#oh god this is too much suffering for one sweet girl to go through

[nanfrost]

A dive into Vertin's core aspect of her character and it's impact through the story: Part 1

This would be a character analysis with mix of speculations, headcannons and eventually just straight up heading to fanfiction levels territory, so if you were expecting a more cannon analysis, you have been warned.

With that said however, for those who are still interested, welcome to my insanity! This was something that I have been working with a friend of mine who you may or may not know as @acesw for the past week, and we are finally satisfied with it enough to post it! A lot of the ideas that are present in this came from them, while I offer my own interpretations and expanding on those very ideas through my writing. Without them, this analysis likely will have never come to fruition, so I can't be thankful enough for having them go on this journey with me, and also to just have as a good friend. Go check them out, they have really neat ideas and is a genuinely creative and artful person!

Now with that outta the way, time for the main event you are have been waiting for, our one and only beloved Timekeeper herself, and the emotional roller coaster that we have prepared for her. Please do enjoy.

Background context:

Vertin is an incredibly interesting and compelling character in many ways. Her ability to care for other people to a great extent whether she knows them for long or not. Her compassion for everyone around her, her empathy, her willingness to open her heart and listen to others when it matters. All these traits make up who Vertin is as a character and is a large part of why so many people fall in love with her and the story; to not only see more of her but to see where her story will go.

However, there is one part of her character that stands out the most to us, a core aspect of her character that makes up most, if not all her major decisions in the story up until this point, and will be the main subject of this entire analysis.

And that is Vertin's incredible sense of selflessness.

From going out of her way to save Regulus and not let her be forced to be taken in by the Foundation. Her attempts at getting through to Schneider, to understanding and showing her immense compassion even in the heat of moments. Choosing to stay behind in the Walden to fend off the Manus while the others escaped, and most crucial of all, her conscious decision to bury all her trauma inside herself to prevent others from worrying about her. Hell, even her entire motive and drive to seek the truth about the Storm and a way to stop it stems from her desire for freedom and the future of everyone.

All of this is in some way driven by Vertin's selfless nature, always prioritizing the sake of others above herself, to the point of risking her own life if it means she could protect those around her.

She's someone who will go out of her way to connect with others, even when knowing that the pain of losing them will never fade away, to give them comfort and help them if she can no matter what.

It is an incredibly beautiful part of what makes Vertin such a compelling, lovable, and admirable character and person, but at the same time, it also represents Vertin's biggest issue about herself.

That Vertin isn’t just selfless, she is selfless to a fault.

Vertin will prioritize saving everyone above herself, or rather, she would prioritize and save everyone but herself. For Vertin intrinsically has no sense of self-value nor self-worth; in other words, she has no self identity, for her entire life is valued based on other people, not herself. This can bring a lot of self-conflict, as well as possibly even harming others when reaching a point where every step taken is crucial.

And this serious of posts will detail and explore this aspect of her, its ramifications upon the character, and to not only show the ugliest and most painful parts of it, but to also show a path that Vertin might possibly take in the story to confront this part of herself somehow. In other words: welcome to Vertin's suffering builds character arc.

What can we tell from canon?

Where do we start seeing the decision making? We already start seeing them in the first 2 chapters. In summary:

Chapter 1 - Vertin continuously is left with decisions that she has to make on the fly, starting from deciding to try to see if Regulus can survive the storm and choosing to stay behind the Walden and risk getting harmed by the Manus Vindictae for the sake of her team as well as helping Schneider.

Chapter 2 - Vertin finds herself having to choose between keeping her silence and “joining” the Manus, and when she initially refuses, Arcana has her answer questions that bring unsatisfactory answers, leading her to harm Schneider. But when she does say she’ll join, she is first tasked and eventually manipulated to “kill” her.

Now, that’s all fine and dandy and does communicate that she is a very altruistic person and a selfless individual, but how is any of that bad or problematic? How does that correlate to her not having any sense of self-worth? Chapter 1’s ending is the first instance we get to see just how far Vertin’s selflessness goes, by her decision of staying behind to grant Sonetto and the others time to escape. Because of Vertin’s sacrificial play, Druvis and the majority of Manus didn’t pursue Sonetto's crew as aggressive as they would have, giving them time to properly make their runaway. Not only that, but both her and Schneider were kept alive, albeit captive. 

There, Vertin’s selflessness is shown in a good light, being an admirable trait of hers that was crucial in progressing the story. This is the only instance in the story so far that has highlighted this trait of hers in a positive light, which is then contrasted by what happens in chapter 2.

Here, that aspect of hers that so far has been so boldly displayed as a good thing; saving Regulus and her team, is now flipped on its head, showing us that sometimes, being selfless simply isn't enough.

Vertin was put into a situation where she needed to make a choice, to either join Manus or reject their offer. When she chose the latter, Schneider was put into danger. And as each question Arcana asked piled on to her and the pressure started to rise further, Vertin went back on her words, choosing to stay with them. 

This is so she could ensure Schneider’s survival, a selfless choice she makes for the sake of a person she had barely known. It was also here where Vertin’s naivety blinds her of the situation she was in.

That no matter what she chose, Schneider wasn't going to make it out of this.

Schneider had already betrayed them, but even before that, she never truly believed in them in the first place, only soaking up to them for her own personal goals. She was the one who lied to Manus about her identity, to pretend to play along with them until she bided her time, and now she was captured right in their hands. 

It doesn’t take much for one to come to the conclusion that Schneider was a dead woman walking.

Yet, Vertin did not see this. For her view of the world even at this point was too naive, warped by her own perception and belief. A belief that by giving herself up, by throwing her own agency away will somehow lead to other people’s lives improving. That somehow, someway, by disregarding her own safety, the safety of others will be secured.

Vertin is living in a highly warped perception of the world, thinking and believing that if she alone suffers, no one else has to. 

Green Oranges serves as a reality check to Vertin, albeit one that Vertin was unfortunately in too much emotional distress to properly realised.

However, it’s important to note that the game was rigged from the start. Regardless of what Vertin would have chosen, Schneider was going to “die” there either way. So although we witnessed the consequences of Vertin’s selfless choice, it would be unfair to call it her fault. So for now, this chapter only serves as a warning to Vertin.

That even if her selflessness is admirable and has paid the way to many good results, her complete lack of care for herself is not, and is leading her to believe in a false image of the world. A flaw that she will continue to neglect until it becomes far too late to remedy.

Chapter 3 and 4 are the harder ones to allocate, mostly because Vertin isn’t the main focus and rarely appears in the story at all except for flashbacks or dreams. But it still serves a very important role in giving us another facet of this character trait that Vertin exhibits.

That this selflessness of hers doesn’t just affect her, but also the relationships she has with the people around her, and specifically, her crew and Sonetto.

We were told that before Vertin was put to sleep, she had acted relatively the same as she always was, carrying out her duties until she was forced to be sedated and put into the coma we saw her at the start of Chapter 3. We knew that Vertin had set up plans in the form of Lilya and the bill she made with Madam Z, but this was something that wouldn’t be known by us or the other characters until much later.

For the entirety of her time spent before the events of 3 and 4, Vertin kept herself closed off, ensuring that she wouldn’t worry her new friends and even more so, Sonetto. But as a consequence, this results in nobody truly knowing what Vertin was thinking or trying to do prior to going comatose.

Sonetto, Vertin’s closest companion, someone who knows Vertin the longest and has been with her the most, wasn’t even privy to what Vertin’s plans were. She was left struggling to figure out what she should do to help Vertin, while also battling her own inner turmoil.

Druvis, Sotheby, Regulus, APPle, all of them were also victims of this. They had no idea what Vertin was planning, nor was even given any hints; they were left to their own devices and in turn, the influence of the Foundation. Vertin may have tried to help them by not getting them involved with the Foundation matters, but this ironically only led to them being drawn into the organisation because of their desire of wanting to help Vertin.

If Madam Z hadn’t come in to give Druvis the push she needed, Constantine likely would have gotten things to go her way. If it wasn’t for the collective efforts of Z and Vertin’s crew and so many others, Vertin likely wouldn’t have been freed. 

These two chapters showcase the loyalty and trust that her friends have in Vertin, but it also highlights the issue of Vertin always trying to hide things away, to always keep herself emotionally closed. Even if she had good intentions, it still led to less than favourable outcomes that could have very well ended badly for all of them had things gone differently.

With that, we have gotten a rough understanding of Vertin’s character up until this point. Vertin’s selflessness can be an good thing to posses, but because of her disregard of her own well-being and her naive belief that only she needs to make sacrifices for the good of everyone, it is ultimately an unhealthy outlet for Vertin’s way of coping with her trauma. Not just internally, but externally as well.

From here on, I will be diving into my own personal headcanon of where the direction of the story might go, with the purpose of having Vertin’s character be pushed slowly towards a breaking point that will force her to confront this very part of herself, and perhaps, come out learning something from it all.

Speculation: Vertin’s breaking point

Before we get into it however, there is one thing that must be noted here so that the events that will transpire would make more sense.

That being how exactly could the story push Vertin’s character to her limit, when she herself is a naturally strong and composed person? It’s quite simple really, in fact, the answer was already given to us all the way back in Chapter 2.

Vertin’s one crucial weakness that even she might not even realise, that being her overwhelming compassion for those she cares about.

Throughout chapter 1 and 2, we have seen how Vertin deals with stress. How she is able to mentally process the situation around her in a logical and composed manner, allowing her to come to the best possible solution in a short time without letting her emotions run rampant.

And during her confrontation with Arcana, she continues to showcase her composure when faced with a difficult situation and choices. That is until Arcana began to shift her hostility towards Schneider, and we start to see the cracks forming at her surface. 

Vertin is capable of dealing with high stress situations, however, when that situation involves other people, especially those she has come to know or care about, this mask of calmness starts to slip as she reveals how she truly feels.

That Vertin cares too much to see other people get hurt, knowing she can do something about it.

But this wasn’t enough, Vertin might be faltering, but she still tries to keep a calm level head, even when each question gets more and more personal for her. But it was okay, so long as she answered truthfully and picked their side, things will “somehow” work out.

This dream is then shattered by Arcana’s mission given to her; to kill the girl she had chosen to save by throwing her agency away. 

Here, the mask falters even more as Vertin slips further into emotional distress. This is the rare time, and really one of the only times you get to see Vertin raise her voice, far from her monotone voice she always has. It was getting to her.

This is then exacerbated from her shooting Schneider. Even if it was not by choice, Vertin was still the one who pulled the trigger, the one that held the gun against Schneider, and the one that killed her; a girl who she had come to care a great deal about in such a short time.

Here, the mask completely falls as Vertin expresses just how much this breaks her heart. The only instance in the game where Vertin ever shed a tear for something or someone.

So it’s clear now that the biggest strength to her character that Vertin has; her love and compassion for others, is also her biggest weakness. A weakness that can be exploited and used to push Vertin past and even beyond her breaking point.

So let’s do just that.

The narrative will go like this: Vertin and her crew are tasked on an important mission of some kind, where they are given more control and permission to decide and do more so long as Vertin is the one making those choices. This puts Vertin into a position of power much higher than she usually assumes, which will first add a layer of stress over her as she carries out her mission.

Then, the story will sprinkle in a variety of different decisions that Vertin has to make, some big and some small. All of them have some kind of effect on the people around her or their situation. This further adds stress to the girl, now having to juggle the responsibilities of making the difficult choices and decisions that no one else can, because she was their leader, the one assigned to do the job.

At first, things do start to look better as her crew tries their best to assist her, and the situation starts to look more promising. It would be here where a wrench would be thrown, completely sending the whole mission into disarray.

Something completely unexpected occurs, causing chaos and mayhem to follow suit. Vertin tries to assert the situation and find a way to stabilise the people, her crew doing their best to help. However, in their task of ensuring the situation doesn’t derail any further, her crew subsequently split off from her, leaving the girl alone to her own devices.

Here, we begin the start of Vertin’s downfall.

Now without her crew or Sonetto’s help, Vertin is now forced into a situation where she needs to continuously make quick and decisive actions on the fly, all to ensure that things are kept as stable as possible. This leads to her going out and helping as many people as she can, trying to resolve as many issues as possible by herself so that others can focus on their safety. 

However, not every situation can be resolved peacefully nor gracefully.

Gradually, Vertin is faced with more and more difficult choices, ones that require her to choose one side or the other with escalating stakes and tension. No matter what she chooses however, people still get hurt, lives are still put in danger. And Vertin, being the girl that she is, can’t bear to see it happen.

So she tries to find ways to choose both, to save both parties so long as she can help it. Even if it meant having to risk her own safety, Vertin cannot bear to choose one and let the others perish. She can’t allow that to happen.

So she gives herself up to the task of saving people. To abandon her own safety and subsequently her own agency in order to ensure that others will live. So that everyone can make it out even if she doesn’t.

If only she is the casualty in all this, it is the result that Vertin can accept, a result that Vertin can be at peace with.

What she doesn’t realise, or perhaps she isn’t willing to see is that she’s forcing herself into a corner. By placing so much emphasis on saving, by abandoning her own safety and subsequently her own position of power, Vertin has left a chain of command with no real leader, and the situation starts falling into chaos. 

But she can’t see it, Vertin isn’t able to recognize this because she’s so intensely focused on the people around her who are suffering right that moment. Her composure is slipping, as she watches as people’s lives are being destroyed and perished rapidly before her eyes, and she can’t seem to make it better no matter how far she keeps going. This only furthers her careless act of selflessness, forgoing more and more of her own life until it was the last thing on her mind.

Eventually, things reach a boiling point where Vertin, alone, is faced with an obstacle that directly threatens her life and countless others. She now faces a choice, whether to prioritise her own safety over the lives of dozens of people, some strangers, some whose faces have grown familiar to her, or throw her life away again with the blinding hope that things will work out.

If she chooses to run, choose to save herself, Vertin can never live with herself. For a girl like her, who has made it her life to save anyone she can, and so running away can never be an option for her. So naturally, without a second thought, Vertin chooses to throw her life away in exchange of saving everyone’s lives.

A decision that will haunt the girl for the rest of her life.

By the time Vertin awakes, she finds that she is still alive, unscathed at that. But only a moment passes before Vertin notices the countless bodies of those that died, and the destruction that was wrought about around her. At first, she was confused, then the memories started to flood in. 

The memories of the moment she chose to throw her life away, chose to give herself up for the sake of others. And in that instance, someone did the same for her, pushing her out of death’s way as they sacrificed themselves for her. Someone she personally knew and cared about.

In the end, Vertin faces the result of her sacrifice; nothing but lifeless corpses, an utter wasteland filled with bodies with no souls left in them; and she alone survives.

But she might as well be dead, life completely leaving her quickly dulling eyes, a single thought consuming her mind.

This was her fault.

She chose to give her life away, to disregard her own leadership, her role and her worth all for the sake of others.

Because she was too selfless, too kind to ever let herself bear the guilt and burden of letting innocent people die when she could have saved them. And she thought that by sacrificing herself, she can do just that.

She never accounted for the fact that someone would save her.

That someone would prioritise her life over countless others, to choose to sacrifice themselves for someone like her. To give their life for Vertin.

Vertin kneels, her arms and hands shaking as her eyes froze still. She can’t bear to look at the scene before her, her stomach rising to her chest.

For she has finally seen the reality of the world around her, finally acknowledges something she has willingly and selfishly ignored for all this time.

Vertin has always had some level of survivor's guilt within her. Starting from the breakaway incident, Vertin had likely always felt how unfair and cruel it was that only she got to live, when she was the one that was responsible for leading them here.

Sure, the kids went with her because they desired the same thing, but it was she who led them, she who gave them the spark of desire to want to venture out, and because of her, they were all gone. 

Vertin has been carrying that guilt ever since, always masking it under layers and layers of self-imposed composure; a way to protect herself from the pain of the past, but as a way to stop people from getting too close to her, because she is afraid that something similar might happen again if that was the case. That if she were to let people know her, to get to care about her, that they too will suffer because of their involvements with her.

But Vertin was too kind, too good, too compassionate. Even when she emotionally distances herself from others, people still flock to her because they see just how kind she is.

Because even when she doesn’t show it, the girl cared enough to go out of her way to save them, so of course they would be grateful to her, of course they would feel immense gratitude and appreciation for her. Of course they would choose her as their leader and follow her. 

And of course, one of them would throw their life away to save hers. 

Vertin had abandoned all self-importance or self-value, believing that she, the lone survivor of a terrible tragedy, the one who shouldn’t have lived for the sins that she had committed; deserved no such thing. That someone like her should not dare to believe she had value, when all she had done was cause death to those she cared about. That was what she had believed in, what she had convinced herself to believe in.

Because of that, she ignored the signs. She ignored the warnings given to her by others, the warning that if she keeps going down this path of self-annihilation, that eventually she will be met with a fate much worse than death.

In her selfless attempt to save everyone and everything, she had selfishly taken away the people’s chance to save her. To save the girl who had suffered far too much and who had helped even more, even when she can’t see past her own warped perception of herself.

And now she is facing the consequences of that. She is now looking at the results of her blindness, the carnage that was her willful ignorance to herself and to others, and the irony of being the only one left alive through it all once more.

In the past, she was an unwilling player on a chess board designed for her to lose. Now, she was the girl who gave up her own King for the all her pieces, and in return, she lost everything.

Vertin facing this, her composure long since lost, finally breaks.

She slumps onto the floor, her body and mind utterly overwhelmed with every facet of emotions she could conjure within the darkest pit of her stomach, all while drenched in the blood of the people she was supposed to save.

The blood of people who knew her, who admired and respected her, who cared for her, who saw her as a friend, who saw her as family. All of them suffered at her hands, at her own selfish choice to forsake her life because she saw no other way; because she perceived that there was no other way.

And she can't bear all that guilt. All the pain and unprocessed trauma she had buried inside her now finally comes bubbling out of her, completely suffocating the girl. That lack of self-value that she harbours now replaced with unending resentment and pure unbridled self-hatred. Something she had always carried inside her that only got worse over time, and now, it finally had an excuse to be let out.

An existence that had done nothing but wrought pain and death to everyone it ever cared about. An existence that so readily throws its life away at the slightest of inconvenience, never caring about what others think about them, for they were too blinded in their own suicidal nature to ever think that they deserved to be cared about.

Vertin truly believes that she does not deserve to be cared about. She truly believes that she is the worst of the worst, an willfully ignorant murderer, so blinded by their own vision of the world that they refuse to see the reality as what it is. And now, they're paying their just price for it, a price they should have paid long ago.

Vertin knew better than anyone, that she was nothing but a murderer.

Part 2

[jarofstyles]

Please write us some extreme pda like I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but I love it 😩 like they’re out at a bar and all of their friends are disgusted and annoyed but they’re just so in love they can’t keep their hands off each other 😭😭 like just lots of kisses, neck kisses, lap sitting, whispering to each other, giggling, hair playing etc 🥰

Oh I love a sickly PDA couple but only in books bc I’ll probably vom if I see it irl. So sure!

Here is a bit from Leather and Lace since we just finished them up.

Check out our Patreon!

——

“I can’t believe you’ve turned to mush.”

“Shut up.” Harry grumbled, holding Y/N closer on his lap. His chin rested on the dip in her shoulder, lips pried away from the chaste kisses he’d been giving to her throat. It was probably obnoxious but Harry really didn’t care. His indifference to what people thought went soul deep. All he really cared about was Y/N, if he was being honest.

And maybe the milkshake she’d promised him on the way home for prying him out of her bed. That was a topic he went back to a few times tonight. 

“Oi, be nice.” Y/N laughed, placing her hand on top of his ringed one to squeeze it lightly. There wasn’t much heat behind her words, merely defending Niall so he wouldn’t be complaining as much to her.

“Thank you. Feels like m’constantly third wheeling now. Knew he had a hard on for ya, but I didn’t expect him to turn into a good old fashioned loverboy.” The man scoffed. Harry merely rolled his eyes, jaw setting slightly as he narrowed his gaze.

“We are not the only people here. Y’know that, yeah? There’s like, a dozen of your friends here. You can fuck off if you’re annoyed. Not my problem.” He hammered in the point with a smirk, kissing the girl’s cheek a few times to make him screw his face up in disgust.

“I was trying to be nice, you old grouch! Even being loved up you still find a way to be mean t’me.” Their friend pouted before sticking up his middle finger, excusing himself to get another drink.

“Baby…” Harry whined slightly, tapping at her cheek to encourage her to turn it. “He’s finally gone. C’mere.” There was no chance of her scolding him as he pressed his lips to hers. They were slightly sticky from the virgin strawberry daiquiri she’d been sipping on -extra maraschino cherries- and sweet to the tongue as he hummed happily against them. This was precisely what he wanted. People to fuck off and leave him to love on her.

Y/N was soothed by his touch, a light giggle muffled by his lips as he turned her slightly in his lap so he could kiss her properly. He’d behaved well enough- for Harry, anyways- so she wasn’t going to get on him too much. He hadn’t wanted to go out, as usual, so she’d bribed him with the promise that he could love on her as much as he wanted- but he had to keep it PG-13. Her fingers brushed through his hair, shivering slightly as his fingers dipped under the hem of her dress.

“Mm… careful.” She sighed, but made no effort to stop. As much as she wanted to be proper, it was hard to want to stop him as he touched her. She played it cool most of the time but she was just as far gone for him as he was for her.

“M’very careful with you, Butterfly.” He nipped lightly at her bottom lip. “Even when you beg me not t’be. But I’ve suffered these people long enough. If you want me t’be nice, I need my kisses.” His voice was quiet enough to not disturb the other people around. His sweet words were reserved solely for the girl who held his affections. Especially the dirtier ones.

“H!” She grinned against his mouth, leaning further in to kiss him again. Wrapping her arm around his shoulder, she leaned into him with a dreamy sigh. Hot fingertips ran over the silky skin of her inner thigh, moisturized to the gods in her shower routine today for this exact reason.

“I can’t help it, you’re always so soft. So sweet…” he cooed. “Want t’eat you up. Torture sitting here when all I want t’do is sit you on my cock to keep it warm while you talk t’me. That’s your favorite, isn’t it?”

Harry never did play fair. Holding back the whine in her throat, she huffed instead. Giving his hair a little tug, she tried her best to look menacing- as menacing as she could in her pretty lilac dress he’d picked out especially for her tonight. “It is, and you’re bein’ mean to me by mentioning it. We can’t here.” Even if the thought made her hot between her thighs, it was too risky.

“I know. We should go home so we can.” The man was trying to coax her and knew where to hit it where it hurt, but they’d barely been out with friends since establishing themselves as a couple.

“Not yet, I’m sorry.” The pout on her face made him forgive her, even if there was still a hint of bitterness over the fact. “They begged for us to come out and it’s only been two hours. One more and we can go home, okay?”

Harry answered with a grunt, hiding his face in her throat again while he resumed with his throat kisses. As much as he wanted to leave, he wanted to make her happy even more. The weakness was real when it came to his Butterfly. Even more so because she’d paused her social tendencies for him. “Okay. But you’re gonna have t’make it up to me big time as soon as we get home, okay?” He was plotting for sure. “An hour straight of making out, a little feel under the dress, maybe a little begging with that cute pout for me to take it off. You know how I like it.”

[shanastoryteller]

Happy holidays! Do you have any zagreus interacting with other gods? Thanks so much

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Other people are learning about Zagreus.

Not that they know it's him, of course. He goes by the moniker prince.

Just enough to direct prayers and pay tributes, but a nameless god standing against Demeter? It's enough to send the whole pantheon in an uproar.

It's enough to send Demeter to heights of rage that Artemis previously thought her incapable of reaching.

There are gardens that her frost can't touch. Fruit she she has no hand in growing.

There are people who will not submit and die as she wishes it, blaming mortals for her daughter's death and so making them pay the price for a lost goddess.

Not even Zeus has rained destruction upon the mortals like Demeter had and not even Zeus can stop her.

It's too much. Too much taken, too much suffering.

Persephone was a sweet girl. But her loss is not worth the life of every mortal upon the earth.

Artemis is with Aphrodite, both of them having been evoked powerfully enough to send shivers down their spine. She leans against her spear and tried to think of any other way to fix this.

It's a town on the edge of collapse, a thick forest between them and the rest of civilization. In spring the journey is long but easy enough, but it hasn't been spring for a long time.

There's no game to hunt. Loved ones are dying. They beg and beg to any god that will listen but while every god can hear them no god can save them.

None but one.

But how would they know? This far out, there only contact is other isolated villages too deep in the world.

"I'm tired," Aphrodite whispers, knees pulled to her chest, something about her coltish in her helplessness.

Artemis has never tried this. She doesn't even know if it will work. But he won't ever find his way here on his own. "Can you keep a secret, Aphrodite?"

She shifts her head enough to look at her with a single garnet eye. "What secret do you have, sister mine?"

"Aphrodite," she says warningly.

She huffs, amusement aging her. "Yes, yes, my silence or my life. What is it?"

Artemis hopes she doesn't regret this. She hopes it works. "Prince Zagreus!"

"What's Zag going to do?" Aphrodite blinks. "He can't even-"

She cuts herself off and Artemis knows she's thinking through the first part, coming to the obvious conclusion and rejecting it out of hand.

"Artemis?"

They both turn and Zagreus is standing there. Not as image or projection like he was the last time they met face to face, but solidly beside her in the flesh.

He grimaces in pain and raises a hand to his side before straightening and forcing his arm down. Whatever it is that keeps him in his father's realm still has some hold on him, it seems.

"I'm kind of in the middle of something," he says. There's blood on his teeth. There wasn't any a couple seconds ago. "Oh, hi Aphrodite. Er. Please don't tell anyone."

"It's you?" Aphrodite demands. "You?"

"I am me," he agrees.

Artemis would beat him if they had the time for it. "Can you help them? This village will die. Word of you hasn't reached them and your temples are too far to travel too even if they had."

He grins it's all red. His blood drips down his chin. "It's not going to be pretty."

Artemis has never thought about how exactly the god of life and blood spreads his blessings. She thinks she's regretting that now.

"Pretty's my domain anyway," Aphrodite snaps. "Help them."

Zagreus moves too quickly for Artemis to stop. He grabs her spear and slices down his chest and then there's blood everywhere, pouring out of him, more than should be in any one body.

Aphrodite screams and Artemis wrenches the spear away, horrified. "This is celestial silver! You can't - even gods can't heal from it!"

"Death heals all wounds," he says and there's blood down his chin, spilling out his mouth with his every breath.

Then he's running.

They talk off after him and it's easy to follow his trail, the deluge blood and smell of copper filling her nose as they chase him.

Zagreus is mad. When she wasn't looking he went insane and now she's killed him.

They have to slow him down, have to get him to Hermes. It should be easy, they're goddesses and he's dying, but he stays fast enough to stay just out of their grasps.

He's lose a body's worth of blood a dozen times over and yet still more flows.

He finally trips and falls, giving gurgling breathes.

"Zagreus!" she shouts as she and Aphrodite fall into the snow beside him. "Zagreus, hold on, it's going to be okay."

He laughs and pats her cheek. He's too pale. "Relax. I die all the time."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Aphrodite demands, trying to put her hands over the wound but it's too long to stem.

Zagreus doesn't answer.

His body goes slack and it takes Artemis several seconds to realize the person screaming is her.

Aphrodite is sitting there shell shocked and bewildered and then Zagreus's body sinks into the earth, not even reacting to Artemis's attempts to hold on.

"Oh."

She looks up and Aphrodite is looking behind them. Artemis slowly follows her gaze.

Every place blood touched the ground, there now grows bushes of bright purple berries, more vibrant than any fruit she's seen grow that shade. They grow thick and fat on every branch and if there anything like the other food in Prince's gardens, it will keep them alive and they'll be able to grow more themselves.

If they're willing to sacrifice the blood.

The next time Artemis sees Zagreus, she's going to kill him.

[ultimategenshintournament]

Ultimate Genshin Tournament: Round 5

Propaganda below cut

Venti:

calls the Traveler "his warrior" plus he's like our long-time friend??? He basically asked us out during the alchemy event???? You can choose to bring him up during the fight with Signora????? He's the best idc

He. Is. Amazing. So many layers, so interesting...So much trauma and potential...Not to mention look how AWESOME he is generally!!! He's kind and caring towards everybody, and also carefree and mischievous!!! How can you not love him??

he’s TOO GOOD for this world- he’s just a little guy!! Like he cares for his nation and the people of Mondstadt SO MUCH it hurts when people say he doesn’t. Like, my poor trauma-driven little mega-powerful war god who’s actually just a tiny little wind spirit honoring his dead friend!!!! I love him so much

his lore means he gets brought up almost every patch. he convinced a bunch of the most lethal women in Teyvat to have tea instead of screwing him up. he would always rather take the path of least resistance. he’s the three time best bard in Mond. he never seeks glory, only wishes to offer it to others. he was a better father to Diona than her real one five minutes into meeting her. he gives Glory whispers of what the world looks like so she can navigate. when a nun of his own church denied his identity he decided to run a heist to steal back an item that is only holy because it is his. he keeps his misery and loneliness trapped within, and does his best to bring joy to every person he meets. how can you not love him? 

He's Venti. How do you beat that? Answer: you don't. You can't. 

they say that an nation is most like their archon but is the anemo archon a god that took after the people's traits or did the people take their archons traits (the only correct answer is that venti took after old mond's people traits and it's so disgustingly sweet, he's a lil baby who cared so much that he kept old mond's wishes heard and their dream a reality — of freedom (without a god, as much as he could) where humanity leads trust. he left mondstadt because he trusted that humanity would do that right thing always but then he got betrayed by the Lawrence clan but he forgave them???! the anemo archon gave them no punishment , but mondstadt did . venti has me ugly crying

Kaeya:

He's cool, he's mysterious, he wears an eyepatch, he has a super tragic backstory, he's good with kids, he takes care of his friends, what's not to love!!!

despite all the hardships he’s suffered, he’s still such a kind person 

This is the character of the everyman. Everyone should love Kaeya because he's with you no matter what. He has the great mystery of his origins and his damage with his family and his brother, but he is with you til the end. That's what makes him so special to me

Furina:

girl deserves therapy and hugs and the best life in the WORLD because oh boy she went through a lot!!!! wouldn't pretending to be a god for 500 years with no support mess you up? and yet she still kept on going for her people!! she wanted to save her nation from a doomsday prophecy and she DID

After act 5 she deserves the world :(

“If all the people of Fontaine are on one side, and I am on the other…is it not obvious where the scales of suffering should tilt?” NO IT ISNT YOU’RE JUST ABNORMALLY SELFLESS AND INCREDIBLE AND PERSISTENT. Even the Archons praise Furina’s name and say she is a human with strength and capability worthy of an Archon. That’s not even to speak of Focalors. She snapped at Arlecchino only when the Harbinger implied that Furina had done nothing to preserve her people from the flood. Meanwhile every minute she was working to prevent the prophecy. A month after we took her to court and almost got her killed she agreed to help us direct a play, a favor for a favor

[lalachat]

"And there you were..."

Author's note: Hey girl hey... I'm back! Im sorry for the prolonged time between these late chapters:( Fixations are weird and frangible things. You have one for a month and then get tired of it, but come back to the same one every now and then. That's basically what writing is for me... I know it may not be fair to you readers but I am trying my best because i truly love you guys... This is not the best thing that I have written for this story, but we are finally at the end! It has been a rollercoaster for us all. Thank you for those who have stuck with me since day one and thank you for those who randomly stumble upon this shit show of a story and send me sweet messages<3 I hope this is good enough xoxo

Summary: Crossing over the rainbow bridge is not what you expected it to be, especially when you're told you cannot stay long, but everything was worth it in the end.

This is for all my Lucien girlies❤️

Warnings: profanity, potential grammatical errors, and a happily ever after!

Word Count: ≈ 2,237

Chapter 11: You're my mate

“Who are you and where am I?” you blinked rapidly at the blinding light invading your gaze.

“Welcome my child, you know where you are and you know who I am-” the voice sent a warmth through your body at the raw power it held, yet it was still tenderhearted.

You blinked a couple more times to readjust your sight at the most ethereal woman you have ever seen standing before you. This cannot be real…

“I’m dead, aren’t I?” you asked.

“Not quite, I fear I have taken you too soon,” she gave you a soft smile as the realization hit you. Only one person could take your life too soon.

“Oh my gods, you’re the mother!” You bowed to her immediately, unsure of what the proper greeting was for a celestial being. She giggled.

“No need for such formalities, stand up my child. I have something I wish to discuss.” She offered you her hand which you gladly accepted. You felt a zing rush through you at the touch. The power she held was beyond anything you felt from Rhysand and the other high lords.

“Of course,” you smiled, “What exactly would that be? Have I sinned too much to remain here?!”

She laughed yet again, “You are quite the humorous one, and no, I am not here to discuss your sins. I want to discuss the mistake I made with your mate.”

You stood there in pure shock, “Azriel?”

“Yes, I wholeheartedly apologize for fating you two together. That shadowsinger never got over his self-loathing I’m afraid.” You looked at her puzzled. “You see, when I fated the two of you, I had hoped his self-destructiveness would disappear once he met you,” she smiled at you again as you listened, “that was until Elain Acheron had stepped in and took that place before you ever could.”

“Believe me mother, I am well aware…” you sighed. “I tried so hard,” tears began to form in your eyes.

“Oh my love, I know you did, and this is all my fault. I am sorry for causing you so much suffering. It is clear to me now that I should have fated you to someone else,” she gave you her hand again, “Come walk with me.”

She led you hand in hand over to a cauldron. She waved her hand over it to reveal your friends still circled around your body, only this time a certain auburn-haired male began to awake.

“LUCIEN!” You wept at the sight of his chest rising and falling again, “He’s alive!”

The mother nodded, “I brought him here and sent him back, just like I am about to do with you.”

“I don't understand, why bring us both here in the first place if we are only going to be sent back?” You watched as your friends noticed Lucien’s movements as you still lay there cold.

“Because my child, I have been watching you for quite some time and realized that your love without a bond for another male grew stronger than any completed bond I have ever seen.”

“That’s not possible- nothing is stronger than a completed bond,” you looked at her and shook your head in disbelief.

“I never thought something like this would happen but you two have proven me wrong. You both have just done the impossible,” she smiled at you, and she took hold of both of your hands, “That male loves you more than anything.” Her thumbs caressed the small marking along your wrists, your eyes followed the movement as you chuckled.

“So, what’s going to happen to now?” you looked up at the creator of everything you knew.

“I am going to send you back,” she kissed the top of your forehead and you felt something inside you shift, “I am sorry for taking you both too soon, but it had to be done. I have now made things the way they should be,” she smiled as she gestured to the cauldron.

“What?” you looked at her in disbelief.

“Step into the cauldron, it will take you back to your loved ones.”

You looked in to see Lucien now trying to wake you as the others watched in awe of his liveliness, “Lucien did the same thing?”

“Yes,” she nodded as you began to slowly step your way into the cauldron. You were waist in before you stopped abruptly as anxiety ate at you to ask a certain question.

“I won’t have any special powers like Feyre, Nesta, and Elain right?”

“No, this is different than their rebirth. You will have no power; you will remain as you were before.”

“Good, that’s good. Powers would have been cool though,” you smiled as you submerged the rest of yourself into the sacred artifact. Just before your ears went under you could hear the mother say something to you before you left.

“Everything is alright now, I love you my child. You have made me proud.”

You smiled as the liquid surrounded you and sparkled against your skin. It almost looked like Starfall which made you smile reminding you of home. You were heading back home! You felt your body tense like it was being winnowed back to your reality. It was a weird sensation, but you could slowly feel the memory of the mother and everything she had done for you fade as you passed through a barrier.

“Y/n!” you could hear someone crying out your name. You were trying to regain your senses as firm hands caressed the hair out of your face. One of their tears fell onto your cheek. It almost felt hot. Your eyes squinted at the feeling.

“Lucien look!” Someone cried out, as Lucien’s eyes scanned over your face slightly scrunching up at the foreign feeling of a tear that was not your own on your face. He let out a small, relieved gasp.

“Y/n?” He wiped off his tear that had fallen as he saw your chest take a deep inhale, “Oh my gods!” He wept, “You’re alive… you’re alive!”

His hands caressed your own, trying to give your cold skin more warmth. Azriel letting some of his own tears fall at the sight of you breathing again, Elain was rubbing small circles on his back in comfort. Mor and Feyre’s hands covered their mouths in shock at the events unfolding before them as tears of joy left their eyes. Nesta had let out a much-needed breath she didn’t know she was holding as she smiled at the two of you breathing again. Cassian thanked the mother repeatedly as Rhysand grabbed Feyre’s hand with tear filled eyes.

You began to wiggle your toes and fingers, getting used to the feeling of yourself again as you opened your eyes to see Lucien with the biggest smile you have ever seen from him.

“Lucien?” you questioned. Your mind was foggy, unable to really remember anything except the fact the last time you saw him he was dead.

He pressed your hands to his lips, “I’m here…”

You began to cry, “You’re alive!”

He nodded his head as he pulled you into his chest, “And so are you!”

You wrapped your arms around him in an instant, “Don’t ever leave me like that again!”

“Like hell I would live in a world without you,” he smiled as he cupped your face and kissed you tenderly. It’s right then you felt something trying to ignite inside your chest, no restraints or walls were holding it back as it set your soul aflame. You pulled away from Lucien and looked at him in amazement as you sent that flame to where it was trying to pull itself to. Lucien’s eyes widened as he slowly felt his empty chest cavity burst into life filled with everything you were sending his way. Love. Passion. Trust. Protectiveness. He couldn’t but help but smile as he got to say these words again knowing he would be complete, “You’re my mate!”

You let out a laugh of relief at the words, “Mates,” as you kissed him so hard you both fell back into the earth beneath you.

“That’s impossible,” Azriel said in disbelief. Elain’s face was ghost white.

“Well brother, the mother can work in mysterious ways,” Rhysand smiled at you finally getting your happy ending.

Lucien pulled away from you breathless, “I love you.”

You gave him a toothy grin and kissed him once more, “I love you!”

The wind kissed your skin as you both got up off the ground hand in Lucien’s. The presence of the wind almost felt familiar to you. You looked up at your mate and saw he had the same expression. Both of you looked at each other before you both whispered a soft thank you into the wind to let it be carried away to wherever it was headed as your friends began to crowd you both. Feyre ran into Lucien’s outstretched arms as Mor crashed into yours.

“Oh gods I am so happy you’re alive!” Mor cried.

“I think that was enough bonding for a lifetime,” you laughed as you cried with your best friend.

“I am just glad you are okay!” she smiled as she let Feyre hug you next. She looked over to Lucien and gave you a warm smile, “I am so happy for you both, take good care of him.”

Rhysand and Cassian pulled you into a big group hug.

“What even happened? I saw you both die!” Cassian kissed your cheek fondly.

“I don't even know… I wish I could tell you both, but I'm just happy I get to keep my favorite bat boys around,” you laughed as Rhysand kissed your other cheek.

“Like I said to Az, the mother works in wonderous ways.” As they pulled you back into another huge hug.

“Stop you’re going to pop me!” you laughed as a pair of footsteps approached you. You looked up to see Azriel. He looked at you guiltily and you felt nothing towards the male. No hate, no resentment, no longing, no nothing. You took a deep breath as you said, “Bring it in Azriel, it’s alright…”

Azriel carefully joined the group hug, “I am so sorry…” you and the others just hugged each other tighter as a response. You heard a cough from outside the circle as Elain stood before you. Rhysand and Cassian gave you one last hug before they walked over to Lucien and the others. Leaving you with Azriel and Elain.

“Y/n if I had only known…” Elain’s voice trailed off. Their presence was a little much for you after knowing what they both caused, but without them you wouldn’t have your mate.

“Look, everything that happened between us is a lot to digest and it's overwhelming me right now, but I am willing to look forward and have a fresh start, just give me time.” You gave them both an awkward smile as you walked off to the others who were all showering Lucien in hugs like they had done with you earlier. The sight of it made you smile.

“Be careful with him! I just got him back,” you teased as everyone looked towards you.

“We just got you both back,” Feyre said with a soft smile, “Tonight we celebrate you both and your new bond!”

“Just don't feed him anything until we're gone,” Cassian quipped as he clapped Lucien on the shoulder. Lucien rolled his eyes at the comment as Mor whispered into your ear, “and when you do, you still owe us girls a story after all.” She winked as your face grew hot at the talk of the act of completing the bond together.

“Calm yourself darling, we have plenty of time for that later,” Lucien pulled you into his side, “Let’s celebrate with our friends yeah?”

“Fine, I guess we can let loose a little to celebrate beating death and finding our bond.” You smiled.

“Well, what are we waiting for?! Let’s go party! I’m ready to let loose after everything that just transpired,” Mor said as everyone left to go back inside. Lucien pulled you aside before you both walked in and pushed you against a wall as he kissed you with fiery passion.

“As soon as that little party is over, I am going to fuck you into the bed, wall, desk,” he began to kiss your neck as the fresh bond between you hummed in your chest, “Any surface that I can take you on till we’re both burning this court into ashes with our love.”

You moaned at his words, “You promise?”

“If that is what my mate wants,” as he stared into your eyes as you traced your fingers down his back.

“Only if mine is willing to live up to his words,” you smirked up at him.

“Oh y/n, you are going to regret doubting me,” he said before he gave you one last kiss on the lips before offering you his hand to lead you into the house where all your friends awaited to celebrate your miracle.

You giggled as you grabbed his hand and said, “I love you so much Lu.”

“I will never get sick of those words. I love you too,” he smiled down as your intertwined hands, “You really should get those tattooed.”

“Give me a few more like them and I will,” you teased pulling Lucien inside as he let out a small groan at the thought. Both of you eager to celebrate with your friends, and to finally be able to love each other fiercely for the rest of your lives.

If you’re interested in being on my taglist, please let me know!

Tags:

@thelov3lybookworm @justdreamstars @character---obsessed @stained-glass-eyes0708 @acourtofbooksandshadows @sourapplex @b0xerdancer-writes @fireworksacrosshorizons @esposadomd @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @mis-lil-red @cleverzonkwombatsludge @emme-looou @bubybubsters @impossibelle @holywolfsstuff @acourtofbatboydreams @bloodicka @byyalady @kennedy-brooke @sassyslytherinshai @minnieoo @sh4nn @high-lady-of-books @fides25 @thisblogisaboutabook @breella @mirandasidefics @hardcoremarvelfan @thesnugglingduck @annaaaaa88

[littlemissthunderstorms]

she’s not you

2008 alex turner x reader

synopsis: you’re jealous of your bestfriend alex and his new girlfriend (an angsty fic but do not worry!!! happy ending!!! stay tuned!!!) another love confession for you guys hint hint

also PLEASE PLEASE listen to this song whilst reading trust

———

you sipped your drink, chatting with a friend as jazz music swirled around the room, people chattered and hugged, and glittery reflections of fairy lights sparkled in your eyes, all coinciding to create a lively atmosphere.

as your friend excused herself to go grab a drink, your attention fixated on the door, heart swirling as you saw who had walked in. the boy’s eyes lit up as he made eye contact with you, giving you a sweet smile.

alex was your best friend, but over the course of a few months you’d fallen in love with him. to your disadvantage, miles had introduced him to one of his friends, ashley. they’d started dating a couple months ago. you’d met her before and she was pretty nice, they seemed like they liked each other but you were heartbroken over it, desperately trying to get over alex which was very much not working.

every time you’d seen al recently, he’d been with his girlfriend. whenever you’d get home from suffering through another horrible event, having to watch alex swoon over some other girl that wasn’t you, you wanted to lay in bed and sob. you felt so pathetic, getting jealous but you couldn’t help it. it made your heart hurt.

so, your stomach dropped, expecting ashley to walk in, but surprisingly, she didnt. it was only alex and miles, conversing with a few people near the door. sighing, you sipped your drink and spotted a few of your other friends from across the room, making your way over to them to say hello and get your mind off of alex.

———

30 minutes slipped by and the party only got busier. excusing yourself from conversation, you made your way upstairs and found a quiet balcony to get a breath of fresh air.

———

the balcony was much more peaceful. a sense of tranquility washed over you as you gazed at the stars. the breeze blew a gust of cool early spring air towards you, making you shiver slightly, snuggling into your jacket. laughter and dialogue from the party was now muffled and distant as you sighed.

you closed your eyes, reveling in the peacefulness of it all when a noise behind you startled you. jumping, you turned around to find alex. his long hair was slightly disheveled, gold chain glimmering in the moonlight, peaking out beneath his jacket.

“oh! sorry sorry i didn’t mean to startle ya!” you laughed as alex came over and hugged you tight, burying his face in your shoulder. “you’re fine, just thought you were a hit man coming to push me off the balcony for a second there.” you responded, pulling away from the embrace.

alex laughed. “it’s been way too long since i’ve seen ya.” the boy shoved his hands in his pockets. “it’s been like two weeks al.” you giggled, making him roll his eyes in response. “still. missed ya.” you gave him a sweet smile, your cheeks rosy pink from the cool air, and the boy. alex’s eyes lit up, returning your smile, making your heart flutter.

flustered, you tried to make conversation with him. “so, ashley not here tonight?” oh god. you immediately felt like jumping off the balcony at your choice of words. alex’s demeanor changed as he responded. “actually..” he cleared his throat. “me and ashley broke up.” your eyebrows raised. you felt bad for your friend course, but you couldn’t help feel a twinge of happiness. concerned, you comforted him. “oh i’m so sorry alex.” he nodded and waved it off. “no no it’s fine. seriously.” you gazed back at the boy awkwardly and nodded, averting your attention back to the night sky.

alex stepped a few inches closer to you and met your gaze. he was about to say something when miles and some of his other friends swung open the balcony doors. you two both jumped, stepping away from eachother. “AYYEE al come join us!! i want you to meet one of me old pals!” miles exclaimed.

alex looked over at you, smiling. “looks like i’ve gotta go, really nice to see ya, missed you.” you smiled back at him, waving goodbye and greeting miles as you walked back into the house to rejoin your other friends.

———

the evening passed by and you were exhausted. the party had died down and you were now outside, laughing with one of your friends and wishing them a goodnight before wandering off in the other direction, eager to get to your car.

the night was quiet and the sky was now a darker shade of blue, causing the stars to shimmer and twinkle in contrast of the darkness. the streetlamps emitted a soft glow, illuminating your path as you strolled along the sidewalk. there weren’t that many people out since it was late, just a few stragglers from the party making their way home, including you.

a familiar voice from behind you called your name. surprised, you turned around to find alex. “oh hey al!” you smiled. “thought you went home already.” he smiled softly as he shook his head, still catching his breath from having to run up to you. “it’s just um… can i tell you summat?” you tilted your head, nodding. “course!”

alex grabbed your hand, pulling you into a not so dangerous, more so secluded alleyway. the boy ran his hand through his messy hair, clearly nervous. “i’m the one who broke it off with ashley.” he admitted. confused to why he was telling you this, you furrowed your eyebrows.

“look, it’s because of you.” he stated, deep brown eyes gazing into yours. “i- what?” you stammered. he continued. “she just wasn’t what i wanted. it wasn’t fair to her.” still slightly puzzled, you tilted your head. “i thought you liked her though? i mean she’s perfect alex.” you replied.

“yeah, she’s great, but she’s not you.”

before you could respond, he continued. “it’s not fair to be with her when all i’ve ever wanted was you. it wasn’t fair to be kissing her and only thinking of you. it wasn’t fair for her because the whole time i’ve been in love with you.” he finished, dark eyes pooling with longing and desperation, staring into yours.

“alex…” you whispered. he didn’t break eye contact, eager for your response. you broke into a smile. “god you have no idea.”

you shook your head, smiling as you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his.

———

goodnight sleep tight!

love confessions are just so so fun i cant help it 😣

[r-2-peepoo]

Do you have any good Codywan fics to recommend? Preferably on AO3, preferably not too spicy, and preferably ones that will leave me happy inside and not drowning in a post-Order 66 pit of despair. If you don’t feel like answering this, that’s fine, I hope you have a good day! :)

First of all, I am so sorry for not replying to this sooner. I didn’t see the notification and also I really wanted to make sure I gave you a good list. I love getting asked this so thank you for giving me an excuse to make another one of these posts. Here is a link to the first one I made.

These are all masterpieces in my mind. I have like twenty bookmarks in total even though I read fics all the time so here are some of my holy grails:

AUs

Oh, the weather outside is frightful by Celaestis (Christmas fluff modern au)

 I wish there were more Christmas fics because I just love them and it certainly doesn’t hurt that the writing quality of this one is nothing short of breathtaking. This is ever so slightly spicy but its mostly fluff. Just a line or two of spice and it’s implied too. This writer has a way of describing things that is so intricate and intimate and I am just obsessed with their writing style.

love me long, be my sunlight by ricken (love island au)

I have never been able to sit through an entire episode of Love Island but when I tell you I screamed when I first saw this au. It is the most fun I have had with a fic in so long but it’s also actually incredibly heartwarming too. And what a creative idea as well. This is one of the fics I reread a lot and if you give it a go, you’ll understand why. It’s positively delightful and is such an original concept too. 

Probably the spiciest fic on the list but there’s nothing crazy. It’s mostly just dialogue and references (it is a dating show after all) and the spiciest scene is interrupted. I had such a blast with this one and I really wish more fics were like this.

hunger + dreams by catboydogma (hockey/figure skating au)

Tell me why Codywan suit every genre. The very concept of a Codywan figure skating au is enough to make me screech but this one!!! It’s just so cute. Truly the most adorable little getting together fic and it does such a good job characterising everyone too. The interactions Obi Wan has with Anakin and Ahsoka are so much fun and Codywan deserve to be happy above all else and this fic absolutely delivers that. I would read a thousand chapters of this if I could.

Silver Lining by Wixiany (skiing au)

This fic!!!! Oh my god!!!! I have always believed that Codywan have suffered too much in canon that every au they are place in should be a romcom and that is precisely what this fic is. The sweetest little romcom ever. This fic has everything. A ski-slope accident meet cute. A Cody’s scar origin story. An Omega cameo (if you know me, you know that my opinion of any Codywan fic skyrockets if my fave Star Wars girl makes an appearance). Basically no angst!!!! I think this fic cured all of my problems ngl. I cannot recommend it enough. I genuinely just found this like thirty minutes ago and it has instantly become one of my favourite Codywan fics ever.

An Officer and a Gentleman by jimmytiberius  (regency au)

I read this one last year and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. This is a Codywan regency au and regency era literature may be the only thing I love as much as Codywan so naturally the being combined is immaculate. This fic does a fantastic job of capturing the delicate romanticism of the time period and it’s a style that suits Codywan down to the ground. It just makes sense for them. I mean a Sense and Sensibility au??? Are you serious??? What an amazing concept. If you’re familiar with Jane Austen at all, you’ll feel right at home with this fic because it is just so incredibly sweet.

Rhapsody in Blue by KCKenobi (orchestra/mystery au)

Now I know I mentioned it on my last post but I have vowed to always recommend this fic whenever anyone asks. It is truly my favourite fic of all time and I’ve read it multiple times now. How many fanfics can you say have their own soundtrack? I think this is the third time I have recommended this fic in a post but it really is that good. This is a warning for some angst but I would never recommend a fic with an unhappy ending unless specifically asked so you can rest easy knowing that everything resolves well in this story. 

What I also adore about this fic is that it does brilliantly what so few others do, which is that it doesn’t ignore its side characters. They are not just props in Obi Wan’s story. Each person, no matter how small their appearance, feels like a real person. They’re so believable and every relationship, platonic, romantic or otherwise, is completely fleshed out.

There's also a very sweet Codywan oneshot here but it is set during the pandemic and is a bit of a heavy read depending on how much that topic affects so be careful.

I would also like to say that, while this author doesn’t generally write Codywan, first of all when she does it is magical. Secondly, she is absolutely fantastic if you like platonic fics. There’s so many to read and every single one I have read so far has been wonderful. 

Canonverse fics

Incognizant by marshMeister (5+1 fic)

It wouldn’t be a true list of recommendations if I didn’t mention a fic by one of my favourite humans @legobenkenobi. When I say he is one of my favourite writers ever, I am not just saying it because I talk to him basically everyday. I cannot think of a single other person I would trust more to characterise both Cody and Obi Wan. It’s perfect every single time, whether its just in a post or in a full fanfiction, and this fic is such a good example. It’s that classic 5+1 format but it’s so sweet and so in character. 

What’s the one thing that could improve a Codywan fic though? Anakin being completely oblivious and (lovingly) made fun of for it. He has absolutely no clue how Codywan feel about each other even though basically the rest of the galaxy knows so this fic is him figuring that out and it is joy to read (and then reread like six times).

Also if I could make it required by law to read everything Ben has ever written, I would. So definitely check out literally all of his other fics.

if i don’t make it back from where i’ve gone (just know i’ve loved you all along) by thebitterbeast (featuring art from thegreencarousel) (time travel, non linear fic)

This fic does have some angst but rest assured everything works out eventually. It’s such a unique take on the events in canon and I already enjoy a time loop/ time travel fic. But the part I love the most about this fic is that it’s pro-Jedi. Too many Codywan fics find it necessary to disparage or misrepresent the Jedi and their beliefs in order to make the relationship work but Jedi are allowed to love! And this fic is such a beautiful reminder of that. It also captures the gentleness that Cody and Obi Wan have in their relationship with each other in such a lovely way. I fully accept this as the new canon.

Ghosts of the Dead by Just_Here_To_Procrastinate (zombie au)

This is definitely the heaviest fic on the list but trust me. It’s a masterpiece. Also happy ending too, so don’t worry. Just be cautious for mentions of blood and gore if that isn’t your thing. It doesn’t go overboard with it at all but better safe than sorry.

This is a zombie au and I understand that genre isn’t for everyone, but when people say that they’ve read fanfictions that are better than traditionally published novels, this is the kind of this they’re talking about. There’s a section of this fic which is maybe one of the most beautifully written things I’ve ever read. I wish I could give more context but it happens to be at the most pivotal moment of the entire story and I don’t want to spoil anything so you’re going to have to trust me. This fic is insanely good. It’s quite a long one and worth every single second you spend reading it. I love the narrative style and how it fits into the actual plot of TCW too. The characterization is fantastic too.

[danosrosegarden]

this popped up in my head while watching riddler edits🤭🤭

but i was wondering if you could write something about the reader sending edward nude photos of herself (for his eyes only ofc) while hes at work? like he would be so flustered and hiding his phone under the desk LIKE IM JUST GIGGLING THINKING ABOUT THIS!!

Secret Delivery - Edward Nashton x Fem!Reader Headcannons (NSFW)

Contains: sending nudes, feminine reader...and a flustered Eddie. <3

Note: sorry this took a bit! I've been a little sick, but writing about blushy Edward always makes me feel better.

♡ Your sweet, angelic Eddie. He seems to morph into a grayer and dryer version of himself with each passing day of stressful work. After coming home each night, he says very little to you before collapsing into bed. You try not to feel the strings of your heart being sawed at while his snores drone. You can't help but feel a bit...neglected.

♡ It had been...how long since he'd touched you? He was so much more than a body, of course, but you missed feeling his fingers hook themselves under your bra straps. You longed to hear his high whimpers and watch his thick thighs tremble beneath you. Goodness, you needed it.

♡ So...you decide to treat your Eddie to a little surprise.

♡ You feel like a crushing, daydream-laced girl as you spend extra time in your empty apartment applying your makeup and special lingerie. Edward had yet to see you in this little number...it was a lacy, soft pink set with bows and frills. He was going to love it, you were sure.

♡ After all, he worked so hard to make sure you were comfortable. Doesn't he deserve a reward?

♡ Your heart is hot and hammering as you scroll through the pictures you took and choose the best ones. The ones where your soft skin looked juicy and tasty enough to bite into. You wanted him to bite. You wanted him to draw blood, to leave beautiful, violet splotches of bruises. God, you wanted him down your throat. You wanted him panting, sweating, writhing. You rubbed your cloud-soft thighs together as you pulled his contact up in your messages.

♡ Should you leave a honeyed message for him to read? No...how about just the pictures? You can worry about whispering all sorts of candy-sweet things to him when he gets home. You grinned as you selected the pictures from your camera roll and hovered over the send button. Leave just enough for him to thirst for more. Make him suffer through the rest of the work day, secretly hard and leaking at the thought of you. Plague his mind like a brain-nibbling disease.

♡ Bags of weariness tug under Edward's eyes, whispering an ashy purple tint onto his peachy skin. Maybe he could get away with a wink of rest, he thinks as his head dips...

♡ Ding! His phone screen lights up. Edward squints and lowers the brightness before opening his phone.

♡ A message? Who wants to talk to him now, while he's fist fighting sleep at work?

♡ His hearts glitters like river water under shimmering sunshine. It's you! And you sent him...oh. Oh my.

♡ Edward's hands fly under his desk as he gapes at the photos. His heart pounds and his palms grow clammy as he swipes through the collection.

♡ He worships your body like you were a Greek goddess. His blood sparkles with flowing love and adoration for each part of it. But I believe he's got an especially soft spot for your breasts. Running his fingers along your sensitive nipples, sucking and moaning softly on them, just simply laying his head on the squishy skin...oh, how beautiful they look wrapped in blushing lace.

♡ His cheeks are burning hot, the skin screaming lobster red. Oh, he's going to ruin you tonight.

♡ Edward's far from a master of communication, but you should know he's missed you, too. He despises how work drives him away from your bubble of glistering love. He closes his phone and stares blankly at his computer screen. His brain is sticky mush for the rest of the work day.

♡ I wish you the best of luck trying to pry his clawing hands away from your body when he gets home. You're in for a long night. ;-)

[scorpiussage]

Peaky Blinders characters with a daughter who gets her first period

🌕 Tommy

🌕Three words: “Full Panic Mode”

🌕Oh god, where’s Polly when you need her? 

🌕Will absolutely dump the task onto the literal first woman he happens to pass, but will still hover awkwardly in the background like the overprotective parent he is. 

🌕Does not know the first thing about dealing with periods because that’s ‘womens’ business’ and he’s not in the habit of involving himself in that sort of thing. But he will stick around to learn whatever he can so that he can help his daughter more effectively in the future. 

🌕Will also go overboard in prepping for future periods. Seriously, this man will have a full warehouse of period supplies on standby from that moment on. 

🌕If anyone in the family or outside the family tries to tease her about her period, he will pull his razor cap on them no hesitation. 

🌕If she happens to be someone who suffers from bad cramps, he will be one of those dads who has hot water bottles on hand with more on standby if needed and will stay home with his girl if she’s in too much pain to go to school. 

🌹 Alfie 

🌹If his daughter is too shy to tell him that her period started, he’ll figure it out without her saying anything. 

🌹Is incredibly kind and gentle about the whole thing, “Now see here, love, that’s normal, it is. Don’t gotta be embarrassed about it none.” 

🌹Doesn’t need to ask a woman for help because he’s been preparing for this moment since his little girl was born. He knows all the medical knowledge and has all the products she might need stored in the cabinet just waiting to be used. 

🌹Makes her lots of sweets for that time of the month for her to snack on and while is very understanding about cramps and such, will not allow her to skip school because of her period, “Can’t be having you missing your education. It’s a normal bodily function, yeah? And anyone who says otherwise can come fucking talk to me.” 

🌹One time a kid in school teased her when her period leaked through the back of her dress and Alfie went and had a lovely conversation with that boy’s parents. Funny that, they decided to suddenly leave town. 

🌞 John

🌞Not his first rodeo, that’s for sure. Man’s got kids out the wazoo so as soon as one of his daughters starts her period, he’s already reaching into the cabinet to grab the necessary supplies. 

🌞Doesn’t really talk about it beyond, “Anyone says anything, I’ll fucking cut them.” 

🌞Honestly a pretty hands off father but mostly because he knows his girls can handle themselves just fine and if they have any questions or issues they can talk to each other or Polly. 

🌞Loves to make fun of his brothers for panicking about the same sort of situation with their own daughters. 

💥 Arthur

💥Man practically faints when his little girl comes to him and tells him that her period has started. Not normally squeamish but when it comes to ladies issues, he very much is. 

💥Will be completely useless and Polly or Ada will have to intervene and help her. 

💥It’s not that he’s a bad father or anything, it’s just that he’s not prepared himself for this inevitability, especially because he’s one of those dad’s that wants his girl to stay little forever. 

💥Doesn’t know anything about anything but if you tell him what to buy, he’ll buy as much as he can and then hope that that’s enough for her to never mention it again. 

⚡️ Michael  

⚡️Will definitely be like, “Uh that’s not my department go find grandma.” 

⚡️He will also not take any extra steps or learn any new information for his daughter; that’s women’s business and he’s not interested. 

⚡️Basically his daughter is on her own with this one unless she asks Polly for help. 

[lnfours]

summer loving (two) ⎸ t.h

⌙ summary: your mom and tom’s mom grew up together, swearing that their kids would be life long friends. and it was true, the holland boys were a special part of your life. but on the annual trip to their beach house this summer, everything feels different. and that’s because it is.

⌙ au:  based on the book and tv show ‘the summer i turned pretty’ by jenny han. childhood friends to lovers

⌙ wc: 2.2k

⌙ warnings: swearing, tom being an asshole lowkey, sam being sweet as ever, some fluff and ANGST as hell. a special guest appearance that’ll be important later on!!!! it’s lowkey driving me crazy.

⌙ pairing: tom holland x fem!reader

masterlist ⎸ chapter one ⎸ chapter three ⎸ listen

                               ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

you sat on the sofa in the living room, absentmindedly scrolling through netflix. you had been on the beach earlier with sam, the two of you catching some waves at sunrise. watching the sun come up as you sat on your board was another one of your favorite things to do during the summer, the view alone being breath taking. 

you were about to click on a show in your watchlist as nikki sat down next to you, two cups of coffee in her hand as she handed you one. you smiled at her, sitting up as you grabbed the mug.

“thank you.”

“of course,” she smiled, “figured you’d need it since you had to deal with sam so early.”

you chuckled, “it was my idea, so i had no choice but to suffer his wrath.”

she let out a giggle before taking a sip of her coffee, “hey, i’ve got a question for you.”

you hummed back, sipping your own coffee, “what’s up?”

“so, my friend carol at the country club was saying that this year one of the girls who was a big sister for this year’s debutante ball got sick and she can’t do it this year. i was wondering, since you did it when you were the other girls’ age, would you be interested in doing it?”

you cringed at the mention of the debutante ball. you had agreed to do be a debutante when you turned 16, wanting to give nikki the opportunity to see you, who she considered a daughter, live out the same experience she had when she was at that age. you actually had a good time, but the thought of going back with cut throat girls who care way too much about what dress they’re wearing made you cringe.

but, you knew nikki would want you to do it. so, you felt like you couldn’t say no. plus, you had a great big sister when you were going through the program and the idea of being that for another girl kind of made you excited. 

“uhm, sure,” you shrugged, “why not?”

she smiled as she let out a squeal, hugging you. you laughed, hugging her back, “oh my god, thank you! thank you, thank you, thank you!”

you giggled as she rose from her seat, “i’ll call carol right now.”

you nodded, sighing as you mentally slapped yourself. you knew what you were signing up for, but the idea of getting all dressed up again was a plus. you watched as harry entered the room, eyebrows furrowed as he looked at his mom who happily ran back to the kitchen before looking back at you.

“what’s that all about?”

you sighed as he took the seat next to you, “the curse of rich people, that’s what.”

“i’m gonna need you to elaborate.”

you were about to speak when your phone started to buzz, looking down you saw an incoming facetime call. you sprung up from your seat, taking the coffee from the table before running to the stairs, “i’ll explain later!”

he shook his head, grabbing the remote from the arm of the couch as he mumbled under his breath, “girls, man.”

you shut your bedroom door, answering the call as you smiled, “hey! i’ve been meaning to call!”

“shut up and tell me all the spicy details right now.” your best friend, kat, laughed. you smiled back, rolling your eyes. the two of you had been friends since elementary school, a life long bond. besides the hollands, kat was your only other longest friend.

“what details?” you asked, playing dumb as you propped your phone on the vanity that sat in the corner of the room.

“oh my god, don’t play dumb! the tom drama!”

you sighed, “well, nothing’s really happened besides the fact that we almost kissed-”

“you guys almost kissed?!” she cut you off. you laughed again, shaking your head.

“it was nothing, nothing happened! we didn’t kiss, we didn’t do anything at all… thanks to sam.”

“sam?”

“yeah, he came down to the beach when tom and i were about to kiss and made us jump apart. he didn’t really look happy about the whole thing, either.”

“i told you, y/n! i told you, sam has a thing for you!”

you shook your head, “or maybe he just doesn’t want his big brother kissing one of his best friends.”

“oh, come on!” she laughed, “sam has a thing for you! trust me!”

you shrugged, “i don’t think so, kat.”

“okay, whatever you say. but tell me about this kiss, though? when? where? how?”

you began explaining the story to her and she gasped, you nodding your head as she sat in disbelief. of course she knew about the fact that you’ve been totally crazy about tom ever since you were younger, she knew about everything in your life. she was literally your right hand man, someone you could tell anything and everything to.

you spent the next 30 minutes on the phone with her, catching up. just as you had ended the call, there was a knock on your bedroom door.

“come in,” you answered as sam poked his head in through the crack.

“wanna go into town with me? kinda craving a bagel.”

you smiled, “is that even a question?”

“downstairs in 10?” he smiled back at you. you nodded as he closed the door behind him. you grabbed a tank top and a pair of shorts, quickly changing as you grabbed your wallet and sunglasses. you slipped on your flip flops before making your way down the steps. you stood in the living room as you watched the boys sitting on the couch, standing next to sam as you took in the sight in front of the both of you.

harry, austin and paddy were all a sniffling mess on the couch, wiping the tears from under their eyes as they looked at the tv.

“what’s wrong with them?”

“the notebook.” sam smirked back.

“it’s a great movie!” austin defended, handing a tissue to harry. you bit back a laugh, covering your mouth to avoid the laugh from slipping out. sam grabbed the keys from off the table, shaking his head as he looked back at you.

“ready for a delicious bagel?” 

“always.”

“wait, you guys are going to ken’s?” paddy asked, looking up at his older brother.

“yeah, want something?”

“my usual, please.” he smiled, wiping his face with the neck of his t-shirt. you let out a giggle as sam nodded, the both of you making your way to the jeep in the driveway. you hopped in the passenger seat, snatching the aux cord from the cup holder before sam could get to it.

“okay, if you’re gonna play music, at least play good music.”

you let out a fake gasp as you held a hand up to your heart, “rude! my music taste is better than yours!”

“debatable.”

you smacked his arm playfully as he pulled out of the driveway. you watched the scenery go past as sam made his way into town, the music playing in the background. you bit the inside of your cheek as you internally debated bringing up what has been up with tom recently.

if anyone would tell you, it’d be sam.

“what’s up with tom recently? i mean, he’s been a little… distant? i guess.”

he shrugged as he looked over at you, “i don’t know. i know he’s been down ever since he found out about alexis, but he’s been this way since he got home. i think he’s just trying to process everything.”

you nodded, “‘m just worried about him, you know? i know he works hard, but i think it’s really taking a toll on him.”

sam nodded, “yeah, i don’t know. he’s just been drained recently. he’ll be alright, though. i feel like this summer will pull him out of it.”

you nodded, “yeah, i hope so.”

he pulled up to the bagel shop, parking the car before the both of you got out. he opened the door to the shop for you, making you smile as you walked in. sam followed behind you. the owner of the shop smiled, seeing sam as he greeted him.

“mr. holland! welcome back to the island!”

sam laughed, “‘sup, ken. can i get-”

“your usuals? i’ve got you, sam.”

“thanks, mate.”

“of course, anything for my favorite customer!”

you and sam made small talk, smiling as ken called sam’s name.

“anything else for you, son?”

“that’ll do it, ken. thank you.”

“of course! you enjoy it! tell your mom and dad i said hello.”

“sure thing.”

sam paid for the food before grabbing the brown bag. you opened the door for him, making him laugh.

“wow, thank you, miss.”

“of course, sir.”

the ride back to the house was quiet, nothing but the sound of your summer playlist playing through the speakers. you couldn’t help but wonder what was going on with tom. you knew that he was having a hard time with things, but to go MIA for hours a day, it wasn’t like him.

which is why you were surprised that you saw his black audi parked outside of the house when you got back. your heart beat quickened, the two of you walking inside as you followed the commotion coming from the kitchen. you smiled, placing the bag of bagels down on the island as everyone settled down. you and sam shared a look at everyone’s sudden quietness, wondering what it was that they didn’t want you two knowing about.

“hey, sweetie,” your mom smiled, “we were just talking about what we’re going to do for your birthday in a couple weeks.”

“nikki’s talking about having a party.” harry blurted and austin elbowed him. you laughed, handing out the bagels as you shook your head.

“we don’t have to have a party, nikki.”

“no, but it’d be fun! we haven’t had a party here for you since you were 21.”

“plus, haz and tuwaine could come in, and kat. i’m sure they’d all love to come.” tom suggested, everyone nodding at the idea. you shrugged, opening the foil wrapping of your bagel before taking a bite.

“it’ll be fun, y/n,” sam said, agreeing with the others, “let us celebrate you.”

you sighed, knowing you were going to lose this fight, “god, alright! fine, but i don’t want anything big. us, maybe a few girls from the deb if any of them aren’t unbearable, kat, tuwaine and haz. that’s it. nothing big, please.”

“the deb?” austin asked, “aren’t you a little too old for the deb?”

you rolled your eyes, “not too old to be a big sister.”

“you’re gonna be a big?” your mom asked and you looked over at nikki who smiled.

“i asked her this morning, one of the girls they had as a big can’t do it because she got sick. i told them that y/n would fill her place. i think it’d be fun, y’know? having a little sister, being a mentor for a girl. it’s exciting.”

“you don’t have to go to the ball do you?” paddy asked, scrunching his nose at the memory of you going to the deb ball. you shrugged, looking over at nikki.

“no, she doesn’t have to. she’s just there to be a mentor.”

“good, deb balls are bullshit, anyway.” tom mumbled. the boys agreed and you locked eyes with tom. 

“they’re not bullshit.” you said back.

“really? being around girls who are too worried about the price of a dress and the way their hair looks than anything else?”

“so you’re saying i suddenly care about the way my hair looks?”

“clearly not.” he shot back, looking at the messy bun on the top of your head. you narrowed your eyes at him as sam let out a whistle, widening his eyes at the fact that he knows his brother is about to be in deep shit.

“y’know what, at least i actually converse with the family and i’m not always off doing god knows what.”

everyone fell silent, listening to the both of you hash it out. you weren’t sure where his sudden outburst came from, but you knew it was kind of uncalled for. 

“just saying, the deb isn’t your scene. never was, never will be.”

you rolled your eyes, “right, because you know what’s best for me.”

“okay, let’s chill out for a second, guys.” nikki interfered. you got up from your seat at the island, throwing your trash away as you made your way out the back door. you didn’t mean to, but you heard the slam of the door on your way out. you walked down the path to the beach, finding comfort in the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. you sat with your hands in your lap, taking in the view once more.

suddenly, there was a golden retriever running up to you. you smiled, greeting the dog as you pet his head. you laughed as he licked your face, hearing someone call for the dog.

“oh my god, i’m so sorry.” you looked up and smiled, meeting a pair of brown eyes. you smiled back at the boy. he had a head full of brown curls, a perfectly sunkissed body, and a small scar on his cheek. you hadn’t realized that you’d been staring at the stranger, a blush forming on your cheeks as he scanned over your facial features, also.

“no, it’s okay,” you smiled, “he’s just a boy who doesn’t get any lovin’, huh?”

the boy let out a laugh, “yeah, we can say that.”

“what’s his name?”

“tarzan.” he smiled.

“hi, tarzan,” you giggled before looking up at the boy who looked to be around your age, “sorry, i’m y/n. nice to meet you.”

“shawn,” he said, “nice to meet you, too.”

add yourself to my tagged list here

tagged:

@t0msleftnut @jackiehollanderr @tomshufflepuff @behxndthemask@tsukishiromiki@i-love-superhero@scorpiostunner1027 @queensholland @lostamongstthecosmos@feeling-straange @lauren2408 @lovesick-valkyrie @kaitlynthehuman @wh3n-1t-ra1ns-1t-p0urs @cutehollands @zpidey-sense @maggie-starz @heyrogers @peterparkeroos @stephie-senpai @lol-you-thought @cutie1365@gentlethunderstorm @avengersgirllorianna@hista-girl @casualprincess77@keithseabrook27 @tomhollandsmouthfr0g@wtfholland @dark-night-sky-99 @wowitstonystark @no-aaaahhhh @sskidizzle @sholla4-314 @maggiepalma @awshucks-ace @httpmcrvel @peterparkers-waffles @casuallifexcreativesoul @shaykeijser @chennyetomlinson @pvnk-bivch @iaiabear @spidey-pal @lovelyh0lland @spicygrethan @woah-jess @embrace-themagic @annahollanddd @savethebabyseals @sighspidey @spideyyypeter @yourwonderbelle @ravynnn-12 @nichu @valkyries-bi @superserumstark @iamgabriellelambert @utsoftie @laureharrier @mischiefmanaged49 @paradoxparker @sdrecsfics @solarspidey @randomfandom3599 @quicksoldier @notunlimited @smexylemony @captainbuckyy @ashely313-blog @tom-hollands-eyelash @slytherinholland @tomsobriens @delicately-written @kiggys-newblog @peterbxrnes@alexindahouse @aoonai @babylsn @musicgirl234 @tomhollandandmarvelsworld @shortieminn @lushparkers @sweetenedangeltears @gopnista @jackiehollanderr @purple-ash27@tomsmelanin@tsukimi-ackerman @the-queen-procrastinator@estillion14@awkwardfangirl2014@mcuspidey@gorl-d @xitzbrookiex@playbucky @luutaku@kathykat243 @slytherinrising@luckyplums1@wekindadepressed @summernykole@fairydustparker@osterfieldholland01 @zaynjawy @satan-of-fandoms018@vintageroses1014516 @novaddictx @peek-a-boo-boo-boo@134340-cm@missmulti @melaerica@chennyetomlinson @shotgun-shot-to-the-heart@itsallaboutmeritenow @thequeensardine@nedthegay@exoticxstyles@avngrsinitiative @aweways @spidey-waffles11@xinyourdreamsx@wronglanemendes@sholla4-314@aussie-mantle@chubsluda @tommiboiholland @ariesirwin@rageyoudamnednerd@loveforyouwasbulletproof@stargazerholland@applenter@untainted-memories@pxterbpxrker@sunsetspidey @zoellajulien@irishfangirlxx @peteunderoos@t0mh0llandimagines@newestro@silktoyourspidey@youllbemineandillbeyours@lovcyou3000@theshortegg@peachyinparis@emmatrashforfandoms @jedi-dreea @ @cokenooodles@ttaecrackers @sleepy-zzz @annathesillyfriend@24kcalum@xjes@jemalovesfamdoms @trashparker @maggiekelly51 @alina-margaret@thedoctorselder @kingccbsblog @1-800-hamiltrash @afriendlypotatoe@spookyanairwin @qxeen-of-hearts @zabdisamor@heartbeats-wildly@funs1z3d @miraclesoflove @qrangr @parkerstylesperalta @the-puff-is-strong-with-this-one @natashassniper @let-me-luve-you @jubaydahk@multifandomgirl-us @maybemona @newsienewsie @ghostspf @tomshollandz @targaryenvoids @multi-worlds @rechema @h-oneyholland@captainbuckyy @ixchel-9275 @itseightbeats @growingthornz @rororo06@betcoop @theimpossiblehologramtree@relise-thefury @ixchel-9275@itseightbeats @spidcrparkrr @mrskitchenboy @emistrash @xxi-king@sotottalygamer @joonmail @bloomingarianda @starks-parker @corbone-besson @moonbearmeliox @peteunderoos @rin-e @httpsmoony @eternallyvenus @peter-parker-reblogs-v3 @tiny-friggin-human @staarjisung @spookyspookies @lostinspidey @tryn25 @parkerslutz @ethansnestors @tutuabby28 @hollandraul @averyfosterthoughts @soincredible @practicallylivesonline @tom-hollands-wife @zhangyixingxing1 @summergoldenrze @spideynico @geminiparkers @rumplebutterbaby @am3l1a-24 @lmaotshollandd @eridanuswave @teenwishes08 @emistrash @tomshufflepuff @zendayamybabe @parkerpeterparker2004 @zenzedana @nocturnalms @parrishkehlani  @brown-eyed-doe @darling-im-moonstruck@selluequestrian  @tom-softie @asyamonet22 @peterparkoure @gabicalicota @martinaityte @shaunaelliott08 @maverick-wingman @seriouslyseresin @khaylin27 @cherrycola27 @nevermind-42 @thesewordsareallihavetogive @n3ssm0nique @Tallrock35 @byebyebreezywrites @averyhotchner @justanothermagicalsara @callsign-milano @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @kabloswrld @harper1666 @nevermind-42 @cherrycola27 @itsdesiree86 @cinematicadour @averyhotchner @khaylin27 @tallrock35 @byebyebreezywrites @averyhotchner @justanothermagicalsara @kabloswrld @marantha @Zzsloth @cinematicadour @callsign-milano @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @harper1666 @honireasns @itsdesiree86 @lnmp89 @alexxavicry @bisexual-watermelons @idrinkteedarling @tmb510 @marajillana @fishingirl12 @swiftmendeshoran @liltimmyst @Onecrazydirectionar @ghostqueenofthedamned​ @xxtomspideyxx​

[kz-i-co]

Angel or Devil?: Part V

Summary: Your relationship with Yeonjun was getting intense more than you realized and you didn’t know how to feel. You were scared but did that mean you should run?

Pairing: Choi Yeonjun x f!reader

Genre: highschool au | fluff x angst x subtle smut

Warnings: story may contain strong language, mentions of drugs and alcohol - sexual references - reader discretion advise.

Words: 6.3k

Masterlist | TXT M.List >> Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Taglist: @imtotallydef, @londonchuu, @wanlore @lubtou, @yeon-junie, @ihrtrep, @nobodyshallenter, @soobsfairy444, @pr0dbeomgyu, @angelbythewindow, @foryawnzzn, @wondersgyu, @bora04, @moonchildthingss​

-

»Outgoing text :: To Mia :: 8:08p.m. But the good thing is that I'm not gonna let her hurt me anymore, she wanted me to have a party than I guess I'm having a party

What. Were. You. Thinking...

You never wanted a party, not really. It wasn't your scene - facing up to Yuhyun or not - you didn't want it.

You paced back and fourth as you waited by the front door for Mia to hurry her ass up. You live only ten minutes away.....what's the hold up?

I'm suffering here....

"I locked all the doors upstairs." Yeonjun came down from the upper level. "I only had to kick one couple out."

You made a face of disgust. "Why are teenagers animals." You mumbled more to yourself.

"You okay?" He asked with a sweet smile.

"I've been better." You took a deep breath.

"Why don't you let lose a little. I'll be your designated security."

"You mean you want me to drink?"

"Just have fun (Y/N)." He tilted your head up leaning close.

"You're not gonna drink?"

"Probably not a lot....I want to keep an eye on things." You smiled, you really didn't deserve him. "You stay here, I want to find out more information to make sure there isn't anymore surprises." He rolled his eye pulling out his phone. "Just a quick call."

"Okay." You smiled watching him go outside.

You sat down on the stairs, taking a deep breath. You'll just clean up everything in the morning....it will be okay. What if something gets broken? Jeez.....why does that bitch want to ruin your life? You can't break down....not because of her. You won't.

Should you drink? That first night you went to Soobin's party was the first you ever even tried alcohol. You didn't see the fascination but maybe you needed more to understand the way an adolescence brain works.

"Alright fuck it." You got up and made your way to the kitchen.

"Hey Yeonjun's girl....want a shot?" Some guy asked as a group held little cups. Maybe shots were asking too much, stick to the light stuff.

"I probably shouldn't.....I need to wait until Yeonjun gets back." You said trying to hide your nervous tick.

"Come on.....just one." He begged. "You cant not drink at your own party." Yup....YOUR party. Huh?

"Okay." You didn't need much convincing as the kitchen was already a mess, causing you to panic.

Just relax...just relax...just relax.

You took the little shot size of a red solo cup and downed the drink to avoid spitting it out. The sensation burned down your throat but you already felt more relaxed and decided to take another.

Maybe it will make the night move faster.

So it did....

"Mia, you're here!" You yelled as soon as she entered through your door with Soobin.

"I'm sorry, we were at dinner." She looked around. "This place is definitely more hyped than I thought." She shook her head as the place was flooded with people dancing.

"Well, h-have fun because my parents are gonna kill me." You slurred.

"They won't find out." She reassured as you sipped on your empty cup tricking your mind more than it already was.

"Are you drunk?" Mia's asked looking amused.

"I don't know." You shrugged.

"Where is Yeonjun?" Mia asked looking around some more.

"Getting me another drink."

"Oh god, we came to late." Mia playfully hit Soobin.

"How much did you drink?" She asked looking closer.

"Enough to forget this night ever happened." You confirmed. Five shots down and it probably still wasn't enough.

"Hey." Yeonjun snuck up behind you. His plan was to keep an eye on you so being drunk was definitely not on his radar but he still settled on a slight buzz. You couldn't let him not drink, it wasn't fair for only you to have fun. "You're drink babe."

"I like the sound of that." You blushed taking your drink. You didn't know what he gave you but they all tasted the same by this point.

"Yeonjun, you're letting her get drunk?" Mia asked playfully.

"Yeah, why not? I'm keeping an eye on things."

"Let's make this a night to remember for Yuhyun's sake." Mia said and you held your cup up like a toast.

"We're gonna go get some drinks." Mia smiled pulling Soobin away with him.

"Yeonjun!!!" More of his friends entered and you just smiled next to him.

"Your party is already being talked about all over Twitter." The one with the long hair spoke - who's name still escapes you.

"Cool." You smiled but you know that sober you would disagree.

He sipped on his drink as he grabbed your waist, leading you over closer to the music.

You quickly chugged yours, letting him take control. Every negative thought and feeling was all gone the moment you drowned yourself with alcohol but to top it all off was Yeonjun's soft breath against you taking you farther from reality.

You loved the way he kissed your neck, desperate but soft at the same time - you never wanted him to stop.

If only you could remember it better because next thing you know you felt your mattress underneath you and him kissing you desperately - but what you do remember.....it felt fucking amazing.

He knew you wanted more the farther your hand traveled down and immediately unbuttoned his pants. He grabbed your hand stopping you but never pulled away from your plum lips, taking your breath away. But that didn't stop you as you kept trying to inch your way closer to desperation.

He pulled away, grabbing your hand once again. "We should slow down."

"But I want you."

"Normally I would love hearing you say that but not like this, not in this state.....you need to rest."

"Stay with me?" You asked and he nodded moving in for you to snuggle up into his chest, until you eventually fell asleep.

-

You weren't convinced once you woke up the next morning of how real the night was or what happened after that. Maybe drinking wasn't the greatest idea.

Your head was pounding and sitting up caused straight nausea that had you running to the bathroom embarrassingly quick. This was the worse feeling you had ever experienced - even more so then that flu you had a few years ago. It was a fucking disaster.

You were even tempted to just go back to bed but the sudden remembrance of last night and the hard hitting fact of the house being trashed.

Ugh...maybe you should of just sent everyone home and let Yuhyun finally win her stupid pity game.

You began your slow moving shuffle down the stairs not able to take the sunlight in. You tried opening your eyes wider, squinting in your attempt to look around at your clean home. Was it a dream?

"Pff, did you see Sunghoon dancing? Was he trying to cause a scene." You heard Mia laughing as you made your way over to the kitchen.

"That was nearly as bad as Beomgyu getting stuck in the dryer."

"That wasn't funny Soobin....it took four of us to get him out.....I was this close to calling the police." You heard more laughter than just two voices.

You stepped in softly like you were trying to sneak your way in but them facing your direction didn't help. "Morning sunshine."

Mia greeted you first as you saw Soobin and Kai smile in your direction. "Morning."

Where was Yeonjun?

"How you feeling?" Mia softly approached.

"Like shit."

"I'm guessing you didn't drink a glass of water before bed, that usually helps ease the hangover."

"I don't even remember half the night." You slugged your way over to the kitchen table. "Thank you guys for cleaning up."

"No problem (Y/N)." She smiled. "Yeonjun did most of it actually - we woke up not that long ago."

"Where is he?"

"He went on a coffee run....he should be back- oh right on time."

"They didn't have your crème brûlée latte."

"You can't even do me one favor." Mia teased causing him to glare but quickly blushed seeing you. "Umm thanks Yeonjun, we're gonna finish up the back yard." Mia and the guys left you and Yeonjun alone.

"How you feeling?" He asked handing you your ice caramel latte.

"Been better." You put on a shy smile.

"Once you eat something, you'll feel better." He pushed over the box of donuts.

"Are you guys like that experienced in drinking that you don't get hangovers anymore?" You slightly giggled finally letting him show a smile.

"Maybe?" He slightly smirked but it wasn't his usual worrying you more. "But also we didn't drink nearly as much as you."

"I drank more than you guys?" You asked. What was wrong with you last night?

"You don't remember last night?" You looked down shaking your head.

"I won't be drinking again, that's for sure."

"It's my fault I wanted you to have fun."

"I did, at least I think I did." You smiled and he did as well.

"Eat something, you'll feel better." He got up and opened your back door to talk to the others.

What happened last night?

You were convinced you did more than you remember last night and maybe a fresh shower would clear your head. You feared things were different with Yeonjun because you remember your desperate actions that's for sure but did he act upon them? You wish you knew.

-

Monday morning, you knew everything would be different. Your party was the talk of social media and even more so the talk of the school once you walked in. If only you remembered most of it.

You just wished everyone would stop staring....

"Hey, what's wrong?" Mia asked as you closed your locker.

"Everyone's staring."

"Because you threw an amazing party."

"Yup, that was all my doing." You said with sarcasm.

"Relax, we're not gonna let Yuhyun pull another stunt like this. Yeonjun is gonna warn her parents."

"Speaking of Yeonjun......did you guys talk about your drunken hookup yet, I couldn't help but notice you are avoiding him." She began leaving you speechless. "I can always tell when he's stealing my boyfriend all weekend."

"I'm not avoiding, technically - I had to work all weekend." You began. "And we didn't hook up hook up." You spoke following her to class.

"Sure you didn't." She said with sarcasm.

Maybe you choose not to remember - at least some of it.

"We didn't- we couldn't have."

No, you can't have.....you remember making out but that was it....wasn't it?

"I remember you two dancing, which turned into a heavy public makeout session and then you two went upstairs and I haven't seen the both of you until the next morning." She arched her eyebrows like she knew you were up to no good.

"That doesn't mean we did anything." You shrug.

"I'm sure this is a good sigh." She smirked moving your hair off your neck.

"What?" You rubbed your neck.

"How do you not notice that." She pulled out a compact hand mirror showing the true evidence of the redish-blue blotches around your neck.

How did you not notice this? You know you wore your hair down most of the time but the markings were clear as day. You don't even remember him doing that. You didn't feel any different other wise.

How drunk were you?

"Wow you really didn't notice, I might have some makeup - let's take our seats."

If you weren't panicking before, you definitely were now.

How were you gonna hide this from your parents? If you didn't have to work all weekend, they definitely would of noticed by now.

"You two got steamy." She said digging through her purse.

"I only remember bits and pieces." She saw the panic in your eyes. "You don't think we...-"

"I don't know, do you feel sore down there." She suggested with her hands.

You felt too embarrassed to even talk about it. "No." You just shrugged timidly. "I remember us making out in my bed but that it." And you desperately reaching for his belt.

"Don't panic....I'm sure you guys didn't - shall we get a pregnancy test?"

"What?" You said louder than you realized.

"Just kidding....I'm sure it's nothing." She handed you powered foundation.

There was absolutely no way.....this is stupid to even debate - you would definitely be sore - basic health class 101. You had nothing to worry about.

"You were so cute last night (Y/N)." Yuhyun held up her phone showing a video of you dancing embarrassingly as the rest of her click laughed.

"You were at my house?" You said, you tone sounding angry to your surprise.

"God no, I don't care if the president is at your house, I would never set foot in that filth." She made a face of disgust.

"You're just jealous that (Y/N) threw a better party than you."

"Did you forget who threw her 'better' party?" She sassed.

"Wait, so you admit you sabotage (Y/N) and Yeonjun's date night for your own pathetic jealously.....wow that's rich."

"(Y/N)'s pathetic." She laughed. "Can't even fight her own battles, her lackey has to do it."

"What battle? I want no part of this stupid battle with you." You said handing back Mia's mirror as class was just about to start.

"You should of thought of that the moment you went out with Yeonjun." She said one last time before turning her back as the teacher began her lecture.

Don't let her bother you. Don't let her bother you. Don't let her bother you.

...

You weren't avoiding Yeonjun....definitely not. Okay maybe a little - you were a bit embarrassed to say the least. What should you do? What happened Friday night? And to make matters worse - that stupid video Yuhyun is spreading.

You already felt you had enough of today that you found yourself excusing yourself to the nurses office until your mother was called to get you. You didn't want it be here.

Once back off at home, you crawled into bed, trying to block out the thoughts flooding your head. Nothing happened.

"Honey, you want me to make you some soup?" Your mother interrupted your inner voice.

"No thank you, I'm just gonna go back to sleep." You said trying to avoid any chit chat. You knew you were probably over reacting but between Yuhyun and Yeonjun.....you didn't want to breakdown.

"Okay I'll just be in my office." You nodded and sleep was what you did. You needed it - that was for sure.

You heard a ding from your phone but choose to ignore it since you didn't feel like leaving your sleepy state. You wanted to just be left alone.

That ding, soon turned into a thug and it took you a second to realize where it was coming from. It was dark already? How long were you napping for?

Another thug sent shivers down your spine.....

You got up moving closer to see where the eerie sound was coming from and by surprise the culprit was nothing but a worried boyfriend, standing outside your window.

"What are you doing here?" You asked in a hushed whisper.

"Looking for you." His voice was soft. "Where were you today?"

"I went home sick." You shrugged.

"You okay?" You nodded. "Can I come up?"

"My mom's home." You pursed your lips worried.

"I'll be quiet." He practically begged.

"Okay." You sighed but more to yourself. So much for avoiding your problems.

You didn't even know how he managed to climb up and crawl through your window but he managed just fine as your acrophobia was acting up.

This was the first time he was seeing your room. Well, second unless you count your drunken mess Friday night.

"So what's up?" You asked, distracting him from viewing your personal possessions.

"Are you avoiding me?" He walked closer to you.

"What? Of course not......I just wasn't feeling good." You said trying not to sound nervous.

"Well, you barely answered my text all weekend."

You had nothing to say. You were caught and you couldn't lie yourself out of this one.

"This is about Friday night." He said as you sat down on your bed ready to pour yourself out.

"I'm sorry." You said and he looked at you confused as he sat down next to you. "I'm just embarrassed because that wasn't me and I don't even remember most of it but I just know I made a fool out of myself and I hate that."

"Everyone does stupid stuff when they're drunk." He grabbed your hand sweetly. "And as far as I'm concerned - you didn't do anything wrong."

"So does that mean we didn't - um...."

His face went blank. "No."

"But I remember-"

"We didn't." He looked at you sweetly. "We got pretty intense but I would never do that when you're drinking."

"Okay-" You felt relief. "Um not that I wouldn't want to I'm just not ready for that yet."

"I know, you don't need to worry."

You leaned in putting your head on his shoulder. You felt stupid - a simple conversation made your anxiety go away. You should have known better.

"I suddenly feel better." You smiled looking at him once again.

"Is that so?" He laughed as you nodded.

"Well, some positive news.....I snuck out of my parents dinner with Yuhyun's parents and I told them that she has been bothering me and my new girlfriend and they said they were going to have a talk with her......- so hopefully things will get better."

"Yeah me too." You sighed. "It's really hard to ignore her when she invites people over to my house."

"We didn't get to finish our date night." He playfully pouted.

"That's right, where were we - when that happened."

He smirked. "I remember." He leaned in bringing his lips towards yours and leaned you back down to your bed.

You felt a sudden déjà vu once he wrapped his hands around your hips and lifting your legs around his. Things got intense to your memory but you only remembered bits and pieces. Was it the same for him?

He leaned down back towards your neck and was quick to pull up. "Are you wearing makeup?" He asked with confusion.

"Yeah." You giggled. "Someone got carried away I guess on Friday. How to hide the evidence."

He smirked again. "Sorry about that."

"But unfortunately.....I don't care." He leaned back down probably marking you some more.

Unfortunately you did care but it felt too amazing to pull away - you just couldn't refuse.

You grabbed his shirt as you drifted farther away from reality. The only thing that made things worse was a simple phone call interrupting the silence, causing him to pull away.

"Aish.....what does he want?" He rolled his eyes but silenced his phone, putting it back in his pocket.

"Who is it."

"Beomgyu.....he can wait." He leaned back down bringing his lips towards yours.

You felt him smoothly crawl his fingers up your shirt leaving goosebumps in its place. "Hate to ruin the moment but my moms home."

"That's okay. I should probably get going anyway." He pulled away leaving you wanting more. "I got homework."

"Hmmm, didn't think you did homework."

"Maybe I'm trying to keep up with you." You rolled your eyes playfully.

"You'll never keep with me." You smirked back.

He made his way to your window. "I guess I'll have to keep my window open for now on."

"Don't get used to it." He crawled out, stepping out onto your roof. "This is harder than it looks."

"Looks very hard." You teased.

"I'll see you tomorrow morning." He spoke before you leaned in once again kissing him one last time for the night. "Goodnight."

"Night." You shut your window after he left.

You think it's true Yuhyun will leave you alone now? Hopefully she learned her lesson on messing with you.

-

If you knew any better - it worked. Yuhyun hasn't spoken a word to you since Monday. You actually felt the happiest you have since falling for the troubled boy. No obstacles standing in the way. You can finally be with Yeonjun in peace.

"Here, put this on." Mia handed you setting spray. "You won't sweat your makeup off."

"Okay." You mist it over your face.

"And this is my favorite perfume."

"Mia.....I already put the other one on." You whined. It was like playing dress up when you were both 8 years old.

"Your bruises went down."

"Thank god.....I felt like my mother was looking extra suspicious with me lately."

"Well, she needs to get used to that when you have a boyfriend." You looked down avoiding eye contact.

"You still haven't told them?" She continued.

"It's not like I lied. They're barely home for me to even say anything."

"Well, technically you did saying he was only a friend."

"That was before he asked me to be his girlfriend....technically." You sighed. "I'll tell them tomorrow morning."

"Okay so I'm going to give you a present and you have to promise you're not gonna give it back okay."

"Why, what is it?" You asked confused as you finished putting on your dress.

"Is something that might come in handy if not tonight, ever soon." You grew more suspicious as she walked over with her hands behind her back. "Like I said, you can't give it back."

You put your hands out and she dropped the mystery item in your palm. "A condom.....Mia." You tried to give it back.

"I said you can't give it back.....like I said, you guys are going to this very soon because you were ready to give him everything at that party and you need to be prepared."

"I was drunk."

"Yes, which means your subconscious is ready so you're ready."

Your heart was beating faster just thinking about it. "I don't know."

"Yeonjun will be a perfect gentleman......at least he better - or I'll beat his ass."

"Alright, let's get going." You followed her down the stairs as you put the condom in your purse.

You didn't know what to feel to be honest. Maybe you needed to get a grip.

"You girls look so beautiful!!!"

"Thank you Mrs. Han." You blushed as Mia's parents had their camera out.

"Just a few before the boys get here."

"Mom." Mia whined.

"Just a few." She took more pictures.

"Oh look the boys are here....gotta go." The door bell rang as Mia tried to make a run for it.

"Eunji....just a few." Mia's mother warned as she used her real name.

You couldn't help but notice Yeonjun's flushed expression seeing you all dressed up but it was nothing compared to how he looked. You never thought you would love seeing him more in a suit. It fit him well. Soobin looked great as well of course but you couldn't take your eyes off the man who was now placing his hands on your hips respectively as pictures were being snapped.

"Alright, let's go now." Mia rushed and you and Yeonjun got in the back as Mia and Soobin in front.

"You boys look so handsome." Mia said once Soobin took off for the school.

"You look beautiful." Yeonjun whispered next to you causing you to blush.

"Thank you." You whispered back. "You look hot." You gasped immediately realizing you said that out loud causing him to laugh. "Sorry."

"Thank you....I thought I do as well." There it is.

"Who do you think will be the king and queen?" Mia began. "My money is on Yeonjun. But I voted for you of course." She looked towards Soobin.

"Me why?"

"Almost every girl in our school has a crush on you." She began. "(Y/N) do you remember that hot list that was going around in 9th grade?"

"Oh yeah." You rolled your eyes.

"Wasn't Yeonjun number one on that list.....and that was 9th, you look so different now." Mia laughed. "You were on it too Soobin, no worries.....you we're definitely number one in my opinion."

"That was before we were dating." Soobin spoke.

"I still had a thing for you back then....even though you were tiny."

"Kai was tiny." Yeonjun laughed.

"Yeah and now he's taller than all of you." Mia chuckled.

"Hey hey hey....not me."

"No of course not." She grabbed Soobins hand.

"What do you mean I looked different before." Yeonjun brought back up.

"No worries - you blossomed nicely....right (Y/N)." You nodded trying not to cause suspicion.

Your crush on him was intense that year, especially when you sat behind him in geography. You were surprised you passed that class with flying colors with him sitting in front of you - he was a distraction and a half.

"I wish I knew you back then." He spoke next to you.

"You were dating Yuhyun." You arched your eyebrows.

"But I would of broke up with her in heartbeat if I met you." He flirted again causing you to roll your eyes.

"Oh shut up." You laughed.

He grabbed your hand and waited until you got to the school.

"These dances are kind of lame but let's have fun." Mia said as you all walked inside.

"Let's dance." Yeonjun was quick to pull you onto the dance floor as Mia took you purse so her and Soobin could find you a table.

"I don't know how." You giggled as you let him drag you along.

"I'll lead." You can hear his smile and it was cute the way he danced along with his friends who were already on the dance floor. He grabbed your hand to make you join in but you felt out of place. You couldn't hold a rhythm.

"Just relax." He spoke next to you trying to block out the music. He grabbed your hips and help you sway along.

"Whoo!" Mia and Soobin finally joined in and you all danced along to whatever was playing. There was a lot of people here tonight, unless it was just an excuse for hormonal teens to touch each while being supervised.

The night went by much quicker than you originally thought that once the principal stopped the music and grabbed the microphone, the dance was more than half way over.

"Settle down, settle down.....It's time we announce the homecoming king and queen and to share a dance in the middle of the dance floor."

"First the king...-" Everyone wait patiently as he opened the envelope and like the words of Mia....everyone already expected who the winner was. "Choi Yeonjun."

He pursed his lips showing that he truly didn't care for this award, it was just a stupid title in his mind. He walked to the stage nonchalantly and accepted the award with a bow as the crown was placed on his head.

You definitely didn't care for these type of things but you knew one thing for sure - he looked attractive as hell and you wanted him so bad.

"Now for the queen." The principle spoke as Yeonjun waited to the side looking bored. "Kim Yuhyun."

The crowd cheered as she gloated making her way up the stage. Mia boo'd causing your friend group to laugh as well as you.

"The crown don't suit her like it would with you." Mia said next you causing you to roll your eyes.

"I don't care for that." You said as you watched Yuhyun put her hands around Yeonjun in a required slow dance.

You couldn't lie when you say you felt crazy jealous. You know it was a requirement for the king and queen but you hated seeing her all over him with that big devilish smile.

Their dance didn't last long since you could tell it turned into an argument. Maybe it was time to make your stance on who he belonged to - in front of everyone. You didn't know where you found the sudden confidence but you felt it and wanted to take advantage of it.

You walked over to the awkward dance and the look of disgust she gave you almost felt unreal. Like she was already plotting revenge against you. "Excuse me, I would like to dance with my boyfriend."

Yeonjun smirked watching this new found courage unsettle as Yuhyun was ready to spit words back in your face.

"I'd like that." Yeonjun spoke before she could and he was quick to leave her grabbing you by the waist instead and leading you in a passionate slow dance.

"I just want to say that you were so hot back there." He whispered next your ear.

"Well don't get use to it because that was much scarier for me."

"Don't be scared - you're amazing." You rolled your eyes playfully.

"You look hot in your crown." You said looking up and then back down as he shared an annoyed expression.

"Well don't get used to it." He took it off and placed it on the nearest head he knew which was Kai dancing with some cute girl.

"Didn't you win last year as well?" You smirked.

He rolled his eyes playfully. "I really don't care for things....I actually wasn't gonna got this year."

"What made you change your mind?"

"You." He sweet talked you once again but you were getting used to it by this point. Actually - you liked it.

"I swear-" He leaned in bringing your lips towards his in a sweet tender kiss that didn't take long to deepen.

"Hehem." You both looked up seeing a teacher warn you to pull away. "None of that."

Yeonjun nodded and you couldn't stop blushing from your embarrassing encounter. "You want to get a drink?"

He asked and you were quick to nod, getting away from the teacher not taking her eyes off you. "Apparently there is an after party happening tonight.....you guys want to go?"

"Not really." Yeonjun was the first to decline. "Kind of over that." He smirked and you couldn't help but blush. "But I rather go someone else."

"Well my parents will be home soon." You pouted.

"We can go to my house? My parents go to bed really early." You felt butterflies immediately. Yeonjun's house? You haven't even pictured what his house looks like or even his room.

You nodded in response.

"We're heading out." Yeonjun spoke as he grabbed your hand and Mia and Soobin followed. You sat in the back with Mia this time as the boys chatted upfront.

"You going over his house?"

"I guess." You shrugged.

"You still have that condom?" Mia whispered making your stomach drop again.

"Stop. We're not ready for that yet."

"You never know. When your caught up in the moment....anything could happen." She smiled.

You shook your head leaning back into the seat. Once you got to Yeonjun's house Mia was quick to hop in the front seat. "Have fun you two. And take care of my girl Yeonjun."

"You don't need to tell me that." He grabbed your hand and like he said, the house was dark. "I can take you home whenever you like, just let me know."

"I can't, that wouldn't make sense with my parents." You smiled.

"What do you mean?" He asked with a subtle smirk shinning through.

"I told my parents that I'm sleeping over Mia's house."

"Sounds good to me." He smiled and lead you upstairs.

His house was pretty nice as well. You never even thought to ask what his parents did for a living. And to make matters more interesting. There was much more to his room than you originally realized - much more to him personally than you would have learned by a simple conversation.

His room was covered with a huge variety of band posters and records giving his room a grundy vibe all together. "You skateboard?" You asked seeing the different boards hanging on the wall.

"Yeah." He shrugged. "Sorry my room is a mess, I would of cleaned up if I knew you would come." He was quickly grabbing clothes and placing them in his basket.

"Honestly, it doesn't bother me and it's not bad at all." You smiled taking off your jacket and putting it on his computer chair.

"I'll give you some clothes to change into." He pulled off his jacket opening his closet.

He handed you a tshirt and boxers and you couldn't help but notice the strong smell of laundry detergent lingering off. You wondered if his mother did his laundry for him because you were definitely impressed.

You decided to change into the bathroom that was luckily connected to his room. The clothing hung off of you slightly but you still felt comfortable regardless. You opened the door to Yeonjun nothing in his boxers and ready to put a tshirt on. You stomach flipped just seeing him in the process. You immediately remembered the first night you studied together and your little strip game that you probably wouldn't mind playing now. It's funny how he's changing your mind over every little thing.

"You tired yet?" He asked seeing your flustered state.

"A little." You shrugged putting your dress on his chair as well.

"We can put a movie on." He grabbed his playstation controller turning on the tv and putting on some random movie. His bed felt much more comfortable than yours for some reason but maybe it was all in your head from the boy that made it feel complete.

You made yourself comfortable in his bed next to him and he didn't hesitate to cuddle up with you. You felt content. And you knew you wouldn't find yourself falling asleep anytime soon, not in Yeonjun's case - that would be too easy.

You didn't even remember who started it but making out suddenly became your favorite thing. You loved when he kissed you like this. Like you were the only thing that mattered. And the more you've done it, the more intense it got every time. You felt his hand travel up your thigh and up his boxer shorts rubbing softly. He moved up closer, going near your already soaked area. He's had that affect on you lately.

"If I'm making you uncomfortable, you would tell me right?" He softly spoke.

"Hmm." You nodded biting your lip. "I'm not uncomfortable."

He smiled and leaned down kissing your neck, just forming more marks you would need to cover up once again, but at the moment you didn't care. You gyrated along with his hand as he rubbed your sensitive clothed center. It felt amazing without being direct contact but you knew this was where it should stay - you felt ready but not like this, not with his parents nearby.

"Do you want me to make you feel good?" He asked leaning up to look at you.

"What about your parents?" You asked.

"Can you stay quiet?"

"I'll try....I trust you." You said and he kiss you softly.

He leaned back as he pulled down the clean boxers that you borrowed for nothing. You didn't know what he had in mind by your stomach was erupting with butterflies anyway. He leaned back down kissing you once again as you felt him rub down your folds causing your adrenaline to kick in. You never felt anything like this before. You haven't even explored there yourself. You were inexperienced to the nine and you began to realize what you were missing out.

"Is this okay?" He asked as you couldn't even speak. You were afraid what would come out so you nodded in response.

He moved away from you again and traveled down lifting the shirt you wear wearing so he could look at you exposed. Was he really about to.....

Yes. You softly moaned for the first time he sucked down your sensitive area. You said it was a new feeling before, this took the whole cake. You never felt such pleasure form inside you. You couldn't contain your voice at this point. Your moans were much more evident by this point, causing him to smile against you. He loved hearing you so weak from his touch.

You felt this feeling overcome you that had you grabbing a pillow and screaming against it. This was what an orgasm felt like? No wondered teens were so hormonal. It felt amazing.

He leaned back with a big smile and trying not to laugh at your defeated state. "You okay."

"I think so." You finally came back to reality. "That felt-" You grew speechless.

"I never felt anything like that before." You confessed.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Um what about you?" You asked noticing his bulge poking through.

"I'll take care of that in a bit, no worries." He smiled. "We'll take this slow."

He was right, even though you were dying to touch him - to make him feel as good as he made you feel.

After he excused his self to the bathroom and came back, you fell asleep in his arms, making tonight the best night ever. What could go wrong?

-

You woke up next to a sleeping Yeonjun and you couldn't believe he looked just as good sleeping than he did awake. He was like a prince. You leaned over checking the time and seeing a bunch of missed texts and one missed call from your mother. Uh oh.

»Incoming text :: From Mia :: 7:35a.m. (Y/N) im so sorry, i didn't mean to get you into trouble.

»Incoming text :: From mom :: 7:02a.m. You're not at Mia's? Where are you? You better come home right now.

too be continued.....

©property.of.kz-i-co

[ashdreams2023]

The umbrella academy season 4 thoughts (contain spoilers)

Let’s start with my top characters this season

Victor

Alison (surprisingly)

Klaus

Didn’t like them much for reasons I’ll explain

Ben

Lila

Five

Neutral about

Diego

Luther

Opinion on each character:

- First off Victor looks extra manly this season idk what it was but it was so good and he was so brave! I’m so proud of him and so glad he got the recognition he wanted from his dad, I like how his character got through the four seasons, his journey was great, he’s one of the most level headed to me personally in the group, he has every right to be angry and tired.

- Alison oh my god she worked this season, she knows she messed up bad and isn’t acting like she didn’t do anything wrong, it’s nice to see that by the end of the day she proved that all she needed was her family, Clare was also adorable, Also her knew powers are cool as shit, this Alison is so much better than season 3 and I’m glad we’re over that version of her

- I can not stress this enough but I’ll never get enough of klaus! It was such a nice touch to make him a germ phobic person and being scared of dying because he couldn’t just come back, him too timid and unlike his…well himself! Also I’m tired of seeing his potential going to waste! He is powerful! Literally he speak and order the dead! What happened?! Like his power is so dope! On a side note I sorta felt sad when I realized he started drinking at a young age to cope with the voices and what he sees

- Ben…Jesus Christ I haven’t liked him since season 3 and I still don’t, I miss the Ben from the first two seasons I used to have a crush on him he was adorable, funny and slightly crazy, plus he was always with klaus they were a duo, this Ben from the sparrow academy was not it and what you mean all of this was his fault? 💀 like yeah you want to be a hero but look to what that lead

- Lila I think she’s cool…her and Diego are badasses, but girl! Tf wrong with you?! Fine do undercover work, you have a right to be your own person you’re not just a wife but god damn did you have to go and be with five! Other than that it was just a mess

- five was so out of character this season, what happened to the overworked, tempered person I loved?! What you mean you fell for Lila because you followed her stupid idea?! And guess what? You got nothing out of it! You got lost for seven years in there, gathered literally nothing and had an affair with your sister in law! they could’ve been creative and pull a human Delors from one of the other timelines and make him a love interest but nope! They had to make it messy and weird

- Diego oh my sweet Diego, his character is so…I don’t know but I never disliked him, he has mommy issues and he’s hella funny without realizing it, also poor him this season, although he’s definitely softened up, it’s adorable that he made himself a family even though it got taken away at the end 💀 also he’s justified for being angry at five, that one bullet scene was excellent though

- Luther, actually like took me tf out that he was working as a stripper omg lol! I almost forgot how slim the actual actor was, he was dumb and funny, and I genuinely wondered where his wife went, he was so ready to go find her at the end of last season 

Overall:

I didn’t hate the final ending, I mean it made sense for that every timeline they stepped in they destroyed, like I’ll miss them to bits, those dumb idiots and pretend season 4 never happened because I gained nothing but a WTF did I just watch moment, and I thought people were exaggerating but it was just not that good…I wished they gave Ben and Jennifer more time so their relationship isn’t solely based on what’s inside them and justice for my man Klaus he suffered so much throughout these seasons.

Anyways at the end of the day these are only opinions and if you like this season good for you babe, enjoy whatever makes you happy 🤍

[grishaverse-chaos]

The Darkling

why I like them: could have been SO GOOD in theory okay? I will never shut up about this because "character who everyone thinks is evil is actually just the victim of a smear campaign and some really bigoted propaganda" is SUCH a good character concept and I wish darkling fans were right about him because it would be so fucking cool and aesthetic

why I don't: he uh. he isn't that. he could have been so fucking iconic and instead he was just a vicious murderer. who grooms teenage girls.

favourite episode/scene: LOVE the bit where alina stabs his hand in s1e8. tbf that's more of a fav alina moment than anything else lmao, let me think... okay fr I love the "fine. make me your villain" scene bc it just really showcases who he is as a character and how he sees himself (hint: those two things are not the same)

favourite season/movie: imo he's better written in s1 of the show than in s2, idk though. and I do love his story in the kos duology lmao

favourite line: that one bit in rule of wolves where he says "everything I have done has been for ravka" because it's so clearly Not True and yet.... he clearly thinks it is.... so where does intent stop and impact begin...... it's deep okay

favourite outfit: purely for shits and giggles I'm going to say his black kefta in s2 where there's bits of gold bc I loveeee people being haunted by those they've wronged and I think alina haunting him really fits into that theme

otp: no thank you! in all honesty he prob could have been Fixed™ if he'd had a genuine relationship at an earlier age but he didn't so I refuse to inflict him on any other character. darkolai is interesting to consider though bc I feel like the ways they see themselves clash so heavily.... it's about self image and it's about villainy and law and justice and power and and and. they would Not be a good relationship but I think they should interact more for the Narrative

brotp: his sister ulla! they'd have such a fun sibling dynamic lmao I think it'd be sweet

headcanon: tbh I don't tend to think about him much beyond the big narrative stuff so I'm struggling to think of something that fits the genre of "headcanon".... but let's humanise him a little! I bet he reads really literary fiction and gets ever-so-slightly pretentious about it lmao

unpopular opinion: is it unpopular to say that despite his original good intentions he's a bit of a dickhead and not as smart as he thinks he is? in some corners of the fandom it totally is but idk

a wish: at this point there's not much more that could be done with his character beyond what's already been set up (him being mercy killed so he's not suffering in the thorn wood for all eternity) so I'm going to say that I hope his stans get better reading comprehension bc dear GOD some of the takes I see (posted in the alina tag btw I'm not deliberately seeking them out) are absolutely horrendous. is that too salty? perhaps. idc though it's my blog and darkling stans are free to block me if they don't like my takes

an oh-god-please-don't-ever-happen: I swear if he goes NEAR alina genya or zoya again I will reach through the fourth wall to kill him myself. only half joking btw I'd be so pissed. imo they've all had the closure they need narratively and for him to seek them out again would be a dick move of the highest degree

5 words to best describe them: used to have good intentions. that might be cheating but idk if I can pick 5 random adjectives lmao

my nickname for them: I call him darkles sometimes (bc it's funny and also I think it'd piss him off if people called him that in-universe) also a lot of less positive nicknames ("that prick", "shithead" etc) but idk if that counts

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs Heartstopper S1

I will not lie to you have put off watching this show for so long because I thought it might hurt my feelings but I think I'm finally ready to put myself through it

I didn't realize we'd be starting this show with Charlie already in a clandestine relationship. Alright, diving right in

Call me crazy, but I think this guy who is causing Charlie's brain to create gentle cartoon leaves might be the guy he falls in love with:

"Still don't tell anyone about this." Heartwarming words from Secondary Love Interest Ben

"Why are you talking to me? I don't even know who you are." Ben, love, I think you're overcorrecting

Tao saying "Bro Dude Friends" in an American accent tickles me

God I remember not being allowed to have a phone at even at lunch in school. Dark Times

"What about your friends, have you talked to them about it? "They wouldn't get it." HAHAHA the one realistic teacher who deflects dating questions back to the teens

Immediately I like Tori. "Was he a knob?" is exactly the right question to ask

Charlie's imagined romantic cutaways are very fun

"Aren't I bit... small and weak to be a rugby player?" "We're just a school team, you know. It's not that serious." "So you're saying I am small and weak?" "No!" [Both laugh] I love Charlie's teasing streak with Nick, it's fun

"I don't just fall for any guy who's nice to me," said Charlie, as if he had not immediately fallen for Nick on the basis of them just saying hi to each other and having one conversation about ink stains

Genuinely I hope this rugby endeavour ends with Charlie making a bunch of friends and discovering a love of sport

Update from 1 montage later: I think it has!

Also I am immediately invested in Tao and Elle's relationship. They miss each other so much, it's very sweet

This episode took a really harsh and unexpected turn with Ben's reappearance. Bring back the rugby montage

"You have nothing to be sorry about." "Sorry." "You say sorry a lot. Don't say it." Thank God for Nick

"It was normal," said Nick, in a very convincing statement that no parent would find troubling

Nick said: Move over Charlie, I can also have a cartoonish dream sequence. Welcome to My Instagram-Induced Homophobia Fever Dream

Immediately I'm relating to Nick. I too get stressed out by watching other people type and have to put away my phone. Also it is becoming clearer and clearer that he's going to be the one who is slower to come to terms with his own feelings

"Thank you for being my supportive straight friend." HAHAH bold of Charlie to assume. But I get that it opens the door to that conversation

"And bisexual people exist." THANK YOU CHARLIE

"You know, when I was a teenager and had a crush on a straight boy, I just repressed it and suffered." Mr. Gay Teacher speaking to the real Teenage Experience LMAO

I love Elle making friends at her new school 💗 Not to stereotype but I do think girls are more welcoming as a social group

Nick has touched Charlie's hair one too many times today to be convincingly straight hahahah

"You seem much more yourself around [Charlie]." "Do I?" Oh, you're in it now, Nick

"Nick likes a girl," said Tao confidently, as if the 'girl' Nick's friends had been teasing him for texting was not Charlie

"You've befriended the school lesbians." GOOD FOR ELLE

Nick thinking about holding Charlie's hand but stopping himself. Sweet boy

"I don't think he's straight," said Tori, after witnessing one of the gayest goodbyes I've ever seen

Nick staring at his team photo like he can rugby away gay thoughts

HAHAHAH doing the "Am I gay" quiz and getting 62%. I am so Nick-coded. He is so me. Someone stop these Repressed Queer Blond British Boys from being so relatable hahaha

"Do you want to go to Harry's party? With me?" This is SO different to him inviting Imogen, who asked if she could come

I love that Tao's mum loves Elle so much she hugs her twice

"We don't want to make a big announcement or anything, but... just maybe not hide so much." I'm not sure which part of this interaction I liked the most, 1) Nick and Tara immediately establishing they weren't into each other 2) Tara telling Nick she is a lesbian, modelling a chill coming out and 3) Tara immediately giving Nick a sly look as soon as he mentions His Best Friend Charlie

Both cold and cool for Nick to tell Harry off for being homophobic at his own birthday party

Tao making Elle promise nothing will affect their friendship because he is clearly in love with her already LOL

Nick being visibly comforted by seeing happy queer people around him. Once again, relatable:

Very funny of the show to only NOW warn me of strobing effects, which have been bothering me for quite some minutes as I tried to get a screenshot of that scene LOL

"I'm dying." "It's cause you're old." To friends literally months older than you is honestly one of my favourite jokes

"You're just going to assume they're [the person I have a crush on] a she?" "....Are they not a girl?" "Um!" Nick has talked himself into a corner on this one

"Would you.... kiss someone who wasn't a girl?" "I don't know." "Would you kiss me?" "Yeah." I loooove this dialogue. Nick is uncertain about his sexuality, but not uncertain about Charlie

Nick said: The quiz was right! I AM at least 62% gay

Charlie immediately realizing he's got himself into another situationship with a guy who is definitely not ready to come out

Charlie's dad probably thinks he was bullied at the party but in fact it was actually Charlie being retraumatized in a slightly different way

"It's not that I didn't want to, you know [whispers] kiss you... I was just so confused. I've just been so, so confused." The immediate juxtaposition between Ben, who did not give a damn about Charlie's feelings through his sexuality crisis, and Nick, who not only apologized right away, but also is actively trying to explain how he's feeling to Charlie 🥺💘

Charlie is also representing a real group of people who are The Only Out Kid At School Whom All Other People Figuring Out That They're Some Type of Gay May Inevitably Direct Their Feelings

"A lot of gay people are good at sports, Charlie," said the Rugby Coach, slightly offended on behalf of all gay athletes

LMAO @ IMOGEN'S "I'm an ally" scene, I've seen it before

Also she really does give me second-hand embarrassment. Read the room girl!!!

Tao is so hostile to Nick undeservedly ghggghhgh Nick wasn't the one who threw the rugby ball but he did get pelted with it by Tao after

LMAO @ Darcy immediately clocking Nick and Charlie as a couple

"Why are the other team literal adult men?" Ah, a classic sports dilemma

"You've got some mud on your face though," said Nick, like the rest of both of them including his own face was not also covered in mud

HAHAHAHA Isaac also immediately clocking that they are sitting way too close and gazing too much to be just homies

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NICKKKKKKKKKK YOU ARE FALLING INTO THE SAME BEN TRAP. BE BETTER! YOU ARE SEEING SOMEONE!!!!!!!!

I know he's just trying to be a good friend to Charlie and I don't know if it's Tao's hair and face but he's reminding me of someone I know (who had a lot of emotional issues) and it's giving me a bit of the heebie jeebies hahahah

"Do you like this girl?" "Well, um, her dog died." HAHAH NICK, this poor people-pleasing boy

"Tao, no, it's his birthday," Tao is a rough mix of incredibly loyal, moderately possessive of his friends and lacking in any social graces whatsoever

Also if Tao understood what was going on, he'd be TWICE as mad. It's growing more deserved by the minute

"I was going to say I'd send him a strongly-worded DM, but murder's fine too." Hahahahah Tao

I've never seen a more uncomfortable exchange of the words, "You're a good friend." LOL:

Even if this whole Imogen thing is still pretty messy, I give a lot of credit to Nick for telling Charlie about it and explaining the context as well as clarifying he was going to put an end to it before it happened

"I wish I'd met you when I was younger," said Nick, like 16 isn't still pretty young

"I really like you." "You like me?" "Yes, wasn't that obvious?" HAHAHAHA they're so silly, I love them ❤️

I love that Charlie and Nick are so into each other they can't help but have a bit of PDA everywhere they go

Elle said: You're not the only ones capable of cutesy animations for the friend you're secretly in love with, Charlie and Nick

Do you think Isaac's like, 'Damn, this is an above average amount of romantic tension for a bowling outing'

Props to Nick for immediately following through on his pre-date break-up with Imogen

"Mamma Mia." "We've seen that four times this year already." Nick continues to be extremely me-coded, including looking up the best LGBT movies nghghgnjg

I said this MOMENTS before he googled being bisexual after watching Pirates of the Carribean. INCREDIBLE

Darcy is VERY good at clocking people's romantic vibes (Elle and Tao edition)

"Do you wanna kiss? Would that help?" [Sarcastically] "Wow." "Just a suggestion." Charlie said: Sorry about your sexuality crisis, my love language is giving u a leetle kees on the lips

AWWWWWWWWWW I loooooove Nick finally having someone to talk through his sexuality feelings with outside of his boyfriend

"Kissing you is actually one of the things that made me realize I don't like kissing guys." "Okay, happy to help?" Nick 💖

Personally I LOVE the triple date and Meddling Gays Groupchat

Charlie is so blindingly smiley every time Nick acknowledges to someone that they're together it is the sweetest:

In fairness to Tao being the last to know, he is 1) The only one who actively dislikes Nick and 2) The only cishet person at the table

Must be rough for Tara to go from everyone only ever talking about how fit she is to all the crap of people thinking they're gonna catch lesbianism

It would've been VERY funny if they all got locked in the closet

"They all probably think I'm this like, gay nerd." "Well, you kind of are a gay nerd." Nick said: You're MY gay nerd, Charlie

"Oi, just look at him behind him. Like a little girl." Harry's got so many issues. He's literally in the same proximity to Ben, what's his problem?

"Quick question. What's it like being gay?" Not that EVERY homophobic character is secretly gay, but it does seem more and more like Harry is 🤨

"I'm not even gay. I just felt really sorry for you." Since ep 1, I have strongly been suspecting that Ben will be the one to out Nick and Charlie and I feel it even more strongly now that he has eyewitnessed their handholding

Also it does NOT bode well that this ep is called Bully

"[Charlie] has a friend who won't leave me alone," said Harry, as if he has not been the one pelting Tao and calling him names to deal with what is probably a little gay crush repressed deep under thirteen layers of stupid and mean

"None of us are being homophobic." I feel like people are now growing up in this weird era where people ARE still homophobic but unwilling to admit it because it's less acceptable. It's fucked up to have someone do something bigoted to you and say it's not. At least when someone's horrible upfront you are facing an enemy that's showing its face

I don't blame Nick for finally losing his cool. Also wild of Harry to pick a fight with someone who is obviously bigger than him

"Some of the rugby boys are nice." "Even they just... stood there." There comes a certain point where being able to associate yourself with bigoted people must mean that you are at best indifferent to the people they harm

"I think I know why he hasn't [told me]. He thinks I'll accidentally say something stupid and out Nick to all of Nick's mates. And obviously he cares more about Nick's feelings than he does about mine." SEVERAL THINGS, TAO. 1) IT IS OBVIOUS why he hasn't told you, it's because you have shown numerous times you don't like Nick. 2) Why the hell is OUTING THEM even on your list? 3) In a situation where you COULD accidentally out Nick, his feelings are OBJECTIVELY more important than yours! And 4) This possessiveness towards your friends is part of the problem!!!

"This is all your fault," said Tao, as if Charlie had forced him to fight with Harry instead of literally intervening upon it

I get that Tao's a teen and he's hurt Charlie's priorities are different and he's short-sighted but GOD take some personal responsibility

"He said he doesn't wanna talk to you." If Charlie ends up being the only one to apologize for this I'm gonna be SO mad

All other things aside, I'm glad Tao and Nick are bonding

I love how consistently useful it is that Charlie can run fast

"You don't get to make me feel like crap anymore just because you hate yourself." YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CHARLIE

DOUBLE APOLOGY, AS WAS WARRANTED FOR THESE TWO:

The butterflies appearing on Tao's side so we know the feeling is mutual with Elle ahhhhhhhhhh

If Nick is leaving the rugby match to kiss his boyfriend, that is the FUNNIEST possible thing he could do, surely it could wait til after the match rather than mid-mandatory-sports day

The update is that he was desperate for a conversation, which seems more reasonable LMAO

"My life is way better because I met you." NIIIIICK 😭❤️

Charlie is really coming into his own today. The most nonconfrontational boy crams three different emotional confrontations into one sports day

Bold move to make out in the school corridor mid-mandatory-sports day. In general, interesting how often people are macking around this school. But I understand, it was a very romantic conversation:

"I love liking you," said Nick, like that wasn't one of the most romantic things I've ever heard

"Does this mean we're boyfriends?" "Oh, yes. Was that not already established the last like, ten times we made out?" HAHAHA their DTR talks kill me a little

"Thank you for telling me. I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn't tell me that." I was nervous for Nick for a moment, but I'm so glad for him now

"It's called bisexuality, if you've heard of that." LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO not Nick genzsplaining bisexuality to Mama Nelson aka Olivia Colman, of The Favourite fame

What a sweet and charming show

[goodfully]

oh god i cant believe ive finished reading the neapolitan novels already, its over??? ahh okay thoughts on the last book "the story of the lost child"..

honestly i was dreading the last maybe twenty pages bc i didnt want it to end hahaha. its crazy that everything we've read is essentially all for lila. "i who have written for months and months and months to give her a form whose boundaries wont dissolve." ahh!!!!! what!!!!!! to spend so much of the book saying how much lila suffered and feared from dissolving boundaries, how she had been so overwhelmed during the earthquake when the entire world felt like its boundaries were dissolving, and then say that everything shes written is to keep her from dissolving herself... my goodness. "i loved lila. i wanted her to last. but i wanted it to be i who made her last. i thought it was my task. i was convinced that she herself, as a girl, had assigned it to me." wow... you ever loved someone so much... also.. the way lenu was saying how connected they are, that even tho she has written a lot about her own life in these pages, "the very nature of our relationship dictates that i can reach her only by passing through myself"??? god.

i think my favorite parts of the book were all when lenu and lila were so close to each other during and after their pregnancies. i just thought it was so sweet, the way they were basically a family together, two mothers and their children. going to their doctors appointment tmr, taking walks together, taking care of each others daughters like their own.

i have to admit that i was confused by the meaning of the dolls at the very end, but i love that the openendness of the ending was referring back to something unanswered (where were the dolls) from one of the very first scenes from the first book (altho very interesting!, considering how not too long before the end of the book, lenu was telling imma not to believe in the cyclical nature of society). to me i thought, perhaps also it could mean that (assuming its lila) lila chooses existing (with lenu) over disappearing? actually, when tina disappeared and dede had accused lila of losing tina on purpose, i immediately thought it made sense. the first thing we literally know about lila is how she has felt the need to erase herself completely, and tina parallels/is an extension of lila the way imma parallels/is an extension of lenu. lila wanted to erase herself without a trace, and there was literally zero proof of tinas death/kidnapping/existence.

in the same way lila wouldnt be able to erase herself completely without also erasing tina, i think about the idea of how the ppl we love will never truly be erased if we love them? thats why even if tina disappeared, lila cant be erased bc lenu loves her. like how, whether its on purpose or not to keep her mother alive, lenu finds her mothers existence with her in her limp. i think the same could be said about the solaras, who altho arent exactly loved by the neighborhood, are important enough to most ppl in the neighborhood and their power is still felt in the neighborhood after their death. also, i think its a little different, but im reminded of when lenu said something like the many fragments of ourselves are scattered like splinters or something (altho i think the context here was about their children). but no one is ever never really gone, i think.. oh.. i go crazy every time she talks about her relationship/similarities with her mother (the ancestors in her body when she was physically violent back against her mother, and the.. "must i watch you become worse than me?"), and her relationship/similarities with her daughters (her daughters reaching the same age as the ghosts of her girlhood), and every time the imma/tina relationship parallels the lenu/lila relationship.

i was thinking that this book was more of accepting yourself and your origins, whereas the other books showed lenu and lila trying to escape them? perhaps acceptance of the past and the agency you have despite the past that defined you? like when lenu realizes that ninos actions are not attributed to his father, nino is his own person and he himself is the reason he is a piece of shit man, not just bc of the man who raised him. and that part when lenu said that antonios tone resembles the neighborhood, but it is entirely his own. more so when lenu had published her third book and said that only words and stories from the neighborhood were the only ones with meaning, and that she no longer felt she was a victim of her origins but was capable of dominating them and using them to climb higher. stuff about the past and present colliding. it reminds me of when mariarosa said something like, a woman without love for her origins is lost, or something.. i kinda forgot what the context was tho.

oh another thing, the closeness between the childhood neighborhood friends meant so much to me.. like there was a moment when carmen said that lenu and lila are her sisters during that little gathering with the neighborhood group of kids now all grown up just talking to each other... i think theyre like family, they grew up together. when lenu goes in the neighborhood after moving back to naples and is talking to carmen, lila, and enzo again... they care so much about each other. and talking about how much they love pasquale too no matter what hes doing. sobs.

this just reminded me of nino.. (he was there the first time, but whatever! he kinda wasnt.) when lenu makes nino come over, i was so pissed... and i had a feeling something bad would happen while he was there, but tinas disappearance was not what i was expecting.. oh but enzo.. my beloved, he was so caring and attentive, not only to tina but also imma. ahh.. while im on the topic of men, the part when gennaro and stefano find rino, and gennaro had to listen to stefano yell insults at rinos dead body and then beats up stefano while crying that he is disgusted with himself for being his son. it just made me really sad.. these are the two adult men he has and is related to..

tbh francos death sticks out to me mainly bc he said something that i honestly believe and live by, i repeat it to myself to not relapse into whatever mental illness, "it [is] a good rule not to expect the ideal but to enjoy what is possible", but then he kills himself immediately after and it... makes me so fucking sad.

lenu said this only in the beginning about feeling the hostility from her mother/lila and felt estranged from them, but i often think about freedom vs loneliness. i suppose its also something throughout the whole series, with how much she wanted freedom and to escape from her origins, she /was/ lonely. and the time spent trying to be on her own without lila was also lonely. the end of the entire series when she felt her friendship with lila must have ended... that was lonely. i think in this fourth book, lenu expressed a lot more of her love for lila.

anyway... overall i loved the entire series so much... i am so glad i read it finally, its some of the best books ive ever read. im on a trip with family rn and every time someone asks me what im reading, i really dont know how to summarize all four novels all together in a way that explains how good and thoughtful it all is. also i know its adapted into a show, which i really want to watch eventually! i still cant believe im done reading tho.. like what do i do now! ahhhhhh

[cymorilcinnamonroll]

And the Flame Bit My Hands (Joan of Arc x Archangel Michael One Shot)

They will ask what her burden was, this Arc of the Covenant you pressed to her shoulders like your Father pressing the vintage of his wrath, grinding stars down to wine, oh sweet Michael.  Long after she is dust bread of dead, and her ashes are cast out to the four corners of the universe, each black hole fed a bit of her blood, and you wonder, why am I, the Prince of Heaven, such a shit poet, and why can I not capture the elusiveness of my star girl, whose heart I shoved my burning fist into and twisted until she belonged to me?

Michael, you have had an eternity to practice your poetry, but you still soliloquize like the Devil, your prose is purple, and your madrigal cannot be captured by baby's breath or widow's sighs or a million angels dancing on the head of her cotillion school hairpin.

So foolish in love are angels, and the first time around, your girl died in fire, so perhaps you will be gentler this time.  This is what you think when she is born, a quick one-hour labor, to mundane parents, in a mundane neighborhood, but really it is the seat of the power of the world, bubbling with pagan magic you would like to snuff out in their heresy.  You remember driving your burning sword through the hearts of the false gods, and your anointed daughter of God, she will go astray from Christendom, will run away from High Church screaming, into the arms of the gods of the earth and waters, and her songs are pagan and miraculous in witchery.

This time, Joan is just misled, just plain Jane, plain Joanne, blonde hair not pageboy but long, and as she is cradled in her crib, you play her angel songs in Hebrew on your guitar, a tune of B’shem H’shem: Michael before me, Gabriel behind me, Raphael to my left, Uriel to my right, by the grace of God.

The first Joan you tested, this Joan you bathe in pleasure.  Every girl is a Joan, a Maid of Orleans, and every woman is long-suffering for some cause or another.  She is just a young girl, and so you cherish and spoil her, barely in the sixth grade, and though she mistakes your reprimands for hate, you love her dearly.

You feed this Joan silver pears and the flesh of a cormorant.  The flesh of a dove.  Your flesh.  She doesn't remember what magical bird in her mythology books bled for its young as it pecked its breast (was it the almighty albatross? Or the fearless pelican?), but as you are plucking your feathers and sautéing your wings (they grow back, there is no shame in feeding your little martyr your divine providence) in a light white wine with a tad bit of olive oil and rosemary, she asks you, Michael, each time I eat you, am I becoming an angel?

You will tell her she already is, more holy than even you, for the youth are her country America's beating red white and blue heart.  She eats the gristle and fat of your meat, and she becomes lit with holy fire.

I want to be President someday, she says at thirteen in civics class, and you stifle a laugh as you sit on her right shoulder, miniature, invisible.  Hers is the path of magic and moonlight, of madness and mental wards and that holy bastion of the military, and she will mother your line, matriarch of your legacy, for you have not had children before, but the children of the Prince of Heaven are Messiahs, and in this Age of the Internet, of Germs, Guns, and Glory, the heathen, wicked masses are in desperate need of saviors.  So much that they come from the womb of a witch, the breast of a black hearted nonbeliever.  Her black heart is not her fault, Scapegoats are Eve and Yeshua and Mary Magdalene, Cain and Azazel and Lucifer, holy and unholy in turn, and you too suffer for the masses, carrying the weight of the prayers and despairs of saint and sinner alike.

Your teeth are not teeth but blades, your wings are revolving mysteries of scripture stitched together by the prayers of billions, pages upon page of white down shredded with syllables, and your skin is manna, no wait, it's a metaphor, no wait, your body is the Lion of Judah, and you are musk and muscle and wicked, jagged claws.  When she goes to her first high school dance, you are nothing of the fierce Beast of God, nothing of the Divine Prince of Life, no, you squeeze yourself into a mundane vessel, a Walker, the angels call you, those that take human form, and you lead Joan in a slow dance to some late 2000s croon, and you marvel at how much you hate pop music.  All music is of the Lord, but then again, a billion of your believers should think music is a sin, dear Mikhail, so there is that.  Cat Stevens wrote the best music of the 20th century, but then he found Allah (blessed be your Father's name), called himself Yusuf Islam, and fell into the silence of the radiant Deep.

Your Joan, she sings along to the saccharine bland pop number, about bubblegum kisses and lip gloss like stars, and it's a soc hop, didn't you know, Michael, so shuck off your shoes, Joan says.  You have on sneakers, different from your usual leather sandals (you have had a hard time upgrading your fashion over the millenia), so next on the high school DJ's list is Build Me Up Buttercup, and you find yourself carrying Joan out of the sweaty gym and up into the mist of the Milky Way in your fractal speed of light arms, sick of feigning a young man, all might of the majestic multitudes and heart of bloody stars.

Where are we? she asks, timid but brave, and she is so tiny in your palm, microscopic, a womb and a tomb, a vessel for the Lord, a vassal and lady knight who will slay not with sword as long ago in her first iteration, but this time with the ink of a pen, her black blood like your book wings, and you are hair of flames and eyes of supernovas and mouths of molten lava, thousand armed, or is it a million or a billion or a trillion or a quadrillion armed - oh, you give up counting, what matter is endless infinity? - and she is dancing in your palm, like that song you like by Elton John, and she is laughing as quetzalcoatls and dragons swim the by through the radiance of fantasy realms, between what is and will be, and boats of space pirates and corsairs of aliens skim the waters of space, and you say, This is the most remote place in the Multiverse, where the seas of space and time and chaos collude in channels and swells, where supernova whales that span galaxies fall to form new life a million times over, and it is a place I have dreamed of taking you, Joan.  You are fourteen, you are no longer a girl, and I am sick of waiting.

Your void mouth is burning.  Your blade teeth are crying ichor.  Your nostrils flare with plasma, and you lean down to kiss her, forcing yourself to her size, to hold her in your arms in human size whilst you are also holding the multiverse upon multiverses in your palms, and Joan meets your lips with a shy fluttering, but you want to taste her blood, so you bite her lip softly with such suppressed thirst, and she is iron and decaying telomeres, but also the grit of martyrdom, the Kingdom of Christ, but you are the closest thing to Christ here, so really you are tasting yourself.  

What is love but to see yourself reflected in a different iteration back through something so precious to you, she is your own limb?  Joan is the Ark, the one to carry all life to the harbors of New Jerusalem after you have drunk your fill of Apocalyptic Fury, at least, that was your plan.

Kissing her, you think, maybe I can give Earth, give this backwater hedonistic planet, another million years, and we can have a million children in between, for you have always wanted children, and we can have a million of her lives and high school dances and songs of silence and buttercups in between, and a million first kisses, is that how it works, you wonder?

Michael, you keep putting off the inevitable, but you are a creature of passion, so you set the Doomsday Clock back once more, and Joan is none the wiser.

Burning her at the stake broke your heart, and you have been trying to make it up to her ever since.

You have heard that girls like flowers.

You will bring her some roses, you will create for her a new bloom that combines the color of dreams with the smell of blue, you will name her and curse her and scream regret as she dies.

She always dies, you never die, and you envy her.

For every millionth beginning, the Kali Yuga demands a new Golden Age, the Year of the Crow and White Buffalo Woman come calling, Ragnarok passes and Liefrahser and Lief summon Necessity, and fuck, she is speaking in tongues, trying to teach you cadence, rhythm, and metaphor, but you wrote psalms, and you planted gardens, and this teenage Joan is a fiery spit of rebellious rage, as all teenagers are, and now she is sixteen, and she is writing.  Always writing.  Bad poetry, good poetry, stories about her enemy, stories about her lover, but often, she mixes up the two.

You read her stories and offer no critique, only praise.  The Devil is the Poet, the Angel is the Proofreader, and Heaven has no Edit button, for the Word is the Law.

That's a fancy way of saying she has a long way to go before she can lead the Crusade with her keyboard.  A keyboard warrior.  She only recently retired writing quizzes and fanfiction, and she adores vampires and fairies, and for however much you blatantly thrust Christendom in her face, she runs off to throw spears with Athena and parties underage at bars with Loki.  Joan was always a girl of the fields, a shepherdess, and to be pagan is to be a backwater farmer, a country, nature-bound creature of passion, and was not Krishna Gopal?  Krishna is much more your speed than Shiva, but Krishna has much more experience with girls than you, so you ask him over wine, my dear blue friend, what did you do with the women of the fields?

I had a thousand brides, my brother.  All the cowherds were mine.  You cannot own a woman, just like I Krishna, I Vishnu, do not own Lakshmi, cannot tame Radha, women are wild, she created you, did Joan not?  A fiery peasant girl who dreamed of an angel of flame.

You swill your wine, but the taste is bitter at the thought you cannot own this girl, cannot claim her, so you spit it out onto the ground and brier roses grow from the soil of Purgatory.

I will have her, every inch of her will know my Love, my Life, and in the end, I will save her from herself.  I have claimed her.  She is God's, and I am God, so she is Mine.  Through her, I will save All.

Krishna laughs.  You angels, always dealing in heaven and hellfire and ultimatums.  Michael, can you ever take a night off?  Perhaps watch some movies and learn the heart of a woman.

I am genderless, Krishna.  I do not understand women.  Angels have no conception of man or woman, only want, and I want Joan.

Krishna shrugs and his mouth is a swan.  Then make love to her, woo her, write her poetry.

I am not a good poet, I created her to be the poetic one.  That is my new campaign idea - the written word as conquest.

Writers always turn on their muses, Michael.  Look at the Mahabharata.  You think I intended for that mess and beauty?  It happened organically, just as love does.

Have the rest of the wine, Krishna.  I am preoccupied.

Michael flies to the Outer Rim.  There are many Outer Rims.  He is a million armed, a trillion armed, a quintillion - never mind.  He writes infinite poems with his infinite arms, trying to capture his emotions for Joan.

They all turn up trite as shit.

He balls each flaming Hebrew poem into his infinite fists and tosses them into the Void.

I will have to think of something else.

Joan is eighteen, and it is moving day at her new college.  Michael crams his body into a sophomore philosophy major and helps her move boxes of makeup.  Why do girls have so much makeup?  Michael never knows.

I love you, Joan, he says as they sit on her old dorm bed.  She got a single room, no roommate, the better to concentrate on her vampire stories.  She is still in the genre stage.

I know, I love you too, Joan says, taking Michael's flesh but not flesh hand, for a Walker's body is a metaphor.

He traces her jaw.  He threads his fingers through her hair.  He speaks her name in a million alien languages.  He sings to her.  He is good at singing.  He sings Wild World by Cat Stevens.  Cat Stevens is the surefire way to win her over.  Her favorite movie is Harold and Maude, after all.

Come with me, he says, stepping out of his human body and into formlessness, into allegory, into nightmare and fallacy and a thousand broken promises and a body of tears.

Joan is frightened.  Why are you sad?

Because you are a witch.  Because you are my poem, but I cannot write poetry.  Because I love you.

He scoops her up into his mouth and swallows her whole.  Joan is etched in his heart, in his bloodstream, and he spits her back out wet blonde hair and pink flesh into the lap of the throne of God.  It is his throne.  God is Him, and Michael is Christ, and that is Heresy, but that is the Truth of Things.  For he is the closest to God, after all, humans can fathom.  And that tells a thousand tales.

I do not think that is how humans make love?  Michael ponders.

No, that was a shamanic death rebirth cannibalism thing, Joan laughs, dancing in one, only a singular one, of his palms, his infinite hands, but it is his favorite hand because she is in it.  Be the albatross, dear Michael.  Blood from the heart.

He stabs himself with his flaming sword, and his blood flows gold and she swims through it.  She drinks the sea of him, and he enters her stomach, and then he swims through her blood, into her lungs, and she is choking on his feathers and gore.  They dance as bones alone, then become skyscrapers in December in Manhattan, and suddenly they are a pair of wolves.

They mix and match, red and blue, cat and dog, X and O, cross and nail.  They are still dancing when finally, she tires, and bares her sex, but really it is her heart, but really it is her seeds, and he seeks home in such a tiny abode, such a fraction of a molecule to one as mighty as him, and he eats her pomegranate with a tongue of silver, and he kisses and cuts and bleeds with her, but really they are on a pyre, alight, and the flames are ink, and Michael is trapped in her pen.

Sweet Joan, you will be the Daughter of Zion, the Watchtower, the Heavenly Kingdom, the Mother of All Nations and Matriarch of Israel.  All because you are my poem.

He breathes the words into her brain.

She laughs.  I am wild, and I am witch, and I am the quivering flame and rushing wind, and all I will be is your girl.

That leads to greater things.  We have destiny, obligations, duty.  Your Word is the Word of God, Joan.

Then you are my greatest work, Michael.  God bless the day I created you.

Father bless the day I created you, sweet Joan.

The pyre of Michael incinerates Joan's Ark.  The Covenant's birth water flood water breaks, and the world is drowned, but you would never know it, for all it causes is a single raindrop from that far off in the burgeoning hideaway of infinity, and a butterfly wing flaps, and thus girls are God, and God is just a girl.