#(and moral firmness as secretly a sign of a bad person)

[mxtxfanatic]

The “born with a smiling look” explanation for Wei Wuxian’s character is so interesting, cause the first time I read it through exr’s translation:

Jiang YanLi said that he was born with a smiling look. No matter what unfortunate thing happened, he wouldn’t cling on to them; no matter what situation he was in, he would be happy. Although it sounded a bit heartless, it really wasn’t bad.

—Chapt. 24: Malice (or Malevolence in taming wangxian)

I read it as the narrator calling Jiang Yanli callous for praising how Wei Wuxian’s smiles hide the pain he suffers from, but saying that being dubbed this way “really wasn’t bad” (in wwx’s opinion). However, both fanyiyi and taming wangxian expand on this explanation to show OH LOOK, A CRITIQUE OF THE FANON VIEW THAT CLAIMS WEI WUXIAN’S POSITIVITY AS A TRAIT BORN FROM NAIVETY AND/OR OBLIVIOUSNESS:

Jiang Yanli had said he’d been born with a smiling face and mirthful features. No matter what he suffered through, he didn’t allow his heart to be burdened by it. No matter what kind of circumstances he found himself in, he was still happy. It almost made him sound a bit brainless and heartless, but in fact, it was a very good thing.

—fanyiyi

Jiang Yanli said, he naturally had a smiling face, and a happy disposition. No matter how unhappy he was, he wouldn’t take it to heart. No matter the situation he was in, he could always remain happy. As much as he sounded somewhat callous, it was actually a good thing.

—taming wangxian

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

If you have sent me an Ask in the last thirty-six hours or so, This post is for you.

I was almost entirely done with answering all your beloved messages, when Tumblr decided to crash. Lost all the paragraphs of my rambling (which is why I’m no longer taking chances and am typing this on Google Docs) and even worse, the Asks seem to have been eaten by Tumblr’s great void. They’re gone, and nothing I’ve tried seems to work to get them back. Thankfully, I’m fresh off of responding, so I’ll try to summarize with one big epic post. Apologies for the inconvenience and unusual style, blame the Tumblr Overlords. 

WARNING: If you don’t read the data-mines and don’t want spoilers, do not go beyond this point. This mainly concerns The Quidditch Cup. 

There were a couple of Asks about Ismelda, someone talked about the head-canon that she’s secretly blonde and dyes her hair. Which I agree with, and really like. It would tie in to how Ismelda saw Penny as being no different from her sister. It would be a sign of her trying to spite her parents and distance herself from her family, to the point of even looking like them. I also think it would echo with Beatrice and how she changed her look to reinvent herself and be less of a “Mini Penny.” Another message was talking about her parents, wondering why they would ever visit her at Hogwarts given how they were portrayed. After all, they’re not about to be the next Ethan Parkin, are they? Not going to turn around and be well-meaning, but oblivious. I think it’s far more likely that they would visit her sister at Hogwarts, and it would be pure chance that Ismelda was there at the same time - if there was indeed any overlap where both sisters were at school. But that’s the real question of the hour - just what is the sister like? After all, it’s not her fault that she’s the favorite, right? Newt Scamander was estranged from his brother, who was engaged to his ex-girlfriend. From that description alone, we might think he was awful, but he wasn’t. Theseus was genuinely caring, he just didn’t know how to connect with Newt. We might have a similar situation on our hands here. Or, who knows, the sister might be the “Dudley” to Ismelda’s “Harry.” She was compared to both Emily and Penny, if memory serves. But until such a time that we meet her, we have no way of knowing who she’s really more like. Psst, Jam City, you getting this down? This would be a great TLSQ, to have Ismelda come face to face with her sister. Could perhaps end with, oh I dunno, befriending her? Just a thought…

I saw another Ask talking about how Beatrice would go back and forth between MC and Jae during their detention and how adorable it was to see her all flustered and excited, how it looked like she was gushing to MC “He’s so dreamy” and things of the like. It’s making me wish they would come back to this sub-plot because it’s funny as hell and a good way, again, to tie in Ismelda. She also fancied someone she had no chance with, she was also jealous of another person. (Chiara might not actually have a thing with Jae, but if memory serves, Beatrice is shown to be jealous of them talking anyway.) 

There was an Ask that talked about punching Barnaby’s father in the face. Or at least, the idea of doing so. But regrettably, he is in Azkaban and it cannot be done. Well, maybe not by MC, but someone who was already there could do it. New head-canon, Sirius decked him on his way out. It happened, I don’t make the rules.

@guppygirl I read the first chapter of your fic! Do you know what you’ve done to me, do you know how many feelz it gave me to see Rowan alive and well and acting so sweet? You nailed their character and I love the inclusion of their parents! Maya’s reactions make just want to give her a hug. Everyone should check out the fanfic on her page, seriously!

I believe there was an Ask lamenting that the Festival TLSQ didn’t come out this week, and believe me friend, I’m right there clowning with you. It seems like every week now, we think, “Okay, this time it will come out, they can’t delay it anymore.” And we’re always wrong. Here I am just starting to worry that my far-fetched theory about them shelving it until next year because it’s no longer “seasonal” isn’t so far-fetched after all…

But the vast majority of messages that were lost were, as I’m sure you can guess, about the data-mined House Cup for Season 2. I wrote a lot about it and I do indeed have some thoughts and feelings. 

Before I get into anything else, can I just say...that first scene with Ethan where he meets MC. I don’t think it’s possible for me to ever dislike Skye. All it ever takes is one vulnerable moment to erase any doubts and have me back in her corner. And you cannot tell me that Ethan knowing everything about MC because “Isn’t this the best mate you always talk about?” Didn’t melt your heart or at least give you feelz. Think back to how hurt Skye was when MC befriended Rath - to the point of snapping a broomstick in half. This is just proof of what I’ve been saying. She has no social skills and hardly any friends. Of course she sees MC as her bestie. The poor thing, oh my god, it’s adorable...

Ethan Parkin….I’m not a fan, even now. As I heard, he’s not as bad as we all feared he would be. He definitely has his moments. Still...he’s still pretty annoying. Ethan is basically a less obnoxious version of Lockhart, who actually has the talent to back it up. But I didn’t like how he involved himself in the practice and took over deciding who should be leader. Seriously, if he knows the game this well then he should know we already have a leader assigned. That’s what a Captain is. He was quite rude to Orion and while his pressuring Skye might have been inadvertent, it was still his fault. He’s also an extremely violent Quidditch player, which I’m not a fan of (Although apparently Penny is? The fuck?) I get that he would never cross the line into cheating, but I’m not impressed by how he lied. Didn’t give his team credit. And seriously...is cheating morally inferior to harming another player in a “legal” way? I guess it’s just a Quidditch culture thing, but I’m not here for it. 

Orion’s reaction to Ethan, though? God I loved it. He took everything completely in stride, had the maturity to say that no, he was happy to learn from a Quidditch master. His concern wasn’t about his ego, it was about Skye’s feelings. Because once again, he’s the only one with the empathy to realize what she might be going through. Orion’s response was measured and thoughtful and god, I love him so much. Side note: Were they seriously debating whether or not keeping Ethan around to learn his mystery move was worth it, even if it was stressing Skye out? My dudes, this is the exact same mistake you made during the Rath TLSQ. Involving someone who doesn’t need to be involved, just for the sake of a potential advantage in a meaningless sports game, regardless of how much it will hurt someone who is supposed to be our friend. Screw that. 

Folks were talking about Erika Rath. Someone brought up how hilarious it was in a previous chapter to see Andre actually tell her to be quiet, and for her to do so. And yeah, I agree. It’s a testament to how close their friendship must really be (Sorry, Depressed Erika Anon) I mean, most people wouldn’t dare say that to her. And I don’t think she’d have such a calm and passive reaction to just anyone. It’s unconventional, but their relationship is a sweet one. Overall, they’re involving Rath more and I’m quite glad of it. Seeing her proud of MC is heartwarming. Seeing her become more of a main character is great - I mean, she is one of the main four, after all. Face Paint Kid is a background character, as much as I love him. Penny is only here to develop Skye, and Andre is only here to develop Rath. There was also an interesting comparison made between her and Ethan, about how they both play pretty violently. Still not a fan of this. Maybe that’s one of the reasons that I’m mostly indifferent to Rath. But I’m coming around on her. 

This was a lovely place to cap off Skye’s character arc. Seeing MC stand up to Ethan (although I wish you could be firm without having to say that stupid “You’re off the team, Parkin!” line) was especially cathartic, and it’s clear that Skye appreciates it. She’s happier by the end, and has actually communicated with her father. I would sincerely like it if Season 3 focused on, say, Murphy a little more. He hasn’t gotten any development since the first half of Season 1. Even Orion got some development in this TLSQ. But...make no mistake, we’re not done hearing about Skye. I know that no one wants to hear this, but...they slipped in that line about her wishing she could play Rath. She still hates her. That hasn’t been resolved. Oh well, at least it’s an opportunity to further flesh out Rath. There’s also the possibility that, if they do give focus to Orion, it might be that Season 3 is his last hurrah. I hope he stays for the entire story, but even if they don’t want to confirm character ages...he could very well graduate. If he does, there’s going to be a story-line about choosing his successor. And again, I know that nobody wants to see this happen, but...the only candidates who matter in the story are MC and Skye. So they could be pitted against each other again. But I hope that won’t happen.

Curse you, Tumblr. Oh well, it should be safe to send in Asks again because I’m quite literally going to copy them onto a Google Doc from now on just to be safe. If I missed out on one that you sent in, please feel free to let me know or re-send it. I’ve also seen people taking screenshots of their Asks and then responding to the picture instead of just responding outright. Might do that too...thank you for your patience, this has been a doozy. 

[beiingalive]

* ⌞ʾ⁎ ⊰ zoë kravitz, nonbinary, they/she/him ⊱ i think i just saw BOBBIE SONDHEIM walk across trafalgar square, singing to TO BE SO LONELY ( HARRY STYLES ). you know, the THIRTY year old LAWYER? people claim that they are just like BOBBY from COMPANY. it must be because they are CHARMING and NONCOMMITTAL as well… though i could be wrong. all i know for sure is that they live at CHICAGO apartment.⌝

              ❝ they always look like they’re keeping score

                                                                 who's winning , bobbie ? ❞

name: roberta sondheim. nicknames: bobbie, bob, bubbi, booboo. age: 30. date of birth: october 9th, 1989. hometown: new york city, ny. current location: london, england. apartment: chicago. occupation: divorce lawyer.

pinterest: xx. playlist: xx.

→ 𝕙𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪.

♡ roberta “ bobbie ” sondheim is the first and only child of george sondheim and eileen jones. they were born and raised in new york city , something that is clear the instant anyone meets them — they’re from new york, nothing really interests them. they grew up in a big, beautiful apartment in the upper east side with a lovely view of central park. bobbie’s childhood was uneventful — both their parents worked ( george was a lawyer, eileen a real estate agent ) , so bobbie was raised by several nannies who took care of them when their parents weren’t there — they keep in touch to this day.

♡ bobbie was a few months short of thirteen when their parents announced they were getting a divorce. it wasn’t exactly a surprised — everyone could see the marriage had gone stale. the divorce was mostly amicable — they got joint custody and split up the major holidays. george moved out their home and into an apartment that was just a few blocks away. bobbie’s teens were split in two.

♡ it wasn’t long before both of bobbie’s parents remarried. george fell for a partner at his law firm, katrina — eileen fell for raúl, a recent widower she was helping find a new place. both katrina and raúl had children from their past marriages ( katrina had to boys, both in college — raúl had two girls, ages two and four ). bobbie gained two step-parents and two sets of step-siblings. the’ve never been particularly close.

♡ before and after the divorce, bobbie lived a comfortable life. they weren’t spoiled, but they never wanted for nothing. they grew up with money — bobbie was always aware of their privilege — but they never abused it. they were happy with what they had, they were comfortable. they never demanded more than what they got.

♡ in school, they got along with pretty much everyone. they were popular, but never belonged to any clique — they simply floated between them, being friends with everyone, but never getting too close to any one person in particular. that aloofness got them a lot of attention from boys and girls alike. they dated around, but never really got serious with anyone ( a habit they’ve carried onto adulthood ).

♡ bobbie was a great student without having to put too much effort into it — they coasted through. when the time came to start applying for university, they realized they didn’t know what they wanted. they weren’t passionate about anything. they got good grades and enjoyed most subjects ( except for math ). they were in the debate team, they wrote for the school paper, they ran track. they played tennis, they played the piano, they’d even had a few lines in the school’s production of a midsummer night’s dream. still, there was not one thing bobbie could envision themself doing as a career.

♡ they knew they wanted to leave new york — despite how much they loved the city. living the rest of their life surrounded by their entire family wasn’t very appealing. they decided to move to london based solely on the fact that they’d visited once when they were sixteen on a class trip. this is one of the few solid decisions bobbie has made throughout their life.

♡ at the time, bobbie was dating a fellow classmate — dean wheeler. it was almost serious. they dated for most of their senior year, and even went to prom together. they promised to keep in touch after graduation, but that didn’t really happen. it was clear bobbie had lost interest, and they both just moved on.

♡ bobbie got an english degree while trying to figure out what they actually wanted to do. eventually they decided to study law — their father was a lawyer, so it just made sense. after graduating, they started working at a small law firm and made enough money to buy themselves a nice, comfortable apartment. nothing excessive. just comfortable. they’re pretty happy with where their life is at the moment.

→ 𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪.

zodiac sign: libra. personality type: esfp — the entertainer. enneagram: type 9 — the peacemaker. temperament: sanguine. moral alignment: true neutral. primary vice: lust. primary virtue: charity. element: air.

♡ bobbie’s a charmer. they can make anyone fall in love with them within meeting them. they’re persuasive and almost always get whatever they want from other people. they’re a fantastic conversationalist, a great listener, and just being around them makes people feel good. they’re very social and can make friends with almost anyone.

♡ people fall in love with bobbie very easily. this is something bobbie isn’t always aware of. the sad thing is that isn’t not always reciprocated. they flirt with everyone ( sometimes without even realizing it ) , even when they’re not interested in pursuing anything.

♡ they can’t say no, so even when they’re not interested, if someone makes a move, they’ll go along with it. eventually the other person will notice and end it.

♡ when they are interested, they’re just not good at expressing it. they don’t know how to let their feelings known when things start to get serious. when it’s time for bobbie to become vulnerable and intimate, they grow distant. they never quite know how to end things, either. bobbie has a nasty habit of letting relationships grow stale and waiting for the other person to do the inevitable.

♡ their relationships often overlap, due to the fact that bobbie is incapable of being upfront with someone they no longer has romantic feelings for, and is also terrified of being alone.

♡ bobbie’s romantic life is a never ending cycle. they flirt with everyone, making them fall in love. they become disinterested, and instead of doing something about that, they wait for the other person to dump them. wash, rinse, repeat.

♡ secretly, they’re a hopeless romantic. they’re scared of intimacy, but they crave it. they yearn for that person who will make all their fears go away. they want to find that person they can be completely open and vulnerable — the problem is they never let things go that far. they get scared when things get too real.

♡ they act like they’re perfectly fine with the way their life is right now — and that’s the problem. everything is fine. just fine. they’re not unhappy, but they’re not completely happy either. they’re just okay. content. comfortable. the crave something more, but they’re too scared to take a risk and do something about it.

♡ romantic disasters aside, bobbie’s a great friend. if you’ve secured their friendship, they’ll never let you down. they’re always just a call away. they’ll make you laugh, they’ll be your wingperson, your babysitter, whatever you need, they’ll never say no.

→ 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤.

♡ FRIENDS: we’re starting out easy here, people. bobbie’s a very friendly person. they can befriend anyone, so this is incredibly open. they’re non-confrontational and a people pleaser, so they’ll get along with anyone. the circumstances of how they met can be entirely up to you.

♡ FRIENDS FROM NEW YORK: bobbie lived in nyc until they graduated high school in 2006. these friends probably wouldn’t be the closest, since bobbie was still pretty young when they left, but it would still be cool to have a couple of buddies from their high school days.

♡ FRIENDS FROM UNIVERSITY: bobbie studied in london from 2006 - 2013 ( approximately, i’m bad at math ) , so these are people they could have bonded with either while getting their english degree or in law school.

♡ FIRST FRIENDS IN LONDON: this could overlap with their friends from uni, since these are the friends bobbie bonded with they they first arrived in the uk and helped them settle in.

♡ FLINGS / FWB / HOOKUPS: this one is extremely open. bobbie flirts with everyone, so the possibilities are endless. your muse could have dated bobbie briefly, slept with them and never got a call back, they could be someone they sleep with casually, or anything else under the sun.

♡ EXES: bobbie’s dated a lot, but they rarely let things get serious ( maybe your muse thought things were getting serious, but those feelings were one-sided ). whether things ended on good or bad terms is totally up to you. bobbie avoids drama at all costs, so chances are they kind of ghosted your muse until they got the message.

♡ ALMOST-SERIOUS EX: this would be someone bobbie could see themselves getting serious with, but never took that step to make it official. they thought about it, but just never had the guts to tell the other person how they really felt. things eventually ended, as usual, and bobbie just moved on with their life.

♡ COLLEAGUES: bobbie’s a divorce lawyer, so your muse could be another lawyer that works at the same firm, someone who’s gone up against bobbie, or just another lawyer they bump into sometimes.

♡ NEIGHBORS: bobbie lives in the chicago building, so if your muse lives there and you wanna say they live right next door, hit me up !

♡ ❝ SOMEONE TO HOLD YOU TOO CLOSE ❞: it’s a cheesy name, i know, let’s move past that. bobbie clearly has commitment issues ( and intimacy issues, and many others that would take too long to list ). still, a part of them longs for that person they can truly be vulnerable with. they want love, they’re just too scared of the sacrifices that come with it. this person is someone who can finally break their shell and make them fall in love. this would obviously develop based on chemistry but i just wanted to throw it up here.

[nanonkorapat]

You like 2gether? Great! Check out these series now

I’m sorry the title sounds vaguely like an ad, it wasn’t my intention oof. Anyway, here are five (+2) series you should watch and fill the void (in no particular order)!

THEORY OF LOVE (2019)

You can find it here.

“Third is a filmology major and a member of the Savage Team along with his best friends Two, Bone, and Khai, but he has a secret. Third has been secretly in love with Khai for years.”

Theory of Love is one of these series you don’t expect to like that much, but they surpise you. First of all, I still remember falling so deeply in love with this friend squad; they were so fun and wholesome (and yes maybe dickheads sometimes but that’s life). They were all so nicely written characters and I was always looking forward to seeing them every week. The story is a bit sad at first, but it will also make you laugh a lot. It also have lots of movie references! Loved that. Honestly, I’m not very good at reviews, but I can definitely say TOL was a series I still think fondly of, even to this day, like half a year later.

DARK BLUE KISS (2019)

You can find it here.

“Kao and Pete being in a blissful romance, have grown closer. But with Kao being closeted from his mother, he fears the dreaded thought of her finding out. His mother then introduces Non, a son of a colleague, as he requires tutoring from Kao. With Non constantly giving off ‘iffy’ vibes towards Kao, it only fuels Pete’s jealousy.”

I recently watched DBK and I was really taken aback by it. The fact that it dealt with some specific topics surprised me. We see Kao being scared of coming out to his mother, him being forced into a difficult situation mostly because he was trying to economically support his sister, Kao and Pete having problems because of miscommunication etc. It was something different. Of course, there were some bits I didn’t like, like the possesivness of Pete, but you can’t have everything in life. Overall a very good series, I would definitely recommend.

Note; DBK is a sequel of Kiss Me Again the series. You don’t have to watch it. If you want to, I’d recommend watching only the PeteKao cuts on Youtube.

HISTORY3: TRAPPED (2019)

You can find it here.

“The cooperation between police and the people create a harmonious new society. Police who are filled with justice are turned into the personal protection for gangsters. But one police officer becomes trapped in the underworld, as he develops feelings for a gang leader.”

God, I just realized how much I miss Trapped. It was one of the first asian series I watched and really loved. Look at the summary! It’s literally a fanfic I loved it. Jokes aside though, really nice plot, well written characters, nice twists, lots of funny moments, happy enging, what else would someone ask for? I fell in love with the characters and their stories. Literally, can’t even think straight and write a coherent review of this, I just love it, trust me.

WHAT DID YOU EAT YESTERDAY? (2019)

You can find it here.

“Kakei Shiro is a 45 year old lawyer who works at a small law firm. He is a good cook and a meticulous and thrifty person who keeps the monthly food budget to 25,000 yen. His partner Yabuki Kenji is the affable hairdresser in his 40s. The two of them share a two-bedroom apartment and the finer points of two men living together comes up at the dining table every day. Although two of them have been in a relationship for three years and Kakei’s parents know he is gay, Kakei never shares the fact that he is gay or Kenji is his partner to anyone.”

Looking for something sweet and wholesome? Watch this one. I have to thank whoever recommended this to me (I’m terribly sorry I forgot). The story of two middle-aged gay men, living their life in peace (most of the time at least). Involves lots of cooking, to the point it always made me hungry. It’s a relaxing series, one that will warm up your heart and make you smile.

HISTORY2: CROSSING THE LINE (2018)

You can find it here.

“Qiu Zi Xuan was an excellent volleyball player in the past, but he had to give up on on his dreams due to his injuries, but he still participates in the volleyball-related training. During the training, he meets a guy, Xia Yu Hao, a guy with a really bad temper who gets easily infuriated with people that make him angry, but he strives to acquire what he persistently wants to achieve.”

A lovely story. I think I watched it in like one afternoon. I couldn’t really resist to the dumbassery of Yu Hao. A story about coming to terms with your feelings and going after what you want. That’s it and, honestly, that’s more than one needs.

HONORARY MENTIONS (not bl, I just fucking love these series)

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG (2018)

You can find it here.

“A nostalgic story that revolves around high school students during the year 1996.

While chasing down a bike thief during the summer, Yang Xi gets injured by a lab explosion that renders her unable to compete in a long-distance run. When school opens, she realizes that the culprit behind her misfortune has transferred to her class and has even taken her position as class president. He is Hua Biao, a hot-blooded, rash and gifted genius of the science department. Hua Biao’s arrival immediately puts his classmates on guard and he must prove himself to be accepted by the class. Later on, they go through lots of ups and downs in life.”

Probably one of my favourite series ever and trust me I’ve watched quite a few. First things first, the OST. God, catch me still signing it under my breath. The visuals? Absolutely amazing. The plot and the characters? Honestly superb. The quotes? Made me cry every single time. This series gave me such a strong feeling of nostalgia, it had this whole vibe of being young and reckless, but at the same time knowing that you will grow old, that the world will change, that you will change with it. Imagine this; you are laying on your bed on a hot summer afternoon, you are young, loads of books are waiting for you, sprawled all over your dest, the radio is on, playing some old melodies mixed with static, you are reading a book or comics and you are waiting for your friends to come. This is it. This is the feeling this series has left me with. I know I may not be making sense for most people, but our languages sometimes are uncapable of expressing our feelings. You just have to experience it yourself.

THE LONGEST DAY IN CHANG’AN (2019)

You can find it here and here.

“744 A.D., Chang’an, the cosmopolitan heart of the Tang Empire. The remnants of a vanquished Central Asian kingdom have infiltrated the world’s largest city for a planned attack during the Lantern Festival. Meanwhile, the court is fraught with infighting. The aging Emperor is expected to announce the regency of the Right Chancellor during the festival and retreat to the mountains with his young lover. If the Right Chancellor becomes the regent, the reformist Crown Prince risks being deposed—or worse. Intelligence chief Li Bi, a young Taoist priest, and ally of the Crown Prince has only 24 hours to prevent both the attack and the regency. After a botched attempt to capture the infiltrators, Li Bi and his team call in the services of death row prisoner Zhang Xiao Jing — a war veteran, beloved police chief, and murderer of his last direct superior.”

Keep in mind that this is one of the most expensive (if not the most expensive) productions on China. The whole series covers the events of one day, one single day. What they did is actually amazing. The plot is so well structured, the costumes and set perfectly made, the actors plainly great. It might take a couple of episodes to understand the plot because especially on the first one there are a lot of things happened and lots of information getting thrown around, but it quickly becomes way more clear. The music, the twists, the morally ambiguous characters; one of the best things I’ve seen. I cried, I laughed, I feel in love and I now realize that no matter how much I praise this series, it won’t be enough.

Lowkey hope I haven’t done any mistakes because I don’t proof read anything and that’s the hill I’ll die on.

[confrontingbabble-on]

“...when I think about mindfucks I think—as a former Evangelical—about Evangelical Christianity, which traffics, wholesale, in mindfuckery...

1. It’s not a religion, it’s a relationship (with your imagination...!). ...it’s one of Evangelicalism’s favorite ways of saying, We’re not like all those other (obviously false) faith-based belief systems. We just love Jesus and Jesus loves us, and he loves you, too. From the inside, this relationship thing feels really real and really good. But from the outside it’s a bunch of transparent hooey. Your born-again Christianity is a love relationship—with a character whose name and history you got from a set of ancient texts that were compiled and handed down by a vast hierarchical organization that once torched dissenting texts (and people). And this not-religion has sacred writings and rituals and leaders and schools of systematic theology, and it dictates what people are supposed to believe and how they’re supposed to behave. And it provides all the same social functions and structures as religions.

2. That’s the OLD Testament. In my childhood Bible, the Old Testament is bound together with the New Testament in a gold-stamped blue leather cover with these words on the title page, “The words of Scripture as originally penned in the Hebrew and Greek . . . are the eternal Word of God.” This statement is followed by a verse from the Old Testament book of Isaiah. “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever (Is 40:8).To Evangelicals, the Old Testament is the timeless Word of God, except when the vile atrocities described there become inconvenient or when people quote horrible verses—say those that demean women, endorse slavery, condemn homosexuality and shellfish eating, promote the idea of Chosen bloodlines, or make statements that are scientific nonsense. Then it’s just the Old Testament, and Evangelicals pull out all kinds of fancy “supersessionist” language to explain that those verses don’t really count because of the “new covenant” or the “Dispensation of Grace.” But just try suggesting that a Bible believer take the Old Testament out of the Holy Bible.

3. Yes, no, maybe. God answers prayer. Except when he doesn’t. The New Testament says, And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive  (Matthew 21:22; Mark 11:24). But everybody knows that in the real world that doesn’t happen. Christians face bankruptcies and bad test scores and death at the same rate as other people. God answers prayer at the margins of statistical significance, if at all—even when parents are asking for their kids to get healed from cancer, or kids are pleading that parents stop hitting them.How does one explain that? The age-old Christian answer has been that when your prayers aren’t answered you should doubt yourself rather than God, assuming that your faith was too weak or you wanted something you shouldn’t. But Evangelicals have come up with something even more clever: God does always answer! It’s just that he sometimes says no, or maybe, instead of yes. That ask anything and it shall be done Bible verse really meant, ask selectively and he might say yes.

4. Be selfless for your own sake. If you want to be great in God’s kingdom, learn to be the servant of all, say the lyrics to one Christian song. Got that? “If you want to be great,” not “if you want to do the most good in the world.” Granted, learn to be the servant of all beats some other paths people take when they seek status, but it is a path to status nonetheless, which is why the church is full of self-proclaimed servant leaders who actually aspire to great man or woman status.

5. Christianity is humble. According to Catholic theology, pride is one of the seven deadly sins. Evangelical preachers tell us it was Satan’s original sin. Pride cometh before the fall, so humble yourself before God. Couple this claim about humility with the idea that you should preach [your version of] the gospel to every creature—and things get turned inside out and upside down.Famed Puritan hellfire-and-brimstone minister Jonathan Edwards said, “We must view humility as one of the most essential things that characterizes true Christianity.” Edwards also expounded with righteous certitude about the torments of the wicked in hell—wicked meaning anyone who didn’t share his Puritan beliefs.Anyone who has spent much time in an Evangelical church community knows that superior humility can be a powerful form of one-upmanship. But competitive humility aside, what could possibly be more arrogant than thinking the universe was made for mankind, that only we bipedal primates are made in the image of God, that all other sentient beings are here for us to use, that you happened to be born into the one true faith among the tens of thousands of false ones, and that the force that created the laws of physics wants a personal relationship with you.

6. Christianity isn’t sexist; God just has different intentions and rules for men and women. Just because in the Old Testament God (identified by the male pronoun) makes man first, puts men in charge (male headship), gives men the right to barter women and take them as war booty doesn’t mean they’re unequal. Just because the New Testament forbids women to speak in church, tells them to cover their heads and submit to men, and excludes them from leadership positions doesn’t mean that women are inferior to men!

The Bible may be rife with stories with predominantly male protagonists. It may show women competing to have sons. Genealogies may be determined by paternity. God may convey his word exclusively through male writers and may take the form of a male human. But that doesn’t mean men and women are unequal! They’re just “different.” All of those generations of Patriarchs and Church Fathers and Reformers and Preachers who said vile things about women—they just misunderstood the Bible’s message on this point.

7. Believe and be saved. Right belief, according to Evangelicalism, is the toggle that sends people to heaven or hell—as if we could simply make ourselves believe whatever we want, regardless of the evidence, and as if the ability to do so were a virtue. Right belief makes you one of the Righteous. Wrong belief makes you one of the Wicked. God may have given you the ability to think, but you follow logic and evidence where they lead only at your own eternal peril. If you don’t believe, it’s because you secretly just don’t want to.Granted we all are prone to a greater or lesser degree, to what psychologists call “motivated belief,” meaning we have a tendency to selectively seek evidence for things we either want to be true or, more rarely, fear to be true. But this is hardly a sign of robust character or moral virtue. Quite the opposite.

8. God loves you and he’ll send you to hell. And once you die, it’s all irreversible. George Carlin put it best: Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man … living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

OK, Carlin didn’t have his theology right, at least not from an Evangelical standpoint. You don’t go to hell for violating the Ten Commandments. You go to hell for not accepting Jesus as your savior. But yeah, he loves you, loves you, loves you, and if you don’t love him back and worship him and accept his gift of forgiveness for your imperfection, he’s going to torture you forever. Wrap your brain around that definition of love.

9. Free choice under duress. Why is the world full of sin and suffering if God is all powerful and all good? Because he wanted us to worship him of our own free will. He loves us too much to force us, so we had to be able to choose—so the story goes.But, if what he wanted was love and adoration, freely given, then why did he entice us with promises of heaven and threaten us with eternal torture? Can someone really love you if you demand their love at gunpoint?

10. Lean not unto your own understanding. Faith is just believing. Trust and obey. Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong (1 Corinthians 16:13). The fool has said in his heart there is no God (Psalm 14:1).

The idea that your own mind, logic, and the evidence in the world around you is not to be trusted may be Evangelicalism’s biggest mindfuck, because it is subtext in all the others. Any doubts are just evidence that your mind (and basic human decency) are shaky. Since doubt is a sign of weak faith—and sometimes even direct from the devil—you should never ever trust what you think, feel, see or experience over what the Bible says and the Church teaches. Walk by faith, not by sight. Stop asking questions! “

Valerie Tarico is a psychologist and writer in Seattle, Washington.

https://valerietarico.com/2019/02/08/evangelical-christianitys-ten-biggest-mindfucks/

[btshogwartsfics]

BTS at Hogwarts (Pt.5- Jimin)

A/N: I had a lot of fun doing this one. I love the idea of Hogwarts BTS, but Chim is just especially fun to write for! My bias is coming at you guys next! Enjoy! <3

JIMIN:  

House: Gryffindor

Patronus: Panther

Wand: Willow Wood, Dragon Heartstring Core, 9 ½ Inches, Supple Flexibility

Blood Status: Half-blood

Possibility of Being a Prefect: Yes

Quidditch: Absolutely

Best Class(s): Divination

Reasoning-

Jimin is a Gryffindor. My mind is made-up and you can’t do anything about it. Yes I can agree that he does have many traits of a Hufflepuff and at first I went back and forth between the two of them for our Chim. So while many of you may disagree with me on this, and that’s absolutely fine, I am firm in my belief that he is indeed a Gryffindor. I have also seen people argue that due to his ambition, he is no doubt a Slytherin. While again, I can see this, I think the things that some may see him as a Slytherin for, I see him as a Gryffindor for. I firmly believe that it’s not just the traits you have, but the traits you value that ultimately decide which house you belong to. He wants to do good and he wants to take chances and live a full life doing what he’s passionate about, but I don’t feel he would ever do anything he thinks is unjust and unethical. I fully feel Jimin would do almost anything for those he cares about and what he believes is right. He’s kind and considerate, but he is assertive and stands behind what he believes in. He may be kind and caring, but he is definitely fierce and chivalrous and brave. Although I do think a Hufflepuff can mess you up if so provoked and a Slytherin can absolutely have a soft side, I feel that those two clashing points in his personality come together nicely to mold him into an amazing Gryffindor. Change my mind.

The symbolism for panthers are guardian energy, assertiveness, understanding, intuition, artistry, aggressiveness and power. I feel that Jimin displays all these traits very well at different times and in different situations.

“Willow is an uncommon wand wood with healing power, and I have noted that the ideal owner for a willow wand often has some (usually unwarranted) insecurity, however well they may try and hide it. While many confident customers insist on trying a willow wand (attracted by their handsome appearance and well-founded reputation for enabling advanced, non-verbal magic) my willow wands have consistently selected those of greatest potential, rather than those who feel they have little to learn. It has always been a proverb in my family that he who has furthest to travel will go fastest with willow.”

“As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.”

I hate to say it Jiminie, but you’re a bit short. Therefore I feel your wand would match and so I made it a bit shorter. Sorry.

Again, I’ve seen people say that Jimin would be a pureblood and I’ve seen people say Jimin would be a muggle-born, but I personally feel that he would be able to equally understand and empathize with both sides. It is for this reason I made (or headcanon) Jimin a half-blood.

Some Gryffindors (not all, I’m aware of this) tend to be a bit messy, but as I said there are exceptions to every rule. Not everyone in a certain house will act exactly the same. Jimin is an exception to this rule. As we’ve heard in interviews, Jimin hates Taehyung’s messiness (like Namjoon) and we also know that Jimin is a perfectionist. Due to this (being a perfectionist, I mean), I feel Jimin would strive to be a Prefect and possibly even Head-Boy after, even if he is playing Quidditch. I think it’s just in his nature.

Jimin would absolutely be a Quidditch player. Jimin has lots of muscle (even if Kookie is the muscle-pig) and I feel he also has a lot of strength. Because of this I think Jimin would be an excellent beater. I think he’d be good at other positions, too, but beater best. As a dancer, he is obviously athletic to a certain degree and I feel that would really help him out.

If you happened to read the last part of this (Namjoon’s part), then you will know that I admitted most of the reasons why I think a certain member would be good at this or bad at that is just a hunch. The same applies here.

Notes/Other:

Was strangely relieved when he got his acceptance letter

Like he grew up around magic and it was obvious he was a wizard but he was still somewhat afraid he wasn’t or like wasn’t good enough to go to Hogwarts

But of course he was

The Sorting Hat went through a bit of a hard time with this one but when it placed him in Gryffindor Jimin was honestly shocked

He didn’t think he was brave or courageous enough to be sorted into Gryffindor

Lowkey is scared that he don’t do justice to his house or represent it well enough

Not exactly bad at any class or another but he struggles to stay awake in History of Magic and ends up missing some of the notes and study material

Goes to Namjoon every time he forgets something and all he does is sigh

Can relate easily to all his friends has he basically grew up with the best of both worlds being a half-blood

Him, Tae and Jungkook get into trouble quite a lot being in the same year, but sometimes he has to admit they can get a bit too mischievous 

but most of the time he has no problem pulling a few pranks with them here or there

Most of the time Jimin will follow the rules unless he sees something he doesn’t agree with

Whether it be morally, academically or in any other way, Jimin does what he thinks is right and some teachers find it endearing and others find it frustrating

But they all love him anyway because he’s not entirely reckless (even though he very well can be) and has a least a sliver of self-control

McGonagall adores him

So so so happy that he’s a Gryffindor

Doesn’t give him special treatment but even the other students are starting to notice that she’s quite partial to Jimin

Tried out for Quidditch as soon as he could and immediately landed the beater position

Captain thinks he’s one of the best beaters Gryffindor has had in a while

When he plays against Hoseok or Jungkook nobody ever knows who is gonna win this time

It’s practically a coin toss with those three

Such a sweet teammate gosh

He always prepares snacks and makes sure every player has enough water before every game starts

Was probably offered the position of captain when their old one graduated but turned it down because he was worried he wouldn’t be able to fill his shoes and be a perfect captain and stressed about taking on that responsibility

The rest of the team was kinda bummed because they thought he’d do great but they understood and gave the position to someone else and didn’t press him about it

Chim really appreciated that

When not focused on winning the game, he’s extremely cocky on the Quidditch pitch but as soon as he’s off of it he’s back to being our little mochi

Doesn’t get many detentions because he secretly has all the teachers wrapped around his finger

But they’d never admit it

Unfortunately he doesn’t have any of the boys to hang out with in the common room so he spends most of his time either in the courtyard or the dining hall

Occasionally he’ll stop by the library to visit Namjoon and he may have gone into the forbidden forest with Tae and Jungkook once or twice… 

Loves Care of Magical Creatures class with Tae

All the little animals and even the big ones are just so cute to him

But he swears Tae might actually hurt himself one of these days

Doesn’t have any idea why but he’s really good at Divination and he loves it

Thinks it’s so cool and fun

Kookie doesn’t understand it and thinks it’s dumb, but he still manages to get good grades in the class

Not better than Jimin though and he loves to tell him

“I was good at Divination first” and “you only signed up because I did you copied me”

Trelawney always calls him out in class for it and uses him and his work as examples

He loves the praise but gets really shy and his friends love to tease him about it

Would be really great at dueling too if he tried

But he’s not really into using dueling spells and things unless it's for a good purpose or reason

like protecting his friends or anyone else in need (and self defense, but he’d rather use it to protect other people or a good cause)

A/N: I thank anyone who got to the end of this mess! I’m not the most organized person in the world, so I really appreciate it! <3 Jimin’s moodboard is about to go up and I will post Tae’s part and moodboard tomorrow! Kookie’s things will be Sunday! 

[shownuslaugh]

Stage Name: SJ Birth Name: Park Soo Jin Position: Rapper, Face Birthday: December 10th, 1990 Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius Birth Place: Seoul, South Korea Height: 176 cm Weight: 150 lbs Blood Type: O Instagram: sjofbb Twitter: sjofbb Me2day: sjofbb — SJ was born in Seoul, South Korea — She is an only child but considers the other members of BigBang as her brothers — Her nickname is Kitten and was given to her by Top shortly after the band’s debut — SJ and Seungri were the last two members to be added to BigBang. — Initially, SJ only got along with Seungri. The other boys basically ignored her existence for the first few months after the band was formed — Her favorite color is blue and her favorite food is anything Taeyang is willing to cook for her — She is very good friends with Onew (SHINee), Siwon (Super Junior), Amber (f(x)), and Min Kyunghoon (Buzz). — SJ works as an MC and has hosted several shows. She also works as a model in her spare time and has starred in a handful of dramas. — YG has not released her mixtape that was reportedly completed around the same time as GD’s second album, but other members often bring it up in interviews — Her favorite BigBang song is Fantastic Baby — She and Seungri lived together for a while but eventually split when netizens accused them of secretly dating. She now lives two minutes away from Top. — SJ has three dogs: Haru, Jae, and most recently Ssamja. Ssamja was supposed to be named after Min Kyunghoon when SJ lost a bet to him, but she opted for his nickname rather than his actual name. — SJ’s ideal type: “The older I get the more I discover what I want is actually an amalgamation of my brothers. I want someone as funny as Top, as kind hearted as Daesung, as loyal as Taeyang, as passionate as GD, and as hardworking as Seungri. Appearance doesn’t matter so much as long as they have good morals and a good work ethic.”

Okay, so, here’s my try at a sixth member of bigbang au. Up top is obviously some basic info about her and below the cut is a Seungri/SJ story for your reading pleasure. For now, nothing will be in chronological order; however, I’ll add dates where I can.

2018

“What will you do while we’re gone?”

SJ looks up from her now empty glass of wine only to see Seungri’s face full of earnest curiosity. It’ll be the first time in over ten years they’ve been apart for longer than two weeks. None of them are really ready for it, but they all know it needs to be done. Her boys need to be men now. They need to serve their country while SJ…

“Wait for you to come back.”

Seungri sticks out his lower lip at her response and she pats his cheek. “You won’t really do that. Will you?”

“Don’t be silly.” SJ bites at the inside of her cheek. “I don’t know. It’s different, ya know? We’ve all had our little solo endeavors before, but at the end of the day we all came back together. We’ve always had each other to fall back on.”

“Now it’s just you.”

“Now it’s just me.”

Seungri finishes off his own glass of wine before lapsing into a comfortable silence with his best friend. She has a point. They’ve always had each other when things got rough or unsteady. Now they’ve drifted one by one to a point in life that will either be a springboard for a new chapter or the end of everything. It’s bittersweet. It’s terrifying. Sometimes Seungri is so scared of what’s to come he has to physically stop himself from hiding away at SJ’s apartment for the rest of his life. He doesn’t want to leave her or the comfort of their relationship because- while he knows he’s good at meeting people and making new friends- he wouldn’t be half the man he is without SJ’s constant, unwavering belief. Same with his hyungs. They made him, shaped him, and now they’ve left him.

“This isn’t permanent,” SJ slips her hand in his and leans her head on his shoulder. “Things will change but… it’s all for the best.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“Most of the time. Sometimes I worry though.”

“What about?” Seungri lets his cheek rest against the top of SJ’s head as he listens to her deep breathing, ready to jump at the slightest sound that could mean distress.

“The thought of you as a soldier is terrifying. The thought of Daesung as a soldier is terrifying. Of course, I worry over Jiyong as well.” She sighs briefly before continuing. “And then… there’s Seunghyun and Youngbae.”

“What about them?”

“I have no doubts the rest of you will be ready to pick up where we left off, but those two… I’m just not sure. Youngbae is married now. Don’t you think he’ll want time to just be a husband for a while? Maybe have children? Then there’s Seunghyun. After everything that’s happened who says he wants to come back?”

“He says.” Seungri doesn’t want to say he’s had those exact same fears, so he does what he does best when emotions get high: jokes. “Would you like to go see him now? He’s been off work for a while. If you put on a nice skirt and pick a good bottle of wine I’m sure we could convince him to stay in the band-“ He yelps when your fist makes contact with his chest.

“This is why I never get touchy feely with you.”

“Well, according to tabloids you like to get touchy feely with all of us.”

SJ sits up, back completely straight. “I can’t believe those rumors are still out there. Why hasn’t YG done anything? Since 2006 I’ve been called the worst things imaginable! Why hasn’t legal action been taken?”

Seungri feels bad. He knows why action hasn’t been taken just as well as she does. Just as well as the fans do. They aren’t the gold children of YG. They aren’t a G Dragon or a Taeyang. They’re just SJ and Seungri and that’s all they’ll ever be. For a lot of fans that’s more than enough. They like to show off their hardworking maknae line (which includes Daesung who’s also not a G Dragon or a Taeyang in Korea at least) to the rest of the world. They dote and coddle just like the older members dote and coddle. Most of the time it’s enough to be loved only by the fans and older members, but a bit more love from the company would be nice as well. Seungri still gets tears eyed over the surprise birthday party from YG even though it happened months ago, that’s how rare and hard to come by the love is.

Suddenly, Seungri’s struck by a memory. His first birthday after debuting. SJ threw him a surprise party, going so far as to personally invite and bring his family. He cried harder than he ever had in the past, harder than he ever would in the future. From day one SJ was showering Seungri with all the love and affection in the world and expected nothing back. And she’s still doing that. Her brothers are her world.

No wonder she’s so distraught about enlistment.

“I leave tomorrow,” Seungri whispers, pulling SJ back to rest against his chest. “I don’t want to spend tonight sad. Oh, I know! Let’s rewatch Goblin!”

“Seunghyun,” SJ slips out of his arms in order to face him properly. “Don’t you want to go out and have a good time? You leave tomorrow.” There’s a sadness to her voice. A regret. Like she feels like she’s holding him back from something. “Call a bunch of your friends and go party. Don’t spend your last night comforting me.”

“But that’s how I want to spend my last night. I love you and I’d rather be here with you. It’s… calming. I want to be with my family.”

“What’s left of it,” SJ mutters.

“Hey, don’t talk like that. Will it be like it was before? No. You’d be an idiot to think it was.” Seungri takes SJ’s hands in his own. He notices how cold her fingers are and presses his lips together in a firm line. “We’ll still have each other, though. No matter what. I promise.”

SJ’s grin reminds Seungri of a fox when she says, “you’re such a good dongsaeng.”

“No! Don’t start that! You’re only two days older than me!”

“Still older. Now, put on a drama. I need a good cry.”

Seungri mutters under his breath as he does what SJ said. “You’re so bossy. Are your hands broke? Can you not use a remote?” He huffs and pouts the entire time he searches for a show. Preferably an old favorite. Maybe… Goblin? Seungri just really wants to watch Goblin.

“I can hear you over there.” SJ smacks him squarely on the back of the head before taking the remote. “How does Goblin sound?”

Seungri claps his hands together. “Please, noona?”

“Eww, stop. Here, watch the damn show and shut up. You’re annoying.”

Halfway through their binge watch something occurs to Seungri.

“Hey, Soojin, you won’t break into my house while I’m gone and sleep in my bed while wearing my clothes will you?”

“What the- why would I do that, you psycho?”

“Because you miss me. Obviously.”

“If I miss you that bad I’ll just watch some YouTube videos to remind myself how awful you are. In fact, your face is getting on my nerves already.” 

“Whatever.” Seungri turns his attention back to the show. A few minutes pass before SJ gasps in his ear. “What now?”

“Does it hurt?” She asks.

“What?”

“Being so ugly.” Her laugh is loud and Seungri knows she thinks she’s made the funniest joke in the world just now. He lets her laugh, content with these last few hours of normalcy.

[andrewromanoyahoo]

Behind Flake’s decision to bow out of Senate, a disillusioning, disheartening year

On Tuesday afternoon, Arizona Sen. Jeff Flake, the most consistent Republican critic of President Donald Trump, stunned the political world by taking the floor of the U.S. Senate to declare that he will not run for reelection in 2018 — in part as a protest against what he called the president’s “reckless, outrageous, and undignified behavior,” and in part because his feud with Trump left him facing a “narrower and narrower path to the nomination.”

Trump “is dangerous to a democracy,” Flake said. “When the next generation asks us, ‘Why didn’t you do something? Why didn’t you speak up?’ — what are we going to say? Mr. President, I rise today to say: Enough.”

The decision was shocking —an act of intraparty mutiny without recent precedent in our painfully polarized political environment.

But it was also a long time coming.

Sen. Jeff Flake, R-Ariz., speaks with reporters after a vote in the Capitol in July . (Photo: Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call via Getty Images)

For more than a year, Flake has repeatedly spoken out against Trump, refusing to vote for him in last November’s election and then, after Trump took office, admonishing his party’s new president on topics ranging from trade policy to the tone of his tweets.

Flake even spent several months secretly writing (and several more very publicly promoting) a book, “Conscience of a Conservative,” which compares Trump’s campaign to a “late-night infomercial” that was “free of significant thought,” then goes on to explain in pained, I-wish-I-didn’t-have-to-do-this detail why almost none of what Trump stands for — banning Muslims, building a border wall — actually qualifies, in Flake’s view, as conservative.

Trump, for his part, took to calling Flake “toxic” and threatening to spend $10 million to bury him in a primary.

But while the Beltway media tends to frame Flake’s feud with Trump as a personality clash, the truth goes deeper.

What were the forces and factors paved the way for Flake’s real-life Bulworth moment? I recently went to Arizona to find out.

***

In August, President Trump flew to Phoenix to rally thousands of his supporters.

The state’s junior senator was not among them.

Early that morning, Flake, 54, left his home in Mesa, a Phoenix suburb, and traveled 120 miles south, to Tucson.

Technically, Flake’s road trip didn’t have anything to do with Trump. But the symbolism was striking. At first Flake’s press secretary told me the senator would not be participating in any public events while the president was in Arizona. The night before Trump arrived, however, she forwarded an invite to a small ceremony at the Pima County sheriff’s department. I wound up being the only national reporter in attendance.

At the event, police officers presented Flake with two awards commending him for the courage he displayed on June 14, when James Hodgkinson, an apparently deranged left-wing radical activist, opened fire on a team of Republicans practicing for the annual congressional baseball game.

Sen. Jeff Flake, R-Ariz. walks toward media gathered at the scene of a shooting at a baseball field in Alexandria, Va. on June 14, 2017, during a Congressional baseball practice where House Majority Whip Steve Scalise of La. was shot. (Photo: Kevin S. Vineys/AP)

“Without regard for his safety, Sen. Flake went to the assistance of wounded colleagues, potentially exposing himself to further danger during a dynamic and still unfolding situation,” said Pima County Sheriff Mark Napier. “His selfless actions and decisiveness likely saved lives.”

An emotional Flake insisted he wasn’t “deserving” of an award “at all, frankly.” But he did want to say a few words.

“I just remember thinking as the shots first rang out, seeing the bullets pitch off the gravel near the dugout: ‘Why? Why here? Why us? Who could look at a field of middle-aged members of Congress playing baseball and see the enemy?’” Flake told the assembled cops. “We have to stop ascribing the worst motives to our political opponents. It’s the language we use, the rhetoric we use. Obviously I’m a fierce partisan at times, when you argue on policy. But it ought to end there. Fellow Americans aren’t our enemies.”

If Flake’s cri de coeur was meant as a message to Trump, it didn’t get through. Before his big speech that night at the Phoenix Convention Center, the president was seen huddling with Arizona state Treasurer Jeff DeWit and former state GOP Chairman Robert Graham, both of whom are considering Senate runs in 2018.

Later, on stage, Trump couldn’t resist lashing out — first at Flake’s Arizona Senate colleague, John McCain, who is battling brain cancer, and then at Flake himself (without mentioning him by name).

“Nobody wants me to talk about your other senator, who’s weak on borders, weak on crime, so I won’t talk about him,” Trump said. “Nobody knows who the hell he is.”

President Donald Trump speaks at a “Make America Great Again” rally in Phoenix, Arizona, on August 22, 2017. (Photo: Nicholas Kamm/AFP/Getty Images)

***

It’s true (as I’ve noted before) that Flake and Trump are by background and temperament very much opposites. Trump is an Easterner, born and bred in Queens, N.Y., the son of a wealthy real-estate developer; Flake is a fifth-generation Arizonan who grew up on a cattle ranch in a small town founded by his ancestors (Snowflake, Ariz., pop. 5,576). Trump can’t ever recall asking God for forgiveness; Flake, an alumnus of Brigham Young University and a former missionary to South Africa, is as Mormon as they come. Trump is reflexively coarse and bombastic; Flake, with his formal posture, G-rated vocabulary and stern but kindly tone, can seem less like a 21st century Washington pol than a moralizing television dad from 1956.

Yet there’s more at stake here than style.

Over the last six decades, the story of the Republican Party has been the story of movement conservatism. Free-market economists such as Friedrich Hayek inspired William F. Buckley to start National Review; National Review fueled the rise of Flake’s hero and predecessor, Arizona Sen. Barry Goldwater, who ripped the 1964 GOP presidential nomination away from the Eastern establishment (and wrote the original “Conscience of a Conservative”); Goldwater paved the way for Ronald Reagan, who was twice elected governor of California and president of the United States; Reagan begat generations of conservative Republicans who rallied around his gospel of limited government, muscular internationalism and Christian moralism, transforming the GOP in the process.

Among today’s Republicans, Flake is perhaps the purest distillation of this tradition: a former executive director of Arizona’s free-market, small-government Goldwater Institute who has spent five terms in the House and one term in the Senate fighting for earmark bans, spending cuts, entitlement reform, free-trade deals and the spread of democracy abroad (particularly in Cuba). His lifetime American Conservative Union rating is 93 percent.

Trump, in contrast, won the 2016 election by rejecting each of the three main tenets of movement conservatism. He trashed free-trade agreements and promised to preserve entitlements. He bad-mouthed NATO and vowed to disengage abroad. And he bragged about grabbing married women by the genitals.

“Of all the illusions Trump has dispelled … none is more significant than the illusion of the conservative movement,” wrote political science professor Samuel Goldman last year. “In state after state, voters indicated that they did not care much about conservative orthodoxy on the economy, foreign policy, or what used to be called family values.”

U.S. Republican Congressmen, Jeff Flake (L) and Mike Conaway (C) walk through Old Havana, December 17, 2006. Flake is leading a delegation of 10 Republican and Democratic representatives for a three-day visit to Cuba. (Photo: Reuters)

Flake’s 2018 reelection campaign was set to be the first real test of whether Trumpism could spread beyond Trump and take over the GOP. Flake, who was widely considered one of the two most vulnerable Republican senators in the country, had made it clearer than any other GOP incumbent that he opposed this path. As a result, the senator had already attracted one pro-Trump primary challenger in former state Sen. Kelli Ward, and early polls (all of them from small right-wing firms) showed Ward ahead by double-digit margins.

In Tuesday’s speech on the Senate floor, Flake predicted that the “spell” of Trumpism “will eventually break” and that his brand of movement conservatism will someday triumph.

“For the moment [Republicans] have given in or given up on those core principles in favor of the more viscerally satisfying anger and resentment,” Flake sighed. But “we will return to ourselves once more, and I say the sooner the better.”

But that outcome is far from certain — and Flake’s dramatic decision to step aside is a sign that so far, Trump has the upper hand.

If the president turns out to be a party of one — a celebrity-in-chief with no ideological coattails — then Flake and his fellow movement conservatives could recover. But if Goldman is right — if Trump has shown that rank-and-file Republicans care more about putting “America First” than, say, reforming Medicare — then movement conservatism itself could be a thing of the past.

After the awards ceremony in Tucson, I caught up with Flake in a hallway. He was rushing to his next appointment, but I was able to ask a couple of questions before he disappeared behind a closed door.

Given Trump’s success and support within the GOP, do you worry that the moment for movement conservatism is over? I wondered. Have Republican voters moved on?

Flake grimaced. “That’s my concern,” he said. “My fear is that this kind of populist, nationalist, antitrade movement is not a governing philosophy.” Another grimace. “I’m worried that it could take over.”

***

Spend a few days in Arizona with the GOP base, and you can see why Flake was right to worry.

By the time Arizona Republicans select their Senate nominee next August, Kelli Ward may no longer have the field all to herself. The White House has tried to persuade a more prominent Republican, such as Graham or DeWit, to enter the race, and even former sheriff of Maricopa County Joe Arpaio, the anti-immigrant hardliner who recently received Trump’s first presidential pardon, is claiming that he’s mulling a bid.

“I’m sure getting a lot of people around the state asking me,” Arpaio told the Washington Examiner earlier this year. “All I’m saying is the door is open and we’ll see what happens. I’ve got support. I know what support I have.”

Right-wing Flake challenger Kelli Ward poses with a supporter outside President Donald Trump’s Aug. 22 rally in Phoenix. (Photo: Andrew Romano/Yahoo News)

But for now, Ward, a 48-year-old osteopathic doctor, is the only game in town.

As Flake was leaving the Phoenix area for Tucson, Ward, who lives in Lake Havasu City, made a beeline for the site of Trump’s rally. A dozen volunteers assembled in the lobby of the nearby Renaissance hotel, where an organizer passed out a bunch of T-shirts in Ward’s signature bright yellow. The logo on the front was an Arizona license plate with the words “TRUMP 2016” on one side and “WARD 2018” on the other; the back of the shirt said #MAKEARIZONAGREATAGAIN.

“They’re brand-new,” one volunteer boasted.

Outside, a line of eager Trump fans had already encircled an entire city block, even though the rally was still five hours away and the temperature was 106°F. Ward’s street team set up a folding table at the corner of Second and Washington and went to work. Goal No. 1: gathering the 12,000 or so signatures needed to get Ward on the primary ballot. Goal No. 2: convincing as many Trump voters as possible to wear yellow “Ward 2018” stickers.

“Any Kelli Ward supporters here?” shouted volunteer Susan McAlpine, a 64-year-old retired teacher with dangly earrings and a thick Boston accent. No response.

“Any Jeff Flake fans here?” she added.

“F*** Jeff Flake,” one man immediately snapped.

“Flake the Flake!” another chimed in.

“Might as well be a Democrat,” a third muttered.

McAlpine pulled me aside. “As soon as they hear the name Flake, they’re all like ‘WHAT?!?!’” she said.

By the time Ward herself materialized on the corner and began to shake hands and smile for selfies in (what else?) a bright yellow blazer, McAlpine & Co. had canvassed the entire block. More than half the attendees now seemed to be sporting WARD 2018 decals. Nearby, consultant Brent Lowder smiled approvingly.

Lowder’s presence in Phoenix is one of several early signs of how much has changed since Ward’s last campaign. In 2016, she attempted to unseat McCain and wound up losing the GOP primary by more than 11 percentage points. Ward made several rookie mistakes that year, plagiarizing a Mitt Romney ad, mocking McCain as “old” and “weak” and failing to fully dispel the opposition’s “Chemtrail Kelli” caricature (which gained traction after Ward hosted a town hall meeting in 2015 to discuss the conspiracy theory — a theory she says she doesn’t believe — that the trails of white condensation emanating from airplane engines are actually dangerous chemicals being dispersed by the government).

But the biggest difference between then and now is that back then, Trump seemed likely to lose the election. Now he’s leader of the free world.

The rise of Trumpism has, in turn, boosted Ward. On Aug. 9, the reclusive hedge fund billionaire and top Trump donor Robert Mercer sent $300,000 to Ward’s super-PAC. Two days later, Lowder and his partner, Eric Beach, signed on to run Ward’s campaign; they previously led the largest pro-Trump super-PAC in the country, raising $30 million during the 2016 election cycle. And on Aug. 17, Trump himself tweeted about Ward, stopping just short of formally endorsing her.

“Great to see that Dr. Kelli Ward is running against Flake Jeff Flake, who is WEAK on borders, crime and a non-factor in Senate,” the president wrote. “He’s toxic!”

Great to see that Dr. Kelli Ward is running against Flake Jeff Flake, who is WEAK on borders, crime and a non-factor in Senate. He’s toxic!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 17, 2017

The morning after Trump’s rally in Phoenix, Ward still sounded delighted — and surprised — by all the national attention.

“Our momentum has been YUGE!” Ward told a crowd of 100 local Republicans sipping coffee and nibbling cookies in the Navajo Room of Arizona’s Sun Lakes Country Club. “It’s been ‘big league!’ The media coverage alone — there were 3,000 hits about that tweet!”

Pacing back and forth between two life-size cardboard cutouts of Trump, Ward rattled off all the things she agreed with the president about: building the border wall, halting Muslim immigration, repealing Obamacare, ending sanctuary cities.

“Our race is going to be ground zero for the heart and soul of the Republican Party,” Ward said. “Do we want to be what we’ve had for decade after decade — the same thing that has gotten us into this position where we can’t get anything done? Or do we want to be the party of freedom and hope and opportunity? That’s what Donald Trump has offered us as president — and that’s what we have to continue in 2018. This is the new GOP.”

Suddenly, Ward’s phone rang. She raised her hand and shushed the crowd; the room went silent. It was Sean Hannity’s producer. Unable to resist a last-minute interview request — and the publicity it promised — Ward decided to take the call in the middle of her appearance.

For a few minutes, Ward just listened. Then she smiled. “Thank you!” she said. Ward covered the phone and turned to the crowd. “Sean Hannity just endorsed me!” she whispered. “Yay!”

After the event, I talked to Joyce Sample, a retiree from Chandler, about why she wasn’t supporting Flake.

Ward receives Sean Hannity’s endorsement in the middle of a campaign stop at the Sun Lakes Country Club in Sun Lakes, Ariz. (Photo: Andrew Romano/Yahoo News)

“Trump is now his president,” Sample said. “As a Republican, it’s Flake’s duty to go along with him. He is not doing it. That’s why I don’t like Flake. He’s not being supportive.”

As the room emptied out and Ward posed for a final photo with cardboard Trump, I asked her to explain how “the new GOP” differs from the old GOP.

“Jeff Flake is a globalist,” she said. “He’s not about making sure the United States has as good a deal as everybody else. But the new GOP is about Americanism. That’s what Donald Trump is pushing the Republican Party toward — and that’s what’s at stake in this primary.”

But Flake would say Americanism is not conservatism at all, I suggested. In fact, that’s what his entire book is about.

“You mean his hit piece on the president?” Ward snapped. “It’s all very condescending. He’s basically tapping all of us on the head who are conservative and saying, ‘You don’t really know what conservatism is.’

“Things do change over time,” Ward continued. “Things work or they don’t work. You can’t be stagnant. You have to look at the direction you want to go and see if the path you’re taking is getting you there. And if it isn’t, you have to take a turn.”

***

A few days earlier, before the Trump tornado touched down in Arizona, Flake attended a breakfast hosted by the East Valley Chambers of Commerce, 20 miles southeast of Phoenix. The theme: “Good Government.”

The senator was in his element. Men in suits and women in heels tapped at their smartphones. A large screen hovering overhead listed nine corporate and institutional sponsors. Attendees held crisp copies of “Conscience of a Conservative,” which Flake happily signed as he made his way to the stage.

“Arizona tends to elect senators who stand on principle and are independent in their thinking,” said the executive tasked with introducing Flake. “Certainly, Sen. Flake is that.”

Sen. Jeff Flake signs a copy of his book Conscience of a Conservative at a Chamber of Commerce breakfast in Gilbert, Ariz. (Photo: Andrew Romano/yahoo News)

In his remarks, and in his responses to questions, Flake sounded like the same senator I profiled in 2015. He extolled the virtues of NAFTA, arguing that it “has been good for Arizona.” He described Trump’s “rejection of the Trans-Pacific Partnership” as “a big mistake that will haunt us for a long time.” He called for a grand, bipartisan bargain on the deficit, saying that the only way to produce a “sustainable” budget is to “work across the aisle.” He insisted that “when people talk about one solution on the border, they haven’t traveled the border” — and proudly reminded the audience that he was one of the main architects of the Gang of Eight’s comprehensive immigration reform bill in 2013. On North Korea, he warned that “our allies need to know we are steady and predictable — in my mind, that’s what a conservative is.” As for foreign policy in general, “we need to lead, as we have in the past.”

“This vitriol we have, it’s preventing us from achieving conservative ends,” Flake concluded. “We’ve got to get away from calling our opponents ‘losers’ or ‘clowns.’ It just makes it difficult to work with them on big issues.”

Listening to Flake, it was hard to believe that recent polls have shown him with an approval rating as low as 18 percent. Perhaps that’s what happens when you refuse, in such a polarized era, to pander to your party’s base — and actively antagonize the president they adore.

Flake meets the press after his Chamber of Commerce event in gilbert, Ariz. (Photo: andrew Romano /Yahoo News)

You become a man without a country.

As we got to the end of that hall in the Pima County sheriff’s office, I asked Flake one last question: Has your reelection contest become a referendum on conservatism itself?

Flake chuckled nervously. “Whether it is or not, I am who I am,” he said. “This is what I think traditional conservatism is. And I do think people will rally around it — given the alternative.”

Flake can be very convincing. But this time, it didn’t sound like he was trying to convince me. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

On Tuesday, he finally revealed that he had failed.

_____

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