#orc friend

[safyresky]

Scrimbly Jacqueline 29/52: adult supervision does NOT go according to plan...

✨🧪🔥😴💚🧡✨

"Right. Okay. So. Let me get this straight." Jacqueline took a brief, long deep breath in. "You think you've finally managed to perfect your sleeping elixir and Ken's going to test it for you."

"Yep."

"That about sums it up, yes."

"And you decided it'd be best to have an adult on hand, despite both of you being adults."

"I mean...is nineteen hundred really adulty?"

"YES."

"I dunno, Jacqueline. I don't feel very adulty. Ken's way more mature than me."

"Not nearly as such."

"You're too hard on yourself, dude! You're super mature."

Ken blushed. "Oh! Well. Thank you, Fino."

Fino grinned. "Of course!"

"Right. Okay. So you both decided an adult would be wise, despite being mature," she enunciated the T, her voice popping up an octave. "but are still going through with this despite, y'know, all the red flags."

"Yep!"

"Correct."

"And you can't like, test it on like, a mote, because?"

"Motes have a very different physiology from magibeans, Jacqueline."

"And it already works on them! So Ken said he'd give it a try!"

"Us orcs have very high constitution, after all."

"It's true! I've seen him nearly poison himself four times this week alone and seventy-five percent of the time he had zero side effects! Didn't even know he'd ingested poison! The worst thing that happened was a gnarly case of diarr—"

"We don't need to give your sister all the details."

"He's just being a supportive partner!"

"I know how much it means to you to master all facets of magic. I can make sacrifices."

"Right. So. Why me? Why not Mom or Dad? Jack? Lucy?! I mean, she's a MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL, Fino."

"Yeah, and would probably tell us to not do this."

"Debatable. Woman loves her science. She'd MAYBE protest in case, you know, the side effect to sleeping potion is DEATH. But she'd probably stay on site and be able to, y'know, HEAL you BOTH if anything untoward happened."

Fino squinted. "You turn more into mom every day."

"I can't tell if that's an insult or a compliment."

"Just an observation."

"Compliment," Ken clarified.

"Right. Okay. So you decided, quite idiotically, that Lucy was a no. Mom and Dad?"

"Didn't want them to worry!"

"Jack?!"

"Didn't feel right!"

"So you settled on me."

"Yeah! I dunno, I guess I just thought, y'know, out of all the more adulty adults in my life that aren't Ken—"

"We're the same age, Fino."

"Yeah, but maturity! Anyway, the niblets do crazier things—"

"—goddess above, don't remind me."

"So I figured that for something like this, you'd be ideal! You've got the experience, Jacqueline. So? What do you say?"

Fino grinned. His eyes got very, very big and for a brief moment Jacqueline was reminded of when he was much littler and asking for her to pretty please keep the cat, he really likes your room—

She sighed. Rubbed a spot on her temple. "Okay. Fine. But I do NOT approve."

"Don't even worry about it, Jacqueline!"

"There's a very good chance it doesn't work on magibeans yet, after all. Potions and witchcraft aren't Fino's strong suit."

"A fact you will never let me live down," Fino teased, scooping the sunset reminiscent liquid out of the cauldron and pouring it into an uncorked jar. He swirled it; the pinks and oranges gave way to purples and blues, the mixture sparkling.

"I got the colouration right! Yes!"

"Hmm. Perhaps I stand corrected. Well, bottoms up, eh Fin?" Ken took the flask from Fino, lifted it into the air, and chugged it in one go. Placing it down on the counter, he swallowed the last droplet, smacking his lips. "Tastes like gobstoppers."

"Unexpected but delightful result! And how are you feeling?"

Ken licked his lips. "Fine for the most part, though my tusks are a little bit tingly—" his eyes snapped shut and he fell down, face hitting the corner of the island as he plummeted to the floor and landed on his knees, tilting forward until his chin landed on the dirt floor, arms alongside him, ass in the air.

Jacqueline gasped, gently stepping back. Fino lifted the flask. He flushed, looked down at his partner, then up at Jacqueline through the empty vial. He chuckled, embarrassed, and scratched the back of his neck, his fiery locks warm on his skin.

"So, uh. Heh. I guess it worked?"

Ken began to snore.

"Yeah! Maybe a little too well!"

Ken snored louder, the dishes in the sink behind them rattling gently.

"That's probably not a comfortable sleeping position."

"Not unless you're like, five."

"I have a levitation spell for this—"

"Absolutely not! I think he's had MORE than enough magic for the day. I'm calling Donnie. She can lift him easy."

Fino placed the flask down and cleared his throat. "Good call."

✨🧪🔥😴💚🧡✨

hehehe huehuehue hahaha. Meet orc friend! And 1900 year old ish Fino, FULLY REALIZED! And the RETURN of MILF JACQUELINE. FEATURING STOCKING GARTERS. She's only getting Milfier, guys.

Anyway I love Orc Friend (Kenothy, aka, Ken,) sooo much you guys. You don't even KNOW. Today I decided he has the most luscious, wavy, L'Oreal shampoo commercial hair. One day I'll draw him in cleaned UP scrimbly format! But for now, BEHOLD! A BUTT.

Design Notes:

I really did give Fino a goddamn mullet. He's working it.

He alternates between vest and no vest. Since he's at home practising potions, it's a no vest day. This is deffs NOT code for "I forgot he wears a lil vest sometimes. a lil waistcoat, if you will"

Milfline's bun is poofier because it is closer to the end of the day. That thing is five seconds from pulling a Mrs. Claus up-do explosion, and Ken being KO'd by a sleeping potion certainly doesn't help!

K and I were talking about garters and stays and such today and adding them to Jacqueline's fit hit me so hard my desk chair wheeled back on me! More on this next week.

I got a really cool pair of boots in Dreamlight Valley and if I don't adapt them to Milfline I may die about it, more on that next week too!

I RIPPED the PAPER bc I originally had Ken drawn like. Across the page? But I was picturing him butt in the air the way kids pass out. I got home from work, looked at it, and went no wait. this is how it should be doodled, and voila! Orc Friend Butt

Orc Friend Deets, if you're curiouse :3 (under the read more)

Post Colouring Thoughts:

I forgot how. In theory. Fino's patterned dress shirts and rainbow lined cloak are cool as FUCK. But in PRACTISE. Make him look like a bowling alley carpet.

You know what tho? It matches the mullet >:)

Which I am wildly proud of tbh!

Decided that orc friend DOES dress fancy! hence the (matching) green coat with golden buttons >:3

His hair is SO luscious and I put the gold in just to see the lines bc after I coloured it it didn't really show, but now I'm like. idk! I kinda like it!

His right hand got eaten? I sketched it. And now it is gone. I think it's under all that hair.

He also has a BUTT TON of earrings, ya girl just got sleeby and forgot to add them in! But he has like. 5 on each ear and one of the earrings is two studs linked by a chain bc it's NEAT

Maybe I'll do like a proper scrimble of him! I really like Orc Friend you guys :3

[wyrd-syster]

Hi, art school anon here again! It was so cool, especially once he started talking about the different types of orcs that they were designing and the different features they might have. He was running out of time so he was talking really quickly, but here’s what I got:

1. Warg riders were shorter than the average orc. Meaning that warg riding was a short orc exclusive club. As a short person this makes me very happy!

2. They came up w/ a group called “the reavers” which were basically the batshit crazy suicidal orcs. They’re the ones you send in first, bc they just wanna fuck some shit up and they don’t really care if it kills them. Respect.

3. Like I said before, the wargs were inspired by chihuahuas, but their whole concept was basically “chihuahuas are a lot of rage in a small body, imagine if they were actually as scary as they think they are” and now the wargs are 100% more scary in my opinion.

Hope you found this interesting!

THIS IS AMAZING!!!!

When I was first developing the orc packs for dig up the bones, I went back-and-forth on including the "Wolves" pack because I was like, "sheesh, only this specific subset of the entire population gets to have this cool feat [Warg riding]? How every mid-00's YA novel of me." But then as I started plotting out the different geographic regions of the different packs, it having one pack with a dedicated history of interacting with the Wargs just made more sense spatially. AND NOW TO SEE that Warg riding is reserved for a special subset of Orcs is SO GRATIFYING. You bet your bottom dollar that in my "Orc Lore" notes/tracker I just added, "Generally shorter than the average orc," under the Wolves column!

The Reavers sound a lot like the Berserkers from the LOTR films, which I think was a title reserved for the Urk-Hai from Two Towers who blew up the walls of Helm's Deep. Again, this fits in so nicely with the narrative I was building for Orc Lore as I had imagined the Broken Fists pack to be the "newest/youngest" of the five packs and sort of the martial leaders.

And I screamed at the whole “chihuahuas are a lot of rage in a small body, imagine if they were actually as scary as they think they are”!!! my partner grew up with chihuahuas and those things are WILD. Obsessed with this rapid-throw-hands-or-throw-done energy for the wargs.

OMG this is all such a treat THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING!!!!!!

[cowboythewizard726]

beautiful orc girl leed helllOOOOO beautiful leed alert oh my GOD she's so cool WOOAHHHH beautiful siilly girl she was really pretty and awesome and so kind i think shes wonderful and there should be a statue made just for her thats really big and in the center of everything and she should get anything she wants ever smile face

[jimvasta]

Humans will eat anything

But maybe they shouldn't

"Susie, can I ask you a question? I need a human translation."

Susie smiled softly at the small feathered Craksol who reminded her so much of the bantam chickens that ran around the farm she grew up on. They had the small coloured plumage and bouncy stride, all for standing four feet tall and being highly intelligent spacefarers. "Go for it."

"One of the newcomers complimented me, they said I looked delicious," it always pleased Craksols to receive compliments, they worked hard to maintain their feathers. Preening was huge part of their social structure. "But I did not understand the next part. They said they 'have 11 herbs and spices and an air fryer with my name on.' I never exchanged titles with them and we are not at the stage of gifting, did I- Susie, is that your anger face? Why is your warrior waking? Susie?"

"Which of them said that?" Susie glowered at the new human crew lounging by the bar oblivious to the interest as they enjoyed their drinks.

"The one with long face hair."

Susie nodded. "Lukas."

Her fellow human, the towering male who made all the Craksols automatically nervous, had been silent during the exchange but was stood nearby. "I've got it. He'll have a zinger of a black eye when done with him."

"Whatever you do, just make sure it's original recipe regret."

The Craksol took a step back as they witnessed Lukas calmly walk over to his fellows, the first other humans they had seen in months, and swing a punch that knocked the man who gave the mysterious compliment to the ground. "What- Why-?"

"It's better if you don't know. You go back to the ship. Lukas and I need to give some etiquette lessons to the newbie astronauts."

[stubz]

"Human Kim's mate is dead?!" cries Calis.

"What?! Kim has a mate?!" cries Max

"She is your comrade! How did you not know she has-had a mate?!?"

"But what about Fenrir-wait is Fenrir dead???"

"Human Kim had her bonding band before courting Fenrir, I'm talking about her other mate."

"She's cheating?? Fenrir is the other man...orc???"

"Do humans not have multiple mates?"

"I mean...not usually no...but wait lets back up a minute. How do you know Kim's mate is dead and what do you mean by bonding band, do you mean a ring that goes on a finger?"

"I cannot believe you, her comrade of 5 years, have not noticed her longing rubbing her ankle. How she no longer has the bright orange band on her left ankle. How she looks at her communication device...phone? and looks at what I guess is a photo."

"...wait the orange band? Made out of fabric? Like string?"

"So you have noticed, why have you not consoled her then??"

"...hold on a sec. I'll be back in a moment."

"Are you getting her? Bring her to the command room then, we shall have something for her."

"....how many people think her mate is dead!?"

.

"Why are we going to the command room?"

"Just keep walking. I have a question for you but I need you to answer in front of a lot of people."

"Ookay?" the humans enter the command room and see it decorated dark and somber. Friends and close co-workers are there dressed in black or their respective mourning attire. Calis steps forward.

"Hu-Kim...Kim we are so very sorry for the loss of your mate...may they join the galaxy as a brilliant star and may you both reunite someday in the great beyond..." They slowly grab her five fingered hand with their four fingered hand.

"...If anything were to happen to Gala...I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. If there's anything you need, anything at all, just ask."

"...Calis...thank you so much...but I don't have a mate?"

"That's what I was saying!" exclaims Max. "If she did then she would've told me, her work best friend!!"

"...but the band on your ankle and your sadness?"

"...Kay I did not notice that but yeah what's up? You alright?" he turns to his short friend

"Ohhh, you mean my friendship anklet?"

"Friend-ship anklet? ...not a bonding band?"

"It was made by my best friend, no offense Max, on Earth the last time I saw her in person 'bout...almost 2 years ago? Anyways it finally fell off since its string and I just miss having it."

"None taken."

"So no one died? She's still alive?"

"Yeah, I just texted her yesterday about the anklet and she said she'll just tattoo one on me cause it'll ward off Max...no offense Max...she just can't accept that I have more than one best friend."

"Again none taken...wait is this the friend who hated you at first and you didn't know so you kept being friendly to her until eventually she accepted you and you've been best friends for like almost 10 years?"

"She...hated you?"

"Oh yeah, she thought I was really annoying but I'm pretty dense so I just kept being nice and going to eat lunch with her throughout high school until after like...2-3 months she gave up and accepted my friendship. Oh! and I didn't know any of this until like this year." she grins

"That's a beautiful friendship right there...makes me jealous about how boringly we met and bonded over anime and musicals."

"On most planets beings would maul you over your annoyance...would you like some of the cake we got you before we knew no one died?"

"Yes please! Also thank you everybody but sadly...and luckily no one died!!" she calls out to the dozen or so aliens and humans in the command room.

"...wait you thought I was having an affair with Fenrir!?" cries a horrified Kim

"That's what I was saying!!" screams Max

[butcharondir]

#i would die for them

[sleepyorc]

ORC FACTS

Orcs go crazy over labour rights. Are you not getting paid overtime? Why not tell an Orc and they'll give your employer a bit of... Gentle Persuasion...

[bacchuschucklefuck]

species medley ft. gorgug and riz

[jeeaark]

Remember Auntie Ethel's victim who could see people's possible futures? Yeaaah, Greygold walked right into that prophecy.

In the Far Realms, they have memory foam beds

[braxix]

Maglor: I'm actually starting to get concerned about what Elrond brings home.

Maedhros: About time. What clues you in? The warg pup or the sixteen orcs he has befriended and folded into society?

Maglor: He came home with a baby dragon this time. Elros said no for us, don't worry.

[not-an-alien-scientist]

Human: Hi Buddy!! AWWW DRAGON! COME ON DRAGON!! *gives all the pets*

Alien: ..... that is a carnivore that can bite at 1,100 psi force .... why are you calling it buddy

Human: Oh hooo hoo what is that *scritches* huh?

Hyena: *jumps*

Alien: *alarmed* !!!!!!

Human: >:( no you can't have the camera

[safyresky]

YOOO hellooo!!

Okay! It took me awhile to think of some titles, lmao, BUT:

Snap, Crackle, Pop

Road Trip

Lazy Day

Poker Face

Ghost Town

These are all from my braino but I DID at one point consult a fic title generator just to see what it cooked up and the first result was “Case of the Blue Pygmy” which— you don’t have to do anything with, but thought you’d appreciate bc it had me absolutely. HowLING. Catch Mel constantly referring to Jack as “the Blue Pygmy” from this point onwards, lmaooooo.

ALSO ALSO PLEASE tell me about Fino’s orcish rival, they sound fab!!! The Lucy in me is already shipping like mad! 🥺🥺💖

THANK YOU FOR ASKING ABOUT THIS ORCISH FELLOW OF FINO'S (not to sound like my 60 plus year old neighbour) BECAUSE I LOVE HIM TO BITS (orc friend shenanigans under cut)

ANYWAY, HERE'S WONDERWALL PROMPT REPLIES

Snap, Crackle, Pop

Would take place in Pyros House Arrest AU. Could also be called "How Jacqueline Finally Got Used To Having Her Evil Uncle Around".

CRYSTAL SPRINGS SPOILERS ABOUND

In which, during multiple midnight rice krispies cereal excursions, Jacqueline and Pyros start to sort of get along. Sort of. Would include: a lot of roasting (Pyros is like is this how Blaise is going to kill me dead if I don't behave?? His teenage/young adult daughter just roasts me to death with WORDS?!). Unpacking the whole, uh, evil mind control bit, and uh. All that. As well. She doesn't forgive her Uncle for taking away her agency and attempting to destroy everything she knows, however, she can make him see how bad that was. Y'know. Through ROASTING. Until the ice breaks with a shitty joke >:)

CRYSTAL SPRINGS SPOILERS UN-ABOUND

Road Trip

The Legates get de-magic'd and have to road trip cross country (countries?!?!?) to get their magic back in working order.

This one is an ANCIENT idea that popped into my head MANY years ago when I was at the Big Apple. Not New York, no; at the Big Apple, Canada, which is this roadside attraction off the highway in the Trenton/Kingston corridor. It's. Well.

It's a Big Apple.

Google it.

You Will See why I say it is a CURSED OBJECT. The guy who created it was inspired by DISNEYLAND I shit you not. The view from the top of the apple is abysmal. IT'S ON THE SIDE OF THE 401. THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE BUT TREES AND PEOPLE DRIVING BAD AND ANYWHERE FROM 20 TO 40KM OVER THE LIMIT. Their claim to fame, aside from the giant murderous apple that could TOTALLY be a weeping angel, are apple based products. They only got an apple orchard like in the last 5ish years. They have existed for at LEAST twenty.

ANYWAY they have this sign at the front of the shop that just has like, all these locations and how far from the Big Apple they are, and one of them is the North Pole, and every time I see that sign (I regret to admit I have stopped at the big apple too much for my liking), I think of a scenario where Jacqueline tries to poof herself and several legates, but their magic is fuckey so who KNOWS where they'll end up, and when they appear she sees the 401, sees the big apple, and is just like GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. Thankfully a witch she knows has a little shop down the street so they go there for help! (Mel perhaps? Who's to say!)

Lazy Day

Blaise tries to have a lazy day. It does not go well at all. This man is inCAPABLE of doing nothing. Winter catches him prepping dinner and she almost freezes him solid. She's like, this is not how a lazy day works. Blaise is like but we need to eat and Winter's like I CAN COOK, DEAR, BACK TO THE COUCH GO ON NOW DON'T MAKE ME KNOCK YOU OUT

Poker Face

Either Winter enters a poker tournament and cleans everybody out, gets banned from poker tournaments. OR. A 1000 word piece on all of Blaise's tells told from Winter's POV (maybe a stream of consciousness bc I think Winter's thoughts must be very funny) that explains why he's so easy to read (to her) because, believe it or not, Winter doesn't actually cheat at cards ;)

Ghost Town

Diteline kids find themselves in a right pickle when they are trapped in a literal ghost down. It is deserted except for ghosts. Robyn and Eira/Bianca (still haven't decided on which name for her ): won't stop bickering about which one of the two of them got the three siblings stuck in the Ghost Town. Robyn's like you shouldn't have opened the weird door! And Eira/Bianca is like YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WENT hey sis check out this cool scroll, and ACTIVATED IT MISTER OU LOOK AT ME, I CAN WARLOCK!

While the two youngest are arguing, Joy reaches out and touches a ghost and it goes from a passive little floating sad sack to a murderous violence machine, making things about 1000% worse.

So now the three have to fend off all the murderous shades while trying to figure out why they're trapped and if putting the ghosts back in the afterlife will free them from Ghost Town because Mom's making burritos tonight and Mater made an angel food cake with SPRINKLES IN IT and this is one of the FAVOURITE dinner/dessert combos the kiddos have.

Object: Figure out why the ghost town exists, fight the ghosts to get the town fixed, and make it back home in time for dinner!

Their moms have no idea where the kids are today. It's just a fun evening of cooking for them, while their kids are facing The Horrors.

---

"The Blue Pygmy" sounds like some kind of very inconvenient little monster, so I think Mel's onto something with dubbing Jack that lmao. Either that, or it's a weird magibean cold/flu 😂😂😂😂.

DR. MILLER, WE'VE GOT PYGMYS, CODE BLUE and she's like well SHIT! and rushed over to be a bamf doctor witch as she do!

Anyway, thanks for sending this in!

(from this post: send me a made up fic title and i'll tell you what i'd write about)

RIGHT SO ORC FRIEND

I haven't even NAMED HIM YET but he snuck his way right into my heart (and also Fino's! Fun fact! Of all 4 kiddos Fino is the only one to ACTUALLY TELL A PERSON HE LIKES THAT HE LIKES THEM. He's the suave one out of all 4, believe it or not. Jack is like "I'll keep everything bottled up inside until I DIE", Jacqueline is the most OBLIVIOUS mother fucker and then, when aware, an absolute MESS of a magibeing, and Fiera panics hard before finally attempting to take the first step if she doesn't get overwhelmed with uh. EMOTIONS and EVERY WORD SHE WNATS TO SAY EXPLODING ALL AT ONCE while she's trying to do the asking) and I am soft for him and Fino! Ah!

BUT ANYWAY when Fins is in caster school, he meets this orc who always, always, ALWAYS has to get better marks than him. It's like a competition. Very one sided, bc Fino's just vibing and happy to learn. But Orc Friend is like, if I do not surpass this sprite I will surely perish.

Turns out, the orc is under a lot of pressure from a parent to DO BETTER for w/e reason, and our orc friend is very stressed until one day he like, explodes when Fino gets half a mark better than him on an ALREADY PERFECT TEST.

Fino, who has 0 concept of this competition being a thing, is like dude. Okay. Why is this a thing. Why are you so upset, the only reason I got a half mark more was b/c of this doodle here! Like why are you pitting us against each other, that's how you get RANK mental health!

And the orc admits that his parent or parents really want him to be top of his class and DO BETTER and he's really, really trying but he doesn't LIKE it and it's taking the joy out of learning all the magic shit and Fino is, of course, appalled bc learning is SO FUN TO HIM. HE LOVES THAT SHIT. How DARE someone make learning NOT FUN. ILLEGAL

So they become study buds and Fino helps him like, love learning again. Orc friend does a LOT better when Fino is making it fun and helping him not feel the pressures of home life NEEDING him to do good! He's just doing it! And their one-sided rivalry ship becomes a funky two-sided FRIENDLY rivalry that they both ham up on occasion (Fiera is very proud when Fino fake dies when Orc Friend does better than HIM by half a mark, Orc Friend thinks it's gd hilarious) and Orc Friend now has a Fino Friend!

Anyway, they become roommates later on and Fino brings him to holidays and shit and he v much becomes one of the family and is often referred to as Fino's partner :) I'm still debating if Fins is on the aro scale or not, so this bit's a little murky, BUT it is so important to me that you know that when Fino's like oh I like this dude more than normal, he is like to Orc Friend "Hey man, I think ur real neat, wanna go out??" Like. It is SO IMPORTANT TO ME THAT YOU KNOW, THAT EVERYONE KNOWS, THAT FINO IS THE ONLY FROSTY KIDDO TO ACT NORMAL WHEN LIKING SOMEONE. SO IMPORTANT TO ME TO MAKE THIS KNOWN.

okay I opened this ask with this bit but I have gotten uh, carried away with Orc Friend (who feels like a Ken?? But that CAN'T be right), so imma just. Slide this under a cut and pretend I STARTED with the uh, original ask box shenanigan :o

but YEAH. Holidays at Frost Manor are FUN in later years. Fino and Orc Friend are like, sparring together in the backyard, talking smack and shit (it's their flirting). Fiera's latest catch is probably schmoozing the parents, unless it's her one long term partner who is SO fucking normal, he's probably like, grilling with Blaise and Fiera is just sitting at the bench like, ogling him like "my god. my god he is flipping burgers while holding the WORST beer ever. He is so normal. holy shit. I'm love him".

Dite and Jacqueline are being v cute, or, Dite is being a sweetheart while Jacqueline either A) ogles Dite being sunshine incarnate while Fiera ogles mister normal, or, B) doing something absolutely batshit with the Diteline kids (depending where in the timeline we are) and dodging Fins and Orc Friend sparring.

Suddenly Jack goes flying through a window, lands in a heap. Killian sticks his head out the broken window, laughing at Jack's pain.

Just another holiday at Frost Manor ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[thedragonboi]

Humans evolved to be friend!!!

Probably stupid but hear me out:

• We try to pet/make friend with everything

• several different species are documented to have raised abandoned/lost humans (famously wolves, but monkeys, parrots, cats and more have raised humans)

• animals that can harm/kill us typically leave us alone (cougars don’t tend to attack unless there’s kittens around, black bears are small but they can 100% kill you if they wanted but they just kinda go away, orcas are smart enough and big enough to hunt us if they wanted to but there’s 0 wild cases of death by orca)

• there are species that are so chill with humans they literally domesticated themselves

• humans get an oxytocin boost when we see cute things, we want to be friend!!!! (Cute is subjective, some people see bugs as creepy some see bugs as friend, there’s always someone who sees something as friend!!)

• we don’t have the best natural defence or offence meaning we ride a lot on “you don’t bother me I don’t bother you” cause idk about you but I got nothing if a horse decides it’s my time to go (yeah we can build armor and weapons but we have to actively make and use them, we don’t come ready made with a suit of metal armor)

In conclusion, I’m very convinced that if we find sentient alien life either they’d find us non threatening at worst, actively adorable and cuddly at best

[noodledragon]

art fight attack of the bold and beautiful Oliver for @kriskukko ! he's truly the man of all time and NEEDED to be dressed up like a gay divorced dad from the 70s

[marlynnofmany]

The Good Perch

“You would think,” Captain Sunlight said drily, “That a spaceport organized enough to have a whole section for courier ships would have a more visible labeling system.”

“Yeah, really,” I agreed with a frown at the small sign marking our ship’s berth. The thing was barely ankle-height and a thin font. Not even a bright color; it hardly stood out from the pavement in its gray-and-black subtlety. With all the spacefarers parading past in a rainbow of body types and clothing styles, not to mention the equally wild spaceships everywhere, those signs were easy to miss. I asked the captain, “Have you been here before? Is this normal, or did the wrong person take charge of designing things?”

“It’s been a while,” said Captain Sunlight, crossing her scaly arms. “I don’t recall this being a problem before. But I suspect our wayward client is still wandering the walkways looking for us.”

“Normally I’d say our ship would stand out, but the visibility’s not great for that either.” Lemon-shaped spaceships with foldable solar sails were pretty uncommon. The one parked behind us would have been easy to spot from a distance if not for the larger ships looming close on either side. These berths were too close together.

Captain Sunlight pulled her phone out of a belt pouch. “Still says they’re on the way.”

“Maybe we need to scoot forward a bit?” I suggested. “Make the ship easier to see?” I stepped up to the walkway for a better look at the view from there.

This turned out to give someone else a better view of me.

“Hey, person who climbs things!” called a cheerful voice. “Come help me brace this.”

After a confused half-second, I located the speaker on top of the gray-brown ship next to ours. I realized with a start that this wasn’t the first time our ships had been parked side-by-side. “Hey, Acorn!” I called back. “Are you waiting for clients too?”

“We were,” the fellow courier called back, waving something that looked like a wrench. She herself still looked like a baboon crossed with a crocodile. “Now it’s time for errands and maintenance, and this needs fixing before we get back into space. Care to give me a hand? Everybody else is either busy or too much of a coward to get up this high.”

“Sure thing!” I said with a glance at Captain Sunlight, who was waving me on. “What’s the best way up?”

Acorn directed me to a row of handholds on the other side of the ship, which made for a nice easy climb. A pity her crewmates didn’t appreciate heights; the spaceport was a beautiful, chaotic sprawl of color from here. And the top of the ship was flat enough to feel plenty safe.

“Welcome to the good perch,” Acorn said, offering me a wrench. “It’s a very exclusive club. Can you hold this part in place so I can adjust that?”

“Absolutely,” I told her. “This end, right? Wait, got it.” I actually had no idea what this open panel was for, but I like to think I hid it well. The job was a simple one with two of us. I could see how it would have been awkward with just one, though. I wondered if she’d resorted to using her feet to hold things in place. I sure would have.

“Got it!” she said. “Now to close it all up. I knew that would be quick.”

I removed the wrench. “What’s the saying? More hands means less work?”

“Makes sense to me. Though by that logic, your friend there could get everything done by himself.”

I looked down to see that Mur had joined Captain Sunlight, in all his many-tentacled squidlike glory. “He probably could, actually. Though I don’t know how he is with heights.”

“Well, no need to share the good perch,” Acorn announced, snapping the panel shut. She spread her arms. “Look at this panorama!”

“It is a nice one! I was just thinking that. What kind of ship is that blobby green one over there? I haven’t seen it before.”

Acorn stood up for a better look. “I think it’s a Waterwill design?”

“That makes sense.” I got to my feet too, glad the ship we stood on wasn’t one of the shiny racer models. Those were much too slippery to make good sightseeing towers.

Not that Acorn seemed bothered either way. She probably would have found grippy shoes somewhere and run up the side just to prove she could. Her appreciation for climbing had been a nice change the first time I ran into her, and was no different now, given how much time I spent among alien crewmates who didn’t have tree-swinging monkeys in their family trees.

“That ship looks like it would make an excellent climbing structure,” she said, pointing at a pink model with grooves along the sides. “Pity it belongs to a security force who are likely to be uptight about such things.”

I laughed. “Isn’t that always the way of it? There’s a police station in my hometown with a roof that slopes down to meet a very climbable wall, and you have no idea how tempting it looked. Well. Maybe you know.”

She definitely understood, and we spent an enjoyable few minutes talking about which buildings and spaceships looked like the most fun to climb.

Then I spotted someone wandering from one berth marker to the next, looking both lost and a little nearsighted, and I had a suspicion that I’d found our missing client. This was a fellow human wearing the kind of drapey clothes that spoke of dignity and no little wealth. Her expression was exactly the kind I’d wear if I had to deal with those hard-to-read signs long enough to be late.

“Hey Captain!” I called down to Sunlight. “Is that her?” I pointed.

Captain Sunlight hurried forward with her phone out, matching the look of the person with an image there.

Yup. Called it.

Acorn chuckled while the pair of them exchanged greetings and complaints about the station layout. “Nice one. The wisdom of the heights strikes again. Do they need you down there now?”

“Probably,” I said. “Actually not yet, this package is a small one. Mur’s got it.” As I spoke, Mur pushed a hovercart forward with a box on it liberally covered in “fragile” stickers. It had a carrying handle on the top, which it had come with, and rubber bumpers on every corner, which Paint had added just to be safe. All precautions had been taken.

“Oh good,” Acorn said. “Then enjoy the view with me a little longer.” She bent to pull something from the toolbag’s side pocket. “Top-of-the-tree snack?”

“Are those the ones you’re named for?” I asked, remembering a conversation the last time I’d seen her. Translations being what they were, her name meant a similar nut from her homeworld. It had been an amusing conversation, since we were both named after things found in trees. She didn’t know what a robin was, but once I explained it, she claimed to have met a number of people back home with similar names.

“Yes, the salted version,” Acorn said, opening the bag. “I recall these were on the safe list for your species.”

“Safe and tasty,” I agreed. “Thank you.” I accepted a handful of alien acorns and marveled quietly at how universal salt was on snacks. Well, for some species. I don’t think Waterwills or Strongarms were that into overly salty food in general. Probably for slug-like reasons. Eggskin the medic would know. I should ask him later.

Acorn peered over the other side of the ship. “Ohh, Riverbrook’s wearing his goofy helmet. I owe him some acoustics since he played that loud music while I was working.” She crouched, peering down at a crewmate who had just emerged. With care, she selected a nut from the bag. “Think you can thwack him from here?” The grin she threw over her shoulder was full of teeth.

I joined her at the edge. “I like my odds.”

The crewmate was one of those people made of crystals instead of flesh. I forget the species name. Very interesting to look at, and unlikely to be hurt by a high velocity acorn no matter where it hit. The helmet was golden, shiny, and probably a fashion statement of some kind.

“First we throw, then we hide.”

“Got it.”

“One, two, throw!”

Ping! Ping!

“Ow, what was — Acorn, is this yours?!”

We both giggled in childlike glee, just out of sight.

“No thanks, you can have it!” Acorn called back.

“I’m going to put this in your fruit drink next mealtime.”

“Good luck with that!”

I nodded. “Ah, a prank war. A noble pursuit.”

“See, you get it.” Acorn offered me more nuts.

I took them and made myself more comfortable. “I don’t suppose you know what a rattlesnake is?”

“Nope.”

“Then let me tell you about the time I got Trrili — the big scary Mesmer on my ship — with a classic prank from Earth.”

“Oh, do tell!”

I didn’t have to get back to my ship for a few minutes yet, which left plenty of time for more anecdotes and snacks on the good perch.

~~~

The ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book. More to come! And I am currently drafting a sequel!

[stubz]

"Teacher Kim can my friends come over into the centre?"

"Sorry bud but they're not part of the centre so I'm not allowed."

.

"Teacher Kim can Fleet have some of the treats?"

"I really wish I could but since they're not part of the centre and Max really doesn't want another incident I can't."

..

"I wish Teacher Kim would let us bring you guys in." grumbled the youngling.

The others groaned in agreement.

"Okay kids time to come in! The suns are too hot now and it's time to eat!"

The children walk begrudgingly towards the centre through the tall orange grass. The suns on this planet were so hot that even the children didn't complain when it was time to go back inside.

The ones part of the youngling centre made their way inside, waving goodbye to their friends who were not.

"..five, seven, aannd ten! Wow small group today." The human turned to head inside with the younglings when they realized something.

"...where are your parents?"

"Ours or Quin's?"

"Everyone's."

"They're in a meeting."

"Where?"

"On the ship." Juno pointed up.

"Do you know how long they'll be gone."

"I don't know. They left in a hurry...I think they forgot us."

"...get in." the human sighed and walked inside.

"REALLY!?" screamed the children.

"Teacher Kim you said that kids who aren't part of the centre can't come in!"

"I know I know and they're not! But I can't just leave three unsupervised kids out in this heat! Now get in, its hot and Quin your face is redder than usual."

...

"You get water, you get water, everybody gets water! Now who's hungry?"

Hands go up.

"So everyone. Alrighty then."

"Why is she letting us have water and food?" whispered Quin.

"I don't know...maybe it's a apex thing?" whispered back Juno. Her little brother simply chugged his third cup of water.

"Not an apex thing," replied Xw. "I think it's a pack thing?"

"Not a pack thing!" shouted Nova. "Most packs only share food with babies and the sick. Its a herd thing."

"Nope." said Marl.

"Herds only share with those who are family or have family status." explained Tarlak.

And on went the conversation. Each child trying to figure out what type of dynamic humans have. Meanwhile their teacher looks on with amusement.

....

"Oh my stars I am SO SORRY! Thank you so much human Kim!! I swear I thought I grabbed them when I brought their bags with me!" stressed the parent hugging her children with two arms while shaking the humans hands with the other two.

"No worries!" she smiled.

"And kids, I'm so sorry! You must be starving!"

"Oh I gave them some food, so they might not be that hungry. Also Judo had lots of water so he may want to use the bathroom first."

"Oh, how much do we owe you?"

"Sorry?"

"How much do we have to give you to replace the food and water they had?"

"Uh nothing?"

"...huh?"

"They were hungry and thirsty and I just did what any other adult-human! Would do...it's a human thing."

"....alright then. Thank you very much human Kim. Come along children."

And thus the younglings and adults learned what dynamic type the humans have. The human type. Which is honestly pretty stupid to the adults because just giving food to unknown children who aren't even their species? Are they trying to go extinct??