel your heart sink. Here was a man, who had done nothing but make sure you were okay the entire duration of your friendship and all you could think of was the softness of his eyes. How the light in the room danced in his eyes, how his jaw looked in his position above you. Spencer was a good friend, your best friend, and he was here because he wanted to help his friend. And here you were unable to stop the fluttery feeling in your stomach when he looked at you. You knew you liked Spencer but you also knew you didn’t deserve Spencer. As a friend or… anything else. The absolute least you could do was try to be a good friend, so you swallow that feeling before smiling up at Spencer. 

“It’s just the weekend, right?” You say. “Nothing changes.” 

Spencer looks slightly remorseful, only for a brief second before smiling back at you. “Yea.. nothing changes.”  

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[quitealotofsodapop]

"It takes Shadowpeach literal years of living and raising a child together before they realise that they've fallen back in love" of course. Could you give more details? Like what was the time it takes between that happening and them realizing? Who fell first? How long after that until they actually do something about it or do they still avoid the subject to canon time

OK SO

Basically, at the start of the story the Shadowpeach is on a bit of a hiatus cus of the whole... Macaque being killed thing.

Macaque is understandably very upset with Wukong. Like, if Wukong hadnt shown up with MK's egg, Macaque could have darn near killed him. But he's able to put his anger aside for the sake of the unborn Stone Monkey.

Wukong this whole time has had deep festering love for Macaque, but resigned himself to grief in the centuries following his death. The joy he feels upon his resurrection is clouded by the fear of losing him again. So much so he fears reigniting their flame.

Cue them coming across Pigsy. The pig demon assumes from the shabby clothes, the arguing, and the bump under Macaque's clothes (actually MK's egg in a harness); that the two are young, soon-to-be parents needing shelter. Wukong hams the misunderstanding up, and Macaque is too furious with him to clear the air.

Basically they move into the apartment pretending to be a couple. And soon after a while, the pretending starts getting harder and harder to differentiate from the real domestic love they shared back on Flower Fruit Mountain.

Its around the time of MK's first birthday when they begin to suspect the other of falling back in love. It almost takes another birthday for Macaque to accept that Wukong is geniunely trying to mend things between them, but scars run deep.

When MK turns 3, a random demon gets a drop on the fam - I'm leaning towards a variatn of the annoying Demon of Confusion from the very beginning of Wukong's tale. The demon assumes MK and Macaque are just really powerful monkey spirits and whisks them away to be his servants. Cue the whole noodle fam, especially Wukong going ballistic. In the ensuing rescue, Macaque is... conflicted.

Here's a rough draft:

Macaque: "You didn't have to save me, you know?" SW: "Why wouldn't I? I couldn't just leave you with that jerk." Macaque: "Because I had your living vanity trophy on my back?" Toddler!MK, in a sling: *babbling* SW: "I... I know that you could have escaped. Fought your way out on your own without breaking a sweat... But when I learned that Demon *took* you away, I just... I just..." Macaque: "Just what?" SW: "I just... thought of how many of MK's birthday's you'd miss. How many dinners at Pigsy's uneaten. How many nights alone in bed... I lasted over 500 years. But now... I don't think I could have survived another day without you." Macaque, realizing: "Oh..." Pigsy, Tang & Sandy: *wondering if they should leave the lovebirds alone*

After that incident, they slowly build back up their relationship. Baby steps, just to confirm the bonds hold firm.

It would take them a few months to spit out an "I love you". The first one to break being Wukong - watching Macaque doing a shadow puppet show for MK with a goofy look on his face. He says it without warning, thinking it was just in his head until Macaque froze. It took Macaque a week to respond with "The feeling is mutual I suppose" while lying in bed.

They do hit snags later down the line. Notably SW briefly regressing back to a "find means of immortality for mate and baby"-phase the first time MK got seriously injured. And in turn Macaque hiding how much he was hurt by his death, and hiding who resurrected him + the price he has to pay for it. This also not including Sun Wukong disobeying his order from the Celestial Realm to "scramble" MK.

Until the events of "A Hero Is Born", Monkey King is pretty much assumed perma-retired after the New Stone Egg incident, while the Six Eared Macaque is presumed dead. Then the Demon Bull Family indirectly drag them back into the spotlight.

They are both emotionally constipated, your honor. I sentence them to 18 years of hard parenting and couple's counseling.

[boyrobott]

(i know you're on break rn so don't feel pressured to reply ) but the video essay is officially on youtube worldwide!! I had to fight with copyright for a week to get it up lol, but its here! 90 minutes of unhinged rambling about this movie. (GhostyQuartz on youtube, I don't think your asks allow links lol)

it's great to hear from you again! and if it helps you feel any better about messaging me while i'm on hiatus, i pretty much never log onto social media when i'm on a break, so i didn't even see this message until a couple days ago when i had some downtime. but i immediately went and watched your video essay right away as soon as i had the chance! i'm going to drop a comment on the video itself at some point, but i also don't want to clutter up your comment section too much, so i'm going to post the majority of my thoughts here instead.

for interested followers, here's the video in question.

"make america metro city great again" is living in my head rent-free from now on. it'll be here for exactly forever.

"you won't grow??? get sold to the circus, idiot" 😭😭😭

referring to elefun as tenma's "definitely not gay lover" ITS TRUE BUT YOU SHOULDNT SAY IT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUTING THEM LIKE THIS. THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO THEIR PRIVACY. WHO ARE YOU TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM THEM.

i literally never noticed nor considered the symbolism of astro being suspended by wires, breaking free of those wires in the first moments of existence, and becoming so much more than the puppet tenma wants him to be. that literally got me right in the chest. i never thought about that before. thank you. i will be thinking about it for exactly forever now.

your notes about tenma's relationship with both his sons being largely transactional in their own ways (tobio gets good grades, tenma "rewards" him with love & affection / astro behaves like tobio, tenma "rewards" him with love & affection / astro fails to behave like tobio, tenma shuns him, withdraws from him, and rejects him) and how that bleeds over into astro's dynamic with everyone else in the movie, particularly hamegg, and colors his actions during his stay in the orphanage, is actually something i've thought about a lot. so it was really cool to hear somebody else drew the exact same conclusion. still got me right in the chest though.

re: why do robots have their own language, separate from the humans, in the 2009 universe?? i'm actually writing a fic about that!! i originally intended for it to fill one of the astro boy 2024 fanweek prompts, but then i got a better idea and this one went on the back burner. but it'll definitely get written & posted someday!

your analysis of the tension in astro's posture whenever tenma is in the room made me so sad for real. the fact that astro is so visibly uncomfortable and nervous around his own father will never not break my heart. poor kid deserves so much better.

ZANE IS BESTIE GOALS!!!!! this is real!!! this is true!!! this is canon!!! sometimes i feel like i'm the only true zane stan in the fandom, so it's always so great to encounter other people who also notice what a good friend he is to astro. their dynamic is usually ignored or overlooked in favor of astro & cora (which is understandable, considering their parallel backstories) but i really love them. zane is so ride-or-die for astro it's UNREAL. i've played around with the concept of zane faking his illiteracy so astro can reveal his secret on his own terms, too, and that was actually my automatic assumption when i watched the movie for the first time -- zane was just pretending for astro's sake -- but then the joke came back a couple times later on, and i don't know if zane has the patience and dedication to commit to the bit for that long, lmao. nonetheless, i've been considering a post-canon fic where zane accidentally reveals he does know how to read, and astro is so genuinely stunned lol

the surface was SO criminally underutilized. thank you for noticing. kissing you on the mouth. in my opinion, it was a far more interesting location than metro city, and i would've loved a more thorough exploration of it before he goes back home. i'd love the opportunity to write a post-canon fic one day where astro stays on the surface for several years at a time, slowly helping the surface-dwellers bring the earth back to life. elefun did say the blue core had the power to do that, and i just think it'd be really cool if his prediction came true not because of the energy within the core being "properly harnessed", as he says, but because the robot who's powered by it cares enough about humanity to devote himself to planetary restoration efforts all across the globe.

did not realize cora was canonically seventeen. i dont like that. i dont like that at all. i'm rejecting that full stop. she's like twelve or thirteen now because i said so. (i know she's pretty tall in comparison to the boys, which would suggest she's older, but i always assumed that was because girls tend to hit puberty first and reach their adult height by fourteen or fifteen, with maybe another inch or two before they hit adulthood. so i figured that was what happened with her. plus, astro & zane aren't really that tall. astro is canonically under five feet, and zane is only about four inches taller than him, give or take a bit. even if we assume astro is 4'11 (he's not lmao he's closer to 4'5 or 4'6 i think) that would only put zane at about 5'4.) and now you've got me wondering whether astro is canonically thirteen or not, because i always assumed he was younger, too, and everyone just jumped on what that security guard in the ministry says to tobio ("you're what, thirteen?") as a canon confirmation of his age. but you know what, it doesn't matter what his canon age is, because i won't accept it, anyway. he's ten or eleven to me. no way he's any older than that. he's too baby-coded <3

you want a copy of the 2009 novelization?? i gotchu. give me a little while to get it together and find a site to put it on (i know internet archive hosts rare books, but i dont know shit about it beyond that i just use it to read out-of-print stuff from decades past lmao so there WILL be a learning curve). i also have the 2009 graphic novel AND the Underground comic series. hmu if you want any of that too

"hamegg should have found out astro was tenma's son and hurt him as a way to get back at tenma" NO NO BUT I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN WRITING A FIC ABOUT THIS?????? I'VE BEEN WRITING A FIC ABOUT THIS FOR REAL???? I'VE HAD THIS EXACT IDEA IN MY HEAD SINCE 2021???? WHAT THE HELL AND FUCK!!!!!!!

that moment where you stopped to count up all the times astro died in the movie literally sent me into fucking orbit for real. i saved the picture to my computer because i want to be able to look at "death #3 (kind of)" whenever i want

speaking of memes i'm honored my "do it for him" one got featured in your video 😭😭😭

THE EYE CONTACT DURING THE SCENE WHERE TENMA DEACTIVATES ASTRO. YOU GET IT. YOU ABSOLUTELY GET IT. YOU ABSOLUTELY FUCKING GET IT. ALL THE UNSPOKEN THINGS BETWEEN THEM HANGING SO HEAVY IN THE AIR IT'S ALMOST PALPABLE. THE REGRET AND REMORSE AND GRIEF AND DESPERATE HOPE ON BOTH SIDES. TENMA'S EFFORTS TO FIND TOBIO IN ASTRO. NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY LOVE EACH OTHER THEY ARE NOT CAPABLE OF BEING WHAT THE OTHER WANTS OR NEEDS. I'M LEGIT CHEWING DRYWALL RN.

your absolute roast of tenma's redesign was so good lmao. "you can tell he hasn't had a good night's sleep in 3 decades" took me OUT. they really yanked his dilf card away and didnt give it back until pluto 😭

you really hit the nail on the head when you said hamegg's presence on the surface combined with stone's presence in metro city means astro isn't safe anywhere. one of my favorite things about the movie is how there is nowhere astro can go to escape the humans' cruelty. he can't even find basic safety and security, let alone home and family. it really drives home the hardship he's living through, and underscores the inherent tragedy of his existence. i'm absolutely fine.

i'm really surprised to hear you disliked astro's statements regarding his "destiny", since that was something i personally enjoyed a great deal! the way i've always interpreted is not that astro genuinely, wholeheartedly believes in fate so much as he has to believe in it to maintain his sense of hope and optimism. he has to believe that he has a greater purpose beyond a failed experiment and an imperfect copy of his father's real son, he has to believe he exists for a good reason, because otherwise, he'll have to face the fact that he's nothing more than a mistake tenma made in the darkest depths of his grief and denial. if he admits there's no such thing as destiny, he admits that he has no purpose and no place in the world. if he admits there's no such thing as destiny, he admits that he shouldn't even be alive. when he says it's his destiny to die at tenma's hands in the ministry, and when he says it's his destiny to die fighting the peacekeeper, that's actually an extremely realistic and heartbreakingly human response to his very distressing, very traumatic, and horrendously unfair circumstances. at the end of the day, he's really nothing more than a young boy who's just had his whole world ripped away from him, and he's struggling to make sense of this new reality he's found himself in. the horror of his situation is simply too cruel for him to accept fully, so he dresses it up as destiny. that's always been fascinating and heart-wrenching to me in equal measure. but i understand it's not for everyone, and to each their own 🤷

thank you again for linking me to the video! it was so much fun and so enjoyable for a die-hard 2009 fan such as myself. i'd be interested in hearing your thoughts if / when you complete your watch of the 2003 series, though i understand videos of that length require a lot of time and commitment, so i absolutely don't expect to see anything like that, lol. i hope you're having a wonderful day, and that you have a lovely holiday season if you celebrate anything around this time of year!

[morganski-19]

Ok, so I've done a little research and rewatches of the previous midseason finales, and I think I have a few ideas of where this could go.

Firstly, no NDE. If there is a NDE, which I still think is very possible this season, it's most likely going to occur after the mid-season break. I went back and looked at all of the episodes that have the big, most memorable NDEs from all the characters, and all of them are after the mid-season break or early at the beginning of the season. So, while I do think this foreshadowing is going somewhere, it's not going to happen next week.

So, where does that leave us?

We know a few things from the articles that were released this past week (I'll link the ones I'm talking about in case you want to read them yourselves). One, that loose ends are going to be tied up from the last 8 episodes. Two, that there is not going to be a big cliffhanger, but that one character will be hanging off a cliff. And three, that there is going to "Wait what now? What did you say? moment.

Those are really the big ones. There were a few other things like the actor who plays Brad saying that him and Eddie have a connecting moment in the next episode, which I think can play into one of the things I'm going to talk about.

And really, anything that I read in an article I take with a grain of salt. They can't tell us exactly what's going to happen, and also have misdirected multiple times in the past. Whether that be intentional or unintentional. However, there are some things in the above articles that I think have some truth.

In the previous midseason finales, a good majority of the storylines of the first half of the season were wrapped up. They played their part, and provided the characters a chance to move forward in the next half of the season.

Just some examples. In the s2 finale, Eddie reintroduced Shannon to Christopher, ending that particular conflict between them. In s3, Bobby got his test results from that radiation exposure, and Maddie confronts the memory of Doug again to let him go. In season 4, Eddie tells Chris about Ana, and Maddie and Chimney discuss birth plans. All of these things both close certain parts of their storylines, while open up continuation points for the second half.

Then, toward the end of the episode, there is something that acts as a cliffhanger to keep the audience entertained over the break. Most of the time, it is something that happens to a singular character, and isn't as large as a NDE or giant conflict.

Again, some more examples. In s2, Doug reappears pretending to be Jason Bailey. In s3, we find out that Michael has a brain tumor. In s4, Buck is reintroduced to Taylor and they decide to become friends. s5, Eddie leaves the 118. s6 Wendall is killed. And then in s7, even though a short break, Buck invites Tommy to the Madney wedding.

All things that compel the audience to continue watching, while also not being gigantic cliffhangers where the character's life is immediately in danger.

So, where does that leave us for s8?

There are only two main things that haven't been wrapped up, or really talked about, since the beginning of the season. Bathena's house, and Chris in Texas.

And one of these things has actually been discussed in an interview with Peter after episode 7, where he says that won't be discussed until after the hiatus. Or at least "he didn't know anything about it yet". Which yeah, that could be a misdirect. But I couldn't see that being the big thing that leaves someone hanging off a cliff. It's just too inconsequential and also involves two characters instead of one.

This leads me to the other unwrapped plot point, Christopher. Who has basically been MIA since the first episode, except for little nods here and there from Eddie. And honestly, that pisses me off. There has only been a little growth from Eddie while Chris was gone, something that was promised as an opportunity for Eddie to realize who he is.

It's safe to say that I really hope that Eddie is the one left on the cliff hanger next episode. I initially wanted Chris to be the one to initiate a phone call with Eddie, extending his side of the olive branch, but I'm not so sure that's the direction they're going in anymore.

Jumping away from that for a moment, I want to address that possible conversation between Brad and Eddie. Assuming that this scene doesn't get cut for time (which they have been doing with a few scenes talked about in episodes recently), I have a strong inkling that it could be about estranged kids. Brad mentioned having a bunch of ex-wives, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that he has a child with one of them. And given how he treated the waitress in the last episode, it would not surprise me if he treated the mother horribly, and also did not step up as a parent.

I think that route could be interesting for Eddie since it would maybe remind him of his father. And therefore, all the ways he tried to be better than his father. It could make him want to take a step forward, now that he is learning to not punish himself for this, and try to reconnect with Chris again.

Which I think will lead to the hanging off the cliff moment, as well as the "wait what" moment.

I don't think Eddie's going to be able to connect with Chris, but his mother. And his mother is going to say that Chris wants to stay with them a little longer, further continuing her path of keeping Chris away from Eddie.

And then in a perfect world, Eddie gets his ass on a plane to talk to his son face-to-face because he can't trust his mother to be the main method of communication. But who the fuck knows if that is actually going to happen.

They've also, from what I've heard, finished filming ep 9. Which probably doesn't mean a lot, but it makes me think that some scenes in ep 9 might need to be filmed with how they look in ep 8 for continuity reasons. Or maybe it was just a contract thing, idk. Again, probably meaningless but that is weird.