#personal thing i may delete later idk
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chanoeys · 1 year ago
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I have friends but I never do friend stuff with them, and as a permanent singleton I don’t have a partner to do stuff with either and I’m finding myself being increasingly more lonely and that sucks.
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the-scarlet-witch-22 · 9 days ago
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little rant, came to the realization today that when I eventually get married my mom definitely will not go. I don’t know why that hurts as much as it does. I’ve always known, like I’ve known for years and thought that I internalized it, but it’s just becoming more of a reality. I’m not even close to her but wow it sucks :)
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creepy-scrawl · 2 months ago
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My gf begged me to be on FB and I went there for a week and I felt so 🤡🤡🤡🤡 bc her main argument is that she misses me so much and "that is a way to interact in our day to day" but I'm there w no one to talk to and she is not even there. It just made me feel so stupid and even sadder bc I feel so alone in my relationship.
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cloudbends · 3 months ago
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I feel a bit wary saying this because it doesn't feel quite real yet, but! had my last week of college classes last week. I still have to get through my last exam period but it's very odd to think this degree is almost over and done with. many thoughts about it in general.
#vi rambling#well. TIME TO RAMBLE#I think degrees in general are a very normalized stage of life but it felt so abnormal to me to go through so i thought id#share my thoughts. because theyre complicated!#i chose a degree solely based on my interests. which may haven't been the smartest choice all in all#considering i dont think it'll grant me any job opportunities and well.#considering my main aspirations is to Create some sorta something it at the very least widened my breadth of knowledge.#but i have to admit im mostly very frustrated. because while its obviously natural to laser focus on studies#my creativity's really stagnated over the last 3-4 years. kinda feels like i wasted my time on something and kinda missed the train whateve#that means. idk. art history was a lot more rewarding than film thats for sure because film theory is unfortunately mostly complete bs.#and honestly every year of college was a complete disaster on a personal note i dont feel like getting into but each year was surrounded by#so many bad circumstances that the fact its gonna be over feels like. it isnt over until its over. im still scared something will pop up an#will suddenly yet again fuck things up for me and this degree Wont happen. idk.#but yeah mostly i an very much looking forward to practical art studies. something to actually idk. make me feel like#im making the most out of myself. instead of trapping it under mountains of collegework. and stagnating#will probably be deleted later idk what im getting at writing this here. disillusionment or whatever
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doodlesdreaming · 1 year ago
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Listen. Listen. There are just some things that I can not handle, mentally speaking. No matter how much I wish I can, because I'm a freaking adult that should give a damn or I need to "suck it up".
My mind often gets trapped in a dark, watery, void, where thoughts get...weird, and sometimes its difficult to think straight, let alone breathe.
But let me make myself perfectly clear:
Whatever the actual f*ck is going on in the world, GENOSIDE IS NEVER OK. THE KILLING OF INNOCENT PEOPLE IS NEVER OK.
The whole thing is literally making me think, "What the hell is going on, and WHY???!!!" And that's the extent that I can handle.
The world is being run by stupid, selfish, a**wholes, and I will never be OK with mass murder. EVER.
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pepprs · 1 year ago
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my mom isn’t letting my dad go back to his office bc him being out of the house stresses her out and makes her have a flare up and it’s like kind of insane. like i understand why the idea of him doing that would make her panicky and angry as someone who also struggles w separation anxiety and abandonment shit / has physical symptoms from that kind of stress (though not to the same degree ofc) but also he is a grown man. he should be allowed to go to his office and not have to shape his entire life around her needs. and she keeps guilt tripping him out of it and it’s impacting his quality of life a lot and the whole thing is kind of… hm
#purrs#delete later#also she’s guilt tripping me into coming to the stupid fucking potluck on sunday bc she needs the extra help and it’s like… what are you#gonna do when i move out. like i am a grown woman and i should be able to choose how i spend my two precious weekend days. and my dad is a#grown man and he should be able to choose where he works. like is that not a little bit insane. i get it but also….. i do think it s kind of#fucked ip that it’s her way or the highway and her needs take priority over all of ours and she’s asking us to bend to what she wants when#she wants it. like i get it bc she’s sick but it’s not fair for her to expect that from my dad especially. particularly when me and my#brother are back at work / school in more high risk environments than my dad who would be in a private office alll day. and the thing is no#one is brave enough to all her on it bc if we did it would be the END of the world. she even threw a fit on my dads bday and complained bc#the things he wanted to do were things she didn’t want to do like all the man wanted to do was go mini golfing and when that wasn’t good#enough he just wanted to go on a walk and my mom complained the whole time and also scoffed the movie he wanted to watch and said it was#boring and it’s like… wtf it’s HIS birthday??? but what do you expect from the woman who (and in fairness her friends got her these as gifts#but still) has TWO kitchen items that say some variation of ‘a marriage is when one is always right and the other is always the husband’ 💀#i look at that little plaque every night bc it’s in front of the sink when im doing dishes and it makes me so fucking angry. like my dad is#a whole fucking person and he can be right too and he deserves to make choices and be happy and not have his wife put him down all the time.#idk. and she puts down his family all the time too and complains when he wants to do the most reasonable things for his own enjoyment that#don’t align with hers and criticizes his interests all the time and it just sucks to see. he never shows hurt or anything so idk how he#feels about it but it makes me so angry and sad and when i tell her to stop she just lashes out at me so. 🤪. like how do we get her to stop#making her needs more important than everyone else’s bc… she may be our mom / his wife / whateger but that doesn’t make her queen. no one is#(andalso this has only gotten worse bc of covid / her being sick. like this has been a lifelong thing it’s just it’s a lot worse now bc the#circumstances gave her room / forced her to have to take up more space. and it’s just so frustrating. i get it. but none of us are pawns or#dolls or subordinates or anything. there’s 5 adults here and we should all be able to make choices and not be guilt tripped by her. lol#)
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waywardsalt · 7 months ago
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not to be That Kind of zelda fan but the hyrule historia does also explicitly refer to the world of the ocean king as ‘another world’
#i bring this up to be slightly petty but also as in like. one of the big loz info things refers to it as its own world#like even if the game is inaccessible and ppl dont want to look at cutscenes or anything. its Right There in this big series resource#im mostly pissed at this i think bc it kind of borders on straight up misinfo on ph’s lore stuff and also just. it feels… idk#really hand-wavey and indicitive of maybe how little some loz fans think of ph? that they see these baseline similarities with a more#popular loz game and just go oh so its like that. without actually fact checking or looking more into ph itself to look for nuance to it#like ph aint perfect but this is just one thing that pisses me the fuck off bc they always default it all to working exactly as it did in l#when it very clearly does not beyond those really general broad strokes- like its just wrong and it bothers me bc i see it often#its barely even up to debate tbh (headcanons are free reign tho) cuz like. canonically within the game and outside it is a solid world#everything in there is real and some of it interacts within the great sea. it just has different properties and w/e#like smaller headcanon shit is fine ofc??? like oh maybe its just in a different location in the same world as the great sea#or nitty gritty hcs abt how time passes in comparison n wether or not oshus himself csn manipulate how much times passed between worlds#its just like. the ‘dream world’ thing feel so different bc it just seems to come abt from ppl not actually looking at the game and just#conflating it with a different game like theyre like eh this ones not important so i can just figure it works the same as this other one#i think that explains why i hate this idea??? like im not pacing back and forth fuming abt this irl#i picked up the historia bc its in my room and i was looking for other stuff anyways and was like hm what does this say#its just. just irritating enough. i may delete this later#anyways ‘that kind’ as if i dont personally follow the official historia timeline#og point of this post is like. the book considers it ‘another world’ and makes no suggestion that its not real in any sense#compared to with la it makes it clear that yeah that one is a dream
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monstrsball · 11 months ago
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me when i overreact
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puppyluver256 · 1 year ago
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Don't look away.
The hands clasp the sides of my head tightly, preventing me from moving.
Don't look away.
The person they belong to force my gaze onto grisly scenes of death, destruction, torment.
Don't look away.
I stare in horror at all the suffering before me.
Don't look away.
I close my eyes, but the hands' impossibly long fingers force my eyelids back open.
Don't look away.
My eyes begin to water, whether it is because of their being forced open for so long or my heart breaking at all I see I cannot tell.
Don't look away.
Why is this happening? I cry.
Because of reasons you will never be able to understand. Keep watching.
Is there anything I can do to stop it? I ask.
You must inform anyone you come across of this travesty. You must not let them look away either. But the suffering will continue regardless. They are all convinced they are in the right, all fighting for the will of a god that they will never confirm to be real, in fact the same god in wildly different interpretations. All the while, the innocents caught in the crossfire will continue to die, glorified in the disgusting "honor" known as martyrdom.
If there is nothing substantial I can do, I plead, then why are you forcing me to watch?
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shijas · 2 years ago
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🥂!
#delete later#ranting softly in my tags again please ignore this post aha#sometimes i wonder how the people in my direct family see me! and maybe it’s cuz this holiday season i’ve been extra introspective#but i often feel vvv lonely ! which is like so silly because i don’t doubt they love me and i have what i always say are really good friends#to keep positive energy in the universe ! but there’s always this pressure when i’m around people ! how much of the real me can i be! what#is the limit before i become intolerable you know ? and it’s like if i can’t even been intolerable with the people who i would willingly#take the brunt of their own intolerability ? who will i ever allow myself to be myself around#and yeah idk i feel like to them i’m such an tough person? like i’m argumentative and whiny and childish but those are the earliest ways i#learnt not only how to defend myself but be myself in a sense#when i was younger my mum used to say i’m too soft hearted and kind#and i ended up in friendships and situations where that led to me being the only one hurting#and ultimately feeling lonely#but idk if they realise for all of these things at the end of the day i may show a bit my discontent towards their actions towards me#but i always give up! i always just go with whatever they decide to the point that i don’t really know how to voice my own opinions in#certain things since i’m so used to deferring#like i have gotten so used to accepting that ultimately the issue always lays with me and i have to change#because that’s what they want of me#and now i’m an adult who feels lonely by herself because she doesn’t know how to be herself around people she loves#who truly believes that no one loves the real her#facets of me are truly loveable ! and i think ik pretty well where my limits of toleration are but i live in fear#that one day everyone will have had enough#and more than that i like being lonely it feels safe most of the time ! if no one knows you how can they truly hurt you#but then why am i always hurt and why do i desepertaely sometimes feel the weight of the loneliness#anyway! what a bunch of probably incompressible babbling#happy new year i grit my teeth and lived so that’s how i shall continue
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dearsnow · 4 months ago
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THIS CAN WORK
- as you’re trying to forget about him, the man who broke your heart shows up at your doorstep. or in which jake gets yelled at by the entire hard deck. (jake “hangman” seresin x fem!reader, angst -> fluff, reading part 1 is probably a good idea but idk if it’s 100% necessary)
PART 1
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word count: 2,032
a/n - the official part 2 is here!! thank you for all the love part 1 got <3 i’m not personally the biggest jake fan but writing this was honestly so fun. i loved exploring the softer and more insecure parts of his personality, so i may have more planned for him in the future 👀
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It’s been two days since Jake cut you out of his life, and to say you’ve been devastated is an understatement. You still have his shirts and his stupid nighttime noise maker, and with them, the lingering feeling of his touch on your skin. You’ve already texted to let him know that you’ll drop off his things later, but he has yet to respond. It’s like he’s dropped off the face of the Earth. Good, you think. Let him. But he better at least wipe any memory of himself from your thoughts first.
You’re trying your best to forget, you really are. You took down the pictures of him that hung on your wall, right by your bed, and you’ve shoved the pillow that holds the faint scent of his cologne into the depths of your closet, and the photos of him on your phone are sitting in the recently deleted album. It’s better this way, you tell yourself. You need to get him off your mind as soon as possible and move on to better things, better people. Like a stubborn stain, his presence remains.
But you still want him like you’ve never wanted a single thing before, and it makes you sick.
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Jake had never felt worse in his life. As soon as he saw you walking away, he regretted it, but if there’s one thing Jake Seresin hates, it is being wrong. His friends called him every synonym for wrong in the dictionary that night.
“You’re an idiot, Bagman. She was the best thing you had going for you and you just pushed her away like that?” Phoenix scoffed. She had overheard snippets your break-up, and after prompting Penny, she knew the full story within seconds.
“I did what was best for her-“
“No, you did what was best for you.” Penny interjected. “If you can’t make the effort to keep someone so amazing in your life, you’re never going to get anywhere. Relationships require compromise and change on both sides. The whole time you were with her, she was bending over backwards to accommodate you, and you couldn’t even shift to the side a little and give her a pinch of what she needed.”
Jake could feel anger rising in his throat. He knew best, right? No one saw his perspective. No one could feel how unhappy he would’ve made you. He was setting you free. Right? Please, let him be right.
Rooster prodded him in the stomach with his pool stick. Apparently everyone was in on the conversation. “You’ve got that self-pitying look, man. You fucked up. You’ve been fucking up. If you really think you’re not good enough for her, isn’t that a reason to become good enough for her?”
“I just…” For the first time, Jake was at a loss for words. He was coming to recognize that he was wrong. He was so, so wrong, but that felt like a slap in the face. For the first time, Rooster’s words didn’t intend to antagonize him. They were honest, and he hated it.
Bob tried to put a comforting hand on his shoulder, but Jake pushed it off. “You should talk to her.” He offered. “Tell her your side, and if she’s open to it, work on yourself so you can be good for her.” His voice was soft and soothing, like he was whispering to a wounded animal. Jake felt himself burning up under the gazes of his friends.
“Yeah,” He swallowed hard, finally coming to terms with the fact that he can make mistakes. “Maybe I will.”
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You’re humming to yourself, cleaning your apartment’s modest kitchen. The sun is out, shining golden beams upon the shiny counter you’re wiping down. It smells like the nicely-scented cleaner you just bought. The old one smelled too much like him. But, as you move on, so does life. Thinking about it gives you a headache, so you’ve chosen to do anything but think.
A knock at your door makes you put down your rag. You figure it’s just your landlord, considering that you were meant to pay your rent yesterday. You sigh, readying yourself to tell sweet Mr. Hammond that you’ll pay it ASAP.
Your fingers grip the door handle and pry it open. The thing has always been a little too hard to move; old hinges, you figure. Before you can get the door to open fully, you stop in your tracks. Jake.
He’s holding a bag of your favorite takeout with a sheepish look on his face. You consider slamming the door, but it would probably get stuck if you moved it too fast. “Have you come to collect your things?” You ask softly, looking him up and down. He looks like shit. He has seemingly forgotten how to shave, his stubble turning into the awkward length that you always chided him to take care of, and his deep green eyes are laden with sadness. It almost makes you feel bad for him— until, of course, you remember he broke your heart. Calm down, you think, make this quick and easy. Get him in and out.
“No.” He states simply. “I wanted to apologize.” This is a big thing for him, something so new that it sounds foreign to your ears. Jake apologizing? His shoulders are hunched slightly. You resist the urge to put a loving hand on his chest, as you usually did when he was feeling out of sorts.
“It’s fine.” Your voice is quiet, laced with as much kindness as you can muster. “I put all your stuff in a box, if you wanted to pick it up.” You’re still subtly prompting, trying to get him out again.
He places the takeout in your grasp, his pinky finger brushing lightly against your own. You hate how it still makes you tingle. Your other hand picks at the edges of your soft loungewear. Jake purses his lips slightly as you step backwards, your feet shuffling against the linoleum floor. “Can we talk?”
“I thought we just talked.” You respond curtly. He sighs, eyebrows drawn.
“I mean really talk. Just hear me out this one time, and if you want, you’ll never have to see me again.”
You nod slightly, resigning yourself to the fact that you have to get this over with. At least your apartment is clean and sparkling; in your own way, you’re telling him that you don’t need his permission to live a nice life. You can clean, and you can take care of yourself. The takeout finds its place on your small table. You pull out a stool from the side of your island and sit down as the stool’s legs creak underneath you. Jake sits, too, opposite you. His hands are shaking a little, but you turn your gaze up to his face.
You can hear his breaths deepening as he clasps his hands together. “I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”
“I appreciate your apology, but that doesn’t really change what happened.” You state. He holds up a finger as if to tell you to wait just a bit. Your eyes pass over his dejected expression, his mouth tilting just the slightest bit downwards.
“I know. I was being stupid, and I see that now. You’re amazing, honey. You’re nice and generous and this genuine kind of comforting that makes me smile. When I’m with you, I feel like I want to be better. And trust me, I do. I want to be so much better for you. When I first met you, I thought that you’d be a fit for Bob or something, that’s how amazing you are. I thought deserved someone like him, someone just as caring, but I fell in love with you instead, and now look where we are.” He chuckles dryly. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “I guess I just felt inadequate and stupidly insecure. I know I’m not what a respectable girl like you would want, so I pushed you away and hurt you instead. I didn’t consider your feelings at all that night, and for that, I really am sorry. I don’t know if that explanation changes anything now, but I had to give it a shot; you were never too sweet, I was just too damn bitter.”
His words come out in a ramble. You’ve never seen him so much as stutter, but his confident, calm voice is bordering on anxious. You can’t even believe what you’re hearing.
It takes a lot of guts to say something like that. When you look back on your interactions, on everything he’s ever said or done around you, you finally see it clearly. All he does is build himself up to be this great figure, so much so that people can’t tell that his ego has been sorely bruised. That’s why he shrugs off comfort and security, fucking up every sure thing in his life during the process.
He’s boring a hole into your forehead with how hard he’s staring. His hands are still white-knuckled, holding each other like they’re seeking some sort of solace. The tension in the air is palpable as you take a breath. “Thank you. I… It’s nice to hear you acknowledge that.”
Jake can hear his breathing quicken shakily. That could’ve gone a lot worse. You’re not screaming at him, hitting him, kicking him out, anything that he thinks you should do. You’re just sitting there, nails digging into the flesh on your arm, looking shocked and heartbroken all at once. He takes one deep gulp of air. “You’re welcome. I’ll get out of your hair now.” He stands to leave, but your smaller hand catches his. His palm is damp.
“I’m sorry you ever had to feel that way about yourself.” You say. His small admission of insecurity weighs on you like nothing else. “You’re a good guy, Jake. I hope you’ll take this as an opportunity to work on yourself and find what makes you happy.”
Budding tears prick at his waterline. He hasn’t cried in a long time, but looking at you makes him want to. He wants to slide into your arms and sob, press his face into your neck and tell you over and over that he wants you back. He has to try. He thinks he’ll regret it for his whole life if he doesn’t. “You make me happy,” he hesitates, “and if you’ll have me, I’d like to have you around while I work on myself. I need you. You make me want to be good enough for you.”
You take one step, then another, and he doesn’t protest a single bit as you envelop him in a hug. His muscles relax as he wraps his arms around you, the tension breathing a sigh of relief. “I’d like that.” Your voice is slightly muffled from being pressed into his chest, but he hears you loud and clear. “I missed being with you.”
You missed the way he would cook you breakfast in the mornings with a dish towel thrown over his shoulder and classic rock playing from his phone. He always told you that you’d get the whole experience when you visited him, starting with his lips caressing your collarbones and continuing with breakfast in bed. It didn’t even matter if you didn’t want to leave; he would take you with him, wherever he went. He even got in trouble once for sneaking you on base.
You missed his scratchy morning voice and warm hands and how he always had an arm around you. You missed him caring about you, wiping your tears, and you missed how confidently he showed you off and stood up for you. You missed almost everything about him, if you’re being honest. You thinking you could live without him was but a brief lapse in your sanity.
“I missed you too.” He whispers. “I… I really do love you, darlin’. I’ll shape up, I promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that.” You smile.
For the first time in a while, Jake can feel hope pricking at his heart, and you can feel it beating through his shirt.
Maybe, just maybe, you think, this can work.
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Taglist: @seitmai
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marshallsgirl · 9 months ago
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Marshall revealing his new song to Y/N
Pairing: Eminem x Fem¡Reader
Warnings: 🔞 MATURE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
Recommended song: Remind Me - Eminem, In Too Deep - Eminem
Author's note: Hey, guys! I was so bored and I wrote this. I may delete it later or idk. Hope you all enjoy it. I love you guys so much! Sending all of you a warm hug🫂🤍
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"I have a surprise for you" Marshall said to me as he enter the living room. Inmediatly I turn off the tv and give all my attention to him. "Guess what" he said.
"What?"
"The song is complete!"
"Whoa baby!"
Here's the thing. He told me he was writting a song about us, but that's it. He didn't talk about ever again. Even if I asked him about it he had changed the topic. So, I was very nervous about it. Because this has happened before. It was with the Revival album. That one song called Remind Me. That one was for me. I still remember when he show me that song.
" did you...That's my fav rock&roll song!" I said when I heared the beat.
"Yeah, that's the song you kept singin' and singin' while you're cooking" he said wanted to laugh at me.
I loved that song. Perfect combination but it was crazy. I mean...he did that for me? He united rock&roll and rap that was so crazy.
"Damn, that's crazy babe" I said.
"See y/n, u make me do things I normally wouldn't do"
"Awww, I love it and I love you baby!"
So, this time I was really nervous because I've been singin' a lot and very different genres. And Marshall...Well, he is so crazy. I didn't know what to expect.
"Are we going to the studio?" I asked him ready to go change if needed.
"No, let's just get in the car". So, we got inside his car. "Are u okay?" suddenly he asked me.
"Yeah, I'm good! I need to hear your song!"
I got too excited and I get very excited when I'm nervous I don't know why, but It's like I got a lot of energy all of the sudden. Anyways, so he says:
"Okay, okay but you need to know that I just got the final mix and I haven't heard it. I mean I know the entire song but I didn't hear the final mix yet" he explained.
"Omg..."
"What?"
"Wait, let me just make myself comfortable" I said while adjustin' my seat a little bit.
At this point he doesn't even hide that he's laughing at me.
"Ready?"
"Yeah, ready"
"Wait, look at me" he ordered and I obey. "I love you"
"Okay, now play the song!"
"Yo, say it back!" he replied.
"I love you, babe!"
And so the music started and he is lip singin': "This could never work, " is what we said at first. But whatever this is, it's working. But we're in two different worlds and (yeah) I'm not your husband (nah), you ain't my girlfriend. All I know is that (what?) When I'm with you, I'm a different person, yeah. And I ain't never met a chick as perfect. Girl, you're a ten, so here I am (yeah)
I literely screamed and Marshall had to stop the music.
"No, keep it goin'!" I argue.
He laughed and let the music continue: ...Can't tell if I'm cheating on her with you or cheating on you with her. But really, nobody's at fault, can't help who you love. Hope they don't ever hear us talk
'Cause we both are getting sloppy. Probably subconsciously part of me's hoping we get caught 'cause I'm not happy here (nah)
With her. Rather have you (yeah) Rather have me too. 'Cause you're not happy there (you're not happy there) With him. Rather have me (I know, but) We just in too deep (I'm in way too deep)
Marshall started singin' it out loud and I was vibin' with it the whole time. It was a good damn song. Honestly, I loved it. It truly was about us, about the start of our relationship, but there were a few things that weren't true like me havin' a wedding ring. It should say: I got a wedding ring. So it's her instead of you.
"That's it. What do u think?" he said not being able to stop smilin'
"Please, play the song one more time"
And he started to laugh again.
"Marshall!"
"Are for real? Did you loved it?" he was surprised.
"Yes, I love it!"
"Y/n..." he laughs again.
"Marshall! You're being so freakin' annoying. Play the song one more time!"
"Yo, you are just sayin that. You didn't loved it!"
"What? I do love it! Marshall!"
"Okay, okay"
He played the song again.
"I'm gonna cry" I said.
"Yo, you're hillarious!"
"That song is good as hell!"
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syncrovoid-presents · 1 year ago
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I return for a bit and then the shadow realm calls me back. I am packing all my stuff up and moving!! Yesterday I got to hang out with the friend I'll be roommates with and it's all very exciting!!
This is also hmmmmmm... the 5th(?) time I have relocated myself in the past year. Part of it was staying elsewhere for surgery healing (i heavily advise you all not to do at home surgery if you can avoid it!! It is a very long story why I had to haha) and general finding a place to live. BUT I have avoided the threat of homelessness AND gotten away from some Not Very Kind persons so this is a big
YIPPEE
moment!!
I am. Not dead. BUT will be gone for a like a day or few because the stuff at work did not! want! to! work!
Which I'd another way of saying that I finally was able to get free after working 34 consecutive hours in a row. The day prior I got 1 hour of sleep and that is all after 5 days of 10 or 11 hour work days.
I am so sleepy. I am taking tomorrow off and probably going to sleep right through it. Anywho cheers everyone!! I am going to go to the shadow realm now @:P
#syncrovoid.txt#delete later#maybe??#SO like. if anyone wasnt aware i had to do at home surgery because i spent like a combined 20 hours in waiting rooms over a few days#and get on getting “uhh idk what to do” responses from doctors and nurses so i ended up having to do all the follow up stuff with#someone i knew that did nurses training. it mostly went well! sucks to be refused by multiple hospitals because they ��”dont know“” what todo#but it is what it is and i recovered plus i had like 18 combined inches of scars (length) so thats cool lol#<- it isnt too bad! fret not anyone reading this! i am just quirky haha @:o)#anyways ALSO do not worry about the “”unpleasant people“” thing. i may or may not be hiding where i live from a group of people BUT#on the upside i have syccessfully avoided getting a stalker! which is great because while i was in contact with that person i had to#routinely get rid of any knives they had tucked away thatd hurt them. also they lit me on fire a few times but thats no big deal#it is a very complicated situation and i cannot get too much into it because it is Oh So Very Complicated#but in summary i am free from them and the few others in that situation that were highly unpleasant. and now getting away from the creepy#landlord here and i will have access to a kitchen and all sorts of things!!!!! super exciting!!#gosh this makes me sound so old. i am not like even college graduate age like i just have weird luck when it comes to people#not doing an age reveal but im like. barely not a teenager. barely. but people think i am so there's that? anywho I'll stop rambling now#i am very very sure that no one wishes to hear my Tragic Personal Background haha @:o)#<- I wouldnt even know how to explain it anyways. everything is so so so very strange whenjt comes to me haha#fret not and have a splendipidous day neighbour!!!
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zwolfgames · 3 months ago
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Idk, but I think bg3 reader would try to leave the group, if they know about their yandere personalities, lol. Please, your bg3 works are so good. I expect the new one
(So, not a continuation of the last drabble. This is hypothetical for now. Also it deleted my answer the first time :( so this is try two, it may seem a bit rushed. And I got a bit off track, woops.)
Warnings: mentions of yandere stuff I suppose.
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Y/N in this au (aka teen tav) really isn't stupid, sure they grew up in a village with just their mother and pulled random spells out of their ass like a true sorcerer, but they're not stupid.
The party started with variable reactions to a minor in the group. Act 1 doesn't showcase a lot of Yan tendencies due to everything still going kind of fine and everyone getting to know each other.
The yandere part really starts in act 2 when they enter the Shadow cursed lands. Unlike the normal region of act 1 are the Shadowlands riddled with danger.
The party quickly gets their wake-up call after things like Kar'niss (who gets his little momemt) and the other bosses and dangers. Katherine Thorm, being a threat, also doesn't help ease the party's feelings.
The group would go from silly to way more protective in act 2. But Y/N can't do anything about that yet. The shadows would eat them alive, or someone else could get them. Better left with unease rather than dead, right?
I've purposefully mentioned Y/N's mother in the drabbles to show the main goal of the reader, which is to return to their mother. This goal is being held back by a party of people who no longer seem intent to part ways with you once this is over.
Sure, Y/N wanted their cool adventure with heroes like Wyll Ravenguard, but staying with them permanently? Haha... no.
So after the wake-up call of act 2, Y/N would take their chances at escape in Baldur Gate. The thing is, though, Y/N isn't from Baldurs Gate. They don't know the alleys like the back of their hand in the same manner that Astarion does. They didn't grow up playing in the secret passageways like Karlach...
This is a dangerous game you're playing. The more you wiggle, the tighter their hold. It's just how it goes with people who have faced enough to lose it.
They handle you in different ways, of course.
Wyll, Gale, and Halsin strike me as the type to have wanted to protect this poor kid from the start, so their resolve just strengthens to unnecessary levels. You wouldn't mind just being carried to bed by a bear man, would you? He knows some good elvish lullabies.
Lae'zel is her own separate category, she's a githyanki, they have very diffrent ways then most folk on faerun. I'm basing her motherly ability on the prologue where she raises the gith egg. She may not be affectionate, but she does not want you out of sight. Expect training.
Karlach and Astarion surprisingly go together here. They don't seem like the parental type. More of an aunt/uncle. Would try and stay your friend. Guiltripping from Karlach that she may or not be aware of herself, and straight up manipulation from Astarion. They both had a bad past. You can stay, right? As a little gift from the gods?
Shadowheart didn't like you from the start, not a fan of kids. Her yandere strikes a lot later. First, she had only been worried about your health as a cleric. After her arc at the end of the shadow cursed lands (freeing Dame Aylin etc) she gets a bit of that parental feeling nonsense too. Though I'd say she shows it the least. You'd be tricked easily into thinking she's the only normal one in the party.
Minthara, I'm unsure if I can find a good way to let her join, but she'd be similar to Lae'zel, just crueler and definitely bot secretive about her want for your stay. If you ask her directly, she'd just plain out and say that if she catches you, you're getting bound.
Jaheira, natural mom, she's got kids, protected the kids. Don't expect her to be sweet, but you're definitely not going out of sight.
Minsc joins in Act 3, so really, he doesn't have the time to get to know you, he's funny, you're funny. Friends. Not that the rest appreciates the time you spent with him. They're scared you're gonna make up a talking animal next.
All in all, Y/N would try and escape. It just isn't very likely to succeed. If you get far... well, there are other beings out there still after you, you know?
Just forget your mom. Aren't they better family now? Your mom didn't teach you spells, did she? Or swordplay? Maybe how to make balms?
Cmon, they're the best option. Stay.
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Just an answer lol, hope i didn't make anyone too OOC with just this. Xd.
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icejjfishesz · 9 months ago
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004. ༺BUT WITH EASE༻∘
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a/n: OH MY GOD i feel so awkward abt this chapter lmaooo...probably gonna delete later. probably offensive.
summary: after getting unexpectedly left by your roommate, you find yourself in need of a replacement.
contents: reader is (still) down bad. paige pining after an ex situationship. kinda angsty. smut (oh lord).
previous. next. masterlist.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
paige was being weird. and maybe you didn’t know her well enough to decipher that with certainty but you just knew. she didn’t knock on your door to beg for some of your snacks or inform you she was going to shower or to ask if you wanted to watch a movie with her anymore. she didn’t tell you goodmorning or goodnight…she didn’t tell you much of anything, really. in other words, paige was being fucking weird. 
it probably definitely shouldn’t bother you. after all, she’s your roommate and she has that thing with olivia. but it’s fucking killing you. slowly, from the inside out. 
TO: SEAN
i think my roommate hates me idk
FROM: SEAN
The sexy roommate that you want so bad? 
TO: SEAN
SHUT UP
her name is paige
FROM: SEAN
I know
The basketball player
Why does Paige hate us?
TO: SEAN
idfk
she’s just being weird
FROM: SEAN
Maybe you’re being weird…
Always staring at her and shit
She’s probably terrified for her life😬
TO: SEAN
u r a really bad person
FROM: SEAN
Remind me why you can’t just flirt with her again?
TO: SEAN
cause she’s dating someone
kind of
they’re weird
FROM: SEAN
So they’re weird
She’s weird
But you still want her?
TO: SEAN
real bad
FROM: SEAN
Oh lord
How serious is she with the girl she’s dating(?)?
you start to type a message back and then you see her. 
in a sports bra and shorts.
damn. 
you try not to stare at her perfectly lean stomach or her toned legs or her back or –– you’re staring. the moment you realize it you’re looking down at your blanket, pulling at the loose strings.
should you say something? would it be awkward to say something…? it’s awkward saying nothing though. before you had enough time to change your mind you cleared your throat and whispered. “hey…”
if the house wasn’t so silent she might not have even heard you.
“hi.” she muttered in response, back and shoulders tensing, doing nothing to soothe your nerves.
weird. weird. weird.
“um, i’m watching a movie…” you clear your throat, trying not to be obviously nervous. “do you wanna watch?”
paige turns around, sighing and shoulders relaxing. “why not?” she shuffles over next to you, plopping down on the couch. she smells fucking good. she sits close enough so that your arms and legs are touching, she doesn’t move for distance and neither do you.
you look over at her, noticing the way her eyes are glued to the screen. “are…are you okay?”
“i’m fine.”
“you sure? cause you’ve been acting off the past week…”
“it’s nothing…” she dismisses again. this time, you don’t push for more information, deciding that no matter how unbelievable they may be, you’d take her words at face value.
you nod and the two of you watch the movie in silence for about twenty more minutes before paige asks a question that makes you heart stop beating for a moment.
“how many girls have you been with?”
you immediately look over at her only to find her eyes trained directly on you. your eyes flutter a few times, as if trying to blink away the question. “...what?”
“sorry…that’s probably inappropriate to ask but i guess i’m just curious.” she looks ashamed and turns back over to watch the movie as her face turns red. 
“five.” you mumble after a few seconds.
she looks at you again, silently. you feel like all the breath is getting sucked out of your lungs a little more every second she doesn’t say anything. 
“olivia ended things with me. for real this time.” paige whispers like it’s a secret only meant for you to hear. you aren’t exactly sure why she’s telling you this…and you definitely aren’t sure why that makes you feel a bit giddy.
“oh…i’m ––– ” ecstatic. “sorry. that must suck. i know you said you didn’t love her but i’m sure you care about her deeply regardless.”
“i did.” past tense. eye contact. that slow, sultry voice. you feel like you’re drowning in her.
you remain silent, not sure of why her words bring you so much pause. 
“you wanna know why she ended things with me?” she moved fucking closer. her hand brushing up against your thigh and that causes the rational part of your brain –– the part that would tell you things like ‘no it’s too soon’, ‘she just ended things with olivia’, and ‘this isn’t how you wanted this to happen’ –– to shut off completely, only leaving you shuttering and nodding.
“cause she thinks i’m attracted to you.”
oh.
paige slowly trails her hand down to rest on your knee and you’ve never felt so stiff. “she isn’t wrong.”
there she goes with that warm, tempting and inviting voice again. before you even have time to react, she kisses you. you go from surprised to melting within seconds. it’s so natural pathetic how quickly you open your lips so her tongue can sweep in and steal what small fraction of sanity you had left. you couldn’t help it –– you actually moaned into her mouth as one of her hands slid down your body, gripping your waist just enough to pull you to her. both your hands come up and grab onto her shoulders so that you don’t sag to the ground from the pure intensity of it all. this is not the kiss you wanted…but you’ve pined after her for long enough that you forget to care. that’s a problem for future you. 
she pushed you down, separating her lips from yours so that she could position herself above you. you stretched your thighs to make room for her. you blink and clear you throat. “wait…wait –– ”
she immediately pulls away and stares at you. 
“this isn’t a good idea…you just got out of a relationship.”
“it wasn’t technically a relationship.”
paige mutters defensively and you have to physically restrain your eyes from rolling. “you know what i mean.”
“i want you.” she whispers, leaning back into you, hovering her lips over yours and it’s pure temptation. “i’ve wanted you ever since i moved in here…now i don’t have to feel guilty about it…”
“i know you want me too. i’ve seen how you stare at me…just let me have you.” she practically whimpers and you shudder. “it won’t change anything…”
you can’t help but think of all the reasons why saying yes would be a bad idea…you think of every bad reason and then some and ignore them all. “okay…” 
she smirked, wasting no time to rid you of your shirt, sucking in a deep breath when she sees you’re not wearing a bra. for a moment…she just stared. it made you feel awkward enough that you reached up to cover your face, she immediately pulled your hands away from your face, giving you a stern look.
“don’t do that.” she huffs. “lemme see you.”
when you nod, she cups your tits and kisses you again. when you tug at your pants, tossing them somewhere to the floor, she pulls back to stare at you again. 
“you’re so beautiful…” she whispers softly, she trails her hand down to your underwear, groaning at how soft and warm and wet you were. she reaches her hand inside and you gasp at the feeling of her fingers brushing against you. your whole body tenses.
she starts off so slow, so gentle. “harder. please.”
paige snickers at your politeness. “well, since you said please.” she teases and you roll your eyes.
“shut up––” your words are cut off by a moan when she applies more pressure to your clit. 
she laughs again and smirks triumphantly. “you were saying?”
“you’re awful…” you moan. “i...hate you.”
“yeah? your body’s telling me something different, baby.” baby. you moan again. “look at how wet you are, how your legs are shaking…the way you’re moaning for me. you do all this for someone you hate?”
you don’t respond. you can’t. cause she’s speeding up, increasing the pressure. it’s not enough too much. “don’t stop.” and you’re so embarrassed at how quickly she’s gonna get there but you can’t do anything except keep moaning as orgasm washes over you.
she rides it out for you, slowly pulling her hand out of your pants as you try and catch your breath. afterwards you reach for her shorts and shimmy her out of them. this time, she freezes. 
“you okay?” you pant, chest heaving from the afterglow. “is it too much?”
“no, no it’s not that it’s just –– i, uh…olivia didn’t really like to give, i guess?”
you look at her in disbelief. “wait…like, never?”
paige shakes her head and you bite you lip. “well that’s a fucking shame…you gonna let me rectify that?”
she swallows thickly and nods. you guide her to lay back, once her back is against the couch she lets you take off her underwear and she slowly spreads her legs. she’s so wet. it shocks you for a second. 
“don’t start.” she rolls her eyes when you smirk up at her after you get a good look at the evidence of her arousal. “do i need to remind you how –– ”
you lick a long stripe from her entrance and she immediately stops talking. “oh, so that’s how i shut you up…” you tease but she’s too distracted to respond.
you continue your movement, only stopping to suck her clit which causes her to shift away from your mouth on reflex but you’re persistent, keeping your mouth on her despite all your movements. 
she’s moaning, a mixture of your name and pleas and the sounds she makes are addicting. you don’t stop until she’s trembling, physically pulling you away. you lick your lips and she shuts her eyes, trying to catch her breath.
“come here…” paige whispers and you obey immediately, she kisses you –– sloppy and tired and then she wraps her arms around your frame.
she’s so warm and intoxicating, and you try not to let yourself think of the consequences this would have. Especially not when she falls asleep clinging onto you. you allow your eyes to shut with a silent, daunting acknowledgement…this would change everything.
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confused-rat · 3 months ago
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I think Lily admitting that she was being irrational about the whole Carousel situation should be more important than I think it'll end up being in the grand scheme since she deleted the asks and Carousel herself isn't a major player in the Lily story these days and tbh, good for her.
But it really should be because there it is right there, she admitted she spent the span of a few months harassing someone she considered one of her closest friends to the point of people going and sending said former friend hate, she knew it was wrong and she did it anyway. And with every other notable person she can make an excuse that "they're my abuser" or "oh they are a stalker and a hate mob" or "they're transphobic/racist and harass me for that reason" we know she's full of shit but her audience will defend her. But with no excuses she can use since Carousel is a woman of color/still friends with her friends/clearly not a bigot/not involved in the situation so obviously not a stalker she had no choice but to admit Carousel did nothing to her and she chose to do this to her anyway. She admitted that all those awful things she said about an innocent person were irrational and she still did it.
How can anyone see that she is willing to bully someone who in her own words did nothing bad to her and still think she's telling the truth about the rest of them? That just tells me that when she has no excuse for her awful behavior she'll just admit to it. How can anyone take her at face value with everyone else when we know the depths of how petty and cruel Lily is. IDK.
It just struck me that while we know she will attack anyone at the slightest offense, her audience believes everything she does in defense of herself and here she is admitting no it's not.
TBH Mikaila and Sketchy and whoever else Carousel is friends with in that group should take this as a sign that Lily has no loyalty to them too. Also, they're kinda shitty friends to her too if they can see Lily admit that she did it for no reason and stayed her friend.
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(Post anon is referring to.)
While she may not be directly responsible for the harassment Carousel got, Lily is very much accountable for cultivating the environment that encourages her fans to lash out and attack anyone who “hurts” Lily’s feelings — no matter the context.
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This shit was horrendous, and it still didn’t stop Lily from vague-posting and stoking the fires.
Her deleting that earlier post just reminds me of when she admitted she was the one being shitty to JoshScorcher then later deleted the post and made a whole video tearing into him instead. I hope that situation isn’t repeating, otherwise, wow, Lily really cannot admit to being wrong without immediately backpedaling.
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