#Narcissistic abuse recovery

[montaguespades]

I'm very sorry that your NPD diagnosis came in and everyone made you feel bad about it, but coming after victims of narcissistic abuse who in no way imply that NPD itself is the problem is only digging the stigma deeper for you and the rest of your community.

Everyone made me feel like crap for every diagnosis I received over the years, and even for not responding to treatment the way I was "supposed" to. Why do narcissists get an extra special stigma pass on the internet?

Right, because they want one, and God forbid a narcissist not get what they want on any platform. In fact, it's so forbidden, that they'll publicly sacrifice their own illusion of reading comprehension to try and win an argument that would require them to admit that;

If my posts bother you, you probably don't want to admit that your personality disorder doesn't make you hurt people, you're just choosing to. Maybe you're insecure about someone you've hurt in the past, but they have a RIGHT to speak on who hurt them, and that scares you so much that you'd rather restrict their right to bleed than fix your own behavior.

[nothing0fnothing]

"I did my best."

We've all heard it. Usually as adults, usually when we've started to understand the fog we've been living in and want to discuss it with our parents.

It's very "I'm sorry" it's never "I wish I was different." It's always "I did my best." And at first we believe it, afterall, we were there too. We know it was hard. We know they had their own issues, we are mature now, we understand that sometimes your best isn't good enough.

But then they don't try to be better. The kids are adults. We give them the benefit of the doubt and we choose to believe them when they say that the absolute shitshow they made out of our formative years was "their best", but we can also see they're not trying to do better now.

They're still petulant. They're still angry. They're still biting and cruel. They won't say sorry. They won't accept blame. They try to tell us we were asking for it as children. They try to make us feel crazy.

We realise they're not trying their best now to be good to us, and in that we start to wonder if they ever tried their best at all.

[vizthedatum]

I will not excuse abuse or disregard for my feelings/boundaries.

I will not enable my insecure attachment to a person who consistently exhibits this behavior.

I understand that maintaining insecure attachments is not the same as maintaining a relationship.

I will not settle for the veil of safety.

I want real safety.

I want real relationships.

[marzi-vcr]

"I have to go, I'm a big girl now."

The first time I saw this episode I sobbed. Sobbed for my inner child who should have been allowed to grow and explore on her own. Sobbed for teenage me who was called a monster by her own mom. Sobbed for the adult me that is no contact with Dad first, then Mom because she took his side, she chose an abusive husband over her own child. She chose to decay, not grow or thrive or live and took it personally when her child would do those things like she should. Bluey is a wonderful show.

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

[unofficialchronicle]

[sunsetlanee]

I have yet to meet someone who makes connection make sense.

Someone who makes everything simply make sense.

[he13na]

i'm convinced most people in these "narcissistic abuse recovery" or "scapegoats of narcissistic abuse" support groups are actually narcs in disguise waiting to blame real victims, stir the pot and berate people. the internet is a narc's playground.

[khardigwrites]

I Made a Deal with the Devil

I made a deal with the devil

And sealed it with a demon’s kiss.

 My soul for his love

It was conditional.

 At first, it didn’t feel real.

It was unlike any love I’d ever known.

Full of life and promise and purpose.

And that’s how he gets you.

 Slowly and slowly

He drug out my soul.

 Piece by piece

He chipped at my heart.

 And before I knew it,

I wasn’t even me anymore.  

 I begged for me back

And he laughed in my face.

He told me it was my fault.

Made me say sorry for not loving him back.

 I tried to take back what was mine

But the deal had already been made.

 He took me into his jaws of death

And swallowed me whole,

Spit me back out

And left me.

Empty,

Broken,

Soulless.

 He didn’t hold up his end of the deal…

Afterall,

He was a devil in disguise.

[montaguespades]

Good morning, since my replies necessitate this PSA:

Narcissistic abuse is only being singled out as a subtype of abuse because of how frequently others invalidate the survivors of it.

Narcissistic abuse survivors speak out because their own therapist will tell them that their abusive, narcissistic parents deserve forgiveness, and that forgiving them is necessary for closure and healing, but will NOT apply this to any other type of abuser.

Narcissistic abuse is getting a spotlight because narcissistic abusers are so damned good at being covert, so covert that the structure of society itself perpetuates the specific brand of controlling, manipulative, coercive, guilt-tripping, goal-post shifting behavior that narcissists have turned into a socially acceptable parenting style.

A narcissist's desperation to shut down survivors when they speak out is the proof of this.

Narcissists on Tumblr don't "like" to hear this, because it encroaches on their overall tactic of maintaining their "woe is me, I'm uniquely tortured and you can't say otherwise" foundation to stand on in any discussion. They fail to understand that narcissistic abuse survivors are just as qualified to identify with their "unique" brand of trauma, but unwilling to accept that the narcissistic behavior is not clinically mandatory to keep around.

Yeah, it turns out some abuse survivors just, don't want to pass on their pain and suffering, and they don't have a vague empathy disorder that keeps them from honoring their commitment to not become a monster. Curious how those survivors don't always catch a narcissism label or diagnosis, no matter how much crossover there may be, or how statistically likely it is to develop NPD after a narcissist abuses you as a child; it's almost like you only get hit with "stigma" if you're willing to hurt other people.

Stop defending abusers because you don't like victims speaking up.

Stop invalidating victims out of your own insecurity.

Call your therapist since she's been so helpful.

Leave survivors alone, we're trying to address the abusive power structure that still hurts us daily while you try to maintain it, because you believe that your status as a narcissist (and the stigma attached) is beyond your control for the rest of your life, and you're probably going to have partners and/or children regardless, repeating the cycle that we're simply asking that someone notice for once.

[nothing0fnothing]

Survivors of domestic violence: narcissistic abuse is real.

Survivors of childhood violence: narcissistic abuse is real.

Survivors of emotional and psychological abuse: narcissistic abuse is real.

Loved ones of survivors: narcissistic abuse is real.

Therapists specialising in abuse recovery: narcissistic abuse is real.

Experts in abnormal psychology: narcissistic abuse is real.

People with CTPSD: narcissistic abuse is real.

Psychologists studying the effect of long term abuse on the brain: narcissistic abuse is real.

People with diagnosed cluster B disorders: narcissistic abuse is real.

Disabled people who are more likely to be abused than abled people: narcissistic abuse is real.

The therapy prescribed to people diagnosed with cluster B disorders: narcissistic abuse is real.

Self identified "narcissists" on tumblr: nuh-uh.

[nothing0fnothing]

No for real when I was 12 I was convinced that I was going to be the most well adjusted adult out of any of my peers because my parents "loved me" enough to stamp on my confidence, squash my individuality and foster mistrust and anxiety verging on paranoia in me.

I genuinely thought the abuse was rough bc it was preparing me for the real world where life hits you harder than your step dad ever could and friends are just people who have ammunition against you.

And then I got here and quickly realised that eggshell tiptoeing and auditory footstep identification aren't particularly useful skills in adulthood. That that compulsive need to say the thing you know the person in front of you wants is called people pleasing and people can spot it a mile off. That it's actually pretty hard to survive out here without friends and I don't know how to get them.

And I think it was one of those nights lying sleepless in my first ever double bed anxiously awaiting that day I was promised would wait till I was happy and confident before bang. Hitting me and sending me spiralling I realised I was looking forward to it.

Because in all of the normalcy and calm and comfortable I worked hard to build for myself, that one catastrophic thing would be the first thing I'd know how to handle.

[vizthedatum]

"you're just doing whatever you want now!"

Remember, if you believe that you cannot do "whatever you want" because someone else makes you think that it's harming them or your relationship with them when you know deep down that you aren't harming anyone (and you're willing to collaborate and/or seek help for conciliation or repair in the relationship)...

Then, you're being gaslit and controlled.

--

This goes for breaking against your social constructs, too.

[sabrinaboglund]

The Law of Courage - 5 Things You Should Know About the Universal Law of Courage.

Not all Universal Laws are about Manifesting the things we dream of – some Universal Laws help us in our daily well-being and support our growth and development as individuals. The Law of Courage is one of the Universal Laws that aids in personal development. Because let’s be honest… we all experience moments in life when we need courage and bravery! Of course, it’s easier to let others fight…

[marzi-vcr]

I miss how it felt to think I was safe with my parents. I wouldn't go back to being controlled, but I miss being little. Maybe because I didn't get to really be carefree too often, though anytime I got a new toy I was so happy. Toys are so important to me now.

Idk man it's hard

[montaguespades]

"Egotypicals" wow, so now you're all using buzzwords to describe people who can experience empathy (normal for everyone but abusers) and consciously recognize their own flaws and toxicity (also normal for everyone but abusers) to further make NPD a "special and unique" experience and not just a trauma-based disorder that the sufferer is responsible for tackling without hurting people who DON'T take advantage of every vulnerable person in their path, especially once they KNOW what it is?

It's not a disability to be incapable of not being a dick to the people who care about you, it's willfull ignorance, as well as raw opportunism and egotism. Plenty of people are abused by a narcissist and choose not to carry on the torch, be a little introspective before pointing fingers at people who are already grasping at straws to defend a narcissist on occasion.

does anyone else get really fucking annoyed by how even the “supportive” egotypicals feel like they just NEED to tell you unprompted that they were hurt by someone with npd.

comments on posts with shit like “so true! people with npd need support even though my icky terrible narcissist parent is a horrific abuser” or whatever the fuck like. shut up youre a fucking stranger. thats a weird thing to just bring up to someone and also i dont care