#part of this essay is also me talking about how my mom got mad at me for guessing the ending

[davidlikebowie-noturaccountant]

sometimes i think im totally normal about dead poets society and then i remember i actually turned an essay in to my prof that ended like this

and i go oh, right.

[doublel27]

I’ve been thinking about Moo’s very publicly r video essay ever since @petrichoraline and I were talking about Moo’s very public declaration of his relationship here and the irony is if no one had said anything to Moo there’s a chance he wouldn’t have done anything.

In episode 8, Neth and Kang had already convinced him he might need to be quiet about their relationship. Kang and Moo agreed that “as long as we know” it doesn’t matter what other people do or don’t know.

And I think it was even worse for Moo because the dance video wasn’t a declaration of anything. That’s what he states before making the Kang fan edit. The video he was asked to delete was simply just boys dancing. And as an idol, he’s gonna be dancing on stage with a lot of boys. He’s probably already posted clips with Tae and Yos as well.

And sure it’s different because Kang isn’t also out here trying to be a dancer and he is Moo’s boyfriend. But a lot of what he was being asked to tone down were things that were what Moo considers normal. And I think that’s what made him so angry when everyone asked him to take the video down. Shone and Moo’s mom didn’t know they were boyfriends from that clip. To Moo’s point that wasn’t an announcement.

And as @luthienmpl points out here it’s not like Moo didn’t very publicly court Kang at school where everyone knows he’s written Kang a song and sang it over the intercom and gave away food for people who congratulated them on being boyfriends. There’s information out there.

Moo got mad at the idea he would have to lie. And everyone was insisting they weren’t asking him to lie, but to not share. To Moo, who if the thought is in his head it’s out of his mouth, omitting facts, deleting posts because of how someone might interpret it even if it’s not explicit what the video is of, to cut parts of himself off, well that’s a lie. After being pushed too far by the repeated requests by others to be less, he snapped with the very loud video of l not only do I have a boyfriend but let me tell you all about him and why he’s perfect.

With the preview showing that the contract is going to say expressly no relationships and Moo’s determination to not lie and Kang being the bluest boy (who tend to be martyrs….I am very curious where Only Boo is going with this story. As I am curious where Thame Po will take this story as they’re doing a similar line.

Another show with a similar storyline from GMM, Be My Favorite just dropped in 2023 and I adored it, but they took a particular stance on this conundrum. You should watch it, but spoilers…in one of the futures Kawi makes for himself, he ends up an idol and is at first delighted to find himself living what he thought was an impossible dream. But it’s quickly clear that he is miserable, drinking. He had gotten his dream girl Pear, but she left him because he wouldn’t marry her and start a family. As an idol, he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, give her the time, attention, and public commitment she was looking for. We also find out that Piesang disappeared around the same time. It’s heavily implied after Kawi chases Piesang and kisses him drunkenly, that Kawi probably did something similar after Pear left as Piesang says “You cannot keep doing this.” (They’d had a similar moment in episode six but this made it feel like we had a bigger pattern and explained his absence)

In the final future, Kawi is happily a songwriter, making songs for other people to sing. It’s the future Kawi chose knowing where the idol path sent him. Piesang even questions him on it. He asks Kawi if he gave up on those dreams because of Piesang and Piesang offers to hide if that’s what it takes. Kawi, thanks to the power of time travel, tells Piesang he’s absolutely certain he couldn’t be happier if he traveled that path. Only misery lies that way. Kawi’s whole lesson though is about making choices in the moment that spark joy rather than letting fear or jealousy lead your choices and living a life that makes you truly happy.

Only Boo, of course, is a very different show with a very different lead. Moo is 1000 times more confident and certain than Kawi ever could hope to be. He knows what he wants and while everyone sees them as two disparate pictures, Moo sees them fully integrated. He’s also a much younger character, just out of high school and has yet to face the reality of what it means to be an idol beyond getting to do the things he loves most and feels confident about.

Thame-Po will take us somewhere entirely different with an idol at the peak of their game who signed their right to a personal life away at a much younger age.

So when confronted with a contract that explicitly says you cannot date and Moo, who has no interest in lies of omission or hiding his boyfriend, and is in fact highly reactionary to people insisting he delete rather innocuous posts incase someone wants to speculate…I am very interested in the choices that will get written in here.

It is especially interesting considering the the litany of drama that has come out of highly entitled fan reactions to social media posts and in some cases leaked videos of Thai artists in their own home. Sure, everyone is trying to “protect” Moo in theory, but entitled fans will be entitled whether you hide your personal life entirely or not. These types of fans seem to exist across fandoms of many types and with a level of wild inappropriateness regardless of how open or closed a celebrity is to others. If they post too much with someone that’s a sign. If they avoid posting with someone that’s a sign. Like…there’s no winning.

And to that point, what is the takeaway going to be for Moo as he is faced with a moral dilemma and the two things he wants most in conflict? And what is the messaging going to be from Only Boo/GMM about young idols and talent (as the two leads of this show are) and their rights to their own lives? And are we gonna talk about the extra layer of homophobia of it all or because the fact that even straight relationships seem to be a PR nightmare for some talent, that GMM/Only Boo is content to leave it ambiguous for now?

[shady-scripter]

Detention

I swear that this is still LU. It’s just a modern au

But um…yeah here you go

“I definitely have a Hatsune Miku cosplay.”

“Ok, but me too?!” The lunch table laughed. “I wore it for Halloween one year. I can still fit it.”

“I’m not surprised about you, Wild, but Legend? I would not have expected that from you.” The shortest student commented.

“I wore that shit with pride!” The student with dyed pink hair announced, scribbling on his homework.

“Language boys.” Everyone groaned. So, maybe getting into a…physical altercation with the big guy wasn’t the smartest idea on their part, HOWEVER, the guy was talking mad shit to Wind. It was Warriors who swung first anyway.

“Mr. Lon, I beg the question,” Warriors started. “Why is it us who are being detained?”

“It’s simple really. You swung first. It’s policy.”

Wild blew a raspberry at no one. Everyone else groaned.

“But he-“

Mr. Lon let out a chuckle. “I know what he did. It’s one of the reasons why I didn’t give you the essay.” Mr. Lon tapped on his desk.

The classroom quieted down only for a second. “What?!” Legend stood from his seat. “You mean to tell me that I was doing homework all of this time for nothing?”

“I won’t say that it was for nothing. Homework is still important.”

Four leaned back in his seat. “So that’s why Twilight and Sky were so relieved, huh?”

There was a smile on Twilight’s face as he looked back at Four. “You see, none of you guys have had Mr. Lon as a teacher! The guy actually listens to his students!” Sky nodded, his phone in hand.

“I take pride in understanding my students’ situations. Wind is an upcoming freshman and, therefore, comes to my class every once in a while. I have no idea what stuff that other boy was saying about Wind, but I also have no idea why a senior is so intimidated by a mere 8th grader.” Mr. Lon chuckled again. “Seniors get so scared when they see potential in an underclassmen, it’s honestly hilarious.”

“So…” Warriors tapped on his own desk. “we’re not in trouble?”

Mr. Lon hummed. “I believe that you are the only one here that will actually have to speak to the principal. That’s another thing, never swing first or everything will be viewed as it being your fault.” Mr. Lon nodded at his own words. “Admin is more likely to side with the person that took the hit than the person who threw it.”

Warriors banged his head on his desk three times. “My mom’s going to fucking kill me…”

“Well, maybe your mom won’t be too mad. I mean, the guy was talking shit about your little brother. I think that’s an okay reason to punch the shit outta someone.” Wild added.

Mr. Lon sighed. “Aside from all of the vulgar language in those sentences, I say that what you say is wrong…sort of.” Mr. Lon stood up, starting to walk around the room. Sky took out his earbuds and put his phone away. “You see, I understand why you hit the guy. Protecting your family should be a top priority no matter what, but I’m sure that there was a better way to handle the situation. Do tell, what is it that he said about Wind?”

The seven detained students looked at each other, then at Legend. He was the Teller of the group. If someone wanted to be let in on something, Legend always got straight to the point.

“He said that if he ever saw Wind, that he would-“ Legend cleared his throat. “Effectively silence him.”

Mr. Lon’s eyebrows shot up, his expression overtaken by surprise for only a second. Then, he cleared his throat, turning away from the boys. “And everyone else got in trouble for recording the fight?”

“Yes sir.” Sky answered.

“Effectively silence? How exactly did he say that?” Mr. Lon asked.

“He said that he would show up at my house with a weapon and kill him while he was by himself. He comes home first and I was just-“ Warriors was cut off.

“Who has the clearest video?”

The seven students traded glances before the quietest one raised his hand. “I do.” Hyrule giggled.

Mr. Lon was at Hyrule’s side in seconds, as were the other six. Hyrule hit play and the video was as clear as day.

The video started while in the middle of the argument between Ganondorf Jr. and…Sky?

“Yeah, I may have taken the fall for Sky, but it should’ve been me who hit first.” Warriors explained.

“Me and Ganondorf’s dad have had it out before. His son wasn’t doing any work from my class and he expected me to pass him anyway. Like hell.” Mr. Lon said. Hyrule paused the video and everyone turned to Mr. Lon.

“Are you saying that he…” Legend spoke. “GJ was not held back!” The seven students started to snicker, trying to hide their laughter.

“From what I heard, his freshman year was a rude awakening for him. He is still in Mr. Rauru’s Math class…” Mr. Lon said, tapping the resume button on Hyrule’s video.

Suddenly, a bell rang throughout the classroom. The seven students found themselves groaning.

“No-“ Wild whined. “I actually liked it here…”

Twilight giggled. “Cheer up, you might have Mr. Lon next year!”

“You might.” Mr. Lon winked, pushing a slight shove into Twilight, who returned the shrug. Mr. Lon stood at the door to his room. “If anyone asks what we were doing in here, tell them that I was helping y’all with homework.” He said that they all walked out.

By the end of that two hour period, Mr. Lon had gotten seven high fives and he would be telling his wife about all of them.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA

so me (enby 18) and my mother (f60) were going to an event at my college. over the years, it's felt as such my mother has had to get herself involved in my life in school. sometimes it's been good with bullying situations, but not so good when she was calling the counselor about how i didn't make the top ten at my school and how it was deliberate on their parts (tldr bunch of bad blood with school - corrupt fucks in southern us). so with me starting college, i was finally hoping that i could get some independence on my own, even if i'm not living on campus for money reasons (broke pls i want scholarships so bad). like maybe i could do things without her involvement, maybe i could use my pronouns and name (not violently transphobic but does not approve and does not know of, only friends online that she also doesn't know about and few irl), maybe i don't have to restrain from acting as myself.

except she is still getting involved, she's called the dining people about my meal plans and even called one of my professors to ask about what kind of laptop i would need if i got a new one, note i have one but it's a few years old.

with this event (god i went off topic but yall need some context on this and i don't feel like i'm giving NEARLY enough) we said that mom could go in and check in and she could go hang out somewhere else. that she doesnt have to stay. i thought that was the plan.

then we go in there and she's not. and i'm a bit embarrased since i'm one of the few people with their parent there so i'm standing away from her while trying to figure out how to tell her i don't want her in here (due to the whole repression thing, just immediate discomfort and pressure with her here)

then after a few minutes i talk to her and try to do it softly with that she doesnt have to stay but she got it that i was telling her to leave. then she left, discomfort away but guilt set in. spent the rest of the hour and half i spent there trying not to feel guilty and not feel worried when i come back.

THEN i come back and she's not upset but you know the vibes are fucking off. and i'm trying to get her to just be upset with me and tell me how she's feeling by asking her, but she is just not.

then later i finally manage to get her to open up and she says how i put her in a bad situation there and made both of us look bad (okay that i admit). said i didn't talk to her about this beforehand (which i'm pretty sure we did) and how i left her with nothing to do while i was there (made me feel worse and guiltier than before). said she wasn't mad (even though she is clearly not acting like herself, wouldn't even face me when i came in to talk to her) but chalked it up to immaturity and not being good with socialness (neurodivergent + hermit)

i get how i could of handled the situation better, but AITA for wanting to have anything to myself? (sorry for the essay)

What are these acronyms?

[felix-the-lemon-king]

SHIP BINGO UM UM UM how about azuriddle anndd um jadesilver and um um um um floriddle? and yknow what jaderiddle also bc all the other fish boys got a turn with riddle fjlsdjflj make it EQUAL give me ur THOUGHTS!!!

YEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO I was already making a FloRid bingo board the second I saw it LOL

AZURID

THEY'RE SO FUNNY AND SWEET WAAHHHH I joke that they are awful for each other but they could ALSO very very easily be the best thing to happen to each other and I love it, they're adorable little guys.. their relationship status is ALL OVER THE PLACE lol MAYBE they will get it together,, eventually 😭 (bottom right says "it was one-sided madness at first sight" do I have to say which one was the one-sided madness. Do I. Do I have to.)

JADESIL

THEY'RE SO GOOFY!!!!!!!!!!! I love this silly pairing so much omg. Floyd is the one saying they are horrible for each other because, you see, Floyd has few enough canon interactions with Silver that I can pretend, in my mind, that he has a simmering hatred for him (that Silver is 100% unaware of) just because he indulges Jade's mushroom hobby and because of the Annoying Good Boy Vibes That You Can't Even Bully In A Satisfying Way LOL!! I think they are Romeo & Juliet Part 2 Electric Boogaloo both bc Silver has FAILED the Floyd pass 🚫🚫🚫 and also bc Jade has automatically failed the Sebek pass by Being Human(? They count beast boys and fish boys as humans I DON'T GET IT BUT WHATEVER) however. I don't know how Lilia would feel about Jade dating Silver(???? Are they even dating. Or are they just homoerotically talking about mushrooms with Silver occasionally getting poisoned by Jade (also homoerotically) for fun. These are life's greatest questions) BECAUSE Jade always Finds A Way to ensure that in as many situations as he can squeeze into, he WILL indulge Lilia's awful cooking and together they WILL give all of NRC food poisoning. Would Lilia let him date(??) Silver.............. We may never know 😔 <- I should have circled the essay box LOL I'm still not even done. They are very fun and I was reading the enemies to lovers to friends ect box like 🤔 god wouldn't it be so funny if they had that dynamic JDGDJHDHSH neither of them have the ENERGY to Be A Hater, let alone Be A Hater And Then Fall In Love And Then Fall Out Of Love And Then So On And So On LOL!!

FLORID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have such a soft spot for this ship. It's a classic 😌 to Riddle they are enemies to friends to lovers to exes to friends ect. To Floyd, that is just the funny red guy he bullies (affectionately!!!!! Probably!!!!!!!!!!!!) 🥰 I didn't circle the romeo & juliet box bc while Floyd would NOT🚫🚫🚫 pass the Riddle's Mom Test, Riddle is smashing it out of the ball park w all of octavinelle and also would probably do the same for their mob boss parents GSHSJSHSGJSJA

JADERID

FUNNY BOYS I have a complicated relationship with this ship bc after all the convos we've had about Riddle's Union Birthday AU With Baby Brother Jade, I kind of prefer that ridiculousness over their ship JSHDJSGDJAJ that's his baby brother who he is Definitely Going To Fix For Sure And There Are No Problems With This Plan <- that said their ship is still so goofy on its own like how did this HAPPEN!!!! Riddle you are supposed to hate fish how have you let it come this far. Jade has FOOLED HIM!!!! Bamboozled into Dating A Fish 😔 I have it circled as a crack ship bc the only situations I come up with for this ship are SILLY ONES and that is the best 😌 also did not circle the romeo and juliet box bc Riddle is once again smashing ALL THE WAY OUTTA THE PARK AND ACROSS THE MAP OF TWISTED WONDERLAND with Jade's family and ALSO Jade would,, PROBABLY,,, pass the Riddle's Mom Test,,,,, for being a Polite And Kind Gentleman,,,,,,,,,, (she, too, has been BAMBOOZLED BY THE FISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope Jade rearranges her silverware drawer while she isn't looking hehehehhehehehe)

[whumpfish]

I tell you what, it may surprise some of y'all to hear, but I grew up away from horror content. I had a vivid, visual imagination as a kid. I was at a sleepover when I was like 8 or some shit in the 90s and their mom had decided that Look Who's Talking was a great sleepover movie, and I had nightmares about childbirth for a week. At that point my mom decided no actually scary things for me. And one look at the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark illustrations told me she was probably right.

And boy did I miss out on a lot. All the classics of the 80s and 90s, Goosebumps, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, Darren Shan's Demonata, Wes Craven's entire career... but I wasn't ready. So I stayed out of that space.

So I grew up a bit, and got really into Hitchcock - Strangers On A Train, North By Northwest - and having a feel for what I could handle at that point, kept going. We saved Psycho and The Birds for last. Again, good insight on my mom's part, I was not ready for those at the North By Northwest phase. Around this time, I'm also getting into The X-Files, which is kind of a baby's first horror thing. The episode Stephen King guest wrote still fucked me up the first time, though, so I hung back from what I judged to be the hard stuff at that point. I wasn't ready yet. So I stayed out of that space.

I suffered a minor setback when I had the bright idea to watch the network remake of The Shining with a fever of 105. I have never sleepwalked before or since, but I legit got up mid nightmare, still fully asleep, and ran away from the bathtub zombie (hilariously where I hid in my sleepwalking genius was... my bathroom). But by and by, I recovered from Bathtub Zombie Delirium, and started getting into more serious thrillers. And then I steeled myself and watched Se7en, and a new era began. I finally had confidence in my capacity to handle horror. I finally had an appetite for it.

I'm in college at this point, streaming is in its infancy, and FearNet is still a thing. I make a point to go through their whole monthly selection just to see if I can. I'm introduced to Dario Argento and fall in love, suffer through a minor Fulci and learn my lesson, discover indie works of genius like Hard Candy, hear soprano Sarah Brightman as never before in Repo!: The Genetic Opera, finally see Saw. And I say to myself, you know what, I love this shit, I want to keep going. I think I'm ready.

I go international. Junji Ito enters my life and my heart. I watch Ju-On and realize that weird clicky noise I would make when I was a kid just for the hell of it if I was alone and bored is actually kind of terrifying under the right circumstances. I see Eyes Without A Face. I dive into the world of giallo and B-grade Italian horror. Force myself to watch The Beyond and am the donest of dones with Lucio Fulci--then watch Don't Torture A Duckling and spend the rest of the week mad because it's so good and he just. Idk forgot how to movie when he started doing horror?

Giallo leads me down a rabbit hole to extreme cinema, of which I am now an avid devotee. Martyrs was a fucking religious experience. I still marvel at how Female Prisoner 701: Scorpion managed to package most of The Handmaid's Tale as a quartet of exploitation movies, and do a better and more visceral job (imho) than the latter. I could write essays on how Matsushiro transcends the woman's revenge trope. I could write a fucking thesis. Pieces of Found are still seared into my brain in a traumatic way--and pieces of Found are seared into my brain in a positive, visual and conceptual way. I'm still not entirely sure I was ready for Found, but I done did it anyway, and I think I'm the better for it. But had I discovered I wasn't ready, I would not have made it anybody else's problem.

There are things I know I'll never be ready for, like Men Behind the Sun. I couldn't take Schindler's List; no thank you, Unit 731. There are things I could probably take but have no interest in, Joe D'Amato on the lame end and Ruggero Deodato on the competent but way too questionable end. And you know what? I do and will continue to stay out of those spaces.

Everyone moves at their own pace, and that's fine. That's what makes us unique individuals. I was part of the R.L. Stine generation. Our parents were professional pearl-clutchers, from scary books and movies to the *gasp* violence of Mortal Kombat. I was the one kid who wasn't out there trying to see what my gross-out threshold was and then yeet myself over that line. And that's okay.

It was still there when I caught up. Even if I only decided today that I was ready, it would be there just as it was the day it entered the world.

If you’re not ready for something, that's fine. It's fine if you come to it late, or never get there at all... as long as you stay out of those spaces until you are ready, and quietly turn around if you make a miscalculation and see something you're not actually prepared for. You have to take responsibility for your own content consumption. People come together to share something they like because it touches a piece of them, because they find understanding in it just the way it is. It's not right or fair to bulldoze other people's spaces in the name of expanding your own.

It may sound harsh, but it's a fact. If you're out here writing a ton of aftermath sadporn but you can't write the Before half and need basic elements of what is supposed to have caused your perpetually pathetic "whumpee" to become a sad pile of jello tw tagged, especially something as foundational as #blood, you're not ready for whump. Stay in angst spaces a little longer. It's not a race. It's not a competition. And you're not actually entitled to every space in the known universe.

[screechingpapercat]

Do I miss them? Fucking of course I do.

It hurts a little everytime I see a Facebook post of them all together after all these years.

They were my family for 10 years. Literally half of my life. I saw them more than biological family sometimes.

Do I want it back? Sometimes. I think about what would have happened if I didn't leave. I would have black gi pants by now. I'd be at the 13-14 year mark by now.

But would I be the me that I am now? I'm not sure. Probably not.

Leaving gave me the chance to fully be Flynn. To fully be autistic and queer and all the little things. It gave me more time and less anxiety.

Had I not left in senior year I think I would have left eventually. It was also because of college but dammit I'm not going to use that as an excuse like everyone else. It wasn't because I didn't have time it was because some of you were shitty people that made me feel bad about myself. You made me feel Unsafe and that's the truth.

Leaving gave me saber guild though. And it's not the same, I don't think anything can but it fills the hole. Something I love with people who love me. People who respect me and my identities. I don't worry about being dead named or misgendered or having to explain myself too hard if I get overstimulated. I dont have to flinch to myself and one other person when i hear a slur or some racist/homiphobic/transphobic shit because no one says them.I don't feel scared that I'll do something wrong and get called out for it. I don't worry about bruises or getting my ass kicked even though I could hold my own. I don't worry about unwanted touch or conversations.

I can stim when I'm happy, I can leave early if I need to without feeling like shit

I can talk about my lovely nonbinary partner without people making comments about how they "don't understand" they like my partner at saber guild. We want them to join with a costume of their own.

But fuck man I miss them, some of them at least and that's okay because I don't think I ever gave myself time to mourn an entire decade of my life. I had college apps to deal with and essays to write and work to do. I shoved my obis into my closet and left them there because I didn't want to look at them. I want to show them off. I fucking earned them. I struggled and fought through 10 goddamn years to get my black belt. I didn't even think I would get there. I did it during a fucking pandemic too. We had Karate on zoom and in masks and social distanced outside. I stayed for a year after that and took part in hazing kids younger than I was, I watched them cry from pain and stress and everything and all I did was keep yelling. I hate that I did that. Some kid bled on me because they wouldn't let him get a paper towel which was gross as hell and unsafe!!!!

I only really miss a handful of people. I only got close to a few people. It was kinda like having a huge extended family.

My media studies teacher in senior year helped me navigate some of this when I decided to leave. She read over emails with me and my mom fully went to bat once I decided I needed her to intervene.

And then you didn't believe me when I explained why I wanted to leave. So fuck you for that. I'm happy where I am now. I am doing so much better. I lost a community but gained two more in saber guild and other costuming clubs and in college. I can enjoy my summers without worrying about Karate camp. I don't come home exhausted from practice, I come home happy and ready to go back.

So yeah sometimes I miss it, not all but some. And I'm allowed to because it's only been a few years and I went through hell with some of those people. But those that really matter to me understood. They weren't mad at me. They see me living my life and tell me that I've found my people. To hear that from someone I haven't spoken to since senior year and can only go off my Facebook and Instagram posts is truly something amazing.

Maybe I'll get to a point where I no longer have stress dreams or worry about running into you in public. Maybe ill remember the good over the bad instead of immediately remebering how scared i always was. I hope I do because you shouldn't get to make me feel like that anymore. I'm happy where I am, with who I have and that's it.

[poltergeist-coffee]

I wasn't transcriptig that when they were live, I wouldn't be able to lol

You have no idea on how much I kept going back in the video

Truly an adhd moment

I GET SO HAPPY WHEN YOU SAY THAT MY ANALYSIS ARE ON POINT, THANK YOU

Getting a ask from me must be something, it will be a short one talking about random things or a entire essay?

The mistery twins' lore is so interesting to me, like, everything was pointing to qcellbit being qbagi's brother, it could've been a coincidence obviously but what if he just... Never thought it could've possible, he never had a family, not one that he remembered, where they were all those years? Where were they when he was in that war? When he needed? I think qbagi is like a mirror, she is what he could've been if life wasn't so cruel to him, if he wasn't forced to be a monster, if he never accepted it and enjoyed the feeling. If he had got the chance to have a normal life. And qbagi? They were aways together when they kids, like glue, when qcellbit disappeared it probably felt like she lost a part of herself. She spent fifteen years looking for him, she never gave up because she knew he was somewhere and she had to find him, how much dedication it takes to keep doing it for fifteen years? Did she felt something was missing? She was as lonely as qcellbit was? When they first argued when she told qcellbit they were siblings, he says she had parents, he didn't, he was alone, and qbagi? She just says "do you think mom and dad still alive?". They both had something taken away from them, qcellbit lost his chance of a normal childhood, of having a family, of just not being forced to do what he did, qbagi lost a brother, possibly her parents, she lost her memories, they both are angry, tired of the federation games, trying to get back their family back, neither of them is willing to give up, qcellbit wants to get the people he loves out of this hell, to find qforever and his son, the child he wanted to give a good life, to not have go through the same he had gotten through, qbagi finally found her brother, they are stuck together, whether he wants to or not, she's not leaving, she's willing to cover herself on blood, still, she doesn't want him to lose himself, to get hurt, and still, she won't agree or accept what he's doing without a word, because is not right, and she also wants to find qforever, to find the eggs, she never met them and yet she notices how empty and lifeless the island is without them, their signs are like echoes of laughs and good moments, of who they were. Qpac said she had a son and she didn't forget it.

They such interesting characters to me, as much qbagi won't give up on qcellbit, she won't agree with everything he does, she refuses to let he do this to innocent people, victims like them. Qcellbit is aware of what he is doing, fcell is not a different person, fcell is him, he changed, that's a undeniable fact, he's not as unhinged as he uses to be, he's mad at the federation, he can and will do anything if that's means he's finally getting results, but his anger is directed to the federation and the federation only, not to the people he cares(ccCelbit said that yesterday I think).

But qcellbit really pulled a kaneki from tokyo ghoul(drinking coffee to control himself)

I really like their dynamic, qbagi is just "I don't care if you see me as family or not, you're stuck with me and you can't get rid of me"

BUT YEAH, GOSH, WHAT WERE THOSE LINES? When Bagi said "why do you sabotage yourself" I went "oh, duck, this is going to get good" and qcellbit lines after that? The way you could hear the anger filling his voices slowly? It was good, but gosh, it was good. Both cc Cellbit and Bagi are so good at it, they delivered those lines so well. I really love how every cc acts as their characters, before the happy pills when qforever was just... Empty, you could hear it so well on his voice, the... Feeling of numbness was so well displayed, that feeling of... Nothingness, you feel kinda disconnected from your body and I think cc forever was amazing, and the happy pills arc? The total turn it took? Man, I could write a very long text about it, but cc forever deserves to be recognized for managing to stay on characters for so long, because wine thing is the voice and such, but he kept a smile the while stream(and the parts where he broke? Peak acting). Qpac is normally... He's normally a positive guy(they really broke him), when he got kidnaped qmike was mad, after all the things happening, qcellbit felt empty, people getting hurt was a common thing, he didn't feel anything when he finally managed to ruin the federation's plans when they stole the mini mes, qforever was destructive when the eggs disappeared, the thoughts of simply exploding everything, ending everything was so tempting. Qfelps is qfelps. But qpac? He's helpless, he's scared, as the others, he is willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of the people he loves without a second thought, he's broken, he's tired, he normally don't resorts to violence or anger like the others, he breaks, he panics, he's scared of getting hurt, scared of losing someone again, he's also tired of the federation games, he want them down too. But at the end of the day, what else can they do that haven't they tried before?

The favela six really need therapy(honestly, everyone needs) they have problems of they will probably end up kill themselves if nobody is there to keep their head on place

Also, I love whatever is going with qslime, he have that upbeat energy on his voice that doesn't look like he never accepted his daughter's death and is relying on a other being pretending being her and he's slowing getting corrupted and there's something really wrong happening but he simply doesn't care because he has his daughter back, he can try to make things right.

And qbbh, qbaguera an qetoiles and the others, I am mainly a Brazilian watcher(and by that I mean mostly TazerCraft and whoever the raid sent me to) but all the ccs are doing a great job

That annoying part of the fandom, just shut up, let them do what they want, they want to be the most vile villain? Let them be, we need drama, let them have fun

You know the saying, let them cook

Also I'm currently searching about jellyfishs, I'll probably do it with octopus too because I like them<3

I just found out about purple-striped Jelly (Chrysaora colorata), what I have to say about them? Nothing, I just thought it was pretty

There's also the black sea nettle (Chrysaora achlyos), they can quite massive, with a bell diameter potentially up to 1 metre (3 ft) and oral arms extending to 5 or 6 metres (16 or 20 ft)

- 🍽️ (<- family will be forced to hear random sea creatures facts after they are done with the research)

me when lore

adhd moment be like “i think i accidentally hyperfixed on etoiles” <- me, a thought that has been on my mind for a few days now, i perhaps am a bit too silly

MYSTERY TWINS LORE IS SOOO *BITING AT METAL PIPES* i agree i think cellbit didn’t think it was possible for him to even have a sibling, much less an entire family because all he knows was war and blood!! he doesn’t remmber his family!! of course he’d resist the idea because it doesn’t feel right! he didn’t have a chance to experience those things, he doesn’t remember it but bagi does!!! they’re both to sad and miserable and more alike then they realize TT

i love that bagi is willing to help cellbit in a way but doesn’t agree with it completely. like she wants to take down the federation as much as him but she doesn’t agree with how hes doign it. i think when forever comes back they have the potential to team up because they will both want to save cellbit and not agree with how hes killing innocent workers because in their head they aren’t doign anythign wrong, they don’t have a choice. cellbit is just hellbent on destroying ANYTHING related to the federation including the things that might not even affect it really? like hes already killed innocent people before, hes a killer, what’s one more person killed by him?

I LOVE THAT THEYRE ALL GETTING INTO IT TT LIKE GETTING SO INTO CHARACTER AND STUFF IRL?? LIKE HOW CCFOREVER UTALIZED HIS FACECAM AND WOULDNT STOP SMILING AND EVEN WORE ONLY WHITE AND STUFF AND NEVER STOPPED LIKE THE ENTIRE TIME HE WAS LIVE DURING THAT ARC!! AND HE STILL STREAMED LIKE HIS NOMRAL AROUNT!! his face must have been soooo sore after the streams from having to smile so much skmkfnksj

i want to pick up qpac and give him some warm soup and a nice blanket like he’s scared TO DEATH by qcellbit but he still told bagi hes willing to help her and to save qcellbit like !!!! HE HAS SO MUCH UNRESOLVED (?) TRAUMA FROM QCELLBIT STILL BUT HES ALSO COME TO CARE FOR HIM AND WANTS HIM TO BE SAFE AND OKAY AND AAAAAAAAAAAA AND HE MISSES MIKE ;—; HIS LITERAL SOULMATE HAS BEEN ASLEEP FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG HES PROBABLY WONDERED IF MIKE WILL EVER WAKE UP AGAIN LIKE !! AND ON TOP OF ALL THIS THEIR SON IS MISSING!! RICHAAAAAAAAAS TTTTTT

qslime was healing and he was making so much progress like he said he was going to try and become his own person he was healing but then THE CODE FUXKED IT UP!!! THE CODE OR WHATEVER THE HELL CAME AND RUINED IT ALL AND MADE HIM FALL STRAIGHT BACK INTO BEING DELUSIONAL AND AHIT AND!!! I JUST!!!! he was doing SO well but it all crumbled the instant he got on the train in his mine and saw codeflippa like oooooorgh TTTTTTT i don’t want him to get turned into a code like so badly i worry about his cubito so much TT he makes me so so sad

everyday i wonder what could have happened if etoiles went to be a villian but stopped because he worried with the backlash from twitter…. i wonder what could have been if (mostly fans from) twitter stopped being so nitpicky and let the creators do what they wanted….

now NO MORE LORE WERE TALKIGN ABOUT sea animals!! THE PURPLE STRIPED JELLY IS SO PRETTY OMGGG >:”00 ITS GORGEOUS!! why does the black sea nettle need to be that large…. who is it trying to impress…. stop being so massive…

[pansy-picnics]

OUGJJGG OKAY!!! YES!!! UR SO REAL FOR THIS…..I READ THAT BOOK ACTUALLY BC OF HOW DESPERATE I WAS FOR LANCE CONTENT. AND I HAVE. SO MANY THOUGHTS ABT IT AND LIKE. A LOT OF MIXED FEELINGS. 😭 i want to ramble abt this rq so spoilers for that book for anyone else obvs

BECAUSE THE LITTLE DETAILS MAKE ME SOOOOO ILL OKAY. IM SO NORMAL ABOUT HOW EUGENE WAS THE PROTECTIVE ONE WHO RUSHED INTO THINGS AND LANCE WAS THE QUIETER MORE OBSERVANT ONE. IM SO NORMAL ABOUT HOW THEY PARALLEL KIERA AND CATALINA BECAUSE OF THAT. HI.

also i was just SO glad to see lance have a bigger point in the plot ESPECIALLY THAT PART WHERE HE GOT MAD AT EUGENE LIKE THAT WENT SO HARD AND FOR NO REASON??? i’m so normal about lance strongbow Okay

i also adored them having their own little found family back at the orphanage and the barons whole thing being a traveling circus actually fits SO well. but i also had a lot of Issues with that book considering all the major plot inconsistencies it makes my autism brain go wild and not in a good way. like the implications of there being a fourth (5th?) brotherhood member because?????? Plot convenience IDK???? some of it was way more minor like the fact that eugene and lance technically grew up in vardaros and not corona but since that was never actually mentioned in the show and the supposed “episode” that was supposed to focus on it that got scrapped is kind of just an alleged thing we cant know for sure whether that was an actual plan or not. (its canon to me though even if it wasnt. its like vat7k to me its just too good not to be. lance sabotaging eugenes adoption when they were kids because he didnt want to be alone and that baggage getting dug up when theyre both adults its so. OUGHJGGG. DELICIOUS character development for the both of them)

I ALSO FELT LIKE THE ENDING AND CLIMAX WAS JUST OVERALL RLLY UNSATISFYING BUT THATS KIND OF JUST A PERSONAL THING??? idk i love the detail about how eugenes mom died though, i love the extra scraps of lance content, as someone who read it solely for the character interactions i give it like a solid 8/10. sorry u did not even ask for my whole essay abt how i feel about this book but i don’t really see a lot of people talk about the books aside from like. obviously the Gay Bible (the lost lagoon) which. so fucking valid actually that book goes so hard. but yeah i get really excited when ppl bring up the rise of flynn rider bc despite my own personal grievances w the book i really liked all the little details and i pulled a lot of them to consider as my own canon like i do with most of the books since they all gotta be taken with a grain of salt kinda

also ur so right about eugene and lances relationship. they’re like super close homies who wouldn’t ever want to be in any romantic or sexual relationship with one another but theyve DEFINITELY made out like at least once just for “practice”

any thoughts about eugene/lance and the stabbingtons (and maybe stalyan?) when they were younger…….ur stabbingtons content intetests me im curious about how you’d interpret that dynamic….i would also just LOVE to see how u draw lance im so desperate for content of him and i think hed look so good in ur style 😭

Oh my god I'm so totally normal about them ALL. So sorry if this reply is really long lmao

I'll be honest, I Did Not Give A Shit about the Stabbingtons as anything more than a plot device to make Eugene's life harder until a friend said "Sideburns Stabbington trans" and that perfectly lines up with my philosophy that "the only people with sideburns are transmascs and JSchlatt" (/j) which made me actually think about them more, lol. THEN, I read the Lost Legends book, The Rise of Flynn Rider and y'all it was all over for me after that. The Stabbingtons are carnies that worked at The Baron's circus, and like, my love for anything clown, circus, and carnival related grabbed my by the fuckin throat and there was no coming back from that one sjsskssk

So most of my HCs about the group come from that book specifically, which takes place when Eugene is 12 (almost 13) years old! Lance is the same age, and the Stabbies are "a little bit older".

Without going into a synopsis of the whole book and trying to stay on topic, Lance and Eugene met the Stabbingtons after joining The Baron's traveling circus. They also met Stalyan during that time, and Eugene specifically described her as "the only girl he'd ever met who wore pants" lol

And with that, here's some HCs lol

Despite Lance and Eugene being super close, I don't think they were all ever friends, moreso just working for the same people and working together when it was convenient outside of that. (ie, they all worked for The Baron at some point, but in the movie Eugene works with the Stabbies outside of that)

Sometime in their teen years, the guys all tried stuff together, like, "experimenting" with their sexualities for lack of a better term. Horny teens, lol.

Lance and Eugene dated for a while at some point, but eventually realized they weren't really into each other romantically or sexually, and would rather just be friends!

The Stabbingtons are 100% the type of guys that would do some gay shit, then call Eugene or Lance a slur for doing the exact same thing (wow, they're gay AND homophobic! /j)

Stalyan and Eugene dated on and off for YEARS like that one prep/jock couple from highschool that you never know when they're together or not because one of them will talk about marriage while the other says they're "taking a break"

I'm too eepy to be more coherent and this post is already so long but I have so many thoughts about The Rise of Flynn Rider, and the Stabbingtons specifically dskjfhdjksf like how the book straight up tells us how Eugene's mom died, and gives us small stuff that I'm latching onto so hard like where Lance got the name Lance Strongbow, and part of why Patchy doesn't talk, and that he likes the color green dfgdfgf

(also i prommy i'll draw lance just for u)

[ldh-headcannon]

Their preferred pet names for you

So this is what I think the leaders of Sword and the Amamiya bros prefer to call their S/O. Just a warning. I definitely went longer on certain members. I'm sorry for that, I just have a lot of feelings on them lol.

Cobra: I feel like he would stick with some classics like “baby” and “sweetheart”. But his favorite and main go-to would be “angel”. Cobra sees you as someone he desperately wants/needs to protect, but you are also his number one support and shoulder to cry on. He kinda sees you in the same light that he does Noboru. You are one of the best things in this town, and he wants to cherish that. He straight up believes you are too good for him, this town, the world. Just face it. You’re his angel. There is nothing gonna change about that.

Rocky: This man only has one pet name for his lover. And that’s “My queen”. To him, all women are royalty, but you. You are the only queen in his eyes. And not just any queen. His queen. LIke I said, this guy will treat his S/O like the highest royalty and worship the very ground you walk upon. So he will straight up refuse to call you anything else.

Murayama: So I’m gonna go on a whole tangent with this one. But hear me out. This guy is constantly just surrounded by man-children and just guys younger than him. And though some of them may hate to admit it (*cough Todoroki cough*), almost all of them look up to him in some way shape or form. So he kinda thinks of himself as a father figure to these kids. (I know that most of them aren’t really kids but we’re going by maturity here.) And with you being in a relationship with Murayama, that makes you the mom. So because of this, he likes to almost mockingly call you names that you tend to hear married couples use. Like “honey”, “sweetie”, or even “darling”. But when you get this dude riled up and in a more frisky mood, those names go out the window. From then on it’s “sweetness”. Could you imagine? “Come on sweetness. I need you to play nurse for me.” Just gah. I can’t get that thought out of my head lol.

Smoky: This is the one who will absolutely, 100% call you “love”. He has allowed his feelings for you to grow. And he is very aware that you feel the same for him. And honestly? Before you, he only ever really felt familial love towards the other people living on the Nameless Street. You? You’re different. He loves you with all his heart. And he honestly just wants you to know, as well as anyone else around, that he loves you. And he feels the best way to show that is by either calling you by your name or just calling you “love”.

Hyuga: Now this guy. This guy here is the one to call his S/O the more “raunchy” names like “baby doll”, “kitten” etc. Just a friendly reminder, Hyuga is extra af. This is the man who will strut right up to you, grab your butt with both hands in front of everyone and purr into your ear, “Hey baby doll. You missed me?” This goes along with the fact that he absolutely loves to see you flustered. It’s become one of his favorite past times to be completely honest. So he is gonna proudly call you the names most people will save for the bedroom in front of everyone and anyone. And you can bet that he expects you to give him the same treatment. He will wear such a prideful look on his face when you call him “daddy”/”master”/”sir” in front of his crew. Eventually he will forget that you even know his real name, considering he prefers that you always use the names listed above.

Masaki: He will stick with the basics for the most part. Masaki usually just calls you “babe”/”baby”. He just likes the sound of them honestly. This guy has flirted with plenty of people in his lifetime, but has had very few S/Os. So just being able to legitly call you his, makes him happy enough. Though on the nights he is feeling a bit more risque, he might switch it up to “princess”, “baby girl” and things of that nature.

Hiroto: This tsundere prince kinda gives off vibes that his pet names for you will change with his moods. The dude is kind of a gemini like that. When he is more relaxed and chilled out, it will be simple names like “babe” or maybe “hun”. But when he is in a darker mood. May it be mad, or frisky. Basically any mood that really lets out his super dominant vibes, you’re mostly likely going to be called some kind of animal. The animal will depend on how he views you personally. It will most likely be “bunny”, “kitten”, or “puppy”. Possibly “mouse”, but not likely. I can seriously imagine there was a moment where you really riled him up. Maybe you accidentally made him jealous, he just got done with a fight and is still a bit wound up and you’ve been egging him on. I don’t know the exact purpose, but he is in a mood and he just goes, “That’s it. I hope you’re ready for tonight bunny. Cuz’ you’re in for it now.” I could write a whole essay on this side of Hiroto, but there is still one more mood. When this dude goes all soft and needy, his go to is “angel”. This is usually reserved for those soft mornings or late night pillow talk. But anywho, this one has the most different names for you.

[oveliagirlhaditright]

The Mom Friend

Yeah… though Neku had certainly never signed up to be these four’s mom—and he still had no idea how that had happened—he now knew he wouldn’t change it for the world. Oneshot. Canon compliant. Mom friend Neku. Neo spoilers.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33385999

At first, if you had asked Neku if he had become the mom friend of the Wicked Twisters, he would have laughed in your face.

Because while he would admit he loved the youngins’—and was very protective of them—some old habits of wanting to be cool, and being somewhat rough around the edges, died hard.

But it was with Nagi that Neku finally realized that this was the case.

The girl had decided to go vegetarian, but her body was rejecting not having a lot of protein and thus needed something like nuts this very instance? Who was it but Neku, who went out to buy her some, at near three o’clock in the morning (because he was a good friend and had expanded his horizons that much), since her parents had recently died in a car crash and they could no longer do it for her, the poor girl.

So, Neku crept into Nagi’s dorm window around one-forty-five-ish—which, looking back on it, probably hadn’t been a good idea and could have scared his friend. But, hey: Neku had gotten used to being in the Game. And the week that Coco brought him back before he ran into Beat, he’d been in hiding, and had maybe gotten used to the idea some; and Nagi didn’t seem spooked, so maybe her mind was still stuck on sneaking around in the Reapers’ Game, too—and Nagi took the food out of Neku’s hands like it was the easiest thing in the world before ruffling his hair.

“Much obliged, Lord Neku,” she said as she fixed her glasses in this dim lighting, so she could see him better. Or so Neku guessed. “Now, hopefully, I can feel better enough, that I can work on my essay about the Canterbury Tales. …No one knows such suffering as me,” Nagi moaned, before going back to her bed and starting on the cashews.

“No, problem,” Neku said then—feeling sort of awkward, as he went to mess with a pair of headphones that were no longer on his person anymore—“if you need help with it… I, uhh, guess I could try and lend a hand. I have university coming up soon, too. And I know they’ll have me doing some English stuff, so…”

“Unless you want to be bored to tears, I suggest that you not make such a promise, unless your heart knows little joy,” Nagi warned him.

And Neku didn’t have to be told twice. So, he did backout of helping her with that paper.

But he knew when he visited Shiki soon—and she asked him what he’d been up to—she would still tease him about being the mom friend, for going out and buying protein for Nagi in the wee hours of the morning.

…

And it continued on like that… and Neku was somewhat loath to admit it, because hey: he had an image to uphold here.

But then again… maybe not, because if this was him pushing out his borders as far as they would go—as Mr. H had instructed him to do three years ago—Neku knew he would gladly do so… even at the risk was being called a “mom”, and even an “old maid”, or something.

Right now, Rindo had severely hurt his ankle… and who was he holding onto as they hobbled away, with designs to get him to a hospital? Neku.

“This is the last time I ever try something from the 90’s again!” Rindo complained, as Neku was half-carrying him to his car now (and how nice it was, that Neku could drive now—from memories of another him that hadn’t lost such formative years—that Joshua had implanted into his head).

“Yeah, Rindo… scooters were cool and everything—yours truly had one—but even I don’t know why you decided to try and bring them back now of all times… Especially since they had a bad habit of spinning right back around and nailing you in the ankle… which you know all too well now,”

And godamnit. Neku really had become the mom friend, huh, if he was now telling his younger friend this venture had been dangerous from the get-go, and how he could have easily seen that if he’d tried to?

Neku pulled on one of his spikes, irritated with himself here, but tried not to show Rindo, lest he think he was mad at him.

“Well, I’d thought about getting a motor scooter,” Rindo explained, Neku loading his pal into his backseat now. “So, I think that’s what got scooters on my brain… But I was trying to be green, and still think of a faster way to catch things in FanGo than walking! And now look where it got me. Oy! …But I guess I shouldn’t be complaining. This should be the least of my problems, when just a few weeks ago I was fighting for you guys’ survival, huh?”

And Rindo paused in where he’d been about to put a hand over his eyes, to peek at Neku now who was currently getting into the driver’s seat—as if he was asking for the past Living Legend to remind the new one to have his priorities straight.

“For real,” Neku told Rindo, whilst he started to pull away now. “When I got out, I was mostly thinking about the Game… about what Joshua did, and how even then, I still trusted him but couldn’t forgive him. And I was so excited to finally meet up with my friends—to finally have some and care about that—be glad, Rindo, that you got out with your friends, and there’s so much trust between you. Like there is between Josh and I now.”

And Rindo set down his phone then—apparently like he had when he first met Shoka in the RG—like he was really listening to what Neku had to say, and he had to appreciate that.

And it might have been his imagination… but Neku could have sworn he saw a flash of blue nodding his head at Neku’s words, as it sat back there with the injured Rindo.

…

The next time Neku ended up being the “mom” for someone in the Wicked Twisters, after the Game, it was with Fret.

It was towards the end of his and Rindo’s sophomore year of high school…

Fret had been ecstatic to come back to life, Neku had known, and wasn’t wasting his second chance. He had really thrown himself into his studies, Rindo had told Neku in private (quite proudly, Neku might add).

If he could keep it up, he would probably even be able to graduate early. And talent scouts were looking at him, Neku had been told: towards a kid who hadn’t strived that hard in school, but now was and excelling because of it.

Naturally, Fret had decided that his calling was fashion—everyone who had been playing the Reapers’ Game with him would have gathered just how much he loved clothes—and apparently he had really thrown himself into designing towards the end of the year, and was trying to put a portfolio together for Jupiter of the Monkey to look at: who the school was suggesting he try and intern with, as they had some connections with (and damn, if Neku didn’t wish he’d gone to Fret and Rindo’s school now, being a huge J of the M fan himself).

Part of Neku wondered why Fret just didn’t try to intern with Shiki during his senior year, but perhaps it was because he was afraid Shiki would just give him the position because they were friends and not because she really thought he was talented.

Anyway… Fret hadn’t gotten the internship. J of the M had said the Fret should try to use less color (you know what? Maybe Neku didn’t like them very much anymore…).

And since then… Fret had seemed to give up on his dream of being a fashion designer, and was trying to be an actor.

And, look: Neku had no problem if him wanting to do both, if he thought he could do it and this was really what Fret wanted… though call him crazy, but he felt like something else was at work here: something that Neku and Shiki had both experienced before.

So, Neku had sat Fret down to talk about it at Ken Doi’s—away from the filmmakers who were currently trying to film in Dogenzaka, that Fret had just been a part of—and laid it all out on the table, “It’s okay… to get Imposter Syndrome. I’ve had it before with my art. Even Shiki has before. But if you want to be an artist, you’re going to fall down a few times… Fret, I feel like you don’t want to be an actor, so much as you don’t mind people dinging your acting, because that isn’t something you care about as much as your designing.”

And after Neku had spoken, Fret somehow looked both like Neku had made him had an epiphany he hadn’t quite realized, and like Neku had stumbled upon the horrible truth he hadn’t wanted anyone to figure out.

Neku took a bite of the yummy curry that Ken Doi had been kind enough to make just for him, after he’d brought Joshua around recently (he’d said he’d missed the two of them. Go figure), and let Fret get his bearings.

And now he was sighing, and running a hand through his hair, much like Neku often did. Neku smiled, finding it hard not to sympathize.

“Oh, man. I really do have to get back into fashion, huh?”

“You do,” Neku agreed, wondering what wonderful articles of clothing Fret might come up with for him to wear in the future. Shoka, too. Really, with those two and Shiki and Eri, Neku had it made in the clothes department, and he was not complaining. “And it’ll be hard sometimes. But most things in life worth gaining are.”

And when Fret smiled back at him, Neku knew he’d made some progress here—which was good—and then he did one thing that was decidedly not mom-like, and let Fret get the bill. Why? Because Neku was a starving college student at this point, and Fret still had parents who paid for stuff for him.

…

And then the last person who needed Neku’s help (…for now, he guessed. Because apparently this was a full-time gig. And at this point, Neku wasn’t complaining because he happily would have taken custody of all the Wicked Twisters long ago if he could’ve), was Shoka.

…Who was freaking out after Rindo having tried to give her a promise ring and wasn’t at all being her usual FanGo loving self, where Rindo was concerned.

And, yeah… Shoka could be a bit of a tsundere sometimes, but Neku felt like the issue ran much deeper.

Neku also happened to see Shoka looking into the mirror a lot lately… And at first, he wondered if she’d become self-conscious like Shiki had been.

But upon hearing the arrogant comments that Shoka still said about herself—that Neku’s surrogate little sister so deserved to say, he thought—he knew that wasn’t the case.

He tried to use a bit of his soul power on her… because it turned out that Neku was strong enough to use it in the RG some, but all that really told the ginger was that it was a deep-rooted issue with Shoka and not what said issue was.

Finally, Neku knew he had to just talk to her.

“Let me in, Shoka,” he urged her—after he’d caught her looking at wedding dresses in her apartment at a group hang-out (it was just the two of them at said hang-out right now; everyone else had gone to get food for everybody). “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

And it was pretty fitting, Neku would later think, that he used Shiki’s old words to him with Shoka here, since she made him think of Shiki some—what with her favorite Mr. Mew hoodie and all. Especially when they’d been in the Game.

And at his question, Shoka sighed—like opening her thoughts to Neku was the biggest burden in the world—and dropped the magazine like it had burned her.

“What?” she demanded, fiddling with the zipper at her neck. “About Rindo? I feel like him wanting to give me a promise ring is silly—and of a time gone by—so of course I told him ‘no’, and give him a hard time about it. Not all of us can be you and Shiki, you know…”

And with that, Shoka seemed content to ignore Neku, and to go boot up her PS5 so she could play the “Stranger of Paradise” demo.

And, hey: more power to her—Neku thought it looked sick, too—but no way was he letting her get off that easily. “That’s a lie, Shoka, and we both know it. So, what’s really going on here?”

Shoka was sighing once more now—as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders. And it probably was, with this tragic girl—but she shuffled on the couch closer to Neku, which he saw as a good sign. “Fine… I guess I should have known that I couldn’t lie to Mr. Soul-Reader… I just- I feel I look too much like them: Ayano and my little sister. And I know it’s dumb, but I worry about it.

“Will I be like Ayano and settle into one thing? Like, say I get really into being Rindo’s girlfriend here… but I force myself to marry him one day, because he really wants that: what if we end up living a loveless life because of that, I didn’t want to tie the knot but forced myself to just because it was what he desired? And since I look like Little Sis… If Rindo and I do end up together, what if I end up dying young like she did and leaving Rindo alone. It’s too much.”

And here Neku had to pull Shoka into a small hug and kiss the crown of her head, whilst he ran calming hands down her arms. Shoka had been through way too much trauma for someone so young. It wasn’t fair. But even with all of that… Neku had to make sure she was sure of one thing right now.

So, he got off the couch and kneeled in front of Shoka, so she was looking into his eyes, and wouldn’t miss how serious this was. “Shoka… you definitely have a lot of baggage there, that I do think you should talk to Rindo about. And I’m so sorry that you’ve lost so much family for someone so young… but know that your family isn’t you. Their lives aren’t yours, nor are the things that they did. The things you do are going to be totally different from them, and you have to make those decisions for yourself. Got it?”

“Okay, Neku,” Shoka allowed, while she helped to pull Neku back up now. And she seemed to be blushing a little… but that was okay, because so was he. Neku may have been the mom of this little group, but big declarations of the heart like that could still be hard for him.

“Thanks!” Shoka beamed, before throwing herself at Neku to give him a quick hug this time.

And Neku laughed slightly. “No problem. Now, what do you say we get super far in this awesome demo before our friends get back, for being losers in forgetting to take us with them to get the food?”

“I think that sounds like a pretty sweet deal!” Shoka agreed, already pulling away from Neku and going for the controller.

Yeah… though Neku had certainly never signed up to be these four’s mom—and he still had no idea how that had happened—he now knew he wouldn’t change it for the world.

Especially when the rest of his children came back happy—which was always a perfect sight to see—and Shoka did end up working things out with Rindo.

It was a wonderful world, indeed.

Author’s Note: Yeah, I’m headcanoning here that the last Dive that you do (not counting Rhyme) for the little ghost from Shinjuku was Shoka’s sister.

Hope you all enjoyed!

[lol-q]

There’s so many things I love about the show that I haven’t seen people give enough credit for and I want to go on a little ramble because people are focusing so much on what they don’t like vs. what they do. So here’s my list. Sorry for the grammatical errors 😬

I love that the lesbian main character is this sweet, innocent, big hearted young woman and not portrayed as a overly sexual fuckboi that hits on every woman. I love that Fatou is soft and gentle. More lesbian rep like that please

I love the soundtrack. It’s exactly the type of stuff I imagine Fatou would listen to and it’s not just the top 100 hit songs.

I love that they use the soundtrack as a way to connect to the plot line, like the lyrics to the song Fatou was listening to when she was on the rooftop said “And I hate to leave you feeling all alone.But your story cannot start until you've grown. You can find how to be OK on your own. I just can't be the one that makes you feel at home” which was a hint as to where the plot was going

^^ also the song playing during Kieu My and Fatou’s museum date

I love the little mannerisms Nhungi chooses to show as Kieu My. The happy little bounce she did in ep 1 when she called out Fatou’s name and when she subtly checked Fatou out by looking her up and down.

I love how their rooms show their individual personality so well. Like Fatou’s room in the beginning of the season was normal and then it became increasingly messy as the episodes moved forward, showing her stress and chaos in her life

I love the height difference between Fatou and her brother lol

I love when her brother and her were thinking of what to get their parents so they split the bill on a gift - a very subtle way of showing siblings interacting

I love when Fatou and Ismail interact cuz it’s so funny

I love the physics teachers speaking voice, he sounds like kermit the frog

I love fatou’s eyebrows. Idk it’s just so perfect. Give me tips plz

I love that the characters rewear clothing. And it’s not a show where every episode is a new outfit with new clothes. Very realistic and it always bothered me when teens on highschool on tv have new clothes every episode

I love that Fatou’s original bio on tinder was “wanna cuddle?”. I feel like that girl would rather cuddle with someone than win the lottery. She’s so soft (also why did it say she was 24 in ep 2 when she was on tinder lol)

I love that the show showed the struggles of coming from a bilingual family and being the only one that struggles to speak it. When fatou was talking to her grandparents with her brother and her brother had to translate for her and it was awkward af, I felt that. I’m the youngest in my family and I struggle to speak Tagalog so people have to translate for me sometimes and it sucks.

^^ I relate to fatou so much in that scene cuz the dynamic in my family is the same as Fatou’s. My parents lay off and let me and my brother do our thing unless there’s an indication we need their help. The only time I ever spoke about school with my family was when report cards would come and they would see my grades weren’t that good. I remember my mom seeing I had a D in middle school and automatically jumping to conclusiosn without letting me speak. My brother is academically successful and he would also try and get me to do more school stuff when I was younger. Like he would make me do math problems to help with my grades. So it’s all very relatable for me

I love when Fatou sings, her voice is so soft and smooth.

I love whenever Kieu My and fatou are flirting both so blatantly and yet so subtly. Like the tension is there but it’s still awkward despite how smooth they both try to be it’s so adorable

I love how Fatou and Kieu My are so confident flirting and talking to eachother through texting but when it’s irl it’s still awkward and new. It shows the reality of an actual relationship in the making. It’s not just a full head dive into “I love you”.

I love when they were at the table tennis bar place and Fatou was hyping up Ava when there were dudes looking at them and Ava did a fancy ass turn and smile. She’s so pretty

I love that Fatou’s problems were shown in subtle ways in the beginning with money. Counting money at her job and when she wa trying to pay for the drink at the bar. It was a small interaction but in real life it would cause a lot of stress and anxiety if money counting problems kept happening over and over again

I love Yara and Josh’s friendship. More platonic friendship between a male and a female please. Also more Yara in general please.

I love that Zoe owned up to her actions last year to the entire group (minus Ismail Constantine and Kieu my) on New Years. I see her owning up to the role as Nora’s big sister.

I love when Josh was drinking a lot during New Years and Fatou was trying to get him to slow down. It shows how big her heart is for her friends. Also I think Josh and Fatou could be great friends

I love that Kieu My looks at Fatou like she hung the stars. When Fatou mentioned she knew Kieu My was a Scorpio, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen that girl smiled so big (before episode 5 of course)

I love that whenever they kiss Kieu my is smiling.

I love Sira’s side profile. There I said it. Girl has the jawline of a Greek goddess.

I love that they change Fatou’s hair. She looks good in every hair style but it’s always nice to see her in different styles.

I love that they showed the struggles of being a passive and gentle person. Because we’re not assertive in regular everyday life we are easily looked over. And it’s hard for us to muster the gusto to be assertive and take what we need because we prefer shying away from conflict and just letting things flow. I relate to fatou’s character so much in that sense. I lowkey think this is the universe’s way of telling me to stop being so passive about life and to take charge idk.

I love that the topic of white savior and performative activism was touched on. And I love that it was between two friends because it’s very realistic to how dynamics work between young people these days. The way they handle it differs in opinion but the fact that they even spoke about it was great.

I love that moment when Kieu My wrapped the vietnamese pancake in the lettuce snd handed it to Fatou. Its so sweet. If I was Fatou I would have forgiven her right then and there lol

I LOVE THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWo. YES MORE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE.

Episode 6. Just all of it. Even the angsty part. I want more of that. Episode 6 yes. I’ll marry episode 6

Kieu My wearing Fatou’s cardigan. 💕💕💕💕💕💕✨✨✨✨✨😫😫💕✨✨🥺

^^ but also as a person that tried bangs before, you can’t tell me that girl woke up with her bangs perfectly in place lol. This girl probably bought a mini straightener or something too

Fatou telling Kieu My it doesn’t matter if she wears make up or not rather than going off on how she looks prettier without it. She’s just like “it doesn’t matter. You’re pretty no matter what, my little space nerd”

Pissed off fatou is a hot fatou. Js

I love Sira’s acting in general. But the way she shows Fatou’s sadness is great. It’s not just tears and that’s it. When she got fired it was a build up of tears but she wasn’t sobbing, same thing with the cashqueens argument. But she broke when her and Kieu My got in a fight.

Finn being socially awkward. It’s so funny cuz Zoe is this bubbly party girl and her boyfriend is so awkward. Nice balance.

^^also his hair makes me laugh idk why

Ismail opening up to Fatou shows how so many people feel at ease with her. Girl has a calming presence for everybody, she doesn’t even realize how much she’s helped others.

I love that Constantine wears the same jacket over and over again. Idk it seems to fit his character.

^^also kudos to the actor who plays him, he’s doing an amazing job

Love Fatou. Love her dimples and her soft voice. She gets all high pitched when she’s normally speaking but when she was fighting with Kieu My her voice became lower. Just love the way Sira’s voice sounds. Also Nhungi’s speaking voice.

Love the shaky camera movements. The fast pans and the slow motion dance scenes.

Love the aesthetic of Kieu My smoking but PLEASE DONT SMOKE, CHILDREN. ITS BAD FOR YOU.

Love the different aesthetics of the cashqueens

Love maike. Great actress. Give this turtle an Oscar.

Love Kieu My climbing the roof to help her Fatou. Softie to her girlfriend but an ice queen to the world lol.

Love the actors. Love the characters. It just makes me so happy.

This is so well written, i might actually cry no but really it was really nice to read your positive and cuteee facts after the tag check :/ and it really helped because i get mad and sad when i see bad takes. Everything you said was so true and i think im fangirling over this essay. And it made me emotional 👉👈.  Represantation does really matter.

This season is so important for so many people and i don’t think some people realize that when they’re ‘’criticizing’’ some things. Not only we have a lesbian main, we have a black lesbian main who is the softest person in the world and she has LD and/or ADHD. I sometimes can’t believe we got to the point of skamverse where we get rep instead of hurtful,problematic seasons and plots, some might interpret that as shade but it really isn’t, careless storylines really does hurt ppl and why would you want to hurt people when you can give 8 min of sapphic museum date instead 👭🌌 :)

i love this season, i love this gen and i love this essay

[kakyoinryoko]

im curious what u think jotaros life pre sdc was like

probably not good from what we see but i’m not super into speculation about this sort of thing beyond what can be inferred on a pretty base level... like, i feel no need to have detailed headcanons about everything that happened to him exactly. i have vague ideas but nothing super in depth outside of how him being gay and trans affects things already established or implied. i don’t know what exactly jotaro’s high school fights would revolve around, for example, and i don’t particularly have any desire to come up with any headcanons for this. i say this but i’m about to drop an entire essay here i guess. cool, embarrassing, etc

i’ve talked about it a little before but i think Something happened to him between entering high school and reaching his third year that kinda fucked him up, and whatever it was caused him to start acting more coldly and harshly towards his mother, who he previously was very openly loving towards. i’ve heard people say that the only reason holly sees him that way at the beginning of sdc is because she has illusions about her son being a better and kinder person than he is, but that’s just not true. i don’t think the imagery of him dressing like a proper student and being happy to receive a valentine and smiling at her and openly expressing his love for her cooking were false memories, i think he actually said and did those things, it was just stuff that happened when he was younger, probably a first year. i’ve said it over and over, but as it is, in the present day (as of sdc), she fully understands what her son is like. she’s introduced into the series asking the cops how many people he killed. that was her instinctual guess upon hearing he was arrested—this says to me 1) he’s never been arrested before, but 2) she knows about the fighting he gets up to and has feared that this is where it would end at some point. she also emphasizes the fact that he can’t fool her when it comes to his tough guy act—she realizes that it’s deep beneath his extremely rough exterior, but he IS a good and caring person at heart. she never says anything about him that isn’t true, and anyone brushing her off as a dumb naive woman just isn’t reading between the lines. or maybe isn’t reading at all frankly. it’s all right there in front of you.

as for his past. at a guess. it seems like he doesn’t really have any friends at all, at any point in the manga, outside of the people we see him interacting with in the parts themselves. as of his childhood and teen years, the fact that he’s half american and his father is largely absent is one possible reason i have heard brought up before, but i think it’s also because he comes across as pretty weird and hard to get along with. as an autistic person i see a lot of myself and my own struggles with interpersonal relationships in jotaro, so i think his issues with people are in no small part because he is autistic himself. i’m not going to belabor the explanation here because others have made better posts than i could about why he reads so heavily as autistic, but i think it comes down to him missing social cues, and not coming across the way he intends to, and not being able to read the implications in the things people say to him, and him being trans on top of that would make him feel like even more of an odd one out. i think he would deal with that by being kind of a sukeban type, so at least his ostracization feels like he’s in control of it and he’s being strong, but even so, acting like a scary tough girl isn’t a replacement for transitioning.

i think he would start transitioning (which is to say, changing his name and presentation and starting testosterone, but that’s about all) late in middle school, around 14, so that by the time he’s a first year in high school he’s fully stealth. and it makes him happy at first, because people are talking to him as a boy, and using a boy’s name for him (perhaps part of why he’s so chill about people calling him by first name the second they meet him, since that’s a little odd to do otherwise), so for a time he’s a happy enough kid. i think t hits him pretty hard and fast, and he shoots up almost immediately and gets to be like six feet tall and buff and deep voiced by the time he’s like 15, so suddenly he’s not so much the awkward american girl as he is the super tall strong guy that the guys all fear and respect and the girls all have a crush on, which is maybe nice at first, but i think the allure would wear off pretty fast.

i don’t think he necessarily realizes that it’s because he’s gay, but we see ourselves pretty clearly that he doesn’t enjoy the attention from girls beyond maybe thinking it’s a better alternative to having them mock him like when he was younger. he hates having them crowd around him and fawn over him—he has no interest in any of them in the first place, and none of them ACTUALLY care who he is, just that he’s tall and strong and handsome, and he hates that. and then, of course, guys fearing and respecting him turns into people wanting to fight him, and something terrible happens as a result of that, and he ends up an extremely guarded and hostile person as a result, even to the ones he loves. it gets to the point where he’s a target for actual serious violence, even from grown adult gang members as we see at the start of sdc, so his desire to keep people away from him as a means of keeping them safe kicks in—and this is something that sticks with him for the rest of his life, even into his 40s with his daughter. only tangentially related but i think the true tragedy of part 3 is that he was finally getting over that mindset, he was finally starting to see value in keeping people close to him and trusting in and relying on others. but primarily we see him express this sentiment towards kakyoin. and kakyoin dies. and more specifically dies for jotaro. so that all comes crashing down hard, and he’s right back where he started.

back to the main point i also feel i should mention i’m 100% of the belief he has perfect grades and attendance even when he’s more into the delinquent act. i say act mostly because i don’t think he’s actually hugely into the whole bancho subculture; i don’t think he would actually join any gangs, i think he prefers to keep to himself until other people go looking to start shit with him, which he always finishes handily (allegedly, no one has ever seen him get hurt before). probably including the teacher who he ran off, regardless of whatever happened then—he says himself that injustice and harming the weak makes him extremely mad, so there was definitely more going on there than just “jotaro got mad at a teacher because he’s a violent person and beat the shit out of him for no reason and so the guy got scared and quit,” though i don’t really care to speculate deeper than that. the teacher was not an innocent party is all i’m saying.

i suppose this is all just an unreasonably long winded way of saying “idk but i sure think about it a lot.” basically just extrapolations from the way he interacts with his peers from what little we see, and from the bio about him coming across in a much more cold and aloof way than he thinks he does, and from his relationship with his mom, and from what we see based on her memories of him when he was younger.

[crystal--rxuge]

I remember the first episode I cried at in MacGyver. It was when Riley hacked into the NSA to save her mom. (1x11)

The scene that got me was in the elevator when Jack and Riley aired their true feelings out.

Jack trying to protect Riley from the truth but not knowing Riley already knew everything. The fact that Jack thought Riley was mad at him because he beat up her abusive dad, but it was the fact that, in the end, he left.

That scene has stuck out to me even til this day. The emotion, the tension, the honesty, the truth. It was so heavy and heartbreaking seeing two people who love each other - who’s practically father/daughter, be at odds. The miscommunication and misunderstanding from Jacks part and the hurt from abandonment on Riley’s part.

Riley and Jacks relationship was one of my favourites on the show. They showed what it’s like to be family, to try and connect and grow and move forward with trust and love.

I also love how in everything, Macs always there. He wasn’t just Jacks partner, but also his sounding board, his voice of reason - especially when it came down to Riley.

And now he’s Riley’s sounding board and Riley is his. (3x21) (4x04) (4x07)

He’s been there through all the Jack/Riley drama; he’s seen them mend, break, trust and grow. And for him to stand in the middle of them in the elevator, then trusting him enough to speak their honest truth in front of him spoke volumes.

Mac gave Riley a second chance at life. I mean yeah, Jack was the one to suggest hiring Riley, but it was Macs word that sealed the deal. Mac trusted Jacks judgement of Riley, despite not knowing her and meeting her in her 2nd year out of 5 years in prison. He didn’t ask her for details about why she was in prison, he didn’t judge her, he didn’t ask her to prove herself to him, he at the first instant trusted her. He trusted Jacks trust in Riley. (1x01) (1x07)

So for Jack and Riley to discuss personal information and feelings in front of Mac is a huge deal!

Ever since Jack left, Mac has become that person to Riley to talk to, and so is Riley to Mac. They’re both open, honest and non-judgemental. They give sound advice and never say “I told you so”. They give advice but let the other do what they want, however, the thing is, the other always takes the advice. Like when Riley told Mac to meet his dad in the restaurant and to try to give him a second chance otherwise he might regret it if he didn’t one day - she spoke from personal experience - and that’s why Mac followed her advice, because she had been in the same position with Elwood once. They respect each other enough to take their conversations seriously and follow through. (3x04)

I could write a whole essay on the dynamics between the three of them but I won’t right now.

I miss the OG trio. I miss their bond and dynamic. Them three were the main reason I started to love the show. Their dynamic and bond wasn’t like any I’ve seen on a show.

Mac, Jack and Riley together were amazing. Mac being in the forefront of action and having pressure on him 24/7. Jack having his back, protecting him and keeping him alive. Riley keeping them both grounded, being their eyes and I believe she’s the only person on the team that genuinely listens to Mac when he tries to explain his plans, and even better, she understands what he’s saying most of the time too.

My badass trio!

One day I want Jack to come back and go Skeeballing with both Riley and Mac.

[thebellekeys]

I Love Matthew Fairchild aka Incoherent Thoughts about Chain of Iron (2021) by Cassandra Clare

I made one of these rant-rave reviews for SJM's book so check it out if you want, no pressure tho lmao.

Aight so I finished Chain of Iron last night and OMG I HAVE TO YELL like I loved it sooo much like yooo, I have a lot to say. I know the book is new so... beware for spoilers plebs.

Also context: I been reading the Shadowhunter books since I was 12 and I'm 19 now *insert dead emoji face* so yeah, I'm just so happy rn with where the Chronicles have come and the fact that they’re still ongoing *insert uwu face*. I remember when in like 2014-2015 or something when Cassandra Clare teased that Will and Tessa's kids' generation was gonna get a trilogy set in Edwardian London, loosely based on Great Expectations, and holy hell? I think that was perhaps one of the best days of my life considering how much I adore The Infernal Devices (that trilogy really changed the way I see YA literature... don't ask cus I won't shut up about it) (also yes I read TMI and loved it too but there's a “generation gap” between TMI and the other Shadowhunter books stylistically so don't ask me about that either cus I also won't shut up).

Anyway, shoo from here if you want a critical essay on Chain of Iron. I'm not providing that, this is just me raving here for the fun.

Listen... I want the bulk of this to just be two main things: The Matthew Situation, and then all the literary and judeo-christian meta aspects of it.

BUT I ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE SO FRICK LET'S JUST START WITH THE OBVIOUS SHIT LIKE THE PLOT AND WHATEVER

Okay, the plot and writing and shit, let's get that out of the way:

The WHOLE Jack-the-Ripper-esque ambiance was just sooooo good man wow like I did not expect the book to take this cold turn but it worked so well. There was such a contrast between Jamie and Cordelia's warm little house and then the cold winter and the stabbings and shit and it felt like a nice little callback to the actual Ripper phenomenon that preceded them and a nod to the Whitechapel Fiend story from Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy.

Bitch OFC that whole thing with Wayland was a set-up like nawww that was too easy to spot and I get why Cordelia feels like shit about it.

Dawg Lucie was just the Among Us imposter here in that my girl was just venting and sneaking around with dead people and I was like nooooo girl run, don't deal with Fade this is a set-up THINK ABOUT JULES LUCIE THAT'S LIKE YO GREAT-GRANDSON *sobs* but yeah anyway my girl has death powers she gonna kill some bitches next book.

You see that confrontation between Lilith and Belial? MASTERPIECE DIALOGUE like this was the point within which I was just like "yo is this the book of Genesis or a YA Fantasy novel" like when Lilith said "I may have been cast out but I did not fall" like??????????????????? I YELLED she did not have to END Belial like that. What a bad bitch.

More on Lilith and Belial... "You, who brought nations into darkness? Shall I finally be able to tell the infernal realms you have gone mad, lost even the image of the Creator." HAHAHHAHAHA SHE SAID "YO BELIAL GO GET SOME THERAPY AND GET OFF MY ASS" LIKE??????

Ughhhh yasss Clare has improved writing diverse characters in this book compared to in The Dark Artifices in my opinion... I'm not gonna expand on it cus ain't nobody got time for that but like, I enjoyed how she wove Persian poetry and tales into the story and the way in which she writes Cordelia and Alistair. They're not caricatures of Persian people but rather multi-faceted beings who also happen to be Persian and I appreciate that. Also, Alistair and Thomas and Anna and Ariadne were just so fun and interesting to read as coupbles but also as individuals. She really higlighted diversity in a very natural manner. All I need is a hijabi character and I’ll die a happy woman lmao.

The level of META man like the references to Classics and art (I swear, she might have compared Matthew to angels out of Caravaggio AND Rosetti AND Boticelli paintings and I Am Living For It) and just all the quotes from holy books and shit omg I love it here like you really feel catapulted into the time period, she draws reference to external art and philosophy so well and I feel like she upped the notch on it in this book (didn’t know that was possible but it was the prose is BEAUTIFUL, archaic, but not pretentiously so). No, like the characters live in their OWN worlds of literature and art and history in the way we are living in THEIRS. They quote Wilde and Milton while we'll quote Clare. It's awesome.

This is an unusually structuralist take even from me but: I like the way the milieu social of the book, i.e., the high society Edwardian circles and their values, have a direct influence on the plot. James and Cordelia got married because society’s values essentially forced them to, not a demon. Cordelia abandons Jamie at the end of Iron because her shame as a woman in society and fear for her reputation made her, not a demon. Thomas and Alistair can't be together solely because of how Alistair tarnished the reputation of the Fairchilds and Lightwoods by using the horror of infidelity against them. Issues relating to marriage, gender roles, etc, stemming DIRECTLY from the time period rule the sequence of events to the same degree as the epic fantasy aspects (demons, Princes of Hell, the lore itself) do and I LOVE that dear God above.

OKAY THE GOOD SHIT LET US TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS AND SHIPS (N.B. but imma discuss Matthew and the Fairstairs situation separately below this portion):

Alistair's redemption arc: No, cus Alistair's redemption arc is honestly amazing. He really did change and it's not like his betterment as a person was linked to any one heroic deed but rather he simply decided he wanted to be better especially for his family and he decided to become a proper protective son, a caring brother, and an amiable friend. He fully owned up to his Malfoy tendencies and apologized without expecting forgiveness. He shows how he cares in the little ways and omg it's so sweet and tender. I really do want him to love himself now and be embraced by Matthew especially and the rest of the Thieves.

Dawg Lucie and Jesse are so funny to me like it's so hilarious how this girl fell in love with a whole ass ghost that no one else knows about like HHAHA. Are Lucie and Jesse my ult ship ever? Nah, but it's nothing to do with Clare, it's just that their relationship happened pretty quick and feels quite like something epicly romantic that Lucie herself would write. I just like slow burn and friends-to-lovers the most from Clare. To be honest part of me just wanted Lucie to not have a romantic arc all together but like, it's all good, I'm not complaining.

Okay Grace- like yooooooooooo I never hated her yunno. She has been abused and isolated all her life. It's not that she is a bad person, but rather that she does not know what being a person even entails. Can't even say she's a “doll” of a person cus she's never even been pampered like one by her family. I really started understanding her motivations since when they gave us her half-childhood with Jesse. I want better for her but cmon can she REALLY be saved???

GRACE X CHRISTOPHER *pretends to be shocked*... Okay, sometime in the middle of the Dark Artifices series some big brain put together a very thorough family tree of the families and like, it clearly showed that Grace and Christopher got married so like, lmfaooooo, I knew this was coming one way or another, but the journey to this ship is more important than the destination. Like in a way Christopher is such a cute baby lamb that it makes sense he'd end up being immune to her Grace-ness when he's just a cute little Einstein boiii. Like this is just so funny to me cus he's so oblivious to social conventions while she makes the milieu social her entire life so OFC it's gonna work. Like, this is such a worlds-colliding trope like just Give It To Me.

James and Grace - aw mannn Jamie just had me fricking wanting to hit a wall every two seconds cus like yooooooo every single time I think he and Cordelia are gonna stop being emotionally-constipated spouses, Jamie says some kinda shit like "omg me and Daisy are just friends uwu" like DO I NEED TO HIT YOU?????????? See I can't blame him for not slamming the door on Grace's face even tho he totes should- Jamie is so cerebral and kind that even if Grace wasn't using the enchantment on him, I think he would always be soft for her even if it isn't in a romantic way. There's just so much miscommunication cus like he said "Thank God" when she broke off the engagement with Charles and lowkey embraced her but it also wasn't his fault cus it wasn't even romantic BUT OFC IT LOOKED HORRIBLE TO CORDELIA like James literally never told the woman at least once that he loved her so OFC she thought she was back to square one with him dear God above what a mess. Not his fault, but she DID set down one rule for him: don’t cheat with Grace. And yeah even tho he hasn’t properly cheated, it must FEEL horrible to her cus she’s just been enduring the pain of their unrequeted love for so long :((

See imma just say it but if Cordelia thought that James didn't love Grace then she def would have confessed to him about her feelings right but like James, on the other hand, was delaying his own romantic confession cus he was BEING EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED and I can't even say the bracelet was solely to blame cus like my boi was just being so difficult omg I believe he should be lightly spanked by his three parents aka Will, Tessa and Jem *cries*.

Cordelia is such a MOM like she's so mature and stable and her self-preservation instinct? OFF THE CHARTS I love this woman like James definitely treated her well as a hubby but like I JUST WANTED HER TO HAVE CLOSURE ABOUT SOMETHING and boy oh boy she did get that closure she got it good but not from the person she expected in the LEAST *hehe* *pelican screeching*... like Lucie was being sus with the whole ghost business and James was being just, quite a case, dealing with Grace and Belial right and I don't blame them at all for their secrecy and shit but her FATHER DIED and her friends were hiding a lot from her so in a way she turned to Alistair for help but he could only do so much cus of his own pain (she couldn't even talk to her mom cus she's pregnant and she doesn't wanna stress her right) and then there was this emotional block between her and Jamie, Lucie was often absent and conspiring with the dead... the last person remaining was HIM (imma discuss this soon), but yeah my heart just went OUT to her cus she's tryna save herself and her family and she just doesn't know what to do. That's why I love the way her mom told her to stop holding herself back for others and live her own life. Like Cordelia grew on me so much cus in Gold she undoubtedly was a strange Elizabeth Bennet-wallflower hybrid and I... do not usually get attached to wallflowers but in Iron I feel like I finally understood that she was just tryna be unproblematic and self-preserving all along and nottt put her family and friends in a tough situation.... she reminds me of my mom personality-wise so yeah I’m totally rooting for her now that her *situation* in the past seems clearer.

Anna, Thomas and Matthew are such a SQUAD lmfaooooo like united in their gayness they'd be so unstoppable.

Will and Tessa are the most in-love of all the in-loves in this story and I respect that so much.

I lost a year to my life every time the romance between James and Cordelia got cockblocked. Like they were MARRIED and I thought they were gonna at least sleep next to each other at least once BUT NO James couldn't take a hint omg I'm actually gonna eat my fist and sob (but in retrospect, I think this serves a bigger purpose in terms of the narrative structure i.e. the interruption of all the spicy James and Cordelia action serves a bigger purpose which I think brings me to my next section, *exhale*)

Welcome to the Matthew Fairchild Enthusiast Club (this section is me talking out loud; it makes no sense):

bitch.

LISTEN TO ME LISTEN WELL I LOVE THIS BOY SO MUCH IMMA SCREAM I REALLY AM GONNA SCREAM MY FIST IS LITERALLY IN MY MOUTH *BACKFLIPS OFF THE ROOF WITH LANA DEL REY PLAYING*

Okay like where to BEGIN I think the Shadowhunter boy who I'm most attracted to is Julian while the one I love the most is Will but I think I see myself in Matthew the most. Like ever since that first story where the Thieves all met at the Academy then got expelled, I think that I just KNEW Matthew was destined to be epic. Plus the whole Wilde obsession? I’m no libertine myself but I just love his chaos and passion for life.

NO CUS HE'S SO WITTY AND SWEET AND EPIC AND YET SO SECRETIVE AND DEAR GOD ABOVE AHHHHH WILL HE SURPASS JULIAN FOR ME??? Ion even know but this is just sodjsgdwsdygyegydgef

Hear me out but I said after finishing Gold last March that I wanted this book to be Matthew's healing arc right so halfway into the book when I realized that we weren't getting all that good healing arcing I was confused just cus I thought it seemed natural to address all of his alcohol issues and sadness by now. LITTLE DID I KNOW CASSIE WAS SETTING UP A WHOLE OTHER ARC WITH HIM THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED WTH.

At first I thought Matthew didn't have feelings for anyone at all, and if he DID develop feelings unexpectedly, I fricking thought that maybe he's catching feelings for James, if anyone??? I mean, I did have some suspicions about Matthew from the get-go: like he's so secretive and as readers we think we know everything there is to know about him since we were all privy to the truth potion incident in his short story right BUT NO I GOT PLAYED AND I DESERVE IT SO BADDDDDD.

Listen I hadn't shipped him and Cordelia simply because I never thought it in the realm of possibility but it MAKES SENSE as a ship... think about it: he never says what he feels, he flirts with her like he does with EVERYONE, he is kind to her in the way he is with EVERYONE. Really, Matthew is shippable with everyone, doesn’t matter if they’re taken cus that’s just what his Matthewnes allows for ya feel. There is such a beautiful irony that CORDELIA herself did not see this coming. Even the little teasers and hints in Gold have only NOW started making sense to me likejhss. I just felt like the hints in book 1 did not indicate to me that Matthew really harbored real romantic feelings for Daisy. I thought he was upset that James and Cordelia were being fakes, not a developing CRUSH on the woman fgs.

Not to mention that you usually sense a ship building when the emotional connection or sexual tension between the characters is made clearer but to me their FRIENDSHIP grew right but it didn’t feel like Cordelia was thought that she liked him or he liked her so that means me and Cordelia are clowns *together* 😤

Okay I was lowkey having SUSPICIONS but I immediately shut them down right... like firstly when he took her to the White Horse in his car and she went OFF and OFF and off about how she felt free for the first time? I thought Cassie was just tryna develop Cordelia's self-liberation arc through Matthew there. Heck, I didn't even think ANYTHING of it when Matthew confession to Cordelia about the "truth potion" incident at all cus I was like they're FRIENDS??? BUT now it's adding up now...

See when they were at the inn place and he was telling her that she doesn't in the least seem like a 100 year-old married woman? I was like hmmmm he's so sweet but why did Cassie phrase it like that like??? When Cordelia later reiterated that she thought Matthew's flirting was “meaningless”?? I was like hmmm kinda SUS tho. And then when he and James had their fight over the way Jamie kissed Grace like again I thought he was just like? ion know? mad at James for it but I didn't think he was in LOVE with Cordelia??? So I immediately put aside my slight suspicions. The probability that he had a crush on James at that point seemed more likely to me.

BUT THEN it started hitting me that every time Matthew drank, even before he explained his issue with the truth potion, that Cordelia would note it, she would worry about him, she would think of her father which seemed so poetic to me, history repeating itself and all that but this time you can FIX it??? Yeah, but again I didn't think the L WORD would be involved man???

Now imma sound like a delulu shipper here but it just makes sense they would develop feelings logically- reason being that it definitely is possible based on the way Cassie set up the story, like there's a combination of little “friend things” that can turn this into a proper ship: Matthew rescues Cordelia in the ballroom when Grace captures James' attention in Gold. Cordelia sees her father in Matthew all the time but knows now she has a chance to be there for him in the way she couldn't have been there for Elias (classic “history repeats itself” trope, she doesn't want Matthew drinking in Paris like dhshghdfhdhch). Cordelia tastes freedom for the first time when driving with Matthew. Matthew caught James and Cordelia making out in the room and was pissed but not even HE properly knew why then??? Umm, when she thinks James is forreal cheating with Grace on her she subconsciously goes to Matthew??? I also found it funny just how every intimate marital moment between her and James got interrupted somehow. Like, it's as if the narrative is just a living force REFUSING to let James and Cordelia as a ship be consecrated. Heck, every time Matthew is scantily clothed Cordelia notes it. LITTLE CRUMBS I TELL YOU LITTLE CRUMBS.

I tell you when Cordelia showed up to Matthew's flat I thought they were gonna f*ck as friends but I got SOMETHING EVEN BETTER SOMEHOW

THEY ARE GOING TO PARIS LA BELLE EPOQUE PARIS THE PARIS OF DREAMS AND ART LIKE??? FRICKKKKK I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALLLL MAN? I deadass thought the story would be restrained to the UK but like it MAKES SENSE the trope subversion MAKES SENSE.

“In Paris, with you, I will not need to forget.” SHITTRGEGGGDG

BUT CORDELIA LOVES JAMES TOO LIKE I CAN'T DENY THAT... where are we GOING with this like Matthew wouldn't lie about his feelings and yet Cassie wouldn't give us Matthew and Cordelia crumbs to only end it in the next book immediately for her to just ditch him for James. I mean she was clearly holding back on fleshing out James and Cordelia as a ship for this but to WHAT END??? Daisy feels wild and free with Matthew and she feels warm at home warm with James. I can’t advocate for the sinking of ANY ship here.

Imma say what we're all thinking: Is she gonna give us a Will x Jem x Tessa type situation where Cordelia gets both of them cus I'm not strong enough for this but I also think it'd be really funny if James gets a surprise bi awakening in the next books and then we get POLY even tho this would never happen, it’s actually impossible, because of the whole parabatai thing.

Listen I ship Cordelia and Matthew much more than Cordelia and James, not that I dislike James in any way tho. It's just: Matthew is so unrestrained and she's so composed. They seem like an unlikely pair so it makes sense that they hit harder for me. James and Cordelia have such similar personalities but I ALSO don't ship James with Grace at all so like?? Poly would be... ideal... but it can’t happen especially cus they are fricking parabatai... a Will-Jem-Tessa situation seems more likely but mannnn ion know what to expect. I just want FAIRSTAIRS to have their moment in Paris. I mean James and Matthew clearly don't abhor each other for this.

Take everything I say with several grains of salt, take everything I say with the whole Dead Sea actually, cus I damn well know that Matthew is so flirty and whatnot that I’d have shipped him with anyone in their little circle but now that she set him up with Cordelia it all feels so right?? I have wanted this man in a good relationship since he walked onto the page in Nothing But Shadows so-

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I can't believe Cassia duped me like this omg, Matthew is gonna have his healing arc in Paris with Cordelia by his side like- THIS IS ALL I HAVE WANTED AND SO MUCH MORE. Question to yall btw: are you all as surpised at Fairstairs as me or did yall see it coming all along like smart people? Am I a lone clown? 🥺

BRUH okay criticisms of CC?:

Lmfao a part of me feels like I GOTTA say something bad about CC or the book but honestly I have no objective complaints about it as of now. Am I saying that it’s the PEAK of Young Adult literature and Urban Fantasy? I mean, I make no such claims tbh. I’m not here to be critical when I read as a hobby and when CC’s writing makes me happy regardless of how flawed some people see it.

Okay what next?

So like I’m excited for the adult high fantasy she’s releasing in the fall and whatever other works she might be releasing outside of Chain of Gold within the Chronicles.

As for TLH itself? Man I’m just VIBING like I suspect I will reread Chain of Iron soon and maybe one of the anthologies just because I am happy that this series actually happened after me waiting like 6 years for it when it was just a concept: a Dickensian retelling filled with poetry and culture and history and the conventions I so loved in TID at age 12. This is all I been wanting tbh. I’m just enjoying watching this series come to fruition for it to inspire and transform me in some way. I feel like in a way my coming-of-age aligns with that of these specific characters yet I ALSO feel like I raised Jamie since infancy. Wack.

MATTHEW AND CORDELIA IN FRANCE LA BELLE EPOQUE TO BE EXACT IMMA CRY I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AND AHHHHHH. ALSO WILL AND JAMIE GOING TO CORNWALL TO GET LUCIE AND MAYBE BOND I LOVE WILL. HE WAS ONE OF MY DILF AWAKENINGS AT AGE 12 AND NOW HE’S HERE AGAIN IMMA CRY. I WANNA SEE MATTHEW GET HAPPY. AHHH.

Ending with a fun quote: “In the wise words of someone or other, there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Maurice.” 😉

[cosmiclatte28]

6 Shots of Coffee (Jaemin x you + Dreamies)

a/n: I am back! With a sudden wild oneshot. Please be aware that this is purely fan-fiction. Anything happening here is mere pure imagination. I did not intend to connect any disorders with the idols in real life.

Warning : characters with disorders, a lot of dozing off characters, character with slight adhd (i tried my best to picture them correctly but I’m sorry if everything is wrong, i only did a short research). Mentions of orphanage, drunk parents, and a broken family. HAPPY ENDING! 

CHARACTERS : dream (minus Hyuck and Mark), Taeyong, and Yuta also our brave (y/n)! 

here we go, 

If there are three things in life you hate, that will be Jaemin, Jaemin, and oh god another team assignment with Jaemin!

Jaemin has been the most excruciating classmate you ever have! Not only did he tease you about your freakin need of keeping things in their proper place and keeping things spotless, but he also keeps using you to help him pass his classes. Yet no teacher minds your complain, and all the school girls think you're a freak for being mad about sharing a group project with the handsome guy.

No you’re not sick or weird. You just love organizing things and you like clean things a bit too much. Why? Coz you've had some bad memories with dirty things. Okay Jaemin is just another naughty kid in your class who likes to play and have fun with others, but you certainly did not find his jokes funny.

“Come on calm down (y/n)! It's only coffee, we can clean that.” Jaemin tries to laugh it off despite seeing you standing completely frozen in front of him with an empty cup and you with a  brown uniform. Although you clearly see there is a slight worry in his eyes.

You hold yourself back. How come the worst day has to become worse?! You woke up to period cramps, you forgot a homework thanks to late night distracted room cleaning, and as you were about to rush to type your homework in the library, Jaemin decided to meddle and spill his coffee on your white uniform.

A part of you want to scream and yell and pull his hair apart, but you're too tired to talk with Jaemin. Let alone think about Jaemin, there's just so many things you hate related to Jaemin.

Despite him trying his best to apologize and to help you wash your clothes, which is something new… Jaemin never cared if he messed up with you. You ended up slapping his hand away when he wants to drag you to the office to ask a spare uniform.

“Go away! I have to rush,” you push him aside with your shoulder and run to the library. Knowing so well you'll probably get another minus score and a weird look from the library thanks to your stained uniform.

You hate the feeling of sitting down with this coffee stained shirt, and as much as you want to open that shirt and change into something else, you don’t have the energy. So, after sitting down on the table with the library's laptop you stare into the keyboard only to focus more on your uniform and the least wanted thing happens.

You cry. You cry by yourself in the corner of the room and you don’t really mind the stare they give. You just want to end life here, can anyone just stab you? Or can the ground split and swallow you?

There’s another thing you hate other than Jaemin meddling with your ugly life. It's dirt and unorganized objects. Why? Well you were once a very regular kid, always playing in the rain mud and all kinds of sand. You don’t mind having dirt all over your body you know when you go home you can shower. That's until you grow up and notice how your family is different. Your parents look like they are okay, but every night you hear them argue and argue. The argument gets stronger and scarier, they shout, scream, throw things down and you were always awaken to the no longer comfy homey house. You realize one day you woke up to seeing your dad getting drunk, your mother depressed, and the house super dirty like a tornado just hold a party. It’s awful to wake up to the smell of cigar and alcohols instead of bacons and eggs. You had to keep one plate with you or else it will end up like its friends, lifeless, prickly, sharp, on the ground.

Your maid stopped working, you're moved to a new school, this middle school where you meet Jaemin and some other annoying problematic students. Your once colorful life turned dark and gloomy. No longer you woke up to morning kiss and breakfast. You find yourself sitting alone in the dining room, preparing your own sandwich from some cheap dry bread. No more nutella and you're grateful for butter.

You tried to understand, keeping all to yourself as you grow up and noticed your family is broken. You thought everything will get better, one day mom and dad will love each other again and you'll be back with the bright family you love.

Life is not that kind. Life is cruel, on your 14th birthday your dad left for another woman and your mother dropped you off to an orphanage. She said she can no longer pay for your school and living fees. Heck she even had to borrow money to buy you your monthly pads.

The cheerful friendly you turned 180° into a mournful secretive teenager. You hate everyone who looks bright and you hate every single dirt. Seeing unorganized things and dirty objects just remind you of the dark memories you want to forget.

The orphanage found your smart talent and you got a scholarship making you still able to attend the school. The orphanage you live in has a rule where there is a schedule for cleaning up and preparing dish. You meet a similar boy who has the same problem with you; just that he looks like he had overcome his bitterness and chooses to live a happy life. Which you deadly want to do but cannot.

Renjun, is the only person you talk to in that house. The adults taking care over you, still cannot make you talk comfortably with him and you're not planning to do any sooner.

“Hey, it's me. Should we make a letter to the office and go home?” Renjun's soft voice comes to your ear and you look up to him with blood red eyes.

“How long have I been crying?” you sniffle.

He shrugs his shoulder “I just came an hour ago when I noticed you're missing Chemistry class and Jaemin too. I thought he was with you.”

You scowl “Why would I be with Jaemin?”

Renjun scratches his head “I don’t know… you were always assigned a team with him… I thought both of you are rushing a task.”

“I am having a bad day.” You exhale.

Renjun shakes his head “That is more than a bad day. Here, put this on that coffee is hot or cold?” he gives you his school blazer and you gladly put it over your stained uniform.

You sigh, of course Renjun noticed. He is also like you, despise any single speck of dust.

“Jaemin spilled his cold coffee on me. Now I am late to submit my work, I'll never get the essay done and I am skipping classes. GREAT! Looks like I will be kicked out of school next week.”

Renjun shakes his head again “Silly, you're dramatic. They won’t kick you just because of that. What about your achievements?”

You scoff “They can always find another better painter. I could barely tell difference in colors.”

Renjun smiles well that’s what makes you different. The school honors your brilliant talent of drawing although you have a hard time distinguishing colors. But your emotions are well delivered on every picture you paint. That gives honor to the school when the art teacher secretly sent your works to different curators and exhibitions.

“Come, we will go home. I'll make your letter. Can you wait for me in the lobby by yourself?” Renjun smooths your hair away.

You shake your head and clearly looks afraid “Can I join you?”

He nods and lets you go with him, blaming himself for ever offering you that option.

You got home, Renjun fixes your mood by giving you new clothes. Yes, as simple as that, and you’re already less scarier than before. He makes you tea when he saw the circled date on the calendar and drops you some pain killers.

“It's that month, sorry for not noticing had I known, I'd bring you home when I heard Jaemin looking for you around the school.”

You pause from cutting the potatoes, well you need to start cooking dinner for the others. “Jaemin looked around for me?”

Renjun nods “Uh huh that's also how I know something is not right. Jaemin never looked for you except when he needs your score.”

You curl your lips “Weird. He also wanted to bring me to the office, which he never did before.”

Your sudden emotional change is a regular thing to Renjun. Although at first he has to bear with your monthly exploding sensitivity since you're the first teenage girl in this house, Renjun manages to tame you down when he calmly offer you a cup of warm chamomile tea you love.

“Maybe it’s the coffee.” You shrug it off. Come to think of it, you never see the school selling coffee but Jaemin always brings his cup of super dark coffee.

“Oh home early?” Taeyong, the oldest son of the orphanage owner, greets you both. Well Taeyong is like the head matron here, every school letter directed to him and every new kid will meet him.

“It's not her day. I brought her home before she spent another day dozing off in the school's garden.” Renjun whispers to Taeyong and the older just nods his head.

“Oh! Did I mention to you we will have a new family tonight? Please be nice, he comes from this neighborhood and we actually had been waiting for his arrival since last month, but he always escaped before his vise parents want to drop him here.

You grow annoyed at this news. Well you don’t really like having to act kind and good in front of the others. Especially when meeting new members. Taeyong always asked you to at least be welcoming and less patronizing but you cannot keep your resting bitch face to yourself.

“I might as well skip dinner.” You taunt at Taeyong “No way I am acting kind in front of that person when I had a shitty day.”

Taeyong just hums to your threat, it is nothing new. You're a stone heart and he doesn’t want to have to slap you because of your stubbornness.

“I don’t mind. Just try to be welcoming, he had a rough time too.” Taeyong waves his hand and disappears behind his study room.

“I wonder who is going to join us. Our dining table is empty after Mark and Hyuck got adopted.” Renjun is excited to welcome the new family, maybe because he really likes it better here and therefore, he wants to make sure everyone else is welcomed.

Unlike you who still can't swallow the bitter truth. For you, your real family was the best, yet you didn’t know when everything started to fall apart.

The other comes home, you see Jisung, Jeno, and Chenle coming from the backyard and you hide yourself back on your room. Dinner is ready they just have to heat it up. The stew.

You close your window and come back to sit in front of your paper. Trying to remember what project you missed and have to do.

You look around the room, you used to have a bigger room, but after Taeyong knew you cannot stay still when there are mess, he moved you to a smaller room where you cannot store so many things. He said its for your own good. He doesn’t want you to stress yourself and distract your studies just to clean things up.

You feel your stomach rumbling but when you hear the noisy sound downstairs, you remember the new family. Actually, you are curious, so you sneak from your room and take a peek from the walls.

Your mind might be playing tricks on you, you rub your eyes and focus more to the familiar man in the same uniform as yours. You want to doubt it, but when you hear Jisung repeats his name you want to jump away from this house and run far away.

Life must have hated you so much to send Na Jaemin not only to your school but also to your “house".

Although you try to ignore him, your mind wonders what makes him come here. He looks like he is okay, only naughty, but he doesn’t look like an orphan.

“Dinner?” Yuta, Taeyong's younger brother asks you when he was about to go down and greet Jaemin.

You quickly gasp and shake your head before making a quick run to lock yourself in your room.

You try to think of any reason why Jaemin is here… from dinner to nine you cannot think of doing other thing rather than fiddling with your pen as you let your brain wonder and wonder.

Only around twelve did you suddenly jolt and realize you've wasted another night without doing your paper. You hear a step on the squeaky floor, and you have to stay quiet. Taeyong and Yuta wouldn’t like seeing you still awake this late. However, you don’t recognize the footsteps. Must be Jaemin’s.

The next morning, you escape earlier from the house. Leaving before breakfast for the sake of not meeting Jaemin. You're still mad at him and you hate him. You hate him for giving you hard times at school and now at “home".

You were waiting in the class when suddenly Jaemin comes into the class with a nervous face. You wonder did he just see a ghost? Jaemin really looks out of his place. Did he finally realize he is thrown away to the orphanage? Or did he finally realize you're secretly writing foot notes to the teacher that Jaemin is only leeching on your grades? Did he get called by the office?

You try your best to stop distracting your mind and continue working your essay. Thank goodness you can submit the work when the teacher leaves the class, only then did you see Jaemin's frozen state on his chair.

“Jaem?” you surprise yourself too for calling out his name. He also looks surprised.

“Yes?” he puts on his damn sickening pretty smile back like he always did to other students.

“Erase that smile. It's creepy.” You mutter and the other girls in your class is wanting to end you up there and then.

“Sorry, it’s just that… I … I didn’t get my coffee this morning.”

You raise your brow, oh right. Taeyong and Yuta are not giving us caffeine until we are 20.

You raise a brow “And? Can’t you skip once?”

His feet thump on the floor and he looks around nervously “You're right. I- don’t mind me.” He stands up and suddenly leaves you with bigger question mark in your head.

He sure is weird. What’s wrong with skipping one cup of that bitter liquid?

--

“(Y/n)! Come let's go home.” Renjun greets you on the lobby as you wait for the youngers to come too.

“Noona, you should meet Jaemin hyung! He is so sweet last night!” Jisung tugs on your uniform.

You frown and shudder your shoulder “Jisung, I hate that man.”

Jeno just laughs at your words and at Jisung's surprised expression “So, should we wait for him?”

You click your tongue “Actually that weird man left class after the first session and did not come back to class. Maybe he ran away. Let's go before it rains.” You start leaving the lobby, but no one follows you.

“Is it because of us?” Jisung worriedly asks his brothers.

Renjun thinks for a while “You mean what happened this morning?”

Jisung nods. Your ear can still hear them, for they start walking after you too. You have to hold yourself from turning around and asking them what happened this morning that made him weird!

When the five of you enter the house, that's when your brain finally clicked on what Jaemin must be suffering.

There in the middle of the living room, is Jaemin looking so uncomfortable as he forces his hand to write on a paper with a textbook opened by his side, but what comes out of his hand is just scribbles of lines and curves and he looks like he is painting instead of writing an essay.

“So damn hard to be productive!” he suddenly throws his pen and pulls his hair. All five of you are shocked to see this. Even you! You never see this side of Jaemin in school.  He always looks like the charming prince every girl’s crush, but this is definitely not the same man.

His lips are trembling, limbs unable to stop shaking and he looks in pain. And he starts to hit himself as if scolding his body for not cooperating.

You are in awe and you have to quickly usher Jisung and Chenle away.

“Jaemin! Calm down okay.” Jeno and Renjun quickly stand by his side and tries to keep the boy from hitting himself.

You bring Jisung and Chenle to their rooms while your head is quickly thinking of what to do. You sure see he is panicking and he's throwing tantrum. Taeyong and Yuta are not here yet but when you see your reflection on the window with a clean uniform suddenly your mind reminds you of the incident yesterday.

Coffee. Na Jaemin needs coffee. As silly as it sounds, you've read somewhere that coffee can help someone with ADHD or something like that. You're not sure, but you want to give it a chance. You run to your room, break your saving jar and pick out the bills you've been saving.

“Jaemin, how many shots?” you ask him when you pass through him.

Renjun and Jeno look at you with question in their face but Jaemin understands you and holds out a number with his hand.

Your eyes widen but you run to the nearest coffee shop, the one with the brand you always see Jaemin holding.

“Give me americano with six shots of espresso. Cold I don’t know with water or not.” You sound as mad as a hatter, but the barista seems to notice something.

“Are you by any chance taking an order for Jaemin?” he asks you nod your head baffled that he is a regular here until the shift knows his order and name.

“I was confused when the morning shift told me Jaemin skipped his coffee today. Alright i'll make it like how he always orders.” The man with a name tag Mark punches the bill and gives you the amount.

You don’t mind paying such high price for the black bitter drink you never like, as soon as Mark hands you the drink you walk as fast as you can back to the house.

You see Renjun waiting for you in the porch and he looks pale.

“Where did you go?! I was worried.” Renjun almost scolds you for leaving suddenly.

You walk past him “Jaemin! I have your coffee.” You yell at him, who is currently staring on the TV that's off. Jeno is still sitting next to him, afraid that Jaemin will do anything dangerous.

Jaemin's eyes widen as he quickly takes over the drink and gulp it down like his life depends on it.

All three of you wait for him to finish half of his drink and like magic, Jaemin looks calmer.

He closes his eyes and leans on the couch. His head rests on the small pillow Jeno tosses to him and you can see his usual self back.

After ten minutes, he opens his eyes stretches his body and like a robot who has his reset button pressed, Jaemin shoots a “what?” look to the three of you.

“Sorry if I freaked all of you out. I…” he shyly scratches his head “I have a minor ADHD and … coffee seems to be helping me focus and calm down.”

Now everything clicks. You understand why the teacher actually always assigned you with him, because no one else can handle Jaemin as patient as you and you're too blunt to notice he has his own trouble. You understand why he always brings a coffee to the class and why he looks calm when he has them. Unlike yesterday when he spilled it over you, you clearly see a slight terror in his eyes, and he disappeared from class. Maybe he was shy of showing his true self in class. You now know the reason he skipped class today because of the lack of caffeine and you just didn’t know he is also as wrecked as you guys.

That night, Jaemin knocks on your door and invites you to join dinner.

“You skipped dinner last night, I don’t know if it’s because I was there… and yesterday I was really ruining your day. I'm sorry I wasn’t a good friend too at school.” Jaemin speaks rather in a calm tone and you're taken aback he can speak in a soft kind voice and not the high pitch annoying teasing voice you regular get in school.

You're flustered, but you quickly put back your cold face “It's okay. T'was my fault too not looking the way.  Don’t worry I skipped dinner last night coz I am not hungry.” You lied.

No way you were going to spill the truth to him, not when you already know how hard his days are. He was not as bright and happy as he looks like.

“Renjun told me last night everything about you. I am so sorry…I didn’t know my jokes were very painful and disturbing to you. I should’ve stopped but you know I sometimes cannot hold my brain back.” Chuckles Jaemin nervously.

You sigh and place a hand on his shoulder “Life is hard right?” He nods his head and you squeeze his shoulder, “We also find it hard. But at least we're not alone now. We have each other and the others too. I am also sorry for picking on you to the teacher for leeching my score, but I promise I won’t do that again. I'll help you Jaemin.” You smile sincerely to him.

His face brightens “You're the best! I always have hard time focusing! Well coffee helps me, but still it's not healthy.”

You take his hand in yours “Na Jaemin, you're a part of our family now. Since we're family, we will get each other's back! Don’t worry things will be okay and you too will be okay!”

He Smiles and that is a new smile you've ever seen on him. A smile that's pure and true. That shows he too is also a human who can feel pain not just the angelic handsome boy in class.

“We should eat. The others are waiting,” Chenle's appearance in the hallway makes you and Jaemin turn your heads to him.

“She's right. We're family, now family eats dinner, together right? Come on! Taeyong hyung got us some pizzas for your welcome party.” Chenle drags the taller man's hand which automatically pulls you too.

A smile comes to your face when you realize just how perfect this imperfect family is!

Yes you also struggled focusing on a certain job, yes you also hate messy stuffs, yes it's true Renjun took three months to open his mouth and speak complete sentences, it also takes Jeno five months to be true about his feelings, and Jisung plus Chenle? They also have their fish to fry. Now Jaemin, is here with his own battle that will soon be shared within us.

Just like the famous quote, Ohana means family and family means no one is left behind.

Looking around the table, although you really wish you have a sister or a mother figure here, you're more than happy to call the 7 men your brothers and families.

end

please let me know if there are anything I can fix. I am trying a new genre and it’s a bit challenging but I am happy with finishing this. 

Contact or reach me out if you have any curiosity of what happens to the members or maybe you wonder what their problems are. 

Thank you for reading :D 🤗💖