#people seem to take it so personally... LMAO
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Hey guys~ Sorry for my late post, I was super busy today and just came home and only now was able to take a closer look at the new merch and the post that OldXian made. So, first things first - I stand corrected, lol The leaked merch turned out to be real after all. For me personally, quite surprising because it's a LOT at once. (I mean, 58[!!] different cards/buttons/tickets/plates plus 4 special extras……. WOW!!) Also what I mentioned in my last post already - it's quite a bold move to release merch with those old motifs from early manga chapters and calling it "time mosaic" lmao.
Who knows what went on when these decisions were made at mosspaca headquarters, lol
It's safe to say the images definitely got leaked by either a hacker or a person working there. And a lot of people on xiaohongshu were able to produce replicas quickly and sell them to unsuspecting fans. Which brings me to my next point:
The quality of the merch and the quality of the drawings itself. I promised you to address this 'issue' should there ever be an official announcement about these new items and that happened today.
So. First of all - if you saw the posts on taobao or XHS yourself, where people sold fakes, or even if you saw only screenshots from it, you can tell the image quality definitely seemed off. This will most likely be attributed to two things - producing merch from a small, low quality image will make it look blurry and distorted, sometimes pixel-y. And the other reason could be upscaling. If you use shitty programs to make images bigger, it'll look blurry and unfocused. You can go back to my previous post and take a close look at the parts that I circled and highlighted to point out these issues.
Now. About the thing I initially didn't wanna address because I know some people won't like it. If you look closely at the images posted by OldXian herself today, even there some things still seem a little bit 'off' or 'rushed'. There has been speculation in the past that OX uses an AI model (probably fed/trained with her own works) to generate new images quickly and then she'd just draw over them to fix minor issues etc. Please keep in mind, this is just speculation and rumors. I am NOT saying that this is the case. But it might be a possibility. Personally, I can see quite a few artists using these methods to save time, especially when they're under high pressure. (And if they use their own models, trained with their own works only, there's nothing immoral about it, if you ask me. But that's just my personal opinion.)
So there. This might be an explanation for some of her illustrations or panels looking a bit funky sometimes. The other possibility is simply that she's rushing it when working on these things and heavy time pressure makes it a bit messy. Once again - NOT saying she definitely uses AI, just telling you about the rumors that sometimes surface on the net. That's all.
Anyway. About the merch itself. It drops in about 12h from the time I'm posting this blog. (8pm Hangzhou time)
The taobao link for the items is this for now: https://item.taobao.com/item.htm?ft=t&id=792490172782
There are 4 different options and all of them are blind boxes, meaning you'll receive totally random motifs, unless you order a whole box, which will guarantee you 1 of each regular motif. However, all 4 lots have 1-3 limited pictures, which you might be lucky enough to receive, the chance is small though. (In case you order a complete box and there's 1 or more of the limited motifs inside, it'll lack a regular motif in its place. Example: if you order a full box of 8 buttons and one of them is a limited edition button, one of the regular 8 motifs will be missing in its place. There won't be 9 buttons in the box. It will always be 8 for a full box!)
Option 1: (18 Yuan | ca. 2,70 USD each) Button badges. There are 8 regular badges and 2 limited edition badges. If you order a total of 8 pieces you will not only receive the display box, but also an acrylic standee with Tianshan riding a scooter as a special extra.
Option 2: (10 Yuan | ca. 1,50 USD each) Laser Tickets. There are 17 regular tickets and 2 limited edition tickets. If you order a total of 17 pieces you will not only receive the display box, but also a Shishiki board with Mo from the metamorphosis series as a special extra.
Option 3: (18 Yuan | ca. 2,70 USD each) Tinplates. There are 10 regular plates and 1 limited edition plate. If you order a total of 10 pieces you will not only receive the display box, but also an acrylic standee with Zhanyi cooking/cleaning as a special extra.
Option 4: (15 Yuan | ca. 2,25 USD each) Acrylic Cards. There are 16 regular cards and 3 limited edition cards. If you order a total of 16 pieces you will not only receive the display box, but also an acrylic standee with all 4 boys as chibis as a special extra. [Note about the acrylic cards: The Mo Guanshan card will be the same that was already given as a limited extra during the last round of blind box button badges!]
If you live in the US or Asia, you will most likely be able to use taobao and order directly from the mosspaca shop via the app with the link I gave you above. If you live in a country that's not covered on taobao's shipping list, you can use an agent to order the new merch. Please refer to THIS POST here where I previously explained how to use superbuy and similar shopping agents for buying things from taobao. In case you use superbuy, please keep in mind: They don't offer paypal anymore, so you'll need a credit card or bank transfer or apple pay/google pay.
Also, think carefully if you really want ALL of the merch, even if you're a die-hard fan. You saw I have put the rough amount of US Dollar with each item, so if you buy all 4 boxes, you'll have to pay over 110 USD for the merch alone, plus domestic shipping from mosspaca to the warehouse and then international shipping, which can be as high as 40 USD, depending on where you live. (And perhaps even customs fees on top of it.)
If you have any questions, please drop them below and I'll try my best to answer them~
#19 days#old xian#tianshan#mo guan shan#he tian#zhanyi#jian yi#zhan zheng xi#qiucheng#he cheng#brother qiu#she li#buzzcut#cun tou#merchandise#mosspaca
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People from the US who are hilariously salty about being called USAmerican are the same people who will unironically tell you they're 1/4 Irish 1/32nd Polish 1/16th Belgian or some shit…
Oh so you don't ALWAYS mind being specific, then?
#it's just weird how often I hear complaints#people seem to take it so personally... LMAO#why shouldn't someone from Chile or Colombia call themselves “American”?#it's technically correct! (the best kind of correct...)#and if that's true#then shouldn't there be some way of differentiating Americans from different countries?#(i'm half tongue in cheek here... but seriously...#if you get irritated by people using “USian” or “USAmerican”#maybe ask yourself if it's a logical thing to get in an almighty twist about??)
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mostly I prefer to play in the space and explore/ build on flavor text given by the books rather than outright reject or contradict it wrt things like races and classes in dnd but once in awhile I'll suddenly remember that canonically lizardfolk don't experience emotions and only respond to threats by logically assessing them as such because they're too primitive to feel fear
#FEAR? FEAR BRO???#YOU THINK TACTICALLY ANALYZING WHETHER A GIANT BEAST TRYING TO KILL YOU IS A PROBLEM IS *MORE PRIMITIVE* THAN *FEELING FEAR???*#WHEN YOU SEE A LIZARD OR A BUG NOTICE YOU AND START RUNNING AWAY DO YOU THINK IT'S GOING#'ah I see-- a much larger animal has noticed me. it may wish to predate me or it may simply pose an unintentional threat by being so large'#AND NOT 'AAAAAAAH!! AAAAAAAAAAHH!!!' ????????#IT'S BAD WORLDBUILDING MAN LMAO IT'S A SWING AND A MISS FOR ME DAWG!!!#my PERSONAL take on this is that lizardfolk don't EXPRESS feelings the same way other humanoids do#and also culturally feel differently than a lot of other peoples#which leads to the perception by others that they don't Feel-#which coincidentally is convenient for other peoples particularly in positions of power to be able to abuse and exploit them#lizardfolk make GREAT manual laborers and footsoldiers :) they literally can't feel pain or fear :))#like. with warforged you can play in that space because 'do/ can they Feel' is classic robot shit because it makes sense for what robots are#lizardfolk is people. like that's not even a supernatural being within the fantasy setting that's a normal-ass animal the same as a human#'they don't feel love' okay fine that seems pretty maladaptive for a species that apparently builds societies but fine#'they don't feel fear' bud yes they fucking do what are you talking about. I don't believe you! that's stupid!!
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*the confessions I'm referring to are the funeral scene in s2 and the finale scene with Roy in s3
#i'm setting myself up to be annoyed at the results of this lmao#i just saw some more tweets that pissed me off and i need to poll the people or whatever#keeley jones#jamie tartt#ted lasso#ted lasso polls#for curious parties re: my opinion...#basically i just hate the take that jamie doesn't understand his own feelings and mind#and therefore only thinks he's in love with her because she's the first person who showed real affection to him in a relationship#i just think that's really unfair to jamie idk it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth#but it's an opinion a lot of tweeters seem to have so!#personally i do think he romantically loves her the entire time but i'm not fussed abt people thinking it's all platonic!#mostly i just think Jamie doesn't throw around love confessions unless he means them and i also think he knows the weight of his words
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The “born with a smiling look” explanation for Wei Wuxian’s character is so interesting, cause the first time I read it through exr’s translation:
Jiang YanLi said that he was born with a smiling look. No matter what unfortunate thing happened, he wouldn’t cling on to them; no matter what situation he was in, he would be happy. Although it sounded a bit heartless, it really wasn’t bad.
—Chapt. 24: Malice (or Malevolence in taming wangxian)
I read it as the narrator calling Jiang Yanli callous for praising how Wei Wuxian’s smiles hide the pain he suffers from, but saying that being dubbed this way “really wasn’t bad” (in wwx’s opinion). However, both fanyiyi and taming wangxian expand on this explanation to show OH LOOK, A CRITIQUE OF THE FANON VIEW THAT CLAIMS WEI WUXIAN’S POSITIVITY AS A TRAIT BORN FROM NAIVETY AND/OR OBLIVIOUSNESS:
Jiang Yanli had said he’d been born with a smiling face and mirthful features. No matter what he suffered through, he didn’t allow his heart to be burdened by it. No matter what kind of circumstances he found himself in, he was still happy. It almost made him sound a bit brainless and heartless, but in fact, it was a very good thing.
—fanyiyi
Jiang Yanli said, he naturally had a smiling face, and a happy disposition. No matter how unhappy he was, he wouldn’t take it to heart. No matter the situation he was in, he could always remain happy. As much as he sounded somewhat callous, it was actually a good thing.
—taming wangxian
#human reads mdzs: take 2#exr why have you betrayed me! /j#anyways love how mxtx is always so meta i. her critique of fandom norms#and how tired she seems of fandom boxes and cliches lmao#cause me too girl#(not to say this only happens in fandom; whole essys can be written about how people view kindness as childish)#(and moral firmness as secretly a sign of a bad person)#human metas mxtx
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just reread the mortal instruments for the first time in like seven (?) years and like it's fine and all but the concept would've been so much more interesting in the hands of a queer author
#expand tags to read more lmao#the mortal instruments#anti cassandra clare#my take with any body of work tbh#alec is my favourite but also very much gives Tortured Gay Written By Straight#clary should've ended up with simon (à la peeta mellark effect)#i love jace but he loses all personality as the love interest#also i will live breathe and die on the jalec hill they should've got the storyline that emma and julian did#the fact that the forbidden parabatai love story was given to a STRAIGHT couple is absolutely ridiculous#also i fucking hate malec it seemed so romantic when i was like 15 but now i cannot read it without thinking of my first relationship#ie. young and inexperienced me VS. what may not legally be grooming but technically is#à la rhys and feyre i HATE this immortal falling in love with a teenage mortal bs#red flag#magnus is also a gay character written for straight people#like he's fine but he's not giving yknow#i just relate a lot to alec and hate how him and magnus are so romanticised#IT SHOULD'VE BEEN JACE#imagine how good a jace and alec slowburn would've been in the last three books#talking of gay shit get izzy a girlfriend (and have it be me)#i jest but not - all of the lightwood siblings are gay wbk#clary is their token straight#all this to say give this idea to ME not to the ex ron x ginny author#anyway rant over#some teenage books live up to the hype (hunger games) and some don't (these)
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WHAT TRAGIC HORROR CHARACTER TROPE ARE YOU?
the one who opened the door
you turn the door handle. you call out, "who's there?" and the crowd has the audacity to groan, to get frustrated with you. as if the gift of hindsight was something you had. how the hell were you supposed to know you were born into a horror movie? no one bothered to tell you. say, if instead this was an action film, or a fantasy, would they still be telling you how silly of a mistake it was to press further on your quest? they would've commended you for your bravery. you thought you were going to be saving a princess in a tower, not getting stabbed in the back by a killer in the shadows. how is that fair? it isn't, and none of that was ever your fault. it is not wrong to believe things are good. your trust, your optimism, it shouldn't ever be mistaken for ignorance or stupidity. we need more people who open doors. how else are any of us gonna move forward?
the witch
people need to find blame wherever they can; it makes the bad things in their life feel just a touch more bearable. the witches are so often blamed for the curses others are under that no one even questions it anymore. you point to a supposed witch and everyone else prepares the stake, no matter their innocence. to be born and believed a witch is one of the worst curses of them all- you can have friends and family, but there's always a dread that someday, someone will point to you, and everyone you once trusted will throw you into the pyre. if you're here, reading this, you've probably been burned before. and i don't blame you for wanting to hide away, to really become the witch they all say you are, to curse them. but to be a witch is to brush your fingertips over the bark of a tree and watch it grow a touch stronger. keep that in mind.
tagged by:ㅤ@violetgleams ♡♡♡
#❥ 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐉𝐎𝐎𝐍 、dash game#❥ 𝐒𝐈 𝐔 、dash game#love the irony of si-u getting the witch result instead of. you know. the actual witch lmao#they both suit though!! joon very much is an optimist & trusting. but he's not an idiot.#he knows he's taking a risk but he takes it anyway and hopes for the positive outcome.#has he been burned for this in the past? yes. but he's never liked to dwell on it. he doesn't want to take it out on the next person by not#sharing his compassion with them.#and si-u... yeah. his birth was quite literally viewed as a curse. being born disabled wasn't a choice he made but he was certainly blamed#for it. and he's continued to receive blame for it from many people who come into his life.#he's always had the concept of being a burden & not being worth the effort enforced upon him and sometimes? it almost seems to come out of#nowhere. even from people who seem supportive & understanding#so yeah. to say he has these fears & trust issues to match is an understatement (':#anyway..........
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someone should take twitter away from me. all the fanwar stuff and hate because of the hybe thing is getting to me lmao
#maja talks#the skz vs svt fanwar because of that daesang is really annoying me#like i love skz but you can't tell me svt didn't deserve that album daesang#like be so for real#svt is the group hybe bought cause they were feeling threatened lol#hybe hates them#you can't convince me otherwise#besides svt were popular and sold well wayyy before they were bought by hybe#people always seem to forget that and i hate that lol#like to me they're not a hybe group they're simply under hybe now#they were from a small company and fought their way to the top and you can't take that from them#no matter how much you want to#this has been my small rant lmao#i hate fanwars and i really just wish people could praise their own groups without having to put others down#fuck hybe very much#hybe ruins everything and that's a hill i'm willing to die on#also i hate awards as any sane person should but this whole fanwar is just grinding me the wrong way lol
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💭 hmmm venting in tags.
but im very curious what you guys think about the phrase/idea "you can't love someone else until you love yourself"???
#this guy i was in a vc with earlier tonight said he ended a “relationship” with someone bc it seemed like they didnt care abt themself#theres obviously a lot i dont know about the situation so i cant comment on it too much#but there was one thing he said that i have always hated#'you cant love someone else until you love yourself'#i ended up having a whole journal session abt this phrase lmao#it's strange bc i dont believe that idea at all#i have loved people with my whole being who have in turn made me love myself more/want to take care of myself#i also feel like it's like......... it furthers this idea that u are undeserving of love?#im not sure how to properly explain it LMAO#like. there are things about myself i dislike... but i see them in other people and i think oh#maybe i will like these things abt myself#and maybe the idea applies differently in terms of when wanting to enter a relationship w someone#but hes also studying to be a therapist so. idk#no further comments on that#ANYWAY!!#personal#if anyone reads all this im curious to know what you think abt the phrase
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nooo, but thinking back on the ending of the second bunny mask series (which would be 'the hollow inside') and how bunny literally just... DUSTS this spirit that's been causing people trouble as if it was nothing makes me? wonder more about the 'code' she made up as to when she can punish someone / kill someone consists of?? particularly whenever it comes to other supernatural creatures, like fellow spirits???
because it was showed multiple times throughout BOTH comic series that bunny mask will be pretty much merciless towards any humans who hurt other's (animals included) but. suddenly, this other spirit shows up and it seems to be a different story, even though they were causing trouble the instant they appeared. like i can't help but keep on thinking about that line she said regarding the hollow, which is the spirit that showed up + started to harm humans. and this is right after tyler asked her whether she was going to do anything about them...
and bunny mask said 'i could stop them, but the real question is, will i stop them?' which really makes me scratch my head because could it be that there is some sort of rule against killing other spirits when you ARE one unless certain circumstances take place? or was bunny mask saying this because she was willing to overlook all the trouble the hollow was causing, until they actually tried to mess with tyler?
because in the comics, bunny mask dusting them happens right after the hollow actually tries to kill tyler, coincidentally enough. orrr is it something else like i'm overthinking things? that could also be a possibility LOL but it's just weird to me, because everything bunny did in the comics seemed to have some sort of purpose to it. it almost makes me think that maybe she didn't have enough power to ''dust'' them, perhaps, and/or didn't want to get involved in killing them for one reason or another
#SOMETHING FEELS AMISS: musings.#ooc post.#honestly... i feel like it could be anything LMAO but that is one line in particular that has stuck in my mind like glue#just because of how uncharacteristic it seems for bunny mask to see evil and not want to immediately take 'care of it' so-to-speak#but there is also a point to be made i think that perhaps the true motive behind bunny mask not wanting to defeat the hollow outright-#is because she wanted to help tyler transform into the person he was always meant to be because the whole point of the hollow-#is that they target people who are 'empty' and bunny mask was just waiting for the moment where tyler eventually got targeted by them-#because he truly believed that he didn't have anything or anyone to depend on in the beginning / had no valuable relationships with#others and in creating one with someone else he was able to prevent the hollow from killing him + only at THAT moment did bunny mask#decide to kill the hollow by 'dusting' them. and idk i suppose that sounds like the most viable candidate as for what she was trying to do#because i don't believe that bunny mask would just let innocent people be killed so maybe it was a mixture of the power thing and that#IDK i'm spitballing now BUT i just think it's interesting haha#I AM HERE BECAUSE I AM BUNNY MASK: character study.
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speaking of the horrors brian goosebumpsphantomoftheauditorium is still So funny for being like yeah i'm a ghost i know i'm a ghost. & he's befriended the horror fan menace duo who are giggling clutching each other like omg omg okay. we're fine. we're breaking into the school at night to investigate the horrors aaaa what if there's a ghost eek ok ok!!! & brian ghost who knows he's a ghost is like omg guys aaaa stopppp ;;m;; suffering thee Most but he's not putting on an act to conceal his phantomly destiny. he's just like that
#it's brian colson i believe (unless it's colsen. but i think colson) but clearly this is clearer#the book was killing me & i'm telling you brian especially. his whole thing is being So nervous about everything all the time#which maybe that's meant to be due to [you Did die; alarmingly] but it really does just seem like Mostly personality#the cadence & content of the exchange where he's bemoaning getting paint on his clothes off to the side lays me tf out#just the dynamic like brooke & zeke are Speculating abt Schemes & Ghosts & being hilarious too; here's tina joining in; also magical#while multiple times people just completely in stride And in earnest respond to brian's complete focus on his paint stains issue#goosebumps the musical#also getting Thank You For Being A Friend points like enduring the deadly trapdoors & mystery of; for all he knew ig; a whole other ghost#he has no stake in that beyond just genuinely helping out / providing what moral support he can lol#and You Know What They Say. you probably could've revealed your ghost status & destiny & Just Asked lmao#but maybe he was too nervous like think i'll have to Haint Style Steal Your Breath or sm shit b/c that's easier than a ghost reveal convo#is that a george costanza style approach? i have never seen a full seinfeld episode. no limits to the time/effort/complexity in avoiding#some comparatively more minor issue / hurdle? i understand the like archetypical achievement character of all time in that for sure....#like yeah they Are alarmed by the apparent ghost / apparent guy who wants to kill them / you as Actual Ghost but they roll w/it too#cracking open goosebumps of all time The Ghost Next Door...#i also need to crack open (press play) goosebumps the musical phantom of the auditorium original studio cast recording again soon#brian's pleeease let this be a normal field trip to brooke & zeke's beep beep seatbelts everyone! dream team for real#completely innocuous haunting except there's a separate totally unrelated guy taking a totally counterproductive approach to things....#scooby doo villaining it will Not bring the meddling kids!! if i act scary to said kids they'll learn anything besides that I'm scary!!!#bring emile back here like yeah we'll cover for you for real though. appeal to tina's theatre devotion like become frenemies to friends fr#goosebumps ghosts you Do just fulfill your Purpose & then Transcend but brian was just a guy hanging out prior. could do that again
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Being an introvert that everyone thinks is an extrovert is sure... something
#its tiring is what it is#at some point people seemed to take it as 'quiet person who is socially awkward' but i can be very friendly bubbly etc etc#so theyre like oh youre so extroverted!! like no. i really need to go be by myself now or im gonna freak out lmao#i always feel like no one has a clear image of me tho bc people have always thought i was super confident#bc idk ? im loud sometimes more in the past than now and idk i crack jokes ?? but like no i have horrendous body issues and bad self esteem#literally since i can remember. genuinely going back to when i was like 5 so again its just very ?? whenever people say shit to me about me#like my cousins bestie who i have known since i was like 6 said i was such a joyous happy person#and truly it made me so confused bc i am truly not but idk guess to her i am so 🤷♀️#this is why i spend so much time alone now#its not totally an act sometimes i am that happy and fun but it is sometimes a mask that i have just been doing for 20 yrs so im good at it
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The pattern is that people straight up do not read™. or they read a 3-5 tweet summary of what happened and treat it as if they did. or because shonen expectations based on "the classics" is bullshit and significantly rotted people's brains when deciding wether an ending is good or not.
Which could be nothing right
yeahhh. i will forever regret reading the last chapter through leaks because it was a dreadful experience, and watching everyone ever shit on it for like a week after genuinely made me want to just get off the internet forever or something because i felt like an idiot for liking the ending (all this is my fault for getting too invested in both tumblr and mha etc etc).
All the "it's rushed" and pacing complaints barely matter to me at this point because you just cannot feel the pacing of something correctly when you're reading it exclusively through leaks. you can't absorb info like that. And don't get me started on the number of complaints and criticisms I've seen of the last chapter that are just provably bullshit (I saw someone say Izuku didn't get a statue lmao. yes he did, you just read the fucking leaks and watched twitter drama unfold instead of reading the actual chapter i fear).
#i just. do not think it is as bad as some people want to make it seem. i know not to take people who make cashier peaked in high school deku#jokes but like some of yall are treating this as if it's a major failure of the manga ? ? ?#it's underwhelming if you want#it didn't touch on stuff you wanted it to touch on whatever#i personally think that it did okay with the constraints it clearly had#like even without going into shonen jump conspiracy theories horikoshi had been doing 15 pages chapters for a while now#I also think that a lot of disappointment comes from fanon interpretations becoming canon in people's minds especially regarding izuku#and like do not get me wrong i had mixed feelings when i read the chapters i still have mixed feelings on some aspects (hawks what r you#doing etc etc)#i dont blame people who didn't like the ending for not liking the ending#i am just very annoyed by some justifications for not liking the ending#i don't even bother arguing with anyone at this point bc i don't want to be that person (too often) and because it just straight up makes m#feel bad lmao#anywayssssss i probably wanted to say something else but i forgor#oh no yeah listen. maybe you think it's lazy and maybe it is lazy to do an 8 years timeskip and leave a lot of stuff up to the reader#i personally really like this choice. important points were addressed and the rest can be speculated upon by the fanbase and by god.#we are the mha fandom guys. we can speculate. we love to speculate. we have EIGHT YEARS#you can do literally whatever you want man#i already have my personal canon for what happened during the eight years and believe me it helps a lot with the mixed feelings lmao#again. horikoshi did Not have a lot of space the story clearly had a lot of plot changes halfway through. i really do think this is more#than okay. this ending is not the end of the world i promise.#anyways i originally started like citing bs criticism i saw and then i thought ok lets not. inside thoughts etc etc.#i am not a meta analyzer i regularly learn i've misunderstood something about something or misremembered a plot point i am Not the person#for actually good meta and a lot of very insightful stuff on how we are very much not the target audience and lack cultural context go see#pikahlua lmao#mha manga spoilers#mha 430#mad mha ramblings//#ask//#i almost want to say ask to tag lmao? i have the mha cri/tical tag blocked so if anyone needs the opposite for me being overly positive
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not my online friend trying to have the "not all zionists" conversation with me rn
#we've talked about palestine before and she always takes the most centrist version of israel's side she possibly can lmao#i try very hard to never discuss politics with her but she is literally always the one bringing it up and it throws all my affection for he#out the window. like babe.... i'm jewish... you're not.... why are we even having this conversation besides you trying to prove smth#like an informal conversation is not the place for a fucking political debate and if you're not gonna recognize my pov#why am i even still friends with you.#it does make me genuinely sad but if i have to have this conversation again i may well and truly just block her#like she apparently has another jewish friend who seems to side heavily with zionist values (lol) but still acts like a centrist#so ik that's where she's getting the majority of her viewpoints from and it's so fucking grating like you're talking to another jew rn#why would i ever want to support nationalism of any kind when that's what lead to the fucking holocaust#why would you ever be lenient on a group of people who are actively commiting a genocide#i seriously just. like it makes me sick to my stomach that i even have someone in my life who doesn't get it#and i don't even know what to say like my 'i don't wanna be mean to a friend' shit is taking over#especially when she's not the kind of person i can just say anything to. we're not close like that unfortunately#so i've just been in limbo hoping she isn't gonna talk about it but i'm gonna have to put aside our friendship if she does this again#bc i'm not gonna be friends with someone who outright doesn't listen to me saying that my own people commiting a genocide hurts me#just because she wants to be one of those 'well this 'conflict' shouldn't be happening bc it's hurting innocent people :('#this is why i hate having any convos about this with people who haven't been politically engaged with palestine before the end of last yr#like my brother also doesn't fully get the scope of it but at least HE knows that israel (and even the concept of it) is evil and racist#sigh.
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ok so maybe people weren't lying and exercise is actually good for you because i haven't had insanely bad cramps and my pms didn't make me think hey i wanna die actually and i might be in a great mood after cycling for an hour and yeah my sleep is slowly getting better so like yeah whatever 🙄
#only reason i've been sleeping poorly is because i've been Sweating so much#even tho it's getting colder again like body what is up with that#but the dreams are not as haunting and i don't remember them as much#been getting 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep which doesn't seem much!#but i'm used to waking up fully every hour or so so like#i'm taking what i can LMAO#trying to focus on all the mental stuff and not the physical tbh#i mean my legs are getting more defined i can feel a lot more muscle#but my legs get muscle really quick LMFAO#but yeah i gotta focus on those positives and not my stupid brainrot with losing weight#gonna look for japanese classes in person and not just over zoom which for me!! insane#wanting to go out and meet new people? yeah nuts but i think i gotta#but yeah i've been cycling for 5 weeks and i think my mental health is indeed improving#smh i'm gonna have to admit that i'm wrong to my brother in law this sucks (he's amazing but i hate being wrong LMAO)#b.txt
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I'm trying to find ways to slowly ease my way into taking walks (debilitating social anxiety) so I was going to download pokemon go again but my phone is too old :(
#im actually very upset abt this lol#all of the other tricks ive found rely on having a dog to walk#and like i would love to get my own dog but i absolutely cannot afford one lmao#so i guess i just. still can't go on walks#nobody seems to understand just how impossible it is for me to walk down the street when im not trying to get somewhere#like just going for a walk for fun/to look at nature feels like im being killed#people are LOOKING at me and when someone even so much as glances at me while im walking i instantly feel like I'm doing something wrong#or like they're going to misunderstand my sort of odd behaviors#i can't walk slow because they'll think im a stalker. i can't walk fast because ill get out of breath and they'll think im disgusting#i can't keep a normal pace because im too nervous and i just spend the whole time tense and hate myself even more when i get home#like. what the hell am i supposed to do lol#getting a dog is the only way i think i could stop myself from spiraling like that bc of COURSE im walking slow and leisurely.#im walking my dog. my dog wants to smell and has to poop or whatever#im no longer a freaky fat stalker im just some guy walking my dog#this became more of a vent than i was expecting lmao but if anyone has any actual tangible tips for how to go on walks i would appreciate it#when i had to walk 2 miles to class i used to take a small part of an edible right before i got on the bus lmao and that worked WONDERS#but i don't want to have to do that just to walk around my own neighborhood when i eventually move out#i just want to be normal lmao i want to go out and find bugs and look at leaves#i guess i could walk in the woods but what if i get lost#i want to be able to look at stuff. i want to be able to stop and look at a plant while some person passes by me#without feeling like im going to blow up or like they're going to hit me or like IM going to hit THEM#im used to anxiety but i always feel so erratic in public places. when everyone wore masks i was a little better#i still mask most of the time but it doesn't help anymore bc now im like one of the only people that does it#so now instead of blending in AND having my face covered i just stand out more#my face is still covered so it still helps but its like barely a net positive lmao#i want to be able to look around without worrying that someone is looking at me from their window and thinks im a stalker#truly how the hell am i supposed to do that without a dog lol
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