#parents will literally say you can tell them anything and then shame you for not being perfect | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

musaslullaby · 2 months ago

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I'm sorry

grid x fem reader

p1 p2 p3 p4

Summary: The race didn't go as planned.

Face: people on Pinterest, Bianca Bustamante and the driver

Warning: Most of the grid has a small weakness for you. It's a series

Masterlist

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Yn.official

Description: It's Friday, then it's Saturday, Sunday what??

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, and other 9384934802

f1lover: The kiss??

vroom: Who wouldn't? ❤️ Like to author

Race: Go girl.

user34: What a shame.

user12: Just a way to get attention.

lewishamilton: If Mr. Dad gives me permission, I'll give you a kiss on the cheek.

❤️ Like to author

Yn.official: Dad???? Plssss.

maxverstappen1: Daniel, say no.

charles_leclerc: Reminder, we have a race today, Daniel.

carlosainz55: Be careful with what you do.

danielricciardo: You have my permission. ❤️ Like to author

Formula: Daniel fears nothing and no one.

one_: I want a dad like Daniel.

Olliebearman: It's been nice knowing you, Daniel.

kimiantonelli: You were a good father. ❤️ Like to author

Yn.official: The best dad in the world.

danielricciardo: You’re exaggerating.

landonorris: Absolutely not.

op81: The McLaren cap?

❤️ Like to author

Yn.official: Nice, right?

landonorris: It looks even better on you. ❤️ Like to author

user32: I don’t understand how drivers are into this girl who has nothing special.

user4: They’ll realize it soon.

lewishamilton

Description: The kiss

liked by kimiantonelli, Yn.official, and other 49892923898

oscarpiatri: I wish I were Roscoe right now.

kimiantonelli: Me too.

landonorris: She looks beautiful even with sunglasses.

georgerussell63: She looks good in everything. ❤️ Like to author

Love_: How are they so relaxed before a race?

user34: She’s relaxed because she knows she can’t compete with the others.

user3: She can only watch and learn.

user56: The dog doesn’t seem happy to me.

Race: Actually, if you notice, he’s literally melting into the hug.

Formula: He’s perfectly calm, or else Lewis would have stepped in.

charles_leclerc: Where did you get those sunglasses? I want them toooo!

Yn.official: Sorry, but they’re only for cool guys. ❤️ Like to author

carlosainz55: So are you telling me?

Yn.official: Mmm let me think, no. ❤️ Like to author

danielricciardo: That’s my girl. ❤️ Like to author

Description: During this race, Yn Yln lost control of the car and crashed into the barrier. Fortunately, we know she's okay, but there's a lot of disappointment.

liked by charles_leclerc, lqndonorris, and other 98989898

f1lover: Don’t worry Yn, you did great anyway.

Race: Guys, let’s remember she’s new to F1.

Vroom: We need to wait for the interviews to know more.

One_: Did you see her face when she got out of the car?

Ynmyqueen: Yes, she looked so sad, she had tears in her eyes.

Ynmylife: Yn, remember you’re amazing, don’t get discouraged.

OllieYn: Keep fighting.

user45: This is what happens when you flirt with drivers instead of training.

user6: Go back to F2, Yn.

user12: She shouldn’t even be racing anymore.

user78: I wouldn’t blame them if they fired her.

user9: She would deserve it.

Yn.official

Description: Guys, I’m really, really sorry. I promise I’ll do better next race.

liked by Olliebearman, oscarpiastri, and other 723672376

landonorris: Please don’t cry.

oscarpiatri: It happens to everyone to lose control of the car.

charles_leclerc: You made a mistake, and it’s human to make them. Don’t worry.

georgerussell63: Don’t be so hard on yourself.

kimiantonelli: Yn, seriously, it’s all okay.

Olliebearman: Haas didn’t blame you, so you don’t need to worry.

f1love: Yn, we love you.

Race: You won’t lose your job.

Vroom: Don’t apologize, everything’s fine.

danielricciardo: Sweetheart, don’t keep watching the crash video on repeat, it won’t change anything.

lewishamilton: If you need anything, your parents are always here.

user0: Please, stop pretending to be sorry.

user8: Yeah, now she has to play the victim, so she’s crying on Instagram.

user78: Yn, we don’t want to hate you, but you don’t do anything to make us love you.

user23: Guys, poor thing, let her pretend a little longer.

user5: Disgusting.

landonorris

Description: I'm going to cheer Yn up.

liked by georgerussell63, carlossainz55, and other 27727288

charles_leclerc: Give her lots of hugs from us.

❤️ Like to author

oscarpiastri: I wish I were there with you. ❤️ Like to author

carlossainz55: Cabron, do what we can’t. ❤️ Like to author

danielricciardo: I’ll be there soon. ❤️ Like to author

landonorris: She won’t admit it, but she wants you there.

maxverstappen1: I swear, if you make her cry even more, you won’t make it to tomorrow.

landonorris: Don’t worry, I’m not that bad.

georgerussell63: But your sense of humor is awful.

landonorris: No, it’s not.

Olliebearman: Are we sure?

kimiantonelli: Absolutely sure?

formulaone: What a sweet thing.

one_: Norris is such a sweet guy.

Race: Such a good guy.

Vroom: Please, Yn, don’t cry.

1_11: I’m sure the second photo wasn’t meant to be posted by Yn.

user54: Yeah, sure, all just for views.

user6: Let her cry.

user9: It’s a fact, she did awful in the race.

Yn.official

Description: The little girl needed her father.

liked by yourcousin,danielricciardo , and other 88238239

comments restricted

danielricciardo: The father will always be by his little girl’s side.

❤️ Like to author

Yn.official: I don’t know what I’d do without you.

danielricciardo: You probably wouldn’t have eaten those delicious desserts. ❤️ Like to author

landonorris: Which you definitely didn’t make yourself.

danielricciardo: Shut up, Lando.

yourcousin: Yn, don’t get discouraged. Being a woman on the grid isn’t easy, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up for your mistakes.

❤️ Like to author

Yn.official: Thank you, I love you.

yourcousin: I love you too, darling. ❤️ Like to author

kimiantonelli: Are you feeling better now, Yn?

❤️ Like to author

Yn.official: Yes, thank you all so much.

Tag list

@barcelonaloverf1life @exotic-iris13

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help-itrappedmyself · 8 months ago

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Dead On Main AU Part 4

Masterpost

Jason listens carefully to Jazz’s half of the conversation, but Jazz seems to be mostly listening. Jazz says he’s taking him to Nasty for dinner, which Jason can’t say he’s excited about. He doesn’t know if Nasty is supposed to be describing the food or the place. Either way it is not comforting that whatever Nasty is, it is somehow a better source of food than his soulmate’s house.

Eventually Jazz hands the phone back to him.

“Everything good?” Jason asks.

“Yeah, your dad, Dick, and Tim are going to be driving me over, but It’s a long drive so Jazz will get you dinner and then you can do whatever. I have a gaming system, and you’re welcome to use my bed. If you need help finding clothes, or really with anything, then Jazz will help you.”

“Got it.” Long drive with B, Dick, and Tim. They’re all going to interrogate him immediately. While he’s trapped in a box with them for hours. “Hey, my family is really nosy and they will pry and they have no emotional cues so they will not know when to stop. Just… Tell them if they’re bothering you, and you don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to.” Jason doesn’t know who will be worse in this scenario. Bruce is going to interrogate him for literally everything, Dick is probably going to be all relationships and feelings, Tim is a nice in-between which just means he’ll probably support any and all interrogating.

“Same goes for you. Jazz is studying to be a psychologist, and my entire family forgets that we’re not all test subjects for whatever they’re working on. Mom and Dad with their gadgets, and Jazz with her… studying and analyzing you. There are no boundaries.”

“Oh, I’m familiar with that concept.” Jason chuckled.

“Well, given the circumstances I’d say if we can survive each other’s families that’s probably a pretty good sign.”

Kid is probably right. Fate and everything.

Jazz goes out to clear a path to the door, making sure there are no weapons to run into. When she gets back she leads Jason out, but when they get to the ground floor Jason is grabbed.

“Happy Birthday Dann-o!” The person holding him is tall. Very tall compared to Danny, and taller than Jason in his regular body. He has black hair and it looks like he's wearing a jumpsuit. After squeezing to the point where Jason couldn't breath for a second Jazz gets the man to put him down.

“Dad, this isn't Danny right now.”

“What do you mean princess, of course it is!”

A woman comes around the corner to stand next to the man, she is also in a jumpsuit but she has Jazz’s red hair.

“Guys, it's his sixteenth birthday.” So Danny's parents remember his birthday but not how old he is? Could be that they’ve forgotten the significance of a person’s sixteenth birthday, but given it should be an important day in a child’s life, they should have remembered.

“We know it's his birthday dear.” The woman comes over to give Jason a hug as well, but this one is less painful. And she's tall too, Jason is not used to feeling this short anymore.

“Mom, Dad, this is Jason. Danny’s soulmate.” The both of them just blink for a second. Jason, this is Drs. Jack and Maddie Fenton, Danny’s parents.”

“Nice to meet you both.” Jason gets out.

“Well, this is wonderful!” Dr. Fenton-Maddie says. “Figures Danny would be the younger one. Are you going to be here for dinner?”

Jason glances over at Jazz.

“No, you told us that you would be busy, so we already made plans.” Jazz sidesteps the invitation. Jason couldn’t tell if that was true or a lie to get him out of the situation. Would they tell their son that they were too busy to have dinner with him on his birthday? He wants to think the answer is no. “Shame Danny will be missing out, but we’ll save his presents for him.”

“Alright, well you kids have fun then!” Maddie and Jack left as quickly as they came, rambling about something that Jason could not understand.

“They didn’t want to know where Danny is? Who he’s with? Where we’re going? Anything?” Jason turned to Jazz who had a pinched look on her face.

“Neither of us get up to much trouble, they’ve trusted us for a while now.”

“Trust him to be magically transported who-knows-where?” Jason is almost stupefied by the utter lack of regard for Danny’s well-being. He is insulted on his soulmate’s behalf. “He could be in another country for all they know! They didn’t even ask!”

Jazz nods. “Best not to think about it. Everything is turning out alright anyways. Now come on, let’s get dinner.”

Jason is seething, but doesn’t think it will do much good to argue with her here so he decides to calm down. He startles a little when he realizes how easy it is to calm down in this body. Just decide to, and then move on. None of the lingering churning in his gut or fog in his mind.

He frowns as he follows Jazz out the door, hoping that Danny’s not having too hard a time in his body.

#dcxdp #dpxdc #my writing #fanfiction #red hood #danny phantom #soulmate au

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bebx · 4 months ago

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a reminder that it is okay to keep secrets from anybody, even your partner or the people whom you're closest to. I'm not talking about infidelity or things that could be harmful to yourself and/or others if kept hidden away, I'm talking about things that are yours. your trauma, things you don't want to talk about, your guilt, your mistake, your shame, your fear, your anger, your desire, anything. as long as keeping them hidden away won't harm yourself and/or others, you have every right to cherish these boundaries you set between yourself and those around you.

you don't owe your spouse every little detail about your life.

you don't owe your parents every little detail about your life.

you don't owe your best friend every little detail about your life.

you don't owe anybody every little detail about your life.

there can always be things you want to keep just within yourself, and that is okay. personal space can always be just yours and yours alone.

this doesn't mean you don't love or trust the people in your life, it literally just means you cherish your personal space enough to respect it and know that you don't owe anybody everything.

a strong and healthy relationship is never about forcing yourself to tell your partner things you're not ready to talk about / things you're not comfortable talking about.

a strong and healthy relationship is when both you and your partner trust and respect enough other enough to honor each other's boundaries and personal space.

anybody who says you must tell your partner or your parents everything about your life is a red flag.

#self love #self care #mental health #mental health awareness #mental health care #relationship #relationships #psa #important #personal space #boundaries

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hughiecampbelle · 4 months ago

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The Boys Preference: Being Self-Destructive

Requested: Heeeeyyyyy can I request an angst but hurt/comfort request with a main lot from boys where r is like a younger sibling to them but struggles with self-worth and is self-destructive and it worries them? - anon

A/N: Thank you for requesting my love! I really hope you like it! Feedback is always appreciated my loves!!!! 💜💜💜

Butcher wants to smack some sense into you. Literally. But he can't because that would be wrong and probably drive you away even more. Instead, he yells and screams and badgers the same old subjects because you don't change, you don't listen. You fight back. The screaming matches you two get into are legendary. You fight anywhere and everywhere. The drinking, the drugs, the hurting yourself and other people, it was all unacceptable. He saw you as a younger sibling, someone to protect. He wasn't going to be around forever and you needed to get your shit together before then. He had to know you'd be okay without him. This was your life. If you wanted to set it on fire, you had every right to. Butcher was a hypocrite and you both knew it.

Hughie worries about you constantly. Every time you miss a meeting or a mission, every time you disappear for days on end, it fills him with anxiety and dread. There's nothing he can do to stop you, you're an adult. And yet, he goes through every scenario possible, every worst case scenario. Everyone tells him to give up on you. You're trouble. But he can't help but feel responsible for you the way an older brother would. When you show up at his place in the middle of the night he drops everything. You're so unhappy, it hurts him to see. Drunk or high or just messed up, he always let's you in. He makes sure you're fed and safe even if it ends up hurting him in the end. He can't turn his back on you. And when you leave again, because you always do, he'll call and text and make sure you know you have someone in your corner.

Annie gives you your space at first. She thinks you need some time to deal with your shit just like everyone else. But when nothing seems to be getting better, when your tendencies become even more self-destructive, she can't sit by and watch. She hates to do this, especially when she sees you as a younger sibling, but she gives you an ultimatum: her and your friends or throwing your life and potential away. Blinded by your insecurity and shame and self-consciousness, you pick yourself. You havent spoken to her since, but she reaches out constantly. Texting and calling and showing up at your place, waiting for hours, hoping she'll run into you. You don't want to see her or any of them. If you wanted to hurt yourself then you would. You wouldn't let them control you. She doesn't regret what she's done, but she feels terrible about it. Everyone says she did the right thing.

M.M. can be cruel at times. He doesn't want you throwing your life away like this. The drinking, the drugs, hanging out with the wrong crowds, this isn't you. He takes more of a fatherly role than a brotherly one. He can't help himself. He sees the self-destruction and he wants to shake you, snap something in you until it makes sense. Until you see the value you have as a person. He's nit the only one who sees the decline, but he I'd the most vocal. Sometimes it's tough love, other times it's gentle parenting. He'll try anything and everything if it means going back to the person you were. Sure, the team needed you, but Marvin needed you more. He didn't care about the things you've done in that were done to you, it didn't matter to him. Just getting better was what he cared about. Getting better and finding your way back to yourself.

Frenchie knows exactly what you're feeling. You hate yourself and you hurt yourself and it's a vicious cycle of bandaging your wounds only to reopen them again. He tries to talk to you, to get through to you the best he can, but it's so hard to listen. You really don't believe you're worth an ounce of kindness or forgiveness. Your past haunts you. Your decisions, your experiences, what's been done to you. When you mess up, he's always there for you. He knows what it's like, he wouldn't wish it on anyone else, but especially not you. He doesn't believe in lost causes and he would never give up on you the way others have. You just need time and understanding and someone to tell you they care about you. That's all. It'll go a long way. He sees a future for you, one that is bright and happy, you just can't imagine it.

Kimiko hates that you're throwing your life away because you think you're not worth it. She tries tough love and talks to you and when that doesn't work, she gives you the silent treatment. It hurts both of you, but she can't let this happen. She can't let you drink or smoke or anything your problems away just because you think you're a bad person because of what you've done. You've all done things you aren't proud of, but you're trying to do better now. She can't help but take a sisterly role and that hurts her even more. You beg and plead for her to listen, to understand, but she can't. You're bright and funny and caring. You're a good person whose had some bad stuff happen. That doesn't make it okay to hurt yourself and everyone around you like this.

Bonus! Homelander hunts you down and talks to you. There are no threats, but you know he's angry. Furious, even. So you stay and you listen and you don't fight back. Getting into trouble, hurting yourself, that's wasn't you! You were part of The Seven, you were powerful and intelligent and, though he hated to admit it, like a little sibling to him. He wasn't going to watch you destroy everything you had ever worked for because you felt bad about yourself, because you didn't believe in yourself. It wasn't just that though. It was the things you'd done, they haunted you. The people you hurt. He didn't really care about that though. All he cared about was you. You getting better, you figuring it out, you going back to the person you were.

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lua-bunny · 6 months ago

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Headcanons - Tate Langdon

imagine this as an AU where Tate just died, but didn't do the school massacre, because....too sensitive to imagine!

The reader is gender neutral!

Tate alive (90s)

-He carries one of your hair ties or a bracelet on his own wrist. He randomly stole from you one day and you never noticed. If you eventually notice, he will tell you that he likes to carry a part of you with him.

-He loves skipping school and would make you skip school to be with him.

-He would hate to go to the prom, but if it's important to you, he'll make an effort and go.

-He would probably take a while to tell you he loves you because he thinks it is initially a sign of weakness.

-He is intelligent, but not the kind of school intelligence, but rather specific, things he learned in life with his interests.

-He listens to Nirvana, a lot, and he'd be really happy if you liked Kurt or something.

-He probably fell in love for you very easily, before you even knew who he was.

-If you're one of those persons who likes rock music and has a piercing, a tatto or something like that, this guy will fall at your feet, easily.

-He hates being yelled at. It reminds him of Constance and his stepfather and he hates them. It doesn't stop him from screaming or anything, but he definitely cries afterwards.

-This boy is JEALOUS. If you were a popular person, like a cheerleader or a player, maybe a band singer, he would freak out over all the applause and attention you get.

-He's weird, so he'd probably dedicate some song with questionable lyrics, or some Russian movie about cannibalism and he'd hope you loved it as much as he did.

-He would never invite you to his house. He would also never tell his family that you are more then a friend. Not out of shame for you, but out of shame for his family.

-He would let you paint his nails black (just black) and he would help you paint your nails. He also agrees to do your makeup if you want to or let you do black smoky eyes (even if he pretends to hate it).

-He would probably write you cute notes and put them in your coat, your bag or even in your car

-If you were a fan of horror films, he would curate with you which film is the bloodiest. If you were scared, he would put some weaker scary movies on TV and hug you so you wouldn't be scared.

-He's terrible with feelings. He feels like everyone hates him, and he feels like he hates everyone. You'd basically be the only exception, but it means he'll never really let you go.

-He has a lot of sadness and repressed anger (taking into account that in this AU he never killed anyone) so he would be someone quite unstable, he would probably have borderline or bipolar depression, but he wouldn't go to any psychologist.

-He is really unique (especially in the 90s) so it would really be difficult to find someone like Tate.

-He is definitely a pathological liar. He will lie for small and useless things. that you will never discover and that in the end will become true in the story you remember.

Tate dead (Murder house season)

-He doesn't understand the concept of privacy. He doesn't care about looking at your cell phone, or your computer, saying personal things about you to your friends or parents and he doesn't understand you wanting to do things without him/without telling him. If you date him, he literally wants to be attached to your hip. As if you shared the same life.

-He HATES you having parties at Murder House or having your friends over. He will always complain about not getting attention and about how idiots all your friends are.

-Like I said, he's not good with feelings, so the only way he can express himself is by crying. He cries. A LOT. And he always expects you to comfort him (he would also use this to manipulate you if he did something bad)

-He likes to be validated. He's never received this from anyone so if you say nice things to Tate, he'll definitely love it (and probably cry)

-He likes listening more than talking. So sometimes he will sit on your bed, cross his legs and listen to you talking about anything for hours.

-He really likes contact. Be it sleeping hugging you, kissing you, or placing a hand on your thigh . He will always have one finger touching you.

-He will recommend you books, movies, songs and he expects you to like to them all and tell him about them.

-If he is angry about something or someone, he would like to be hugged like the little spoon and have his hair stroked while he complains about something that upset him, eventually, he would get angrier and knock over one of your decorations, or he would punch something, but he would always cry about it (Tate is a good cry baby)

-He would like to hide in places you couldn't predict to watch you. He likes to do this while you sleep, or while you're in the bathtub, just to make sure you're alive and well.

-He hates being trapped in that house so he would never want you to be trapped. He would like you to stay in the house because you want to and not because the supernatural trapped you there.

-He would hate the fact that you have to go to school/college/work because it means he can't check up on you and that you could be in danger.

-He's a bit obsessed with hair. He would love to touch your hair and he would love for you to touch his too.

-He would make very specific and different compliments, never obvious things. "I like the shape of your face", "the smell of your hair is good", "I like your accent", all those things.

-If you smoke, drink or something like that, he will get angry, because that means you can die outside the house and leave him, or die inside the house and get angry with him.

-He protects you from the other ghosts in the house and even from his own mother (who keeps invading your home).

-He would find a thousand things to do with you on Halloween, since it's the only day he can leave Murder House. He would like to do things that make you seem like a normal couple, for you.

-Since he can't be your boyfriend in public, he would like some matching jewelry, some tatto, anything to show that you were his and vice versa.

-He usually feels what you are feeling. If you are angry with someone, he is too, if you are sad with someone, he is too, and so on.

#tate langdon #tate and violet #murder house #american horror story #ahs murder house #headcanon #tate langdon x reader

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moderninfatuation · 17 days ago

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Hi! I was wondering if I could request a male reader x leon s kennedy oneshot! Where male reader is super dumb (literally a himbo) and doesn't realize that his best friend of YEARS is deeply in love with him, but on reader's birthday, leon confesses to him and reader is in super super shock and doesn't know what to say, so he just acts impulsively and kisses leon. It can be nsfw or not! I don't really care, I hope you can do it, you are totally w your right to delete or ignore my request if you don't feel comfortable >_<

note: Hi! thank you for being my first request; I am super comfortable :) I am honestly a little nervous, but thats part of the reason why i wanna post my writing. I need to get used to it one way or the other. anyway, enough about me lol-

════════════════════════════════════

Birthday Wishes

character: Leon S. Kennedy

tags: sfw, m!reader, himbo reader, oblivious reader, love confession, readers birthday

word count: 1465

════════════════════════════════════

The candles decorating your cake are no longer lit, ribbons of smoke floating past your nose on the way to the ceiling, bumping against the helium balloons resting there. The isolated noise of clapping and a happy cheer comes from behind you for a moment before the light switch is inevitably flicked, flooding your eyes with light that makes you squeeze them shut for a little longer than a blink.

This whole situation is completely unexpected to you, for some reason. Leon has teamed up with your parents to throw a surprise birthday party the second you come home from your work, and up until the door to your apartment opened, you didn’t notice a thing.

You did not figure out why there was an oddly fragile looking box in the trunk of Leon’s car that he didn’t want you to throw your bag into, nor did you see a point in letting him drive you home; you only gave in because he insisted. You also didn’t know why your parents were trying to call Leon pretty much all the time on your way home. He just shrugged it off as “Huh, looks like I forgot my jacket at their place.”, and he was lucky enough that it only earned him a laugh instead of further questions as to why he was at your parent’s place to begin with. Now you know better: The mystery box held your birthday cake, fresh from the bakery, and your parents were calling Leon nonstop to announce that they’re stuck in traffic on the way to your apartment, which explains why Leon is the only other person next to your table right now, a little party hat strapped to the top of his head in glittery shades of blue and silver.

It is your birthday and pretty much half of the town knows, but you also made sure to move the actual party to the weekend. Anything to make sure your friends actually have time; you don’t want to hear any of those “I have a shift that day” excuses. It is a shame that your parents won't be able to make it today, but you also don’t want them to be there when your friends are there on the weekend. You had plans with them that go further than spin the bottle and birthday cake, and you’d hate to have your parents watch you get shitfaced on a Sunday evening despite having to work the next day.

Another thing that seemingly flew past you is how Leon seems a little off today. Now that the light is finally on, it is clear as day: He wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans, and once he finally leans in to hug you along with saying his best birthday wishes right next to your ear, you can hear the beating of his heart over his voice. It hammers against his chest as if it wants to jump out and run. You chalk it up to anxiety about you noticing that he’s preparing a surprise; it does take a lot to set things like this up, which means that it is only natural for him to be nervous about you finding out beforehand, right? But why is he still nervous, then?

“So…” Leon begins once his back is straight again, with his palm still lingering on your shoulder. “Wanna tell me what you wished for?”

There is a sort of hopeful glint in his eyes that he desperately tries to keep hidden behind his usually confident smile. Yes, you finally figured out why he’s been so anxious today… a secret present.

Well, you’re right this time… sort of.

You grin up at him. “I can’t tell you,” you say in a lilting tone, leaning back a bit further in your chair to see his reaction. Oh yeah, you’ve totally got him now. “... but, I think you can help it come true by telling me what your secret is.” you say as you cross your legs with a confidence that is usually only reserved for higher ups.

There is a twitch in Leon’s lower eyelids as his expression slightly falls. “Hold on, are you serious?” he suddenly says. “I was- we’re on the same page here, right? I don’t want to overcomplicate things-” The words fall from his mouth as if he’d been holding onto them for too long, but you had him figured out from the very start, didn’t you? No wonder he’s been so fidgety all evening, you can practically smell the decorated and wrapped gift box he’s hiding under his jacket.

He laughs nervously, crossing his arms in front of his chest in a faux display of ease. “Well, it’s been a while since I had something serious, much less with another guy, and I feel like you’ve been throwing hints at me for a while now, but I just didn’t know when to bring it up, you know?” He goes on, his eyes focused on you, as if you’ll dissolve if he looks anywhere else but you. You’re starting to catch the feeling that this is more than just a present, and it leaves you just a bit stunned, too dumbfounded to speak as Leon explains himself, keeping up the cool exterior aside from a few drops of sweat right above his brow.

“... But I also don’t want to ruin your birthday, I don’t want you to feel like your birthday was shitty this year. If you’re not interested in me, that’s fine, we can forget about all this,” He continues to ramble as you stare up at him. Oh. Your lips part in a silent gasp as the realization hits you in the face. “It's just that you're my best friend, and lately you’ve been on my mind a lot, and I catch myself thinking about what it would be like if we were to get closer…” He explains himself gently, lowering himself down to his knees to reverse your positions, to get closer, much like he just said.

Feelings begin to overwhelm you as he rambles on, making up excuses and finding a way to express that he’d be able to shrug it off if you told him that you don’t feel the same, a lie obvious to anyone but you. You don’t know about the countless nights he thought about this, wide awake as he sorts the words in his head to have them ready whenever he deems himself ready to confess. How to make it look effortless, how to cope with what would happen if you told him off. He was honestly prepared for everything.

You do feel the same, though. You have felt the same since the both of you started spending more time together, charmed by his wit and empathy, despite his struggles to express the latter. In this very moment, you feel as if something is squeezing your heart. The thought of losing him chokes your soul, and before he can make the offer to “Take you out on a date first”, to “test the waters, see if you want the same”, you squeeze your eyes shut in preparation, grab him by the collar of his jacket and pull him up high enough to press your lips against his, effectively shutting him up before his thoughts spiral further.

His eyes widen in shock, needing a second to process the sudden action before his eyelashes flutter shut, his hands reaching out to hold onto your lower arms, as if he would fall into the ground otherwise. You spend a few seconds like this, his body almost boneless as he relaxes into the kiss before you make the first move to pull back, breathless and surprised by your own initiative as Leon seemingly needs a second to come back to reality. You’re usually not the brash type, but you physically felt like you had no other choice.

“I thought-” you begin, breaking yourself off as your thoughts need to catch up to your mouth due to the lack of oxygen. “I didn’t know, Leon!” is the only thing you manage to say, eyes fixated on the other man’s lips because you can barely help the urge to do that again.

Leon smiles in reply once his brain begins to function again. “Well,” he starts before needing to clear his throat to continue. “You also didn’t know there was a whole-ass surprise party planned…” His hands idly stroke up and down your forearms where he has been holding onto you, unsure if it is to soothe you or himself. Before he can throw any more snark at you, you scoff and kiss him again, this time keeping your eyes open to watch his reaction. He responds by shutting his own in enjoyment, slow and relaxed, as if a heavy weight got lifted off of his shoulders.

════════════════════════════════════

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webslingingslasher · 2 years ago

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please angsty queen give us “ranting to a close friend/parent about what they're upset about before they make confrontation just to make sure they aren't overreacting” and “why are you looking at me like that” 🫢

more fluffy than angsty, but i still put some in there bestie.

*mcu peter

Dating a superhero was hard.

Go figure, right? You don’t think anyone would think it’s easy but the big thing, the real problem in dating one, was that you felt like there was no way to bring up your issues without being selfish. Lately, there was no such thing as Peter time. Dates were pushed off or canceled, he would have you come all the way to his just so he can get pulled away, or get halfway to yours and bail.

For two weeks straight it hasn’t felt like you had a boyfriend.

But how do you tell him you feel neglected while he’s out there literally saving people? Hey, Pete? Oh yeah, no, no, it’s nothing, just feeling a little left out, can you stop that guy from dying and come cuddle? Yeah, it was hard.

One side feels bad, the other is shameful. That side says that Peter could take time away, that he couldn’t always save everyone, that sometimes he could just leave things to the police. But that’s a dark side you’d never talk about, ever.

You just really needed to talk about it, with anyone other than Peter. You couldn’t tell your boyfriend that he was lacking in his department because he was being a hero.

“MJ, thank god.” She was the best person to talk to, she took no sides and told it how it was. She could also keep a secret, the only time you let a person play a fence is MJ, she knows too much to ever pick a side.

“Hola,” She snaps a piece of her apple off, and looks down at her book. Your head looks around the lunchroom, curly hair is nowhere to be found, you need to speak quickly.

“I need your advice,” you lick your lips and lean forward, she dog ears the page she’s on and closes the book, “go on,” paranoid you look around once more.

“It’s about Peter.”

MJ flickers her eyes up, a hand is placed on your shoulder, a kiss dropped on the top of your head.

“What’s about Peter?”

You freeze, he’s Spider-Man but you swear he’s rubbed a sixth sense onto you, you just knew he’d pop up.

“Your birthday’s coming up,” he laughs and sits next to you, “no it’s not,” you look to MJ for support, she gives none, you picked a shitty excuse. “It’s like, seven months away, we have to start planning.”

Peter takes a bite of your sandwich, “now? Who are you inviting, the whole city?”

You tsk, “there goes the surprise.”

You reach to steal a fry, he lets you take three. “You’re lying and wanna talk to MJ about me, don’t you, squidward?”

Your nose scrunches, “is it normal to let the other person know you’re about to shit talk them in a relationship?”

Peter thinks about it, MJ watches with a smirk, “I don’t think so, it’s normal to vent.”

“Do you ever shit talk me?”

He looks into your eyes, you don’t want to know, “I wouldn’t call it shit talk, MJ, would you call it shit talk?”

She swallows a bite of apple, “nah, you more panic call than anything.”

Peter hums and looks at you, “five minutes good?”

You tilt your head, “to do what?”

Peter nods at MJ, “to shit talk, I’ll leave five minutes before lunch ends, if that’s enough time.”

You look him up and down trying to figure out his game, he seems sincere. “You seem really okay with this, I don’t trust it.”

He shrugs, “babe, we’ve been together long enough. I know you’re not mad at me, I can tell, so I don’t think the conversation could be too damaging.”

You’re still weary, “fine, five minutes.”

Peter leans to press a kiss to your temple, “deal,” he looks to MJ, “hey, what was that thing Jason whispered to you in class?”

MJ cackles, “okay, listen to this,” you follow in conversation until Peter looks at his watch, he kisses your cheek, “times up, see you later.”

He sends a salute to MJ and finds his way to the double doors, pushing out.

“Yeah, I could see how you’d want to shit talk him.”

You groan, “he makes it so hard! Like, this is why I need to talk to you, I feel so evil when I think about telling him bad things.”

“Okay, what’s up then?”

“I don’t feel like I have a boyfriend anymore, MJ.” Her eyes widened, “oh shit.” You sigh, “he’s constantly running out on me, canceling dates, not replying for hours at a time, and I feel so shitty because I get so annoyed but I know he’s doing it for a good reason.”

“And you’d feel selfish telling him because you know what he’s doing when he cancels.”

You point, “ding, ding, ding. I’m just getting to this place where I feel like I’m being neglected. I don’t like feeling like everytime I’m with my boyfriend I’m on borrowed time. MJ, I…” The words burnt your tongue but it’s a thought that's been on your mind, “MJ, I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

MJ frowns, she couldn’t imagine you two not being together, you just made sense.

“Want my opinion?”

You nod, MJ clears her throat and shuffles forward. Her hands intertwined and rested on the table, “He’s Spider-Man, but he also needs to be Peter Parker. You deserve to have time with your boyfriend, he needs you to tell him that he’s not splitting his time enough. It doesn’t make you selfish to want Peter.”

“I should tell him, you think?”

“If you don’t it’ll turn into resentment, then there’s no coming back.”

You accept her advice, it confirms how you’ve been feeling, you’ll talk to him and he’ll fix it, then it’ll be okay.

—-----------------------------

Peter caught you after lunch, his hand wrapped yours and he placed a kiss to the back of it.

“Consensus?”

“We should talk.” Peter wouldn’t admit it, but that made his stomach drop. You were talking about him to a friend and then said those words, it didn’t sit well with him, a wave of panic hit him, he didn’t want to talk to you, he was scared of what you would say.

“Yeah, of course, baby. After school? You can come over, May’s gonna be out all night, we have the place to ourselves.”

It sounds like a perfect opportunity, if you play your cards right Peter may even spend the whole night home with you. You press up on your feet to place a kiss on the corner of his mouth, “sounds perfect,” it settled his nerves some.

He felt even better when you sat on his lap during the train ride, your arm wrapped out his neck, his own was wrapped around your waist, sharing headphones you rested your head against his. Peter felt like you were loving up on him, and you were, but mostly because you felt touch starved from him, and this was the first time in a while you had him all by yourself.

Peter tapped your thigh when his stop came up, you stood with his hand intertwined with yours. They swung the whole walk back, talking about school and May’s new friend from work, throwing in plans for the weekend, it sent a small pang to your heart, you were scared of them failing.

He tossed his keys on the kitchen counter, his backpack sitting on a bar chair. “What’s up?”

“I, uh,” you pause to think of the right words, “I’ve been feeling a little-” Peter’s police scanner went off, a bank robbery. You felt the air leave your lungs, you couldn’t even talk about the problem because of the problem.

“I’m sorry, baby. I need to go.” He dashed to his room, quickly stripping to get his suit on. You couldn’t handle it anymore, you follow him and stop him as he’s pulling his suit up his waist.

“Peter, I really need to talk to you.”

His eyes flit to yours, he pulls his arm through a sleeve. “Baby, I gotta go. We can talk later.”

You feel bold, maybe this is the wrong time but MJ is right, resentment is building.

“No, Peter, we need to talk.”

He presses his chest, his suit conforms. You hate the sight of it right now, a thought of hiding it passes by.

“And we can talk later, there’s nothing pressing. I have to go.”

“Our relationship is pressing, Peter.”

His eyes narrow, “are you saying it’s on the line?”

You look at the window behind him, “it will be if you leave.”

The scanner bleats in the quiet room, they’re requesting back up. Tension is building, you both are die hard on your stances, neither wanting to bend.

“I need to go, someone could need me.”

Your words cry out, like you’re pleading to him, “I need you!”

Peter breathes in and out, he feels bad but he’s needed elsewhere, you’ll be okay, others might not.

“You have me, I promise. But, really baby, I need to go.”

You blink tears in your eyes, you’re telling him you need him and he’s leaving, he’s ignoring, he’s brushing you off, he’s not taking you seriously.

He pulls his window open, you can’t believe he’s leaving.

“If you go then I’m leaving, I’m not going to wait around for you. Not anymore.”

Peter doesn’t know what that means, “promise me you’ll stay here, I’ll come right back, I promise. Then I’m all yours, okay?”

He doesn’t even give you a chance to respond, swinging off before you could even get words out. It hurt, and he didn’t believe you. He thinks he can just get away with things, that no matter what he did or how long he disappeared you’d be waiting.

Well, he was wrong. You didn’t need this, not anymore. This time, Peter could come to you, you tried and he refused to listen. If he wanted this relationship then he’d fight for it like he did Spider-Man.

You packed your things and left, when Peter came home an hour later you were gone without a trace, he tried to call you but all he got was your voicemail.

—---------------------------

The next morning he came, almost, running up to you. “Hey! I tried calling you last night.” You didn’t sound nearly as happy to see him as he was, “I know, I ignored you.” His eyebrows pinched, “why?” You pushed the arm he had around your shoulder off, it was petty but you were proving a point, things weren’t fine and you won’t pretend they were.

“You didn’t want to talk to me, I didn’t want to talk to you.”

Peter hated to fight, this was bordering on fight territory, he wanted to avoid that at all costs.

“Hey, if this is about last night I’m sorry, I really am. Come over later, I promise I’ll listen.”

You sigh and shake your head, “you know, Peter, I’m really tired of you promising me your time then taking it away.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose, you saw how it went down yesterday, there was nothing I could do.”

There was, it was to choose that you were the more important thing at the time.

“Peter, it’s getting really hard to have a boyfriend I can’t rely on.”

Internal panic hits again. “What does that mean?”

You look him over, “it means I don’t really want to talk to you today.” And with that, you walk away.

—---------------------

Peter was in a funk all day, you stayed true to your word and stayed away unless you needed to talk to him. He understood that what you needed to talk to him about was important, so he decided it was important to him too, he also really missed holding your hand all day.

You weren’t even home for four hours before he was knocking at your door, Peter could deprive himself from you fine, but when he was aware of it he counted every second. Your plan worked.

“Hi.”

“Please talk to me, I miss you.”

You opened your door and gestured for him to come in, he followed you right to your bedroom. He takes a seat on your bed and looks at you expectantly. You didn’t know how to start, you just tried being honest.

“I feel like you don’t spend time with me anymore.” Your words were small, you feel so selfish.

“I don’t-”

“For the past couple weeks I’ve felt like I didn’t have a boyfriend, it feels like everytime we hang out you run out on me for something Spidey related. And I hate telling you this, I’ve been bottling it up but MJ said it would lead to resentment and I don’t want to resent you and ruin the relationship, so even though I feel really selfish I just have to tell you this.”

He’s waiting on you, he’s letting you speak your mind.

“I know you’re doing important things, and I know the city needs you but I need Peter. I need my boyfriend, I need to have date nights and personal time and I need to not feel neglected.”

You’re rambling, you need him to talk. He’s looking at you weird, it’s a new look, you can’t place it.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Peter feels choked on words, “I’m sorry. I’m just… really sorry.”

“I don’t know how to tell you without feeling bad. I don’t want you to feel like you have to make a choice, I don’t want you to choose, I just want-”

“-Me to choose you sometimes.”

You breathe out, “yeah.”

“I get it. I may be Spider-Man but you’re dating Peter, and you need him more right now. I can do that, I’ll plan things better. We can do a designated date night, nothing but earth ending situations can break it. And from now on maybe Spidey doesn’t need to go out for every cop call.”

You nibble on your bottom lip, “really?”

He reaches forward to grab your hand, “I don’t want you to resent me and I don’t want you to resent Spidey, I just get so caught up in it sometimes, I need you to ground me.”

“You’re not mad at me?”

“For needing me and wanting to spend more time with me, your boyfriend? I could never. Let’s make a schedule, we can plan around Spider-Man. I could do a few hours with you after school then do Spidey after you leave? Or if you want I could-”

You cut him off with a kiss and thirty minutes later he’s on top of you kissing up and down your neck, his lips ground themselves to yours, you can’t remember the last time he’s touched you like this. His hands slide up your shirt and you exhale into his mouth, you jump when his scanner goes off.

“All units to Goldburg’s Golds and Gems, active robbery and hostage in progress.” The radio scratched the voice of the operator, Peter barley breaks from your mouth, you hold your breath and wait for the apology, the promise of one last time.

Instead he reaches out to the scanner and turns it off, he returns to kissing you, then trails down your neck.

“You sure you don’t need to go?”

Peter’s words vibrate against your collarbone, “let NYPD’s finest handle it, my girl needs me more.”

With that he tugs your shirt off.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker blurb #peter parker angst #peter parker smut #peter parker fluff #mcu peter parker #peter parker mcu #my writing

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starryhiraeth · 1 year ago

Text

Toddler Headcannons

Acotar & Tog

PT 1 here-

Acotar pregnancy Headcannons

(Btw I’m so sorry it’s been so long, I’ve been doing my exams and I’ve been so busy with them but I’m back so please feel free to request anything)

(There might be spelling errors, idk I did read through it but it’s anyones guess at this point🤷‍♀️)

Rhys-

•He might as well shout from the tallest mountain that he has a daughter

•Will bring her EVERYWHERE, even high lord meetings, she’s just sitting there ether on yours or his lap, or she’s playing with toys in front of you

•You cant tell me Rhys isn’t the parent to dress his kids in thousands worth of designer clothes that they are going to grow out of within like a month anyway

•SPOILED FUCKING ROTTEN, she is SO cheeky, most times her giggles will echo throughout the halls. She has absolutely NO FILTER, at the high lords meeting she’ll point a Beron and repeat what she heard Rhys say when talking about him “Ginger cunt” it was quite an awkward meeting after that

• He literally can’t say no to her, and she knows this, all she has to do is the puppy/baby doll eyes and she gets whatever she wants

Azriel-

•Your two daughters are polar opposites, of course they had Illyrian wings and Az’s hair but they have your eyes and Az adores it, he’s very protective over his daughters

• Thea is much more gentle than her sister, when she was younger she was scared of her shadows but now they are a comfort to her and Az taught her how to wrap them around herself like a blanket (she has gotten stuck a couple times tho)

•She usually does that blanket thing whenever she’s snuggling with Az, they are both very calm so she defo a daddies girl

•Petra is a mini psycho, not really but she is much more wild, when she was a baby she would have massive tantrums whenever she wasn’t near you, she’s a mummas girl, and was never scared of her shadows but instead used them to freak out her sister #sistertings

•Like I said, Petra was much more wild, like she would act first and think later, this stresses Az out SO MUCH because he’s scared something will happen to her but it brings him comfort when he sees her finally calm while asleep laying on you whilst your on the sofa

Cass-

•Goes flying with Jaxs almost everyday, it gives you a mini heart attack every time but you trust that he won’t drop him, Cassian would rather fly into a volcano then put your son at risk

•Jaxs is prone to having tantrums, he doesn’t mean to be stroppy, he is just very emotional and doesn’t know how to explain is and so he cries and sometimes hits

•The first time Jaxs hit you in a tantrum, he was 2, it wasn’t hard and he tried hugging your after but Cassian was pissed, he put Jaxs on the naughty step and was scared his son would just get more violent, to which you had to explains that Jaxs just had big emotions for a small child and is learning

•After that you all fell asleep in an armchair, you in Cassian’s lap and Jaxs in yours, somehow it was beautiful and chaotic, Cassian held you both closer and couldn’t remember a time when he had been so happy

•When he’s not unhappy, Jaxs is the most rambunctious, you can’t count how many times he’s come to you with a red mark on his face because he ran into a glass door, he’s a sweetie though and such a carbon copy of his father, also I can totally see Cassian wearing those baby carries that go across the front, with no shame, he’s comfortable in his masculinity

(Btw, he’s still hung up on the fact that you didn’t let him call Jaxs Cassian Jr)

Lucien-

•Lucien is very warm, idk how to explain it but I imagine him giving very homely vibes

•Kalea is the same, she likes staying close to her parents and really likes nature, so much that every Saturday you all go on walks in the country side

•There, Kalea chases butterfly’s and picks flowers, though the orange ones are always here favourite

•She doesn’t really have a favourite parent, she just finds comfort in both of you and is a little cautious meeting those she doesn’t know but when she gets to know then she is super cute

•You two are Lucien’s entire world, nothing, and I mean nothing could make him happier then playing board games in pyjamas as a family, Infront if the firelight whilst the sun sets

Eris-

•So-Berons dead!

•Anyway, he DOES make tiny thrones next to yours and his for your sons, Idris is the older one but Maël is the one who acts older, Idris is the one accidentally setting trees on fire whilst Maël judges from a distance

• Maël will usually be found in your lap, playing with whatever necklace you have on and trying to relax when suddenly Idris, with the tips of his hair on fire comes running through the hallways yelling like a madman and 2 seconds later Eris is running after him

•After that Maël will probably mutter something like “They crazy mama” to which you just nodded

•Eris will make some serious changes to the decor in your house, whilst growing up all Eris remembers is the lifeless dark hallways so he changes that immediately, he is determined to be better than his father and give his children a happy childhood

Helion-

•Yuna is the probably one of the most spoiled children ever! And I mean like- if it were a modern AU her room would be worth like 30Mil by the age of 5

•Her favourite colour is gold and she is absolutely covered in it! Gold clothes, gold jewellery, gold glitter, gold everything!

•speaking of gold glitter, it’s everywhere! And if you think for one second that Helion is embarrassed to be covered in gold glitter then I’ll just let you know that he is the one who keeps buying it for her, He wears the glitter and wears it proud!

•Your lives are luxuriant! Just imagine, in a row, Helion, you, Yuna, all in massage chairs with cucumbers on your eyes and face masks in silk robes detailed with golden flakes…you lucky bitch

•Yuna will sit on her fathers throne ALL THE TIME, she’ll be high lady one day and she knows it, actually there were many times where you sat on Helion lap on your throne and Yuna had a mischievous smile on her face as she sat on her fathers throne all by herself

Dagdan-

•Okay so- Rune and Zara kind of hate each other, they are always arguing and I don’t mean normal sibling arguments, it actually worries you and since Dagdan thinks that twins are important and doesn’t like them fighting, he’ll sit them in a room and tie there hands together when they argue. Think:

•and as much as you feel bad for your babies it kinda funny

•the only time the twins get along is when they are making CHAOS

•Setting the throne on fire ✅

Trying to jump into the cauldron ✅

Stealing their great uncles crown and throwing in a nearby river ✅✅✅

•You and Dagdan love them but sometimes you’ll put them in Brannagh’s room and just take off, for her to look after them for a couple days 😂

Tamlin-

•soooo- there was a joke on my last post in the comments about Tamlins kid being born with dark hair and purple eyes and as funny as I thought that was, I’ll continue will my original plan😂

•Tamlin originally thought he would want a son but when your daughter arrived he couldn’t have ask for anything more or different, he loves her more than life and have every plant based nickname for her “Petal” “rose” “Lily flower” and the list goes on

•Persephone is the sweetest child that ever was, she had Tamlins hair and your eyes and lots and lots of freckles, she also has dimples ☺️

•She is know an as the “The realms Joy” throughout spring court and the people love the little princess though Tamlin sometimes worries that the harshness of become a ruler will kill her happiness, you assure him that she’ll have people by her side to help her

•She does this really cute thing where she’ll go up to someone, usually you or her father and ask what your favourite flower is, it doesn’t matter if you’ve already told her, she’s little okay? She forgets these things!, anyway she’ll ask your favourite flower and after you say it she’ll nod her head and march out of the room only to return 25 minutes later with basket full of the flower that you named and maybe a couple weeds she’s just so happy she could give them to you and Tamlin will have them put in a vase every time, weeds and all

Im so sorry this took like a century to write 😂

Anyway, exams are over so I can write so much more now and I’m open to requests

I’m honestly kind of surprised how much I wrote for Tamlin, but I guess it’s Tamlin fans lucky day, your welcome 😉

Anyway ummm

Bai?❤️

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rafedaddy01 · 1 year ago

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Babes, I literally LOVE your writing, frrr! You're so talented! And OML- you write Rafe soo good! If you take requests, I would do ANYTHING for dark!Rafe x pogue!reader (noncon would be great) where reader dares to talk back to Rafe, and he shows her who's actually in charge😩😮‍💨of course, only if you can! I hope you're okay. Love ya!❤️❤️❤️

Rafe x fem.kook.reader

Warnings: NONCON, smut, spitting kink, name calling, not really proof read

Rafe was the type to always be in control and you knew that. To be honest it was really fucking annoying. He’d think that he could control you like you were a dog humping his leg, you were a women. A very much independent women. Rafe knew of your fierce side and often would warn you not to use it.

You being the stubborn bitch that you are would not obey. Which of course would result with a punishment. Sometimes it would be light spanking. Other times it would be him luring orgasm after orgasm out of you until you were passed out. You weren’t gonna lie, at times it turned you the fuck on when he’d dominate you, but other times it would just frustrate you. He’d think that he’d bark an order and you’d obey like a good little lap dog.

Tonight was gonna be different. Tonight you’d take a stand. Put him in his place. Oh how that would be a mistake. But you didn’t know that yet. The two of you attended a party as you always do every Friday night. Rafe often sold drugs there and had quite a few buyers. What do you expect from rich teenage asshole who like to waste their parents money. “Go sit over there and wait for me” Rafe barked out at you as he went off to deal with business. You figured annoying him at the start of the night would be stupid, so you obeyed. With an eye roll ofc.

An hour passed, then two, then three. You decided enough was enough. You downed a drink and stood up, eyes scanning the room for Rafe. You spotted him lining up some coke on the table in front of the couch with people around him. Your blood boiled as he snorted it and a tall blonde next to him had her hand on his thigh. He always did stupid shit like this. But when you’d flirt with others he’d “fucking kill them” quote Rafes words.

You stormed up to him, stopping in a Superman pose with your hands on your hips. He stopped telling his blonde friend something that made her blush and turned to see you. It was almost like he had no shame for letting someone else ogle him while you sat and waited for him, his eyes scanning your pissed off face and leaning back into the couch with a sign.

“Didn’t I tell you to sit out” he spit out as the blonde hand was on his chest now

Your eyes filled with rage as you stared at him.

A smirk lifting the side of your lips. “I got tired of listening to you” you said leaning in closer. His eyes switched to a black scolding stare. He was trying to hold himself together in front of his customers, who still sat on the loungers around the two of you. “What did you say?” He said through gritted teeth as he pushed the blonde away from him.

You threw you head back in a crazed laugh. His eyes squinted at you, yours falling back on his and holding his gaze.

His fists were balled up now. “I. Got. Tired. Of. Fucking. Listening. To. You.” You said slowly. “I’m done Rafe. I’m leaving. Enjoy his small sick” you said the last part to the blonde next to him. You turned on your heel and left the group. You weren’t sure where you were going to how you were gonna get there, Rafe being your ride. But you didn’t want to be here. So you headed outside.

Your eyes filled with tears, but it was like a weight lifted off your chest. You were finally free from Rafes hold and it felt good to stand up for yourself. You started walking on the sand near the water that the beach house was by. Your enjoyed the crisp night air as you made way home. “Y/n! Where the fuck do you think your going!” A voice you knew all too well

“Rafe I told you. I’m done listening. Find someone else to be your bitch!” You shouted

“Y/n.. don’t test me” his warning tone made you laugh crazed again.

Suddenly he was right behind you. Your body froze as you turned around. Your cheeks flushed with heat as your eyes met his. There was nothing behind them. They were dark and vengeful as his chest heaved with his breathing. His hands gripped your wrists and twisted, he pulled you closer to him. His musky scent filling your nostrils.

“Let me go Rafe!” You said tugging your wrists back, but no use. His crazed stare intensified as he held you tighter. “Ow!” You winced as he gripped both your hands with one of his and the other snaking around your throat. It wasn’t hard but hard enough to let you know he could easily choke you if he wanted to. “I think you forgot who your talking to princess” he said coming up in your face that you could taste the alcohol off him

You whimpered as he gripped your throat harder, a small gasp leaving your lips in hopes to get more oxygen in. His lips curled up in a sickening snarl. His eyes darted between yours as he kissed you, you resisted but he squeezed harder.

Your mouth stopped fighting and he engulfed you with his tongue, pushing it past your teeth and practically down your throat. You didn’t want it, but you knew it’s be no use fighting. Tears left your eyes as he continued his fight with his tongue down your throat. He pulled back and you sucked in a breath as his hand let go of your hands, one of his still on your throat. “I think you need to be punished, princess” his tone was husky and it shouldn’t have been as sexy as it was.

You spit out and it landed right on his face. Big mistake. His smirk vanished as he used his thumb to wipe it off. “Naughty girl” he growled out as he pushed you to the ground.

You scoot her back into the sand, trying to get away. He shook his head as he gripped your ankles and pulled you back to him, his hand gripping your wrists once again and pushing them above your head. At this point you were wiggling around, fear cascading your body at what you knew he was capable of. But you couldn’t help the wetness soaking through your panties. What the fuck was wrong with you! His lips tangled with yours again.

“Rafe! Please!” You cried as tears streamed down your cheeks, the saltiness stinging your eyes. “Shhh, someone will hear your pretty cries, princess” he whispered in your ear as his kiss travelled down your neck, pecking it softly before pulling back. He hovered over you and his signature smug smirk was back on his face. “You should have obeyed” he said gripping your chin with his free hand.

“Never!” You said back at him. Your own face twisted in a scowl as you stared back at him with a confident stare. It was inevitable to fight him. You knew Rafe all too well and you knew what he was capable of. It was better to give into him than fight against him. “Oh, princess. You just don’t know when to stop”

He let go of your chin and lowered his hand to your jeans, unbolting them and pulling the zipper down, one of his hands still pinning both your hands above your head, never letting go

“Smile, princess. You might like what I do to you” he said.

Your eyes held his gaze as his fingers dipped into your wetness. “Why you so wet, princess?” He teased as his smirk widened as his fingers gathered some wetness on them and brought them to your lips, coating them like lipgloss. “Taste how horny you get for me!” He instructed.

Your tongue darted out and licked them as he groaned, watching you.

His hard on was poking you in the thigh as he slightly grinded it to relieve so tension. His fingers dipped back in your jeans and shimmed them a little lower as he rubbed your clit. “Rafe please!” You whined as you tried wiggling against his hold. “Easy, princess. Wouldn’t want to hurt you” he said as he pinched your clit, making you whimper and jerk at the sensation. You didn’t want this but it was no use fighting the pleasure igniting in your body. “Your dripping, princess. You sure you don’t want this” it was like he was reading your mind.

“I don’t.” You said coldly. His smirk widening. He moved his fingers lower, separating your lips and running two fingers between them. A small moan leaves your lips, his eyes darting up to yours. You turn you head to not look at him. “Hey! Eyes on me or I stop” he warns. It took everything in you not to look at him, but surly your head rolls back to his gaze. “Good girl” he praises, resuming his assault.

“Does that feel good?” He asks at his fingers wiggle there way inside you, curling up in a come here motion and pumping in and out. Your mouth hands open. His fingers are so much bigger than yours and it always felt good when he fingered you. You shook the thoughts out as you remembered he was doing this against your will.

“No” you said, voice strained as he sped up, his thumb circling your throbbing clit. “I think your pussy says otherwise, she’s squeezing me so tight. Are you gonna cum slut? Huh?” He asked, shouting the last phrase a bit to loud. You always loved being degraded at he obviously knew that, using it to his advantage. He pumped faster as your legs began shaking. The familiar feeling of an orgasm creeping up.

You heard him groan as your juices leaked out of you. He was pumping your poor pussy so hard that the squelching sound could be heard from the house if the music wasn’t blaring so loud, covering up your screams. “Go ahead, princess. Let go, show me just how much you don’t want this” he chuckled as he inserted a third finger. Your body shook vigorously as you high took over and any feeling of not wanting it or of hating Rafe and standing up to him washed out of your body. You screeched a high pitched moan as you slumped back down on his hand.

Rafe retracted his hand and brought it to his lips this time, sucking his fingers clean and groaning at your smell and taste. His eyes darted back to you, tears running down your cheeks. He brushed them off with his thumb as he caressed your face, a false hope of love he was giving you. His gaze darkened as his hand reached down to his belt and undid his pants. Your eyes widening at the realization that he wasn’t done with you.

Rafe was practically foaming at the mouth at the thought of being deep inside you. You tried wiggling free once more but a grip on your jaw made you wince in pain. “Open” he ordered. He pried your mouth open as he let his spit drop onto your shaking tongue. He closed your mouth and watched you reluctantly swallow. “Good girl” he said petting your hair like you were some fucking animal.

His dick was free now and massaging your clit as you wiggled. He slid it between your folds and groaned at the way you gripped him. A low moan betrayed your body as he started thrusting. Laying his head on your shoulder, your own rolling to the side and quietening your cry’s. He thrusted into you hard, rolling his hips slightly and loving the moans that snuck out of you.

He felt you tighten around him and he lost it. Diving into you deeper and letting you wrists go to grip the sand on either side of you. Your hand flying to his neck and gripping for dear life as an orgasm approached. Your mind in a sex haze and forgetting about not wanting it. He fucked you relentlessly. “Your never gonna get rid of me” his threat lingered as your eyes fluttered and indulged in the dark pleasure he delivered your body. His own release shaking his body as he groaned as his pumps came to a stop, still deep inside you.

His breathing picked up as you felt his dick re-harden in you. “Rafe get off me!” You said trying to push him off

He pushed you down. “Not a chance, princess. This is your punishment” he growled. “I know you want it, your pussys practically sucking me in” he started thrusting again and you groaned. Your eyes rolling as you let him use you. He was right. There was no getting rid of him. Showing him your attitude would just get you in trouble.

“I hate you!” You cried as pleasure washed through you again. “Yeah” he said with one hard thrust. “But your pussy doesn’t” he continued slamming into you. Relentlessly. His breaths coating your skin and making you shiver, goosebumps evident. “Your my little whore and don’t you forget it” he scowled.

“Please..” you moaned. “Please” he mocked you. “What do you want?” He asked coming down to your neck and biting. “I-I need to cum” you moaned. His fingers dipped to your clit circled it roughly. Edging you on. “Fuck!” You screamed. “Hold it” he sternly said

His dick twitched as he went back to pounding into you, his balls contracting with his second high hitting him and your, oh you don’t even remember how many he stole from you tonight, hit you both like a truck. He slid out of you and landed his sweaty body on yours.

“Your never getting rid of me y/n.” He said breathing heavy, “and I’m in control here. You will fucking listen to me”

@v21sstuff @rafeysworldim19 @baby19sthings

#outer banks #rafe cameron #drew starkey #smut #dark rafe cameron #outerbanks #drewstarkey #drewstarkey smut #rafecameron #fanfic #rafe x you #rafe smut #rafe outer banks

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professorbussywinkle · 1 year ago

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Some people have kids because they want a slave...

....Think for a second

The obsession with punishment and discipline and "teaching them a lesson" often in brutal, unforgiving ways that don't teach them to follow their internal guide, but to fear your wrath if they do something you might perceive as wrong

The lack of respect for their bodily autonomy, their feelings, and their personhood

Treating everything they do or say like it's beneath consideration or without any value or significance if it does not serve you in some immediate gratifying way

The overemphasis on obedience being a central factor to how much moral worth they have as a human being

Using the provision of basic necessities(food housing, clothing) to justify mistreating them, treating the provision as something that can be withheld if they misbehave or "step out of line"

Believing their child is somehow always up to no good for no certifiable reason, to justify invading their privacy, denying them access to their social circles and means of communication

Publicly shaming or humiliating their child on camera and posting it on the internet in order to get them to behave in the ways you want them to

Soliciting their child's opinion, then yelling at them for disagreeing with you or "talking back". Also ranting at length about things they know their kids disagree with them about until their kid finally reaches a breaking point and says something, at which point, they're horrible combative children for constantly arguing with you

Treating their emotions as frivolous and pointless, or a sign of weakness not to be expressed freely and openly, forcing them to walk on eggshells around you for fear that anything could potentially set you off

Frequently telling them how lucky they are to not be physically abused. also not telling you what made them angry, leaving you not knowing what it was that upset them and them deliberately not telling you when you inquire about it

Using the excuse "I am your parent, so I know what's best for you" in order to force children to do something that is only meant to make the parent feel in control, and not for their child's well-being.

alluding that you are the sole reason why they can’t do whatever the hell they want and wished you didn’t even exist so they can have more freedom. (This one hits close to home for me)

These types of parents get off on this, literally...in an almost pornographic way it would seem, by pushing around, harming, and denigrating someone who's smaller and weaker than them, by exerting power and control over a little human being who is unable or unwilling to fight back against them, all so they can flex their big boy muscles, all so they can prove they have dominion over you and show you that you have no power to do anything about it, and then deluding themselves about how it's all about "discipline" or "teaching" so they don't feel bad about it

Does it make you feel so fucking powerful??

Does it make you feel so in control??

Does it make you feel so badass??

abusing and traumatizing a vulnerable little person half your fucking size and feasibly being able to get away with it under the guise of "discipline" with no reproach or recourse because you can't or refuse to deal with your own emotional damage??

Demon behavior.

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totallyveryallosexual · 6 months ago

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I see a lot of people say that people self diagnose neurodivergence because it's "quirky" or cool or something, which shows a lack of understanding of self diagnosis that I would like to correct.

1. I personally do not think I have autism because I "saw a tiktok and related to it". I think I have autism because I fulfill the diagnostic criteria that I have looked into extensively. I have sensory difficulties. I get overwhelmed by sound, and light, and the wrong fucking texture un my clothes or food. I was made fun of my entire childhood for "taking things too seriously", and I took what people said at face value, because I took things far too literally. I spent my entire childhood figuring out how to act normal, how to say the right thing at the right time so I wouldn't be made fun of or excluded. I am extremely comforted by various types of stimming, but was punished as a child for anything considered fidgety or abnormal. I love biology, and can infodump to you about genetics (special interest) for hours. This is an interest that can be considered abnormal, and it has consumed most of my available brain space for many years. Also, every single autistic person I've ever met has clocked me in about five seconds and immediately told me I have autism. The truth is, people don't self-diagnose themselves with a highly stigmatized disorder unless it is seriously impacting their lives.

2. Autism, especially in girls and bipoc, is often missed. If they can learn to mask it, it doesn't get diagnosed. I got straight A's all throughout high school, and I had teachers tell me that they thought I had autism, but that it was probably fine because it didn't impact my academics or my life. Spoiler alert: it did! People think that when a seemingly functional person claims to have autism, they are hopping on a trend, but most of the time, they are suffering. I was depressed and sometimes suicidal before I figured out I had autism. I got called a psychopath for things that should have been recognized as symptoms of autism, and a lot of the time I believed it because I didn't have any other words for myself. Our society is shitty and if you aren't a little cis white boy, it's much harder to get diagnosed.

3. Diagnosis is expensive, and hard to access! A lot of people don't realize that it's a privilege! It costs a lot of money to get diagnosed, money that not everyone can afford. It's also hard to get a diagnosis because of social stigma, especially if you figure out you have some form of neurodivergence under the age of 18. I'm a month shy of being a legal adult, and I know that while I'm working towards it, it will be a while before I can get properly tested and diagnosed. My mother, who would scream if she ever saw me wearing noise cancelling headphones in public, is not going to help me get a diagnosis. My mother, who has thrown what can practically be considered temper tantrums over me stimming (literally just tapping my fingers against each other) is not going to help me get a diagnosis. The children of parents who aren't ready to give up their image of a perfect child and think autism can be wished away don't have the same access to diagnosis as the children of parents who are willing to work with them and contribute financially, and neither does any adult who has gotten through life alright but struggles financially because They Have A Disability!!!

In conclusion, don't shame people who diagnosed themselves. I absolutely think the end goal should always be to work toward a professional diagnosis, but that isn't always feasible for people, and we can't sit around slowly drowning in the meantime. If you are worried about self diagnosed people taking away resources: guess what, there are no resources!

Self-diagnosis shouldn't be quick. It comes after a long time spent diving through symptoms and diagnostic criteria. But it gives people without access to diagnosis the ability to nonetheless understand themselves better. For me, it means being able to say "I'm overstimulated, I'm going to find a quiet place" instead of sitting and suffering. It means being able to say "I'm going to sit on the floor instead of my desk, because that grounds me and stops me from spiralling". It means stimming when I'm overwhelmed, and stopping when I need to, all without shaming myself or thinking of myself as lesser for not being able to do things I was told I should be able to.

#long post #autism #autistic #peer reviewed autism #undiagnosed autistic #undiagnosed neurodivergent #neurodivergence #neurodivergent

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cto10121 · 2 months ago

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Book Bella vs. Movie Bella: Or, Yeah, Let’s Do A Ginny Weasley and Remove ALL Her Personality, Shall We?

Today’s post is brought to you by:

Because clownery is clownery, even if I do like Kristen Stewart as an actress. But Book Bella, she wasn’t. At all. And I just happen to have receipts.

Twilight

Book Bella is described as slender, though not in an athletic way, with brown hair and eyes, a heart-shaped face, full lips (the top lip a little fuller than the bottom one), and very pale, translucent skin. Edward describes her as “fragile-looking” and “silk in glass”; all in all, a very classically feminine description. Much of her big dick energy comes from her interests than her appearance. Movie Bella is indeed beautiful, but in a statuesque, angular, and yes, athletic kind of way. She is way too tough-looking and stoic, and most convincing during the action sequences

For that matter, Book Bella is much more emotionally expressive. She cries when she gets angry, she’s sassy and sarcastic, she has tantrums on the while, she has the fiercest temper when her loved ones are threatened…it’s never-ending. Movie Bella is either stoic, sullen, or a nervous wreck, there is no in between

Book Bella did not have that many physical tics!!! She bites her lip. That’s literally it. Calm tf down, Stewart

For that matter, Book Bella isn’t as socially awkward, she’s just introverted!!!! She is shy on her first day of school. She gets tongue-tied when she first meets Edwards. But her dialogue is consistently assured and eloquent, to the point where Edward complains that she takes everything so coolly. Movie Bella is awkward from start to finish

Book Bella cooks and cleans for Charlie. Before that, she took care of her mother, even paying the bills and running the household. She is a parentified teen used to taking care of her own parents. Movie Bella tags along with Charlie to some diner and cooks only one time in the whole series

Book Bella: *in response to Edward’s “Shame about the weather”* “Not really”>>>>Movie Bella: “oh, N-NOO, I don’t—any cold or wet thing, really—” 🤮

Book Bella *to Edward in the hospital*: “You owe me an explanation, tell me how did you stop the van, and don’t lie!!!!” 😡 >>>>> Movie Bella: “Edward, how did you stop the van? You were so fast. Pretty please, I won’t tell” 🥺

Book Bella: *sings along to boy band songs with Jessica and Angela, enjoys shopping with them, and helps them get dresses*>>>>Movie Bella: *reads a book throughout and is just uninterested*

Book Bella: *figures out on her own that Edward is a mind reader and tells him so*>>>>Movie Bella: “You can read minds????” 🤯

Book Bella: “Everyone, shut tf up, YES, INCLUDING YOU, EDWARD, I have a plan to stop James”>>>>Movie Bella: “What do you MEAN, James wants to kill me????” 🤯

New Moon

Book Bella never jokes about Edward’s age. In the books, of course, he is emotionally 17. Meanwhile, Movie Bella has this ~tease: “Maybe I shouldn’t be dating such an old man. It’s gross” 🤮 RIP Stewart

Book Bella: *didn’t start being friends with Jacob until after Edward left*>>>>>Movie Bella: “hEY BICEPS.” RIP Stewart

When Edward asks Bella why Jacob and others are allowed to give her gifts, Book Bella and Movie Bella have different responses. Book Bella says explicitly that Edward has already given her so much already—himself. Anything else just “throws us out of balance.” Movie Bella says she "has nothing to give back to [him].” Which is so non-canon, I must cry

Book Bella: “[The actress] is very pretty”>>>>>Movie: “Juliet is perfect, if you like that obviously beautiful sort of thing” why, movie

Book Bella: *horrified and furious over Edward admitting he contemplated suicide and forbids him from ever contemplating that again*>>>>>Movie Bella: “What’s the Volturi?” 😑

Book Bella: *went into a coma for a week, flew into a towering rage when they tried to get her to go to Renée, but then actually went through the motions for Charlie, becoming a straight-A student*>>>>Movie Bella: *sulks on her chair and staring out the window 🎶 THERE’S A POSSIBILITIEEEEEE 🎶*

Also, Movie Bella writing to Alice for no reason. Why would the Cullens even have email? Not that I think Book Bella would write to them even if they had.

Book Bella approaches the men on the street, thinking they are the ones who almost raped her, but then returns to Jessica when she finds out they aren’t. You know, like a normal person. Movie Bella rides with the guy on a motorcycle because she is that idiot

Book Bella changed drastically after Edward left. She couldn’t listen to music, threw out her books, avoided TV and movies. More importantly, she would hug herself whenever she thought of Edward because of a figurative hole in her chest. Jacob would go to mention how awful she looked. Movie Bella also has nightmares, but otherwise she is pretty much her normal self. She doesn’t even hug herself, looks presentable, and barely reacts when Edward and the Cullens are mentioned. That’s because the film never establishes her interests and even her personality, ha, oops

Book Bella: *only vaguely notes when Jacob took off his shirt because, y’know, she is bleeding everywhere*>>>>>>Movie Bella *gawking*: “You’re sort of beautiful”

Book Bella *figures out Jacob is a werewolf and goes to confront him about it, she then meets the rest of the pack with him*>>>>>Movie Bella punches freakin’ PAUL in the face and tells Jacob to run just before he changes

Book Bella comforts Jacob when he talks about Sam’s supposed cult. Movie Bella: “Well, maybe you should just avoid him” 😑

Book Bella: *nearly screams when Jacob appears at her window because she is frightened of Victoria* Movie Bella: “You scared me. The hell are you doing?” 😑 Also, Book Bella initially refused Jacob’s apology and tried to push him out

Movie Bella: “You can’t really run with vampires. ‘Cause they’re fast.” RIP Stewart

Book Bella could not stand Sam/Emily because they reminded her too much of her and Edward. The hole in her chest would literally begin to ache. Movie Bella has no discernible reaction

Omfg, Movie Bella was really going to kiss fucking Jacob!!! Book Bella was literally paralyzed with indecision and was only contemplating passively accepting. The films were so Team Jacob, it’s disgusting

Book Bella excitedly telling Alice to bite her and turn her into a wholeass vampire in the middle of an airplane full of humans. Movie Bella doesn’t, but y’know, time

Movie Bella *to Edward*: “I can let you go now” What. the. Fuck. Book Bella never even had the desire to let go of Edward. She even mentions that if she became a vampire, she could follow him wherever he went. When she went to rescue him, it was because of her love for him. Not because this shit would grant her closure!!!! Fuck you, movie!!!!!

Book Bella had to be RESTRAINED by ALICE to prevent her from going to Edward when he was being tortured by Jane. Movie Bella went into hysterics (not at Jane’s torture, but at the Edward vs. Felix scene) and offered her life in exchange. Which isn’t at bad or OOC per se, but c’mon, Book Bella being ready to go was superior

Edward: “I lied when I said I didn’t love you” → Book Bella: “I knew it, I KNEW I was dreaming” 😭>>>>>>>Movie Bella *believes him almost immediately and makes out with him*

Technically Movie Bella forgives Edward. She kisses him and still wants to be a vampire. So it’s heavily implied. But she never says the words. Book Bella not only tells Edward explicitly that she still loves him, but is flabbergasted that he even needed to ask

Movie Bella tells Edward to shut up during the vote scene. She is officially a different character. Fuck you, movie

Book Bella *to Jacob when he says he doesn’t want her to be a vampire*: “That’s NONE of your business!!! 😡”>>>>>>Movie Bella: “It’s not up to you” 😕

Movie Bella *to Jacob*: “I love you. So please...don’t make me choose” 🤮 Book Bella was very much up the river in Egypt when it came to her love for Jacob, so this is OOC to the extreme

Eclipse

Book Bella has a much more visceral reaction to the idea of marriage than Movie Bella. Incredulity, disgust, fear, shame—the works. Movie Bella just…doesn’t. She looks more amused than anything else

Book Bella is also much, much angrier at Edward for taking out her car’s engine. She didn’t even speak to him, just slammed the car door

Movie Bella admits to Renée that she is going to miss the sun. Book Bella by contrast claims that she is used to the cold. She also handles Renée much better than Movie Bella. It doesn’t help matters that Movie Renée is a regular cool mom who actually gives Bella a graduation gift (a quilt of their old road trip T-shirts...Book Renée would never) and not a lowkey narcissist who let Bella raise herself

Movie Bella gets on the motorcycle with Jacob. Book Bella stays with Edward at school to demand an explanation. This change even had Meyer calling it out for being OOC. The film does it to a) save some precious film time by combining the two scenes and b) to give Movie Bella more agency (I also suspect the filmmakers are mostly Team Jacob). My take? Bella would not and should not have gone with Jacob at this point in the story, especially since she needed to find out about Victoria returning, which is a priority

Jacob: “I’d rather you’d be dead than one of them” Movie Bella: 🥺 Book Bella: 😡😭

Movie Bella: “Stop! I’m tired of this. From now on, I’m Switzerland, okay?” 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 Book Bella, honey, I’m sorry they did you so dirty

Book Bella being so furious at Jacob kissing her without her consent was everything. So of course they robbed Movie Bella of her fury and had her spend the sequence placating an angry Edward instead. Of course. Fuck you, movie

Not Movie Bella liking Jessica’s speech about making mistakes and changing your mind because "nothing is permament"...when she is about to become a vampire, a literally permanent change. 💀 Book Bella would never

Movie Bella is worried about people getting hurt because of her. Book Bella is more than worried, she was going prematurely gray

Book Bella connects both the intruder, Victoria, and the newborn army while Alice is giving her her blouse. Movie Bella gets a prophetic dream about Maria and Jasper and that...somehow...makes everything click into place. 🫠 Even when it’s following the books, the movie manages to fuck it up somehow

Book Bella guilt-trips Edward into staying with her and away from the fight. She feels guilty, but it was still her idea. Movie Edward suggests it first, and Movie Bella is resistant.

Book Bella was happy to be alone with Edward in the house. Movie Bella...is Movie Bella. Very 😑

Book Bella was so sad when Edward rejected her advances. As in, she cried, poor bby. Movie Bella “understands,” though, and is barely fazed

Book Bella barely and I mean BARELY accepted marrying Edward, and almost didn’t let him put the ring on her. Movie Bella did not even put up the semblance of a fight. Awful, movie, ten points from Gryffindor

Book Bella did not wear Edward’s ring because she has a fear of marriage and rings. Movie Bella did not wear his ring because she did not want Jacob to know

Book Bella doesn’t get at all angry at Edward for letting Jacob know of their upcoming marriage. Movie Bella, however, does, snapping at him and leaving immediately. At this point, does she even like Edward?

Movie Bella finally gets emotional when Jacob threatens to join the fight. A little too late, and of course it’s for Jacob.

Book Bella gets manipulated by Jacob into kissing him. Movie Bella tells Jacob to kiss her out of her own volition. Movie's Team Jacob stance is as obvious as it is sickening

Book Bella was so devastated by her cheating that she begged Edward to be angry at her. She couldn’t even look him in the eye. Movie Bella is just mildly upset. Fuck you too, movie

Movie Bella actually piercing her arm and successfully distracting Riley and Victoria vs. Book Bella about to do it, but then Edward interferring is indeed a big change...that I actually don’t mind. Rare W on Movie Eclipse’s part. 🎉 Or it would have been a W if the movie didn’t do Edward so damn dirty in the process. What do you mean, he was getting wailed on by Riley AND Victoria???? Book Edward had the fight in the bag. The fight scene was much more interesting in the book, and it showed Edward and Seth’s teamwork brilliantly

Book Bella literally faints at just having Jacob’s injury confirmed. Movie Bella is, once again, only concerned

Movie skips Book Bella’s breakdown and recovery of losing Jacob, I see. Fuck you too, movie

Movie Bella’s mini speech about choosing between Jacob and Edward was really the choice between two different life paths is not just Meyer’s notes to the director fortuitously making it into the script. It’s something Book Bella would not say because it’s something she already knows AND something Edward already knows

Movie Edward: “So it’s not just about me?” Movie Bella: “No, sorry.” Movie Bella being a completely different character #454545454543. Once more, fuck you too, movie

Breaking Dawn (Parts 1 & 2)

Not Movie Bella looking longingly at Jacob's dreamcatcher the night before her wedding. 💀At this point she loves him more than Edward

Movie Bella’s pre-wedding dreams are fears about her losing control as a vampire and drinking human blood. Book Bella’s pre-wedding dreams are about the immortal children, foreshadowing Renesmee. I honestly prefer Book Bella’s, since she is never truly afraid of losing control—she thinks Edward and his family would prevent her should that occur. Also, Movie Bella’s dream wedding dress>actual wedding dress. Not by much, though; they’re both nice

Movie Bella looked glad to marry Edward and their kiss was nice. Actually, she just seems much more happier in these last two films. But just a reminder: Book Bella literally threw herself at Edward and they kissed for an uncomfortably long time. Definitely much less restrained

There were some Bella/Jacob clowns that tried to claim Bella didn’t enjoy her wedding and was only happy when Jacob showed up. No idea where that came from, because Movie Bella was laughing with Movie Edward all throughout the speeches and Book Bella was happy as a clam and only happier when Jacob showed up.

That said, Movie Bella did look much happier at Jacob’s arrival. Their reunion is framed as romantic. She clearly loves him more than Book Bella and for that I say, nope

Book Bella was much angrier at the “real honeymoon” conversation with Jacob than Movie Bella. Again, Movie Bella seems to love Jacob so much more. That said, she does manage to shake him off, whereas Book Bella could not escape Jacob’s grip

Book Bella *remembering her wedding night*: 🥰🥳🤩>>>>>>>Movie Bella: *remembering her wedding night* ☺️

Movie Bella: “Why can’t you see how perfectly happy I am?” Because you literally looked happier seeing Jacob than you were remembering sex with Edward, maybe. God, who directed Stewart? Why did she choose this

I will give Movie Bella this, though: She is more deliberate or at least more obvious in her seduction of Edward. Book Bella was more *gives passive-aggressive hints in the hopes that he’ll give in and bang again*

Movie Bella cries at the good sex dream!!!! Finally!!!! Meanwhile Book Bella was downright sobbing

Movie Bella cooks something!!!! Finally!!!! This film is really giving Book Bella

Movie Bella ate chicken, barfed it up, remembered her late period and boom, she knows she is pregnant. Meanwhile Book Bella had been wrestling with symptoms for at least a few days

Movie Bella: “It’s a miracle, I guess” You guess, Book Bella knows

Also, it must be said. Even while visibly dying, Book Bella was still cracking jokes and diffusing the tension. Movie Bella...doesn’t

Book Bella is explicit why she is carrying the half-vampire hybrid: Because it is Edward’s child. It is not because she has suddenly become baby-crazed. Movie Bella offers no explanation whatsoever. We are left to infer only her love for the kid, no more

Movie Bella: “You can hear him?” Meanwhile Book Bella: “HOLY CROW, YOU CAN HEAR HIM”

Movie Bella: *when she first sees Edward post transformation* ☺️ Book Bella: *when she first sees Edward post transformation* 🥵

Book Bella 🤝 Movie Bella: “You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster????!!” That said, Book Bella didn’t hurt poor Seth deliberately! Movie Bella was awful for that

Movie Bella likes Renesmee, but she is much less motherly overall than Edward. Meanwhile Book Bella was obsessed with Renesmee, she practically took over the whole half of BD

Not Movie Bella wearing a sleeveless black tunic dress during her meeting with J. Jenks while Book Bella wore an oyster satin cocktail dress beneath an ivory trench coat. 💀 The one time Book Bella chooses to dress up, and the movie squanders it

Movie Bella *to Edward*: “I can undress myself, you know” Fool, that’s not the point. The point is the Volturi are going to murder you all, and you and Edward have only a month to love each other while you still can. Book Bella took full advantage, why can’t you? Oh, right, because you’re a #girlboss Hollywood protagonist now

Book Bella was the one to order fake documents for Jacob and Renesmee, quickly deducing Jenks’ side hustle. In the movie, however, Jasper was the one to place the order with Jenks, and Movie Bella merely picked it up. The movies are still continuing that ~fine tradition of removing Book Bella’s agency, I see

Book Bella protected their entire group with her shield and was instrumental in the Volturi’s retreat. In the movie, while Bella does use her shield, it is Alice who shows Aro her vision (which breaks canon, since she wouldn’t have been able to see hybrids or werewolves) and that led Aro to back off.

And finally, after the Volturi left, Book Bella embraced Renesmee, with Edward embracing them both. She kisses Edward with so much passion the forest could have been on fire and she wouldn’t have noticed. In the movie they all embraced each other, but with Bella making eye contact with Jacob as Edward and Renesmee hugged each other. For the last time, and I cannot say this enough, fuck you too, movie

#twilight #the twilight saga #new moon #eclipse #breaking dawn #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #honestly just rewatching the movies #they also did edward so damn dirty too #hell even jacob and i feel he came across the best in the films #that said stewart improved greatly in breaking dawn parts 1 and 2. her bella is much more like book bella’s overall #my theory is that stephenie meyer became the producer for those two movies #so she could ensure bella was in character #it explains how most of the screenplay was straight from the book

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autistichalsin · 1 month ago

Text

I'm writing this letter to my parents and posting it here because I'm never going to send it to them. And I want to post it somewhere.

Dear mom and dad:

For so long I've told myself, with most of what you did (minus mom actively abusing me for years when she was drinking) that you did your best. And honestly, I do still think that was true. But I also deserve the right to say: your best wasn't fucking good enough. Not by a mile.

Mom, you physically, emotionally, and otherwise abused us for years. You used everything as an excuse. Drinking. Trauma. Me reminding you of dad who you were pissed at for starting an emotional affair. But I guess me undergoing trauma through you was never an 'excuse' to talk about it since you always screamed at me for talking about it with anyone outside the house since that was 'private family business'. Bullshit, you just didn't want anyone to know what a bad parent you were. Dad, you let this happen. I know she was abusing you even worse than me. How many fucking times did I watch her hit you? But you know what? You still had a responsibility to protect us from her and you never fucking did. Not once. The best I ever got was you giving me permission to leave the house all day when she was hungover and screaming at me. Fucking thanks a LOT, dad. If you couldn't stand up to her when she was doing that shit to us/me, you could have at least had the decency to divorce her. "But I'm scared if I divorce her she'll drink herself to death" well great, thanks for deciding for me that I can and should endure abuse to save her from her own choices. That definitely didn't create any kind of complex in me or give me severe problems asserting boundaries because I then started to feel like if anything happened after I cut an abusive person out of my life, it would be my fault. Nope. No issues with that. Thanks a fucking lot.

Thanks, mom, for never teaching me (and my siblings) ANY life skills, not cooking, not doing laundry, not driving, because you "wanted me to need you so I would never leave" and thanks a fucking lot, dad, for not stepping in, saying "no that's fucked" and teaching us anyway. Really great parenting. Instead of disagreeing with your partner's shitty parenting decisions, just cosign them and go "well she's my wife". Do you feel no shame at all at the fact that none of your kids learned how to cook until they moved out (and the one still left with you is in his mid 20s and doesn't know how)? How does that not fucking mortify you? Your kids didn't know how to do more than nuke a burrito and that fucking means nothing to you?

Thanks a lot, mom, for repeatedly accusing me and dad of incest when you were drinking, because I was closer to him than you. And then, years after getting sober, hitting me with "I'm sorry, I never had a dad growing up so I didn't know how to deal with you having a good relationship with him" LITERALLY FUCK OFF SO HARD are you literally fucking telling me you had kids and anticipated we would only have a relationship with you and not him? Actually don't answer that, I know for a fact you did because guess what, grandma fucking told me you were jealous of dad doting on me as a literal fucking baby because you felt like it was a sign he loved me more. YEAH MOM, he is going to love the new baby more than you, actually! That is what parents are supposed to do when they think the universe doesn't fucking revolve around them! Also, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH for screaming at me every time I did literally anything with him that didn't involve you, guilt tripping me about "loving him more than you". First of all, that wasn't how it worked back then, but second of all, YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR made it so that yeah, I fucking do love him more than you now. You know why, mom? Because he never said that he wished he could kill me. Or how about the time you got mad that one year we had money around my birthday and he got me Elton John tickets, and you screamed at him for not getting them for your birthday next month instead (even though you'd already been) and decided the best fucking reaction to that was to HIT HIM while I watched? Not only fucking abusing your husband in front of your kids, but making your kid, you know, internalize a message that they should try to be as invisible as possible at all times but especially on their birthday so that people they loved wouldn't get abused for it, seeing as that was the SECOND TIME you abused that man over his birthday present for me? But no, it's fucking all about you feeling like he loved his kids more (WHICH HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO) so fuck me, I guess. Fuck you.

And you know what, mom? While you were wailing that you were so victimized by him and I being close, you sure went out of your way to show favoritism to my fucking sister. Never missing a single one of her music performances but stopping going to mine after she quit. Missing EVERY SINGLE ONE OF my track meets. Yeah, I finished in last place in all of them, but I fucking loved doing it and wanted to fucking share it with you. Big fucking mistake. You got her a cello and private lessons with money we didn't have. You got the entire family to pitch in and help send her on a school trip, then the next year when I was old enough, you told them all I only played to be like her so that they wouldn't help so I wouldn't get to go on the trip. When I said I was hurt you missed my meets, you expressed bafflement that "I've heard of people in their 40s getting mad at their parents for that, but I never heard of anyone complaining while they were still young." When I told you about your fucking golden child sexually assaulting me, AFTER sexually assaulting my younger brother, telling you how she LICKED MY FUCKING NECK, you laughed and said "to be fair, I fantasized about your neck too." What the actual fuck is wrong with you? Do you actually think sexual abuse is funny when your golden child does it, or did you just want ME to think it was a joke so she wouldn't face any consequences for it? How about the fact that when the fact that she fucking RAPED my little brother, the son you were SUPPOSED to be able to pretend to give a shit about, you said that it didn't happen and I put lies in his head so his therapist would diagnose him with PTSD, implying I traumatized my OWN BROTHER just to get revenge on your golden child? How about the fact that you screamed at me for getting other family members to bring him to the police (where he was then laughed out of the station, which you obviously cared not at all about) but not doing the same when your BIL assaulted you, screaming at me that it was my fault that charges weren't pressed against him, when you were a GROWN WOMAN who could have filed the charges yourself, making me feel like it was MY FAULT that happened to you, and then trying to walk it back? Playing like you were some fucking paragon of responsibility and kindness for LATER coming back to me and saying it wasn't my fault? Too fucking late, mom. Thanks, though, for the decade of self loathing.

How about the fact that both of you decided you were "done" parenting when I was 15? My little brother was fucking 11 and he still needed you. Do you not feel even the tiniest bit bad that three of your four kids dropped out of high school? And the only one who finished- ME- still had to repeat a year? And that you promised me that if I finished this online program, because you were SO DESPERATE to see one of your four kids get a diploma (and had already written off my little brother instead of getting him fucking help, fucking fantastic job on that one) that we would go to the graduation ceremony on the other side of the state, then didn't because you blew all the money we had on cigarettes, alcohol for mom, and scratchy lotteries for dad? Remember how after that, you still tried to talk me into putting on my cap and gown and taking pictures at the park so that you would have pictures? (To your credit, you didn't push it when I said HELL FUCKING NO. Granted, I also didn't tell you the full truth that it was sheerly out of spite, because if I didn't get a graduation, no way in hell did you deserve pictures of an event that didn't happen.)

Hey, how about that one??? How about the fact that you fucking normalized addiction for me all my life, so that after watching you guys blow all our money on that shit, to the point we LOST OUR FUCKING HOUSE (yeah, real convenient to blame the 2008 recession when the foreclosure happened in 2010!) and after so many nights once I turned 18 when mom would drink and dad would bring me to the casino for a fucking break, how about the fact that I started struggling with it too? And then after I once lost my entire paycheck gambling, I came to you saying I'd realized I struggled with it too and entered GA and talked to my counselor about it so it would never happen again (and in fact while I have relapsed on gambling I have never blown more than $30 in a gambling binge since that day), and then you proceeded to FORGET it, and when I came home to visit you REPEATEDLY suggested going to casinos? I don't even use COOKING WINE when I visit because I care so much about mom's sobriety, but you can't fucking REMEMBER that I struggle with gambling long enough to not do that? I CALLED YOU AFTER THE SUPER BOWL saying that I was buying myself an imported plushie from Japan as my reward to myself for not relapsing, and you still can't be bothered to remember? But you sure as fuck remember my sister doesn't drink!

Oh, and speaking of you guys always fucking forgetting that I am hurt-able just as much as you are and am in fact my own person and NOT your fucking fixer! How about the fact that you repeatedly act surprised EVERY TIME I tell you I have anxiety? "YOU have anxiety?" YES! AND YOU ARE THE REASON I FUCKING HAVE IT! How can you be surprised I have anxiety when I literally spent a week in the hospital as a teen because I was suicidal. Literally how can any of this be a surprise. Did you think it just fucking went away? No, all that happened is that I stopped talking to you about any of it. Especially the fucking self-harm, on account of my sister starting to drink and do meth, and then starting to join you, mom, on terrorizing me. Did you forget the night she poured her beer on me, screamed at me that I was a 'faker' because she couldn't see me self-harm scars, and threw bits of meat at me because she wanted to upset me as a vegetarian? And the fact that you still let her stay with us after that? You must have been fucking thrilled to have a partner to fucking torment me with, mom. And then you both had the fucking nerve to mock me because I hid in my room all day and only come out for meals or for my classes at the community college. I was hiding FROM YOU, actually!!!

Speaking of addiction, how about you fucking smoking in the car constantly growing up, even despite me and my little brother being asthmatic. While constantly whining that the world is so hostile to smokers because we don't want to inhale your fucking poison. Thanks for the elevated risks of cancer from your secondhand smoke, really appreciate it.

Also, mom, fucking joke's on you! Remember those nights you'd fucking scream at me for not being girly enough? "Why don't you act like a real girl for once?" when I wouldn't start shaving my legs when I was going to take a swim class? "How can you be a girl if you don't do girly things, is it your long hair that makes you a girl?" Well fuck you, I'm not a girl. Eat my ass. I'm never telling you I'm not though. Even if I trusted you to be normal about trans people, I still remember how you fucking used my coming out as a lesbian to earn yourself brownie points online years after the fact. "My daughter told me she was gay, and I told her I already knew, and then she started to cry happy tears!" Bitch, I never once cried happy tears for you for any reason. What actually happened was that you and dad had a "cool, what do you want for dinner?" reaction, which I appreciated- BUT YOU FUCKING RUINED IT by trying to exaggerated it and then use it to get praise. So fuck you.

Also, hey, remember those times mom would throw me out of the house, often in the cold with no coat, and you, dad, would just let it happen? Fucking great times. Remember the times she threw things at me and you just said "leave the house as long as you can, I'll calm her down later"? Fucking wonderful. Thanks for the fucking support, dad, really.

Remember the times I'd take on your abuse, mom, to protect my younger brother? Remember the times I'd warn him to go hide and you'd scream at me for "interfering with your parenting"? And then you got mad when he started to see me more as a mom than you, and every time he had a discipline issue you'd yell at me to go deal with it because "you want to be his mom so bad, go be his mom" Remember the time I protected him, you screamed at me to leave, and then called up my grandma, told her I was attacking YOU and to call the cops (which she thankfully didn't do), kept the phone on while we were fighting so it would sound like I was the aggressor, pulled my hair, and fought so hard with me that it pulled my shirt off? This leading to my grandma labeling me a psychopath, threatening to say "what kind of person I really was" to the rest of the family, and leading me not to speak to her for years?

Remember when you, mom, heard me talking to my aunt making plans to move in with the in another state, and you wailing so hard that you were so sorry and you'd do better, only to stop the instant those plans were off the table?

Remember that time you, mom, walked in on me crying to my dad about shit you had pulled, and then glaring at me and saying "you're crying because I, what? Beat you?" before leaving?

Remember that time I had a UTI that wouldn't go away, requiring dad to bring me to urgent care twice in two weeks, and you, mom, screamed at me for "taking advantage of him"? Which led to me refusing to go to the doctor unless I absolutely had to because I was so afraid of people getting mad at me? And now you yell at me for never going to the doctor because while that shit rewired my entire brain chemistry, for you it was a fucking Tuesday?

Remember that time I was both really hungry and really tired after classes one day, so I asked my little brother to make me a sandwich, and then you, mom, screamed at me for acting like a "spoiled princess", making me feel like I am never allowed to ask anyone for anything no matter how small?

Remember when you both told us we could stay at home as long as we were either in college or working, and then when I announced my intentions to start working, you, mom, threatened to kick me out if I didn't do school, and then when I protested that I didn't want loan debt, snapped "everyone gets loan debt, suck it up" and then, after I started, laughed that you were never going to kick me out but you just wanted me to "get my life together"? Then later before I graduated with my two year degree tried to say it was because of you this was happening because you gave me that push? And then two days before graduation you had a crying fit in the kitchen because you were so devastated it wasn't my sister graduating?

Remember that time you, dad, were understandably upset and depressed after being abused by mom, but instead of getting therapy or divorcing her or literally anything, you decided to cry to me and then end the conversation by saying to ME, your CHILD, "if you had enough, you could kill yourself, but I'm stuck with her, you guys need me, I have no way out"?

Remember that time, mom, your best friend literally threatened to stop speaking to you if you kept treating me how you did, and rather than being a serious reality check for you, your takeaway was that I was "interfering with your friendships" and threatening that if I ever did that again, you'd find my best friend and tell her some of the bad things you think I had done?

Remember that time, mom, when I came to you upset about what my sister did to abuse my little brother, and you just snapped "you hurt him too!" and when I asked wtf you were on about, you said "you don't ever hug him!" when I was in fact refusing all physical contact from everyone but my toddler niece at that time due to the immense amounts of trauma you and everyone else in the family put me through? And rather than give me space to start feeling okay with it again, you encouraged my little brother to force me to hug him by blocking off the door to my room until I hugged him?

Remember how, mom, you admitted outright to trying to buy my sister's love? Remember how you arranged to have her meet some rescue guinea pigs in case she wanted one for her birthday, then when she got a snake instead, tried to cancel the meeting even though my birthday was very soon after, and it ended up being dad who said it was only fair I should be able to get one? Like could you make it any more obvious you'd fucking sell a kidney for her and would never do the same for me unless I had done something for you first? Could you make it any clearer that you just straight up can NOT stand to see me being any attention for two minutes of my life, even for birthdays or when I've achieved something huge, like, say, graduating with a Masters degree? But thanks for giving me lifelong issues with feeling selfish for asking even the tiniest bit, to the point that my therapist repeatedly had to tell me I wasn't selfish for wanting my family to fly out to see me graduate?

Speaking about graduations again, how about the fact that when I got my Bachelors degree, you, mom, yelled at me for wanting you there because flying would be too scary for you and my dad couldn't take enough time off of work to drive, and then when we realized COVID wasn't getting much better a year later and they were going to livestream the graduation, you yelled at me for saying that one of the few good things about COVID was that I could have you watching anyway, accusing me of "celebrating people dying so you could see it?"

How about the fact that you, mom lied about what happened, claiming that I flew my little brother out but never bothered to offer for you, when in fact I cried, begged, and offered to pay for the whole thing if that's what it took?

How about the fact that when I was presenting at an undergraduate research symposium for my major, you both said you weren't interested- not the issue, only some families watched the livestream anyway- but instead, you, mom, got mad when I later said I'd had my grandma watching, and denied you'd ever been invited? Because you only ever get mad when I include others in things you don't attend, either because you know it makes you look bad, or because you can't stand the thought that I could still enjoy celebrations without you?

How about the fact that you, mom, made me feel so guilty for trying to get you to come to my Masters degree graduation that I not only gave up entirely, but decided not to go myself? At least you, dad, had the decency to WANT to come and not make me out to be defective for thinking you should be there, even if you ultimately didn't fucking try hard enough to be there.

Remember the time, mom, right after I started college when you forced me to, when you demanded I use my student aid money to get you a bag of chips, and I said I couldn't because I didn't know how much books would cost yet, and then you yelled at me, and then I walked to the store and came back with the chips, and then you screamed at me that it wasn't about "the fucking Doritos" and then threw the bag at me and wouldn't touch them?

Remember that time, mom, when I introduced you via phone call to a girl I was seeing, and you immediately made the whole conversation about my sister, about how she was such a good person and you could tell this girl would really like her when they met? To the point that this girl finally texted me "I'M DATING YOU, NOT SAMMY'S SISTER! Why am I hearing all about your sister and not one thing about you, even an embarrassing story about you as a baby?" and left the phone call? And how you, dad, let it all happen, never once trying to stop her or redirect the conversation?

Remember, mom, when you needed dental surgery but couldn't afford it, so I took out a loan for you to get the surgery, and said my only ask was that you and dad pay it back on your own, and then you and dad only made TWO payments, I had to make the rest, and then when I stopped being able to afford it, you STILL didn't pay it, until the account got closed, my credit score took a hundred-point ding, and I got barred from ever having that line of credit again, meaning I can't use it for myself if I ever need a medical loan?

Remember ALL the fucking times all of you fucking used me as a therapist, and then when it was me, it was "YOU have anxiety?!" in the most shocked voice imaginable? I will say, it was nice of you to send a care package during that time my panic attacks were so bad I was having literally two a day for two months and I lost ten pounds, but you maybe... I don't know... could have like. Tried. To understand me as a person well enough to understand it was NO FUCKING SURPRISE I had anxiety, and "you're always the most put together of us all" is because THAT IS WHAT I HAD TO DO TO GET YOU THROUGH THIS FUCKING SHIT ALIVE, and I hid my emotions from all of you because they were only ever used to fucking hurt me! And even after that time things went right back to normal, as evidenced by your constant 'forgetting' what I told you about struggling with gambling.

I don't even know how to end this, to be honest. I'm fucking tired and well past the point of realizing that if I wasn't your kid, I wouldn't like you. In fact, if you were the parents of one of my friends instead and you treated them the way you treated me, I'd probably despise you and would do anything I could to help that friend leave. There's a reason my life got so much better when I left you guys and moved to the other side of the country. I still visit you a lot because, in spite of everything, I do fucking love you, and I know you're getting older and won't be around forever. But honestly, if it wasn't for me feeling so responsible for you, me feeling like your wellbeing was my responsibility... If it wasn't for all the issues I got growing up with you two where I felt, still feel, like my happiness is the least important thing and like anything bad that happens to this family is my fault by default, and like I'm a 'bad person' who 'mistreats' you any time I have boundaries and like I have some kind of duty to prove to you that I am better than drunk-mom thought I was by always taking care of the family issues to my own detriment... I would have cut contact years ago and never looked back. I barely talk to my older siblings. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to entirely cut out everyone but my little brother. Or at least brave enough to tell you guys you've been fucking awful family to me, and often bad people too.

Mom, you fucking loved to read the Giving Tree to us when we were little. I used to think it was a really sweet story about the sacrifices of love. And then I got older and realized... huh. Why is it only the tree who ever does anything for the boy? Why doesn't the boy ever water her or plant other trees by her to keep her company? Why does it only ever go one way? Why does the tree only have duties to the boy just like I only have things I owe to you and not the other way around? And shouldn't it worry you/me/us that the story ends with the tree reduced to a stump that will probably die in a few years? And then it started making even more sense why you still love the damn book and read it to your grandkids when they visit, and I'm fucking horrified at it. The longer time goes on the more I see "but we're a family" ONLY ever goes one way. It's never "but we're a family" when I need you. It's only "but we're a family" when you need me to give up more and more for you all.

I'm fucking tired. And I really was willing to keep on going like the stupid fucking tree when I thought you were changing for the better. When you, mom, gave up drinking, and when you, dad, stopped enabling her shit. We worked so fucking hard to restore the trust. And that was the first time you started like... letting me have boundaries and you guys apologized to me and admitted none of that was okay. You got into counseling and started working on yourselves. And then you stopped. And it's really starting to fucking show. For now, it's just mom starting all the same old shit again... but I know how this story ends and I know that sooner or later it's going to be you, dad, enabling mom again at my expense. And I feel like the biggest idiot for ever thinking things would be okay as long as mom stayed away from alcohol. There's a reason folks in recovery talk about "dry drunks" and other equivalents. Because drinking didn't make you, mom, a bad person, you already were and it just removed the inhibitions that made you pretend. And you can remove those inhibitions just as well without it. You won't tell me you wish me dead without a drink, no, but you'll use and abuse me just as much, you'll scapegoat me just as much, you'll favor my sister just as much.

I messaged my little brother during one of my visits last year that I was so put off by how I felt loved, how I felt shocked that I could ask for favors or whatever else and not be yelled at for it and actually have it done to boot... and just that quick you slid back into what you used to be.

I'm really tired of asking you for just... the littlest things, okay? Dad, you at least... will see me and care about me. Like... you fucked up before, but at least I can still say without hesitation that you love me, no matter how bad you did fuck up. You actually care when I tell you about my struggles with job hunting, and I actually believe you when you say you're proud of my accomplishments. But when mom acts actively maliciously, you just don't care, and never have cared enough to stop her. You let her do all those things to me before and after. And it will never be any different.

Isn't it ironic? Because for all mom fucking abused me all my life for her suspicion that you and I, dad, loved each other more than we loved her, you and I both know that's never been true. You fought for her, but neither of you ever would for me. You were okay with me moving across the country to escape, but you would never leave her to keep us- me- safe. Not that it would have been okay for her to treat me the way she did even if I was the one you loved more, but it was never true. You'd never let me treat her the way she treated me. Ever.

So what the fuck do I do now? I hate that fucking Giving Tree book but there are times where I just feel like I'm too tired to stop any of this. Why should I have to be the bad guy and be the one to say this is the end? Maybe that's why the tree ended up as a stump in that stupid fucking book. Maybe the tree was just too tired to tell that stupid fucking brat, no, you can buy some fucking apples at the grocery store like everybody else. And maybe the tree was fully aware that no one cared about it unless it had something to give the stupid fucking brat, too, so what was the point of leaving anything for itself if either way it was never going to be fucking appreciated?

... Whatever.

I guess you're okay with how things are, anyway, because you always have been, even when things were 100 times worse. And I mean, let's be honest, I was always the only one who wasn't okay with it, for obvious reasons. And that in turn led to me being scapegoated worse and hurt worse. Everyone else was willing to play happy family, and I wasn't because I was being hurt the worst, but that meant everyone else kept lashing out at me worse because I was the one making a fuss and trying to tell family secrets outside the family and shit like that. So what does it matter anyway? It's always the same whether any of you are drinking or not. I'm the only one who sees a problem, always, so that means I'm the real problem.

Whatever. If you guys are happy with broken things, even when you started fixing them and saw how good things could be, I guess I can go back to pretending to be okay with broken shit too. I at least have a best friend, who is more my sister than the one who shares my DNA, who sees that I deserve more than broken shit, and maybe if I'm lucky one day I'll have a partner or someone who sees it too. And maybe if I keep doing things to fix my broken things, like therapy, maybe you guys will decide you want to start fixing things again too. Because despite everything you've done, I think you deserve better than broken shit too. I think you deserve better than just being passive aggressive with each other when you have problems, which inevitably grows into you yelling at each other. I think you deserve a happier and more stable marriage than that. I think you deserve to have hobbies and friends and things that get you to leave the house sometimes for things besides work and grocery shopping. Dad, I know you used to be a social butterfly and loved doing your sports leagues until mom forbade you from leaving her. You're a little too old for a lot of sports anymore, but maybe you could still find something to do. There's senior centers around you could maybe do stuff at. I think you deserve better than what you do to yourselves just as much as I deserve better than what you've done to me too. But I also know as well as you do that fixing things takes energy and sometimes it's easier to live with the broken things than it is to fix them. So I get it, too.

But I wish you would go back to how it was the last few years where I didn't get broke worse by talking to you. I miss the things you'd tell me you learned from your therapists. I miss hearing you catching yourselves when you'd do something like violate a boundary. I miss you realizing that some of the stuff you put me and my siblings through wasn't okay. I miss the Twitter posts you used to make, mom, about how you know it's kind of too late to not perpetrate the cycle that you went through with your stepdad, but that you're still going to try to fix it. I miss that side of you. The side of you that at least tried to be better than what you were when you were drinking. Now I think you've given up, I guess because of the health issues making you too tired to fight anymore, I don't know.

I'll be here as long as I can, I guess. Maybe you'll figure it out or maybe you won't or maybe things will go right back to how they were when I first moved out, with mom calling me every night to scream at me and dad just giving a milquetoast "I'd better go make sure she doesn't hurt herself, have a good night, love you sweetie." I guess that's up to you. But I can't promise you I'll be able to sit here forever. I was a teenager then, but now I'm an adult with a graduate degree, and I think I'm ready to start looking for a partner and maybe start a family one day, and I won't always have the energy or time to do the stuff I do for you now. Or who knows, maybe I'll be the fucking stump tree at the end of that stupid fucking Giving Tree book because I'm too tired and too scared to ever properly stand up to you. I guess that part is up to me, just like the rest is up to you.

I'm tired. I miss what we had the last few years. Please don't give up on that. I miss feeling like I actually have two parents who love me.

#abuse tw #tw everything tbh

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