#im 90% sure this makes no sense because it is very late but im contributing my blorbo analysis to the tumblr ecosystem anyway. enjoy

[gay-fae]

something that always gets me about louis is that he is so soft and sensitive at heart. he cries at operas, he dances with his family, he gives his sister expensive gifts, he loves to wear fun & stylish clothes, he takes photos and collects art, he loves his daughter, and he loves being in love.

and yet everything seems to trample that softness, whether it be the rugged masculine persona he has to uphold for respectability in NOLA, or the racism & homophobia he is regularly confronted with, or his bad marriages with lestat & armand, or his difficult relationship with claudia, or his struggle with vampirism/killing. and yes, he holds some of the blame in the marriages and much of the blame for claudia, purely because he was desperate to be loved and was willing to do shitty things to get that. and that is my point (yay we love flawed characters!) !! many of louis flaws are motivated by this inner tenderness and desire for affection.

all of these difficult things he goes through push him to act tougher, more assertive, more certain. lestat points out in ep 1 that louis conforms to all these roles that aren’t truly him. but after becoming a vampire, that never really stopped.

so post failmarriage with armand i like to imagine that yes, louis makes up with lestat, but he also finds himself again outside of the context of a romantic relationship and allows himself to be soft in the ways his circumstances haven’t allowed him or he hasn’t allowed himself before. because that’s louis’ whole thing, isn’t it? “botched vampire”. too gentle, too sensitive to be a cold killer like the others and cursed to be anyway. too soft for his own fangs.

[minipisi-is-dumb]

lol yes yes you're allowed to send any rant. please do so

so! the main resource for this is gonna be the book "¿Demasiado inteligente para ser feliz?" by jeanne siaud-facchin (not sure what the title is in english, sorry) which is extremely good relating to giftedness in children, teens and adults, specially undiagnosed. im also telling u to look the talk "unique inner lives of gifted children" by linda silverman because it is SO SO SO important as a begging for research on this. she also talks about overexcitabilities which are, too, very important to note

imma start w synesthesia bc is not gifted exclusive ofc but it's also something ive been reading a bit more lately

so basically, synesthesia is a condition where your brain (specifically the thalamus!) "crosses" the different signals of perception of senses. this leads to experiencing more than one sense simultaneously from the same stimulus. there's also a high correlation between high amounts of white matter in the brain. but overall an undisputed reason why this happens is because of a higher-than-average amount of brain connections. Which is. y'know. 90% of the reason giftedness is a thing at all.

a good iq test is really measuring the amount of connections you have since connection=quickness in brain processes, but I digress

the most common way to be synesthetic is developmental (aka neurodivergent development of brain that leads to it) but there HAS been case studies when people acquire synesthesia (unrelated to drugs, who also give off synesthetic sensations) usually after a brain injury related to the thalamus area

this characteristic of the brain (that is present also on autistic ppl or people who simply have it without a higher diagnosis around for example) contributes a lot to make connections between ideas, sensations and emotions, which paired with the generally high sensory sensitivity that fifties have, tends to create a perception of the world as a Very Intense Experience (intensity by itself is it's whole separate thing. overexcitabilities are there for a reason) which is why being a Highly Sensitive People and Giftedness come hand in hand a lot of the time. it also has to do with how gifted people generally have high amounts of emotional empathy (which, to be fair, im not the best example for This specific symptom but I do have high cognitive understanding of it that helps me balance) because of this same extremely intense perception of EVERYTHING. ALL THE TIME. NO STOP.

imma copy this example from the book I mentioned above because it's so good for this, imma just translate it for u. it shows synesthesia very well but it's really just a genuine good example of how intensity and vividness is a core part of the giftie experience

every single time im reading this, i feel like I can taste the salt water, I literally hear the seagulls, I feel the warm of the sun and and the waves pushing the boat as if I were in there. and im just at home in my cold room sitting in a chair. my brain is able to associate, replicate and even almost simulate all of this just by reading a few lines of text. which is something that is absolutely normal for me!

and part of this synesthesia, this intensity, and generally all these basic perceptual things also have an important characteristic

all these associations have a reliable rate of consistency

this means that if you ask a synesthetic person what color is the word "Wednesday" today, their response will not change, or change too little, or takes too long to change. it's extremely consistent even after years. non synesthetic people might change their answers depending on the day, or might not be as reliable in general.

for me, Wednesday is green gray, it has been that shade since I first learned the word in my school before I learned english, and it's still that color even after im relatively fluent

it's translation in spanish, miércoles, is navy blue (u see where im going w this don't u)

I don't have much phone battery left rn but I'll make more parts from this later prolly, I wanna talk about the impulsivity and lucidity because it's so cool, but (oh shocker) while fact checking the info for this in the book and some other articles I remembered the whole "field dependence/independence" situation with executive function and task management n Doing Stuff. how the right hemisphere of the brain is insane for gifties and how INSANE velocity can get

y'know the feeling when you solve a problem or reach to a conclusion but it feels like you "just know it" or your thoughts went so fucking fast that you can't even backtrack to understand the process behind a conclusion??? and it feels so obvious because its just Like That and you can't explain it and it happens 90% of the time ever????It's like seeing the beginning, seeing the end, but absolutely skipping the middle. fascinating truly

here are a few more sources I got from fact checking this lil rant that I think are cool to look at lol

this one is generally an introduction to synesthesia n it's types

this one has more focus on the history of the diagnosis and some testimony examples n it's cool too 10/10 read it

Hello! I remembered the post you did some time ago talking about giftedness, could you do another post about it? Or at least give me some resources about it?

Ty!

omg omg omg YES SURE I CAN DO THAT NP

not sure where to begin (lol get it, a very common symptom is expanding too much if there's an 'open task' or question because of info priorities being so funny that everything is important and if I don't have anything specific I end up ranting to no end or something)nbut literally ANY question from anyone are SO welcome. i love talking abt it sm there's stuff like synesthesia or impulsivity or latent inhibition deficit or hyper lucidity at young age or. so much. just wonder dude

[hanabiira]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Bunny   AGE: 26      CONTACT: IM & Discord

CHARACTER(S): OCs, and technically Kensei but I have neglected him as of late. 

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach 

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  None that I’ve actually written yet but I have an Avatar LOK AU for Miki.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English, no other languages I can fluently write in. I can read hiragana and katakana and very basic elementary kanji. 

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sports / Music / Science / Fight / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc.

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS (for OOC questions only) / PERSONALS (for OOC questions only) / ANONS. (for OOC/IC questions)

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES (please do!) / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: crack / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY I

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS (if I know the fandom) / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: ��Tumblr IM or if you know me, discord. Once you have my discord there’s no reason to IM me really. I’m more likely to notice a message from discord than tumblr since I have discord on my phone and laptop. 

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: I mean, if we’re actively plotting something I at least expect some back and forth?? But if it’s just general spewing of shit about stuff our characters might do I don’t necessarily expect it to become a thread or anything. Sometimes I just like to scream and think about stuff with other people lmao.I don’t even really expect plotting all the time, unless you have a really good idea then I’m all for it!! totally!! I love a good plotted thread but I am also cool just going with the punches. 

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: If the person doesn’t seem into it I’ll probably just drop it? I’m not going to pressure anyone into any sort of rp they’re not vibing with, it’s fine. 

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  I love that this meme assumes I plot a lot lmfao. Uhh...I find it quite difficult to come up with a lot of different active scenarios or stories but I do frequently like to discuss what ifs between my characters and whoever I’m talking to and that often can evolve into an idea for a thread which I am all for taking places. I wouldn’t necessarily call it plotting because it doesn’t always have to turn into something, but its just fun little banter about our characters and their reactions. If I am trying to buckle down and plot I will do my best to contribute to whatever we’re trying to plan? 

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: I won’t be mad, just be like ‘hey can we drop this?’ and I’ll be like “cool”. I get that sometimes you just can’t find the words to reply to something and that’s ok. But just let me know so I’m not sitting there waiting for a reply I’m never going to get. 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?:  Either an natural ending of the thread or I just....can’t think of any juice to keep it going and get stuck behind a wall. I am MORE than happy to start something fresh and new when threads are ended or dropped! 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: I think a lot of misunderstanding stems from a lack of communication. Do I talk OOC with ALL the people I rp with? No, but If I have concerns or questions about a thread or something we’re doing I am 100% going to talk to them about it to make sure nothing gets misconstrued. I get people get anxious but like...if you have the balls to write a character on the internet with a stranger you can send them an IM if you have a questions/concerns. None of us are mind readers, so don’t leave your partner in the dark about your thoughts and feelings. Obviously if they are writing with you they don’t hate you. 90% of us don’t bite and are just lame nerds behind a computer screen, so.... 

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: I mean, I’m not going to LOVE hearing something negative but if its a valid point or concern I’m absolutely going to listen to it and try to rectify it? Problem is a lot of people thinly spew hate or baseless negativity and then thinly veil it as “criticism” that stems their personal feelings about a character than it really is anything constructive, which is a no go for me.  Will I 100% always agree with how everyone else plays their characters? No, but if its not hurting anyone and they’re having fun I’m not going to say anything to them. I 100% welcome constructive criticism or tough questions! It’s one way to improve. 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: My goal is really just to have fun and enjoy myself. The longer I am here the less I am worried about doing big deep threads or having amazing fancy graphics for that RPC clout. I’m here to have fun with my friends and play my OC that I love. Again, I don’t profess myself to be much of a writer so I’m not technically here to really further and deepen my writing skills. That sounds bad, I don’t mean to say I am adverse to improvement and I am always looking for ways or feedback that could make my storytelling better, but it is not my main goal or reason for why I rp, if that makes sense. Telling a narrative has always been something that’s been difficult for me (I HATED having to write stories in school and avoided creative writing like the plague) but I really welcome ways that could help me be better, because it hasn’t always been something natural to me. 

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  I YEARN for a good thread with a Shunsui about Miki taking over the 8th division and how she changes it since his time there. She really worries about still holding onto his legacy while also making a name for herself and differentiating herself from him and how he ran things and would really want his feedback and approval. I would also really love if there were some characters that really took an interest in the kinds of stuff she does with the things she grows in her garden and greenhouse. It is more than just “ooh, look at the pretty flowers” and it is not really something I’ve gotten to explore despite my time here. 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: Anything gross. Rape/noncon/underage/furry or weird extreme fetish shit. I 100% do not vibe with racism, transphobia, homophobia, etc. I do not mind some darker themes but I don’t really have any interest on writing any threads where Miki is deeply deeply hurt or tortured or anything like that, which kind of falls under the gore category. Will I write her injured and do I welcome some kinds of sparring/fighting threads? Yes. But I won’t subject her to gross violence and having the shit being beat out of her. Miki is not infallible but I don’t want to write it. 

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?:  Starters that are too open ended, start with a general with a question and/or little scenario building. You know like the “why are you here”, “what are you doing”, “who are you” sorts of starters. They’re boring and I will most likely run out of ways to keep going with them. Set a scene for me and I will have a much easier time! 

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  That’s a good question...Miki tends to like friendly people (obviously) but also gets a kick out of interacting with cold or difficult to talk to characters (think Soi fon, Kensei, Byakuya etc) because she sees it as something of a challenge. She wants to see if she can befriend them. I also like characters that have an interesting theme or shitck . 

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: Characters that are not really in her age group (think the karakura kids). I have the most difficult time thinking about how they might even interact in a way that is not on the most superficial level. Also characters that I can’t realistically see her meeting or running into. 

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I am pretty easy to reach OOC, and once I’m in I’m in. I love talking about our characters interactions and will spam you with asks and shit if that’s what you want. I will talk all day about our characters if you let me. I will send you stupid memes. Even if I am not posting on tumblr I’m easily reached through discord. And Idk my oc is good??? maybe??? 

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I would say I’m inconsistent? I know its covid times right now but I do work a full time job that takes a lot of my time and energy usually and I absolutely can’t write when I’m mentally exhausted. It won’t happen. So there may be times where you just won’t see any posting from me and it may take a long time for me to answer a thread or ask. As much as I also don’t like to label myself this way...I guess I technically do suffer from chronic pain (I have a hip malformation), and sitting is one of the things that really can exacerbate my hip and back pain meaning sometimes I just can’t tolerate sitting at my desk for very long or even sitting up in my bed which really prevents me from writing sometimes even when I want to. I wish mobile draft writing was better lol 

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS.

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: Too much smut is boring, obviously, and I’m not really a fan of smut really just for the sake of smut and threads like that tend to die for me.  And I also don’t rp smut with just anyone, there has to be an established relationship between the characters. But if it flows with the story and it makes sense for the scenario then yeah, I’m down for a good smut thread. 

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: I’m pretty vanilla and I didn’t really give Miki anything that’s really nonstandard. I’m not going to shame anyone for what they’re into or their characters but there’s just kinks I couldn’t convincing write, would be ooc, or I just would be too embarrassed. So far I have not run into anything weird though. 

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES?? / NO. Though I mean ship not in a strictly romantic ship sense. I value all ships as in friendships and other relationships, mentor mentee, etc. and it really helps drive story for both characters I think. Miki CRAVES FRIENDSHIPS!! SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND!! LET HER!! Even negative relationships have value.  

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF (ooc stuff).

ARE YOU:  Multi-ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  Multiverse / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: 

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - As long as its discussed before hand or is easily implied (say like, an 8th lieutenant). 

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?:  Miki is unique, I’d like to think. She is a blend of soft and gentle, but also stubborn, opinionated and desperate to prove that she shouldn’t be messed with. I basically wanted a character that just seemed like a living and breathing springtime breeze. I’m not saying necessarily that some of the tropes she holds are entirely unique to the series, but I think its the blend of all her aspects that make her different compared to other canon characters. Plus if you love that plant and flower aesthetique™ you have come to the right place. Plus she takes it further than just an aesthetic or a surface level “I like flowers” aspect of her personality. It runs so deep and she is so passionate about it in so many different ways. 

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  Again, ones that I can’t find much of a commonality with so those who are not her age or are strictly human. Though it is not impossible to interact with humans, I prefer to develop her story within the scene of the Seireitei. Also characters that are super volatile and aggressive. 

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  Peace, accomplishment, happiness mostly. Miki wants to be recognized for her hard work as well as desires to form positive relationships with others. She wants the Gotei to feel less disjointed. 

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  The way they talk, their facial expressions, their eyes. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  Kindness, determination, drive, sense of humor. 

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  Plants, flowers, flower arranging, gardening, poisonous plants and their potential affects and uses, tea, shitty jokes, food, general day to day gossip, handsome men (lol), books, kido and other shinigami arts, human world stuff. 

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: Math, long convoluted talks about history, people who talk too much about themselves. 

- DID THEY EVER GO THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  The thousand year bloodwar. The death of a romantic partner. The death of her mother. 

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  It’s really hard to imagine a scenario where Miki would immediately go in for the kill zero questions asked with no context. Probably only if it’s someone known to be a threat, has done things that are terrible, and is likely to continue being a threat to others or is actively killing/about to kill someone else. 

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  Birds. Hypocrites. Super self important people. 

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  Just roll up on her. She’s easily found in her barracks. 

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: uuuuuh she bean.

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by: @bazzardburner technically but for quincy miki which I will also tweak and post there. 

[radiqueer]

I’ve been trying to figure out how to contribute to the “born this way” conversation, but I’m not fully sure how to articulate my ideas. For me I feel like my identity... like I feel I was “born this way” like I’ve had intermittent dysphoria for as long as I can remember. But also as far as mspec labels go I could ID as pan, or poly, or Omni, but I’ve always felt bi fits and that’s the identity I choose. My partner tho, feels that they, more than anything, chose to be bi (1/2)

My partner feels that they had no inclination towards being anything other than a straight man until well into their thirties, when, due to a lot of factors, they decided any company was good company and decided to see if they liked being with men. They had a good experience, and they feel they could have left it at that but CHOSE to continue to pursue their attraction to men, and then much more recently, in doing their own research about gender identity and being around me (2/3 oops)

They chose to question their gender identity (which as of right now is inconclusive), and my partner feels happy as a bi questioning person, but also felt happy as a straight man and could have remained so but chose to be happy a different way. Idk it’s complicated/messy and I don’t really get it but it’s how my partner feels and I believe them. And then Political lesbianism is a thing. Idk it’s hard for me to wrap my head around I wish I could contribute more. It’s def not one size fits all tho

this makes a ton of sense, thanks for sharing!

I feel like - in a lot of ways, being queer and identifying as queer changed me as a person. it changed everything, from the way I think about and approach new topics, the way I see myself and the world, my politics, my tastes in books and art. queerness is fundamental to me, but I can conceive not being queer. if I didn’t know it was an option to identify this way, if I didn’t grow in a home that encouraged me to question and pursue new avenues, I would be a different person. and I cannot with any certainty say that I would definitely identify as queer at some point, if not at 14 then at 17, 19, 25, 40. I think I am happier for being queer, because it is relieving to share an experience and a community (things which have been difficult for me in the past) with people who love and support me. I like having a voice and an opinion on issues. I like my politics. I don’t like being discriminated against, but who does?

there are so many ways to have a fluid identity. you can be the same person all your life with the same experiences and label yourself differently over time. like your partner. one could be happy in one’s assigned roles but happier in a different set that they sought out and choose (kudos to your partner for keeping an open mind and allowing themselves to be happy in a non-normative way, btw), you can have a fluid identity that changes with time, you can be one thing and identify as another, you can refuse a labels on principle, you can be a political lesbian (or it’s equivalents, I suppose? I don’t know if we have something analogous to political lesbianism in other queer subgroups. I think certain parts of the ace community are the closest we’ve come) 

the problem is the idea that there’s only one way to be and feel about queerness and identity and labels. which, IME, is what the BTW crowd seeks to do - normalise us because we are an expression of naturally occurring human diversity. we deserve equality because we are people, just slightly different, and we didn’t choose to be this way any more than you did. it’s not our fault! give us some money! [/s]

people who are written over by this narrative, in no particular order:

questioning people who don’t even know whether they’re straight - they may or may not be

nb people who are often told we are special snowflakes, a symptoms of the excesses of liberal/left wing politics. that we wouldn’t exist if not for the internet [true of me if not for you / ymmv]

bisexual and mspec people

people with fluid identities

people who choose to present a certain way

political [orientation]

people who are choosing to not labels themselves out of fear

people whose identity is informed by trauma

etc

the problem is the dichotomy that seems to be essential to this debate - that you can only have one or the other, that people on one side keep trying to erase the opposing narrative. I frankly don’t know. I’ve only been a part of this debate for a few months and all my thoughts about BTW are informed by personal experience and what I have stumbled across on tumblr. not a comprehensive start by any means. but ime it’s always the BTWs who are trying to shove differing narratives away, and not the choicers. maybe @korrasera and i have different experiences! in fact, I think we have very different experiences 

The problem I’m trying to highlight, the whole reason I made this post, is that I’ve never seen someone suggest that only BTW is valid. In fact, the only times I’ve ever seen people discussing BTW was to specifically suggest that we have to do whatever we can to erase it as an idea because they perceive it as being inherently exclusionary, as though the existence of people who were BTW meant that people could not be queer, gay, lesbian, or trans without having been born in that state. I think it’s a reasonable assumption to consider such intentions as being somewhat noble, since they’re meant to criticize and deconstruct social constructs of legitimacy, but I literally never see the topic raised without it being ‘let’s get rid of the idea that BTW people exist, it’s not true and it hurts the cause’. 

[emphasis added all mine; taken from this post]

I have a different experience. I’ve seen BTW discussed as the only right way to be, and not only by exclusionists (I wouldn’t be able to find receipts on this - I remade my blog recently, and lost all my likes and the people I was following). even when I talk to people irl, I’m forced to resort to a narrative I don’t have any stake in to get my point across, a narrative that doesn’t help me. it’s frustrating and alienating. and I still don’t think we should do away with BTW. I think we make room for people like me to exist and talk, and define clearly what it means so more people can figure out whether or not they fit.

I read around some while I was writing this post, so here’s some stuff tangential but essential to my thoughts:

this post about the relationship of radfems to what constitutes essential womanhood

this post by the same user about why some people may choose a certain labels

another post by the same user

this post, which possibly everyone has read, but I was thinking about this part (emphasis mine)

My girlfriend Marna has been a queer activist since the late 80s. She’s told me about the incredible deliberation and debates LGBTQ+ activists had, in the late 90s and early 00s as the community began to see past the AIDS crisis and immediate goals of “surviving a plague” and “burying our dead.” There were a lot of things we wanted to achieve, but we had to decide how to allocate our scarce reserves of money, labour, publicity, and public goodwiil. Those were the discussions that decided the next big goals we’d pursue were same-sex marriage equality and legal recognition of medical gender transition.

From hearing her tell it, it seems like it was actually a wrenching decision, because it absolutely left a lot of people in the dust. A lot of people, her included, had broad agendas based on sexual freedom and the rights of people to do whatever they wanted with their bodies and consenting partners—and they agreed to put their broader concerns aside and drill down, very specifically, onto the rights of cis gays and lesbians to marry, and the ability to legally change your sex and gender.

As a political tactic it was terrifically effective. […]

Activists of 20 years ago chose to sideline and diminish efforts to blur and abolish the gender binary. Efforts to promote alternative family structures, including polyamorous families and non-sexual bonds between non-related adults. Efforts to fight the Christian cultural message that sex is dirty, sinful, bad, and in need of containment. Efforts to promote sexual pleasure as a positive good.

I couldn’t tell you why these posts stuck out to me while I was writing this, but they do a better job, by and large, of contextualising what I’ve said here

[shakingsphere]

i just like doing these

1. Do you like who you are? no ive never liked myself very much

2. What would people say about you at your funeral? i don’t know probably something about being smart and honest

3. What would you regret not doing in your life? i dont like thinking about my past but many not trying hard enough the first time i tried to od...

4. What’s the wisest thing you have ever heard someone say? idk 

5. What lessons in life did you learn to hard way? it took me a long time to learn when to quit

6. How often do your biggest worries and fears come true? they dont and i take too much lexapro to worry these days

7. If you had one year left to live, what would you try to achieve? i’d probably just travel

8. Do you serve money or does money serve you? i don’t think about money a lot as long as i can buy nic and coffee

9. Are you afraid of being your true self around others? Why? no. i dont thinks there’s a thing as a ‘true self’ just different versions of yourself

10. What are you grateful for? financial stability and being able to go to college 

11. Have you done anything you are proud of lately? nope! 

12. Have you made any recent acts of kindness? i doubt it!

13. If you knew that you would die tomorrow, what questions would you ask yourself? i’d just go to bed no point asking questions

14. If your biggest fears came true, would it matter in five years from now? yes. 

15. How would you describe yourself? depressed. but funny and smart ig

16. Do you take people’s advice? sometimes but i think taking advice is hard because im so bad at giving the full picture

17. Do you get quickly offended? not really, it depends

18. Do you consider yourself to be a likable person? no lol

19. ‘We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give’ – What does this mean to you? hard work i dont know

20. Are you enriching the lives of others? i doubt it

21. Are you living a meaningful life? no

22. What makes a meaningful life? contributing something and being happy

23. Would you ever give up your life to save another? depends on the person 

24. How much would you be willing to sacrifice for people in poverty? what do you mean? i’d pay higher taxes and stuff

25. If you could live one day over and over again, what would you choose to do? i wouldn’t want that

26. Do you think you are important and worthy of affection and love? no. 

27. What would make you feel more worthy? What do you believe needs to be different about you? i need to stop being sad

28. What brings you down the most often? boredom 

29. Would you rather work less (and do the things you enjoy) and have less money? yes

30. Where do you find peace? sitting by streams

31. What is the most important quality you look for in another person? sense of humor

32. What is your biggest dream in life? to be successful and respected

33. What is your biggest fear? failure

34. How would the world be different if you had never been born? it literally wouldn’t. my parents wouldn’t have daughters i guess. 

35. What life lessons do you wish you knew 10 years ago? i was a child i needed to learn first. 

36. If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be? join the track team

37. If your life was a movie, what would the title be? bedtime

38. If your life was a movie, would you enjoy watching it? depends on the director

39. What does success mean to you? i feel like i already answered this

40. If you could be a different person, who would you be? yes

41. What was the best day of your life? Why? i dont know probably my last real date with my ex...

42. What do you look forward to most in life? being happy one day

43. What bad habits do you want to ditch? i want to start keeping my room clean

44. Who do you look up to and why? my mom, shes just really hard working

45. Do you know your partners love language? i dont have a partner

46. Do the people you love most know how much you love them? im sure they do

47. Are you satisfied with the depth of your relationships? yeah

48. What do you owe yourself? sleep

49. Based on your current day-to-day life, what do you expect to achieve in 5 years from now? a MA!

50. Do you say ‘yes’ too often when you really want to say ‘no’? Why? yes, i dont get offered things very often so sometimes i feel like i have to say yes

51. What did you learn yesterday? i think my childhood friend is hot and we like the same anime lmao

52. What do you like about yourself? im smart

53. Would you consider yourself to be a generous person? yeah

54. Do you really listen when people talk to you? yes ofc

55. What is the number one change you need to make in your life this year? ugh i should probably quite vaping but maybe start working out again

56. How many hours per week do you spend on the internet? too many

57. What are your most common negative thoughts? Are they logical? im literally suicidal 

58. Do you think it’s too late to do certain things in your life? Why? yes because they’re things i would have had to start when i was younger but thats not important anymore.

59. If you could be the most influential person in the world, what would you change? redistribute wealth probably 

60. How much time do you spend with your family and friends? like a few hours a week. im not very social

61. Where do you want to be in 5 years from now? the east coast :)

62. Is your life complicated by unnecessary things? everyones life is

63. How can you simplify your life and focus on the most important things to you? bitch idk

64. What stresses you out? my sister

65. What makes life easier? having stuff i have to do

66. How often do you give without expecting anything in return? occasionally 

67. What is your greatest challenge? mental illness luv

68. What is most important to you in life? Are you giving it the time it deserves? idk idk

69. If you could send a message to the world, what would you say in 30 seconds? i dont have anything to say to the world. maybe redistribute the wealth?

70. What do you most regret never telling someone? that i loved them. 

71. When was the last time you tried something new? sucking balls 

72. Are you afraid to speak your own opinion? no

73. Do you give into others too often and feel resentful because of it? no

74. Are you holding onto something that you need to put behind you? probably

75. How often do you let your fears hold you back? i dont

76. Do the people in your life bring the best out of you? some do some don’t

77. How often do you make excuses? i try not to

78. What is one mistake that you will never do again? dating someone who couldn’t really commit then

79. Which is worse, failing or never giving it a shot? never trying

80. What has grown you the most as a person – your challenges and trials or the comfortable yet enjoyable moments in life? the challenges

81. If you could choose to have no more challenges or obstacles in life, would you? no what a pointless life. 

82. In one word, what is standing between you and your biggest goal? time and hard work!

83. How often do you go to bed feeling angry? i dont

84. Would it be wrong to steal in order to feed a starving child? no 

85. If you paid more attention to the sad things in this world, would you feel more conflicted about it? no

86. If we learn from our failures, then why is it so bad to fail? because its a sucky feeling and its embarassing to want something and not be able to get it

87. What could you pay more attention to in life? my cats

88. Why do we think of others the most when they’re no longer around? sad maybe

89. What does it look like to make the most of your life? idk i’ve never tried. maybe ill start a vlog channel on youtube

90. What have you given up on? eating more than 2x a day

91. How many people do you truly love and what are you doing for them? 4 or 5 and idk not worrying them

92. Do you ask enough questions, or are you happy to settle for what you already know? i think asking questions is a good thing

93. What were you doing when you last lost track of time? tiktok

94. Do you think you would be happy if you never had to work again? i think i would be bored

95. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? a baby

96. If you could ask for one wish, what would it be? to be good at math

97. What inspires you in life? idk art

98. What can you not live without the most? water

99. What do you enjoy doing over and over again? sleeping

100. When did you last laugh so much it hurt? i dont know

101. What is stopping you from living the life you want to live? the actual life i live

[survivordivergent]

EPISODE 4 - “I WANT TO REACH MY GOATENTIAL” - GEO

Welcome to Survivor Divergent, where's it's 14 inactive people and 6 people actually playing

I'm pretty damn busy today grading final assignments, and I'm pretty sure my frustration yesterday was enough to paint a target on me going forward, but I don't much care. This tribe's work ethic is for shit. I don't belong here. I can't just sit back and not do things. Ed can't, either, because it's such a deep-seated belief of mine that it permeates through him too. Not submitting things is just not my speed.

What pisses me off more than anything is that so far, I've been the only one to put in any concrete work. Percy got the theme based on a writing prompt. Payton's been offering suggestions. Dani's offered to do both the poster and the write-up. Meanwhile, I did the poster (deliberately at a level below what I know I can do, because I've been saying all along that I'm not good with Photoshop.) I did the write-up. Last time I felt so alone in one of these creative challenges, my tribe lost and I was the one sent packing at the next tribal council.

It's bullshit. I hate it I hate it I hate it. And while I love the people on this tribe based on our limited interactions, Peter can fuck off back to the inactivity pool from whence he came. Lucy can find a clue while she's busy finding a last name. And Geo... man, Geo is the biggest disappointment of all, only because we've SEEN what he can do. And it's like he's choosing not to do it. I get that we all have lives and that we're all super busy. I'm running myself so ragged that I'm going to hibernate clear through the holidays.

But that's the key difference: you make time if it matters to you. And if this game doesn't matter to anyone else, why should it matter to me? More importantly, if I get to jury, where's my motivation to vote for any of these people who couldn't — or wouldn't — step up when they're needed?

This is frustrating. I miss Megara Tribe. I miss Bondoso Tribe. I even miss Drohend Tribe. I like tribes that work hard, like each other and trust each other as a result. And this tribe fits maybe one of those three criteria. It sucks.

Six: The amount of posts in our tribe chat per day. God damn.

I'm pretty sure the hosts hate six. Like.

On 12/18/16, at 12:09 AM, Payton Rodriguez wrote: > also, y’all are rigging this against the 90% inactive tribe

On 12/18/16, at 12:10 AM, Payton Rodriguez wrote: > its not mine and ed’s fault that the rest of them are flops like if we went offline for three days the world would fall apart and you know it

no, i dont think they're actively rigging. i think my tribemates are sabatoging and we're not gonna have fucking numbers going into merge. sluts.

Okay so it's been a while, let's see if I can catch up. Last time I made a confessional I was stuck on trying to find the Erudite idol. I was so frustrated, and then we lost reward. I didn't want there to be a chance that someone from Six would find the idol, since the clues stack, so I panicked and asked Melissa for help. She figured it out in 2 seconds bc stupid me doesn't know the alphabet or how to count. Ugh. So we work through the next few pages, and then we get stuck again. But after looking at it for a few minutes, I realized I needed to use the keypad on a telephone to get the next word, and I figured it out. To show some good faith, I tell Melissa right away, but the next page.... whew. I looked at that page for a good half hour and couldn't figure it out. Then I'm reading what's on the page and it looks like song lyrics? So I decided to google them. I copy and paste it into google, and i noticed in the search bar are words I did not see before. So I go back to the page and highlight everything. Sneaky Jenna hid the link to the next blog in white lettering on the page. Very clever. So I go to the next blog, and I need another password. Crap. Well, I'm hoping that whoever is looking for this idol on the Six tribe gets stuck at the password too, so they wont be ahead of me. I decide to not tell Melissa that I figured it out. I want to see if she comes to me with that information. And she does, the next day. So I know I can actually trust Melissa. Like, I know I'm in an alliance with her, but I wanted to like, test her trust? I guess? So there's where we are on the idol journey...

I've been talking to Jill bc, you know, former Candor, and she brings up starting an alliance with Kyle. Me, already being in an alliance with Kyle, am completely down for this. Jill's plan is to have a former Candor/Amity alliance with me, Kyle, and Will, and bring in Melissa as a 5th so we have majority. Kyle and I, already being in an alliance with Melissa, are completely down for this. We decide to tell Melissa about this alliance, because we want Ugly Fruti to be our core, our majority within the majority, if that makes sense. Melissa seems fine with it.

So then we wind up winning the Battleship Immunity, and I am really enjoying not going to Tribal. If we can keep it this way until merge, that would be fantastic. Things have been really quiet around the tribe lately. I haven't been on much because of things irl, but I'm going to try and be around more. I dont want to be first boot from this tribe for inactivity, even though there are people who are way less active than me. I'm just hoping our movie poster is enough to win reward so we can continue on that Erudite clue...

Every single day, I feel myself slowly becoming someone that I am not. And honestly, I kind of like that.

I think Payton is pretty set on getting to know who I am but I'll keep bouncing that carrot in front of her face because the longer I keep her focused on my identity over the game that I want to play, the better it is for me in the long run. Payton is a threat because shes so talkative (albeit annoying as hell) and has Percy in her back pocket. She even came to me and said,

[10:14 PM] Payton Rodriguez: So I think I kinda decided Percy would be safe if we went to tribal again, at least from my vote? He really did help with making that poster look good

Of course that's a valid excuse but you should be willing to vote off anyone at any given moment in time. I don't care who we're going after, but I kind of think that Peter does need to go next. He's just going to do whatever people tell him to do later and he contributes almost nothing to my game, except acting like a little pawn for the time being.

I still have my Abnegation idol, so I'm going to hold onto it as long as possible. I think this is an idol I need to use on myself only because if I try to use it to make a huge move, like playing it on the target to get rid of a threat, then it could backfire and if my own target ends up getting saved, I could go out on a revote. If I just had the regular old thing, then I'd be more willing to be #dauntless and whip it out to save someone else and *ciera voice* make big movez.

Also I'm being really patient with myself and trying to make a lot of spelling/grammar errors and ignoring most forms of punctuation. I want to, in addition, have perfect grammar, spelling, punctuation on my regular account so that people are somewhat confused about my identity. I'm still going with my "pretty, spoiled girl" image that I'm adopting so that everyone thinks that I'm two completely different people. Maybe its working, maybe its not. But I need to start cutting the bullshit and start being as realistic as possible. No more talking about the unrealistic life I don't have, but being real. I have to adopt true parts of my own personality so I'm not looking like a bullshit artist. I have that tumblr blog, so maybe i should share it with the people so they choose to follow me and understand that maybe this is something i'm committing to. we'll have to see how that works out for me, of course.

ok i know im not supposed to but i cant help but get uncharted flashbacks rn im sure its not but lake is giving me ari vibes

Gosh it's been a long time since I've made one of these.

Nothing has really happened. We've been winning immunity and I haven't really helped at all.

I've been trying to staybtalkative with the most active members of the tribe and I feel like there's at least 2 or 3 people that could be voted out before me.

I feel so bad cause I havent done one of these in a long time. Im usually good with confessionals <.< sorry hosts.

I feel like im wadting time with the amity idol but oh well ill keep chugging along

Dani scares me. Theyre really smart, they know who i am, and i feel like theyre not playing with abnegation (obviously they werent from thay tribe) and theyre gping to use it against me. I want to get her oyt, but i think shes better connected to people, therefore attempting to do so will get me oyt instead, and i want to play with loyalty, i dont want to ve a flipper again and again. Dani is in an alliance with me so that wont be good as the others may be wary of me.

Im concerned as well as people arent actually talking that much to me. They dont message me, only dani and payton. I love payton or logan if it is them and i believe theyre going to be a bigger target ahwad of me in the future.

I want to play a very goat game. Previously my competitors and friends viewed me as someone who cant win and is very well aligned and a flipper. I havemt made ftc, and thats my goal. I dont care about anything else. If im loyal and very nonthreatening, people will want to take me as they view me as a goat and i could potentially use that strategy to win? I want to reach my goatential, and see whether i can lose at the end or not. Hopefully i dont.

Im typing this on my phone and i didnt put the heading, sorry for all my messiness. #Goatential #Geoat #loyalty #noflippers #mystrategy

I want to conspire to vote Dani out. I think that might be too risky right now but I don't trust her.

I'm glad we won tribal! But I really, REALLY want to send Dani home. Like, yesterday.

I'm tired of people outside the game talking to me about this game. Stop.

Um, it's been a confusing past few days. The biggest things to come out of them:

1. Six won immunity! Woo hoo! Payton was trying to argue that they were throwing it, but I refuse to believe that. We cam together as a tribe and we showed how much more effective we are when we work together, and that's that. So I guess another way of saying it would be, I don't care what they did. I care about what we did. And we crushed it. And frankly, as great as Payton has been for moral support and activity, her frequent willingness to couch thoughts with 'if's and 'but's really rubs me the wrong way. That's not the way winners think.

1a. That said, Payton is still my #1 for now. She's got a tremendous grip on the tribe socially and is realistically one of the shot-callers around here. The longer I can stay under the radar and vote with her, the more likely I can make merge. And then we're golden.

2. Danielle approached me with 'evidence' that Payton took the advantage, but it was very... sketchy. Which is not to say I don't believe it. I had my suspicions. But I wonder if Dani is trying to throw Payton under the bus for something. There seems to be some bad blood there for reasons I can't fathom.

3. Payton approached me with 'evidence' that Danielle or Geo are fabricating receipts, but it was very... sketchy. Which is not to say I don't believe it. It seems like something both would do, based on what little I know of them. But I wonder if Payton is trying to throw Dani under the bus for something. There seems to be some bad blood there for reasons I can't fathom.

3a. Déjà-vu is the sensation of seeing something you feel like you've seen before.

4. This Erudite idol is maddening. 'Center from the start?' What the hell is that??? I've tried everything – the letter a, the titles on each of the blogs, the word 'hosts' which is the 'center' block on the 'start' page, every past clue in every single blog... I know the clue points to a page on one of the blogs I've already visited, as opposed to the latest one. But I'm so stuck and it's so frustrating and I can only hope others are as hopelessly irritated as I am. I need that next clue, and hopefully this time it'll be something new rather than something I'd already been trying. Talk about bad luck.

5. Peter has been very quiet, but at least he showed up for the comp.

6. Lucy has been very quiet, but at least she showed up for the comp.

7. Geo has been very quiet, but at least he showed up for the comp.

3a. Déjà-vu is the sensation of seeing something you feel like you've seen before.

I will make a longer confessional if I survive tribal, which honestly, I think I will. Me, Kyle, and Melissa are in alliances with pretty much everyone on the tribe, so I think we are fine. The vote should be for Amanda, which is a relief for more than one reason. One, she's getting on everyone's nerves, and two, its so weird for people to be talking about Amanda and to remember its not me. There's only room for one Amanda in this game, hun! Ahhh anyway, after this tribal, we are supposed to be on a holiday break for a while, but I have a feeling before that happens, we are gonna be split into 3 tribes of 5. I'm really hoping not, but if so, I have Kyle and/or Melissa with me, or that I end up on a tribe with a Four Tribe majority. Ahh okay, I'm out til later