#A+ on blorbo analysis essay

[poltergeist-coffee]

I wasn't transcriptig that when they were live, I wouldn't be able to lol

You have no idea on how much I kept going back in the video

Truly an adhd moment

I GET SO HAPPY WHEN YOU SAY THAT MY ANALYSIS ARE ON POINT, THANK YOU

Getting a ask from me must be something, it will be a short one talking about random things or a entire essay?

The mistery twins' lore is so interesting to me, like, everything was pointing to qcellbit being qbagi's brother, it could've been a coincidence obviously but what if he just... Never thought it could've possible, he never had a family, not one that he remembered, where they were all those years? Where were they when he was in that war? When he needed? I think qbagi is like a mirror, she is what he could've been if life wasn't so cruel to him, if he wasn't forced to be a monster, if he never accepted it and enjoyed the feeling. If he had got the chance to have a normal life. And qbagi? They were aways together when they kids, like glue, when qcellbit disappeared it probably felt like she lost a part of herself. She spent fifteen years looking for him, she never gave up because she knew he was somewhere and she had to find him, how much dedication it takes to keep doing it for fifteen years? Did she felt something was missing? She was as lonely as qcellbit was? When they first argued when she told qcellbit they were siblings, he says she had parents, he didn't, he was alone, and qbagi? She just says "do you think mom and dad still alive?". They both had something taken away from them, qcellbit lost his chance of a normal childhood, of having a family, of just not being forced to do what he did, qbagi lost a brother, possibly her parents, she lost her memories, they both are angry, tired of the federation games, trying to get back their family back, neither of them is willing to give up, qcellbit wants to get the people he loves out of this hell, to find qforever and his son, the child he wanted to give a good life, to not have go through the same he had gotten through, qbagi finally found her brother, they are stuck together, whether he wants to or not, she's not leaving, she's willing to cover herself on blood, still, she doesn't want him to lose himself, to get hurt, and still, she won't agree or accept what he's doing without a word, because is not right, and she also wants to find qforever, to find the eggs, she never met them and yet she notices how empty and lifeless the island is without them, their signs are like echoes of laughs and good moments, of who they were. Qpac said she had a son and she didn't forget it.

They such interesting characters to me, as much qbagi won't give up on qcellbit, she won't agree with everything he does, she refuses to let he do this to innocent people, victims like them. Qcellbit is aware of what he is doing, fcell is not a different person, fcell is him, he changed, that's a undeniable fact, he's not as unhinged as he uses to be, he's mad at the federation, he can and will do anything if that's means he's finally getting results, but his anger is directed to the federation and the federation only, not to the people he cares(ccCelbit said that yesterday I think).

But qcellbit really pulled a kaneki from tokyo ghoul(drinking coffee to control himself)

I really like their dynamic, qbagi is just "I don't care if you see me as family or not, you're stuck with me and you can't get rid of me"

BUT YEAH, GOSH, WHAT WERE THOSE LINES? When Bagi said "why do you sabotage yourself" I went "oh, duck, this is going to get good" and qcellbit lines after that? The way you could hear the anger filling his voices slowly? It was good, but gosh, it was good. Both cc Cellbit and Bagi are so good at it, they delivered those lines so well. I really love how every cc acts as their characters, before the happy pills when qforever was just... Empty, you could hear it so well on his voice, the... Feeling of numbness was so well displayed, that feeling of... Nothingness, you feel kinda disconnected from your body and I think cc forever was amazing, and the happy pills arc? The total turn it took? Man, I could write a very long text about it, but cc forever deserves to be recognized for managing to stay on characters for so long, because wine thing is the voice and such, but he kept a smile the while stream(and the parts where he broke? Peak acting). Qpac is normally... He's normally a positive guy(they really broke him), when he got kidnaped qmike was mad, after all the things happening, qcellbit felt empty, people getting hurt was a common thing, he didn't feel anything when he finally managed to ruin the federation's plans when they stole the mini mes, qforever was destructive when the eggs disappeared, the thoughts of simply exploding everything, ending everything was so tempting. Qfelps is qfelps. But qpac? He's helpless, he's scared, as the others, he is willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of the people he loves without a second thought, he's broken, he's tired, he normally don't resorts to violence or anger like the others, he breaks, he panics, he's scared of getting hurt, scared of losing someone again, he's also tired of the federation games, he want them down too. But at the end of the day, what else can they do that haven't they tried before?

The favela six really need therapy(honestly, everyone needs) they have problems of they will probably end up kill themselves if nobody is there to keep their head on place

Also, I love whatever is going with qslime, he have that upbeat energy on his voice that doesn't look like he never accepted his daughter's death and is relying on a other being pretending being her and he's slowing getting corrupted and there's something really wrong happening but he simply doesn't care because he has his daughter back, he can try to make things right.

And qbbh, qbaguera an qetoiles and the others, I am mainly a Brazilian watcher(and by that I mean mostly TazerCraft and whoever the raid sent me to) but all the ccs are doing a great job

That annoying part of the fandom, just shut up, let them do what they want, they want to be the most vile villain? Let them be, we need drama, let them have fun

You know the saying, let them cook

Also I'm currently searching about jellyfishs, I'll probably do it with octopus too because I like them<3

I just found out about purple-striped Jelly (Chrysaora colorata), what I have to say about them? Nothing, I just thought it was pretty

There's also the black sea nettle (Chrysaora achlyos), they can quite massive, with a bell diameter potentially up to 1 metre (3 ft) and oral arms extending to 5 or 6 metres (16 or 20 ft)

- 🍽️ (<- family will be forced to hear random sea creatures facts after they are done with the research)

me when lore

adhd moment be like “i think i accidentally hyperfixed on etoiles” <- me, a thought that has been on my mind for a few days now, i perhaps am a bit too silly

MYSTERY TWINS LORE IS SOOO *BITING AT METAL PIPES* i agree i think cellbit didn’t think it was possible for him to even have a sibling, much less an entire family because all he knows was war and blood!! he doesn’t remmber his family!! of course he’d resist the idea because it doesn’t feel right! he didn’t have a chance to experience those things, he doesn’t remember it but bagi does!!! they’re both to sad and miserable and more alike then they realize TT

i love that bagi is willing to help cellbit in a way but doesn’t agree with it completely. like she wants to take down the federation as much as him but she doesn’t agree with how hes doign it. i think when forever comes back they have the potential to team up because they will both want to save cellbit and not agree with how hes killing innocent workers because in their head they aren’t doign anythign wrong, they don’t have a choice. cellbit is just hellbent on destroying ANYTHING related to the federation including the things that might not even affect it really? like hes already killed innocent people before, hes a killer, what’s one more person killed by him?

I LOVE THAT THEYRE ALL GETTING INTO IT TT LIKE GETTING SO INTO CHARACTER AND STUFF IRL?? LIKE HOW CCFOREVER UTALIZED HIS FACECAM AND WOULDNT STOP SMILING AND EVEN WORE ONLY WHITE AND STUFF AND NEVER STOPPED LIKE THE ENTIRE TIME HE WAS LIVE DURING THAT ARC!! AND HE STILL STREAMED LIKE HIS NOMRAL AROUNT!! his face must have been soooo sore after the streams from having to smile so much skmkfnksj

i want to pick up qpac and give him some warm soup and a nice blanket like he’s scared TO DEATH by qcellbit but he still told bagi hes willing to help her and to save qcellbit like !!!! HE HAS SO MUCH UNRESOLVED (?) TRAUMA FROM QCELLBIT STILL BUT HES ALSO COME TO CARE FOR HIM AND WANTS HIM TO BE SAFE AND OKAY AND AAAAAAAAAAAA AND HE MISSES MIKE ;—; HIS LITERAL SOULMATE HAS BEEN ASLEEP FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG HES PROBABLY WONDERED IF MIKE WILL EVER WAKE UP AGAIN LIKE !! AND ON TOP OF ALL THIS THEIR SON IS MISSING!! RICHAAAAAAAAAS TTTTTT

qslime was healing and he was making so much progress like he said he was going to try and become his own person he was healing but then THE CODE FUXKED IT UP!!! THE CODE OR WHATEVER THE HELL CAME AND RUINED IT ALL AND MADE HIM FALL STRAIGHT BACK INTO BEING DELUSIONAL AND AHIT AND!!! I JUST!!!! he was doing SO well but it all crumbled the instant he got on the train in his mine and saw codeflippa like oooooorgh TTTTTTT i don’t want him to get turned into a code like so badly i worry about his cubito so much TT he makes me so so sad

everyday i wonder what could have happened if etoiles went to be a villian but stopped because he worried with the backlash from twitter…. i wonder what could have been if (mostly fans from) twitter stopped being so nitpicky and let the creators do what they wanted….

now NO MORE LORE WERE TALKIGN ABOUT sea animals!! THE PURPLE STRIPED JELLY IS SO PRETTY OMGGG >:”00 ITS GORGEOUS!! why does the black sea nettle need to be that large…. who is it trying to impress…. stop being so massive…

[gay-fae]

something that always gets me about louis is that he is so soft and sensitive at heart. he cries at operas, he dances with his family, he gives his sister expensive gifts, he loves to wear fun & stylish clothes, he takes photos and collects art, he loves his daughter, and he loves being in love.

and yet everything seems to trample that softness, whether it be the rugged masculine persona he has to uphold for respectability in NOLA, or the racism & homophobia he is regularly confronted with, or his bad marriages with lestat & armand, or his difficult relationship with claudia, or his struggle with vampirism/killing. and yes, he holds some of the blame in the marriages and much of the blame for claudia, purely because he was desperate to be loved and was willing to do shitty things to get that. and that is my point (yay we love flawed characters!) !! many of louis flaws are motivated by this inner tenderness and desire for affection.

all of these difficult things he goes through push him to act tougher, more assertive, more certain. lestat points out in ep 1 that louis conforms to all these roles that aren’t truly him. but after becoming a vampire, that never really stopped.

so post failmarriage with armand i like to imagine that yes, louis makes up with lestat, but he also finds himself again outside of the context of a romantic relationship and allows himself to be soft in the ways his circumstances haven’t allowed him or he hasn’t allowed himself before. because that’s louis’ whole thing, isn’t it? “botched vampire”. too gentle, too sensitive to be a cold killer like the others and cursed to be anyway. too soft for his own fangs.

[cat-dragron]

Now that episode 8 is out o have to make that Murder Drones video essay holy shit.

Like from the overall character arcs to the music and it's leit motifs to the use of color there is just so much I would love to talk about honestly!!!

God im so glad that a show like this got to exist and he made.

[fizzybizzy]

Infinite as a character is so interesting because he is his own downfall, like it's not even sonic himself or the avatar/Gadget, just himself and his own self destruction. Most villains are either beaten smartly by the protagonists or are overpowered or something else in that category but Infinite loses from his own agonies that he refuses to confront, such that his destruction & defeat is entirely avoidable if he went about it in literally any different way.

Infinite's theme is just hyping himself up to be this Big Bad as an effort to mask his insecurities and inferiority-- this complex of his. He's insecure. So his theme is the complete opposite of that. And yet he still fails despite having the most omnipotent power at his side (Phantom Ruby.) He cannot properly harness this power so his attempts at victory smolders in failure. He's tied so much of his identity and staked his whole being and hopes on this one thing in the pursuit of revenge and now it's all he has, but he barely even has it now because he lost.

[thegodcomplcx]

pleases give us the 'the girl who waited' essay. this episode tries so hard to show amy/rorys love when its really about the doctor and amy

every episode that tries to be about amyrory is actually wholly about amy and the systems that confine her.

i really enjoy the glimpse into amy's psyche that we get. like so much of her characterization is based off of being the girl who waited, and certainly at this point in the season she has expressly shown her worship of the doctor that borders on religious fervor at times. so it is so heart wrenching to see what she becomes when she is betrayed by him in a way that she can't rationalize or romanticize.

the way that we, as the viewer, have to watch experience first hand from old!amy and then from the doctor is so fascinating. like we see how horribly amy's life has been wrecked bcos of the doctor, and then suddenly we're in his point of view again and none of her pain matters, because he controls all of it. he can fix it by altering her timeline, so the 36 years that amy waited becomes. collateral. and in the end he won't even choose between "his" amy and the amy that he made suffer.

idk i don't really have a point here its just so interesting. they put my girl in the torture labyrinth.

[horatiocomehome]

that time of night where you feel really melodramatic and restless is crazy because you’ll give a heartfelt soliloquy which plumbs the depths of your very soul, connecting events and memories in your life that you’d never connected before in a masterwork of rhetoric bemoaning your place in the cruel and lonely universe…

and then you wake up the next day and you’re like wow. it’s not that serious. except three days later you’re still thinking about it and maybe you were cooking. it’s still not that serious though

Or maybe I just get bored and moody and use my angsty character analysis skills for evil. that might just be a me thing.

[sincerelystesichorus]

astarion, anne carson, & autobiography of red - small character study blurb

In which I've written 40k words of Astarion character analysis fanfiction and I'm definitely still normal.

Astarion used to be blue, but ever since that night two centuries ago, he was reborn red. And he had spent at least the past century thinking that red was irreplaceable. It was – red, it was in his blood and the little blood Cazador would let him wring from rats, corroded and stained. His very life force. He was Cazador’s, his spawn, his jewel, his ruby. There was no cure for red. Not until you became the successful means to an end. He had been sure of it. Being red wasn’t good. It made everyone who wasn’t red, and that felt like most everyone, stare at you like you put off a certain aura… like they knew you were a monster that could only act off of instinct and emotion. And it was so frustrating, because parts of Astarion were blue still, knew what was better, but they were nothing in comparison to the suffocation of red. The emotions, and especially anger, fear, came on so strong. It was hard not to act on them, to test out what the boundaries of pure action were. Astarion knew the color and impulse all too well.

I expand way more on the idea of people as colors within my writing than Autobiography of Red does, where Geryon is the only one who is red. This further pushes Geryon's feelings of being separated from humanity in his narrative, but there's a lot of inherent evil and fucked up things within Faerun so I felt expanding on colors and specifically shades/hues was a better way to communicate this for Astarion.

Geryon's red is tied very instinctually to emotion though, and so representing red as a chaotic force of emotion in my fic didn't feel like too far a step. I took a lot of inspiration from Magic: the Gathering's color pie lol. While you never get an exact description of what's wrong with Geryon, you get a lot of the symptoms, reminiscent of some sort of innate childhood mental illness, on top of the obvious trauma present in his story.

Back to Astarion, though. I've just never not been able to code him with CPTSD, I think that's obvious, but I also know that poor bastard has a personality disorder skffkjdf. The game always hammers in he has no sense of self outside of his looks, which he can't even be sure of because he can't see himself. Astarion has to work his confidence and self-image off of memories of his body and face from two centuries ago, and from his master's word. Cazador has assigned him to this seduction role (or, I feel its at least implied that Astarion was ultimately forced into it because he was seen as the Szarr runt, he was pretty and easy to push around, and I'm also pretty sure Petras has a line about getting to eat dogs now and then?) and Astarion fulfills it because it's all he can do. All he feels good for. His actions aren't his own for two hundred years, and in a morbid way of coping with constant sexual trauma, he functions off of "Well, at least I'm pretty," but even that assumption comes from Cazador's rule.

Astarion had decided he was mostly pure red, splashes of black and blue coming in, bright and visible. The remnants of his past and an even deeper level of Cazador’s corruption, bruising his psyche.

Carson is again sparing with other color imagery as to fully emphasize Geryon feeling like this big red monster, but I love this little excerpt on fearful anger.

Black/shadow is already a strong force and theme within the game so it was easy to work with, acknowledging it as a sort of staining evil. Astrion has his later lines about how he never stopped viewing himself as Cazador's slave, and I think showing that corruption is obviously important. He's hurt but can still heal (as opposed to an ascended Astarion... who I have little if any hope for sdfkjdskf).

Cazador had spent the last two centuries branding it into his skin and mind, breaking his psyche to the point Astarion was worried there’d always be little cracks that remained. That he’d always be Cazador’s wilted poppy, ashamed and folding in on himself, his neck miserably drooped aside for the taking. 

Cazador is Astarion's Herakles, and I think that metaphor works even better considering that whole little side lore with Vellioth in the ruins. Herakles kills Geryon because he must, Geryon is a way for Herakles to ultimately reach a life free of consequence, but it's not like Herakles is innately malicious in the act. He is hardened after already facing so many labors and the trauma that was forced on him by Hera that induced his journey in the first place.

Cazador wants power, some part of him is probably truly convinced he's easier on his spawn than Vellioth was to him (a lot of insults to Astarion are about his feelings and "whining", Cazador feels vindicated in his trauma and is far gone), and sacrificing Astarion is simply a part of that journey. There is no world where their destinies do not intertwine. Geryon will always be pierced by Herakles, and Astarion wouldn't be the Astarion we know without being pierced by Cazador (and without his ultimate decision to finally separate himself from him, or to become him.) Astarion, understandably, will never not feel some sort of shame or agony over this moment, from natural emotions and I'm sure years of Cazador victim-blaming him. He consented to Cazador's help that night after all, didn't he? (And we simply won't acknowledge the coercion.)

Astarion’s attempts to prolong the inevitable were shattered by thick layers of stone suddenly slamming in front of his face, muffling sound and casting him into a void. He could hardly hear Cazador’s foul laugh as he departed. Astarion waited all night for Cazador to return. And then all of the next day, and the next one after that. Days became weeks. Weeks became months. Astarion started to agree that dying would have been easier. More peaceful. He had pondered hundreds of ways to attempt to kill himself while stuck in this abyss, the voices that had started developing only giving further inspiration, but it was impossible. He was sure.  All he could do was wait. Beat and claw at the stone around him. Curse. Repeat. Sometimes he'd wonder. If he'd ever get out of here. If Cazador would remember after forgetting. If this would be his forever. The voices began to recite to him again. Just how long eternity can be.

I think this is the greatest and most obvious similarity between these two, within Carson's retelling. Geryon feels somehow trapped and doomed by the narrative from his early childhood, and receives some blunt confirmation of it when he faces early sexual abuse. This affects his entire life, his early relationships. Geryon can't be older than ten in this excerpt, but knows the pain of isolation because of his trauma and for feeling different.

Astarion was plucked up by Cazador right out of law school. While for us it's not all that young, for elves he was fiercely immature, basically just starting to come into himself at his first big-boy job. Astarion was likely raised with a lot of privilege that also made him a bit more naive, his book smarts not meeting street smarts, which has him meet his end. In his undeath, that basically flips, Astarion plays his manipulation games and indulges in petty crime and seduction, unable to dedicate himself to studies. He reads and he's witty, but can you imagine the Astarion we know as a judge? It's giving Divorce Court. It's giving Judge Judy. (Honestly maybe that's what got him whacked in the first place.)

Astarion is already constrained to what Cazador lets him be as a slave. He's less than a person, and his own body is one of his greatest trauma sources.

All of this, to be punished so supremely when making an act of slight self-preservation. Astarion wanting to maintain some of his principles and let someone go. It becomes his greatest regret, his worst and most defining punishment. It's how Cazador breaks him.

I restructure some of the circumstances within my fic, as to better tie in the main romance, but it still functions as a punished act of self-preservation for Astarion. I'm also sure most people are familiar with the pain that solitary confinement can bring, but if not, it's genuinely inhumane and dehumanizing. Lack of stimulation is extremely damaging to the psyche, I wrote in Astarion breaking into psychotic episodes while enclosed, but even in game, he speaks about going catatonic. I'm sure minorly from exhaustion after fighting, but also from the isolation. His mind likely just drifted and dissociated beyond belief, and I can't imagine it. This is my favorite piece of Astarion's story we are given, it really is just so pivotal and heartbreaking, to be punished for having freewill in the most objectifying circumstances.

In summary to Astarion Ancunin I just sorta feel like this I guess...

ddfsdfdk but yeah just emo about my poor boy feeling so weird and disconnected yet so drowned in his own emotions you know...

[my homage to autobiography of red, fic series page, my ao3 page]

[glass-adeptus]

Another S2 Wesper opinion no one asked for:

Honestly if they tried to slowburn it I might have died.

Yes yes the inevitable "they could cancel so I'm glad they gave us what they did" opinion but also I just don't think I could do slowburn for all three crows ships at once.

Pacing wise in SoC I find that Jesper and Wylan really don't have a lot of interactions (just them/not regarding heist plans) until we're actually in the ice court. There's a few one off comments (usually from Jesper) but we're not getting like in depth conversations until after they're out of the prison sect really.

So since they didn't adapt the ice court heist yet what do you think they would have given us if they were saving it for then? It would be like episode 4 or 5 of whatever season or spin off we get to get any real interactions ("just girls?" Scene perhaps) so would the slow build up be that season only? What would they do for the 8 episodes of SaB S2? Would we really get any crumbs at all until they adapted more of Crooked Kingdom?

I don't even think they're true pining slowburn as much as they just don't get the chance to talk to each other very much in the first book (more concerned with not dying and all). Like if we consider their kiss to move-in timeline its like. A day.

So considering that of course Kanej is gonna be slowburn and Helnik don't even get to talk to each other I would have gone fucking nuts seeing them do basically nothing with Wesper too. Sure maybe they could have kissed later than ep 4 but I also think the things they did with them were humourous and cute and hard to be mad at since I enjoyed every scene.

So far they're handling the characters and the ship with respect and that's all I could possibly ask for.

[aesrot]

tee hee i knew you'd like that post :3

I DID T.T THOSE ARE MY GUYS..... MY SILLIES.... AND THEY.. THEY--- EUEUEUEUUEUEUEUEUEE :(((((

[gbfmi1]

Donnie Darko, as a person

I wanted to share a bit about one of my favorite pieces of comfort media, a movie that means a lot to me. Donnie Darko is a great movie on its own, though some (everyone) may find the plot confusing because of its depth and references. I wanted to specifically explore the character of Donnie Darko, who represents an amazing portrayal of the struggle to be understood as a mentally ill individual.

Neurodivergent brains are not a monolith. I use that term as a catch-all for schizophrenia, autism, bipolar disorder, ADHD, depression, etc., as Donnie displays some symptoms of all of these. I write solely from my own perspective, this is just my personal headcanon; media is extremely complicated and encourages multiple understandings.

Donnie experiences delusions, and is neurodivergent and/or mentally ill. It's only very rarely that you see a character with such taboo mental issues such as paranoid delusions, explored with such depth and empathy in film, and to have this character be a protagonist is even rarer. Through the movie, he attempts to wrestle control over his own life, fighting with his mind, unsure which threats are real and which are imagined. For those of us who are neurodivergent, especially if you experience delusions, or if your issues aren't easily categorizable, I think we'll find Donnie's struggles very relatable.

There's a number of things that make Donnie a sympathetic character, and an accurate if unfortunate representation of what it's like to be mentally ill in an environment that doesn't understand or accommodate you.

Donnie is seen as a prodigy, but one who is wasting his talent. This will definitely resonate with those who have "Gifted Kid Burnout Syndrome". Another point of frustration comes when Donnie begins to notice patterns and significant events in his life, which seem to be much more than coincidence. However when he tries to share his findings with others, they reject these ideas for being illogical. (Of course it's illogical, that's why he's asking for help understanding these contradictions). His neurodivergent brain is going overboard with pattern recognition, this exact ability that's allowed him to become such a prodigy, yet his ideas that don't fall into the format of standardized tests are dismissed as being too weird. According to the authority figures in his life, Donnie is a genius, up until he begins to question that authority.

As teenagers, especially when mental illness is clouding our reason, issues in our lives can feel like the end of the world (only in the case of this movie it literally is the end of the world). It's our first time experiencing them, and we're often given little direction. Donnie is frustrated in the movie because the various authority figures that might be able to give him guidance brush off his troubles as personal failings. He's accused of being "a prisoner of fear", as if it were his choice to be like this. In fact, the toxic positivity given by the motivational speaker goes against what Donnie wants and needs: for his problem to be acknowledged. This black-and-white self-help schlock is (barely) a parody of real life advice many of us have been told. It states that the onus of diagnosing the problem, of finding the solution, and carrying out the treatment, is on the child and not the adult.

Donnie understands from before the beginning of the movie that he experiences delusions and that some of his emotional reactions are "irrational". However as the movie progresses and Donnie begins to feel increased pressure, he's less and less able to "mask" his true feelings. Donnie feels that, by failing his role in the traditional family unit and his social role, he's a burden to those around him. Because he is supposedly choosing to be this way, and because his nature is seen by society as disturbing and undesirable, he is made to feel shame simply for existing.

Despite understanding that the self-help guru pervert's advice is garbage, Donnie still internalizes the idea that his mental illness is something to be fixed like a broken machine, instead of understood and treated. The "grand mystery" Frank has sent Donnie on a quest to solve can also be seen as Donnie's desire to "solve" his weirdness. He feels that, in order to be accepted, he has to find the solution the thing that divides him from society, when in reality the solution he's searching for is comfort and understanding from loved ones. For his issues to be taken seriously.

Donnie is caught in a unique sort of trap, caught between his own needs and the wills of those around him. His family does genuinely care about and love him, but doesn't make a tremendous effort to understand him. Donnie tries asking for help multiple times, but he's not even capable of understanding the issue (after all, how can he trust his own perception to tell him how his perception is warped?) much less articulating what the problem is. He realizes that he can't talk about his issues directly with words, and so resorts to expressing himself using poetry and art. When others see his expressions, he's either disregarded as absurd, or met with confusion and fear. More specifically, Donnie's family and friends are afraid of him. His feelings aren't easily understood by outsiders, and this fear of the unknown causes them to treat him like a danger, rather than working with him to help explore his unknown. But he needs to express himself in order to ask for help, even to feel human connection! The trap Donnie's stuck in is the double bind: he has to express himself in order to ask for help, but he also has to not act "crazy" or "weird" so he won't push his friends and family further away. As a result of this, despite Donnie having plenty of social interaction with his friends and family (even being well known at school), he feels incredibly isolated, and alone. Despite being given emotional support, it's done at a distance; his delusions are shocking and scary to outsiders and so are avoided being referenced directly. The only characters who treat the presence of Frank as more than a dream or a joke are Donnie's therapist and his English teacher. Despite the tragic end to it, his friends loyally go with him to Grandma Death's house. While he may be in the throes of a delusion, these characters understand that his feelings are real.

Donnie understands from before the beginning of the movie that he experiences delusions and that some of his emotional reactions are "irrational". However as the movie progresses and Donnie begins to feel increased pressure, he's less and less able to "mask" his true feelings. Donnie feels that, by failing his role in the traditional family unit and his social role, he's a burden to those around him.

As teenagers, especially when mental illness is clouding our reason, issues in our lives can feel like the end of the world (only in the case of this movie it literally is the end of the world). It's our first time experiencing them, and we're often given little direction. Donnie is frustrated in the movie because the various authority figures that might be able to give him guidance brush off his troubles as personal failings. He's accused of being "a prisoner of fear", as if it were his choice to be like this. In fact, the toxic positivity given by the motivational speaker goes against what Donnie wants and needs: for his problem to be acknowledged. This black-and-white self-help schlock is (barely) a parody of real life advice many of us have been told. It states that the onus of diagnosing the problem, of finding the solution, and carrying out the treatment, is on the child and not the adult.

He, and I cannot fucking stress this enough, just like me fr.

I feel glad that I can show people my own six foot tall bunny rabbit, and I hope that by doing this I can gain some understanding of my own.

[goatedgreen]

character playlists on spotify are getting out of control what do you mean “5hrs23mins long” HUH????? where are your carefully picked ~8 songs that accutely describe every aspect of this character’s life and journey????

you’re telling me you managed to find ONE HUNDRED songs about this character???? you’re fucking lying

[royalbilliards]

Defending wet middle aged men on the internet like it’s my fucking JOB

[jaaankiey]

jankiey stop analyzing object characters with wildly different motives and attributes compared to the canon source material challenge

(failed)

[boogiewoogieweeb]

#in addition edward’s also one of the few privy to the reality of the tunnbaq pretty early on #and that is above ANY of their pay grades #and he just has to deal with that because there is literally no time to consider the cosmic horror when it's actively hunting you #ironic that crozier's decision to leave supplies and not men is way more likely to result in deaths caused by exposure/hypothermic #which is what it seems edward ended up dying of #also obsessed that him and jopson. in many ways the two hands of crozier's leadership. have similar but contrasting deaths #overall i just think fandom tends to portray edward as a worse leader than he actually is #at the end of the day he got the survivors the furthest and it killed him to do so #just that it surely killed him that he couldn’t get them home. that he had to leave jopson and the rest behind #he even intercedes on silna’s behalf when crozier tells him to escort her off ship #making him one of maybe 5 people to show her a shred of human decency #he’s so compassionate and loyal that his downfall is people taking advantage of that #imperialism takes the best of men and sacrifices them for nothing and all it has to show for it is more death #rip edward little you would have loved star wars

A Consideration of 1st Lt. Edward Little of HMS Terror (As Played by Matthew McNulty)

The thing about Lt. Edward Little is that he had the highest ideals and yet was set up in so many ways to fail them.  

We occasionally see glimpses of the man Edward Little must have been in order to be appointed First Lieutenant on a very prestigious expedition: reliable, capable, stalwart. 

(Continued below the cut, as this got very long)

He had that, before, when he was doing the job he was trained for, ie running a ship at sea.  What he hasn’t been trained for at all is managing 129 125 119 105 ? men stuck in pack ice in endless night, later trudging over ice and shale, trying to keep them busy and out of trouble and from getting killed by a demon bear.  Of course he’s out of his depth, but honestly aren’t most of them?  Of the lieutenants Gore (RIP) is the only one who seems to be in his element and he’s the only one with Arctic experience so that tracks.  Even Le Vesconte is getting by on charisma and the power of peer pressure, neither of which actually make for competent officering.  So that’s the scene he’s stuck in, and no wonder he’s out of his depth.  

Then we have the circumstances specific to Edward Little.  He's spent the first two-plus years of the voyage as the first for a captain who is very depressed and increasingly alcoholic. As Crozier's state deteriorates and especially after Franklin dies, Little has to tread a very fine and somewhat blurry line. He has to cover for Crozier, picking up the slack that is inevitably dropped; he also has to prop Crozier up in such a way that his leadership as Captain isn't undermined with the crew. A big part of both of those is making sure that the right questions are being asked, that all practicalities are being factored in, but he has to ask those questions without seeming to question Crozier’s authority. Thus he must essentially be an acting captain without seeming to do so either to the men or to Crozier . He is not someone who wants power per se; in fact I think what he wants most is to be a good and competent 1st Lt. But because he's under an semi-incapacitated captain, he has no choice but to take on some of that power while appearing to be no more than a loyal lieutenant. He's leading without being seen to lead, and he's already seen Crozier flog three men for among other things insubordination and disrespect (and without due process).

Crozier has also put him in a position of having to lie - both directly and by omission! For example, when questioned he tells Fitzjames (who outranks him) "much to do on Terror is all” - leaving JFJ to draw his own conclusions on the source of that “much” and the extent to which it is falling on Little.  The instruction to procure more whiskey “discreetly” is nearly if not actually insulting in how far below Little's rank it is.  Having to do it “discreetly” is even worse.  He is being treated as an errand boy, and not just an errand boy but one tasked with something that is clearly unsavory, even illicit.   By ordering him to to this, he makes Little complicit in the very vice that is causing all of these problems, and Little by virtue of his position is unable to refuse any of these direct orders, even ones that are way below his station. (The fact that Jopson, Crozier's actual steward who was actually in charge of these things, was not given that task is also telling although I’m not sure of what - perhaps that Crozier wanted someone who outranked the Erebus’ steward to do the asking; perhaps that he felt some shame in asking Jopson.)

Through all of this, Little is having to cover for a man who continues to lose his own respect in ways both large and small, personal and professional. Crozier has endangered the crew - leading directly to Blanky losing his leg - and has spoken flippantly of the situation ("How fares the raft of the Medusa?"). In 1x04, he is clearly galled by both the disregard of due process and severity of Hickey’s punishment.  (While both are not unstandard in the Navy, Crozier’s manner makes it seem like spite as much as anything - which I’m sure Little clocked.)  Overall, Little observes him making inebriated decisions that are based as much on his internal demons as any the practicalities at hand while men continue to die under his watch. This erosion of trust will come back to haunt them all, because even when its causes have been overcome, the deep root and the effects are there. (JFJ gets to have reckonings with Crozier and say his piece in a way that Little never does or will.)

Edward Little also cares deeply about the welfare of his men, perhaps more than anything. Command is a responsibility not just to the navy but to those whose lives his decisions affect. And so he as he sees this disregard for them (and for himself) he is angry, and he is in a profession and position where one is not allowed to be angry with one's superiors. So he spends a lot of his time pretending that he is not quietly furious while carrying out orders that he knows he shouldn't be, and hiding it from everyone , even Fitzjames, because he is also, deep in his heart, loyal (even if he feels it is unearned) and married to Naval structures.  Crozier and JFJ have their reckoning, but Little never gets that, because subordinates aren’t allowed to be angry.  

This combination, the lack of trust both given and received, the anger, the care & loyalty, the necessity to fill the void in leadership, means that he asks a lot of questions . A well placed "Are you sure, sir?" can go a long way. "Yes, but--" is not a phrase that would often have been uttered to a commander by a lieutenant, but Little has not just earned but hard won the right to say it.  Every time he questions Crozier, I think it is out of a sense of duty, not defiance. A duty to the expedition, to Crozier, and above all to the men, because for so long Crozier’s judgement was not something he was able to rely on. He can’t even attend a sunrise party without thinking of the supplies that are being used up! 

To top everything off, he also never appears to be someone who is particularly congenial nor gregarious, he is very aware of his rank, and is competent while not being loved (except by me).  I like to imagine that he and Jopson and Macdonald were able to commiserate in some way as Crozier was going through his detox.  But everyone is so conscious of class & rank & secrets being guarded that it seems unlikely that anyone actually confided in each other. By getting dry and in such dramatic fashion, Crozier earns back his loyalty & respect, but by doing so in secret I wonder if he hasn't further eroded Little's relationship with the other lieutenants.  Do they even know Crozier is drying out or is Little lying to them as well as to the entire rest of the crew?  Little does not seem like a man who cares for lying, and covering up the captain's "gastritis" would only have made Little feel more cut off and burdened by the captain's confidence. (To say nothing of the fact that all of this is going on with the Tuunbaaq in the background - these lieutenants were not designed to contend with alcoholic spirits let alone the spirit world.)

 Crozier’s trust does often  end up being more burden than anything, and it’s beyond the responsibility that would normally come with his rank. That moment when he practically shoves the pistol away from him is so telling of this.  We really were robbed of the moment when Little is so angry after leaving Crozier that he can’t even slam his door: because that’s what’s building up this entire time!  

By covering for Crozier both before and during his sobering up, Little probably lost some of his authority over the crew. They know he's hiding something, and that earns some distrust. He's obviously worn out, and there must be some observation that Crozier is literally using him as an errand boy. In the best of circumstances the commanding-without-commanding is a hard line to walk while maintaining one’s own air of authority. He's also angry, and in working so hard to cover and subdue his anger, what he's left with is the "sad, wet man" that fandom has dubbed him. The crew may not know exactly what’s going on (although what do those men have to do besides gossip) but they must have sensed how Little is being worn away. As much as he cares for them, he wouldn’t fraternize - it seems like he barely fraternizes in the wardroom.  (Which is why that moment of camaraderie with Jopson outside Crozier’s cabin is so important to me personally.) 

That brings us to the mutiny.  We may love a sad, wet man, but in the face of a charismatic mutineer he's never going to match up. He doesn't have the authority, the love of the crew, or really the energy to go against it. At this point, he has no reason to know or suspect that a mutiny is what's the offing in the first place! He is someone who wants to believe the best of his men, and he's been given no reason to doubt Tozer's motives. And what was he supposed to do in the face of a marine sergeant surrounded by frightened, armed men?  They are clearly on edge and afraid, a dangerous combination.  He is practical, and although ultimately it loses him even more face by going along with Tozer, he was never going to be able to stop that in its tracks. Even JFJ wasn’t able to reel back in what had already been done.  So he chooses the pragmatic route: agree publicly to the logic, let Tozer do with him what he's been doing with Crozier, in making the subordinate's idea appear to be the superior's. With the situation and facts at hand, what else is he to do? 

The irony is that Little has been quietly looking out for all of them and their best interests for so long; but because it was so quiet, an undercurrent, when it comes down to brass tacks, none of them have ever seen that, or feel that they owe him any respect or loyalty. Tozer and Hickey appear to be men of action, and unfortunately in a moment like this a group of frightened men is going to follow the one who appears strongest. 

I also want to point out that Crozier specifically says *while the fog holds off*. Well the fog has rolled in! The situation changed! Crozier clearly has suspicions of Hickey and Tozer that he hasn't confided to Little, and whose fault is that! When it comes to investigating Irving’s and Farr’s murders, Little asks what the evidence is, which suggests to me that he has no knowledge of any concerns about Hickey that have arisen post-lashing.  Again, he is inclined to trust them.

One of the realest moments we get from him is "I'm the worst kind of sorry." It's one of the very few times he breaks from naval demeanor. The worst kind because he feels it deeply, but also because he was stuck, and he knows it, and also knows the expectations both from himself and from others that he be Better.

What it comes down to is what he says to Hodgson: "All we have are our instincts and training. If both told you to proceed with what you ordered, then be easy with yourself." That is all Little has had for so long. He certainly doesn’t seem to be having heart to hearts with Irving and Hodgson, let alone JFJ and Crozier; his counterpart on Erebus is long gone.  Who has he to confide in, especially at this juncture of events, when there are no clear paths and no right answers. I imagine this is what he told himself over and over in the long watches of the night.  

And yet!! Matthew McNulty has said that “Little's probably one of the most hopeful out of them all. [...] He still thinks that humanity will prevail in this dark, dark world.”  I’m not sure where to put this, but I think it’s important.  I think it’s part of why he doesn’t always quite have the authority he should: poor, worn down Edward Little sees the best and hopes for the best, and can’t quite reckon that not everyone has the same moral compass he does.  That’s why Tozer & Hickey get the best of him, because he wants to believe the best of them.  He doesn’t compromise his moral compass or belief in humanity, and unfortunately that turns into a blind spot.I think it’s also why Tozer invites him to join them: because some part of him recognizes that they both have that idealism deep down.  They are both doing their best in an inconceivable situation to cling to hope and take care of those they see as under their protection. It pains me to think what they could have accomplished had they worked together rather than against each other. 

(Incidentally, I don’t believe Little ever would have been swayed to join them, but I can’t blame him for the fact that Tozer’s claim about Crozier leaving them gave him pause.  He’s seen Crozier finally grow into a commander he can respect, but to find out that Crozier’s judgment was not just impaired for so long but extended to actively planning to abandon ship & crew, as Tozer frames, as he was working so hard to hold things together - even if he doesn’t believe it, in his heart of course there must have been some doubt.) 

All of these, the erosion of respect, the concern, the exhaustion, the lack of direction and support, the HOPE, come together in a moment for which he (unjustly, in my opinion) gets vilified for: 

We’ve slowed our pace hauling some of the ill in the boats. But if we extend this temporary camp more than a few days, we can allow the ill to rest here while the bulk of us proceed south. We can hopefully find game and trek back for the others once we have something more to offer them–

And Jopson’s anger is both understandable and not unwarranted - but. Based on that look Le Vesconte gives him, this most likely is not a thought that originated with Little.  It’s  being grumbled by those hauling, maybe even obliquely discussed by the officers.   That look says to me “It has to be said.”  And it does, the logistics are evident to everyone and that needs to be discussed.  They’re sending out hunting parties every day, sure, but in an area very close to the one they’re trekking through.  It genuinely does make practical sense to have some unencumbered, able-bodied (relatively) men go ahead quickly to what would hopefully be better hunting grounds, while the sick conserve what strength they have: those able to hunt could move quickly and bring back game, while those who are dying could do so while not being jostled about on boats on shale.  Little does not say (and, I think, would never say) that they should leave them behind entirely: only that this current system isn’t really helping anyone (and it isn’t).  He needs to make sure that Crozier has fully considered the situation, because for so long that was not the case. (Historically, in fact, they did set up a hospital camp while a smaller party moved south.)

I actually do think he says this with hope: the hope that they really will find game, that the ill do just need to rest, that he can save as many of them as possible.  He's also thinking of the practicalities and (though I may be biased) really does intend to return to the ill once they have something to actually provide them with. He doesn't say so that they can move on unencumbered, to better their own chances, he says to let them rest , to find something to offer them.  He knows the situation and the feeling in camp, and that the time has come to have the conversation. It's not even necessarily a conversation he wants to have or believes in, but it has to be had. Once it's been talked about, once Crozier has come out with not just a position but a direction (to leave supplies behind if necessary), Little is entirely on board. Shortly thereafter, when Le Vesconte suggests the exact same thing, he retorts that " Most of us are ill" (note the us - the identification with) and further responds with disgust and anger that "The Captain also ordered that we not leave any man behind. You expediently leave that out."  The Captain isn’t there; Jopson isn’t there: if Little really in any way wanted to leave anyone behind, this was his chance to order it and save himself.  

I wish we could see his decision to go with Le Vesconte even though he so clearly believes that these lesser mutineers are in the wrong; I know why we don't. I like to think that it's because he believes he's doing the best thing for all, that he knows one semi-able bodied man staying behind is not going to help anyone, and that by going south with the group he may be to able to sway them, or find game for the ill. But again - he has been put in a position where there is no right choice, and where any authority he had has been too far eroded to matter.

Regardless: we go from his vehement protestation that they must a) rescue their captain and b) not leave behind the ill to die to this:

A man completely broken, weathered almost beyond recognition, with his flesh pierced by and draped with the chains of watch fobs. That's fobs plural: they're clearly different chains, from different watches, from different men.  But in still uniform.  Because he clung to the to his identity, to hope, to grounding structure of the Navy in which he trained and believed, until the very end.

We don't know what happens in between. Is it madness? Did the mutineers do this to him?   Is it penance? A memorization of the men whose watches those were?  A punishment on himself for what happened on his watch - despite the fact that really, he was powerless to stop it? And this is the only watch he can keep now - watch chains in his face, his eyes forced open to the horrors. Or did 1st Lt. Edward Little spend so long suppressing his anger, marrying that anger to hope, being responsible, keeping confidences, bearing all that alone, with authority that is both shoved on him and disregarded - did he finally snap? Are the chains not a decoration, not a punishment, but an attempt to literally bind himself up and tack himself down to this terrible world where he’s found himself?  

All we know for certain is his last word - “Close?” Close to what? To death? To salvation?  The only comfort either Edward Little or we, the audience, will get - is that at the very end, his captain was there to release him from the duty to which he clung for so long, so fiercely, with so much hope.

[sigskk]

so how's that essay going.

do you think teen skk would be like this. assuming they're in a universe where they're enrolled into formal education. do you think dazai would procrastinate until the last minute j to get on chuuya's nerves and have an excuse to talk to him. do you think chuuya would be just as bad if not for one-upping dazai. he's coming over to his house just so chuuya can sit in the same room as dazai while he works. hey chuuya [insert question]? [blatantly incorrect answer]. okay thank you <333 [aware it was bs]. they take a break for dinner and dazai is sitting on the counter like a wet cat watching chuuya (he's helping). "you should've started this sooner" (also did not start this sooner)

[abyssalzones]

hello would. you like to elaborate on. ford pines osdd. ((because I recently got diagnosed and. blorbo moments. but also because I love the idea in general. ford "I feel like I've lived 50 different lives" pines.))

so, first off, I want to apologize for putting this off for so long. I think it's been a couple of weeks at this point but I'm not entirely sure. Anyway, after getting this ask I immediately got really really excited and started outlining what I quickly realized was going to be a monster of an analysis post.

So much so, in fact, that I ended up having to move it all into a google doc. whoops.

As it turns out, this ask ended up being the thing to motivate me to go over a lot of other related thoughts about GF’s writing that I’d had stewing in my brain for ages, so you're getting an essay that you probably didn't sign up for. Again: my bad. I hold the champion's title for being the most long-winded autistic bitch to ever live.

Either way, as you might have guessed, I would love to elaborate on Ford Pines' hypothetical OSDD.

[content warning: I’m going to be talking about both fictional depictions and IRL patterns of interpersonal abuse in here quite a bit. Proceed with caution if you’re easily triggered by these topics, especially if you decide to look further into anything I mention here that isn’t strictly related to, y’know, the cartoon.]