#anyway i have nothing meaningful to add to this other than to say excellent post op; fantastic tags; spot on; 100%; no notes; proceed

[boogiewoogieweeb]

#in addition edward’s also one of the few privy to the reality of the tunnbaq pretty early on #and that is above ANY of their pay grades #and he just has to deal with that because there is literally no time to consider the cosmic horror when it's actively hunting you #ironic that crozier's decision to leave supplies and not men is way more likely to result in deaths caused by exposure/hypothermic #which is what it seems edward ended up dying of #also obsessed that him and jopson. in many ways the two hands of crozier's leadership. have similar but contrasting deaths #overall i just think fandom tends to portray edward as a worse leader than he actually is #at the end of the day he got the survivors the furthest and it killed him to do so #just that it surely killed him that he couldn’t get them home. that he had to leave jopson and the rest behind #he even intercedes on silna’s behalf when crozier tells him to escort her off ship #making him one of maybe 5 people to show her a shred of human decency #he’s so compassionate and loyal that his downfall is people taking advantage of that #imperialism takes the best of men and sacrifices them for nothing and all it has to show for it is more death #rip edward little you would have loved star wars

A Consideration of 1st Lt. Edward Little of HMS Terror (As Played by Matthew McNulty)

The thing about Lt. Edward Little is that he had the highest ideals and yet was set up in so many ways to fail them.  

We occasionally see glimpses of the man Edward Little must have been in order to be appointed First Lieutenant on a very prestigious expedition: reliable, capable, stalwart. 

(Continued below the cut, as this got very long)

He had that, before, when he was doing the job he was trained for, ie running a ship at sea.  What he hasn’t been trained for at all is managing 129 125 119 105 ? men stuck in pack ice in endless night, later trudging over ice and shale, trying to keep them busy and out of trouble and from getting killed by a demon bear.  Of course he’s out of his depth, but honestly aren’t most of them?  Of the lieutenants Gore (RIP) is the only one who seems to be in his element and he’s the only one with Arctic experience so that tracks.  Even Le Vesconte is getting by on charisma and the power of peer pressure, neither of which actually make for competent officering.  So that’s the scene he’s stuck in, and no wonder he’s out of his depth.  

Then we have the circumstances specific to Edward Little.  He's spent the first two-plus years of the voyage as the first for a captain who is very depressed and increasingly alcoholic. As Crozier's state deteriorates and especially after Franklin dies, Little has to tread a very fine and somewhat blurry line. He has to cover for Crozier, picking up the slack that is inevitably dropped; he also has to prop Crozier up in such a way that his leadership as Captain isn't undermined with the crew. A big part of both of those is making sure that the right questions are being asked, that all practicalities are being factored in, but he has to ask those questions without seeming to question Crozier’s authority. Thus he must essentially be an acting captain without seeming to do so either to the men or to Crozier . He is not someone who wants power per se; in fact I think what he wants most is to be a good and competent 1st Lt. But because he's under an semi-incapacitated captain, he has no choice but to take on some of that power while appearing to be no more than a loyal lieutenant. He's leading without being seen to lead, and he's already seen Crozier flog three men for among other things insubordination and disrespect (and without due process).

Crozier has also put him in a position of having to lie - both directly and by omission! For example, when questioned he tells Fitzjames (who outranks him) "much to do on Terror is all” - leaving JFJ to draw his own conclusions on the source of that “much” and the extent to which it is falling on Little.  The instruction to procure more whiskey “discreetly” is nearly if not actually insulting in how far below Little's rank it is.  Having to do it “discreetly” is even worse.  He is being treated as an errand boy, and not just an errand boy but one tasked with something that is clearly unsavory, even illicit.   By ordering him to to this, he makes Little complicit in the very vice that is causing all of these problems, and Little by virtue of his position is unable to refuse any of these direct orders, even ones that are way below his station. (The fact that Jopson, Crozier's actual steward who was actually in charge of these things, was not given that task is also telling although I’m not sure of what - perhaps that Crozier wanted someone who outranked the Erebus’ steward to do the asking; perhaps that he felt some shame in asking Jopson.)

Through all of this, Little is having to cover for a man who continues to lose his own respect in ways both large and small, personal and professional. Crozier has endangered the crew - leading directly to Blanky losing his leg - and has spoken flippantly of the situation ("How fares the raft of the Medusa?"). In 1x04, he is clearly galled by both the disregard of due process and severity of Hickey’s punishment.  (While both are not unstandard in the Navy, Crozier’s manner makes it seem like spite as much as anything - which I’m sure Little clocked.)  Overall, Little observes him making inebriated decisions that are based as much on his internal demons as any the practicalities at hand while men continue to die under his watch. This erosion of trust will come back to haunt them all, because even when its causes have been overcome, the deep root and the effects are there. (JFJ gets to have reckonings with Crozier and say his piece in a way that Little never does or will.)

Edward Little also cares deeply about the welfare of his men, perhaps more than anything. Command is a responsibility not just to the navy but to those whose lives his decisions affect. And so he as he sees this disregard for them (and for himself) he is angry, and he is in a profession and position where one is not allowed to be angry with one's superiors. So he spends a lot of his time pretending that he is not quietly furious while carrying out orders that he knows he shouldn't be, and hiding it from everyone , even Fitzjames, because he is also, deep in his heart, loyal (even if he feels it is unearned) and married to Naval structures.  Crozier and JFJ have their reckoning, but Little never gets that, because subordinates aren’t allowed to be angry.  

This combination, the lack of trust both given and received, the anger, the care & loyalty, the necessity to fill the void in leadership, means that he asks a lot of questions . A well placed "Are you sure, sir?" can go a long way. "Yes, but--" is not a phrase that would often have been uttered to a commander by a lieutenant, but Little has not just earned but hard won the right to say it.  Every time he questions Crozier, I think it is out of a sense of duty, not defiance. A duty to the expedition, to Crozier, and above all to the men, because for so long Crozier’s judgement was not something he was able to rely on. He can’t even attend a sunrise party without thinking of the supplies that are being used up! 

To top everything off, he also never appears to be someone who is particularly congenial nor gregarious, he is very aware of his rank, and is competent while not being loved (except by me).  I like to imagine that he and Jopson and Macdonald were able to commiserate in some way as Crozier was going through his detox.  But everyone is so conscious of class & rank & secrets being guarded that it seems unlikely that anyone actually confided in each other. By getting dry and in such dramatic fashion, Crozier earns back his loyalty & respect, but by doing so in secret I wonder if he hasn't further eroded Little's relationship with the other lieutenants.  Do they even know Crozier is drying out or is Little lying to them as well as to the entire rest of the crew?  Little does not seem like a man who cares for lying, and covering up the captain's "gastritis" would only have made Little feel more cut off and burdened by the captain's confidence. (To say nothing of the fact that all of this is going on with the Tuunbaaq in the background - these lieutenants were not designed to contend with alcoholic spirits let alone the spirit world.)

 Crozier’s trust does often  end up being more burden than anything, and it’s beyond the responsibility that would normally come with his rank. That moment when he practically shoves the pistol away from him is so telling of this.  We really were robbed of the moment when Little is so angry after leaving Crozier that he can’t even slam his door: because that’s what’s building up this entire time!  

By covering for Crozier both before and during his sobering up, Little probably lost some of his authority over the crew. They know he's hiding something, and that earns some distrust. He's obviously worn out, and there must be some observation that Crozier is literally using him as an errand boy. In the best of circumstances the commanding-without-commanding is a hard line to walk while maintaining one’s own air of authority. He's also angry, and in working so hard to cover and subdue his anger, what he's left with is the "sad, wet man" that fandom has dubbed him. The crew may not know exactly what’s going on (although what do those men have to do besides gossip) but they must have sensed how Little is being worn away. As much as he cares for them, he wouldn’t fraternize - it seems like he barely fraternizes in the wardroom.  (Which is why that moment of camaraderie with Jopson outside Crozier’s cabin is so important to me personally.) 

That brings us to the mutiny.  We may love a sad, wet man, but in the face of a charismatic mutineer he's never going to match up. He doesn't have the authority, the love of the crew, or really the energy to go against it. At this point, he has no reason to know or suspect that a mutiny is what's the offing in the first place! He is someone who wants to believe the best of his men, and he's been given no reason to doubt Tozer's motives. And what was he supposed to do in the face of a marine sergeant surrounded by frightened, armed men?  They are clearly on edge and afraid, a dangerous combination.  He is practical, and although ultimately it loses him even more face by going along with Tozer, he was never going to be able to stop that in its tracks. Even JFJ wasn’t able to reel back in what had already been done.  So he chooses the pragmatic route: agree publicly to the logic, let Tozer do with him what he's been doing with Crozier, in making the subordinate's idea appear to be the superior's. With the situation and facts at hand, what else is he to do? 

The irony is that Little has been quietly looking out for all of them and their best interests for so long; but because it was so quiet, an undercurrent, when it comes down to brass tacks, none of them have ever seen that, or feel that they owe him any respect or loyalty. Tozer and Hickey appear to be men of action, and unfortunately in a moment like this a group of frightened men is going to follow the one who appears strongest. 

I also want to point out that Crozier specifically says *while the fog holds off*. Well the fog has rolled in! The situation changed! Crozier clearly has suspicions of Hickey and Tozer that he hasn't confided to Little, and whose fault is that! When it comes to investigating Irving’s and Farr’s murders, Little asks what the evidence is, which suggests to me that he has no knowledge of any concerns about Hickey that have arisen post-lashing.  Again, he is inclined to trust them.

One of the realest moments we get from him is "I'm the worst kind of sorry." It's one of the very few times he breaks from naval demeanor. The worst kind because he feels it deeply, but also because he was stuck, and he knows it, and also knows the expectations both from himself and from others that he be Better.

What it comes down to is what he says to Hodgson: "All we have are our instincts and training. If both told you to proceed with what you ordered, then be easy with yourself." That is all Little has had for so long. He certainly doesn’t seem to be having heart to hearts with Irving and Hodgson, let alone JFJ and Crozier; his counterpart on Erebus is long gone.  Who has he to confide in, especially at this juncture of events, when there are no clear paths and no right answers. I imagine this is what he told himself over and over in the long watches of the night.  

And yet!! Matthew McNulty has said that “Little's probably one of the most hopeful out of them all. [...] He still thinks that humanity will prevail in this dark, dark world.”  I’m not sure where to put this, but I think it’s important.  I think it’s part of why he doesn’t always quite have the authority he should: poor, worn down Edward Little sees the best and hopes for the best, and can’t quite reckon that not everyone has the same moral compass he does.  That’s why Tozer & Hickey get the best of him, because he wants to believe the best of them.  He doesn’t compromise his moral compass or belief in humanity, and unfortunately that turns into a blind spot.I think it’s also why Tozer invites him to join them: because some part of him recognizes that they both have that idealism deep down.  They are both doing their best in an inconceivable situation to cling to hope and take care of those they see as under their protection. It pains me to think what they could have accomplished had they worked together rather than against each other. 

(Incidentally, I don’t believe Little ever would have been swayed to join them, but I can’t blame him for the fact that Tozer’s claim about Crozier leaving them gave him pause.  He’s seen Crozier finally grow into a commander he can respect, but to find out that Crozier’s judgment was not just impaired for so long but extended to actively planning to abandon ship & crew, as Tozer frames, as he was working so hard to hold things together - even if he doesn’t believe it, in his heart of course there must have been some doubt.) 

All of these, the erosion of respect, the concern, the exhaustion, the lack of direction and support, the HOPE, come together in a moment for which he (unjustly, in my opinion) gets vilified for: 

We’ve slowed our pace hauling some of the ill in the boats. But if we extend this temporary camp more than a few days, we can allow the ill to rest here while the bulk of us proceed south. We can hopefully find game and trek back for the others once we have something more to offer them–

And Jopson’s anger is both understandable and not unwarranted - but. Based on that look Le Vesconte gives him, this most likely is not a thought that originated with Little.  It’s  being grumbled by those hauling, maybe even obliquely discussed by the officers.   That look says to me “It has to be said.”  And it does, the logistics are evident to everyone and that needs to be discussed.  They’re sending out hunting parties every day, sure, but in an area very close to the one they’re trekking through.  It genuinely does make practical sense to have some unencumbered, able-bodied (relatively) men go ahead quickly to what would hopefully be better hunting grounds, while the sick conserve what strength they have: those able to hunt could move quickly and bring back game, while those who are dying could do so while not being jostled about on boats on shale.  Little does not say (and, I think, would never say) that they should leave them behind entirely: only that this current system isn’t really helping anyone (and it isn’t).  He needs to make sure that Crozier has fully considered the situation, because for so long that was not the case. (Historically, in fact, they did set up a hospital camp while a smaller party moved south.)

I actually do think he says this with hope: the hope that they really will find game, that the ill do just need to rest, that he can save as many of them as possible.  He's also thinking of the practicalities and (though I may be biased) really does intend to return to the ill once they have something to actually provide them with. He doesn't say so that they can move on unencumbered, to better their own chances, he says to let them rest , to find something to offer them.  He knows the situation and the feeling in camp, and that the time has come to have the conversation. It's not even necessarily a conversation he wants to have or believes in, but it has to be had. Once it's been talked about, once Crozier has come out with not just a position but a direction (to leave supplies behind if necessary), Little is entirely on board. Shortly thereafter, when Le Vesconte suggests the exact same thing, he retorts that " Most of us are ill" (note the us - the identification with) and further responds with disgust and anger that "The Captain also ordered that we not leave any man behind. You expediently leave that out."  The Captain isn’t there; Jopson isn’t there: if Little really in any way wanted to leave anyone behind, this was his chance to order it and save himself.  

I wish we could see his decision to go with Le Vesconte even though he so clearly believes that these lesser mutineers are in the wrong; I know why we don't. I like to think that it's because he believes he's doing the best thing for all, that he knows one semi-able bodied man staying behind is not going to help anyone, and that by going south with the group he may be to able to sway them, or find game for the ill. But again - he has been put in a position where there is no right choice, and where any authority he had has been too far eroded to matter.

Regardless: we go from his vehement protestation that they must a) rescue their captain and b) not leave behind the ill to die to this:

A man completely broken, weathered almost beyond recognition, with his flesh pierced by and draped with the chains of watch fobs. That's fobs plural: they're clearly different chains, from different watches, from different men.  But in still uniform.  Because he clung to the to his identity, to hope, to grounding structure of the Navy in which he trained and believed, until the very end.

We don't know what happens in between. Is it madness? Did the mutineers do this to him?   Is it penance? A memorization of the men whose watches those were?  A punishment on himself for what happened on his watch - despite the fact that really, he was powerless to stop it? And this is the only watch he can keep now - watch chains in his face, his eyes forced open to the horrors. Or did 1st Lt. Edward Little spend so long suppressing his anger, marrying that anger to hope, being responsible, keeping confidences, bearing all that alone, with authority that is both shoved on him and disregarded - did he finally snap? Are the chains not a decoration, not a punishment, but an attempt to literally bind himself up and tack himself down to this terrible world where he’s found himself?  

All we know for certain is his last word - “Close?” Close to what? To death? To salvation?  The only comfort either Edward Little or we, the audience, will get - is that at the very end, his captain was there to release him from the duty to which he clung for so long, so fiercely, with so much hope.

[firstagent]

Recap! Digimon Adventure: (2020): Ending

In this episode, we wrap up a reboot with so much style and so little substance, then talk about the future because, unlike the Adventure: children, we are mortal beings. As doing so during a currently running series defeated the intention of allowing us a breather, we’ve been slacking off on the catch-up posts that used to happen around every ending change. There wasn’t much to say anyway. By the time the second ending theme ran its course, we’d sniffed out the fatal flaws of the Adventure reboot. A lack of quality wasn’t the issue. Digimon has had plenty of subpar material over the course of twenty-plus years. You can even argue there’s plenty of quality in Adventure:, just invested in places we’re not used to in Digimon, ones that don’t add much besides another shiny, empty thing to gaze at for a few seconds. But as we gaze one more time, we realize the real killer was the lack of anything compelling to think about. Which is a real problem since that’s primarily what we do here. Back in episode four, even as we were enjoying the hell out of Action Girl Sora’s rebirth, her instant rapport with Piyomon stood in such stark contrast with original Sora’s early reticence that we wondered where the angst was going to come from. It was the first clue that the mother issues that defined her character twenty years ago would be scrubbed and abandoned, leaving… well, Action Girl Sora and nothing else of consequence. Other signs, like the way too early debut of Omegamon and the minimal development involved with the first couple rounds of evolution foretold a show that was going to be light on the one thing Digimon Adventure excelled at: endearing characters working through genuine problems making them seem like real people. The longer the series went, the more that concept felt abandoned, and the harder it was to root for these cardboard cutouts of the Adventure kids. The result is a series chock full of exciting action sequences, a serviceable enough plot, and not a lot of thought behind it. It spends most of the first half as an intense, relentless, exhausting escalation of battles… then takes its foot off the gas in the second half to meander its way through two arcs where nothing of consequence happens outside the climactic fights. You’re likely to get smoother pacing watching every episode on shuffle. Worse, within these two extremes is a shocking dearth of meaningful message to discuss. Digimon isn’t worth all this blog space because it stands above other shows like it, but rather because its depths give us so much to talk about regarding childhood, technology, relationships, evil, loss… nothing of the sort gets any thought here. A few interesting concepts sneak in through Patamon, Tailmon, and even Negamon towards the end, but nothing explored to its full potential. We’re left with precious little to sift through except pondering how empty the series feels compared to everything else Digimon has offered us. The next series, Digimon Ghost Game, already shows signs of promise. In just their introductory bios, the three leads offer up more character, family background, and flaws than the entire Adventure: octet gave us in sixty-seven episodes. Given the ratings the reboot pulled, it was easy to fear that the future of Digimon would be the same hollow action fests. So far Ghost Game appears to be resisting the temptation, and deserves discussion. Unfortunately, for several reasons, it won’t be here. The window between Saturday night episodes and Monday morning posts is becoming too much of a burden, especially with a five year old that actually likes to do things on weekends. I’ll still post my thoughts on Twitter and maybe even quick reactions on Tumblr the way I did for Appmon’s initial run. Like Appmon, I may even come back for full retrospective Ghost Game posts. The blog was always meant to be retrospective after all. So for now, we close up shop after a hell of a ten years. Our mission of writing something for the six seasons of Digimon kept getting extended as the franchise reinvigorated itself and kept on going, a testament to the endearing nature of the show that made us write about it in the first place. Thanks to everyone who helped out through Patreon, Ko-Fi, or Amazon, or even for leaving a comment, especially in the early days when Digimon was still on the verge of regaining its momentum. You can still catch me on Twitter and Tumblr, along with the With the Will podcast (I’ll also be discussing the final episode on Podigious in a few days!). And Nexusworld is all finished now so you have two novel-length adventures of multi-season madness! Twitter will be the best place to catch news of any future endeavors, whether Digimon or not. Until then, enjoy Ghost Game! Digimon Adventure: Ending 5: Dreamers Figure I slack off on talking about the ending themes in the season with the best ones (that third one is so cute!). This one’s a little generic, but it’s boppy and fits Digimon so well. The endings are nice in that they’re a little less Taichi-centric than the opening or the show itself, and only the first one tries to elevate a character the series doesn’t justify elevating. Dreamers is one those songs that makes me realize I should listen to K-Pop more.

See reviews of every Digimon episode at Digimon: System Restore!

[galacticnova3]

I don't know if you've answered something like this before, but when did you start to become attached to Lor and/or Nova? Is there a history behind it or did it just happen and kind of spiral. I love your stuff by the way, stay hydrated.

It’s kinda difficult to explain without delving into some personal stuff, but I’ll try to explain it as best I can. I can’t add a read more on mobile, so be warned this is going to be a long post. I’ll tag it as such. By long I mean I’m scrolling back up to add I’ve been typing for over half an hour. Might as well just call this half of my life story. Anyways...

Nova was the first of the two I developed a big interest in, hence why all my social media is named what it is. At first it was something I kept to myself because it was during a very difficult time in my life. To be frank, if it weren’t for me deciding to draw Nova one night, I probably wouldn’t be here. What started out as what I thought would be a temporary distraction turned into my first source of legitimate interest and motivation; I saw the drawing I made that night, what I thought would be my last contribution to the world, and thought, “Well this doesn’t look great. I can do better.”

And so I begun trying to do just that. Constantly drawing Nova, slowly letting the idea of him being just a mere distraction from the inevitable choice I thought I would make fade away. Because, for once, I actually had a solid interest, something to focus on that I could keep improving at and show others I was improving at. And when you start to improve at something, suddenly you feel a bit better about yourself.

In that journey of realizing I had more reason to live than I thought, I started getting attached to Nova as a character, and one I could relate to for a very long time. While most say Nova looks sleepy, I’ve always seen it as tired; not in the physical way, but in terms of emotions. Tired of waiting, of existing; lonely, too. I felt that.

I also connected strongly with the way Nova was always treated by the fandom, as I started interacting with it. Always in the background, overshadowed by others, and in general ignored; just like how I felt constantly. Everyone around me seemed to excel at something, or was popular and beloved, or otherwise was at least something. They were the Marxes, the Galacta Knights, the Dededes, Meta Knights, Kirbies.

I, on the other hand, was not. At best I was a collection of little somethings in a trench coat, stuff that didn’t matter but at least gave me some semblance of identity. I liked bugs, I liked video games, I liked going outside, things like that. A random assortment of different, miscellaneous parts, but no real idea what those parts made or what I was without them. Sound familiar?

Nova became a huge part of my identity in a matter of months. I lived and breathed Nova, I wrote bad Nova fanfic, I made doodles of Nova on possibly every paper assignment in school. I was, honestly, entirely obsessed.

That’s kinda when things started to change, some ways for the better, some for worse. Obviously, I had a massive level of interest in one specific random character that nobody else really shared. I talked about almost nothing but said interest, made content only of said interest.

People began getting annoyed, but I didn’t notice until it was too late. Suddenly people I was close to began to express dislike towards Nova because of me. Me, who identified in every way as something tied to Nova. People talked about me behind my back, vagued about me, and ultimately some made it abundantly clear that they didn’t respect me. Some of those people I still can’t avoid today.

That became another low point for me. My depression got bad again, as did my anxiety. Not quite as low as I was that fateful night, at least, but low enough for my self esteem to plummet to levels it still hasn’t reached again. That wasn’t helped by the fact that I constantly associated myself with a character that was lonely, depressed, and tired in general.

Eventually I had the unconscious realization that I had to find something else to split my focus with. For a little bit that was Star Dream, but ultimately it didn’t stick. I’m very close to someone who really likes Meta Knight, so I tried to fixate on him, too. That didn’t last either. Marx was a definite no, given past experiences with several Marx fans sending me hate and death threats for not liking him.

Eventually I realized the problem was that I didn’t relate to any of these characters in a meaningful way. There was nothing to latch onto for me. So, I went back to square one in having to figure out what my identity was, just minus Nova. Which was a lot harder than I’d like to admit. Seriously, even my favorite color was because of Nova.

My goal eventually became to find someone that had aspects of Nova that wouldn’t encourage me to identify as lonely and depressed at all times, who was strong and independent and likable and maybe even not a background character! Like... MAGOLOR!

And then I fell in love with his pretty boat instead.

But! All that gave me something to work with; Lor was, in essence, a blank slate; had the bare minimum qualifications to be considered a character. Kinda like how I felt I had the bare minimum things to qualify as a person. It became a case of doing exactly what I did with Nova, but with the goal of making her like someone completely different and unexpected. I slapped on random personality traits I had or had had and decided, hey, this works, I can trick myself into being a new person by pretending it’s a character! Which was in essence exactly my process with Nova, just in a conscious manner this time.

It was around this time I first figured out I was asexual, thanks to my oldest sister, and how perfect was it that both my old and new obsessions were machines? Bam, they’re ace too, so now I have a medium to explore what that really means for me. Same thing happened when I realized I was panromantic. This happened with a lot of stuff as I learned more about myself via treating myself as characters that needed a happy ending.

Nowadays I’ve managed to separate myself a bit, and made Nova and Lor more than just The Staples Of My Identity. It still hurts a lot when people are mean about them, especially when it comes to old trauma, but not as much as it used to. Nowadays they’re just my big faves/comfort characters, but they’re still extremely important to me either way.

If you got this far, thank you for taking the time to read through this, it means a lot to me.

[tonyglowheart]

This entire thing is a rant, feel free to ignore it, but I saw your post about how destiel fans can’t win in this context, and yeah. So have some rambles.

I’ve been thinking about the fact we (current spn/destiel fans) can’t win all night... I’ve seen so many people talking about how homophobic it is - and while I would very much like to argue, as every point I’ve seen made by a non-spn fan has been wrong so far, if I did everyone inside the fandom would agree and everyone outside would either call me straight or pity me for believing it’s okay.

(Cas wasn’t even sent to hell lmao. He was sent to angel death (the empty), a place he has escaped in the past. Other points, like that meta about spn has been predicting exactly this for months, that Dean ended up sobbing on the floor because he was so upset, like that death means next to nothing on spn, like that there is two episodes left, etc etc. you feel me right? I just don’t want to post wank to other spn blogs atm, we’re getting enough frustration as it is, no need to add to it.

It’s also worth pointing out that the bar is very, very low. Spn is a prominent TV show - not a Netflix show, or indie, or whatever - and it just said “main character in gay love saved the world”. [insert gif of ghostfacers dude saying that gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day here]

I just saw someone saying that spn having Naomi try to brainwash Cas out of loving dean makes spn homophobic (it is a conversion therapy parallel). My first response to that is that Naomi was the villain lmao? I guess we can’t write villains doing anything homophobic because having villains do homophobic things makes, uh - checks notes - villains look homophobic, and clearly we can’t have that.

There certainly are legitimate things to criticise spn about, but this isn’t it lol.

Also now some people are unironically trying to cancel Jensen because “his acting was homophobic, and so he’s clearly homophobic”, nevermind that he’s an actor and his character struggles with understanding his emotions (which I think he played excellently, myself. That scene had a very Dean delayed emotional response), nevermind the support he’s given to us queers in the past. Like. Idek man.

We would have been laughed at if we got no destiel, too.

It would have been worse, had the writers pulled a dumbledore. At this point I also trust the writers not to pull a GoT - they have explicitly criticised that ending in spn’s canon.

Spn’s writers did that by making the main villain of this season, Chuck / God, say GoT had a good ending. To reiterate a previous point I had: villains do bad things because they’re bad. And the bad things they do make them bad. For the people out there not still following, if someone does something in a story and it makes them a villain, that is explicitly telling you the story (and probably the writers) thinks that thing is bad. In this case, Chuck likes to write things for him, and we the audience have been shown and told that is bad.

Apparently thinking a gay confession is good in 2020 makes me straight. Seems unlikely, but whatever. Sorry for the length, I guess I went overboard, I’ve been holding it in lol. Anyway, DESTIEL IS CANON 💚💙 hope you have a good night

Helloo supernatural anon I hope you are living your best life right now. Yeah I’m like..... skeptical and leery myself but having lived through some absolute garbage discourse that is general purity wank, as well as the C/QL greater fandom here and on Twitter I find myself... much more wanting to question the “general wisdom” of things esp in terms of negativity, bc a lot of the time I find.... it’s wrong? Like so wrong. Or at least presents such an incomplete picture of the whole situation and also presents it in such a removed context that words that have meaning and are operationalized in a certain way for a reason, no longer have meaningful usage.

Anyway I don’t... know too much about the specifics of Spn but someone I follow is into it and talks a lot about the Gnostic stuff and that all was very fascinating to me, and I also have been grappling a lot with cultural Christianity bc of cmedia and the way ppl just *clenches fist* unthinkingly or uncritically slap some Christian norms on it and call it a day 😩 help I’m Tired. My thing here being... I actually got tired of the uncritical “superhell”s at some pt bc I am, in fact, incredibly exhausted with cultural Christianity, and because it does seem like, even possibly(?) without the Gnostic stuff it’s different from a “hell” or other Protestant-derived afterlife concept, and also yeah that it wasn’t seeded out of nowhere, it was set up to happen, which then... lends credence to the idea that whatever the current era of Spn is doing, the current showrunners are doing it with purpose.

And idk I just... refuse to believe the concept that ALL of the fans of Spn - esp the ones who have been following it still, or got back into it and are following it currently, are acting under delusion or are fooling themselves into liking it or thinking it’s good or whatever. I personally find that kinda infantilizing and patronizing and playing into issues of dismissing things women and/or other marginalized identities like.

Plus I find the concept that (from what I think I’ve been seeing Spn fans say) that the current era of the show is quite actively grappling with itself, its past, its legacy. to be very interesting and compelling; it hearkens back to like an old lore kind of feeling, of a thing that has grown into a nigh undefeatable monster and realizing that, also realizing that the only way to defeat itself is through grappling with its own nature and transforming and transmuting itself into something else. I personally find that more plausible and compelling than “Supernatural has been actively and continuously queerbaiting for 15 homophobic homophobic years., so right now we’re all very sorry for you because this maybe is no longer queerbaiting but it’s still homophobic and it can never be anything different ever.” I’ve been sort of tangentially aware of Spn thru the years and didn’t we agree, around the time of that in-universe play about Spn and with the lil Destiel shoutout, that Spn has come a ways as far as coming to terms with its fandom and working to treat its fans better? Why the sudden regression into “oh no, Supernatural is and forever will be homophobic and a hate crime”? 🤔 

The rest under a cut bc the ask is already long and then my rambling will get longer-

But yeah I mean..... I get that the legacy of Supernatural has been certifiably Rough, but I think people also forget how different of a time 2005 was? Hell, how different of a time 2015 was, even, prior to, say, Obergefell v. Hodges. Now I’m not saying that to blanket-excuse Supernatural, but like, you look at mainstream shows from the era and... there’s a lot of shit lmao. The fact that Supernatural has existed this long seems to me like.... maybe we CAN look at how it’s developed through the years vs just insisting it is what it was 15, 10, hell, 5 years ago. Especially since, to my knowledge, there’s been showrunner changes? Which seems to me like it would... affect things? I mean honestly, I remember back when I got into Spn for a hot second because of Castiel, I remember watching panel, Q&A, etc vids thru the years, and like... I thought we agreed that... it was the fans who were going a bit far pushing the shipping question like literally ALL the time to the actors, who are not in control of the show and.... like at the time.... that could have had personal implications for them? And yes homophobia bad, and people can still be allies despite that, but again like.... I do feel like - from what I’ve seen - that these guys were NOT ready to deal with a lot of that but they’ve (okay Jensen I’m talking about Jensen here) genuinely grown and learned? Also how many years ago was the essay autograph thing that people keep trotting out, like what year was it in and what year of spn was it, and what were the prevailing opinions on LGBT issues and bisexuality then.

I’ve been seeing some murmurings of identity politicsing surrounding ppl who enjoy Supernatural, and I’m sorry that that’s happening to you, it really fucking sucks and it’s also the dumbest way to “make” or “win” an argument because it shouldn’t ever be a final determiner, just factors to consider when considering what life experiences might have informed someone else’s PoV and views as well as maybe how you can better communicate with them. Instead of it being a “weapon” or “tool” to either dismiss someone or de facto validate an argument.

Also yeah I get it that you don’t want to send discourse to spn blogs bc I imagine you guys ARE actively grappling with all the bs rn and it’s a lot. Even just from like, the stuff I see around, I’m like tired of it. I’m genuinely having more fun with ppl who are having a good time with Supernatural than the ppl who are hating on it, even in this sort of backhanded “oh we’re not clowning YOU we’re clowning the writers and showrunners who think you should be satisfied with this,” when... yeah? the people who HAVE been watching the show and therefore... know what’s up.. DO seem to be? And all this based on *fake gasp* context. And that’s where the backhandedness becomes kind of poisonous to me, because it implies that it IS bad, and that you SHOULDN’T be satisfied, but poor little you are but don’t worry, we’re not making fun of YOU for liking garbage, you’re just the hapless victim who is consuming the garbage bc... idk, whatever reasons ppl are coming up with ig.

idk man it’s 2020. Fandom isn’t activism, performative or otherwise, it’s okay to let people enjoy things even if you think they’re “objectively” bad, and like... I don’t know if people can call something bad when they’re not even working with the whole context and instead are dealing with rumor and reputation. 

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi!! Do you have any good Johnlock bed sharing fics? Like in THoB if they accidentally were put in a room with a single bed instead of a double?

Hi Lovely!

AHH I’ve actually just recently recced a slew of Bed Sharing fics but OMG I just checked my “to add to other lists” list and WOULDN’T YOU KNOW I HAVE MORE!!! Check them out, I hope you enjoy!!!

BED SHARING Pt. 4

See also: 

Bed Sharing “Just Happens” (Sept. 2019)

The Speckled Blonde / BedSharing

BedSharing Pt. 2 and Insecure Sherlock

Bed Sharing Pt. 3

John Will Never Forget by gelos (bia_mpinto) (NR, 244 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, First Time, Love Confessions) – John will never forget Sherlock’s everything.

When Morning Comes by Youarethelightoftheworld (T, 423 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Lazy Mornings/Morning After, Fluff and Angst, Sleepy Cuddles, Domestic Fluff, Cuddling / Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort) – “Sherlock,” says John solemnly, “I’m not sure we can go anywhere today.”

Easy like Sunday Morning by lbmisscharlie (G, 910 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Breakfast in Bed, Epic Friendship, Platonics/Domestics) – John and Sherlock and their lazy, dysfunctional Sunday mornings in bed. In which Sherlock has difficulty sleeping and John makes lots of toast. Shameless fluff. Part 1 of No Mushrooms Please

Settling In by PorcupineGirl (T, 1,030 w., 1 Ch. || Ace Sherlock/Straight-Biromo John, Queerplatonic Relationship, Fluff) – Asexual!Sherlock/Straight!John in a queerplatonic romantic relationship. It’s a bit of an oddball, but anything fluffy and loving and nonporny will be endlessly and forever adored. It’s always fun to see the two work out that hey, we’re in love, we don’t have sex, but it’s still a wonderful and meaningful relationship.

In Dreams by Youarethelightoftheworld (T, 1,340 w., 1 Ch. || Falling in Love, Accidental Cuddling, Snuggling, Fluff, Romance, Domestic Fluff) – Every once and a while, the dark makes it easier to see.

Moonshine by CKLizzy (T, 1,408 w., 1 Ch. || Cuddling / Snuggling, Touching, Dev. Rel., Bed Sharing, Comfort, Touching) – Sometimes, routines changed. Sequel to “Nightfall”. Part 2 of Solace

Random Numbers by songlin (T, 1,671 w., 1 Ch. || Ace Sherlock / Straight John, Cuddling / Snuggling, Massage, Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Post-TRF, Slice of Life) – A collection of moments in the relationship of asexual!Sherlock and straight!John.

3:00 in the Morning is a Great Time to Talk by Aztecwarfareandcrumping (K+, 1,775 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Bed Sharing, First Person POV John, Cuddling, Worried Sherlock, Comforting John, Platonic Affection/Love) – “Are you trying to talk your way into my bed?” “Obviously.”

The Lie-In by KendylGirl (M, 2,000 w., 1 Ch. || POV Sherlock,  Bed Sharing, Fluff, True Love, Introspection) – Five months after his return, John and Sherlock spend a day in bed. Part 2 of When to Let Go

Husband by jinglebell (E, 2,003 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., PWP, Anal, Multiple Orgasms, Fluff) – Sherlock orgasms when John refers to him as ‘husband’.

Tangential by Bitenomnom (NR, 2,047 w., 1 Ch. || Ace Sherlock, Fluff and Love, Cuddles, Friendship, Sherlock is a Kept Man, Sherlock Divorces his Work, Nightmares) – In which John stitches up Sherlock’s head (but not really), Sherlock comes into John’s room at night to take his laptop (but not really), Sherlock is married to his Work (but not really), and John is more than proficient at keeping Sherlock (really, definitely). Part 48 of Mathematical Proof

Nothing Left Untouched by ForeverShippingJohnlock (K+, 2,617 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Romance, Bed Sharing, Oblivious Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Grumpy John, Fluff and Cuddles) – Sherlock rearranges the flat. So what if John’s bedroom is now a research library. It’s not like John needs a bedroom, he can share with Sherlock. They’re friends and John has obviously slept in close quarters with men before and it’s not like Sherlock sleeps much anyway. It’ll be fine.

Turn the key, and come home by TooManyChoices (M, 2,718 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss / Time, Angst With a Happy Ending, Emotional Messes, Implied Sex, Angst and Humour, Bed Sharing, Post-TRF) – Sherlock and John have been dancing around what’s between them for years. Will John return to Baker Street, and if so, will things ever be the same?

Pillow Talk by 221b_hound (E, 2,925 w., 1 Ch. || Post-HLV, Est. Rel., Preening Sherlock, Limpet Sherlock, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Sex on Furniture, Scent Kink, Masturbation, Fluff, Soft Sherlock) – John gets home late from work and Sherlock is nowhere to be seen. John walks through the flat, distracted by memories of all the excellent sex they’ve been having, and finally finds Sherlock asleep in the upstairs room - apparently having fallen asleep mid-wank while inhaling the scent of John’s pillow. Well, you should always finish what you start, John thinks… Part 3 of Lock and Key

Your Pain in my Hands by aceofhearts61 (T, 2,984 w., 1 Ch. || Asexual Sherlock / Straight Homoromantic John, Established Relationship, Asexual Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling and Snuggling, Massage, Fluff, Bedsharing) – Sherlock and John comfort each other through physical pain, using massage. Part 13 of A Love with No Name

Untouched by KittieHill (E, 3,239 w., 1 Ch. || Kissing, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock, Body Worship, Sherlock’s Scars Mentioned, Masturbation, PWP, Rimming) – Sherlock leaked a lot. John had never needed lubricant. John loved watching it, had once spent an entire afternoon edging Sherlock so he could watch as the thick precome drip, drip, dripped onto Sherlock’s belly.

After the Bombs by VampirePam (T, 3,337 w., 2 Ch. || THoB AU, Drugs, John’s PTSD, Panic Attack, Nightmares, Caring Sherlock, Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Angst, Hurt/Comfort) – In which the drugs Sherlock used to dose John trigger a severe episode of PTSD. When terrors old and new cause John to fall apart, Sherlock must rectify his mistake and pick up the pieces.

Measuring Damage With the Fujita Scale by teahigh (T, 3,548 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss / Time, Vacation / Holidays, Friends to Lovers, Bed-Sharing, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Angsty Fluff, Scars, Awkward Talks) – John goes back into town, into the storm, and Sherlock realises he forgot to say, “I just want to be alone with you.”

Morning Sunlight by slashscribe (E, 3,565 w., 1 Ch. || PWP, Morning Sex, Fluff, PWP, Established Rel., Soft Idiots) – A thin band of soft morning light peeks between the curtains and stretches across John’s torso, laying dormant across his forearm, dipping into the space between his arm and his chest, illuminating his right nipple but just brushing the edge of his left, disappearing into his armpit, and reappearing again right over Sherlock’s eyes where his head rests, nestled against John’s shoulder. Sherlock is not annoyed by the light’s intrusion on his sleep, not when it rests so soft and tantalizing on John’s skin, a work of unintentionally erotic art. A PWP with so much emotion.

The Genetic Algorithm by Bitenomnom (NR, 3,786 w., 1 Ch. || Ace Sherlock, Friendship, Cuddling Fluff, Sherlock Experiments on John, Alternating First Person POV) – Some problems defy the usage of cold, clean-cut linear logic. It is impossible to devise a way to take steps that ultimately lead exactly to an optimal answer. Sherlock believes John Watson is one of those problems. Part 28 of Mathematical Proof

Coldness/Heat by agirlsname (E, 3,790 w., 1 Ch. || Cuddling & Snuggling, Body Heat, New Year’s Eve, PWP, Bedsharing, Frottage) – The inn is booked up on New Year’s Eve. The train home is cancelled because of the snow. The only option is to sleep in the non-heated guest room of a client, and John and Sherlock are freezing.You know where this is going. Part 1 of New Year’s Kiss

Bitter Nights Turned Sweet by Hyliare (T, 4,076 w., 1 Ch. || Pre-Slash, Insomnia/Hallucinations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, POV Present Tense John Watson, Cuddling/Snuggling) – Sherlock has always had trouble sleeping; he hasn’t always had someone in his life willing to help.

Lingerie by Sexxica (E, 4,135 w., 1 Ch. || Valentine’s Day, Lingerie / Women’s Underwear, Mildly Public Masturbation, Picture Texting / Sexting, Bottomlock, Body Worship, Anal Sex / Fingering, Rimming, Orgasm Delay / Denial, Est. Rel.) – It’s Valentines Day and Sherlock is taking John to Angelo’s for dinner. Sherlock also happens to be wearing a garter belt, stockings and a rather small pair of women’s underwear under his clothes. There’s no dessert at Angelo’s because John needs to get Sherlock home just as quickly as he can before they both lose their minds entirely.

Overture by Kate_Lear (M, 4,435 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Angry John, Introspection, Dev. Rel., Embarassed / Insecure Sherlock, Morning After, Bed Sharing, Cuddles / Limpet Sherlock) – A short snippet on how John and Sherlock might have got together.

If He Knows by shamelessmash (M, 4,513 w., 1 Ch. || TSo3 Fic, Pining Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Angst, Sherlock POV, Texting, Internal Monologue, Blanket Forts) – I imagine mornings: John handing me a cup of tea, hair sticking out at odd angles. How he would bend down to kiss me, smiling fondly as he pulls away. The way his skin crinkles at the corner of his eyes, the way his skin looks in the morning light. The soft sigh as he sits in his chair with the morning paper, the way his toes curl in the carpet, the way he rolls his shoulders before sinking deeper into his seat. I watch him, how he is when he is content, as it should be. As he deserves. Happy. With me.

Applied Linguistics by what_alchemy (M, 4,837 w., 1 Ch. || Possessive / Anxious Sherlock, Introspection, Bed Sharing, Past John Whump, Est. Rel., Marriage Proposal, Sherlock Loves John So Much, Word Play) – “He wants to shake John by the shoulders, wants to open his mouth and swallow John whole. Wants to marry him.” Sherlock searches for the right words.

On Hiatus: Rotterdam by rukushaka (T, 4,240 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Drama, Couple For A Case, Post-TRF, John Joins Sherlock, No Slash) – “Used them after uni a bit. Purely for research purposes, of course,“ Sherlock said tiredly, head lolling against John’s shoulder.” Sherlock goes on a mission alone, or: Two blokes in a luxury hotel in the Netherlands. Non-linear timeline. Set during the Hiatus.

Sleeping next to you by Salambo06 (E, 5,018 w., 1 Ch. || ASiB Fic, Bed Sharing, Frottage, Mutual Masturbation, Rimming, Anal, First Kiss/Time) – Based on an Anonymous Prompt: “So, that scene from ASiB when Mrs H has been attacked by the american CIA guy & John, Sherlock & she are in Mrs H’s kitchen when John says "She’ll have to sleep upstairs in our flat tonight. We need to look after her.” to which Sherlock replies with “no”. John of course suggested that because he cares about her safety, but maybe he also did it cause he /wanted/ that to happen. What if they finally agreed on letting her have John’s or Sherlock’s bed & J&S sleep in the same one?“ Part 12 of Tumblr Collection

Pillow Talk by scullyseviltwin (M, 5,183 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S3, Angsty Fluff, Pillow Talk, Bed Sharing, Worried John, First Time Morning After, Soft Sherlock, Sexuality Discussion, Love Confessions, Kisses and Cuddles) – John has been looking at Sherlock for ages, it feels like.

My First, My Only, and My Forever by vintagelilacs (E, 6,220 w., 1 Ch. || Post-ASiB, Virgin Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock’s Bum, John’s Scar, Sherlock POV, Body Worship, Fingering, Bottomlock, Promise of Forever / Proposals, Misunderstanding, First Kiss/Time, Loss of Virginity, Virginity Kink, Seduction) – Sherlock narrowed his eyes. He was missing a vital piece of data, he was sure. John had been looking at him oddly ever since they left Buckingham Palace, and the ensuing incident with Irene Adler had only exacerbated his erratic behaviour. What was it? Why would he care that Sherlock was a virgin? There was nothing reminiscent of mockery or pity in his gaze. And then it hit him. John Watson was aroused.

Sometimes When We Touch by kedgeree (M, 7,755 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF, First Kiss/Time, Inappropriate Giggling, Romance, Friends to Lovers, Virgin Sherlock, John Whump, Touching) – John might be touching Sherlock a little more often than is strictly necessary. Sherlock probably hasn’t even noticed. Right…?

Nightfall by CKLizzy (T, 8,001 w., 4 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Nightmares, Depictions of Violence/Torture/Injuries, Bed Sharing) – Awoken by nightmares, John and Sherlock seek each other’s company at night. They find more than either of them knew they were missing. Part 1 of Solace

Until I See the Sun by Vintage Tea Party (T, 8,194 w., 3 Ch. || Nightmares, Mild Whump, Friendship, Mild Violence, Angst) – After a particularly dangerous case, John suffers from night terrors. Will Sherlock be able to comfort him? Will he be able to find out what is really troubling John?

Just Like That by sussexbound (E, 8,442 w., 1 Ch. || First Time/Kiss, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock, French Kissing, Anal, Emotional Lovemaking, Enthusiastic Consent, Tenderness, Crying John, Bathing/Washing, Insecure John, Toplock) – John doesn’t want to talk anymore. He wants. Oh dear god, how he wants. For the first time in what feels like years he WANTS.

The Very Unlikely Existence of a Flightless Bird in a Tuxedo by cwb (E, 8,829 w., 1 Ch. || Poetry, Penguins / Animals / Zoos, First Kiss / Time, Blow / Hand Jobs, Sleepy Cuddles, Endearments, Friendship / Love, Adorable / Sleepy Sherlock, Case Fic, Sherlock Can’t Say Penguin) – A case at the zoo reveals something John finds cute about Sherlock. A conversation ensues, and so does happy endings.

Unwasted by patternofdefiance (E, 8,966 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S3 / S3 Fix-It, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Angelo’s, Fluff, First Time, Anal, Cum Play, Flashbacks to ASiB, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Bottomlock, Cuddles, Multiple Orgasms, BJ’s, Bed Sharing) – John finds it three months after he’s moved back. He’s on the hunt for something to make for dinner, is scrounging through the cupboards, when he happens upon the graveyard of pasta boxes Sherlock still seems to create when left to his own devices. Behind seven boxes of pasta, all almost completely empty, is a dark-glassed bottle, with a paler coat of dust.It’s unopened. John’s face falls slack when he sees it, instantly recognises it, and for a long moment he just stands and looks at it.

Inked in Memory by 221b_hound (E, 9,716 w., 2 Ch. || Post-HLV, Tattoos, First Kiss / Time, Anal, Cuddling, Scars, Captain John, Kissing, Switchlock) – John has been back at Baker Street for a year, following the debacle that ended in Mary’s death. Things are good. Back almost to what they used to be. Sherlock might wish they were something else, now, but he only has himself to blame, he thinks. It’s too late, now, for the things he first denied before he’d ruined any chances he might have had. Sherlock also thinks that people who get tattoos are idiots. But perhaps he’s about to learn a thing or two, not least of which might be it’s not as late as he thinks it is. Part 1 of Lock and Key

You fit me, Sherlock Holmes by orphan_account (G, 10,077 w., 1 Ch. || It’s An Experiment, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Questionable Science) – An unfortunate series of events leads to John accepting being a part of Sherlock’s study in physical intimacy. As the days pass by, John realizes he might be in for more than he bargained for. He doesn’t entirely mind.

London Gods by a_different_equation (E, 11,092 w., 5 Ch. || American Gods Fusion || Magical Realism, Sex Magic, True Love, PTSD John, First Kiss/Time, Marathon Sex, Sensuality, Genie Sherlock, Human John, Internalized Homophobia, Star-Crossed Lovers, Soul Mates) – Sherlock Holmes is a jinn who does not grant wishes. However, when Dr. John H. Watson, recently returned from the war in Afghanistan, gets into his cab by "accident”, it might not even need magic to grant both men their deepest wish: love.

Rainbow Hearts Retreat by PajamaSecrets (E, 11,638 w., 8 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Case Fic, Undercover, Fluff and Smut, Bed-Sharing, Therapy, Humour/Crack, First Time) – “It’s a same-sex couples retreat. For those experiencing troubles in their relationship. Consists of group and couples therapy as well as encouraging socialization between the couples. It’s all in their incredibly dull brochure.” “Rainbow Hearts Retreat,” John read. “Sounds… quite gay.”

I See You Through by belovedmuerto (T, 12,078 w., 8 Ch. || Psychic AU || Empath John, Alternate TGG, Whump, Nightmares, Bedsharing, Slow Burn, Pre-Slash) –John has never asked Sherlock about his past, his childhood, the reason he quails in lonely misery almost every time he sees his brother. He’s never needed to. Part 2 of An Experiment in Empathy

Always the sun by Rose de Sharon (K+, 12,377 w., 3 Ch. || Song Fic, Alternate Post-TGG, Friendship/Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection / Reflection, Injury Recovery, Obsessive / Protective Sherlock, Nightmares, John’s Past, Bed Sharing / Cuddles) – Sherlock ponders about how much his life has changed since John has become his flatmate.

Shuteye Shenanigans by Ayakae (K+, 13,263 w., 8 Ch. || Post-TRF, Friendship / Epic Bromance, John’s Nightmares, Angsty Fluff, Bed Sharing, Humour, Cuddles, Taking Care of Each Other, Domestics) – John Watson has never slept with Sherlock Holmes. Never ever ever. And never will, thank you very much. Well, there was that one time, but John didn’t count that. It was completely different, just like the second time it happened. And the third. And the fourth. Epic bromance, but it can be read as pre-slash if you wish.

The Palmyra Atoll by elwinglyre (E, 16,609 w., 3 Ch. || TSo3 Divergence / Episode Fix-It, Stockholm Syndrome, Kidnapped John Watson, John Whump, Evil Mary, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Toplock, Limited 3rd John POV) – As John’s preparing for the wedding, Sherlock is preparing to have his heart broken, and Mary is prepared to do the unthinkable. Intervention required. Enter Sherlock. Set before Sign of Three with a far different outcome. John is drugged, kidnapped, and left on an island, but not just any old island.

whiskies neat by Ellipsical (E, 20,660 w., 15 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, POV Second Person Sherlock, Slow Burn, One Night Stand, Rimming, Blow Jobs, Anal, Soldier John, Crying, Emotional Lovemaking, Switchlock) – Home and hearth and whiskies neat, or, alternatively, Sherlock Holmes falls in love.

Sonatina in G Minor by SilentAuror (E, 22,574 w., 1 Ch. || Case Fic, POV Sherlock, Angst, UST, Sherlock’s Violin, Post-S3, Romance) – John has come back to Baker Street, but Sherlock doesn’t understand the strange tension between them, even after he begins teaching John to play the violin at John’s request.

Dropping the Act by jadztone (T, 27,258 w., 10 Ch. || Parentlock, Fake Relationship, Mary’s Family, Post-S4, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bed Sharing, Pining, Christmas) – Sherlock and John are quite happy living together with Rosie in Baker St. They might be even happier if they didn’t act towards each other like their love is only platonic. Mycroft brings troubling news in the form of Mary’s parents wanting to know just what their grandchild’s home life is like. The boys decide to spend Christmas pretending like they are in love in order to seem more like a “normal” family. It’s easy enough to pretend when all you’re doing is dropping the act.

An Acquired Taste by kinklock (E, 31,059 w., 4 Ch. || Vampires AU || Vampire Sherlock, Misunderstandings, Bat!Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Humour, Magical Realism, Fluff and Angst, Blood Drinking, Holmes Family, Slow Burn) – At Montague Street when Sherlock was forced to sate his body’s needs, he was at least able to wander about the flat as much as he pleased.At Baker Street, it was mini-bags in a mini-fridge and bedroom confinement.

The Winter Garden by Callie4180 (T, 31,213 w., 13 Ch. || Post-S4, Retirement, Christmas, Slow Burn, Grown-Up Rosie, Parenthood, Rosie’s Cat, Angst with Happy Ending, Holidays, Beekeeping, Magical Realism, Sherlock POV, Sherlock’s Violin, Future Fic, Sussex, Honey, Magical Healing Honey, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Scar, First Kiss, Touching) – As Sherlock nears the end of his career, he’s given the gift of a cottage in Sussex. The honey from the beehives out back is amazing. Almost…magical.

The Whore of Babylon Was a Perfectly Nice Girl by out_there (E, 32,897 w., 1 Ch. || Past Drug Use, Blowjobs, Toplock, Mentions of Switching, Rough Sex, Background Cases, Sherlock’s Past, Sherlock’s Sexual History, Experienced Sherlock, Past One Night Stands, Fingering, Cuddling, Possessive Sherlock, Paris Holiday, Bed Sharing, Naked Lie-Ins, Bathing Together, Confessions, Worried Sherlock, Laying in Bed All Day, Meddling Mycroft, Naked Lazy Day) – Sherlock walks into a room and takes all the space right out of it. He does the same inside John’s head.

Chaperones by MissDavis (T, 34,114 w., 7 Ch. || 11 Years Post-S4, Fake Relationship, Parentlock, Disney World, Bed / Room Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, First Kiss, Obsessive Sherlock, Insecure John) – Right. Of course. Everyone assumed they were a couple and no one would question it. John put his elbows up on the table so he could rest his head in his hands. “You want to pretend to be a couple so we can chaperone a trip to Disney World with Rosie’s class and you won’t have to share a room with a stranger?” “Exactly.” Sherlock beamed at him. “Don’t worry about the cost. The Birmingham case last month paid more than enough to cover expenses for all three of us.”

Set in Stone by SilentAuror (E, 39,309 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Wedding, Therapy, Fluff and Angst) – Sherlock and John are back from Ravine Valley and planning their wedding. However, as they move past the trial of the human traffickers, Sherlock can’t help but wonder if he’s imagining that John is becoming a little distant. Surely he isn’t getting cold feet about the wedding… Part 2 of The Ravine Valley series

In the Still of the Night by SilentAuror (E, 42,234 w., 1 Ch. || S4 Fix It / Post-S4, Sherlock POV, Angst, Drama, Romance, Virgin Sherlock, Awkwardness, Misunderstandings / Miscommunications, Case Fic, Travelling, Pining) – As locals on the Northeastern coast begin to report UFO sightings, life at Baker Street becomes significantly awkward as John brings up his desire for more than friendship and Sherlock refuses him. They embark on the investigation from the confines of the tiny cottage Mycroft has rented for them, attempting to navigate both the clues of the case as well as their own inability to communicate…

Guidelines by WithLoweredVoices (M, 43,018 w., 15 Ch. || Winglock || Angels, Fantasy, Angst, BAMF! John, War, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Jealous John, Falling in Various Ways, Needy Sherlock) – The Good Soldier, one of the oldest and strongest of the fallen, is offered a bargain: to live as John Watson and to Guide a fledgling archangel so that he will stay on the path of good. Of course, Sherlock Holmes has different ideas about his destiny. Fantasy AU. Warnings for violence, occasional gore, and a whole load of hurt and angst.

The Real Great Perfumers by shelleysprometheus (E, 45,355 w., 68 Ch. || Case Fic, Alternating POV, Gay Sherlock / Bi John, Canon Compliant with Divergence at TRF, Friends to Lovers, Oral / Anal, Pining, First Kiss / Time, Dev. Rel., Drugging, Body Worship, Bathing, Love Confessions, Travelling, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock, BJ’s, Alternating POV, Jealous John) – The case, this case. This extraordinary, fascinating, scintillating case. A house. Designed entirely by its eccentric owner, built by no less than five hundred expert tradesmen in the heart of Marrakesh. A house that had, seemingly not only driven its owner out, but also to his quite unpleasant death. And a perfumer, a chemist no less, the very thought of the secrets that house could reveal, would reveal was irresistible. Sherlock had to have this case … and it seems, he also had to have John! Part 1 of the Forethought and Fire series

The Thing Is by TSylvestris (E, 56,743 w., 21 Ch. || Case Fic, Dev. Rel., Anal/Oral, Blow Jobs, Meddling Mycroft, Drama, Romance, Humour, Casual Encounters, Pining Idiots, Possessive Sherlock, Orgasm Delay, Rough / Alley Sex, Public Sex, John Whump, Drugged John, Emotional Love Making, Awkward Relationship, Marriage of Convenience, Switchlock, BAMF John) – The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate’s nose buried in your hair. Whilst you’re in bed. Part 1 of Nitroglycerine

One Little Change by jadztone (E, 58,312 w., 12 Ch. || ASiB Divergence, Fake Relationship, Bed Sharing, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bi John / Gay Demisexual Sherlock, Switchlock, Alternating POV, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Case Fic, Angst with Happy Ending, Emotional Love Making, Butt Plugs, Cuddles) – Our story begins right after John and Sherlock’s first meeting with Irene Adler in September. It splits off into an AU that imagines them taking a case where they act as bait to hook a killer targeting closeted gays in secret relationships. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, many things happen that have our boys wondering if maybe they have a chance with each other. Then Irene fakes her death on Christmas Eve, and things get a lot more complicated - especially since they still have a killer to catch.

The Book of Silence by SilentAuror (E, 60,056 w., 2 Ch. || S4 Fix It / Post S4, Virgin Sherlock, Rosie / Parentlock, Domesticity, Fluff, Praise Kink, Sex Toys, First Person POV) – As spring blooms in London, John and Sherlock begin to take new cases and cautiously negotiate this new phase of life with John living at Baker Street again. Despite how well it’s all going, John struggles to forgive himself for the way he treated Sherlock following Mary’s death as well as trying to figure out how to finally put his long-time feelings for Sherlock into words. Part 1 of The Book of Silence/Rosa Felicia

The Bells of King’s College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It’s only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths…

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he’s consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

Uphill by scullyseviltwin (E, 84,945 w., 18 Ch. || Olympics AU || Sherlock POV, Skier!Sherlock / Medic!John, Rivalry, 2014 Olympics, Happy Ending) – Sherlock Holmes is striving for gold in this, his fourth and final Olympics as a downhill Alpine racer.

31_Days_of_Porn_Challenge_2017 Series by distantstarlight (E, 96,540 w. across 31 stories || Prompt Ficlets, Assorted Kinks, PWP) – A collection in response to the 31 Days of Porn Challenge issued by AtlinMerrik! Thanks for doing that because this has been buttload of fun (that joke never gets old). All stories will be brief stand-alone one-shots.

The Wedding Garments by cwb (E, 105,390 w., 36 Ch. || Alternate Future AU || , Alternate First Meeting, Dating / Arranged Marriages, Romance, First Kiss/Time, Heavy Petting, Cuddles, POV Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn / Falling in Love / Dev. Rel., Nervous/Anxious Sherlock, Jealous/Cranky, Hiking, Vacation Homes / Honeymoon, Sherlock’s Family, Horny John/Sherlock, Patient John, Massages, Hand Jobs, Assassination Plots, Hand Jobs / Oral Sex) – This is the story of a young consulting detective who wants nothing to do with marriage and an army doctor who wants to find true love. It’s 2020 post-Brexit England and the British government is encouraging arranged marriages. Candidates meet through state-run agencies and date in hopes of finding love (and tax benefits). Sherlock doesn’t need or want a spouse, at least not until John Watson shows up. Hesitant to give in to his more carnal urges because of the way they derail his mind, how will Sherlock progress toward the more intimate aspects of a relationship? The answer lies in a very special wedding gift.

A Study in Winning by Jupiter_Ash (E, 106,658 w., 11 Ch. || Tennis AU || John POV, Dirty Talk, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Happy Ending, Sherlock Speaks French, Switchlock, Wimbledon) – John and Sherlock are professional tennis players and it’s Wimbledon. One is a broken almost was at the end of his career, the other an arrogant rising star tipped for greatness. It should have been a straightforward tournament. It really should have been. How were they to know that a chance encounter would change everything? Part 1 of Tennis

Two Two One Bravo Baker by abundantlyqueer (E, 114,574 w. || Military AU || Afghanistan, War Story, Thriller, Switchlock, Rimming, Emotional Lovemaking, Lots of Sex, HJ/BJ’s) – Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John? Part 1 of Two Two One Bravo Baker Universe

To Light Another’s Path by BeautifulFiction (E, 128,654 w., 19 Ch. || Post-TGG, Sick Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Drug Addiction / Recreational Drug Use, First Time / Kiss, Case Fic) – Teaching John to observe seems to be a losing battle, but when Sherlock falls ill and submits himself to John’s care, will he realise that there is more to life than the science of deduction? Meanwhile, there is a murder to solve, and John must try and convince Sherlock not to sacrifice his own health for the sake of the case.

Mise en Place by azriona (M, 161,004 w., 28 Ch. || Restaurant (Kitchen Nightmares) AU || Sherlock is Gordon Ramsay / Celebrity Sherlock, Restauranteur John, Harry Plays Prominent Role, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, Cranky Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn) – John Watson had no intentions of taking over the family business, but when he returns from Afghanistan, battered and bruised, and discovers that his sister Harry has run their restaurant into the ground, he doesn’t have much choice. There’s only one thing that can save the Empire from closing for good – the celebrity star of the BBC series Restaurant Reconstructed, Chef Sherlock Holmes. Part 1 of Mise en Place

[harusha]

Hey so I'm debating buy the new fire emblem and i was wondering to get yoyr opinion on it?? This is the first one I'm gonna get or would get of the fire emblem franchise. Do you think its a game that is worth buying?? What are some downsides?? What about upsides?? If I play as a female can I have the option to marry whichever girl I want or is it only a selected few??

I think it’s worth buying! It’s a fantastic addition to the FE series. However, where it excels, it excels, but when it’s lukewarm, it’s really lukewarm imo. You can marry 5 potential woman as F!Byleth (Edelgard, Rhea, Sothis, Mercedes, and Dorothea). If you choose to buy the game, don’t listen to people and play whichever route interests you; there is no “ideal” order to play them in

For me, the pros are

Characters- the characters really benefited from all that Fire Emblem: Heroes Gacha money. Due to the higher production value, all the characters have more supports (ie. more characterization) and feel really well-rounded overall. Unlike the previous entry, Fates, there are rarely any “superfluous” or “useless” character supports.

Setting- The setting has a lot of history imo, and you’ll learn about Fodlan as you progress through each route.

Routes- Both a pro and a con imo, but I’ll just list it here. The routes give a lot of replayability, and cross-house supports even more if you wanna complete the logbook. However, the routes also created a rather “incoherent” at times narrative for each route. It’s like...why didn’t this organization intervene after their appearance in the Blue Lions route? What happened to this character after their disappearance? It’s like they saved content so all the routes could be “unique,” but at the cost of making the routes’ stories questionable at times. As much flak as Fates gets, it did much better on this front than FE3H imo. While Hoshido, Nohr, and 3rd path all have their questionable decisions, they at least felt self-contained enough to where I wasn’t scratching my head trying to figure out who approved this.

Story-I’m told the story is really good so I’ll just put it here. Imo, the story isn’t the greatest imo, but it’s definitely up there for FE. For me, the incoherence caused by the route splits is what’s making not enjoy it as much. And the refusal to seriously approach the outcomes that you could expect from the endings (ie. they’re all rather happy overall imo). But this is also a heavy personal taste thing. 

Limited Free Roam on maps-Minor thing but it really adds immersion. It’s kinda wonky to use, however.

On Cons,

Poor gameplay- I might get knifed for this one, but I found FE3H’s gameplay to be drab after the glamour wears off. The maps are frequently reused in their own routes and between routes with few changes to terrain. It creates a repetitive experience at times unless you keep upping the difficulty. There’s good chapters ofc like a particular one in the post-skip. It’s better than Echoes of Valentia’s maps imo, but that’s not high praise considering Valentia is a faithful remake (and its OG version didn’t exactly have great maps). Not as fun as Shin Monsho no Nazo’s, Conquest’s, etc. maps for me. Also put everyone on a mount or suffer in this game because this game is where movement counts (just like FE4).

Poor Gameplay (again) but in relation to classes- The class system is wonky. Some classes don’t have upgrades, others are sidegrades, and some don’t have a coherent pathway to follow (ex. early-game fliers).

Underutilized mechanics and archaic character development method- FE3H may have excellent characters, but you have to seek out their development. This wouldn’t be a problem if the game had more cutscenes/required events for characters pre-skip, but as it is, it makes it to where their (potential) deaths in postskip don’t have impact. That is killer in a game where it emphasizes the brutality of war and killing your students (and thus your bond with them).. It’s particularly noteworthy because this game uses a calendar system, but there are barely any meaningful events on it. They could have certainly attached more events in there, AND had supports for you to seek out. Basically give development to characters outside of your chosen house, and allow you to seek and recruit them if you liked what you saw. Requiring the player to play badly (ie. spread out time for people they aren’t gonna recruit) so they can feel the full impact of their decisions is poor design imo.

Poor LGBT+ options for M!Byleth-Not as noteworthy (and also subjective) since you want to  play F!Byleth who gets five gay options but I thought I’d mention it anyway, but 2 out of 3 of M!Byleth’s are actual gaybait (ie. you marry a woman or end up alone) and the new one is free DLC which wouldn’t be “bad” if he wasn’t route locked. It kinda stings because outside of 2 options, all of F!Byleth’s aren’t locked. Also, she gets a lord romance and M!Byleth doesn’t.

Attack animations-Minor again, but for a Switch game, the attack animations are pretty bad imo, but most 3d (and 3ds) titles for the series are that way imo. There’s just nothing as exciting as the GBA animations were.

Overall, fantastic game, but I wouldn’t call it perfect or even the “best” FE game (which is a hefty and subjective title; personally, my favorite is Shin Monsho no Nazo). The story is certainly up there with the Jugdral duology and Tellius, but I wouldn’t say it outpaces them in that department. And on gameplay, it isn’t great, but it isn’t the worst. What makes the game, however, is the characters, setting, and the fact that none of the routes are purely ideal. It’s no SMT on that front, but it’s a very good try on Nintendo’s part. 

Sorry for the late reply as well. I had to type this up, and I went to go make beans with toast before this since I was kinda hungry.

[migleefulmoments]

Is Darren’s watch gay?

Today the CC fandom has a theory that Darren wore his PINK and blue watch because it’s a “gay” watch or a symbol of his queerness.... because PINK obviously means gay, right? 

The watch has the added advantage of being both pink and blue ...therefore it’s a solid representation of both Chris and Darren -at least according to the CC belief that blue represents Chris and PINK represents Darren, like DUH! For anyone new, the color symbolism is something the CCers have long believed....I mean, that is something normal adults do right? Assign colors to their OTP or even better, to themselves and then actually wear those colors once a year to send a secret “high-five” to those fans who are paying enough attention to “get it”..I mean it’s totes normal, right?  

Anonymous asked:

hello love! i hope you’re doing well! i know this doesn’t mean anything but i saw the thumbnail for the interview you linked of d saying he doesn’t know who he came out straight to and he’s wearing a watch with a blue band and pink face and i noticed he’s wearing either the same or a similar watch when rehearsing in lsb! but then his watch changes and i thought it was weird,,, anyway sorry for the ramble!!

ajw720 answered:

Hello nonnie!!!!  Excellent observation.  That is a watch he has had for years, He used to always wear it, now much less, likely not approved by his team, plus often the watch he wears now is a paid endorsement.

But the pink and blue watch, that is genuine D and what he loves.  Add pink is D and Blue is C and those colors have been associated with their relationship since the beginning.

I always smile when he wears that watch. I think it is very special to him.

LSB rehearsal 2019. He clearly looks happy and like his watch is “special to him” and we all know that photos (and screen grabs) are PROOF of Darren’s emotions. 

LSB BTS package 2019. He’s MUCH happier here. 

George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight 2012 

Apparently, Darren hasn’t worn the watch much -not something I have ever paid attention to- but it was spotted on his arm during rehearsals for LSB. It’s clearly not the same watch as the band is teal in the 2012 screen grab and blue in the more recent one.  

(I posted the comments out of order so ya know go read the original if you want a more accurate reflection of their thought process).

Sometimes the CC Conspiracy Theorists catch the fact that the items they are matching- don’t actually match....

souly

If I remember correctly, this is not the original watch though. I don’t remember what he said about the original one, but he stopped wearing it for a while. At the first Elsie (or was it the second?), a fan gave him the new watch. There was a post about it back then, but I don’t know if it’s still around.

Anyway, I do believe though that he loves this watch for what it stands for - the original and the new one - so it always makes me smile when I see it!

(Plus, these BTS videos made it obvious that he is wearing the silver one for promotion and prefers the other one in private. And now look at the paps shots and so-called “private outings with friends” again and look at the watch he is wearing there.)

flowersintheattic254

I’m happy that at least he can wear something that’s special to him personally. Even for a short time.

There is always a “no longer available” post to explain CC Confirmed. As for whether it is special to him? Darren has never indicated that the watch is special to him. That is called MAKING UP A STORY. But from this day forward the fandom will believe that this little queer watch is meaningful to Darren. 

The watch is a sporty, more causal-and presumably less expensive- than the watch he has been wearing.  Wearing a less expensive, more casual watch while exercising isn’t logical CC reasoning, noooooo, logical CC reason is of course that his team WON’T LET HIM wear it. He has to be sneaky when he wants to express his sexuality through accessories. Also, they claim that he is forced to wear a “paid endorsement” watch most of the time.. 

ajw720

@flowersintheattic254 it has been almost 5 months since the JH promo began and they essentially stripped him of the rings we know mean the world to him (absolutely intentional, M and RR knew precisely what they were doing when they got that campaign, it was about much more than a free trip to Bali).  So I agree, it is good to see him supplement an accessory here and there that is actually meaningful to him.  I cannot wait until he is free to just be himself.

Sooooo, I’m not entirely sure why she brought up “JH promo” here, but I read it to mean that the watch that he normally wears is promotion for John Hardy. They have obsessively raged about the John Hardy jewelry since his trip to Bali in September. Yes, I am sure that was a promotional trip. Who cares? He got to spend a week in Bali and all he and Mia had to do was wear some jewelry. Darren seems to enjoy the designs as he has worn them quit a bit since then- UNTAGGED. I honestly never pay attention to these things but the CCers always comment. The thing is, something is only “promotion” on social media if it is tagged. Wearing an untagged ring or bracelet isn’t in anyway promoting the item. Only the most diehard, rage-filled fans recognize the untagged John Hardy pieces. The idea of promotion isn’t simply to get free stuff and wear it on social media, it’s to drive traffic to the John Hardy website and them to get people to actually purchase the pieces. Wearing them untagged doesn’t serve this goal. 

But back to the watch...is Darren wearing an (untagged) John Hardy watch as per his endorsement deal?

Uh, NO.  There are no John Hardy Watches. If he is wearing a promotional watch for a different brand-he really sucks at it.

Some thoughts on other CC comments:

...they essentially stripped him of the rings we know mean the world to him (absolutely intentional, M and RR knew precisely what they were doing when they got that campaign, it was about much more than a free trip to Bali).  So I agree, it is good to see him supplement an accessory here and there that is actually meaningful to him.  I cannot wait until he is free to just be himself.

So let’s analyze the facts: 

Chris gave him ring(s)? The CCers have long claimed that Chris gave Darren a ring, a ring he often- but not always-wears on his right hand. Over the years, there are I believe, 5 different rings that Darren has worn and all were attributed to Chris until the John Hardy rings were added in September. Why were they attributed to Chris? Literally NO reason whatsoever other than their fantasy.  These same people have raged over their claim that Mia has sported 5 different engagement rings in the last year. The rings all look to me like the same diamond ring with other rings added when the mood struck her. CC Mia is horrible for caring so little about her Engagement Ring that she would wear 5 different rings, but Chris is romantic AF for giving Darren 5 rings. 

The rings are meaningful to Darren? Darren has NEVER said the rings hold any meaning for him or who they are from that I am aware of. He doesn’t wear them consistently. Seems to me that they are fashion accessories and nothing more. He’s worn the John Hardy’s rings quite a bit since September.  Clearly, the CC fandom couldn’t claim the John Hardy rings are from Chris, so they fell back on their favorite excuse: his team “forced” him to wear the rings. I’m never sure exactly how one “forces” another adult to do something. I’ve been married for 24 years, if someone can tell me how to “force” him to do my bidding, I would love it.    

One final CC comment on this topic- The Impossible Dream comment

bjpb08

Concur @ajw720. The thing is D has always found a way to fight back, sometimes subtly, sometimes overtly. We have seen it on the frontline, we do not see behind the camera or in the soecifics of his life. Sometimes I am sure he has sat it out, waiting. D has said too many times he is private, social media is not his way of communicating. He seems to pick whatever means he is afforded. Glimpses that we see, I love…it reminds me he is fighting and still remains the human being I so love and support. He is Dar/ren Eve/rett Cri/ss first and formost a son, brother, uncle, cousin, but first and formost a partner to one Chr/is Col/fer. He will do what he needs to do for those he loves. And that includes fighting a foe that we will never know the depth of.

To dream the impossible dream

To fight the unbeatable foe

To bear with unbearable sorrow

To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong

To love pure and chaste from afar

To try when your arms are too weary

To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest, to follow that star

No matter how hopeless, no matter how far

To fight for the right

Without question or pause

To be willing to march

Into hell for a heavenly cause

And I know if I’ll only be true

To this glorious quest

That my heart will lay peaceful and calm

When I’m laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this

That one man scorned and covered with scars

Still strove with his last ounce of courage

To fight the unbeatable foe

To reach the unreachable star

Songwriters: Joe Darion / Mitchell Leigh

The Impossible Dream lyrics © The Bicycle Music Company, Helena Music Company

I believe D would not agree. This song always comes back to haunt me in relationship to D. He lives it, he breathes it, he feels it on a daily bases. Soon he will find he will reach the reachable star.

D has always found a way to fight back, sometimes subtly, sometimes overtly? Yes, because the CC fandom literally fabricated all of these things he did to “fight back”. The things are “subtle” because the fandom made them up...they are overt because they made them up.  As long as CCers continue to make up claims about what he is doing and how it represents a ‘fight”, Darren will continue to “fight” back in ways that are asinine. He will continue to hide deep In the closet while sending the CC fandom subtle messages of his “truth”.  He will continue to walk the red carpet with Mia and take her to awards shows where he says nice things about her. He will continue to be a straight bro, to wear John Hardy jewelry and play piano at Tramp Stamp Granny’s BECAUSE THAT IS WHO HE IS. The CC fandom will continue to claim that everything he does that we see and everything he says that we hear- is all fake or forced upon him by this team while he lives a secret queer life with his husband Chris Colfer. A life we cannot see or hear BECAUSE IT ISN’T REAL, it’s pure CC fantasy. And his story will continue to be something only they are paying enough attention to see it because they are the ones writing it.

D has said too many times he is private, social media is not his way of communicating. He seems to pick whatever means he is afforded. This is literally an argument for why he isn’t secretly communicating with the CC fandom via social media. 

Isn’t it convenient that “he seems to pick whatever means we fabricate he is afforded”? He will always “conveniently” do whatever fits the CC fantasy...that is how it works when you are writing the fanfiction as you go.

Is Darren’s life The Impossible Dream? The CC fantasy about love conquering all and CrissColfer being “a love for the ages” is how tweens and young teens believe love works. It is fodder for fanfiction and the best rom-coms, Twilight and Disney Princess-esque romance novels, but it isn’t real life. Real life is messy and hard. Love rarely survives even the most mundane stressors of life, it would never survive

9 years of hiding from the world while the spotlight is focused directly on it

9 years of being apart and pretending to love someone else 

9 years of overt lying about Darren’s sexuality and his life

9 years of traveling with someone else and sharing his life with Mia with the world

9 years of mundane real-life stressors while hiding

Add on Chris’s mom’s death, his dad’s remarriage, his sister’s illness,  Chuck’s divorce, and all of the things we don’t know about

Love doesn’t save people from life’s difficult moments. Love certainly doesn’t excuse deception and lies. Darren isn’t gay because he wears a PINK and blue watch. 

[samuelfields]

A Severance Negotiation Success Story For Parents Looking To Leave Work

The #1 thing I recommend for anybody who aspires to retire early is to negotiate a severance. If you are planning on quitting anyway, there is no downside.

Every time I hear of someone quitting their job, I’m happy for them. But at the same time, I also liken it to a baby panda dying in the woods. Leaving so much potential money on the table is a travesty because of ignorance, fear of confrontation, or not knowing your worth. I want to change this.

I’m pleased to announce the 3rd edition of How To Engineer Your Layoff is now live! The book first went into production in 2012 after I engineered my own layoff from the finance world at age 34. Negotiating a severance package was my #1 enabler for retiring early.

Over the past six months, my wife has been diligently editing, updating, and adding to the book after our little one goes to bed. we’ve taken in all the feedback readers have provided since the 2nd edition was released in 2017 and made the book even better.

Here’s a summary of what’s new:

1) The third edition expands the ebook from 150 to over 180 pages. We’ve added three new chapters bringing the ebook’s total to 20 chapters. In addition, we’ve added a useful worksheet and checklist to go through to help guide you step-by-step through the severance negotiation process.

2) Thanks to continuous feedback from readers, we’ve been able to add new real-life case studies in the third edition to demonstrate just how beneficial it can be to negotiate a severance.

3) The third edition also brings in recent data, revised facts and figures, new charts and graphics, and an expanded featured posts section to help you learn more. We’ve also added helpful information on employment news, unemployment resources, market trends, and more.

To help celebrate the launch of the third edition, one of our readers, Mike, wanted to share his story of how negotiating a severance changed his family’s life for the better. His is a case study for working parents who want to be stay at home parents.

I’ve also created a $20 discount code “getlaidoff” for anybody interested.

A Severance Negotiation Success Story

Sam’s book, How To Engineer Your Layoff: Make A Small Fortune By Saying Goodbye, is a must buy for anybody looking to negotiate a severance, retire early, or simply do something else with their life. In our case, it was for my wife to spend more time with our two kids.

My name is Mike and I am pretty much you’re average American. I am married with two kids and a house in the suburbs. My wife, Maureen, is level headed, calm and non-confrontational.

While that works for our marriage as we rarely get into meaningful disagreements, I believe those qualities hurt her compensation at work.

Throughout the eight-year tenure at her current company, I have often had to push her to speak up and advocate for herself. After all, if you won’t stand up for yourself, you cannot expect others to.

While it has taken some gentle coaxing and sometimes a little pressure, each time she has taken my advice to speak up for herself, it has paid off.

This is a story of encouraging everyone to alway speak up and ask for what you want.

Always Ask For What You Want

Situation #1: Asking for a raise after completing a rotation program

Maureen began working at Company X, which is publicly traded, about eight years ago. She was in the company’s rotation program. The rotation program is comprised of three separate one-year stints in different departments of the Finance Division.

While in the program, Maureen received excellent reviews at all three of her positions and upon completion, she was placed in a highly visible department with high expectations and a significant workload.

When discussing her new role, I was adamant that she needed to be compensated properly, and based on her excellent reviews, she had the leverage and performance to justify a significant salary increase.

After a few conversations, Maureen agreed to speak up and scheduled a meeting with her boss. In the meeting Maureen asked for a salary commensurate with her new position and not just the token annual increase that comes with her review. She was able to point to her work experience and the commendation she had received from her prior bosses.

Result: Maureen received 90% of the increase she asked for and in her annual review, also began to receive equity options in the Company on a rolling, three-year vesting schedule.

Situation #2: Going From Full-time to Part-time

In December of 2015, we had our first child. After taking a twelve-week maternity leave, Maureen returned to work. As stated, her job was demanding with ten to twelve hour days being commonplace.

My job, as an energy trader also had long days, irregular hours as well as weekend work, not to mention a heinous commute. Despite these factors, we tried both working full time for a couple of months.

The result was a horrible quality of life. We had no time for leisure or for each other. Further, there was high stress on my mother as the baby’s primary babysitter and caretaker.

Convinced we could no longer go on like this, I told Maureen that she should meet with her boss and tell him that she either needed to immediately transition to part-time employment or she had to quit. Initially, Maureen was skeptical. Not only did no one in her group work part-time, but most people also worked 50+ hours a week.

However, my argument was that we really had nothing to lose by her requesting this change, as the current situation was unsustainable. Again, after taking some time to consider my suggestion, Maureen met with her boss and explained that it was part-time or bust.

Result: After a week to consider her request as “they have never done this before,” Maureen was granted a part-time position and started working 8:30 AM – 12:30 PM, five days a week. It changed everyone’s lives for the better, especially my daughter’s who could now spend more time with her mother and now Maureen has been a part-time worker for almost 2.5 years.

Additionally, while Maureen’s salary was cut in half, it was almost like found money as we were ready to forego her entire paycheck. This found money was only supplemented through more equity vesting, options granted, 401k matches and service time accrued.

Situation #3: Receiving A Severance & All Her Equity

Maureen got pregnant with our second child in February of 2018. We had always planned for her to stop working, at least for a while, when our second child was born. We felt like this would make the most sense for us as the cost of daycare becomes very expensive when you get to two kids, especially as Maureen was now only working part-time anyway.

Like many of you, I have been an avid reader of Financial Samurai for years now. I knew that Sam was an expert in negotiating a severance and ‘engineering a layoff.’ I read all the articles he posted on this topic and showed them to my wife, encouraging her to try and do the same.

She said I was crazy, yadda, yadda, yadda and that her situation was completely different. Well that all changed when her company was acquired during the summer of 2018. With such a large acquisition there was certain to be layoffs, especially in a support function like my wife’s.

As she began to read the tea leaves at work as more information about the transaction was signaled, disseminated and gossiped about on a daily basis, I took it upon myself to contact Sam.

After engaging Sam as a consultant, he and I spoke and went through the entire situation (as well as everything else in my ‘financial life’). Sam was able to give me some good advice, such as expertise on things like WARN Act pay and protected classes.

But most importantly, Sam knew how to stage the discussions Maureen was to have with her boss to optimize her benefits. Maureen more or less stuck to the plan he outlined and we are very happy with the outcome.

Result: Maureen not only received WARN Act pay and the vesting of ALL her equity options ($40,000 value), she also received a severance of 15 weeks worth of pay! In fact, Maureen was actually able to procure a letter from the HR department stating that she would get severance, including for those years, on a pro-rated scale, in which she worked part-time.

We are over the moon, and this result is by far better than what we had hoped for. Before reading How To Engineer Your Layoff, we thought there was little-to-no chance she’d be able to get any of her equity options, let alone a severance worth 15 weeks of pay on top of three months of WARN Act pay.

The overall severance package was worth over $85,000. If we had not bought Sam’s book, my wife would have just quit.

Always Negotiate Your Freedom

The bottom line is that purchasing Sam’s book was money well spent, literally times a thousand. Not only did I learn a lot and get great guidance, but it forced my wife to be proactive as I could say to her, “Maureen, I spent good money on getting this advice. You have to talk to your boss before you go out on maternity.”

Engaging Sam was kind of my version of speaking up and advocating for myself. Like all the situations described earlier, I am happy with the results and it reinforces the idea that no one is a better champion for yourself than you.

As Sam says, “never quit, get laid off instead.” How To Engineer Your Layoff is a must read for anybody looking to leave their job with a nice financial runway. The first five years of a kid’s life goes quick. It’s great to make the most of these years.

Regards,

Mike

Readers, why do people fear speaking up for what they think they deserve at work? If you are willing to quit work, why wouldn’t yout at least try to negotiate a severance? Don’t forget to use the temporary “getlaidoff” code for $20 off of you plan to buy the book.

The post A Severance Negotiation Success Story For Parents Looking To Leave Work appeared first on Financial Samurai.

from Finance https://www.financialsamurai.com/a-severance-negotiation-success-story-for-parents-looking-to-leave-work/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[andrewdburton]

How to talk to people (even if you don’t know what to say)

You’ve probably been there before:

You walk up to a group of friends talking. Stand there awkwardly while waiting for one of them to notice you. Wish for death.

You start telling a story to a group of people and — in the middle of it — realize the story sucks. Continue anyway.

You go to an event and instead of meeting people, pull out your phone and furiously check email.

With your friends or family, you have the BEST stories, but if you just met a group of people, all of a sudden your mind goes blank and you have nothing to say.

Today, I want to teach 3 systems that helped me know how to talk with confidence and know exactly what to say in any social situation.

They are:

Perfect Words

Story Toolbox

Question Toolbox

Let’s get to it.

How to talk to people system #1: Perfect Words

A while back, I went out to coffee with a good friend of mine. Now normally, when I order coffee, I just say, “Hey, I’ll have a latte. Thank you,” before going on my way.

But when my buddy went up to order his coffee, he had four people around him absolutely cracking up within seconds. The barista was smiling. People around him were laughing. And everyone seemed to just really enjoy his presence.

And guess what he said that got all this going. It was, “What’s good today?”

That’s it! From that one line he was able to start a great conversation.

Now I want you to check out the rest of his conversation — and see what you notice:

MY FRIEND: What’s good today?

BARISTA: (smiling) Everything is good.

MY FRIEND: (teasing) Everything isn’t good. Tell me the truth!

BARISTA: Well, we just got a new cold-pressed coffee machine and I hear that’s supposed to be good.

MY FRIEND: No, I mean what would YOU get if you could get anything?

BARISTA: (laughs) I actually think that our scones are the best things ever.

MY FRIEND: Well, I’ll have two of those please!

A few takeaways:

He’s just saying normal things. There’s no magic line or canned jokes here. My friend was just saying simple things that, on their face, aren’t very clever…but none of that mattered!

He had a lot of energy. The way my friend said things was way more important than what he said. If he went into this situation with low energy and delivered everything in a monotone voice, he would not have gotten the same positive effect.

The cashier LOVED this. She spends all day listening to those aforementioned monotone voices order the same thing over and over. Finally, she got someone who broke that monotony and made her smile. My friend brightened her day and was memorable.

My friend did all this by leveraging a system called the “Perfect Words.”

What are the Perfect Words? Luckily for you, they created a whole book of them called…

…the dictionary.

The truth is there are no Perfect Words.

Instead, it’s how you say things that determines how you come off.

To show you what I mean, I’m going to give you three phrases and show you exactly how you can use them to open a great conversation:

Hi, how’s your morning going?

Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Ramit.

Good morning. How are you?

These three simple phrases have no “magic” to them — and yet they’ve worked millions of times since the dawn of conversation openers.

What I want you to do now is start to consider the different ways you can deliver these phrases.

Here are three simple ways you can do that:

Smiling. Many of us don’t typically smile when we’re opening a conversation. We’ll say things like, “Hi, how’s your morning going?” and deliver it like we’re a doctor giving bad news.

But when we DO smile, it’s the instant ice breaker. And it’s so simple to do.

So practice letting your smile “fill your face.” I used to videotape myself speaking to find out I wasn’t smiling enough. It gets easier once you start practicing.

Slow down. The speed in which we say something can have a huge effect on how people perceive us. When we’re nervous, we tend to speed up the way we talk. When we slow down though, it gives people time to connect with you. Couple that with a good smile and you got a winning system.

So try slowing down what you’re saying by 50%. It will feel sluggish, but this is perfect for everyone else. It helps to enunciate your words too. Young Ramit got way ahead using this one tip.

Change your tone. Way back in the day, I had no tonality whatsoever when I talked. I’m sure you could close your eyes and not tell if you were conversing with me or Ben Stein. Eventually I realized this, so I started to speak with more energy — and it did WONDERS.

Try taking whatever level you’re at when you normally talk, and add 50% more energy into your voice. What feels weird to you is NORMAL to everyone else.

Action step: Implement the Perfect Words 3x/day for a week

I want you to use the three phrases above every day for seven days on different strangers. It can be your Amazon Prime delivery guy, your barista, the checkout lady at the grocery store, whoever!

As you use the phrases though, keep in mind the different ways you can change up how you deliver your words (smiling, slowing down, and changing your tone).

A few other things to remember:

They’re called social “skills,” and like any skill, you can get better at them. We’re starting small on purpose. As you get more used to it, you can start to scale and open conversations with more people.

Most people you talk to are bored all day long. This means you’ll be doing them a favor by engaging with them just like my friend was with the cashier at the coffee shop.

Note their reactions and your reactions. Did the person you’re talking to start smiling and laughing because of your energy? Or did they retreat because you made them uncomfortable? How did you feel while you were smiling or talking slowly? 

Don’t worry if this doesn’t feel comfortable right away. It’s not supposed to. Just trust the system.

How to talk to people system #2: Make a Story Toolbox

I’m a firm believer in the idea that telling a story is the best way to engage someone. It doesn’t matter if you’re with friends or if you’re trying to sell a product. A good story can make a world of difference when it comes to building a good first impression (notice the beginning of this very post…).

That’s why you always want a large well of great stories to draw on.

You can create your Story Toolbox using any tool you prefer, such as:

Google Docs (what I use)

Microsoft Word

Microsoft Excel

Evernote

A physical notepad

It doesn’t matter what you record them with as long as you ARE recording them. These stories could be funny, entertaining, or serious — and you might actually want to organize them as such.

Action step: Create your Story Toolbox 

Designate a place to put your stories, and start by adding five of them.

If you can’t think of five good stories, think back to the last time you hung out with your friends or family.

What did you talk about?

What made everyone laugh?

Every family has an embarrassing/hilarious story. What is it for your family?

Hang out with your friends or family in the next few days, and write down the things you naturally talk about. This will help seed your Story Toolbox for the first time.

How to talk to people system #3: Make a Question Toolbox

If you want to keep the other person you’re talking to engaged, there’s no better way to do it than with a thought-provoking question. It helps you always have something to say and talk to someone you don’t know.

Of course, depending on the context of your conversation, you’re going to want to have different questions for different scenarios.

I remember once, my friend noticed me checking this girl out at a bar, so he goaded me into talking to her. So I approached her and this exchange went down:

Ramit: Hi, I’m Ramit.

Woman: Hi, I’m [whatever].

Ramit: You look like a vodka soda girl. (I know, I know. I don’t know where this horrific line came from.)

Woman: …no.

I was surprised by how she just shut me down, so I decided to have some fun.

Ramit: Aw, c’mon. I’ve been right 100/100 times for the last 5 years. How are you going to break my streak like that?

Woman: I’m a recovering alcoholic.

Shortest. Conversation. EVER. But a funny story now.

If instead, I came in with my question toolbox filled with questions that weren’t awful pick-up lines, I might have had better luck. That’s why you’re going to want to craft different meaty questions for different scenarios.

Action step: Create your Question Toolbox

So the next time you’re making small talk, take note of great questions you hear and ask. Save them in your Question Toolbox for later.

Here are a few good sample questions to get you started:

Networking events/industry conventions:

What made you decide to do X?

What are the biggest challenges when it comes to your industry?

If you had to do X again, what would you do differently?

As you gained more experience in X, what became more important and why?

What would make today/this event successful for you?

What still surprises you about X?

Dates:

What are your biggest goals right now?

How do you spend your time?

Playful questions like: Which do you like more — pancakes or waffles?

What do you hate most about dating? (This question is both interesting and can help you avoid doing the thing they hate.)

What’s your favorite restaurant in the city? Why?

Which Spotify playlist is the soundtrack to your life?

Baristas/wait staff:

What’s your favorite thing on the menu? Why?

What’s the craziest thing someone tried to order this week?

Have you ever written somebody’s name wrong on purpose because you didn’t like them?

BONUS: If you really want to exercise your social muscle, check out my video on improving your social skills. It’s less than 30 minutes.

Enhance your small talk

Small talk is a CRITICAL part of life and building relationships — it’s what helps people get to know each other, establishes meaningful connections, and lays down the foundation for great long-term relationships.

The term “small talk” is actually a complete misnomer because of its HUGE impact on forming relationships and developing unshakable confidence. As such, it takes a lot more care and nuance than just getting right down to the point.

If you walked right up to a CEO you admired at a mixer or convention and said, “I REALLY LIKE YOU. GIVE ME A JOB, PLEASE!” how do you think she’d react? She probably wouldn’t give you that job.

But if you went in with some care, and drew her into an amazing conversation and THEN asked her for a job (or better yet just advice or a coffee meeting), she’d be a hell of a lot more susceptible to it.

The key is realizing that confidence and the ability to carry a good conversation are skills — and like any other skill they can be learned, honed, and mastered.

I used to feel uncomfortable and out of place during social events too — but over time, I’ve developed hacks for confidence in new situations.

I’ll show you exactly how I do it in these 3 short videos. Just enter your email for instant access.

How to talk to people (even if you don’t know what to say) is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

from Finance https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/help-my-mind-goes-blank-when-i-talk-to-people/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[kennethherrerablog]

How to talk to people (even if you don’t know what to say)

You’ve probably been there before:

You walk up to a group of friends talking. Stand there awkwardly while waiting for one of them to notice you. Wish for death.

You start telling a story to a group of people and — in the middle of it — realize the story sucks. Continue anyway.

You go to an event and instead of meeting people, pull out your phone and furiously check email.

With your friends or family, you have the BEST stories, but if you just met a group of people, all of a sudden your mind goes blank and you have nothing to say.

Today, I want to teach 3 systems that helped me know how to talk with confidence and know exactly what to say in any social situation.

They are:

Perfect Words

Story Toolbox

Question Toolbox

Let’s get to it.

How to talk to people system #1: Perfect Words

A while back, I went out to coffee with a good friend of mine. Now normally, when I order coffee, I just say, “Hey, I’ll have a latte. Thank you,” before going on my way.

But when my buddy went up to order his coffee, he had four people around him absolutely cracking up within seconds. The barista was smiling. People around him were laughing. And everyone seemed to just really enjoy his presence.

And guess what he said that got all this going. It was, “What’s good today?”

That’s it! From that one line he was able to start a great conversation.

Now I want you to check out the rest of his conversation — and see what you notice:

MY FRIEND: What’s good today?

BARISTA: (smiling) Everything is good.

MY FRIEND: (teasing) Everything isn’t good. Tell me the truth!

BARISTA: Well, we just got a new cold-pressed coffee machine and I hear that’s supposed to be good.

MY FRIEND: No, I mean what would YOU get if you could get anything?

BARISTA: (laughs) I actually think that our scones are the best things ever.

MY FRIEND: Well, I’ll have two of those please!

A few takeaways:

He’s just saying normal things. There’s no magic line or canned jokes here. My friend was just saying simple things that, on their face, aren’t very clever…but none of that mattered!

He had a lot of energy. The way my friend said things was way more important than what he said. If he went into this situation with low energy and delivered everything in a monotone voice, he would not have gotten the same positive effect.

The cashier LOVED this. She spends all day listening to those aforementioned monotone voices order the same thing over and over. Finally, she got someone who broke that monotony and made her smile. My friend brightened her day and was memorable.

My friend did all this by leveraging a system called the “Perfect Words.”

What are the Perfect Words? Luckily for you, they created a whole book of them called…

…the dictionary.

The truth is there are no Perfect Words.

Instead, it’s how you say things that determines how you come off.

To show you what I mean, I’m going to give you three phrases and show you exactly how you can use them to open a great conversation:

Hi, how’s your morning going?

Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Ramit.

Good morning. How are you?

These three simple phrases have no “magic” to them — and yet they’ve worked millions of times since the dawn of conversation openers.

What I want you to do now is start to consider the different ways you can deliver these phrases.

Here are three simple ways you can do that:

Smiling. Many of us don’t typically smile when we’re opening a conversation. We’ll say things like, “Hi, how’s your morning going?” and deliver it like we’re a doctor giving bad news.

But when we DO smile, it’s the instant ice breaker. And it’s so simple to do.

So practice letting your smile “fill your face.” I used to videotape myself speaking to find out I wasn’t smiling enough. It gets easier once you start practicing.

Slow down. The speed in which we say something can have a huge effect on how people perceive us. When we’re nervous, we tend to speed up the way we talk. When we slow down though, it gives people time to connect with you. Couple that with a good smile and you got a winning system.

So try slowing down what you’re saying by 50%. It will feel sluggish, but this is perfect for everyone else. It helps to enunciate your words too. Young Ramit got way ahead using this one tip.

Change your tone. Way back in the day, I had no tonality whatsoever when I talked. I’m sure you could close your eyes and not tell if you were conversing with me or Ben Stein. Eventually I realized this, so I started to speak with more energy — and it did WONDERS.

Try taking whatever level you’re at when you normally talk, and add 50% more energy into your voice. What feels weird to you is NORMAL to everyone else.

Action step: Implement the Perfect Words 3x/day for a week

I want you to use the three phrases above every day for seven days on different strangers. It can be your Amazon Prime delivery guy, your barista, the checkout lady at the grocery store, whoever!

As you use the phrases though, keep in mind the different ways you can change up how you deliver your words (smiling, slowing down, and changing your tone).

A few other things to remember:

They’re called social “skills,” and like any skill, you can get better at them. We’re starting small on purpose. As you get more used to it, you can start to scale and open conversations with more people.

Most people you talk to are bored all day long. This means you’ll be doing them a favor by engaging with them just like my friend was with the cashier at the coffee shop.

Note their reactions and your reactions. Did the person you’re talking to start smiling and laughing because of your energy? Or did they retreat because you made them uncomfortable? How did you feel while you were smiling or talking slowly? 

Don’t worry if this doesn’t feel comfortable right away. It’s not supposed to. Just trust the system.

How to talk to people system #2: Make a Story Toolbox

I’m a firm believer in the idea that telling a story is the best way to engage someone. It doesn’t matter if you’re with friends or if you’re trying to sell a product. A good story can make a world of difference when it comes to building a good first impression (notice the beginning of this very post…).

That’s why you always want a large well of great stories to draw on.

You can create your Story Toolbox using any tool you prefer, such as:

Google Docs (what I use)

Microsoft Word

Microsoft Excel

Evernote

A physical notepad

It doesn’t matter what you record them with as long as you ARE recording them. These stories could be funny, entertaining, or serious — and you might actually want to organize them as such.

Action step: Create your Story Toolbox 

Designate a place to put your stories, and start by adding five of them.

If you can’t think of five good stories, think back to the last time you hung out with your friends or family.

What did you talk about?

What made everyone laugh?

Every family has an embarrassing/hilarious story. What is it for your family?

Hang out with your friends or family in the next few days, and write down the things you naturally talk about. This will help seed your Story Toolbox for the first time.

How to talk to people system #3: Make a Question Toolbox

If you want to keep the other person you’re talking to engaged, there’s no better way to do it than with a thought-provoking question. It helps you always have something to say and talk to someone you don’t know.

Of course, depending on the context of your conversation, you’re going to want to have different questions for different scenarios.

I remember once, my friend noticed me checking this girl out at a bar, so he goaded me into talking to her. So I approached her and this exchange went down:

Ramit: Hi, I’m Ramit.

Woman: Hi, I’m [whatever].

Ramit: You look like a vodka soda girl. (I know, I know. I don’t know where this horrific line came from.)

Woman: …no.

I was surprised by how she just shut me down, so I decided to have some fun.

Ramit: Aw, c’mon. I’ve been right 100/100 times for the last 5 years. How are you going to break my streak like that?

Woman: I’m a recovering alcoholic.

Shortest. Conversation. EVER. But a funny story now.

If instead, I came in with my question toolbox filled with questions that weren’t awful pick-up lines, I might have had better luck. That’s why you’re going to want to craft different meaty questions for different scenarios.

Action step: Create your Question Toolbox

So the next time you’re making small talk, take note of great questions you hear and ask. Save them in your Question Toolbox for later.

Here are a few good sample questions to get you started:

Networking events/industry conventions:

What made you decide to do X?

What are the biggest challenges when it comes to your industry?

If you had to do X again, what would you do differently?

As you gained more experience in X, what became more important and why?

What would make today/this event successful for you?

What still surprises you about X?

Dates:

What are your biggest goals right now?

How do you spend your time?

Playful questions like: Which do you like more — pancakes or waffles?

What do you hate most about dating? (This question is both interesting and can help you avoid doing the thing they hate.)

What’s your favorite restaurant in the city? Why?

Which Spotify playlist is the soundtrack to your life?

Baristas/wait staff:

What’s your favorite thing on the menu? Why?

What’s the craziest thing someone tried to order this week?

Have you ever written somebody’s name wrong on purpose because you didn’t like them?

BONUS: If you really want to exercise your social muscle, check out my video on improving your social skills. It’s less than 30 minutes.

Enhance your small talk

Small talk is a CRITICAL part of life and building relationships — it’s what helps people get to know each other, establishes meaningful connections, and lays down the foundation for great long-term relationships.

The term “small talk” is actually a complete misnomer because of its HUGE impact on forming relationships and developing unshakable confidence. As such, it takes a lot more care and nuance than just getting right down to the point.

If you walked right up to a CEO you admired at a mixer or convention and said, “I REALLY LIKE YOU. GIVE ME A JOB, PLEASE!” how do you think she’d react? She probably wouldn’t give you that job.

But if you went in with some care, and drew her into an amazing conversation and THEN asked her for a job (or better yet just advice or a coffee meeting), she’d be a hell of a lot more susceptible to it.

The key is realizing that confidence and the ability to carry a good conversation are skills — and like any other skill they can be learned, honed, and mastered.

I used to feel uncomfortable and out of place during social events too — but over time, I’ve developed hacks for confidence in new situations.

I’ll show you exactly how I do it in these 3 short videos. Just enter your email for instant access.

How to talk to people (even if you don’t know what to say) is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

How to talk to people (even if you don’t know what to say) published first on https://justinbetreviews.tumblr.com/

[paulckrueger]

How to talk to people (even if you don’t know what to say)

You’ve probably been there before:

You walk up to a group of friends talking. Stand there awkwardly while waiting for one of them to notice you. Wish for death.

You start telling a story to a group of people and — in the middle of it — realize the story sucks. Continue anyway.

You go to an event and instead of meeting people, pull out your phone and furiously check email.

With your friends or family, you have the BEST stories, but if you just met a group of people, all of a sudden your mind goes blank and you have nothing to say.

Today, I want to teach 3 systems that helped me know how to talk with confidence and know exactly what to say in any social situation.

They are:

Perfect Words

Story Toolbox

Question Toolbox

Let’s get to it.

How to talk to people system #1: Perfect Words

A while back, I went out to coffee with a good friend of mine. Now normally, when I order coffee, I just say, “Hey, I’ll have a latte. Thank you,” before going on my way.

But when my buddy went up to order his coffee, he had four people around him absolutely cracking up within seconds. The barista was smiling. People around him were laughing. And everyone seemed to just really enjoy his presence.

And guess what he said that got all this going. It was, “What’s good today?”

That’s it! From that one line he was able to start a great conversation.

Now I want you to check out the rest of his conversation — and see what you notice:

MY FRIEND: What’s good today?

BARISTA: (smiling) Everything is good.

MY FRIEND: (teasing) Everything isn’t good. Tell me the truth!

BARISTA: Well, we just got a new cold-pressed coffee machine and I hear that’s supposed to be good.

MY FRIEND: No, I mean what would YOU get if you could get anything?

BARISTA: (laughs) I actually think that our scones are the best things ever.

MY FRIEND: Well, I’ll have two of those please!

A few takeaways:

He’s just saying normal things. There’s no magic line or canned jokes here. My friend was just saying simple things that, on their face, aren’t very clever…but none of that mattered!

He had a lot of energy. The way my friend said things was way more important than what he said. If he went into this situation with low energy and delivered everything in a monotone voice, he would not have gotten the same positive effect.

The cashier LOVED this. She spends all day listening to those aforementioned monotone voices order the same thing over and over. Finally, she got someone who broke that monotony and made her smile. My friend brightened her day and was memorable.

My friend did all this by leveraging a system called the “Perfect Words.”

What are the Perfect Words? Luckily for you, they created a whole book of them called…

…the dictionary.

The truth is there are no Perfect Words.

Instead, it’s how you say things that determines how you come off.

To show you what I mean, I’m going to give you three phrases and show you exactly how you can use them to open a great conversation:

Hi, how’s your morning going?

Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Ramit.

Good morning. How are you?

These three simple phrases have no “magic” to them — and yet they’ve worked millions of times since the dawn of conversation openers.

What I want you to do now is start to consider the different ways you can deliver these phrases.

Here are three simple ways you can do that:

Smiling. Many of us don’t typically smile when we’re opening a conversation. We’ll say things like, “Hi, how’s your morning going?” and deliver it like we’re a doctor giving bad news.

But when we DO smile, it’s the instant ice breaker. And it’s so simple to do.

So practice letting your smile “fill your face.” I used to videotape myself speaking to find out I wasn’t smiling enough. It gets easier once you start practicing.

Slow down. The speed in which we say something can have a huge effect on how people perceive us. When we’re nervous, we tend to speed up the way we talk. When we slow down though, it gives people time to connect with you. Couple that with a good smile and you got a winning system.

So try slowing down what you’re saying by 50%. It will feel sluggish, but this is perfect for everyone else. It helps to enunciate your words too. Young Ramit got way ahead using this one tip.

Change your tone. Way back in the day, I had no tonality whatsoever when I talked. I’m sure you could close your eyes and not tell if you were conversing with me or Ben Stein. Eventually I realized this, so I started to speak with more energy — and it did WONDERS.

Try taking whatever level you’re at when you normally talk, and add 50% more energy into your voice. What feels weird to you is NORMAL to everyone else.

Action step: Implement the Perfect Words 3x/day for a week

I want you to use the three phrases above every day for seven days on different strangers. It can be your Amazon Prime delivery guy, your barista, the checkout lady at the grocery store, whoever!

As you use the phrases though, keep in mind the different ways you can change up how you deliver your words (smiling, slowing down, and changing your tone).

A few other things to remember:

They’re called social “skills,” and like any skill, you can get better at them. We’re starting small on purpose. As you get more used to it, you can start to scale and open conversations with more people.

Most people you talk to are bored all day long. This means you’ll be doing them a favor by engaging with them just like my friend was with the cashier at the coffee shop.

Note their reactions and your reactions. Did the person you’re talking to start smiling and laughing because of your energy? Or did they retreat because you made them uncomfortable? How did you feel while you were smiling or talking slowly? 

Don’t worry if this doesn’t feel comfortable right away. It’s not supposed to. Just trust the system.

How to talk to people system #2: Make a Story Toolbox

I’m a firm believer in the idea that telling a story is the best way to engage someone. It doesn’t matter if you’re with friends or if you’re trying to sell a product. A good story can make a world of difference when it comes to building a good first impression (notice the beginning of this very post…).

That’s why you always want a large well of great stories to draw on.

You can create your Story Toolbox using any tool you prefer, such as:

Google Docs (what I use)

Microsoft Word

Microsoft Excel

Evernote

A physical notepad

It doesn’t matter what you record them with as long as you ARE recording them. These stories could be funny, entertaining, or serious — and you might actually want to organize them as such.

Action step: Create your Story Toolbox 

Designate a place to put your stories, and start by adding five of them.

If you can’t think of five good stories, think back to the last time you hung out with your friends or family.

What did you talk about?

What made everyone laugh?

Every family has an embarrassing/hilarious story. What is it for your family?

Hang out with your friends or family in the next few days, and write down the things you naturally talk about. This will help seed your Story Toolbox for the first time.

How to talk to people system #3: Make a Question Toolbox

If you want to keep the other person you’re talking to engaged, there’s no better way to do it than with a thought-provoking question. It helps you always have something to say and talk to someone you don’t know.

Of course, depending on the context of your conversation, you’re going to want to have different questions for different scenarios.

I remember once, my friend noticed me checking this girl out at a bar, so he goaded me into talking to her. So I approached her and this exchange went down:

Ramit: Hi, I’m Ramit.

Woman: Hi, I’m [whatever].

Ramit: You look like a vodka soda girl. (I know, I know. I don’t know where this horrific line came from.)

Woman: …no.

I was surprised by how she just shut me down, so I decided to have some fun.

Ramit: Aw, c’mon. I’ve been right 100/100 times for the last 5 years. How are you going to break my streak like that?

Woman: I’m a recovering alcoholic.

Shortest. Conversation. EVER. But a funny story now.

If instead, I came in with my question toolbox filled with questions that weren’t awful pick-up lines, I might have had better luck. That’s why you’re going to want to craft different meaty questions for different scenarios.

Action step: Create your Question Toolbox

So the next time you’re making small talk, take note of great questions you hear and ask. Save them in your Question Toolbox for later.

Here are a few good sample questions to get you started:

Networking events/industry conventions:

What made you decide to do X?

What are the biggest challenges when it comes to your industry?

If you had to do X again, what would you do differently?

As you gained more experience in X, what became more important and why?

What would make today/this event successful for you?

What still surprises you about X?

Dates:

What are your biggest goals right now?

How do you spend your time?

Playful questions like: Which do you like more — pancakes or waffles?

What do you hate most about dating? (This question is both interesting and can help you avoid doing the thing they hate.)

What’s your favorite restaurant in the city? Why?

Which Spotify playlist is the soundtrack to your life?

Baristas/wait staff:

What’s your favorite thing on the menu? Why?

What’s the craziest thing someone tried to order this week?

Have you ever written somebody’s name wrong on purpose because you didn’t like them?

BONUS: If you really want to exercise your social muscle, check out my video on improving your social skills. It’s less than 30 minutes.

Enhance your small talk

Small talk is a CRITICAL part of life and building relationships — it’s what helps people get to know each other, establishes meaningful connections, and lays down the foundation for great long-term relationships.

The term “small talk” is actually a complete misnomer because of its HUGE impact on forming relationships and developing unshakable confidence. As such, it takes a lot more care and nuance than just getting right down to the point.

If you walked right up to a CEO you admired at a mixer or convention and said, “I REALLY LIKE YOU. GIVE ME A JOB, PLEASE!” how do you think she’d react? She probably wouldn’t give you that job.

But if you went in with some care, and drew her into an amazing conversation and THEN asked her for a job (or better yet just advice or a coffee meeting), she’d be a hell of a lot more susceptible to it.

The key is realizing that confidence and the ability to carry a good conversation are skills — and like any other skill they can be learned, honed, and mastered.

I used to feel uncomfortable and out of place during social events too — but over time, I’ve developed hacks for confidence in new situations.

I’ll show you exactly how I do it in these 3 short videos. Just enter your email for instant access.

How to talk to people (even if you don’t know what to say) is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

from Surety Bond Brokers? Business https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/help-my-mind-goes-blank-when-i-talk-to-people/

[infraredpenguin]

Review - Darksiders: Warmastered Edition

[Platform: Steam] [Control Scheme: PS4 Gamepad]

So Darksiders 3 is a thing apparently. It’s looking... like a game, I guess, but I did quite enjoy its predecessors a fair bit when I played them ages ago. The problem is that I never quite finished Darksiders 2, getting myself sidetracked as I am wont to do, so what better time than with a new entry on the horizon to finally go back and finish up Death’s perilous journey?

As it just so happened, I actually had the Darksiders games in my Steam library, along with upgrades to their remastered editions. In light of this bounty of Darksiders goodness (and the ability to ignore the frankly absurd DLC policies for the original DS2) I figured I may as well check out these “improved” versions and start my journey out at the very beginning, with Darksiders: Warmastered Edition.

Back when Darksiders first came out I played it on the PS3 and very nearly got the platinum trophy for it (missing the trophies for playing on the highest difficulty and that aggravating griffon trophy, which I will get to in a bit). I loved it. It felt like a perfect blend of some of my favorite franchises. Okay, more like a great blend of one of my favorite franchises and another franchise that I think is pretty good. Now that I’ve played through it once again, and in an enhanced form that has largely left the gameplay as it was, I can say that Darksiders is a satisfactory blend of what is still one of my favorite franchises in gaming (Zelda), a franchise that I still like but haven’t touched in ages (God of War), and a bunch of half-baked contributions from other game types I don’t really care about (namely, rail shooters).

Why has my impression of this game cooled somewhat? Well, for one thing, I think I’ve just gotten better at analyzing games over the years and also have less patience for clunky game design and shoddy controls. But if I were to pin down what constituted a majority of my frustration with this title, it would be due to my experience playing games in the Soulsborne series over the past several months.

I actually saw more than a few people trying to compare the Darksiders franchise with that of Dark Souls over the past week, so apparently I’m not alone in making this connection. But for me, the biggest point of contention I have with Darksiders against Souls is just how sloppy the controls feel and how poorly realized the combat is.

You see, Dark Souls and Bloodborne have kind of ruined for me a lot of action games, I think. With rare few exceptions, any failure I experience in those games is clearly my fault. It gives me a very robust set of tools to make my way through their world and its up to me to utilize that toolkit effectively. Every movement has purpose, every action a clear intent, and failing to exercise due diligence in feeling out the situation will more often than not lead to my character bleeding out on the floor. The Souls games are, in a word: fair.

Darksiders is not fair. But I may not have noticed this had I not played on Apocalyptic difficulty. A big part of Souls appeal lies in its (initially) obscene difficulty. Without the game forcing the player to carefully consider their actions and master the systems inherent to the experience, your typical erstwhile adventurer will just throw themselves willy-nilly at any and all threats, powering through on sheer brute force thanks to a lack of consequence for making mistakes. With each Soulsborne game, you don’t have that wiggle room, forcing you to *ahem* git gud (I hate myself for that) if you want to progress. But key to this requirement is the fact that these games give you every possible opportunity to do just that.

I’ve been talking a lot about Dark Souls in this Darksiders review, but I just want to impress upon you the magnitude of how frustrating combat can be in a game that doesn’t finely tune itself like a Souls game does while still having prohibitive difficulty. Because Apocalyptic difficulty in Darksiders is most definitely very punishing; even if it doesn’t present a challenge as intimidating as that of Dark Souls, it still punishes mistakes without mercy, but it doesn’t actually give you the same ability to overcome those mistakes without feeling kind of boring.

The reasons for this are threefold:

1. You take an obscene amount of damage on this difficulty. There are minibosses in the final dungeon that can take out upwards of 5 full health bars with a single hit, and you can only have 10 health bars! This in and of itself isn’t a bad thing, but combine it with the other 2 points and you have a problem that can only be overcome by playing it safe or keeping a lot of healing items on hand.

2. Hit-boxes are way too big. The amount of times that I could clearly see an attack land miles away from me yet still inflict damage was absurd. This is an even bigger problem when you consider how often you get swarmed by enemies, especially when you can’t keep track of them because this God of War-style action game keeps the camera right on War’s ass for some inexplicable reason. But this wouldn’t be that big of an issue if it weren’t for the fact that...

3. There are NO invincibility frames on War’s dodge! This is by far the biggest issue for a frenetic action game like this because it limits aggressive play by an astounding degree. Being able to dodge through attacks with precise timing is a big differentiator for higher levels of play because it allows you to maintain a steady offensive rhythm, allowing for faster resolutions and more engaging interactions in general.

Due to a lack of iframes, fights against more imposing enemies with long strings of powerful attacks just boil down to keeping your distance and popping in for quick hits when there’s an opening. It’s not exactly thrilling, especially when War’s dodge isn’t very satisfying to begin with. 

It gets worse with enemies like the aforementioned minibosses where you need to bait out a specific attack in a specific area to accomplish anything. For those fights, you need to wait until the very last moment for an attack that comes way too fast (for the enemy’s size) and has a hit box seemingly 50% larger than its effect animation that you can’t dodge through, which will hit you for massive damage. It’s frustrating as hell, and the best way to deal with it is to bait the attack at an awkward angle so you can just pre-dodge directly away from it and wait ages for it to bring the attack down. Boring.

I hate that I’m harping on this so much, but the lack of iframes really did kill a lot of my enjoyment. So much so that I feel confident saying that Apocalyptic difficulty just doesn’t really work in Darksiders. It’s not even like I had an extremely difficult time beating the game; it just felt unfair, despite also being kind of easy at the core of it.

But enough about how this game fails at being Dark Souls (and God of War, ‘cause I’m pretty sure that game had iframes), now it’s time to talk about how it fails at being a Zelda clone!

On the face of it, Darksiders does a lot of things right. It has some fun dungeons to traverse with interesting (if simple) puzzles to solve, and some pretty solid major boss fights at the end. It kind of misses the mark everywhere but the critical path though, missing the spirit of what makes Zelda games so beloved.

For one thing, the combat arena rooms get old extremely fast. There’s just too many of them and it’s much too transparent that they exist primarily as filler. I get that they’re trying to ape God of War at the same time as Zelda, but one of the biggest problems is that they never really do anything interesting with these arenas. It’s just, “Here’s a bunch of enemies you have to fight ‘cause magical barriers won’t let you leave. Have fun!” I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect that many of these encounters could have involved puzzle solving of their own, such as requiring use of the environment to overcome the challenge, or even using the fight itself to overcome the environment in some way.

But outside of those arenas, there is an excellent illusion of non-linearity in some areas, even if there isn’t any real opportunity for branching. The worst that can be said for these dungeons is that they’re as straightforward as some of the lesser Zelda dungeons, which isn’t actually that bad.

But outside of the dungeons things don’t hold up so well, with the exception of the Ashlands, which could be thought of as a dungeon itself, in some ways. The biggest issue for me is the means in which you accumulate strength.

In Zelda games, you will find Heart Pieces and the like in simple chests, to be sure. But, many of those upgrades will require a more roundabout series of tasks to uncover or unlock, in a way that helps to more fully immerse the player into the world of Hyrule (or Termina or whatever). In Darksiders, every single upgrade is found in one of those simple chests, usually requiring a specific piece of gear to access, but never really requiring much thought beyond “Lock Meet Key”. I think a big part of this is due to how barren the world is, which makes sense considering it’s a post-apocalyptic setting, but still feels like a missed opportunity.

However, the biggest problem with the Darksiders progression scheme is the weapon experience. Put simply, girinding out XP for each weapon type is pointless busywork that adds absolutely to nothing to the game. Worse than nothing when it comes to one weapon, which, near the end of the game, just automatically levels up fully, rendering all your hard work up until that point completely fruitless. The only meaningful reason for this grinding is to allow the player to unlock new moves in combat, but these moves cost money (souls) to get anyways, so why bother with an extra gate, especially when enhanced moves don’t feel markedly different to begin with!

Actually, both weapon XP and grinding souls feel like some of the worst filler I’ve seen in a game like this. It just costs too much to buy stuff, which means you probably won’t use everything, and it takes way too long to get XP which means you have to go well out of your way to bring your weapons up to par which means you feel obligated to switch instead of actually wanting to. These systems exist purely as grinds for trophies/achievements, which is never a good thing. I don’t think I ever used/upgraded any of War’s Wrath Abilities besides Blade Geyser, which is kind of sad for a highest difficulty playthrough, normally encouraging players to make use of every tool at their disposal

I’ve been shitting on Darksiders a lot, but here’s thing... I still really like this game. I just wish I hadn’t subjected myself to Apocalyptic difficulty. It also shouldn’t come as any surprise that it fails to be quite as magical as a Zelda game nor should it be shocking that tacking on gratuitous progression mechanics does anything other than drag things down. That being said, there is so much to like about this game.

For one thing, it is absolutely gorgeous. Post-apocalyptic Earth has never looked so good (except perhaps in Enslaved: Odyssey to the West). The art direction is stellar, and with the HD facelift for Warmastered, it doesn’t look even remotely dated. Despite being set in barren wastelands and the dilapidated ruins of a bog-standard metropolis, everything somehow manages to pop. It is vibrantly muted in its aesthetic, and some areas (Twilight Cathedral especially) are truly breathtaking.

While it isn’t going to win any awards for storytelling, the plot is perfectly serviceable and the lore underneath it all is extremely compelling. Even if I didn’t care about War’s redemption arc, I still wanted to uncover more and more about this ravaged world.

The characters help here, each of them being clearly motivated (or just as clearly unmotivated, Ulthane) and distinct, with visually striking designs. You’re dealing with demons for the most part and one of the biggest twists in the game is that there is no twist involved with one of your “business relationships”. The voice acting ranges from perfectly serviceable to delightfully camp. War is laughably dour and stone-faced, almost to the point of absurdity, while Mark Hamill’s turn as the Watcher is, unsurprisingly, great fun.

While there are some pacing issues with the cutscenes, especially later on when things start moving along at an extremely brisk clip, the cutscene direction is excellent and makes use of some legitimately inspired cinematic techniques that feel as though they were ripped straight off a comic book page. The only real downside to these scenes is thanks to the Warmastered Edition. For some reason, the audio channels in cutscenes are completely unbalanced, with voices being extremely clear and loud, while everything else (music, effects, grunting voice effects) is almost inaudible. I tried my best to get around this issue, but couldn’t come to any real solution in the end.

And yeah, it does have good gameplay, despite all my griping. The flaws are just that: flaws. They aren’t game breaking or anything, they’re just all the more frustrating because they highlight how much better the game could have been with just a little tweaking. The weapons and movesets are all extremely satisfying to use, with the additional tools mixing things up in fun (if straightforward) ways. The controls aren’t perfect, and War does occasionally fail to grapple correctly at times, but they do the job more than well enough, for the most part.

The boss encounters are all very well done (if you can ignore the iframe issue) and excellent examples of class Zelda puzzle bosses. It’s also just fun exploring everything in your quest to tackle those bosses. Hell, Darksiders probably has my favorite fast-travel system in any game, ever. You don’t just pop into existence at some arbitrary map point, you actually have to travel on paths between worlds, and there are even a few important items hidden away on these paths. I can’t tell you how badly I want to see another game flesh out this fast travel system!

See, I wanted to get through all of those negatives right up front because I wanted to end on a high note. Darksiders is a great experience if you lov-- wait... ah crap, I did forget one thing to hate on...

That goddamn griffon rail shooter experience you encounter early on is the worst fucking shit ever. It control like shit. It throws shit at you with no impact. It’s just absolute chaos and has a bullshit achievement tied to it. It’s just shit. This game does not have good targeting controls, and thankfully you dont have to be too precise with them outside of this segment.

Anyways...

Darksiders is great. Play it if you haven’t. Play it if you have. Spoiler alert: Darksiders 2 is also great (in different ways). Just don’t play on Apocalyptic difficulty if you’re used to games with iframe dodging.

Final Score:

6/10 if you play Apocalyptic

7/10 otherwise

[redrobin-detective]

im watching elementary rn and i rly think its better than bbc sherlock but im also rly bad w words and phrasing arguments for the question why can u help? bc a friend is like rly die hard bbc sherlock fan and i wanna make her understand why im not

I hate that’s there’s such antagonism between the two shows. They’re both good and they both have their merits but for me, looking over them as a whole, I find Elementary much better. I am still excitedly preparing to watch Sherlock this evening but it is not my favorite. To your friend, I’d first make clear to your friend that there’s no competition, just 2 radically different interpretations of the same characters.

So the main thing that keeps the two shows apart, in my opinion, is the willingness to take things slow and build up. The BBC Sherlock format is very different from most shows: it’s quick, comes and goes in the blink of an eye, puts a tremendous amount of subtext and characterizations and brilliant mysteries and twists into such a small frame. But this format has limitations which most people overlook for it’s snazzy effects, quick paced dialogue and trendy topics. The thing that makes Elementary stand out, not just from Sherlock but from other crime procedurals in general, is it’s very relaxed and realistic storytelling pace that contributes to a bigger whole.

Not every episode is a wild explosion of craziness, not every significant moment is obvious. There are small, intricate mysteries that fascinate, small bits of dialogue here and there that lay down bigger ideas, there are small changes in the relationship you don’t notice until suddenly you do. There were so many times, wonderful times, when a particular scene would come along and I’d realize how drastically things had changed. But when I’d stop and think, it really hadn’t been drastic at all, it had been slowly and lovingly planted and given the time and the room to grow. Anyone who has watched Season One knows how Sherlock goes from detesting his Watson’s interference in his life to being so proud and so honored to work with her. But the growth happens naturally, it feels good and real and to watch it come to be is honestly one of the greatest joys of the series. Their relationship continues to have those little moments laid out which lead to bigger moments and watching it be built brick by brick is something Sherlock, with it’s “flash in the frying pan” format, cannot do.

Secondly, I will admit I do not watch much cable TV, but it is still one of the most progressive, diverse shows I have ever seen and it does it so brilliantly. Just like it lovingly adds details and slow builds of relationships, it does the same with it’s rich diverse cast. It has people of all sorts of creeds and colors and beliefs all throughout the show. It acknowledges the differences between the people, acknowledges the stereotypes, true and untrue against them but never stops treating them as people. There are no “token X characters” in Elementary. Our Watson is a Asian WOC, Detective Bell and Alfredo are Black men, we see cops and criminals, sinners and saints of a wide variety. It often addresses the wrongs done to people, it never shies away from pointing out the way people are treated and how they ought to be. Even the beloved Mrs. Hudson is a transwoman played by a transwoman and it’s not a huge deal. It’s one aspect of her character but she’s also a Greek expert and has problems with her love life. It treats it’s characters well and with care. Kitty, a new protégé of Sherlock’s in S3, was a victim of rape, this post here does an excellent job of showing how Elementary handled a rape storyline so well. It’s so respectful to her, allows her grow and express herself but still addresses the issue but doesn’t let her get away with shitty behavior. It’s so good guys, it’s not gross at all. This is getting long but Sherlock’s drug use is a central theme in the show and it’s not glorified at all like it is a bit in BBC Sherlock. In fact, it shows the struggle, the temptation to fall back, how it’s battled one day at a time and shows the use of things like support meetings and finding connections with other people and recovering addicts.

Thirdly, The stories are as rich as the characters and let me tell you those characters are rich as chocolate. I am a mystery nerd, have been since middle school when I first read a Sherlock Holmes story and I find myself enjoying the mysteries so much. I won’t degrade you or the show by claiming every one is a gem, but even the dullest episodes have it’s little moments that make me smile and enjoy the overall plot. Because within the show we get lovely little moments: we get Sherlock/Watson banter, we get a plethora of obscure facts and figures, we get intriguing side characters doing their thing, possible hints of larger arcs and occasionally really touching, emotional moments between the characters. It interweaves it’s characters and it’s plots so well, using both the characters to further the plot and vice versa. So many times I think I know where something is going only to realize I’ve missed a piece and I slap my knee at how I was once again outwitted, but I’m enjoying the story and it’s twist too much to be truly angry. Like I said, not every episode is a winner, but I can say that each episode has moments or lines or elements that make it thoroughly enjoyable. It could be a unique twist, it could be plot progression, it could be a poignant moment between characters that you realize has been built upon all the past episodes.

So why is Elementary better than Sherlock? There’s no hard and fast answer because I know a lot of people enjoy Sherlock and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sherlock has many thing Elementary doesn’t. But what it doesn’t have is relatable characters with many rich layers who are given the time and opportunity to change and grow and not always for the better. It has some of the best diversity I have ever seen in a TV show because it doesn’t feel forced or unnatural in anyway, it is open and accepting of it’s characters and our Sherlock can be savage when he spots signs of bigotry and hypocrisy. Because it has really good plots, just as Sherlock does, but it doesn’t feel like a rapid, race across London more like a slow paced, meaningful walk talking the time to lay out a compelling story. So my recommendation to your friend, to anyone interested in Elementary is to give it a shot in the way it’s intended to be, over time. This is not a show you binge in one go and move on. It’s one intended to be watched over a period, meant for the audience to watch and connect and be slowly, piece by piece drawn into the characters and the story. Elementary isn’t “quirky” or “electric” like Sherlock but, if you give it the time, I believe it can come to be so much more.

[comicteaparty]

December 11th-December 17th, 2019 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from December 11th, 2019 to December 17th, 2019.  The chat focused on the following question:

What webcomic would you describe as your guilty pleasure and why?

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

Oooh. So the only webcomics I read are very nsfw, so there is a big guilty pleasure in reading smut.

keii4ii

Depending on how you define guilty pleasure, I don't think I have any, comic-wise. But I do have a couple of comics that I read with my brain turned off. XD One is a MMA action comic called Gyuhkki 3-Ban (Contact Sport Class #3). https://comic.naver.com/webtoon/list.nhn?titleId=701535&weekday=wed It's in Korean only at this time, but I would recommend it to anyone just for the sheer action, which you can enjoy even without reading the text. The artist is awesome at drawing the human body in motion, or even multiple human bodies in motion (all the grappling). They also have a MMA consultant for the series, which I'm sure helps a lot. Bonus: even though I mostly read it with my brain turned off, I also really like most of the characters? In particular, there is an extremely close platonic relationship between a dude and a gal, and it is so precious. The comic is not afraid to show affectionate touching (e.g. gently grabbing the other person's hand/wrist -- while pinned down to the ground by the other, to boot) despite the non-romantic nature of their relationship, and it makes this ace/aro person meeeellllt

keii4ii

There are also some insanely gorgeous webcomics that I read with my brain turned off. There is nothing bad about the writing in these comics -- it's not the writing, it's me, as I will explain. The visuals are just Too Powerful and my eyeballs basically replace my brain when I gaze upon those comics. Wormworld Saga is one of them. https://wormworldsaga.com/

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I kind of feel hesitant to even answer this question, because a ‘guilty pleasure’ insinuates that a comic is bad, but I like it anyway. I wouldn’t want to deride any of my fellow creators’ work like that. None of our comics are perfect, but we’re all passionate about them and doing our best. I wouldn’t even classify any of the ‘naughty’ comics I read as guilty pleasures because I don’t feel guilty for enjoying them. Some explicit comics still have deep, meaningful storylines and well-done art. The subject matter isn’t for everyone, but that doesn’t make the comic bad or worth less than other comics. Yes, I have read comics that weren’t the best quality, but again, I feel no guilt for finding pleasure in their stories. None of us start out as pros, after all.(edited)

keii4ii

Yeah, I wouldn't say any of my "turn my brain off" comics are less intelligent reads! It's just how I respond as a reader. They are excellent comics that I would 100% recommend, with confidence.

FeatherNotes

Agreed with Lee! it's a hard to answer question, and I think we today have really learned how to de-construct and analyze better, so that 'guilty pleasure' isn't a concept that most who do can really relate to anyways?? interesting topic nonetheless!

SAWHAND

I would say my guilty pleasure comics (and I'm not gonna call em out by name, for some reasons discussed above) are comics that I know have some tropes or themes that are problematic to current day issues. Just stuff that's like, "I'm enjoying this, and I'm interested in the theme, but I'm a little skeptical that this author put in their due diligence in being careful of sensitive topics". That's the only thing that really makes me feel "guilty" when reading a comic.

RebelVampire

I'm gonna point out its fine to do as @SAWHAND and @Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS have done and not call any comics out directly if you don't want to even remotely suggest a comic may perchance be bad.

DanitheCarutor

Ah, now I feel bad for my post, even though to me "guilty pleasure" means something other people find bad that I really like. I wasn't insinuating the comic I pointed out was bad, but very edgy, which doesn't make it lesser quality. There are plenty of great edgy, bloody, grimdark stories! I'll just delete my previous post, don't want to offend anyone. <_<'

keii4ii

Yeah, I think this is can be a tricky topic! I did enjoy discussing some of my favorites though. To reiterate/clarify, just because I can enjoy them a lot with "my brain turned off" doesn't mean they are shallow. It's more like they have multiple layers to offer. The surface layer offers a ton of enjoyment already, but there is so much more to them if you read deeper!

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

For me it is not because the comic is bad I love them or else I would not read them. I just dont talk about them a lot, and I would not read them in the train. Also for me a comic who has a bit of stigma can be a guilty pleasure, like I really love yugioh. But because of the stigma I see it as a guilty pleasure of mine.

RebelVampire

Yeah, I agree with that sentiment. Just cause you define something as a guilty pleasure does not auto equate to "comic is bad." It can mean a lot of things for different people. I usually see a guilty pleasure comic as something you read but wouldn't necessarily tell everyone you read it because you would be judged or argued with in some regard. Like for me, a lot of comics I would define as guilty pleasures are the comics that are premium on their respective platforms. Not because their quality is at fault, but because there's a lot of politics surrounding them and the generalized hate they get just for getting more promoted on the platforms than others. And in a general crowd I would not necessarily mention that cause I avoid all sorts of politics where possible.

That being said, I don't want anyone here to think it's bad to say you think a comic is bad or it's taboo to imply bad comics exist. That is a fool's errand. The difference is are you respectful about it and still understand the creator is improving and getting better. Cause if you're respectful, it's not a crime to think something isn't good.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

That’s all very true! I suppose I had concerns that defining a comic as a ‘guilty pleasure’ might open up backhanded compliments at comics whose creators who could well be perusing the server. Thank you for clarifying your stance, and I’m glad I was mistaken.

AntiBunny

For me it's Jack. The comic was often disturbing, very dark, heartbreaking, and yet could also be beautiful and uplifting. I stopped reading because the author stopped keeping up the website, and only posts on fur affinity now, and I don't feel like trawling his gallery for the updates.

MJ Massey

Hmmm I guess I read a lot of romance comics, that kind of surprises people. Mostly webtoons stuff like I Love Yoo and True Beauty, which are both so good

MJ Massey

Kind of combining this question and the previous, there was this comic waaaaaaaaay back in the day I loved called "Ninja Spirit". I don't think it's online anymore. The art wasn't the greatest, and it started more gag-strip like, but I ended up falling in love with the characters and the story as it evolved and developed. Unfortunately, it went on forever hiatus right at the start of the last chapter so I'll never know how it ends

RebelVampire

I already partially answered this earlier, but I want to add another. Similar to @MJ Massey , the comics I generally define as guilty pleasures are romance comics. Because a lot of the ones I like are filled with tropes you've seen one hundred times. And I am gonna say not all of them are that great. While most of them aren't bad, they do not fall into a category of comics I'd recommend to others and go "Hey this comic is great, you should read it." But even if I don't think they're that great, I still read them and like them because they hit that niche of happy fluff that I sometimes need to get through life.

MJ Massey

and sometimes, that is exactly what you need

[mcjoelcain]

How to talk to people (even if you don’t know what to say)

You’ve probably been there before:

You walk up to a group of friends talking. Stand there awkwardly while waiting for one of them to notice you. Wish for death.

You start telling a story to a group of people and — in the middle of it — realize the story sucks. Continue anyway.

You go to an event and instead of meeting people, pull out your phone and furiously check email.

With your friends or family, you have the BEST stories, but if you just met a group of people, all of a sudden your mind goes blank and you have nothing to say.

Today, I want to teach 3 systems that helped me know how to talk with confidence and know exactly what to say in any social situation.

They are:

Perfect Words

Story Toolbox

Question Toolbox

Let’s get to it.

How to talk to people system #1: Perfect Words

A while back, I went out to coffee with a good friend of mine. Now normally, when I order coffee, I just say, “Hey, I’ll have a latte. Thank you,” before going on my way.

But when my buddy went up to order his coffee, he had four people around him absolutely cracking up within seconds. The barista was smiling. People around him were laughing. And everyone seemed to just really enjoy his presence.

And guess what he said that got all this going. It was, “What’s good today?”

That’s it! From that one line he was able to start a great conversation.

Now I want you to check out the rest of his conversation — and see what you notice:

MY FRIEND: What’s good today?

BARISTA: (smiling) Everything is good.

MY FRIEND: (teasing) Everything isn’t good. Tell me the truth!

BARISTA: Well, we just got a new cold-pressed coffee machine and I hear that’s supposed to be good.

MY FRIEND: No, I mean what would YOU get if you could get anything?

BARISTA: (laughs) I actually think that our scones are the best things ever.

MY FRIEND: Well, I’ll have two of those please!

A few takeaways:

He’s just saying normal things. There’s no magic line or canned jokes here. My friend was just saying simple things that, on their face, aren’t very clever…but none of that mattered!

He had a lot of energy. The way my friend said things was way more important than what he said. If he went into this situation with low energy and delivered everything in a monotone voice, he would not have gotten the same positive effect.

The cashier LOVED this. She spends all day listening to those aforementioned monotone voices order the same thing over and over. Finally, she got someone who broke that monotony and made her smile. My friend brightened her day and was memorable.

My friend did all this by leveraging a system called the “Perfect Words.”

What are the Perfect Words? Luckily for you, they created a whole book of them called…

…the dictionary.

The truth is there are no Perfect Words.

Instead, it’s how you say things that determines how you come off.

To show you what I mean, I’m going to give you three phrases and show you exactly how you can use them to open a great conversation:

Hi, how’s your morning going?

Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Ramit.

Good morning. How are you?

These three simple phrases have no “magic” to them — and yet they’ve worked millions of times since the dawn of conversation openers.

What I want you to do now is start to consider the different ways you can deliver these phrases.

Here are three simple ways you can do that:

Smiling. Many of us don’t typically smile when we’re opening a conversation. We’ll say things like, “Hi, how’s your morning going?” and deliver it like we’re a doctor giving bad news.

But when we DO smile, it’s the instant ice breaker. And it’s so simple to do.

So practice letting your smile “fill your face.” I used to videotape myself speaking to find out I wasn’t smiling enough. It gets easier once you start practicing.

Slow down. The speed in which we say something can have a huge effect on how people perceive us. When we’re nervous, we tend to speed up the way we talk. When we slow down though, it gives people time to connect with you. Couple that with a good smile and you got a winning system.

So try slowing down what you’re saying by 50%. It will feel sluggish, but this is perfect for everyone else. It helps to enunciate your words too. Young Ramit got way ahead using this one tip.

Change your tone. Way back in the day, I had no tonality whatsoever when I talked. I’m sure you could close your eyes and not tell if you were conversing with me or Ben Stein. Eventually I realized this, so I started to speak with more energy — and it did WONDERS.

Try taking whatever level you’re at when you normally talk, and add 50% more energy into your voice. What feels weird to you is NORMAL to everyone else.

Action step: Implement the Perfect Words 3x/day for a week

I want you to use the three phrases above every day for seven days on different strangers. It can be your Amazon Prime delivery guy, your barista, the checkout lady at the grocery store, whoever!

As you use the phrases though, keep in mind the different ways you can change up how you deliver your words (smiling, slowing down, and changing your tone).

A few other things to remember:

They’re called social “skills,” and like any skill, you can get better at them. We’re starting small on purpose. As you get more used to it, you can start to scale and open conversations with more people.

Most people you talk to are bored all day long. This means you’ll be doing them a favor by engaging with them just like my friend was with the cashier at the coffee shop.

Note their reactions and your reactions. Did the person you’re talking to start smiling and laughing because of your energy? Or did they retreat because you made them uncomfortable? How did you feel while you were smiling or talking slowly? 

Don’t worry if this doesn’t feel comfortable right away. It’s not supposed to. Just trust the system.

How to talk to people system #2: Make a Story Toolbox

I’m a firm believer in the idea that telling a story is the best way to engage someone. It doesn’t matter if you’re with friends or if you’re trying to sell a product. A good story can make a world of difference when it comes to building a good first impression (notice the beginning of this very post…).

That’s why you always want a large well of great stories to draw on.

You can create your Story Toolbox using any tool you prefer, such as:

Google Docs (what I use)

Microsoft Word

Microsoft Excel

Evernote

A physical notepad

It doesn’t matter what you record them with as long as you ARE recording them. These stories could be funny, entertaining, or serious — and you might actually want to organize them as such.

Action step: Create your Story Toolbox 

Designate a place to put your stories, and start by adding five of them.

If you can’t think of five good stories, think back to the last time you hung out with your friends or family.

What did you talk about?

What made everyone laugh?

Every family has an embarrassing/hilarious story. What is it for your family?

Hang out with your friends or family in the next few days, and write down the things you naturally talk about. This will help seed your Story Toolbox for the first time.

How to talk to people system #3: Make a Question Toolbox

If you want to keep the other person you’re talking to engaged, there’s no better way to do it than with a thought-provoking question. It helps you always have something to say and talk to someone you don’t know.

Of course, depending on the context of your conversation, you’re going to want to have different questions for different scenarios.

I remember once, my friend noticed me checking this girl out at a bar, so he goaded me into talking to her. So I approached her and this exchange went down:

Ramit: Hi, I’m Ramit.

Woman: Hi, I’m [whatever].

Ramit: You look like a vodka soda girl. (I know, I know. I don’t know where this horrific line came from.)

Woman: …no.

I was surprised by how she just shut me down, so I decided to have some fun.

Ramit: Aw, c’mon. I’ve been right 100/100 times for the last 5 years. How are you going to break my streak like that?

Woman: I’m a recovering alcoholic.

Shortest. Conversation. EVER. But a funny story now.

If instead, I came in with my question toolbox filled with questions that weren’t awful pick-up lines, I might have had better luck. That’s why you’re going to want to craft different meaty questions for different scenarios.

Action step: Create your Question Toolbox

So the next time you’re making small talk, take note of great questions you hear and ask. Save them in your Question Toolbox for later.

Here are a few good sample questions to get you started:

Networking events/industry conventions:

What made you decide to do X?

What are the biggest challenges when it comes to your industry?

If you had to do X again, what would you do differently?

As you gained more experience in X, what became more important and why?

What would make today/this event successful for you?

What still surprises you about X?

Dates:

What are your biggest goals right now?

How do you spend your time?

Playful questions like: Which do you like more — pancakes or waffles?

What do you hate most about dating? (This question is both interesting and can help you avoid doing the thing they hate.)

What’s your favorite restaurant in the city? Why?

Which Spotify playlist is the soundtrack to your life?

Baristas/wait staff:

What’s your favorite thing on the menu? Why?

What’s the craziest thing someone tried to order this week?

Have you ever written somebody’s name wrong on purpose because you didn’t like them?

BONUS: If you really want to exercise your social muscle, check out my video on improving your social skills. It’s less than 30 minutes.

Enhance your small talk

Small talk is a CRITICAL part of life and building relationships — it’s what helps people get to know each other, establishes meaningful connections, and lays down the foundation for great long-term relationships.

The term “small talk” is actually a complete misnomer because of its HUGE impact on forming relationships and developing unshakable confidence. As such, it takes a lot more care and nuance than just getting right down to the point.

If you walked right up to a CEO you admired at a mixer or convention and said, “I REALLY LIKE YOU. GIVE ME A JOB, PLEASE!” how do you think she’d react? She probably wouldn’t give you that job.

But if you went in with some care, and drew her into an amazing conversation and THEN asked her for a job (or better yet just advice or a coffee meeting), she’d be a hell of a lot more susceptible to it.

The key is realizing that confidence and the ability to carry a good conversation are skills — and like any other skill they can be learned, honed, and mastered.

I used to feel uncomfortable and out of place during social events too — but over time, I’ve developed hacks for confidence in new situations.

I’ll show you exactly how I do it in these 3 short videos. Just enter your email for instant access.

How to talk to people (even if you don’t know what to say) is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

from Money https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/help-my-mind-goes-blank-when-i-talk-to-people/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[samuelfields]

How to talk to people (even if you don’t know what to say)

You’ve probably been there before:

You walk up to a group of friends talking. Stand there awkwardly while waiting for one of them to notice you. Wish for death.

You start telling a story to a group of people and — in the middle of it — realize the story sucks. Continue anyway.

You go to an event and instead of meeting people, pull out your phone and furiously check email.

With your friends or family, you have the BEST stories, but if you just met a group of people, all of a sudden your mind goes blank and you have nothing to say.

Today, I want to teach 3 systems that helped me know how to talk with confidence and know exactly what to say in any social situation.

They are:

Perfect Words

Story Toolbox

Question Toolbox

Let’s get to it.

How to talk to people system #1: Perfect Words

A while back, I went out to coffee with a good friend of mine. Now normally, when I order coffee, I just say, “Hey, I’ll have a latte. Thank you,” before going on my way.

But when my buddy went up to order his coffee, he had four people around him absolutely cracking up within seconds. The barista was smiling. People around him were laughing. And everyone seemed to just really enjoy his presence.

And guess what he said that got all this going. It was, “What’s good today?”

That’s it! From that one line he was able to start a great conversation.

Now I want you to check out the rest of his conversation — and see what you notice:

MY FRIEND: What’s good today?

BARISTA: (smiling) Everything is good.

MY FRIEND: (teasing) Everything isn’t good. Tell me the truth!

BARISTA: Well, we just got a new cold-pressed coffee machine and I hear that’s supposed to be good.

MY FRIEND: No, I mean what would YOU get if you could get anything?

BARISTA: (laughs) I actually think that our scones are the best things ever.

MY FRIEND: Well, I’ll have two of those please!

A few takeaways:

He’s just saying normal things. There’s no magic line or canned jokes here. My friend was just saying simple things that, on their face, aren’t very clever…but none of that mattered!

He had a lot of energy. The way my friend said things was way more important than what he said. If he went into this situation with low energy and delivered everything in a monotone voice, he would not have gotten the same positive effect.

The cashier LOVED this. She spends all day listening to those aforementioned monotone voices order the same thing over and over. Finally, she got someone who broke that monotony and made her smile. My friend brightened her day and was memorable.

My friend did all this by leveraging a system called the “Perfect Words.”

What are the Perfect Words? Luckily for you, they created a whole book of them called…

…the dictionary.

The truth is there are no Perfect Words.

Instead, it’s how you say things that determines how you come off.

To show you what I mean, I’m going to give you three phrases and show you exactly how you can use them to open a great conversation:

Hi, how’s your morning going?

Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Ramit.

Good morning. How are you?

These three simple phrases have no “magic” to them — and yet they’ve worked millions of times since the dawn of conversation openers.

What I want you to do now is start to consider the different ways you can deliver these phrases.

Here are three simple ways you can do that:

Smiling. Many of us don’t typically smile when we’re opening a conversation. We’ll say things like, “Hi, how’s your morning going?” and deliver it like we’re a doctor giving bad news.

But when we DO smile, it’s the instant ice breaker. And it’s so simple to do.

So practice letting your smile “fill your face.” I used to videotape myself speaking to find out I wasn’t smiling enough. It gets easier once you start practicing.

Slow down. The speed in which we say something can have a huge effect on how people perceive us. When we’re nervous, we tend to speed up the way we talk. When we slow down though, it gives people time to connect with you. Couple that with a good smile and you got a winning system.

So try slowing down what you’re saying by 50%. It will feel sluggish, but this is perfect for everyone else. It helps to enunciate your words too. Young Ramit got way ahead using this one tip.

Change your tone. Way back in the day, I had no tonality whatsoever when I talked. I’m sure you could close your eyes and not tell if you were conversing with me or Ben Stein. Eventually I realized this, so I started to speak with more energy — and it did WONDERS.

Try taking whatever level you’re at when you normally talk, and add 50% more energy into your voice. What feels weird to you is NORMAL to everyone else.

Action step: Implement the Perfect Words 3x/day for a week

I want you to use the three phrases above every day for seven days on different strangers. It can be your Amazon Prime delivery guy, your barista, the checkout lady at the grocery store, whoever!

As you use the phrases though, keep in mind the different ways you can change up how you deliver your words (smiling, slowing down, and changing your tone).

A few other things to remember:

They’re called social “skills,” and like any skill, you can get better at them. We’re starting small on purpose. As you get more used to it, you can start to scale and open conversations with more people.

Most people you talk to are bored all day long. This means you’ll be doing them a favor by engaging with them just like my friend was with the cashier at the coffee shop.

Note their reactions and your reactions. Did the person you’re talking to start smiling and laughing because of your energy? Or did they retreat because you made them uncomfortable? How did you feel while you were smiling or talking slowly? 

Don’t worry if this doesn’t feel comfortable right away. It’s not supposed to. Just trust the system.

How to talk to people system #2: Make a Story Toolbox

I’m a firm believer in the idea that telling a story is the best way to engage someone. It doesn’t matter if you’re with friends or if you’re trying to sell a product. A good story can make a world of difference when it comes to building a good first impression (notice the beginning of this very post…).

That’s why you always want a large well of great stories to draw on.

You can create your Story Toolbox using any tool you prefer, such as:

Google Docs (what I use)

Microsoft Word

Microsoft Excel

Evernote

A physical notepad

It doesn’t matter what you record them with as long as you ARE recording them. These stories could be funny, entertaining, or serious — and you might actually want to organize them as such.

Action step: Create your Story Toolbox 

Designate a place to put your stories, and start by adding five of them.

If you can’t think of five good stories, think back to the last time you hung out with your friends or family.

What did you talk about?

What made everyone laugh?

Every family has an embarrassing/hilarious story. What is it for your family?

Hang out with your friends or family in the next few days, and write down the things you naturally talk about. This will help seed your Story Toolbox for the first time.

How to talk to people system #3: Make a Question Toolbox

If you want to keep the other person you’re talking to engaged, there’s no better way to do it than with a thought-provoking question. It helps you always have something to say and talk to someone you don’t know.

Of course, depending on the context of your conversation, you’re going to want to have different questions for different scenarios.

I remember once, my friend noticed me checking this girl out at a bar, so he goaded me into talking to her. So I approached her and this exchange went down:

Ramit: Hi, I’m Ramit.

Woman: Hi, I’m [whatever].

Ramit: You look like a vodka soda girl. (I know, I know. I don’t know where this horrific line came from.)

Woman: …no.

I was surprised by how she just shut me down, so I decided to have some fun.

Ramit: Aw, c’mon. I’ve been right 100/100 times for the last 5 years. How are you going to break my streak like that?

Woman: I’m a recovering alcoholic.

Shortest. Conversation. EVER. But a funny story now.

If instead, I came in with my question toolbox filled with questions that weren’t awful pick-up lines, I might have had better luck. That’s why you’re going to want to craft different meaty questions for different scenarios.

Action step: Create your Question Toolbox

So the next time you’re making small talk, take note of great questions you hear and ask. Save them in your Question Toolbox for later.

Here are a few good sample questions to get you started:

Networking events/industry conventions:

What made you decide to do X?

What are the biggest challenges when it comes to your industry?

If you had to do X again, what would you do differently?

As you gained more experience in X, what became more important and why?

What would make today/this event successful for you?

What still surprises you about X?

Dates:

What are your biggest goals right now?

How do you spend your time?

Playful questions like: Which do you like more — pancakes or waffles?

What do you hate most about dating? (This question is both interesting and can help you avoid doing the thing they hate.)

What’s your favorite restaurant in the city? Why?

Which Spotify playlist is the soundtrack to your life?

Baristas/wait staff:

What’s your favorite thing on the menu? Why?

What’s the craziest thing someone tried to order this week?

Have you ever written somebody’s name wrong on purpose because you didn’t like them?

BONUS: If you really want to exercise your social muscle, check out my video on improving your social skills. It’s less than 30 minutes.

Enhance your small talk

Small talk is a CRITICAL part of life and building relationships — it’s what helps people get to know each other, establishes meaningful connections, and lays down the foundation for great long-term relationships.

The term “small talk” is actually a complete misnomer because of its HUGE impact on forming relationships and developing unshakable confidence. As such, it takes a lot more care and nuance than just getting right down to the point.

If you walked right up to a CEO you admired at a mixer or convention and said, “I REALLY LIKE YOU. GIVE ME A JOB, PLEASE!” how do you think she’d react? She probably wouldn’t give you that job.

But if you went in with some care, and drew her into an amazing conversation and THEN asked her for a job (or better yet just advice or a coffee meeting), she’d be a hell of a lot more susceptible to it.

The key is realizing that confidence and the ability to carry a good conversation are skills — and like any other skill they can be learned, honed, and mastered.

I used to feel uncomfortable and out of place during social events too — but over time, I’ve developed hacks for confidence in new situations.

I’ll show you exactly how I do it in these 3 short videos. Just enter your email for instant access.

How to talk to people (even if you don’t know what to say) is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

from Finance https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/help-my-mind-goes-blank-when-i-talk-to-people/ via http://www.rssmix.com/