#overcoming narcissistic abuse

[ruminate88]

Hi! I'm trying to learn how to be a better person and I've been reading your blog since I found it. I'm sorry for what you went through. I hope you get better soon. I know it's cliche to say you're not alone, but you are probably feeling like you are because narcissistic abuse includes being isolated--by being manipulated or being forced to isolate yourself. It's a very slow healing process like an amputated limb, but it WILL get better as you find peace.

Can you maybe make a post with a list of all the bad things narcs have done to you? I think listing helps.

I appreciate you reading my blog if this is all for you, I’m glad I created it. I wanted to help at least one person see a light at the end of their tunnel. Thank you for the kind words I know I’m not completely alone, I pray to God everyday and believe he hears my cries and cares but physically, yes, I don’t talk to family or friends about any of this, I stay to myself, as I’ve been ashamed and unsure if they would be able to understand all I went through and obviously not to upset family.

I can only tell you I’ve felt like a broken/bad person many of days and I don’t take all the credit in healing myself, I believe God has done most of the work. The best choice I ever made was to admit I failed my life and myself. To ask God to change me and change the direction of my life because I was totally lost not knowing what I needed or wanted!! Nothing had been working for me and I was in the vicious cycle of dating manipulating/controlling men. I HAD to make a change or I was going to hurt myself. I felt like a piece of garage that my exes threw away. 😔😔😔

Things that was hardest about narcissistic abuse:

• You don’t recognize the isolation until you’re out of the relationship with the narcissist. You’re so desperate; worried about pleasing them and making them not upset with you, you spend all your time away from people who actually care about you. Memories of those times makes me so sad to this day.

• The love-bomb phase although it appeared wonderful and my exes were paying me so much attention, I think that phase was the most sickening and disturbing phase. They literally pretend to be the “partner of your dreams” while they’re deceiving you so they can use you and control you. I had been unstable already within my mental health so I was an easy target for them to trick me. My ex Andrew told me, “I mean it with all my heart and soul that I love you and want you to text me” even though he had went no contact from me a whole week prior. Him saying such a great statement kept me pulled in to his toxic pool and I kept on drowning in it.

• so I dealt with 3 narcissists but the 2nd one, Cody, he dumped me twice but the 2nd time he did it by ghosting me. I’m not trying to be dramatic when I say it was very traumatizing… Considering you’re in trauma bond with this person. They create a false narrative that you’re both so obsessed with each other and you believe the feelings are reciprocated but they’re not!! The narcissistic relationship is extremely one-sided. So him ghosting me, he not only made me so attached and crazy about the fairytale love he made up with me but then to just ghost me and rip it all away, took my spirit at that time. I was a dead person walking after that. I saw almost NO hope for me. Then to meet Andrew not even 6 months after and I begged Andrew pleeeease don’t hurt me like Cody did but Andrew couldn’t help who he is. 💔🖤

• Another scar I have had to overcome is after I broke up with Andrew, we continued to flirt and sext a lot but then started to argue a lot. (He would claim he missed sexting me but then blame me and say I was making him wanna sext that I didn’t respect the breakup) Arguing through text is always rough because words can be misconstrued. (I couldn’t hardly get him on the phone ever to actually talk. He only wanted to text.) Andrew said very hurtful things to me. He kept changing “our story” because he couldn’t be honest with himself or take accountability for the fact he was in a real relationship with me for a year. He told me “He pretended all this feelings to just lead me on” but then quickly changed his story again to say “he was in love with me but fell out of love with me and was afraid to tell me” but the biggest slap in my face was eventually he exclaimed, “If I’m hurting you so much then just stop caring about me.” 😭 (as if I could just undo the attachment he allowed me to make with him. The many months he got my hopes up with future faking plus the promises he gave to me that I held onto but he couldn’t take accountability for anything he had done to me or with me.

• Eventually during the many arguments I had with Andrew, I hit my breaking point and had a suicide attack!! I let him know right away I was done fighting and didn’t see how I could continue on with him. I told him I wanted to end my life and then flipped a switch and pretended to be scared for me and pretended to “rescue me” blew up my phone begging me to stay and saying he’s sorry to have said what he said in our arguments. I wanted to believe him so bad. Whenever the attack subsided hours later and I was able to calmly reply to his countless pleas for me to stay, he pretended to have been so “worried about me” but then explained he believed “I wasn’t well and needed to get professional help.” He made me believe I was messed up and had so many issues…. Now I finally look back and think that was a form of gaslighting. He found something he could use to make me look like a problem and it deflected the focus off of him being a cheater and a liar. (He had a new girlfriend already) That whole situation caused me so much anger that I never saw till years later when I am now healing, I realize I had all that anger to deal with. It was uncomfortable!

• Always being nervous with their reactions and consistenly apologizing for them, as they make you to believe everything is your fault. They don’t like when you speak up against their actions and behaviors. 3 times I tried to confront Andrew as he would ignore me 2/3 days at a time but then always come back and treat me like I was his baby and he wanted me. Those 3 times I would ask if he’s too busy for us, does he want to break up and just be friends but he would always get so defensive and act upset like I was causing him so much stress. It would always end with me being sorry and telling him how much I adore him and I would kiss his feet like he was a king and he would then say the most romantic things to me and say how beautiful I was BUT I always knew in the back of my mind he was cheating and hiding stuff from me but I was scared to admit it out loud and “lose him.” My friends would tell me what a loser he was that I should leave him but I would get so upset and push my friends away. Andrew was barely there for me but I was 110% faithful to him.

• Seeking their approval was super exhausting too and it’s taken me years to relax and be comfortable within my skin. Andrew and Cody both gave me so little but they took everything from me. I was pathetic in sitting next to my phone 24/7 begging Andrew to text me and pay me attention because when he did, it was always “hey babe I missed you” and he would Snapchat me selfies and I would melt at his sparklingly blue eyes yet they were fake. Truly his eyes are black!!! I would cry for days with my phone and stalk Andrew’s social media pages hoping I don’t find other women and I could never find proof he was cheating. When Andrew would finally text me back or Snapchat me, I didn’t want him to leave again so I was throwing myself at him!! 🥴🥴🥴 I would dress up with all the makeup and sometimes no clothes on hoping to make him wanna stay and he would tell me how much I turned him on how he wanted me but didn’t wanna tell our parents about our relationship… (I just knew he was hiding things and other girls but I would not admit it for months)

They make holidays miserable 😩 •Halloween - Andrew said he was going to a party, didn’t invite me and I didn’t hear from him again till the next day. (Cheating)

• Thanksgiving, didn’t hear from Andrew at all till later that night and he was out “Black Friday shopping” and treating me like some random person he’s texting. I spent that whole day isolated during my family dinner. I had my phone on a charger in the wall and spent hours trying to type a long text message to tell him how bothered I was with his “hot and cold” behavior but every time I wanted to send it to him, I was scared he would dump me and I kept erasing my message and retyping it. People kept asking “you okay??” And I pretended I was fine. He stole that thanksgiving away from me!! (Mind you any regular day Andrew would text me just fine it was only holidays he ruined)

• Christmas - sucked!!!! No good morning babe or merry Christmas from Andrew till really late when the day is almost over. I yet again was isolating myself during family time. Stayed in my bedroom so sad why my “boyfriend” hadn’t texted me alllll day. When he did finally text, I confronted his absense and he exclaimed “he wasn’t worthy of my love” and “he wasn’t good enough for me.” I thought he was breaking up with me and I cried so hard. He swore that he wasn’t breaking up but that he believed I deserved better than him and he could never be enough for me. It was so confusing and I was actually happy when the day ended because it just sucked so much 😣

• Valentine’s Day - Was the worst one. Andrew was different the whole month of January prior. He was the best boyfriend daily talking sweet to me and showing me “affection” and selfies galore but on Valentine’s Day it felt so forced with him. I begged him would he send me a video of himself saying “I love you” and he did!!! It just all felt off. Then later that night. He was super cold. I asked him “what are your plans tonight??” He said “I never get time to myself, I’m always studying, doing homework or spending time with you.” 🥺 ouch!!! He said he just wanted to play video games and relax…. He continued to snap me some but I felt he didn’t really want to. He took time in between each response, leaving me to sit on my phone all night wishing things were better. He flirted some but that was it. I was in bed disappointed he chose video games over me on valentines day and at some point he never responded back!! I sat up till 3am letting tears fall as I gazed at Snapchat seeeing he still never opened my message… the thing with him is usually if he felt “sick” he would text me about it. So next morning he messaged me first goood morning and asked how I slept. I told him I waited up till 3am for him to respond!! THEN Andrew said “I didn’t sleep at all. I was up sick to my stomach all night”…. What?!! I knew he was lying. 😔 I asked him why didn’t he tell me he got sick and he said because he it was his stomach and he was embarrassed to say he was in the bathroom… haha (the man sent me nude selfies from his shower almost daily. He’s not embarrassed easily.)

I know this is a lot but I am finally at a place where I believe I experienced all of this so that I can better understand and relate to other people. All the anger and bitterness I had from both my exes was hard but gave me tough skin. All the nights and days I didn’t sleep worried if I was impressing them. They never deserved me to impress them but I can’t help but think maybe a small part of me touched their lives but maybe that’s just hopeful thinking. I hate to call them monsters, it makes me feel bad but I can’t hide the fact they hurt me soooooo deep. ❤️‍🩹🖤

(The list of things I endured from both Cody and Andrew could go on for many chapters. I chose the moments that I felt affected me the most)

You said it right!!! It’s exactly like a limb that needs healing. It’s every part of me. Years after I got away from Andrew, I started to randomly lose all the weight I couldn’t before. I lost a lot of hair too and I was so defensive in my marriage. My husband could say the littlest thing to trigger me and I instantly wanted to be so upset and hold everything inside to avoid any conflict. I hate confrontation it didn’t always go so easy with Andrew or Cody. It’s scary to wonder how my husband would react. Would he be different from those men?

I blocked Andrew’s number in 2015 and I didn’t learn about narcissism until 2022!!! That’s a long time that I searched for answers and I struggled in my marriage because I’ve kept a guard up scared to face anymore humiliation or disappointment in my life. Now that I understand a little more about what emotional abuse is, I began to feel everything and make more sense of it. I now see the light at the end of the tunnel and I’ve worked so hard on getting my hair back and getting my gut health under control. I’m spending so much time with family and I stand up for myself more!!!! I believe there is much purpose in all the suffering I faced with the narcissists. (There just has to be) I believe all of it made me a stronger person!! Do I “miss” the false faces and the love bomb phase?? It’s addicting more than it is “missing them”. I don’t know the real Andrew or Cody. Last time I tried to Google cody, I felt like he was sooo different it bothered me so much. I basically had a one-sided relationship with total strangers who hated my guts but pretended to be in love with me… they haunt me every day but I refuse to ever reach out to them and I do try to pray for them every time I feel upset about them. What else can I do?? It’s all over! They can’t change what they did to me and I can’t make them say sorry. If God doesn’t change them, they’re never going to feel empathy for the broken heart they gave me but God is showing me love I never saw ever before. So is my husband. I’m learning just now to finally trust both God and my husband!! (Taking deep breaths because I’m safe now) I’m only looking up now! I’ve already hit my rock bottom! ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 Hope this is all enlightening, encouraging and helpful! Thank you again for taking time to message me!! 🥰

[ruminate88]

For me, I wasn’t so much “brave” as I was “determined” to find love. I come from parents whom have been married 40 + years. I figured if they would work, surely I could find someone to work with. I had big “dreams” and “expectations” when I was young, of love based off the romantic comedy movies. I was just in a “fairytale” state of mind... so at 14, I read an article from a singer in a boyband named Jesse, who was around my age and seemingly felt like someone whom could relate to me, “get me” and he inspired me in ways I’ve never been inspired before. So much that I actually convinced myself he could be my “soul mate”. I met him face to face when I was 16 and followed him “head over heels” for 10 years! I faithfully went to his concerts and meet n greets, talked with him and gave my all with him till I was 24. Slowly when he was 22 and I was 21, I started to notice unpopular personal choices he made outside of his career that bothered me but I was so convinced we would be together in the end, I stood by him the whole time expecting to see change between us. I watched him hook up with countless women and date other women. (But not me. He kept me at an arms length always.) By 24, I saw him meet “her”. The girl he would eventually marry… It was a reality shock I didn’t want to accept or face. It broke me in ways no one really knew. (Especially him) I faced my first suicide note and that moment changed my whole perspective on “soul mates” and “finding the one”. I quickly shut off my feelings and emotions and sholved them in my back pocket.

I then began to settle for “lust” and threw myself away on emotionally unavailable men. After all, my emotions were scarred, broken and put away. I was becoming cold and dark. I met Cody, only a week after my first suicide scare. He convinced me not to kill myself but love-bombed me and I was so hurt over Jesse that the attention was distracting and overwhelming. I couldn’t eat for weeks and had knots in my stomach. I slowly felt myself let my emotions become somewhat vulnerable again and I began to trust Cody the more we talked. Quickly the “relationship” went from stranger danger to texting 24/7 and we didn’t get any sleep or didn’t eat or do anything accept text and talk about our past traumas and hurts. It was exhausting but I truly felt safe sharing my feelings with Cody as he also shared his deepest feelings. It wasn’t much longer though when Cody randomly dumped me for no reason at all… Said he wanted nothing more than friends but ignored me after. Oh it hurt so much and I spent a summer really confused and sick over him. I started sexting with countless random guys daily on KIK just numbing myself out. Cody came back to me in late august, love-bombed me some more but then eventually he ghosted me!! (No closure or a goodbye, just disappeared 😭)

I felt traumatized by Cody and being suicidal over Jesse, I was still so lonely yet I was numb and felt nothing. I was doubting ever finding love more and more. 5/6 months after being ghosted though, I met “Andrew” and it was all over!! I questioned was I falling in love with him!!! Andrew bread-crumbed me for a whole summer then pretended to want a relationship with me for a year, loved-bombed me so hard, I was dreaming everyday to have a baby with him!! I was using apps to collide our pictures to see what our baby would look like and picking out baby names but his actions never matched his words AND he kept disappearing from me 2/3 days at a time, causing me to believe he was cheating which I eventually found proof he was. I was in major trauma-bond with him and didn’t think I could ever get over him… I had to though because he was hurting me over and over. I was fearful for my mental health, as I was suicidal and depressed daily. Also I knew my family wouldn’t ever approve of Andrew or his behavior. I knew he wasn’t a good guy but I was just very attached to him. I was so exhausted after Andrew and didn’t see how any guy could ever want me 😔 I felt like Andrew’s old garbage he threw away. I felt used and stupid.

Finally I met my husband and he was the nicest guy that had ever talked with me. He truly respected me and seemed like he had genuine intentions which I could tell and see but I had my guard up because guys in my past did not have good intentions. My husband talked with me faithfully for 3 months as a “friend” even though I kept rejecting him as more. (He asked me out 3 times and I told him no) I realized after the 3 months that there was opportunity to actually be in a good and healthy relationship so I had to take the leap of faith and swallow all of my fears, past traumas and views of men in general. Right before meeting my husband, I made the open statement on various social media accounts that “men are pigs” and “they all just want one thing” but my husband was clearly different and treated me differently than any other guy ever had before. I almost gave up on love but I’m glad I didn’t. Taking that leap of faith brought me to a beautiful wedding, a dream honey moon and a really super genuine and generous man. It wasn’t just “being brave” for me. It was me wanting to find a partner so bad and honestly, I had nothing to lose. I had been hurt so many times and on the verge of ending my life so much, what was one more try? You know?? You can’t give up! ❤️‍🩹

[changesmadeeasy]

[infpisme]

[arisu-alisa-alice]

𝓒𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓮 𝓪.𝓴.𝓪 𝓒𝓪𝓽𝓱𝔂, 𝓒𝓪𝓲𝓽, 𝓑𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓭𝓮 𝓒𝓪𝓽

[ruminate88]

I Use To Think Love Sucks 😝

First off, I grew up in a very loving and positive Christian home. You would assume that I understood what true love was but I had “love and lust” very mixed up! Just because my parents were Christians, didn’t mean I understood it yet. I was very immature too. Whenever I turned 24, I found myself wanting a husband so badly. Most of my cousins already got married and started having kids. I felt like something was wrong with me… I had “loved” this guy named Jesse, since I was 15 and also dated a guy named Stewart during that time but nothing worked out for me. I ended up feeling very alone and depressed. When Jesse was finally ready to settle down and it wasn’t with me, I was crushed to the point I even questioned my existence! 🥺 I felt if I wasn’t made for him, then what was I made for? (I had no identity)

At 24, I’m giving up on myself and my life but then a narcissist named Cody suddenly showed up in my life right then and love bombed me!! I was crazy out of my mind over Cody but after he love bombed me, he suddenly dumped me out of no where with no warning signs and I didn’t hear from him for a whole summer! I truly believed the lie that “love sucks” and I was extremely depressed that whole time. Cody came back in the fall, love bomed me again, asked me to move to SF to live with him but before that could happen, he ghosted me…

At 25, I’m traumatized by Cody and so numb. I didn’t know if I could ever love someone again. I sorta spent some romantic time with a guy named Ryan for a few months but never believed Ryan loved me, just saw him as someone to fill my time and loneliness.

THEN, by that April, I meet a narcissist named Andrew and once again, I’m “crazy in love”. Andrew bread crumbed me for a summer, then we started a “relationship” but nothing changed. At Christmas I thought he was breaking up with me and I was terrified but then he love bombed me hard in January, then by Valentine’s Day, devalued me and did intermittent reinforcement with me for months. Andrew would be sooo hot and romantic towards me, getting all my hopes up, then disappear for days and leave me sitting next to my phone crying. Was this really love? Everyone around me kept telling me Andrew didn’t love me and I needed to dump him but I couldn’t. I was out of my mind for him, in trauma bond and planning a future with him. Always wondering what our children would look like and imagined us taking family vacations! I was overly excited even though Andrew was giving me basically nothing the whole time. (The whole relationship was VERY one sided)

I would often confront Andrew’s behavior and try to break up but he refused so I believed he did love me because he wouldn’t let me go! 😝 I stupidly thought it was “love” and that “love is so confusing and complicated” (all lies I lived) Eventually I found out Andrew was cheating with one of my girlfriends for a whole month behind my back and probably other girls too, so I had no choice but to lose faith and dump him. He blamed me for his cheating and had no emotions when I dumped him but tried to stay “friends” with me. Then for a whole summer he gaslit me and messed with me. Continued to want to be “sexual” with me but tell me I’m not respecting the breakup and that he doesn’t want a relationship with me. I was very suicidal during that time…

So I believed love sucked and I lost all hope and faith in it but I couldn’t end my life because it felt so terrifying and wrong. When I would sit and dwell on ways to hurt myself, I would just fall apart crying worried and afraid. Eventually I was so miserable for help I went back to my Christian roots and prayed to Jesus to help me!!!

Not even 2 months after I prayed to Jesus, I met my husband and in our very first conversation, I could actually breathe for the first time!! It was truly the first time I saw love and not lust. I knew right away there was a major difference!! My husband didn’t make me feel “crazy” or “obsessed”. The feeling with him was so different than with my narcissists exes, that I questioned why!! I never knew back then about narcissism or emotional abuse. I only knew my husband treated me way different and I felt so much more at peace with myself. Also because I had prayed to Jesus too!

Love is patient. Love is kind. It isn’t boastful, it isn’t jealous or hurtful. Love doesn’t cheat, lie or gaslight you. True love wants the best for you at all times and gives you the hard truth always. True love will give your life peace, not drama and chaos!! A person with NPD struggles to have empathy and can’t give you “love” only gives you a false security. They see the world differently than you do. Not all of them are aware of how they treat people so pray for them to do better because they’re still humans like you and bleed same as you.

NOW I know for sure love doesn’t suck and it’s hard work but it’s beautiful and it’s not confusing or complicated. The right person will allow you to feel safe always and you never go to bed afraid they’re cheating or leaving you. I pray you find the right person for you ♥️ Google the definition of “love” and “lust”. You will see they are total opposites!!

“Love didn’t hurt you. Someone who doesn’t know how to love you hurt you. Don’t confuse the two.”

— Unknown

[vizthedatum]

Overcoming codependency within yourself is a non-linear journey. You will find yourself interacting with people who you thought you could trust only to learn that you fell into your old patterns once again. You’ll avoid the red flags because you are *so good* at sweeping them under the rug. And besides, you put in all this investment and the highs feel so good when they validate you, doesn’t it?

Something I’ve been doing to help me through this journey is to keep lists of “standards” - especially partnership and sexual standards.

It’s really easy for me to let myself be taken advantage of. Or to even be in situations where I chase those who are emotionally unavailable.

Checking back on those lists on things that I either won’t compromise on (because they’ll hurt me in the long run) or things I at least want the other person to try to do for me as a form of reciprocity… has helped me narrow down the friends, lovers, and connections I want in my life.

It’s really important also to understand that if someone says one thing, you have to also see if they follow through (or try to) based on what they’ve said. Is it just a fantastical wish fulfillment… or is it real, genuine care?

(^hard for me to say this because towards the end of my relationship with my narc ex, I couldn’t do the things I fawned and agreed to (if I didn’t agree to them, there would be consequences so… I just agreed)… and then I was the one being inconsistent. Sigh. I tried so hard to do my chores, to be so agreeable, to be available… all the while my body and mind were breaking down. I was (imho) unrecognizable compared to who I am today)

[boostyourintelligence]

Inferiority Complex in Relationships : How It Affects Your Love Life?

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[sabrinaboglund]

The Law of Courage - 5 Things You Should Know About the Universal Law of Courage.

Not all Universal Laws are about Manifesting the things we dream of – some Universal Laws help us in our daily well-being and support our growth and development as individuals. The Law of Courage is one of the Universal Laws that aids in personal development. Because let’s be honest… we all experience moments in life when we need courage and bravery! Of course, it’s easier to let others fight…

[ruminate88]

It’s painful and traumatic but you can get to a more positive mindset and you can heal from emotional abuse ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

I went through a lot of emotional abuse in my 20s. I dated two emotionally unavailable men back to back. I loved them as hard and as deep as I could and the first one Cody, ghosted me and the second one Andrew, wouldn’t break up with me but was a robot when I broke up with him. He was emotionless. (That’s manipulation but I didn’t know that back then! 🥺 I knew nothing about emotional abuse!)

For a season after that I was so cold, anxious, suicidal and very depressed. With a lot of prayers to God for help and love from family, I got through it. I just didn’t understand what happened to me. I met my husband directly after and married him in less than 2 years!! I did have a bit of a guard up with him and would easily get defensive towards him and so upset at times. (I just didnt know why) I couldn’t stop thinking about my ex, Andrew no matter how I tried even though I was married to someone else. 🥴 I had never heard of trauma bond before!! It got even worse during covid I missed Andrew so much causing me to really feel like terrible wife!

Years later I learn what emotional abuse is and I began to put pieces together from my past!! I now know what happened to me and suddenly I felt so angry and victimized. I was on a journey for over a year restling with so many uncomfortable feelings and with cognitive dissonance, struggled to make a sound opinion of my recent ex Andrew. I was so angry with him but I also still felt attached to him. I could not let him go! He was on my mind 24-7 and it was hurting me so much.

Just over this past weekend I prayed so hard to make sense and while I may not gain a straight forward prospective of my ex,(I can’t understand why he thinks the way he does and it’s not his fault) I know my ex deserves forgiveness regardless and it helps me too. I don’t want to be cold and afraid to trust anyone new because of my exes!!

I would say experiencing all I did with my exes made me aware of how some people can behave and treat you and now you can detect and be more cautious of who you get close to but keeping a guard up only keeps your heart closed off from human connections and love! I can’t live without love and people. I had enough isolation already with my exes just need to take back the love and empathy my exes tried to steal from me! ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

I don’t think I’ll ever truly know the whole truth from my exes, I probably won’t get real apologies from them (although I believe anything in this world is possible with praying) I won’t give up on myself or my exes. I’ll continue to hope the best for them and my own life. I probably won’t ever let them close to me the way I did before but I would love to make our past mistakes right!!!!

Has this helped you? Follow me for more ❤️‍🩹 It’s taken me many years to be in this more positive place! I hope you’re all healing daily 🙏🏻 Stay well and have a healthy 2024!

“Trauma permanently changes us. This is the frightening truth about betrayal. You never really get over it. At best, you grieve and make some kind of peace with it. But a major life disruption leaves a new normal behind. There’s no going back to who you were before.”

— Unknown

[ruminate88]

On Your Journey:

Expect to fail. Expect obstacles and difficulties. People will see life differently than you. Not everyone is raised the same way or has the same story as you. People you love can hurt you and YOU can also hurt them. You should try to learn and grow everyday. Not everyone will be on your side or support you!! You aren’t gonna be perfect and you’ll mess up a lot but don’t give up ❤️‍🩹👍🏻 You’re not alone!! People may see me sharing my story as a “poor me victim” account and all I got to say is, I miss my exes and I wish things were different for sure but I can’t change them or the past. I can only talk about what I experienced and what I learned from it.(I know there is so much more to learn)

IF MY ACCOUNT TRIGGERS YOU, maybe you do see what the emotional abuse can do to someone and maybe you don’t like it and you want it to change 🙏🏻 I can say I’ve changed a lot since I dated my exes and I can also admit not everything was their fault because I too participated in the relationships BUT I can’t change any of it. I’m trying to work on myself every day and forgive them PLUS forgive me too. It’s not been easy but it’s going. Being patient in the process is rough hah I can work with people who can work with me 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 That’s all! 🥺🥰

[mydayswithtarotbystella]

Complexities of Narcissistic Power Abuse

For those who struggle with inner fights and unbalances mentally

Understanding the Impact of Narcissistic Abuse Narcissistic abuse can have profound effects on an individual’s mental and emotional well-being. When someone close to us, such as a partner or friend, exhibits narcissistic traits, their actions can cause significant harm. This type of abuse often involves manipulation, control, and a lack of empathy, leaving the victim feeling powerless and…

[ruminate88]

So true 🥺 When you’ve dated narcissists, you are so focused on “their needs” you often neglect yourself and your body too! The body endures trauma and doesn’t react to it sometimes till years after you’re away from them and finally in a peaceful environment. Then you can begin to relax in your body and pay attention to it again but suddenly everything starts to react in your body as you realize what exactly happened to you!!

For example: My ex, Andrew, put me through so much stress, confusion and drama, there were days I would just forget to eat because I was so worked up over everything Andrew was doing and saying!! Also there was much distraction he caused me in my life. I couldn’t focus on anything that I normally could and my life felt like it was suddenly froze still in this silent but bitterly cold atmosphere and I was slowly suffocating everyday. EVENTUALLY years later, when I’m finally in a more peaceful environment, my body begins to release everything it was enduring and building up!!

First I had gained a little weight that I could not seem to lose during the love bomb phase with Andrew no matter how much time I spent at the gym!! Even though I wasn’t eating much but finally in 2020, almost 4 years after breaking up with Andrew, I started having major burning in my esophagus to the point I couldn’t eat anything at all for weeks and I began to lose a ton of weight too. I also lost so much hair too! You can blame covid for some of it but I believe my body was finally reacting to Andrew’s abuse. 😨

I found myself so tired all the time, then all these emotions I didn’t realize I even had started to show up within me: anger, bitterness, grief and I found myself needing to deal with it all but it was painful to do. I can’t explain why it took me so long to relax or to experience such things in my body but every one is different. Maybe for some it takes less time though. One day I would be fine then another day I’m so angry over Andrew I could punch a wall. Also I didn’t even learn what narcissistic abuse was till 2022 AND I blocked Andrew’s number in 2016!!! That’s how many years it’s taken me to understand what happened to me and to relax. I always knew he was toxic/bad for me but had no clue why that was till now in 2023!!! (Andrew wasn’t the only narcissist I dated unfortunately, there were two others before him)

my advice to anyone who has survived narc abuse: please be patient with yourself and forgive yourself first off so you can forgive the narcissist too.(even tho they will never apologize to you) Don’t beat yourself up for what you didn’t know before. Today is a new day to better yourself and your life! Maybe today you feel stuck in trauma bond or cognitive dissonance and you’re upset about it… That’s ok. Just don’t give up on yourself!! 👍🏻 I still battle cognitive dissonance at times and I often have battled the thoughts “what if I’m actually the narcissist????” 😝

“I’ve spent so much time in my head and in my heart that I forgot to live in my body.”

— Tara Hardy, Bone Marrow

[changesmadeeasy]

[davenusianastronaut]

Glamour Me Not

So yesterday, I was under a grey cloud because I had people from my past that I left behind projecting this devilish energy on me where I felt absolutely horrible.

I have left everything behind and I am now on my golden path and these people have been harassing me ever since. I grew up in a family of only narcissist and I am the black sheep so since I've awakened to who these demons were I decided to disconnect myself from them. They have been stalking me and doing all kinds of black magic towards me ever since.

The thing is I am immune to such icky energy because I vibrate too high. How do you vibrate so high that negative energy can reach you? You just have to love yourself. Believe in yourself. Put time and attention to the things that make you happy. After I gotten soul deep into the sciences of astrology, numerology, etc etc etc, I began to create my own life philosophy and build my own foundation out of steel. I am unbreakable and even when they try to psychic attack me out of no where and I have no energy, I keep projecting positive energy out no matter what. I refuse to succumb to negative energy. That is what blocks you from your dreams and who you are supposed to be.

So they little spell yesterday didnt work. I actually feel better than ever and I have them to thank!

[deepestturtlepielover]

Depression is a silent killer painted by me