#poorly thought out
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34 with an ao3 account is crazy
….. is it?
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How much longer 'til your luck runs out?
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#Aaargh...I have so many thoughts about this scene.#This is a hard goodbye. I'm not your burden to bear. Not anymore.#This is the culmination of years of miscommunication. There was so much love there. They trusted each other with everything once.#I think it is easy to hear the anger in JC's voice and consider him the aggressor in this but listen to the words not the tone.#It is anger yes - but it is an anger born out of love.#Jiang Cheng wanted him to live - damn the rest of the world to hell if that's what it took. And Wei Wuxian chose strangers over him.#Sometimes two people who once flourished together become each other's worst wounds.#A goodbye to someone you once would have done anything for is a wound you don't easily recover from.#Jiang Cheng could have stood at Wei Wuxian's side and joined him. Consider though; as a sect leader his life is not his own anymore.#JC cannot just abandon the fledgling New Yunmeng Jiang without also dooming people.#And that is the lynch pin of it all. Both of them are trapped by duty. And the older they got the more tangled the web became.#The song I linked (Hi Epic fans) is such a good JC and WWX song that doesn't fit this scene exactly#But it does fit *them*. The words of warning that go dismissed. The Tactical Genius who continues to press on.#The seeds of doubt that grow louder until they creep towards mutiny. Ultimatly this *is* a mutiny! It *is* betrayal!#'You rely on wit and people die by it'. Is that not Wei Wuxian?#Just smashing my brainworms together over here. Don't mind me.
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As a number of gift giving holidays are coming up I find myself remembering the year my estranged father, who had spent the first fifteen or so years of my life telling me that nobody cared what I had to say and everything I did was irredeemably obnoxious, made the attempt to smooth things over and reconnect by gifting me with a novelty coffee mug that had emblazoned across the front in goofy text, "How may I annoy you today?".
At the point of opening this gift, I remember I stared at it for a rather uncomfortably long time before carefully carrying it outside and smashing it to pieces in the driveway.
So please know, if you are ever in need of an inoffensive and acceptable gift of any kind, you usually can't go wrong with a candle
#I don't believe this was intentional but it WAS poorly thought out and ill-received#So please#Stick to candles and soap#Candles and soap are your friend
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Every friend group should include:
#I left out some categories because of possible spoilers#as of season 1#this could age poorly with season 2#but that is fine as long as we get a season 2#and listen#I love Akemi#the thin ice is her sanity#I thought about her being the meaner lesbian#but that woman knows what she likes and she gets it#Ringo is the best of them#blue eye samurai netflix#mizu blue eye samurai#blue eye samurai#mizu#ringo blue eye samurai#blue eye samurai taigen#Akemi blue eye samurai#Akemi#Ringo#taigen
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My brainrot today is thinking about just how incredible for a character Eowyn is.
Genuinely. The series might not have many female characters but the ones we do get go so fucking hard.
To me, Eowyn is literally the definition of defining being a woman for oneself. She rejects the roles she is given despite acknlowdging the importance and its mostly because she knows part of the reason is that she is a woman.
The reason why she is obsessed with Aragorn isn't because she loves him but because she wants what he has. She wants the freedom and courage and bravery that Aragorn has at every turn. She literally has multiple conversations during the Two Towers about how what she fears most is a cage. All this girl wants is the freedom to be and not be forced into a role. The best thing is that she literally gets that.
The segment of Return of the King about Eowyn and Faramir is literally about her piecing together what she truly wants. She doesn't want Aragorn. She wants freedom and the ability to choose. Faramir does nothing but encourage that in her. Their love story is literally one of the healthiest love stories I've seen in a long time because at the heart of it, their love is a place to return home to for both parties. Both go off to lead and help their people for a considerable amount of time before returning to each other but that does not diminish their bond. Even Faramir, I believe, falls in love with her bravery and dedication to her loved ones. The reason she went to Pelenor Fields and Gondor with the troops of Rohan was because she had things she wanted to fight for. She wanted to fight for herself, her people, and her loved ones. She is the one who protects Theoden after he is killed so that his body gets the treatment it deserves. She encourages Merry and helps him go to the battle because she sees her struggle in Merry. They feel helpless standing around when there are things to be doing.
Let's also not forget the fact that she was around Grima Wormtounge just as much as the King was. She was exposed to the same poison and awful words that eroded the king. It's even implied that her care for him is part of the reason why Theoden was savable when Gandalf showed up. She had the same power and bravery as everyone else even if she didn't see it in herself.
Then at the end of the day, SHE decides where she wants to go and what path she wants to walk. She walked the path of a warrior. The path of a princess/ruler. The path of a caretaker. But in the end she decides which elements truly mean something to her outside of gender definitions. That is what makes her character so incredible to me. In this she literally kills one of the biggest enemies in that battle with such a badass line.
#i could talk for ages about how i see the struggle of defining being a woman for oneself in her#she rejects the feminine roles given to her but she also doesnt quite want the masculine ones#she just wants the freedom to choose and have the same respect that men are given#she doesnt want to be belitted because she is a woman#thats literally what Faramir gives her and why she stays with him#Faramir loves her for her not anything else#he respects her as she does him#i am someone who is a woman but rejects the definitons of being a woman because they are toxic and caging#all i want is the freedom and respect of being a HUMAN being#i lend more masculine because that is where that freedom is more often but i also see how toxic that relam is too#niether side is good which is why i choose my own path and defintiom#the fact that eowyn gets such a similar story in a series written by a man in the mid 1900s is incredible#i am someone who would love to have more female characters but i do not want them at the expense of them being proper characters and humans#ive read a lot of fantasy women do not always get the agency they deserve#i would rather take fewer well written women then a bunch of poorly written female characters#lotr has that#eowyn arwen and galadriel are all given agency and the space to be their own individuals which makes them incredible characters#thats what i want out of books and ficition#god im making myself insane about my own thoughts lol#i could talk for ages im not kidding#eowyn#eowyn of rohan#lotr#lotr rambling#lord of the rings#the two towers#the return of the king
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Recently, it seems like there's been a pushback in the trans community against the "typical" trans narrative- someone who always knew they were a [binary gender] trapped in a [other binary gender] body and has always experienced dysphoria and plans to or has transitioned fully and is gender conforming. And there should be pushback against this narrative, because this is far from the only way to be trans! Trans people who don't fit into this way of being trans absolutely deserve recognition and celebration.
However, some members of the trans community sometimes go too far in their attempt to defend and celebrate non-typical trans people, and end up being hostile to trans people who do fit that "typical" narrative.
"Trans people don't have to medically transition!" and "trans people can still present as their assigned gender!" are both true statements, but it's inappropriate and offensive to say this to a trans person to try to change their mind about transitioning, or the way they present. When a trans person says they plan on going on hormones or getting surgery and someone says "Oh, you don't need to do that to be trans :)", it sounds like you are trying to convince them not to transition, which is the exact same thing transphobes do. And while some trans people are comfortable wearing clothes that are traditionally for their assigned gender, many of people have faced a lot of dysphoria and trauma from people forcing them or pressuring them to wear those clothes. "Pronouns don't equal gender!" is a good way to support pronoun non conforming folks, but it should never be used as an excuse to misgender someone, or tell them that they have to think about their pronouns differently. The "born in the wrong body" description of transness is outdated for many, but it resonates with some people, and that doesn't mean they're making the trans community look bad.
All this is to say, there are so so many diverse trans experiences, and we should absolutely make an effort to support trans experiences that differ from the "norm." However, trans people with experiences that do fit the "norm" are often treated as though they are responsible for transmedicalism, or for cis people's misconceptions about transness. This is untrue and an unfair way to treat them. In supporting the diversity of trans experiences, we shouldn't throw any under the bus.
#trans#some thoughts i've been having for a while now. i may have worded it poorly but i worded it#feel free to share your thoughts but if anyone is an asshole i will block#by the way this was fully inspired by that line from i am a transwoman i am in the closet i am not coming out
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It's really hard for me to ask this, but would anyone be able to help me financially get home from work and a doctor's appointment this week? I'm already taking the bus as often as I can, but there isn't one that runs by the time I get off work, and I won't be able to get home otherwise. My next paycheck is expected to drop on the 15th, and I currently only have $5.26 in my bank account. I would really, deeply appreciate any help I can get. Thank you.
cash app: $fattributes ko-fi: fattributes paypal: [email protected]
#text#I'm so sorry but I can't ask anyone in my family to help me out#we're all paying off medical debt and pinching pennies#when I started my second job I really thought this wouldn't be an issue anymore#I worded this poorly but I am too stressed out to write a second draft#I'm also so sorry that this is last minute#I was hoping things would be different
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Not to be a hater but there are very few books that justify being 600-1000+ pages long.
#see: all of crescent city#those Carissa Broadbent books#the glow series#when the moon hatched like#not one of those series could support the weight of all those pages#and what would have been a pretty good story becomes a mediocre or often badly done slog#none of these authors write worlds or magic systems or politics particularly well#and so it's like 800 pages of forced will-they-wont-they#with characters that aren't consistent#in worlds that are poorly thought-out#anyway just going through my worst and most disappointing reads of 2025#and I'm noticing a trend#haters bookclub
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I fundamentally don't think it's right to thank g-d for something you don't genuinely think He's responsible for. However, I love thanking g-d for every time I find a minecraft village. I'm imagining g-d backseat gaming an spawning in a village when I get too sad about not finding another one (very often because this world is allergic to giving me villages) 😭
#jumblr#personal thoughts tag#this village was very poorly planned out on the villagers' end (to be fair it's a spruce forest so the terrain sucks anyway)#villages are my favorite spawning thing in this game i swear because of the way i play the game#i don't have a home base. i am literally picking a direction and walking in it until i find a cave (my next favorite structure)#i LOVE caves so so so much. if this game was only called mine and that's all you did i wouldn't notice that anything changed#my love of caves is to the point that my dad is like '...what if we went to [famous cave near us] some day...' and i was hesitantly excited#g-d is a type of friend. to me. i think He would backseat game. in fact i would want to play games with Him
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Replaying RE4R, and I am once again thinking of how Leon just straight up murders a guy the moment he attacks. Like yeah, sure, he lunged at him with a weapon, there is a bloody badge of an officer, things are sketchy to say the least, but still. It all happens so fast, I doubt he actually had the time to fully put two and two together quite yet.
And you can't tell me that Leon, a trained agent, just overestimated the power of his kick on accident. That ↓
Was a pretty much deliberate kick. What's interesting is that in the OG RE4, he at least tells the ganado to freeze a good couple of times (or maybe once, I don't remember the specifics, but my point still stands) before actually proceeding to harm him. Remake Leon, meanwhile... just breaks his neck without a second thought.
And his reaction right after makes it... pretty obvious, honestly.
There is no strong reaction there to offing an old man in his home. Now, granted, he hears a scream right after, so it's not like he has much time to stand and ponder over what happened! But the only thing he says right after is: 'This is not good.' And, yeah, true, but we do know Leon is capable of expressing some level of distress over something he finds disturbing, and he proceeds to do that literally a few minutes later once you start exploring the village. So really, it's an interesting scene and a very intriguing way of introducing this hardened version of Leon we'll be playing as.
I wouldn't be thinking about this as much if not for the circumstances surrounding it. Not like Leon is aware that this man is infected with anything. Up until the moment he gets back up, he could be just some disturbed, paranoid old man or something. And he did just walk into someone's house. He's an intruder here, really. But the moment danger presents itself, he eliminates the threat without a second thought.
I think it speaks volumes of the past 6 years that passed for him, and how they shaped him. We don't know much of Leon's job: what it entails exactly, what kind of work he does on the daily, how the entire structure operates. And before the events of RE4, it's not like he was a well-known agent, if I remember correctly. It's his successful rescue of Ashley that got him high in the ranks. His status as a Racoon City survivor didn't do that. Throughout RE4R, we see him regain his humanity through the connections with other characters, going from the cold, robotic way he caries himself at the start of the game, to the determined, emotionally-invested man we later see carrying Ashley to Luis' laboratory.
It's very neat to think about! And while we all love Leon for his kind heart and his drive to save innocent lives, he is more than capable of violence, and that's an aspect of him I wish was talked about more. That neck break was definitely not the first one for him, just saying.
#resident evil#resident evil 4 remake#re4r#leon kennedy#leon scott kennedy#re4r leon#excuse my very poorly made gifs i made them just to accompany my post 😔#idk if you can call this an analysis i'm pretty much just stating my thoughts lmao#but yeah#imagine if that ganado was just some old man#leon just broke his neck and left#YIKES#like i'm SURE he could just.... disarm the guy or knock him out#but no#i wouldn't be saying that if he wasn't a highly trained agent too#like an average guy would just act on instinct and accidentally end up killing#but c'mon#no way that's the case here#aight i'm just babbling at this point#leon's kicks are the best i love them
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The Hitler and KKK jokes were never funny tbh
#Like Reed I was with you until then lmao#This is like the craziest virtue signalling fandom ever#Idk why some can’t just call it what it is — classism and elitism#Why must you bring real life problems that have nothing to do with anything into this#In such a trivial and un-constructive way#You’re bloating the conversation so many people seemed like they were desperate to have considering many hate Cait because ‘ACAB’#Which. respect. but then there’s no substance behind any of that. People are just reiterating very progressive and leftist talking points#spearheaded by Black people (specifically Black women) that many people like to talk over may I add!!!#without any thought behind it. Liking or disliking a character should not be your daily dose of activism#again bloating a conversation with the hyper focus on an individual instead of the big picture of the narrative#and actively ignore the presentation of other characters of colour#ok I might as well just add my tags to a reblog lmao#but yeah idk I feel like people are just lying to my face about their leftism as they make kukluxkiramman and caitler jokes#youre not being funny or clever or really much at all. You’re just saying things out loud#Also super hypocritical since a solid (deffffff not all) of the fandom treat Mel so poorly#Ok I’m done#slay on the run#arcane#caitlyn#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn arcane#this isn’t even a Caitlyn defence post lmao people are just annoying me#ALSO most of these jokes have been off Tumblr. I’ve blocked so many people I don’t see many of these but they’re apparently popular on twt
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my fanfiction abortion morgue is gaining another jayroy victim that is not long enough to clean up for ao3. this was going to be a very long and meandering noodle about in the river that is jason's mental health and trauma and relationships of all types and healing and the asexual/aromantic spectrum (not that that's the verbage jason would use or language hes even aware of) and low sex drives all that beautiful muck and mire but i have not put a single word on it in well over a year now. so i'm letting her go. be free little fish.
-
They’re better now, anyways, better than they ever were before. Jason had a crisis a few months back, stopping himself from reaching reflexively for his phone to give Dick a call about- nothing important. And then he had realized that he had reflexively gone to call Dick about nothing important, and had gone and stared out the window for 15 minutes, trying to work himself into a different, less horrifying conclusion than the one gathering in his brain like an avalanche. Roy had come home in the middle of it, taken one look at his face and dropped his bag on the floor with a thunk.
“Holy shit,” he said. “Who died?”
“I like him,” Jason said, somewhere between incredulous and horrified. “That cunt, that motherfucker- he made me actually like him-,”
“Who?”
“Dick!” Jason had shouted. “That piece of shit, I want to spend time with him, hours out of my actual human life that I can’t get back-,”
Roy had proceeded to laugh in his face for a solid ten minutes, positively gleeful about Jason’s horrible emotional crisis. “He does that to you, man,” he said once they’d settled in, still chuckling as he cracked open a can of soda, posted up on their couch with Ethiopian takeout in his lap. “One minute you’re sitting there thinking oh my god, this guy, he’s so loud and annoying-,”
“And he never fuckin’ stops moving,” Jason groaned from his spot laying on the floor below him. “His body or his mouth. And he chews loud, he’s obnoxious on purpose, and he’s a model and dated Kory but half the time he dresses like something a goodwill dumpster threw up-,”
“Have you seen his new shoes?” Roy asked. “I dress like dogshit, man, but those things-,”
“Wally got them for him,” Jason said, and then immediately slapped his hands over his face, horrified that he knew that. Roy laughed again. “He’s constantly in your fuckin’ business! Constantly! Last time I saw him he knew the social security numbers of the baristas in the coffee shop I’d been going to-,”
“He gets enabled,” Roy muttered, shoveling injera into his mouth.
“He gets enabled!” Jason said. “Everyone enables him! I enable him! And god, his fucking- puns, man, his quips, we’re all guilty of it but this is a fight, not comedy hour, and even if it was you’d get booed off the stage-,”
“He texted me what he said to Mr. Freeze two weeks ago and I wanted to eat my phone,” Roy said. “It’s amazing no villains kill themselves after he hands their asses to them, I would be humiliated.”
“He sucks!” Jason snapped.
“He sucks,” Roy agreed. “And then you look around one day at your life-,”
“And you go oh shit, I think this motherfucker’s alright!” Jason mimed hitting himself in the face with Roy’s abandoned house slipper. “Fuck! What’s fucking wrong with me?”
Roy laughed at him, again. “Dick Grayson Derangement Syndrome gets us all in the end,” he said. Jason curled a hand around his bare ankle, and Roy looked down to smile at him, the smallest touch making his whole face bloom open like a rose. Jason had to look away from it, wanting to say: stop. No. You know I’m not enough. You know I’m not like you. You know I can’t give you enough.
He’s been wanting to say that a lot, these days. Toss Roy off the sinking ship with a lifeboat before he has to wake up one day, years on, and realize he’s wasted years with Jason, who can’t love that loud.
He wanted to call Dick about it, which was another horrible realization. Hi big bird, I’m having boy problems. Dick would probably tell him that it means more that Jason has to try, that wanting to try for it is selfless, makes it more significant, which is the kind of thinking that lands a motherfucker in bed with Barbara Gordon, who is enough like Jason to warrant a comparison, but not enough to call her and ask what he should do. Babs loves like the Bolton Strid, and sometimes Jason isn’t sure he loves at all. Not like that.
Jason isn’t nearly as selfless as Dick is convinced he is, not deep down. Because he doesn’t want to let Roy go at all.
It’s late, well into the witching hours, and they’re laying in bed in what was formerly Roy’s bedroom but now holds them both, blinds cracked to let the streetlights through. Jason doesn’t like the dark. Roy’s threatening to buy an eyemask. Jason thinks it’s stupid to blind yourself to potential attackers. Neither of them have brought up going back to sleeping separately. Roy’s nose is pressed between Jason’s shoulder blades, breath humid through his shirt. Not asleep yet, but close. Jason’s books are proliferating on Roy’s shelves, his boxers in Roy’s laundry basket, garrotte wires coiled next to bow strings on the desk that has framed photos, past-Jason’s mouth a little white slash in the bar of orange streetlamp.
Something is clawing at the inside of Jason’s chest, scrabbling like a wild little animal. Trying to dig its way through his spine, into Roy. It hurts.
He shifts, turns over, pushes Roy over onto his back and rolls on top of him, propped up on his elbows to look down at him. Roy grunts, half-awake and confused, but takes his weight. He blinks blearily up at Jason, a crease between his eyebrows- Jason must look intense right now. “Jaybird?” he starts, quiet.
Jason knows this feeling- as all-consuming as it is- is fleeting. It’ll be gone in the morning, and he’ll forget it was ever here. He won’t be able to recall its bite until it comes back around again, like Halley’s comet. He should say something now, while he has it. While he feels it. So Roy can know it’s real. He just doesn’t know how to describe it.
“Jase,” Roy says, sounding more concerned, “Jason, what’s-,”
“Something in here,” Jason interrupts, putting a hand on his own chest, a thudding sound of muscle on muscle, “Wants to eat you.” God, he feels dumb. He’s not good at this, he sounds so much better in his head. His words come out of his mouth sour and curdled and stupid, there’s a reason he doesn’t try to talk about this shit-
Roy lights up, slow at first, then all at once, his face creasing up in his smile like old paper, following familiar folds. Jason feels his toes curl next to his calves, his feet pointing and flexing in excitement. Jason wishes he could make himself smile back, anything other than the dead-eyed concentration he knows he’s wearing right now, but the weight in his ribs is too real and too wild for that- if his teeth come out this might get literal. He wants to crack open Roy’s sternum with his bare hands, climb in like a contortionist and slam it shut behind him.
“Really?” Roy asks, small and soft and giddy. Jason nods, serious. Roy’s teeth dig into his bottom lip, smiling so wide his nose is wrinkling up, little inky lines in the artificial twilight. “Cool,” he says.
Jason’s hands spasm in the sheets next to Roy’s head. “Roy,” he starts, “Can I-,” stops. Doesn’t know what he wants. Maybe just to look at him until the sun comes up, just to watch the light turn his freckles from a smear in the dim to pinprick-sized marigolds. Maybe to go to sleep on him like this, the thunder of his heart under Jason’s cheek. Maybe he wants everything. Maybe he wants to be the greediest son of a bitch in Gotham.
“You can do anything,” Roy promises, and the sincerity in his voice makes the thing chewing on Jason’s lungs shake. “Anything you want. I’ll let you do everything.”
Jason drops his head against Roy’s chest with a grunt like he’s just been punched, unable to choke it back. He pushes himself up- Roy makes a quiet, sad noise, grabbing for him- and fumbles the bedside lamp on. He wants to see everything. Roy’s pupils are huge, even in the light he’s flinching from, irises that strange half-color, too dark for blue or green and too flat for hazel and too light to be brown. His cowlick’s sending his hair in every direction at the left temple, and he’s still smiling at Jason, like he can’t help it. Jason doesn’t know what to do, now that he’s here. A restaurant with an infinite menu. What he wants is strange, probably. Not how normal people want things, not what they want. Jason is off-putting, sometimes on purpose, frequently not, and he doesn’t know how this will come across. But Roy said he could have anything. Whatever he wanted. Giving up all of himself, for nothing. For free.
Jason should take it. Roy will stop him, if he needs it. He puts his mouth on the cowlick, not a kiss, tucks his nose into Roy’s hair and breathes in deep. The nothing-smell of hair that’s not clean but not dirty. Roy’s hands are pressing into his lats, his legs spreading and crossing behind Jason’s thighs, holding him there. Jason curls both his hands around Roy’s skull, presses gently, cradling his head- all of Roy is in there, somehow, and he needs to be careful with it. His skull feels too small to hold something so important, too fragile.
Jason drags his thumbs over his eyebrows, presses a thumbnail into the scar bisecting the left one- string snap, Roy told him, nearly took that eye out. Roy’s looking up at him still, and they’re close enough that Jason could count his eyelashes, if he wanted. He runs his fingers over Roy’s ears, feeling the cartilage, gently pinches the flesh of his earlobe, over the hole where he used to have gauges. He moves down to Roy’s neck, puts his hands around his throat, doesn’t squeeze. He feels it when Roy’s breath hitches. Roy shuts his eyes, swallows, his Adam's apple moving under Jason’s palms.
Jason bites him where his neck meets his shoulder, hard. He thinks about being normal, trying to make it a hickey- but Roy jerks hard beneath him with a strangled noise and that thing in Jason’s chest makes him hold that position until Roy stops moving, until the bolt of his jaw aches. He lets go, spit shining around the deep purple indents in Roy’s skin. Roy lets out a shaking breath, eyes still shut.
Roy already knows he’s an inscrutable freak, Jason decides. He’s going to do everything he’s ever looked at Roy and thought about doing, everything he thought might be weird that he’s ever refrained from. Roy won’t run.
If he does, well. Jason will chase him. Roy is the one who said he was locking Jason down, said nobody in or out. He can’t get too mad if Jason takes him up on it.
He presses his nose near Roy’s armpit. The sharp, live smell of his sweat in Jason’s lungs, muted by whatever axe deodorant he uses that always makes Jason think of a cold wet morning. He rubs his mouth over Roy’s deltoid, teeth dragging. Jason pushes up and kneels with his thighs on either side of Roy’s torso, picks up an arm, runs his hands over Roy’s bicep, digs his thumbs into his elbow. Puts Roy’s thumb in his mouth, tastes skin and salt, bites the draw calluses on his fingers, gentle. Does the other arm too, to keep it even. Roy’s breathing slow and even, looking at Jason again as he shoves his mouth into Roy’s wrist until he can feel the pulse against his lower lip. Roy’s trying to caress his face with that hand, can’t quite manage more than a brush of his fingertips against Jason’s ear.
Jason knows what he should say here. What he hasn’t been saying, because he knows it’s not the same as how Roy will say it, thinking that it will somehow be a lie because the meaning’s different. But it’s words, which are only stories. There is nothing in a story that is a lie, and no analysis that is wrong, with supporting evidence. Which Jason has, which Jason has always had. Roy at his right shoulder. Never wanting anyone else at his back. Saying to Dick: if there wasn’t Roy, there wouldn’t be anybody. The way they keep finding each other at the lowest of lows, facedown in bottles or looking down barrels of guns to see if they can spot the bullet. Standing there feeling stupid in the holes they’ve dug, pickaxes in hand, before turning and finding the other, just as deep as they are. Saying: gimme a boost and I’ll give you a hand.
Even if he doesn’t mean it in the same way, he means it. I want you, I want you, I want you. The inflection changes the meaning, but only by the barest degrees.
“I love you,” Jason says, and he’s not lying, because he means them, even if it’s not always how he thinks he should.
#my writing#jayroy#important to note that JASON'S thoughts on his position on the ace/aro spectrum may not be the most woke or whatever. THE AUTHOR (ME) think#that whatever jazzes your music is great and wonderful#Jason's thoughts are very complicated and he is dealing with a deep and wide trauma base and is not aware of the asexual/aromantic labels#this is not a “this is how YOU should feel!” this is a “how would a character w/o access to that type of language or emotional awareness#handle a situation where he has One Person who he does not know how he feels about just that he cannot let this person out of his life#and feels poorly because he thinks he is 'not enough' or 'does not feel enough' compared to that person? and is worried he will hurt them?"#& trusting and respecting someone enough to believe in them that they know the whole you and are making the choice to be in this#relationship with you with their eyes open and are okay with what they are getting and not trying to throw them out to 'protect them'#i at the time was having some real in depth thoughts about this stuff wrt the guy who i am now dating (he knows this)#and his position on these spectrums and my location on these spectrums etc. it kind of a little bit was a love letter to him.#anyways. it was going to be long and in depth and complicated and i just dont have room in my heart for long complicated in depth jayroy#at the moment. alas#i also then had my trans woman jason epiphany/sign from god and this was going to get EVEN MORE COMPLICATED#just not the threads i want to weave with anymore#if you read all these tags WOW
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Look what we've become.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Initially I wanted to do a 'Mutiny' quote to follow the 'Luck runs out' quote.#But the musical earworms demanded a different blood to be drawn. And I think it works just as well.#Alright. It's time to confess something. I really struggled with this comic. I didn't want to draw it. Then I didn't want to upload it.#Because I knew I would be here in the tags writing and backspacing for hours trying to articulate my thoughts.#I'm going to talk about death and grief in the tags today so this is your WARNING to look away if you aren't in a headspace for it.#Sometimes in media there are scenes and characters which land on topics so specific to your wounds that it reopens them all over again.#Because here's the truth. When you've known someone like this for nearly your whole life...it doesn't matter how bad the fight is.#You always think 'We'll always have time. One day this dust will settle and we'll rebuild the bridge.'#And then the fucker dies!!! He dies and suddenly there will never ever be time to repair the rift.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. And part of you did just a bit. But love and hate aren't mutually exclusive.#He's fucking dead and you are left with so many broken and unfinished pieces between the two of you.#Jiang Cheng loses Wei Wuxian thinking that WWX thought they hated each other.#He's a younger brother who will one day be older than the person he lost.#Who has no one else in the world who understands those feelings of love and hate and grief.#I can't be normal about this character. I don't think he even heals me. Zero catharsis to be gained here.#I just look at his sour grape ass and think 'shit that's a little too close to home.' JC is my discomfort character.#I'm probably going to regret being this vulnerable in the tags in like. An hour. So. sorry if you see this once and never again.#EDIT: Yeah sorry this took 4 hours to muster the courage to post. Surprise update!#EDIT 2: You guys were being too nice to me on my sad comic to point out the spelling error. I have fixed it now B'*)
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Look, I like reading Stolago fanfics and all that, but I'd be lying if I said that Stolago shippers don't come out with some of the worst takes I've ever seen in regards to Stolitz, so allow me to weigh in my opinion on this.
Short Answer: Stolago would not work in canon.
Long Answer:
Point 1: The 'is Stolago an incest ship' debate.
We don't know. It's implied that Paimon has given birth to a lot of children and can change animal forms, making it very possible that Stolago is an incest ship, but at the same time, that doesn't automatically mean that Vassago is biologically related to Stolas, so I can't make a judgement on this point until we know more about Vassago's character.
Point 2: But Stolas went with the BTB guy!
Pay close attention to Stolas and Blitz after the BTB guy asks Stolas to dance with him, notice how Stolas was basically silently asking Blitz for permission to dance with the BTB guy, and Blitz also silently gives permission for Stolas to dance with the BTB guy. So it's not like Stolas just went 'oh cool this guy wants me, fuck you Blitz I'm fucking dancing', and that silent act of asking for permission proves my point.
Also, Stolas was very drunk during this section, and we know people who are drunk don't tend to think very clearly, so I really cannot blame Stolas for having that dance with the BTB guy, especially when we factor in the cocktail of everything being emotionally heavy for Stolas, and Stolas generally feeling alone and isolated during most of the party.
Plus, Stolas has no history with the BTB guy at all, so even if it does turn into a one night stand for Stolas, there's not gonna be much emotional connection between them. One of the main reasons Stolas fell for Blitz like he did is because of their shared history, all those years ago at the circus.
What was the point of me mentioning all of this exactly? The point is that Stolas and Vassago also have no shared history with each other to what we know, plus, Stolas quite literally says in s2 e1 "my first ever friend!". Plus, it expresses my dislike of the 'Vassago could be a rebound for Stolas' that I've seen float around a few times.
Point 3: Stolas has moved on/will move on from Blitz.
Ah yes, this Stolas?
The same Stolas that silently asked Blitz for permission to go dance with the BTB guy?
"would be an indicator I didn't want to talk right now."
"Seeing you right now is hard!"
Notice the phrase of "right now" that's used twice?
Stolas at no point said he never wanted to talk to Blitz again, only that he wasn't comfortable with doing so right now, because the emotions associated with that night are still very heavy and hard to process for Stolas.
This fact is further backed up by the fact that Stolas never blocked Blitz's phone number.
one more, this Stolas? for the car trip home.
Point 4: "Blitz is just an asshole who feels no remorse for the things he's done to others."
I could dive deep into Blitz's character to disprove this point, but I'll let the examples do the talking for me.
Moxxie: Do you remember what you said to me after my first day with the company?
Blitzo: ...Not really.
Moxxie: I remember. You told me I did a good job and that you were proud to work with me. I feel like you wanted to say something more judgmental, but... you said that because I needed it... And it helped.
Blitzo: Look, I'm hard on you, because I know what you're capable of, Mox. You care too much about what everyone thinks except for... me, because, y'know, my opinion is correct, but just... keep doing a good job. 'Kay? You shoot 'n kill good, you escape things easy... you can be strategic and cold-blooded when you need to, aaaand don't expect any more compliments; I'm maxed out.
Moxxie: Thank you, sir.
Blitzo: You know my name... Use it.
Moxxie: Thanks, Blitzo.
This Blitz?
This Blitz?
This Blitz?
THIS BLITZ??????
There's plenty of other examples I could put here, but I'll leave it here.
Point 5: "Blitz will just move on eventually."
Do you all seriously think that Blitz saying "your boring as fuck monogamy" wasn't foreshadowing Stolitz happening?
The Blitz that's angry that the BTB guy is 'stealing' Stolas?
The Blitz that admits the only person he actually wanted to sorry to was Stolas?
The Blitz that lets Stolas dance with the BTB guy without causing much of a scene, despite how much it hurt him to do so?
Plus, not to mention all the times in the past where it's been shown that Blitz cares for Stolas, including his wellbeing.
Point 6: "Stolitz has no chemistry"
I'm not even gonna bother covering this point, you clearly haven't been paying any attention to the show at all if you unironically think that Stolitz has no chemistry.
Point 7: "What about a love triangle?"
lost-romantique has already made two great posts on the matter, go check that post out.
Finally, I'd like to briefly talk about how Stolago being canon would undermine the plot of helluva boss by quite a bit.
Stolitz is one of the key relationships in the show, and the show revolves around Blitz, including his relationships, so naturally Stolitz is one of the key things for Blitz's character growth, so ending Stolitz for Stolago permanently would stunt Blitz's character growth quite significantly, undermining the plot of the show as a result.
Not to mention it'd also undermine Stolas' character growth as well, considering one of the main things that Stolas needs to work on is the classism, and rebounding to another prince won't help with Stolas unlearning his biases and such, overall making Stolago a rather bad idea for the plot as well.
Plus, even if Stolago was to become canon, it most likely isn't lasting more than an episode anyways, because this scene in the trailer could imply to us that Stolitz is getting a new beginning.
Another thing is that we know nothing about Vassago at the moment, and the things we can imply about him in regards to his title of prince points more to Vassago being a support figure/friend for Stolas (something Stolas badly needs atm) rather than a rebound for Stolas.
I will repeat, I enjoy Stolago in fanfiction and such, but can you all at least admit it's a bad idea in canon and to stop hating on Blitz so much and accept both Stolas and Blitz for the fact that they're both lovable and flawed characters please?
#sorry if this post seems poorly done#i just wanted to get my thoughts out there#helluva boss#blitzø#blitzo#stolas#stolitz#helluva boss stolas#vassago#stolago
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I keep having thoughts about what might've happened to Tommy to get him that spooked about the moving in conversation, and I figure maybe the last place he lived was an ex's house, but that's not the whole story.
And the place he's in now, it's important to him. There's a lot of reasons he freaked out that night talking to Buck, and a big one is the thought of giving up that little space he carved out for himself after the last time he got his heart broken. Because it wasn't just a breakup, it blew up his life. Maybe he came home to find his ex with someone else, maybe the guy just kicked him out with no warning and no explanation. Tommy spent weeks, months, trying to figure out why he wasn't good enough, throwing himself into work and not telling anybody he was living out of his truck.
He didn't really think of it as being homeless. He had his stuff, his job, he showered in the locker room and spent his weekends at the laundromat combing through realty websites and apartment listings. It wasn't like he was sleeping in a cardboard box or anything, he was...fine. Mostly.
He doesn't realize how Not Fine it was until he's three months settled into his new place, and he just spent four hours looking everywhere for a charging cable he's only now remembering got stolen out of his truck the day after his ex dumped him. It all hits him at once, and he breaks down.
The next few years are spent building. Turning the house into something that feels like his own. But using it to isolate himself. It's his, and no one else's. And that's what it will always be.
#tommy kinard#bucktommy#ish#911 spoilers#idk im just having thoughts about him feeling kind of empty and off kilter the whole time he's dealing with#the breakup/moving out double whammy#having this huge disruption in his routine and it fucking him up for a long time#and he's so scared of any change like that happening again even if it's for a GOOD reason#so like he's scared of taking that step and having it blow up in his face/getting broken up with again but it's also like#even if buck DOES love him what if tommy can't handle the adjustment. what if it's too difficult#what if he drives buck away with how poorly he handles it#....for the record this is also#autistic tommy kinard
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I firmly believe that pre-taping has been, overall, good, and that anyone who claims the stream is different than when it was live is fucking making that shit up because it's indistinguishable, with the singular exception of Sam posting The Full Chetney on Twitter 2 minutes after the end of the stream with an admission that he couldn't figure out Reddit.
#cr spoilers#more generally i have a lot of thoughts re some of the entitlement this past week/early chat like playing backseat producer is NOT cute.#like ok 23 year old with poorly managed depression your ass CANNOT make informed production decisions.#or like. wow. tlovm is not coming out as soon as past seasons? almost like a significant character's VA died and also there was a strike.#but that was also a problem with early lockdown [remember the unironic masque of the red death suggestions]#unfortunately when you have a good show the entitled pricks will arrive to see it#(should add: i have been the 23 yo w/poorly managed depression this is why i'm judging that mindset.)
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