#autistic tommy kinard

[bucksaiga]

When I feel extremely overstimulated, I take a soft blanket into a dark quiet room and I nap on the floor. So I was thinking about Autistic Tommy who never lets himself unmask, even at home and Buck finding a way to get him to unmask and not be so grumpy.

Tommy plops down on the couch and grips the remote by Buck’s side, turning down the TV without a warning.

Buck turns to Tommy, wondering why the TV is on bedtime volume (3) at 4PM.

“Hey wh—why’d you do that? I can’t hear the video.”

“Just put the captions on.” Tommy snaps, nose wrinkled at the TV.

“J—“ Buck relents with a sigh. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry, Evan. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. I-I couldn’t even finish the dishes. I know it’s my night but…the sound of the water was irritating me and the soap felt like it was drying my hands up, and the feeling of wet food pieces.” Tommy scoffed. “I hate that.”

“It’s okay, babe.” Buck reassures. “You tired?”

“A bit, yeah. I’m just so irritated. I don’t know what’s going on with me. The sound of everything is pissing me off.” Tommy frowns.

“A nervequake.”

“What?”

“You’re experiencing a nervequake. It’s like an earthquake in your brain. Everything feels more overstimulating than usual, and I know exactly what to do.” Buck jumps up and starts running around the house.

Tommy watches in slight annoyance as Buck zooms through the house, making noise with his every movement.

He turns off the lights and the TV, sets a blanket on the floor, along with a small box, then returns with a drawstring bag.

Buck opens the bag and hands Tommy a pair of noise canceling headphones. “Put these on.”

“I don’t need them. I’ll be okay, Evan. I just need a break.” Tommy resists.

“You need some calming time. Otherwise you’ll be grumpy for the rest of the day.”

“I’m not grumpy.”

“You snapped at me about the TV 5 minutes ago.” Buck reminds him. “I-I got you cake.” Buck smiles.

“Yeah?” Tommy smiles back. “Can I have it?”

“You can have it on the blanket.”

Tommy groans. “Can’t I just eat it here?”

“Nope. C’mon.” Buck nudged. “I brought your favorite blanket out.”

“I don’t have a favorite blanket.” Tommy replies flatly.

“Yeah you do.” Buck argues. “Any time we’re in bed with that blanket, you hog it and snuggle up with it. It’s really cute.”

Tommy lets out an elongated sigh. “If it’s my favorite blanket…then why’d you put it on the floor?”

“You’re being difficult.” Buck pouts. “Just come have some quiet blankie time.”

“Blankie time?” Tommy narrows his eyes. “I’m not a child. I don’t need blankie time.”

“C’mon Tommy. You hardly ever let yourself unmask a-and just…let go. You just close up and you get grumpy when you’re overstimulated. O-or you go to bed upset without even saying goodnight. It’s hard enough that you have to mask at work or whenever we go out. This is supposed to be our safe space.”

“What do you want me to do, Evan? When I feel like this I just feel like punching something or crying or both. That’s why I go practice some Muay Thai or I sleep until the feeling goes away. I hate taking it out on you.”

“But there are other ways, too. Ways we can do it together if you want. We can have soft time. On the blankie.”

“Stop calling it a blankie.” Tommy frowns. “It’s silly.”

“So what if it’s silly? It’s okay to be silly. And soft. And a little childish too. If it makes you feel good. We’re home. It’s just us.”

Tommy smiles again, finally. “Okay. We can have soft time on the blanket.”

“Blankie?”

“Blanket.” Tommy insists. He stands and follows buck to the blanket and they eat their cake in silence.

Tommy puts the headphones on and lays down after finishing his cake.

He pulls Buck on top of him and runs his fingers through his hair.

“I like the way your hair feels. It’s so soft. It makes my fingers tingle.”

“I like the way it feels when you run your fingers through my hair.” Buck mumbles, being slowly lulled to sleep by Tommy’s touch.

Tommy is over the moon. The house is quiet and calm, his stomach is full, he has his beloved Evan’s soft hair in his hand and his warm body pressed against him.

“A-am I crushing you?” Buck worriedly asks.

“Yes.” Tommy replies. “Don’t move.”

“You like the feeling of me crushing you?” Buck huffs out a laugh.

“Mhm.” Tommy hums. “You’re my blankie.”

They both break out into a fit of laughter, eventually falling into an amicable silence.

His hand eventually fell from Buck’s hair and he began to softly snore.

Buck would have gotten up but Tommy had a fistful of the side of Buck’s hoodie.

Buck rolls the other half of the blanket over them and nuzzles into Tommy’s neck, eventually falling asleep in their soft, safe space.

[salty-autistic-writer]

When you just wanted to enjoy your cake in peace but an unscripted social situation attacks you out of nowhere

[autisticbucktommy]

autistic tommy kinard headcanons:

Must wear slippers inside the house at all times, but no socks ever.

Makes the exact same coffee and breakfast every single day (he may change it up, every 7 years or so, if his safe food changes).

Cuts all the tags off his clothes. He only wears cotton or flannel, none of this rayon-polyester blend crap.

He is hypo-sensitive (sensory seeking) when it comes to food. He needs texture, crunch, spice, different flavors. And Buck watches on in horror whenever Tommy makes himself a sandwich and it has at least 4 different sauces, with chips and marshmallows. Buck swears that Tommy blindly chooses ingredients from the fridge and mashes together whatever will fit into his mouth.

He watches the same comfort romcom movies on repeat. He's seen "Love Actually" at least 200 times. It's comforting to play in the background while he does housework.

He hates hates when people bail on plans at the last minute or when they consistently show up late. It makes his skin itch.

He regulates his nervous system mostly through Muay Thai workouts, lifting, etc. but he also meditates every morning to help prevent burnout/meltdowns.

When he's on shift for 24-48 at harbour, his coworkers know to give him a wide birth of space between calls. He needs to carve out alone time or he gets snappy.

His intense feelings about social justice have gotten him in trouble more than once. He's always stepping in if someone is rude to a waiter or if he overhears a racist comment; he sees red and loses it. He's gotten better at handling his temper with age but he's still working on it.

After Buck and him get back together and have some deep talks, Tommy finds himself opening up to his boyfriend in ways he never has with anyone else. Evan quickly becomes his "safe person" who he can depend on when he's in a bad headspace. He gets in the habit of calling Evan's contact number, instead of hiding away and beating himself up over it.

Sometimes Tommy feels like he's vibrating out of his skin and the usual light-stimming (tapping his fingers against his legs, tapping his foot, etc.) isn't enough to tide him over. And so he just looks at Evan with this twinkle in his eye (Evan calls it his big scary monster look) before he attacks Evan with cuteness aggression; tackling him into the couch or bed with feral energy, as he growls and mauls him. Kissing him, squeezing him all over, wrestling him and pinning his arms above his head, and then fucking him, if the mood calls for it.

Buck buys Tommy a shirt that says "autistic and ready to fuck" as a joke gift one year for Christmas and Tommy wears it unironically around the house. And he thinks he's hilarious because sometimes he'll come out of the bedroom wearing it and nothing else, and then crook his finger like "let's do this" and Evan rolls his eyes every time because what a goofball?? What an absolute DORK of a man, he thinks, as he trips over his own feet to follow him like an eager puppy.

Tommy has an oral fixation. he loves eating Buck out. He'll do it for hours if Evan will let him. Tommy will come home from work, put his stuff away, and then he's yanking Evan's pants down and flipping him over and he's got his mouth on him. He loves lazily eating Evan out and he loves controlling if and when Evan can touch himself about it.

Tommy likes being in control in general, but especially in the bedroom. It's incredibly satisfying telling Buck what to do, because he takes it like a dream. So eager to obey, eager to please. And always so good for Tommy, which tickles his brain in the most satisfying way.

Tommy loves tying people up. He's been studying Shibari since his early 20's when he learned about it from one of his buddies in the army. There's something about working with his hands in that way, that puts him in a meditative trance. He's a regular at a few kink-rope events in the city and he will tie up various levels of kinksters who choose to volunteer. 95% of the time it's not sexual for him, unless he's doing it to his own partner. But even then, depending on the person, it can bring them so deep into sub space that he often leaves them (with supervision) to float in that euphoria for an hour or so, before working to untie and massage them; giving them after care and sweet kisses.

His favorite things to collect are work tools, bondage rope, and DVD's (the latter of which Evan relentlessly teases him about).

When he was a kid, Tommy's dad refused to believe the teachers when they suggested Tommy be tested for autism. And he made Tommy's life hell at home because of it. He knew Tommy was different and would do everything he could to try and "fix him", which would often leave young Tommy covered in bruises where other adults couldn't see them. "You can't scare the autism out of a child, but try telling my dad that," Tommy had said to Evan about his dad one day.

When Tommy needed minor surgery in the hospital as a kid, one of the nurses gave him a teddy bear named "Max" and he used to keep it under his pillow to hold when he got scared. Occasionally in adulthood, he'd pull Max out of his closet when he needed something to squeeze extra tight to make him feel better. He hasn't needed Max since Evan walked into his life though. Now he just squeezes Evan and does a happy wiggle under the sheets, nuzzling into the back of his boyfriend's neck with a sappy grin.

[30somethingautisticteacher]

First came the meltdown. Tommy cried for days after breaking up with Evan. He cried to the point where his eyes couldn't make tears anymore. He felt like he couldn't breathe, felt like he was dying, and that he couldn't do anything about it. His clothes felt too tight, his brain felt too loud, and he walked back and forth for hours trying to calm the storm raging inside him.

Then came the shutdown. Tommy couldn't get out of bed. Everything seemed insurmountable. He couldn't eat, couldn't shower, couldn't even brush his teeth. He just turned his phone off, trying to protect others from him and the pain that he caused. He didn't deserve comfort. He had lived his life as a broken man, and he had taken a wrecking ball to the pieces of him that were finally being rebuilt.

The knock on the door was unwelcome. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, how weak he actually was. How much of a mess he had let himself become. So he ignored it, the knocking and the doorbell, willing the person to go away. But they wouldn't. They just kept trying, and Tommy tensed when he heard a key in the lock.

His eyes took in the figure that entered his house. It couldn't be. It shouldn't be.

"Evan?" Tommy croaked, his voice rough from lack of use.

"Hi... uh, you didn't ask for your key back and we've all been really worried about you," Buck said, hovering uncertainly in the doorway.

"Worried? About me?" Tommy said, confusion apparent in his tone.

"Tommy, you just disappeared. You ran away from me and then just locked out the world. Do you know how long it's been since you left the house?" Buck asked gently.

"A few days," Tommy replied.

"Almost three weeks, Tommy. We were going to do a wellness check, but I wanted to come instead," Buck said, taking a tentative step closer.

"Well, I'm not—I'm not doing well," Tommy said, eyes filling with tears.

"I can tell. You look awful," Buck said, taking in Tommy's disheveled appearance and overgrown beard.

"I don't deserve to be well. I don't deserve to be loved or cared for," Tommy said, unable to meet Buck's eyes.

"Tommy, come on. That's bullshit and you know it. I care about you. I love you. Why won't you let me love you?" Buck asked, frustration and pain mingling in his voice.

"I...I don't know how," Tommy whispered, the admission barely audible.

"Are you even willing to try?" Buck asked, afraid of what the answer might be.

"I want to," Tommy admitted, a tremor in his voice.

"Then try. Try for me. Try for us," Buck pleaded, taking another step forward.

"I'm scared," Tommy said, finally looking up at Buck.

"I am too, but I can be strong enough for both of us if you let me," Buck said, reaching out his hand.

"Ok," Tommy said tentatively, the word carrying the weight of possibility.

Buck smiled, relief washing over his features. "Can I hold you?"

"Please," Tommy whispered, the word acting as a prayer.

Buck wrapped his strong arms around Tommy. His Tommy. Tommy melted into the embrace, his body remembering this connection that his mind had tried to deny.

He allowed himself to release some of the pain and tension that had been his only companions for weeks.

And for the first time since he'd walked away, he let himself think that maybe, just maybe, he was worthy of love after all.

[jacki-daytona]

Tommy strikes me as that cool guy who doesn’t actually know he’s cool. He’s never once thought he was cool. Like, growing up, he learnt to keep quiet - and you know his pretty face just spoke to people instead. People said he was charismatic back then and now they call it rizz and Tommy is just…unsure why?

In his head he’s the weirdest guy around, and then you get Evan Buckley and his brand of weird and from the outside it’s like, oh sunshine and rain cloud huh?

Nuh. They’re two strange peas in a pod. Tommy’s a swan all graceful on the surface and legs racing underneath, and Buck is a whirlwind with a quiet eye in the middle of his storm.

I mean, picture a swan in a hurricane and tell me that’s not them.

[a7david]

Can we make the "adhd+autistic boyfriends" canon? I feel like it should be canon

[big-urchin-energy]

alternate meeting au where buck and tommy meet in the waiting room for their respective adhd and autism assessments send tweet

[breathe-2am]

[kinardsboy]

Autistic Buck learning from an early age to mask because his parents weren’t gonna help and he sure as hell didnt want to put another burden on Maddie, he doesnt bring it up to the 118, he loves them and is sure they wouldnt care, but theres a lingering fear of being treated differently, more gently, given easier tasks, babied..

So when Buck comes home, so exhausted from masking all day, frustrated and on edge he’s so overwhelmed that he doesn’t know Tommy is home.

He sinks to the floor, hands in his hair as he taps his head against the wall, muttering to himself; until something breaks the silence.

“Hey there.”

Tommy. Shit.

“Oh- Oh hey Tommy sorry I just.. just am tired you know?” Evan immediately looked up, seeing his boyfriend standing over him. Damn it this was the last thing he wanted right now- he was so exhausted, so overstimulated, he could hear the buzzing of electricity from the lights, and whatever kitchen appliance Tommy had on.

“Evan.” Tommy’s voice grounded him from his spiraling thoughts and he looked back down at the floor.

“Yeah?”

“I know.”

Oh.

Evan didn’t say anything, he just pulled his knees closer to his chest and squeezed his eyes shut, preparing for the worst.

“I-..” Tommy began “I suppose, it.. takes one to know one, right?” He asked, and Buck suddenly realized Tommy was sitting on the floor next to him, noice canceling headphones in hand.

That’s right, with Tommy.. Evan was free.

[str4wb3rry-fire]

autistic tommy kinard and adhd evan buckley my loves

[bucksaiga]

The autism of the coffee date

[salty-autistic-writer]

Tommy Kinard's Guide To The Best (And Worst) Places To Take A Nap

Tommy and sleep have always had a difficult relationship. 

When he was a child, he had a hard time relaxing his mind enough to fall asleep. Restless thoughts and the fact that he could also read one more page of this non-fiction book - just one more - kept him tossing and turning until his eyes burned.

As a teenager, he listened to his parents arguing, their shadows dancing in the hallway. When he drank too much, his father’s voice was like the hot sour breath of a dragon, his footsteps booming and his words sharp. 

The neighbours never intervened. They were blind and deaf. Tommy wasn’t. He listened and tried to stay awake as long as possible. At least until the dragon fell asleep. Just in case he had to help his mother. Because there was nobody else.

His time in the military taught him to cherish every possible second of sleep. He developed the talent to fall asleep anywhere, at any time and at remarkable speed. But with this special talent comes the tendency to wake up abruptly as soon as his mind decides it has to be alert.

A noise, even a smell, is enough to push his body out of sleep mode into ready-to-fight mode. That makes sleeping for several hours in a row very difficult. So he usually takes some exhaustion with him when he leaves for work in the morning.

Once he’s working, he has laser focus though, never feeling the missing hours of sleep. No. That only comes later, after the work is done.

His issues made Tommy a napper. And he’s napping a lot.

He’s not picky about where he’s taking his naps. But some places are better than others.

In the helicopter (2/10 - not enough space, leads to pain and embarrassing moment!)

Tommy yawns heartily. He’s working a shift from hell. And he’s tired. So tired that the thought of getting out of the helicopter and dragging himself to the bunk beds at the station fills him with dread. He doesn’t like the beds anyway. It’s never really quiet there. And they are too small. Well. To be fair, most places are too small for him to stretch out his legs.

Finding a comfortable position in the helicopter isn’t easy either. But he has to try. Has to close his eyes. Just … For a few minutes. Then, the alarm is probably going to go off again anyway. He sighs, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. He can already feel his mind drifting away, and his muscles are finally relaxing. At least, it’s quiet in here.

Is this smart? No. But he’s too tired to make smart choices.

Tommy already knows his neck is going to ache later. But it’s too late.

Sleep embraces him.

L aughter erupts when Tommy opens his eyes and he blinks into the sunlight, confused until his swimming vision clears and he sees Lucy in front of him. Lucy, surrounded by a few other colleagues, taking pictures with her phone and grinning in utter delight. Great. He won't ever hear the end of this.

Gr imacing, he stretches as best as he can, sore muscles burning and bones cracking in protest.

When he jumps out, his legs tingling from being immobile for so long, Lucy shows him a picture of his face pressed against the glass, drool running down to his chin, hair dishevelled. “It’s cute,” she says. “But I’m worrying about your poor old bones, Kinard. If you plan on doing more naps in the chopper, I will buy you a neck pillow.”

At a movie theatre (6/10 - comfy but embarrassing, at least Evan thought it was cute!)

Tommy loves the cinema Evan picked. 

He especially loves the seats. They are so comfy. Soft. Warm. Too soft and warm. Tommy can feel himself sinking into them, his eyes getting heavy. He tries his best to keep them open, telling himself he’s not going to fall asleep while he’s about to watch a movie with his gorgeous boyfriend who’s happily snacking popcorn, his shoulder nudging Tommy’s.

For once, they actually managed to go to the movies. Without any interruption. Without anything terrible happening. So he really should pay attention to the movie. Evan is going to want to talk about it later.

But the screen is too bright. He has to rest his eyes. Just for one little moment. He’s not going to fall asleep. He’s not.

It only takes seconds for him to drift off.

A hand on his shoulder. A kiss on the cheek. Soft laughter and warm breath tickling his skin. “Tommy. Hey, Tommy?”

Tommy hums, keeping his eyes closed. Just a little longer. He can tell it’s not even morning yet. It’s still dark outside. Huh. He wrinkles his nose in confusion. Where’s all the noise coming from? Did Evan turn on the TV?

Oh. Oh. Shit.

His eyes snap open and he winces, his hands rubbing over the slightly rough fabric of cushions, the smell of popcorn and sweet beverages reminding him of where he is right now. He fell asleep at the movie theatre. With Evan sitting beside him.

Tommy can feel his cheeks burning. “I’m so sorry,” he murmurs, wiping drool from his mouth and glancing at the screen, where a man and a woman are arguing.

“Don’t be. It was really cute. My highlight was when your head started to tilt and sank on my shoulder,” Evan says, smiling. “You also didn’t miss anything. That movie was horrible so far. I’m going to tell you what happened later.”

Tommy’s face still burns with embarrassment, but when Evan wraps his arm around him and pulls him even closer, he starts to feel better. It happens, he guesses. Especially after a long day.

In a dressing room (3/10 - not very comfy, loud, but leads to a good solution for future shopping! It's good to have someone who thinks of things you never really thought of!)

Tommy doesn’t like shopping for clothes. 

It’s not easy to find something that fits him. He also wishes people would just let him look around by himself before bombarding him with a row of questions, constantly asking if he’s doing alright. Why isn’t one “yes thank you” enough?

Once he does find something that fits and doesn’t scratch or feel too tight, he usually just tries to wear it as long as possible. But his favourite jeans tore and now he has to find a new one.

It’s nice to have Evan with him who gives him something to focus on.

“Hm. No. Let me get you that in another size,” Evan decides, looking at the pants Tommy tried on, frowning. “I’ll be back in a moment.”

“Okay,” Tommy mutters, too exhausted to really care. He sits on the bench in the dressing room and leans back with a sigh. As he waits, the warmth of the dressing room makes him increasingly drowsy. His eyes get heavy. Soon, he can’t keep them open anymore, his head falling forward as he succumbs to a slumber.

Only to jump when Evan opens the door and presents him with a new pair of jeans. “Sorry, took a while to find it. Here, I - Oh. Did you fall asleep?” “No,” Tommy says automatically. Evan raises a doubting brow.

Tommy notices he’s half lying on the bench now, quickly sitting up and wiping at his eyes. “Maybe,” he admits. “I’m tired.”

Tired of dressing and undressing. Tired of the too-bright shop lights which keep buzzing above his head. Tired of hearing the terrible nerve-wracking music in the background. Tired of seeing his tired eyes in the mirror.

Evan scans him, understanding in his eyes. “Hey, let’s just order some of those online, okay? You can try them on at home,” he suggests.

“Really?” Tommy asks, wrinkling his nose. “But what if they don’t fit?”

“We are just going to send them back,” Evan shrugs. “Come on, let’s leave and buy coffee somewhere.”

I love you , Tommy thinks, getting up happily. And wonders how far away he is from actually saying the words out loud. Feels like they are already lingering on his lips, just waiting for the right moment.

At a bookstore (7/10 - comfy, warm and with cat, but embarrassing!)

Of course, they happen to be outside on one of those rare days when it’s raining cats and dogs. All of a sudden, it pours from the velvety sky. 

They flee into a bookstore at a corner, laughing. Evan’s eyes brighten up in delight as he scans the shelves. It’s a tiny store with old hardcover books and narrow hallways. The dust-covered books are piling up everywhere, even on the window sill.

An elderly lady is the only other person in the store. She’s sitting at the counter, hidden by a heap of books. She has one in her wrinkled hands, reading, only briefly glancing up to nod at them and push her glasses up her nose.

There even is a cat. A tabby with a bushy tail, that raises as she approaches Tommy and curls around his leg with a soft meow. When Tommy pets her and looks up, Evan is already gone, looking at books. Tommy discovers a green armchair in a corner and decides to sit down for a while. The armchair is comfy and smells like oranges. Tommy sinks into the cushions, leaning his head back with a content sigh. He can hear the steady drum of the rain against the window panes. It’s making him dozy. Before he can fight the sleepiness, his eyes are already closed and distantly he thinks he can feel something soft, warm and vibrating on his legs, but then sleep reaches for him and pulls him into a quite pleasant nap.

“Tommy?”

“Hm?” Tommy perks up, blinking in confusion. “Is it time?”

“I don’t know. You fell asleep,” Evan says, amused. “And the cat immediately went to sleep on you. I took pictures.”

Tommy swallows, looking at the cat now sitting on the floor, licking its paw. “Sorry,” he says quietly, glancing at the shop owner. But she’s smiling while still reading her book. 

“No need to be sorry. It’s cute. Come on, let’s go home and take a nap together,” Evan chuckles.

In the bathtub (8/10 - warm, safe, clean and good-smelling, especially when Evan washes my hair, but it gets cold eventually!)

Tommy doesn’t know how he’s still standing. The shift seemed to last forever. His whole body is sore and aching. All he’s smelling is sweat and smoke. Every step he takes seems to add invisible extra weight he has to carry around.

“Come on, I’m going to draw you a bath,” Evan tells him.

“I have the best boyfriend in the world,” Tommy sighs, as he slowly, painstakingly peels his clothes off his body.

He hates the moment his naked body is hit by the chill of the air. Hates the first dip into the water. But once he sinks into the water and it embraces him, he groans in pleasure.

“I’m going to wash your hair, okay?” Evan says, sitting on the edge of the bathtub and pushing the sleeves of his hoodie back. “Please,” Tommy sighs, gratefully. He could feel how greasy it got with every passing hour. He leans his head back and closes his eyes, relaxing into the rhythmic movements of Evan’s fingers in his hair. Soon, he feels his mind drifting away, like a boat on the ocean. He allows it. He’s warm and safe. He can rest. Every troublesome thought and every ache disappears. Fading away as he dozes off to Evan washing his hair and the smell of his favourite shampoo.

“Tommy?” Evan asks, shaking Tommy’s shoulder gently. “You with me?”

“Huh?” Tommy opens his eyes, blinking up at the ceiling. He’s still halfway caught in the pleasantly floaty nothingness of his nap. “Hm. What?”

“Sorry, but I thought you might want to eat something,” Evan says. That’s when Tommy realises he’s lying in the bathtub, feeling boneless and … chilly. “How long have I been in here?”

“Long enough. Did you sleep well?” Evan asks, grinning.

Tommy grimaces as a shiver runs down his back and inspects his wrinkled hands. “Well, now I’m cold. But it was worth it.”

On Evan’s lap (10/10 - warm, comfy, safe. the best place to take a nap!)

It’s been a long day. It’s always a long day.

Evan takes one look at Tommy and says, “Want to order Chinese and relax on the couch today?”

“Yeah, I’d love that,” Tommy says, grateful. There was a time when he tried to hide his exhaustion and went out anyway to please his partners. But now he’s honest about how he feels and what he wants. He also doesn’t apologise for falling asleep anymore. His work is stressful and functioning can be exhausting. Being tired is nothing he has to be ashamed of.

They end up on the couch, Evan with his laptop and Tommy with his head on Evan’s lap, the rest of his body stretched out. He’s happy he can do that now. They bought a new, bigger and comfier couch a while ago.

Tommy has his eyes closed and relaxes while listening to the clicking noise of Evan typing and breathing in the familiar smell of his surroundings. Warm. Soft. Yes. This is by far his favourite place to take a nap.

He allows himself to drift off. When he comes back to himself, Evan smiles down at him. “Hey. There you are. Sounded like you were snoring the alphabet at one point.”

“Hey,” Tommy scrunches his nose. “Says the man who snores like a boar whenever he’s lying on his back.”

Evan chuckles. He clears his throat, eyes on his screen. “Did you know that neurodivergent people tend to get exhausted pretty fast? Due to the stress of sensory overload and the pressure of social situations. There’s even a word for it.”

“Yeah?” Tommy asks, raising a mildly intrigued brow.

“Yes. Autistic fatigue.”

“Hm.” Tommy shifts, frowning.

They’ve been talking about this topic for a while now. Collecting information. Finding certain things that … fit astonishingly well. It started with Evan talking to his therapist about ADHD and led to Evan going on an extensive research spree on which he found out that quite a few of the things Tommy is experiencing fit symptoms of the autism spectrum and that ADHD and autism have a lot of overlapping symptoms.  Tommy grew up during a time when children weren’t autistic, had ADHD or suffered from dyslexia. There were only two possible labels: “normal” and “weird”. At school, Tommy got the “weird” label pretty fast.

Actually, there’s been a teacher who apparently did some research and carefully addressed the possibility of autism, but Tommy’s father was fast to tell her to refrain from calling his son mentally ill. Tommy thinks the exact words Kinard Senior used were “My boy is not a nutcase.” And that was the end of it.

But now, now that he has the freedom to do research and the chance to figure some things out that have always confused him, Tommy is intrigued. 

It might be nice to know why some things are as they are.

For example: why does he hear noises no one else seems to hear? Why does he feel repulsion towards certain foods to the point that he has the urge to gag or spit them out? Why is he fidgeting so much without really noticing it? Why does he take things literally, which has led to many embarrassing moments in his life? Why does he sometimes feel like he’s following an invisible script while talking to people, and when they don’t do what he expects, the conversations become increasingly stressful? 

Or the “I’m so exhausted” thing that sometimes really hits him out of nowhere, especially when he’s outside.

“Do they also say how you can increase your energy if you experience autistic fatigue?” Tommy asks.

Evan hums. “Snacks. Vitamins. And accomodations. Like noise-cancelling in-ear headphones.”

Tommy perks up. “Noise-cancelling? That’s a thing?” He asks, surprised. He has normal headphones for his training. But they don’t cancel noise.

“Uh, yeah. They have been existing for a while now. Do you want me to order some for you?” Evan asks. “Or we can pick them together?”

“Yes,” Tommy says, fully awake now, sitting up and snuggling up against Evan, looking at the screen. “But I can’t promise I will ever take them out once I have them.”

“Well, you definitely won’t hear me snoring anymore,” Evan says, grinning and typing into the search bar.

(AO3 Link)

[asraindarkness]

we as a society don’t talk about how autism coded tommy kinard is! WE MUST DO BETTER!!!

[30somethingautisticteacher]

Autistic Dad Tommy

I had some sensory overload this morning at an assembly, so I channeled it into this ficlet.

****

"Papa!" Stella yells as she runs through the front door.

He winces at the sound of the door slamming but recovers quickly, focusing on Stella's bright smile, so much like Evan's. She thrusts a letter into his hands.

"Read it, Papa, read it!"

He smiles and unfolds it: 'Stella Lynn Kinard will be awarded the Silver Creek Elementary Sunshine Student Award for the kindness and positivity that she always exudes. Please join us for a celebration and pep assembly where she will receive her award.'

Tommy's heart soars and then immediately sinks. He is so proud of his daughter, his cheerful, friendly little mini-Evan, but the idea of going to an assembly makes his skin crawl.

"I'm so proud of you, princess," Tommy says, wrapping his daughter into a tight hug. But at the same time, he catches Evan's eyes over her head, his own gaze flickering with anxiety.

"Check your schedules right now, Dads! I want to make sure you can come," Stella bounces on her toes. "There will be singing and dancing and a group cheer. The whole school will be there!" she adds, her excitement building with each detail.

Tommy feels his chest tighten at "whole school," but keeps his smile steady for his daughter.

Tommy tries hard not to let his autism negatively affect his family. It's a battle he's constantly fighting, pushing against his own limits. His husband is so understanding - Evan would accept if Tommy skipped the assembly - but he can't do that to his baby girl. He won't be the kind of parent who misses their child's big moments.

"Me, Daddy, and Sasha will be there, baby girl," Tommy says and kisses Stella's forehead.

"Tom?" Evan asks softly. "You sure?"

Tommy nods. He can do this.

But he can't do this. It's all too much the second he steps into the gym. The fluorescent lights are too bright, their constant buzzing drilling into his skull. He tries to take a deep breath, but it catches in his throat.

For Stella, he repeats to himself over and over. He's an adult,he's a father. He needs to push through.

He bites his lip as they step deeper into the chaos. He wants to sit in the corner, eyes closed, hands over his ears - anything to block out the sensory stimulation that's crashing over him in waves.

"Tommy," Evan grabs his arm gently.

Sasha looks at her Papa curiously. "Papa ok?"

"No, sweetie, Papa's not ok," Evan says, noticing Tommy's increasing distress.

"I can...I can...for Stella," Tommy stammers, swaying slightly.

"Babe, I'm not asking. Go back to the car," Evan says firmly but kindly.

"I'll take lots of pictures, and then we can celebrate at home," Evan says, his hand steady on Tommy's arm. "Tommy, please take care of yourself, or you're going to go into full shutdown."

"Yeah...yeah, ok, you're right," Tommy concedes, relief flooding through him even as regret twists in his stomach.

He doesn't know how much time passes as he revels in the silence of the car. Before long, the door opens, and Evan starts loading Sasha into her carseat as Stella buckles her booster.

"Hi Papa," Stella says brightly.

"Hey, sweet girl. Sorry Papa missed your big moment," Tommy says, guilt creeping into his voice.

"That's okay, Papa. Daddy explained it to me. He said your brain makes everything brighter and louder. That must be really hard, Papa," she says with a tenderness beyond her years.

Tommy's eyes flood with tears at his daughter's wisdom. "It's not always easy."

"Well, you always tell me and Sasha to talk about our feelings, so you need to too, Papa. It's only fair," Stella says with all the logic of an eight-year-old.

"I promise," he says.

"Pinky promise?" she asks, extending her small finger.

"Pinky promise," Tommy says, turning to lock pinkies with his daughter.

Evan smiles at him from the driver's seat, and Tommy feels loved and accepted. Relief washes over him as he remembers that even on his hardest days, he has his family to lean on.

[honestlynervousnut]

Tommy with sensory issues fidgeting with Buck's curls my beloved ♡

[tedious-waffle]

Okay but the henren shovel talk has so much autistic!tommy coding lmao. Like yes dry humor but also dry humor stemming from being like “uhh? Im literally eating cake wdym?”