#parenting discourse

[professorbussywinkle]

Some people have kids because they want a slave...

....Think for a second

The obsession with punishment and discipline and "teaching them a lesson" often in brutal, unforgiving ways that don't teach them to follow their internal guide, but to fear your wrath if they do something you might perceive as wrong

The lack of respect for their bodily autonomy, their feelings, and their personhood

Treating everything they do or say like it's beneath consideration or without any value or significance if it does not serve you in some immediate gratifying way

The overemphasis on obedience being a central factor to how much moral worth they have as a human being

Using the provision of basic necessities(food housing, clothing) to justify mistreating them, treating the provision as something that can be withheld if they misbehave or "step out of line"

Believing their child is somehow always up to no good for no certifiable reason, to justify invading their privacy, denying them access to their social circles and means of communication

Publicly shaming or humiliating their child on camera and posting it on the internet in order to get them to behave in the ways you want them to

Soliciting their child's opinion, then yelling at them for disagreeing with you or "talking back". Also ranting at length about things they know their kids disagree with them about until their kid finally reaches a breaking point and says something, at which point, they're horrible combative children for constantly arguing with you

Treating their emotions as frivolous and pointless, or a sign of weakness not to be expressed freely and openly, forcing them to walk on eggshells around you for fear that anything could potentially set you off

Frequently telling them how lucky they are to not be physically abused. also not telling you what made them angry, leaving you not knowing what it was that upset them and them deliberately not telling you when you inquire about it

Using the excuse "I am your parent, so I know what's best for you" in order to force children to do something that is only meant to make the parent feel in control, and not for their child's well-being.

alluding that you are the sole reason why they can’t do whatever the hell they want and wished you didn’t even exist so they can have more freedom. (This one hits close to home for me)

These types of parents get off on this, literally...in an almost pornographic way it would seem, by pushing around, harming, and denigrating someone who's smaller and weaker than them, by exerting power and control over a little human being who is unable or unwilling to fight back against them, all so they can flex their big boy muscles, all so they can prove they have dominion over you and show you that you have no power to do anything about it, and then deluding themselves about how it's all about "discipline" or "teaching" so they don't feel bad about it

Does it make you feel so fucking powerful??

Does it make you feel so in control??

Does it make you feel so badass??

abusing and traumatizing a vulnerable little person half your fucking size and feasibly being able to get away with it under the guise of "discipline" with no reproach or recourse because you can't or refuse to deal with your own emotional damage??

Demon behavior.

[tea-cat-arts]

Sometimes I wonder what Jiang Cheng could've become if his parents didn't instill a mix of "crippling fear of failure" and "impossibly high standards" in him. Cuz like, his dad was holding him to the vague standard of being as good as wwx, his mom yelling at him whenever he goofed around like wwx, and then both of them expressed disappointment when he's less successful than wwx. The thing both of them seem to ignore though is that wwx got where he is entirely because he had the freedom to fuck around and find out- he trained tirelessly because he made training fun for himself, he was innovative as a cultivators because he experimented and persisted through failures, and he was able to act in line with the Jiang clan moto because his actions had less political pull than members of the main family. Jiang Cheng on the other hand- if he fucked around he got told to "stop stooping to the level of servants." If his achievements were lesser than wwx's, he got either dismissed by his dad or yelled at by his mom to try harder. And if he picked fights with the Wens, they'd have an excuse to destroy his clan. Like ya- no shit that'd create an adult who's terrified of failure.

The kite game serves as such a good metaphor/embodiment of this set back- with Jiang Cheng never being able to shoot as far as Wei Wuxian because he pulls back and shoots closer the second he misses.

And its sad too because he's shown to be pretty brilliant when he's in "fuck it, we ball" mode. Like, when he's not freezing up, he manages to pull off things like rebuilding his entire clan from the ground up, leading armies and taking back territories from the Wens, and I'm fairly sure he's the only character we see counter the Lan music cultivation techniques (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on that last one. Also feel free to add any of the other cool shit he did that I'm blanking on at the moment, cuz I know I'm forgetting something).

That being said- even with his anxiety, he's still one of the top cultivators. Imagine what a force of nature he'd be if he could sustain "fuck it we ball" mode

[gay-cartoon-enjoyer]

Gravity Falls meme I made in 5 min

Might as well repost this, since it’s the month of Maybel. 💫

[canichangemyblogname]

@ 911 fans—

Athena is not Buck’s mom. Hen is not Buck’s mom.

Athena has two children— Harry and May. She is their mom. Hen has two children— Denny and Mara. She is their mom. Karen is also their mom.

These black women are not the mothers of a grown-ass white man. Just as you should not pigeonhole black women into sassy, emasculating, and domineering stereotypes— which I see you all do, you should also not pigeonhole them into the stereotype role of the domestic laborer: cooking for, cleaning up after, and being a mother to a white “child.”

Shut the fuck up about “Mother Hen” and “Mother Athena.” If you aren’t talking about their relationship with their own legal children, shut the fuck up. Stop calling these women sassy and stop referring to them as Buck’s mothers.

Buck has a mother, Margaret Buckley. Margaret is his only mother. I don’t care if you dislike her, but replacing a neglectful white mother with a black woman as a caretaker is not the endearing move you think it is.

[stardew-bajablast]

can 2024 be the year we stop calling stay-at-home moms stupid for being ‘financially dependent’ and risking being trapped in abusive relationships, and instead start addressing why there are no social safety nets in place for people who choose to leave the workforce to raise their children

[eddiegettingshot]

oh no i just realized this is going to set off some of the worst “buck needs to be chosen” discourse ever

[naarlar]

I don’t get akeshu / shuake at all.

Like I get it from a typical “fandom loves the enemies to lovers trope” perspective but in all honesty I don’t get the insane brainrot the persona 5 fandom has for this ship.

Like do I think Joker cares for Akechi? Yes.

Do I think he was genuinely conflicted/tempted by Maruki’s ultimatum? Yes.

Do I think they have a genuine relationship and see a lot of themselves in each other and actually somewhat understand each other? Yes.

That being said, I really don’t see how anyone can look past the fact that Akechi tried to kill Joker. And okie fine enemies to lovers, fandom’s favorite ship aside, I don’t see how Joker can actually want a full on relationship (like romantic) with this dude when Futaba, Sojiro, and Haru are like right there?

This may just be me but I reallllllllly wouldn’t be friends with someone who is friends (hell forget even in a romantic relationship) with someone who horribly hurt me.

And I don’t think Joker loves Akechi more than Futaba, Sojiro, or Haru. Especially Sojiro and Futaba. Those two are like his family, and Akechi is responsible for their suffering.

Like… it’s kind of one or the other. Joker can’t be friends/dating Akechi without horribly betraying Futaba, Sojiro, and Haru. That’s just how I see it (but I’m open to hearing other perspectives!)

[tevanbuckley]

i mean yeah there's a difference between someone gently telling you your mind is not being your friend and you're worrying over nothing (you know, like when eddie told buck he was being ridiculous and of course he wasn't trying to hurt gerrard and y'all said he was being a bad friend) and someone telling you 'lights off' 'screens off' 'you've had your five more minutes' like they're talking to a child. i live with my actual mother and she would never speak to me like that lmao.

i'm not trying to be mean when i say this, but if you live with your mother then maybe you're not the best person to judge this situation?

and i feel like i've made this point about bucktommy before, but something not being relatable to you personally does not make it problematic. especially when buck doesn't even canonically have adhd! it's the definition of making up a thing to be mad about.

[professorbussywinkle]

Parents be gettin mad asf when their child has emotional needs and isn't just some cute little baby doll they can play dress up with

[bidean-byedean]

absolutely cannot wait for

"Margaret, Phillip, come in!" "So good to see you, Howard." Tommy grins and mouth Howard? at Evan, but it doesn't get the reaction he expects. In fact, does he look paler than he did a second ago? But there's no time to follow up because the Buckleys are rounding on him now. "Hi, Mr and Mrs Buckley, I'm Tom-" "Thomas Kinard!" Evan pats his chest, eyes wide. "Pilot Thomas Kinard."

and

"You're gonna pay for this. No one calls me Thomas." "What, like no one calls me Evan?" He bats his eyelashes. "I think you'll like it a lot more when I'm screaming it later-" "Oh-kay!" Chimney yelps. "You officially just ruined the fun and desecrated my kitchen."

and

"Evan, babe, where's the bottle opener?" "Evan? He calls you Evan?" "Mom-" "You said all your friends call you Buck." Tommy stands behind his chair and slides his hand from Evan's shoulder to his chest. He watches Margaret's eyes track the touch. "Well, I'm not his friend. I'm his boyfriend."

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

tw: domestic and parental abuse

i think people underplay how much abuse can affect your worldview sometimes. i'm not just talking about the victims (or at least, the victim who suffered the bulk of the abuse), i'm talking about everyone in that household, especially children.

even if, let's say, a parent is abusive to only one child and is nice to the rest, that doesn't mean this abuse doesn't affect the other children negatively.

for one, it sets a standard that they feel the need to keep up, because the abused child is an "example" and the abuser could turn on the rest of the children at any moment.

secondly, if you've been witnessing this since childhood, you just accept it as normal. you think it's normal for parents to hit their children to "discipline" them or "for their own good". you think it's okay for parents to call their kids worthless or a burden or a waste of space, because that's just what you've been accustomed to. you don't really question it, because you don't know any better.

this is regarding catra stans blaming adora for not protecting catra when she was being abused. which, first of all, adora tried her best, even putting herself in front of catra when shadow weaver was about to hurt her.

secondly, even if adora didn't do that, i wouldn't blame her. she's been seeing this ever since she was an infant. why would she question it if this is the only person close to a parental figure that she's had? how would she know that this isn't what a parent is supposed to act like?

and of course, fans love to forget the fact that adora herself was being emotionally abused by shadow weaver as well. she was a victim too.

it's ridiculous to blame a child for not standing up to her abusive parent when 1. she doesn't know that this is wrong because she's been accustomed to it all her life and 2. SHE'S A CHILD.

"oh adora only cares about random people she just met, she doesn't care about catra" she wouldn't have asked catra to join her if she didn't care. she wouldn't have spent three seasons trying to convince catra to leave her toxic environment.

and how much did catra care about adora? keep in mind, unlike adora, catra knew that the horde was evil and she didn't even mention it to adora, let alone try to do something about it. why is catra allowed to get away with not acting on a problem but adora is villanized for it?

this just further confirms my theory that deep down, c//a stans see catra and adora as sisters. and they expect adora to behave like an older sibling, protecting catra from all harm and essentially becoming her second parent.

[nqueso-emergency]

its funny watching everyone rewrite history about stuff. buck's coma dream was review bombed because it fucking sucked. it was another way for kristen to shoehorn in forgiving biological parents and tearing down the found family nature of the show. everyone was baffled watching the episode and having buck realize he is loved by his founs family even if his parents dont love him, and in the end, his entire realization was thrown away to forgive them when he woke up. THAT'S why it was review bombed. if you werent here for when things happened, i highly suggest not yapping about it. lol

I don't feel like that episode conveyed that in any way. Buck hasn't forgiven his parents. If anything, he understands them. This might be due to my age but there comes a time in your life where you can't hold on to everyone else's expectations, even your parents.

Buck DIED. That's a life changing experience no matter how you look at it. To accept who his parents are is completely normal and a very mature thing to do.

If Buck had completely forgiven his parents we wouldn't have had the "Bobby's the father I never had" line.

But I feel like review bombing an episode just because they didn't paint the Buckley parents in the horrible light you wanted is just immature and silly.

The episode was about BUCK. No one else.

[missycolorful]

I think I'll just say this: I don't agree when people call any of the islanders "bad parents" just because their parenting is flawed.

Like, parents and their parenting is flawed. Inherently. One parent cannot meet all the demands of their child; it is literally impossible. As humans are imperfect, there will always be something missing or lacking in one's parenting. Hell, sometimes even two parents can't meet all their child's needs, depending on their personalities. If that's the case, then I guess all parents are bad parents. But that's not the case, so I don't get why people are so adamant when they see that a parent isn't handling things 100% perfectly and go "wow this person's parenting sucks."

And this is even more so when you take into account... pretty much everything going on in Quesadilla island. These people never really planned to be parents, yet here they are! And this island is out to kill these kids, so it's also a dangerous game of survival now, too! There are horrors around pretty much every corner. Plus, outside or inside forces are making the islanders suffer very often. The islanders are never okay. How they take care of their children is going to be different just by the very basis of their environment. The standards of parenting are different here. Their relationships with people, including their children, were never going to be 100% healthy or positive or okay. It's just not possible.

so, no, I don't think that just cause, say, q!Tubbo or q!Phil aren't great in regards to their emotional intelligence and often isolate themselves, or when any other parents in general don't handle what their children are going through perfectly, that they're bad parents. That kinda statement feels like it diminishes pretty much all the hard work and effort and love they put into taking care of their kids and even kids that aren't their own. Tubbo gives his everything for Sunny, and was/is an active babysitter for a lot of other eggs. Phil works so hard to love and teach survival to and take care of his two eggs equally. (Like, being 'basically' a single parent, of one or WORSE, two, is already hard enough in the real world - imagine being one on this fucking hellscape they're on).

Like, I don't think there's anything wrong with pointing out the parents' flaws. Their flaws make them human, and it'd be foolish to disregard their humanity. And it's interesting to analyze their flaws and what they say about the character, and how they impact their family. There's nuance there, and it should be discussed.

But I think when you're just going "oh, they're bad at parenting in general" because they fumble the bag in other departments lacks nuance. Sure, if you're just saying "they're bad when it comes to certain aspects of parenting," that's a different story, because that's understanding their flaws while recognizing that those flaws don't define all of their parenting. But to just say they're bad at it in general isn't productive analysis of their characters in any way. I haven't watched q!Phil take care of his egg for a whole year (followed by a second egg more consistently shortly after) only for people to shit on his parenting just because his lack emotional intelligence is more noticeable as of recent due to all the trauma and bullshit he's endured. And I haven't seen q!Tubbo put his whole heart into taking care of Sunny as well as multiple other eggs, being Chayanne and Tallulah's reliable godfather, just for people to put down his efforts because he's not always great at more emotionally in depth conversations. They're good parents in a lot of ways, and those strengths shouldn't be discredited just because they aren't good at other things. Their characters deserve way better than that.

tldr these parents are all good in many regards and are just trying their damn best in the worst of circumstances, can we cut them just a bit of slack, please?

[cult-of-dollbabies]

"Chucky & Tiffany are good parents."

[winchester-co]

John seems so uniquely able to torment his sons, but the thing that stands out to me most is telling Dean he might have to kill Sam. Sam, the boy he’s essentially parented his whole life. Dean did it for himself in the end, sure, but he did it first because John asked him to.

Then his Dad changes the parameters: protect him, keep him on the right path, or you’ll have to kill him. Not only has he commanded Dean to consider killing his brother, he’s put the onus on him completely if that’s how it works out.

Hell wasn’t hot enough for you John.

[praise-the-lord-im-dead]

Actually, because I'm still riled up about this:

If you tell your kid to change their behavior, without having a conversation as to how, here's a few problems you might encounter:

- their change in behavior changes their daily routine, and you take issue with this/comment on it/etc, leaving them feeling like trying to fix the issue only made it worse and/or you're just a tyrant who's never happy with anything.

- they start avoiding all conflict with you by hiding what they're doing or avoiding you--the problem, in their mind, has shifted from 'how to be better at X' to 'how to not have my parent be unhappy with me, because that makes me feel awful' (this trend may well continue into adulthood, btw. Not great for any future relationships!)

- they genuinely try to change, it works for a while, and then, human-manner, there's a failure point and you end up having this conversation again. You still act like you don't trust them, like they never put the work in at all, and they learn that they can't afford to fail or be human around you. They don't trust you with their struggles, and they know you don't trust them. Fun little family environment you've made here.

When I make a mistake at work, I apologize and my boss asks me what could help me do better, and what problems I've been having, and how they can help. When I hurt a friend or loved one by accident, I apologize and we hug and we talk about how to fix it.

At no point do they claim I'm not really sorry or that they won't trust me again until I've proven I can do better, because that's not how adult conversations are supposed to go. That's not how communication is supposed to go. And I'm an adult. Why is this person giving their own child less grace, less consideration, less care than I get from my boss in one of the lowest-paid departments of my workplace? It's just. I can't fathom it.