#i cant even stay awake for more than 5-6 hours without getting so tired i feel like i could fall asleep

[semiotomatics]

yeah okay lets talk abt this (sorry it got long i needed to vent lol)

okay so. the basics: started getting pretty severe back pain in 2013 when i started having to stand for 8 hours at a time at my job. ended up getting a workers comp claim filed and going to physio, where they taught me some exercises to strengthen my core/other muscles + got those like, deep tissue/pressure point massages w heat or w/e. but the workers comp only lasted like a couple months or smth so i stopped going after that

fast forward to summer 2015 n im at a local street festival n a chiropractor is offering free x-rays + consult for ppl experiencing back pain. well! i absolutely was still experiencing back pain! so i got said free x-rays n at the consult learned that i had 1) scoliosis 2) a tilted pelvis and 3) an extra lumbar vertebrae. he (ofc) recommended i start getting treated by him but a) my medical at the time didnt cover chiropractors and b) iiiii didnt really have the best opinion of chiropractic uhhh anything xD so i declined

over the next seven years my back pain got worse and worse, and i developed pain basically throughout my entire body, with the worst of it centring around my lower back/knees/ankles/feet. in late 2020 i finally got fitted for custom orthotics during which the...guy-who-gets-you-fitted-for-orthotics noted i had "some of the flattest feet he had ever seen" (possibly also some of the most flexible ankles he had ever seen as well, i cant remember lol). i already knew i had flat feet (obvs) n suspected my ankles were fucked up but it was v validating to hear him confirm that both of these things would increase my chances of experiencing back/knee/ankle/foot pain. unfortunately, i got those orthotics shortly after getting laid off from work n ended up not working again till almost a year later so i wasn't really able to like, test them out for a while, and by the time i did and found out they didnt really help, my free adjustment period had ended :(

alongside the chronic back/joint pain i also started experiencing sciatic nerve pain as well as routinely "throwing out" my back (idk if i pinch a nerve or tear a muscle or what but im basically bedbound for like. a week or more and if i move or use that muscle at all its the most excruciating pain ive ever experienced in my life). in late summer 2022 i "threw out my back" while volunteering n ended up walking on it for like. a couple hours afterwards which uhhhhhhhhh fucked me up severely. the pain started radiating out from my back into my hips/legs, and my hips literally just straight up stopped moving/working right anymore. i was walking like, not with a limp but almost like with a weird sway to my hips? aaaaand my scoliosis reversed itself!!! where before my spine had curved to one side, all of a sudden it was curving the other way!! and the curve was much more noticeable just by looking at my silhouette in the mirror than it ever had been before!! which was not a thing i thought could happen!! so like, what the fuck!!

i ended up getting prescribed prescription-strength muscle relaxants as well as prescription-strength naproxen for that injury, which was a godsend, but i also was motivated, mostly by the whole scoliosis-reversal thing, to actually get my back checked out by someone to see wtf was going on. so i went to a local clinic (i have no pcp) and explained my situation to the dr, basically everything ive just described here.

and he said. and i quote "well, losing weight would help with that"

.

you guys.

when i tell you that i burst into tears

i burst into tears in that room and begged him, begged him to help me find out what was wrong. i told him the pain was preventing me from working, preventing me from running errands, preventing me from living. i told him i was feeling actively suicidal because of both the pain itself and how it was destroying my life.

finally, after listening to all that, he said, exasperated: "well what do you want me to do?"

and i said "please, can you just refer me to get an x-ray to see what's going on with my back"

so he did. and i went and got an x-ray a few days later. i asked the tech there if i could get a copy of them and she said to wait until they were sent to the doctors office and request copies from them, so i did. when they hadn't called me back in a couple weeks i called them asking if they had received them yet. they said no. i asked if they would call me when they did. they said yes.

they never did.

that was in december 2022. then 2023 happened and i just. i gave up yall. i gave up on ever getting a fucking answer for why i was in so much pain, let alone ever being able to fix it. even after my breakdown this summer which finally led to me starting on antidepressants and then therapy, i still didnt have a shred of faith that id ever be able to get any dr to give a shit abt the debilitating pain i had spent the last decade of my life experiencing

and then. finally. this week. i was just like. fuck it. whats the email of that clinic. and i found it, and i emailed them asking for copies of my x-rays, if they still had them. and they responded! the very next day! unfortunately they only gave me the...i assume radiologists? findings rather than the x-rays themselves (im gonna write back seeing if/how i can get those, cause i do still want them for my records). but still!! oh my god!! its been an entire calendar year but i finally got to find out what the results were!!

so the extra lumbar vertebrae i knew already. the rest i was kinda surprised to hear cause like? ive seen my 2015 x-rays and they clearly showed my scoliosis/tilted pelvis? so i assumed this would too? but who knows! it had been seven years! also the first set were done standing up, while these ones were done lying down, so idk how that might affect things. in any case, i decided to google this "presumed lumbarization of S1 vertebra", just to see what came up

yall.

yall.

so like!!! okay!!! when i was told the whole "having an extra lumbar vertebra was fine and wouldn't cause back pain" thing that was just straight up false i guess!! and when i went to the dr and told him i had low back pain + scoliosis + an extra lumbar vertebra he should've!! perhaps!! investigated further!!

i cannot explain to you how furious this makes me. whether this is the exclusive cause of my back pain, a contributing cause, hell, even if its a complete red herring. every source i read indicated that if a patient presents with chronic severe low back pain AND known structural abnormalities (like literally all of mine!!) that they should fucking consider that perhaps those two things are related!! they should AT FUCKING LEAST try to rule them out as causes!!!!!!! they definitely shouldnt tell their (not in any way overweight btw) patient to lose weight!!!!!! fuck!!!!!

anyway. in the new year i am going to try again to get a dr to take me seriously. and maybe they wont. maybe ill have to cry and beg again for them to give me the basic standard of care. but fuck!! im not going to give up until SOMEONE agrees to actually figure out what the fuck is wrong with me!! i don't want to be in pain anymore!!! i just fucking dont!!!!!!!

HOLY SHIT

fucking. fuck.

i dont have the energy/mental bandwidth to properly explain rn but i just Learned Something abt my body that could explain a biiiiiig part of the issues ive been having

and the fact that im only learning it now, in december 2023 at the age of almost-30, has me. fuming

i legitimately want every single apathetic/lazy/misogynistic/fucking ableist healthcare professional to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[7wanderingpaws]

Simply, Yours. (5)

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre: family AU, hapkido teacher AU

Word count: 3.1K

Warnings: cursing

a/n: Finally I am updating this little story! I havent updated it in a long while for which I apologise, it wasnt my intention :( But there will be a slight twist in their “planned” pregnancy so... I cant wait to have a little fun 😁  I am always eager to hear your opinions.🙌 Stay safe!

MASTERLIST

PARTS: 1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5

This time, Baekhyun was the first one to be awake. Stirring a little bit around, he turned to his right side where your back was facing him, your hair splayed out on the pillow like a wild willow tree.

Scurrying a little closer, he brought his pillow to yours, his arm finding your sweet middle as he breathed in your fresh scent. He really liked moments like these, when the sun had yet to rise, the clock had yet to struck 6 and  you had yet to wake up, while he could just indulge in looking at you without being interrupted by anything or anyone.

Plus, the fact that few days had already passed since both you and him found out about your state did not mean he got used to the idea of suddenly three people occupying this bed. What a miracle, he thought. What a blessing.

Baekhyun carefully maneuvered himself out of the bed, his feet gently tapping on the wooden floor as he tiptoed to your side to turn off your alarm clock. He wanted to be the one to surprise you and wake you up with healthy breakfast in bed before both of you would have to head out to your work places.

Today he had a hapkido class with university students and as much as he loved the class, he just wanted to spend time with you.

He was just in the middle of pouring thick and rich pumpkin porridge into the last bowl when he heard you open the bedroom door.

“Baekhyun, what are you doing up so early?” you murmured, your voice low and heavy. “Sorry, it seems like I forgot to turn on the alarm clock. I would have done the breakfast myself,” you continued walking to his side to take the big pot out of his hand so that you could do it instead of him.

Baekhyun continued his job, not budging once at your prying hands. “Why are you up if your alarm clock didn't go off? I worked so hard this morning to turn off your alarm, and yet here you are beating the nature clock.”

“You turned off my alarm?” you asked, surprised.

“Of course I did!” exclaimed Baekhyun, as he put the pot back down on the stove and reached for the drawer to take out two spoons. “Now go back to bed, we have a breakfast to eat and you still owe me a face of surprise when I bring the food in,” he said, preoccupied with putting the bowls on the tray.

You held back the giggle that was threatening to spill at his antiques. “Alright, let me just pee real quick.”

By the time you were back, Baekhyun was bouncing on the bed, eagerly waiting for both of you to indulge in the hot porridge that was one of your favourites. You made sure to look completely taken aback when you sat down on the bed, giving him a loud peck on the cheek before making yourself comfortable. “You know this is the food we have after a hangover,” you murmured, taking a big spoonful and swallowing it in one.

“Oho, slow down, hungry cub. You will get a tummy ache if you eat so fast,” scolded Baekhyun gently, making you smile.

“Yes, chef.”

He gave you a wink. “And anyway. You love this porridge, might as well please your taste buds.”

You nodded, devouring a spoonful after another until you were done before him. And that rarely ever happened. “Done!”

he shook his head at you, trying to swallow the last bids of his porridge.

“Look at me! I rock today,” you laughed loudly when he pouted.

“It isn't fair,” he whined, putting down his spoon into now an empty bowl. “I am alone while you guys are two!”

Your laughter halted, melting into an endearing smile. Warmth spread through your insides. “I don't think its the matter yet,” you responded. “It has long way to grow for me to eat for two, you know?”

“No, it doesn't. It still counts.”

Rolling your eyes at him, you reached over the tray to mess up his bed hair. “Alright, whatever you say, mister. Still does not change the fact that I win for today, ha! And now, you better hurry, you need to be at the university in an hour!”

“First a kiss,” he demanded, crossing his arms on his chest.

Smiling, you pressed your lips to his warm ones, tasting the porridge. 

“Love you,” he murmured.

Once Baekhyun was out the door, you rushed to prepare for your work only to end up with your head in the toilet, throwing up all the porridge and more. 

____

You made it your absolute, utmost priority to keep your blessed state as far away from the workplace as possible. Not only was it all so fresh and new, but you also needed to wait till the first trimester was over to be 100% sure the pregnancy was safe and actually happening. Besides, you would lose your job immediately if your boss as much as whifs a baby around you. Thankfully, he was not the smartest man, as much as he insisted himself.

It only got proven when he called you into his office few days later, his meaty index finger pointing at the contract in front of him. It was a deal between yours and a Chinese company, but it was written in English. “I am sure there was a mistake on their side,” he mumbled, frustration slowly, but surely boiling in his facial features as he was gripping the piece of paper. He chuckled bitterly. “And they think I wouldnt find out? Just who do they think they are? I find out everything,” he seethed through gritted teeth as he suddenly snapped his eyes up at you, catching you off guard in the process.

You winced, taking a cautious step back, trying not to give too much attention to the meaning behind his words. “Sir, I believe this is correct,” you tried to explain gently, “the deal does not have any mistakes in English, we have already skimmed through it.”

He frowned. “But the calculations aren't correct. There should be one more zero.”

As calmly as you possibly could, you explained to him that he, indeed, bought much more than he actually thought. Making business was not always rainbows and unicorns, and today this fact seemed to dawn on your boss. “You were in a conference call last week,” you kept reminding him, “and because they offered you a good deal, you decided to buy more. Therefore you had to pay more, and we received less.”

He snatched the paper out of your small hands and gave you an ugly stare. “Whatever. I know my things,” he mumbled, turning his face back to the table.

“That is my job, sir.”

He whipped his head back at you again, but you only bowed at him politely, turning to walk out of his office when he started: “I still haven't scolded you for lying to me.”

Raising your head from your bow, you looked at him with worried eyes. “Lied to you, sir?”

He scoffed. “You lying about having a boyfriend was not the best move. Even if it is a white lie, I don't want any of it in my office. Nor in this company.”

You nodded, fully aware and guilty. You saw this coming sooner or later.

“And,” he started, giving you a side-look. “You plan on getting married?”

Holding back your breath, you knew you could reply to him truthfully. “No. Definitely not anytime soon anyway. As you know, it is a pricey matter.”

“Well, if you keep up the good work here, you might be able to save some money for such occasion,” he replied, his poker face giving you a slight unease. “Besides, I'm sure your handsome boyfriend would earn loads with that face of his.”

To that, you did not want to reply. Baekhyun, indeed, was a handsome man. This was a fact ever since you got to really know him back in the high school days, when he already graduated but still would sometimes visit your school for physical work around the building. The girls would be drooling and swooning in the big hallway windows during break, but he saved his handsome boyish smiles only for you,  always giving you a wink that would swoosh away the unwanted company of other girls.

When your boss realised he wouldn't get an answer from you, he ended the conversation on a very straight-forward note. “Whatever. Just don't get pregnant with him. Or anyone. No pregnancy in this company.”

-

It has been a few weeks later that the battle with the rollercoaster of your emotions had gone downward. There were still no direct signs of a small human being inside of you, but oh my goodness, were your hormones and emotions acting up. Tired of constantly puking your guts out on the morning, then rushing to work, dealing with the moody bastard of a boss, being either desperate for Baekhyun's touch or just plain hating his presence in the same room was driving you up the wall. 

Countless times you ended up bawling your eyes out in the bathroom in your work, or in the shower at home, because you didn't see a way out of this. Plus, the stress of accidentally revealing your pregnancy even to the ever-so-kind Sukyeong left you with a heavy soul. You needed to talk to someone of your age, you needed some help but your own independent self couldn't as much as think of such an option.

Another issue was scaring Baekhyun away from you and him leaving you alone in this mess that HE created… No, scratch that. Your slight change in weight made you feel so utterly unattractive that you were trying not to physically shudder whenever he complimented you about your looks. And the poor boy hadn't even a clue about your internal turmoil.

You sighed.

“You look freaking gorgeous, love.”

He said it again. And he meant it, he honestly did. You saw it in his eyes.

Being now almost past the first trimester, you and Baekhyun were both dressing up for your scheduled ultrasound at the doctor's. Although you were a bit nervous, you were thankful Baekhyun was always there throughout each check-up you had. And yet, here you were pissed at him, but you said nothing.

“Are you alright?” he asked you carefully, knowing how your mood could change within a nanosecond. He came closer to you as you were standing in front of the mirror you had in your tiny bedroom.

Swallowing harshly, you nodded, but did not look into his eyes. Ever so gently, through your tight dress, you saw a gentle baby bump. It could easily be covered up (and you did passionately cover it up for work) but it was there. Solid. A prove that it was real.

“Do we want to know the gender, honey?” asked Baekhyun gently, as he made another step closer to you and he let his hands hold your hips before his wide palms ever-so slowly slid over your stomach where he let them rest. Then his chin came resting on your shoulder as he turned his face to give you a gentle kiss to your neck.

You heart-rate picked up and it wasn't because of the high blood pressure you had been experiencing recently. “I don't know,” you whispered looking at him through the reflection in the mirror, “do we?”

This topic has been on your mind for the longest time. Do you want to be surprised? Or do you want to be prepared? Surely, in the nature of the village life, the answer would be an immediate: yes, we do want to know. Poor villagers always wanted certainty, and it was only understandable. But maybe this unpredictable city life of Seoul made you more adventurous. You might have not wanted to know.

He hummed, the vibrations in his chest sending electric shocks down your spine, causing you to squirm in his arms. He let out an amused laugh through his nose before he whispered into your ear: “So sensitive, my love.”

“You fucking tease,” you glowered, but leaned back into him.

He gasped softly and squeezed your body. “Now there, sweet cheeks, we do not swear with a baby inside of you.”

“Then stop teasing, love” you snapped back and he laughed now with an open mouth. “You know exactly what you are doing. You're sneaky.”

“Sure I am. You know me, hun. And now back to the point,” he emphasized, and you rolled your eyes but smiled anyways. “I don't mind if we get surprised. But if you want the gender to be revealed, I am supporting that as well.”

You nodded as you held his hands on your belly, letting your fingers caress the top of his knuckles. “Alright,” you said, nodding. “I think I will, ehm, see how I feel once we are there?”

He hummed in approval before he turned his head again, waiting for you to turn your face to see him. So you did. And then he gave you the sweetest smile of support before he leaned in and gave you a breathtaking kiss, ending it with a loud smack. “Shall we go then?”

-

Usually it was always an uncomfortable experience to sit in the waiting room of your doctor with other pregnant ladies. When you weren't pregnant, you felt so out of place, despite you having an active lovemaking life. That was why you were sitting there, right? Even at those times, Baekhyun was going with you, just because he wanted to be responsible and also to support you. He knew how much the village ladies didn't go for regular check-ups.

So now, sitting there with your tiny belly as your hands were intertwined with your boyfriend, it was a completely different feeling. You were still shy to as much as lie on that stupid chair, let alone spread your legs in front of a stranger - even though it was a woman and a doctor. But now it just felt right. You were eager. Excited. Happy. Curious. And Baekhyun felt your excitement as your knee was bouncing up and down. He was excited as well. The sparkle in his eyes was proving it.

Once finally inside, you both took a seat opposite your doctor, who gifted you with a kind smile as she also took a seat and skimmed through your papers. “The lovely couple I could never forget,” she noted, briefly looking at you and Baekhyun before diving back into your records. “And the unplanned baby. So!” she exclaimed, folding quickly the papers before she rested her laced hands down on the table. “Any abnormalities?” she looked at you, obviously expecting you to answer her questions.

Squeezing Baekhyun's hand under the table, you shrugged, not sure if what you were about to say was an abnormality. “Crazy mood swings. Emotions are a mess. Throwing up is still on, but thankfully not so often… And my boobs hurt,” you mumbled the last sentence, looking at your hand engulfed in Baekhyun's, a slight blush creeping up your cheeks. This time Baekhyun squeezed your hand, although you didn't notice the affectionate look he sent your way. You dared to look up when you heard the doctor laugh.

“Those are all completely normal signs. Is your blood pressure still acting up?” she asked and as she was waiting for your reply she turned in her chair and grabbed the little machine. “I will check it now.”

You nodded but Baekhyun answered for you. “She had a couple of dizzy moments, but it wasn't as severe.”

The doctor nodded and checked you up, writing down the final results. “It's normal today. But if it will get too high, you need to go to the hospital. You know that, right?”

Not the happiest with her advice, you nodded.

“Good,” she replied cheerfully. “Any questions before we start the ultrasound?”

You were just about to shake your head when your boyfriend cleared his throat, stopping you from doing the action. You gave him a wary look, and he squeezed your hand again when he spoke: “How is it with, eh, sex? As the baby is growing, we are not sure how far we can go or if we should even do it. And I wouldn't want to hurt my girlfriend or the baby...” he trailed off, his ears growing pink. You felt your heart swell with love for him as you smiled like a little high school student.

“Oh my god, please do have sex,” replied your doctor, her eyes worried as she gestured with her hand to you. “She might not be showing it, but the sexual frustration can get out of hand, to put it nicely,” she continued, her stance confident. “Paying attention to your pregnant lady is very important in every phase of pregnancy and it is completely safe. Of course, around the due date you might want to be more careful, however it does not necessarily affect the baby in any way, so there is no need to worry, Baekhyun. It is more than healthy,” she laughed loudly, making you and Baekhyun giggle in the meantime.

“Any more questions? No? Good! Then let's get to it,” she clapped her hands, swiftly getting up from her chair and walking to the bed where you lied down, now familiar with the process. Baekhyun was sitting on a chair just where your head was, and he ran his fingers through your hair, giving you a reassuring smile while you tried not wince at the cold gel touching your hot skin covering your stomach.

“So do we want to find out the gender?” she asked as she spread the gel evenly, now digging into your tummy while she was already looking at the screen.

You contemplated quickly but before you could answer the doctor cut through: “Or do you want to know how many babies you would have?” she asked, but her voice was light but a bit unfocused as she stared at the screen. 

Not seeing Baekhyun's frown, he asked: “What do you mean?”

It was silent for a little longer, your doctor going through the same trail on your belly again, probably to double check whatever she saw there. Letting out a tiny laugh, she turned to look at your puzzled looks. “Well, this is fantastic!” she exclaimed and for some strange reason you had a feeling this might not be the best news, nor the news you were expecting when you were coming there. So when she uttered the next words, you felt your world crumbling down on you, and this time you could be sure Baekhyun wasn't as confident either. “You are expecting triplets!”

[dapper-nahrwhale]

for the writing ask, number 3!

Asiksj thanks so much for the ask!! (Under the cut is some fantasy high riz and aelwyn friendship I've been writing)

"One scene you want to write but cant because its difficult"

I guess it's hard for me to write like cohesive scenes like I'm used to writing slightly connected oneshots like 5 + 1 type stuff, shortish scenes that arnt connected much. But writing like stuff with connected plots is difficult, coming up with ideas for plot is easy actually writing it all together is hard.

Like theres like this fantasy high mafia road trip thing au (the title would be Pretty like a Car Crash from some song I think) I'd want to write but... trying to put together a whole plot ugh I enjoy writing lil oneshots and scenes but trying to get it all figured put is hmm not my strong suit.

Like writing out whole scenes that are connected with actual plot is hard so I just write unconnected scenes and all I'd like to figure out how to do like whole stuff but idk.

Actually some writing (fantasy high riz and aelwyn friendship I've been cooking up) under the cut cuz it got pretty long

I'm not going to write out a whole entire plot multiple chapter thing here so I'll just write some stuff that I've been working on. Even though this is a multi chartered plot thing so.

The road to recovery is paved in sleepless nights and tired mornings. (Title)

The bad kids are rightfully wary about letting them hang out together. Partly because they're both paranoid enough to think the other would take an attack of opportunity on them. Of course what the bad kids didn't expect was for them to band together when someone else gets murdered. Basrar gets framed for murder. Riz and aelwyn are on the case.

Riz doesnt like or trust Aelwyn. Aelwyn doesnt care about his opinion, but it's easier to try and get along with each other to make this long suffering case go by quicker.

Aelwyn decided to stop doing super toxic things because her sister and jawbone have gotten her to and because she doesn't like or enjoy going to parties getting rekt and kissing strangers anymore. So she needs new, slightly less toxic habits and if staying up late researching stuff while not sleeping is that then the only one to also do that would work. Putting her high intelligence to good use. (Sleeping is hard for both of them, so why not be productive instead of going to have a bad time sleeping.)

They've both killed more people then they should have. They both refuse to talk about too much with jawbone, even though at this point they really should. Instead they avoid all of their problems by solving cases and researching stuff. They both value knowledge. Adaine isn't here because she'd only discourage them and they know it's not healthy to burn out like this but. Well. It's the only way they know how to function. So. They don't talk about their feelings or anything. They both don't sleep at all if they can help it. They just work themselves to the bone, refuse to sleep because of really bad nightmares and hope it's enough. It isnt. But they'd really like to think it was.

Combined, they would sleep about 6 hours, riz passed out for 4 and aelwyn trancing fitfully for 2.

(Aelwyn will trance for just a few hours, sitting in a creaky old chair while riz works on something or other. They make it a rule to always have one of them awake if the other is sleeping when they end up working late. Paranoia and all that. So whenever riz inevitably passes out in his desk aelwyn will keep watch and go over spells in her book to keep herself awake. It's a shot system but it works for the most part. Sometimes they'll both stay up the entire night, sometimes theyll both be too exhausted to stay up anymore and fall asleep at the same time.)

To solve the case they hole up in rizs office for a few days, everyone panics at first when neither go to school and then riz and aelwyn dont answer their crystals cuz it wasnt charged and they were so focused on the case they forgot to do school. They freak out considering what happend last time and actually bust down the door of his office and find them both sleeping. It's cute but they wake up and start fighting them before they realize oh it's just the bad kids.

(Undetermined time later)

"Just had to get away from adaine for a bit. She worries about me too much."

"Are you giving her reason to be worried?"

"Probably"

"I dont know how sam and adaine and everyone else can forgive me. I'm a terrible person." Alewyn

"Were. You were a terrible person. You arnt anymore. Even if you think you still are, you arnt anymore. The horrors you have done are not who you are. Or something like that. The you who did all the terrible things is still you and that sucks but you just have to do better now" Riz

"It doesnt make up for all the stuff I've done."

"Probably not. It might never."

"Ostentasia still hasn't talked to me or even been in the same room as me. and I cant blame her. I cant forgive myself."

"Yeah. I mean you did put her in a palimpsest prison for several months. And then almost get her and the other maidens sacrificed to our evil vice principle dragon. That's pretty messed up "

"Yeah."

She feels she doesnt deserve her new family. She hasn't done anything to deserve their free love. She in fact has done more to hinder it than anything.

Adaine reminds her of love without expectations. It's hard to remember but shes getting better at it.

Jawbone tells her he wanted to adopt her. She didnt understand why. Shes almost old enough to be on her own she doesnt need anyone to look out for her. But it would be nice to have a parent who cares. At least that's what adaine tells her.

Everyone else is getting better and they both feel like they're not.

This is by no means all of it or in any way done or edited and I'm still working on riz parts of it, those are much more difficult than aelwyns for me to write as of now because they're so based on my own personal stuff kinda but I'm so wicked excited to be writing this! I just think they're friendship would be so intersting and all!

[blaizeofglory]

The Big Trip

In an AU where Peter still has EDITH, but Tony is alive.

"Mr. Parker"

"Yes, EDITH?"

"Are you sure about this trip?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

He had never weighted the possibilities, never thought camping could go so... weirdly. But here he was, packing for a trip, grabbing everything he needed. It was almost christmas time. That's the first weird thing. Who goes camping during Christmas time. It was only the 19th, but still, they would be gone for four whole days, coming back a day before Christmas Eve.

"You don't know what will happen. The probability that something will happen is at its highest of 100%. Your Aunt May made a packing list, too. Would you like me to read it off?"

"One last time couldn't hurt." As EDITH started reading everything off, Peter replied with 'Check' and the occasional 'Wait, I need that?' After he had everything and went over the list one last time, he was sure he was ready for this trip.

The car ride to school was filled with 'I'll miss you's and 'Dont have too much fun's. Even if he didn't show it, he didn't like having to sleep so closely next to Flash. Who knew? One night he could wake up on the pond, or worse, in a tree!

As they arrived at school, the clock struck 5 A.M. The crack of dawn had struck and it was showing on everyone's faces. Mr. Harrington was bright eyed and bushy tailed, though. Worry had struck everyones faces when he said,"Now where did I put that map... I always lose that thing..."

The bus left at 6 A.M., but Mr. H wanted to give his normal, hour long," What are we not gonna do? Lose another kid!" And... well, he did. And the bus driver were deciding whether or not to leave without him.

As the students boarded the bus, the bus driver groaned about how they brought open food and such on the bus, yelling,"If you spill anything on this bus, I'll make my wrath worse than the chitauri's when they came to New York."

Flash, of course, decided it was a great opportunity to yell back,"Hey, why are you wearing aviators when it's not even sunny out?"

"Do you want me to come back there?" The old man turned and yelled in reply.

"Alright, kids, settle down. We've got a four hour ride ahead of us and we cant make our nice bus driver already not want to drive us!" Mr. H trembled.

Flash mumbled some thing under his breath, but was too busy looking at Peter's pants to continue, instead saying,"Hey Parker, nice Hello Kitty pants." Peter, of course, found this as a perfect opportunity, too.

"Well at least I'm not wearing a Gabba Gabba shirt." He had peered a few minutes ago through Flash's jacket to see the shirt. Now, he was trying his hardest to cover it up.

"You're gonna pay for that peter..." he mumbled again.

The next four hours were torture, but Ned and Peter survived. As they arrived at their campsite (more like open woods), Mr. Harrington put Peter, Ned, MJ, and Flash on Tent Duty.

While wearing the EDITH glasses, Peter had known exactly how much pressure he was applying to the poles, but didn't realise that as soon as he took the glasses off, he added too much pressure to the tent pole and...

*Snap*

"How did you mess that up Parker? You ought to be lucky. I brought a bunch of extra poles, in case Mr. Harrington broke a few more this year." Flash was right. Last year, Mr. H broke so many poles, it wasn't even funny... well... it WAS funny, but they promised not to laugh.

Peter, making the correct choice, put back on the glasses and let EDITH measure how much pressure he added to the poles once more, but as soon as he started sweating, he took them off once more and...

*Snap*

"Again? Really Parker?"

This happened about two more times before...

"PARKER! I SWEAR, IF YOU BREAK ONE MORE, ILL BREAK YOU" It didn't look like Flash was kidding, either.

This last one, it was perfect. Slid right into the other pole, no problem.

"Well, there's an hour's work." Ned exclaimed, looking at the huge tent that was displayed. Everyone got one per four people. Seeing as only 12 people, teacher included, came along, it didn't seem half bad. Even if Peter had to sleep in the same tent as Flash. MJ and the other 3 girls got a tent, a few stray boys got their tent, Mr. Harrington got his own tent, and Peter, Ned, and Flash got their's.

Mr. H came out of his poorly set up tent, exclaiming,"Bug spray, everyone! Wouldn't want anyone to scar from bites!" He looked slightly worried, but continued on," MJ, come on, let's get you sprayed" As everyone got their bug spray on, Peter stood quietly with Ned, waiting for their turn. Peter knew, in his mind, something bad was going to happen. Lucky, there was a long nearby in case he spontaneously combusted.

"Ned, come on over! No need to stand so far away, you too, Peter!" Mr. H called over to the pair. Ned strutted over while Peter was hesitant.

"OK Ned, you first." Mr. Harrington sprayed the bug spray onto Ned, some flying into Peter's face, making him cough. "Smells bad, I know. Well, dont worry, Pete, it's your turn!" Peter walked over, outstretched his arms and waited. Mr. Harrington shook the container violently as Peter sat there, T-Posing.

"Mr. Harrington?"

"Annnnd... got it! Let's go!" He started spraying the bottle. As soon as the spray hit Peter's arm, his skin turned bright red and hives began to form. "Wha-?" Mr. H started.

"OH MY GOD, HOW EXPIRED IS THAT?" Peter shrieked in pain,"MY GOD, THAT BURNS." He took a leap of faith into the pond, screaming.

After drying off and a call to Aunt May, Peter was all good to keep going. Even with hives on his body, he could still have fun.. even if... he wanted.. to itch... the hives... so... badly... But none the less! He must carry on!

"Well, after that disaster, we have now learned that Mr. Parker here is allergic to bug spray! Maybe we can try and enjoy our lunch. It is..." He looked at his watch,"12:27! We're going to have some walking tacos! Sounds great, right?" Everyone nodded in agreement, as they were starving.

Lunch and the afternoon flew by like a rocket aimed at a bus full of teens on a trip to see landmarks and soon it was time to sleep. Peter and Ned had noticed a small trail of spiders following them, but paid no mind. MJ and Flash however, nothing can get past them.

"What's that, dickwad?" Flash smacked Peter across the head as he pointed towards the spiders.

"Ow.. it's nothing, they probably just like the smell of the bug spray." Peter replied.

"Are you sure?" MJ chimed in.

"Pete said it's fine, so its fine. It's time to go into your tent and sleep. Okay?" Ned jumped in. Both muttered 'okay' and walked towards their tents in shame. As Peter and Ned walked back to their tents, the small army of spiders followed. Although Peter was Spiderman, he was deathly afraid of the things.

Night passed and Peter hadn't slept a bit, with the spiders climbing all over his face, resting like a cat right then and there, and waking up to jump from him, to Ned, to Flash, and then back. Plus he was frozen to the core every few minutes, he would grab a new sweatshirt and bundle up.

Ned woke up to see a tired Peter looking like a huge marshmallow, but a living ice cube.

Morning came and went almost the same as the day before, without the allergic reaction.

Mr. Harrington noticed a hot springs on the opposite side of their camping site and decided that everyone should go swimming! Splendid idea. After everyone got changed into their suit, Peter, although he had a perfect body, felt uncomfortable. As soon as he walked out of his tent, MJ wouldn't stop gasping and staring. They clambered into the springs, yelling for others to get out of the way. All the girls were interested in Petey Boy and all the guys were interested in the girls.

Except for Mr. Harrington, he tried, he really did, to keep his eyes off of Peter, but... who could resist such perfect abs?

The day then went on without a hitch and they all went to bed. But... Flash had other ideas.

He gathered up all of the boys, excluding Ned and Peter, and picked up Peter's blow up bed, sending it off on it's own journey into the pond.

Peter woke up to Ned yelling for Mr. Harrington, saying Peter is missing. At that moment, he was fully awake, and screaming. In fact, this scared him so much that he jumped off the mat and onto a tree.

Which was difficult to explain to Flash.

Who had seen the entire (not really, but he insists that he did) thing.

But, who cares! He's got an extra mattress and all ne needed to do was figure out a way down from this very high, very unstable tree.

The process of getting Peter down from that tree required 4 threats from Mr. H, many concerned students, 2 calls to the fire department (one making the call, the other canceling it) and a partridge in a pear tree.

Mr. Harrington was on his last straw with Peter. One last thing went wrong and they were ending the trip early.

But, the only thing that went wrong was on the last day after everything was packed up and on the bus.

"Okay, guys, since you all have no reason or proof that I can get me fired, I have decided to reward you all! Since we are only having lunch together and you'll be home for dinner, I have brought, drum roll please!" Silence,"Okay.. CANDY CANES!" Peter and Ned exchange 'The Look'.

"Okay, everyone, grab a max of 2!"

"I'll only have one Mr. Harrington, thanks though." Peter said.

"That's fine with me! How about you, Ned?"

"I'll take one, too."

"Great! Okay, guys, let's eat on the bus to save time!"

As everyone got onto the bus, they all started unwrapping their candy canes, except Peter.

He waited until about two hours into the trip to eat his candy cane.

Ned, sitting beside him, told him he should wait until he's home, so he can experiment. But, hey, go with the flow, man.

As Peter put the candy cane in his mouth, it started to burn, worse than the bug spray. He decided that the best option was to stay quiet and silently chew on the candy cane.

That was not the best option.

He started to cough, badly. Peter caught Ned's and Mr. Harrington's attention, who told the bus driver to stop and got up, helping Peter off the bus to spit out the peppermint cane and get water.

After that, everything else was fine.

They got to the school and Aunt May was standing with Tony Stark and a shiny car.

"So! How was your field trip?" Tony asked Peter and Ned as soon as the got into the car.

"It was so awesome!" Replied Peter

"Dude, you had two allergic reactions, had spiders up your arms the whole time, woke up one morning in a tree, broke a tent, and almost went into hibernation. It was not awesome." Ned sourly responded. In the background, you could hear Aunt May snickering.

Thanks for reading! And thanks @becausewhyknotme @agentpeggybarnes @ilovetomatoes3000 @night0seven for the inspiration!

[swampgallows]

therapy today went okay but i feel like i talked too much lmfao. i passed out around like 10pm and now im awake again and uhh hmmm ngngngghghhhmhm

also she asked me like “find out what you wanna get out of therapy and then we can set some goals” lmao i wanna GET FIXED 

i dunno if i am actually mentally ill or if it’s just my mom/environment or if i’m neurodivergent somehow or if i need medication or whatever the fuck it is, i just know that it’s not normal to feel okay one day and then have some minor thing happen that catapults me into feeling suicidal. im doing better lately but that’s why i signed up for therapy NOW because i know when im feeling good i get this delusion of like “haha see i never needed it at all :)” and then some little fucking thing happens (or nothing happens) and suddenly i cant get out of bed for three days. i told her that i think it’s more than my environment because even when i was busy at work and even when i was busy and away from home in college i had extremely persistent and severe depression, got into several different overlapping abusive relationships, nearly failed my classes one semester, and then i got hit by a car, was in a wheelchair for 6 months, then had our car hit by a semi immediately afterward. it’s time for new glasses btw lmao as i am still wearing the same pair that got scratched to shit and annihilated in the accident. lmfao The Accident™

this is a pic of them from the night of the accident and the scratches have only gotten worse. id take a new pic but im in bed in the dark and whatever

the therapist seemed impressed with my psychology knowledge which was kind of discomforting, in a way. i guess im just so used to my own situation and people utilizing the internet to learn about their own head cases that i dont consider it novel to have actually done research. also because with my other experiences i felt like doctors would be dismissive of me as if i was trying to one-up them or something, like “well -I- have the degree and YOU dont” like, well yeah, im not sitting here trying to correct you but i am gonna use the terminology im familiar with even if theyre super special SAT words or w/e (like i’m gonna say shit like “comorbid” and “hypnagogic” because that’s the terminology i use all the time to describe these situations... i throw out “5 dollar words” all the time :\) but i think maybe by also having a video/verbal conversation w me that she knows i’m not sitting there meticulously typing up the most fancy schmancy shit i can find, flippin through a thesaurus like a blood elf nobleman vampire’s purple prose or somethin.

i guess what i wanna get out of therapy is uh

1. i dont want to be suicidal, which means 2. i have to build confidence, which means 3. i have to become self-reliant, or more self-reliant than i am.

she suggested, on the grounds of my mom giving me interrogation any time i try to go out on my own (hence me only feeling comfortable to go out when i fucking sneak out of the house or on the VERY rare occasions that she isn’t home) that i have a written list that i either give to her personally or write out and leave for her to read at her leisure of all the answers to her questions: where ive gone, when i’ll be back, what i’m doing, etc. the problem is coming home, though, because then she reads me the riot act of guilt on anything i did. if i go out and get food, it becomes about her. if i go out and do an errand, it becomes about her. everything i do somehow falls back on her. 

i explained to the therapist that even when i was still working—a perfect chance to learn to drive and drive regularly—i took the bus the entire time. but i’d have to be driven TO the bus stop and then take the bus to work, which meant my mom drove me to the bus every day. and my dad would talk about how good it was for MY MOM to have a reason to get up in the morning, and that it’s good for her because it gives her a kind of schedule or obligation to follow. so then like... my schedule now becomes HER schedule. and i martyr my potential independence of driving to work on my own in order to give my mom a sense of purpose. 

so...every day, mom picked me up from the bus stop, just like she had been for all the years i was in school. of course i never went out and did anything after (or before!) work; i never had the freedom. sure i could tell my mom partway through the day if i was staying late or going somewhere else, but my work was also in the middle of a canyon, five miles of nothing in either direction. if i missed the bus home, i wouldnt have another chance to go home for another hour. so having buses come only once an hour and then also having my mom waiting for me at the stop... it was just too much trouble to say like “hm i think i’ll go grab a smoothie before work” or “maybe i’ll hang with my coworkers a bit and go grab dinner with them” or “maybe i’ll start going to the gym after work”. i couldnt make any executive decisions about my own life. i think that restriction of freedom happens for lower income people too, since youre relying on a (notoriously shitty) bus service to get anywhere and you also cant just throw money around that often. i had a little slush fund to treat myself every so often but i didnt have the access to it. 

EVERY day that i was 20 minutes away from the stop i would have to text my mom the name of the stop (imagine, if it were “maple street” or something, my entire text message history with my mom just being “maple” “k” “maple” “k” back and forth for months) in case she had fallen asleep or was doing something, as the bus would sometimes be late or early or whatever. and sometimes i would delay that text on purpose to have the extra time to buy something from one of the fast food places located at my bus stop, then hide it in the bottom of my bag and hope it wasn’t too aromatic that my mom would notice and ask me about it. 

BECAUSE if i bought food on a day she made dinner, she would flagellate herself about it, and if i bought food on a day that she DIDNT make dinner she would flagellate herself about it. it’s HER FAULT because she doesn’t make food enough that i have to go buy my own :((((, so the one time she does cook i’m already getting food because she’s unreliable :((((, and shit like that, instead of like, just because there IS food doesn’t...mean anything!!!!! maybe i just wanted a certain kind of food that day!! But it becomes about her!!!! everything i do hurts her. everything i do. so i just got adjusted to just... not eating, or eating the same things over and over. eventually, when i was still working, i would eat nothing but a muffin until i came home. and if there was food, i would eat it, and if there wasn’t, then i wouldn’t eat. many nights i went to bed without eating even if there WAS food because i was just so fucking tired.

i dunno i kinda lost my train of thought but basically it’s hard to assert myself because i’m not confident because a lot of the time i dont know if im doing something right. it reminds me a lot of the scene in tangled where rapunzel fucks up and something bad happens to her and her mom catches her in the act, and she uses that to reinforce rapunzel’s dependence on her. like obviously my mom isn’t abusive like that but it makes me afraid to fail and even MORE afraid to even try, because i know that if i DO fail--whatever it is--it will just be more evidence for why i should have just asked her or had her do it. and more evidence, to me, of why im worthless and shitty and incapable of doing anything.

like the other day my mom wanted me to follow her in a separate car to a car place to drop off the car she was driving, and then we’d go home together in one car. but she wanted me to do it at 9 in the fucking morning and let me know two days beforehand. i had been going to BED at like 7am at the time so i was already like ‘man this is gonna suck’. but i was still up in the morning and was getting ready to take a shower, iw as on time, but my mom said “i can tell how tired you are and how nervous you are about doing this so you know what dont worry about it. go back to bed.” and it was really shitty for me because YEAH i was super tired and YEAH i didnt feel like i was capable of driving by myself at that moment, like i probably COULD HAVE if it were an emergency, but my mom talked about doing all this shit afterward like going on a shopping trip and stuff and BASICALLY it’s less that i was afraid of the driving but more that i knew the errand wouldn’t end there. and i had gotten zero sleep and just didnt wanna fucking do it, i didnt wanna have a “girl time :)” outing with my mom, and i knew i’d basically get trapped into hanging out with my mom if i went. so i stayed home. but then that’s also a blow to me because stupid fucking worthless idiot that i am cant even drive ten miles in a fucking car, or whatever, useless leech living with my parents contributing nothing, unemployed for a year, blah blah blah. stupid fucking neet should have never been born etc etc etc

she took an uber home and had glowing reviews about the experience and that’s great for her but the guilt made me throw up because i couldnt even do this minuscule thing. so like, if i DO hand her a note and say “here’s all the shit im going to do, BUH BYE” and some shit happens, or i dont get what i need done, or i dont have a fully developed plan of what i’m doing, then it’s gonna be more ammunition toward what a useless piece of shit i am. like, i dont have good food to eat at the house, but i also have NO APPETITE so nothing sounds good, so i cant even think of what foods i would get if i could. it’s such a jarring opportunity that i would just like...not get anything at all and go home. even when i -did- have the opportunity i just went “Uhh umm uhhh fuck uhhh milk” and got that (AND THEN MY MOM CAME HOME W 2 GALLONS OF MILK FROM COSTCO, SO OF COURSE I -DID SOMETHING WRONG-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I JUST LEFT IT UP TO HER INSTEAD OF DARING TO DO SOMETHING MYSELF I WOULDNT HAVE LOOKED LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT AND ENDED UP WITH 3 GALLONS OF MILK AT THE HOUSE) of course i drank the milk i bought, it’s not like it went to waste, but i was CAUGHT because there were now THREE instead of the one gallon covertly getting replaced. instead of me doing something helpful i did something that became an inconvenience.

it’s just little shit but it all adds up. it’s been all of these little fucking things forever and ever and ever, just like my mom’s hoarded garbage. “i bought just a couple of things”, innumerable times throughout the duration of my entire life, forever and ever, “just a few small things” over and over until it’s suffocating.  it’s just all this little shit all the fucking time and it’s suffocating.

naturally, the therapist sent me an article on “daughters of narcissistic mothers”. this will be a delight to read, i’m sure.

[alicedoessurveys]

95 Questions

1. What is something that is bothering you right now? my hands hurt, the cold weather has sent my skin crazy

2. Will you be in a relationship one month from now? nope

3. Who was the last person to see you cry? probably mom. I cant remember the last time I cried tbh, since my nan died I seem to have ran out of tears.. ugh that sounds so emo

4. Do you drink bottled water? yes

5. What was the last thing you drank? summer fruits squash with sparkling water

6. Do you hate the last person who called you? no I love Jaz she's fabulous 

7. Where is your best friend right now? they’re probably both in their beds watching telly

8. Do you believe in love? yes

9. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? snow

10. If you’re being extremely quiet, what does that mean? tired, annoyed, sad, scared

11. Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single? yes

12. Tell me about the shirt you’re wearing: its a very oversized baggy sweatshirt that I wear on lazy days 

13. How long have you lived in your current home? since 2002, so 16 years 

14. You never know what you have until it’s gone. True or false? sometimes true 

15. Are you sad when someone says they hate you? yes

16. Are you scared of losing the person you like to someone else? so scared

17. Will you be in bed in the next 20 minutes? I hope so

18. Do you laugh at inappropriate times? yes, I giggle when im uncomfortable which is most of the time 

19.  What time did you wake up today? 6.45am

20. Would you rather be single all your life or grow old with someone? grow old with someone 

21. How many bracelets do you have on right now? none

22. How long have you liked the person you like right now? a few months 

23. Is there someone of the opposite sex you can talk to? yes, my 3 best friends are all male 

24. Do you like mac n cheese? yes, but it makes me feel sick after

25. Do you get mad when people don’t text back? I dont really tend to get mad, more anxious that ive done something to make them hate me 

26. What does your phone do when it receives a text? makes a noise

27. How late did you stay up til last night and why? about half 12

28. Are you going out of town soon? ive only just come back to town

29. Think back to Februrary, how was your love life? non existent 

30. Will you regret your next kiss? I hope not 

31. What is in your pocket? I dont have any pockets on me 

32. Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? no.

33. Are you happier now or 5 months ago? now

34. Are you usually wide awake when you wake up? no, not at all 

35. Can you remember the last person you texted without looking? Addison 

36. Can you sleep without blankets covering you? in the summer yes. right now im sleeping with a thick winter duvet and two blankets because its bloody freezing 

37. Do you listen to music everyday? yes

38. How long have you known your first phone contact? Addison, ive known him since I was about 13 so almost 10 years 

39. Who are all your texts in your inbox from? friends, family, theatre people

40. Do you have a hard time making decisions? yes, I find decisions really hard because anxiety makes me over think everything 

41. Are you gonna be home alone tonight? nope

42. What are you looking forward to? going to bed 

43. Are you a morning or night person? night

44. Are you excited for this weekend? yes, im just hoping the weather doesn't ruin it

45. What are you wearing on your feet? Hufflepuff socks 

46. If there was a large spider in your room, would you stay in the room? nope

47. What is the last thing you touched, other than your computer? the cat

48. When was the last time you talked to your best friend? couple hours ago 

49. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? yes

50. Are you a social or anti-social person? depends on the mood and who im with

51. Can you recall the last time you liked someone? right now

52. Where were you last night at 8 PM? right where I am now, on the sofa

53. What color is your cell phone? rose gold

54. What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you drank? squash

55. Your last received text, would you kiss them? nope

56. Have you told anybody you loved them and meant it? yes

57. Are you in a good mood? kinda yes

58. What were you doing an hour ago? sitting where I am now 

59. Is there anyone that could make your day if they showed up at your house? yes

60. Does your middle name begin with an A, M, or S? nope, F

61. How old was the last person you rode in a car with? my dad is 49, my mom is 53 and Amy is 7 months 

62. What color was the last vehicle you were in? silver

63. Do you have plans for next weekend? next saturday is the final day of performances of the show im helping with and Sunday is mothers day

64. What was the last movie you saw in theaters and who did you go with? black panther, with Rhys and Addison

65. How old were you in 1999? 4

67. Are you taller than 5'6"? yes

68. Who were the last three people to call you? my boyfriend, dad and mum.

69. What were you doing last night at 10pm? i had just finished work.

70. If you turn around, what is behind you? a lamp

71. Would you dye your hair hot pink for $50? no

72. Do you have any step or half siblings? my sister is technically a half sibling because we have different dads 

73. What color is your underwear? dark blue

74. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? primark

75. Who was the last person to hug you? mom

76. Who is on your mind right now? nick, cause he just messaged me

77. In how many years will you be thirty? omg don’t ask.

78. What are your plans after this? sleep

79. Are you currently barefoot? no

80. What’s the dumbest thing you have ever said? oh gosh theres too many to even contemplate 

81. You can never drink tea again or soda. Which do you give up? tea

82. Last time you drank coffee? never

83. Do you listen to screamo? nope

84. In what month were you born? June

85. Do you take vitamins daily? yes

86. Who is your 9th contact in your phone? Jaz

87. How many programs are running on your computer now? 5

88. What’s the first icon on your desktop? I dont have any icons on my desktop, I like to keep it clear

89. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? leaving the house

90. How old is the cellphone you have right now? about 6 months I think, I cant remember exactly 

91. Do you get pissed off when your computer freezes? yup

92. What’s the last thing you laughed at? probably the foster baby

93. What’s one thing you hate about your best friend? he is brutally honest, and doesn't really have a filter. he doesn't think about the fact that his opinion could hurt someone

94. Where is your dad right now? on the sofa watching telly on his laptop

95. Where is your mom right now? on the sofa next to me watching telly

[studentdiaries-x]

little hope

I used to have a routine...until this pandemic happened. 7 months ago, I would wake up at about 5 am, eat my breakfast, take a bath, and get ready for school. I would leave the house at past 6 in the morning, ride a jeepney to Pulo, and then suffer in the heavy traffic —not to mention the smog I inhale especially when I'm riding the charity seat in tricycles.

I cant help but say that I do miss it: 

waiting for my friends on the third bench by the path walk to Einstein building,  hanging around the cafeteria during our vacant hours, and most of all, buying time at the library by either reading books or doing my homework, just because I didn't want to go home. And once I get home, I would still have the time to watch movies and relax.

Let me tell you-- I have an unhealthy habit of escapism, and all my life, school was my best escape. 

Not necessarily all the recitations, group works, and the mere thought of 'studying', but the little pleasures that come along with it. Before, it excited me to simply think about what clothes I should wear for the day, where my friends and I should eat lunch, what movie should we watch on the cinemas next, or even where should we sit in the classroom. The amount of school works used to not worry me, because the joy I got from these little pleasure was more than enough to give me the will to accomplish school requirements.

Now I feel stagnant, and nothing feels new. 

I would wake up at lunchtime with an exhausted mind and body as if sleeping did not replenish my energy. My bed felt like a broken charger.

I've grown tired of eating at the same spot every day, so I tried switching places: different seats around the table, eating by the sofa, by the garage, and in my room. I got bored of taking baths without feeling excited about how I was going to style my outfit to school (on weekdays) or to the mall(on weekends), so I tried dressed up the same way I would if I could still go out.

You see, routines bore me. 

I don't like to do things today the same manner I did it yesterday. I've got a long list of failed routine plans since this pandemic began. Most of them included waking up early in the morning, cooking breakfast for myself, studying, exercising, and sleeping on time to get enough rest. I would always do good on the first day and eventually give up and just do everything spontaneously the next day. 

The worst part is that, it messed up my sleep schedule.

Because I noticed that I work better and get more productive at night, I tried making it a habit to stay awake at night and then sleep during the day. I did this for a week until I started to notice that my sleep and wake time was never consistent: if I slept at 5am today, I will sleep at about 6 or 7 am tomorrow. It became later and later, adjusting almost everyday, until I completely forgot what time I was originally supposed to sleep and wake up. This was because always found something interesting to do the moment I am supposedly about to sleep. I kept on taking the temptation to stay up later than usual to accomplish spontaneous tasks because even if I don't, my excitement about the idea won't let me sleep. I thought, "it's better to do it now than just think about the possibilities and eventually forget".

I found it so difficult to come up with a schedule that would fit me well. Every day, I would struggle to get on a task. 

I wonder if everything I'm doing is still worth it. 

Like, does it even matter if I get good grades, if I'm already at risk of dying from a disease? I was not sleeping well. I barely ate on time. I could not find the time and will to exercise. It's very possible that my immune system grew weaker.

Every time that I felt hopeless, I couldn't stop thinking of what was supposed to be, if only the pandemic did not happen.

Focusing on online classes is still very difficult for me. 

As a person with a very short attention span, it felt frustrating. I'd sit in front of my computer for hours and still not finish a task. I could watch a lecture video, get distracted, replay the part that I missed, and get distracted at that same part, so I have to replay it once, twice, or thrice more. I could create a new document for an essay I'm going to write, grab my phone or come across another task, and forget what I was supposed to be doing, leaving the document blank.

My point here is that, I see no fun in learning anymore. I cannot cope with the changes, I can't function well in my current learning environment, and I'm even losing the will to pursue my studies.

I wish I could go back to my old life, but seeing the current state of the nation amidst this crisis, I'm starting to feel hopeless. 

Even the proposed 'new normal' seems blurry to me. Would this make the situation any better? Wearing personal protective equipment, social distancing, quarantine—why is there no concrete plan on how we will get back to normal? If the new normal means that we have to keep isolating ourselves at home and forget about all the things we used to do before until we find a vaccine, then what's the point of it?

Those are my frequent thoughts. Though, there's a glimpse of hope in me, merely enough to keep me functioning— hope that I need, because I still have dreams to achieve.

[goadventour]

Brahmatal Trek Experience with GoAdven

This is my first post on Brahmatal trek experience with GoAdven.  This trek journey is dedicated to all the enthusiastic people who are willing to experience the lush green meadows, beauty and aroma of dense rhododendron forest and mesmerizing view of Himalayan ranges at its best. As I am a trek enthusiastic and I have decided to trek with GoAdven one of the Best Trekking Company in Uttarakhand.

I want you to know that any one can sign up for a high-altitude trek and that the most important thing that needs a work out- is our state of mind and positivity.

Once we channel that optimism, everything else before and after the journey will fall into place and re-energize our very soul.

So get rid of the misconception that high-altitude treks are only for the pros, because this was my and my trek mates first Himalayan trek.

Now before I start, here is a brief introduction of Brahmatal, it’s a lake situated in mountain ranges of Uttarakhand Himalayas. Which is at an altitude of 12,100 ft from mean sea level approximately 24 km from the Lohajung Base camp. Brahmatal summit is at an altitude of 12,500 ft from mean sea level approximately 27 km from the Lohajung Base camp.

It was 14th September 2019, I boarded my flight to Delhi from Mumbai, so my trek mates who had reached Mumbai from Solapur along with my Senior Colleague also boarded a different flight from Mumbai to Delhi. We met in Delhi Cant Train Station to catch our train to Kathgodam. Delhi weather was very hot however our overnight journey brought us to a very cool and pleasant weather at Kathgodam.

Day 1- Kathgodam – Lohajung

We were in Kathgodam to start our unforgettable journey of 5 days to the abode of Gods. We were doing the trek with a trekking organization called ‘GoAdven’. We were picked up from Kathgodam railway station in a tempo traveller which was waiting for us and we started or to Lohajung the base camp. The road journey from Kathgodam to Lohajung exposed us to the beauty of Uttarakhand.

The view was breathtaking. We crossed Bhimtal lake, Almora, Kausani and Dhewal to reach Lohajung. This journey was long almost 12 hours including pit stops for breakfast, lunch and evening tea. We reached Lohajung around 6.00PM. We were welcomed by base camp coordinators Dinesh sir and Pradeep sir. Later were served hot dinner after a small briefing.

We were asked to assemble after dinner for going over the itinerary. During this assembling, we were formally introduced to our Trek Leader Pradeep. He started with the team introduction and briefed us on various aspects of the trek like trek itinerary, etiquettes, medical tips, green trail, do’s and don’ts during our trek etc.

After this, we went to our respective rooms and got under the blankets, thinking and fascinating about the upcoming journey. A small intro about the base camp village, “Lohajung, as the locals say, is the place where Goddess Parvati had a war (jung) with the demon, Lohasur. Hence, the name, which translates to war with Lohasur.” Interesting indeed.

Day 2- Lohajung – Bekaltal

Next day morning everyone was awake by 6.00 AM and were excited to the core and was ready to take a giant leap of faith and overcome the thought of dubiousness of reaching the summit. Pradeep sir introduced us to our Trek Guide Manoj.

Pradeep sir was supposed to lead us and Manoj ji played the role of a sweeper (the last man in the group) to make sure no one is left behind but he joined us a bit later along with the cook Prakash and the mules that were carrying our offload bags. Pradeep sir was constantly motivating us to move ahead. We had to cover a distance of 6 km to reach Bekaltal, our next camp.

We started our trek, a climb through the village to reach our next camp. Through we travelled along the track the view was sufficiently beautiful to keep me going. I got so excited that I forgot about my tiredness completely, and thus we reached the Bekaltal camp. I was exhausted, but I was ecstatic for surviving my very first day of trekking.

Everyone was tired after a long trek of 6 hours. We did some stretching exercise to be relived of muscle pains and after that were served lunch at 2PM and had a small nap till 5 PM. In the evening we were served tea and snacks and went to visit the Bekaltal Lake which was located 500m away from our camp. We had our dinner at 8PM and then everyone retired to their tents.

This was our first night in meadows and it was terribly cold, thanks to our trek organizers they had made proper arrangement and were equipped with tents and sleeping bags of superior quality that could withstand -5 degree temperature.

But since it was our first time it was a bit difficult to tuck ourselves inside the bag although our trek leader had given us a demo on “how to use the sleeping bag”. We could hardly sleep on our first day. This was something beyond our regular lives. But in mountains 4 hours of sleep is more than sufficient to rejuvenate ourselves.

Camp at Bekaltal Bekaltal lake

Day 3- Bekaltal – Brahmatal

By the second morning, we woke up at around 6 in the morning; we could see the sun rays entering to our tents. I had gained enough energy and was feeling ready for the day’s trek. The surroundings were sublime and I started thinking that the trek was the best thing of all artificial means of entertainment. Mobile network were getting on and off and whenever we got a chance to speak to our home we did speak to them.

Our trek leaders kept us engaged by narrating inspiring but relevant anecdotes so as to keep us going without thinking about what lay ahead. Crossing the splendid views of mountains and valleys all immersed in fog, we finally managed to reach our stunning basecamp in Brahmatal. I took a stroll around the campsite. The atmosphere was wonderful. And the source of drinking water was the mountain water.

After having some tea in the evening we visited Brahmatal Lake which was around 10 min walk from the camp site and the mesmerizing view of still lake was breathtaking. There is also a small temple made of mountain rocks dedicated to Lord Brahma.

Camp at Brahmatal lake

Day 4- Bramhatal – Bramhatal summit – Forest Base camp

This was the day of the summit. We started our summit walk at 6:40 Am. There was so much excitement in my head. This was going to be our last great ascent in the entire trekking itinerary and all my trek mates really wanted to reach the summit as soon as possible.

Fortunately on this day, the beauty of the route was enough to keep us going. Although the ascent was really tough some times, the trek was a steep climb; the last 1 kilometer was a bit difficult compared to the entire past days trek route.

It was going to be an impeccable journey which was going to leave an indelible impression on us and we had realized that if we were mentally prepared for it, we will achieve it and we did it. We reached the summit by 10:30AM.

The sense of achievement had surpassed the feeling of happiness by a mile. And here all of us, clicking celebratory pictures with our group and making merry quietly in our hearts because this was one moment everyone in my group wanted to cherish forever.

We stayed there for around 2 hr. and started our decent towards our last camp site and the decent was comparatively relaxing to our heart but our knees were getting the pressure.

Day 5: Forest Base camp – Lohajung

Today we descend down to our base camp Lohajung which was a 4 km trail. We started early morning and almost ran through the straight trails. Since it was mostly downhill, the knees were punished. But the thick forest and huge trees were pleasant for eyes.

Everyone was more than helpful to everyone else and there was no envy, no pride involved. The concept of team building that I learned here. Finally, after continuously descending for half a day, I got a whiff of the basecamp from where we originally started the trek.

Even though there was still over an hour to the destination, just a sight of it was comforting enough to bring a sigh of relief. And in no time we were at the basecamp. I had never been happier at having achieved something in my uneventful life than I was at Lohajung that afternoon. My first Himalayan trek was a success. Later at 2:PM Our organizers arranged for a transport from Lohajung to Kausani.

Note:Brahmatal is one of India’s few high-altitude treks accessible in the winter months. I have to say with all my heart, that I had a brilliant experience with The GoAdven Team. As a traveler, I like to honestly review and recommend companies I’ve had a good time with. As a first time trekker, I had the best possible introduction to high altitude trekking with their team. Mr. Pradeep Kuniyal and all their other crew members ensured that we had a blast up in the mountains. Especially the cook Mr. Prakash dished out the most delicious simple meals, including kheer and mountain cuisines during camp.

[generalelectricllama]

So to sum up my week..

-Didn’t sleep more than 3 hours on sunday (and I didn’t fall asleep til 6-7am and was woken up by my best friend around 9:30-10am) then I had to wait until my grandfather got home from church and visiting my grandmother’s grave to take her home.

-Woke up Monday morning at 8am (after finally falling asleep at 6am) stiff as a board and in excruciating pain. My entire body was shaking for some reason. Finally managed to get out of bed after trying for 15 minutes. Had to take my mother’s cat to the vet to do an estimate on how much his dental, blood tests, grooming, and flea treatment would be (hint, it’s over $1,000). Brought him home and had to fight my grandfather for hours on whether to allow him to stay in the cabinets or make him stay out and socialize. I could barely walk by the evening time from pain.

-Tuesday was worse. I once again woke up in pain and stiff and shaking. Tried to get out of my bed, fell to the floor. Spent 5 minutes debating on getting up or just staying before my bladder chose for me. Stumbled and fell multiple times all day due to weak legs and sharp pains going from my hips to my knees. Was unable to go with family to watch the annual fireworks due to being unable to walk, and therefor drive, and my grandfather absolutely refusing to leave the house. Was guilt tripped by my brother’s girlfriend. Didn’t sleep that night.

-Wednesday I had to take all 6 of my cats to the vet (5 for flea treatments, my mother’s to be boarded overnight for surgery and grooming the next day.) Could only take 3 at a time due to lack of cages. Had to corral them 3 at a time, drive 12 miles, drop them off, go back, corral the other 3, repeat. It was storming horribly. Once all animals were at the vet, I proceeded to vacuum the floors and mix a flea killing chemical with water and spray all over my house. I sprayed walls, floors, carpet, rugs, furniture, underneath cushions, curtains, even the beds and under them. Got the cats back in the evening.

Today I finally slept. From 6am to 1pm. almost completely uninterrupted. Called the vet to find out about my mom’s cat. Turns out he didn’t have surgery. His white blood cell count was extremely high, the ratio of red blood cells to volume of blood was extremely low. So the vet wanted to send the blood out for a more comprehensive test. Autoimmune and immune thing. They are exceptionally confused as to why all of this is like that, even after a blood transfusion. They fear he may have cancer or something else that is slowly killing him. So we pay almost $500 and take him home.

I am stressed out, upset, in excruciating pain, tired, and really upset. I may only have a few more weeks or months with this cat that I thought I was doing him a good thing taking him in after my mom passed, rather than let him go to a shelter to be euthanized or to my biological grandmother’s to deal with a hyperactive, jumpy 100 something pound dog that would possibly accidentally hurt him.

 I am so stretched between hearing my grandfather constantly bitch and complain that we cant afford this and we cant afford an exterminator (that the vet reccommended) and worrying of this cat and praying that I get my disability and backpay so I can pay this back. I have begged and pleaded on multiple forms of social media for people to donate even a cent. I cannot get a job, i would immediatly lose my disability case. I can barely walk most days for goodness sake! 

I just don’t know whaat to do. I have been having suicidal ideations more lately. Even with my antidepressant on the highest dosage I can handle right now without getting sick. I don’t know how to handle all of this at once.

I don’t know what to do. I can barely stand being around myself. I can barely handle being awake right now. I just want my mom’s cat healthy and for my grandfather to stop constantly chewing me out for every little thing and stop over reacting when I ask him for simple things like food we need or if we can get something to help kill these fleas.

[themoneybuff-blog]

Could Waking Up an Hour Earlier Change Your Life?

Getting enough exercise has always been an issue for me, mostly because I think working out is so incredibly boring. I love the initial rush I get when I hop on my elliptical or take a brisk walk through the neighborhood, but I always wind up counting down the seconds until Ive satisfied my goal for the day whatever it is. The humdrum of repetitive movement is bad enough, but I also struggle to find the time. Not only do I have two kids ages 7 and 9, but I work full-time and I have groceries to buy, meals to make, and a home to take care of. We also have piano lessons, gymnastics classes, and an array of school activities to plan for each week. I love my life, but its also exhausting. My husband and I have tried several strategies to get a workout in each day. For a while, we tried getting up at 6:30 a.m. before the kids get up at 7 a.m., but we would get out of our routine quickly if one of us overslept. We also tried doing our exercise videos in the late afternoon for a while, but we were always so distracted. After all, its hard to crank out a T-25 video when the kids are home and asking 300 questions the entire time. The obvious answer here is one Ive fought against for as long as I can remember getting up even earlier. If I could just get out of bed long before everyone else does, I would have plenty of time for exercise without my kids asking for things or any other distractions. Why I Started Getting Up Earlier Earlier this year, I decided that I had finally had it with constantly failing to achieve my goals. While I have never been one to get out of bed super early, I started setting the alarm for 5:55 a.m. Thats not so early that it makes me miserable, but it gives me plenty of time to drink some coffee and do 25 minutes on my Bowflex M3 Max Trainer. And, my oh my, what a difference this has made! Now that I have the hang of getting up early, I have no excuse not to work out. I never feel rushed or distracted, and I am in much better physical and mental shape. I also feel like Im in a much better mood and much more prepared to handle whatever life throws my way. Simply put, the change has been amazing! The thing is, this isnt really all that surprising. Ive read countless articles about the virtues of rising early for years, and many successful people swear by this practice. For example, Apple CEO Tim Cook reportedly gets up at 3:45 a.m., and Ellevest CEO Sallie Krawcheck gets up at 4 a.m. Plenty of other successful early risers have been profiled in publications like Business Insider and Forbes, and the story is usually the same. People who get a lot done believe that getting up earlier gives them more time and more mental energy to be successful. And, while a lot of people believe that staying up late can also help them gain more free time, getting up early is usually the more advantageous option. Either strategy can give you more hours in the day, but financial advisor and life coach Natalie Bacon says that waking up early is way more helpful for a few reasons including the fact that you generally dont have what she calls decision fatigue in the mornings. Your brain is ready to go and isnt tired, she says. Even if youre a night person, you still run the risk of being more exhausted at the end of the day because youvebeen making decisions all day long. How Getting Up One Hour Earlier Can Improve Your Life If youre someone who wishes you had more hours in the day and more time to get things done, you may be wondering if getting up early is the answer youve been looking for. Here are a few reasons you may want to set your alarm clock an hour earlier from now on. You can live more intentionally. Bacon says that getting up can give you the time and space to be the creator of your life instead of responding, reacting, and putting out fires. When you wake up as late as possible, youre constantly having to rush to solve problems and prepare for the day, whereas getting up earlier can help you plan your day more intentionally. While Bacon works full-time as a life coach now, she used to work on her side hustle on top of her full-time financial planning job. Instead of burning the midnight oil to get things done, Bacon said she would wake up at 4 a.m. to brainstorm for her new business. This way, I knew that I got it done no matter what. Nothing could interfere with it, she said. Getting up early helped her be more intentional in this case because she was prioritizing her goals instead of waiting to see if she had time for them later in the day. You can work toward big goals or your own peace of mind. Most of us have something we wish we could accomplish, whether thats exercising more, learning a new language, or pursuing higher education. While it can be difficult to find time to accomplish anything when youre working and raising a family, getting up early can buy you the time to work on these goals a little bit at a time. Bacon also said that morning time is excellent for self-care that you cant find time for during regular daytime hours. If youre not working on a business goal, you can wake up early to read, journal, meditate, or pray basically anything that improves your state of mind or makes you happier. A morning routine with specific habits, even if theyre small, can compound over time to have a huge positive impact on your life, she says. You could finally get in shape. I already mentioned how I get up early for the sole purpose of drinking coffee and working out. For me, early morning is really the only time I can exercise consistently and without interruption. And since I sit at a computer all day long, I have to work out. Todd Mitchem, who is a life coach, speaker, and the author of You Disrupted: Seizing the Life You Want by Shaking, Breaking, and Challenging Everything, says that its pretty common for fitness-minded people to use their mornings to take care of their health. And really, mornings may be the only time for people like me (who have to force themselves to work out) to make it happen. If you have a busy family, the early morning is often the only quiet time in the house for you to take care of you without distractions, he says. The rest of the day and evening is usually jam-packed with family time and errands, and it is way too easy to put exercise off. But most people dont face these challenges when they work out first thing. How to Wake Up Early When You Dont Want to While I never like the sound of an alarm clock and especially not at 5:55 a.m. Ive gotten used to hopping out of bed without hitting the snooze button once. Im a coffee junkie, so I just set my coffee maker to start brewing early and remind myself that a warm cup of my favorite beverage is waiting for me downstairs. That may not work for everyone, but it does work for me. Mitchem says that if youre struggling to wake up early, you can start small and set the alarm clock back slowly over time. For example, you could start by waking up just 15 minutes earlier for a few weeks. From there, you could set your alarm back another 15 minutes slowly until youre getting up at the exact hour you desire. Also remember that you dont have to wake up at 4 a.m., like some CEOs do, to have more free time. A schedule of waking up just 15 minutes earlier each day, for example, will gain you over an hour in just the first week without wrecking your life in the process, said Mitchem. Bacon also says that, if youre someone whos always struggling to get out of bed until the last minute, you may need to focus on reorganizing your life so you can go to bed earlier. Getting up early starts the night before, she says. You need to consciously choose to go to bed early enough that you feel good about getting up early. That might mean cutting yourThe Walking Deadbinge off earlier than normal or getting in bed and turning off the lights instead of scrolling Facebook on your phone. It may also mean going to bed even if other members of your household are awake, which isnt always easy. You may even need to let yourself be exhausted for a while to give your body time to reset to a new sleeping schedule. If you get up early several days in a row, for example, it should start getting easier to go to bed at a decent hour. The Bottom Line If you wish you had more time and cant seem to meet your goals, getting out of bed earlier might be exactly what you need. Whether you dial back the alarm 15 minutes or an hour, that extra time could help you have the time to accomplish simple tasks, take better care of your health, or simply relax and enjoy some peace and quiet for once. But, dont take my word for it. Try getting up an hour earlier for a week to see how it feels. Schlepping out of bed at the crack of dawn may not be easy, but you may find that its worth it. Holly Johnson is an award-winning personal finance writer and the author ofZero Down Your Debt. Johnson shares her obsession with frugality, budgeting, and travel atClubThrifty.com. Related Stories: https://www.thesimpledollar.com/could-waking-up-an-hour-earlier-change-your-life/

[veganvagabond88]

10 Day Juice Cleanse

I was recently approached to take part in a 10 day juice cleanse ran by two local business’s, Anne-Marie from Optimal Health and Wellness and Claire from Conscious Kitchen. The 10 days comprise of 5 juices per day along with 3 colonic’s spread over the course of the cleanse.

I have suffered for years with chronic stomach complaints, irregular bowels and bloating which was finally diagnosed as colitis as a couple of years back. Along side this, constant fatigue and trouble sleeping, even though I am a strict vegan and eat pretty well. 

This seemed like a great opportunity to reset my body and try something quite extreme and new.

In 2016 I left the country to travel Asia for a year, after a few months travelling my stomach complaints appeared to disappear, I was eating a lot differently to home and had no stress so I guess that contributed. I started to put on a bit of weight which I needed. However towards the end of my travels I didn't feel comfortable any more, both in myself and looks, id put on a stone over the year which doesn't seem a lot to most people but to me this was a huge amount to my already small frame.

Over that year id treated my body pretty badly without even realising, Asian food is pretty amazing although with that comes a lot of sugar, salt and the dreaded MSG. I tried to eat as healthy as I could however backpacking is pretty hard going and you can easily spiral out of control with all the unregulated beers, fizzy drinks and sweet treats.

Id wanted to do a cleanse like this for some time but needed that extra push to do it so I decided to go ahead with it, what did I have to loose, I was also helping Anne-Marie and Claire test out this new package so I was doing good for them to by playing guinea pig for the next 10 days.

Ben has decided to do the first 3 days with me! <3

Here we go….

Friday - Day 1

Weight – 117.2Ibs/8.371st

Woke up not feeling great, Id had a busy week and no sleep so felt exhausted before I even started the juices. Started off the morning with a tasty tangy green juice, this is ok … or so I thought.

Around mid morning I started to get the worse headache. This lasted the whole day and didn't help I was busy at work bending down and picking stuff up gave me a horrible head rush and numbing pressure feeling.

Besides the head ache im not hungry so that's a plus. Through out the day I had two green detox juices, along with two beetroot juices and to finish off the day a tomato soup.

After work I went straight to the clinic for my first colonic!, it actually went OK I was dreading it but it was fine and Anne-Marie was really good and spoke throughout the whole half an hour so it didn't feel uncomfortable at all. A lot of old waste was evident so it was a really successful colonic. Felt pretty good afterwards and not uncomfortable during the evening like I usually do from over indulging during the day.

Dinner was really nice, however id usually have double the portion accompanied by a few slices of fresh toasted bread haha, so I ate the soup as slowly as I could savouring every last mouthful.

Im a snacker so this is my main problem, especially as its the weekend and usually ill have a treat while watching a film on a Friday night, instead I drank lots of detox tea with lemon and honey, plus lots of warm water, this helped to keep me satisfied.

No matter how much water I drank today my head ache was still clinging on. I was shattered so went to bed feeling a bit rough. What have I got myself into!…

Saturday - Day 2

Weight – 115.6Ibs/8.257st

Woke up feeling pretty groggy. Had a foggy headache all day until the afternoon when it started to slowly go away. Again I wasn't hungry at all just bored of the same stuff… and its only day 2!

My skin broke out today with a few spots on my face, this is most likely from the colonic. Going to make sure I treat my skin with a few face masks over the week.

Clay Mud Mask, made my skin feel amazing, I also used a bentonite clay mask later in the week, this stuff is awesome you can also drink it to aid detoxing.

Went to the osteopath late morning for treatment which made me feel a bit better and took my mind off the headache.

Today was pretty difficult as usually we go out to eat and drink at the weekends, so mentally I think it was tougher, we saw our friends and they were all going for dinner and drinks so I felt a bit jealous, so instead I went shopping and treated myself to some skincare, bath goodies and a new fluffy dressing gown!

Later on we decided to go and get a Thai deep tissue massage, this is great for detoxing as it helps release toxins. And it makes you feel good and relaxed.

Even though this was the hardest day mentally after the massage we got back and had carrot soup which was really nice and I felt satisfied, we watched a film and was in bed by around midnight, felt exhausted still so it was good to get some rest.

Again my stomach feels a lot better small amount of bowel movements and no pain so that's positive.

Time of the month has arrived unexpectedly! Brilliant! Grrrrrrr, this is going to be awful.

(I later found out from Anne-Marie that cleansing can bring this on as the body is detoxing, another lady on the cleanse also came on soon after she started)

Sunday - Day 3

Weight – 114Ibs/8.143st

Had a rough night, night sweats (which I suffer with anyway) but I think my body is starting to go through the detox process. Woke up a couple of times in the night and had to change my clothes.

Besides this I woke up with no head ache and felt OK! And I wasn't feeling hungry!

Decided to jump in the bath and filled it with Epsom bath salts, and a nice bath bomb as I was feeling a bit achey from the osteopath and massage. Its important to treat your body when detoxing, salt baths are key in helping to relieve any pain and they also aid the detox, by drawing out toxins from the skin!.

Bath treats <3

Went to see my parents in the afternoon, bad choice!, Mum was cooking a roast! Stayed for a couple of hours then went back to Ben's as I couldn't be in the house any longer haha.

I've had lots of energy today, which is surprising as I thought id feel worse. Im missing my beloved coffee, mainly for the taste and smell, but I don't feel like I need it to stay awake or give me buzz. Started to get sleepy earlier on in the evening to what I usually do so went to bed at a reasonable time and slept through the night!

Today's juices were a bit different, I had a carrot and fennel juice which was weird but actually quite tasty, the regular two green detox juices, two beet juices and today's soup was a spicy broth which was really nice.

Carrot and Fennel Juice

Monday - Day 4

Weight – 113.4Ibs/8.1st

Feeling really good today, not tired and groggy and more importantly not craving coffee!. Also im not particularly hungry, had another salt bath as I was starting work later today so started my juices at around 10:30am. Work was bearable and I didn't get any headaches. Really feeling the difference today and feel a lot lighter and alert.

Laid in bed that night and realised a lot of my chronic pain has disappeared, I usually ache a lot all over but its gone down, not sure if its the salt baths or a combo of the juices but I feel really good and relaxed.

My stomach is a bit iffy and noisy today but generally its been OK.

I usually have a rash/little bumps on the backs of both of my arms but this has nearly disappeared!

Today was a good day!

Tuesday - Day 5

Weight – 108Ibs/7st 10 (different scales)

Nothing much to report, dropping weight and feeling great! Worked the late shift today which I think was easier with the juices as I waited till nearly lunch time to start my juices.

Wednesday - Day 6

Weight – 106Ibs/7st 8 (different scales)

So much energy and feeling great I can notice my body changing inside and out my stomach is flat and I’m starting to see definition again rather than a little pop belly! Feeling a lot better about myself and excited to carry on and feel even more benefits.

Starting to tire of the juices a bit and feeling the cold more, those who know me know im always cold any way so im struggling a bit with that.

My period has been pretty heavy and different which it isn't usually, this is another sign of the body going through detoxification. (it ended up lasting 6 days compared to my regular 3 day cycle)

Thursday - Day 7

Weight – (didn't weigh today as I've been using different scales so its not accurate)

Feeling pretty great, my skin feels soft and no break outs, lots of energy. Must admit im getting bored of just juices now, I love cooking and eating im missing this the most. Work went OK finished a bit earlier had another salt bath before heading to Anne-Marie’s for my second colonic. Went well again, old waste still evident. Feeling really light today but also quite hungry, had my last juice of the day then went to meet some friends, which was nice.

Friday – Day 8

Weight – 113Ibs/8.071st

Busy day at work so I felt pretty tired and run down today. Juices were a bit different today which was refreshing, started with a watermelon juice (my fav) and also some blue algae juices (my least fav) Met up with friends in the evening for dinner! Well I watched as they scoffed pizza, super jealous but I had some olives…. Not exactly a delicious pizza but at least it was something a bit different and I didn't look like a total weirdo not eating in a restaurant watching my friends eat, haha.

Watermelon Juice

Saturday - Day 9

Weight – 112.6/8.043st

Really bored of not eating now, its the weekend again and I just want to go out for brunch!, eat beans on toast and drink delicious coffee, so I did… watched Ben eat a cooked breakfast, while I sipped on a juice! Haha.

Feeling a bit moody about it today, but its nearly over. Even though im feeling a bit shitty today mentally, I physically feel really good, so I cant complain, im glad I’ve done it and really starting to rethink about the sort of things I will eat and drink after the cleanse is over.

We did some shopping and when I got back felt pretty sleepy so I had a nap before we made our way to Ben's family for a birthday, again this was nice but im missing eating and drinking beers. Got home and slept through the whole night! This is a rarity for me. The caffeine has finally left my body and my sleep is definitely improving.

Sunday - Day 10 – The Last Leg

Weight – 112.6IBs/8.043st

Even though I slept loads im feeling a bit groggy today and impatient, its the last day!

I started the day like normal,...another juice! While I made Ben crumpets! How nice am I!?

Now I really was looking forward to the end of the cleanse. I love juices, smoothies and weird healthy foods and drinks. However after 10 days of not actually eating it starts to become very mundane. I love cooking, creating exciting dishes and more importantly eating them, so that's been the most difficult part for me. I spent the next few hours writing, drinking more juices and had a nice bath.

4pm soon rolled round and I was ready for my final colonic and summary chat with Anne-Marie and Claire. I spoke to them about my highs and lows over the last 10 days and how I feel so much better than before.

Both of the girls have noticed a big change in my appearance, my skin has become much better, my eyes are brighter, my stomach issues are pretty much non existent. The biggest change has been the energy, I feel so much more with it that I did. Im going to kick the coffee habit during the week and save it as a treat for the weekends, and also eat smaller portions to what I have been.

Its Monday morning I've woke up even lighter, my final weight from the cleanse is 111Ibs/7.929st.

My favourite thing to eat is breakfast foods so Im going to have my first proper meal, a veggie cooked breakfast made by my lovely Mum.

Delicious, probably the slowest I’ve eaten in a while, my jaw ached a bit having to actually chew haha.

Im so glad I took part in this experiment and will be forever thankful to Anne-Marie and Claire for giving me the opportunity and support that they did.

Thank you 

Jessica xoxo

Summary of Weight and Inch loss

Before and After Shots 

Measurements in Inches.

Before - Weight 117.2Ibs / 8.371st

Waist - 27                                                                                                        Belly - 30                                                                                                          Hips - 33                                                                                                        Chest - 36                                                                                                        Arms - 11.5                                                                                                    Thighs - 19.5                                                                                                  Calf's - 11

After - Weight 111Ibs / 7.928st

Waist - 26                                                                                                              Belly -  29                                                                                                              Hips -   31                                                                                                              Chest - 34                                                                                                              Arms -  9.8                                                                                                          Thighs - 18.1                                                                                                          Calf’s - 11

Total Loss of 6.2Ibs and around an inch off each area of my body!

If you want to try this amazing experience and change your lifestyle contact Anne-Marie and Claire.

http://optimalhealthandwellness.co.uk/

https://www.consciouskitchen.co.uk/contact/

[soypedrolopez]

You know you are a flight attendant when...

1. You can eat a 4 course meal standing at the kitchen counter 2. You search for a button to flush the toilet 3. You look for the “crew line” at the grocery store. 4. You can pack for a 2 week trip to Europe in 1 roll-aboard 5. All of your pens have different hotel names on them 6. You NEVER unpack 7. You can recognize pilots by the backs of their heads-but not by their faces 8. You can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of luggage will fit in the overhead bin 9. You care about the local news in a city three states away 10. You can tie a neck scarf 36 ways 11. You know at least 25 uses for air sickness bags-none of which pertain to vomit 12. You understand and actually use the 24-hour clock 13. You own 2 sets of uniforms: fat and thin 14. You don’t think in “months”-you think in “bid packs” 15. You always point with two fingers 16. You get a little too excited by certain types of ice 17. You stand at the front door and politely say “Buh-bye, thanks, have a nice day” when someone leaves your home 18. You can make a sentence using all of the following phrases: “At this time,” “For your safety,” “Feel free,” and “As a reminder” 19. You know what’s on the cover of the current issues of In Touch, Star, and People magazines 20. You stop and inspect every fire extinguisher you pass, just to make sure the “gauge is in the green” 21. Your thighs are covered in bruises from armrests and elbows 22. You wake up and have to look at the hotel stationery to figure out where you are 23. You refer to cities by their airport codes 24. You actually understand every item on this list 25. Everytime the door bell rings you look up at the ceiling. 26. You change into you “galley shoes” to cook dinner at home! 27. You open your bathroom doors at home slowly incase someone forgot to lock it. 28. You only know 250 or 350 degrees on your home oven 29. When you ask your spouse when they will be coming home from work you ask for their “ETA” 30. You can spot out an airplane from the ground above and tell the other person what airline it is! 31. You go through each room at your friends place looking for magazines to read! 32. You bring home different grocery bags full of goodies that you can’t get in your home town! and tell a story about it! 33. You know better NOT to date a pilot! 34. Your a fire fighter, a nurse, a security officer and a server all in one! 35. Your a GREAT multi - tasker! 36. You have mastered the art of walking very quickly down the aisle and not catching anyone’s eye. 37. Your at a friends party and you start wiping your hands on their curtains. 38.You call for the car doors to be armed and cross checked before pulling away. 39.you answer your phone by saying “Hi its ….. at "position” 40. when you try and put the foot brake on your shopping cart. 41.When releasing your seatbelt in the car, you try to ‘lift the top portion of the buckle and pull apart" and are confused when you can’t find it. 42. When sitting in the backseat of your friends car, you check the seat pocket for garbage. 43. when your friends or family ask what time it is, you ask in what time zone! 44. When you’re really tired and are staying in for the night, you tell you’re friends you’re 'slam-clicking’. 45. you remember the hotel phone numbers better than your home phone number. 46. You see rubbish dropped on the floor in your own home and instead of bending down to pick it up, you kick it under the sofa. 47. You have 400 mobile numbers in your adress book of crew you still wanted to meet up with….but when you finally get the time and browes for numbers you cannot put their faces and names together! 48. You locate all the exits when on public transport and learn the door operations. 49. You are standing in an elevator in your hotel and cant remember what floor you’re supposed to go to, or what your room number is. 50. You can never make definite plans, otherwise you know you’ll be delayed/called out, for sure! 51. You can’t help saying goodbye to friends or anyone without sounding patronising… “b'bye now.. bye! 52. when you’ve finished your dinner you throw the dirty plate in the cupboard and kick the door shut. 53. If you check your breast pocket for a pen when you are going to write a shopping list at home. 54. You automatically uncross your legs, sit back, and fold your arms across your lap when you hear an engine rev up, whether you’re a passenger on a flight that day or just in the car! 55. Every time someone ask’s a question your reply is … 'Just bear with me, or standby… 56. when ur going out from the hotel on a layover u smile and greet ppl u meet in the lifts… and ur not even in uniform! lol 57. You take out one blanket from the overhead bin or closet….and you hide it behind your back, running fast so no one sees it so you can use it!!!! 58. You know the water gague is showing empty and you grab a bottle of water and start washing your hands! 59. You spin around in the aft galley and yell, i love my job, i love my job…. 60. You carry around ultra concentrated spray for the smells that come out of the lavoratory to protect you and your fellow co-workers! 61. You carry around a sharpie marker! 62. You work 18 hour days then go home and start cleaning up after someone else! 63. You have soo much time off you have 2 jobs! 64. Your dead heading on a flight and your sleeping and you wake up when they say "doors for departure and cross check” or when you hear the high low chimes in the cabin! 65. You tell people to turn off their cellphones or ipods. 66. If someone is smoking you show them the sign and remind them not to smoke! 67. You are ready to shop when you get to your destination! 68. You get so use to standing up while eating you don’t even look for a chair anymore. 69. You hate people that slam their doors and call them slam-clickers! 70. You have soo many pictures, you don’t know what album to start with and what pictures belong where anymore! 71. You don’t like long walks at the beach anymore, cause all you do is walk the ocean, but 36,000FT above! 72. you stuff your cell phone in your bra while out clubbing in case you get a call from crew sked 73. you have mastered the art of putting on makeup in the car/bus/subway 74. you carry in your purse a stain-remover pencil at all times 75. you apologize for everything 76. you are no longer disgusted at stepping in dog poo: you’ve seen worse…trust me! 77. you appreciate time at home more than anyone else 78. when you ask someone a question, you stick your ear in their face and put your hand around it in order to hear better 79. you’ve developed an interest for astrology, and constantly ask “what’s your sign?” 80. you’re a pro of small talk and specialize in four categories: children, mortgages, divorces, and your in-laws 81. you’ve got a bunch of old worthless coins from the pre-Euro era 82. you bring your big suitcase on a one-day layover to get your groceries! 83. you know how to create a gourmet fondue using jersey milk bars, stale crew fruit, plastic cutlery and china from the business class cabin. 84. you bring home some passenger meal trays and wash them, then fill them with your own food and heat it up on board during your next flight! 85. you’re dead-heading and you offer to place other passengers’ luggage in the overhead bins, or bring them blankets. 86. you keep your crew tags visible when you are dead-heading, so that the flight attendants will know you are crew and offer you free food/booze. 87. you keep all your creams/perfumes/cosmetics in small pots and bottles so that they pass security cause you know its has to be under 100ML 88. You hear your cell phone ring even when it’s not ringing 89. you bid flights according to the hotel at a destination, and not necessarily the destination itself 90. your fruits and veggies at home always go bad because you’re always away (updated for crew members, written by you!) So you want to be a flight attendant? Go to a resale store and find an old, navy suit that an army sergeant might have worn. Add a white shirt and a tie. Wear that same outfit for three consecutive days. Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several hours. Pretend you are standing by for them and they are all full. Go home. Return to the airport the very next day and do the same thing again. Fill several large boxes with rocks. Lift them over your head and place them on the top shelf of a closet. Slam the door shut until the boxes fit. Do this until you feel a disc slip in your back. Turn on a radio. Be sure to set it between stations so there is plenty of static. Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage disposal. Run them all night. Remove the covers from several T.V entrees. Place them in a hot oven. Leave the food in the oven until it’s completely dried out. Remove the hot trays with your bare hands. Serve to your family. Don’t include anything for yourself. Serve your family a beverage one hour after they’ve received their meal. Make them remain in their seats during this time. Ask them to scream at you and complain about the service. Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat 6 hours later when you’re really hungry. Place a straight-backed chair in a closet facing a blank wall. Use a belt to strap yourself into it. Eat the rolls you saved from your family’s meal. Ask your family to use the bathroom as frequently as possible. Tell them to remove their shoes and socks before entering, and see who can make the most disgusting mess. Clean the bathroom every hour throughout the night. Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and randomly scatter your husband’s runners and loafers along the way. Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle while banging your shins against the chair legs and tripping over the shoes. Drink several cups of cold coffee to keep yourself awake. Gently wake your family in the morning and serve them a muffin in a package. Don’t forget to smile and wish them a nice day when they leave for work and school. After the family leaves, take a suitcase and go out into the yard. If it’s not raining, turn on the sprinkler system and stand in the cold for 30 minutes pretending like your waiting for the crew bus topick you up. Then go inside and wait by your bedroom door for another 30 minutes for an imaginary maid to make up your room. Change into street clothes and shop for 5 hours. Pick up carry-outfood from a local deli. Go back home. Sit on your bed and eat your meal. Set your alarm clock for 03:00 am so you’ll be ready incase you don’t get your wake up call. Repeat the above schedule for three days in a row and you’ll be ready to work your first international flight.

Original post by: @ aldonza-schomar.

Image by tumblr.com

[what-the-actual-fuck-mer]

I would like to take a moment to talk about the two photos above. This night had impacted my life in more ways than I can count. I, however, am still unsure if it had changed me for the better or worse. I not sure if I will ever know and I am okay with that because well; life is life and you'll never know the answers to everything. You can try, but it's not possible. HOWEVER; This night, was very fun... but odd for me. I had introduced all of my good friends with each other.. aka Jaime and Jonah with holly. All three of them were the closest things I had as friends.- ( however, when I think about it now i kind of regret because it did change things for me later on, but I don't want to get into that right now because I'm not even sure if this had anything to do with anything so it's okay) We were at Holly's, and we decided to smoke weed. Which was Jonahs first time doing so And I swear to God he was on acid that night and one thing I do remember is him turning to Jaime and telling her that her head slid of her body. I found it funny, but they were so high I couldn't fucking understand what they were talking about. I was so high. I noticed that they were talking and I?? Felt uncomfortable to laugh because holly wasn't. I felt like she felt out of place and I felt bad. We then did dabs and man I was Wow Okay Fun?? I don't remember any of it after And when Jaime and I got home.aftwr dropping Jonah off we Did acid in my bedroom; and it didn't really kick in but I felt an extreme body high but maybe because I was smoking weed. We then; at 4am drove to get another drug Ecstasy- we got it Drove home and did it We then got bored or whatever and wanted even MORE of a high and we started drinking; however Throughout the night Jaime and I had been smoking ciggys literally every 10 mins becauze time felt so slow and we didn't realize it hadn't been that long Est; we smoked around 5-6 packs together that night. Not very good but that's okay. It had also taken us around 5 hours to watch one fucking movie because procrastination and it kept pausing or something would happen -it was across the universe- And We made A really big mess I spilt the ashtray and much of my.tabaco on my ground and just didn't clean it because I didn't want to. We stayed up the whole night and then went for a walk in slight rain without shoes and then?? Realized this isn't right And then spent another hour procrastinating in the bedroom to roll more smokes so we could go back out (Keep in mind Every few hours I had to sneak back into my parents bedroom to take more tobacco because we ran out and that was difficult) We then Went back.out and stood in a puddle and just things were so fucking surreal outside and bright and pretty it was?? Magical?? I loved it We then walked to some random school and walked home. I didn't understand at the time why I was still fucked by 10m but I now; just realized it's probably because I only took the e at 5ish am.. We painted that night and i; found it fun. But the next day I was So fucking tired And I felt so sick- I had no energy, I was extremely pale.. I couldn't eat supper nor could I stay awake I had troubles breathing and I could barley move. My parents were worried and had asked me about it I just said I was tired. I was almost throwing up by 5pm the next day . I had also thoughts of me dying. I felt so sick/ awful i actually thought i was on the verge of death. There is a lot more to how i felt that night/the day after- but I can not put them into words no matter how hard I tried. Just know it had been the worst I have ever felt in my life so far. The few days after that night were basically like living hell... I was sick- had no hunger, was so tired I t was so hard to stay awake and even go class so I had skipped a bit around that time I couldn't be in gym class without thinking everyone was staring at me/ making fun of me and I had thought that they just didn't want me there; that they wanted me. Dead and we're going to do something to make that happen I had an extreme sense of fear, about everything and bascually everything after and I could not breathe I truly; I wanted to die. It made me want to die. I came to the conclusion that I was not good. And that everyone wanted me dead and that I needed to go. It had fucked with me- it had fucked me. I wish I could explain but I can't I'm. Scared. I cant

[themoneybuff-blog]

Could Waking Up an Hour Earlier Change Your Life?

Getting enough exercise has always been an issue for me, mostly because I think working out is so incredibly boring. I love the initial rush I get when I hop on my elliptical or take a brisk walk through the neighborhood, but I always wind up counting down the seconds until Ive satisfied my goal for the day whatever it is. The humdrum of repetitive movement is bad enough, but I also struggle to find the time. Not only do I have two kids ages 7 and 9, but I work full-time and I have groceries to buy, meals to make, and a home to take care of. We also have piano lessons, gymnastics classes, and an array of school activities to plan for each week. I love my life, but its also exhausting. My husband and I have tried several strategies to get a workout in each day. For a while, we tried getting up at 6:30 a.m. before the kids get up at 7 a.m., but we would get out of our routine quickly if one of us overslept. We also tried doing our exercise videos in the late afternoon for a while, but we were always so distracted. After all, its hard to crank out a T-25 video when the kids are home and asking 300 questions the entire time. The obvious answer here is one Ive fought against for as long as I can remember getting up even earlier. If I could just get out of bed long before everyone else does, I would have plenty of time for exercise without my kids asking for things or any other distractions. Why I Started Getting Up Earlier Earlier this year, I decided that I had finally had it with constantly failing to achieve my goals. While I have never been one to get out of bed super early, I started setting the alarm for 5:55 a.m. Thats not so early that it makes me miserable, but it gives me plenty of time to drink some coffee and do 25 minutes on my Bowflex M3 Max Trainer. And, my oh my, what a difference this has made! Now that I have the hang of getting up early, I have no excuse not to work out. I never feel rushed or distracted, and I am in much better physical and mental shape. I also feel like Im in a much better mood and much more prepared to handle whatever life throws my way. Simply put, the change has been amazing! The thing is, this isnt really all that surprising. Ive read countless articles about the virtues of rising early for years, and many successful people swear by this practice. For example, Apple CEO Tim Cook reportedly gets up at 3:45 a.m., and Ellevest CEO Sallie Krawcheck gets up at 4 a.m. Plenty of other successful early risers have been profiled in publications like Business Insider and Forbes, and the story is usually the same. People who get a lot done believe that getting up earlier gives them more time and more mental energy to be successful. And, while a lot of people believe that staying up late can also help them gain more free time, getting up early is usually the more advantageous option. Either strategy can give you more hours in the day, but financial advisor and life coach Natalie Bacon says that waking up early is way more helpful for a few reasons including the fact that you generally dont have what she calls decision fatigue in the mornings. Your brain is ready to go and isnt tired, she says. Even if youre a night person, you still run the risk of being more exhausted at the end of the day because youvebeen making decisions all day long. How Getting Up One Hour Earlier Can Improve Your Life If youre someone who wishes you had more hours in the day and more time to get things done, you may be wondering if getting up early is the answer youve been looking for. Here are a few reasons you may want to set your alarm clock an hour earlier from now on. You can live more intentionally. Bacon says that getting up can give you the time and space to be the creator of your life instead of responding, reacting, and putting out fires. When you wake up as late as possible, youre constantly having to rush to solve problems and prepare for the day, whereas getting up earlier can help you plan your day more intentionally. While Bacon works full-time as a life coach now, she used to work on her side hustle on top of her full-time financial planning job. Instead of burning the midnight oil to get things done, Bacon said she would wake up at 4 a.m. to brainstorm for her new business. This way, I knew that I got it done no matter what. Nothing could interfere with it, she said. Getting up early helped her be more intentional in this case because she was prioritizing her goals instead of waiting to see if she had time for them later in the day. You can work toward big goals or your own peace of mind. Most of us have something we wish we could accomplish, whether thats exercising more, learning a new language, or pursuing higher education. While it can be difficult to find time to accomplish anything when youre working and raising a family, getting up early can buy you the time to work on these goals a little bit at a time. Bacon also said that morning time is excellent for self-care that you cant find time for during regular daytime hours. If youre not working on a business goal, you can wake up early to read, journal, meditate, or pray basically anything that improves your state of mind or makes you happier. A morning routine with specific habits, even if theyre small, can compound over time to have a huge positive impact on your life, she says. You could finally get in shape. I already mentioned how I get up early for the sole purpose of drinking coffee and working out. For me, early morning is really the only time I can exercise consistently and without interruption. And since I sit at a computer all day long, I have to work out. Todd Mitchem, who is a life coach, speaker, and the author of You Disrupted: Seizing the Life You Want by Shaking, Breaking, and Challenging Everything, says that its pretty common for fitness-minded people to use their mornings to take care of their health. And really, mornings may be the only time for people like me (who have to force themselves to work out) to make it happen. If you have a busy family, the early morning is often the only quiet time in the house for you to take care of you without distractions, he says. The rest of the day and evening is usually jam-packed with family time and errands, and it is way too easy to put exercise off. But most people dont face these challenges when they work out first thing. How to Wake Up Early When You Dont Want to While I never like the sound of an alarm clock and especially not at 5:55 a.m. Ive gotten used to hopping out of bed without hitting the snooze button once. Im a coffee junkie, so I just set my coffee maker to start brewing early and remind myself that a warm cup of my favorite beverage is waiting for me downstairs. That may not work for everyone, but it does work for me. Mitchem says that if youre struggling to wake up early, you can start small and set the alarm clock back slowly over time. For example, you could start by waking up just 15 minutes earlier for a few weeks. From there, you could set your alarm back another 15 minutes slowly until youre getting up at the exact hour you desire. Also remember that you dont have to wake up at 4 a.m., like some CEOs do, to have more free time. A schedule of waking up just 15 minutes earlier each day, for example, will gain you over an hour in just the first week without wrecking your life in the process, said Mitchem. Bacon also says that, if youre someone whos always struggling to get out of bed until the last minute, you may need to focus on reorganizing your life so you can go to bed earlier. Getting up early starts the night before, she says. You need to consciously choose to go to bed early enough that you feel good about getting up early. That might mean cutting yourThe Walking Deadbinge off earlier than normal or getting in bed and turning off the lights instead of scrolling Facebook on your phone. It may also mean going to bed even if other members of your household are awake, which isnt always easy. You may even need to let yourself be exhausted for a while to give your body time to reset to a new sleeping schedule. If you get up early several days in a row, for example, it should start getting easier to go to bed at a decent hour. The Bottom Line If you wish you had more time and cant seem to meet your goals, getting out of bed earlier might be exactly what you need. Whether you dial back the alarm 15 minutes or an hour, that extra time could help you have the time to accomplish simple tasks, take better care of your health, or simply relax and enjoy some peace and quiet for once. But, dont take my word for it. Try getting up an hour earlier for a week to see how it feels. Schlepping out of bed at the crack of dawn may not be easy, but you may find that its worth it. Holly Johnson is an award-winning personal finance writer and the author ofZero Down Your Debt. Johnson shares her obsession with frugality, budgeting, and travel atClubThrifty.com. Related Stories: https://www.thesimpledollar.com/could-waking-up-an-hour-earlier-change-your-life/