#please do some actual helpful activism im begging

[beescake]

PLEASE PLEASE MEGADUMP THE ARASOL!!! PLEAAASEE MR BEESCAKE I AM ON MY KNEES BEGGING YOU

HFHGHD GLADLY aaa i’ve been adding notes to it here and there for months but just hesitant to post it bcs im 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂

also this is just my own takeaway of the events, it doesn’t necessarily comply to the Ultimate Truth of Canon-Alignment or represent the actual facts of what hussie intended! v sentimental smh but hopefully its still interesting to read

i love when characters inform each other by proximity, it's one of my fave things to see in media :') it feels even more significant when two characters deliberately choose to stick together, so that when one operates, you can tell the other is similarly aligned in associative solidarity.

sollux is a keystone of this trope — whoever he aligns with is a wordless statement, a nod of approval. this stood out to me bcs the main four humans were alr friends by default, but once you reach hivebent you realize the trolls can actively choose who they want to hang out with.

and as we all know, after assessing every troll's biases/loyalties, sollux is the only one who maintains his selective preference for innately Good 👍 people.

aradia is such a beautiful character honestly, she evokes such incredible feelings in me. she might not have been consistently written with care but the best parts of her character are truly stunning. i think it's easy to remember sollux as the self-sacrificing one bc he's so open about it (and his friends frequently react to his Moments) but when you compare him to aradia, it's always struck me

how much more. raw it is

to be so alone as an agent of time, having to orchestrate immeasurably harrowing events nobody understands or gives a fuck about

with your role painted in the story as one who must tend to the needs of the narrative, responsible to match every next note

because when you're given the capabilities, it becomes your duty to carry it out.

it becomes expected of you to keep experimenting and arranging the machinations to work for everyone, dusting off hundreds of necessary failures to keep going

and having to be so unwavering in your drive knowing miserably that there's no one who can help you but yourself.

or alternatively: to make things fun! so other people won't think twice about letting you go off on your own.

sure she's had some very good buds, notably thanks to Team Charge v Team Scourge antics.

and yet, at the end of the day, the one friend that kept choosing her time and time again was the friend with the highest standards.

i can see why people like to define arasol as moirails/matesprits but surprisingly i find the nondescript, unlabeled aspect of their relationship more straightforward to understand.

there's no shortage of people who would accommodate sollux. most of the surviving trolls are his oldest friends bcs he’d chosen them well. his transparency with his feelings had built him strong friendships that won’t falter or break, regardless of how much of a dick he can be. they’ve already seen and accepted him at his worst, and they still like him for who he is.

contrast that with aradia, who'd been so approachable, friendly and reliable in her exchanges it was super fun to talk to her. but the moment she became depressed, all her connections broke down.

her friends became hesitant to interact with her (until she became god tier, “happy” and amicable again) because her gloom and resignation didn’t serve them. she dealt with it alone.

there’s def something of note here abt the disparity between the way male & female characters are written+perceived in homestuck (esp parallel arasol with davejade) but i won’t go into that lmaoo

with this in mind i like to think of sollux as a gift to her, a loyal companion given to complement and commend her resolve. she's capable of doing so much alone but hussie took the time to build her and sollux's relationship as one of a unit; a set.

the ambiguity of their status does complicate things, but i do believe it makes sense with their characters. aradia's relationship with romance is a rocky one, the dubious stringalong equius had with her is a pointed reminder that her feelings of attraction are ultimately controlled by the author writing her.

unlike the other trolls who can openly address and own up to their crushes, aradia had romantic emotions forced upon her (especially when hussie implies 'she kissed equius back on her own volition'). and it seems like her character is so intrinsically neutral abt attraction that even when forced by the almighty powers above, she's unable to retain it wholly.

however, looking back to pre-game when she could actually "choose" her own feelings, she did have a crush on sollux.

their soft spots for each other were so obvious to the point where other people could see it.

taunting aside, when vriska comments on their unit as bf/gf it actually informs the audience that arasol's relationship is romantic in nature despite not aligning with the quadrant system.

even while dead, aradia could still describe her care for sollux, expressing that she would like to see him happy. if they had more time to explore their relationship on alternia, it's possible they could've settled in a quadrant once they grew older.

but going back to the lack of labels, their dynamic was affected once more when aradia became god tier.

to me, her ascension was both the perfect culmination and possible closure of her character. it's the light at the end of her journey toiling through countless of timelines where she had to actively assess and participate. that's why it's cool to see her being silly and having fun giving guidance, passively exploring and watching other people do their parts.

and yet the joy of her freedom makes it hard to explore further introspection. if we take her by her word, she'd already come to terms with the hurt she's been through and forgiven those involved.

i can't help feeling attuned to how impersonal and detached it can be, to devote and meld your identity so completely with your designated position as Maid of Time until you've become hard for your old friends (and even some readers!) to personally connect to.

idk post-canon but i assume there’s some degree of similarity to be bridged here with aradia's god tier and how the hs2 humans' Ultimate forms was described as a consolidation of all their possibilities. since aradia's classpect is inherently of service to Time, going god-tier may have elevated her beyond personhood with the "game construct" possessing her entirely. sollux doesn't realize the extent of it bcs he's still mortal, but a part of him may have subconsciously understood this.

i think there is a core aspect to aradia that was lost to the dehumanizing glory of god tier — a core aspect that may have contained an element of why sollux enjoyed talking to her in the first place.

to him, aradia hadn't just been a nice girl, she was a cool girl. despite not having much in common, he's still willing to chill next to her so she's not alone while she does what needs to get done.

back on alternia, they held a mutual and equal-level regard for each other that could've definitely settled into something permanent. but now, he's placed himself in a position where he can be kept around or left behind at will. the parameters of the relationship are largely in aradia's court, so any label she suggests to identify their relationship with he's likely to accept.

but that's why it's so difficult to label it. because god tier aradia may not necessarily Want quadrants or relationship labels. rather than the initial romantic attachment, their commitment to each other had evolved into one fundamentally of companionship.

no label? ok fine. no matter what, he still thinks she's a good soul worth latching on to. the best, actually. aradia > everyone else.

even if it gets stilted at times. there's an unexpected struggle to connect when sollux's go-to default for talking points is his feelings about things, and aradia may not want to talk about emotions all the time.

not to mention god tier aradia became an observer, especially of chaos. but sollux's avoidance of involvement comes partially from his innate pressure to get involved if something goes wrong. and he can't always tell when something goes wrong, because aradia doesn't mind if things go wrong anymore.

it's a non-negotiable preference that causes them to take the occasional time apart, a new boundary that wouldn't have existed before the game and aradia's god tier.

but just like how his friends tolerated his moods, sollux accepts aradia as she is. with no quadrants, their connection doesn't break down because there's no implicit romantic expectations to be disappointed by or resentful over.

sometimes when i see hs content that deliberately distances sollux from aradia, i assume this is the dissonance people might have felt. people might find it "easier" to be cynical about them bcs of this strange tension.

but idc lmao. grab that shit by the neck

lack of easy resolutions and cleanly tied ribbons is pretty standard of homestuck and imo it doesn't make arasol's dynamic any less incredible. with the right affection and consideration, there's still so much potential to develop the nuance of their relationship outside of the popular quadrant-based depictions.

hs has a lot of really great character compatibilities but the way aradia and sollux are in their own special orbit is why i can write this much about them in the first place. it's that frail innocence between first loves that makes it so sweet to me, two kids who grew up too fast playing guesswork without being clear where they're going.

ultimately i do think you're meant to feel a little tragedy for just how much they care for each other, even if they can't quite establish it in simple terms.

maybe they keep taking breaks to progress their own paths. maybe they remain as anchor partners while seeing other people. but even if you decide to separate them, they're still (awkwardly) texting each other updates all the while. and when they reunite it feels like coming home.

and well. more than anything, i like to believe that they do want to be exclusive.

they're just afraid. after all, they're still learning how to love, beyond the projections of the foursquare quadrant system they had inadvertently distanced themselves from since young.

they might not have everything figured out, but they'll get there eventually if you just hold them together and write them there.

optional post-canon segment:

one of the limitations of main hs is that (monogamous) relationships are often written as the go-to solution to wrap up character growth; it's an easy "patch" to imagine characters getting their happy ending because they have a partner, and those who don't end up with someone don't get that closure (most notably jade).

hs2 reaffirms this by suggesting that aradia's character cannot progress without letting sollux go, because happily settling in a relationship automatically locks your potential.

that pathetic panel of sollux staring emptily into the sky is still my fave hs2 spoiler ngl i find the impact of their parting so emotionally provoking precisely bcs they were written in original hs to be each other's forever, coming back together again and again

but now, they're subject to the decisions of the post-canon authors who might choose to deviate from that.

it's not new for them to part, but now there's an underlying worry that her dropping him off this time might be the last time. while i think the prospect of shattering their stability to make them grow separately sounds fun on paper, no amount of me desperately hoping for a good execution is gonna guarantee it

idk. i guess prediction-wise im expecting sollux in classic dramatic-hs2 fashion to tell dave to back off aradia LMAO. otherwise it's just gon be sollux and karkat pathetically watching aradia and dave from a distance swimming in their unresolved feelings for narratively-powerful time players smh obvs it sounds corny as hell but who knows its still plausible

srsly tho i hope they take the opportunity to develop arasol's relationship in a fresh direction that doesn't hurt me too badly...... and i hope they force sollux out of his comfort zone. i like watching him struggle :-)

[jellyfishcharm]

i am currently getting into the marauders fandom, and i am overly confused rn. i have never had an interest in reading harry potter but after begging from my best friend i started ATYD, and because i wanted to understand it better i started the actual harry potter series (pirated, fuck jkr) i have a ton of questions and i dont really think theyre things i can look up, so i turned to tumblr.

(please keep in mind i have not read the harry potter series so im like completely lost)

1) what is the source material for the marauders fandom? i thought ATYD was what jump started this whole james, sirius, remus thing but apparently it’s been going on since like 2003 so i’m just confused what is the canon information? the most confusing is wolfstar and how people talk about snape. is snape good? is he bad? am i missing something? was james bullying snape or snape bullying them? and is wolfstar supposed to be the “canon ship” or smth?

2) why is jegulus so popular? don’t get me wrong i love the concept of it from what i know (not very much im afraid) but i thought james and lily were like the end all be all canon marauders couple?

3) why is james desi? im all for it and as a black/jewish/gay girl myself the whole representation of poc and jews in harry potter along with jkr just put me off from the series for years but nothing about james reads as brown for me, so im just wondering how people got to that conclusion

4) why is there this weird hierarchy in this fandom? i keep going online and seeing old fans complaining about how things are so different now but like.. that’s how fandoms work? things are gonna change? it’s okay to like things that are old in fandom i mean i definitely do but it’s like they have such a superiority complex over others it’s kind of putting me off

5) why is everyone forgetting that the marauders were a group of little white boys in the 70s? they’re literally wizard racists (i thought)? i just don’t know how everyone thinks they’re so progressive when so many of them are wizard nepo babies. also

i really don’t want to seem negative or like i’m allergic to fun, i really love the fanfictions and the cosplays i’ve seen, this fandom seems so fun and the fact it’s been going for 20 something years is so cool, but i just have a lot of questions and im hoping the tumblr community can help me. i’m hoping reading the original series will clear some things up for me, and if you guys have any other harry potter/marauders related things to tell me as i get more into the series/fandom let me know!

(i’m also fairly new to being so active in fandom spaces so be nice)

[queerfortress2]

pls ms pauling anything pleaseim gay im desprate im begging 😭

FINALLY PAULING ASK HELLO HI. i too, am gay and desperate. - mod medic

FEM!READER X PAULING ; GENERAL HEADCANONS

she is TRYING to use all her time off to spend time with you. keyword: try. she gets one day off a year the girl is TRYING HER BEST. but please do not expect her to be around very often. most certainly not during the day but every other night she’ll (break in) walk in to your apartment for a small at home date!

she 100% prioritises work over her own health and sanity so she does have to work on that a bit. i mean we saw in the comics she almost DIED because the administrator needed some australium (THAT SHE KNEW RAN DRY) so like. she has to work on that before really being able to take care of you as well.

what’s that? wanna pamper her? GOOD LUCK SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO TAKE THAT. i personally don’t think she can take gifts very well and will often assume you want something in return. in which she’s now scrambling to go GET something in return.

ideal date where you want to go outside? help her go throw bodies into the cave of teufort.

JOKES ASIDE, if you aren’t fucking crazy, she best place she can take you is to a diner that doesn’t close till midnight. you two are the only customers there and it is very awkward but she’s trying her very best to make it nice! maybe a late night walk back to your place (because she barely is actually in her own, i imagine it’s a mess) and watching old tapes. it’s cute. it’s comfy. it’s non murderous!

if you’re a mercenary? well, it gets a LOT EASIER. hello (probably) only female merc. you’re subjected to girls night. when not actively running and disposing of bodies she’s probably talking to you, maybe while on the phone or dealing with paperwork but i digress.

think her biggest thing is gift giving and acts of service. she can’t exactly GIVE quality time if she tried, and shes so terribly touch starved that i don’t know how she would react if you just laid on top of her. she can give words of affirmation and such but she’s not exactly good at it. just trust me she’s going to be giving more than she expects to receive.

LOOK SHES SO SAD HOW DO I MAKE HER HAVE A HAPPY LITTLE RELATIONSHIP

i’m trying

[theworldofotps]

Secret Santa

Pairing: Finn Balor x Reader Word Count: 1,825 Description: Finn doesn't have a gift for the Secret Santa, so the rest of The Judgment Day help him out.

So excited to write some festive pieces! Thank you so much @new-zealand-chic for helping me create this idea, like you ran the ball with most of it. I truly hope that it's as good as you imagined. --------- Tag list: @omg-im-such-a-masochist @melissahausen​ @new-zealand-chic @writtingrose​ @99hook @sjwrites22​ @sassymox @mrsacklesevansmgk @xladyxfatex @biforrollynch @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @demonqueen29​ @itsicantbelievethis666​ @lilred91​ @rebellious-desires @claymorexpunisher @letsgivethisonemoreshot @ava-valerie​ @shortyiceheart​ @serpantscorpio8497​ @thatpanpal @thatnerdwriter @wrestlersownmyheart​ @vebner37​ @auburnwrites​ @aews-four-pillars​ @seeingstarks​ @whenimakeitshine1234​ @legit9thlunaticwarrior​ @blaquekitty @ironshamelessyouth​ @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin​ @ripleyswhore @moonrosekk @xbreezymeadowsx @elevennbloom @melblacc @alliwant456  @mcreignsera

If you wanna be added to the list lemme know. -------- “Okay here we go guys it’s time to pick your Secret Santa. You have three days to shop because this is a last minute idea.”

Becky smiles as she holds out a bag to the Judgment Day containing slips of papers with the name of coworkers participating in the activity. Rhea gasped sitting up quickly and reached into the bag first pulling out a name and glanced at it. “Ohh this is going to be a fun person to shop for.” She smirked, pocketing the name as the rest of the members grabbed their slips as well. Finn looked down at his paper reading over it and sighing quietly; he hadn’t picked who he was hoping for. Becky watched him closely and smiled innocently as the others chatted excitedly amongst themselves.

“You okay there Fergy?” “Yeah, I was just hoping for someone a bit easier to shop for.” “Nah don’t listen to him he’s pissy because he didn’t get y/n.”

Damian smirked as he walked over patting his friend on the back, the group teasing him as his cheeks flushed red.  “Shut up.”

He shook his head ducking out of the room with a chuckle as they made kiss faces at him. 

“Children, the whole lot of them.” ‘Alright, it’s time to find out who has y/n’s name.”

Walking down the hallway he decided to head for the catering area first, there was bound to be plenty of people in there who were also involved. “Chad hey quick question, I know you wanted to do the secret Santa thing you don’t happen to have y/n do you?”

“I don’t think we’re supposed to reveal who we have.” Chad chuckled looking at him and watched as Finn did his best to remain unbothered. Nearly everyone in the locker rooms knew how bad he had it for her.  “Yes I know but I just was curious.”

“Well actually I did have her but I switched with Kofi because he got himself so he has her name now.”

“Fuck okay thanks man.”

Finn quickly made his way off to find Kofi not noticing Chad sending a text to Kofi letting him know what was going on. When Finn finally spotted Kofi he was disappointed to find out he had also switched with someone else. 

And so began the long task of Finn chasing all the leads that he got of who had Y/n’s name. The next three days he sent out what seemed like a thousand text messages and phone calls, dropping by locker rooms if they weren’t answering. It was driving him crazy going after all these leads. So, when he was told that Natayla had her name, he stopped her as soon as she stepped in the arena for Raw. “Nattie, please I’m begging do you have Y/n’s name for the Secret Santa?” “Oh yes I do, why?” “Would you be willing to trade with me and in exchange you can have Bayley.” “Well I already got her gift so..”

Natayla smiled at him watching as the light practically went out in his eyes she tapped her chin with the paper.

“I suppose I would be willing to trade, Bayley would like this gift better anyway but you have to do something for me first.”

“What? I’ll do anything.”

“You have to do a Christmas Tiktok dance with me and we need to be dressed up.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes I am, I think it would be so much fun and people would enjoy it.”

“What costume?”

“You’ll be dressed up as a gingerbread man and I’ll be dressed up as an elf.”

Finn stared at her and looked at the ceiling groaning as he thought.

“How bad do you want this Finn?”

Natayla waved the paper around in front of his face, she could see he was about to cave in. Finn thought for a moment longer than nodded his head holding his hand out.

“Okay yes deal just tell me when and I’ll be there.”

“Perfect here you go.”

Finn thanks her, taking the paper and rushes towards The Judgment Day locker room. Pushing the door open he grins waving the paper back and forth excitedly.

“I finally got it! I have y/n’s name for Secret Santa!”

He cheered as his friends gathered around and looked at the paper in his hand, Damian chuckled, slapping him on the back.

“Well done mate and all you had to do was harass the entire company rosters to achieve it.”

“I didn’t harass anyone.”

“You literally kept calling Liv at three in the morning yesterday to try and find out if she still had it. She texted me about it a little while ago and you owe her a coffee for her trouble.”

Rhea shrugged as she sat back down on the sofa and looked up at him sipping her bottle of water.

“So what are you giving her?”

“I don’t know yet I have to shop.”

“You better figure it out man, the gift exchange is tonight.”

Dom grinned watching as their friend slowly sank into a chair looking between them all.

“I thought Becky said we had three days.”

“She did, you spent nearly every moment since we got the names looking so you have exactly two hours to figure out what to get her.”

“What the fuck am I going to do?”

“We can help you out, we just need to find a store and fast.”

Rhea smiled, tossing the rental keys to Damian as the group rushed out to the rover and piled in. Finn sat in the passenger seat nervously bouncing his knee as he watched out the window, the group couldn’t help but whisper when he wasn’t paying attention. Damian reached over grabbing Finn’s knee.

“Stop bouncing that damn leg, it’s driving me nuts.”

“Sorry I’m just nervous. I didn't even think of getting a gift while I was waiting for replies.”

“No worries man, we got you.”

The group says as they arrive at the shops then make their way inside, they decide to split up so they weren’t all caught in a large group. 

“Do you have a general idea of what you want to get for her?”

“No, I mean I want to get her something special because I think she’s really special but also I don’t know what she already has.”

Rhea groans and grabs his arm leading him into a shop. It was best to let her lead since she hung out with y/n more than Finn was able to. What Rhea thought was going to be a simple easy time turned out to be frustrating as hell because Finn kept shooting down everything she suggested. 

“Come on mate.” Rhea groaned. “We've been here an hour, the party is in forty minutes!”

“There’s nothing here that works for her.”

“Finn Finn we found it!”

Dom called as he rushed into the shop with Damian trailing behind him a bag in his hand. 

“What did you find?”

“Trust us she’s gonna love it, now come on we need to get back we won’t have much time.”

The group get back in the rental and head off back to the arena with Damian clutching the bag in his hand. Finn was worried that it wouldn’t be something fit enough for Y/n and the whole ride he begged Damian to tell him what it was. 

“Just wait and see.”

He smirked as he drove them the rest of the way and the group made their way inside. Becky met them in the hallway and lead them to the catering area where their coworkers and friends were. 

“Okay everyone, find the person you have the name of and give them their gift, enjoy yourselves!”

Becky smiled as music softly played throughout the room, Finn turned to Damian and shifted on his feet.

“What’s in the bag Damian.”

“My gift for Rhea, that's who I had.”

He says pulling out a leather vest with a rhinestone fire skull and spikes on the back of it. Rhea cheered, grabbing the vest and slipping it on while thanking her friend earnestly.

“You said you found one for y/n!”

“Technically I didn’t say that we just said we found a gift she would like we didn’t say we bought one. However, I have the perfect idea.”

Pulling a large purple bow out of the bag he slaps it on Finn’s chest while Rhea puts a pair of deer antlers on his head. A twig of mistletoe hanging from it, Dom snaps a picture before Rhea shoves Finn into someone. “Woah, hello Finn.” Feeling his face heat up he turns looking into a pair of the prettiest eyes he’d ever seen on a person before. “Hello y/n I'm so sorry for bumping into you.” “That's alright no harm done, so who did you have for Secret Santa?”

“He started out with Bayley.” Rhea said smirking from where she was leaning against the wall, Damian chuckled as they practically threw their friend under the bus. “But he spent so much time trying to get the actual person he wanted that he forgot to buy a gift.” Damian wiggled his eyebrows at his friend who stared at them but also the amused smile on y/n’s face.

“So, y/n, congratulations your Secret Santa gift this year is none other than Finn Balor.” Dom called as the three of them quickly rushed off leaving the pair alone, Finn wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

“You’re my present this year? How delightful I was wondering why you had a big purple bow on your shirt. You know what’s funny?”

She asked, stepping closer to him with a smile on her face as Finn couldn’t help but softly smile back.

“What?”

“I got your name this year, I got a pack of legos as a joke but seeing as there's some mistletoe on your head. I think that we can exchange a much better gift, don't you think?” Finn’s gaze flicked down to where her tongue slipped out to wet her bottom lip, his eyes darkening as he smirked.  

“I definitely think we could love.” With his heart racing Finn cupped her cheeks pulling her close before pressing his lips to hers in a kiss that rocked his world. Ignoring the cheering of their coworkers Y/n smiled into the kiss her eyes closed as the two of them let the noise fade out. When they finally parted goofy grins on both their faces Finn’s eyes searched hers.

“What do you say we go find somewhere and talk maybe over a drink?”

“I say, what are we doing still standing here lets go.”

Hand in hand the two laugh as they quickly leave the room ignoring the hoots and whistles of their friends. 

“Wear protection Finn!”

Was the last thing he heard Rhea shout before the door closed behind them and he pulled her in for another kiss.

[turnstechgodhead]

Le sign... speaking of the server,

dirk is encouraging me to be more firm on my own thoughts for my comfort

i've seen ppl talk about it in stream a lil which im always like I Don't Care when it pops up but i've had Enough and i want to talk about the topic bc it's itching at my brain follicles.

since we're pretty strider-oriented, this had to happen at some point: strider cest/strilonde cest/in cest wont be allowed in the main server. if other people don't care, i might make a separate server.

-"hey why is that ^ something you would allow? pretty insane." / "are you a pro shipper then??"

no

"so you're an anti?"

also no

i dislike this argument as a whole bc i don't 'get it' i guess because im audhd. neither side is fully correct nor fully wrong.

"fiction affects reality." and "fiction is not reality." are two different thought processes that can and should coexist in the same space.

look. fiction can affect reality, but it IS also possible to separate from it. you can para or whatever responsibly. tag it. try to make sure people who don't want to see it don't have to see it. and if minors are getting sent your shit, make sure its clear that this should NOT be happening in reality. if you're a child, keep that shit blocked. it's NOT for you and you should not be actively consuming it. (please listen to this advice bc i grew up on the internet barely supervised, from a very unhealthily early age [7-8] and then developed into a fucked up hypersexual.) (seeing something fucked up and being like AUGH my eyes! is normal because that just. happens. thats life. you deal with it afterwards in some way. talking to someone you trust etc. you do not go back for more i am begging.) (if someone is showing you these things on purpose then please read this website all the way through for me ok?)

you should not be looking at an adult exploring/enjoying fucked up shit

videogames are not going to make you or me more violent by having violence, gore, and murder in them. but videogames DO make some people violent. those people should not have access to these things. but we (you and i) cannot control that beyond making sure content is labelled and set aside. i like playing games where i assassinate people. i am not an assassin. someone could play the same game and get terrible ideas they act on. this is not my fault for playing the game.

and, if you're an adult who likes fucked up shit (me too) tag your shit or have it listed somewhere on your about that it's something you post about frequently there. and maybe reiterate that it's not real. its just toys. and should never be followed irl. yeah, it fuckin sucks that we gotta do this shit, but kids are unfortunately on the internet, with the inability to differentiate grey from black and white. your shit might be the first exposure. which sucks!! so it's our responsibility to try and mitigate harm on both sides unfortunately until we can convince parents to start parenting their children again. which sucks. i just wanna post shit in peace but the buzzing around from very loud teenagers makes me anxious. i get it.

it fucking sucks!!! but we can't control other people, especially if theyre malicious

but you control what YOU see on the internet. block anyone. (i blocked someone back in the day for disliking johndave. be free.) and help people do that (control what they see) by making it very clear. you aren't evil for not wanting to see it, and other people aren't evil for enjoying fucked up content.

also some of yall on BOTH SIDES do some truly vile shit in the name of this argument when your energy could be spent elsewhere doing shit you like or even doing things that are actually. Helpful.

so i don't like either label i dont want to be associated with either of the sides but if you want to call me one or the other then . Whatever i guess? thats your business, not mine. just know you are not a failure or a freak for not constantly reinforcing and reassuring everyone that you think adults doing their own thing in fictional spaces with little toy dolls (that theyve been doing since the 70s-80s) is gross. you can just think that like. in general and look away because the dolls are dolls. but don't go posting doll horn-knees untagged. that's rude as fuck.

[tabbyrocks]

odd mha ships i dont like and why

dabihawks/ hotwings

they hate eachother. dabi tried to kill him, and theres just literally no chemistry between them. if they ever DID get into a realationship it would be horribly unhealthy. also i think dabi is too obsessed with his dad to want a relationship. (hawks idolizing his abuser does not help)

endevorhawks

absolutely not. this is basically a proship due to the 20-30 year age gap and it being abuser x abused. if you like this i hope you get hit by a fucking car you nasty freak.

twicehawks

didn't realize this was a ship untill recently. gross. sure, they were buddy buddy but ONLY because hawks was trying to get info out of him. hawks liked him as a person / thought he was better then the rest of the villans but twice was set in his ways, so it would never work. also hawks like actually killed him.

bakudeku

literally VOMITS oh my god i hate bakudeku. bakugo is horribly written and the ship itself is so unrealistic. bakugo bullied and abused izuku for 10 YEARS STRAIGHT. TEN YEARS. even with bakugo's "character development" its still really bad. the closest i can see them being is pals.

monobaku

i think this might actually be worse then bakudeku on a logistic level. they both DESPISE eachother. bakugo canonly thinks he's the spawn of Satan. please just let enemies be enemies dear lord.

kiribaku

as much as i hate any sort of ship with bakugo involved this might be the most tame one on this list. i just don't like it. bakugo is overly mean to ALL of his friends and they really only have a strong mutual respect for eachother. also he uses him as a human punching bag just because he can harden. keep your hands to yourself bakugo jesus christ,,

todobaku

this one just makes me sad. bakugo doesn't want a single thing to do with todoroki but todoroki is like so heavily autistic that HE GENUENLY THINKS THEY ARE FRIENDS???? like it hurts me to my core please stop talking to bakugo todoroki im begging.

monoma x tamaki (i dont know the shipname for this and i dont care enough to find out)

I can't believe i even have to mention this one but i had a very interesting situation back when i was active on twitter where ALL of my mutuals thought that this shit was morally okay and i had to block all of them. thats a minor x an adult. i thought we established that freshman x seniors is fucking gross what is WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE. "oh but its only a two year age gap-" WRONG!!! its a 2 and a half year age gap. people seem to forget that teenage brains develop really fucking fast that even though the age gap is only 2 and a half years the MATURITY GAP IS HUGE. also, normal fucking 18+ yr olds DO NOT like dating people under 17 (some of them ive talked to, like my brother, said that even 17 is iffy and heavily depends on how mature they are). also, if we completely ignore the age + maturity gap, their personalities clash. tamaki would probably be fucking bat shit terrified of monoma due to how eccentric he is. also they havn't interacted in canon ONCE. this one is also basically a proship.

Bonus:

togachako

I used to hate this ship because i thought it would just be super toxic, but the recent chapters of the manga really won me over. its just the build up to that point was honestly ass, like we went from 20% to 100% WAY too fast.

[damienthepious]

I am on my knees begging for commentary on tbiohc chapter 21, I would love the part where Rilla gives Arum the flowers or where he bites her hand but honestly any section from the chapter at all would be amazing, please share thoughts!!

aslfjsjfaskfj yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah chapter 21 which caused me to write like 3k words in a single day and made me cry at least twice. :D

im gonna do the bite section but before i say anything else i will mention As Per Your Comment (💖💖💖), Rilla bringing two flowers was, indeed, VERY deliberate. On my part, at least. Rilla doesn't think in metaphors quite as much as me... and damien and arum. MOVING ON.

["Can I- would you let me just-"]

Poor Rilla doesn't have a good vocabulary for what she wants, here. There's a BIG gap between this and what she actually wants to say when she posits her Point Four, but... she wants SOME sort of physical contact with him before she makes her case about... well, informed consent, basically. She wants a connection before she tells him that she understands, and she wants to help him ANYWAY. But she doesn't have the right words to explain that desire, so... she just Reaches Out.

[She trails off, and Arum watches her, his violet eyes vivid and wide and still startled. She leaves her hand hanging in the air between them, just- waiting, and after a few breaths Arum looks towards her palm, swallows, and-]

Arum... I don't know if he fully understands what she's asking for either? But also, i hope this has come through, but in the last few chapters, Damien and Arum have gotten fairly comfortable with some casual touch. touching an elbow, poking each other, brushing shoulders. Since Arum can't talk, touch is just... easier, sometimes, when it comes to getting attention or (as shown earlier in this scene) telling someone to BACK OFF before other guards come in the room.

But that is extremely different from an active, specific request for physical contact from someone else. Even someone who Arum has a burgeoning friendship with via letter. and also. she's not just taking what she wants in the situation either. She's offering him a choice, too. Saying please.

[His face twitches, some strange pain crossing it, and then his jaw clenches for a moment before he- he jerks his face towards her, opening his mouth and nipping at the heel of Rilla's thumb before he shoves his cheek into her palm, his eyes squeezing shut and an expression of pained embarrassment on his face.]

i will say again, As Per Your Comment, you are SO right. Arum is extremely, extremely A Cat. This bit...... it just kinda came to me? i was literally staring off into space and imagining BEING ARUM in that moment, imagining what I would want to do, how I would respond, and... the sort of... despair of admitting how badly he wants what she's offering, and the little bit of defiance to at least pretend that he's going to use his teeth on her before he allows something soft.

And the thing is. He could have drawn blood. He did not want to. There's a little bit of the... like... urge to consume what you can't bear to lose? wrapped up in the gesture? But mostly he just needs to pretend like he even wants to resist them. just a nibble.

[Damien tenses, but- Rilla doesn't respond with pain, her hand looks- fine, and she makes a small concerned noise, moving closer and curling her fingers against Arum's jaw, lifting her other hand to cup his face on the other side.]

Damien doesn't think Arum would hurt him OR Rilla, at this point, but. like. the dude did just lunge and bite his fiance's hand. I'd probably also flinch, regardless. Rilla, for her part, is. having a moment. because she was not EXPECTING him to respond quite so... emotionally? Emphatically? he shoved his face into her hand, so of course she lets her other hand join the first. Of course she cups his face like That.

["Oh," she says, more shaky than Damien is used to hearing her. Arum growls, still carefully low, and he cracks his vivid eyes open to glare at her after a moment.]

I don't want to say that Rilla forgot how bad Arum had it, but... they've been acting like penpals with a secret code for a few weeks now, and... i mean... it's ARUM. he complains, obviously, but... he downplays his own emotional reaction. He describes it dry, if he describes the actual torment at all. Right in front of her, breaking over a simple touch, it breaks her heart, too. And Arum is, of course, embarrassed. Because what's more embarrassing than this? Than falling into her hands, just because she offered?

[Do not ask why I did that, he writes without looking a the page, his handwriting only barely more shaky than normal.]

Universe forbid he expresses himself. Also, i don't think he could in ANY way articulate why the fuck that just happened. He doesn't have the benefit of my perspective as the author, lmao. He'll maybe work out what the fuck is up with himself later.

for now, though, he just... gets to feel her hands on his scales. Deliberate, and calm, and gentle.

so. yeah.

argh.

[starscelly]

hi cel!! was just going through ur 42455 tag and wondering if you’ve been having any Thoughts about them recently .. also. miro in that pic on roope’s ig story- he looked so so good!!

miro my beautiful wife. he did look so good if im remembering the correct photo!!!!!!!! apolocheese as this has been in my ask for Weeks now and i’m finally ready to approach it whole heartedly with my arms wide open …. i am always having thoughts abt Them unfortunately.... cracking my knuckles….. thank u for asking abt my Guys <3 please take a little essay

THE THING IS…. and i’ve touched on this previously…… everything abt 42455 begs you to be like. roope jealousy. easy. him and miro have history and then harls comes in drooling after his boyfriend. of course he’d be rude. but i literally JUUUUST discussed that i don’t actually find roope bitchy. necessarily. like i think he would do so in a chirpy manner (see: him always being like ughh i hate esa esa is a big freak weirdo. and then he sees esa and is like ^-^) that would actually bounce off of harls chirping really well! like theyre actually Pretty similar in the regard imo

and then we also consider THIS second quote here abt the bubble ….. and this opens new doors 4 meee. like what do you mean actually that he got close to miro and roope in the bubble? why did he specifically name miro and roope??????? but anyways . harls even says himself that he normally wouldn’t get to get close to the europeans but that closed in environment Let him do so . and it lets me live in a world of pre established friendship and crushes. and isn’t that stunning. i also think it’s fun that like. harls was a black ace. from my understanding they didn’t really overlap with the team for practices? like they were separate (correct me if i’m wrong) so that can affect the dynamic a lot imo! like we All remember this saad tweet (i am the only person that thinks of this regularly) and how it - along with those harls interviews gushing abt miro - set up a kinda. hero worship to friendship to lovers. but if we consider harls was a black ace during the covid bubble and didn’t have the same access to follow miro on the ice all day. that means they got to know each other like. casually. obviously not Outside the context of hockey because of the environment but closer to that than not. i think u can still get hero worshippy abt it bc harls would’ve been FRESHLY 19. actually turning 19 IN the bubble iirc so literally probably 18 when they met? miro would’ve been freshly 21 and roope 23. which in pro hockey world is Old Enough to be considered Older and Wiser and Cooler. BUT ANYWAYS. yeah enough outside of the context for it to be a Relatively Normal Friendship Plus Some Admiration. like there’s an article where they talk abt how the black aces would hang out with the main rosters guys at dinners and other Activities and pick their brain abt stuff and i can def see harls doing that with miro - and by default roope - but obviously that could and likely would devolve into Normal Conversation as well.

u can also maybe get into some fun stuff that, if u struggle with repositioning roope as not a jealous hater, could help. like we Saw bubble miro (so insane so good). maybe harls was a good luck charm. something like that. etc etc. 

i also want to just. placing roope aside maybe for a second. not something i like to do frequently but humor me. if we could take a moment for the dress and such. re:

idk if i have much more profound to say about that but. 3 boygirlfriends who can skate soooo pretty and play such similar games..... idk im into it!!!! conceptually!!!!!!!!!!!

also idr how much i discussed this last time but. as someone insane + always miro centric. it is very quite important to me that miro has two men just aaaabsolutely obsessed with him. and i think the difference in the way theyre obsessed with him is really silly and fun as well!!!! harls is . seemingly. relatively sane abt him off the ice (well. insane abt him but in the way he is insane abt everybody) but is SOOO obsessed with him as a player. insert every time he talks abt miro playing hockey. and roope is relatively sane abt him as a player - so much so that they played together for a full ! year!!!!! without the having their names linked forever and the being attached at the hip - but absolutely insane abt him off the ice. like will not leave him alone. like half of his insta posts include miro atp (not fact checking so just trust me). like it's truly sickening.

ANYWAYS..... sorry this was especially all over the place... i have a lot of big feelings and thoughts! i hope this was appreciated regardless of the Mess of it lolll

[plaquerat]

i can't help but feel like ive been ruined. i spent so many nights begging someone i was in love with to not kill themself, to not abandon me, to please please love me back. i was forced to swallow my religious trauma because any way i processed it was Wrong and if i prayed more, if i shut up about saints, if i believed harder that god was truly good i could help the person i was obsessed with. i stopped watching or reading things i liked because one time the person made a joke making fun of a piece of media that's known to be bad and if you do that that's the same as endorsing what that piece of media is about and that would take this person away from me.

i helped make a server with someone after we left a larger one. we brought people we knew in. i invited a few people from a dead one i was in for the same piece of media. it would be nice, i thought, if we could all hang out and post art and have fun in a smaller, safer space. i liked a character that was very unpopular in the fanbase. the movie for this piece of media came out recently. there was a really awful joke made about this character in it. it made me feel gross and it felt like something that character wouldn't say or do. it was a gag comedy piece, and i've been into comic books before. i was used to being able to go "hm, that's uncool. i don't like how the character was written in this, and i don't think it's really indicative or how the character is." this apparently isn't normal and i, a csa victim who was just barely piecing together my abuse, was made to feel like i was evil and a supporter of the very thing i was so hurt by. tone indicators blew up around the time this server was active. i had a very hard time with them, and i have a history of being talked down to and infantilized. i asked people not to use them with me, and explicitly said why. i got off work that night and got a dm from someone i considered a friend at the time telling me how shitty and ableist i am for feeling that way. that if i feel like im being infantilized, then it means i think anyone who needs them is a fucking idiot. i never said that at all. when i got upset over how i was being talked to i got told that see? this is why someone like YOU needs them? because im actually stupid and need to have my hand held and told how stupid i am. anything i did from this point was obviously malicious. if i liked anything i was stupid. if i posted that character i was still so attached to i was into pedophilia. that person i was so obsessed with was in here for a while and after they cut me off completely i wanted to wipe the server. it was pretty dead anyway. i wanted it done quietly. one of my supposed friends was besties with that person in here who loved to accuse me of horrible things. they told them and they drove me out because if i deleted a server they posted in once a month that was bad and wrong and who cares about anything involving me. so i left.

i was invited into a server by someone i was mutuals with. it was nice. people in there were friendly and some were actually excited to see me. the owner was someone who very much did have issues, but we all did. occasionally id say things without thinking and get nipped. oh my bad haha! ill try harder. and i did. there were five vent channels and one was angry and involving things that upset us morally. i got really ovsessed with looking at accounts that posted things, triggering myself over and over. this was normal and good, the server owner believed. this person accused people of pedophilia on a fandom poll for voting on a character they liked and not this person's personal choice. my one irl friend's mom died when i was at work. on my break, i posted about it in shock, asking for support. when i got off work, i was being accused of making the server owner attempt suicide. when i floated the idea of commissions before moving, the server owner accused me of stealing customers from them. they had closed theirs earlier that day, after all. i couldnt post about anything if they had mentioned it to me. that was theft and i needed to credit them for everything. when i got into ghost, i said i liked how people would sexualize the papas. it was good, i thought, that older characters were being seen as attractive. the sevrer owner accused me of incest then, because my character i had made for ghost was related to these characters. i felt weird and gross talking about it with them around after that. i was told that at one point when i offhandedly mentiomed having a crush on someone, the server owner was convinced i meant them. in the end, the server owner cut the entire group off, and it turned out he was abusive to a lot of us. but people mentioned i seemed to get a very large chunk of it.

in tthe leadup to the ghost movie, i was so, so scared. i didn't know why. some horrible, evil part of my brain was telling me it was going to turn out copia was a pedophile. that was insane. that wouldn't happen, that's disgusting and evil and completely against what ghost is. but it had happened before with a character i liked. and what was one more comfort stolen away from me, an ontologically evil person. it didn't happen. obviously, it didn't and i was relieved. i still feel insane for even thinking it.

im trying to do better these days. i dont go out of my way to look at things that will trigger me if i can help it. im supposed to get into therapy more regularly now that ive moved again. most people i talk to now are supportive of me, understand that im kind of a freak and someone who has some very abnormal beliefs— and that its okay for me to have them. im not hurting people by worshipping lucifer. im not bad and wrong for being interested in saints and rituals. i know people that have had fears like mine because of similar events. im writing more than i used to, im talking about weirder ideas more. there is still fear, and there will be until i can have a decent way to work on it.

i really feel like a lot of this didn't need to happen in the first place, though. most things probably dont need to happen. they just do and im a very fundamentally messed up person for it now. oh well i guess. eventually ill stop crying before sleeping and immediately upon waking up.

[blindedguilt]

do you think leonard and 1.3 leonard would get along

//I JUST SAW THIS AND???? THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I'VE WONDERED ABOUT THIS THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT IT PLEASE BUCKLE IN BECAUSE???? OUGHHHH........

//To start off, I think DOD1 Leonard would be a neat(?) reflective novelty in the eyes of 1.3 - a look into what he could have been if things had gone only slightly differently, and maybe on some level, still kinda exists inside him. I think he'd feel a bit half-relatable, half-sympathetic type of pity for DOD1 Leonard, and 1.3 would get along with him just fine!! Maybe he can lend him some of his own wisdom to help him on his journey. :-) //...But as for DOD1 Leonard, I'll be honest: I don't think he would be as buddy-buddy as 1.3 is with him. I think he would at first be mildly put off/kinda???? ????? about 1.3? Because there he is, this seemingly NORMAL version of himself and he's faced with the uncanny sight of being a silly pathetic little forest hermit to himself, not just running a village but being one of the only sources of hope in said village with such a character gap it's like "he's fine???? I'M FINE????? what happened???? what changed what is this" //and when he finds out he STILL has the paedophilia, his brothers are STILL dead everything goes from "weird clone im sure is nice and am trying not to judge but am very confused by" to a more shaken, discomforted, upset sort of put-off because i think the thought of meeting a version of himself just... not caring or not seeming to feel a need to suffer and is comfortable just moving past that grief like nothing (at least outwardly) for these VERY wrong things he's internalised as his own fault and responsibility (even across times!!! no version of himself is allowed to step out of line! ESPECIALLY no version of himself!!!!!) //(particularly given that leonard's guilt and misery is the one thing he really has of himself, both in the sense he's formed his entire person around it and it is, in a way, the only thing he has left of his past, just in general i feel that he would be a bit uncomfortable seeing a glimpse of what he is without what makes him, in his eyes, him) //but would leonard actually act on any of his distaste for the "how can you be okay with this and just let that slide?" leonard? nah. //not if he doesn't find out just how many standards 1.3 has tossed aside. //it goes without saying that dod1 leonard isn't a very confrontational, much less violent person, though im VERY happy to state that i very much believe we might see a once-in-a-lifetime exception to that rule if he were to find out about the hijinks his other self were up to! DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD YOUVE GOTTA PUSH LEONARD FOR HIM TO WILLINGLY COMMIT VIOLENCE? //If DOD1 were to ever find out that he had become his own worst fear of an active predator in another life, I think it would be enough to just break something in him emotionally, and i doubt he could just let it slide. it begs the question....

//who do you think would win? drakengard 1.3 leonard, assumedly fucked up on dragon's blood and capable of crushing bones with his fists or a dod1 leonard who's decided to put down the pacificism for a moment of pure vitriol-induced murderous rage?

//it's a lot easier to kill others than it is yourself, after all.

[gaiathemexicanbeauty]

puppy love | tanjirou x male! reader

word count: 1.1k

just a completely unexpected tanjirou crush headcanon list! :D

warnings: none! pure fluff :3 (i refuse to make anything remotely sad (unless asked) (then i'll do it) (unwillingy))

tanjirou is a minor so please do not comment weird stuff under this!

i wasn't gonna write this and just ramble all this to a friend but i was like "why am i gonna torture them" /lh i love you damien

anyways i am only on s1 e15 so this might not be canon compliant to the manga or to swordsmith village or to season 2 and happens before all of that sadness

but anywho, please enjoy this and happy reading! :D all of this was very rushed bc of how fast i wanted to write this so sorry if its bad lol

don't forget to check out my ask box! <3 ask box rules are in my pinned post! requests are slow right now but i am more than happy to just chat!

tanjiro is obviously a really determined kid, nothing really gets in the way of his journey or protecting his friends and nezuko

but i like to think that he has plenty of lovey dovey fantasies, sleeping beauty and cinderella type of thing where he thinks everyone is destined for love and that if you wish for it enough, it will come to you

but he can also be very oblivious so as much as he believes in soulmates, you would have to slap him across the face (though why would you do that?) for him to realize he was looking at the future love of his life

he's still a kid so the idea of love is very innocent to him and thats why i love him <3 but he can't really tell anyone about all of his daydreaming because zenitsu would give him a hard time and inosuke would laugh in his face

but tanjirou most definitely can't stop for too long in the places where he's assigned missions in (he wants to explore, he's naturally curious like that!) so in turn, he doesn't really have the time to fall in love or even have a crush

maybe one day he stops in a city or town, there's a festival going on and he's trying to get past all the crowds of people to get out of the city and get to his next mission

and maybe it's the cliche of you running away from someone (probably a bully) and you run into tanjirou and immediately scramble to hide behind him and beg him to help you, you'll do anything!

so now he has no choice but to give you a hand (he'd think about it for days if he didn't) and once he convinces the person to leave, you're on your hands and knees thanking him as he tries to reassure that it was his pleasure

"let me buy you a meal! it's the least i can do!" you say with a grateful smile; you don't give tanjiro time to respond as you take his hand and lead him to some food stands just a few feet away

from there, you treat tanjirou to more than just a meal, but snacks and even some local activities (im not japanese guys but i know there are plenty of super fun stuff to do)

once you actually look at him, you feel grateful that you stopped him when you did: his kind smile had you pleasantly staring at him, the way he would fluster so easily when you would compliment him, and just how overall nice he was for seemingly no reason

by the time you knew it, the streets were becoming quieter and less crowded and the night was cooling down but neither you or tanjirou had tried to stop talking

"oh, are you cold? here, you can take my haori." tanjirou says with a smile; how he had noticed the way you rubbed your hands over your arms made you flush a bit and even more so when he places the haori over your shoulders

it was warm with a soft scent you couldn't recognize on it but it wasn't necessarily unwelcome. a smile stretches onto your face before you look up at him; "aren't I supposed to be treating YOU? you must be hard to date, tanjirou." you tease, wrapping the haori over yourself a bit more as you nudge his arm

"ah, i couldn't let you spoil me like that, that would be selfish of me. i'm just as happy seeing you comfortable." he says with what you were learning was a signature smile

at that, you stop walking as a small laugh bubbles out of you which in turn makes tanjirou stop, a confused smile on his face as he looks at you; "what's so funny? did i say something?" he says as you start to step toward him

"nothing. you're just unreal, tanjirou. just perfect." you say, biting your lip to hide the growing smile on your face when you see a slight red on his cheeks now

of course, he immediately turns away and offers to walk you home, making up the excuse that he had somewhere to be the next morning; "not that i don't want to hang out, but it's pretty late! i don't think we should be out for much longer." tanjirou says when you tease him about wanting to get rid of you

once at your door, tanjirou bids you a good night but doesn't ask for his haori or move away: just stands there and looks around as you shift on your feet

"is the haori keeping you warm? it always helps me." "yes, thank you."

silence again until tanjirou clears his throat, the way red starts crawling up his neck making you tilt your head with a smile on your face

"if you're going to ask for my hand in marriage, tanjirou kamado, the answer is we are teenagers." you say, laughing when tanjirou's face turns a bright red before he starts to ramble about how those weren't his intentions

you finally get him to calm down, hand touching his arm as you squeeze it; tanjirou stands a little bit straigher when you do that, averting his eyes to the ground and mumbling an apology for losing his temper

"i need to go. but come and find me if you pass through here again. i'd be more than happy to treat you again." you say, earning a smile from tanjirou before, all in one motion, you take a step forward and kiss him on the cheek, disappearing into your home

tanjirou stands in shock with his hands hanging uselessly in the air before he realizes: he never got his haori back. he'd have to come back tomorrow. and get it. and see you.

mumbling to himself, he walks away from where you had just left him, cupping his cheek as a gentle smile starts to grow on his face

alerted by the noise and movement (and the fact that it was very late at night), nezuko pokes her head out of her box and looks to her brother who perks up at his sister's presence

"sorry about all the noise! we'll go somewhere quieter soon." tanjirou says, smiling at his sister before he stops to let her leave the box

she looks towards the spot where she had felt the presence of another person before looking at tanjirou, pointing towards the house; her brother's face flushes a bit as he looks everywhere but at her, waving her off with a nervous smile

"ah, i just...made a friend is all, don't worry about it! we should go now!" tanjirou says with a smile on his face as he takes nezuko's hand and starts to lead her away, already planning the next day with you; and totally only to get his haori back

（<｀▽´）―━━☆⌒*. bang, bang, thats the end!

so can you guess who my favorite demon slayer character is other than rengoku and mitsuri

in all seriousness, i love this show so far, such a good story and super cute characters (except for muzan, i hate that guy but i want him so bad) but i have yet to read the manga so bear with me here!

but for now, thanks for reading and to anyone who is starting spring break soon, have a safe and fun week of break, you deserve it! :D and to everyone else, good morning, good afternoon, or good night! <33

[astxrwar]

graydark bucky content with more overt murder/violence vibes under the cut.

deranged!bucky x clinical psych grad student RC who’s maybe like. a friend of peter parkers or sumn. asked to provide off-the-books not-technically-therapy because he has problems with authority + acts way too antagonistic towards Official Therapists with their fancy doctorates and established practices and shit. Tony (everyone lives au for simplicity’s sake. steve imo fucked off to the woods to do art, maybe got a girlfriend or something, Does Not Do That (superhero stuff) Anymore, so i can still play around w the abandonment theme) offers to personally fund her thesis + pay her to the tune of 80k/year which is like. hell yes!! grad students make like below minimum wage when the salary is divided by typical work hours.

I just want more weird thriller vibes with Attraction That RC Should Probably Not Be Feeling but this time with kind of mean!bucky. he’s not like. actually uncaring he’s just struggling with reconciling Enjoying Killing People with like. being a not-evil person, and he’s actively hostile to the idea of giving a shit about anybody for a lot of reasons. but anyway the Plot Elements im thinking about are 1. she def tells him about her life in an attempt to Connect and he straight-up hunts down and kills a past abuser; she doesn’t know for a fact that it was him but like. her gut knows. 2. stalking. oops. i feel like it’s a given for any flavor of deranged!bucky because of the whole WS history, 3. showing up maybe at her college when she’s walking to her car in the evening paranoid she’s gonna get him sent back to prison because atp he’s opened up about the Enjoying Murder thing. which leads to a fucked up kidnapping road trip getting-together fusion. emphasis on the fucked up.

particularly imagining a scene where they stop at a truck stop or something after it’s already been established she’s not going to try to run or call for help because Bucky would probably just. kill whoever’s unfortunate enough to get involved if he thought he was under threat of jail time. anyway he tells her to stay in the car because it’s really late at night and shady as fuck and she Doesn’t and gets cornered by some dude being gross and giving sexual assault vibes whomst bucky kills in front of her by snapping his neck with his bare hands. terror + some deeply fucked part of her finding it kind of hot. something wrong with me I’m afraid

also. distinction between “not going to hurt you” and “not going to *harm* you”, little bit of sadism. for science. knife kink probably. MUTUAL knife kink.

and then underneath all the really fucked up stuff is a really fucked up but also really vulnerable core of him that’s afraid to trust and terrified of people he gets attached to leaving him. first time they fuck he holds her down w the metal hand around her throat (just. keeping it there. a little bit of a threat, mostly an act of possession. i will see myself out) final time before the end of the story it’s with his right hand. because. symbolism. and he begs her not to leave him. or. well. his version of begging which is just telling her “you did this to me (made me care about you) and now you can’t leave/I’ll follow you if you do/ you will never be able to run from me i’d find you at the end of the earth” etc. fucked up control issues speak for “please don’t leave me everyone i ever cared about always leaves”.

I just crave more dark content where RC is not like. cowering or controlled by fear. personally I go right to compartmentalizing/rationalizing under extreme stress and if i thought i might get killed by some guy I was kinda already into with no feasible way out of the situation I would be on my emotional manipulation + trying-to-hit-that game like nobody’s business (bc you’re a lot safer if they see you as a human being. yaaay criminal psychology) but maybe that’s just me being nuts

[amidissociative]

hello. i need help from the OSDDID community.

hi there. call me C. i need help figuring out whether what im experiencing is common in the OSDDID community or not. not going to put too much identifying information here but the body is 20+.

TWs for rape (in adulthood), childhood sexual abuse, emotional abuse, etc. under the cut.

thanks for opening the post.

i seriously am confused and scared and a little bit angry because how would this sort of thing not be obvious to both myself and other people. yeah i guess dissociative disorders are meant to be covert but... come oooooon.

i've been raped 5 times as an adult (by the same person, long sad story blah blah), and have one extremely strong memory of a family member probably molesting me. the memory has never changed nor faded but i didnt actually acknowledge it as molestation until earlier this year when i realised, hey, maybe thats a bit fucked up actually.

anyway, i took the MID (Multidimensional Inventory of Dissociation) test a couple days ago and i really did not like my results. I was as honest as i could be, since the test was self-administered and i wasnt trying to impress anyone or prove anything or whatever the fuck. These were the first results i got (dark blue line is MY average, yellow is DID-patient average, light blue is OSDD average, pink is non-dissociative patient average):

obviously to me that reads as Bad and also Extremely Consistent With DID which i really don't fucking like.

Today i spent some time doing fucky little things to the answers i gave to the test. By which i mean, i went through my answers, and dropped all of the numeric scores by 2 points, unless the scores were a 2, 1, or 0 already. Therefore a 10 became an 8, a 5 became a 3, etc., but a 2 became a 1, and both 1s and 0s stayed the same. That means all the answers i gave an answer ABOVE 0 to, still had an answer above 0, but the drop as was consistent across the board as i could make it. The chart i got from that was:

NOT IDEAL.

so i went back and dropped ALL of the answers by one more point, regardless of what they were originally. meaning, 1s became 0s. everything dropped one entire point. the chart i got then was as follows:

AGAIN. NOT IDEAL. DOESNT MAKE ME HAPPY TO LOOK AT.

in essence i want to ask the OSDDID community: what am i looking at. is this real. is this possible. because i really actually don't want it to be, i dont like it, i dont want this. i would actually be happier with a schizophrenia diagnosis which is probably saying a lot since that disorder is also heavily stigmatised.

like yeah sure i guess theres 3 people in my head that like to take turns piloting the meatsuit but GOD ABOVE I THOUGHT THAT WAS NORMAL? HOW ISNT ANY OF THIS JUST NORMAL?

i am on my hands and knees here begging for insight, for advice, for anything. please. please.

before you get on my ass: YES, i am actively looking into psychiatric advice. my therapist as well as my gp/pcp have already made moves towards it. my country is just slow as fuck.

[elysiancloudii]

A frustrated loass rant begging for help lol

TLDR: I tried to manifest a pencil and failed.

First off: I know The Law is real. I know that the 4D creates and the 3D is merely a reflection of it. I get all that.

However. I also exist in the 3D. I’m happy and thrilled any and every version of me has what she wants, all I want is for every version of me to have what she wants.

So why is my 4D not reflecting in my 3D? “Stop looking at the 3D”, “The 3D is irrelevant”

I exist here in the 3D too. 3D me found the law. If it’s that irrelevant, then why do the thoughts that the 3D me decides to think create? Or do the thoughts I actively choose to think not matter? Is it only my subconscious thoughts then? If that was true why have I manage to manifest with writing what I wanted on paper in the past and some of my subconscious fears not manifested? Was that just luck?

I don’t understand what made it work in the past but not now. I know the Law now and didn’t then. How much effort am I suppose to put in? How much is too much? Not enough? Where’s the line?

It feels like a huge “haha gotcha” when I want something in the both the 4D & the 3D and people are like “well if you really had it in the 4D then it would have reflected in the 3D clearly your dominant thoughts aren’t right”, “just assume”,

I literally said out loud: ‘I have a yellow number 2 pencil. I own a yellow number 2 pencil. I manifested a yellow number 2 pencil. I assume I have a yellow number 2 pencil.’

Every time my mind wandered to it, I would say these affirmations. I would tell myself ‘I don’t need to go buy one. I don’t need to know how I got it. The only thing that matters is I have a number 2 pencil.’ Then I began affirming that my 4D reflects to my 3D quickly.

It’s been a month.

I’m glad that my 4D self has the pencil, but why does the 3D me not have it too? “Oh well see, you’re assuming you don’t have it so you don’t” fuck off Give me tangible, actual help please

What am I doing wrong? It’s not suppose to be hard to manifest, I’ve affirmed it isn’t. Am I not saturating enough? Oh, and trust me, I’ve affirmed it’s easy for me to saturate my mind. So what’s enough? How do you know a dominant thought is dominant, especially with anxiety? (Yes, I’ve also affirmed that my anxiety doesn’t affect my manifestation abilities)

I’ve tried letting go, not actively affirming, just thinking in my favor whenever it does cross my mind.

I dreamt of pencils. I saw my coworker’s pencil at work. So why after a month has my 3D not conformed?

It feels like a huge “gotcha”. I don’t feel like I’m checking the 3D (yes I’ve affirmed checking the 3D doesn’t matter) but I should have my manifestations in the 4D and 3D so wtf am I doing wrong? What are others doing right? (Yes, I’ve affirmed that I’m not doing anything wrong too)

Im affirming regardless, but the fear and anxiety of this being a huge joke and that I’m a naive fool feels like being punched in the gut

I’m suppose to be the creator of my reality but it’s hard to feel like the dominant force when you haven’t managed to get anything in the 4D to reflect to the 3D

No, it’s more than that. I’m suppose to be the operant power but I can’t consistently get things to reflect from the 4D to the 3D on command. It’s not giving operant power lmao

[m1ckeyb3rry]

They look soooo good!! Very aesthetic and very pleasing to look at!! Wait Barou and yuki ones would look so nice….can’t wait to see them once you write for them!! Also omg NOEL NOA!!! Ik we talked briefly about your ideas for writing for him that’ll be exciting whenever you get to it!!

REAL 90% of my knowledge of it is from the memes KARASU AS THE FUCKING DONKEY AND CANTTTT LMFAOOOOOO wait I totally forgot gojos also that tall the crossover is insane!!!

LMAOO omg have fun!! Also more importantly STAY SAFE SHDHSJSDOSISN manifesting you meet a hottie and not a snottie!!! Do fill me in on any Mira lore developments though but the encounter that inspired the kiyora fic would actually have me shitting myself in the moment

NO FRRR like there was no basis for that first fight the one in the manga shows the beginnings of their hate relationship ughhhhh I can only pray they’ll somehow add it back in somewhere like they did with the English learning scene in s1….

They better not make Barou look ugly like the first half of s1 please all the animation budget can’t just go to sae PLEASEEE im also very excited to see the nagi Barou Karasu interaction that’ll be so funny

LMAOA TRUE I was excluding your long series fics since those are huge but wait that’s also kinda interesting I would’ve assumed you having a fall slump would mean it’d last through the winter somehow but it being limited to just fall is genuinely intriguing LOL

Ykw is crazy I have a friend who refuses to watch bllk because they don’t like the art and thinks their eyes are too big but they’re a die hard fan of OP and it’s like their fav thing ever and when they told me they didn’t like bllk because of the art style my jaw fell to the floor like HUH???? Whatever I guess but also same!! I can get past the animation but if the art style to begin with isn’t my type then I won’t bother LMAOOO hollyhock rin and aegislash isekai rep so real yeah I’ve never once touched isekai I just know of the meme of getting hit by a truck

OH YEAH wait I lowk forgot which part of it it’s from but I’m pretty certain it’s in the egoist bible day before the u20 match things he definitely smoked tokimitsu about that LMAO yuki being perfect IS the beef Karasu fr would be like “you’re too extraordinary at everything which averages out you’re like ordinarily extraordinary so basically you’re just ordinary boooo”

Kaneshiro callout pt. 2 if you’re reading this PLEASEEEE more character dynamics I beg….

WAITTT I fear rseu needs to be your next pet project after everything that’s in line right now the premise of this is too funny him actively wanting to meddle and everyone being like wtf is he actually Cupid oooh this is too good….

SHSHSHSBS FR like ougghhh sorry yuki but you mean you don’t expect me to fall for the sassy smart mouth tall dude whose job is literally to protect people hahahahahhha errr yeah honestly that’s literally me everytime I decide to branch out and just read some works for other characters the minute they mention Karasu as a side character it’s over for me it usually goes like “wait this author knows of Karasu’s existence??? But chose not to write for him??? Maybe I should put them on Karasu propaganda…” as if I ever interact but yeah anyways LFMAOAO OPPS AS SIDE CHARACTERS yk we’re safe when Isagi enters the ring bonus points if we have the whole gang with Kaiser ness itoshi (ok but lowk where are we on this one atp those TikToks have me kinda lost) I can also maybe get by with Barou staying but Karasu is an absolute no that’s literally me reading hollyhock HIORI LMFAOOO THE OTOYA SLANDER real but lowk I see the vision I can see him taking Inumakis place!!

I can’t believe it’s basically November I could’ve sworn it was just June….ok well our convos certainly aren’t helping you then LMAOAO I swear every exchange we have a new fic idea this is bad maybe we need to shut up more when it comes to ideas OTOYA BFB STILL IN THE LEAD??? I remember you mentioning it was gaining some traction before but damn s2 REALLY doing otoya wonders you’re serving the community too (ofc it’s saes seabird too smh but I mean even I really enjoyed seabird as a non sae fan so I guess I can’t blame them LMAOAA Saes popularity despite barely being animated up until now is still kinda crazy to me though like clearly if it were just because of manga readers we’d have more Karasu fics too right….)

LMAOA we’re truly just linked up all the time from illness to online time but KEEP THEM COMING I love watching these I’ll never say no to a tiktok compilation!!!

BAROUUUU wait it’s this editor I think they made one of the nagi ones you sent last time!! Ugh this one eats but also so real Barou nation rise up…

CARELESS WHISPER I LAUGHED JUST BECAUSE OF ALL THE MEMES BUT SO TRUE!!! Majestic model man yuki matches the vibe perfectly I can’t get over the audio though since it’s been so overused in memes

THE SMIRK AXFUALLY HAD ME FOLDING 8bit did yuki justice thank god…he actually looked sooo cool in the latest ep I feel like the vibes kinda match the rough and tough yuki vibe we talked about before! The smirk is doing things to me ugh bllk s2 ep4 (it is four right) you’ll never be forgotten

- Karasu anon

YAYYY i’m glad you like them 🤩 omg i knowww the barou one with the red is going to look fire and yuki with a warm dark orange too…does noel noa have a character color?? i might end up using the french flag and color picking the blue from it if he doesn’t 😭

KARASU AS THE DONKEY just imagine him looking absolutely miserable wearing a pair of donkey ears thirdwheeling otoya and i (jk i would end up leaving otoya for karasu TBH giving him a taste of his own medicine call that reparations #facts)

WE CAN ONLY HOPE THAT IT’S HOTTIES ONLY!! let me meet kiyora himself this time 😭 or better yet yukimiya/karasu 🙏🏻 i think we’re doing jell-o shots at the pregame so idk if safety will be in the cards LMAOOO but fun definitely will be!! i will definitely keep you updated (and you should also lmk what you’re doing for the holiday if you celebrate hehe do you have costume plans or anything??)

ig the good thing is they definitely can’t cut the second fight because that’s when shidou gets electrocuted (this saturday i think!!) so we’ll at least see that but yeah maybe they’ll put it in a flashback or something…it’s just kind of a weird shift LMAOO we had to sacrifice the shidou vs rin fight to get otoya rizzing up karasu and chigiri ig

NOOO IF THEY DO BAROU THE WAY THEY DID HIM IN S1 I’LL CRY to be fair i think that was partially them staying close to the manga because that’s exactly how he looks in the first arc of the manga BUT nagi also looked a little silly back then and 8bit had no problems yassifying him…and they yassified sae in his first appearance so HARD it’s def favoritism i need them to transfer some of that love to barou this season though his goal is such a good moment like truly the peak of bllk

it’s so weird like it’s literally every fall?? august—november i have awful writer’s block and then something happens in late november that unlocks my creativity again and i suddenly write SO MUCH i have no idea why it works like that

LMAOOO i do think that there are some animes where the eyes are too big and they look very childish and bllk characters definitely have bigger eyes compared to like jjk or violet evergarden but it’s not too much to me so i don’t mind it (plus it varies from character to character like nagi chigiri and hiori have huge eyes whereas barou karasu and rin don’t as much) idk smth about the op art style doesn’t do it for me i just have no interest plus it’s so long and i tend to prefer stories with tighter plot lines than something with no end in sight

RSEU MIGHT BE WHAT CONVERTS ME INTO A SHIDOU FAN help him trying to be a matchmaker and everyone running away from him is just such a funny image in my mind you know he’d be so upset that no one wants his advice too 😭 and him actually cooking too like he somehow gets everyone with their soulmates once they listen to him but the majority of the plot is just him coming up with ways to get the blue lockers to believe in him and his wisdom 😩

HAHAHA ISN’T THAT WHAT HAPPENED WITH US??? like you saw i mentioned karasu in cherry tree so you sent the request for fwtkac and here we are now ☝🏻 but real isagi kaiser and ness will never make me swerve and trust the itoshis are still opps i just see the vision sometimes with the edits yk…i’d still not swerve for them by a long shot 🙂‍↔️ agreed maybe it’s because he’s in third place but barou isn’t quite enough to make me swerve especially because it’s easy to write him as someone unromantic?? like even in pursuit where he’s so cool (pre death and possession ofc) i don’t find myself being like “i wish he was the male lead and someone else was reader’s cousin” meanwhile karasu and surprisingly OTOYA are making me kinda want to swerve a bit (mostly because the otoya x reader dynamic is SO FUNNY and when i originally had the idea for pursuit [in the pre-hollyhock days actually] it was meant to be an otoya story with tullia and karasu on the side!! but then i swerved to nagi because of course i did it’s NAGI and tullireo was born so that agenda was scrapped but the vibes and dynamic between otoya and reader are still kinda there…definitely lessened but they have a lot of goofy silly moments together and that’s why a lot of arcs are the two of them up to stuff (like the arc with the abuse ring) instead of reader and nagi 😭 sigh…otoya x reader pursuit you will always be famous [it was a lot more serious in that version too like otoya being a ninja and instead of his clan being exiled it was just him and pursuit reader was much more like hollyhock reader there]) don’t get me started on pursuit karasu SDLKFJHS it’s a lose lose situation there because if i made karasu the main man i would swerve to nagi that’s why i’ve decided that in the future i can never make both of them important in the same story (the only thing i would change about pursuit is switching karasu and otoya to be bachira and isagi because then tabieita are elite four candidates which makes sense with them being former top six members and there’s no chance of swerving because i’ve never been into isagi OR bachira…only thing with that is then we wouldn’t get the glorious found family dynamics of reader karasu otoya and tullia so it all worked out in the end ig)

RIGHT TOMORROW IS LITERALLY NOVEMBER THAT’S INSANEEEE that also means we’ve been talking for about a third of a year now 🥹 KSDHFDS please our combined brainpower is too insane we always come up with genius ideas in our convos…YES OTOYA BFB IS IN FACT STILL IN THE LEAD IT’S INSANE i’m kinda proud of eita though 🤩 like aww one of the first few fics that comes up for him (disregarding smaus and blurbs because those don’t count as fics in my mind) is literally him being a loser and accidentally liking a girl so much he learns how to fix himself just so she’ll date him that’s so cute GIVE ME MORE OF THAT OTOYA we talk about how bfb karasu is peak karasu but bfb OTOYA is up there too in my mind 😩 also yeah LMAO i think part of it is that seabird ended up on the one recommendation post SKDLJFHS but admittedly the banter in seabird is some of my best work they are SO funny in it like if canon sae was like seabird sae i’d actually probably like him he’s so funny loser dumbass coded also it’s like my oldest blue lock work (besides peregrine) so it’s had a lot more time to gather notes ☝🏻

SDKJFHS no literally the careless whisper audio had me LAUGHINGGGG it’s a good edit IN a meme way if that makes sense like the memes about it are the reason why it works so well somehow?? and YESSS the yukimiya smirk is sooooo dreamy like it just suits him so well and ESPECIALLY the rough and tumble au of him…like i said in that post third selection/u20 yuki feels like he was set up to be someone so different and the smirk is such a good example of that even if it’s a more innocuous example 🙂‍↕️ anyways episode four was truly one for the books i’m hoping episode five lives up to it fr

[rcgsdiary]

2

today i woke up sad for multiple reasons. i thought i was gonna see someone today but turns out i cant. which is fine. but then i made it a whole thing in my head and now the other person feels guilty for not being able to hang out with me. i feel like ive been actively pushing this person away but im not trying to. and the worst part? they dont really care that im pushing them away.

it hurts a lot. i wish they showed that they cared as much about me as i care about them. (trans: i wish they were as crazy as i am.)

unfortunately that caused a bit of an ocd meltdown. i had to absolutely ruin my thighs to make myself feel better. ill add images later to document. my obsession was that if i didnt hurt myself, i would lose them. i know its stupid, but it feels like i have to and i will sit in crippling anxiety until i carry it out. i dont want to hurt myself, really. i just feel the need to.

i also am feeling incredibly lonely even though i know its my own doing. im pushing people away, and when i see them going out with other friends, i feel lonely. how dumb is that?

ive come to realize that im just that insecure. i need people who will bend at my very request, and if they dont, i feel like they dont care about me.

i need someone who would beg for my attention. someone who isnt too stuck up their ass to be pathetic for me. im sick of being pathetic for other people.

it disgusts me to see the way i act. its like i have no self esteem... oh wait, hahahahahaha.

god im too old to be acting like this. anyways my doctors appointment is coming up on november 3rd. hopefully ill be alive then.

ive been hitting my head on the wall in hopes that ill pass out of completely forget who i am. i wish i wouldnt hold myself back when i self-harmed. then i could actually get the results i need.

if anyone sees this and has any tips on what i should do to forget myself, please reach out to me. i could use some help.

-rcg