#pls read it I need more ppl to suffer with me

[keeryd]

Old comic I did back when So Here’s to the Heartache (link added) first chapter got posted, I kinda wanted to make it digital but never got around it🥲 so enjoy, and if you haven’t read this amazing series pls do! It’s amazing

[wokelander]

jesus what is with these save Leon ppl and their hard-on for mobilizing support for anti dc shit surrounding this man??? i've never seen such targeted harassment for someone writing incest fics. and there are dc creators in like my hero academia for the students😭 even seen dc outer banks and gilmore girls fics literally every single fandom has that side LMAO ??? like yeah they'll get the occasional hate ask and ppl starting discourse and shit. but never seen repeated attempts of creating a hate and harassment campaign against one specific person bc of writing dc. also bc im pretty sure i've seen other ppl write dc Leon fics but u get it the worst for some reason ?? you've suffered more than jesus fr🙏🏽 sending u so much love u don't deserve all this for writing fictional shit for a fictional man. he's not reallllll he doesn't need to be saved. i stg these ppl are absolutely batshit crazy it's not even funny. like imo it's more concerning than anyone writing incest fics bc okay u don't like it...but this isn't anything new. tumblr user wokelander is not the first person to write incest fanfic and she most certainly won't be the last. this makes me think it's ppl new to fandom spaces bc dark content is not a new phenomena. even if u delete ur blog and stop writing (pls don't i will die 😫) or they move to a different fandom, unfortunately for them incest/dc/pro-ship content isn't going anywhere! so they can be an adult and learn to curate their own online experience by muting keywords and tags or spend the rest of their miserable lives witch-hunting every dc writer they come across 🤷🏾‍♀️

sorry for the long ask i just think the hate you've gotten is so bizarre and u don't deserve it at all❤️❤️ pls don't let these ppl get in ur head❤️❤️

I’ve written in SO many different fandoms and I have gotten hate before but omg the leon girls are fucking crazy and this isn’t me trying to be like. Annoying ab it but I do genuinely believe that bc re got so much traction from re4r leon from tiktok and whatnot that it’s just brought in a load of people who are unfamiliar with re as a whole..

I’ve never written for re on tumblr but I’ve been in the fandom for years and I only used to post on ao3 and I never got backlash there? I also grew up reading weird re fanfics LMFAO so it’s like?? ok so why is this happening all of a sudden? fanfiction.net was FULL of leon being a creep when I was a kid LOL and even as a kid I had the fucking brains to scroll past shit I didn’t like? so man idek they’re just dumb

i also think it’s partially bc leon is a white guy who can do no wrong in their eyes golden retriever boyfriend who wants the best for everyone!!! nobody gets sent extreme hate for writing carlos ISTG it’s bc he’s a white boy like hello. they’re the worst!!!!

I am not the first to write dark content but like on leon tumblr I will say I wrote the first leon incest fic.. like not stepcest or pseudo cest even when u go on ao3 and put it in the tags I’m there first for actual incest 🔥🔥🔥🤣🤣🤣😊😊😊 so I guess people blame me bc now everyone writes dark content but?? they don’t? most of the re tag is full of fluff so … like I think these people see one fic and tweak out ab it and think everyone’s doing it man idk they’re so entitled there’s no point in reasoning with them it’s funny to me bc they quite literally talk like narcissistic abusers sometimes .. I say that as someone who has been thru that LOL like the way they speak in that self righteous tone is so..

HOWEVER. THIS IS RE !! the game is dark content the game has fucking incest in it ??? there are implications of rape! there is so much ugh. Idk but thank u for this ask ily!!! sorry for rambling ab nothing in particular

[c00kietin]

From the creators of: "Why is Basil best boy?", we present: "Why is Kel a silly little guy?"

(Also known as: "me rambling about Kel because i just had a traumatic flashback and need comfort")

-----------------------

Why is Kel a silly little guy? - by me

1) He's silly!!!

Silly silly silly silly silly silly

2) He's the best

He's a ray of sunshine!! He smiles so much!!! And he's such a good friend!!! We all need him!!! He's ahsvsgdnrufrs!! He makes me so happy *screams, cries, rolls on the floor*

3) He has problems

No one escapes trauma in this game. He had a happy life but them *boom*, and he was like :c, and his older brother is more celebrated than him, but he's precious and deserves better, pls parents celebrate his existence because he shines like the sun, also he tries his best to cope with things :(

4) The skrunkly!

He's so cute!! He high fives ppl!

5) He sporty!!

Fium fium pah pah tuim

6) He's waifu!

wait what-

7) No one takes him seriously

Just because someone is funny doesn't mean that they can't suffer. Memes are cool but I wish the fandom valued him more

Thank you for reading! *dabs*

Omg I once more love the gifs- thank you and hope you feel better soon!! <33

[ratwars]

Who do you think is the deepest character in diabolik lovers and whyyyyyy :3 (sorry if this is weird btw :,))

Tomà out here activating my dialovers derangement syndrome 🥲 ty ty ty also sry sry sry in advance 🙏💜

Minors dni with this post

This is not weird omg no one ever asks me about dialovers you need to understand I was into VNs including otome before I was into any anime (including bsd) and diabolik lovers is my longest term obsession that isn't music 💜🙏 This is mostly going to involve things from the games (because the anime was basically silly fanservice that barely scratches the surface for anyone) but I'll leave out drama cd stuff because I would actually need to go refresh myself on those.

Absolute novel under the cut sorry. also cw noncon, cw dubcon, cw abuse, cw csa, cw suicide, cw matricide

Anyone not familiar with the series who decides to continue pls be aware of these warnings and take care of yourself. Also pls understand everything I say is in terms of the series and setting. Absolutely nothing that happens in these games would make any of these characters redeemable irl. This is fiction and a trashfire Do-S fetish franchise. Trauma doesn't excuse abuse. I don't condone any of the bad behavior from this series irl. (Sorry since this isn't my sideblog I feel I need to explain this so ppl don't come at me thinking I'm excusing stuff for reals with this little analysis)

Also this is probably going to have spelling mistakes and horrific formatting because I wrote it on mobile so my bad on that too.

This was so hard to answer because so many of them have serious trauma, maladaptive coping mechanisms, and large amounts of growth throughout the various sequels. I think you could make the logical argument of depth for every single character. The Sakamaki triplets are def the most tragic of the first two games in this regard though (maybe only rivaled by the Tsukinami brothers once we get to Dark Fate because of the whole being the sole survivors of genocide thing)

But as a whole I think Carla and Shin deal with their predicaments in a more outwardly focused manner (which makes sense given their stories and roles as antagonists in their debut game) so I don't think I could objectively call them the deepest esp Carla even though he is my fave.

So out of the Sakamaki triplets I am going to go with Laito. Shocking I know because I have said before he is the one I am the most terrified of. But hear me out.

(I'm using HBD (haunted dark bridal) to refer to the first game, and MB (more blood) to refer to the second game going forward)

His first route in hdb is a stomach twisting mess of isolation, noncon, gaslighting and victim blaming. It is also the only route in that game where Yui tries to kill herself, which imo is really notable. Tbh the first time I played it I was so deeply uncomfortable I didn't really give his character a lot of thought. During replays and some of his drama cds though it def changed my perspective of him (in terms of the deepness of his character, not my dislike of him)

Here are my arguments in topical format because I don't really want to go through and do the research needed to refresh myself and make this chronological. Also if I am mistaken with anything I've paraphrased my bad it's because this isn't a real essay more of a rant that you might regret reading lol.

- Cordelia

We can't go into the rest of my arguments without the facts. He was groomed by his mother and experienced a childhood of CSA at her hands. And he is absolutely confused and suffering when he has his flashbacks. Yes he kills her with the other two triplets, but that didn't actually solve anything for him internally, and I think it is a pretty clear-cut argument that his negative traits and behaviors can be linked back to his unresolved trauma from this. He even says it himself too when he tries to project onto Yui and claim her hatred for him must be the same as his for Cordelia (though unnamed in his quote im pretty sure) that a hatred can run so deep that even killing the person won't relieve the burning. The other ironic part of this is that in the dialovers universe it is explained multiple times that the highest act of love for a vampire is murder. So. Every LI (Reiji, Laito, Ayato, Kanato) that committed matricide out of their hatred probably has some deeper more complex feelings going on than that. (You could also argue maybe a similar thing about Carla and patricide as well though he is Founder/First Blood not vampire. But he is more open about his reasoning and feelings around his parents and why he did what he did imo)

- His disdain of purity (plot twist. It's jealousy).

We repeatedly see him mock both Yui's purity and religiosity. He is arguably the worst out of all of the LIs when it comes to this topic, and hits this point right out the gate when he assaults her in the abandoned church. It is simultaneously a logical and also weird choice on his part to continue on with when you realize how unwavering her faith actually is, and if you do other routes before this one you are already coming in realizing no matter how much she "breaks", "changes", or "gives in" in other ways, she never actually abandons her faith completely even in future games when she is living quite literally in the demon world. Even in routes where she becomes a vampire she doesn't eschew God. However it is canon that she is a devout Catholic and that she originally wanted to be a nun (before the events of the game screw that up for her), so it is still relevant.

While it may have started as a way to try and break her down, it really becomes more and more clear through his routes that like a bunch of his other behaviors, he is projecting his own struggles onto Yui.

He is jealous of her purity, so he attacks it. He is jealous of her faith, so he attacks it. He is jealous of her unwavering belief in goodness and in humanity, so he just. keeps. attacking. it. Because seeing it exist in front of him hurts, but especially early on he isn't aware of his own emotions or why he acts the way he does. So many things in his routes and his monologues highlight the fact that Laito views himself as permanently dirtied by his past, and this behavior is tied to that.

- His inability to identify his feelings from his fake front and his use of sex to maladaptively deal with his trauma.

** I wrote way too much on this and decide nvm I think even if someone has only seen the anime his hypersexuality probably speaks for itself. Plus this is getting so long 😔**

-His lack of control in MB and "forced" behavior. His confusion over his own tears near the end of HDB.

There are various instances (esp in MB where his characterization is wildly different and desperate compared to HDB) where we see his mask start to crack, or realize that his mask wasn't actually very good to begin with and the exhaustion from the continous abuse in his routes has caused both Yui (and us as the reader) to fall for his bullshit more easily. He plays the part of a pervert, but Shu (who arguably is a massive pervert) calls him out in MB for being a phony. His behavior in MB makes him come across as desperate and out of control, as opposed to his calculated sadism in HDB. This all comes back to his inner turmoil, unresolved feelings, and trauma and we slowly unpeal those layers through the rest of the series.

I think at baseline it is really easy to dismiss Laito. I did from the beginning too. Plus he never stops calling Yui Bitch-chan no matter how many sequels he gets 🤦‍♂️ But that is just falling for his fake front, exactly what he wants you to do because then he can just keep carrying on without dealing with his bs and let off steam temporarily in the process. But under the surface there is a lot more going on. And he definitely is a character that has an insane amount of depth.

Sorry for the multi part novel. I don't even like him as an LI even in this series. But for a series with so many inconsistencies, retcons across games, and questionable writing choices, they did a good job with his character. I just need him to stay far away from both me and Yui 🥲 Imagine if you had asked me something that prompted me to talk about my faves 💀💀💀

[celestie0]

elleiieieieieieiei hi ☺️☺️ i have a question 😆

so i was re reading kickoff again and in chapter like 5 (i think) Suguru says something abt how he wishes a cute girl would bring him strawberry vanilla flavored sodas which made me curious

what does Suguru actually think of reader?? is he attracted to her in any way or does he just think shes pretty?? bc from another ask you said that reader is def considered pretty so like does Suguru also consider her pretty 👀👀 he also approached her first in chapter 2 and in chapter 6 hes also the one to invite reader to the pre-game party and he hugs her (friendly hug BUT STILL A HUG IS A HUG???) i’d love to know more abt Suguru and readers relationship CAUSE LIKE HES ALWAYS SO NICE TO HER IT MAKES ME WANNA CRYY AIDBWKMSN

ALSO OMG WHAT DO U THINK THE OTHER PLAYERS THINK ABT READER??

anyway thats all i hope u have a goodnight 💗💗

-🦌

hiii my bb <3

ouuu very interestinf questionnn i think i answered another ask briefly ab this, but suguru does NOT have a crush or any sort of feelings for reader 😃🤚🏼 i simply could not deal w writing any of that drama 🤣 (altho i kinda want a 3sum w him n gojo 😔…..if i ever write a kickoff gojo x reader x suguru pls check up on me. ovulation hit a little too hard that month)

he’s just a little flirty/smooth talker, plus what man wouldn’t want a girl to bring them a lil sumn sweet while they’re workin up a sweat somewhere bahaha i think that’s why he said that ab the strawberry vanilla soda

so to answer your question, he thinks she’s rly kind n cute and he’s privy to gojo’s feelings for her, and he knows reader is someone gojo needs in his life (even before gojo knew it lol). he’s sure they’ll start dating sometime soon so he’s just gettin a head-start on building that friendship w her. plus he’s just a nice boy 🥺💕

but yea he also knows about gojo’s trauma n suffering from the loss of his dad, so that scene in ch9 when she says those hurtful words outside the bar about gojo having it easy in life…….yeaa he heard those words ☹️ and he was not very happy ab it. but that’s ok 🫶🏼💕 friends forgive n move on

as for the other players hmm

nanami - lots of respect for her bc he likes ppl that have a craft they’re passionate about

yuuji - she’s casual tomboy

choso - he aint rly fuck w her like that but he was hella impressed when she slapped the sh*t outta ren so he might have to start

all other players - secretly hoping she’s getting their good angles in her shots

guy she kissed at that party in ch6 - “she’s cute but gojo looks like he’s gonna throw me into a goalpost if i talk to her again so imma lay off”

HOPE THIS ANSWERS WELL ENOUGH MY DEAR i love uuu 💕💕💕

- ellie 🦢

[sugarpuptard]

ppl saying yes to share about my D&D oc so her i go yippieeeeeeee! she's pretty much done but im still like trying to build lil personality traits and quirks that suit her and figure out more ways i can project onto her besides the one main thing she got going for her, if anyone wanna share ideas hand them over pls if the vibe fits i need it!! i feel like she could lowkey be jirai but idk if that's just me projecting my current interests onto her

also if you're the two other ppl in my bf's campaign that starts in september DONT READ THIS i have put a cognitohazard into this post that only affects them two and it WILL make you piss your pants and have the song yummy by justin beiber stuck in your head for a month YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

ok if u didn't piss ur pants instantly you're not them and ur safe, so onto my scheduled ramblings

my character's name is Em (short for emulate) and she's a changeling infernal (mom=changeling & dad=demon, we're using a lil bit different way to build characters but i can't remember the damn name of the book my bf used for it) she's also an inquisitive rogue fiend warlock with an aberrant dragonmark (Eberron campaign yay) that i hate to draw because i made it look complicated asf, but she has to hide it anyways so she's not thrown into jail and blamed for the murderers of 1000s of people due to a bombing or whatever the fuck happened that blew up where she grew up, but im getting ahead of myself xD i'll do bullet points so maybe this wont be too long

- ABANDONED as baby .o. (Achievement Unlocked: tragic rogue backstory start)

- put into an orphanage in Cyre and a based asf worker there teaches her how to hide her mark and helps her hide it

- in and outta plenty of homes since she can change to suit anyone's tastes, but they all never keep her too long for one reason or another and she ends up back at the orphanage eventually. living was modest neither scraping by nor finding excess comfort, she manages to keep a positive outlook and just enjoyed the company where she can find it(the trauma from all of that tho still lingers a kid will be fucked up needing to pretend who they are all the time)

- girlie turns 18 and has to hit the streets cuz she's too old for the orphanage now. what do u do if you can look like anything and need food water and shelter? become a prostitute :) now she's not hitting the streets she's working them

- eventually doing all that led her to meeting a woman named Cala, and instead of taking advantage she offered Em a job as a spy working for a branch of the army of Cyre, which sounded pretty dope compared to giving huk tuah and shit to a bunch of weird guys so she said hell yeah. Cala quickly becomes her friend and they fall into lesbianisms but they had to hide it at work so no bs happens

- age 19: during the end stages of the last war Em served by assisting with a few espionage missions getting behind enemy lines using her talents to make entry points for other troops to move in

- age 20: The Day of Mourning... during that day she was on her way back from a mission from Thrane investigating rumors of fanatical religious extremism, deciding to bail and rally reinforcements upon seeing it related to aberrant dragon marks. as she made her way back on horseback, the Mourning occurred and she could see the explosion within the distant city of Cyre painting the skys with smog. she tried to return, but the guards who managed to survive were creating a safe perimeter of demarcation and denied her entry, informing her everyone within the city had died and that she would fare no better.

- age 21: Em moves to Sharn and found out Cala survived and had the same idea, they moved in together and bonded and was more lesbianism

- age 22: a protest about the treatment of Cyran refugees that Em and Cala were participating in got violent and both of them got injured. Em's were minor, however Cala suffered debilitating injuries not curable without the help of divine magic

- age 23: Em tries to get Cala treated but unknowingly brought her to a division of Thrane extremists known by them as "the chosen" based off what they said, the group captures them and tries to make them "hosts" for whatever entity they work with. they succeeded with Cala since she couldn't fight back but Em managed to get away when they got confused over her aberrant mark. she doesn't know what happened to Cala exactly, and part of the conversation ritual affected her mind in a strange way and gave her a magical affliction from whatever force the chosen serve. it feels at odds with her infernal heritage but oddly feels good to use it, like it was rewarding her for using it

- age 24: Cala is gone so the city took her house away rip. Em is back on the streets because of all that

- age 25: doing ykw she meets a guy who also has an aberrant dragonmark, bro freaked out until Em showed hers. they shit talked the government and talked about their heritage for a bit, and since things are getting too risky for people like them they plan to run to escape persecution. shit happened and there were guards blocking the way to escape the city and they got caught. the guy tries to fight back and gets killed for that, so Em just let herself get arrested and is now in jail

so uhhhhhhh thats it, the campaign starts with all of us in jail lol xD i seem to be unable to write her backstory in a short way oops, oh well

[serotinals]

Idk if anyone’s read a little life but I just reread it and I have so many thoughts okay… I’m gonna spoil the fuck out of it and just say what I gotta say!!

Ok for starters it definitely isn’t for everyone, and if it’s too much for someone to read and it would send them spiraling that is so deeply understandable! and like yeah pls PLS don’t read it if it’ll ruin your mental health like you are so much more important than a lesson on a page!!! But like the argument that it’s suffering simply for sufferings sake is simply untrue to me bc there’s so much to unpack in that book, and so many lessons,,,, 4 starters I think the reason it’s so descriptive is that we’re supposed to be transported into a mindset of someone deeply traumatized, and whether it’s to the same extent as Jude or not, the point is that some people are traumatized to the point it’s unspeakable, and what does that inability to speak on such a huge part of your life and your psyche DO to a person?? And I think we as the reader are taking on what Jude (standing in the place of many traumatized ppl) is terrified of people thinking of him - that he’s a burden, that his pain is too much blablabla, and it IS. And we’re meant to care for him and to sit and witness that pain anyway bc it’s through that witnessing process that people heal. I think a major part of why Jude ultimately doesn’t fully heal is bc he is so fixed in his self image, and so unshakably reluctant to disclose his past that he just constantly has to sit with himself and hear the echo of his own opinions of himself, and they’re awful fucking horrific feelings. And I don’t think it would have the same effect without his suffering being so relentless, as in I don’t think it was for no reason. Like it’s so bad you eventually feel numb to it, and we go through what Jude goes through, and we bury it and we can’t even comprehend it anymore, and that’s why it’s just so fucking ingrained and impossible to speak of and consequently let go of. Sigh anyways idk if this is making sense 😹😹 I’m going through a little life phase as u can see and I really disagree when people say it’s so much pain for no reason or “trauma porn” like yes it’s ABSOLUTELY not for everyone and it’s a violently disturbing read… but not for no reason. there’s so much to learn from witnessing Jude’s suffering, and I don’t think yanigahara was just torturing him for fun or for the sole purpose of upsetting or disturbing the reader … BASICALLY … my key takeaway is that we all need each other. We need to bear witness to each other’s pain, and the same way that not everyone’s gonna be able to read this book, not everyone’s gonna be able to bear witness to your pain, but SOMEONE will, and someone will love you behind all of it, and letting someone witness what you’ve buried is never pointless, or for nothing, in fact it’s necessary

[tommstic]

WELCOME TO TOMMIE’S CORNER!!1!!

Pls read before following…!

About Me:

Hai!!! I’m Tommie! This is my personal blog where I post about my interestzzzzz!!!

I lov MLP, CSH, 1 Trait Danger, Invader Zim, Sanrio, Bluey, DHMIS, Clone High, furry culture, and my OCs!!!

I AM AN ARTIST!!! I currently run a comic called “Finns Sonaverse Reroute!” And it’s linked at the bottom of the post!! It updates every 2 weeks

I consider myself a scene kid and I rlly wanna get more into that whole style!! I’m currently 17, but my birthday is July 17th :3

I have DPDR and ASD and they are important parts of my life. Pls don’t say anything that could possibly trigger a dissociative episode and don’t be offended if I miss a joke, it’s not your fault :,)

I use he/it/ghost pronouns, but I don’t mind if you choose not to use the neos! I am aromantic and FTM.

I speak English and Spanish fluently!! I’m currently learning Hebrew, Norwegian, and I’m going to start Chinese soon :]

I’m a mixed Latino American [European and Caribbean] and I’m proud of my heritage!! 🇵🇷🇩🇴🇮🇹

I’m a furry!!!!!!!! Fellow furries, I’d love to be moots :D As a therian, this acc is a safe space for all Therians!! You guys are the sweetest!!

Sorry for the random bolding, it helps me read better cuz I have difficulty reading on screens :(

Warnings:

I might post disturbing art, talk about sh and ed, mental health thingz, and other weird topics. If that makes you uncomfortable pls block the tags “tommiegore” and “tommiefood” cuz that’s what I’ll tag it under. I don’t glorify ANY of those!!! I just talk about my struggles and urges :((

I’ll sometimes post about being a therian or agere, so if you don’t wanna see that just block the tag(s) “tommiekin” and “tommiespace” respectively

If I don’t tag something, but it’s still triggering, I’m most likely suffering through an episode. Please calmly let me know what I posted and why it was wrong so that I can fix it as quick as possible once I’m in a better place :,)

Do Not Interact:

Nsfw accounts, illegal pr0ship (stuff like inc3st and p3dophilia…), ppl who believe in reality shifting (not the same as kin shifting), mlp haters, bigots of ANY KIND, anyone who hates my hyperfixes or interestz, anti-therians, anti-furries, toxic people :(, younger than 12yrs, ppl who don’t believe in mental health, radqueers, bi/pan lesbians, lesbiphobes, trollz who just wanna make my DPDR worse >:(

Other Stuff:

My South Park Blog

My Downton Abbey Blog

Anchorgutz Site

Finn’s Sonaverse Reroute!

My carrd

————

I’ll add to this post if I need to, but until then, this concludes your introduction to Tommie’s Corner of the Internet!!

[s-rolldown-s-fork]

Ignoring me means agreeing to kill me, my child and my family, I am Hadeel from G🍉 My husband was killed and I became a widow in this war and my child is an orphan I lost everything, my marriage, my home, my work, my future, my life and everything My mother was injured and we are now homeless We have been displaced more than 14 times My child needs milk and diapers every day I cannot provide them We are 13 people in need of water and food My family's children have become orphans and I am responsible for them and I cannot provide them with food Read my story to understand the suffering we are going through and give us 💰 Please talk about my story and write about it to help us survive This is the link to my campaign GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/iam-palestinain-in-gaza?utm_medium=customer&utm_source=copy_link&utm. _campaign=fp_sharesheet&lang=en_US

Hi po thanks you for reachung out I'll be sure to reblog and share your story and campaign

To other PPL reading this: pls don't hesitate to donate as this campaign is vetted by 90-ghost and northgazaupdates

[louisysl]

personal trauma dump under the cut pls ignore i just need to let this out but i don't want ppl reading it i just have nowhere else to pour this

i've always had a very weird relationship to my parents. it was pretty obvious throughout my childhood that my parents never wanted kids. mum even said it once straight to our faces; she wanted babies, not kids. i'm the middle child and the only girl, and she had postpartum depression after she had me, so i imagine i didn't get much love even as that "wanted" baby, and it certainly didn't increase growing up

i don't have a lot of memories from my childhood because it was so traumatic to me and my brain learned to dissociate because according to my therapist i wouldn't have survived if it didn't. my parents weren't the only issue, their abusive behavior was mirrored by my older brother and since my parents were so absent, it was my brother who took rather a major role as my abuser when we were kids, and for a long time i did put a lot, if not most of the blame on him. reflecting on it now as a grown up i feel it's unjust to place the blame so heavily upon him when he was suffering, too, and he was a kid, and he was literally just a carbon copy of their abuse

when i first moved out i didn't really stay in touch with my parents much and i was the happiest i'd ever been, finally free of the shackles that weighed so heavily on me. i unconsciously sought that abuse i had experienced at home though, in my new, free, young adult life and after numerous instances where i was sexually assaulted and even raped, i ended up in a relationship that had a lot of abusive traits - power imbalance, emotional abuse, manipulation... i can't really even think about it, even though it's been years now since it ended. in actuality i have no concept of time as far as my life goes, everything feels like it happened decades ago to someone else. not me, the memories i do hold do not feel my own, they feel as though they happened to a stranger and i was merely witness to it

anyway, long story short, i got back into the equestrian lifestyle after having lived on my own for some years and having somewhat made up with my parents, more specifically with my mum who always loved horses growing up and was the one to introduce me to the hobby. horses always played a huge role in my childhood, they were my escape, my only happy place, and i had to leave them behind for 8 years when i was a teen because my parents no longer wanted to financially support it and i obviously had no money for it on my own as a 14-15 year old full time student

slowly, with horses as our shared passion, my mum and i were able to form some sort of a relationship again and maybe i even felt like she cared sometimes. maybe she does, in her own way, but she's always also put herself first in everything she does. she never does anything for someone else that doesn't benefit her, she's just not that kind of a person. which is hard for me to relate to when i'm the complete opposite and i find it very hard to understand not having any desire to help out of sheer goodness of one's heart, out of empathy

in the present moment my mum has bought a horse for herself and so has my dad, who got into horses just 3 years ago. he's realistically not experienced enough to own or be responsible for a horse on his own, but with the right support team around him and the horse, it's possible. and i'm part of that support group due to being experienced

i'm in a way in a very lucky position that i could only ever have dreamed of. i always wanted my own pony, but i always knew it would never happen. mum always said she'd never, ever buy a horse. it wasn't until a couple years ago when she started to entertain the idea, but her actually going through with it is still rather a shock to me

i think she really tries, in her own way, to allow me in. but it's always on her terms. sometimes i get lulled into this comfortable state of mind where i think it's safe for me to not be on my toes at all times, that i can just be myself and every little thing i do won't lead me into trouble i couldn't have predicted

we've had mum's horse since last autumn, and mum has completely lost her cool with me in the stables, in front of others, quite a few times. and i'm someone who self-reflects a lot and i promise i try my best not to upset her, not to cause any trouble, but there i still stand, completely humiliated and unable to speak (my trauma response is to go mute, i genuinely, literally, cannot speak a word, no matter how hard i try) or defend myself, and mum will spit the vilest shit at me, accuse me of things that are horrible and untrue, even i know they aren't true, and you'd be hard pressed to find a person who dislikes me more than i do myself

and i find those same abusive dynamics still play out, even though i'm grown now, and i live in my own apartment and i'm somewhat independent (yet by large so very dependent on my parents due to circumstances i can't currently change no matter how hard i wish i could)

i still have to tiptoe. i'm still the one the fault falls on, like i always was at home - there are stupid examples, like when my dad hit his head on a mirror door that hung above the sink and he automatically, without thinking about it, blamed me for having left it open and i got in huge trouble. and it most definitely wasn't my fault, i hadn't left it open! but did that matter, did he ask? did he even think something shit could happen, an accident could be caused by someone other than myself? that i wasn't automatically at fault? no. no, he didn't, because it was always my fault, if something was shitty, if something was out of place, if anything at all was ever inconvenient. if someone could be blamed for something, it was always me, and i was always blamed. even my little brother still brings the fact up sometimes, because it was so unjust and based on nothing but their tendency to place blame on me

just yesterday i walked in to the stable to find mum speaking shit about me, because i have chronic back pain due to which there's one task at the stable i'm unable to do, and she doesn't take it seriously. she'd just scoffed at me saying "your back will hurt anyway", when i said i couldn't do it, because it makes the backache worse. and she really didn't care, because if my backs gonna hurt, who cares if it hurts more? she certainly doesn't, because it's inconvenient for her that there's something she'd rather i do that i really just can't. and do you think she told those people that i have chronic back pain? that i won't do the task because i'm physically unable to? no, of course not. she painted me out to be lazy, i'm sure, slagging off because i'm just so spoiled, that's what i'd guess based on history

and i swear i can't imagine other people had such mean shit said about them by their parents when they weren't around. i sometimes heard them speak shit about my siblings, and it's not regular complaining, it's vile, evil language, one i just can't understand you'd use to describe your own child. and if they said that about my brothers, imagine what they've said about me

it's very complicated, because they have this huge thing to hang above me; they allow me to be around horses, my literal lifeline, something i wouldn't have if it wasn't for them, something without which i literally wouldn't care to live, and i do mean that in the very fucking core of it, i really would not care to be alive

but because they allow me this one thing, they have something powerful over me. something to hang above my head. something to use when they want me to feel shit about myself, to feel guilty, to feel at fault, to feel spoiled, to feel whatever the fuck they want me to feel about myself

and this must all sound like such stupid rambling, like i'm complaining about nothing, like i'm so spoiled and ugh, i keep questioning the validity of my feelings. thing is i can't explain it. i can't explain lifelong abuse in a way that does it justice. nothing i say amounts to the gravity of it.

it's just. it's this cycle of abuse that i keep falling victim to. and i sometimes blame myself for not holding them accountable. i've forgiven my brother, even though he put me through hell, i was so terrified of him growing up you have no idea, i can't put it to words - once i ran into the bathroom terrified of him, because it was the only room with a lock, and i called my parents absolutely sobbing out of sheer horror and their response was so cold, they made me feel like i must've done something to deserve that kind of reaction out of him, that i was dramatic, that we needed to sort it out between ourselves because they were too busy (too uninterested)

like.. your child calls you, tells you they've locked themselves so they can't be literally beat up by their bigger, older sibling, and you couldn't give less of a fuck - nah, better yet, you blame that fucking child for having caused it. yeah, beating me up is certainly justified, that's just how shitty i am

it feels so weird, playing this one big happy family at the stables, as if my childhood wasn't hell, as if my parents aren't the very fucking reason i can't function normally and as you can imagine, they do make me feel proper shit about that, too. as if it wasn't their fucking fault, to be very frank, that i am the way i am. it's their god damn abuse that fucked my brain up. and they hold no responsibility for it... and i don't hold them accountable, because i make excuses for them. because i see the best in people. because i hang on to those moments of peace and ease, because i need those, and i can withstand so much shit for a moment of it. it was evident in my relationship, it's evident in all i do, it's all-consuming, it's in everything

[cheekblush]

omg don’t even worry! honestly, you don’t need to respond to them, so long as you’ve read them, i’m happy 🥺❤️‍🔥

omg that’s amazing angel! god, we love when life works out like tht! i hope the trip goes well! 🫀🫂

but, i’m so sorry angel :( honestly school is a pain in the ass and it’s so shit tht we are breaking our backs to be intellectuals but ✨🤓 one day soon my love

hopefully, now tht your exams are over you can ‘relax’ and go enjoy yourself! 💕

pls hush, i literally love you sm i could write love letters to you for the rest of my life … you have me a shakespearean level of smitten 🕊️🕊️🕊️

and, i’ve just been busy w/ school too, i’m trying to get into a phd programme and god it’s so nerve racking, i just email ppl all day and beg them to supervise me 🫠🫠🫠 but WE CAN DO THIS! we are strong and intelligent women! 🎓✨🎀 i’ve also been dealing w/ health issues due to stress and have had a gnarly chest infection for like 2 weeks now but i’ll be fine! i’m just trying to get this programme secured 😭 tysm for asking angel, my sweetheart 🍓

pls look after yourself my girl, want you to go and enjoy yourself on this trip! drink lots of water and take some pain killers and start getting more sleep (easier said than done ik but if you wake up early a few times in a row you’ll go to sleep earlier anyway lol) and enjoy yourself! pack soon bc i don’t want you to stress angel! tysm for your care abt my loved ones, it means the world, i hope you and your loved ones are forever safe, healthy and well and spring blesses you with all the happiness in the world my sunshine 💖✨🦋🌈

hello my guardian angel 👼🏻💗🌟

i had an amazing weekend trip!! i truly enjoyed myself, ate delicious food and danced my heart out ❤️‍🔥 the weather wasn't the best unfortunately but still everything worked out, we had lots of fun and returned home safely and that's what matters the most ❣

omg you're not only incredibly kind and beautiful you're also impressively smart!? tbh i shouldn't be surprised but a phd programme!?! wow that's honestly admirable and astonishing! i can only imagine the stress you must be going through my angel. i'm rooting for you and wishing you only the very best! may you get into a great phd programme with a reliable and kind supervisor! 💫 i believe in you and i'm sooo proud of you!! stay strong and patient my dear!! may you receive good news very soon 🥠💖🍀

and oh no i'm sorry to hear you're suffering from a chest infection :( i hope you get well soon and feel much better! please take good care of yourself!!!! dress warmly, drink lots of tea and take your meds if needed 🫂🧣🍵

and my goodness.. you really are a poet... i have you a shakespearean level of smitten???? 😭💘 you got me blushing, twirling my hair and kicking my feet 💓👉🏻👈🏻💓 you are the absolute sweetest!!! 🍭🧁🍬🍯🍦🍡 i will truly never comprehend how you found me, chose me and what you continue to see in me but i am endlessly grateful that our paths crossed and you appeared in my life like a light at the end of a dark tunnel guiding me to protection 🌟🩷🕊✨🌸🌱🌤🧿🪔💞💫🦋🌷 i love and cherish you my dearest, stay safe and get healthy as soon as possible 💕💘💓💖💞💗💕

[edgaralienpoe]

hi, i’m back as promised. my actual reactions are under this post (and it’s reblogs) it’s well documented 🤣 also forgive me!! this ask is quite a long one 😭

we’re in on it for the same reason!! 🙃 i discovered park jihoon earlier last year bc of at a distance spring is green and i was hearing news abt this new show he’d be in that his character strays away from the boy next door types he’d been playing.

initially, i thought the show was quite unrealistic (the part where they managed to successfully stop some huge scheme that was going on, yeah, high schoolers?? fr??) and i hate seeing that in shows that someone mirror reality but i changed my mindset, started just looking over the unrealistic parts and immersed myself in the found family of the trio 🥹 (big mistake, really fucked myself up there). also it’s true what you mentioned abt the violence bc it’s somewhat a peek into why people did what they did to survive in the hellhole of a school (or show lol)

i thought it was well done for something so short (minus the first quarter or first half 😭) specially loved it when we started seeing into the trio more? I LOVED THEM SO MUCH AND I KNOW THAT IF CIRCUMSTANCES WERE DIFFERENT THEY COULD’VE BEEN REALLY GREAT FRIENDS! you can’t tell me otherwise :(

about bumseok, my thoughts in the posts/rbs are not representatives of how i think of him today pls do not take me seriously 😭 i was just rlly mad at him and looking for someone to blame when i knew (or know now that) it’s not his fault. i think all he ever wanted was a place where he felt like he belonged and for acceptance and for ppl to look at him as their equal rather than smth to look down on. while i think he really misinterpreted the situation with sooho, we also can’t blame him for feeling that way bc it’s all his ever seen so far :( i hurt for all three of them but presently, i hurt for bumseok most bc i know that everything he did wasn’t his fault (it was his decisions to do the things he did, yes, but everything leading up to were beyond him).

what hurts more is that nothing will ever be the same from this point on and there’s no happy reunion for them (also weak hero the webtoon is more on sieun’s life in that new school). and even if they meet each other further down the line, i don’t think i’d like to be happily friends with someone behind my being a comatose and we just have to live with that conclusion.

if there are specific points you want to talk to me with, feel free to do so bc i need prompts to bring up those traumatic memories (the show) HAHA i’m just thrilled that someone else has watched the show bc i have been suffering in silence for a MONTH. i actually got sad for days after watching it so i feel you. i hope talking to someone else abt it helps with the post-show depression 😭

ok so I just woke up and I wrote so much... I don't think my phone nor Tumblr are gonna like that://

some clothing piece that was rEd and read 'keep pushing' at the back like a warning or maybe it was positive. then bumseok being almost naked while his dad was hitting him, when he's generally fully covered and you can even see his arms when he's at school or hanging out -could also be to hide bruises and stuff :((- 

like you, bumseok made me feel so conflicted, cause we kinda know why he ended like he did but also, a person can't just excuse everything on their trauma.

I loved the first scene on episode eight, when the three of them were together but sieun is left alone, because that's just how the show started and sadly, how it ended. and like you said, even if they find each other I don't think it would be the same because all of them hurted so much from that to the point that I don't think they're the same people anymore, would you like to see them back together? A lot of people want to.

who was your favorite character? What made them your fave? (I saw you talking about keep watching because of suho but maybe that changed)  do you think there was something else between suho and bumseok? I saw people take the whole situation as bumseok having a crush on suho -that would make sense because of how impulsive he got - but then some people took it as bumseok just wanting to be like suho and reading too much into what he was doing (kind of what you said) again sO complex

[orcelito]

Anti-abortion ppl r so dumb like "We will never back down from protecting pregnant women and preborn children from abortion" like cool. Cool cool cool cool. "Protecting" pregnant women from having the choice to prioritize themselves and their health (both mental and physical) while "protecting" things that are barely human from being terminated and thus subjecting an eventual human to a life that is probably Shit bc you won't support the mothers or children after they're born & certainly most of the "pro-life" hypocrites won't. So like. Great. Great on you toting your holier-than-thou attitude without Actually caring for the lives of the people you claim to be protecting.

God I hate them.

[baeshijima]

𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫!𝐚𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐝𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫!𝐲/𝐧

A/N : i have nothing to say other than the fact there will be an excessive amount of twitch slang bc why tf not + just,,, heavy streamer!albedo brainrot ;-;

masterlist

AIGHT

streamer albedo

…

pog—

so before we get into him being whipped for u, let’s go over the type of strimmer mr Kreideprinz is

fun fact that’s his twitch name—

albedo would be the type to do lots of variety streams of different games, but also the occasional art one if he wants to have a chill stream with his chat !!

speaking of chat… they’re an odd mix of wholesome supporters, KAPPA + POGGERS + catJAM (bc he always has some bangers on in the bg like yes u bless our ears my guy) + KEKW + EZ Clap + his own emotes spammers, mr albedo’s very own shrimps (me, ahEm—), and ppl who just appreciate his voice + gameplay

if there’s a troll he just bans them OMEGALUL

omg he has lots of emotes (which he made in some of his art streams so his viewers could choose some) for every scenario but we’ll get into the popular ones in a bit 👁👁

he’s most definitely one of the bigger, well-known streamers but with a smaller group of friends

his discord server has,,, a lot of ppl,,, 70k+ ppl big,,, rip notifs if ur in it ;-;

he has it muted tho 🐥 like, sir, that’s ur server pay the goddamn price smh

wait i forgot to mention this but he has his webcam on when streaming

so u can bet ur chickens that when ppl come to visit his stream bc of whatever category he has on, they stay for his visuals and voice <33

his twt 🤡 mans gets 1k+ likes, rts, comments within the first 5-10 mins

omg he gets soft when he receives sm support from his community 🥺🥺

gifts so many subs when hitting milestones, chat is wholesome or just whenever really HJKSDHKL 

also doesn’t swear much unless he gets played by his own game and/or someone is being incredibly annoying <//3

he also just,,, eats on stream

albedo straight up takes his webcam with him to show him cooking if his viewers ask for it

or he just orders food then and there and eats while chatting to everyone or watching youtube with his chat 🥺

nOW ONTO HIM BEING WHIPPED FOR U AS A GENSHIN STREAMER

this AR55 man 👩‍🦯

he can literally produce content from anything

from artifact farming, to spiral abyss, to running around mindlessly, to building characters he would normally never build, to him seeing how high up is considered too high to dive

and everyone eats it up bc it’s albedo <3

also !! he’s the type who includes the story quests in his streams so his reaction and thoughts on everything is just,,, there

now when u were first introduced in the prologue (yes ur one of the ogs + involved in the dvalin fight <33) he blanked and all his viewers could see was u on screen with him staring blankly in the bottom right of the screen

this man straight up saw u in a cutscene for one second and fell in love

his chat went wild omfg

he immediately made an emote for u and that’s his most popular one 😌

but i kid u not, the moment u appeared in that cutscene (one in which he will forever treasure in the crevices of his heart) was the moment he asked this exact question ;

“ so (y/n) banner when? ” 

and mihoyo heard his pleas and answered with ur event banner 

except it was like,, 4 months later 

at least ur finally here tho :’)

now he can have his lil science-y moments with ur voicelines ;-;

yes, ur the chief alchemist but ✨ 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 ✨

. . .

shut up

n e who

when he saw the notification from mihoyo’s official forums that u will be a playable character in the new update — along with new characters, region, events & a domain — i shit u not he did a rt, his own tweet, an announcement on the community feature on youtube, and made constant reminders to his viewers on twitch abt how he will be a (y/n) haver no matter what

he even added future (y/n) haver in his twt display name

what a shrimp—

the 1.2 update stream 🐥 he was there waiting for it to go live with like,,, 19k viewers spamming his chat abt predictions and obv ur official release + showcase

and when i say this man fell even more in love while watching ur trailer and character showcase 🥺 he wouldn’t stop smiling or being in awe bc ur just??? so stunning???

mihoyo clearly has a favourite child and it’s u

chat was spamming ur exclusive emote like crazy oml

u can bet it was also flooded with lots of POGs and POGGERS 

overall it was a very fun, chaotic stream filled with lots of (y/n) appreciation and love <33

also a very memorable stream for all his viewers bc of the side of albedo they rarely see unless ur involved

the day ur banner was to go live tho 🐥

the streams leading up to the fateful day consisted of him farming ur mats 

that’s it

boss runs, local specialties, hero wits, talent books, the mats needed for ur weapon he was inevitably going to pull for (only the best for the best, afterall) and many domain runs

many painful domain runs

all of it was worth it tho bc ur worth everything :’)

an actual quote said by him—

at least he can get u and ur weapon to lvl 90 right off the bat with all the artifacts tailored for u ;-;

and get u to that point he did HJSDKJF

once ur banner dropped? immediately started wishing

2 multis in and he gets u 😣

albedo nearly cried and was the literal embodiment of head in hands

wHEN I SAY HIS CHAT BLEW TF UP AND HIS MODS JOINED IN

modCheck has left the chat

everyone’s rooting for him :’)

pulled for ur weapon and got it in 1 multi

sir give me ur luck pls and ty

but yes he nearly choked on the gASP he let out while chat screamed even more

he blanked for a bit, i won’t lie ;-;

but when he realised this was real, he immediately went to his party set up and put u in

can we all get an f in the chat for his lvl 10 tartaglia 😔💔👊

his chat usually rages at him to build him but if he’s being honest, he cba

ur vl when he put u in the party tho <333

now he’s just spent half an hour running around with u, letting u do ur idle animations (will always be grateful for mihoyo creating u like this), reading ur very limited (for now—) character story and going through ur voicelines 

ur morning & about us (when he unlocks it) voiceline >>>>> his heart be running laps rn i swear

eventually he does begin to build u after much admiration on his end and at lvl 1 with lvl 20 artifacts, u already have 1.6k atk 🐥

now after he levels u and ur weapon to lvl 90, u have 2.8k atk 🐥

rip mobs <//3

he now plays u as his main dps 😌

the kit initially designed for u is meant to be more for support?? kinda like the whole ganyu or zhongli debate abt them being a dps or a support/sub dps ;-;

except ur more utility like venti or bennett

and even though the majority said at the beginning (aka, mihoyo, pretty much any other streamer and the larger part of the fanbase) that ur meant for support, he said fuck that and built u as his main dps

and i won’t lie, u do more damage than any of his characters, and ppl who co op with him

ur his pride and joy :’)

he went to take a look at ur consts to see if they were worth the rng suffering and, lo-and-behold,

they were

so now he’s using all his saved primos for u to try and get ur c6 const, along with making ur weapon r5 :’)

his chat gets a free view of him internally suffering when the gold light doesn’t come, and his external suffering when he loses the 50/50

in the end, he decided to whale for u <33

after nearly an hour, he has u to c6 and ur weapon to r5 ;-;

now all he’s been doing the whole stream is running around with u in open world, doing his daily farming, doing more domain and boss runs, exploring the new region (dragonspine) + ur story quest

he’s saving the event quest for another stream bc ✨content✨ 

in ur quest, he had multiple heart attacks and now has many, many screenshots <3

he now has a zoomed in pic of ur face as his twt pfp <33

okay so i also feel like he’s not all that bothered abt getting characters to friendship level 10 immediately and would rather let it happen through time

but obv ur not any other character *proceeds to debby ryan at u*

even if ur not fit for a particular domain or boss, he still puts u in the party so when collecting the blossom/rewards, u can get the friendship exp ;-;

he just wants ur name card so he can show off okay 🥺

when he lets his viewers pick out the playlist, 98% of the songs are from ur character demo theme 

they just know him so well 😩

they also just wanna see the way he smiles when he hears it play but shhhhhh

now he just has his in-game avatar as u, and ur namecard too <33

also his signature is just ;

“ (y/n)’s favourite streamer ”

[sokkagatekeeper]

mx sokkagatekeeper i need your help

my best friends doesn’t really see zuko gay and i don’t know how to analyse this to her (we often analyse text and share opinions) because i’m not good with words. i know his homosexuality is in the text and i’ve always seen him as gay so to me it’s actually canon

i don’t want to impose my opinion but i don’t seem to explain it like the topic deserves.

pls help me

i apologize for the delay on answering this ask!! i wanted to gather the most analysis i could in one post (and also had to eventually come to terms with the fact that i can’t gather literally all the evidence in one post; there is simply too much) since ppl are always like “where’s the essay?” well here. here is the essay, and you (your friend?) gave me the perfect excuse to do so without seeming more obnoxious than usual. so! i wrote a little thing that didn’t go as in-depth as it could go but is clear enough here, and i also dance a little around the subject of zuko and his problem with gender expectations here. i will probably copy-paste the entire paragraph that’s relevant to this analysis later so you don’t have to read it but. it’s a good post imo. anyway!!

before i begin i just want to say that (despite my url) this is not to #gatekeep or whatever. but tumblr does love to talk about how no atla character's sexuality is confirmed, and how claiming that zuko is bisexual or any other variation is not homophobic, and how zuko was written as being attracted to women on-screen. and they are right, in a way; reading zuko as bisexual is not homophobic... but merely, in my opinion, incorrect. and, on the flip side, making an analysis on why zuko is gay is also not inherently biphobic. and one can assume that i'm unlikely to make a biphobic analysis since i am. a bisexual person.

another note: i don’t think anybody who reads zuko as gay is delusional enough to genuinely believe the creators intended to code him as queer, when the author’s interpretation contradicts and/or takes away from the quality of the text, authorial intent is not that relevant to the best possible reading of it. in my opinion of course!

now. to make a queer reading of a character (and i mean reading of the text, which is not the same as a headcanon) one may take into account: what the themes the character portrays are; what their character arc is about; allegories; character development; struggles; stakes and expectations from the society they live in; as well as other pieces of dialogue or details and allegories that are reminiscent of the queer experience. in this post, i will try to gather a bunch of all these aspects of the narratives, themes, etc etc in an attempt to open the anon's friend's eyes to the revelation that is the gay zuko agenda.

also, like with all interpretations, this is not exactly me trying to “prove” that zuko is gay. he isn't gay; he's fictional. rather, i am explaining why i find this interpretation of his sexuality to be far more compelling than any other.

zuko’s coming out arc.

zuko’s arc has several layers. the two main that i can pinpoint are him unlearning the fire nation's imperialist values, and learning that the abuse he suffered was just that, abuse. that it was wrong. but as is often seen in the themes atla presents, what often presents to be two different things have an aspect of unity, that they depend on each other in order to exist. these two aspects of zuko’s redemption accompany each other throughout. the reason why zuko (and azula) was abused in the first place is because of the fire nation’s imperialism; the degree of the abuse zuko suffered and the things he was punished for are a direct effect of the fire nation’s patriarchal society and its constrictions regarding gender. ozai wasn't just any evil father, he was the embodiment of the entire fire nation and its fucked-up values.

zuko is kicked out of his home, mostly for being compassionate, and for letting his compassion take charge of him rather than respecting the piece of etiquette that he was not allowed to speak in the war room. the fire nation is known to be against what it deems as weak, which happens to be anything that has to do with empathy and compassion, sensitivity and gentleness—anything that fits their idea of femininity. zuko is known to present these qualities the fire nation perceives as feminine and weak (especially in comparison to azula), and his father has little trouble sending him away in order to favor his stronger, smarter, ruthless, masculine, “flawless” daughter. zuko is taken by his uncle whom his father is ashamed of, spending years chasing the unattainable idea of finding the avatar and regaining his honor, while he develops a tendency to overperform aggressiveness (zuko’s trauma in itself makes him defensive, not inherently aggressive), and trying to suppress every possible weakness he may have to the rest of the world and himself.

so, in that sense, zuko's redemption arc is not just about him going from bad to good, but it is also about overcoming, unlearning, and un-internalizing homophobia (& misogyny) and all the expectations and constraints that surround masculinity. it's about achieving liberation from his homophobic abusive homelife and finding acceptance in a group of people who accept him for what he is (with his compassion and kindness and emotional expressiveness... and also for being gay). it's about achieving also self-realization and forgiveness. all of this reads as a coming-out narrative thru unintentional allegories all around. zuko's character arc is not explicitly about being gay, but its themes make it so that it can be read as a queer story, and in my opinion, it achieves a greater emotional impact if it is read as such.

zuko’s gender problems. (may or may not copied this from one of the posts i’ve made before lol i just wanted to have it all in one place <3 ok keep reading now)

despite all the suffering and abuse he endured, zuko grew up shaped by the privileges surrounding royalty and the upper class in general. his arc is about humbling him and understand the value in the lives of the poor and marginalized as much as it is about his very own self-realization and asserting he was wronged and treated unfairly by his family over and over. zuko comes from a place of privilege, but he is still highly empathetic and has a certain ease at unlearning his privilege (more ease than azula at least) once he is exposed to the world in its entirety rather than the blatant lies that were presented to him by the fire nation that he had no way of disproving. zuko is compassionate and empathetic despite being stubborn as hell because while growing up in privilege he still experienced certain marginalizations because of his blatant learning disabilities, and his gender presentation.

the fire nation’s society is ruled by militarism, imperialism, and patriarchy. it values what are considered masculine traits and qualities (leadership, cold-thinking, self-control yet ruthlessness, strategy, emotional suppressing) above humanity, identity, personhood and femininity. the fact that the actual societies in real life that inspired the fire nation may not hold the same values is very likely, since this is a very western perspective, but this is what appears in the text, and the way it’s meant to be read.

so shown as a child and heavily hinted at throughout the show, zuko is deeply, loudly feminine in a way that other people can blatantly see and judge him based on it. his self-realization involves breaking free of this pressure he has on his back to be “more of a man” than his personality allows him to. he overperforms a lot of his aggressiveness – the part of it that isn’t born out of his rage, that is – and he lets his anger flow. he is certainly masculine in a fair amount of aspects, but many of his core traits are (in western society, yes, and within the show) associated with femininity, such as emotional expressiveness, empathy and compassion, gentleness, and kindness. femininity is perceived as weak, and zuko is therefore perceived as weak for displaying these traits from an early age and especially in contrast to azula, who by contrast displays many of the “masculine” traits mentioned above (albeit the feminine qualities she chooses to display is what makes her perfectionism — she can be feminine, but in a masculine way, it’s messy and it leads her to a mental breakdown we all know this part).

zuko doesn’t fit at all into the ideal of cold, detached version of masculinity that the fire nation preaches, which is what deteriorated his self-esteem and drove him to overperform his traditionally masculine traits out of desperation such as his commanding stance or getting really good at fighting people, or even as small as being stiff as hell when he wants to show vulnerability or show affection even towards his uncle. he did all of this in order to try and fit better into the mold of the man people told him he should be. but no matter how hard zuko worked to repress that core, fundamental part of himself over the course of the series, he was never able to stick to a cold, ruthless, detached mindset, or stick to the constrictions of masculinity like he is expected to as a prince and as a man. he’s always intentionally and unintentionally working towards being better, and struggles to suppress the softer parts of him constantly.

zuko’s relationship with mai (also known as ‘mai is a lesbian’).

it is no secret that zuko and mai’s relationship is a dysfunctional one. on the surface this is because of zuko’s inability (or lack of will, who’s to say) to understand mai as a person with feelings and thoughts and a life rather than a girlfriend. and while this is true, it is also true that mai was not able to be the person zuko needed at that particular moment in his life, as a girlfriend, friend or otherwise. they both feel trapped, restricted, and misunderstood by the respective expectations placed on them, by their families and the structure of the systematic power they later choose to go against, and the threats that will follow through if they don’t fulfill these expectations. they also project the worst parts of their respective struggles with the power structure of society on each other. their relationship throughout book three rings very true and up until they get back together for some reason.

regarding zuko’s character specifically, his inability to see mai as anything other than “girlfriend” rather than a person comes from the prospect of the term “girlfriend” is part of the oppression he faces back at the fire nation, rather than mai being a constricting and oppressive person herself (which she is not). their relationship to me reads very much like a lavender marriage, as this post very well puts it.

other miscellaneous gay shit <3

there are a lot of little gay moments that zuko has throughout the show. for example, he never cares when pretty girls are attracted to him or flirting with him, including jin and ty lee. his reaction to learning that sokka has a girlfriend is also. interesting. and of course, his reaction to being set up with mai when they were children is to scream “girls are crazy!”. hmm

the blue spirit is a gay thing like, thematically.

so uh. qed. zuko gay!

my (nour) personal favorite Zuko Moment is in the firebending masters when he stands and watches the rainbow fire surround him and he says, very softly and with feeling, ‘i understand’ which is where our beloved i understand tag comes from. as this post very well explains its significance, “(...) zuko has lived his whole life associating firebending with rage and power and violence, so when he lets go of rage and power and violence, he loses his ability to firebend. and this cannot be separated from the fire nation's (and therefore zuko's) views on masculinity; in the fire nation, fire bending is masculinity is aggression, and part of why zuko cared so much about being a powerful firebender is to prove that he was enough of a man. so, learning the sun warriors' form of firebending, which is based in warmth and love, also allows zuko (who is NOT STRAIGHT) to redefine his masculinity. (plus...... yknow.... the fire is rainbow..........)”

[justsomeectoplasm]

I've moved him away from being a sky oc because. Reasons. But he originated as a sky oc and I think he qualifies here <3 his name is Orion, he uses he/vey pronouns (vey/vem/veirs etc.) and vey're. A bit stuffy and have a Better Than You attitude towards a lot of other ppl. He doesn't rlly care to put in the effort to be nice especially if the other person approached him first,, when vey were a moth vey got hit by a krill and he lost his memories of everything that had happened to him before, including his name + friends + such,,, vey work as a historian in the vault now. He can't speak and communicates with signs and using light magic to draw pictures/simple words in the air (his gloves help channel this, above other things)

(first and last images r outfit refs, the middle is more of a colour ref that is. Unfortunately quite old,, his design here is also old but this was what he looked like before I totally redesigned him out of being a sky character avdhrbhr) (ill leave where he ends up to u because all ur realms are SO cool and I'm awful at decisions abdjfnfjnr)

Please tell me if u actually get this ask because tumblr has been in the habit of not sending them for me ahdurrjjrib (also pls tell me if there's anything I forgot to say bc I'm on mobile and if i wanna check the post while typing this I have to copy/paste all my text every time 😔)

(A/N: Op your art is AMAZING. I love orion's design.)

No kingdom was selected, so I'm randomly choosing one.

The kingdom I'm placing your skykid in is: Melinka, the desert kingdom

"The feeling of the cool tiled floor was enough to wake up Orion. He rubs vey's eyes, feeling something on his cheeks ...sand? Yeah, that's sand. Vey're laying near a sandune that looks like it seeped in through the temple. Great. Where are vey?

Before he came here, he was told of this kingdom when the portals were replaced. A kingdom of vastness, it's lands mimic a sea of gold and abandoned temples laid scattered across the planes. Vey didn't believe it was another desert kingdom, his pride telling others to leave vem alone when vey're heading out to explore the kingdom. As a historian, this place intrigued vem. While vault is gone, Orion wanted to be the first to discover the secrets of this empty kingdom. And a kingdom without much skykids roaming around spells out that vey can get some bragging rights out of this.

But now vey're in an...abandoned temple? The runes of an ancient language and broken pillars certainly sells the idea. And the roof is partially caved in and orion is lying in the shade of what's left of it. And it's dreadfully hot. The coolness of the shade almost does nothing to help him.

....Welp. Beggars can't be choosers. If vey want to get some cool ancient story or artifacts out of this, vey better start looking. And their first step is to get out of this temple without suffering from a heatstroke."

• Maneuvering through the temple, Orion used his light glove to light the way. For a place that had an abundance of history, it sure is empty. The runes that are littered around the temple are a bit hard to read with it's faded paint, but luckily there were some spirits that were hiding around the corners, so Orion had a good chunk of info already jotted down.

• After exploring for who knows how long in the temple, Orion finally found the exit. The sun was already beginning to set. Did they arrive here at the afternoon? Wait since when did time move? Vey thought only home was capable of doing that. What a strange world. Shaking his head at veir lingering thoughts, he opens up his cape and start flying across the desert. He needs to find some more murals vey can document while there is still light.

• Orion flew for who knows how long across the desert. Everything looks the same and there's not a temple in sight. And with the moon already rising, vey felt his light weakening....wait? Him? Weakening? Preposterous. Vey could fly up vaults temple without feeling an ounce of fatigue. Is it because of the heat? He did feel a bit stuffy in these clothes. What's with this world? Vey mumbled something to vemself, obviously annoyed at how things turned out and he hasn't even explored an inch of it. Maybe he should meditate, head back home and restock some supplies- Is that a town?

• Orion squinted vey're eyes, trying to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. Yup, there's a small town, abandoned too. Half of it's buildings are sunken into the sand, but the other half looks like it's still functioning. Vey look into veir pouches. There's only have one recharge potion left, and since he didn't expect the kingdom to be this big, vey didn't bring a torch with vem. Deciding it's best to hide out in the buildimgs for the night and use the potion for the next day, Orion glides his way towards the abandoned town, hoping to find at least a decent home to sleep in.

• It was dead silent in the town. Even the wind seemed to stop howling. Orion feet sank into the sand as he walked down the empty town. Using his candles, Orion looked into every shop and home, trying to find one that doesn't look like it will crash on vem. He later picked out a small home, it's roof and windows still intact but the door is gone. When vey entered, it was as if time stood still in the house. The little decorations and furniture lay untouched in the house, covered in dust and cobwebs. Orion cautiously walked around the house and later discovered a tapestry. It depicted a family, like a portrait. He didn't know why, but Orion felt a sort of...connection on the tapestry. The same any skykid would feel when a spirit is near. Maybe vey should bring it with vem the next morning? For history purposes of course, not because of the family reminding him of the belonging spirits. Orion plopped his stuff down and laid down on a couch that was placed neatly in the corner. Vey slowly start to drift off to sleep, veir exhaustion taking over.

• "...he....y....HEY!" Orion jolted awake, almost falling off the couch. Vey looked around frantically before seeing...a human child? A living human child at that. "Who are you?" Orion looked sourly at the girl. Vey should be asking her that. He signed a picture with his glove, a question mark and an arrow pointing at the girl. "Me? I'm Kalina." She gave a grin, a tooth missing from her smile. 'Ugh. What the hell is wrong with her.' Orion thought as he rubbed his eyes. "You've got some weird tattoos on you. Why are they glowing? And what group do you come from to get those? The west? Or do you come from the east? Your tattoos look like the air symbols they got. Where's your group by the way? Did you get seperated? My dad told me kids can't get seperated from their groups cause the nightwalkers will get them, but I saw my older brother chop off the head of one and I gotta say they're pretty weak and-" Orion put a finger on the kids mouth, a sign for her to shut up. Orion does not want to deal with...whatever kind of human this is. Picking up their supplies, they start to walk towards the window, the human girl continuing her rambles.

• The sun is on the horizon now, the colours resembling the same as isle. Ah....how nostalgic. Orion wish vey could feel the same feeling vey had as a moth when he was born. Although, whenever he remembers, it's all so...fuzzy. The human girl pulled on his glove, to which Orion harshly ripped it out from her grip. The girl stumbles back, falling. "Jerk! I just wanted to see what's up with your glove! What kind of magic are you using? And why aren't you saying anything?" Orion rolled his eyes. He doesn't have time for such a tiny brat like this. Vey sign something, telling her no and that she should go away. The human girl pouts sticking her tongue out and Orion does the same before turning to walk out of the house.

• But he bumps into something hard and immeadiatly backs away as if vey heard a krill call. "Woah, sorry about that." A deeper voice. Orion looked up to see a human man. The girl excitedly ran towards him, holding his hand. "Papa! I found this weird kid sleeping here! They're old enough to have tattoos and they can't talk. Can we sell them our dragon skin?" The man smiled at his kid, telling her to go help someone before turning back to Orion. "Sorry about my daughter. She can get a bit too curious about people too much." Orion only stared at the man, veir eyes watching veir every move. It was a well built man, dark skinned and having some strange white tattoos on his arm. Except his looked more sharper than Orions marks and they don't glow.

• The man cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the awkward silence. "Well, I don't think you're here with a group, are you?" What's with these humans and groups!? Orion shook his head, his expression turning a bit sour. The man nodded and then asked; "What's your name? Mines Halfin" Orion immediately drew an x, signalling that he vey didn't want to give their name. The man stared amazed. "You're traveling with a magic item? That's very dangerous you know! Bandits might ambush you. Where did you even get that?" Halfin said as he stepped closer, to which Orion stepped back, his expression saying 'Don't touch me'. Halfin sighed and rubbed his head, crouching down to meet Orions eyes. "You know, I can see you're not...." He gestured towards Orion's glow that coloured the floor in an orange light "....human. And that you're not from here. That cape you have will attract too much attention to yourself and that it's too thick. What were you even thinking when you stepped in here?" Orion simply glared at Halfin, not signing anything.

• Halfin looked back at Orion, his smile unwavering. "I have heard that there were some strange flying children popping up across the kingdoms. Are you perhaps one of them?" He looked at Orions cape. "I heard that some don't visit this kingdom that often because of how hot it is here. So I'm assuming you came alone and without a map." Orion nodded slowly, wondering where this is going. "Our group recently lost a lookout. We need someone to help us keep a watch from a distance on our journey. So I was wondering..." He smiled softly. "Would you like to join us? In exchange, we'll give you a map. The journey isn't that long. We'll only be traveling for three days until we get to the city. How does that sound?"

• Orion scrunched up veir nose. Traveling with strangers sounds awful. He doesn't want to hang around longer with them and veir suspicions over him just got cranked up to 10. But....having the first map of the kingdom sounds useful. Vey could sell it for candles among the historians and brag about it to the cartographers that are always so annoying when they start rambling about the kingdoms. Vey click their tongue, frustrated that vey're actually going to choose the latter.

• Orion slowly nods, and Halfin clasps his hands together, his grin widening. "That's great! I just know our village would love you. If we go now, you can help out with the tents." Halfin reaches out to grab Orions hand and starts guiding him out of the house, Orion tripping over a bit to keep up with his pace. As they walk, the sun started to fully appear above the horizon and the unbearable heat started to get warmer by the minute. Orion took off veir hat, the fabric already absorbing the warmth of the sun and almost burning their hand. He looked at Halfin and wondered just what did he get himself into.

Additional headcannons

• Orion became quite popular among the children of the travelling group, which is awful because everytime vey tell them to go away or look down on them, they keep coming back and it's annoying.

• The markings on Orions arms became very praiseworthy in veir travels in Melinka. Some started to mimic the designs in the bigger cities, mostly rich people who have way too much time on their hands.

• After departing with the traveling group, the map became useful for Orion. He managed to found an incredible number of ruins and even a hidden underground library!

• Orion became an expert of the kingdom, despite the strange interaction he had in the beginning. Vey won't admit it, but vey sometimes missed the traveling group. He'll deny it if you ask him about it, though.