#our imperfect abuse victim

[runraerun]

🦋 • billy hargrove + billie eilish (BLUE)

[randomlonelymusician]

Mental Health in Media - Lacey

The Lacey Games series is an interesting webseries, first presenting itself as a lost flash game upload, then presenting itself as a horror series, and finally showing its colors as a heartfelt piece about trauma.

*Heavy topics below, proceed with caution.*

Through mainly Lacey's Diner and Lacey's Petshop, it is shown that Lacey has suffered CSA and neglect from her uncle, starting at a young age. But this is found under a layer of 2000s-style flash games, presenting the perfect looking Lacey in a upbeat 2000s girl life. But of course, with this genre, the deeper you get into the game, the more the truth is revealed.

In other series following similar formats, this transition is used to amplify the feeling of the unexpected; taking something innocent and turning it into something horrific. But the Lacey Games series adds many more layers to this. You see, Lacey is an in-universe stand-in for the creator of the fictional games, Rocío Yani, who like Lacey, is a survivor of this trauma. In the cases of both Rocío and Lacey, they've already escaped their abusers. Lacey is a chef, a pet shop owner, and goes about her day to day life within these flash games. But despite escaping her physical situation, her past always leaks into the present. In Lacey's Petshop, she returns to the house she grew up in -- the house she was abused in. Just because she has escaped her abuse doesn't mean she's escaped her trauma or the ways that effects every other aspect of her life. And so, so many pieces of media don't recognize this.

Lacey also isn't the "perfect victim" that media likes to portray abuse survivors -- especially CSA survivors -- as. The whole climax of Lacey's Petshop is that she killed her uncle, her abuser. Not because she was actively trying to escape, but because he killed her dog. Lacey's Diner also implies that Lacey (and by extension, Rocío) deals with substance abuse, another thing that media discussion mental health loves to demonize. After she escapes her uncle, she still has these destructive habits, she still deals with self-h4rm and su1cidality. She wasn't just some innocent girl, she was a human being who had everything taken from her.

I believe the Lacey Games series can be powerful to people who have survived what Lacey has. Society and media recognize and accommodate victims until they break the mold of a "victim". Trauma doesn't go away with the situation, it persists throughout one's life and seeps into aspects that could otherwise seem normal. And the thing that makes this worse is the constant demonization of the "imperfect victim". We may not be killing our uncles or baking various health-violating items into food like Lacey does, but feeling like shit and going through shit doesn't make you a horrible person.

Thank you for reading. I wasn't quite sure how to end this, so I just did. If I got anything wrong, please make sure to tell me!

References below the cut:

Some info on long term affects of CSA

Ghosttundra's Channel

Sorry I had to use alternate letters for some words, I didn't want this getting overly flagged.

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

About your Amity's post, I get some of the points but there are some constructive points I want to bring up.

Amity doesn't stand up against her parents for Luz only, she also does that for other people on the Boiling Isles. In Clouds on the Horizon, at the first scene, she and her siblings try to find ways to tell Odalia and Alador that they're unknowingly helping Belos. “Someone has to tell Mom about the draining spell, or else she and Dad are helping Belos hurt people.” The people in Amity's saying don't include Luz, because the draining spell only hurts witches with sigils, while Luz doesn't have one. Even when she's captured in a shield, her first thing she says to Odalia is “Don't you get it? You're helping a witch hunter destroy everything.”

In Reaching Out, Amity wants to reconnect with her father through the Brawl champion. Abomination is Amity's personal interest since she dyes her hair purple because it's an Abomination color. In the Brawl matches, it can be seen that Amity has unique fighting skills with Abomination, she can use it to fly, move it from one place to the other and turn her hands into Abomination like Darius. She trains magic a lot so she can improve like this.

Luz's trauma is focused at the end of the episode, but in the first half, Amity's father issue is more focused. He never listens to her and underestimates her, he's also controlling in some sense. He also destroys her book by cutting it in half. Also, the bond Amity has with Edric and Emira is overlooked as well. They give Amity the concealment stones, and are willing to show their ‘imperfect’ real selves. Emira even tries hard to heal her sister. They cheer for Amity from the stand and they get protective of Amity when Alador grabs her and throws her down. The Blight siblings play an important role in Amity's growth and development, and it's not just only Luz like how the fandom flanderizes.

Amity is only 14, and an abused victim. She only gets out of her mother's influence and she struggles to find what she wants. What Amity wants is the ability to decide for herself. Amity is in her transitional period, her biggest wish is making decisions herself, that's how she connects to Ghost. When Alador underestimates her and wants her to stay back, she still stands up to fight alongside with him and proves that she isn't weak. “I'm gonna make my own decision from now on.” Before knowing what goals or dreams she wants, she has to have the freedom to decide first.

And Odalia does more than bugging Amity about her hair color. Odalia still forces her to join the Emperor's Coven, something that she doesn't want. She was manipulated to believe that it was her dream at first. She treats Amity unfairly compared with Edric and Emira. In the first scene of Clouds on the Horizon, only Amity is criticized and grounded, they only get grounded later on because they try to burn the factory. When the twins try to save the Hexsquad from the shield, Odalia blames it all on Amity, that Amity is the one telling the twins to act out. Odalia even destroys Amity's tamagotchi, her personal belonging. Both Blight parents destroy her belongings like nothing, like a child whose phone gets destroyed by their parents.

Some are too harsh on Amity because she's 14 and they're older than that. They can somehow know what they want for our future. But as a 14 year old, Amity only wants to be a teenager studying and living to the fullest of her life without any pressure. Volunteer to read books for kids, baking, watch Azura and draw, or cosplay her favorite character. She likes Azura way before she even meets Luz. She's still a good student like Season 1 because her magic is much stronger than before. In Sunday momocon panel, Dana confirmed that Bump would have a hard time choosing between Amity and Willow to take to the "Instructing Future Witches of Tomorrow."

When Amity grows up, she can does figure out her ambitions. She becomes an Abomination engineer to create inventions based on her creativity and interests. She's also an explorer, as she travels long distances on the hot air balloon she creates to get Lilith a book. She wants freedom and chances to explore outside after years of being controlled and abused.

first off, thank you for being civil about your argument. you made a lot of points, so i'll address them one by one.

1. yes, amity stood up for the people of the boiling isles, but that was after she already broke free from odalia's influence and got with luz. i was specifically talking about s1 when amity stands up to her parents. at that point, she had no personal goals other than the fact that she liked luz.

2. abomination seems to be amity's personal interest but it also aligns with her parents' goals for her. she was excelling in abomination when she was still under odalia's control. so it doesn't really count as going against her parents' wishes.

not to mention, apart from the scenes where she fights and her hair color (which, i didn't even realize was meant to be inspired by abomination until alador mentioned it), there's not much focus on abomination as amity's special interest. if that was really the goal, they could have put more focus on it.

3. yes, that episode was about amity's relationship with her dad and her siblings. i did acknowledge that. but it doesn't take away from the fact that it's more about interpersonal drama than amity's personal goals. it starts off that way but there's so little focus on amity choosing her own path.

also, luz's trauma isn't only mentioned at the end of the episode, it was the bigger conflict in the entire episode. it starts with luz getting a reminder on her phone and throughout the episode, there's more focus on luz trying to ignore her worries and appear happy, than there is focus on amity.

4. i agree with what you said about amity needing the freedom to do what she wants before she makes a decision. the problem is that there was only one episode centered around that, and that was the episode we just talked about.

i just wish there was more focus on her healing from her trauma and discovering her passions and goals. she is the main character's love interest after all and for a show that's as progressive as toh, i would expect them to know better than to write a love interest whose sole purpose is being a love interest.

if there were more episodes surrounding amity, i wouldn't be complaining so much. and the show being cut short isn't an excuse because there were so many filler episodes that really weren't important to the main plot. the least they could have done is use one of those filler episodes to focus on amity.

5. i understand that amity was still very young and she didn't need to have her entire life figured out at that point. but given that characters like eda and king was given a lot more focus, i just wish they had done the same for amity.

my point is that i would have liked to see the process of amity figuring out her interests and discovering her identity, instead of just getting the end result. yes, we see her volunteer at library (though again, she did that way before her redemption arc and sure, she does seem to genuinely like doing it, but it's still not going against her parents' wishes) or cosplaying (which was done, in part, to comfort luz) but i wanted to see more of the arc that led to amity discovering her own interests, especially after her redemption.

[grits-galraisedinthesouth]

Canellecitadelle @Canellelabelle

The British public is a hard public to win over. We judge harshly first and are cold and guarded first. But once, you have earned a spot in our heart, you have earned one in our home; and this is exactly what Catherine has done with 2 decades in the spotlight.

For a Commoner marrying the Heir of the most high profile Monarchy in the world, the task of adapting was a matter of survival. Yet, she looks, sounds and acts with more elegance, more dignity and more alacrity than Blood Royals themselves. And yet, this kind and honest young woman, who has never put a foot wrong in 20 years, was still viciously crucified this week by the world press; led by the British press and by haters online, all the while recovering from major surgery

If the worse crime Catherine has ever done, after spotlessly behaving for 2 decades is editing her OWN mother's day picture, with her OWN children and taken by her OWN husband, so she could post it on her OWN social media to surprise the world on Mother's day with her health improvement and say "thank you" to us for our support; a "thank you" the world violently spit back in her face out of rabid jealousy and bitterness; then I would like to hand her her sainthood in the house of Windsor: she is truly perfection in a very imperfect world judging her and in a very imperfect Royal family watching her

As bad as her vicious enemies try to break her, Catherine always comes back on top. Life challenges taught her to make the sweetest lemonade out of the most bitter lemons

Today, after all the targeted hate campaigns, she still comes on top as the Nation favorite and most loved Royal, in both the YouGov poll in the UK and Ipsos poll in the US

Her Influence has only become even more massive, worldwide. Catherine is cultural Icon of our time. The name "Kate Middleton" is now a very marketable brand that stands on its own and even, has the power of affecting Stocks

The Adobe stocks were trending at 552.45 on Monday morning. After rumours trended on X that she used adobe clouds to edit her picture, by monday evening, adobe stocks were trending at 561.42, adding $3 Billion in value to adobe stock in half a day

This morning, they were up to 579.14

Catherine's name alone is now a powerful Royal Warrant on its own

Her first official return picture on X broke the internet for almost a week straight and was viewed 82 million times in 48 hours on X alone. The biggest account on X, elon Musk with 175 mil followers got on a highest viewed tweet this year of 66mill views

Her Haters did not hurt her, they made her stronger. Bullied her whole life, first by female classmates at age 12 in school, then harrassed nationally by the british press and paparazzi in her 20s for being prince William's girlfriend, to now being viciously targeted internationally by the world press and haters in her 40s as prince William's wife, Catherine is very familiar with mental abuse and bullying. Yet, she has never embraced the victim mentality, she is a victor. She is confident enough to publicly take accountability for her own mistakes, and confident enough to calmy get on with it; In that, she is British to her core

The commoner they snobbed and despised has now taken over the House of Windsor, Her soft power unmatched; She has now inserted the generations of Coal miners and working class brits, who worked slave wages to build this country into the veins of the most privileged royal family in the world. Her son, Prince George is the first Heir in history with working class and coal miners ancestry in his veins. And in that Carole middleton, who was born in a condemned council flat in southhall and still became a self made millionaire; the one the world mocked and bullied for decades for being too low class for Royalty; The one who is currently in windsor caring for William, Catherine and their children with unwaverring love and loyalty; she at last won the last laugh

12:51 PM · Mar 13, 2024

[urlocallesbiabs-reblog-sideblog]

it's interesting how comedy shows will have early-series horrible characters blame all their horribleness on some stupid thing, thus appearing shallow and blame-shifting, and then later series come out and it turns out that actually the character was right and that thing did fuck them up in the most serious and life-affecting way, it's just that they didn't know how to talk around their trauma and it came out all jumbled, and no one around them took any looks further because hey, who wants to mess with a messed up person?

like, rimmer's entire deal of "my high-class parents weren't high class Enough and didn't send me to the academy and that's what stopped me from success i so rightfully deserve" is just his best, albeit terribly distorted, way of saying that throughout his entire childhood he was unloved, uncared for, repeatedly demeaned and lowered and abused and physically tortured by his very own closest family, and that left him terminally uncapable of processing failures or emotions or human relationships in a normal way.

or eleanor shellstrop from "the good place" (warning for spoilers ahead): there was a bit in season 1 when she still thought this was the good place, where she had an awkward dinner with a demon and "the real" "eleanor", and that girl told her the long-winded story of how she went through every earthly suffering imaginable and still came out kind and righteous, so that prompted the demon to ask just what could've happened to our eleanor to render her so callous and egoistic and a terrible person, and all that she had to say was that her parents got divorced, which sounded like the worst most pathetic excuse ever heard.

well, so. later it turned out that it Was her parents who fucked her up. but not only the divorce — it was the neglect, the utter lack of care and love, the honest to god mental and physical abuse through them ignoring the needs of a literal small child; it all ran so fucking deep, it genuinely harmed her. but she was unable to articulate any of that, because she had to convince herself that her childhood was normal in order to carry on. she gave them her best, working, lacking-any-self-empathy version of events, and no one asked her further. some people are just bad because they're bad and making up excuses to hide it, so what of it?

if you're not a perfect victim, if you're ugly and struggling and hurting (yourself and others), if you can't articulate your trauma in a logically consistent, easily processable, emotionally touching way, no one's gonna listen to you. but also no one owes you any listening when you're being a difficult, horrible person, causing problems for everyone. who's to say that the people who hurt you weren't imperfect victims, hurting themselves and others?

there's no coherent moral to this post, tbh. life's just unfair, innit? and comedy shows have a good way of portraying that.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I love how Stede and Ed are allowed to be imperfect.

On the surface, Stede sounds so unsympathetic. He's some rich guy who abandoned his family to become a pirate. His self-esteem is so lousy that he genuinely believes other people could never value his prescence, and because of this he hurts them when he leaves. But we get to know him so well, and he's treated with so much care by the narrative. He's allowed to be bitchy and and make bad choices, but he's also kind and sweet and smart. He's our romantic hero and he's imperfect.

And Ed. There's often a temptation with less thoughtful pieces of media to depict characters like him as one-dimensional victims. Ed is a victim of abuse and is in a very intensely depressed and suicidal place at the start of season 2, and he's allowed to be something other than the perfect victim who people who've never been in those situations imagine. When people in real life are deeply depressed and suicidal like Ed was, they do often hurt the people close to them. It doesn't make them irredeemable, but it happens, and I love how the show never tries to make Ed into the perfect image of long-suffering silence, or completely excuse his actions, or villify him for them. He wasn't in his right mind and he shouldn't be treated like a monster, and he needs to apologize, and those two things don't contradict.

I love how they're allowed to make mistakes and take steps back. I love that Stede tries to cling to the image of himself as a "real, proper pirate" to get attention even though we know how much kiling Ned freaked him out, and I love that Ed has trouble trusting that Stede will choose him over piracy. They're messy and complicated and they're allowed to panic and overreact.

They just feel like real people, complicated and beautiful and layered. It's what makes their struggles and their love feel so relatable.

[shipping-isnt-morality]

I was frankly shocked the first time I discussed the Shoah with Israelis (rather than American Jews). There was a level of… I don’t know what to call it but victim-blaming, that I wasn’t sure how to handle. That’s of course not universal but the very fact that that’s an accepted viewpoint in Israel is kind of telling I think. For example there was even some scandal on the right in America when Ben Shapiro suggested that arming the Jews (more) would have prevented the Holocaust. In Israel that viewpoint is quite common.

There’s a kind of scorn among some Zionists for victims of the Holocaust, and if you really understand their point of view it’s easy to see why. If anti-Semitism is inevitable and incurable, if the very presence of Jews brings it about, then they should have fought harder, or at least left sooner. They should have known better than to ever think they could be welcome or safe in their home. It’s almost an exoneration of the anti-Semite; like a force of nature, he is inevitable and inexhaustible.

Not to always bring everything back to what I know, but it reminds me of how we talk about abusers and victims. These posts about protecting yourself from attackers in your car, in a parking lot, in your home, on a boat, whatever: They take for granted that you can not and should not feel safe in these places. They treat the danger of sexual predators the same as the danger of wildlife. Zionists talk about anti-Semites in a similar way, I’ve noticed.

Lord knows in many cases these are born from trauma. It’s no surprise that victims of serious violations would like to know how to protect themselves from it ever happening again and would want to protect others from the same.

The problem is that this trauma-informed response cannot actually fix the root of the problem. Neither anti-Semitism nor male sexual violence are forces of nature. They are byproducts of exploitative and imperfect systems run and populated by highly imperfect humans. Different systems have had different outcomes, though, some better than others, and recently some quite well indeed. Systemic solutions to these problems - at the least, to greatly reduce them, and to make justice more accessible - do exist. Humans can and have built them.

A systemic solution to the problem cannot start with the victim, though. It has to start with the perpetrator. It has to ask why the system keeps producing people who can and would do this. It has to ask what the perpetrator wants, why they want that, and why they think harming someone else will get them what they want. Simplistic, spiteful, or dehumanizing answers to these questions aren’t helpful; neither are trite or fatalistic ones. Only truthful, consistent, verifiable, rational answers will allow us to change the circumstances which lead to these crimes.

The victim is rarely in a position to change that system, or even to change the circumstances of a single abuser; on a personal level it makes sense to treat the threats as inevitable. On a societal level, though, it is essential that we recognize the perpetrators as rational actors who are fully responsible for their actions and whose excuses must be challenged.

Ideologically it is completely backwards to start from an assumption that it is up to the actions of a victim to avoid victimization. It is infinitely easier for perpetrators, who are after all themselves rational actors and members of our society, to choose a different action which does not victimize someone else. And where possible it is our role as a community to make better choices more accessible, and to punish exploitative behavior.

Because a victim-led initiative, at worst, would result in avoiding victimization through in turn becoming victimizers of a different, even more marginalized group. It recreates the problem: the victim cannot feel safe because the only defense they can conceive is one which never puts them in the position to be victimized ever again, but there is no battle to be won against the entire system. So a smaller battle is chosen, and a weaker opponent singled out (and rhetorically aligned with the systemic danger and hostility), and the exploitation dance happens again, one level down.

I’m hardly the first to observe this. This is probably a clumsy rephrasing of common philosophy examining human exploitation.

But the point is: all of that makes sense as a protective coping mechanism for the victim, but as a society it must not be where our analysis begins or ends. On a societal level this exploitation is not omnipresent, inevitable, or inexhaustible. The perpetrators are in our society as much as the victims are; an uncomfortable fact that I think people need to grow up about.

Our solutions can, should, and must look at why this happens and what we can do about it. The answer is not “nothing”. We have accomplished extraordinary things as a species. We have concepts of justice, of empathy. We have written documents of shared humanity, we have demonstrated shared humanity - for better and for worse. It is possible for us to find answers to these brutally difficult questions.

Palestine must be free, and Jews must be safe. These imperatives are not mutually exclusive. Those who tell you otherwise have something to gain from your fear.

[yanderomantic]

as someone who used to identify as antiship & took all of that shit too seriously, it is genuinely incredibly rewarding to selfship without fear now. to actually explore the dynamics I want to explore, dynamics that feel therapeutic for me & allow me to process traumas and those victim mindset desires I ignore in my real life, (yknow--those internal "I miss being abused" complexes victims will often feel.) exploring these dynamics without fear, without repression or reworking it to be "less problematic" & guilt free--it's rewarding. it's therapeutic. it's actually helpful in processing aspects of myself. nothing about my f/o dynamics are truly different, they're just more honest--and in that vein, less romanticized. less apologized. less glorified. I know antishippers view shameless "problematic" self shipping as romanticization/normalization/apologization, but it's the reverse. when you're holding an imperfect dynamic but you have to reword the circumstances to yourself and others to make it healthier/less worrisome, that does more for normalizing the unhealthy aspects than anything. being able to go "yeah, this character who is a millenia older than me being manipulative in our relationship IS grooming, actually" does far more for undoing normalization than "rewriting" it to justify the manipulation as unrelated to existing power dynamics; ie. "oh, it's just toxic yaoi, not grooming lol"

no, actually, a portion of my F/Os would be considered groomers in their relationship with me and that's ok, it's fictional, I'm exploring dynamics I've experienced with characters I adore, processing things & having an outlet for the ugly desires a victim will be left with. it's helped me process myself and process how this shit actually works, the dynamics at play, structural violence, I'm much MORE educated on the circumstances of abuse now that im allowing myself to explore these circumstances in fiction. it's no longer something untangible caused solely by the mythical "Bad Person" , which is what these "wholesome us vs problematic them" mindsets get us to internalize

[dandelion-bride]

fic review: Pygmalion's Folly by @unkledeath

the basics:

length: 4,027 words

main ship: Enver Gortash / Tav (Ezrael Deschain)

Warnings of Note: Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, Recreational Drug Abuse and Addiction, Sexual Assault, Torture, Objectification

as always, read full tags and know the back button is always in your reach.

It's 6:17am on a Sunday. Time to tell you why this fic is awesome.

First things first: if you think the type of fiction a person reads or writes tells you anything about their moral code, door's to the left. If you want to learn why that statement is so dangerous to people, have a link.

This story is about Enver Gortash, first and foremost. The author begins with a brilliant, brutal, and harrowingly believable scene of abuse, forcing a child to destroy a treasured object. This is something that will fuck with the most otherwise well-regulated kid. To a dumpster fire like the future Archduke of Baldur's Gate? It creates a believable wound in his psyche that our Tav fits so very well into. Uncle Death's Tav, Ezra, is a delightful little monster, and the character receives an accurate though muted introduction here - which is reasonable, as it keeps all the attention on the main tragedy. I would suggest his mini comic as a visual introduction, or his epistolary Correspondence for a written one. The character is a short, flamboyant, morally bankrupt, rakish Bard, and from the first moment of Gortash's observation of him, the author foreshadows the slow chipping down and destruction of Ezra's self into what Gortash desires of him.

Gentle readers may find it disturbing how clinical and matter-of-fact a tone the narration takes, describing the slow temperature rise of Enver and Ezra's relationship bath to an abusive boil. Those who have experienced, or watched their loved ones experience, the same might find catharsis in seeing even a professional life-ruiner and manipulator be slowly broken down and sculpted by the Hand of Bane's Chosen. Ezra is an incredibly imperfect victim, yet his plight pulls at the reader.

The sexual content is intentionally uncomfortable. This is not smut; this is a violation, and it hits with that impact. After tasting a lot of flanderized, fuckboi, or Daddy!Dom Gortash content, this tastes like a tannic red wine, washing away the greasy feeling (despite Gortash being so very greasy!)

My constructive criticism is minor, and perhaps a personal tic. The spacing between scenes is irregular, sometimes using dashes, sometimes extended spaces. <hr> is the Web-published writer's friend.

In conclusion: Pygmalion's Folly was believing his carved creation would fix him. But oh, how delicious it is to read him never reach that realization. I await Sardo's future content with baited breath.

Pygmalion's Folly is available on Archive Of Our Own. Remember to kudos your reads!

[lovelytayforce]

@playful-level4366 Hey sorry I didn't reply like normal but I knew this wouldn't fit down there, considering how long I thought about this question and how to word it. It's kind of a weird dynamic to explain because it's not just about Tai Lung because he's intrically linked to Shifu and Tigress as an abuser, and in a sense I don't think the fandom wants to go over that with him at all. They believe him to be a victim and nothing else. It's true he's a victim, trust me I agree with a lot of Tai fans on that aspect (Hell, I relate to his need to prove himself and also hating who he is, hoping some magical spell will change all our imperfections but I know it won't...) but also he's a terrible abuser to his own Father and Tigress. And that ruins a lot of their fluffy hcs of a soft family learning to come together because that's too realistic for the fandom perspective and view on him. God, I don't wanna be mean but it always seems like when I see discussions on the character its as if we see two very different sides of a burnt piece of toast and see two different types of images, one skewed more by the lighting than anything. Listen, this isn't me telling other Tai fans they can't have their soft hcs for him go ahead but remember you need to stop blaming other characters for who he is, he choose his path. A person even said I was "too harsh" on Tai Lung after explaining all the horrible things HE DECIDED TO DO, that's not harsh. That's the truth and no one wants to go over it because its uncomfortable and I get it to a point but you all also picked the most uncomfortable characters who mirror our very dreary reality when we close our laptops and see the imperfections of our loved ones and ourselves. Tai Lung is a personification of the favored son in many Kung Fu flicks of the past and even the present, how the Father uplifts them to the light of heaven themselves before they ultimately go too far and let them down whilst ignoring the daughter. aka Sexism in the fam. Neat. You latched onto the man that was not only neglected by his own father but the man who abused his father back, both physically and emotionally TWICE to gain what he wanted because he knew Shifu would never hurt him.

Like I had a whole Tai stan block me for daring to remember this scene of a father with a broken hip crawling to his son and mourning what he allowed him to become. Shifu could have died but he still loved that boy despite everything he did to him and what he would continue to do to him. Like if we wanted real redemption arcs of Tai Lung we would go over how he haunted Shifu's consciousness and led him to close himself off to his next child, Tigress, whom is always left out of the conversation cause no one wants to talk about the woman neglected and abused by her father and older brother. A popular fic even admitted to not even wanting to touch Shifu and Tigress' dynamic, do you see the problem here???? I know many of you may not know or even care but I write fanfic for this fandom focusing on that aspect of Tigress' character along with Shifu, its not always fun and I've probably stumbled and made mistakes but its a story worth telling. Because in the end, Tigress is still alive and so is Shifu! Tai Lung isn't he had his chance and ruined it. Most Tai redemption fics are easily consumable because they don't want to go over the unsavory aspects of Tai Lung's character; The fraud, the continued abuse of his own father because everything he does is to hurt Shifu personally so he can get what he wanted in the end. Po was just another piece to hurt him (Shifu) as stated on the bridge. No, in the end, they want to go over how Shifu hurt him as a child and try to lure Tigress to his side, despite the fact he belittled her when they first met. But you know, how else are we supposed to get hehe bickering siblings. Cause that's easier to consume than realizing she'd want nothing to do with him after hurting her friends and her father. There's just an overall lack of autonomy given to the characters that the movies relish in. The fandom is too scared to allow them to be themselves because pointing the finger at Oogway who allows people to grow at their own pace is easier than realizing; Tai lung and Shifu never listened to him. Like think of a person this week who did exactly what you told em to do? and did they do it? Probably not, people are fucking stubborn. Me, included. People love learning the hard way, that's just the truth! Even toddlers take a min to listen to one task! So, I wouldn't even call it whitewashing, it's this desire to ignore canon to support their own hcs because if they told his actual story all of their concepts would fall apart to the wayside to see, the only true victim in the end, was a woman. Tigress. No one wants to go over that, that's a lot of work, that's a touchy subject but it's why I love these characters, there so raw and horrible which makes their stories compelling enough to stand beside the likes of Seven Samurai. It's that good!! So, to end this all, no they don't. Even Traces of Spring which I still follow because I love the art falls into this safe way of going about telling his story and sidelining the character who mirrors who he could have been, Tigress. Because she's not that cool to them despite the fact she controls herself better than he does. And had the opportunity to be a hero as great as she was if he set aside his selfish, obsession, and toxic views. But you know he's hot to some people, so he's a good boy deep down.

Yup. Uh huh.

[lightofraye]

Smearing A Reputation?

It kills me how some people--likely part of the so-called Ackles Army, abbreviation is AA--think that I and other blogs are trying to ruin Jensen's reputation. (And/or Danneel's.)

All simply by pointing out our speculation of his marriage, his career, and possibility of abuse and so forth. Now, for the anti-Jensen blogs that I've been talking to and occasionally reblogging me or me reblogging them....

Folks, 99% of the time, they don't even say anything. They don't care. They're pro-Jared and fight back against the nonsense of the anti-Jared/pro-Jensen blogs/tweeters/etc over ridiculous claims.

Some of them are just wild. I've seen the anon asks and just... stare in complete and utter disbelieff.

I'm a fan of both men! I'm pro-Jared/pro-Jensen (even though it doesn't always sound like it, I know). I'm absolutely anti-Danneel and that causes AAs to come and attack me because I'm pointing out imperfections in real human beings, not gods.

I'm bibro in that I adore Sam Winchester and Dean Winchester as well!

But to see people constantly claim we're smearing reputations... um... no? I've had accusations thrown at me in the past and likely will in the future that all I do is put down Jensen, that I say he's weak, incompetent, useless, you name it.

No.

He is exhibiting traits of someone who has been abused--first by his father, physical abuse in the name of "love" (which Jensen has admitted and talked about in conventions)--and then emotionally (and potentially physically, as I suspect Danneel is responsible for the injury/scar on Jensen's nose) for over a decade.

It's not incompetence. It's having one's Self eradicated all in the name of "love". It's an abuser holding children hostage to manipulate the victim into behaving, into doing what they want. Danneel has never loved Jensen; she loved his fame, his money. Nothing more.

This isn't "smearing". This is looking at public information. Social media photos--be it candids or at premiers or whatever... There's no real warmth. There's no real love. There's no real affection. Not even a month before they were married, Jensen completely ignored Danneel when she wanted him to escort her down the red carpet during one of her film premiers.

It's listening to her speak in interviews. It's listening to her in candids. It's reading her tweets from long ago that she then scrubbed as best she could--but ah, screenshots exist. She was never kind to fans. Even to those who didn't even post about her, she was cruel.

She was also cruel to Jensen. More than once. Made up lies about him.

She has no reputation to destroy. She's... essentially a nobody. No one recognized her during the One Tree Hill Prom Charity Event in the photos. They were shocked that she was the character Rachel.

Oh I know. "But she was nice to so-and-so during a photo op!" Right. And how do you think they even knew who she was? She had to tell them! And perhaps cajoled a photo with them.

Because otherwise? The only one anyone recognizes would be Jensen and even then, maybe. He's not mainstream. Not yet. Amazon has had a lot more misses than hits with their streaming service. Supernatural isn't mainstream either. Big Sky was, but short-lived.

I'm not saying this to dunk his career. It's an observation that he isn't quite there yet.

Regardless... no one will recognize Danneel. Some might recognize Jensen.

We're allowed to write these as we want. Block us. Stop reading us. Live in your little delusions if you want of a perfect couple in a perfect marriage with the perfect career.

I'm seeing abuse. I'm seeing someone in pain. And it isn't me.

[moonsb1996]

shiper and toxic relationships

okay ! Finally, I had to talk about this. As you can see, how many Yuri and Yaoi red flags have been flying in recent episodes? Yes, I'm talking about what we all know. A long time ago, I remember seeing Izuku and Ochako looking at each other and saying, So we all like the same thing? (Something like that) And it's Bakudeku and Togachako who have the same thing: golden-headed, likes to harm people (exploding, biting, or sucking blood?) Or the fancomic type where Bakugo gets into something. He exploded on himself. It's going to hit Izuku. And he exploded in his own throat, nearly suffocating Izuku. Even though later he will come to know and try to take care of him. Or the person who said Imagination Togachako, they were hugging each other. Then Toga will bite Ochako. (Something like that)

And everyone will say, wow, they love each other, they're so cute, etc. And I want to puke. What the fuck is this? Why do you all see physical harm? Or verbally abuse a lover, a person's partner, or a boyfriend or girlfriend. To be normal? Don't say to me, "It's just fiction, what are you thinking!" Guys! The manga's target audience is teenagers or younger.

You want to teach them that. Abuse of others Or is it normal to be abused? You don't do that. You wouldn't do that. That's like saying to the victim: It's just a slap, that's all. Just saying something hurtful. It's not that bad. Do you really think this is good? Is it acceptable? The answer is no.

These things can't be completely solved because humans are bad. I mean, yes, we are imperfect creatures. and the world we created From our imagination, it can lure people in one way or another. It's like something that happened a long time ago. The government wants its citizens to be able to read and write. created a TV series in which the MC wanted to be able to read and write and talk about its importance That country has children who want to be able to read and write. And it took a long time to reach the goals that their leaders wanted them to achieve. But you see, it can be done. And now you want to think Toxic relationships are good. Do you listen to yourself? Being fantasy isn't bad. But choose to express it appropriately.

Fantasy isn't bad. But you should show both sides. Like, is this kind of relationship good? If you make everyone feel like Even if people abuse you, no matter how bad, they do it because they love you. And you are at fault. Isn't it like we let him die? We adults know what is good and what is bad. But children perceive information differently than us. Even in this era, they say they're smart. But that doesn't mean they know everything like adults. And not all adults know everything either.

As I said Fantasy isn't bad. No matter how you fantasize, it's not wrong. But to scream at people who disagree with you Because he doesn't like your ship and then tries to put it in people's mouths and say, "You must like the toxic relationship too." It doesn't work. Scream, giving you satisfaction, but not too much. It's not difficult, right?

[teasdays]

Hi hello I'm your friendly neighbourhood ghost, can I pretty please have the context about Wilbur abuse??? If you are ok with it of course , And thank you, I hope you are having a great day

hi hello ghost! Yeah no worries, I bet it's... difficult to wade through everything that's been going on

So last week, Shubble (streamer, she/they) hosted a stream about their experiences with an unnamed abuser. You can watch it here (if you prefer to read, turn on CC & read the transcript). It's a pretty hard-hitting video, and people pretty immediately guessed that it was, in fact, Wilbur Soot. He's since confirmed it himself in a statement/kind of apology (?) which u can find on his twitter... Shubble has, understandably, rejected it.

That's the short answer!

Uh for a longer one lol, there's more info here: this is an EXCELLENT conversation Shubble had (before W*lbur was officially named) with her friend lexiemariex. They both talk about the abuse and misogyny they've faced as women dating within the streaming community. Neither of them named anyone at this point either, and I actually haven't had time to watch the whole thing yet !! But about 45 minutes in so far they have both shared a lot of really important perspectives on domestic abuse, their experiences as victims (in their words) during & in recovery from those relationships, and about the really harmful norms within streaming.

Just to add a couple comments of my own: if a community is MAINLY dominated by white cis men, that's usually NOT a coincidence; it's usually (at least partly) because the environment is hostile to diversity. Several other people have also come forward about negative experiences with Shubble's ex in particular, but I REALLY think--personally--that it is a mistake to focus just on him. He is, for better or worse, Just Some Guy: it REALLY sounds like his behaviours reflect a deeply harmful culture within streaming. We can't and should not try to cancel all streamers, obviously! But... if we REALLY want to centre survivors? We need to hold the whole community accountable for the CULTURE they've gotten comfortable with.

To be clear, I'm not suggesting that all white men in streaming are malicious people, who only want to hurt/abuse/have power over the weak & helpless women in their sphere. But there's been writing on the wall for a long time: there's a lot of casual misogyny that we HAVE seen streamers ignore, even if they wouldn't (necessarily...) make those jokes themselves. I do NOT have receipts on hand lol, but that's been my observation over the years. So I think it's... too simplistic to say that Shubble's ex, and lexie's, were just outliers. A couple of bad eggs.

We can cancel them, and exile them from streaming, sure--fine. We certainly don't owe anyone a platform. But we also NEED to look beyond the individual people & understand that every single one of them is a product of their culture and community.

tl;dr Shubble's ex is shitty, for sure, but he's not the whole problem! He's a symptom.

oh omg last thing actually: as people navigate how to respond to unfeminist/antifeminist content creators, I'd like to recommend Roxane Gay's perspective in Bad Feminist (excerpt here). As people who consume media, we have to understand that our consumption will always be imperfect, because (again) the problems are deeply embedded in like. the whole culture . We can & will continue to work for a better future, but in the meantime we've gotta forgive ourselves & our comrades for being imperfect <3

[exuberantocean]

Sassy: Rupert is a horrible man who built an ivory tower he kept you captive in. But you climbed every single step of that tower on your own. You're the one who stopped coming home, stopped calling. Who made a six-year-old girl wonder what she'd done wrong. I'll always be your biggest defender, but you have to own up to the part that you played.

-1.07 Make Rebecca Great Again

Ted: Please tell Jane I said hello.

Beard: I would, but, uh, she still finds our relationship threatening. -3.02 (I Don’t Want to Go to) Chelsea

One of the things I’ve seen people discuss is the parallels between Beard’s relationship with Jane and Rebecca’s relationship with Rupert, and these parallels are, I think well founded.  Abusers, especially domestic abusers like Rupert and Jane, have a tendency to isolate their victims, shrinking their worlds down into just them, if possible.  We know that Rupert had succeeded, at least to some extent, with Rebecca and we see Jane doing the same with Beard.  Let’s face it, if Beard didn’t see all these people at work daily, would he be seeing them at all? But what I don’t see people doing is connecting the parallels between Sassy and Ted, the best friends scorned.  While I think it’s good to focus on the victims of abuse, it’s also worth noting that it doesn’t happen in a vacuum.  Sassy has, and Ted is, watching a strong and meaningful relationship dissolved in favor of another, new, abusive personality.  And it stings.  It stings to be discarded and perhaps even more so in favor of someone you see behaving so horribly to your friend.

I understand, to a degree, why people don’t like that quote from Sassy, but I also feel she’s wrongfully maligned for it.  She was hurt by Rebecca and she has a right to be hurt.  I also thought that her conversation with Rebecca, while imperfect, was not nearly as horrible as people make out.  It is completely couched in love and support, while at the same time maintaining her right to be hurt and wronged.

And, quite frankly, I’ve seen a number of people upset with Beard that he’s so caught up in Jane that he’s not supporting, not even noticing, that Ted’s suffering right now.  And I’m uncomfortable that people are willing to be comfortable in their frustrations with Beard but not with Rebecca.  Part of that is definitely that we’re seeing the Beard-Jane-Ted dynamics play out in real time, but ignore that the Rebecca-Rupert-Sassy dynamics were probably parallel.  I mean, it sounds like Sassy went through her own divorce alone and probably had years of martial discomfort/unhappiness/cheating/whatever without her best friend to confide in or lean on for support.

[laufire]

☕️ related to our discussion before... why is Elena Like That.

Born this way?

LOL. I do think that's part of it, but I will elaborate (quite a lot).

To put this ask in context: we've pointed out that Elena's extreme awareness of social hierarchies and other people's emotions (with some blindspots) is similar to those of characters like Cammie's Laila in The Essence of the Equinox or Dean Winchester (Elena's soul twin as far as I'm concerned!): characters who suffered abusive upbringings. Even Stefan is shown to behave the way he does in part due to growing up with an abusive father he had to manage and fawn at. It's remarkable that Elena resembles this type, given that until her parents' deaths, she lived as charmed and cushy a life as a young girl possibly could in this world.

First thing first: I see no reason to question this assumption. Cushy doesn't mean perfect and I don't think the Gilberts were so. I mean, Grayson did unethical experiments on sapient beings LOL, that's not a good sign. IIRC Elena as a child saw Something of that, but wasn't equipped to understand it at the time and seems to have shaken it off, as she often does. And there is room to argue that Miranda's encouragement of Elena could've taken the form of high expectations of her; Elena, however, seems to want to honour and meets those expectations in a pretty level-headed way that doesn't interfere with her life and ultimate goals, which is a good sign. In summary, there's absolutely nothing in the show's writing that could be interpreted as "Elena is a victim of parental abuse" without making the reach of the century.

With that out of the way, in my opinion, there are some important factors that contribute to Elena's... let's call it mimicry? of this attitude. I think, to begin with, she has an intrinsic intuition she was born with; a capacity to understand and navigate social hierarchies with ease and with no need to reflection, practice, or focused study. Some people are like this, period.

Another factor I'd consider important is her natural amorality. I know, I know, this is not how most people see Elena, to say the least. But c'mon. That girl does NOT have a code, she does NOT have principles, she does NOT have an ideology. Nothing as solid as that could survive her fluidity of character. She constantly moves the goalpost and reacts accordingly when other people move it for her. This is very different from say, Laila: someone with a sturdy moral core, with principles that, if not completely solidified (she starts out in her twenties!), develop and gain strength through the story and through the challenges she goes through. Laila's moral quandaries and outrages, in summary, are genuine.

Meanwhile, Elena is good at mimicking morals, because of another factor: she's subconsciously tuned to the image others have of her, and she knows how singularly important it is. Specifically, she knows how singularly important it is for her to retain exactly the image she wants to cultivate.

Because the thing is, and this is something that ended up working against her: Elena's learned to glorify soft power, at the expense of hard (real, personal, nontransferable) power. Personally, I've always had the headcanon that Miranda was a soft power MARVEL. Loved and idealised and perfect in that just-slightly-imperfect way that makes it all the more loveable, always at ease, admired for it. Elena looked up to her and wanted to live to her image. She might've seen the social power Miranda wielded and wanted to imitate her. And because of how charmed and privileged their lives were, and probably because Miranda was taken from her when Elena was young enough that she had yet to forcibly become aware of the limitations of this method, Elena sticks to it, sometimes stubbornly so. She's seen how well it works when it's meant to work, and for a long time it worked perfectly for her.

This leads me to how I think Elena's privilege is an important factor in how this socially-aware nature happens to work for her. The fact that she instinctively understands how structures and hierarchies work, and how to use other's feelings for her benefit, combines with how she's perfectly at ease with the status quo because so far, it's done nothing but aid her. She doesn't chafe against perceived or real limitations* because she has a (partially earned!) overconfidence in her capacity to thrive in her environment.

*I do think her gender can't be ignored: she's still a girl in a world where that can be dangerous (where that does become dangerous once the Salvatores enter the picture, but although I'm not there yet in my rewatch, IIRC her flashbacks at the end of season 3 regarding her relationship with Matt definitely painted a picture). This quote I reblogged recently really stood out to me:

But this can't be separated from how well she otherwise navigates and adapts to the status quo and from how ultimately she thinks it's better to maintain it and work within it than to challenge it. She's profoundly misogynistic, she has no use for feminist praxis, and she subtly (and later not-so-subtly) works to separate from and elevate herself above other girls, often seeking reassurance of her superiority (see: making sure Matt dating Caroline didn't actually mean he was over her). Instead of thinking "hey, men have one over me no matter what and this is unfair", her goal is to be the One Special Woman they'll be willing to compromise for (without acknowledging this won't necessarily last forever*). This works wonderfully... until the show no longer centres the perspective of a man that considers her special.

*sometimes I wonder. what if some of the information we got about Grayson had involved being a less-than-stellar husband? I think THAT would've wrecked Elena far, far more than to learn he was a torturer lol.

Another way in which her privilege both comes at hand AND gets in her way is that she will always dismiss people she sees as "below" her. People like Vicki, like human!Caroline, etc. She's aware of social hierarchies but she doesn't question them, and she sees them as far more immovable than they truly are.

This is when Dean Winchester becomes a good point of comparison. As I've said before, I think they're cut from the same cloth. But one key difference IS their wild disparity in upbringing.

Dean got four good years in (although we're eventually told they are less idyllic than they might seem, because surprise surprise, it turns out John was always a lousy husband and parent. Or, paraphrasing Dean, "the marriage wasn't perfect until she died"). Then his mother died, and everything went to shit in a SPECTACULAR way. The audience is told that there might've been periods of straight-up food scarcity, because John would leave the brothers alone in motels for longer periods than the money he left covered, and at one point Dean was even caught stealing food. He's such an obvious case of parentification that it hurts. He's a drifter, he doesn't have a safety net, the money he uses comes from schemes and hustling people at pool and poker and the like, something he obviously wasn't born learning, etc. etc.

Dean has his own blindspots but in general I think he's a better judge of character than Elena because of this. He navigates reality and hierarchies and structures, he adapts, but he's not built in to discard people at the bottom because he's been at the bottom (or as close as a white guy will get in this world!). There are several times where Sam expresses a Blissfully Liberal Opinion (sometimes college un-educates you, ime xD), like implying that doing a job at a prison is a waste of time because who tf cares if convicts get hurt, and Dean immediately shoots that down. Another time Sam makes a disapproving comment about the guy in charge of the group home Dean stayed in as a teen being an ex-con and Dean replies "what, and we're such saints?".

He has principles, is what I'm getting at. He has a morality; one he might not have in another, cushier life (he seems far chillier and breezier in "alternate timelines" episodes where his backstory has been altered in that direction). To be clear, these principles aren't fool-proof or completely consistent. He believes "every person deserves our help", but that belief holds maaaaany caveats. For one, his definition of person is limited, to the point of abject cruelty to those that fall outside it (and sometimes even more damning, towards those that once deserved the consideration until they failed to meet his standards). He has genuine, sincere sympathy for victims, AND this sympathy will translate into actual help for them!! amazing!!!... unless the way you are a victim is perceived by him as faulty on some level (see: Max, a boy with psychic powers that used them to kill his abusive family in season 1, while Dean was still at Peak Daddy Knows Best mode. And of course, Bela, who he can't process as a victim at all, even when he should see that the facts don't add up).

My point is that, despite all that, imperfect morals are still morals. There's a struggle there. They might not come natural to him and be a product of his experiences, but they're there. With Elena................. I don't see them LOL.

But another useful point of comparison is grief. It caught Elena older, on more solid ground, but I think in both cases it contributed to a need for a sense of control (of themselves and their projected images AND of those around them, more evidently manifested in their younger brothers). I think losing her parents enhanced Elena's tendency to hyper-awareness, basically.

Another thing that enhanced it? VAMPIRES VAMPIRES VAMPIRES. See, I think before the show, Elena was understimulated lol. I mean, she was dating Matt, who is ALSO very in tune with social hierarchies (but who chooses hard-power female role models like Liz and Carol. I cannot tell you how funny I find this on its own. But I mean, he clearly saw first hand how soft power was shit with Kelly's parade of lousy boyfriends). But, well, for her, Matt wasn't exactly a strong proposition. There was no challenge there. She was BORED. Caroline's insecurities and her ambition were probably the most difficult thing she had to deal with, and at that point Caroline had yet to be a real challenge herself.

But then Stefan came, and all the dangers to her life, and even Damon to a certain extent (at least, when he was something to retain and be managed without giving him too much). Elena is easily bored and THRIVES on high-stakes situations. In regards to her actual life, of course, but more in terms of high-stakes social situations, where it's only her charisma that might prevent her downfall. They make her more creative, more efficient. She pays more attention as well, which obviously makes her act more hyper-aware.

Her relationship status cannot be ignored here. Elena is extremely dependent on romantic relationships/bonds for her modus operandi, and even outside that, she's an extraordinarily social animal (that also works best with as much forced closeness as possible). It's a good thing she was a doctor during the pandemic* because if you'd make her remove herself from the world at large (worse, alone with only Damon...) she would've died of sheer boredom.

(*......... writing this down for my horror delena wip brb).

This is why she was at her best, in terms of social capital, with Stefan. HE was a strong proposition. HE was a challenge. A worthy partner and worthier opponent. And this is why she slowly loses her magic touch when she dates Damon, who has the social finesse of a baby elephant in a glassware shop. Elena responds to and raises to a challenge. If she's put on the spot, she'll surpass expectations.

This speaks to why becoming a vampire was... not that great for her social capital. Suddenly her soft power strategies didn't work as well, because nobody could forget she now had superpowers. Maybe if the show hadn't combined the double punch of hard-power-thrust-at-her with now-she-dates-Damon things would be different, she could've adapted to a new MO, but alas. This is why she's one of the only two vampires volunteering for the cure (along with Rebekah), and why she actually follows through. On some level, she's trying to return to a better time for her. She almost... fetishizes that human vulnerability of hers, and how she could get others to fight for her with it. But season 6 is a different world, with different rules and very different players, and it proves to be a huge miscalculation on her part.

Oof. This got long xD. Tl;dr: I attribute Elena being Like That to a variety of factors: her intrinsic nature: great instincts wrt social hierarchies, easy charm; a combination of lack of morals and excess of privilege both aiding her and getting in her way depending on the context; a personality that responds to challenges and gets bored and more passive without them; and a learned glorification of soft-power manipulation.

[seriousbrat]

hi this may be long so sorry in advance but

i always loved hp and when i got into the marauders i started caring about sirius, remus, and james more (peter hater till i die unfortunately i can’t get behind him) and like every marauders stan i despised despised severus, i thought that since he was in a known death eaters friend group and called muggle borns mudblood he was unredeemable. but then i saw more and more pro snape content and it made me feel bad for him, james bullied him (which i’m still not even sure if it was classified as bullying because james didnt have any power over him and it wasn’t even 1 vs 4 it was 1 vs 2 so i’d like to know your opinion on that as well) and he had an abusive parent, but then i saw snily shippers (i am a major jily shipper fyi) saying how james basically manipulated lily into marrying him by not telling her he still bullied snape, how the prank was the best thing to happen to james because their “fights” wouldn’t be seen as bullying but as a teen rivalry, how james was the rich boy who got everything he wanted and he got the poor girl as well, how it was him constantly asking lily out and her always saying no etcc, so ik this may sound stupid but i love ur takes like ur always sooooo fucking real so if u want to share your opinions on these like if u think any of these things are wrong 🙈 id be glad bc i dont know how to feel about severus and idk how to feel about jily either which is just making my small world inside of my head crumble bc i used to love them so much

Of course and thank you! First of all as I've been saying I don't think it's necessary or even really a good idea for us to base our preferences or interests in fiction with our moral beliefs. so we can accept that snape or james did bad things and still like them. Fiction gives us that freedom to delve into aspects of humanity that in real life we might try to avoid. So I don't think you should feel bad for liking james or severus or jily or whatever. Ok, that being said let's get into it:

First it's normal to feel sympathy for Severus, he's a sympathetic character in many respects! That's what makes a good anti-hero (or even villain. we're even supposed to feel sympathy for voldemort and barty crouch jr at certain points)

what james and the marauders did was definitely bullying. there's no way around that. you say james didn't have any power over him but he did; social power. You touched on economic class, which is a big factor, but James was a popular student and Sev was deeply unpopular. whether it was 1v4 or 1v2 or 1v1 doesn't really matter in terms of whether it was bullying, though tbh it was really 1vthe whole school because the spectators also participated in Sev's humiliation.

However, in my mind there's almost no way that Snape wasn't instigating just as much, possibly more, in seventh year. Like you think he was just going to sit around and accept that his worst enemy was dating Lily? lol. I tend to believe Sirius when he says that Sev "never lost an opportunity to curse James" like good for him get his ass. But I think it was definitely a different dynamic in 7th year than in 5th. there's this tendency to portray Sev as being a meek little helpless victim his whole life but personally I feel that's a disservice to his character-- this is the guy who invented sectumsempra 'for enemies' like three guesses who 'enemies' was.

re: jily, I really doubt that James manipulated Lily into anything, I think that's such an overdramatic reading lol. We don't know much about the way they got together-- although many fic writers have taken it upon themselves to fill in the gaps-- but everything points to them having been happy and in love, that clearly was the intention by the author. If James didn't tell her about duelling Snape that isn't great, but there are a lot of things that can be imperfect in a relationship without jumping to manipulation and abuse which require a specific pattern of behaviour that we have no evidence for. We also only have the external perspective of Sirius and Remus, which is likely incomplete.

(also James 'always asking Lily out' is fanon, we see him ask her out ONCE albeit spectacularly badly. it seems more likely to me that lily 'you make me SICK' evans simply saw james grow into someone she rly liked rather than gave in and gave in so fully that she married him bcause he was pressuring her. idk she didn't read like a pushover to me.)

So no need for world crumblage! It doesn't sound stupid at all, but I think it's important to keep in mind that we can enjoy fictional characters/relationships that aren't perfect, in fact those are the ones that I find more enjoyable. It's totally possible to be a fan of snape and james and jily and snily all at the same time, fandom tends to create conflicts or 'shipping wars' or whatever lol but idk if that's necessary. I don't see it as a moral debate or an either/or, I just find all the characters and the dynamics between them interesting.

For instance, you mentioned the class differences between Lily and James, and I always thought that was probably a point of contention in the relationship; but to me it's one that makes it more compelling to explore. Relationships irl are rarely perfect and evenly-matched from the start, they take work. Similarly people are never perfect- they learn and change and grow. James did, Snape definitely did. otherwise they would be boring and unrealistic as characters.