#i cant do this anymore yall
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hermanunworthy · 9 months ago
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i cant think about normal oak or i will start to feel physically ill <- guy who thinks about normal oak every single day
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bubblegyu00 · 9 months ago
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yes i'm okay ! ( yes that means call an ambulance )
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beescomet · 10 months ago
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The biggest struggle when it comes to writing is figuring out the antagonist's name. You can't convince me otherwise.
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lucidicer · 2 years ago
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duskiily · 1 year ago
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semiotomatics · 1 year ago
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yeah okay lets talk abt this (sorry it got long i needed to vent lol)
okay so. the basics: started getting pretty severe back pain in 2013 when i started having to stand for 8 hours at a time at my job. ended up getting a workers comp claim filed and going to physio, where they taught me some exercises to strengthen my core/other muscles + got those like, deep tissue/pressure point massages w heat or w/e. but the workers comp only lasted like a couple months or smth so i stopped going after that
fast forward to summer 2015 n im at a local street festival n a chiropractor is offering free x-rays + consult for ppl experiencing back pain. well! i absolutely was still experiencing back pain! so i got said free x-rays n at the consult learned that i had 1) scoliosis 2) a tilted pelvis and 3) an extra lumbar vertebrae. he (ofc) recommended i start getting treated by him but a) my medical at the time didnt cover chiropractors and b) iiiii didnt really have the best opinion of chiropractic uhhh anything xD so i declined
over the next seven years my back pain got worse and worse, and i developed pain basically throughout my entire body, with the worst of it centring around my lower back/knees/ankles/feet. in late 2020 i finally got fitted for custom orthotics during which the...guy-who-gets-you-fitted-for-orthotics noted i had "some of the flattest feet he had ever seen" (possibly also some of the most flexible ankles he had ever seen as well, i cant remember lol). i already knew i had flat feet (obvs) n suspected my ankles were fucked up but it was v validating to hear him confirm that both of these things would increase my chances of experiencing back/knee/ankle/foot pain. unfortunately, i got those orthotics shortly after getting laid off from work n ended up not working again till almost a year later so i wasn't really able to like, test them out for a while, and by the time i did and found out they didnt really help, my free adjustment period had ended :(
alongside the chronic back/joint pain i also started experiencing sciatic nerve pain as well as routinely "throwing out" my back (idk if i pinch a nerve or tear a muscle or what but im basically bedbound for like. a week or more and if i move or use that muscle at all its the most excruciating pain ive ever experienced in my life). in late summer 2022 i "threw out my back" while volunteering n ended up walking on it for like. a couple hours afterwards which uhhhhhhhhh fucked me up severely. the pain started radiating out from my back into my hips/legs, and my hips literally just straight up stopped moving/working right anymore. i was walking like, not with a limp but almost like with a weird sway to my hips? aaaaand my scoliosis reversed itself!!! where before my spine had curved to one side, all of a sudden it was curving the other way!! and the curve was much more noticeable just by looking at my silhouette in the mirror than it ever had been before!! which was not a thing i thought could happen!! so like, what the fuck!!
i ended up getting prescribed prescription-strength muscle relaxants as well as prescription-strength naproxen for that injury, which was a godsend, but i also was motivated, mostly by the whole scoliosis-reversal thing, to actually get my back checked out by someone to see wtf was going on. so i went to a local clinic (i have no pcp) and explained my situation to the dr, basically everything ive just described here.
and he said. and i quote "well, losing weight would help with that"
.
you guys.
when i tell you that i burst into tears
i burst into tears in that room and begged him, begged him to help me find out what was wrong. i told him the pain was preventing me from working, preventing me from running errands, preventing me from living. i told him i was feeling actively suicidal because of both the pain itself and how it was destroying my life.
finally, after listening to all that, he said, exasperated: "well what do you want me to do?"
and i said "please, can you just refer me to get an x-ray to see what's going on with my back"
so he did. and i went and got an x-ray a few days later. i asked the tech there if i could get a copy of them and she said to wait until they were sent to the doctors office and request copies from them, so i did. when they hadn't called me back in a couple weeks i called them asking if they had received them yet. they said no. i asked if they would call me when they did. they said yes.
they never did.
that was in december 2022. then 2023 happened and i just. i gave up yall. i gave up on ever getting a fucking answer for why i was in so much pain, let alone ever being able to fix it. even after my breakdown this summer which finally led to me starting on antidepressants and then therapy, i still didnt have a shred of faith that id ever be able to get any dr to give a shit abt the debilitating pain i had spent the last decade of my life experiencing
and then. finally. this week. i was just like. fuck it. whats the email of that clinic. and i found it, and i emailed them asking for copies of my x-rays, if they still had them. and they responded! the very next day! unfortunately they only gave me the...i assume radiologists? findings rather than the x-rays themselves (im gonna write back seeing if/how i can get those, cause i do still want them for my records). but still!! oh my god!! its been an entire calendar year but i finally got to find out what the results were!!
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so the extra lumbar vertebrae i knew already. the rest i was kinda surprised to hear cause like? ive seen my 2015 x-rays and they clearly showed my scoliosis/tilted pelvis? so i assumed this would too? but who knows! it had been seven years! also the first set were done standing up, while these ones were done lying down, so idk how that might affect things. in any case, i decided to google this "presumed lumbarization of S1 vertebra", just to see what came up
yall.
yall.
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so like!!! okay!!! when i was told the whole "having an extra lumbar vertebra was fine and wouldn't cause back pain" thing that was just straight up false i guess!! and when i went to the dr and told him i had low back pain + scoliosis + an extra lumbar vertebra he should've!! perhaps!! investigated further!!
i cannot explain to you how furious this makes me. whether this is the exclusive cause of my back pain, a contributing cause, hell, even if its a complete red herring. every source i read indicated that if a patient presents with chronic severe low back pain AND known structural abnormalities (like literally all of mine!!) that they should fucking consider that perhaps those two things are related!! they should AT FUCKING LEAST try to rule them out as causes!!!!!!! they definitely shouldnt tell their (not in any way overweight btw) patient to lose weight!!!!!! fuck!!!!!
anyway. in the new year i am going to try again to get a dr to take me seriously. and maybe they wont. maybe ill have to cry and beg again for them to give me the basic standard of care. but fuck!! im not going to give up until SOMEONE agrees to actually figure out what the fuck is wrong with me!! i don't want to be in pain anymore!!! i just fucking dont!!!!!!!
HOLY SHIT
fucking. fuck.
i dont have the energy/mental bandwidth to properly explain rn but i just Learned Something abt my body that could explain a biiiiiig part of the issues ive been having
and the fact that im only learning it now, in december 2023 at the age of almost-30, has me. fuming
i legitimately want every single apathetic/lazy/misogynistic/fucking ableist healthcare professional to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#this has been an original post#personal spewage#chronic pain#im seriously so fucking furious yall#if i wasnt utterly exhausted i would be screaming and pulling out my hair#and this isnt even getting into all the other signs and issues ive been having over the years#that have specifically gotten significantly worse in the last few years#like im legitimately starting to worry im going to be completely. permanently unable to work at this point!!#which. not that i WANT to be a slave to capitalism#but uhhhhh i cannot afford to live on disability payments alone#also i just dont. fucking. want. to suffer anymore#i just dont#if you havent experienced chronic pain you have no idea how absolutely exhausting and soul-crushing it is#it completely eradicates your will to live#it destroys your entire life#i think back to how i was even just 4-5 years ago and its like. i was a completely different person back then#i still had pain but there were so many things i was able to do despite it#idk if its my pain levels or my tolerance for them that's gotten worse#but either way#i went from working a full time job + frequently working 4-8 hours of overtime a week + volunteering for a couple hours every week#all incredibly physically demanding tasks#to being. practically bedbound#i go for a 15 minute walk outside and have to lie down after#i cant even stay awake for more than 5-6 hours without getting so tired i feel like i could fall asleep#if i do push myself to be physically active for longer than that it usually takes me at LEAST a full day afterwards to recover#sometimes multiple#i cant do this anymore yall#i cant live like this#please god someone help me fix this
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kirayamidemon · 29 days ago
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going fuckign insane fuckisng kill fmee
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suntails · 1 year ago
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a living bolt ⚡
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miraofhearts2point0 · 6 months ago
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what if the next time Jayce sees something like this done it's Viktor but at that point he's so weary of him that instead of looking at him in awe he looks at him in horror
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onlyjaeyun · 9 months ago
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you guys know i know my writing like the back of my hand and that line is MINE...bestie even turned off reblogging option and still got 335 notes, pls block and report babies!💪🏼🤌🏼
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screenshots taken march 15 at 6:44-45
@genesisix plagiarized my jaemin fic and has BLOCKED ME AND OTHERS WHEN WE TRIED TO CALL THEM OUT!! like literally copied and pasted WORD FOR WORD but changed the names. EVEN COPIED THE WARNINGS AND TAGS???
this is literally so freaking annoying. if they had just owned up to it and deleted the post when i first said something, i wouldn’t care this much. but to BLOCK me when i try to tell you that you’ve stolen my work? you’re not even a kpop acc so HOW DID YOU FIND ME?? what you know about na jaemin??
if yall ever want me to write nct dream smut again, pls tell them to delete their post or report their post and account. this is so annoying and i don’t want to ever have to deal with this again 😒
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this is my baby daddy who i wrote that smut for 🙄🙄 smh
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usertoxicyaoi · 1 year ago
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"See those vapour trails up there? Can you see them? They've been lingering there for a while."
MY PERSONAL WEATHERMAN (2023). Episode 6.
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blueskingdom · 11 months ago
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screw the leafs have auston’s side profile instead
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pjshermann · 10 months ago
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thinking about Julia cutting off the crusts on Jude's sandwich....thinking about Jude buying Julia little bird earrings.....thinking about Jude being genuinely interested in Julia's work.....thinking about Jude and Julia talking about Harold's odd thanksgiving food tradition.......thinking about the cookies Jude made for Julia's lab........thinking about Julia's anger when Harold tolerated Jude's cutting......thinking about Julia reading to Jude in the hospital..........thinking about Julia keeping Jude company in the kitchen bc they both dont care for sports.................thinking about despite his aversion to touch, Jude kisses Julia goodnight.............thinking about Jude and Julia.........................
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ttoya · 6 months ago
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touya’s favourite food is also soba…..
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cestacruz · 6 months ago
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baobhan your hand...how bold....
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waltzing-rats · 2 months ago
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Finally managed to get some DDJ stuff on digital!! This is also kinda rendering practice for me i think that’s why im so fried rn aaaaa
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