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canumoveurseatup-no · 5 years ago

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Fortress

summary: he doesn’t get in your brain, he doesn’t fill up the spaces. you don’t whisper his name now that you’ve built a fortress.

word count: not sure? but there won’t be a keep reading tab bc i am on mobile.

pairings: peter Parker x black!reader, father!rhodey x black!reader

warnings: it moves fast, angst hoe, bad boyfriend (peter even though i feel like he wouldn’t be one), running away from your problems trope.

a/n: inspired by fortress by lennon stella. please reblog and comment, it’s 2019- support your fandom authors :)

————

“Let it out, sweetheart,”

You never cried over a boy. A fucking boy. Never had anything moved you like this and it shook your spirit and didn’t sit well with you.

“I hate him,” nose stuffed, lips dry from the salt in your tears, you could only imagined how bad you looked.

It’s not like he cheated, he was just a shit boyfriend then had the nerve to hit you with “it’s not you, it’s me” bullshit.

You had no idea why he even called it a relationship- it was an unrequited love. But he thrived having someone finally pine after him, he was addicted to your sadness and it’s taken this long for you to see that?

———

“Stark!!” You stormed into the compound in search to give him an earful about how much of an ass his verbally adopted son has been.

“Uh oh,” he muttered and turned around but not before sighing to himself and praying for the Lord to give him strength, “Y/N!!,”

You were seething, finger trembling as you pointed at him, “Don’t you Y/N me!!,”

“What did he do now?”

What didn’t he do? He completely blew you off in front of your friends just to hang out with MJ and Ned as if he hadn’t been the entire week. You’ve only been seeing him at school and Avenger related tasks.

You explained everything to Tony but it’s not like Tony could do anything. What could he do? Give peter a wag of the finger and a time out? That’s not how it works.

You sigh and realized this was going to fix nothing, so you stormed out and went straight to your room to sit and think what could be done.

———

Did he even care at all? He could have called it off a long time ago to avoid all of this but it probably gets him off to see you still double texting and sliding up on his stories to reply just for him to leave you on read.

It wasn’t until he hadn’t texted you all day or even talked to you in school that you decided to build those walls up all over again and move on. It might be ridiculous to let a simple boy get to you like this but something has to be done.

“Dad, I think I want to go to that all girl’s boarding school,”

Sitting with your hand in his, you felt him squeeze it in reassurance. He proposed that idea a while ago, knowing the horrors of public schools.

“Y/N I don’t think you should be letting him run you off like this,”

“It’s not me running away. It’s self care,”

A simple bandaid on a gunshot wound.

“If you’re sure... I’ll call in the morning”

———

All those quiet nights Peter spent on you had you thinking he meant it when he was really talking out the side of his neck, making you think he was deep while he talked about something he supposedly wanted.

But it was really what you wanted, and he knew that... he knew exactly what to say and because of that you kept letting him take you.

“I can’t believe after crushing so hard for so long you’re finally mine,” you whispered, head lying on his chest, hearing the steady beat of his heart. He was so good at lying to you that you couldn’t even hear a skip when he lied.

“I care so much about us and where we end up. Thank you for letting me in,” every time he kissed the side of your head your cheeks would heat up and every nerve in your body would tingle.

The show he put on was always so believable, he deserved a standing ovation now.

“Tony says he’s proud I chose a good one. I can see what he means. You mean so much to me”

Did he ever feel the way you did at all?

———

No one knew you were leaving, they didn’t need to. Rhodey arranged the plans and as bad as it hurt to see some fucking idiot run his daughter off, you said this is what you needed and who was he to argue with that? You were old enough to make your own decisions.

Everyone threw a conniption when they were informed of your absence weeks later when it came time for another battle and it was all hands on deck and someone finally had the courage to ask where’d you’d been.

“Well where’d she go? Rhodes?” Natasha frowns and stares at the man who wasn’t reacting like everyone else.

Peter didn’t miss the way he cut his eyes to him before shaking his head.

“She’s fine, that’s all that matters”

“Bullshit!,” Tony guffaws

“Y/N wouldn’t just leave,” Peter pipes up.

“Oh what do you know?,”

Peter looked across the table at Rhodey and didn’t have much to say then. Peter then realized he never knew you at all. You were just someone who showed him the attention he was starved for.

He became an Icarus and had flown too close to the sun.

Running out of the room to dial your phone and only getting a dial tone.

You cut your losses, knowing you’d never be the same after this. You hated feelings, you hated crushes, because someone always gets... crushed, and not in a good way.

Peter tried calling he doesn’t know how many times until he tried the compound phone itself. The caller ID came up on your phone as “home #2” but you knew it was probably him.

You ignore it. That’s be the best. You were thriving. You made friends- your friends were your own- you didn’t have to share his, you didn’t have to worry about mutual friends.

This was for the best.

———

Ned and MJ were doing their best to calm Peter down but did he really have a right to be upset? He didn’t give a fuck about where you guys ended up nd everyone could see that, even if he said he did.

He just saw it too late.

“I hate to break it to you Peter but... I don’t think this is fixable,” MJ shrugs, “She’s come to me about her feelings multiple times and I’ve tried talking to you about it for her but you just won’t listen... she built those walls back up. Her heart isn’t on her sleeve anymore it’s surrounded by a fortress now,”

Peter didn’t want to hear that. He looked to Ned for help but all his best friend could do was frown and look away, knowing the truth of where you stood.

“How could I let this happen? How did I let it get this bad?,”

“You got off on finally having someone, especially someone as sweet as her. I don’t know what it is with the male species but you all are so attention hungry that you forget to take yourself off your own mind for even a millisecond to see the damage your self centered tendencies have caused,”

MJ was not the one to sugar coat it. Sure as Peter’s friends that didn’t do much to help because they did always hang out even if you and Pete had plans.

“A sweet girl like her can only get her heart broken once before she’s never the same again,”

———

Break was here that fast? Were you ready to go back? Were you ready to see everyone? Ready to see him?

Months have passed and he’s tried calling from different numbers, leaving 9 minute voicemails and long ass text messages. You applauded yourself for the self restraint.

You were better than that. You are better than what you were receiving.

“You know he’s going to be there? I can get you a room at a hotel if you want to avoid it,” Rhodey was good to finally have you home for a good month. Visiting you every weekend didn’t do justice for your bond as father and daughter.

“I’ll be fine. He doesn’t move me”

You’ve told yourself that enough to the point where you believed it without a doubt and that’s why you could walk in the doors of the compound and greet everyone without batting an eye at him.

His breath hitched at the sight of you. You were glowing- you were smiling- something he didn’t see much before you left.

Your eyes were already red from lack of sleep and worrying yourself. Skin always dull from pushing yourself to seem put together. He now sees how fake and pitiful your smiles were before. Seeing you now was how you first were when you two started “dating”- it should have never gotten to that stage of no light.

“We missed you, kid,” Clint picks you up and twirls you around.

“I missed you all too,”

“It’s late, but let’s get you settled in and you can tell me all about life where you’ve been,” Natasha took your bags.

Being in your old room was refreshing. Everything was the same and nothing was moved not even. A centimeter. Nat let you clean up in your own space before you called her back.

Hearing a knock on your door, you expected it to happen.

“Peter,”

You didn’t even have to turn to look to know it was him.

“Y/N,”

You were placing clothes in your dresser when he stood awkwardly at the door.

“How you been?,”

“That’s not why you’re here. Now is it?,” no point in beating around the bush right?

“Why’d you leave?”

“Why’d you turn a lover into a savage,” spinning on the heals of your feet you shoot a question right back and found it amusing how he looked like a fish in water trying to thin of an answer.

“All the words you don’t say speak the loudest, Peter,”

“I never meant to be so bad. I- I let it get to my head that I finally had someone who liked me and while I didn’t feel that was at first, I was getting there-,”

“You can’t force yourself to like someone, Peter,”

He knew that. But he feels that way now- but at what cost? it’s too late and he knows that.

“You said you gave a fuck about us but you didn’t and now I see that and that’s fine,”

He went to speak but you stopped him. He had more than enough time to realize his lack of effort before it got this far.

“You don’t get in my brain, you don’t fill up the spaces. My brain is finally void of any thought of you and it’s honestly exhilarating!!,”

You’ve thought about this moment for months. Rehearsing what you’d say until everything was scrapped now and you found the right words.

“I can finally see things that used to remind me of you and not whisper your name. You can stand right there and probably get on your knees begging for me back but I still wouldn’t let you in now!,”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I should have been better,”

Yeah- he should have been. Maybe this will be a lesson for him to do better, to be better.

“Tell me,” you step closer and look him in his eyes, “Did you ever feel the way I did at all? Before it even got to this point?,”

He couldn’t even maintain eye contact- that was all the answer you needed

“Get out,”

“Wait, Y/N just listen-,”

“You don’t get my attention anymore!!,” voice booming over his, you stormed passed him and opened your door wide, “Now get out!,”

He still hesitated and you stomped your foot in frustration, now he wanted to stay and be around you? Now that you didn’t want him... how rom-com of him.

“Now!!,”

Your shout was like a jolt of electricity in him that got in to move quickly. You slam your door behind him and catch your breath. Breathing slowly to calm down. That needed to happen. Now you feel like you can finally move on, you said your piece, getting any last words off your mind and feelings off your chest.

Now that you’ve built a fortress, you’ll never be the same. He never felt the way you did at all.

——————

This was probably bad? But I finally had inspiration to write so I hope this is enough. It’s 3 am and I needed to write this before I couldn’t.

Please reblog and comment!!

tags: @vozit @yournonlocalpoc @babybubastis @blackreaders-assemble @retroxvailles @mokacoconut @marvclheaux @dumbchick @warmchick @spideys-wife @xye-weirdo @m00nlightdelights @micki-smiles @veryhellshdia @never-enough-time-for-sleep @here-for-your-bullshit @valynsia @valkyriesnymph @chonisberonica @valentinevirgo @crawlingnightmares @hisxblackxqueen

#black!reader #avengers x reader #mcu imagines #mcu x reader #black mcu imagines #marvel imagine #marvel one shot #marvel x reader #poc!reader #poc reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker x black!reader #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker oneshot #peter parker angst #peter parker imagine #avengers fanfiction #mcu fanfiction #marvel fanfiction

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englacial · 5 years ago

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ok this will probably be the only time i post about this but i just really wanted to make a post apologizing for my unreliability in activity here & the fact that i basically ghosted some very good friends who absolutely didn’t deserve that with no explanation -- nothing prompted this & things seem to be all good but i don’t want anyone thinking i just dropped off the map for no reason so im gonna give just a little insight to everything that’s been going on ! (long post ahead) <3

as a lot of my friends here know, in february of 2017 i got married (i was 19 and can say with certainty now it was a huge mistake & i made a hasty and immature decision but really could not see that at the time), i was super excited, felt like i was in a good relationship & was finally able to live my life, all that good sappy stuff -- so i literally moved across the country into a totally new state away from my friends & family with a fresh start with this person thinking that this was a great way to get out of my abusive living situation (as some of you who have been w me a long time may recall i got kicked out, was briefly homeless, and my life fell to literal shit) and also have someone who cared about me. but as some people suspected (and im really sorry for not taking your concerns for me more seriously, i know now that i shouldn’t have treated it so flippantly, i was just really blinded by my love for this person and i don’t think anyone could’ve gotten through) it was just... not all i made it out to be. he was really abusive and controlling and i made excuses for him and defended him, i let myself excuse a lot of things, wrote off any and all red flags, and ended up alienating a lot of friends (and family) who were just worried about me.

there were several moments later in my relationship that i started to realize what was happening, but i tried really hard to fix it within our relationship. i literally convinced myself i could change him. i pushed for counseling, group therapy, self help books, literally ANYTHING i could in an attempt to get him to see what he did. at one point i even sat down in the car with him to discuss things that needed fixing and he told me to my face that he didn’t think i deserved things. like direct quote “i just don’t feel like you deserve things”.

it was bad, but i was still making excuses and still convinced he was a good person with good intentions just misdirected. (i was way off).

it wasn’t until january of this year that i kind of had the biggest wake up call as to the things he was putting me through and that he just... wasn’t a good person, and it took him divorcing me for it to really hit me everything that happened.

in january, he announced out of the blue that he was divorcing me but that he still wanted a relationship with me but that he felt we needed to “work on ourselves separately” to do better in our relationship. i ignorantly believed him at first and for a few months post-divorce we had an “open relationship” (really just his way of having his cake and eating it to, he wanted all the benefits of a relationship with me without the work and i didn’t realize that initially), however i pretty quickly found out this was him wanting to control me and still have the romantic/sexual benefit he got from our relationship without the burden of having to actually communicate and work on himself the way he claimed. he watched me get a job, get my own car, and do everything i was supposed to without him ever lifting a finger to do hard work on himself & eventually i got fed up. over the few months of getting divorced i found out that he stole over $500 from me to buy my plane ticket home + a ticket for himself (the money was from savings i had for a camera so i could start doing photography, i thought he had ordered the camera but he actually used all of the money for the plane ticket which i only discovered later when .. lol, my camera never showed up and i confronted him), he gave me only 20 days to collect my things and arrange a new living situation (which put me back in the home of my abusive mom whom i still have to live with), made numerous threatening and scary posts about me on his social media accounts, i discovered he’d been cheating with potentially multiple women (when he shipped back some of the remainder of my possessions, there were clothes and beauty products that didn’t belong to me among them), i found transphobic posts he’d written about me being nonbinary & literally just SO MUCH other stuff that was absolutely unacceptable.

there’s way to much that happened post-divorce to even go into and this isn’t even including the things that occurred WHILE we were married. it just wasn’t a good thing at all.

in the midst of all of this, very recently, he alerted me no more than 6 months AFTER our alleged divorce at the beginning of july to tell me that the paperwork got kicked back to him and we were never actually divorced and that he had known SINCE BEFORE I HAD GOTTEN HOME that we weren’t officially divorced. it’s been a struggle getting things sorted, he’s committed all sorts of fraud, tricked me into sending nudes to him (yikes), and a whole number of things that have made me really begin to unpack how unhealthy and abusive our relationship was from the start.

he isolated me from all of me friends, regularly would encourage me to cut ties with people i cared about, and even limited my time online which cut into hobbies like this that i really enjoy. additionally, when we would visit my hometown, he would primarily want to spend time with his own family & wouldn’t give me much time to see mine. there were some other abusive things that happened within the relationship prior to him announcing he was divorcing me, but they’re personal so i won’t go into a lot of detail but it was just very, very bad.

all of this are literal classic warning signs of abuse and i just... really fell for it. it makes me really ashamed to admit that, as someone who has been abused my whole life, i basically fell right into this trap all over again.

on top of all of this and the legal battles resulting, i have been dealing with a medical crisis linked back to a car accident in september of 2017. ive had a lot of bad stuff happen with my health that were tied to the misalignment of my neck and back that i DID NOT EVEN KNOW were related until only a few months ago when i got a second opinion from a much more experienced and adept doctor. ive had multiple surgeries from complications related to injuries i had initially been told didn’t exist, i’ve literally spent thousands of dollars for things that actually could’ve very simply been avoided had my spine been treated properly after my accident.

all of this has just... really taken me out of the rp scene but also made me a really shitty and unreliable friend. being in a controlling relationship isolated me from a lot. ive lost a lot of friends because i was in survival mode even after the relationship ended. i regret that a lot and i understand that it’s hard to be friends with someone when they are not present so ive been working a lot on myself nd how i communicate with the people i love when i feel unable to be in their lives for periods of time for one reason or another.

so now im 22 and divorced with the back problems of a 83 year old who’s three times divorced lmao it’s literally like... i sometimes feel a lot of shame for what i let myself go through but i know it’s not my fault that the person i thought i loved and thought loved me ended up not being who he said he was.

it sucked. there was a lot that happened that i can’t begin to even summarize. i still have some sleepless nights where i wonder why i wasn’t able to see it then when it was literally blatantly obvious what was happening, but hindsight is 20/20.

now, i can pretty happily say i am in a MUCH better situation. things are not perfect (im literally living with an abusive parent again and yikes but it is not near as bad as when i was a teenager), but i am no longer in a relationship that was about the convenience of using me more than it was caring about me, and alllllll of my medical stuff has an active treatment plan that has been working wonders for me!!! (yay!)

so i just wanted to firstly apologize for my inability to be in people’s lives the way ive wanted to. i know that this is hurtful and not ok. it was wrong of me to ghost and leave people wondering where i was or what i was doing and there’s no excuse for that tbh. im actively working to be more present in the lives of people i care about as well as communicate more when i am not able to be that present. it’s taken a lot to get to that point, and i want to secondly affirm that my inability to be consistent and reliable with this hobby as well as consistent and reliable as a friend has nothing to do with any kind of personal slight i had with anyone or anything else. it’s been a rough few years, it took me a long time to see that i was in a situation that was harming me, and there was a lot of fallout as a result.

rest assured, i intend to do a lot better about being here now that i feel like im properly adjusted. you can expect me to be a lot more communicative if i take time away and a lot more attentive to the things and relationships that i want in my life. ive taken way too much shit and let myself sacrifice too many people and situations for ONE person whose end goal was nothing more than using me to his convenience. i am not going to lose that again.

im in a much healthier relationship, taking care of the responsibilities i have as an adult, and have an active treatment plan for my various health needs that has improved my condition significantly. like, ya’ll.... life may not be perfect right now but it’s pretty damn good from where it was nd im excited to continue to grow and do better (for real this time) especially now that i feel like i can do the things i love again (like writing here with all of you lovely people).

thanks for reading!! sorry things have been sporadic, unreliable, confusing, and that i haven’t been a very good friend. i recognize these things & want to prove that i can do better now that i have a handle on things.

#* here for a good time not a long time / ooc #anyway... i didn't just want to show up out of the blue (AGAIN) and offer no explanation #i know that a lot of my friends are kind of fed up and if not fed up are just confused and worried and hurt #just want to offer some insight into... everything #i love the people ive met here very much #i love this hobby very much it has genuinely gotten me through a lot!#so i owe it to the community and the people here to explain what the fuck has been going on & yeah it's a lot #im not going to push this further tbh i just want my actions to speak for themselves as to how i intend to do better #i know telling people what im gonna do only does so much lmao i have to actually ACT on that and do it #but anyway!! here's this. thanks for reading ! triggers are tagged #abuse tw #car accident tw #long post //#(if you notice anything else that needs to be tagged let me know!)

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ellana-ravenwood · 6 years ago

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The Break-Up part 4/4 - Bruce Wayne x Reader

nd finally, the end. This serie was supposed to be a oneshot and here we are, four chapters + a bonus one later...I’m hella jet lagged because I just came back to France from Australia but...Here we go. Hopefully you’ll like that very last segment, as usual, feedbacks are overly welcomed :-) :

FINISHED SERIES : PART 1, PART 2, PART 2.5, PART 3

My master list blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives

__________________________________________________

******

-No. Absolutely not a chance. Not again. You, all of you -severe look to everyone- , stay out of this. It is none of your concern.

The Batman was angry. Furious, even.

************

Dick came just a few minutes earlier telling there was an emergency in the Watchtower and...The boy had a future in acting.

Ha had been very convincing, and his apparent distress was contagious.

Bruce arrived in the League’s headquarters in a state of controlled panic...he quickly realized though, that there was no emergency.

Come to think of it, what was Dick even doing up there ? He was suppose to be with Clark at the cinema, and Superman would never take such a young child up there for no reason.

A large smile was crossing the boy’s face, Clark was here and trying his best to avoid Bruce’s eyes, the rest of the League was staring at him, Flash seemed to be on the verge of passing out...

A large smile was crossing the boy’s face.

The kind of smile Bruce hasn’t seen for weeks. Since you left, in fact...

It wasn’t difficult for the greatest detective in the World to put two and two together as he looked upon his son’s cute little face.

This all thing was about you.

There was no emergency.

It was just them, yet again, bringing you up, bothering him with his decisions concerning you. And this time, they dragged his son into it !

Unacceptable. And the Batman was angry.

He narrowed his eyes at them and says :

-No. Absolutely not a chance. Not again. You, all of you -severe look to everyone- , stay out of this. It is none of your concern.

It made him irrationally furious that they would dare to meddle with his personal life like so !

You LEFT (and with you, his heart left too).

You moved away from Gotham, from Dick, from him.

And sure it was his fault, he’s the one that told you to leave, but it was too late now, nothing could be done. Didn’t he tell them enough time that things between you two were over and there was nothing anyone could do about it ?!

It was the end, you were gone (and with you all his hopes and dreams), and he told them countless times he had no intention to go after you ! He even told them the reasons, and they were rational !

Didn’t he make himself clear that he didn’t want to talk about you to any of them ? Not even his dear friends...Clark, Diana, Selina...They all tried to talk about it, but as soon as they uttered your name, he closed his heart...

It was too painful to talk about it. About this...Break-Up. About you.

He had one little moment of weakness (maybe said moment made them think it still wasn’t time to give up ?! RIDICULOUS), a few days ago, at that gala, with Selina, the woman he thought he loved before he met you. He told her he loved and missed you, and she somehow convinced him to try to get you back...he send you a text (albeit very impersonal and quite distant, but that, he didn’t realize in the moment, trying very hard to appear detached just in case you weren’t in love with him anymore)...And your cold answer was definitive.

You didn’t want him in your life anymore (though your coldness came from your misunderstanding about Selina’s presence. You thought Bruce and her were back together while your ex-boyfriend was just desperately trying to forget you, and with who else could he do that but with his former lover, Selina Kyle, who’s the only one that made him feel things ? ...things so weak compare to what he felt for you).

Couldn’t they understand anything ?

You made your decision, and he made his.

It was done...and oh so painful it was to know this...He hated the fact they knew this too, this part of his story.

He didn’t want them to know. He didn’t want them to see him weak.

And it made him angry to see that right now, they used his son to drag him up here, clearly ready to intervene, to give him, yet again, a sermon (they tried so many time over the past few months to talk to him about you).

But they didn’t understand.

None of them realized it was too late now.

Even if he went after you...He waited too long.

Lex Luthor replaced him in your heart.

He saw you two mingling together on live TV (though it wasn’t at all what he thought it was happening...In his pain, he didn’t notice how you always pushed Luthor away gently, how you expertly avoided his kisses and his hands.)

They didn’t get it ! None of them !

And his suffering turned into anger as he was faced with all of his “friends”, right now, who were fools enough to think you still loved him...

Worst. They dragged his boy in it, making him hope for something that wasn’t going to ever happen. Setting him up for yet another broken heart...With a voice filled with danger and threats, the Batman says :

-I know what you’re doing, and no. I refuse to listen to you about how wrong my decisions are, about how (Y/N)’s decisions are wrong too. Not again. I heard enough already, I avoided enough of your schemes to make me talk to her already. Enough is enough. This is none of your concern, stay out of my life !

As he spoke those words, Bruce’s voice went crescendo to end up on a loud and angry scream. It was the first time any of them heard him genuinely scream out of anger.

It was scary. Scarier than anything he’d done before. And every single person in the League, especially Clark and Barry, started to wonder if all this was a good idea, if their plan could even remotely work...

The Batman was furious, fuming...But he wasn’t as furious and fuming as a certain Dick Grayson.

The child listened to his father’s diatribe and his smile instantly left his face. His brow furrowed and...He grabbed his father’s hand and pulled on it so he would get his attention.

He then took a few steps back, and planted his feet firmly in the ground. Crossed his arms, determined. Narrowed his eyes at Bruce and said :

-”None of your concern” ?! Um, excuse me mister but it is ! Well, maybe not theirs even though they’re your friends and just want to help. But it’s at least mine ! It’s very much my concern ! I want my mo...My (Y/N) back ! I want her to sooth me back to sleep when I have a nightmare, and to make me peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when I go explore the gardens ! I want her to pick me up early from school arguing that there’s a family emergency just to take me to the fun fair ! I want her to eat thousands of Alfred’s cookies, and liters of his tea, while we watch hours and hours of Disney movies ! I WANT HER BACK ! AND EVERY BITS ABOUT THIS IS MY CONCERN !!

The boy finishes his monologue panting heavily, on the verge of tears...Not from sadness, but from anger. And he screamed louder than the Bat.

He’s had about enough of his stubborn father. He wants the one he considers now his mother to come back. And the only way for this to ever happen, is for the Batman to quit being such a stubborn bum. And so he says :

-Quit being a stubborn Bum dad ! And like...man up or something. I don’t know what it means, but do it. And listen to them !

The boy pointed at the League. Some of them look a little bit amused that such a small child just stood up to the mighty Batman like that, but most of them are utterly impressed by him.

Bruce himself isn’t sure how to react. His son’s words touched his heart more than they should have and...it’s the first time he calls him “dad”. It’s serious.

For a few seconds that look like hours for everyone in the room, both the son and the father stare at each others, unwilling to give up.

In the end, Dick wins, as Batman looks away and drops his head down in defeat, but...

Bruce sighs and says :

-I know. You’re right. It is your concern. You...I...I understand.

There’s a hint of hope in the boy’s eyes, and Bruce knows he’ll forever feel forever guilty for crushing it. But he has to. He knows things between you and him are irreversibly broken. And so he says :

-I know you’re right, it is your concern, but this doesn’t change anything I told you. I explained to you that between (Y/N) and I...it just didn’t work and that’s how it is. There’s nothing we can do about it. It’s too late. I’ll...I’ll talk to you about it again once we’ll get back home, explain to you things that are too personal for me to just say right now and...

-STOP !

Surprised, Bruce stops talking at his son’s interjection. The boy gives his father a nasty look and then turns to Flash, saying :

-You see, now ?

Yes. Barry sees.

There is indeed nothing they can say that will convince the Batman that he needs to fight for you and stop being so stubborn. If even his son’s desperate plea doesn’t work, nothing will.

He waited for the last minute, it was his last resort but...He saw the future. He knows what will happen if you and him don’t get back together. He knows what you’ll become, what he’ll become...what your sons will become.

And he can’t let that happen.

He messed up really bad in the past, trying to change things that weren’t meant to be change. But this ? You and Bruce ? There’s not a single universe in existence where you’re not both meant to be together.

It’s a risk worth taking. Barry has to take Batman to those awful alternate realities. And he has to think fast. Because the way the boy turned to him made Bruce suspicious, and a suspicious Bat is a very dangerous being.

Flash wouldn’t be surprised if he somehow managed to get him even if he used his super-speed. And so the young man nods to Dick, and disappears.

Bruce has no time to react as he “disappears” too, off to another reality.

Dick cannot retain the little scream of glee that comes out of his mouth, and he turns back to the League members.

They all look quite worried and rather grim, Bruce’s little speech about things not being able to change downing on them...But the boy will have none of it.

He jumps on a nearby table and sits on it, right next to Superman. He grabs Clark’s hand and, summoning all of his motivation says :

-Flash will do it. He’ll convince him. You’ll see. It’ll work. It has to work.

The boy’s determination is contagious, and though they’re still worried, they somehow believe in miracles too now.

Clark squeezes Dick’s hand and throws an arm around his shoulder. If things go south...He’ll be sure to be here for that sweet child who has so much faith in his new parents.

*************

Flash takes a few steps back, as far away from Bruce as he can, as the man slowly turns around and the look in his eye when he sees Barry darkens dangerously...

The man didn’t even stagger, or shook, or threw up as anyone else who just travelled through time and space at hyperspeed would have...So creepy.

-What have you done ?

Batman says coldly, every emotions gone from his voice.

-I...Did..I...

Flash has to think fast. It would be very easy to mess everything up now, to not even get him to follow him where he needs to be. It would be very easy to mess up and ruin everythig...So Barry speaks with his heart :

-I did the only thing that can save her.

It seems as Barry chose the right words to save his skin, as Bruce’s expression, under his mask, just shows surprise.

-Save her ?

-(Y/N).

-Yes, I guessed that much. But, what do you mean “save” ?

-I...It would be easier to just show you.

And Flash slowly walks away, allowing some time for Batman to realize where he is right now.

A cemetery.

His heart miss several beats, as he follows after Barry. He asks :

-Barry, where are we ?

-Two years in the future from our current present, if you don’t get back with (Y/N).

Bruce’s brain wants to slow down, to not follow Flash, dreading what he might discover...but his feet keep going nonetheless.

-Where are we going ?

-You’ll see.

Barry is hyper aware of the risk he’s currently taking. Showing such traumatic things to someone can make more damages than good but he figures out...What more could the Bat loose right now ? And what’s the worst that could happen, for him to burry himself in his work ?

The only people who would suffer from that would be Bruce...and unfortunately his family. Flash hopes to every gods out there that it will never come to that, as he promised Dick to try and fix things, and he could never forgive himself to be “responsible” for ruining his life...

They finally arrive where Barry wanted to go, and they stop.

Bruce can only stare at it, his heart pounding hard in his chest, threatening to burst out. Distressed.

Here, in front of him, lays...Your grave.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N),

(Date of Birth) - August 12th 2020″

And nothing else. No epitaph. No kind words about how awesome you were when you were still alive. Nothing. As if no one cared for you when you were alive.

Just your name, and your date of birth and...death.

Thinking about the word, “Death”, fills his being with utter sadness, and Bruce, taken by surprise by this surge of feelings, holds onto Flash’s shoulder for support, as he feels like he’s going to faint.

On your grave, there’s flowers. Your favorite ones. And notes that the rain and sun destroyed...All except for one, that seems more recent.

Bruce picks it up and open it.

It’s Dick’s.

He recognizes his hand writing, though it’s a bit more confident than it was “two years ago”. The note simply reads :

“I miss you every day. I’m sorry I couldn’t convince him, this is all my fault. I love you - Dick P.S : I finally watched “Coco” today, you were right, it’s a great movie...I hope I’ll see you in the realm of the dead one day, and I promise you I will never forget you. Your picture will be up for the day of the dead...”.

Bruce’s broken heart finishes to get reduced to dust. He turns his face to Barry, shaking, and asks :

-What...What happened ?

-She was hit by a car in Metropolis, while going to work. As “simple” as that. If you were together, she wouldn’t be in Metropolis...You realized she was dead months after her death. You didn’t have any contact with her anymore, neither did Dick. You never came here, but Dick comes every week. He’ll move to Metropolis when he’ll come of age, and won’t ever talk to you again. He’ll never bond with his future brothers. He’ll never have another family. Just because (Y/N) wasn’t with you, but in Metropolis. Alone.

This all thing hits Bruce more than anything before. And Flash feels a wave of guilt at his deadpan delivery of the facts but...It has to be done.

He feels even more guilt as he’s getting prepared to move to the next reality, not giving time for Bruce to process things. He has to. It’s the only way he can convince him to get back to you...And so Barry says :

-This is one possible version of our future, if you keep being stubborn. Give me your hand, I have to show you something else.

Bruce is too...hurt, stunned and lost to think. You’re...Dead. How could it be ? He never wanted for this to happen, of course not he loves you...Is this really what the future reserve to you if you’re away from him ?

Dead. Hit by a car. In Metropolis. All alone

************

Flash takes him to another alternate reality. And it’s an even worst one.

He takes him to Metropolis, a Metropolis that Bruce can’t quite recognize.

Barry explains that in this future, Lex Luthor used your brain and his to create machines that allowed him to fulfill his dreams of world domination, his dreams of “making the World a better place”, by installing a dictatorship.

Barry explains that in this future, Lex Luthor found a way of getting rid of every single superheroes by using some of your discoveries to create a serum that would take away any powers from metahumans.

Barry explains that in this future, you married Lex Luthor. ...Or rather, you were forced to marry him. In this future, both Bruce and Dick were killed in a battle against Lex and his army, and it broke you.

You were in some sort of catatonic state, a puppet for Lex Luthor who was desperately in love with you and frankly, having you not talk but be there was enough for him.

In this future, you were a shell of yourself. By the side of a maniac. With everything you actually loved gone.

Bruce realized too late he loved you and had to get you back. Dick died when he was barely eleven. And now, fifteen years in the future...The World was a terrible place, and you wished you were dead, but Lex wouldn’t let you go.

In this World, your fate was even worst than Death.

Bruce is speechless, as Flash takes him yet to another realm.

************

In this World, you died before meeting Bruce. You never went to the charity you met him at, instead, you went to try and convince your brothers to stop getting involved with the local mafia...

You died in a drug bust by some police officer.

Wrong place wrong moment, and it was all because you weren’t with Bruce in said wrong moment...

************

Here, you became a weapon dealer.

The head of one of the most dangerous mafia family in Gotham.

Here, you also never met Bruce in civilian. Here, Bruce’s charity never gave you a scholarship so you would be able to go to good schools, to a good college...

Here, you stayed a poor girl from the Narrows who never was given the opportunity to become the great woman she could be.

Here, you witnessed your brothers getting killed by police officers, but didn’t die...and swore revenge on the GCPD.

Here, you became a criminal who knew no pity. Who killed, stole, destroyed.

Here, Bruce realized that both your destinies were closely attached, even before you started to see each other...As a child, the scholarship he created and gave to great deserving students who couldn’t afford good schools saved you from a life of pain and misery, of crime and murder.

But here, the scholarship never went to you. It went to the other one that could have had it. The one you were “competing” against, and you didn’t get it.

And here, it drastically changed your future.

The first time you meet Bruce, it’s with a machine gun in your hand.

************

Flash took Bruce to an alternate timeline where Bruce refused to date you so you could be safe.

Refused to let you in his life because he didn’t trust you enough...or because loosing you would be too much, not realizing that by pushing you away, he would loose you anyway.

In this alternate timeline, your life and Bruce’s would always be parallel. You would see each others often, in the streets, in shops, anywhere...But would never truly go to greet each other.

In this alternate timeline, you weren’t dead, you weren’t a ghost of yourself, you weren’t a crimelord but...You weren’t really living.

You had flings. But you died of old age without any husband nor children, spending most of your life lonely, as the one that was destined to you refused to get you close.

And Bruce ? In this alternate timeline, Bruce died early during one of his night patrol. In the “normal” world, you would have been there to push that man with all your might and make him miss the shot...but in that alternate timeline ? You weren’t.

Because he pushed you away.

And Dick witnessed his father getting shot. Dick killed the man who shot him. And Dick became a dark man that he was never meant to be.

Because in this alternate reality, back home to the mansion, there were no mother to greet him back and help him go through his toughest times.

************

In another reality, you found love in...Clark ?

When Superman realized there was nothing to be done to convince Bruce, he somehow became very close to you, supporting you. And one thing leading to another, something that wasn’t suppose to happen happened.

One day, Lois died. In the “normal” reality, Clark was suppose to be with her and save her, but in that one, he was with you. And he too lost “the love of his life”...two broken heart make a whole one ?

It’s what you both thought, and this is how you ended up falling for each others. And it was love. Genuine love. Not as strong as the one you shared with Bruce and Lois...But still love.

You were there for each other.

And meanwhile, in Gotham, Bruce was in a darker place than ever...But worst, his family was completely broken. Without you to mend the pieces, to make them understand each others, etc etc...His children were always fighting.

They weren’t having a good life. Bruce never met most of those boys and girl that were facing him in that moment, but he knew he would die for them and...not the Bruce of this World.

The Bruce of this World only cared about the safety of Gotham, and used his children to protect it. The Bruce of this World lost his heart years ago, when he broke up with you.

The Bruce of this World was cold and harsh and ruthless and so unlike how he really was...The Bruce of this World couldn’t love anymore.

And it made everyone around him miserable, it destroyed so many lives.

In this reality, you were alive and well but...you weren’t living the things you were destined to live, you were with the wrong man, you had the wrong family, and those who truly needed you never even spoke to you and were...utterly broken. The most important people in Bruce’s life were...Empty.

Because you weren’t there.

************

You’re hold up in a dungeon and tortured for months in this reality. By Lex Luthor, the Joker, Two-Face, Brainiac, General Zod...By so many famous villains.

They all want you to talk about the League’s members. Somehow they found your link to them...

In this reality, you succumb to your wounds, and Bruce finds you too late.

In this reality, he is unable to save you, in this reality, his worst fear of you being in danger because of him becomes real...In this reality, you die in “six months” after terrible sufferings.

In this reality, you’re no more, and it’s all because he wasn’t there to save you, all because he never planted a tracker in you to know where you were if you were in danger (creepy much ? Needless to say, you never knew about said tracker...Bruce would use it only for emergencies though), all because you were too far away, because...Because of the Break-Up.

Bruce slowly turns toward Flash, about to beg him to stop but...The young man isn’t done. He has one last place to show him, and he won’t let the Bat argue or fight about it.

************

Bruce is ready to have his heart torn away from him once again. But...

But it doesn’t happen.

He’s in his batcave, and Flash is nowhere to be seen.

Alfred is giving sandwiches to two young boys (Damian and Jon) in a corner of the room, lecturing them about manners while they bite into their meal avidly, chattering away excitedly about some fun fair the mom of the short haired one (Dami) took them to today, and if they could maybe go back tomorrow.

Near the batcomputer, there’s a teenager who’s happily typing away, watching YouTube videos, a coffee mug in his hand (Tim). It seems like he’s solving criminal cold cases at the same time...

There’s a man, in another corner of the room, who’s training with another man...Bruce feels like he saw one of them before, but can’t recall were. The one he recognized of course, was adult Dick, and the other one ? Jaybird.

There’s a teenaged girl who’s arriving on a motorcycle, and who’s running towards the two young boys, snapping the sandwich out of one of the kid’s hands. The boy, who looks like Bruce as a child (except for the darker skin tone and green eyes) instantly gets mad. The other boy laughs, as Alfred rolls his eyes and takes the sandwich back from the teenaged girl’s hand to give it to the boy, and give her a brand new one...Cassandra.

And...Here you are, walking down the stairs towards him.

And you’re pregnant.

After all this pain and misery, of witnessing all those terrible futures...here you are, pregnant. And you walk towards him with the sweetest and most beautiful smile he ever saw.

It’s as if all his suffering ends, in that instant.

Because you’re here. And you eclipse every problems he ever had. You erase every bad feelings. You’re his beacon of light in a World of darkness.

You always make him feel better. Even now, as Bruce knows this is only a possible future, this might never happen, he might never even see your face again...

-Oh hey there, how did you get down so fast ? I didn’t see you and I was sure you were in our room getting ready to take a shower...Eh, I must have dreamt that. Quick, feel it, he’s kicking like crazy !

...He ? So the baby currently in your belly was a...he.

You smile at him as you take his hand and lay it on your swollen belly. And a wave of strong emotions overwhelms Bruce.

He can feel it. Its little feet kicking and tossing. And the fearless Bat feels tears coming to his eyes.

-He’s a fighter that one, his father’s son ! Say, Bruce...I was thinking...We could maybe call him Thomas ? Like your father ? I think it would fit him. I think he’s a Thomas...And I was thinking about “Clark” for a second name, you know, to thank him for everything he’s done for us.

It seems that in that moment, you realize that Bruce is crying and...you don’t say anything. You don’t judge. You don’t mock him. You just reach a warm finger to his cheeks and wipe his tears away, smiling fondly at him.

And Bruce feels the urge to hold you. Tight. Against his heart. And...

He’s gone before he realizes it.

************

Flash brought him back to the present. To their timeline.

The image of you pregnant with his baby printed on his retina.

They’re back in the Watchtower’s common room, but it’s empty now.

Barry says :

-I thought...I thought I’d come back here while you look at what could be your future, what should be your future, and tell them to give you some space. I feel like...you’ll need it. I’m...hum...I’ll leave you alone too. If you need anything, you know where to find us.

And in a heartbeat, Flash is gone.

Bruce is left alone, here, in the common room, in the present.

He’s left alone and finally, the overwhelming experience he just lived downs on him and he falls on his knees, holding his head in his hands...

What has he done ?

************

It takes him time to recollect himself, but he does, and now, he knows what to do.

He barely stops to tell them he’s ok, to tell Dick he finally changed his mind and he’s going to get his mother back...He barely utters a few words towards them, as he takes the nearest zeta tube and enters Metropolis’ coordinates.

They don’t need him to explain.

They have no idea what he went through, the only one who knows is Flash and he will never tell them anything, this is between him and Batman.

They have no idea what his decision is but...They all feel oddly relieved, as if the worst passed.

Clark picks up Dick in his arms and says :

-Alright, let’s get you home buddy. I’ll stay with you until they come back, promise.

-”They” ?

-Of course, they.

Dick throws his arms around Superman’s neck and tucks his head on his shoulder. He said “they”.

************

Here you are. On the opposite side of the street.

Bruce has been following you for a little bit now, wondering how he should start to talk to you...Being a stalker because he just can’t find the right words.

How can he convince you that you mean everything to him ? That even if he told you to go, even if he didn’t try to stop you from leaving, he loves you more than anything ?

How can he make you forgive him ? Or at least, hear him out ?

He’ve been pondering all that for ages now, as he looks at you walking gracefully amongst the crowded sidewalk...You’re reading.

Of course you are. And it’s quite masterful really, the way you’re able to walk around people without bumping into anyone, while not even taking your nose out of your book.

Bruce is impressed and he...

Car.

You’re about to cross the road and you don’t see the car coming, that went through the orange light even though he should have stopped...

“She was hit by a car”, Flash’s words resonate in his head and...He can’t let that happen ! Not now that he realized he can’t live without you !

Bruce doesn’t think. He starts running, and it feels like the World around him goes in slow motion...He tackles you just as the car is about to hit you, and gets you out of danger.

You’re confused and a bit knocked out by the force of Bruce’s body lunging at you, and it takes you a while to regain your senses.

Your let go of your book when Bruce tackled you and it lays there, on the road, completely crushed by the car’s tyres.

You realize that you almost died, and that someone just saved you ! You turn to your hero and...

-..Bruce ?!

It’s like an electroshock is going through your body and your up on your feet in matter of seconds, even though you’re still a bit shaky because of the tackle. You glare at the hand he reaches towards you just in case you need support.

Bruce gets up too, and reaches for your face where a little bruise is forming and...his warm fingers send shiver down your spine. And oh you longed for his touch...But it can’t be.

The fucker told you to go. And he went back to Selina Kyle.

You slap his hand away and point a finger at him. For a moment, it seems like you’re about to yell at him, to hit him more, to do...anything really.

But you don’t. Your mouth opens but no words come out of it. Your fists clench but you don’t move. Instead, you turn on your heals and you walk away, quickly getting lost in the crowded sidewalk.

Bruce follows you.

He has a hard time keeping an eye on you as you walk fast towards your destination and he’s not use to Metropolis’ ways.

He almost lost you a few times, but is able to track you down in the end, as you enter into Luthor Corps’ tower.

He catches you right before the security gates, where he’s pretty sure he would never be able to get to you.

-(Y/N) please wait, I have to talk to you.

His large hand lays on your shoulder and you turn around rapidly, slapping it away. Angrily you say :

-Don’t touch me ! Go back to Gotham, and to your Selina. Thanks for saving me but I...

-Listen to me, please !

-I don’t have to. I don’t want to. It’s too late, you...

-Oh hey hey hey, what’s happening here ?

You cringe at the sound of the new voice coming in, and a frown comes upon Bruce’s handsome feature.

Lex Luthor.

His mellow and low voice resonates in the huge hall. He continues :

-Is that man bothering you, sweety ?

Oh the disrespect in the words “that man”...You clench your fist once more, this time angry at Lex. “Sweety” ? UGH ! But punching your boss wasn’t really recommended, and so you put on a fake smile (that Bruce instantly recognizes) and say :

-No, he was about to leave.

-Yes he is. Because (Y/N) doesn’t want to talk to you, Bruce, and you know it. She has better things to do than to waste her time with you.

You don’t know where it’s coming from, but Lex’s words stir something deep inside and you suddenly, the only thing you want to do is to hear Bruce out. As if because Lex assumed you didn’t want to talk to him, because he said it’d be a waste of your time...you suddenly HAVE to do it.

You look at Lex for a while, and you can see he’s just waiting for a move from Bruce to call security on him and provoke a big scandal that will be on every first page in every magazines the next day.

You turn to Bruce and...It’s as if Lex isn’t there. Your ex-boyfriend only looks at you, waiting for you to confim that you don’t want to talk to him, ignoring the affront Lex Luthor just did to him...

And it finishes to convince you. You say :

-Actually...Go ahead Bruce, I have a few minutes to kill before starting work. What did you want to talk about ?

Your tone of voice is still cold but...you’re willing to listen to him. And without thinking, Bruce starts.

He pours all of his emotions in his words.

He tells you everything, not a care in the World that he has an audience who keeps sighing, rolling his eyes and chuckling at his words. No. Bruce ignores completely Lex Luthor and tells you everything.

You’re his World. You’re his everything. He cannot live without you. He doesn’t want to live without you. He’s an ass. He doesn’t deserve you (the nods Lex Luthor gives at that infuriates you...as if he was more worthy of you than Bruce !). But he can’t see himself with anyone else but you. He needs you. ...Dick does too.

He tells you everything.

He knows that without you, he cannot go on. He cannot feel. He cannot take care of Dick on his own. And the boy need you. He needs his...mother. He needs guidance and love that only you can give him. The family needs you. Even Alfred. Especially Alfred ? Because all he wanted was for Bruce to be happy, and he couldn’t be happy without you.

He tells you everything.

He loves you. He invited Selina in the hope to forget you...and it failed miserably. Even putting his arms around her waste felt wrong, and every time he turned around he expected to see you. Because he loves you. With all his heart. With all his being. With all his might.

He tells you everything.

How sorry he is it took him so long to realize you were the one. To realize only you could make him truly happy. You by his side. Forever.

He loves you more than anything. And this is why right now, he lays his heart bear, and tells you everything.

And...Something else stirs in you once more. It’s not annoyance at Lex’s insufferable behavior, and it’s not the anger, depression and sadness you felt all those months away from him.

It’s not the pain that resonated in you whenever you saw him without being able to talk or touch him.

No. It’s...it’s love.

Because you love him too. And his speech changed something within you. If even Bruce put aside his pride and told you all those things that you knew were genuine...To hell with your stubbornness.

You love him. Deeply. And he just proved to you he loves you too...

-Well, that was utterly...Pathetic. Now if you’ll excuse us Bruce, (Y/N) and I have to...

You barely hear Lex spit his venom, you barely register Bruce turning to him, about to say something, you barely...you barely retain yourself.

You apologize. You tell him your sorry, too, to be such a mule. And you tell him you love him too. Of course you do. Always have, always will.

You wrap your arms around Bruce’s neck, and crash your mouth on his.

Months of pent up feelings, pain, sufferings, resentment, guilt etc etc...explodes as he responds to your kiss.

Your kind of aware that Lex Luthor is saying something, but Bruce’s tongue in your mouth is too distracting for you to really know what’s going on around you. His arms are around your waste, yours are around his neck.

You think you see, through your closed eyelids, a flash of a camera snapping (the next day, the news of you and Bruce getting back together will be plastered everywhere) but you don’t care.

You found him back.

Your Bruce.

And you can’t believe everything was as easy as both of you just apologizing and telling each other what you truly felt...

You can’t believe that both of you were so stubborn, that you almost ruined your life...When all it took was a simple “I’m sorry, I love you”.

It didn’t matter now though, because here, in Luthor Corps’ Tower, in front of Lex himself, you were making out with the love of your life, and all of your troubles were gone. All of his troubles were gone.

You were finally back together.

************

The present days :

Yes. Dick Grayson reminisced that highly unpleasant memory as he looked upon you and his father sleeping on the living room couch.

After Bruce went to tell you his true feelings, you came back home to the mansion to an extremely happy Dickie and a relieved Alfred, and the rest is history.

Now over twenty years later, you were still together and still as in love as ever...and Dick blessed the day when he too, was a stubborn little guy and never gave up on getting his parents back together.

Because what would have happened if this never happened ? If you stayed broken up ? ...Dick couldn’t even imagine it without shivering.

His sudden shivering movement and little gasp woke you up, and you turn your head to the source of the sound...A large and warm smile that you only give your children crosses your face as you say :

-Hey Dickibird, how are you today ?

Your voice is sleepy and a bit weak (maybe you’re catching a cold ? ...And oh if they knew that what you had, the sickness that inhabited you right now was much more worst than a simple cold...but for now, they were unaware of the tumors growing in your bodies, and still had some carefree time with you, with no worries or fears of loosing you), but it still wakes Bruce too.

He doesn’t open his eyes though, on the contrary, he dugs his face in your neck a little bit more, as he lays on top of you, and makes a cute little sound. Dick answers you :

-I’m Good mom. Was just thinking about something, when I was a kid.

-About what ?

-About a time dad was being stupid.

-...You’re gonna have to be more specific honey.

Dick laughs out loud. Bruce groans and pinches your waist mercilessly which makes you squeal. He opens his eyes and narrows them at you and your son.

-What time ?

He asks, and you laugh because he just confirmed that he’ve been stupid more than once, and for The Batman to admit this...Bruce understands what you’re on about and groans some more, pinching you lightly again. You laugh and Dick says :

-To be honest, you were both being very stupid that time...Very, very, very stupid. And things could have ended much worst.

You and Bruce look at your son, wondering what he’s on about, but Dick only winks and says :

-Eh. It doesn’t matter, in the end, things were fixed. Thanks to me of course. And a few others...But mainly cute little me. Anyway, I’ll be in the kitchen, I told Damian and Tim I’d have lunch with them. Rest you old people, you need it.

You stick your tongue out at your son, and Bruce groans some more, but it’s all in good heart...Your son leave and you cuddle even closer to your husband, quickly falling back asleep, having wonderful dreams...

Yes. Things could have been oh so much different if twenty years ago, a little eight year old boy hadn’t been so stubborn. Proof that, sometimes, being so stubborn was a good thing.

The End.

___________________________

This is HELLA long and I feel like I let you guys down for this finale...It took me ages to finish this series and...Eh. It’s not great. Especially this long ass last chapter that I feel just goes round and round.

Anyway. Yeah. Here. I hope you liked it...and as usual, feedbacks are more than welcomed <3.

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thisismyjourney2022 · 6 years ago

Text

Here goes nothing

Okay, here we go.

Let me start off by saying this, for those of you reading, I thank you. I have taken quite a leap and put down a huge guard within myself with this blog. I am allowing myself to become extremely vulnerable. I can’t lie, I typed up a whole post, and then deleted it. Typed it up again,and deleted it again. After the 4th time deleting the post, I said, “Chrissie, just press post!”(Yes, sometimes I talk to myself.) So I pressed post, and this is what you’re about to read.

So ready for vulnerable Chrissie in 2.5 seconds...

So when I decided to start a blog I was talking to my best friend Amy, I told her that I was ready for my life to change and I thought that documenting my journey would not only help me stay accountable, but also help me in learning about myself. Other the past month I started to see me turn into someone who I didn’t like very much. I am someone who loves to smile and laugh and I realized it just wasn’t happening anymore. If I smiled it was because I was really trying hard to make a smile, but a lot of the time it wasn’t genuine. It wasn’t because I wasn’t happy for said person, or for the event or whatever was happening, but I knew deep down inside of me that I was not happy with myself so it was hard to dig deep and find happiness to show on the outside.

As early on as I can remember my weight has always been something that has always brought me down. I would decide yes this is it, I’m gonna go to the gym, I’m going to eat better, and I am going to lose weight. I’m going to have to get rid of all my clothes because they won’t fit me anymore. Wahoo. Sure that lasted for a few months and then one day falling off the wagon and that’s it, I was done.

I was constantly telling myself, “This is too hard, why do I bother?”

In September it was the month of weddings and who doesn’t love an excuse to go shopping for new dresses and new shoes? If you know me, you know I’m a fan. My mom came shopping with me to Jersey Gardens Mall. I had a store there that I always found a dress in, the store was designed for girls with a little but of meat on their bones, walking in there I never felt saddened with the idea that I wouldn’t find a dress because they didn’t have dresses in my size. I walked straight there and to my surprise, I found out that the store had closed. Oh no! I thought. What am I going to do now? My security was gone and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I honestly thought about calling the people whose weddings I had to say, “I’m sorry I have to change my response to no.” Yes, I am aware that sounds super dramatic, but at that time, I thought it was my only solution to not being able to find a dress.

My mom and I walked into a few stores thinking that maybe I would get lucky. Every store, and every dress made me feel worse nd worse about myself. I was in the dressing room of one store and I couldn’t even bring myself to show my mom how I looked because I was just so ashamed of how I looked. How could I let myself get this way. I changed back into my regular clothes, told my mom I was done and made her leave to go home. She doesn’t know, but I had tears in my eyes the whole ride home.

Back in October, I was getting my nails down. I was sitting at the salon and one of the ladies had her little son there. I asked him what he was playing(some game on the ipad), and that was it. A few minutes later, he stands up, looks at me and goes, “Why are you so big?” (Just reliving that moment typing it brought my heart to my stomach, and a tear to my eye.) I was so taken back, this was a 5 year old whose 6 words were like a knife to my heart. His mother yelled at him and told him that it was not nice to say things like that and made him apologize. I told him it was okay, and didn’t say anything for the rest of the time(while trying to hold back my tears.) The only thing I kept thinking about was, “If this little kid has that thought about me, what do people in my life, strangers who I pass by, everybody in the outside world think of me?” A month later, I went back to the nail salon,, and that little boy was there again, and I am embarrassed to admit it, but the moment I saw him, I instantly got nervous. I just remembered those words that he said to me and thought, “Oh my God, are we going to have a repeat of last time?” I was so on edge the whole time because I was afraid of what this little boy would or could say to me. Thankfully he didn’t say anything to me.

Fast forward to a few months.

My brother Joey had been on me going to the gym with him, I would always make an excuse, “Oh, I’m too tired, I have a headache, my back hurts. I’ll go tomorrow(which turned into, I’ll go tomorrow, I’ll go tomorrow and you get the picture.) Well tomorrow turned into a week, a week turned into 2 weeks and two weeks turned into 2 months.

Last week when I was getting ready for work, I had to go through three pairs of pants before I found a pair that I was able to button. I couldn’t believe it, a year ago I could wear them with no problem, today that was not the case. I was so disgusted in myself. So what did I do? I went and got my self a bowl of chips and queso, a glass of soda and went to my room. Because why not? Why did it matter anymore, the damage was already done.

This past weekend, someone close to me said to me,”Chrissie, you really need to start walking, I’m getting depressed looking at you.” What a blow. You’re depressed looking at me? How do you think I feel looking at myself. I decided right then and there, that feeling sorry for myself was one thing, but to have someone else feel sorry for me was something I DID not want.

On Saturday I made the decision, that’s it. Enough is enough. It’s time to take a hold on my life and make it something that makes me happy. I was done. Monday I would go to the gym. I would watch was I eat, I would work out and I would stick with it. Here goes the part of the blog. I decided that if I wrote about my journey that I would be able to express how I felt, my struggles with the weight loss, the happiness with the weight loss and give myself some accountability. I also thought that maybe, if there was someone who needed a little encouragement that maybe my posts would help a little.

So today, I did it. I went to the gym, I was on the treadmill for 45 minutes. I did a speed 2.0/2.5 and walked 1.6 miles.

I also weighed myself and took before pictures. My goal is to do a weigh in and picture every month on the 21st to see (hopefully) my progress. It’s going to be embarrassing, but I will be posting those pictures as well. It’s time to take my life back, one step at a time.

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lamujerarana · 7 years ago

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108... doom and reed...

I hope you don’t mind that I changed the phrasing of the line you chose a bit, but I’ve had this idea rolling around my head for a while, and I wanted to write it.

***

MANY YEARS AGO, AT STATE UNIVERSITY:

“Richards, cease that insipid sighing!” Victor snarled over the chessboard they’d laid out between them on Victor’s dormitory bed. “If this is an ill-advised attempt to win the game by infuriating me, I assure you it will not succeed. I am the master of my emotions. This will not distract me!”

“To be honest with you, Victor,” Reed sighed again, much to Victor’s great and visible displeasure, “I’m hardly paying attention to the game.”

“That much is obvious,” Victor snapped. “I win in three moves. There have only been four so far. Even allowing for your limited mental capacities, this is deplorable.”

Reed peered down at the board and found that what Victor said was true. “I’m sorry, Victor. I suppose I’m just distracted.”

While Victor never rolled his eyes (because he thought it was undignified), Reed could tell he wanted to. “Richards, whatever is the matter with you, I am not interested. Go whine to your football player.”

Reed started to sigh, but a glare from Victor stopped him. “I can’t talk to Ben about it. It’s about Ben.”

Victor’s snort was full of scorn. “Did the insipid oaf forget to bring you flowers this morning?”

“No,” Reed said mournfully. Ben had never brought Reed flowers, no matter how badly Reed wanted him to. “He started dating someone. Alynn Chambers.”

Victor looked genuinely confused. “Then you and he are not—?”

“No,” Reed said and he sighed again because he just couldn’t help it. “That’s the problem.”

Cut for length.

Victor did not seem to realize that he had gotten himself sucked into precisely the conversation he had been doing his best to avoid. “Good,” he said firmly. “He is your intellectual inferior and by no means worthy of you, Richards. I don’t know what possessed you to waste any time on such a cretin. Surely even you can do better.”

“Intelligence isn’t everything, Victor,” Reed said. He slid one of his white bishops a few squares forward and took one of Victor’s black pawns. “Ben is kind, and compassionate, and generous, and brave—”

Victor cut him off, which was probably a good thing because Reed would have gone on listing Ben’s good qualities until he exhausted them, and there were a lot. “And he has biceps the size of my head. No doubt that had something to do with it. I would have thought you above such petty considerations, Richards.”

“It’s really more about the kindness,” Reed insisted. “And he has a nice laugh. Laughs are important, Victor.”

“Oh, I’m sure you think so,” Victor said viciously. He slammed his black rook down where Reed’s white knight had been a few moments ago, though now it was rolling off the board and onto Victor’s dark blue quilt. “How you manage to maintain prolonged conversations with imbeciles like him is beyond me.”

“It’s not so hard,” Reed said dryly, “when you learn to value qualities besides intelligence. Haven’t you ever cared about anyone who wasn’t as intelligent as you? Parents? Siblings? Fr—“ Reed was going to say “friends” but he stopped himself. If his time at State U was any indication, Victor had never had any friends. But, then again, Victor never talked about his life before coming to State U at all. Reed knew little about it. “Erm. Anyone?”

Victor stared intently at the chessboard. “Well,” he admitted. “I suppose there was a girl. Once.”

Reed didn’t know what he was more taken aback by—the fact that Victor had had a girlfriend once, or that he was telling Reed about it. “Oh. Did it matter that she wasn’t as smart as you?”

There was a long pause. “No. I suppose not. There were…other factors.”

“Precisely,” Reed said. He slid his last white knight three spaces to the left. “That’s why I love Ben. Other factors.”

“Still,” Victor said. “It would be better to be with someone who was your intellectual equal.”

Reed laughed. “That would be a very short list. Currently, it would be comprised of, well, you.”

Victor raised his eyebrows. “Richards, while I am flattered and of course I understand why you are interested in me, I am simply not interested you. I could also point out that we are not equals, as I am clearly your intellectual superior.”

“Victor, I wasn’t—I already told you. I’m in love with Ben.”

“Ah,” Victor said. “That’s convenient, because I am still in love with my Valeria.”

“Good,” Reed said. “So we aren’t interested in each other. That’s settled then.”

“Of course,” Victor ventured, right as he toppled Reed’s king over. “My Valeria is an ocean away, and your Bernard doesn’t love you.”

“Ben,” Reed corrected.

Victor waved a hand dismissively. “His name is unimportant.”

“Well. I don’t understand what you’re driving at,” Reed said.

“I’m suggesting that we distract each other,” Victor clarified.

“Are you proposing a ‘friends with benefits’-style arrangement?” Reed asked suspiciously.

He was sure he must be misinterpreting Victor’s words.

“I have no idea what that means, Richards,” Victor said. “But we are not friends.” Reed wasn’t sure Victor would recognize a friend if he was sitting on his bed playing chess with him. “I am proposing sex without any emotional attachment whatsoever.”

“Why on Earth would I agree to that, Victor?”

“To forget your Benedict.”

“Ben,” Reed said automatically.

Victor snorted. “I do not care to recall his name. It is a waste of valuable brain matter.”

Reed thought it over.

Victor was actually very handsome, now that Reed thought about it, but there was a darkness to him, a rage, a coldness, that Reed found off-putting. He didn’t think he could ever love Victor the way he loved Ben.

But he supposed if it was just sex, that shouldn’t matter.

And he was, admittedly, desperate to forget about Ben, who had been all he’d been able to think about for years.

“All right,” he said. “You’re on.”

He suspected already it was the worst decision he’d ever made, but what was the worst that could happen?

NOW, AT CASTLE DOOM, DOOMSTADT, LATVERIA:

Reed found out years later in the middle of the umpteenth fight-to-the-death between the FF and Victor in Castle Doom.

Even Reed had to admit that Victor had, temporarily at least, gained the upper hand. His Doombots had managed to get power-negating collars round all of their necks, and handcuffs to keep them from attacking him anyway.

Victor, as always, was convinced he had won and that the FF were permanently beaten.

Reed wasn’t too worried. He knew he’d find a way out before too long. He always did.

He had plenty of time to come up with a way to escape, given that Victor was currently monologuing about his boundless genius.

Reed sighed. In some ways, Victor—now a dictator, clad head to foot in iron—had changed drastically from their days at State U, but in other ways…he was the same haughty boy who loved patting himself on the back for the smallest accomplishment.

Really, Victor never learned.

Reed was so busy trying to come up with a way out of their predicament that he was hardly listening to what Victor was saying…until, that was, Victor came to a halt in front of him, the heavy clang of metal ringing against stone floors, and said, “Richards, I must admit, you always did look rather fetching on your knees.”

Reed froze and hoped against hope that Ben, Sue, and Johnny wouldn’t catch the clearly sexual innuendo.

“Wait,” Johnny said, head poking out to Sue’s left. “What?”

“Reed,” Sue frowned, “what is he talking about?”

“He’s lyin’,” Ben said confidently. “Reed would never with the likes o’ him. ‘specially given how he treated me even when we wuz in college.”

“Have you forgotten?” Victor said, smiling beneath the iron mask. “I do not lie. I have no need to lie when the truth is so much more satisfying.”

“Reed,” Sue said, but Reed could hear in her voice that she was beginning to believe Victor. “Say it’s not true.”

“Dude,” Johnny said. “Tell me you didn’t fuck Doctor Doom.”

“No,” Victor said, although his meaning was rather unfortunately plain. “He did not.”

“Oh!” Johnny said when he caught Victor’s meaning, looking thoroughly disgusted. “Gross! Reed! Dude, just why?”

“I—“ Reed looked back and forth between Victor and his family. Now this he could find no way out of. “We were in college. He was just…Victor then, not a mass-murdering tyrant and supervillain. I had no idea he would become Doctor Doom. Besides, it only lasted a few months, and it was never anything serious.”

“No,” Victor said annoyedly. “Richards was far too besotted with his oafish football player.”

Victor glared at Ben, and Reed was uncomfortable with the degree of homicidal rage he saw in Victor’s eyes and half-tempted to throw himself in front of Ben protectively. He knew that Victor was perfectly capable of murdering Ben on a whim.

“Wait,” Ben said, remembering precisely what Reed had been hoping he wouldn’t. “Hold on. Is he that mysterious guy you were seein’ right before you ‘nd me got together? The guy you would never…tell me…anything about…and…you always came home with bruises in weird places…”

“Yes,” Victor said, seeming to take great joy in the dismay written all over Ben’s rocky orange features. “Richards was mine before he was ever yours.”

“I was never yours, Victor,” Reed said fiercely. “Not any part of me. I was always Ben’s. Even when I was with you.”

Something seemed to click for Sue. “Wait a minute,” she said, gazing up at Victor with something like pity in her eyes. “That’s what…this is all about, isn’t it? Reed chose Ben over you, and you’ve never forgiven him for it. Did you…were you in love with my husband?”

“No,” Reed said instantly. “Impossible. Victor never cared about me. It was just…sex.”

“Ew,” Johnny said. “Wrong. Did not ever need to know about this.”

“Richards is correct,” Victor said. “I never did love him.” Somehow, Reed didn’t find that quite as convincing as he would have liked. “I simply have never been able to forgive him for choosing that dimwitted lout over someone who was clearly superior in every way.”

“Why…would you care who I chose if you didn’t love me?” Reed said. Oh, god. He was…beginning to see Victor’s obsession with hurting him in an entirely new light. And Victor’s petty hatred of Ben—it was jealousy. He couldn’t believe it had never occurred to him that Victor had fallen in love with him. He was remembering now with great regret how indifferently he’d broken things off with Victor. It seemed cruel, almost. But he truly hadn’t thought that Victor cared. “Victor. If I’d known how you felt, I would have handled things very differently, I never would have—”

Broken up with him via text message. Ouch.

Victor waved a hand imperiously. “I have no interest in continuing this insipid conversation, Richards. Doombots, return them to their cells.”

As Reed was dragged out of Victor’s throne room, he couldn’t help but think that Victor looked…rather more lonely and tragic than he ever had before.

#victorreed #reed richards #victor von doom #my fic #unrequited victorreed really #some benreedsue too #ableist language cw #Anonymous

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guardianofjunmyeon · 8 years ago

Text

Seven (Part 3)

Paring: All of EXO x OC

Genre: Romance; Angst; Fantasy Post-Apocalyptic AU; Smut; Drama

Description: For a girl who has difficulty distinguishing emotionally charged decisions from logic, being placed in the middle of a growing war is the last thing the world needs. She finds herself stuck in a world full of mutants, magic, and privilege. It’s up to her to decide where she wants to stand. Will she save those who need her most, or will she let her own selfish desires turn her into the thing she once hated most. A human infected with the Seven.

Warnings: Literally…everything. R*pe. Self Harm. Eating Disorders. Slavery. Violence. Abuse. Not for the faint hearted.

Prologue, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Rest of the Story

*One Day Prior*

The next day, I didn’t go out to look for Tao. As a matter of fact it’s safe to say that I decided to actively avoid him. I left the orphanage at dawn knowing that Tao would try to find me and sway me (while I was disoriented by sleep) first thing in the morning. I was never good at making decisions right after waking up.

I sprinted out of the home in the clothes I had been wearing for 3 days straight now, and headed straight to the nearest train stop. The trains took passengers for free to any destination within the capital as long as you were allowed to be there. Knowing I wouldn’t be leaving the 3rd ring, I took the train to the district farthest from my own.

The trains are extremely fast and I reached my destination in about 10 minutes. A good 200 mile ride gone by easily. The Capital is an enormous place. I haven’t explored the entirety of the 3rd ring just because it was too big, and I had no need to. I was extremely familiar with district 48 of the third ring since it was where I lived. That one district is all that I needed to know.

What better time was there to look around the city than when I’m avoiding my friend, right?

District 3 wasn’t as worn out as 48. There were more cars, and a lot less trash. It was no 2nd ring, but it was definitely a nice change of pace here in the 3rd.

I walked around and in and out of the numerous and expensive buildings for hours just trying to busy myself with some kind of task so that time would pass by faster. I must have gone in and out of at least 30 buildings before I decided that I needed to return. The sun was setting, and I needed to get back to the 48th district before it was too late at night.

I wasted a good chunk of time bumming around, and was cast only a few wary glances by the wealthier citizens. Their crisp and clean black clothes looked sufficiently less ragged than my own brown dress.

I was again obviously out of place, and they knew it.

Kids flew by on hover boards, adults looked down at their tablets or talked to their bronze metallic bracelets. Presumably engaged in a call through the communicator that came with the shiny accessory.

Their sense of urgency was almost contagious and I felt myself feeling as though I had tasks that I should be attending to. I even glanced down to my wrist thinking that I had a notification on my own bronze wrist communicator. The bare skin that greeted me reminded me that I don’t own one of those identical bracelets, and that I was just imagining the feeling of metal vibrating against my wrist. I rubbed my unadorned wrist anxiously and continued back to the station. I needed to catch the bullet train home, I didn’t belong with all of these busy people.

I ambled back home in the twilight and the only thing I could think about was Tao. I missed him and it fucking pissed me off. He could be trying to sell me off to a fucking owner, and I should be wary but I still wanted him to be here with me. I trust him...I trust him more than I trust myself.

He wouldn’t do something like that to me right?

I scoffed aloud and kicked at the ground in agitation. My head hurt from thinking too hard about all of this. I decided that maybe if I go lie down for the next 3 days my thoughts would be cleared...or at the very least less scrambled.

When I got back to the home, it was empty. I didn’t see any of the boys around and honestly, I should have taken that as a warning sign. There was almost always someone home, and for all of them to just coincidentally be gone so late at night wasn’t a good sign. Even knowing that something was off, I was too preoccupied by my own thoughts to think too much into the case of the missing boys. The door to the kitchen opened ahead of me, right as I closed the front door behind me.

It was Momma.

She was talking in a serious voice to someone behind her. Her furrowed brows and quick words showed that she was deep in conversation with the other person, but she stopped when she finally noticed me standing at the front door. She immediately switched from her concentrated face to that unsettling empty smile and walked towards me, a man following closely behind her.

He was large. Tall and wide. Like a small building…or maybe a big dog… or a small bear. His hair was bleached blond and his eyes were dark brown, almost black. His eyebrows were bushy and unruly. He looked as if he smelt like cabbage and beet stew. Just looking at him I could tell that he was a mutt like Momma. I could almost see the waves of power flowing off him.

Knowing subconsciously that he wasn’t human, a scowl found its way on to my face. He smiled a sickly smile in return. His teeth were eerily straight, and I wanted to punch him in the jaw to make them crooked.

Momma called me over and I snapped out of my stare down with the new man. She tilted her head towards him in an attempt to silently beckon me over. I blinked slowly before taking hesitant steps towards the pair, she reached out and gripped me by the arm.

“This is the one I was telling you about. She’s still young and takes orders very well. Well trained and she isn’t horrible to look at.” She started. The man’s eyes roamed my body and I felt the familiar feeling of embarrassment and shame flowing through me. She turned me to my side so that he could look at me from another angle and she continued on, “As you can see she has reached maturity and is in great shape to be of use to you and your brothers…oh and lest I forget, she’s the only human girl left in the area for miles.” She finished. His eyes brightened at her final statement. It was then that I realized what she was trying to do.

She was selling me. Not renting me out, but permanently giving me away.

She was putting me up for sell like some kind of fucking rare car.

I watched in terror as they negotiated a price.

“600 credits.”

“800.”

“700.”

“775. Take it or leave it.”

“Fine. 775 credits.” He said while pulling out his plastic card used to make the transaction. Everyone had one of these T-Cards, they made buying and selling easier than they had ever been before. They hold their cards to one another and the transaction is made once her card glows a bright blue.

775 credits.

The same price as a month’s stay in a really nice hotel. My life…worth a month in a nice hotel. While my panic seeped in, his dry hand wrapped around my other wrist and Momma let me go. He pulled me towards the door. A second of me limply following passed before I remember that I could fight.

I scratched at his arm and threw myself on the ground so that he had to drag me. I pulled so hard that I was sure I was going to dislocate my own hand, and if that would get me away then so be it. I didn’t like that hand that much anyway.

I thrashed around on the ground and he growled and tightened his hold on me. I cried. I screamed. I called out to Momma hoping that she’d take me back. I told her to take me back. I told her I would be good. I promised to do whatever she wanted, just don’t sell me off to this guy.

When she turned around her eyes locked with my own and like many times before I lost control of my body. The man let me go and I sat on my knees immobile, tears still streaming steadily down my face. She walked over to me with her fists clenched, I started to choke. The first clump of blood sputtered out of my mouth and on to the floor in front of me. Thick and dark red liquid splattered against the light wood of the ground like a painting.

My head felt like it was getting lighter, and my lungs heavier. While my upper body wobbled from the dizziness, I continued attempting to cough out the blood filling my lungs. Each time it was lessened, more would pool in to replace that which ended up on the ground.

She forced me on my feet. Everything faded in and out as my brain suffered from blood loss and the lack of oxygen. Her hand gripped my face making our noses line up. Her frown deepened as her nails dug farther into the skin of my cheeks.

“I don’t need you anymore, sweetheart. You’re taking up space here, and this is the highest bid I can get on your worthless ass. I’m not going to let this chunk of money get away just because you still don’t seem to understand how it all works around here.” I could only focus on parts of her statement, but the message was clear. All of my assumptions were confirmed. Right when I felt myself starting to black out, all of the fluids rushed back to their respective locations. I fell to my knees and coughed out the last of the blood and gasped for air.

The man took the opportunity to throw me over his shoulder while I was trying to gather my wits, and walked us out the door. I could only stare at his back exhausted as I was carried away from my home. The funny part is that I wasn’t even all that sad that I was being taken away. I hated it there, and I knew this day would come along sooner or later. It just happened to happen so suddenly.

He walked for about 2 minutes towards a parking lot before I was able to get back enough energy to start fighting again. I reached down the back of my shirt and ripped off the leather pouch that was tied around my torso and held my small blunt dagger. I knew he could feel me shifting around, but he underestimated just how much energy I was able to summon. Unsheathing the blade and letting the pouch fall to the ground behind us, I took in a deep breath before twisting and slamming the knife in to the back of his neck. I missed the nerve that I was trying to hit, but it was enough for him to fall in pain and drop me on the ground as well. Thank god I started keeping that knife there.

I attempted to fall and land on both feet, but I fucked up somewhere along the way and ended up flat on my ass. When I finally scrambled up off the ground I could tell that the impact had sprained my ankle, putting any weight on it hurt like a bitch. I let my adrenaline keep me going as I tried to limp away as fast as I could, but he was more resilient than I’d hoped. The back of my shirt was grabbed and I was yanked back on to the ground. With the impact, all of the breath was knocked out of me, and tears stung my eyes. I tried to catch my breath while staring up at the sky on my back.

He was hovering over me in seconds. He was beyond pissed, and the blood from where I had cut him was running down his neck. Drops fell on my clothes as they continued to stain his own. He pinned my arms above my head to keep me from stabbing him again. Unfortunately, I dropped my blade about a foot away from where I was lying anyway. He cursed at me and I struggled against his hold. His legs were on either side of my own as he leaned his body over my own. Blood was starting to drip on my face.

When he let out a low growl and put his face closer to my own, I head-butted him with as much force as I could muster. My forehead rammed against his face and his hands flew to his now broken nose. With him disoriented I could reach for my little knife that was near my knees. With a final swing I was able to hit him where I originally intended. Right in the neck, cutting off his central nervous system and preventing his brain and body from communicating any longer. He fell limp on top of me. I was able to let out a sigh of relief.

I had killed him. But it was not nearly enough blood on my hands to make me consider it a misdeed. It was my life or his.

I chose my own.

I was able to slide out from under his heavy frame. I even attempted to crawl off to somewhere. Anywhere, as long as I wasn’t here when his body was found. I didn’t give two shits about what happened to him, but he was still a mutant, and when he was found dead someone might come to look for me. If he was from the second ring, then I definitely needed to get out of here.

Now.

The edges of my vision were getting dark and fuzzy from the loss of energy and blood. I tried to get on to my feet, but it was an impossible task. I was left with crawling like an infant to some place where I could find sanctuary. My vision waned in and out and I knew I wasn’t going to get far in the condition that I was in. I wanted to nap. If I took a nap then maybe I would wake up and be well enough to escape. The last thing I can recall is someone shouting my name before I closed my eyes and blacked out.

*Now*

So here I am. Fully awake. Injured, emotionally scarred, and fairly pissed. I know that it was Tao who called out to me. He’s the only person who knows my name, er- well the name he gave me. I can’t remember how I ended up here, and I don’t know what “here” is. I blink at the ceiling a few times before deciding to run through what I do know.

My name is June.

I am 19 years old.

I am a human.

I’m not in the orphanage any longer, but I may still be in danger.

I’m hurt.

I have no idea where Tao is, but once I get my hands on him I’m going to kill him myself.

#exo #exo fanfiction #tao #tw #a whole lotta bullshit tbch #exo reverse harem #reverseharem #reverse harem

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ryanhamiltonwalsh · 7 years ago

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The End of Avatar + Birth of the Alt-Weekly in Boston - PART ONE

Note: If you are unfamiliar with the story of how the Avatar newspaper formed, or its run-ins with classic Boston censorship, you may want to catch up. Our story starts here as the tensions between the Valley editors (those who wanted to publish an eclectic underground newspaper covering a myriad of topics) and the Hill folks (members of the Fort Hill Community who wanted the paper to chronicle their way of life and the thoughts of Mel Lyman) come to a head. The early story is in the book, but also plenty of places online too.

Fifty years ago this month, the final "authorized" issue of the controversial underground newspaper, Avatar, hit the streets of Boston. The front cover's message was clear: stay away from Mel Lyman and this is *our* newspaper.

Issue #24 was a shock to the Valley editors of Avatar as well as readers. The paper was usually chock full of essays, reporting and ads. Here we see, in issue 24, page after page of layouts devoid of text, only pics of community member Alison in the middle of an LSD trip. It was...unexpected.

FHC member Michael Kindman recalled, “What appeared in Issue Number 24 could only be interpreted as Mel and the Hill thumbing their noses at the other members of the Avatar alliance, challenging them to get with the Hill's program or split. I remember finding it embarrassing taking the new issue out on the streets to sell, somewhat at a loss to explain to readers why the format had changed so dramatically, so suddenly. But I guess I accepted the challenge, another early opportunity to face difficulty and let go of old ideas in Mel's name.”

Around a large table at 4 Fort Ave Terrace, soon after the publication of issue 24, the two parties tensely gathered around to discuss the goal of the newspaper. Charles Giuliano represented the Valley contingent, Mel Lyman, of course, spoke for the Hill people. Here were two old friends—they had gone on road trips together, once shared the same girlfriend, and reached astronomical levels of intoxication together at Richard Alpert’s house in Newton—now face to face as bitter opponents.

There was no compromise, but there was a capitulation. The valley writers could continue publishing a newspaper, but they were no longer to use the name Avatar. That was fine with Charles Giuliano, who went immediately to work on a new paper. Issue 25 ended up containing all the best elements of non-Mel Avatar. “I decided to put no logo on the cover,” Giuliano recalled, “I designed it as an I Ching hexagram which we threw as a group...It all felt very holistic and pure.”

During layout of the issue, Ed Beardsley, who was constantly on and off the Fort Hill Community bandwagon, made the curious decision to place a reversed Avatar logo on the inside cover. An off-again and on-again relationship with a woman on Fort Hill had made Beardsley's precise allegiance difficult to pinpoint at any given time. “[Ed] had some kind of deceptive explanation,” Giuliano said of the reversed logo. “I was too exhausted to grasp his full intent.” Readers who held up the cover of issue 25 to any source of light would then see the Avatar logo seep through the paper, like a hidden code indicating that the paper was still, secretly, The Avatar. The first person to catch it was the printer at American Colony printing plant in Worcester. Noticing the peculiarities of the issue, he called up editor and FHC member Brian Keating asking, “Is this paper Avatar or not?”

“It's not, why?” Keating asked.

“The Avatar logo is on the 2nd page,” the printer informed him. Keating was stunned. This was now war. “I was revulsed,” he later wrote in an issue of the New York Avatar, “For nearly two hours I sat almost catatonic until David Gude and Eben [Given] came in.” Just a few weeks earlier, Eben Given had punched Keating in the face onstage at Club 47, but this direct action apparently had cleared the air of the particulars of the unspecified gripe, and now the two began working together again against a common enemy. Keating had an idea that they could order extra copies of the new issue of New York Avatar for distribution in Boston, but David Gude had a better plan: the Fort Hill Community should seize the unauthorized Avatar issue before it hits the streets. “Eben's eyes were burning, and David for the first time in weeks had life in his dour face,” Keating recalled of the moment they came up with the plan for the heist. “We got all the men up and went to the office...with a small fleet of vehicles.” In Michael Kindman's recollection, it was Lyman who ordered the heist: “Mel was furious. In retaliation, he ordered his 'boys' to take action.”

On May 11th, 1968 at 4:30AM, the heist began. The Fort Hill Community cars quietly rolled down Columbus Avenue in the pre-dawn darkness; the South End office was only two miles away from Roxbury. A run of 45,000 issues had just arrived at the 37 Rutland Street. Brian Kelly, a Valley-contributor to Avatar, was somehow alerted to the situation and began filming and snapping photographs as soon as the “Fort Hill Mob,” as he'd later refer to them in the Boston Free Press, arrived on the scene. Inside, the only staff present was Pebbles, the man whose unannounced Fort Hill visit had inspired the creation of the wall seen being built on the cover of issue 24; Pebbles was either working extremely late or secretly living at the Avatar office.

Below: Pebbles.

Pebbles “managed to stall them for several minutes in conversation,” but eventually the mob started loading every issue of the paper, still hot from the presses, and a good deal of the expensive printing equipment into their cars. Pebbles began making phone calls. Charles Giuliano's first move was to notify the police, who proceeded to laugh at him when they heard what had happened to his precious, controversial underground newspaper. The fleet of Fort Hill cars drifted back up to Highland Park, where they locked up 45,000 issues of the faux-Avatar inside the Cochituate Standpipe—the tower—which had been secured by their own personal padlock for over a year at this point, despite being official city of Boston property. As they loaded the confiscated papers into the tower, Michael Kindman recalled an uneasy feeling: “I remember having to simply put my own free-press, pro-constitution values out of my mind in order to tune in to the adventurous spirit of the raid and the camaraderie of working with the other Fort Hill men on something that was obviously important to them. Was this a sellout or a betrayal, or was this an oblique way of protecting the truth?”

Giuliano was devastated to see weeks of his hard work stolen and locked away. He told Brian Keating that he was a fascist and “worse than a police censor.” “Of course he was right, using the conventional terms,” Keating noted, making it clear that, nevertheless, their actions were not illegal. “I am the duly chosen editor of Avatar and am responsible for any publication bearing that name,” he wrote in New York Avatar issue #5.

“You're breaking my heart, Brian,” Giuliano said.

“I know, Charlie.”

Giuliano had worked hard to make issue #25 a piece of art. Now, nearly every copy had been destroyed. Issue 25 centerfold, which is quite beautiful --->

"For the better part of a week there were negotiations, threats, scenes," Giulianio told Rolling Stone's David Felton. "Fort Hill invited us all up for a big steak dinner at [Jim] Kweskin's house, and we tried to iron it all out.” But the dark secret of the evening was that the outcome of this meeting had already been predetermined by Mel Lyman before anyone had shown up for supper. As the two parties negotiated, Michael Kindman and some other community members removed issue 25 from the tower, drove it down the street, and sold it for scrap paper. An expensive print job was converted into thirty-five bucks. Back at Fort Hill, Brian Kelly set up a projector to run his film of the heist to prove what had happened, but this only upset Lyman who abruptly ended the meeting before it could be screened. At the end of dinner, the Valley editors were informed about what had just happened to issue 25. The message was clear: if the Lyman Family wasn't going be part of Avatar, there would be no Avatar.

“They were talking about [the destruction of the issue] for months in Boston,” Liberation News Service's Ray Mungo wrote in his memoir Famous Long Ago.

"It was at that point I realized,” Charles Giuliano told Rolling Stone, “we were dealing with very dangerous people."

After the shock of this coup wore off, both sides consulted lawyers and bickered with each other in the letters section of the New York Avatar employing a bizarre writing style reminiscent of counts and dukes. “Charlie, great arts comes only from great men,” Keating addressed Giuliano in NY Avatar #5, “what matters pain today if we fathom a further dimension of ourselves and tomorrow we create an art greater for it?” Giuliano's girlfriend Arden Harrison shot back, “John, it was most ungallant of you to publish such false accusations.” Guiliano: “I cannot for the moment regard you with either warmth or friendship.” New York readers, who simply could not have been as aware of Fort Hill drama as Bostonians, must have found the whole thing quite baffling.

What happened next requires a visual aid, as to not be needlessly confusing.

Out of all of these Avatar-publications, American Avatar would be the last one standing. Dave Wilson quit Avatar II early summer '68 to refocus on Broadside of Boston (which had now merged with another paper called The Boston Free Press). “I had hoped that in helping to create Avatar that it would address the social political arena and Broadside could concentrate on the music,” Wilson later wrote. “It did not work out that way.”

With Dave Wilson no longer by his side, Charles Giuliano couldn't keep Avatar II going on his own for much longer. He went on to work for Boston After Dark, and then The Herald Traveler. “My girlfriend [Arden] accused me of selling out when I did that,” Giuliano tells me, “which perhaps I did. But I had this idea about earning my own money.” He adds sarcastically, “What a dumb idea. As I said at the time your were a rich hippie or joined a commune/ cult. It was better to starve.”

Below, Giuliano holding the 1971 issue of Rolling Stone in which his former friend was on the cover, and which he was quoted extensively under the pseudonym, Harry Bikes.

Read Part Two Here.

Get the book at AstralWeeks.net

#Avatar #Boston #Alt-Weekly #Charles Giuliano #Dave Wilson #Rolling Stone #mel lyman #Michael Kindman #Astral Weeks1968 #astralweeks1968

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survivinglifescurveballs · 7 years ago

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Taekwondo from fun to fraud

We needed something for our youngest son to be a part of, something he could be proud of and learn from. We had previously tried soccer, but he had little interest in group sports. He had watched his older brother in Cub Scouts and had no desire to join. What else was there?

An idea emerged from a friend’s facebook post.

Tae Kwon Do? Maybe he would be interested in that. I clicked through to the website and read about the classes and the Grand Master. Grand Master Chong has trained Taekwondo to just about every kind of special forces America and Korea have. Xander would certainly like that as he is fascinated with the military.

Both boys decided to give the free class a try. When we walked in other parents warmly greeted us. Laurin, the black belt (2nd Dan) who owns and manages the school, was sitting at the desk. She gently told the boys to take off their shoes and head to the mat.

Grand Master Chong, already on the mat instructing, came over to meet them. He gave them a name tag to wear with their names written in Korean.

Free trial class experience

Class began with simple, clear instructions. A third of the class time was dedicated to stretching, followed by form work then other basic skill practice. Grand Master Chong was kind, patient, hands-on with each of the students. He often giggled when his students did silly things. They learned to stand at attention (Cha Rutt), to answer all instructors with respect (yes/no ma’am/sir), and the basics of how to properly move their bodies to kick and punch.

I watched the whole class noting my sons’ reactions, but it was difficult to tell how they felt with the amount of concentration they were giving their movements. At the end of class all the students encircled GM Chong. He secured all of their legs and the completed sit ups as a group. Each student bowed to each other and shook hands (Con Sa Hom Nee Dha), then the same to GM Chong.

Then one of my favorite things happened, GM Chong requires all of his students to hug and thank their parents for bringing them to class. What a wonderful lesson to teach the children. We are already huggers, but what mom turns away a sweaty hug from her growing young men? Not this mom, not ever. I don’t care how dirty they are, I will always scoop them up into my arms.

Both of them ran to me and asked if they could join. I had already decided I would sign the boys up if they wanted, so I met with Laurin again to talk about cost. It was $400 for three months of unlimited classes, two uniforms, and the registration fee. $200 for three months for each child didn’t seem too bad (or $68/month/child), especially considering there were classes six times a week. I had the option to pay each month, but the three month option gave me a price break. There were no required contracts, which I later discovered are common in most Taekwondo schools. Some contracts extended up to three years.

The first two months

GM Chong has found a magical balance of fun and discipline that keeps our boys excited and eager to return to class each day. He is encouraging, but firm. GM Chong can be found on the mat teaching every class and personally assisting each student. He laughs with them, but also commands their respect and is inflexible with the discipline required for Taekwondo.

The yellow belt test was quite formal with two other Grand Masters attending to watch the test. Check Chirdon and Craig Clinton. The boys modeled their basic motions, went through their form, and as a grand finale broke boards with their hands. They were proud of themselves and we were proud they had worked so hard to learn these new skills.

After two months our boys had progressed from white belt to yellow belt and are now orange belts. Their level of flexibility has drastically improved as well as their balance. While snapping some photos of them in class I was stunned by how high their kicks had become in such a short time. They had also learned to count to ten in Korean just from hearing GM Chong during stretching exercises.

My son with ADHD does great some days and others are rough, but GM Chong really pushes him to do his best. For that I am grateful. Most people with ADHD require more accountability, balanced with equal parts positive encouragement.

Month Three

Laurin and GM Chong took a week off to visit family. When they returned they announced a summer camp.

Our boys were very excited and asked immediately to be a part of the camp. After talking it over with my husband, we obliged.

One Saturday afternoon my oldest arrived in his soccer uniform coming straight from his game and GM Chong told us of how he was once on the soccer team in Korea. He told us of how competitive the players are and the difficulties he faced. With this opening I began to ask him about his life in Korea and how he ended up in the US. He spoke for a long time about the teams he had trained, athletes he had sent to the Olympics, and the Taekwondo schools he ran in Arizona for many years.

It was when I asked about how he ended up in Ohio that he became reluctant to talk. He said he had gone home to Korea giving up on Taekwondo after a bad experience with his former partner.

Chong had come to the US to visit Chuck Chirdon, a friend, who encouraged him to look for a new school location and even helped him get the building remodeled once he found a space in Pickerington.

The conversation left me with an uneasy feeling in my gut. I could tell something wasn’t right with the situation so I decided to background check GM Chong. Afterall, this man was going to be alone with my children during the day all summer long. Using Been Verified I learned that he had a criminal charge in Arizona, but no other information was given in the report. I had to send a request to the Snowflake Court of Navajo County.

While waiting for the requested public records to arrive I began to investigate both GM Chong and Laurin online. GM Chong had two schools in Arizona, LC Martial Arts, where he partnered with Master Ly Ngo. Both LC schools now show as closed. Yelp reviews for the schools were not favorable.

Hmm, that didn’t sound good. I shared the information with my husband and asked him if he thought I was just being paranoid, as sometimes I worry about little things blowing them out of proportion. Together we agreed that GM Chong had been wonderful to our boys and we were really happy with their progress so we decided to keep going to Taekwondo, not to mention we had already paid for the first three months of class plus $1600 for the summer camp.

Summer Camp

Day 1

GM Chong and Laurin ran the show and the kids had a blast. They came home and told me it was one of the best days of their lives.

Day 2

GM Chong and Laurin were not there. They had two of their black belt students runt he camp.

Day 3

GM Chong and Laurin were not there so we asked where they were. We were told GM had doctors appointments all week, but would be back Monday.

Day 5

The exterior school sign was taken down during the day. The company told the black belts it was a code violation. When the students called GM Chong he promised to call later that night with an explanation. After arriving to pick up my boys from class I realized GM Chong’s certificate was missing from the wall.

All of this was unsettling and I want to ask some others what was going on so I reached out to another adult student. This student had been running the classes while Laurin visited her father in Puerto Rico and GM Chong was at doctor appointments. Together we discovered all kinds of things that were not adding up. He said he would speak to GM Chong that night and let me know what was going on.

In the pit of my stomach I already knew what was going on, we were being taken for a ride. I again went to researching and then I found a very damning piece of evidence on youtube compiled by his former students at LC https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bT9oLzX1E8. LC’s World Taekwondo had been the second time GM Chong had run off with people’s money and he was now doing it a third time with Lion’s Martial Arts. Wow!

I shared the video with the student who was supposed to speak with GM Chong. He was shocked and said he had spoken to GM Chong last night. Laurin and Chong promised to send an email out to all the students today and “make things right”.

Epilogue to my tale of sadness

Once I found the video it didn’t matter what Chong and Laurin had to say there was no way I was going back to that school or trusting them with any more money. I had paid the summer camp fee with a credit card and am disputing the charge for services never rendered. It could up to two months before a final decision is made by the credit card company.

The worst part of all of it, this was my children’s first lesson in scams. Someone they trusted, respected, and had learned from had cheated them.

We did receive the three months of instruction that was paid in full. The boys did gain flexibility, learn to count in Korean, and learn many techniques. They also achieved two belt ranks, although I have no idea if another school will accept them as such, if we decide to try Taekwondo again.

What we did lose was trust in our fellow man, respect for Laurin and Master Chong, $1600, and our summer childcare arrangements with no advance warning.

I believe Churck Chirdon is an honest man with a kind nature who was fooled by Chong and Laurin as were the rest of the Lion’s Martial Arts students.

It’s important to note that most Taekwondo schools are bursting with integrity. Many of other schools have contacted us offering their condolences, inviting us to give them a try for free or reduced tuition. Here is a great checklist for finding an ideal school. Wiki also has a very complete checklist. You can also verify your Master’s belt level here.

A complete compilation of evidence against Lion’s Martial Arts can be found here.

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