#possibly some other identity issues going on in the background

[roses-and-tears]

when ur self esteem is so low you can’t imagine yourself with fictional characters bc you don’t think they’d like you even if it’s a fantasy

[fancygremlin]

I absolutely adore how the themes in Malevolent are introduced so subtly at the very start of each season. I feel that each season has distinct ones that could foreshadow how Arthur and John's relationship progresses throughout the show.

I will be rambling about it below (sorry if it's a but messy, I wrote it all in one sitting and didn't proof read it very thoroughly).

The first season is introductory, so we are shown right away how the characters struggle to come to terms with their condition and how to make the best of it to actually accomplish their goals.

This theme is introduced when we learn right at the start of episode one that Arthur is a pianist, as well as a private investigator. The piano requires two hands to play a song. The right hand plays the main melody, the one everyone recognises by ear and is more likely to hum when recalling the song. The left hand plays the accompaniment, the melody that is perhaps not as nice to hear on its own, but makes the song being played that much more complete.

It's not a coincidence that Arthur keep the control of his right hand, while John gains control of the left hand. Arthur is the one that has to interact with the world around him, he is the one that people see and hear and talk to, he is the one that ultimately controls where to go and how to move about a space. He is the main melody, the one people recognise and hear and remember. John is instead stuck in the background, unseen and unheard... limited to just relaying visual information to Arthur. However, without John's aid, Arthur would be incapable to do anything at all. John is the accompaniment: the trained ear can't hear it well, but without it, the main melody would not be as complete, or as rich, or pleasant to hear.

In season two we have them transported in the Dreamlands and this is an environment that John is more familiar with. This is not a safe place to stay, anything or anyone could bring harm. We see the characters pushing their boundaries, learning how to survive... but is it fair to respond to a harsh environment with more harshness? In about episode two (I think, I am writing this all from memory, so sorry if I am misremembering), Arthur mentions Aesop's fable of "The Woodcutter and the Trees". The quote that is being repeated multiple times over the course of the season is "at least the handle is one of us".

If we want to apply the fable to Arthur and John, it could be possible to infer that Arthur might be the axe, while John is the handle. Arthur is the one that is foreign to the place, that does not understand it and is more often than not ready to resort to more violent or extreme methods to escape or resolve issues. On the other hand, John mentions that he has faint memories of the Dreamlands, he is part of them and he remembers he had some sort of control/dominance over them when he was part of the King in Yellow. It's because of John that Arthur is even able to access the Dreamlands in the first place, so maybe John did betray in some way his nature and bringing harm to the place that he once called home.

In season three, the main theme was the (1) loss of humanity and (2) identity. In this case, this was communicated, respectively, (1) by removing a thing that was at the core of the characters' personality, and (2) by offering a narrative foil to the characters.

Loss of humanity for Arthur was symbolised by the destruction of Faroe's music box, which sent him down a very dangerous and dark path of self-vendetta fuelled by murderous rage. On the other hand, Arthur's narrative foil was Larson. Both characters experienced a great loss, but the motivations and (in particular) emotional response to the event was what made them become very different people. Arthur's loss of his daughter haunts him constantly, drags him down with the gravitational pull of a black hole. He cannot forgive himself, to the point of considering himself a monster that does not deserve redemption or forgiveness. On the other hand, Larson willingly sacrificed his daughter for power and money and never experiences any remorse or guilt for his deplorable actions.

Loss of humanity for John was shown by having Arthur strike a deal with Kayne: John is back, but with none of the memories or experiences he lived with Arthur. He is back as a manipulative fragment of the King in Yellow. It's interesting how he regains all his memories when Arthur plays Faroe's music box. Of course, John's narrative foil is... another version of himself... Yellow. I could write an entire essay comparing the two and their respective journeys on how they wanted to try so hard to form their own identities... but I'd go off on a very long tangent. This is already long enough and I am blabbering too much.

I've JUST started season four today and I am two episodes in and I am suspecting that this season's theme is fractures... Just in episode one I heard Arthur choosing a story about a broken relationship between two friends, then the multiple mentions between Arthur and his father in law, and then in episode two there was also the broken window in the room they are renting in Mary's apartment... I am honestly so scared that by the end of this season something very big will happen that will push Arthur and John apart and fracture their relationship almost irremediably.

I know John is hiding something very big from Arthur and it's very possibly something regarding Kayne. I also have a sneaky suspicion that Arthur had a real chance to get some answers about Kayne from Yellow, but of course he just decided to NOT DO THAT!

Can't wait to have this show mess me up once more.

[Season 5 theme analysis]

[flamebringer0]

About Hybrid Dragons

Whiteout is visibly a Nightwing-Icewing hybrid, whereas her brother is almost indistinguishable from a full-blooded Nightwing. Sunny is somewhere in the middle: dragons readily identify her as an unusual-looking Sandwing, but they can't put their claw on the reason. What they all have in common is that they resemble their mother's tribe more than their father's. Why? The wiki says:

Hybrids get their dominant genes (the genes which make a hybrid look more like a specific tribe) from their mother.[35]

This is cited to page 115 of Darkstalker. I only have an ebook copy of Darkstalker, which doesn't have page numbers, so I'm unable to figure out exactly what line this refers to. What I can do is a full text search, and the words "dominant" and "gene" don't actually appear anywhere in that book. So I don't know what that's about.

Regardless of whether this is something that was actually in the books, or something that was said at a fan event, or just something someone inserted into the wiki for their own reasons, it doesn't really make sense. Let's assume that "dominant genes" are something that really exists in the setting and are roughly the same thing as dominant genes in real life. I feel like it often goes unspoken, but this is really an assumption! It's a fantasy setting, so genes don't have to behave like real life genes. Actually I would say genes don't have to exist at all, except that the word "genetic" does appear in Moon Rising (in reference to inheritance of animus). But the wiki appears to assert that the setting does have dominant genes, so let's run with that assumption.

So, why doesn't it make sense? Some genetics background: animals, along with plants, fungi, and some less familiar organisms, are what's called "diploid". This means that, for most genes, most individuals have two copies. One copy comes from one parent, and the other comes from the other parent. Sometimes these two copies of the gene are completely identical, or at least they encode identical traits. But sometimes they aren't, and an individual will have two copies of a gene that each encode conflicting traits. What happens then? There are several possibilities, but one pattern is that one of the two forms of the gene simply overrides the other. The organism will develop as if it had two identical copies of the gene. In that case, we call the form of the gene that overrides the other "dominant", and the form that gets overridden "recessive".

The issue is, a gene being dominant or recessive is an intrinsic property of the gene, not something that depends on which parent it comes from. So while it's true that a dragon's appearance would be more influenced by dominant genes than recessive genes, this doesn't explain at all why hybrids look more like their mothers than their fathers. But I do think there's a real-world biological phenomenon that could explain what's going on here.

The way genes actually influence an organism is by encoding proteins, which are basically molecular-scale machines that each carry out a specific task. Slightly different versions of a gene produce slightly different proteins, and those slightly different proteins function slightly differently, and that results in organisms with different traits. But aside from changing the form of a protein, another way to affect this process is by changing the amount of a protein. And it's possible to change the amount of a protein the body makes without changing the genes at all: additional molecules attached to the DNA can cause a particular gene's protein to be built more or less frequently, which we call upregulation and downregulation.

So here's what I think: when a dragon egg is fertilised, genes from the mother are upregulated, and genes from the father are downregulated. Therefore, when the form of a gene inherited from the mother and the form inherited from the father are different, the maternal form of the protein predominates, and the dragonet tends to resemble the mother more than the father.

If this is correct, it has a weird upshot: Whiteout's dragonets probably looked more like Icewings than Whiteout herself did. Whiteout's genes are 50% Nightwing and 50% Icewing, but the Icewing part comes from her father, and so it's downregulated and she mostly looks like a Nightwing. Her dragonets would be genetically 75% Nightwing and 25% Icewing*, but the Icewing part comes from their mother, so it would be upregulated and therefore more expressed in them than in her.

This would generalise: if Sunny ever has dragonets, they'll probably look more like Nightwings than she does (even if the father is a Sandwing). But the same doesn't apply to male hybrids: Darkstalker's hypothetical dragonets would have been a quarter Icewing just like Whiteout's, but the Icewing genes would have been downregulated and so they would have just looked like Nightwings.

I think this phenomenon is surprising, and therefore cool, and so I've decided the whole thing is true. It's probably not great for Whiteout's dragonets though, since it would mean they had to live in a tribe that hated Icewings while looking more like Icewings than anyone else. That might be an interesting premise for a fanfic though.

*I'm assuming Thoughtful is the father.

[spaceorphan18]

THE LADY WHISTLEDOWN PAPERS : 1X01 - A DIAMOND OF THE FIRST WATER (PART 4)

Hi! Welcome back to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I’m taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton’s character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!

For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers

Alright, finally wrapping up the first episode but it ends with some really good stuff!

Dinner

I'm kind of amused that I've managed to ignore the main Simon/Daphne plot as long as I've could... But here we are at a Bridgerton family dinner where we get to see the family dynamics on brilliant display as Violet arranged all of this so Simon and Daphne could hang out.

Fascinatingly, the first subject of talk is the identity of Lady Whistledown, and it's a fun little conversation as they start guessing who it could possibly be. Colin, hilariously, suggests it could be a man -- only to rightfully be shotdown by Eloise because how dare he. Colin isn't even going to know who Lady Whistledown is when he's sleeping with her, so boy really does not have the highest of deduction skills.

Hyacinth, of all people, will get the closest when she guesses Lady Featherington. It's amusing that she's consistently used as a sort of prophet. I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of role she plays throughout the show.

Most of this scene is dedicated to Simon and Daphne... falling in love? idk. What I do like about it, though is something I enjoy in general about Bridgerton as a whole -- the fact that it does rather well with sibling dynamics. There are a lot of personalities at that table, and it's kind of cool to see how they can be all similar and all different at the same time.

Colin remains chatting and laughing with Benedict. We don't really get enough of a conversation to be able to really comment but, it does look like they're having a great conversation. We don't get a whole lot of reaction from Colin as to the whole Simon/Daphne thing so -- I don't really have much to say on that front either, but it'll be interesting tracking it through the season.

Dance

I never noticed they are in a boat -- so... this is on an island? What is even going on? What ball is this again? Do I really need to watch ALL of Season 1 for this project?

You know, we don't get a ton of Colin and Benedict stuff throughout the years, but they often are having fun in the background while Anthony is brooding up front.

Alright, so, LET'S GET INTO MY FAVORITE MOMENT OF THE EPISODE!

I really should have gone back and watched the previous scenes to figure out where exactly they are but I didn't, ah well. It looks like more like a festival of sorts more than a ball, which I think is pretty cool because the actual ballrooms start to feel the same after awhile.

Anyway... we have Pen just kind of standing by herself looking lonely. Interestingly, she does look like she's looking for someone? But she says she wasn't expecting him, so I wonder if she's just glancing around in Lady Whistledown mode?

The way she jumps and immediately lights up when she sees him. She's shocked to see him, but so delighted that he has sought her out. And it's interesting to note that he goes looking for her first thing -- granted it's for information -- but still he does seek her out at every social gathering. ;) No, but this is important. In both their interactions now, he has come to her. She may be the one with the crush, but she's not following him around like a love-sick puppy.

I should have mentioned it before, but in both instances he has called her 'Pen'. Not Miss Featherington (Which would have been appropriate) not Penelope. Just Pen. It speaks to their level of familiarity and established relationship. It also isn't appropriate for an unmarried man and woman of no relation to call each other by their first names, let alone a nickname. Episode 1 and they're already breaking rules.

It's the same with the little bow they give each other. It's such an after thought, such a -- oh right, we're outside and have to adhere to society rules where men and women greet each other in a certain way, but they do so halfheartedly. They don't really care about what society wants when they're around each other.

Penelope exclaims that she didn't know he'd be there (an interesting comment - I wonder why not) and then he says 'sorry to disappoint'. And that's a telling comment. It's self deprecating humor. He's not used to anyone wanting or needing him around and/or preferring Anthony or Benedict instead. But also, he (probably) assumes that she'd probably prefer Eloise to join her over him.

But her lighting up when she sees him doesn't really go unnoticed -- subconsciously anyway. It's infectious when you have someone who is genuinely excited to see you -- especially when you're used to being the one that is not being sought after. And he is genuinely happy to see her, too -- even if he's asking about Marina, he still has a warm smile for her. They both latch on to the genuine affection they have for the other one.

Colin asks about Marina, and the way Pen's face just falls when he does so. :( She realizes that he had an ulterior motive when coming to speak to her, and that guts her a little. (as a note - it's implied a little earlier in the episode that Marina is pregnant. It's not officially said - but they get into it more in episode 2. Obviously, that's important to this plot...)

Pen explains that Marina's illness is why Portia isn't around and why Lord Featherington is chaperoning. Colin grins at this -- I can only imagine how hilarious he finds it that Lord Featherington has to be (semi-)involved in his daughters' lives. I haven't really spoken much about him yet, but at best, you could claim that Lord Featherington was a neglectful father. He doesn't really interact with any of his daughters, nor does he seem to care all that much. I have to imagine that Colin, at least a little bit understands this, hence it's so amusing that he's there now.

Pen then is excited to show off her dress. It's not yellow! It's still a girlish pink with hints of blue (foreshadowing through clothes? maybe?). She still looks like a child a bit, but she doesn't stand out so much. She can blend in a bit more, and not feel as if everyone is making fun of her for her clothes.

In a way, the 'not yellow enough' comment was a little self deprecating, too. As the two of them have that in common -- that they both feel unseen and unwanted in society.

She's also trying to get his attention -- trying to get him to check her out. It's awkward and cute and I love how excited she is in her attempt. The thing is, he does notice! We don't really see his reaction to her comment -- but if you look you can tell that he is grinning back at her as they talk.

And then Cressida comes along and spoils their moment. So. Here's the thing I've noticed already about Cressida. Lady Featherington and Lady Cowper are friends. Sorta. They mean girl together. And as we learn in season 3, Lady Cowper has instilled this kind of ruthlessness into Cressida as a way of survival.

I also wonder -- did Cressida spend time with the Featherington girls? It's interesting that Lady Cowper is always around, but we don't see Cressida at the house. I wonder where she is and what she's doing. I will say -- I don't think Cressida is friends at all with Prudence or Phillipa. All three aren't very nice -- but Cressida is much shaper and pointed with her unkindness, while Prudence and Phillipa are just kind of dumb. And I can see Cressida poking fun at them as much as she does with Penelope.

Here's the thing. I want to joke how ridiculous it is that no one seems to notice that Pen is deeply pining for Colin. She is so open about her feelings but the thing is, no one really seems to notice her and that's why no one ever calls her out on it.

Except, I like to believe that Cressida does.

There's no real reason for Cressida to interject herself into their conversation other than she wants to be mean for the sake of it. I don't think she has any real interest in Colin other than his name and the fact that dancing with him would put a mark on her dance card.

Pen interjects on Cressida's attempt and that's when Cressida's claws come out. Cressida's mother (as we'll learn) has taught her to see any other woman as a form of competition. Pen was making a comment because she and Colin are friends and in a way already more than friends. They have a solid, established relationship. Cressida is looking at Colin as a way to achieve a goal. And Pen is getting in the way of that.

So Cressida does what she has been taught and tries to eliminate any kind of competition. And some of it is trashing on someone the ton already trashes on but it's also digging the knife in a little deeper, because I do think Cressida knows that Pen isn't just talking to some guy at a party, she's talking to a guy she likes and has feelings for.

Cressida probably over heard her, too, that Penelope was happy about her dress choice. So what does she do? Dump water (?) over the front of her dress. Not only was Penelope having a moment of confidence but Cressida's cruelty takes that away as she embarrasses Pen. But also she claims to not have not even seen Penelope there. Obviously she did, but it adds to the fact that Pen is often seen as wallpaper, nothing to really take note of.

Colin's face during all of this though! Because here's the thing. Here's the THING and why I love Colin. He probably wouldn't have really entertained Cressida as a dance partner unless he had to. That's... a whole other thing. But the minute she started cutting in front of Pen. The minute she pulls this stunt on his very good friend, it's over.

Cruelty is not part of Colin's nature, and seeing other people mean is an automatic turn off for him. But more than that, Cressida just trashed someone he does care about, and that is unacceptable. Look how hard his face is in this moment - he's pissed off at her for what she did.

And then just look at the way his face softens as he turns his attention to Pen. It's caring and gentle and he's looking out for her right from the beginning!

But I mean, also, what he does is so calculated and is such a badass moment. He beats Cressida at her own game. Not only does he completely deny her a dance, he decides that Penelope is the more worthy choice and snatches her up (as a mess as she is at the moment). He doesn't spare Cressida a second look. He'd dance with Penelope anyway, he doesn't need an excuse, but to play society's games as a way to punch back at Cressida for being mean to Pen -- is just so ballsy. He may not be a huge fan of the rules, but he knows how to play them and when it matters.

I also should note that Colin has a sort of hero complex, too, that comes into play. He likes to be the one to help people, to save people, and what he's doing is saving Pen from humiliation. He does genuinely care for her. But he also won't let someone be trashed because for the sake of it.

And I mean... we should take note of this moment -- because it's going to haunt Cressida for a long, long time. You just fucked with Lady Whistledown in front of her husband, Cressida. Your days are numbered.

And, I mean, look at the utter shock on Pen's face as he reaches for her hand. His kindness is why she loves him, and this just adds another moment to that pile. No one else really looks out for her. No one else really sees her. No one else would really stand up to Cressida and put her first. It's no wonder she's gone for him.

But then here's the thing. As we get our fun, little Irish jig started, Colin just looks delighted as they get to the dance floor. Cressida is all but forgotten as the two of them settle into their dance together. Pen is still shaken a bit as they start, but Colin has no qualms about what he had just done. In fact, he's proud of himself. But more so -- now he and Pen can just have fun -- as they always do.

This is not the first time they've danced together (as will be alluded to in the next episode). They probably danced a bit and enjoyed themselves, and as Pen settles into it, they both just have fun together.

And the jig is something to notice as dance is important in this show. It's fun and lively but it's also still a little childish, a game. It's not serious courtship, not yet, but it's enjoyment and playfulness but it's purposeful! As this level of caring and understanding and joy are the basis for their friendship and therefore the basis of their eventual relationship.

I mean just look at these idiots not knowing that they're really falling in love with each other.

I love everything about this scene so much!!

Okay, I have to close out on this shot of Pen. Because this is important. As Simon and Daphne come in with their little scheme to fake dating, Penelope is watching. And in fact, if you notice (Nicola Coughlan confirmed it) Pen is always just right there, noticing the action that's going on. And therefore Lady Whistledown is right there.

In this shot its obvious that it's her, but I'll be keeping an eye out because she does this a lot if you're looking for her. She's almost like a Where's Waldo cartoon!!

And that's finally Episode 1!! Whoo we made it! :)

[bonzos-number-1-fan]

TMAGP 21 Thoughts: Y2K [Error]s

And we're back, again. Albeit I'm back quite late. This one was an interesting one to start act 3 with. On one hand it's a really good recap for what's lead up to this and a great foundation of what we can presume is to come. On the other hand it's an episode I think is deceptively devoid of new information. There is obviously new stuff to dig into here but in general I think it's not a lot of major stuff and mostly reinforcements of stuff we're already well aware of, or confirmation of stuff that I feel was about as good as confirmed anyway. With that said, this will be quite a read because what there is to dig into does go pretty deep.

Spoilers for episode 21 below the cut.

The conversation with Sam and Celia has a couple of interesting bits in it. Some of it's fairly obvious but there is at least one thing I've not really seen people talk about with it. So, Sam is flirting with the idea of of quitting, which is very Sam, and Celia pushes for him not to and tries to get him back "on track" in regards to the Institute, which is very Celia. Celia does care about her co-workers but obviously she's out for herself more than anyone else in the office. Her "complicated immigration status" is another is a long series of alternate-universe references. I think her comment about the OIAR's lax background checks is a more compelling detail there. Presumably there is a TMP version of Celia, who may or may not be called Celia. So you wouldn't necessarily expect there to be an issue there. "Celia" Ripley does likely exist and is likely British and would likely qualify for a position in the OIAR. Yet the way Celia frames it suggests she thought it would be an issue too. Either something that might come up after she got the job or something to be solved in order to get it. What I think is interesting about that is that it suggests to me that her identity isn't the problem but that they'd have some way to tell she's not from this universe.

That's all pretty normal stuff for this show though. The most interesting part of this is Celia's statement that she has to stay because he can't take Jack back to wherever she came from. I've seen a lot of musings on it but nothing that's gotten to what I feel is the heart of the problem there. Jack can't come with her because Jack is a baby and so can't understand and then engage with the mechanism she used. Which basically confirms that however she did it is much close to Darrien's meditation-induced-travel than, say, a portal to walk through. She doesn't rule out that she couldn't go back either so however it works it would have to be something Jack would have to participate in. Although there is the possibility that she's currently sharing her body with the actual TMP Celia and has merely brought her consciousness over and that Jack can't go because there is no body to return to. The problem with that though is the aforementioned background check. If she was physically living as TMP's Celia then there isn't really a concern there at all. Along with Lady M being about to smell that she's different it probably rules that out. Not a strong confirmation but certainly more pointing in the direction that Celia's body is hers which in turns makes the issue with Jack less likely to be that there is no Jack in Celia's home universe to body hop into.

Okay, so on to the incident proper. Honestly, not a huge amount to dig into this one IMO. Obviously a fair bit happened but it's mostly surface level. Which isn't a bad thing but for the sorts of things I tend to talk about it does limit what there is to say. I'd rather not recount things unless I have something to say about them beyond the text itself. There are still a few things to mention here all the same. Firstly, speaking of Darrien the Dr Welling that is mentioned in the episode is very likely the person who gave their name to Welling Mutare Materia where Darrien was incarcerated in episode 17.

Next up, while it's not talked about in explicit detail there is one thing that sums up the point of this ritual, the "Great Work". Anyone into alchemy will be well aware that this refers the creation of the Philosopher's Stone, the Magnum Opus. Immortality, turning lead to gold, spiritual enlightenment, all of the above. Ask 5 alchemists what it's about, get 6 answers. There are some pretty major implications to this that I've not really seen touched upon. Firstly, it's a near direct confirmation that the OIAR and the Magnus Institute are directly adversarial. If the Institute's goal is the completion of the Great Work then the OIAR's purpose is to prevent that and it's something they. mostly, openly broadcast. The symbol of the Magnum Opus is circle housed in a square, housed in a triangle, that is housed in another circle. That symbol is found in the OIAR's insignia but inverted. Which is about as blatant a statement of opposition as you can really get. In turn that also largely confirms that the OIAR are responsible, or at least wanted to, burn the Institute to the ground. The timing of this is very likely not a coincidence either. This letter is dated 04/01/1999, the dome they're referring to in it (the O2, formerly the Millennium Dome) was opened 31/12/1999, as you might expect. The Institute burned down just 7 days prior to that happening.

Secondly, knowing that the Great Work is pretty obviously the goal at this point recontextualises things like catalysts and agents. As well as the general purpose of the Institute as a whole here. The Great Work isn't generally seen as a bad thing in alchemy, like, it's the whole point of the art. It also doesn't seem like the Institute itself is necessarily perverting that idea either. The PoV character is certainly not happy with the idea that this ritual will harness fear and despair is too great of a quantity. So it doesn't seem out and out capital E Evil as a plan. At least as presented. However, there is

Next up, the Millennium Dome itself has a few interesting elements to talk about in this context. The most obvious one is the Millennium Experience which was a kind of its whole thing for its first year. This was an exhibition of all sorts of bits but of relevance is that the exhibition has split into three major themes; Who We Are, What We Do, and Where We Live. 3 is a fairly major number in alchemy thanks to the tria prima. They're divided further still and Who We Are splits into Body, Faith, Mind, and Self-Portrait. These have some loose alignment with the tria prima, the body, the soul, and the spirit. This is something other people have brought up though and it's not actually the thing I think is exciting about the Millennium Dome. Especially not in context to the episode. The dome is important as an architectural work first and foremost. Everyone should go have a look at it because its major feature is incredibly relevant to the Great Work, this episode's details, and the show's explicit references. The feature of the Millennium Dome are its twelve 100 meter support towers. IRL the 12 towers were chosen mostly because of the strong associations with time, both hours and months, but in this episode a lot of weight is given to the astrological and there are 12 signs in the zodiac. But 12 is also incredibly important for the Great Work too. Typically there are 4 stages that you must take to complete the magnum opus but these stages were expanded upon by various scholars. 12 is a number multiple sources land on. 12 is especially relevant for TMP because it's what's laid out in The Compound of Alchemy; or, the Twelve Gates leading to the Discovery of the Philosopher's Stone, written by George Ripley in 1471. Ripley is a very noted alchemist and importantly Celia is his namesake. It really just ticks a whole lots of boxes for "big important thing" in a show like this.

As a final note on the Great Work its presentation as a universal transmutation is quite a shift from more traditional interpretations. As mentioned it's a bit all over the place as for what it means but this incident seems to portray it as something akin to The Change in scale. Universal and far-reaching. It's hard to say too much more than that based on this episode alone but it's worth keeping an ear out for in the future. Even if this version of it is benevolent I can see why something of that scale got them firebombed.

Also, is it just me or does Chester sound much more roboty to start here than in other incidents?

After the incident it's Alice and Lena having a bit of a chat. Alice in this scene is a little peculiar to me, she's very quick to accept that Sam is correct about being lead to a conclusion by Freddy. Although I'm not sure how that reflects on her stance in the last episode. She was obviously trying to protect Sam but it didn't seem like she was lying about not believing his whole conspiracy there either. In this scene though she's pretty sold on the idea. Lena having a heart is nice to see too. I like that she's opening up a little more and is subverting some of the expectations of her assumed archetype.

Gwen and Ink5oul's section is pretty self-explanatory IMO. At least as far as those two characters go. Ink5oul's powers are progressing and she's now able to control mundane tattoos she had no part in producing but beyond that it's pretty expected stuff. Obviously the real standout here is [Error]. Firstly it's a confirmation that they're the one compelling people to spit out statements. Not that I think that confirmation is much of a reveal. There are a few bigger details to pick at here though. They've seemingly marked the whole gang for some reason. If the above is correct, and the OIAR is directly opposed to the Institute, it could just be revenge. Albeit that labours under the assumption [Error] has some sort of allegiance to the Institute. Which I think isn't entirely certain at this stage. The way the transcript describes them is also very perculiar.

A Figure emerges, shrouded in a cloak of whispers. … The Figure continues to emerge, a nightmarish specter of an older world, slowly enveloping Ink5oul’s brash bravado … The Figure breathes deeply, a strange and disconcerting sound, enveloped in pained whispers.

They're three details worth mentioning there. The first is their almost ephemeral description, they emerge and then continue to emerge. Which is a strange phrasing if they were just walking into the scene. The whispers I think are fairly obviously the statements they force on people, not much to say there. "Ink5oul’s brash bravado" speaks to what I was discussing in last episode's post. Ink5oul seems to be fairly inauthentic in a lot of their interactions and are putting on a persona to seem like they're more of a badass than they really are. Outside of that there is just this to mention.

The tape recorder bites Ink5oul before clicking off.

I've seen it brought up a lot and I get why, it is quite funny, but I think it's also speaking to a larger thing. [Error] appears to have much greater control of these than we might be familiar with. I'm not going to get into TMA spoilers but [Error] seems to be conjuring, and commanding, these things themselves which is a very different vibe. I think they might serve a similar purpose overall, the gathering of statements, but more purposeful and I could also see them being [Error]'s physical tether to the world. If they are as ephemeral as the transcript hints at the tape records might serve as their anchor. It's something they can move about but it might be their vulnerability.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Incident/CAT#R#DPHW Master Sheet and Terminology Sheet

DPHW Theory: 4254 seems about right but it's also such a weird one that it's hard to really quantify. It doesn't strike me as wrong in any way but the focus of the incident was not on the, well, incident. So it's hard to say.

CAT# Theory: CAT2 is a 2 and I don't have a huge amount to say on these as of yet.

R# Theory: BC seems right. It's what the last letter about spooky shit was rated and this seems to hit all the same notes I mentioned in the ep 19 post.

Header talk: Architecture (Landmark) -/- Corruption (Entropy) is another of those strange ones. Our third in a row. Which likely means they're here to stay, and while that's generally fine by me it does make me wonder what the diegetic reasoning is here. It's a pretty sudden shift to just do this now and it never come up before this. It's also not something mentioned as new either. Corruption (Entropy) is fairly interesting though. It makes sense for the incident but it feels like you could've just done "time" here for the same effect.

[hellomystraightlacedfriend]

The Osborns' 'Weird' Relationship: An Analysis

◇ Spectacular Spider-Man #146 - Gerry Conway/Sal Buscema ◇

Okay, so I know it was awhile ago that I said I might write an analysis of some of the emotional dysfunctional aspects of 616 Norman and Harry Osborn’s relationship, but I really struggled with the format and how I was going to present this.

One thing that I ended up having to do was throw out any speculation on the writers' intent. With comics, you have so many different writers - especially with a long ongoing, popular series like Spider-Man - that I decided to focus a lot more on the patterns I was picking up when I was reading.

But before I go any further:

CW: discussions of child abuse, mental illness, and suicidal ideation

Disclaimer: In this analysis, I am trying to provide an explanation for why Norman might behave the way he does. However, this explanation of Norman’s abuse is not meant to be a justification of his behaviour.

Also, before we start, you are absolutely allowed to disagree with this analysis! Every reader sees/interprets things a little differently, but I've seen other people pick up on the Osborns' relationship being well, strange, so I decided to examine that a little closer.

There were certain things I kept noticing in Norman and Harry's relationship that I found abnormal (you know, apart from Norman's extensive verbal abuse). Things like: Harry's really intense and misplaced loyalty to his father (that interfers with his other relationships.) The way in which Harry feels responsible for his father. The way Harry doesn’t have a strong identity outside of his father, and how his father doesn't allow (or think Harry needs) any emotional privacy. Also, just some of the ways Norman talks to his son don’t make it feel like a normal parent-child relationship.

In particular in this analysis, I did want to talk about emotional incest and enmeshment, which I am going to define now.

The psychological definition of emotional (or covert) incest is when a parent relies on their child for emotional support that they should be getting from another adult. They treat their child like a friend or partner, instead of well, a child.

And

An enmeshed family is one where there is a lack of boundaries, and often, the child isn't allowed to have an individual identity.

I think we see a lot of the after affects of this kind of emotional abuse in Harry as an adult, and while we don't see a whole lot of Harry and Norman's relationship dynamic when Harry is growing up, I do want to start from there, using what flash backs and other information we have.

Actually to give some background on why this kind of abuse occurred, I will go back a bit further than that and talk briefly about Norman’s childhood and his relationship with Harry’s mother.

Norman definitely didn't have a great childhood. His father was a bitter and abusive alcoholic who blamed all of his problems on other people, including his son. And while Norman's mother wasn't abusive towards him, she did fail to protect him. This betrayal from an early age from both his parents would have been a huge contributer to Norman's extensive trust issues (and his drive to be in control so he's not hurt again.)

Norman didn't get the emotional support and attention he needed while growing up, so that's really what he was seeking as a young adult, and he found it in Emily Lyman aka Harry's mother.

Now while I don’t think that Norman and Emily's relationship was perfect like he presents it to be, I do think from his point-of-view this was a great time in his life. He was finally out from under his father's thumb. This beautiful woman believed in him. They had their whole lives ahead of them. The possibilities were endless, and then - she died.

Or faked her death and left him because he was so controlling.

Either way, she was gone, and he still a young man was left to go on as a single father.

Interestingly, Norman both blames Harry for Emily's death and compares him to her. Much later in his life, when talking to Harry's grave, Norman says that he tried to be fair to Harry 'even though you were so much like your mother in so many ways.' In this scene, Norman is angry at Harry for dying and thus 'abandoning' him to be alone. And I think that's what Norman felt when Emily died too, this deep sense of abandonment.

◇ Spider-Man: Revenge of the Green Goblin #1 - Roger Stern/Ron Frenz | Peter Parker: Spider-Man #44 - Paul Jenkins/Humberto Ramos ◇

(Later, it's revealed that Harry is not dead. Or maybe he is. I am NOT getting into the whole post-OMD-Harry-is-a-clone mess. For the sake of this analysis, they are the same person. They would have the same memories anyway.)

Now I am going to be piecing some things together and doing a bit of speculating. One thing that always stuck with me is that Harry keeps saying that his and Norman's relationship used to be different, that they used to be 'pals,' and then something changed. While I know a lot of people dismiss this, become Harry is delusional about his father at other points, I do think when Norman became the Green Goblin, there was a shift in their relationship dynamic, and Norman stopped opening up as much to his son.

I still absolutely think Norman was a neglectful and preoccupied father, but I also think that Norman was an emotionally needy person, and once Emily died, Norman (who was most likely extremely depressed and lacking a support system) tried to have Harry meet some of those needs. I say tried to, because Harry was just a little kid, a baby, and he wouldn’t be capable of doing that.

I think a lot about a panel from Spectacular Spider-Man #178 where Harry is talking to his own son Normie Osborn. Normie is a very young child/toddler. While Harry is talking to Normie, and Normie is watching TV, Harry starts hallucinating that his father is in the room. (Both Harry and his father have had psychotic episodes.)

Norman tells Harry that Normie should be listening to Harry, and when Harry says that Normie is just 'a little guy' and 'doesn't really understand all this,' the Norman Sr. hallucination becomes angry and says that Harry was just the same. That Harry was lost in his own head when he was young, and couldn’t hear when Norman talked to him.

◇ Spectacular Spider-Man #178 - J.M. DeMatteis/Sal Buscema ◇

It's interesting the way Norman and Harry differ here. Harry wants his son Normie to be able to enjoy these early years and have this chance to be carefree. Whereas Norman doesn't seem to really understand the concept of childhood and childhood innocence.

I also find it interesting (because I'm obsessed with word choice) that both Norman and Harry use 'pals' to describe their relationship.

◇ Amazing Spider-Man #39 & #40 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. ◇

And just in general, Norman and Harry's relationship doesn't seem to fall into the typical parent-child relationship - where the parent takes care of the child and meets the child's emotional needs. Instead, it's more complicated and codependent.

Norman and Harry both view Norman as Harry’s provider and protector. Norman is abusive towards Harry, but he does show deep concern about Harry's safety and worries about what would happen if he (Norman) suddenly died - because he's afraid Harry wouldn't be able to fend for himself.

On the other hand, Norman really doesn't give Harry any tools to become independent or encourage a separate identity, and I think part of that is because subconsciously - as much as he keeps saying he wants Harry to be strong - Norman actually wants Harry to be dependent on him.

Like on one level Norman does want Harry to be strong and be able to think for himself, so that he can take over the company and continue the Osborn legacy (and he is angry at Harry and verbally punishes him for not living up to this). But on a more personal - and like I said before subconscious - level, I do think that Norman wants Harry to have to rely on him. Because Norman doesn't want Harry to be able to leave him. Because he doesn't want to be alone.

And that's the thing, I do think that Norman is also dependent on Harry.

Harry is the nurturer to his father's protector and provider. He cares for and worries about his father a lot, and as much as Norman does not like to be seen as weak, there are quite a few moments where we do see Norman be vulnerable around his son.

Why this happened is probably largely circumstantial. Norman is a very paranoid man, who constantly fears betrayal from those around him. Even with the other adults in Norman's life who he is 'close' to - like J Jonah Jameson and George Stacy, he is not open. He does not trust them. He thinks that people are conspiring against him. However, he doesn't see his young son as a threat, as someone who could turn against him and hurt him. And he pulls Harry into this emotional isolation with him by telling his son not to trust anyone but his family (anyone but Norman.)

◇Amazing Spider-Man #62 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. || Amazing Spider-Man #47 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. || Amazing Spider-Man #67 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr. || Spectacular Spider-Man #200 - J.M. DeMatteis/Sal Buscema◇

That puts Harry in a very difficult position, because he has deal with these adult concerns at such a young age, and he also can't fully open up to anyone else. This strain, along with Norman's exacting standards and scathing criticism, puts a lot of pressure of Harry.

However, Harry is used to being his father's confidant, and he becomes extremely anxious if his father shuts him out - or worse if he doesn't know where his father is. In a way, as much as Harry says that his father is strong and great, I think (at some level) Harry must also see his father as (emotionally) fragile.

This is especially noticeable in Amazing Spider-Man #121, where Harry is supposed to be resting because he has just overdosed, but he can't because he's so worried about how his father will react to possible financial ruin. He goes to him, tells his father that he doesn't need to worry about him, that he can take care of himself, that he's just worried about his father. He then proceeds to collapse in Norman's arms because he is not well.

◇ Amazing Spider-Man #40 - Stan Lee/John Romita || Amazing Spider-Man #61 - Stan Lee/John Romita Sr., Don Heck || Amazing Spider-Man #63 - Stan Lee/Don Heck, John Romita || Amazing Spider-Man #121 - Gerry Conway/Gil Kane ◇

This collapse leads Norman to want to rid Peter Parker/Spider-Man from his life (by killing Peter), because he falsely blames Peter for Harry's drug overdose and also the collapse of Osborn Indistries.

Now Peter’s involvement in the Osborns' personal lives is interesting. Peter is the first person that Harry really opens up to outside of his father - when Harry breaks down and complains that his father had been very distant in the last few years. When Peter responds with the emotional support Harry had never gotten from Norman, Harry draws Peter further into his life by asking him to be his roommate. Harry’s demeanour toward Peter also becomes similar to his attitude towards his father, submissive and eager to please. (He even calls Peter 'sir' at one point when he's trying to get his attention - an address he uses towards his father.)

Peter, however, is so caught up in being Spider-Man that, like Norman, Peter often neglects his relationship with Harry. This leads Harry to be rather passive-aggressive. At one point, Harry offers to make Peter breakfast, but when he hears Peter locking his stuff up, he becomes insulted that Peter would think he would steal from him and storms off to see Norman instead.

This becomes an ongoing element, Harry being torn between Norman and Peter, and seeking love/support from both of them, but seemingly unable to get it.

Now I want to make it quite clear that Norman and Peter are not equally responsible here. Peter is Harry’s age and has troubles of his own. Norman should be acting as Harry’s father, but he really isn't, not emotionally anyway. He is meeting his son's material needs (to an excess), but he is emotionally neglecting his son while also emotionally burdening him with his own troubles. Plus Norman is constantly verbally berating Harry for failing to live up to his impossible expectations - leaving Harry feeling worthless and extremely depressed.

Harry takes drugs to cope with these negative feelings - first abusing prescription medication and then moving on to street drugs. There is even already a note of passive suicidal ideation here, as when Peter asks him how many pills he's taking, Harry's response is 'What’s the difference? Who counts?' (Amazing Spider-Man #97 - Stan Lee/Gil Kane.)

Now I refuse to believe that Harry doesn't understand that there's a possibility of overdose here: he's a chemistry (and business) major with a father who sells drugs for a living. He knows that it is a possibility. So, while he's not actively seeking to end his life, he also doesn't really seem to care if he lives or dies - as long as he can escape from his pain.

Harry does eventually overdose - and it's an overdose that leads Norman to go after Peter & also Peter’s girlfriend (and Harry's friend) Gwen. Norman blames all of Harry’s friends for his condition, but especially Peter. And Norman blames himself for failing to protect his son from them. He threatens to kill Gwen if Peter doesn't end his own life, and when Peter doesn't comply, Norman goes ahead with his threat - throwing Gwen Stacy off the George Washington Bridge. (Amazing Spider-Man #121 - Gerry Conway/Gil Kane.)

Peter (as Spider-Man) goes after Norman in revenge, and Norman ends up dying (albeit by his own glider and not Peter’s hand.) Harry eventually figures out that Peter is Spider-Man, and this leads him to think that his and Peter’s friendship wasn't real, that it was entirely a ruse on Peter’s part. That Peter was just getting close to Harry to close in on his father.

Harry ends up forgetting about Peter Parker’s secret identity after his first attack on Peter though, and so for years the threat of Harry's revenge remains dormant. However, even from 'beyond the grave' (Norman, um, kind of faked his death, but Harry didn’t know that) Norman still had a hold on Harry’s psyche.

One early warning sign of the return of Green Goblin might have been that Harry names his child both after his father and himself (Norman Harold Osborn), keeping their names (and identies) close together. Harry also tells young Normie how special a man his grandfather Norman Osborn was. Then Harry begins to hear his father's voice telling him to revenge his death, to kill Spider-Man/Peter Parker.

Harry goes back and forth on how he sees his father. At times, he is able to see his father as who he really was/is, a dangerous criminal who ruined his own life. However, at other points, he calls Norman 'wonderful' and 'the greatest man this world has ever known.' He claims that his father's spirit is in him fuelling all his efforts, and blames Peter for both Norman's and Gwen's deaths.

Of course, it would be hard for anyone to admit that their father killed one of their closest friends, however, I think with Harry it goes even beyond that. Because Harry doesn't have a solid identity outside of his father, he is unable to fully see himself and his father as two separate people. So, in his head, Harry can't admit that his father killed Gwen, because then he would also have to think that he killed Gwen - something I don't think that Harry can wrap his head around doing. It's easier then to blame someone else - Peter/Spider-Man.

When Harry does finally admit that Norman killed Gwen, he still absolutely thinks (pretty understandibly) that it was Peter who ended Norman's life. Because of this, Harry decides that both he and Peter would be better off dead - and that their deaths would protect their loved ones from further harm.

It is only an outpouring of unconditional love from Peter (something Harry had never really felt before) that sways Harry from ending Peter’s life. He carries Peter out of the building where he had set up a timed bomb, but then seemingly dies himself (from side effects of the serum he'd taken to make himself stronger.)

🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻

Break!

🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻🌷🪻

Okay, this is here because this is getting long, but I don’t want to make it a two-parter, but also sometimes people need to take a break and breathe, you know?

I will also be concentrating more on post One More Day Harry in this section, though referring back to earlier comics as well. I will also be talking more about sex and romantic relationships, and how Harry's focus on his father (and Norman seeing himself as the most important person in Harry’s life) complicates things.

The Dan Slott and Joe Kelly runs leading up to and during Dark Reign were the first Spider-Man comics I read, and these were the issues where I first got to see the Osborns' relationship on page. What really struck me then about the relationship was how Norman talks to Harry more like a separated spouse than his grown child: 'I need you,' 'the world could be ours,' 'come home,' 'your place is here, by my side.'

During this period, Harry is pulling away from his father and trying to be independent, and Norman does not like this at all. He mocks Harry’s business ventures, then bombs Harry’s place of business - almost killing Harry’s then girlfriend Lily Hollister in the process. When Harry goes to confront him, Norman says that girlfriends are replaceable and tries to win Harry back. This, however, does not work, and shortly following this, Harry goes no contact.

Norman will not accept this boundary, however, or any boundary really. He admitted earlier to recording and listening to all of Harry’s therapy sessions, and when Harry won't answer his calls or letters, Norman has people spy on his son and report to him on everything Harry is doing. He then gets himself invited to a wedding that Harry is attending.

This is when he tells Harry that he needs him, something that does visibly affect Harry. Peter steps in between Harry and Norman, and tells Norman 'and that's what therapy's for.'

This scene is interesting because Norman does not like admitting that he needs other people, but also because Peter doesn't consider this (entirely) as a ploy on Norman’s part. He does think that Norman is being honest about 'needing' Harry. He just thinks that the way Norman seeks support from his son is unhealthy.

There is also an 'us'-ness in the Norman-Harry relationship, that is more typical of couples. This along with how Harry is thrust into this nurturing role with Norman, makes him (at times) seem more like his father’s spouse than his son.

And when Harry and Norman do end up cutting ties, Harry even says: 'I was never your son.'

◇ Amazing Spider-Man #573 - Dan Slott /John Romita Jr. || Amazing Spider-Man #595 - Joe Kelly/Phil Jimenez || Amazing Spider-Man #598 || Writer: Joe Kelly/Artists: Paulo Siqueira & Marco Checchetto || Amazing Spider-Man #599 - Joe Kelly/Stephen Segovia, Marco Checchetto, Paulo Siqueira ◇

This relationship with his father - before the eventual break up - does also lead to problems in Harry’s romantic relationships.

Because Norman basically sees himself as the centre of the universe and because he is very possessive of the people around him, Harry grew up internalising this idea that he belongs to his father and that he should prioritise Norman above everything else.

And because of this, Harry does tend to elevate and choose his father over his other relationships. Like how when he was seeing Mary Jane Watson, that relationship ended because Harry wouldn’t unlock the door for her - choosing to be alone with his dead father's costume over being with her. His marriage with Liz also deteriorates as Harry obsesses over avenging his father's death and continuing the Osborn legacy.

Of note, in these moments Harry isn't exactly thinking clearly - there are definitely signs of psychic breaks, with Harry having delusions and hallucinations. Still, a huge part of Harry's psyche is consumed by his father - to the detriment of other aspects of his life.

Even after Harry sees Norman as a bad person (acknowledging that his father was Gwen's killer and knowing for sure that Norman has committed countless other heinous crime), Norman still has a hold over his son. Harry still holds out hope for winning his father's love and approval - and completely dismisses his then girlfriend Lily Hollister's encouragement and support. Instead focusing entirely on his father's criticisms.

◇Amazing Spider-Man #595 - Joe Kelly/Phil Jimenez || Amazing Spider-Man Family #4 - J.M. DeMatteis/Val Semeiks || Amazing Spider-Man #390 - J.M. DeMatteis/Mark Bagley◇

◇Amazing Spider-Man #126 - Gerry Conway/Ross Andru || Spectacular Spider-Man #189 - J.M. DeMatteis/Sal Buscema || Amazing Spider-Man #569 - Dan Slott /John Romita Jr.◇

Another thing involving Lily Hollister - a rather controversial decision - was to have her be in sexual relationships with both Harry and Norman Osborn (with the timing being so close together that the paternity of her child was called into question.)

I actually don't think it's so surprising that Norman would go after someone his son was seeing. He is very self-centred and delusion enough to think that he could somehow get away with it.

Also, back in Amazing Spider-Man #96, there was this whole thing about Harry bringing along Norman to watch the girl he was then seeing - Mary Jane Watson - dance. It kind of comes across like Harry is trying to impress his father with how hot his 'girlfriend' is, and Norman is quite publicly enchanted by her.

There is something similar in the Raimi adaption where Harry Osborn wants Mary Jane Watson to dress in black (like Harry’s mother/Norman’s wife used to do) because he wants Norman to be impressed by her/find her attractive. Which people have pointed out is kind of weird/creepy.

Also kind of weird is just how much empathy Harry has towards Lily Hollister after she ditches him for his dad. Like yes, I think it's a coercive relationship, and Norman is much more to blame, but I still think most people would be a little more angry in this situation. And what Harry does say to Lily at the start of her and Norman's relationship is very interesting to me:

'He's an amazing man, Lily...I know, and he takes very special care of his "nice things"...until he doesn't.

I hope you see him for what he is before that happens...

Because when Norman Osborn is through with you, no one gets to have you.'

One) because it's really quite strange to call the father you suspect is sleeping with your ex-girlfriend 'an amazing man'

Two) because the way Harry is saying this makes it seems like it applies to both her and him. The 'I know' in particular stands out, because what he seems to be saying is 'I know exactly what you are feeling/going through right now.'

Which given that she is in 'romantic' relationship with his father certainly raises questions.

◇Amazing Spider-Man: Extra! #3 - Joe Kelly/Dale Eaglesham || Amazing Spider-Man #96 - Stan Lee/Gil Kane◇

In any case, I could probably write more, but this post is already more than long enough. I just find the dynamic between Norman & Harry Osborn fascinating because I don’t think it's one we see as often in fiction, and I love reading about dysfunctional families/relationships.

I also find post-OMD Harry really interesting, because I think it's even rarer to see a person, who was in a relationship like this, have to move on, fully cut ties, and figure out how to build a life for themselves without this person (who they had such codendency with.)

[graymanshoots]

Simon “Ghost“ Riley SFW+NSFW Headcanons…

…and quotes I found that I believe fit him. With a lil chunk of comforting fluff at the end cause the quotes are sad.

(Just a reminder that these are my personal headcanons for him. Be respectful please.)

Quotes:

SFW

- I don’t think Simon as a person is as ruthless and cold as people make him out to be. He cares a lot about the people around him and locks in when necessary. He may be wary of people when he first meets them, but with the right amount of time and good conversation, he’d definitely be a good companion.

- He keeps work separate from his personal life. The way I see it, him wearing a mask on the field is to preserve his identity and to strike fear into enemies with the skull, like it had been done for him. He doesn’t wear a mask when he’s on leave because he’s Simon then, and people are gonna see him as some random big burly dude, not a soldier when he’s just walking the street.

- I’d say he would like some semblance of a normal life outside of work. By normal, I mean being able to have relationships, maybe get married, and after a lot of convincing, maybe have a kid. If he truly was going to stay alone for the rest of his life, there wouldn’t be as much of a need for him to be so secretive about his face (especially with his background). He has nothing to lose outside of the military. Sad to say, but his entire family is dead, and as far as we know lore-wise, all of his friends are dead except for 141.

- He’s confident and cocky. He’s not shy about his looks. He knows he has attractive features, and he definitely knows his capabilities. Simon is also bigger than most men and has a body sculpted by years of military training. He’s not shy about it. I can see him getting touchy about some of his scars just because they remind him of a dark point in his life, but he also reminds himself that he’s survived through them and takes them with a bittersweet feeling.

- Simon has a lot of mental issues and seems like the type of person to want to deal with them alone. If you were his significant other (you’d obviously have to be extremely close with him to get to that point), he’d tell you about his childhood. He talks about his trauma very casually like it never really affected him, but it subconsciously still hurts to think and talk about. He’ll trauma dump to a close friend/significant other and then think, “My life is kinda messed up.” Later on.

- If he suffers from night terrors or any type of sleeping ailments, I don’t believe he’d push his significant other away. He’d probably need a moment to collect himself because he’d be pretty dangerous in situations where he’s in a panic and isn’t thinking straight, but he’d definitely want to either stay close to you or hold you once he’s somewhat calmed down. He doesn’t mind being comforted; it’s just very foreign to him because he didn’t get much of it throughout his life. When he holds you, he likes to remind himself that he does have a piece of his mother in him and he isn’t 100% a monster. The softness he holds in the deepest parts of himself, he automatically associates them as traits passed from his mom.

- Simon is a soft man. He’d be very gentle as a significant other and as a father. He doesn’t yell or ever really raise his voice unless he’s pushed to a point. But he’d never want to be seen as anything similar to his dad.

- Now he may be soft most of the time, but if someone really pushes him, he can be petty and mean. When he gets angry, he doesn’t think and says things he doesn’t mean just to hurt the other person. He wouldn’t be like this towards his children if he had any, but there are definitely times where he’s argued with his significant other and thrown out a low blow. He’s someone that needs a lot of patience.

- A bit contradictory, but he has anger issues and that’s just that. Of course, he’ll keep level as much as possible, and he doesn’t yell often, but he definitely gets upset at a lot of little things. The someone spills a drink on him on accident, he has to take a moment to calm himself. His coat catches on the doorknob, and he’s gripping the wood tightly, just standing there fuming in silence.

- Carries candy in at least one of his pockets. Seems like the type to have a sweet tooth, and he especially falls into it after getting into a relationship or having a family. He used to just eat candies whenever he had a craving for them, but with an s/o or a family, he eats them whenever he feels he needs a cig or a drink. While sugar isn’t that good for you, he’d much prefer having that than dying of lung cancer or falling into addiction like his brother. He also likes baked goods purely for the fact that they have such a potent smell and can give his dreary apartment a comforting feel when he’s alone.

NSFW (you can scroll past this if you don’t want to see these the mini fluff piece is below this I’ll have it titled bold)

-He’s a gentle lover, doesn’t usually go rough unless asked or he’s upset. He likes to take his time when having sex since his work life is very fast-paced and high-stress. After a mission, he’ll want to make love to his s/o, being soft and gentle with his thrusts, enjoying the grip of you around his cock. After the initial soft round, if you're up for another, he’s not against going rougher.

-He doesn't do casual hook-ups often because they usually require him letting someone into his space or him going into an unfamiliar place. He’d do them in his car, bathroom, or generally anywhere that could give him semi-privacy with the person.

-That being said, Simon is not against semi-public sex. He’s not super kinky but is willing to try anything once. He would never do anything that had to do with blood, bodily harm with a weapon of any kind, and scat/piss. Those are super hard no’s for him. The farthest he’d go with ‘bodily harm’ is spanking, but I don’t see him using a belt at all. Besides, his palm is good enough to get the desired effects.

-Simon loves to cum inside. Not because he has a breeding kink, but because he loves watching his cum leak out of your well-used hole. He enjoys seeing your blissed-out face, knowing he’s to blame for your condition.

-He’s a giver more than a receiver. He loves giving you pleasure and often forgets about himself because he just adores your reaction to everything he’s dishing out for you. He doesn’t mind getting sucked off but would much rather eat you out or fuck you than that. He’s not a very selfish lover no matter his mood. It’s always 90% of his attention on you and the rest on himself. Even if you guys are hate-fucking or he’s in a bad mood, he’ll either edge you into oblivion or overstimulate you until you're crying.

-Simon Riley has a big dick; that’s just a fact. He is thick and he’s got good length. I’d say he’s a bit more girth than most men rather than long. He’s a grower and a bit of a shower. When he’s soft, you're gonna assume he’s like around 5.5 inches, but when you get him all riled up, he’ll get to around 6.7 inches.

-With him having been blessed in his nether regions, he does a lot of foreplay. And I mean a lot. He won’t fuck you until you’ve cum at least once and prepped and ready for him to ruin you. He will start with light teasing once he feels he's in the mood. Gets touchier than usual and will start with innocent little touches and kisses before pulling you into his lap.

-He loves doing and getting aftercare. He’ll lay down and settle for a bit after a good romp, but he’ll eventually either get up or let you get up to do some well-deserved sweet and domestic aftercare.

Mini fluff fic:

You shuffled through the kitchen, humming softly to the song playing through your speaker. The sweet aroma of vanilla and cinnamon filled the room, wrapping its scent around everything. Simon was supposed to be back from deployment today, so you wanted to make his favorite dessert as a welcome home gift.

You were so wrapped up in making sure everything was perfect you hadn’t heard keys jingling or the door open. With thoughts consumed, a yelp doesn’t fail to leave your lips when you turn around, bumping right into your husband's chest.

“Do I need to buy you a hearing aid, love?” Simon questioned, his unmasked face showing his amused expression.

“You are like a mouse when you walk!” You argued, lightly slapping him on the chest before turning back to the oven.

Simon let out a low chuckle and grabbed you by the waist, pulling you into his chest before resting his chin on your head.

You relaxed into him, leaning your head to the side, inhaling his cologne. Simon leaned down, pressing his scarred lips to your neck, mumbling something incoherent into your skin.

You squirmed in his hold, feeling ticklish as a small smile appeared on his face. “Simon, the cinnamon rolls are gonna burn.” Your words fell on deaf ears as Simon swayed you along to the music, saying nothing and just feeling you.

His fingers teased under your shirt and lightly gripped onto the skin of your hips, a soft sigh sliding from his lips as he relaxed.

The two of you stood there for a couple of minutes, just swaying softly, enjoying each other's presence before he reluctantly pulled away, pressing a soft kiss to your neck.

“You need any help with the rolls, hun?” He asked, looking at the golden brown cinnamon rolls in the oven. “When I take them out, you can help me with the icing,” you said, grabbing the bowl with the unfinished icing in it. Simon smiled and took the bowl from you, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead before going over to the mixer…

[unholyhelbig]

I’ve always been curious about Kate bishops background and would love to hear a paraphrased version if ur okay with it

[Absolutely I can! Just a little disclaimer, I'm doing this mostly from memory, so I may get a few things wrong. But I promise the gist is there, and this has gotten way too long, so uh... part one? I guess? I didn't even get to the vampires. If people are into this. I'll keep going.]

Okay, let’s start with Kate’s backstory.

The Bishop family has issues. Eleanor, Kate’s mom, is distant but portrayed as a generally good person. She and her husband Derek have an estranged relationship. She travels a lot and is regarded as an activist throughout her life until her untimely death when Kate is still just a kid.

Kate develops admiration for her father. He’s a publishing magnate but it’s soon revealed that he has ties to the crime world. Kate, despite her young age, follows her father to a meeting with El Matador. While there, she gets captured by the crime lord to be held for ransom.

This is where she see’s Clint for the first time, who saves her with the rest of the avengers. She took an instant liking to him because he was the only human on the team without advantages. At this point, she does make Clint her role model and starts to distance herself from her family to focus on activism like Eleanor.

Kate didn’t’ truly start training in combat until she was attacked in Central Park. This kicked off her love of self-defense. She originally felt isolated and in some cannon media, this moment in the park still haunts her beyond belief. (Young Avengers Special #1 [2005]  is a great comic that’s stand alone & shows the mentorship between Jessica Jones and Kate. TW for SA.)

Que the Young Avengers.

(My personal favorite Kate Bishop Design)

Kate has an older sister that’s been completely written out of the MCU adaptation. Her name is Susan, and she doesn’t have the greatest relationship with Kate, they’re not openly hostile, but they don’t enjoy each other either. Still, Kate is in Susan’s wedding party.

During the wedding, the church comes under fire and the Young Avengers swoop in to save the day. But they awkwardly become hostages themselves and Kate uses one of Patriots throwing stars to get them out of the situation before the police show up.

Kate very ungracefully demands to become a part of the Young Avengers (The original team is: Cassie Lang, Eli Bradley, Tommy Shepard, Billy Kaplan, Nate Richards, and Teddy Altman). Kate originally doesn’t have a hero identity, so she raids the Avengers Mansion and dawns Mockingbirds staves and mask, swordsman’s sword and belt and Hawkeyes abandoned bow.

Captain America and Iron man were not happy about the team and demanded that they disband. But eventually gave in after the Young Avengers refused to back down. Kate was the only one to stand up to Steve and demand that they get better training. He agreed and put Jessica Jones in charge of the team. This is when Kate becomes Hawkeye. Steve gives her the title and the bow. She’s the unofficial leader of the Young Avengers.

What about Clint?

Dude is dead in the Young Avengers run. Clint makes his valiant return in the massive Civil War event that Marvel comics created. He was resurrected and is absolutely pissed when he finds out that Steve gave his name and his bow away.

Clint actually attacks Kate while she’s on a date with Eli Bradley in Central Park. He’s officially Ronin at this point and is impressed by Kate’s skills after she breaks into his place to steal her bow back. He unofficially (but also totally officially) allows her to take the mantle.

The Children’s Crusade

I’m skipping a lot of small side quests that Kate takes (even though they’re a lot of fun) because Children’s Crusade is possibly the most important part of her journey, and by the looks of it, is the basis for where the MCU is planning to go in the next few years.

Kate has a really strong friendship with Billy Kaplan, aka Billy Maximoff. He’s the strongest magic being to ever inhabit earth and when his powers become dangerous the Avengers decide to lock him up. That didn’t slide with Kate, and they ended up breaking him out of the tower and entering alternate timelines in search of Billy’s mom- Wanda Maximoff.

This was pure, time-warp chaos. Wanda had forgotten who she was and was about to marry Doctor Doom when the Young Avengers showed up and pulled her out of it. She regained her powers and her memories, coming to terms with Billy and Tommy being her sons.

Once in their original timeline, a massive fight breaks out between the Avengers and the x-men. It’s a whole thing that ends up killing Cassie Lang. Her death ends up disbanding the original Young Avengers who go their separate ways to come to terms with how dangerous being a hero really is.

Matt Fraction? Matt Fraction.

Listen, if you’re looking for the inspiration behind the general vibe of the show Hawkeye, this is the run for you. If you read anything from Kate’s comic journey, let it be this. You don’t need any prior knowledge to Kate or Clint to enjoy this one and the artwork heavily inspired the intro to the show.

In this series, Clint is the owner of an apartment building that’s since been taken over by the tracksuit mafia. Kate and Clint have an established friendship and the dynamic is very much like the show. But grittier. The series leans into Clint’s deafness and Kate’s trauma. It’s a basis for their relationship.

Los Angeles, baby

Kate goes to LA a lot. It’s her home away from New York and her arcs there are some of my favorite (it’s a guilty pleasure, honestly). During her run with Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye, she has a particularly bad fight with Clint. She takes Lucky and jets off to the beach to find her niche.

Kate becomes a very cool, very chill private eye for her first solo run; Hawkeye Private Eye. While she does eventually go back to New York to help out Clint, she starts her own business in Los Angeles where she teams up with Jessica Jones and Laura x23. Very fun, very goofy series.

[This took...hours. Literal Hours. But I have access to all the digital archives for Kate so, I'm more than happy to keep going lol]

[nanfrost]

A dive into Vertin's core aspect of her character and it's impact through the story: Part 1

This would be a character analysis with mix of speculations, headcannons and eventually just straight up heading to fanfiction levels territory, so if you were expecting a more cannon analysis, you have been warned.

With that said however, for those who are still interested, welcome to my insanity! This was something that I have been working with a friend of mine who you may or may not know as @acesw for the past week, and we are finally satisfied with it enough to post it! A lot of the ideas that are present in this came from them, while I offer my own interpretations and expanding on those very ideas through my writing. Without them, this analysis likely will have never come to fruition, so I can't be thankful enough for having them go on this journey with me, and also to just have as a good friend. Go check them out, they have really neat ideas and is a genuinely creative and artful person!

Now with that outta the way, time for the main event you are have been waiting for, our one and only beloved Timekeeper herself, and the emotional roller coaster that we have prepared for her. Please do enjoy.

Background context:

Vertin is an incredibly interesting and compelling character in many ways. Her ability to care for other people to a great extent whether she knows them for long or not. Her compassion for everyone around her, her empathy, her willingness to open her heart and listen to others when it matters. All these traits make up who Vertin is as a character and is a large part of why so many people fall in love with her and the story; to not only see more of her but to see where her story will go.

However, there is one part of her character that stands out the most to us, a core aspect of her character that makes up most, if not all her major decisions in the story up until this point, and will be the main subject of this entire analysis.

And that is Vertin's incredible sense of selflessness.

From going out of her way to save Regulus and not let her be forced to be taken in by the Foundation. Her attempts at getting through to Schneider, to understanding and showing her immense compassion even in the heat of moments. Choosing to stay behind in the Walden to fend off the Manus while the others escaped, and most crucial of all, her conscious decision to bury all her trauma inside herself to prevent others from worrying about her. Hell, even her entire motive and drive to seek the truth about the Storm and a way to stop it stems from her desire for freedom and the future of everyone.

All of this is in some way driven by Vertin's selfless nature, always prioritizing the sake of others above herself, to the point of risking her own life if it means she could protect those around her.

She's someone who will go out of her way to connect with others, even when knowing that the pain of losing them will never fade away, to give them comfort and help them if she can no matter what.

It is an incredibly beautiful part of what makes Vertin such a compelling, lovable, and admirable character and person, but at the same time, it also represents Vertin's biggest issue about herself.

That Vertin isn’t just selfless, she is selfless to a fault.

Vertin will prioritize saving everyone above herself, or rather, she would prioritize and save everyone but herself. For Vertin intrinsically has no sense of self-value nor self-worth; in other words, she has no self identity, for her entire life is valued based on other people, not herself. This can bring a lot of self-conflict, as well as possibly even harming others when reaching a point where every step taken is crucial.

And this serious of posts will detail and explore this aspect of her, its ramifications upon the character, and to not only show the ugliest and most painful parts of it, but to also show a path that Vertin might possibly take in the story to confront this part of herself somehow. In other words: welcome to Vertin's suffering builds character arc.

What can we tell from canon?

Where do we start seeing the decision making? We already start seeing them in the first 2 chapters. In summary:

Chapter 1 - Vertin continuously is left with decisions that she has to make on the fly, starting from deciding to try to see if Regulus can survive the storm and choosing to stay behind the Walden and risk getting harmed by the Manus Vindictae for the sake of her team as well as helping Schneider.

Chapter 2 - Vertin finds herself having to choose between keeping her silence and “joining” the Manus, and when she initially refuses, Arcana has her answer questions that bring unsatisfactory answers, leading her to harm Schneider. But when she does say she’ll join, she is first tasked and eventually manipulated to “kill” her.

Now, that’s all fine and dandy and does communicate that she is a very altruistic person and a selfless individual, but how is any of that bad or problematic? How does that correlate to her not having any sense of self-worth? Chapter 1’s ending is the first instance we get to see just how far Vertin’s selflessness goes, by her decision of staying behind to grant Sonetto and the others time to escape. Because of Vertin’s sacrificial play, Druvis and the majority of Manus didn’t pursue Sonetto's crew as aggressive as they would have, giving them time to properly make their runaway. Not only that, but both her and Schneider were kept alive, albeit captive. 

There, Vertin’s selflessness is shown in a good light, being an admirable trait of hers that was crucial in progressing the story. This is the only instance in the story so far that has highlighted this trait of hers in a positive light, which is then contrasted by what happens in chapter 2.

Here, that aspect of hers that so far has been so boldly displayed as a good thing; saving Regulus and her team, is now flipped on its head, showing us that sometimes, being selfless simply isn't enough.

Vertin was put into a situation where she needed to make a choice, to either join Manus or reject their offer. When she chose the latter, Schneider was put into danger. And as each question Arcana asked piled on to her and the pressure started to rise further, Vertin went back on her words, choosing to stay with them. 

This is so she could ensure Schneider’s survival, a selfless choice she makes for the sake of a person she had barely known. It was also here where Vertin’s naivety blinds her of the situation she was in.

That no matter what she chose, Schneider wasn't going to make it out of this.

Schneider had already betrayed them, but even before that, she never truly believed in them in the first place, only soaking up to them for her own personal goals. She was the one who lied to Manus about her identity, to pretend to play along with them until she bided her time, and now she was captured right in their hands. 

It doesn’t take much for one to come to the conclusion that Schneider was a dead woman walking.

Yet, Vertin did not see this. For her view of the world even at this point was too naive, warped by her own perception and belief. A belief that by giving herself up, by throwing her own agency away will somehow lead to other people’s lives improving. That somehow, someway, by disregarding her own safety, the safety of others will be secured.

Vertin is living in a highly warped perception of the world, thinking and believing that if she alone suffers, no one else has to. 

Green Oranges serves as a reality check to Vertin, albeit one that Vertin was unfortunately in too much emotional distress to properly realised.

However, it’s important to note that the game was rigged from the start. Regardless of what Vertin would have chosen, Schneider was going to “die” there either way. So although we witnessed the consequences of Vertin’s selfless choice, it would be unfair to call it her fault. So for now, this chapter only serves as a warning to Vertin.

That even if her selflessness is admirable and has paid the way to many good results, her complete lack of care for herself is not, and is leading her to believe in a false image of the world. A flaw that she will continue to neglect until it becomes far too late to remedy.

Chapter 3 and 4 are the harder ones to allocate, mostly because Vertin isn’t the main focus and rarely appears in the story at all except for flashbacks or dreams. But it still serves a very important role in giving us another facet of this character trait that Vertin exhibits.

That this selflessness of hers doesn’t just affect her, but also the relationships she has with the people around her, and specifically, her crew and Sonetto.

We were told that before Vertin was put to sleep, she had acted relatively the same as she always was, carrying out her duties until she was forced to be sedated and put into the coma we saw her at the start of Chapter 3. We knew that Vertin had set up plans in the form of Lilya and the bill she made with Madam Z, but this was something that wouldn’t be known by us or the other characters until much later.

For the entirety of her time spent before the events of 3 and 4, Vertin kept herself closed off, ensuring that she wouldn’t worry her new friends and even more so, Sonetto. But as a consequence, this results in nobody truly knowing what Vertin was thinking or trying to do prior to going comatose.

Sonetto, Vertin’s closest companion, someone who knows Vertin the longest and has been with her the most, wasn’t even privy to what Vertin’s plans were. She was left struggling to figure out what she should do to help Vertin, while also battling her own inner turmoil.

Druvis, Sotheby, Regulus, APPle, all of them were also victims of this. They had no idea what Vertin was planning, nor was even given any hints; they were left to their own devices and in turn, the influence of the Foundation. Vertin may have tried to help them by not getting them involved with the Foundation matters, but this ironically only led to them being drawn into the organisation because of their desire of wanting to help Vertin.

If Madam Z hadn’t come in to give Druvis the push she needed, Constantine likely would have gotten things to go her way. If it wasn’t for the collective efforts of Z and Vertin’s crew and so many others, Vertin likely wouldn’t have been freed. 

These two chapters showcase the loyalty and trust that her friends have in Vertin, but it also highlights the issue of Vertin always trying to hide things away, to always keep herself emotionally closed. Even if she had good intentions, it still led to less than favourable outcomes that could have very well ended badly for all of them had things gone differently.

With that, we have gotten a rough understanding of Vertin’s character up until this point. Vertin’s selflessness can be an good thing to posses, but because of her disregard of her own well-being and her naive belief that only she needs to make sacrifices for the good of everyone, it is ultimately an unhealthy outlet for Vertin’s way of coping with her trauma. Not just internally, but externally as well.

From here on, I will be diving into my own personal headcanon of where the direction of the story might go, with the purpose of having Vertin’s character be pushed slowly towards a breaking point that will force her to confront this very part of herself, and perhaps, come out learning something from it all.

Speculation: Vertin’s breaking point

Before we get into it however, there is one thing that must be noted here so that the events that will transpire would make more sense.

That being how exactly could the story push Vertin’s character to her limit, when she herself is a naturally strong and composed person? It’s quite simple really, in fact, the answer was already given to us all the way back in Chapter 2.

Vertin’s one crucial weakness that even she might not even realise, that being her overwhelming compassion for those she cares about.

Throughout chapter 1 and 2, we have seen how Vertin deals with stress. How she is able to mentally process the situation around her in a logical and composed manner, allowing her to come to the best possible solution in a short time without letting her emotions run rampant.

And during her confrontation with Arcana, she continues to showcase her composure when faced with a difficult situation and choices. That is until Arcana began to shift her hostility towards Schneider, and we start to see the cracks forming at her surface. 

Vertin is capable of dealing with high stress situations, however, when that situation involves other people, especially those she has come to know or care about, this mask of calmness starts to slip as she reveals how she truly feels.

That Vertin cares too much to see other people get hurt, knowing she can do something about it.

But this wasn’t enough, Vertin might be faltering, but she still tries to keep a calm level head, even when each question gets more and more personal for her. But it was okay, so long as she answered truthfully and picked their side, things will “somehow” work out.

This dream is then shattered by Arcana’s mission given to her; to kill the girl she had chosen to save by throwing her agency away. 

Here, the mask falters even more as Vertin slips further into emotional distress. This is the rare time, and really one of the only times you get to see Vertin raise her voice, far from her monotone voice she always has. It was getting to her.

This is then exacerbated from her shooting Schneider. Even if it was not by choice, Vertin was still the one who pulled the trigger, the one that held the gun against Schneider, and the one that killed her; a girl who she had come to care a great deal about in such a short time.

Here, the mask completely falls as Vertin expresses just how much this breaks her heart. The only instance in the game where Vertin ever shed a tear for something or someone.

So it’s clear now that the biggest strength to her character that Vertin has; her love and compassion for others, is also her biggest weakness. A weakness that can be exploited and used to push Vertin past and even beyond her breaking point.

So let’s do just that.

The narrative will go like this: Vertin and her crew are tasked on an important mission of some kind, where they are given more control and permission to decide and do more so long as Vertin is the one making those choices. This puts Vertin into a position of power much higher than she usually assumes, which will first add a layer of stress over her as she carries out her mission.

Then, the story will sprinkle in a variety of different decisions that Vertin has to make, some big and some small. All of them have some kind of effect on the people around her or their situation. This further adds stress to the girl, now having to juggle the responsibilities of making the difficult choices and decisions that no one else can, because she was their leader, the one assigned to do the job.

At first, things do start to look better as her crew tries their best to assist her, and the situation starts to look more promising. It would be here where a wrench would be thrown, completely sending the whole mission into disarray.

Something completely unexpected occurs, causing chaos and mayhem to follow suit. Vertin tries to assert the situation and find a way to stabilise the people, her crew doing their best to help. However, in their task of ensuring the situation doesn’t derail any further, her crew subsequently split off from her, leaving the girl alone to her own devices.

Here, we begin the start of Vertin’s downfall.

Now without her crew or Sonetto’s help, Vertin is now forced into a situation where she needs to continuously make quick and decisive actions on the fly, all to ensure that things are kept as stable as possible. This leads to her going out and helping as many people as she can, trying to resolve as many issues as possible by herself so that others can focus on their safety. 

However, not every situation can be resolved peacefully nor gracefully.

Gradually, Vertin is faced with more and more difficult choices, ones that require her to choose one side or the other with escalating stakes and tension. No matter what she chooses however, people still get hurt, lives are still put in danger. And Vertin, being the girl that she is, can’t bear to see it happen.

So she tries to find ways to choose both, to save both parties so long as she can help it. Even if it meant having to risk her own safety, Vertin cannot bear to choose one and let the others perish. She can’t allow that to happen.

So she gives herself up to the task of saving people. To abandon her own safety and subsequently her own agency in order to ensure that others will live. So that everyone can make it out even if she doesn’t.

If only she is the casualty in all this, it is the result that Vertin can accept, a result that Vertin can be at peace with.

What she doesn’t realise, or perhaps she isn’t willing to see is that she’s forcing herself into a corner. By placing so much emphasis on saving, by abandoning her own safety and subsequently her own position of power, Vertin has left a chain of command with no real leader, and the situation starts falling into chaos. 

But she can’t see it, Vertin isn’t able to recognize this because she’s so intensely focused on the people around her who are suffering right that moment. Her composure is slipping, as she watches as people’s lives are being destroyed and perished rapidly before her eyes, and she can’t seem to make it better no matter how far she keeps going. This only furthers her careless act of selflessness, forgoing more and more of her own life until it was the last thing on her mind.

Eventually, things reach a boiling point where Vertin, alone, is faced with an obstacle that directly threatens her life and countless others. She now faces a choice, whether to prioritise her own safety over the lives of dozens of people, some strangers, some whose faces have grown familiar to her, or throw her life away again with the blinding hope that things will work out.

If she chooses to run, choose to save herself, Vertin can never live with herself. For a girl like her, who has made it her life to save anyone she can, and so running away can never be an option for her. So naturally, without a second thought, Vertin chooses to throw her life away in exchange of saving everyone’s lives.

A decision that will haunt the girl for the rest of her life.

By the time Vertin awakes, she finds that she is still alive, unscathed at that. But only a moment passes before Vertin notices the countless bodies of those that died, and the destruction that was wrought about around her. At first, she was confused, then the memories started to flood in. 

The memories of the moment she chose to throw her life away, chose to give herself up for the sake of others. And in that instance, someone did the same for her, pushing her out of death’s way as they sacrificed themselves for her. Someone she personally knew and cared about.

In the end, Vertin faces the result of her sacrifice; nothing but lifeless corpses, an utter wasteland filled with bodies with no souls left in them; and she alone survives.

But she might as well be dead, life completely leaving her quickly dulling eyes, a single thought consuming her mind.

This was her fault.

She chose to give her life away, to disregard her own leadership, her role and her worth all for the sake of others.

Because she was too selfless, too kind to ever let herself bear the guilt and burden of letting innocent people die when she could have saved them. And she thought that by sacrificing herself, she can do just that.

She never accounted for the fact that someone would save her.

That someone would prioritise her life over countless others, to choose to sacrifice themselves for someone like her. To give their life for Vertin.

Vertin kneels, her arms and hands shaking as her eyes froze still. She can’t bear to look at the scene before her, her stomach rising to her chest.

For she has finally seen the reality of the world around her, finally acknowledges something she has willingly and selfishly ignored for all this time.

Vertin has always had some level of survivor's guilt within her. Starting from the breakaway incident, Vertin had likely always felt how unfair and cruel it was that only she got to live, when she was the one that was responsible for leading them here.

Sure, the kids went with her because they desired the same thing, but it was she who led them, she who gave them the spark of desire to want to venture out, and because of her, they were all gone. 

Vertin has been carrying that guilt ever since, always masking it under layers and layers of self-imposed composure; a way to protect herself from the pain of the past, but as a way to stop people from getting too close to her, because she is afraid that something similar might happen again if that was the case. That if she were to let people know her, to get to care about her, that they too will suffer because of their involvements with her.

But Vertin was too kind, too good, too compassionate. Even when she emotionally distances herself from others, people still flock to her because they see just how kind she is.

Because even when she doesn’t show it, the girl cared enough to go out of her way to save them, so of course they would be grateful to her, of course they would feel immense gratitude and appreciation for her. Of course they would choose her as their leader and follow her. 

And of course, one of them would throw their life away to save hers. 

Vertin had abandoned all self-importance or self-value, believing that she, the lone survivor of a terrible tragedy, the one who shouldn’t have lived for the sins that she had committed; deserved no such thing. That someone like her should not dare to believe she had value, when all she had done was cause death to those she cared about. That was what she had believed in, what she had convinced herself to believe in.

Because of that, she ignored the signs. She ignored the warnings given to her by others, the warning that if she keeps going down this path of self-annihilation, that eventually she will be met with a fate much worse than death.

In her selfless attempt to save everyone and everything, she had selfishly taken away the people’s chance to save her. To save the girl who had suffered far too much and who had helped even more, even when she can’t see past her own warped perception of herself.

And now she is facing the consequences of that. She is now looking at the results of her blindness, the carnage that was her willful ignorance to herself and to others, and the irony of being the only one left alive through it all once more.

In the past, she was an unwilling player on a chess board designed for her to lose. Now, she was the girl who gave up her own King for the all her pieces, and in return, she lost everything.

Vertin facing this, her composure long since lost, finally breaks.

She slumps onto the floor, her body and mind utterly overwhelmed with every facet of emotions she could conjure within the darkest pit of her stomach, all while drenched in the blood of the people she was supposed to save.

The blood of people who knew her, who admired and respected her, who cared for her, who saw her as a friend, who saw her as family. All of them suffered at her hands, at her own selfish choice to forsake her life because she saw no other way; because she perceived that there was no other way.

And she can't bear all that guilt. All the pain and unprocessed trauma she had buried inside her now finally comes bubbling out of her, completely suffocating the girl. That lack of self-value that she harbours now replaced with unending resentment and pure unbridled self-hatred. Something she had always carried inside her that only got worse over time, and now, it finally had an excuse to be let out.

An existence that had done nothing but wrought pain and death to everyone it ever cared about. An existence that so readily throws its life away at the slightest of inconvenience, never caring about what others think about them, for they were too blinded in their own suicidal nature to ever think that they deserved to be cared about.

Vertin truly believes that she does not deserve to be cared about. She truly believes that she is the worst of the worst, an willfully ignorant murderer, so blinded by their own vision of the world that they refuse to see the reality as what it is. And now, they're paying their just price for it, a price they should have paid long ago.

Vertin knew better than anyone, that she was nothing but a murderer.

Part 2

[ribbonstrawberrysurprise]

TMM Character Bios over All Versions

At long last, my collection of TMM bios, both transcribed and translated.

Sorted by source here. Sorted by person here. Collection of pictures of chara bio stickers, mostly from (expired) auction/sale listings online here.

List of sources:

Manga-related:

Manga character info page: that page that appears at the beginning of each volume of the manga. Very short. Does not change over time (with one exception), so sometimes it doesn't highlight the character's main personality trait…

Manga character info page (a La Mode): Same as above, but for a La Mode. Only appears in volume 2. (Note: Re-Turn does not have one of these)

A La Mode Intro Boxes: the little character bio charts that Berry and Tasuku get in A La Mode chapter 1

PS game manual: manual from the PS game. Contains the most direct ages for all characters and the only info on game-exclusive characters.

2002 Anime-related:

Profile stickers: square stickers with a picture of the girl on the front and a little chart of character info on the back. Comes in 2 distinct styles: One with a headshot of the character inside a heart on the front and the back printed in the character's theme color, and the other with a sparkly full-body shot + closeup of their head on the front and the back printed in red/hot pink.

2002 Anime Fanbook: artbook/fan guide for the original anime. Character pages have 2 taglines, a short bio, and a chart containing information similar to the stickers. Not well edited, so there's some inconsistent formatting/punctuation.

2002 Anime Insert from the TMM New Artbook: small section on the original anime within the New season 1 artbook. Character pages have a tagline, a short bio, and a chart containing information almost identical to the 2002 fanbook. The text for the bios are similar to the 2002 fanbook, but with more kanji and some editing for consistent style.

TMM New-related:

TMM New website character page: page on the official TMM site that has designs, birthdays, and short bios for all major characters. The one source that lists Seiji as a major character.

TMM New season 1 artbook: artbook with background information on season 1 of New. Only contains info on what appears in season 1, but the 2002 insert has spoilers for that whole series. Character pages have a tagline and a short bio which is very similar but not identical to the bio from the website.

If you want to see some of my thoughts on the info here + interesting changes/differences I noticed, that's below the cut!

It's obvious the original anime was aimed at kids and the new one is aimed at adults because sources related to the original manga and anime use lots of kana instead of kanji and have furigana on all kanji they do use. New-related sources use way more kanji and have no furigana.

Possibly related to this, older TMM stuff tends to use ミュウプロジェクト (Mew Project) vs New, which uses 「μ」プロジェクト (μ Project).

The original TMM fanbook has spotty editing which is especially visible in the charts. There's lots of small inconsistencies, like some words being spelled slightly differently (e.g., らっきょ instead of らっきょう for Pudding's least favorite food) and punctuation being inconsistent between the girls (e.g., items in lists being separated by interpuncts ・ except for Pudding's special skills, where it's inexplicably a comma 、). The biggest, most glaring issue is actually with a section I'll be posting slightly later, but I'll go ahead and list it here too: out of all official sources, the TMM Fanbook is the ONLY one who lists the Mew Mews' attacks as begining with リボン (ribon) instead of リボーン (riboon). This would be conclusive evidence in the Ribbon/Reborn debate if I didn't have the suspicion it's just a typo no one double-checked…

The stickers are in a slightly weird place continuity-wise since they have anime art on the front but refer to some manga-only information on the girls (e.g., Pudding having a pet monkey).

Speaking of the monkey, apparently at the time the stickers were coming out, Mia Ikumi had yet to finalize Annin's name, since here the monkey is called Mapo (i.e., mapo tofu)

The sticker bios have some otherwise-unseen info on character backstories: specifically, we find out that Mint's dad is a CEO and her mom runs a school, Zakuro's father is a producer and her mother is a model, and that Keiichirou is an orphan taken in by the Shiroganes at age 14. Also, apparently Ryou lives in the room above the cafe and Keiichirou lives in the secret basement.

Keiichirou seems to get way more impressive intros as time goes on. The manga bio comically undersells him, calling him "a waiter", and the PS game book only calls out his cooking skills, although Masha's bio drops the bomb that Keiichirou's the one who built him for Ryou. The 2002 fanbook mostly makes a point of how considerate he is, in contrast to the 2002 insert in the New artbook, where he's explicitly referred to as a researcher on cryptids/UMA. The New bios on the website and artbook go one step further and call him a "leading" researcher in the field!

Moe and Miwa's personalities seem to have changed or even reversed between the OG anime and New. Originally both Moe and Miwa are mostly defined by how they react to Ichigo. I.e., Ichigo says/does something weird (usually related to Mew Mew stuff or Aoyama), then Moe calls her out and Miwa either plays peacemaker or ends up joining in with Moe. So Moe snarky, Miwa gentler. New attempts to give them goals/personalities outside of this, so Moe becomes a "soothing" person with an interest in psychology and Miwa becomes a practical aspiring writer. I can only assume the writer thing is based on her writing Keiichirou a poem in the one episode where she and Moe get crushes on him and Shirogane, but I have no idea where Moe's career goal came from, much less how she became the "nice" one… I have to assume it's from her cutesy name??? Or maybe they thought that the one with blond curls looked "nicer/gentler" than the brunette with very short hair??? Weird.

The girls + Masaya (and Seiji, who is now in college so that he remains an older brother!) are aged up for New, but Ryou still seems to be the same age, which kind of makes the whole situation much funnier. Ichigo already had zero respect when he was slightly older, but now he's basically just one of her classmates. …of course, there's still room for him to be 16-17 instead of 15…

Sidenote: Ryou is consistently referred to as shonen/boy, which strikes me as funny despite making sense for his age. The narrator also doesn't respect him. Keiichirou gets seinen/young man, which trends a little older.

Ichigo gets referred to as ドジ (doji) in the '02 Fanbook which made me double-take since I'd usually associate it much more with Lettuce… I'd usually translate it to "clumsy", but in this case it's clearly going more for ditsy, flighty, disorganized, etc. so I went with "scatter-brained". The New bios do call Lettuceドジ, and I just used clumsy there.

Buling knowing kenpo/martial arts sure shows up more than I expected considering how little relevance it has to the actual show…

Zakuro, at least in the '02 anime, is supposed to be good with computers apparently! It shows up in her Fanbook bio as well as in one of the stickers (hobby: the internet). The internet being framed as a cool and mysterious thing for a smart character to know feels very 90s to early oughts, so maybe that's why it got dropped from her New characterization once everyone has smart phones… Saying someone's hobby is "the internet" reads more as neet or maybe influencer nowadays, as opposed to Cool Hacker or whatever. But I guess you could argue this is precedent for he inexplicable technological/manufacturing skills when she helps Minto make the prototype windmill thing?

In the stickers, there's a split between the Mew Mews favorite foods vs favorite sweet, but later on the sweets get lumped into favorite foods, which is how it's listed in the Fanbook and '02 Insert. But this does obscure the fact that Lettuce is the only one of them who just straight out has sweets as her favorite foods (shortcake, crepe cake), probably related to the fact that "cooking" and "making sweets" are listed as her special skills. 煮物/nimono (boiled or stewed food) is only added to her list of favorites in the Fanbook.

Weird that we never see Tasuku and Buling interact since he's explicitly compared to a monkey lmao.

[raayllum]

Something I’ve been noticing a lot in my current rewatch is how Rayla and Soren are foils…Soren being the failed crownguard (“failed” in large part bc of his father’s choices) who ends up on a quest to kill his little king… Rayla trying to make up for her parents’ failures as dragonguards and going every extra mile to protect Zym but taking Ezran under her protection as well (sometimes FROM Soren)…, Soren runs Viren through for trying to kill Ez but he’s just an illusion, the real Viren is trying to kill Zym, and Rayla is prepared to die to stop that…then Rayla goes but Soren stays, and when she comes back he’s taken up her role as the moral center of the show, arguing points that she used to make

I tried to see if you’d written anything about these two being foils specifically but tumblr search is… you know lol. I would love it if you could point me to a relevant meta if there is one! If there isn’t, I hope my thoughts were interesting lol they make me emotional

Y'know funnily enough I don't think there ever was a dedicated Soren&Rayla from almost anyone (of course I could've missed it, but at least not from me) precisely cause from what I remember of early post-s3 arc 1 days, their foil relationship was just... a general fandom consensus of everyone going "Oh yeah that checks out" and kinda left at that.

After all, Soren is the princes' sworn protector who tries to kill them, makes his way back onto the right side, and then 'kills' Viren (his father) in order to protect them... whereas Rayla is their sworn killer who defects from her father in order to protect those same princes, and then she actually kills Viren (if Aaravos and Claudia hadn't intervened) in the same episode. More than that, they both leave behind their previous "hey kill these kids" roles in favour of being a Protector of their respective princes (Soren with Ezran, Rayla with Zym) respectively likewise in 3x09.

You're absolutely right that Soren and Rayla both rely a lot on their physical fighting skills, and this parallel in regards to failure always stands out to me in S3:

Soren: As crownguard, it was my job to make sure that nothing happened to him. No matter what. So when the Moonshadow elves came I did everything I could to protect him. But it wasn't enough. I just... don't want to fail you, too. Rayla: It's me, and it's all my fault. I failed them. I let them all down. They're right to reject me. I'm not good enough, and I never will be.

as does this one for Runaan-Viren, because Runaan may have brought his teenage daughter on an assassination mission, but she's never seemingly scared of him the way Soren is of Viren

even if both fathers take issues with 'fear born' weakness at least in theory

And of course there's some other parallels scattered throughout, which makes sense: 1x01-1x03 is basically Rayla speedrunning Soren's S1-S3 arc of perpetuating the cycle of violence to actively trying to stop it by joining forces with your previous 'enemy'.

I think in a lot of ways Soren was exactly the sort of human Rayla had prepared her whole life to kill -- he's proud, he lies, he's not a 'good' person (at first) -- but of course, now they're good friends and it's very sweet to see. Arc 2 has less direct foils, but it's still there, y'know? Just more quietly in the background.

For example, enough has changed since 2x07 that now in 4x05 their roles have virtually switched, since Soren is the one campaigning to save the dragon while Rayla, although not the aggressor, is saying to walk away. I expect S6 Rayla to take some of Soren's 'protector' quality on further in regards to "doing everything you can" when Callum gets possessed. Possible 5x08 parallels also stand out to me with the concepts of identities (names), ownership vs agency, and compassion against the enemy currently wailing on you through future possessed!Callum and Elmer parallels.

The two are also in for a real pickle since they're the most "these people are the bad guys, we're the good guys" in the show... and it's like sir your sister is evil and ma'am your boyfriend is going through a corruption arc, you're in for some rude awakenings. That said they do have their unbreakable bonds of love with Claudia and Callum respectively, so who knows. It'll all work out. (Eventually.)

On that note we can also see some parallels between 2x02 and 3x03 perhaps... Rayla accuses Soren of trying to kill Ezran but explains it poorly, so Callum gives her as much as he can but doesn't side with her in the moment (which to be fair it is Quite a leap so like Callum you're so valid) VS Soren poorly explaining Viren asking him to kill the princes and Claudia not siding with him. The difference is that in the face of more evidence in favour of Claudia + Soren, Callum still sides with Rayla, and in the face of more evidence against Viren ("You'll understand when you see the first to change" -> "Claudia, you're changing too"), Claudia still sides with Viren, but I digress.

I'd also argue that Ezran is the moral centre of the show (at least to me) simply because he's the only one in the main cast who hasn't entered the 1) you did terrible things in the name of love/protective relay and 2) he's pretty measured and compassionate 99% of the time (but I do love the 1% when he's not let me tell you).

I talked about it in this meta (which is 2+ years old jc) about how like a good moral line event horizon measuring stick is "how does this character treat Ezran" and if they're treating him poorly they're not doing the right thing, and if they're treating him well then they Are, but it doesn't go into S4 or S5 so like. Mileage may vary

Last but not least: I do have a Sorayla tag for headcanons edits brotp content in general so if you want more of them, that's what I'd recommend, with fics such as "flower crowns" (oneshot) and "if heaven and hell decide" (completed multichap, 60k) for their dynamic

[idwsonicshowdown]

HAPPY PRIDE FROM THE IDW SONIC SHOWDOWN! Made it just in time before pride finishes here in the UK, but pride lasts all year around anyway. However you celebrate and whatever flags you use to represent yourselves, I hope you have a good one Here's a little doodle featuring characters from IDW and a few other Sonic comics who have some degree of queer to them, either in the comics, word of god or popular headcanons. I wanted to include more (shout out to Mighty's gay dad and his dinosaur bf from StC!), but ran out of time and space A little more info about each character, in case anyone's curious:

From top left: Tekno the Canary - From Fleetway Sonic the Comic, a character widely embraced by the queer community. In a conclusion to StC written by series writer Nigel Kitching and released on StC:Online, Tekno is revealed to be in a relationship and have a child with Amy Rose. As of this year, Tekno's creator Lew Stringer gave his blessing for fans to think of her as non-binary, even if he himself wrote her as female - leading some fans to embrace Tekno as she/they Gold the Tenrec - From the Archie Sonic Comics, Gold has been stated by creator Evan Stanley to be attracted to women, although Stanley wasn't sure if Gold was strictly bi or gay, which is why I opted to give her the rainbow flag here Tangle & Whisper - As close as we can possibly get to being a couple without officially being a couple. Hopefully one day! I was actually going to use the rainbow flag for them as well, but as of this month's issue, the duo appeared with a lesbian patterned sky in the background, so they got the lesbian flag Dr. Starline - Headcanoned by some to be a transman because his spurs (which are naturally occurring in male platypuses) are artificial. It's also generally accepted (I think??) that his idolising of Eggman may be romantic. I did a poll for which flag to give him and the gay flag won, so he got that one Nite & Don - Our married bird guys! Good for them! Again, I gave them the rainbow pride flag because it hasn't been stated (that I know) if they're gay, bi, pan or otherwise, but they're happy and together either way Sally Acorn (with tiny Nicole!) - My childhood fave from the Archie Comics. This chipmunk is bisexual and there is nothing you can do about it Lanolin the Sheep - Many of us are optimistic that Lanolin might quietly be the trans rep we've been hoping for from Sonic, as she's a girl sheep with horns Cheese the Chao - As chao are non-binary, I included Cheese to represent them, because Cheese is cool Sonic the Hedgehog - A touchstone to many in the community. I included the asexual, aromantic and trans flags in his speed trail, as Sonic won the t-boy swag tournament on tumblr and Sonic/no one was voted the best Sonic ship on tumblr. As a trans aroace person myself, Sonic's lack of interest in romance and conformity was always inspirational to me growing up. The rainbow facepaint is because I'm sure that he's as important to other members of the community in their identities as well As always, these are my readings and takes on these characters that may not align with your own or be canon in anyway. But I hope that you can find joy and peace in pride as I do regardless :3

[infiniteeight8]

Ironstrange identity reveal? I was reading Spy x Family when I thought of this, so that's the background/setting I was thinking of initially, but it can definitely be a superhero thing too. Or whatever other idea pops into your head. I'm always excited to see what you come up with!

I read the top of the wikipedia entry for Spy x Family, but that setup is not working for me here, so instead we’re going with some classic “Iron Man is Tony Stark’s bodyguard” shenanigans. 😀

Uh, this got… more than a little out of hand. This has many themes in common with other drabbles, but now it’s 1360 words long. Enjoy?

Under the read more for length.

-

Tony stares stubbornly at Steve, who is rubbing his eyes with the kind of exhausted exasperation that has become his hallmark around Iron Man.

“Iron Man, you were unconscious,” Steve says. “After being electrocuted. You need a real medical check.”

“The armor has medical sensors,” Tony insists. “It says I’m fine. I can answer questions for a neurological exam. That’ll have to be good enough.”

Steve gets that stubborn look on his face. The one that no one wins against. Fuck. “You’re benched until you get a real medical check.”

“How about if I get checked out in my civilian identity?” Tony suggests.

“We have no way of verifying that you’ve done that,” Steve says. “And while I hate to say you’d lie, I can’t dismiss the possibility after this conversation. I understand your hesitation about revealing your identity, but your life is at stake.”

“It’s really not,” Tony mutters. He’s fine. But he can tell that Steve isn’t going to budge on this, and he wants to be off the bench sooner rather than later. “Fine. Call Strange, then.”

Steve’s eyebrows go up. “Doctor Strange? He’s not a practicing physician.”

“He’s kept his certifications, though.”

“And he hates you.”

Stephen hates Iron Man. He’s quite fond of Tony Stark, though. They’re… friends. He’s asked Tony on half a dozen dates, which Tony has been forced to turn down because he refuses to lie about something as important as Iron Man to someone he’s dating. It’s made for a lonely couple of years. At least if he has to reveal his identity to someone, he might get a date out of it. If Stephen forgives him for lying. If he can get past Tony Stark being an Avenger in general (apparently they make a lot of work for the sorcerers; something about the barriers between dimensions) and Iron Man in specific, who he’s always hated the most. 

“Then you’ll know he’s being honest when he clears me,” is all Tony says aloud.

Steve still looks baffled, but he makes the call.

Tony’s expecting Stephen to be angry when he arrives. He may keep his medical certifications up to date, but he doesn’t work as a doctor and he’s sure as hell not on call for the Avengers. But when he arrives he’s crisply professional, if frosty. He’s even wearing a lab coat over street clothes. He locks the exam room door behind him, which would be odd except that he follows it up with, “Armor off.” Tony hesitates. Stephen’s expression tightens. “Captain Rogers indicated you were willing to be examined,” he says sharply.

“This is kind of a big deal,” Tony snaps. “There is literally no one living that knows who I am.”

Stephen blinks. “Surely Tony knows.”

Tony sighs. “Yeah. About that.” He issues the command, and the helmet retracts. 

Stephen stares. And stares. And there it is. There’s the anger. “You utter fucking idiot!” He shouts. “What the hell are you doing risking your life in that goddamned tin can?! Don’t you know what a catastrophic loss it would be if you died out there?”

Okay, Stephen is yelling, but it seems like… good yelling? “I’m saving people,” Tony argues.

“You save plenty of people as Tony Stark!” Thank God the soundproofing in this place is spectacular; Stephen doesn’t lower his voice one bit. “So why do you insist on ruining your own life with this, this,” he waves his hand inarticulately at the armor still covering Tony to the neck, “bullshit.”

Okay, that’s enough. “Iron Man is not ruining my life! It’s the best thing I’ve ever done!”

Stephen's expression shifts from furious to incredulous. “The best thing?” he demands. “The best thing? What about the 100 million dollar donation to spinal cord research? The Foundation that helps people rebuild after things like alien invasions when their insurance won’t? What about the shield you invented that makes it possible for people with sensitive implants to get an MRI safely, or the modular smartphone that doesn’t need to be replaced every two years? What about the scholarships you’ve endowed?”

“Stephen—”

“Are those not big enough in scale?” Stephen demands. “How about the clean energy technology that looks like it might stop global warming in its tracks? Is that enough? Is one planet not enough? Do we need to talk about the international collaboration that you started to combine Earth’s resources with alien technology to turn us into an interstellar civilization before another interstellar civilization can dismiss us as barbarians—”

“I’m not the one who decided none of that counted!” Tony shouted over Stephen. It stops the tirade, at least. Tony blows out a hard breath. “The guy who donates the 100 million dollars isn’t the hero,” he goes on. “That’s the guy who makes the discovery. The Foundation isn’t celebrated for the people it helps, it’s critiqued for the ones it doesn’t. The MRI shield, the smartphone… people like them, but they’re advances that ‘were always coming’. Or maybe ‘were overdue’. That doesn’t mean they aren’t worth doing. Of course they’re worth doing.” Tony retracts a gauntlet and rubs a hand over his face. God, he’s tired. “I just… I wanted to be the hero for once,” he admits. It sounds so fucking selfish. “Tony Stark could never do enough. It always had to be about the money for them, even when it really wasn’t about the money for me. But Iron Man… No one wonders what his ulterior motive is when he does something good. They just cheer.”

Stephen sighs and hitches himself up onto the medical bed next to Tony. “Do you know why I hated Iron Man so much?”

Tony grimaces. “I always figured he was just too… blunt instrument for you.”

Stephen snorts. “Hulk and Cap are far more blunt,” he says. “Iron Man at least has precision weapons to go with the punches. No. I hated Iron Man because when the suit failed somehow Tony got the blame, but when it worked, Iron Man got the credit. Iron Man made everything you just explained worse, not better.”

There’s not really a counter argument for that. It’s true. Except, “Nothing was going to make that better,” Tony says. “Nothing could. Not until I’m dead, anyway.” He half expects Stephen to go right back to haranguing him for risking his life. 

“Speaking of which, I’m meant to be making sure you’re not dying now,” Stephen says. He stands and moves to face Tony. “Come on. Get the rest of the armor off.”

Tony obliges, and they proceed with the rest of the exam in silence. 

Near the end, Tony looks over Stephen’s shoulder rather than meet his eyes and says, quietly, “I’m not going to stop.”

“My initial reaction aside,” Stephen answers, just as soft, “I never thought you would. I know as well as anyone how this life becomes a part of you.” When he finishes the exam, he steps back. “You’re fine.” 

Tony nods and puts the armor back on. It’s never been so quiet between them before. His chest aches.

When he’s got everything but the helmet back on, Stephen stops him. “Is this why you always said no when I asked you out?”

“Yeah,” Tony says. “Didn’t seem right to lie like that to my partner.”

“Right.” Stephen nods firmly. “So will you go out with me now?”

Tony perks up. “You still want to?”

Stephen gives him a look. “You have not had a personality transplant,” he says dryly. “So yes, I still want to.”

Do not push your luck, Tony tells himself. He says it anyway, “Thought the lying might be a bigger deal.”

“Everyone keeps secrets,” Stephen says. “But the secrets that a friend will accept are different from the secrets that a partner will accept. You’ve already demonstrated that you understand that.” Tony grins and Stephen shoots him a look. “We will, however, be having words about you assuming I’d react like anyone else in your life.”

Tony swallows a laugh. “Of course,” he says. “I should have known you’d be exceptional.” 

“And don’t forget it,” Stephen says, a smirk tugging at the edge of his mouth.

[anthurak]

One very interesting factor I think we should be keeping in mind while theorizing about Ruby’s character arc in Volume 9, is that it is very possible, even likely, that Ruby’s conflict with her self-destructive hero-complex WON’T actually be resolved by the end of this volume. At least not fully.

Let’s all remember that while these subtle nuances of Ruby’s character might be obvious to those of us who have spent the last 3+ volumes going over every last one of her scenes with fine-tooth comb, they have still yet to come into the forefront of the show itself in the same way as, for example; Ren’s PTSD or Nora’s identity issues. That’s not to say that these issues haven’t been present. Rather, they’ve been more looming in the background. At this point, none of Ruby’s friends, nor Ruby herself, seem to be fully aware of just WHAT Ruby is struggling with, and how serious it is.

And I think THAT is (one of) the major shift(s) that Volume 9 is going to introduce: Finally bringing Ruby’s long-repressed issues into the forefront and focus. And finally letting Yang, Blake, Weiss and ultimately Ruby herself see just how serious her problems actually are.

I think Ruby’s big character breakthrough this volume won’t so much be something like ‘resolving her problems’, but rather simply recognizing that she HAS a problem to begin with. This feels like it fits in far better with RWBY’s long-form style of story-telling and character development. The problems and struggles characters face are not ‘fixed’ so quickly and easily as a single volume. Just look at Jaune, Ren, Nora, Yang, Blake, Weiss and basically EVERY major character in the show. And I’d say it only makes sense that our shows main heroine would have the biggest and longest struggle of all.

This is where I think it makes sense for Ruby to do something really crazy like cutting out her eye and/or hanging herself from the Ever After Tree’s limbs and impaling herself on Crescent Rose as part of some ritual all to learn how to get her team home. It’s a shocking, dramatic reveal to both Ruby’s team and the audience as to just how BAD Ruby’s problems truly are.

To use an example from a very similar character, Ruby cutting out one of her eyes Odin-style with barely any hesitation would be very much akin to Suletta Mercury turning some poor bastard into tomato-paste and then laughing off with a cheery smile.

It’s a moment that is a dramatic ‘Oh SHIT’ reveal to both the audience and other characters of the true scope of the heroine’s emotional and psychological problems. Problems that are far worse than almost anyone expected. And it’s not the sort of thing that will be quick or easy to resolve.

I mean, I think image of Ruby walking up to an utterly shocked and HORRIFIED Weiss as blood seeps out from her freshly scarred and empty left eye socket and jokes with an empty, unsettling smile ‘Hey Weiss, I guess we match now, huh?’ is a scenario that is all too easy see happening...

[rebelwheelssoapbox]

The Influences Of Ableism in Veganism: A Disabled Vegan Perspective

by Michele Sommerstein

I don't know about you, but for me between the multiple genocides, the rise in COVID cases, the massive COVID denial, the related rise in mask bans, the elections, police violence, the rising threat of fascism, climate change, and so many other issues – for fuck's sake! it's a lot. And so lately, I've been feeling like while I am doing what I can to be part of the collective effort for justice, (for another world is possible), I can't only make protest art. My heart also needs lighter projects.

[image description: a collage. background is a field with a blue sky and white clouds and a field of rows of flowers of various colors. standing in the field is a silhouette of a pig that takes up most of the art. their shape is filled with a photo of from the universe (space) there is a human eye on them that slightly blends in with the space pattern. lastly behind them but towards the right is a pink cosmo flower with an orange center. as if the pig is smelling the flower. ] And so recently I've returned to making vegan content. But not some call for intersectionality, articles discussing inner-movement issues, kill counter references, and environmental stats, as I had done in the past. Just lighter. And perhaps because it has been a while since I have made vegan content, I found myself unexpectedly reflecting on the intersections of my disability and vegan identity. Before my disability identity-themed YouTube show (Rebelwheels NYC), I had a short-lived vegan cooking show called My Easily Amused Kitchen.

[image description: video thumbnail. a screenshot from the video taken in my apartment. a white wall and a purple couch behind me. text reads MEAK ep 1 creamy pea soup of vast fantasticness! my easily amused kitchen. there is olive oil being poured onto a bowl of peas. and I am pointing with my finger up sitting next to a penguin stuffed animal. I have glasses, a black shirt, and longer hair with bangs] And looking back on that time, I realize that I really wasn't being fully authentic in the videos. Of course, it was done in my motorized wheelchair and there was some of my quirky humor, but I remember I often downplayed any kind of physical fatigue even though that is part of my disability.

You see, between my animal rights activism at the time and the vegan content that I watched on YouTube, I was very much familiar with the protein myth. The false idea that if you go vegan, that you will by default, be physically weak due to not being able to get enough protein on a vegan diet. Often I saw other (physically able-bodied) vegans whether in person or via YouTube videos who were very intentional about presenting veganism as part of an energetic lifestyle in an attempt to counteract said misinformation.

And there are many professional athletes who are vegan. I personally knew a guy (not professional) who was vegan, who lifted weights and ran marathons with ease.

[image description: The background is a colorful collage of blue, yellow, and pink. The main text reads pity is not compassion! The vibe is artsy and punk. There is smaller text on top that reads spare us your pity we want our rights! And then towards the lower left-hand corner, it reads intersectional disability solidarity. Lastly underneath the word compassion is the phrase unlearn ableism.]

And then there was me, a disabled vegan, and not Paralympic disabled, disabled with low spoons (slang term for energy), disabled with health problems, disabled where muscle weakness is literally part of my disability. And now I can type that and say “represent” with a sense of disability pride, but back then it almost felt like it was a hindrance to the cause. And to be clear, no one ever said to me “hide parts of your disability for the movement.” It was just the way it was presented that made me feel like I should. And it wasn't just the impression I got from a lot of people in the vegan community. I could sneeze and an omnivore would say “Is that because you're vegan?” (as if they themselves never sneezed?)

As a result, I was very aware of how my disability was somewhat being linked to the protein myth. As if I wouldn't be disabled if I wasn't vegan. As if people aren't born with disabilities. As if disability and veganism were somehow incompatible.

[image description: white background. black typewriter font. "Ableism is... (a form of) discrimination. The false idea that disabled people are by default, inferior. When in truth disability is just another way for a mind and/or body to be." ] And so part of me felt that to show my truth was feeding into that weakened stereotype, thus hurting the movement and thus hurting the animals, which obviously as a vegan and animal rights activist, you don't want to do.

Looking back, it was also a lot of internalized ableism on my part, for I had yet to be aware that ableism was even a word, let alone working to unlearn it, and certainly had not yet found my groove and voice in my disability identity.

That said, I now see how essential it is to have a variety of vegan representation in all areas but in this case, ability and health.

And so, in the name of creating something lighter, and because it just so happened that I needed a new vegan cheese (long story), I filmed a taste test where I was un-apologetically me. Full throttle neurodivergent, processing delays, immensely honest, not downplaying when I was physically fatigued or in pain nor the fact that while there are many vegan cheeses out there, I could not try a lot of them, due to dietary intolerances and ingredient sensitivities.

[image description: tumblr has cropped the video thumbnail. the full thumbnail is as follows. Background gold glitter. Over that rainbow stripes. Purple blue green yellow orange red and dark red. To the left a photo of myself wearing a silence equals death with a watermelon pink triangle symbol on it holding up a piece of vegan cheese. I have oversized black cat eye eyeglasses and my rainbow flower crown hair band is pushing back my dark hair. Next to me is a collage of various vegan cheeses. And over that is the text in a bold black font "disabled and neurodivergent vegan taste test vegan cheese." Every line has a white rectangle behind it and behind that is a black rectangle shadow. In white text with a black rectangle behind it. "Not sponsored. Very honest."] And as a result of being authentic and sharing my truth, I'm starting to come across other disabled vegans like me, chronically ill vegans, neurodivergent vegans, etc. and it's lovely Many years ago, I wrote an article entitled Is Veganism Ableist? A Disabled Vegan Perspective. And in regard to the ideas of veganism, the answer remains no. However, I do think in the wanting and sometimes desperation to do all we can to save the animals (and to a certain degree, the planet as animal agriculture is one of the larger contributors to climate change), a lot of us took action to dispel the protein myth, and while in ways it was good, some of our actions had consequences that also caused harm. It is a reminder that when we take action to fight misinformation, we must make sure that we are also not punching down in the process (whether intentionally or not.) This is something that goes far beyond veganism. In the end, us vegans from marginalized communities must represent with as much realness as possible, not only so people know that vegans vary, but so other marginalized people who are perhaps 'vegan-curious', will know that they too are welcomed in the movement. After all, the animals need as many allies as they can get. (Author's Note: In the past, I have written articles using my birth name Michele Kaplan. However, in the past year, I have decided to use my mother's maiden name, and thus why this article is by Michele Sommerstein, while past articles are by Michele Kaplan. Same person. I didn't get married. This just felt right to me for personal reasons)

[korolife]

Blog No.004📚　24年6月13日

My Visual Method of Learning Japanese Kanji (漢字) part①

～ Let's Pair-up Similar-lookin' Characters Next to Each Other♥!～

There are many ways to learn Japanese. 📔

This way might not be effective or efficient (or even reasonable) for anyone else, but this is the visual approach that I'm currently developing + sharing for possibly any like-minded students it might resonate with!

【Background】

At first, I did the standard "write it down with repetition until you get it right" on flashcards, notebooks, etc. I don't think I ever got it 'right'ーevery optimistic attempt of "I'm gonna get in some daily lessons in today, and successfully absorb this knowledge!!" was always accompanied with this state of... confusion? and being so, so overwhelmed that neither the meaning, the reading, the stroke order, nor even the appearance of the kanji stuck to me at all. I don't think I've ever made it past the list of N4 kanji, even though most words I come across tend to be scattered around the N3-N1 level.

I've tried studying them strictly in order of the listing / then tried loosely with some doodling / or even a cherry-nitpicky minimalistic approach; just-take-what-is-frequently-used-style... but there just seemed to be no end in sight。

『Issue①:』 I wanted to see ALL of the kanji displayed at once, instead of dreading the 'higher levels' hidden from the limited amount displayed at a time; be it from reference books, screen displays on websites or mobile applications, etc. It's definitely just a personal issue, I think haha I just didn't like the surprise sneak attack from so much identical kanji from differing levels that scrambles my brain everytime I encounter a doppelganger. And boy, there's a LOT of those (as you will see).

I thought about making a series of biiiig posters or scrolls I could stick up on a wall, like those kiddie info posters but completely filled with kanji as decoration + motivation + and a bit of a cheat sheet I could easily access at a glance. But just imagining over 2,000 jumbled characters looming over me while I work on my desk or seeing something like that first thing after waking up………it feels a lot unsettling, I think-

『Issue②:』 They're often arranged according to their frequency of usage, stroke order, or general difficulty of the word. Although it's for practicality, it leaves the visual impact completely all over the place. I don't know if I have any underlying conditions that contribute to something trivial like this greatly bothering me past the point of productivity, but it's not even about aesthetics I have an issue with, I don't think? It's just...the arrangement feels so chaotic, or sometimes oddly restrictive that I keep getting distracted. It's like some kind of puzzle I've been trying to solve for 10 hours straight, but it's just me going in circles back to zero. Speaking of puzzles....

Maybe, to save physical space for literally thousands of characters, I thought about placing one kanji on each of a rubik's cube's faces. But that would take a ridiculous amount of cubes and printer ink/alternatively, manually cutting, pasting, and poorly writing very very tiny 0.5inch labels for...two thousand times, at least. By hand.

I'm still tempted to incorporate this idea in some way, but felt unmotivated and lazy with how flimsy and shoddy my handwritten labels were…also printer ink prices continue to be a goddang scam--

I've unfortunately never been a studious student, especially not when it comes to conventional learning methods. It tends to make me want to try ridiculous ideas to get around my own dysfunctionality, because the other option would be... to continue a system that doesn't work and be frustrated, and accomplish nothing; not even a smile.

Because I was learning Japanese out of my own free will, I wanted to have fun with it, because the whole concept of kanji seems really fun in theory!… but not so much in attempted practice as a clueless outsider with no knowledge apart from the standard English reading and writing system.

Even if perceived as a complete waste of time by a lot of people, I still want to understand each individual character to be able to appreciate and greet them accordingly when I encounter them in the wild.

For fun☆!

【Conventional Systems】

I mostly took inspiration from other existing popular learning systems that many people use:

➊The standard N5-N1 System was alright, but I found myself tempted to skip straight to ～N3 where frequently used characters appeared more, despite being barely at the lowest N5 level myself. I wanted all the characters to be visibly accessible…but it got intensely overwhelming so fast. The hierarchal labeling made finding a N1 character have this weird sense of pressure? Like, "oh sht , this word has N1 kanji. mY ELEMENTARY GRADE DUMBASS AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE IN HERE--"

➋Then there's pictographs. It's interesting, but I thought a lot of them were a little bit of a reach? haha it's basically a visual mnemonic, right? But other people's mnemonics usually have their 'creative logic' that my own may not agree with, so I just end up getting distracted with the internal logic of the image and how it correlates to the kanji instead of absorbing any actual information. I think it has potential, but I'd need to personalize the visual imagery for it to be effective…or at least, have the mnemonic make enough sense to me and not be abstractly distracting. Even by then, the more strokes there are, the more convoluted it looks to even liken it to anything in the real world...Kanji by itself is already a pictogram, I guess...?

➌Then there's the Heisig method. I liked the concept; the goal is for (mostly) foreigners to easily familiarize the 'look' of the kanji character and attach it to a singular meaning. But personally, it wasn't working with how much my brain was confusing every variation of similar-looking patterns that kept reappearing over a span of different kanji, with the same radical appearing in different positions or orientations. Heisig's compilation was good in a sense that I could see a reoccurring pattern and it was most definitely less chaotic to look at now, but they continue to persist so far away from each other? Then adding that element of "the unknown" with kanji I've yet to encounter or seek out for being 'too advanced' with this doppelganger dilemma was driving me absolutely coconuts.

Plus, since it's a method created with absolute beginners in mind, it falls short with the lack of kun- and on- yomi readings…which were what I needed to learn the most.

I decided to combine these three ideas to make my own way.

【??? Personal System】

This system will continuously be developed from here on out until it can actually be functional, but so far, here's what's been done and being planned:

Apparently these were from 8 months ago good lord-

I pretty much just lined up screenshots of a full kanji listing (I believe it was a Jouyou listing) and just...painstakingly played a Match-3 game, but irl, pretty much... and with more back pain

※Reference used to curate these kanji and their information are primarily from ①an app called 'Satori', and ②another app called 'Yomiwa'. Both apps source information from KANJIDIC and JMDict + mixed with a variety of online dictionaries to cross-reference and check for additional info.

I was working on and off on it because staring at nothing but kanji all day will probably make a few screws loose, but I generally continued anytime I was feeling a little down, stressed out, or just had free time. It was oddly therapeutic when I saw the finished arrangements, though. This feeling of "I can't tell if I like it or hate it" reminded me of my thesis days lmao

I had originally planned to put them on 3x3 rubik's cubes, so I initially had to group them by a full set of 9 characters. But the distribution was so unbalanced that each look-alike group was either lacking or exceeding in numbers, and trying to evenly incorporate 'leftovers' into the other groups just looked forced as hell, visually. So, I gave up on the rubik's cube concept and just tried to match at least a row of just 3 look-alikes to then ascend or descend in complexity with their other cousin-distant-lookalikes.

EXAMPLE:

人　大　木

person・big・tree

▲These three I would consider 'cousins'. I wouldn't classify them together in a row of 3 because there are far more identical characters, but after I gather all of each of their sibling groups, I'd most definitely arrange them next to each other in succession as if the 人 was growing more limbs.

太　大　犬

fat・big・dog

▲These three I would consider 'siblings'.

It reminds me of twins that only have differing beauty marks for distinction.

▲And these...are kinda cursed ngl, my double takes had to do their own double takes everytime I would finish grouping something to the 'tree radical' family, and suddenly spotting another one I could've sworn was the exact same character. It made me feel like I was going insane lol I know that the context showing the connecting hiragana is usually a dead giveaway on which kanji it is, regardless of how similar in appearance + how it's going to be read... but man. It's so surreal seeing them all lined up next to each other?? All I see is a forest-

Somewhere along the way, my brain remembered about the elemental periodic table and drew some layouting inspiration from there, too. Ideally, I would love to have all the information already present at a single glance with each character. But with the limited display space, assigning chronological identification numbers on them for now would help in navigating this wide, colorful kanji blanket.

I might've discarded a couple of archaic / overly complex kanji that no one really uses for this list at this moment, but in total, there appears to be 952 rows of trios.

= A total of 2,856 kanji have been included. Unless I miscounted somewhere-

my back hurts-

【Personal Limits + Goals】

I've been learning Japanese the same way I have Englishーvery, very informally; simply picking up what I hear and read in random places and applying them to how my brain interpreted their usage. It's literally like 'playing by ear', musically? except I'm tone deaf as hell-

There are some words (both Eng and Jp) that I surprise even myself when I know how to say it, or suddenly somehow using it during very specific situations, even if I don't know how to define their exact meaning…or even how to pronounce them correctly. Then there's very basic words that are so foreign to me because I have never heard or seen them before, despite possibly being one of the first things teachers introduce in proper lessons.

I can understand verbal Japanese just OK (some common dialects are recognizable too, just as long as it ain't extreme keigo-), my attempt at constructed sentences is weab-level at best and my butchering of the intonations is an atrocity, but most importantly, I can't read most kanji I come across for the life of me without furigana. Even with it, it's usually too dang small in print to even read…

Basically the nutshell of my 'Japanese Reading Practice with Manga' series orz I was so worried about potential copyright infringements, but I misread everything, it just became transformative on its own--

※ADDITIONAL NOTE: There is the onyomi (Orig. Chinese reading used when compounding the character with another to create a word) and the kunyomi (general Japanese reading of the kanji) that I ranked as the 'most important' thing to learn for me...then there's their long-lost wayward sibling: Nanori for Japanese name readings.

It is a ｗｈｏｌｅ new world out there......and I'm good staying indoors, thanks- don't even get me started on kirakira name readings I will cry for those poor unfortunate souls deadass named things like 'PEGASUS' or 'ANGEL LOVE' as their government name good lord

Speaking of names, when I saw Kaedehara Kazuha's name (Genshin Impact) in kanji for the first time :

「楓原万葉」

I read it as "Kazewara Manba"💀he is Manba-kun to me now

ーEven if my overall proficiency is at kindergarten level, for now,

I want to improve at at least recognizing the correct kanji at a regular reading speedーwith no mistaken identities, frantic dictionary pulling-out, or furigana dependency necessary!★

And that's what I want to achieve first and foremost with...whatever this is I'm creating。

+ so I can read manga and novels in peace without constantly squinting at a magnifying glass orz Fluency is kinda moot in my case because... I don't talk to anyone lol-

also, online shtposting in the Jp meme side rly do hit different

　〘ーand I'd like colors to accompany me!〙

『Issue③:』 Every Kanji list overview, regardless of arrangement or method, always gives me anxiety with how sharply white and black it is. That minimalistic uniformity forces you to depend on shapes alone to make inferences... but then you see sht like:

土　VS　士　

(dirt)・(samurai)

末　VS　未

(tip)・(sign of the sheep)

where it's literally the subtlest of LINE LENGTH, a tiny splotch, or the more complex characters that don't even share the same radicals but because they both vaguely have a similar silhouette, they start looking confusing to the brain, I just...............colors are absolutely necessary!! At least, it is definitely the case for my very easily bamboozled noodle that demands distinctive visual variations. I am in the belief that shapes alone will not suffice to memorize the correct information when you have over 2,000 subjects to sift through that... literally copied each other's homework. They kept gaslighting me throughout the process- Ask a Chinese or Japanese friend today if they're doing ok bc holy sht how do ya'll live like this, especially when web browsers tend to squash anything exceeding 14 strokes at regular display font sizes I-

I made the ｺﾛﾚｯﾃKoroLife System (Kororette Life; a wish for a 'colorful life') that pushes more focus on the creative and productive use of colors and patterns for myself, initially for drawing composition purposes... but I found that it was something just as applicable with making everyday tasks way easier and fun to look at.

It eventually took over this project too, and finally gave me what I was looking forーinner peace with a lifetime of beef and animosity with kanji…but in style★

When I said I was a heavy visual learner... this is exactly what I meant-

So…this is my way of arranging nearly 3,000 kanji by rows of 3 visually identical characters that confuses my dyslexic 外人 dumdum the most + making use of colors for subcategorizing them according to their shapes. And, hey, they make for pretty neat stickers!

⇒[FREE TO DOWNLOAD!]

△contains x4 parts of higher quality of each quadrant (transparent bg) + this huge overview display map...or kanji blanket, however you see it as-

Unfortunately there's very little to make of it apart from a display, but as soon as I add some practicality to this system, I will compile them into the 0+ Resource Shop. For now, please feel free to personally use them however you like~! I'm already sticking 'em everywhere-

I divided them into 6 colored categories according to the character's overall perceived 'shape'*: ・Curves (orange)

・Sparks'n'mix (pink)

・Criss-crossing (dark blue)

・Lines (light blue)

・Cubes (yellow) ・囧ﾒ (violet)

・imperfect matches (green)

Highlighted ones are stand-outs, or visually the easiest to digest (to me anyway).

＊these are very arbitrary classifications with flawed, subjective internal logic that has been revised multiple times over. (eg. Even if something has a curve, if I feel like the overall shape has lines that stand out more, then it's in the light blue category instead.)

And with that, I think I'll call it...

The「色々色 / IROIROIRO」 Method!! otherwise known as the 色³ for short!!!

■ 「色」・いろ・(Iro)

➊lit. Color, tint, hue, shade ➋kind, type, variant

■ 「々」・のま・同の字点 / どうのじてん・(noma / dou no jiten)

Kanji repetition mark; placed beside a repeating kanji.

■ 「色色 / 色々」 ・いろ・(Iroiro)

various, all sorts of

■「³」・３乗足す / さんじょうたす・３の立方 / さんのりっほう・(san jyou tasu / san no rihhou)

mathematical term.; Cubed, to the power of 3 pls don't ask me for the actual application specifics, I get a 3/10 average on my math tests-

It's a fun pun! Kinda.

【Preliminary Conclusion】

Is it an effective strategy to master Japanese kanji at all, though? Maybe not. At least, probably not just by this visual display alone. I honestly don't expect anyone else benefitting much from this project, but it personally really reinvigorated me to continue studying Japanese again. It's strange how something that caused me so much feelings of dread and anxiety for the majority of my early teen years, suddenly feels so much fun to work with. All it needed was sleep deprivation, some touch of personalization, and a little bit of color!… ok, well, a lot of color-

It's a complete homebrew, unverified by anyone, and I guess a little insane, but I thought it turned out kinda cool anyway, so I thought I'd share it! What do you think? I'll write up an update about any further developments in this silly lil system the next time. I'm thinking of somehow fitting in all the definitions, readings, stroke orders, and maybe samples of their usage... but also in style★ somehow-

We'll workshop it, even if it takes another additional 8 months!!!

Until then! バイバイ(￣▽￣)／

つづく

➡To be continued...

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