#overcoming narcissistic abuse

[changesmadeeasy]

[ruminate88]

I Use To Think Love Sucks 😝

First off, I grew up in a very loving and positive Christian home. You would assume that I understood what true love was but I had “love and lust” very mixed up! Just because my parents were Christians, didn’t mean I understood it yet. I was very immature too. Whenever I turned 24, I found myself wanting a husband so badly. Most of my cousins already got married and started having kids. I felt like something was wrong with me… I had “loved” this guy named Jesse, since I was 15 and also dated a guy named Stewart during that time but nothing worked out for me. I ended up feeling very alone and depressed. When Jesse was finally ready to settle down and it wasn’t with me, I was crushed to the point I even questioned my existence! 🥺 I felt if I wasn’t made for him, then what was I made for? (I had no identity)

At 24, I’m giving up on myself and my life but then a narcissist named Cody suddenly showed up in my life right then and love bombed me!! I was crazy out of my mind over Cody but after he love bombed me, he suddenly dumped me out of no where with no warning signs and I didn’t hear from him for a whole summer! I truly believed the lie that “love sucks” and I was extremely depressed that whole time. Cody came back in the fall, love bomed me again, asked me to move to SF to live with him but before that could happen, he ghosted me…

At 25, I’m traumatized by Cody and so numb. I didn’t know if I could ever love someone again. I sorta spent some romantic time with a guy named Ryan for a few months but never believed Ryan loved me, just saw him as someone to fill my time and loneliness.

THEN, by that April, I meet a narcissist named Andrew and once again, I’m “crazy in love”. Andrew bread crumbed me for a summer, then we started a “relationship” but nothing changed. At Christmas I thought he was breaking up with me and I was terrified but then he love bombed me hard in January, then by Valentine’s Day, devalued me and did intermittent reinforcement with me for months. Andrew would be sooo hot and romantic towards me, getting all my hopes up, then disappear for days and leave me sitting next to my phone crying. Was this really love? Everyone around me kept telling me Andrew didn’t love me and I needed to dump him but I couldn’t. I was out of my mind for him, in trauma bond and planning a future with him. Always wondering what our children would look like and imagined us taking family vacations! I was overly excited even though Andrew was giving me basically nothing the whole time. (The whole relationship was VERY one sided)

I would often confront Andrew’s behavior and try to break up but he refused so I believed he did love me because he wouldn’t let me go! 😝 I stupidly thought it was “love” and that “love is so confusing and complicated” (all lies I lived) Eventually I found out Andrew was cheating with one of my girlfriends for a whole month behind my back and probably other girls too, so I had no choice but to lose faith and dump him. He blamed me for his cheating and had no emotions when I dumped him but tried to stay “friends” with me. Then for a whole summer he gaslit me and messed with me. Continued to want to be “sexual” with me but tell me I’m not respecting the breakup and that he doesn’t want a relationship with me. I was very suicidal during that time…

So I believed love sucked and I lost all hope and faith in it but I couldn’t end my life because it felt so terrifying and wrong. When I would sit and dwell on ways to hurt myself, I would just fall apart crying worried and afraid. Eventually I was so miserable for help I went back to my Christian roots and prayed to Jesus to help me!!!

Not even 2 months after I prayed to Jesus, I met my husband and in our very first conversation, I could actually breathe for the first time!! It was truly the first time I saw love and not lust. I knew right away there was a major difference!! My husband didn’t make me feel “crazy” or “obsessed”. The feeling with him was so different than with my narcissists exes, that I questioned why!! I never knew back then about narcissism or emotional abuse. I only knew my husband treated me way different and I felt so much more at peace with myself. Also because I had prayed to Jesus too!

Love is patient. Love is kind. It isn’t boastful, it isn’t jealous or hurtful. Love doesn’t cheat, lie or gaslight you. True love wants the best for you at all times and gives you the hard truth always. True love will give your life peace, not drama and chaos!! A person with NPD struggles to have empathy and can’t give you “love” only gives you a false security. They see the world differently than you do. Not all of them are aware of how they treat people so pray for them to do better because they’re still humans like you and bleed same as you.

NOW I know for sure love doesn’t suck and it’s hard work but it’s beautiful and it’s not confusing or complicated. The right person will allow you to feel safe always and you never go to bed afraid they’re cheating or leaving you. I pray you find the right person for you ♥️ Google the definition of “love” and “lust”. You will see they are total opposites!!

“Love didn’t hurt you. Someone who doesn’t know how to love you hurt you. Don’t confuse the two.”

— Unknown

[vizthedatum]

Overcoming codependency within yourself is a non-linear journey. You will find yourself interacting with people who you thought you could trust only to learn that you fell into your old patterns once again. You’ll avoid the red flags because you are *so good* at sweeping them under the rug. And besides, you put in all this investment and the highs feel so good when they validate you, doesn’t it?

Something I’ve been doing to help me through this journey is to keep lists of “standards” - especially partnership and sexual standards.

It’s really easy for me to let myself be taken advantage of. Or to even be in situations where I chase those who are emotionally unavailable.

Checking back on those lists on things that I either won’t compromise on (because they’ll hurt me in the long run) or things I at least want the other person to try to do for me as a form of reciprocity… has helped me narrow down the friends, lovers, and connections I want in my life.

It’s really important also to understand that if someone says one thing, you have to also see if they follow through (or try to) based on what they’ve said. Is it just a fantastical wish fulfillment… or is it real, genuine care?

(^hard for me to say this because towards the end of my relationship with my narc ex, I couldn’t do the things I fawned and agreed to (if I didn’t agree to them, there would be consequences so… I just agreed)… and then I was the one being inconsistent. Sigh. I tried so hard to do my chores, to be so agreeable, to be available… all the while my body and mind were breaking down. I was (imho) unrecognizable compared to who I am today)

[boostyourintelligence]

Inferiority Complex in Relationships : How It Affects Your Love Life?

Description: In this eye-opening video, we dive deep into the world of inferiority complex in relationships and how it can impact your love life. 😔💔 Discover the signs of an inferiority complex, the reasons behind it, and how to overcome it for a healthier, happier relationship. 💑💪 Don't let your insecurities hold you back from experiencing true love! ❤️🌟 Be sure to like, comment, and subscribe for more insightful content. 📈🔔 And don't forget to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below! 👇💬

[sabrinaboglund]

The Law of Courage - 5 Things You Should Know About the Universal Law of Courage.

Not all Universal Laws are about Manifesting the things we dream of – some Universal Laws help us in our daily well-being and support our growth and development as individuals. The Law of Courage is one of the Universal Laws that aids in personal development. Because let’s be honest… we all experience moments in life when we need courage and bravery! Of course, it’s easier to let others fight…

[ruminate88]

So true 🥺 When you’ve dated narcissists, you are so focused on “their needs” you often neglect yourself and your body too! The body endures trauma and doesn’t react to it sometimes till years after you’re away from them and finally in a peaceful environment. Then you can begin to relax in your body and pay attention to it again but suddenly everything starts to react in your body as you realize what exactly happened to you!!

For example: My ex, Andrew, put me through so much stress, confusion and drama, there were days I would just forget to eat because I was so worked up over everything Andrew was doing and saying!! Also there was much distraction he caused me in my life. I couldn’t focus on anything that I normally could and my life felt like it was suddenly froze still in this silent but bitterly cold atmosphere and I was slowly suffocating everyday. EVENTUALLY years later, when I’m finally in a more peaceful environment, my body begins to release everything it was enduring and building up!!

First I had gained a little weight that I could not seem to lose during the love bomb phase with Andrew no matter how much time I spent at the gym!! Even though I wasn’t eating much but finally in 2020, almost 4 years after breaking up with Andrew, I started having major burning in my esophagus to the point I couldn’t eat anything at all for weeks and I began to lose a ton of weight too. I also lost so much hair too! You can blame covid for some of it but I believe my body was finally reacting to Andrew’s abuse. 😨

I found myself so tired all the time, then all these emotions I didn’t realize I even had started to show up within me: anger, bitterness, grief and I found myself needing to deal with it all but it was painful to do. I can’t explain why it took me so long to relax or to experience such things in my body but every one is different. Maybe for some it takes less time though. One day I would be fine then another day I’m so angry over Andrew I could punch a wall. Also I didn’t even learn what narcissistic abuse was till 2022 AND I blocked Andrew’s number in 2016!!! That’s how many years it’s taken me to understand what happened to me and to relax. I always knew he was toxic/bad for me but had no clue why that was till now in 2023!!! (Andrew wasn’t the only narcissist I dated unfortunately, there were two others before him)

my advice to anyone who has survived narc abuse: please be patient with yourself and forgive yourself first off so you can forgive the narcissist too.(even tho they will never apologize to you) Don’t beat yourself up for what you didn’t know before. Today is a new day to better yourself and your life! Maybe today you feel stuck in trauma bond or cognitive dissonance and you’re upset about it… That’s ok. Just don’t give up on yourself!! 👍🏻 I still battle cognitive dissonance at times and I often have battled the thoughts “what if I’m actually the narcissist????” 😝

“I’ve spent so much time in my head and in my heart that I forgot to live in my body.”

— Tara Hardy, Bone Marrow

[mydayswithtarotbystella]

Complexities of Narcissistic Power Abuse

For those who struggle with inner fights and unbalances mentally

Understanding the Impact of Narcissistic Abuse Narcissistic abuse can have profound effects on an individual’s mental and emotional well-being. When someone close to us, such as a partner or friend, exhibits narcissistic traits, their actions can cause significant harm. This type of abuse often involves manipulation, control, and a lack of empathy, leaving the victim feeling powerless and…

[changesmadeeasy]

[davenusianastronaut]

Glamour Me Not

So yesterday, I was under a grey cloud because I had people from my past that I left behind projecting this devilish energy on me where I felt absolutely horrible.

I have left everything behind and I am now on my golden path and these people have been harassing me ever since. I grew up in a family of only narcissist and I am the black sheep so since I've awakened to who these demons were I decided to disconnect myself from them. They have been stalking me and doing all kinds of black magic towards me ever since.

The thing is I am immune to such icky energy because I vibrate too high. How do you vibrate so high that negative energy can reach you? You just have to love yourself. Believe in yourself. Put time and attention to the things that make you happy. After I gotten soul deep into the sciences of astrology, numerology, etc etc etc, I began to create my own life philosophy and build my own foundation out of steel. I am unbreakable and even when they try to psychic attack me out of no where and I have no energy, I keep projecting positive energy out no matter what. I refuse to succumb to negative energy. That is what blocks you from your dreams and who you are supposed to be.

So they little spell yesterday didnt work. I actually feel better than ever and I have them to thank!

[arrenlebanen777]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS/ RANDOM EDITION +18

♅ Im very impressed by the beauty of Cancer risings. ♅ And also very impressed by Cancer freakiness. ♅ Remember knowing astrology should be bonus since you can see hidden influences and energies that usually rules people uncounciously. ♅ Mars conjunct/parallel Daitarabochi(8551): Very violent person if its pushed, dark desires, attracted to taboo and dark things, and usually can be intimidating to a lot of people and if the person is not intimidating phisically it can be repulsive for some people. ♅ Mercury conjunct/parallel Daitarabochi(8551): The mind process is inmense, usually their minds can be scary sometimes, is the people you think are psycopaths but aren't, x-rays, sometimes suicide is always an option for these people, they can be perverse, and are a little bit crazy when they experience some kind of abuse, usually is kinda difficult to these people to see the light(metaphorically), always in dark places sometimes. ♅ Mars conjunct/parallel Heracles(5143): unshakable determination, tendency to seek out or attract situations that require strength and courage either in the external world or within, combative/ competitive attitude, the person might feel a strong need to prove their ability to overcome difficulties, Without realizing it, they constantly seek out difficult or challenging situations.

♅ Mars conjunct/parallel DANTE(2999): An extraordinary capacity for actions that others would deem extreme, brutal, or even "evil" in certain contexts. Their drive to act could be fueled by a deep connection to the darker side of existence. They are likely to pursue their goals with a disregard for conventional moral boundaries or concern for the suffering of others, potentially making them capable of cold, calculated actions. This individual may appear unstoppable or unyielding when going after what they want, with a natural affinity for crises, violence, or radical transformations. Tendency to confront the darkest aspects within partnerships and might be drawn to relationships that involve power struggles, control, or even transformative or traumatic experiences. They could be perceived as cold, distant, or ruthless, especially if they feel their authority or power is being challenged, (Very similar to Kenpachi Zaraki from Bleach). ♅ Ive seen some Scorpio Venus having hard times in matters related to love, since loyalty and fidelity are being so trampled on these days, they usually suffer the consequences of this and have a pretty bad time, I have seen that some opt for open relationships or even polyamory, but I know that deep down they only want one person with whom they can completely merge, which is also quite difficult in these times, I know.

♅ Usually in intimacy some planets or asteroids related to sexual things can be expressed on the oposite sign, for example: Eros in aries is more submissive in bed and Eros in libra is more dominant and agressive. ♅ Mars in capricorn: Can represent the devil himself sometimes, very materialistic, very rude and brute, sometimes they see people as obstacles, horny 24/7 but usually supressed 24/7 too due to the focus on their ambitions and goals, if they are not connected with their ambitions and purpose they can enter in very depressed states, very critical and demanding with themselves and with others too, strong endurance and stamina, sometimes they objectify their partners and they can generally resist more than others. ♅ I have seen many people who know almost nothing about astrology being Lilith dominant and I swear that when they are unconscious of this part of themselves they are usually quite narcissistic, violent, cold, calculating, manipulative and superficial since Lilith "remember" if is not conscious it always brings poison with her. ♅ Moon conjunct Chiron: Ive seen that this placement is very similar to Lilith conj moon but is sad, the mother usually is very negligent with the child, doesn't trust her, and the native of this position can be very naive about the mother's true intentions or the total opposite and not trust her at all. But i love them, they are so compassionate too, and this side is very beautiful.

♅Lust(4386) conjunct/parallel Moon: Constant desire for passion and pleasure, they feel drawn to situations or people that evoke deep emotional and sensual satisfaction, once they connect with you emotionally the seduce you almost completely, blurred line between emotional needs and physical impulses, rich inner world but it can be overwhelming at times, can be nymphomaniacs, they get depressed if they don't have someone they can have sex with constantly. ♅ Almost all anime villains that you see are the archetype of Lilith/Pluto dominant people.

[daportalpractitioner]

aries degrees in the natal chart (1°, 13°, 25°)

1° = initiator. pioneer. noob. impulsive. stepping into leadership. issues with taking action. fear. immaturity. sheltered. deemed as incapable. taking unprecedented action. changing the algorithm. nu ventures. ancestral support. struggles with discipline + following thru. craziest ideas. misunderstood. a need to self-validate your actions. curiosity with action triggers development. risk taker. passion doesn't last long. innocent. doesn't think before acting. fleeting emotions + attraction. gets bored easily.

13° = warrior innerG. struggles to get out of survival mode. selfish. wounded masculine energy. narcissism. unprocessed anger. hella opps/haters. imposter syndrome. power struggles. narcissistic parent(s). overcoming people pleasing. boundary pusher. learning to be more considerate. gets physically hurt easily. abusive relationships. anger management class. dark feminine innerG. rebel. challenges inequality. deals with people trying to shut you down. moody. intolerable. struggles with inflammation. headaches/migraines. sensitive crown chakra. identity crisis.

25° = breaking free from parents. not giving a fuck what anybody thinks. learning how to honor your sacred rage. obtaining freedom. cannot be controlled. pro manifestor. learning how to honor + respect boundaries. a need to develop a secure attachment style. a need to balance your yin/yang energy. you have to give to receive. strong relationships. lover and a fighter. makes a great leader. learn to be a confident decision maker. desires marriage. honors the importance of freedom. dealing with people tryna gaslight you. strong identity. entrepreneur vibes. gets what you want without any force. very confident. honest.

[fansblogs]

fan is a narcissist. isn’t it wonderful.

Fan and NPD: The ultimate masterpost. Or something.

Hello! First time posting something this long, so forgive me for any possible inconveniences. The purpose of this post is to explain the grounds of my headcanon and correlate this disorder to Fan, whom I believe showcases it spectacularly, as well as educating on NPD along the way. This does not mean that Fan having NPD is “canon” by any account, but he most certainly displays traits of it, and it’s something I personally believe he has!

Disclaimer that this post is being made by a questioning narcissist. If you associate NPD with abuse, demonize narcissists or so on, please block me. Disorders do not make anybody inherently evil!

..in the making of this, I forgot that tumblr had video limits. To overcome this, I’ve linked most of the scenes I’ve been using for reference when making this post! There’s plenty of times where I start to describe certain scenes, so make sure to click on the link to avoid confusion. Sorry for the inconvenience!

If this format is too cluttered and/or confusing; here’s also the Twitter version of this post.

Lastly, if any PWNPD have things they want to note or add, go ahead!

tags: @moonlightcanyon @box-of-lemon-nys

All of this information is taken straight from the DSM-5. I don’t support nor endorse the ableist view of NPD shown in the DSM, but for the sake of simplicity I’ll be referring to it, as it’s the official diagnostic criteria.

As per the DSM, NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is defined as “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.”

Fan displays all of these traits outstandingly overtly, yet in such a way most people wouldn’t recognize as narcissism. Starting with the first;

“Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).”

This has been pertinent since his appearance in S2. In fact, the first line he even speaks in the season is a proclamation of his believed superiority. Fan has based his identity on being the BEST, the #1 fan of Inanimate Insanity. 

Though there’s way too many examples of his grandiosity to compile completely, one of my favorites is this theory shown in EP 7, which perfectly displays these behaviors.

He’s confident that his theory is right, that each team will always win twice in a row. Though he provides proof, he notes “Not like you need it, right?”, showing that he believes his word is more than enough to prove something correct. Last but not least, his favorite episode (at the time) was Episode 3, the one where HE won the challenge for his team.

Again, just for the sake of simplicity, i’m picking and choosing scenes so I don’t have to note down every single time he displays this symptom.. but please keep in mind that this is a VERY obvious trait he shows almost constantly.

Though this side note isn’t really intended to be “evidence”, it feels relevant to mention that later in the series, Episode 14 becomes his favorite Episode, yet again another episode focused on his growth and accomplishments. 

Another thing important to mention here is that narcissists are SEVERELY sensitive to criticism, which we see multiple times with Fan. Episode 2 of Invitational illustrates this very well with Fan’s reactions to both Cabby’s files and her own spoken criticism of him, even refuting it by blatantly denying his negative behaviors and defending his knowledge. (Timestamp 3:39-3:58)

2. “Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.”

I’d say that this is perhaps the least evidenced of all the traits, but nonetheless, there are a few instances of this. Most relevant to me is Fan’s enjoyment of fanfic, especially the RPF he posted of him and MePhone. 

Fan has a VERY, VERY complicated relationship with MePhone. But considering the idolization he has for him, this very much reads as a narcissistic fantasy in my mind. Becoming closer to a person with such power and influence, a person you personally admire and hold great respect for their accomplishments and believe would reach out to you due to your own assumed superiority absolutely falls into the criteria of narcissistic fantasies, something Fan shows very clearly here.

3. “Believes that they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).”

This symptom is heavily varied on presentation, and isn’t as cut-and-dry as “wants influential acquaintances.” In my personal experience, this is more akin to your own personal hierarchy, only caring to bond and make an effort to associate with those whom are higher in the hierarchy. 

Fan is no stranger to this. He has a clear disdain for many of the contestants and subtly belittles them, such as Lightbulb, Paintbrush, Dough, or Paper. This is not that Fan necessarily dislikes any of his teammates or acquaintances, but he sees them as worse than him, which leads to a proneness of conflict due to his indifference towards their emotions. This also leads into the low-empathy in Section 7.

Meanwhile, someone Fan DOES view as “special” is Test Tube, what one would call a CHP/FP (Chosen Person / Favorite Person). He values her input and greatly idolizes her, and of course, is HEAVILY dependent on her. I can’t even begin to explain the intricacies of their relationship in such a small paragraph.

And in a rare case of Fan refusing to associate with institutions rather people, Episode 5 he remarks that he doesn’t want his egg to hatch into a “sub-par, bowless season”, an obvious projection on his end.  (Timestamp 1:32-1:38)

I don’t think he would’ve legitimately made any actions to leave the game given that Bow didn’t appear (despite him assuming that his first interaction with Bow was nothing but a trick of MePhone’s), but his indirect threat of not wanting to be in the game without Bow, finding it too inadequate for him, still stuck with me.

4. “Requires Excessive Admiration.”

Alongside #2, this is probably the other most difficult trait to explain on the list. Fan’s no stranger to subtly fishing for compliments, but that’s the exact problem with him. He’s so subtle that many of the contestants in fact MISS his social cues, and Fan ends up being ignored or degraded instead. 

Despite this, it’s clear that he expects praise and admiration from all, even if others don’t outwardly show it often. In the rare not-so subtle cases of Fan looking for acclamation, he outwardly asks for it to boost his ego, motivation, and most of all- excitement, as shown in Nickel’s FFF. (Timestamp 0:16-0:23)

Most of the time however, Fan places himself in positions that could give him commendation, one of my favorites being this short exchange from the Purgatory Stream. Fan has a lot of admiration for Marshmallow, and he tries to impress her with his offer, hoping for approval and kudos. (Timestamp 1:20:12-1:20:20)

(Short break here. Just wanted to mention how much Fan truly adores Marshmallow. Highly encourage anybody reading this to look into it if you haven’t already.)

Multiple times on Fan’s FFF’s, he’s attempted to do quips with his interviewees. In Nickel’s interview, he refers to these as his “fan instincts.” As I was saying earlier about these cues for praise being missed, both Nickel and Balloon react to his references with annoyance, in which Fan responds with aggression and disappointment respectively. In Balloon’s interview especially, it’s clear to see that he thought him referencing Balloon’s catchphrase would earn him a laugh and praise. (Timestamp 10:30-10:38)

5. “Has a sense of entitlement (i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations).”

Perhaps one of Fan’s least hidden symptoms. Again, a trait so glaring that it’s impossible to pinpoint every example.. but of course, my favorite display of this comes from one of the oldest pieces of Fan media, where he VERY clearly shows this. (Timestamp 0:14-0:38)

Though this short is dubiously canon, seeing it within the context of NPD makes a lot of sense to me. Of COURSE Fan’s personality would be far less nuanced when first created, hence his entitlement manifesting very overtly and negatively. Though it does mellow out over time, it never truly disappears, just seeps into different faucets of his personality and actions. (Timestamp 1:37-1:43)

Take here, for example. Fan tries to justify stealing from Cabby, but the truth is simply that he felt he deserved to see what she said about him, not asking her permission first. As Test Tube said, an invasion of privacy, a serious one at that when considering the later reveal of Cabby’s files being her memory aids. Alongside that, the grandiosity he highlights in this scene (think back to Section 1) is amazing. (Timestamp 0:42-1:01)

Just a bonus clip of Fan’s entitlement in relation to this specific conflict. (Timestamp 8:44-9:02)

In another more evident demonstration, Fan simply admitted to filming FFF without OJ’s permission, not even considering the possibility of needing to ask for acceptance to film and host a show inside of the Hotel. In his view, it’s something he wants, and with nobody encouraging against it, therefore it’s his right.

Another thing I really like about this post is how “innocent” Fan comes across here. In my personal experience, entitlement has never been something I intend to be harmful to others, just something I feel I deserve because I am special, not even noticing my egotism with it. I don’t think Fan intended anything wrong with hosting the show, just assumed that OJ would be fine with it, and that he would have no need to ask for permission.

6. “Is interpersonally exploitative (i.e, takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends).”

Very much so! This is one you’d never note down when taking a first glance at Fan, but it happens to be severely true. The way the DSM words it makes it sound inherently malicious, but trust me that this is not commonly how this trait manifests. Everybody tends to be manipulative once in a while, and that doesn’t make it a necessarily negative symptom if utilized in ways that don’t harm others.

For Fan, one of the big signs of this is his tendency of sitting back and letting his team do the work. According to his patterns he’s guaranteed a win, therefore he finds he  has no reason to contribute, leaving his teammates to put in the effort to achieve it. (Timestamp 6:44-6:49)

Another thing I find I should add here is that Narcissists don’t usually intend for this manipulation to be.. legitimately evil manipulative. In our minds, we’re not doing anything wrong at all. So what if we use somebody as a means to an ends once in a while? There’s nothing wrong with it, especially if you deserve it. Fan is the same within this regard.

Funnily enough, this pattern of exploitation is a key factor of Fan’s character. Fan is THE #1 Fan of II, and as thus, must know as much about the show and its inhabitants as possible. He frequently uses the information and trivia he has collected about his fellows to steer them into giving him what he wants, no matter if it’s more information on themselves or a reaction, both things Fan finds severe intrigue and entertainment within.

Again, mentioning Nickel’s FFF (there is SO much to deconstruct there), Fan asks Nickel personal and invasive questions for his own entertainment, using Dime’s presence to utilize Nickel’s own self-confidence against him, prompting more honesty. (Timestamp 1:37-2:20)

Last but not least for this section, exploitation can be both conscious and subconscious. Though in my opinion it always seems Fan has some degree of lucidity, it’s clear from this blog post that it’s not all COMPLETELY conscious, some of his manipulative tendencies even flying over his own head. 

In this post he mocks a version of himself he believes is far from his own image, failing to notice how often he does take advantage of the others around him. In the end, it all boils down to intentions. This faux version of Fan is comically evil, and Fan believes his own personal intentions are nothing short of moral and understandable.. thus his manipulation not coming across as remotely manipulative to himself, just something he deserves.

7. “Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings or needs of others.”

A DEFINING characteristic of him. There’s so much to delve into with this specific aspect of his character, it’s practically infinite. For starters, Fan holds zero to none respect for everybody around him, viewing most of the people in his life as nothing more than simple characters.

There’s certain people who break this mold such as Test Tube or Suitcase, but most are confined to it. Even with people that Fan admires, MePhone or OJ for example, he still views as playthings. At that, Fan’s general emotional and mental disconnect from the world feeding into his low empathy leads him into the practice of stalking, in which both MePhone and OJ happen to be targets.

My favorite moments of Fan exhibiting his low empathy always tend to be when he’s alongside Paintbrush. This scene in Episode 7 really puts this into perspective.. despite Paintbrush’s outburst and clear distress, Fan sees their frustration as nothing more than laughable, even predicting the time it would take to happen. (Timestamp 12:50-13:03)

Even Paintbrush momentarily pauses in their outburst, shocked by his insensitive reaction. Later, they threaten Fan with the idea of smashing Baby Shimmer, an impulsive action in the blindness of rage. It really speaks to me how even though Paintbrush was too highstrung to adequately try to analyze Fan’s reaction, they still subconsciously realized that trying to get Fan to empathize with them was near impossible, choosing to instead threaten him in efforts of arising understanding.

Same kind of situation here. Fan only cares about Paintbrush’s emotions when Paintbrush punches him to the ground. This concern is completely unrelated to empathy of Paintbrush’s anger, merely just a self-preserving meekness in fear of being attacked again. And after Fan notices Paintbrush’s “cliche”, his attention is entirely diverted and he instead only focuses on this new discovery, again finding no meaning in Paintbrush’s emotions as his priorities are higher. (Timestamp 9:04-9:20)

Though this quote is more about Fan’s disconnect and escapism, it does highlight his apathy to others as well. I think there’s bits and pieces to be said here about Fan’s low empathy, even if not directly related to it’s portrayal in this context.

8. “Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them.”

This symptom, just like majority of the others, is a key trait Fan exhibits. Time and time again, Fan flaunts spiteful and petty behaviors. Especially when provoked, Fan quickly finds himself vindictive and jealous. Though I do believe Fan’s grandiosity makes him believe that he has enviable characteristics, he tends to more outwardly show his jealousy toward others rather than vocalizing the assumed envy others have for him.

As I’ve referenced multiple times over, Episode 2 of Invitational is prime grounds for Fan analysis. This scene in particular shows such an evince of jealousy. Cabby first insults Fan’s formation of his identity, with an implied superiority of intelligence on her side. Watching his reaction is fascinating- first frustration, doubtful vulnerability, anger, then lastly disbelief.

Now, of course, this doesn’t exactly SEEM like jealousy, more-so defensive rage. Yet, it’s both! Fan has a lot of respect for how Cabby plays the game and her general self-image, admiring how professional and knowledgeable she comes across. Considering Test Tube’s proclamation of adoration for Cabby upon their first meeting, Fan instantly marked Cabby as somewhat of competition. 

Though he initially pursued a friendship with Cabby, he was quicker to turn on her than Test Tube, due to what I believe to be jealousy. Yes, Cabby is smart, but part of the reason Fan felt entitled to steal from her to prove that he is vasty more intelligent.. making a point that Cabby's notes on him are surface-level and nothing as good as Fan himself could create. When Cabby's file showed criticism of him, he took it even more personally than anticipated, because not only did her notes happen to belittle him, but also were severely impressive.

And as I said, during their confrontation with Cabby, Test Tube’s reaction seemed more disappointed and shocked with Cabby’s assessment of her, far more calm than Fan’s obvious anger. Again, Cabby is deprecating Fan in a way that makes her come across as far more impressive than him, far more mature and intelligent to the both of them. Not only is Cabby damaging Fan’s pride, but he sees her own self-presentation as a threat to how Test Tube perceives HIM.

This little interaction is quite a parade of envy. Vexation and jealousy tend to happen at the same time, something that’s very obviously shown here. (Timestamp 13:08-13:13)

At the end of the Episode during Fan’s elimination, Fan takes the news FAR more calmly than one would expect. Yet, this is mostly a facade, one to make himself seem far more composed and impressive than he actually is; by being so envious of Cabby, he holds himself to coming across just as dignified as she does. In matter of fact, Fan and Cabby share many of the same traits despite how differently they may manifest between them, and Fan sees part of himself in her. And for Fan.. my, is it terribly demeaning to meet somebody who’s  like you but BETTER. The envy he holds is gnawing at his core.

9. “Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.”

As expected, a Fan special. I honestly wish I had more commentary on this symptom, but it’s so blatant and pertinent throughout his entire runtime on the show that I can’t offer up much variation that isn’t already obvious enough.

Citing this scene for example, this is clearly arrogance mixed with jealousy. Not only does he believe he’s far better than what Cabby has said about him, but he’s also jealous that Cabby comes across as more intimidating than him. (Timestamp 5:00-5:11)

Another really good presentation. His haughtiness causes him to act defensively, attempting to reassure to both himself and the Shimmers that he is in fact a threat bigger than them. When met with even more denial of his self-assumed daunting, he merely pushes it out of mind, believing that yes, he has fearful qualities about him and that his “lower score is preferable.” (Timestamp 12:05-12:30)

-

As per the DSM, NPD is diagnosed when patients meet 5 out of the 9 traits. In the case of this essay.. I managed to correlate Fan to all 9 symptoms. Though some are certainly more pervasive than others, I do believe Fan meets the full criteria… Which brings me to the end of my essay!

I have SO many thoughts about this that I couldn’t all squish into this already lengthy post. Please feel free to ask me anything about this at all, as somebody with a special interest in Fan, I could go on for HOURS.

And last but not least, if you have any questions on the topic of NPD (related to Fan or not) I’d also absolutely love to answer!

And with that.. Fan is absolutely a narcissist. Thanks for listening <3

[timkontheunsure]

Cash is the Ultimate Big Bad of Helluva Boss

He's the dragon Blitz will have to slay with the help of his found family.

Ok so you know how the show has the theme of overcoming abuse, and Blitz relationships?

and how Blitz helps the people he loves get to a better place? But also believe he makes his loved ones lives worse.

Blitz is still stuck with alot of trauma patterns about him only being able to be loved constitutional (links previously analyses other on Blitz for BBP and core beliefs).

Don't think Millie, or Stolas will enough be to fully able to stop him falling back into that belief on bad days.

(He's come along way, but it can be really tricky to really remove that sort of idea from your head. Without coming to terms with who you're gotta them from in the first place).

But Cash is dead right? Nope. Unfortunately that dickhead leggs past Fizz and Blitz to get out.

Cash is responsible for the break down of every relationship with his family and friends he grew up with.

Cash was the ringmaster, the boss.

He would have been one responsible buying none flammable bloody tents, and the storage of fireworks safely.

He could even mandated the use for imp safe fire in the circus, like earth fire, or what ever the feck paimon was using.

But no, he blames all the dead and damage on his own kid, and says specifically it wasn't an accident. This looks like a way to shift blame and get out of culpability for his negligence.

Getting him off the hook for damages, and keeping Fizz stuck with him.

He's git that stopped Blitz and Fizz talking for 15 years!

By telling Fizz the lie that Blitz set the fire on out of jealousy. Making him feel like their whole relationship was a lie.

And has Barbie and even her nurse parroting Cash's words. With her nurse calling Blitz a deadbeat.

And Barbie screaming that he's ruined her life.

But the deadbeat comments interesting, because Blitz isn't financially responsible for Barbie or his dad. Narcissistic parents assume their kids are. That if they have even a little they 'should' give it to the family (meaning Cash). But will often send siblings to guilt them into doing so.

And with Barbie being an addict before.. yer it sounds like she was pissed he wouldn't give her money for her habit too.

Ok need to talk about after the fire more.

Because this dickwod hits Blitz straight after it. Grabbing Blitz wrist so he can't get away.

You can see Blitz's newly scared skin on the hand, and the fairy lights in the background from the circus.

So this is what Cash did straight after the fire, before Blitz or Fizz even got to the hospital. Blitz has just seen his mum dead, and his friend melted. And the first thing Cash did was beat his son!

But even with Cash alive Blitz wouldn't be in contact right? Yer he is. 🙁

That's who Blitz rings asking asking where Barbie is. That's who Blitz is annoyed at that they didn't even ask where she was going.

But on the bright side Cash's number isn't on Blitz's phone. He has to looks it up in the rolodexs.

This seems like a good compromise, letting him contact in emergency for Barbie. But not having it in his phone for bad nights.

So low contact but not none.

So yer think this is where it'll end up, but glad Blitz is doing better and is taking measures to protect himself from further abuse.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Steven Beschloss at America, America:

Anyone who’s spent time with an abusive narcissist understands the dilemma: If you just go along to get along, you’ll never escape their grip. And if you confront them, they will do anything they can to make your life a living hell—until you get away or they leave forever.

America is trapped right now in this ugly nexus, thanks to millions of Americans who identified with Donald Trump’s anger and hatreds or didn’t comprehend the dangerous choice they were making. But we have a chance to overcome this dark chapter with a clear, fearless opposition. That will require elected officials refusing to work with him and abandoning the idea that collaboration is the only way they can mitigate the damage he will cause or accomplish something themselves. The more they give him, the more he will take. The more they communicate that they accept his dominance and respect his power, the more he will exploit their vulnerability, particularly because he sadistically relishes harming and demeaning others. We saw that dynamic play out yesterday when the president of Colombia initially rejected two military planes carrying deported migrants, demanding that the U.S. create a protocol that treats these people with dignity before they would be repatriated. It was a moment when a significant trading partner and ally reminded all of us what we are fighting for.

“A migrant is not a criminal and must be treated with the dignity that a human being deserves,” Colombia’s President Gustavo Petro said. “That is why I returned the U.S. military planes that were carrying Colombian migrants.” Petro went on to say that his country would receive these citizens only if they are transported “in civilian planes, without being treated like criminals.” The bellicose, over-the-top response from Trump? He would immediately put a 25 percent tariff on Colombia and issue a travel ban revoking the visas of Colombian government officials as well as their allies. “These measures are just the beginning,” Trump threatened in a Truth Social post.

Could Trump have picked up a telephone and had a simple conversation? Of course, he could have and should have. It’s not like there wasn’t an easy solution. Colombia received 475 flights with migrants deported from the U.S. between 2020 and 2024, according to the Associated Press, including 124 in 2024. But the abusive Trump preferred to bully this strategically important ally, which buys billions of dollars in U.S. exports, including corn which is important to U.S. farming states. Reluctant to escalate the unnecessary dispute, Petro’s government subsequently announced that the country would make available their own presidential planes to pick up the migrants and provide them “dignified conditions.” Classic Trump case: Escalate a minor dispute that could have been resolved calmly and simply. Exploit the “crisis” he created to pound his chest and pretend that it demonstrates how powerful he is. “I have directed my Administration to take…urgent and decisive retaliatory measures,” Trump posted.

This extreme reaction concerned less than 200 migrants, but late last night Petro reversed course to avoid a trade war by allowing even military aircraft. And the false Trump response, delivered by White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt: “Today’s events make clear to the world that America is respected again.” Donald Trump doesn’t care about or respect laws. He doesn’t care about or believe in American democratic values and principles like equality, diversity and justice. He rejects free speech and despises the peaceful assembly of those who disagree with him. He is bored by the details of policy and governance, belittles the value of expertise, only wants attention and spectacle, and is determined to surround himself with sycophants who will bow down to him. He doesn’t care about or comprehend the pain he causes other human beings. He is more than ready to use political violence to get what he wants.

He will never make an effort to unify the nation. He will never rely on inspiration, only stoke fear, seek to intimidate and threaten violence. He will never work to gain the trust of the majority. Is this an American president? Are we obliged—are elected Democrats obliged—to treat such a man with respect? This is the person who pardoned over 1,500 convicted felons who attacked the U.S. Capitol; just this weekend he invited the remorseless Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes—freshly released from prison and his 18-year sentence for seditious conspiracy—to appear behind him in a Nevada rally.

Should Democrats find ways to work with Trump or oppose him at every turn? Is there any reason to believe he will do anything to make lives better rather than commit acts to glorify himself and enrich himself and his billionaire cronies by stealing from the wealth created by hard-working Americans? As I see it, going along with even some of Trump’s policies in order to minimize the damage represents collaborating with a man bent on the destruction of American democracy and aiding his effort. I understand the decision of 13 Senate Democrats (many from border states) to sign a letter to Majority Leader John Thune, offering to work with him “in good faith” to craft border security and immigration legislation. But do they really think Trump will ever work with them in good faith, especially as he’s focused on mass deportation, building a wall (again) and demonizing refugees and Democrats?

As the transgressions and degradations and the acts of corruption and criminality mount—and, yes, they already have been at an alarming pace meant to shock the unsuspecting—we should demand that Democratic leaders and anyone who is committed to overcoming this dark chapter in our history refuse to work with this regime. That will become even more important as he is surrounded by dangerously reckless cabinet secretaries and others in leadership positions motivated to carry out his agenda, satisfy his hunger for vengeance and dismantle the very government programs and agencies they have sworn to serve. Soon the deeply unfit Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth will likely be joined by the retribution-minded Kash Patel at the FBI, the Putin-supporting Tulsi Gabbard as the Director of National Intelligence and Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. “running” Health and Human Services.

[...] We have to prove that we will not be drowned, not just to be resilient in the face of hostile forces, but capable of confronting and overcoming them.

In the first week of 47’s reign of terror, he has rapidly slid the country into the toilet.

[abbyfmc]

[Yandere Time Traveler]

Chapter One:

[Narrator PO.V]

This is the story of a boy named Raymond Smith, a young adult who has been treated very badly by life since he was born, since he is the son of a pair of narcissistic and abusive parents who pressured him academically to be perfect in EVERYTHING, or else they punished him physically, psychologically and emotionally speaking.

On several occasions Raymond went to school in long sleeves, covering the bruises, scratches and physical marks his parents gave him when they were angry with him. At school things were not much different, as day after day he was cornered, mistreated, harassed and bullied by his classmates; the leading bully being an upper-class boy named Darius who took advantage of Raymond's weakness day after day.

He would insult him, hit him, slap him, push him, kick him and make fun of him; he would throw books, food and drinks at him, knowing that he would never fight back out of fear and low self-esteem. Even so, neither parents nor teachers cared about him, and he found himself totally alone in those dark years when he even considered committing suicide due to the despair, depression and loneliness he felt that year.

Even so, he was a smart and studious boy (even if it was because of pressure from his parents), but he didn't think that, since he had a bad perception of himself. Things continued like this until the 4th year of high school, which was when Darius was transferred to a different school (although his two friends stayed there), and at that same time a new cute girl arrived, named (Y/n) (Y/ln), being the ONLY one who approached him kindly.

She became his best friend and his emotional support, both in and out of school. They talked a lot during breaks, online, and she would invite him to her house for dinner. She also ended up being very important to him, both by supporting him and being a shoulder to cry on and by helping him to trust himself more and overcome, being his beautiful light in the middle of his darkness.

Time passed and they both graduated with honors, applying to good universities, although they parted ways. Eventually, Raymond graduated at the top of his class; he went to work for his current company where they met again at the office, which made them both happy.

But Darius wouldn't let Raymond get close to (Y/n), as he didn't want their past to come to light (also because he was very jealous, obsessive and possessive with [Y/n]). The latter escalated to the point where (T/n) herself broke off their engagement due to his toxicity, which escalated to the point where Darius kidnapped his ex-fiancée in his apartment after work.

Raymond noticed this, and called the police and followed Darius to his apartment, willing to do anything to save her.

Upon arriving, the police were nearby but he didn't want to waste any time, so Raymond stormed into the apartment, determined to get his beloved out before Darius did anything to her. They exchanged blows, with Raymond taking the brunt of the blow, and in the end, Darius beat him so hard that Raymond ended up falling and hitting his head hard on the corner of a table, which caused his death.

Raymond woke up startled and frightened in his bed. Sweat was pouring down his forehead as he tried to calm himself down.

--What the hell was that dream?!-- He asked himself. He couldn't explain how or why he had that "dream" or rather, "nightmare". Anyway, he decided to call (Y/n) to see if she was okay, but when he looked at her cell phone, he noticed something very strange.

Monday, August 10 - 2015

4:00 AM

--This… is my old phone, and this date… is not today-- He then tried to unlock his phone with previous passwords and failed, until he entered the birthday of his beloved (Y/n). He reviewed old photos and videos, old conversations, social networks and news from the year 2015, which began to give him the impression that he… traveled nine years into the past.

-The end.

So, wat do you think about it?

[correlance]

I don't see this topic discussed very often, but Alastor is such a great foil and antagonist for Charlie, and a catalyst for her character arc.

In any narrative, a foil is a character who contrasts with another character, typically, a character who contrasts with the protagonist, in order to better highlight or differentiate certain qualities of the protagonist. A foil to the protagonist may also be the antagonist of the plot. [...] A protagonist is the story's main character, whose actions help propel the plot forward. An antagonist, while often a secondary character, is pivotal in creating compelling narratives by introducing challenges and conflicts for the protagonist to overcome. These two characters are seen as opposing forces serve as the driving forces behind the plot; with the protagonist representing the hero or central figure of the story, and the antagonist acting as the main adversary. Together, they create a dynamic, and often complex, relationship that draws readers and audiences into the narrative, leaving them invested in the outcome of the conflict between the two. [...] The protagonist's journey often involves some sort of personal growth or transformation, as they learn important lessons or face significant challenges [from the antagonist] that shape their character.

When we look at Alastor and Charlie as separate characters, they couldn't be more opposite from one another. Whereas Charlie is sincere, genuinely friendly, innocent, naïve, trusting, believes that there is good in everyone, finds hope in redemption, and is one of the most pure-hearted souls in Hell, Alastor is steeped in sin. He is a remorseless narcissist and sociopath who enjoys torturing and killing others; in life, he was a serial killer who targeted the "scum of the Earth" - abusers, rapists, murderers, etc. - for amusement, entertainment, and to enact his brand of "divine justice" on the guilty.

He is someone who is unapologetic, or even gleeful, about giving others the comeuppance that he believes that they deserve. Alastor thinks that "there is no undoing what is done", and that sinners in Hell - himself included - deserve eternal punishment, whereas Charlie wants sinners to be redeemed, and find eternal happiness, peace, and bliss in Heaven. There two couldn't have more opposing views that clash with one another; and, yet, Alastor and Charlie usually get along quite well, and are well-matched in other personality aspects, such as enjoying music, dancing, and working as business partners.

Alastor's character traits also balance out Charlie's traits well. Whereas Charlie is innocence, Alastor is experience; whereas Charlie is naïve and trusting, Alastor is shrewd, calculating, and mistrusting; and, when Charlie needs assistance in her darkest hour, Alastor appears to help her, serving a role as both her friend (i.e. shared interests) and her antagonist (i.e. having conflicting goals and beliefs), with the latter role being important in Charlie's character development in Season 2 and beyond. Without Alastor, there is no development for Charlie.

The entire purpose of the antagonist in a story is to shape, mold - or "guide", as Alastor puts it - the protagonist (Charlie), and serve as a catalyst for character growth. In Charlie's case, we have a classic case of what the Germans call a blindungsroman, or "a story that focuses on the psychological and moral growth of the protagonist from childhood to adulthood". From a character standpoint, Charlie is still in the "childhood" stage, but Alastor wants to help transition Charlie from "childhood" into "adulthood", and from "innocence" into "experience", in what one writer termed "the crucible of youth".

"The German word 'Bildung' is both a thing and a process, originally referring in a Medieval Christian context to how God actively transforms the passive soul of the believer. If sin deforms the believer, the sinner must passively prepare to receive God's grace, and this passive reception is a kind of molding by God to prepare the sinner's soul for redemption. From the very beginning of the idea of Bildung, the word identifies how people become who they are, and it has always assumed that 'becoming' is never simply an act of the individual will. [...] A universal truth seems constant...reaching maturity is often achieved at great cost, and only after severe heartbreak."