#or i get terrible depression
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I miss the sun 🌞
#i require the sunlight on my drive to and from work to photosynthesize properly#or i get terrible depression#for approximately 4 months#already ready for march
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a glass sun 1/2
#my art#my stuff#this is really fucking long so im gonna have to break it up into multiple reblogs#(howling) WAUGHHHHHHH#i love aishang by xiaoshiguniang#i love to implicate my alma mater in my art about being gay in the shittiest most conservative corner of singaporean society#by some terrible trick of fate i ended up in the conservative chinese christian cishet circuit from primary school to end of hs#obviously i am not most of these things but there i was. Depressed#and there i was after that at Liberal Arts College. the 4 years i spent there were a clusterfuck#but like a good and outrageous and lively clusterfuck#and i graduated in may this year and when i came back it was for the first time in 10 months. it was like. what da hell#like i love being here in specific ways but there is also the pain of being seen as something you're not constantly#can i blame them? i ask myself this every day. for most of my ex classmates and relatives i Am the only not cis person they know#idk my lottery number was bad this corner of society really is that bad#and so its like. idk dawg anyway i aint offering solutions but u get it like it fucks with your head to be misgendered either which way 24/#but to leave them behind would be to leave the only people who knew me for the first 19 years behind. and thats a lot of my life#i am 23!!!!!! ough#anyway. whatever. if u liked it i have a ko-fi#reblogos appreciated
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i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess
#they say they dont mind but i need to really. stop#im stuck.#and i know it’s hard on my friends to see me like this since i’ve been doing a lot better and now am back to my old habits#but i felt bad because they took me out shopping and to dinner tonight and i just had a headache and was limping and couldnt stop talking#about the recent death in my family and all the stress from classes and socially and how lost i feel#and i just wanted so bad to just. enjoy myself but i couldnt#but my friends know about how severe my depression is and are all very used to it#its in fact more normal than not. but i was really. feeling at my best for several months so the crash back down to not eating and sleeping#and being unable to fully tidy my room and all that stuff has been. difficult for me as well as those around me#it’s been normal for me for so long to live terribly that taking care of myself for a while and then losing the drive to has been. hard#im trying to get better but i slide back down#i need to work on my constant self loathing but i keep walking around just. conviced im such a burden and being sad makes it even worse#i just. am always overcompensating for my lack of#ability to love myself with just. constantly showering everyone around me with love and its. hard for me when i dont have the energy to do#even that anymore. its hard to let people take care of me when i just want to take care of them all the time
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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#since I did a fast eloise only sketch yesterday#here are some Sebastians😇🙏#he got tired after sneaking into the restricted section and…I feel like classes are kind of boring to him#I’m almost done with the most wretched book ever🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏#it’s so terrible and depressing I am just hate-finishing it at this point#it just solidifies in me that I was just meant to read old books over and over again lol#like…this book is SUPPOSEDLY really popular and I DONT GET IT !!!#I also HATED The Overstory which is also popular…it’s weird though#bc the first part was genuinely one of my favorite things I’ve ever read#so i stuck with the rest in the hope it would keep that momentum and it…didn’t…#oh well I just keep reading and rereading novels I already know I’ll like😇😇 and avoid this author forever and ever 🙏#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow fanart
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I don't feel loved
#:(#like really it's a terrible thing to feel but it's not as much as i am giving and it makes me feel so bad#i am not loved enough and to think that this torment would continue always makes me shut my heart and don't start for anyone#it's so pathetic but i can't help it because i don't get it as intense as i am giving and it's always that never scratching even the surface#i think about her alot but she doesn't thinks of me#i try to make him happy but it's never enough#i try to keep myself sane but i sound like a child begging to be taken along and it ain't working for me#I don't think love should be difficult or unnatural#it should definitely come in my way because i deserve it like anyone else#i should feel loved and i hope i do and i hope it changes#to wake up one day and not feel terrible or to just hope for a home where i am loved and cherished#where my love is celebrated and people don't just tolerate it#i want all those pretty giddy feeling for myself#not sorry for rambling because it's my blog !#desiblr#being desi#desi tag#anxiety#sadgirl#love#tw depressing thoughts#tw mental health
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"Like lovers entwined...I know for the last time; you will not be mine. So give me the night, the night, the night."
#had another sob session to this because even though it's still literally half a year away it hit me that I get to hear that live#and sing it with 20k other people#I get to experience those last five whole minutes#dude my post-concert depression is going to be terrible#but at the same time I think I'll enjoy basking in the light they give off. even if it's only for an hour or two#sleep token#st#euclid#song euclid#sleep token tmbte#tmbte#take me back to eden#melitunes#Spotify
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ok imagine nightmare sans. now imagine those minecraft villager trading halls where all the villagers are stuck in the little cell blocks to get ideal trades. now that but replace the villagers with the murder time trio and ideal trades with negativity. he's maxxing out the negativity output for every square foot i guess,,,,,,,
there's absolutely NO space for movement it's practically a little closet. only thing is like basic necessities like food and water distributed by a killer (because he wouldn't get attatched to any of them when there's so many,,,, perhaps a different cell warden for a killer only section to avoid a killer meeting another killer and then having to deal with the mindboggle they'd face and then UGH!!!) these little negativity farms cost so little effort to make!!! all nightmare has to do is keep as many (living) sanses (IN FACT NOT EVEN THE TRIO!! but also the trio since they're easy to break down) in as little space as possible and he's practically got like. + 100k negativity every hour with just 6 of these farms. how efficient!
what do you mean it violates the genevarsal convention. DREAM STOP CONDUCTING PRISON BREAKS
(a little birdie told me u wanted 2 be tagged,,, @qin-qin16)
#nightmare's ideal vacation would be at one of these negativity farms#aaaah the screams of the angered and the sobs of the devastated..... killer go fetch me another piña colada#this line of thought is around the same as my nightmare but he's an immature brat and the trio are his replaceable toys#i laugh behind my screen at the ridiculousness of those but i know that someone else behind their screen is aghast#this is a bit concerning but listen LISTEN ok listen...... are you listening. its not that bad people have had worse thoughts#oh i can just IMAGINE all the suffering that happens here it's demented. i love my trio but man#i should really stop putting them into terrible dehumanizing situations. this is like the 14th time now.........#LISTEN ITS EITHER THIS OR THE 34TH RANT ABOUT THE TRIO HATING AND MAULING EACH OTHER. WHICH ONE WOULD YOU RATHER TRIGLYCERNATION#now add white torture into this- TRIGLYCERCULE THATS ENOIUUUUUGHHHHHH#now i know DAMN well there's like a lottery everyday and it's to see who'll get out#but then it just ends up being whoever becomes nightmare's personal tormentee until they die#i meaaan theres an INFINITE amount of aus out there. infinite copies of the trio. he can afford to lose 1 or 2. maybe 3. 4. ok 5#the cells do not get cleaned up. they are caked in the dust of all the others who have died in there#and when a dust copy is ripped from his au after killing papyrus for the first time he is only left confused and devastated#whos dust is here? the tally marks on the walls?? the dried vomit in the corner?? the weird guy monitoring him 24/7?? WHAT IS GOING ON#and then it starts to sink in and oh god if this wasn't the worst possible time for him to be introduced to the multiverse. AND TERRIBLY TO#and then he gets angry. he just decided to start killing his underground and now he did ALL THAT FOR NOTHING??? HE CAN'T HELP HIS AU IN HER#and then depression. he doesn't know how long he'll be stuck here. dust denies food and water he only silently cries and zones out#yada yada bargaining and then acceptance by which then if he's completely numb and providing no emotions killer disposes of him#it's not only dehumanizing for the prisoners but also absolutely terrible for the warden killer too#all these faces eventually blend into one and not even the most anguished of cries about other versions of papyrus do anything#SOMEONE STOP THIS MADNESS BRUH DREAM!!! DREAM PLEASE!!!!! DREAM STOP YOUR BROTHER BRO#obligatory reminder that i do not support any of this i just thought of it and it was funny but also crazy so i had to make this. REMINDER!#tricule rant#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#nightmare sans#bad sanses
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#I still feel weird about just posting pics of Louis and being like heh he look good#when he's going through such a terrible time#for me all the pictures were always not just that but to sort of celebrate that things were finally finally GOOD#the joyfulness of all that#to be like LOOK at this THRIVING we MADE IT look how far we came etc... and things aren't very fucking great right now#HOWEVER....#idk about you but my dash is depressing af#I think maybe we could use a reminder of joy#and a reminder of happy things and times and that even after the worst things... those times come again#not to get overly precious or deep about it or whatever🙄it's just some pictures on tumblr.com I KNOW#but we are how we live or whatever idk ANYWAY my point is I'm gonna start the queue back up#for now at least#and hope it makes some people smile
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Oh.
If you ever wanted to know what Yonny looks like when he's falling asleep/sleeping, the comic's got you covered.
(Source)
#pikmin#yonny#yonny pikmin#pikmin comic#no sir. i don't like that.#personal updates: i've been severely depressed (again). it started about 3 days ago#i dunno where it came from. (well it's because it's June but i didn't think it was gonna be THIS bad)#i was feeling pretty good when i was making the character refs#then BANG. Max depression. It's made me play ACNH like mad again to lose myself in it.#but even then i feel anxiety while i play it. i haven't even really checked tumblr in days#i'm trying to pull myself back together#but i still feel pretty terrible#and i don't know when or if it's gonna get better#anyway. since i've been playing so much on my switch lately#i've noticed that almost all my switch friends are playing the TTYD remake#how are y'all liking it?
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mann im going to get my blood reports tomorrow and im lwk scared
#mostly it's fine but i looked up this medicine the doc prescribrd me and she said it's for weight loss#but i looked it up and everywhere it said it's for type 2 diabetes#to control blood sugar levels when it's so wildly out of control that nothing is fixing it#why would she give me that??? i mean im obviously gonna ask but tab tak ki anxiety bhai#i have barely processed the fact that pcod is a chronic illness which means im going to have it forever im mostly avoiding thinking about#it cause it feels too big and unbearable#diabetes would be fucking wild man im 21 years old#i am doing so terrible in not turning out to be like my dad lol i want to cry#i just hate hate hate this so much#like i was trying really fucking hard but depression wasn't getting fixed and i kept eating sleeping being in bed all day#like how can one illness cause another be frr man give me a break 😭#and i cannot even officially say depression i just sorta googled thr symptoms and relate to them most days but not everyday#so like#what is all this for#ugh goodnight i hope i wake up and it's all alright#i don't want to be a calorie counting sweet avoiding freak i love chocolate
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i can do what i want and i want a joyous davepeta pfp happy pride and dont forget to leave the cookies out for your local queers and faggots
a transparent version to put your own flags in, go crazy go stupid, please dont erase my name
#homestuck#hs#davepetasprite#davepeta#pfp#my art#davepeta was relevant for a short but brilliant moment and then disappeared from canon which i think is the smartest move frankly#nobody whos important is ever happy in paradox space#as far as i am concerned they entered the new universe and started distancing themself from the main group to build their own social circle#(cos you know the dave/karkat/jade situation is already crowded and davepeta being there might give dave a new never discovered disease)#((or crack the egg whichever happens first))#started going to like artistic workshops and shit got into modern art and archeology/taxidermy#i think dave's and nepeta's outlook on art actually gives them a pretty heathy perspective on it#not afraid to experiment focused on enjoying the process not terribly concerned with getting “better”#maybe when medical science actually gets created they can get therapyed for their depression and other shit#cos i dont think that that would poof out of existance just because nepeta is there to have self-love#actually she might also have some problems after being dead for 3 years the bubbles are actually existentially horrifying to be in#anyway davepeta rant over i love them we get it
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People on this website will be like "you can't handle the moral nuance of Madoka Magica! Not everything is black and white" and then claim everyone criticizing Homura's actions thinks she's a terrible person in the same sentence
#homura akemi#madoka magica#vent post#i put big ole disclaimers and sprinkle throughout that i dont think she's a bad person and i still get#“so you think homura's a terrible person and heres why your wrong” essays if i so much as say#homura undermining madoka and every magical girl's autonomy at the end of rebellion is a dick move#because heres the thing: you can love someone and have the best of intentions for them and still hurt them if you act without listening#homura love madoka and wants her to be happy but she spent dozens of timelines being the only one who could save madoka#and its gonna take her awhile to accept the new reality and that madoka has power and agency now#also saw someone earlier saying Madoka is deeply depressed and suicidal and that everything she says is a front and like???#did we watch the same series???#because thats certainly what homura believes but we're repeatedly shown homura being wrong about things#ex: she thinks madoka is alone but we know she has deputies#she thinks no one remembers madoka but sayaka remembers the whole story once she's a deputy#the series repeatedly shows us why madoka wants to live#i would agree that madoka has a hard time finding value in herself outside of being of service to others at the beginning of the series#i don't think thats true by the end#god forbid a gal is just genuinely altruistic#but tldr: i think homura loves madoka and wants her to thrive but she is not listening to madoka and undermining her autonomy
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Ser Fel, the Chimera Knight or Unmoored Knight
i love my arisen who was so cringe and fail that he got removed from his own world. get ratio’d by the Endless Cycle idiot
Thora, the other Arisen in the nihilism meme belongs to @missszena <3
in game featuring his pawn Leoris
#dragon's dogma#dragon's dogma dark arisen#ddda#fanart#sketch#art#artists on tumblr#ddda arisen#dragon's dogma oc#my art#screenshots are a bit outdated he has the diabolic shield now. i grinded for this bitch#fel isn't from gransys but don't ask me for names i'm entrusting the sequel to give us more world lore#he defeated his dragon but didn't kill it and got fucked over when he was lured to bitterblack. got lost there and was displaced entirely#thora is the one who stumbled on him and he's wound up in her world but hasn't managed to get back to his#he goes back to bitterblack after witnessing this cycle gets lost and turns into a living armor#note to the cycle maybe next time don't pick the depressed jaded knight as ur arisen. bro couldn't even be arsed to finish his quest#i think often about the lack of mystic knights and most of them appearing as undead. inherently doomed vocation or whatever#anyway i'm terrible at finishing any art for fel sry#i'm gonna go make myself emo over fel's relationship with leoris now. see you whenever
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#so i think this is the first time within memory that i've had both a depressive episode and an extended anxiety attack happen simultaneous#like i've had them happen individually but i fear they are combining in bad ways#i've had some shit from four ish years get triggered recently and it's good cause i need to work through that#but that started a depressive episode that may have started a couple months ago and has slowly been culminating to the past week#and then some shit is happening with a person i care about so that's started an anxiety thing#which is terrible cause usually i just dissociate if there's anxiety or activate the adhd hyperactivity if there's depression#but now i can't do either so im stuck#and also i'm very burnt out rn#so i've literally just been in my bed except for things i Have to do Or I'll Die Or Get Kicked Out Of School#like i think i would not get up if the fire alarm went off rn genuinely#anyway yeah if you see me online more that's why#i'm sure i'll be fine i'm just figuring out what's going on#personal
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In my OWN personal crisis journey that no one cares about because the country is on fire- midterm did not get completed and I am emailing the professor to drop the class. Also tags are Embarrassingly personal and have dark mental health stuff be forewarned. But if you want to read some personal drama as a distraction then I am happy to be that person for you lol
#this is a horrible difficult humiliating decision#but im literally so miserable i wrote a suicide note#and i promised myself that if it ever got that bad i would try to change things first#i LOVE this class but i dont need it to graduate. this sucks i am upset but i will live#bawling my eyes out but depression isnt going to get me that easy!! once i started googling bridges near me i knew it was over lol#that thang was not getting written i need to make the terrible choice and move on#otherwise the only other choice would be breaking my parent's hearts. so anyway. she lives to see another day#suicide tw#if this is melodramatic im sorry im so sleep deprived#im gonna salvage what's left of this shit semester and muster up the will to live even though this country is making that Very! Difficult!
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