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#past 200 now..
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i feel like we can say both "i'm glad more hostages were brought home safely" and "i wish nobody got killed in the process of bringing those people home." it's not even self contradictory, it's saying "i don't like when people get hurt" yk
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vurelly · 2 months
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how am i meant to ha wahoo yippee through life in these conditions
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katnissmellarkkk · 1 month
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Katniss and Haymitch only calling each other attractive only in roundabout ways is so funny to me 😂
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scentofpines · 3 months
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i got an email today from my uni that was sent to all students from the faculty i'm in and it's a job offer for a project from the uni's school museum where they catalogue and analyze old school note/exercise books from 1820-1950s and...idk i should probably apply right??? They're not even asking for a CV (mine would be empty), how often do you get that lmao. And it's only 6 hours a week, starting this October and the project is supposed to last 3 months and there is a possibilty of the museum hiring you for longer. And i mean, if it sucks i guess i can push through the 3 months? should i do it ahhhh my panic brain is screaming but it's not often that there is a job offer that is that nice
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ganondoodle · 20 days
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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-
but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again
(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)
i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)
weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward
but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.
right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorta#suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw#theres some construction stuff on our house going on#and my father is extremely stressed about it#he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed#my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi#to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself#which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee#and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her#to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life#BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her#without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears#and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains#but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being#always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold#but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings
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trees-to-meet-you · 8 months
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God. What if Pandora didn’t want to open the box. What if she was manipulated, her hands tied to and guided by strings she couldn’t shake off. What if when she released the horrors out into the world, Hope chose to stay with her, in the box. What if Pandora couldn’t rid herself of that guilt. What if Hope couldn’t convince her that not all was lost, and that she wasn’t responsible for the strings around her hands. That she wasn’t a monster.
What if Pandora and Hope found a way to trap everything in the box again. What if Pandora couldn’t do it. What if she didn’t want anyone else to feel the guilt she did. What if she thought that trapping the horrors in the box would just doom everyone into the same cycle. What if she felt she had to break it by bearing the suffering of everyone else. What if Hope tried to convince her that it could be better. What if she wouldn’t save herself. What if Hope had to kill Pandora for a chance to save everyone, including her. What if they both were sealed in the box. What if no one ever knew what happened to them. What if their last words to the world and to each other were “I love you.”
What if the world ending was never Pandora’s fault, but in her guilt and grief she blamed herself for it, and the Hope that voluntarily stayed by her side had to take her life to save it.
What if?
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proteus-no · 1 year
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If you're not using the soft tummy mod I don't know what you're doing
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littlecutiexox · 1 year
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swordsonnet · 2 years
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happy 2nd anniversary to the magnus archives failing to reach the #1 trending spot on the day its finale was released because some dummy thicc boat was stuck in the suez canal
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lunarharp · 11 months
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lazy scribbling of my baldur's gate 3 characters
#*emerges from 430 HOURS of life-changing playtime blearily like a lost and confused kitten*#i lost my interest in drawing bc everything is too sad & horrible right now. it was a luxury and privilege to lose myself in this instead#what follows will be my personal and trivial emotions about that#i'll do better proper drawings later. for me. they are both so very dear to me... deeply dear...unforgettable journeys of fate#truly have played like one possessed for the past few weeks. you have no idea. what do i do now. what do i do.#their personalities are so vivid to me though they mostly made the same choices. both intersex and they/them - canonically <3#i missed out on FOUR PARTY MEMBERS in my first playthrough due to not understanding anything whatsoever.#gloaming ended up with wyll and pavane romanced karlach and astarion. and ended up with the one i did NOT plan on. this wasnt the plan#one of the most fulfilling romance paths i've ever..i cant say more..it all got too immersive and now i have to just.. MOVE ON ??????????#live in THIS world where i can't gut imperialism personally and emerge alive from that?#without Long Resting? without my character requesting a kiss from their beloved after a tough day ??#without preparing my little spells? without channelling divinity from my death god to keep us all alive?#without dyeing my man's clothes fancy colours for him? without him Approving whenever i lie and double-cross our enemies#without sharing clothes with my ex? without choosing to eat the heavy food first so that the weight is easier on her Carrying Capacity?#without orchestrating ways for all of my friends to kill the abusers that ruined their lives for a decade or even 200 years?#without experiencing degrading horrors on a daily basis but in a cathartic way where we always make it back to our rooms at the inn#WITHOUT SPEAK WITH ANIMALS???????????#at least there's music. just like with persona 5 that will always be with me. always#like how p5 melodies take me back to those feelings. those rich and personal feelings.... BUT THIS WAS A WAY MORE NUTS EXPERIENCE#i thought i would hate it. i did at times. thought it would desensitise me to various things. it did. but there was so much more..it was...#Well anyway *continues my life* imagine if dnd was real..something to think about
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vashti-lives · 6 months
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I have finally conceded that gremlins have eaten my kindle voyage and I do, in fact, need to replace it. It's been more than year of waiting for it to "turn up" interspersed with frantic episodes of looking. It's not happening! It's in the negaverse now.
WHY IS THE EREADER MARKET SO FUCKING TERRIBLE??? ALL I WANT IS A REASONABLY PRICED SMALL-ISH EREADER WITH DEDICATED PAGE TURN BUTTONS.
That's all! I don't need to be able to write on it! I don't need it to play videos! I don't need a big screen! I don't want to pay $200+ dollars. I just want to be able to read long fanfic on an e-ink screen again.
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mejomonster · 2 months
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I hate panic attacks
#rant#which is to say i hate the whirlwind of specifically bad times in my life that brought them on and kept them#i hate that they trigger when i feel strong Anything#ive been trying to Dissassociate less and feel more. because feeling stuff does HELP me notice whats helping or hurting me#but like. i WISH it was about feeling joy and pleasure and excitement. maybe ill feel those eventually#but right now Any strong emotion is still ridiculously close to triggering panic attacks#im still terrified to go watch a play. because i LOVE plays and the last times ive gone for the past decade#ive had awful panic attacks because my brain clicked Love them with Intense Feeling into Panic dont breathe chest hurts Hate Urself#turns out my brain didnt just attach the trigger to fear of loud noises or fear of asking for#trigger from self hating thiught loops#it alsp clicked the trigger into: particularly notiveable romantic feelings of any kind (lile someome? have a panic attack! thatll keep u#physically incapable of getting near them! like plays! lets have you unable to breathe sobbimg hysterical so ur terrified to be trapped in#the audiience for hours! fucking hate hate hate it)#neurofeedback and emdr certainly lowered the panic attack rate per day or week to a Lesser per month situation#but im still lucky if i get thru a pa without illogivally trying to Fix it the irrational way i did when young which is hit myself#in the illogical hope if im injured enough ill be able to think again (which doesnt work its dangerous and makes the panic attack last#longer a pa just does Not let u think rationally untol its over u CANNOT try and fix it while in it and dping that makes it much worse)#if i get thru a pa without a concussion ive done much better than usual :/ i dont want any more#im so tired man. i want to go see a play!#i dont want to Try and then end up hyperventilating and crying with my brain imsisting i Need To be Dead for 2 hours#im the parking lot because it triggers when i park. or worse it triggers when i drive and i have to pull over and im trapped x place for#hours. either way i miss the play i wanted to fucking see!#i hate how panic attacks feel like a trap. not even a trap i can fight. its my own limitation. goddamn ive been fatigued ive been dying#in a hospital a few times. panic attacks feel worse to me. at least dying i can do something (eventually) to stop#altho i guess dying for hours in hospital until i got helped was similar. but ill hopefully only go thru that 1-2 more times in life#and i had like 5 panic attacks during that hospital visit since a heart rate so high like 200 cant calm down anyway
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halfelven · 9 months
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never thought i’d be glad that i got sick but i got sick last evening and threw up my lunch and then was still feeling nauseous so i went to sleep for three hours and woke up at 9 pm and then i wasn’t tired so i was up at night and then saw the lights in the house flickering off and on and then heard the electricity crackling in the breaker box so we switched it off and we had an electrician come this morning and he found a few loose wires going to the box and fixed it but the getting sick was weird bc it wasn’t food poisoning i just threw up and napped and felt fine but if i hadn’t been up to hear the electricity crackling the house could have caught fire and burnt down
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faunandfloraas · 7 months
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finding a clipping of the lead singer of my favourite girl band of all time (american) chilling with one of my fav boy band guys (japanese) back in the 70s was not on my bingo card for the day but !
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nothingbizzare · 7 months
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Be honest with me. You were a sans au artist weren't you.
Yes, I was an Undertale artist long time ago mostly drawing sans ... and it's so embarrassing for me thinking of past me ...
I was like a pre teen to teen and first time on the internet so it's really an embarrassing thing to me but we all started with something ...god ...
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welcometoteyvat · 9 months
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fighting for my life trying to get a shimenawa atk% crit rate crit damage sands
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