#Narcissistic abuse recovery

[nothing0fnothing]

"I did my best."

We've all heard it. Usually as adults, usually when we've started to understand the fog we've been living in and want to discuss it with our parents.

It's very "I'm sorry" it's never "I wish I was different." It's always "I did my best." And at first we believe it, afterall, we were there too. We know it was hard. We know they had their own issues, we are mature now, we understand that sometimes your best isn't good enough.

But then they don't try to be better. The kids are adults. We give them the benefit of the doubt and we choose to believe them when they say that the absolute shitshow they made out of our formative years was "their best", but we can also see they're not trying to do better now.

They're still petulant. They're still angry. They're still biting and cruel. They won't say sorry. They won't accept blame. They try to tell us we were asking for it as children. They try to make us feel crazy.

We realise they're not trying their best now to be good to us, and in that we start to wonder if they ever tried their best at all.

[vizthedatum]

I will not excuse abuse or disregard for my feelings/boundaries.

I will not enable my insecure attachment to a person who consistently exhibits this behavior.

I understand that maintaining insecure attachments is not the same as maintaining a relationship.

I will not settle for the veil of safety.

I want real safety.

I want real relationships.

[marzi-vcr]

"I have to go, I'm a big girl now."

The first time I saw this episode I sobbed. Sobbed for my inner child who should have been allowed to grow and explore on her own. Sobbed for teenage me who was called a monster by her own mom. Sobbed for the adult me that is no contact with Dad first, then Mom because she took his side, she chose an abusive husband over her own child. She chose to decay, not grow or thrive or live and took it personally when her child would do those things like she should. Bluey is a wonderful show.

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

[unofficialchronicle]

[im-the-man-girlblog]

I just wanted you to love me the way I needed you to, not the way you needed when you were me.

I am not your mom

[sunsetlanee]

I have yet to meet someone who makes connection make sense.

Someone who makes everything simply make sense.

[he13na]

i'm convinced most people in these "narcissistic abuse recovery" or "scapegoats of narcissistic abuse" support groups are actually narcs in disguise waiting to blame real victims, stir the pot and berate people. the internet is a narc's playground.

[khardigwrites]

I Made a Deal with the Devil

I made a deal with the devil

And sealed it with a demon’s kiss.

 My soul for his love

It was conditional.

 At first, it didn’t feel real.

It was unlike any love I’d ever known.

Full of life and promise and purpose.

And that’s how he gets you.

 Slowly and slowly

He drug out my soul.

 Piece by piece

He chipped at my heart.

 And before I knew it,

I wasn’t even me anymore.  

 I begged for me back

And he laughed in my face.

He told me it was my fault.

Made me say sorry for not loving him back.

 I tried to take back what was mine

But the deal had already been made.

 He took me into his jaws of death

And swallowed me whole,

Spit me back out

And left me.

Empty,

Broken,

Soulless.

 He didn’t hold up his end of the deal…

Afterall,

He was a devil in disguise.

[gwumpychihuahua]

I can almost feel these pictures. This is the type of weather that makes me miss her. The weather that I loved so dearly and always made me want to stay in, cuddle right up in her arms and watch a movie.

I’ll miss that forever.

How could you just abandon it all?

[nothing0fnothing]

Survivors of domestic violence: narcissistic abuse is real.

Survivors of childhood violence: narcissistic abuse is real.

Survivors of emotional and psychological abuse: narcissistic abuse is real.

Loved ones of survivors: narcissistic abuse is real.

Therapists specialising in abuse recovery: narcissistic abuse is real.

Experts in abnormal psychology: narcissistic abuse is real.

People with CTPSD: narcissistic abuse is real.

Psychologists studying the effect of long term abuse on the brain: narcissistic abuse is real.

People with diagnosed cluster B disorders: narcissistic abuse is real.

Disabled people who are more likely to be abused than abled people: narcissistic abuse is real.

The therapy prescribed to people diagnosed with cluster B disorders: narcissistic abuse is real.

Self identified "narcissists" on tumblr: nuh-uh.

[vizthedatum]

Overcoming codependency within yourself is a non-linear journey. You will find yourself interacting with people who you thought you could trust only to learn that you fell into your old patterns once again. You’ll avoid the red flags because you are *so good* at sweeping them under the rug. And besides, you put in all this investment and the highs feel so good when they validate you, doesn’t it?

Something I’ve been doing to help me through this journey is to keep lists of “standards” - especially partnership and sexual standards.

It’s really easy for me to let myself be taken advantage of. Or to even be in situations where I chase those who are emotionally unavailable.

Checking back on those lists on things that I either won’t compromise on (because they’ll hurt me in the long run) or things I at least want the other person to try to do for me as a form of reciprocity… has helped me narrow down the friends, lovers, and connections I want in my life.

It’s really important also to understand that if someone says one thing, you have to also see if they follow through (or try to) based on what they’ve said. Is it just a fantastical wish fulfillment… or is it real, genuine care?

(^hard for me to say this because towards the end of my relationship with my narc ex, I couldn’t do the things I fawned and agreed to (if I didn’t agree to them, there would be consequences so… I just agreed)… and then I was the one being inconsistent. Sigh. I tried so hard to do my chores, to be so agreeable, to be available… all the while my body and mind were breaking down. I was (imho) unrecognizable compared to who I am today)

[recoveringpsychotic]

Group Therapy Snapshots

Parts in the darkness to me (multiple voices): "To be seen as a child is a display of weakness that doesn't feel safe right now"

Me to my parts (the children within me): "Your pain is not going to scare me away. I am not afraid of yucky wounds. I will walk with you and hold your hand as long as you need me to."

[nothing0fnothing]

No for real when I was 12 I was convinced that I was going to be the most well adjusted adult out of any of my peers because my parents "loved me" enough to stamp on my confidence, squash my individuality and foster mistrust and anxiety verging on paranoia in me.

I genuinely thought the abuse was rough bc it was preparing me for the real world where life hits you harder than your step dad ever could and friends are just people who have ammunition against you.

And then I got here and quickly realised that eggshell tiptoeing and auditory footstep identification aren't particularly useful skills in adulthood. That that compulsive need to say the thing you know the person in front of you wants is called people pleasing and people can spot it a mile off. That it's actually pretty hard to survive out here without friends and I don't know how to get them.

And I think it was one of those nights lying sleepless in my first ever double bed anxiously awaiting that day I was promised would wait till I was happy and confident before bang. Hitting me and sending me spiralling I realised I was looking forward to it.

Because in all of the normalcy and calm and comfortable I worked hard to build for myself, that one catastrophic thing would be the first thing I'd know how to handle.

[poems-for-oldest-daughters]

I hope Mother forgives me She gave her blood, sweat, and tears for a baby; But she got me and I am not innocent. I hope she forgives me for it someday. I hope Father forgives me. He wanted a legacy, a net, a garden; But he got me and I'm poison. I hope he knows it's all his fault.

-The oldest daughter

[im-the-man-girlblog]

So you can treat me like a child because that’s our dynamic but when I start acting like one I’m the problem?