#people have recommended it! i trust their judgement!!!

[whore4batfam]

👀 new rec

also i love the research done on this

[problematiq]

the fourth wing is anti military propaganda (don’t join the military or your bored white upper middle class housewife will write hot garbage like this in your absence)

[heavenbarnes]

completely self indulgent thoughts about older!bf simon inspired by today's events at work. I work in tech/sales and a lot of my days are spent setting up new phones for people who are 35+, that for the life of them, can't figure out technology. just thinking about older!bf simon needing to get a new phone and asks reader for her thoughts, but when reader starts talking about storage size or sim cards he gets confused and just tells her "pick whatever love, I trust your judgement" not just because he does in fact, trust her judgement, but also because he can't he bothered trying to learn and understand.

have many thoughts about this.

friend, 90% of what i write is entirely self indulgent- we’ve got to do it 🫶🏼

it’s a miracle you convinced older bf!simon to finally get rid of that god forsaken flip phone and start working with an actual smartphone.

granted, it was like pulling teeth (yes the prospect of receiving nudes whilst he was deployed helped) but what mattered was he’d finally entered the 21st century.

and then he drops his cellphone on the drive and manages to boot it into the side of the neighbour’s garage. the thing was absolutely munted by the time it’d come off the end of simon’s steel cap.

which is why you’re standing in the middle of the electronics store looking at endless tables of cellphones and simon looks like he’s there at gunpoint.

“i ‘ave been held at gunpoint, was better than this”

so you lead him to the smartphones that are smart but not too smart, the ones that look hard to break or get wrong. they also look older than half the people working in the store, but that’s besides the point.

“can i help you both with anything?”

right on cue, a young but cheery guy appears across the table with a lanyard that tells you his name is hunter and he’s ready to help!

“no”

your elbow fits nicely under simon’s ribcage as you gear up to play hunter’s defence lawyer for however long this interaction is going to take.

“hi hunter, this one is looking for a new smartphone- what do you recommend?”

and while hunter does a standup job at explaining the benefits of a handful of phones he probably hasn’t sold to anyone under 75, simon is suddenly well engaged.

“and we’ve got a selection of cases, just regular ones or tough ones”

“need t’be tough, don’t want the fucker breakin’ when i’ve got someone in a headlock”

hunter pales and you veeeery slowly turn to simon with a look on your face that begs to know what the actual fuck is wrong with him.

“oh simon, you comic trailblazer- you know what, you’ve been so helpful hunter, thank you!”

you cut the kid loose as he tries to leave the table without taking his eyes off simon, who coincidentally is doing the exact same thing to him.

“would it kill you to let him help us?!”

“just about, didn’t like the way he looked at ‘ya”

the kid didn’t look a day out of school and naturally your better half has to pick a fight with any guy that so much as exists within your atmosphere.

he’s lucky he’s so handsome.

“ugh, which one do you prefer? 32GB? 64?”

“whaddyou’ reckon?”

and you’re about to let out the longest sigh known to man when you catch the look on his face.

that same look he gives you when he’s dressed up for dinner or just come back from a haircut, the look he gives you that tells you he’s looking for your opinion.

approval

“32 would do you, i don’t think you need that much space”

he grunts before he pulls you into his side, taking you both to the counter so he can get you to say all that again to your helpful attendee.

“oi, hunter”

poor guy nearly jumps out of his skin but manages to settle when he realises he’s about to close the sale, even manages to upsell that tough case.

simon settles once he’s back in the car with you, eyes scanning the box his phone comes in and grumbling something under his breath.

when you ask him to speak up you immediately wish you hadn’t.

“lost all those videos ‘f yours, better be enough space f’the new ones”

[the-alarm-system]

A Guide: Encouraging Separation in Plurality

Hello! I'm Ardyn, and I decided to make this guide because after talking to many systems, I've come to realize that moving from a near medianhood to a full multiplicity may encourage better function for certain systems. For us any identity blurriness brings a lot of pain that has been aided by further separation and amnesiac barriers. Before you put an awful judgement on this, remember that healing is different for everyone, and breaking down barriers isn't best for everyone. This is up to the system, there is no guilt on wanting to do what is best for your system.

RADQUEERS DONT TOUCH

This guide will hold many different exercises and ideas that have been taken from tulpamancy and my own experiences.

first I'd say get situated with identity grounding and also following the "The Body is a Car" exercise within these sources

Identity Grounding

Guide to Switching

Building up Distinction

Separate Journals/Diaries

A seperate journal or diary that nobody can write in but that headmate is a good way to help a headmate build up their identity. They will be able to write down their own experiences and their own feelings, and this seperate space gives reinforces the idea that they are ultimately apart from you.

Separate Accounts with a Separate Feed

Something that pushed for the blur was having similar feeds, seeing my interest would push me to the front and cause issues for Vincent. He ended up making his own account on reddit where he is able to join subreddits that appeal to solely his interest, and it would help keep him at front instead of pull someone else.

Distinct Hobbies

encourage your headmates to pick up hobbies that are not something you may be interested in, hobbies give way to individuality as now they may seek others who share that hobby or spaces online that appeals to that hobby.

Different Clothing and Ownership

Assign different clothing and other items to headmates, let them pick out their own jacket and may they be the only ones to wear that jacket. Let them have their own perfume, let them have their own bag, let them have their own keychain for the car keys. This won't just give you that barrier, but also can be used as a form of identity grounding during a blur. When in blur, you will be able to tell whose fronting based on what clothing makes you feel more yourself.

Different Friends

This option may be more difficult, but it works very efficiently. Let your headmates have their own friend, I mean it. Giving them someone outside the system that they themselves can solely talk to is absolutely perfect in giving that split. Interacting and communication outside the body and encouraging unmasking will do wonders.

Drop Part Language

If you really want to encourage separation, you will have to drop the idea that you are all pieces of another. This is however a preference, speak to your headmates about it. Speak to them about terms they may prefer, maybe customized role names, let them be themselves. Push to yourself too that these are different people, not parts of you. But like I said, if parts language isn't an issue for you, then you might not have to change after all :P but I recommend it for this all to work.

Identity Separating Exercises

Now as you have pushed the formation of these headmates, now it's your goal to start separating them more and more through these exercises

Remember: Fake it until you make it

Being consistent in these exercises will be great, but you also have to make sure you believe that they are working. Plurality is very much a brain game, you have power over yourself and the more you believe these separations the more they will be. Some of these exercises are purely for pushing the belief, I recommend having a collection of proof on your plurality to refer to whenever you get doubtful.

I also recommend joining a tulpamancy community such as a discord or reddit, even if you don't practice tulpamancy, these people have so much trust in themselves and the process that it starts to rub off on you.

Separation Meditation

If you are able to visualize and even after doing all the above you still feel like your headmate hasn't fully left you, this exercise may be useful. In this meditation, you are to visualize the headmate in front of you. Then repeat "___ is a separate person from me" repeatedly for however long you like once a day.

Discussions

Speak to your headmates, ask questions about their lives

Here is a good source on that

The best route to take is to discuss opinions and specifically focus on what you disagree on, this will reinforce in your mind that this person is not you, this person does not agree with you, this person has their own opinion. Focus on those ideas until they really settle, and maybe also record these disagreements in your proof collection.

Affirmations

If you are a bit too busy for these things, constant affirmation throughout the day are both simple and helpful. Here is a good list

"__ is a seperate person from me"

"the system has entirely different and seperate people"

"___ is real and a seperate person"

"the system is noticeably distinct"

at first it may feel silly, but like I said, fake it until you make it. These will reinforce ideas.

Building Up Amnesiac Barriers

This may be more controversial, but for us these barriers help a ton. I would like to say that we already had blackout amnesia to begin with, but these exercises made them "worse". There are many reasons why a system may want to have higher amnesiac barriers, ours being privacy and independence, try to avoid judgement on this decision. The Switching Guide above also has an exercise that will push lost time.

"Cancel Recall"

When a memory from another headmate tries to seep into your thought process, immediately cover that memory and say to yourself "This memory isn't mine to remember". Perhaps visualize a door closing on it or a lock appearing on that memory. Mentally assign that memory to the correct headmate and move on

Affirmation

Affirmations that may help these barriers can be used situationally, just whenever you try and remember a time another headmate fronted think "No, I don't remember"

Headspace Tools

If you have a headspace, try using creation. Imagine cutting memory ties off with everyone else that can only temporarily be connected when agreed upon by both parties. Maybe also set up a headspace memory lock system.

Using Remnants left behind

When I say this I mean use something such as text messages a headmate left behind and when scrolling through them, focus and think "This wasn't me, I don't remember typing this".

Memory Redirection

Most times it's harder to push a memory away than just redirect it. When redirecting memory, for example you start to remember something another headmate did in meatspace, recite "that wasn't me, what did I do during this time" and attempt to recall your time within the headspace instead.

FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT, REMEMBER THAT

what do you guys think? any changes we should make? we would love to hear how this guide impacted your system!

[bloodchapell]

he loves to hear you yap - armin a.

brief summary: just thinking about how cute armin is and him loving to listen to EVERY word you say

what to expect: alt and very nerdy reader, equally nerdy armin, mutual pinning

your sword’s note: really just thinking of how attentive and good of a listener he would be and I ACHE for it. all past and future parts of this au series available in my mistresslist

A month or so had passed since the semester started. Normally after philosophy class you would go to the library with Armin. He had convinced you to play Minecraft and you had convinced him to play Dress to Impress.

“Agh!!!” You screamed and turned off your iPad.

“Shut the hell up!” Pieck, your roommate, yelled at you.

“Sorry I forgot that not all of us have to wake up at 6 am to deliver a calf…” You apologized and she sighed.

“I will say the same when you are trying to finish up some jacket or whatever it is that fashion designers do.” She joked half asleep. “Why did you scream either way? The Sleeping Beauty nightmare again?”

“That is a very serious nightmare!” You argued. “No it wasn’t that, Armin just gifted me VIP in Dress to Impress…”

“That is so cute… now get married and let me go back to sleep, that 75 pound baby calf isn’t going to deliver itself.”

<WHATTT THANKS MIN😭> you. 2:47 am

<YPU DIDNT HAVE TO YOURE SO SWEET> you. 2:47 am

<It’s okay! I just really liked your vkei theme outfit and was very conflicted when seeing that you didn’t win… They really should made an “only pros” server, these people do not know what vkei is.> armin 👼🏼. 2:48 am

That made you laugh. He had only learned about vkei the day before, when you guys hanged out and he asked what vkei entailed.

After some more rounds of playing, you decided it was time to go to sleep, you said good night to Armin and left the electronics in the table by your bed. But before you could actually fall asleep your mind stared thinking about Armin. The wandering thoughts regarding the blonde would fall like a current that cannot be stopped, the way in which his hands would softly write in his notebook and his handwriting was so small and dainty, the way in which his slender fingers would hold the black pen, the way he would always pay attention and participate in class, his comments always so educated, organized and concise, like he had some inside knowledge and some inside understanding about it all; yes he was a little timid regarding social interactions, but when it came to scholarly matters, he was an eminence and his words would flow out of his pretty plump pale pink lips like it was just any other topic. He was so smart and so attractive when rambling about the ambiguity of morals and religion and science and politics, his bangs and longish hair framing his face and his lashes deepening the gaze of his eyes. Goddamnit was he handsome.

“Is Malice Mizer not on Spotify?” With his phone in hand Armin asked in class the next day, following like a robot Eren’s recommendations on how to behave normally when having such a fat crush.

“How do you know that?” You asked whispering in class.

“I liked the songs you showed me.” He mentioned still holding his phone. Your heart almost ran out of your chest when hearing that; not only he he understood vkei fashion to know that the fellow Dress to Impress players were ass, but was also interested in it beyond what you had explained.

And he was interested, not only because he would have the opportunity to have a topic of conversation with you, but because he trusted in your judgement so much that he understood that if you liked vkei as a subculture, it was for a valid and good reason and therefore he must check it out.

“Yeah sadly they are not in Spotify… I can recommend you some other bands if you want though.” You said and he nodded immediately, saying he would be delighted. You typed Sito Magus, SHAZNA, Gulu Gulu, Kaya and MEJIBRAY on his notes app. “Some of them can be a little heavy, I don’t know if you like that.”

“I don’t mind.” He smiled sweetly; he didn’t really mind because he was used to Eren and Mikasa blasting death black evil obscure metal.

Armin was trying his absolute best to not dissolve into a mass of anxiety and embarrassment, he kept thinking about every recommendation Eren gave him and even though sometimes it seemed like nothing he could do was powerful enough to mask his feelings, he trusted logic and knew that up to a point it could work.

"You said you had a playlist with all your favorite songs ever right? Can we listen to them together while you explain to me why you like them maybe?" He asked impulsively without stopping to think, almost immediately regretting the request before seeing your eyes glimmering like eyes do in cartoons and seeing you nod. Truth be told he was also fascinated with the way you spoke about your interests, you were so passionate and analytic of the things you liked that he could be convinced to do almost anything if you described it like you do with the things you love.

So after class you invite him to your dorm and you both sit on the carpeted floor while you go over every song and he listens to your comments and tries to hear the songs as beautifully as you do.

[drdemonprince]

Re: autistic advice; i keep seeing people making fun of stuff like "are you in a place to hear bad news" or scripts like that. I grew up in an environment where it was common practice to just drop heavy subjects on people out of the blue, & I still find that intensely uncomfortable. But I've now had multiple people tell me that it makes them feel shitty when I ask, for example, "are you up for a dark subject?" & I don't really know how to square it away. I want to make sure that I'm not stepping on anyone's toes or making them feel ambushed or trapped, but apparently it makes some people feel like they're not allowed to have their feelings. I end up feeling pretty shitty about it, because like... it feels like either I have to be Rude (because it DOES feel rude to just drop a dark topic on someone) &/or risk having something shitty I can't deal with dropped in my lap, or else really upset people. I guess... is there a way to navigate this?

I would recommend being more specific.

People find phrases like "Are you in a place to hear something that might hurt you?" and "Are you up for a dark subject?" to be a bit presumptuous about what their emotional reactions will be or what they are capable of handling. It also can make what would have otherwise been a very unremarkable exchange become tinged with anticipatory anxiety.

When someone asks me a question like "are you up to hear something dark?" I might feel coddled and condescended to, rather than emotionally respected. Or if they ask me "are you prepared to hear something that might hurt you?" / "are you up for a serious conversation?" I think they're about to drop some serious emotional bomb on me, like that they're friend-dumping me for something horrible that I didn't realize I did. Then when it ends up being a meme they want to share or a question about a celebrity lawsuit or something i'm kind of pissed at the false alarm and the coddling that, rather than protecting me, made me feel worse.

In either case, rather than giving me time to emotionally prepare or interact when I am ready, these vague questions have introduced some kind signal of social or emotional threat. If anything, it increases the felt urgency to just have the damn conversation already and see what kind of monster is lurking behind the person's words. It makes me *less* likely to exercise control over when the conversation happens or when I see the upsetting thing.

So be specific. "Do you wanna see a disgusting meme?" "I want your opinion on something, but the question touches on sexual assault. Is that okay to talk about?" "I want to talk to you about a conflict I'm having with my other partner." "Can I ask you your opinion on this transphobia discourse?" Etc.

The more specific you can be about the subject and why you are asking about it, the more power you are giving the other person to actually decide what they want to engage with. When someone asks me if I am willing to discuss something dark, I really have no idea what to say. They're imposing their judgement of what is a dark or upsetting topic onto me, when really they have no idea what I might find triggering and what I might really enjoy getting to talk about.

Rather than trying to protect me from something I haven't even encountered yet, you gotta let me encounter it, and actually trust that I will take care of myself. If I don't want to talk about sexual assault I won't, if I don't want to look at gross imagery I'll say no, if hearing one more bad thing about your other partner is going to make my jealousy fume, I am responsible for handling that. You're not responsible for my emotions.

It's good to notice which subjects your friends are especially sensitive to and what big triggers they have so that you can be considerate. My friends know I cant look at lots of blood flowing out of someone for instance and dont send me visuals/fics that feature, say, wrists being slit or blood being drawn. But if they forgot, I'd understand and just look away and squeal oh no i cant look at that get it away. And that would be fine. They are not responsible for my reactions to things.

[copperbadge]

I was making breakfast and listening to an episode of Just King Things this morning, which is a podcast I do recommend -- two very smart English teachers are reading the books of Stephen King in publication order and discussing them. This could go extremely awry except they're both highly conscious of his failings as well as his skill, so they do really well handling a lot of his less salutatory content.

They've hit the point in King's ouvre (this episode was about Hearts In Atlantis) that follows his recovery from the car accident that very nearly killed him, where he was struck by a van while out walking. One of them pointed out that it seems as though he came back from nearly dying determined to write the wildest shit imaginable and only write what he wanted, which struck a chord in me this time despite having listened to this episode before. Perhaps because I was thinking about my own writing and where it's going in the short term (there are a couple of short stories I want to do that I don't quite have a way into yet). I generally don't think about the drift of my creativity in the long term because when I do I usually draw the wrong conclusions.

I don't really classify my life, the way some people who've had high-impact injuries do, as before-TBI and after-TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury -- the fairly severe concussion I had in January of 2020). For one thing, given I had to cancel a trip to NYC because of it, it may have saved my life; I almost certainly would have caught COVID as someone with known lung issues in New York at the time. For another, the TBI was way scarier to almost everyone else; for me it was just one more dumb injury I gave myself and I didn't even remember most of it so it hardly registered. I used to open the story of it with a joke about waking up not remembering going to bed the night before, but nobody ever found it funny.

It's true that there are changes it wrought in my life, though. Even practical stuff like making sure my living space doesn't have tripping hazards and continuing to wear a fitbit even though I don't really need to (the fitbit told us, the morning after, exactly when the concussion happened, because it registered a heart-rate spike when I fell). For weeks after, I had to move slowly and put off making important decisions because I couldn't trust my physical or intellectual judgement; I didn't even jaywalk in my own neighborhood because I couldn't be sure I was judging the cars' speeds properly. For about a year after I had periodic post-concussion syndrome which basically just slammed me back into concussion space, which wasn't painful or upsetting but was definitely inconvenient.

And it's also undeniable that my writing shifted after the injury. It's not necessarily because of the injury, since my initial recovery from the TBI and the declaration of quarantine happened at roughly the same time, and anyone who tells you that a years-long global pandemic didn't impact their artistic expression is selling you a line. But the last thing I wrote before the TBI was the first draft of Six Harvests, and aside from the Six Harvests publication draft, which had fairly minimal changes, almost all that I've written has been blue-sky, light-hearted, PG-rated romance. It's been on my mind that I've been writing different subject matter from what I used to, but the timing of it didn't strike me until just recently.

I don't mind, really. I love fandom and I support fanfic in whatever expression it comes, but I'm also happy writing my own stories. While I'm aware it's been years since I've meaningfully written fanfic, it doesn't bother me per se, as long as I'm writing. It bothered me much more when I could write fanfic but not original fic, especially in those last few awful months at my last job. I'm proud of the literary and non-genre fiction I've written in the past, but it's also much more trying and frustrating to write at times, so I'm enjoying having a different sort of challenge that feels more fulfilling in the process. I'm sure at some point I'll go back to literary fiction -- there are ways in which it's hard to avoid turning the later Shivadh novels into literary fiction, being honest -- but for now I like what I'm writing, and I'm writing primarily to please myself and without regard to what's necessarily rational or linear.

Just struck me, is all, that it's by far the most noticeable major shift in my work. I do sort of wonder what will be next.

[snapscube]

Hey penny. Are there any games you would absolutely not play? I feel like I want to branch out my games, and I trust your judgement on them, so if there’s any to avoid, I'm all ears 🧛‍♂️

listen i have games that i don’t have much interest in or for one reason or another don’t approach but i don’t really like imposing my own shit onto people like that haha. i’d much rather make recommendations for the sake of enjoyment than give you a predicated ick for games you’ve never heard of or have never given a shot. all i’d recommend is to be diligent in researching titles that catch your eye, informing yourself as a consumer is an extremely necessary tool especially in the gaming landscape.

otherwise, just don’t play league of legends and you’re good to go.

[israaverse]

Do you have some good recommendations on learning about the Canaanite deites?

Hi there!

This may not be a satisfying answer and, trust me, I'm right with you. Like all* pantheons there is no strict 'canon' but I'd say the things to understand the very basics would be The Baal Cycle and the Epic of Aqhat. Both are incomplete texts and the tablets are not in any known order so it's difficult to decipher them. Other than that, there's not really much. Each translation has its own issues (I'm personally not a fan of those that translate Anat's epithet of 'virgin' into 'adolescent' and anything else suggesting a goddess of sexual fertility would be a prepubescent child) and any other supplementary information I would use my own judgement to be judicial about. Also, due to regional and religious politics, you have to be quite judicial about what sources and opinions you put stock in. For instance, I personally wouldn't give a shit about what the Old Testament and Philo of Byblos have to say abt the Canaanites and their gods because any sources resulting from them have political incentive to slander and badmouth. Any other secondary or tertiary source or blog post has to be taken with quite the large grain of salt, as the Canaanites have a bad habit of being used for chauvinist or nationalist rhetoric. I myself am Palestinian and Muslim so I have my own biases, it's just good to stay aware of what baggage people are bringing into something like this.

Another good place to start would be the Egyptian city of Avaris/Awaris and the Hyksos Dynasty of the Second Intermediate Period. I just finished a loooong final essay about the xenophobia politic surrounding them HOWEVER it seems that "eastern" religion had been established in Egypt long before and continued long after the SEP. My favorite fun fact about this is that Ramesses ii named his first daughter Bint-Anat (Daughter of Anat) and depicted himself as married to Anat so theres bound to be a but about the pantheon immortalized there.

Best of luck and happy reading!

[saintsenara]

are you still doing ur asks abt the ships? if u are what r ur thoughts on wolfstar? if not have a very good day!

thank you very much for the ask anon - and thank you in particular for leading me into danger...

my answer to this is going to be - and wolfstar shippers keep calm please - similar to my jegulus one. which means the tldr is: write what you want, but i’m unlikely to read it, especially if you don’t acknowledge the difference between canon and fanon.

i have no aversion to wolfstar coming up as a background ship [let them be happy while harry/anyone are having drama, i’m all for it] but i generally don’t search out fics in which wolfstar is [one of] the central pairing(s) and tend only to read wolfstar-centric stuff if it’s written or recommended by someone whose opinion i trust. 

this isn’t because i think the pairing is unfeasible [the canonical sirius and remus very much have the vibes of people who have enjoyed each other’s bodies…] but because the community which has built up around wolfstar, both among "original wolfstar, y’know, like in canon" fans and their sworn enemies"‘marauders fandom, canon who?" fans, largely expects certain tropes and characterisations which divorce the characters from what i personally think is interesting about them.

the most egregious of these tropes, in my opinion, is the fact that wolfstar which purports to be canon-compliant or which follows the canon timeline deals so infrequently with the fact that both remus and sirius have such little trust in each other that they believed utterly sincerely that the other was a death eater.

it’s crucial that we understand the profundity of this suspicion and - therefore - what it says about the fragility of the loyalty between them prior to 1980-81. this is not a brief flash of distrust in a high-pressure couple of days at the end of october. the evidence of canon is that we’re talking about a period of months - if not a full year - in which remus and sirius not only think it justifiable to doubt the other’s loyalties, but also seem to be acting on that doubt to try to get the other in trouble.

harry is born in july 1980, at a point when voldemort has all but won the war. severus snape defects to the order at some point relatively soon after this, when voldemort decides that the potters are the family referred to in the prophecy. peter pettigrew then defects to the death eaters in the autumn of 1980 [which we know because sirius says in prisoner of azkaban that he was spying for a full year before voldemort’s fall].

snape then evidently tells dumbledore that there is a spy in the order - although he clearly doesn’t, despite a common accusation levelled against him, know this is pettigrew, since the voldemort of the first war has apparently heard of operational security, unlike his resurrected counterpart - and this leads dumbledore to demand a restriction on james and lily’s movements until - by august 1981 [the plausible date of lily’s letter to sirius in deathly hallows] - they are basically under house arrest. the implication of canon is that, by this summer at the very latest, james and lily are aware they’re being spied on, from which i think it’s reasonable to infer three things: that dumbledore has begun to suspect that sirius is the spy over the opening half of 1981; that remus, who canonically always trusts dumbledore’s judgements, uses this to confirm his own suspicions about sirius; and that sirius, whose canonical relationship with dumbledore has an undercurrent of unease, especially in order of the phoenix, picks up on this and assumes remus is briefing dumbledore against him. i think it’s also reasonable to infer that the only person convinced there isn’t a spy among his close friends is james.

peter visits the potters’ safe-house and is aware of its address, so we can assume remus and sirius are the same. by october 1981, however, there are clearly concerns that james and lily’s whereabouts are known to the death eaters - perhaps also accompanied by information from snape that voldemort, who loves a bit of symbolism, has selected halloween as the day he will strike - which trigger dumbledore’s advice that they perform the fidelius charm. dumbledore’s unease when james picks sirius as secret keeper is confirmation that he had identified sirius as the spy. that remus is never suggested as a potential candidate is confirmation that sirius believes him to be the spy - and possibly also that james is beginning to think his best friend might be onto something [i always wonder if remus’ bitterness when accusing james of being too trusting in deathly hallows is a flash of self-loathing about the fact that james didn’t trust him]. sirius then persuades james to use peter and, within a week of the charm being performed, james and lily are dead, peter has disappeared, and sirius is in azkaban.

[as an aside here, i don’t love the amount of dumbledore bashing in wolfstar, and i think it’s worth doing some dumbledore defence: sirius’ internment in azkaban without trial - a reference to an actual historical event, if you were thinking it sounded far-fetched - is not dumbledore’s fault. the wizengamot acts on dumbledore’s credible belief that sirius was the secret keeper, while sirius - who is cackling his head off the whole time - refuses to speak in his own defence. similarly, dumbledore does not deny sirius access to harry (via hagrid) when he arrives, distraught, in godric’s hollow because he’s contrived a machiavellian plan to keep harry alone and unloved with the dursleys instead of with his true family, but because all the evidence he has available to him is that harry’s life is in danger at sirius’ hands.]

so sirius spends the next twelve years in azkaban, with remus clearly nowhere near his mind. that he stays in prison, and only escapes when he has an unimpeachable chance to get his revenge and protect harry, is because he - like his narrative mirror, snape - is so haunted by his role [indirect, but he canonically thinks that he essentially cast the killing curse himself] in the death of someone he fiercely loved that he considers azkaban a punishment he deserves. 

this links to the next issue i have with a lot of wolfstar: that the defining force in both remus and sirius’ lives is james, not each other.

the dynamic of the marauders is frequently reduced to the following: wolfstar, who are best friends and lovers it would take the heat-death of the universe to pull apart; james and whichever romantic partner the story wishes to pair him with, who are the same; and peter, who is either there and completely futile, or is replaced with a fanonised female character [dorcas, marlene, alice etc. - none of whom, may i say, it makes sense to have in the same school year as the marauders, dumbledore is not actually running the order as a gang of child soldiers] or a woobiefied death eater [regulus black, barty crouch jr., evan rosier etc.].

but in canon, a different dynamic is clear. james is the lynchpin of the marauders’ world, the anchoring point to all their senses of self; and the moment he is out of the picture no bonds of loyalty remain among the other three. [it’s tempting to imagine that remus always harbours a belief that sirius is innocent, but i think that this would be less due to an unconditional affection for his friend and more due to the fact that his own self-loathing needs to believe that he couldn’t have stopped james and lily dying; which he should have done if sirius really was the culprit, since he clearly suspected he was a death eater]. 

if you asked remus, sirius, and peter, clearly each of them would describe james as their best friend [even though james’ eyes are only for sirius - he only has one best man, and harry only has one godfather], but their relationships with each other outside of james are less clearly defined, at least before sirius and remus are the only two left.

this doesn’t prevent pre-1981 [or james lives au] wolfstar - your boyfriend and your best friend being different people is fine, obviously - but it is going to change the dynamic between them in ways i think are significant and which i would like to see explored more, particularly in fics which acknowledge that - for remus and sirius - this dynamic might not lead to the healthiest relationship…

for example, during their schooldays, wolfstar are likely to talk to each other through james, rather than james being surplus to the flirtatious dynamic between them; remus is likely to feel awkward or insecure about the fact that sirius - whose personality is closer to james’ than his - is so happy and gregarious in james’ company; sirius is likely to resent remus’ tendency to stay out of the action, since the fact that he and james mutually encourage each other in their exploits is key to their relationship; remus is likely to resent the fact that sirius is treated by the potters as a second son, while he isn’t, and so on.

during the first war, even if we remove the fact they suspect each other of spying from the equation, they will clash over how to protect james - and remus will undoubtedly take this to mean that sirius cares more for james than for him. during the second war, the long shadow of james - so painful that remus can still barely talk about him, while sirius wants to do nothing but - will hover over everything.

and this leads on to the third reason i generally don’t enjoy wolfstar: that the complicated threads of their canon personalities are removed or reduced to irrelevance to make them fit fanon which has no basis in the books.

now, i’m not going to get into appearance discourse here, although yes, i prefer a tall sirius who tends to wear wizarding clothing and has never heard a single cool piece of muggle music in his life, and i prefer a hollowed and world-weary remus who doesn’t have visible scars. i think background discourse is slightly more important: a great deal of sirius is lost if he is turned into someone who likes being pureblood, who feels more comfortable around his "own kind", or who aspires to sit on the hereditary wizengamot; a great deal of remus is lost if he is turned into someone who didn’t grow up in a loving home with parents who did their best, but whose inability to give him the childhood he really deserved in the face of the prejudice against werewolves in the wizarding world encouraged his absurd gratitude towards anyone who made even a half-hearted effort to act in his interests.

all of my preferred aspects of characterisation are canon-compliant. but deviating from canon is not a moral failing. the term is more flexible than many of its defenders acknowledge, and people are at perfect liberty to imagine that characters look, identify, or behave differently than they do in the canon narrative without that automatically bringing accusations of writing them out-of-character [after all, it’s clear in the books that both harry and hermione are white, but art and fics which portray them as a different race can still meaningfully be described as canon-compliant if that's an aim they're written to have].

similarly, rejecting canon compliance entirely is just as fine - i think you should indicate to your readers if you’re doing that, but i’m capable of using the back button and moving on with my life if you don’t.

the only hard and fast rule is don’t seek out people who do things differently to you and insult them directly, although i would also suggest that it’s worthwhile to spend a bit of time in introspection about how lots of popular wolfstar and the fandom around it - like the fandom around all slash ships - portrays queerness in ways which are heteronormative [i.e. exclusively equating bottoming with femininity] and portrays women in ways which are misogynistic [i.e. how tonks is often treated in wolfstar discourse].

however, with this said, i think there is a difference between rejecting canon compliance and yet still writing the characters in ways which feel connected in interesting ways to their complex canon selves, and just writing original characters named sirius black and remus lupin. 

because i just cannot get on board with a remus who is written as the cleverest one of the four, as assertive and direct instead of avoidant and passive-aggressive, as anything other than incredibly selfish, as anything other than an extreme people-pleaser, as being soft and sensitive [his mild manner hides the fact that he is incredibly cold and calculating - this is a man who is prepared to execute wormtail in front of three children mere minutes after learning he’s still alive], as majorly regretting the snape-versus-werewolf incident [he loves it! snape is terrified of him! he downplays it constantly!], or as functioning as the moral heart of the marauders [when sirius says in order of the phoenix that remus tried to restrain their bullying of snape, he is doing it to make remus - who is incapable of self-criticism - feel better in the face of harry’s anger] when he is in fact quite morally cowardly.

and i cannot get on board with a sirius who is written as a goofy himbo, as a constant flirt and womaniser [more grey-ace sirius, i would like to see it], as the world’s wokest king [a man who’s upset his slave isn’t sufficiently deferential to him isn’t someone who’s going to speak in queer theory buzzwords - this, of course, doesn’t prevent sirius being written as queer, non-binary, trans, femme, and so on, it just means that authors have to deal with the fact that sirius’ way of existing as any of these things will be human, rather than perfect], as a small bean unable to take care of himself [he escapes from prison and swims across the north sea! he charges into danger at the drop of a hat!], as anything other than incandescently loyal to james and harry, as - after james’ death - anything other than completely wrecked by guilt over the fact he caused it, as best friends with his brother and his gang of slytherins, or as lacking the fundamental arrogance and cruelty which make him so interesting.

and wolfstar can work, absolutely, when these things are taken into account. i find the idea of second war remus and sirius, stuck in grimmauld place together, buying harry a joint christmas present, the last survivors in a generation completely hollowed out by loss, incredibly moving. remus' choice to self-destruct in half-blood prince - having lost sirius so soon after having found him again - does, i think, justifiably indicate a change in their relationship during order of the phoenix which can be seen as romantic. i find the idea of first war remus and sirius, each in love with a man they think is a spy, wonderfully bittersweet. i find the idea of school-aged remus pining desperately for a friend who is head-over-heels in love with james to be, quite frankly, canon. 

and i also think that two original characters called sirius black and remus lupin can do whatever they want - i’ll just be closing my eyes, pretending i cannot see, and leaving them to it.

[thescreamcorner]

Some things I think more people self suspecting/self diagnosing (especially for DID/OSDD, but also in general) should be aware of:

-it's okay if you're wrong. it's completely okay if your symptoms turn out to be caused by something else. your experiences aren't automatically fake just because they aren't clinically part of a medical condition.

-take time to figure out what your experiences are and how to describe them outside of a diagnostic term. This not only reduces your risk of imprinting false symptoms and helps you better understand your actual ones, but also gives you a headstart to having productive conversations with a healthcare team about seeking evaluations.

-with dissociative and trauma disorders, it can be incredibly hard to trust that your care team is listening and taking your concerns seriously. it can also be hard to trust your own judgement and know if your doctor is actually a bad fit or not. I highly recommend resources online for "when is a doctor a bad fit?", as some have a thorough checklist to consider that helps figure out if it's time to switch providers.

-diagnosis taking 6+ years is often statistically misconstrued; that time frame usually accounts for the entire time between starting in the mental health system and reaching an accurate diagnosis when a patient doesn't raise concerns about a dissociative disorder. if your healthcare team is good and you present specific requests to evaluate for trauma and dissociation related disorders, diagnosis can come as fast as 1-2 years from the time of starting with a new psychiatrist and therapist, depending on availability and radius of services.

-if you're on government health insurance, you can call your local psychology providers and ask what HMOs they accept, and if they know which of those HMOs will provide full coverage of services. You can then change your HMO to one that covers most of, if not all, of your visits and medications going forward.

-recovery may look different for everyone, but it should still always be the goal. Not everything has a cure, but that doesn't mean you should actively avoid taking steps to better cope with your symptoms. Recovery also isn't linear, and it's important to give yourself empathy and room to make mistakes and flow through the struggles.

-you deserve to feel better and heal through whatever traumas you've suffered. You also deserve to eat and have water, and to rest. Find time for these things and remember there's always someone here for you.

Anyone reading this who needs someone to reach out to, know my DMs are open and I'm happy to listen and give honest but kind feedback.

[lick-me-lennon22]

How they'd comfort you after you've been betrayed by your friends

(requested by anon, who's recently experienced something that would be difficult for anyone to cope with 💘 I hope I'm able to provide you with some comfort during this rough time 💕)

John

when you share this news with John, he reacts with a mix of empathy and righteous indignation

he is gutted for you and vengeful, channeling his protective instincts and offering to confront the betrayers on your behalf

he recommends some of the outlets he uses to handle his anger (most of them aren't exactly healthy, but he means well)

he suggests writing a song together as a form of catharsis, spouting silly lyrics full of jabs at your "friends"

John would plan a date and take you out to the pictures to see a nice feel-good film

he records your favorite songs and some affirmations (as well as a few silly jokes) on cassette for you to listen to on particularly rough days

You know what? Screw 'em. You're too good for that kind of nonsense. You're a gem and anyone who can't see that doesn't deserve a spot in your life. It's their loss - not yours. Those so-called mates don't know what they're missing. And if you need me to kick some arse on your behalf, just say the word.

Paul

when you explain what's happened, Paul invites you to vent your frustrations over a few drinks or a cuppa

he adopts a gentle and reassuring tone, validating your emotions and reminding you of your strengths

he reassures you that what happened isn't your fault and that you've done nothing wrong

Paul would offer to arrange a small gathering or cozy night in with some friends and the other lads, complete with homemade food and lighthearted conversation

You invested a lot of trust and time in those relationships and you don't deserve to be hurt in such a way. It's beyond me how people can be so cruel, especially to someone as wonderful as you.True love, true friendship, they're built on a foundation of honesty and respect. Chin up, my dear. You're a beautiful soul with so much to offer. They're missing out on something truly special.

George

after you divulge what you've just been through, George shows you to a secluded spot - one where he often meditates - so you can vent in the privacy of nature and without feeling judged

has to tamp down his own frustration on your behalf - he knows people can be pretty unreliable, and he wants to guide you towards growth instead of resentment

he offers a reflective and philosophical perspective, telling you to have patience with yourself and set boundaries that honor your worth

he reminds you that sometimes these painful experiences can serve as catalysts for profound growth and self-discovery, and that karma has a way of taking care of things

George suggests exploring creative outlets and introduces you to some literature that will foster healing and help you take on a different perspective

Betrayal cuts deep, but it also reveals the true nature of those around us. You're not defined by the actions of others. The right people will be drawn to your radiance, and you're better off without that drama in your life. Trust that the universe has a way of aligning things in your favor and know that you're worthy of nothing less than genuine, unconditional love.

Ringo

as you vent your frustrations to Ringo, he offers a listening ear and shoulder to lean on without judgement

he provides constant reassurance and reminders of your worth and strength, making sure you know that the behavior of your "friends" says a lot more about them than it does about you

he tells you to focus on the present moment and emphasizes the importance relationship of self-care when it comes to healing

he'll lend his help with practical support such as running errands and helping with daily tasks, allowing you space to recover and take time for yourself

Ringo would suggest a spontaneous day trip or adventure to lift your spirits and create new memories

I know you've had a bit of a rough go lately, but you've got me to lean on. And I'm here to listen, to comfort, to support you in any way I can. You're strong, you're resilient, and you've got a whole lot of love to give. Rise above it - keep shining your light. Life's too short to give those pricks any more of your time. You're a treasure, love, and don't you forget it.

[khaire-traveler]

Deities to help with gender dysphoria?

Hey there! I'm currently on an Internet break, but seeing as how I recently reblogged something related to being trans (particularly about hateful blogs that are vile in every conceivable way), I figured I'd answer this ask now rather than later to hopefully help others out as well.

In truth, I feel that you should be able to feel comfortable turning to any of the gods you worship for these things, but that's mostly because I strongly value comfort and safety within spirituality. The gods that I have personal experience with, however, and that I've heard are the most helpful with these issues would be as follows (I'll make a list):

***PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS IS MOSTLY UPG AND MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES WITH THESE GODS***

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Hellenic Pantheon

• Dionysus - one of his epithets is literally Androgynos (androgynous) to comment on how he breaks the gender binary and defies expectations (as well as to emphasize that he is very beautiful, but that's more of a historical/cultural thing for the ancient Greeks); he has been one of the most helpful deities when it comes to my transition, and I've always felt extremely comfortable opening up to him about my personal problems and feelings that I wouldn't tell anyone else; he will always listen to you, and there is an air of understanding that I don't always feel with other gods; he really helps you feel at-home in your own skin and will encourage you to dress and act in ways that make you feel happy, comfortable, and safe; something that I seriously love about him is that you will always feel loved when you confide him, and he will go out of his way to remind you that Dionysus stands for the outcasts, for those who people look down on for defying the strict "rules of society"; he will always support you in your endeavor to be and embrace yourself and be right be your side, no matter who stands against you

• Athena - they don't have any epithets relating to this, but based on personal experience, Athena has always been extremely encouraging and supportive throughout my transition; they instill confidence in oneself and are great at helping you feel secure in your transition (like, getting rid of self-doubt regarding gender identity and such, but they're also great at helping you discover what feels right to you if you're unsure); they are also great at helping you identify what triggers your dysphoria and any behaviors/thoughts that you have that may contribute to the feeling; if you struggle with how others view you, Athena is great at encouraging you to focus more on how you perceive yourself and learning how to not take the words of others to heart

• Hermes - I cannot stress enough how extremely supportive and compassionate he has always been; I've heard from many other trans worshippers as well that Hermes is extremely good to interact with when they're having a moment of dysphoria or doubt; he will reassure you, and every single time, I swear he knows exactly what to say to make you feel better, especially if you're having negative thoughts about yourself; he is seriously the best hype man out there as well, if you're ever in need of someone who will boost you up; he will always encourage you to trust your own judgement and will insist that only you know what's truly best for yourself

• Apollo - He tends to be very effeminate in the way that he presents himself, even in ancient Greek culture, and for a lot of people, they find comfort in this; he is extremely supportive during transitions, and I've heard from many worshippers that he will challenge a lot of your negative beliefs about yourself directly; he is the type of god I would suggest if you're looking to work through these dysphoric feelings and, hopefully, get rid of them ultimately; the hard work of that can be extremely intense, I will not lie, and I honestly recommend seeking professional support alongside the support that Apollo can provide you with to ensure that you have all the help you need throughout this process; aside from that, Apollo is a wonderful guide throughout the often scary process that is finding and learning to love yourself; he will never leave you high and dry, and will support you for as long as you desire his support

• Artemis - As a literal goddess of transition, Artemis is fantastic for navigating through the various trials and changes of being trans, whether that be physically or emotionally; similar to Apollo, she defies gender expectations by often presenting herself in a very masculine way which can be a comfort to many people; despite what I often see online Artemis can actually be extremely soothing and comforting, providing you reassurance when you need it the most; she is fantastic for grounding yourself and finding inner stability; I find her to be very passionate and determined, but if you need a calm energy, she's very good at adjusting to whatever you need in the moment; she will encourage you to be yourself without shame as well as help you not care what others think/how others perceive you

• Aphrodite - being the goddess of love, she is AMAZING if self-love is something you specifically struggle with; in ancient Greece, there have also been depictions of her with a penis, so many worshippers believe her to be trans herself; she has been a massive assist for me in learning to love and embrace myself and my gender identity, and something she's been especially helpful with is accepting my physical body the way that it is, to a certain extent; she is extremely gentle, compassionate, and encouraging, and her inviting energy makes it easy to open up to her about how you're feeling; if you tell her you have a problem you'd like to work on, she gets on it immediately, and I personally noticed her presence a lot more in my life even just days after requesting her help

Norse Pantheon

• Loki - This may be a somewhat obvious entry, but Loki is insanely helpful when it comes to anything related to gender identity and self-acceptance; being a shapeshifter, Loki is not bound by the constraints of gender and has even been shown to have a lot of gender fuckery within mythos; Loki helped me come to realize that I identify as non-binary masc rather than fully male; Loki also helped me embrace the more uncommon factors of my gender, as I personally like to go by fae/faer when I can; I haven't gone to Loki much for my dysphoria, but based on what I've heard many worshippers say over and over again, they are a miracle-worker when it comes to anything gender-related

• Freyja - I don't personally have much experience with her, but seeing what worshippers of her say, I felt she was important to mention; similarly to Aphrodite, she has a domain in love and that includes self-love; she is amazing at embracing yourself for everything you are, and I've been told she's especially good at help with physical dysphoria; she seems to be very kind and loving but definitely has a fiery passion to her that cannot be mistaken; if that energy might be too intense for you, I'd imagine it's not an issue to ask her to come across with a gentler energy

• Freyr - From what I've been told, he has a very fatherly and gentle presence which can provide great support throughout your transition; he is wonderful at grounding and replenishing energy; when you need someone to reassure you that everything will be ok, Freyr is a wonderful god to go to; he will make you feel accepted and loved exactly the way you are which is how you deserve to feel

• Odin - I don't personally worship Odin, but I've been told he's a great ally to have when exploring gender; similarly to Loki, he is a shapeshifter; he is very supportive of transfolk, and I've heard that worshipper find a lot of solace in him during difficult times; he is a great advisor as well, and if you are willing, he can help you work on understanding your triggers and learning to cope with them; he's definitely really good with the self-reflection aspect of coping with dysphoria

• Thor - Again, I don't personally worship Thor, but I've been told he's fantastic at he's really helpful with self-confidence and self-assurance; he's great at providing you with stability as well and can be a rock-solid support during the most difficult times; if you're looking for a deity who will ground and support you, I would highly recommend Thor

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Since I don't worship many Norse deities, most of my information was from @broomsick who is a very knowledgeable and experienced Norse pagan! I recommend checking out their content, if Norse paganism interests you. I wanted to include the Norse pantheon, though, to leave the option open.

To my followers, please feel welcome to add your own experiences and thoughts/opinions! 🧡

----

I hope this answered your question and gave you some good options! Best of luck to you as you embark on your journey. ☺️

[rgr-pop]

I have a friend in the midwest who's looking for a political org and i was wondering if you could you offer some advice. Are there qualities you would look for in an org that would make you feel like, okay, these are people I can work with?

Yea! I think there’s a ton of variation and it depends on what kinds of work they like to do or want to learn to do. I’d be happy to talk to them directly about their city.

As a materialist, I sort of think any group or org can be worth trying—doing so gives you a sense of the conditions and things to learn, and helps you follow where people are, which is the best way to learn about a new place you live. Always join stuff, you can always stop going if you don’t like it, never try to start something from scratch until you’ve been going to stuff for a long time (unless that something is a union in your workplace :p). Your friend should just trust their instincts but be open to learning from others, honor their time/energy/boundaries, and watch out for red flag orgs that don’t respect boundaries and don’t allow members to vocalize concerns or bring ideas to the table. I think that’s the key line.

For me personally, I am only interested in deep involvement with democratically organized groups that are not primarily concerned with providing service to people who are mostly non members. I definitely respect and work with these kinds of orgs all the time, but it’s not where my organizing energy goes — I am not a mutual aid person, but your friend might be! Examples of groups locally that I like and work with and would trust as a model are food not bombs style mutual aid as well as some urban farm style stuff (some of which can be soooo fashy but some i like here!), syringe access and harm reduction, eviction defense and other anti carceral rapid response. I do work with abortion funds and infinitely recommend anybody who can stomach it do the same (they can reach out to me for info on their local funds). I’ve been doing stuff around parent/childcare/repro and I would strongly advise to tread carefully there given the entrenchment of socially conservative religious actors. Just stay vigilant and research. Antifascist style orgs are also very interesting, frustrating, messy, frequently dangerous, occasionally surprisingly fascist, and presently useful—look into them but be thoughtful.

Questions to ask, many of which especially apply to mutual aid style groups: is there a leadership structure, and if so, how do leaders become leaders? Is there a board of directors? Who is on it? Do we have money, and if so, where does it come from, who decides how we use it, and what is its legal status? Who decides what work we do and how? Do I as a participant have a vote, the potential to run for leadership, or the right to propose work or organizational ideas? How does this group conceptualize the relationship between me, the community at large, the people we focus on, and people in other places? What other orgs do they seem to be connected to? Is anyone paid staff, and if so, what are their working conditions and how do they relate to the non paid staff? What does this org have on paper, online, etc.? What kind of safety or security norms do they have? Do they have a procedure for handling violence or just mundane conflict between participants? How are everyday decisions handled? None of my judgments relate to an assessment of the people themselves, per se—which is NOT to say I don’t make those judgements lol.

Many different responses to the above are valid depending on the work, and not having clear answers doesn’t mean that an org is bad, especially if it’s open to development. Having said that, again, I only organize with groups that give me a vote. And I think everyone should consider that guide.

My pitch for joining DSA if you have a chapter is that it has the best answers to the above compared to anyone else. It has the most things you can do as a beginner, the widest variety, and the best opportunities to grow yourself as an organizer, and it’s the biggest leftist organization in blah blah you’ve heard it. I strongly recommend not getting too involved with small communist leftist factionalist orgs (I won’t name them here), but there are a million exceptions, especially in cities like Chicago and Minneapolis with long deep weird histories. And no need to hate on them, either. If some communist league seems to be really doing something and not uhhh openly trafficking people or something lol, go off. (Where I live this is the case on campus!) The other exception is the IWW. It’s always fine to join the IWW, especially for labor, and there really are a handful of cities where the IWW is effective and the place to do rank and file labor work (and mostly those are in the midwest!) In many more cases the IWW is a sad little thing but it’s our duty to be nice to them.

In conclusion “make you feel like you wanna work with them” is complicated—I’m a hater, and do not enjoy the company of most of these people, or in fact even the masses in general. You have to find your own balance, which requires pushing yourself out of your comfort zone for a little while, and see how the org reacts. But ultimately, you don’t need to want to work with the people—you need an org that is productive and moves by creating conditions for people to work together regardless of whether they like each other. Fundamental premise of socialism and communism specifically, and it’s what sets us apart from tendencies on the right and common versions of certain tendencies on the left whomst I won’t name. My #1 advice is always to avoid any group whose mission is based on affinity and friendship between its members. (But if you make friends with them, go off)

[daziechane]

Consent, autonomy, kids, and ourselves

Not gonna lie, it's going to get weird for the next few years. "Grab 'em by the pussy" will not only be locker room talk but the law of the land. It's time to prepare and protect our kids and ourselves.

But how?

Register your kids, ALL YOUR KIDS, and yourselves for an OWL class.

Our Whole Lives is a series of six comprehensive sexuality curricula for children, teenagers, young adults and adults published by the Unitarian Universalist Association and the United Church of Christ Justice and Witness Ministries.[1][2] Publication was the result of seven years of collaborative effort by the two faiths to prepare material which addresses sexuality throughout the lifespan in age-appropriate ways.

The Our Whole Lives program operates under the idea that well informed youth and young adults make better, healthier decisions about sexuality than those without complete information. OWL strives to be unbiased and teaches about heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, and transgender sexual health. In addition to information on sex, OWL is intended to help children, youth, and adults to be emotionally healthy and responsible in terms of their sexuality.[3] (x)

TL;DR: OWL is a comprehensive, lifespan sexuality education curriculum that promotes healthy, informed, and inclusive attitudes about sexuality, relationships, and identity. Designed for various age groups, OWL emphasizes self-worth, sexual health, responsibility, and justice in a values-based framework.

Lifespan you say? So, you're teaching little kids about condoms and anal?

No, you eejit. Each curriculum approaches topics differently based on the age of participants. The K-1 curriculum, for example, looks at bodily autonomy, family, trusted adults, and that a sperm, egg, and uterus are required to make a baby.[6][7] The curriculum for older adults, on the other hand, might discuss aging, disability, dating as an older person, and body image.[7] (x)

But it's religious and I'm not.

Look- I'm a heathen, and proudly so. And I'm a trained OWL facilitator. This curriculum is designed to be offered with a liberal religious component or without. Find one that works for you. There's no proselytizing, no guilt, no judgement.

I have a ton of kids; how do I know which class is best for each one?

Each of the seven curricula speak to participants' needs, by age group: - grades K-1 - grades 4-6 - grades 7-9 - grades 10-12 - young adults - adults - older adults (x)

I don't want someone else teaching my kids sex ed. I'll be able to handle it when it comes.

OWL is designed to augment what you teach your kids. In fact, one of the things that each class starts with is an adult orientation that affirms parents and guardians as their children's primary sexuality educators.

I already know everything.

No. You don't. Trust.

I'm not in the USA. What is there for me and my family?

There are Unitarian Universalist organizations in Europe that may offer OWL. OWL has been offered in the Philippines. I don't know about elsewhere, but I'd be happy to help you find something if you're outside the US. If nothing else, you can download the Books and Media Recommendation list and start the discussion with your kids yourself.

I'm still unsure.

That's ok. Here's a short video that will give you an idea of how topics are presented, even to the little ones:

I'm not telling you how to raise your kids or how to act as your own grown-ass adult. I am suggesting that we're all going to need all the tools in our toolboxes to make it through the next few years and the rest of our lives. Here are some more for you to use.

Let me know if you have any questions. I want to help.

[cevansbrat0007]

You’re writing is so amazing, literally love everything you put out!! Do you have any romance book recommendations?!? Literally anything, I fully trust your judgement lol😌

Omigosh! First, thank you so much for the compliment. Second, I got you.

*whips out Kindle*

I've broken it down into categories. Here we go:

Contemporary Line of Duty Series, Tessa Bailey - If I want something quick, down, and dirty I reach for her. I recommend starting with her Line of Duty Series, which features the most delicious rough and tumble cops finding love.

The Coppersmith Farmhouse, Devney Perry - I adore this small town, enemy-to-lovers romance featuring a single mother and the local sheriff. Sheriff Jess can be an ass, but he grovels well. The Game Maker Series, Kresley Cole - Centers around three Russian brothers who have ties to the mafia. While each man is different and beautifully broken in his own way, they all believe in taking what they want. And once one of the Sevastyan's have set their sights on you, they will not take no for an answer. They're also not opposed to kidnapping either. The Italian, T.L. Swan - What happens when a summer fling ends up being so much more than that? This romance tells the story of an Italian mafia boss and his forbidden love with an Australian tourist. There's sex, angst, danger and so much more.

Historical *Outlander Series, Diana Gabaldon - Claire and Jamie's love literally transcends both time and space. This series contains an amazing romance, well researched historical descriptions, elements of magic, and so much more.

Paranormal The Psy Changeling Series, Nalini Singh - If you love stories about shifters and people with psychic abilities then I totally recommend checking out this series. Slave to Sensation is the first book, and premise goes something like: the ruling Psy prefer to exist in a world devoid of feelings and emotions, but what happens when one of their own finds herself craving something only Lucas Hunter, the alpha of the Dark River Shifters, can provide? *The Guild Hunter Series, Nalini Singh - Think Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but with Angels. This series is amazing and the love story between Raphael (the Archangel of New York) and his precious mortal, Elena (who is a badass in her own right). The world building is fantastic, the romance is hot, and each book only gets better. And believe me when I say, these are not your grandmother's angels. I also love the fact that you get to watch their relationship grow and evolve across multiple books. *The Night Huntress Series, Jeaniene Frost - Also has a Buffy the Vampire Slayer vibe, except the heroine is actually half-vampire herself. Bones, her eventual love interest, reminds me of Spike. Just a little bit. And just like the previous series, their romance spans multiple books. Also the love scenes are fabulous. *The Fever Series, Karen Marie Moning - If you love reading about heroines trying to solve mysterious disappearances, the Seelie and Unseelie Fae, and a delicious Alpha Male that could just easily rip you apart as well as fuck you - I'm looking at you, Jericho Barrons - then check this out. This series requires a little commitment because the romance, while hinted at, doesn't start until you're a couple of books in. But it's so worth it because you're rewarded with a territorial, possessive, darkly handsome anti-hero. *The Highlander Series, Karen Marie Moning - If you're a sucker for men in kilts, ancient curses, time travel, and drop-dead-sexy highlanders who fall hard for their modern day mates then please read. Also, some of these heroes go on to appear in the Fever Series as well. Immortals After Dark Series, Kresley Cole - Another great one This one features characters from every corner of the lore. I'm talking vampires, witches, valkyries, berserkers, demons, werewolves, succubi, and more. The men are swoon worthy and the women are badass. But what I especially love is the creativity and humor she manages to weave throughout her stories. She uses the fated mates trope quite a bit, which I love. However, what makes it great is that a lot of times the men show up like: "You belong to me now. I'm ready to take you to home" and their brides-to-be are like "Fuck off. Come any closer and I will stab you/shoot you/light you on fire". And what's more...they absolutely follow-thru. Those heroes have to earn their women. Oh, and the sexy times are good and spicy.

Hope this helps! If you or anyone else decides to read a book from this list, please let me know what you think!

*Indicates Book Boyfriend