#ooh look i found one
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Life hack: feeling depressed/wanna clean something but only have a wee amount of time/effort?
Find the nearest mirror/window/literally anything reflective and clean that. Just squirt it a few times with window cleaner/honestly probably anything liquid and soapyish, dry it with a paper-towel/actual towel/cloth/tissue/your shirt, and boom the room looks surprisingly better already!
#this PSA brought to you from me#finally cleaning the mirrors after adhding for several days#(well i also cleaned the sink which sure helped#but the mirror ok#that was the real magic)#no idea what tags to put on this so i'm just gonna...#neurodivergent#adhd#audhd#autism#eh?#does that work?#i am neurodivergent so i suppose it counts#right#life hack#ooh look i found one#adulting#that fits i think#ok bye go clean your mirrors
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ṇ̵̛̱͌̅̃͛̔o̴̮̓̀͂́̃_̴̛̲́s̷͈̋̈́̄̋͠ị̶͔̗̐͐̐̒̕g̵̛̱̘̣̑͂ņ̴̰͔̘͇̏̒̓̇͠͝a̸̜̥̩̭͋̌ḷ̶͔̖͗͋͛͛̃͆
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#gojo satoru#satoru gojo#geto suguru#satosugu#jjk gojo#eye strain/#eye horror/#like i said ik this concept has been done before and probably better than this but i hope that i did it Okay#i hope all the eye strain was not in vain gjhfgsh the amount of blue light in this image is not recommended by doctors#smh gojo ipad baby confirmed#too much screentime.png#in other news im happy i came up with smth else 2 put alongside the piece itself !!#was playing around with filters and effects and i was like ooh what does the binarization button do#makes it look like found footage is what it does i love it SO much#i almost like it better than the coloured version but i would rather die than let a day and a half of rendering go to waste#esp after i already scrapped the intended p2#still i would have posted the full b/w one side by side but it made the post look so busy and distracting and awful#so it's just geto's face ig smile :)#happy i stuck it out w this!!!#fr all i dunk on gojo gdi his aesthetic n design works so well with glitches and messed up technology#tb to tht other gojo + teal + glitches piece i did frever ago captioned smth like 'watch what you eat'#the glitch brushes in my inventory exist fr him and him alone
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Tumblr keeps popping up to sell me ad free dashboard. But what it doesn't understand is that me and the ads have a sort of symbiosis at this point.
The guys from the fake gameplay trailers for a predatory mobile app are my blorbos
#the kings return to do WHAT?#oh my god they put him in a situation#last year he was solving fake puzzles and this year he is shooting hordes of zombies while trying to chokse#which gate that looks like all the other gates in all the other shooting hordes of zombies games#ooh whats my little phoenix wright up to?#begging to be drooled on by a giant cyclops with gianter boobs?#hell yeah you go little pheonix knight#endure or divorce! what will she pick! blond bimbo and boo monstersinc freeze to death in the cold water#my heart will go on#after their nasty dad ate all the food! the tragedy#oh heres another trailer with that same nasty dad! hes snorkling? where is my daccoon eyed woman WHAT THE FUC#SOMEONE POURED (POOP?) INTO HIS SNORKLE THATS SO TERRIBLE#theyre running away wherre is the bimbo oh its all frozen#everythign froze so fast and now nasty dad is in a winter coat and also changed his entire physique#now hes gathering logs now hes buikding a settlement#damn guess we know what happened after the divorce!#and thats how you know the winter log game is by the same company as (one of many) repair the house game#thry got nasty dad model#and he is GOING places#if yiu ever hear 'i finally found a game that is exactly what they show in the ads!' no you didnt#i would love to play the fat guy fighting a horse for the last drop of water#hes like me fr#but hes too busy building underground rooms with the hot chick who may or may not die#SPEAKING OF HOT CHICKS i love that game where you romance a level 10 babe#not a crook or informant thats her whole job description#level 10 babe#she cqn be romanced by picking her off the ground or by showing her money (which you dont have)#but the other guy does!#i wonder what halpens to her#oh good shes upgraded to mafia wife! good for her and she has some buns in the oven too she must be so happOH NO
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THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN (TO GET SPLATTERED) OOH MYSTERY! PANIC! DRAMA! EMOTIONS!! LOTS N LOTS OF MEAT, SCARES, AND DICK-OUT FUN! BLOOD IN THE BAYOU HAS GOT IT ALL BABY!!!
blood in the bayou would make SUUUCh a great campy horror movie, its real in my heart, so real.....
#jrwi bitb#jrwi bitb spoilers#jrwi fanart#cw blood#cw gore#cw body horror#EHEHEE YKNOW WHAT I LOVE ABT POSTING ART ON TUMBLR....#I GET TO TAAALK N TALK N TALK YIPPEEE I LOVE TALKIN ABOUT MY ART!! espeeecially WHEN I THINK ALOT ABT IT#SO this is older. i actually drew this right around the time episode 2 came out. but i WAS kinda stupid slow about it#SOO its a lil old and i dont remember aaall the immediate feelings i had about this episode#OHH MY GOD THIS WAS THE EP WHERE THEY FOUND OUT WHAT THE MAP LOOKS LIKE RIGHT???#DUDE I REMEMBER BEING SO GENUINELY FUCKIN C A U G H T BY THAT LIKE WHAT??? WHAT??? IT LOOKS LIKE A WHUT??? HUHN???? NHU????????#OOH ohoh okay okay THE BARRIER right. have yall ever seen annihilation? that kickass movie with that weird dimension? just look it up#in the movie theres a Wall that separates them from the fucked up dimension. its glossy and strange just like a bubble. SOUND FAMILIAR HMMM#THATS what i imagine the wall looked like. gotta draw that at somepoint. i also used that texture for the background color. do ya see it?#i remember when i was first watching it. i thought that maybe it was actually worse outside#like they finally get past the barrier and its the same everywhere else. like the entire earth is already taken.sighh....#CAN I JUST SAY I LOVE KIAN STONE BTW. AINT NO ONE ELSE HAD THER DICK OUT AS MUCH AS THIS KING. HONESTLY IM A KIAN APOLOGIST#KIAN STONE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG EVER. HE FOLLOWS HIS HEART AND THE MUSIC DUUUDEE!!!!! HIS HEART AND THE MUSIC ARE ONE DUUUUDEEE!!!!#ILL HAVE MORE THINGS TO SCREAM ABT KIAN WHEN I POST MY EP 3 DOODLE PAGE. OKAY. IM NOT SOBBING LOUDLY. I LOVE N SUPPORT KIAN#AND RAAAND oh raaaand he loves his momma.... n his momma loves him.... hes suuuuch a sad lil disaster of a man....#i wanna nurse him back to health like an injured little animal#wtf who said that#anyway ROLAN MY SMARTEST BOY IN THE WORLD#I remember listening to the first episode (right at midnight as i was sleeping) n thinkin#dawww rolans so baby :)) hes so baby girl n small and pathetic#and then i saw the official art of him n im like NO WAY#HE LOOKS WAY TOO COOL IN THAT how could this little man ever be that cool AND BOOY DOES IT PROVE ME WRONG. HOLY SHIT. ROLAN. BEAST OF A MAN#OKAAYAY teehee ill share more thoughts later. if u read this far tell me ALL ur thoughts abt bitb ep 2#kk bye guys ill see u within the next rotatiion mwah mwah love u guys baaaiiiii. please survive for me.
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nothing I love more in a secondhand book than a note written to someone in the cover
#just opened a copy of decline and fall by evelyn waugh that i got at a secondhand place over christmas#and inside is a note in black ink that says#''merry reading mom -shaun '92''#like i hope she enjoyed it#i hope it's what she wanted for christmas#i wonder if shauns still around#i wonder if his mom is#best writing i ever found in a book was in the back of one#where some kid wrote his name 3 times in different coloured metallic sharpie#like you just know that kid had to read the book for school and opened a fresh pack of sharpies#and wanted to see what they looked like and didn't give a shit about the book lol#wish i could remember which book it was#i have books from my great grandmother's collection#she had a stamp with her name that she put in every one#i wonder if someone will pick these books up at a secondhand store after i'm gone#and wonder who harley was#ooh i forgot i also have that copy of dr jekyll my dad stole from his high school library#that has his name written in it in pencil along with the names of like 3 other students with the year written next to each one#and on the opposite page the name of the high school that gave it to his high school#it's my favourite kind of history sorry i'm getting really into this
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wow this week sure has been a great reminder that I am only ever, like, a handful of bad sensory experiences away from complete mental collapse
#I am in a house with sixteen people#after isolating for nearly an entire day and not feeling less shitty I had dinner (a child dropped bread on my dedicated gluten free food)#and managed to not fucking cry in front of everyone#then I came downstairs again and sat very unwisely in the communal movie room and tried to put The Acolyte on#at which point one of the people here looked in and said ‘ooh! I want to watch that with you’#and because I like her I waited for her to get her crochet stuff and join me#and then found out. she is not caught up on the show. neither is her son who wanted to join us#I did not want to completely isolate myself yet again but now I am watching *two* Acolyte episodes with two other people!#a third joined us partway through!#and THEN. the Internet died#ten seconds of show followed by five minutes of buffering#we watched the rest of the seventh episode that way I shit you the fuck not#and then they said ‘well let’s give it another shot tomorrow’ and went to bed#and now I am going to watch the Acolyte finale on my tiny ass phone#all of this is happening on TOP of a twenty-four hour panic attack :)))))))))))
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@beatingheart-bride
"Oddly enough, no," Dorian admitted, as he helped himself to a cup of tea, giving it a cursory blow to cool it down before he took a sip, saying, "I thought I would be, especially as we come down to the wire, but...I just can't say that I am. Call me an optimist, but...I just have a feeling that there's nothing to worry about."
All throughout these weeks of planning, of playing at being the happy couple with Emily, of scheming behind their families backs, of all the preparations being made, he was waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop, for the nervousness to kick in...and yet, it never did. He felt strangely calm about the proceedings, like something in his bones assured him that everything was going to be alright, and he was inclined to believe that. After all, Nicholas had been removed from the picture entirely, all of New Orleans was eating up everything they'd seen and heard about the young couple, and both their families were none the wiser to the plan. Everything was going off without a hitch, and he was glad for it.
That being said, he didn't miss the way Emily fidgeted with her sleeve, and he knew she wasn't feeling quite as calm as he was. Setting down his cup, he asked her gently, "I...take it you don't feel the same?" Perhaps if they talked it out together, she'd feel a bit better?
#((i don't mind the time skip at all! and as for lost media holy grails; ooh...))#((i defidently agree about hitogata; i'd love to see that one recovered; as i'm inclined to believe))#((that it's be a real psa and not just false memories/mandela effect for a bunch of people))#((and so i'd love to see it recovered!))#((and i also agree about jeff the killer; i'd love to see the original; unedited image too!))#((there's another one; a tv commercial the lost media wiki is on the hunt for; a philippines ad for a flower shop))#(('encarnacion bechaves'; if i remember correctly; the commercial was weirdly unnerving))#((based on what people have said about it; and so i'd be down to see that one recovered as well!))#((there's also tons of film lost media i'd love to see found: the english language track for the 1933 'monkey's paw'))#((since we only have the french language track; despite it being an american production; oddly enough))#((the two hour rough cut of the original 'child's play' is another big one; since i'm a big 'chucky' fan))#((the missing scenes from 'the 5000 fingers of dr. t'; my favorite bizarre dr. seuss film))#((the missing scenes from 'an american werewolf in london' i'd like to see))#((and 'dracula's death' is another big one! if it *is* real; that would mean there was a film))#((made before 'nosferatu' that took a stab at adapting 'dracula'; but that's only if it's real))#((we have some still images on the wiki; but i admit that i'm a little skeptical))#((as the vampire in the window in one picture looks an awful lot like max schreck as count orlok))#((and i can't decide if it's because it's a faked image or just a happy coincidence!))#((and there's just other little ones i'd like to see recovered; such as stuff relating to a japanese manga/anime series))#(('gegege no kitaro' that's been going on for literal decades; but some of the early stuff))#((as well as an official film and a fan film are both missing; and since i've gotten into the series))#((-largely because of the lost media wiki-))#((i'd really love to see them be recovered!))#((there's plenty more here i could list off but those are a few that just pop into my head!))#((but what about you? are there any other pieces of lost media you'd like to see?))#outofhatboxes#beatingheart-bride#V:Days of Future Past
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All I got from my nan's today is that you shouldn't let me in a book shop as someone whose town lost their only book shop.
#me initally: 'just go into one and be done-'#me first five minutes into leaving the pub on a timer as i had to be back in time for the food: 'ooh the other book shop-'#as its a cafe/book place#so got legend of zelda manga there with some other stuff i spotted#and then uh on way to second book shop i saw a toothless plushie in a charity shop window and for £2.99 i had to get him#and then finally in second book shop i almost grabbed a fnaf book with two books on the half price deal#but uh ended up putting fnaf book back when i saw a third half price book i liked the looks of#and got to till and uh got told i could get a fourth one cause of the deal#so somehow left my nans today with five books and some small stuff and a toothless plushie#in terms of my nans? ehhhh she liked my hair at least#says i look better with short hair#and i aint gonna argue as its easier to manage with my thick hair#plus found out shes been watching transformers so guess both mood there#though only con is her acting like we have to get rid of some of our cats and parents lying to her they will#when in reality i had to go outside and tell dad i will go half-way with getting three netured and chipped#as all our cats are outdoor cats#but my mental health wasnt drained so guess thats a pro#only time it did get drained was when our trains all cancelled on us cause of industral action and mom got upset and stuff#uncle took us down and back home tho so
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a super fun thing that my brain is really good at is hearing a random fact and remembering it forever. but only if it's bad :)
#the reason I'm thinking about that right now: I wish I had never read that having a crease on your earlobe means you're more likely to have#heart disease.#scared me so much that I read a whole paper about it#but it's been years now so I don't remember the details#just that that's a thing apparently#and guess what my brain does with that information? oh yeah of course I have to obsessively look at the ears of everyone now! does that#do anything helpful? nope! just makes me very very anxious :)#it's just like when I was a kid and I got nightmares about scurvy every time I didn't eat a potato for a week.#like. wow I could be so smart and everything if my brain wasn't constantly focused on random bullshit that is completely irrelevant 😭#also this thing specifically: I've always been weirdly fascinated by ears and this made that a million times worse and also very scary.#like ooh that's a nice ear :) oh no death exists and this person is going to die and#yeah it sucks.#specifically choosing not to mention any names in this context because my god this shit is on my mind all the time already I really don't#need to say it where anyone can see#it's embarrassing enough#though anyone who has looked at my blog in the past month already knows who I'm talking about.#like. I really shouldn't allow myself to like anyone over the age of like. idk 45.#it's so unbelievably exhausting.#but annnyway I'm totally normal and fine :)#oh yeah I also have creases on my earlobes lol so that definitely added to the scariness (and THEN my mother randomly mentioned recently#that EVERYONE on her side of the family had/has heart disease. bitch WHAT the fuck. anyway so yeah guess we know what's gonna kill me#haha isn't that fun :) )#ALSO the fact that my memory is very very bad means that I remember absolutely none of the details about shit like this. so it could very#well be completely irrelevant and harmless but i wouldn't remember that part.#and I think even if I found out more it wouldn't help. it's been an obsession for so long. I've never had one go away that I've had for#this long. so. guess I'm just fucked.#personal
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i would like to sit in the fetal position and cry at the moment
#cramps fucking suck#like why does my body have to act like its dying every month#like bro chill#eh i need to get my warm thing#i want one of those stuffed animaks you can throw in the microwave and they work as a heating pad#i want one that looks like a stingray :)#idk why a stingray but i want :)#ooh i found a website with a ton of different kinds :)#imma ask my mom to get me one
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finally watched s3 and i think it’s very funny how jaskier and yennefer both came to see geralt on what was essentially his deathbed and immediately sat down and started crying like “oh my god babe i had the worst day you will not beLIEVE-”
#like listen obv if i am in the hospital i still want my loved ones to feel comfortable telling me about their shitty days#i don’t want them pushing down their own pain bc they think i can’t take it or whatever#i just love that both of them are like ‘oh shit geralt’s hurt are u ok??? anyway lemme trauma dump at u for a sec hang on’#as they should#bc what’s he gonna tell them otherwise?#‘ooh my back hurts’ ‘ooh i’m worried about ciri’ yeah no shit#shut up and listen to the story about this burned village or yen’s dead mom#also thought jaskier’s attempt to bury the lede was very funny#‘ciri’s ok! she’s fine! ok she’s missing. ok actually nilfgaard is looking for her but so are we! ok so emhyr found her but uhhhh’#like my dude just rip off the bandaid damn#anyway#twn spoilers#do i still need that tag?#the witcher netflix
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im sitting here, first edible of the day kicking in, and i just realised i haven't been yelled at for picking my lips in months. im safe here, i can stim like that and Housemate doesn't care and that's
really really lovely. wish I'd realised it sooner!
#text post#i mean should i be picking the skin off my lips NO but#it's a stim ive been doing since i was four years old with multiple tries over the years to stop doing it#sometimes bribed with prizes by family or teachers other times punished and my hand slapped or#made to hold a tissue there if my lip bled (tissues are major BAD TEXTURE for me so that was torture. nearly made me sick once or twice)#and none of it ever worked so like. maybe this is just one of those unfortunately gross things i do#i try to keep it to when im alone or at home only now at least so the worst coworkers used to do was comment my lips looked bad#like thanks could you try doing your job instead of making unasked for comments? no? cool I'll do your work and mine#and you wax on about how it doesn't matter that sometimes lip makeup is a bad feel for me i just haven't found the right chapstick or lippy#that would make me stop but ooh they've always a brand recommendation on hand too!#bless their dumb asses bc they meant well but my lips and i are just gonna keep bleeding over here for now#tw skin picking#if y'all need any addt'l trigger tags msg and ill add asap!
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@witchy--mama
based on that one twitter meme
#im the freak who goes thru 7 character tags just for 1 (one) picture of my pretty pretty princess#and then tags you in the good shit#like 'ooh look at this cool rock i found' except it's photos of blorbos#i hope im not just a mutual to you but also a search engine for 5 different pieces of media#but man the things i've seen....#wading through a character tag with a shotgun with 'block' written on the side
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i cant be upset i literally have cool lighting
#oooh time to brag about my room again. its so epic.#thank you christmas lights i won in at a work party o7 i owe you a lott#ooh my room so epic i need to make a cool reference for it sometime. if only drawing was real.#yayy#its so sad that i dont know where my lighter is T-T i got a new candle with no way to can the le.#sillyposting#anyway back to complaining.#i forgot that. having to take care of yourself also needs to happen when you feel blegh#aka cooking with gas and a hot pot. isnt great for the thinking.#its fine i made nothing food and. ate. which is good ig.#MORE COMPLAINING.#i hate that ive found a wine that is tolerable. because now that i have one that is NOT i am. struggling.#ooh the okay one is like 6.5% which. would explain somethign.#but this one. tastes like rose yep!#im gonna mix it with sprite soon.#oooh at least there is an alcohol win this week.#my brother had people over both yesterday and the day before.#which means he got to introduce me to an amaretto that is. way better than the dissorrono one.#half the % aswell but NOTHING of the aftertaste!!! its really weird but awesomeeee#idk where to get it but. something to look into.#i dont drink often. especially not in public.#ok.#its a shame this one isnt cold. would be wayy better but im too scaredy.#OOH actually i did see some ice in the freezer.#OOOOOOHHHHH waiitittttttt i have icecream!!!! I FORGORR/#ok thats awesome. im having a good night now =w=bbb
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requested: max + best friend + somnophilia + cum marking
Unforgettable ♥️
Max Verstappen x Best Friend!Reader
if you loved the girl then I’m so so sorry (i got to give it to her like we in a marriage)
You and Max grew up as childhood best friends, secretly enamoured with each other but prohibited to openly date by both your strict fathers. But as adults, there’s nothing to stop the naughty desires you two have for each other finally leading to pleasure activities. You just had no idea how naughty your Max’s desires for you had become as of late…
Content includes: 18+ MDNI, smut, dom! Dark max, sub! Innocent reader, size kink, dub con/non con elements, brief mentions of some teen max x reader being kinky, but mostly as adults, HEAVY on the somno!!, cum play/cum marking, WC 4.2k
You’ve known Max Verstappen your whole life. First as his childhood best friend, meeting through your fathers who both had a keen interest in racing. The young Max immediately became enamoured with how cute you looked grasping onto his sleeve to loyally follow him everywhere. He welcomed your constant support and cheering, a comfort to the cold discipline his own father gave him daily. You were the one source of happiness and positivity for him, with your sunshine smile and blushing cheeks as you oohed and ahhed at his track performance.
Your friendship continued easily through your teens, and then into adulthood, with you naturally moving to Monaco at his invitation. Just like you’d always done - with Max leading, and you obediently following. Of course, for a boy and a girl to be as close friends as the two of you were led to more than a few eyebrows being raised and curious questions asked, especially when Max’s career skyrocketed and he became one of the most famous athletes worldwide. But you both swear multiple times to your family, friends and the media - nothing of the romantic sort happened between the two of you, it was all completely platonic, just a healthy friendship. And that was the truth, because Max’s father had forbidden him from getting entangled with the little girl following him around as he had a racing career to focus on, and after that countless models to date - much more fitting for an F1 driver than some shy, girl next door type. And your strict, conservative father had raised you traditionally, sending you to an all girl’s high school and banning any boyfriends or dates of any sort. Max was in fact the only boy you were allowed to speak to, given how close your fathers were. But you weren’t to think about any boys until it was time to get married, your father had told you sternly. There’s too many bad men that would hurt my baby girl, he added with a ruffle of your dark curls.
Your father would have had a heart attack if he’d known that the teenage Max had already begun sneaking into your bedroom window nightly once you’d been sent to a different school than him. You’d found it so sweet that he misses you so much, saying that it wasn’t enough time to just see you on the weekends. Soon enough he’d end up falling asleep in your bed after you spent hours talking and reading racing magazines together, just like the sleepovers you two would occasionally have as toddlers when the adults had too much to drink.
You loved that Max would always be there for you, especially when you started having a hard time at your new school with a group of mean older girls. Max’s normally soft blue eyes had narrowed as you sadly mentioned how they’d made fun of you. He wiped the tears away at the corner of your eyes and assured you he’d help take care of it. You weren’t sure exactly what he’d done the next day when the group of girls all avoided eye contact and apologised to you publically, telling you they didn’t realise you were the girlfriend of Max Verstappen - who by now, was a international karting champion and set to join the junior Redbull team at only 16.
You’d blushed, trying to dismiss their belief of you being Max’s girlfriend that had started to become a frequent rumour these days. While it was true you’d always had a crush on the handsome blonde Dutchman, he’d never once shown you that he reciprocated your feelings, always just being a good friend to you. Like that evening when he jumped through your windowsill with familiar movements, waving off your grateful thanks and telling you it’s what best friends did for each other. Besides, you’re so tiny and cute, just like a bunny, it’s my job to look after you if I’m called the lion! He declared, alluding to your individual favourite childhood animals. Later, he curiously asked what the girls had actually teased you about, saying he’d forgotten to ask because he had been too angry with them. You blush a little, because you’re not sure if it’s too embarrassing to tell him as it’s a girl thing, Maxie…
He encourages you to tell him, insisting there were no secrets between the two of you, who’d practically known each other since birth. You couldn’t argue with that, and shyly tell him that it was because the older girls had seen you changing for sports class last week and had said you must have gotten a good surgeon with boobs like that. I-I don’t know what they mean, Maxie, you said with an anxious bite of your lip. Do they look weird?
Oh, Max had said, caught off guard, pretty blue eyes suddenly wide as they automatically drifted down to your clothed chest. Even through the pink camisole you’re wearing to bed, it’s hard to miss the way your new assets stretched the thin material to its limits. I’m sure they look nice, bunny. But I - his cheeks go pink - I can look at them properly if you want?
Your brown doe eyes go starry eyed and you nod happily at his offer. Will you, Maxie? Thank you so much! It’s so kind of you. Beaming up at your friend, you thank him again for his thoughtful offer as you lift the singlet above your breasts. You don’t really have any other friends to show them too, because you spend all your spare time with the Dutch boy, and your mother is also too strict like your father to talk about your teenage troubles with. You’d be lost without Max!
The blonde teen in question swallows as he intently looks at your bare chest, now exposed for him. The night breeze stiffens your nipples, making them stick out against your caramel skin. They’re very pretty, schatje, he finally says, his voice sounding a strange and deeper than normal, after he stares at them so long you start to get worried that there had been something wrong, after all. You tell him this, to which he reassures you soothingly, but you’re still on edge. What if my future boyfriend doesn’t like them, Maxie? Your best friend’s eyes darken suddenly at the mention of some other boy seeing your body in a way only he had been allowed to so far. You're a little taken aback at the unfamiliar, cold expression on his normally warm face, but then you blink and he's back to his blushing self, eagerly showering you with his reassurances because he never wants you to doubt how perfect he thinks you are.
So that’s why, now as adults living in his Monaco penthouse, Max makes it his personal mission to make sure you know how beautiful you are. Your conservative parents have no idea that you live together, of course - they still think you live in the quaint 1 bedroom apartment a few minutes away from your university campus. But your modest apartment had mysteriously been shut down by the Housing Council of Monaco, who’d told you there had been a termite infestation and you were indefinitely out of a place to live. You’d been puzzled why your apartment was the only one on your floor that seemed to be affected by something so contagious - but when Max generously offered to ease all your financial troubles and let you crash in his guest bedroom, you gratefully accepted. You’d never told your strict parents about the move, of course, since it was only meant to be temporary and they’d kick up a fuss over nothing.
You were so thankful to your best friend, and made sure to always clean up around the house and bake his favourite treats to repay him in some way. Max’s favourite way to destress after a long day is to cuddle against you on the sofa, burying his face in your pillowy, soft chest as you giggle and run a comforting hand through his blonde locks. He complains about drama with his team and car this season, husky voice muffled against your clothed breasts. The low vibrations would make you involuntarily shiver and he’d always know when you were wearing a bra, because he wouldn’t be able to see your tempting nipples through your top. Schatje, he’d say sternly with a disapproving glare, yanking your pastel cardigan up and revealing a cute, lacy bralette. We talked about this, it restricts your circulation, it’s not healthy to wear a bra at home too, hmm? You apologise sweetly, pouting and telling him that you were sorry, it was just you’d had to wear one for your university tutorial earlier and sometimes your back really starts hurting if your bra isn’t supporting the weight of your chest…
Hmm, let’s see how we can fix that, okay bunny? He lifts you to sit in his lap, your back to his toned abs, and your underwear coming into direct contact with his jeans underneath your miniskirt. Sliding his large, strong hands over your smaller waist, he makes you gasp as he unclasps your bra and starts gently squeezing your bare breasts. The soft flesh fills his palms, and you shyly ask him what he was doing, he didn't have to trouble himself helping you. When he shushes you, reassuring you that he was just massaging the tension and pain out of your tits, see, doesn’t that feel good schat? You find yourself nodding, leaning back against his broad chest because and biting your lip because it did feel amazing. You didn’t know that being touched there would make you feel dirty things someplace else, like in the place between your legs that begins to feel warm and tingly. Especially when Max would roll your nipples in between his large fingers, or when he’d press his tongue in between your bare tits and lick at your caramel skin. You couldn’t resist arching your back into his talented mouth when he latched onto your areolas, unable to control the breathless moans that escaped. You were seriously so lucky to have a friend who took your comfort and health so seriously!
Of course, you were clueless that Max had taken the boundaries well beyond what would be considered acceptable for any other friendship. You still barely had any friends outside of Max - especially since your friendship with him kept you so busy, flying around the world with him constantly. But everything you two did felt so natural, like a progression of how you’d looked after each other other as kids, that you never felt weird or uncomfortable. You only ever felt good with Maxie. That was also why you’d always call him first when you were on a night out and had gotten a bit too tipsy - you didn’t trust anyone else to look after you. Max had warned you, just like your father had, about all the bad men who were out and would hurt you. He very rarely let you go out without him for this very reason.
But when you would, for a girlfriend’s birthday dinner or the other, he’d be the one to drive you home and carry you up to the apartment. He’d smirk at your drunk antics, where you’d whine it was too damn hot and start sloppily tearing off your cute, sweetheart minidresses. He loved when you got like this, obediently crawling into bed with him in scraps of lace, when normally sober you put up a fuss that only a couple slept like that, it was wrong, his girlfriend wouldn’t like this! Pulling your pliant form into his warm chest, he’s pressing kisses to your forehead before sliding his tongue into your open, pink mouth. You kiss him back passionately, breathlessly chanting his name, contently lost in how nice his lips feel. You loved the familiar feeling of Max’s arms around you, always making you feel safe and protected. And when his large, strong palms run up and down your sensitive body, sending electric shivers running when his bare skin touches yours, you can’t help but moan sweetly into his mouth. Mmmhh, feels good, Maxie you slur, eyes fluttering shut and thick ass grinding back against his clothed bulge, before you fall asleep from his slow, rhythmic movements as he explores your tired body.
Secretly, not that you’d ever admit it, you knew there was something a little naughty with the way he touched you. You’d watched enviously through cracked doors when he’d touched his girlfriends in the same way, hating when his attention was on some other girl and not on you. But you could never ask him sober to take care of you like that, not when you were sure he thought of you like a friend. So you frequently started to get a bit too tipsy out on a night out, knowing it was much easier to cross the line of friendship into something more when you could blame it all on the tequila. And your Maxie would never turn down a chance to reciprocate your touchiness - his love language was physical touch, after all!
You had no idea that after you'd fall asleep, your precious Maxie’s fun really began, every night that he managed to bring you into his Californian King. If you hadn’t been so naive you would know it was far from normal for a guy friend to climb into bed with his drunk girl friend, who was wearing nothing but some white lacy lingerie underneath her clubbing dress that's abandoned on the floor. Lingerie which he now pulls to the side as he squeezes your juicy tits and lightly fingers the entrance of your pussy. His dark, hungry gaze rake over your tempting form, taking in your curves that have now filled out. He lazily jerks himself off to the pretty little thing passed out in his bed, peppering kisses to your chubby cheeks, your delicate neck, and to your plush breasts which bounce with each sleepy breath you take.
And once your breaths turn heavy and slow when deep sleep claims you, there’s nothing stopping him from slipping his angry, leaking cockhead out and sliding it along your puffy folds. You unknowingly drip your wetness all over his shaft as he groans into your ear, his breath warm as he pants desperately above your peacefully sleeping face. Sometimes he can’t resist and slips just the tip into your tight little hole, the one you still thought was untouched by anyone.
You’d probably die if you knew the truth - that your cunt had in fact been abused many times by your best friend. Max regularly enjoyed teasing your puffy slit with his fingers, his tongue and of course his cockhead- all while you lay blissfully sleeping next to him. He’d take any chance he could, no matter how risky. One time you’d passed out on Max’s lap aboard his private jet, exhausted from the day at a boiling hot Qatar race. He’d stroked your curls lovingly, murmuring sweet nothings to you until you were in a deep sleep on his thick muscular thighs, even drooling a little onto his jeans. All he’d had to do was dim the cabin lights and half cover your face with a blanket under the guise of not disturbing you if anyone walked past.
Nobody would have been able to guess that underneath the privacy of the blanket, Max Verstappen was slowly sliding his aching, fat cock into your wet mouth. You’d instinctively started suckling on it like a lollipop, making him chuckle at what a natural slut you were for him. Grabbing a hold of your curls, he’d easily manoeuvred your soft, pliant lips up and down his shaft, enjoying the drool you left all over his warm length. Breathing heavier, his movements quickened and his thrusts became shallower until he finally goes still, tensing in your mouth and spurting ribbons of his cream down your throat. You’d slept straight through the dinner service, after all. Afterwards, you’d woken up with sticky lips and an unfamiliar taste on your tongue, dazedly blinking up at Max who was playing on his phone above your sleeping figure on his lap. Good nap, schatje? he croons adoringly at you, brushing your hair lovingly when he sees you’d awakened. You’d nodded happily, feeling content and secure in his hold.
Lately, sneaking around while you were asleep hadn’t been enough for the world champion. He wanted you all to himself, all the time. His new tactic involved making sure you knew that his latest girlfriend - or his model "pump and dump of the month" as his guy friends joked - had broken up with him. All because she’d heard you had climbed into bed with him naked, tipsy after a night out, Max would declare to your with a dramatic sigh. Or she’d found your lacy underwear mixed in with Max’s laundry, and had accused him of cheating before storming out. He wondered what his exes would have done if they found out the lacy things he’d had lying around were actually due to his dirty habit as a teen of stealing your underwear to sniff and guiltily keep in his stash. It was a twisted desire he hadn’t grown out of as an adult, instead just finding your new panties sexier and enjoying ruining them with his cum now. Some nights, when he was feeling particularly possessive of you, he’d pull one lacy side up to slide his length underneath, now rubbing his drooling cockhead against the juicy swell of your ass. One night he’d even just slipped your panties all the way off, jerked off slowly to them as his other hand explored your pliant body greedily, making you gasp breathlessly when he buried his face in between your jiggling tits and gently bit your cute nipples. After cumming a thick load into the pink lacey fabric, he then slid the ruined panties back over your curvy ass. You’d remained completely clueless to your best friend’s filthy nighttime acts in your bed, blissfully dreaming.
So after telling you that you must have left your panties in his bed the last time you passed out there drunk, and made his girlfriend angry, Max would sigh, rubbing his head and making sure to out on a grand show of looking tired and weary as he fed you some new lie about how you were the reason his girlfriends had called it quits.
You’d anxiously comfort him, your doe eyes worried as you studied his tense figure. Just like he’d hoped, you couldn’t resist offering to help him in any way he needed - including taking over any bedroom activities his girlfriends had been performing for him, if he wanted. You weren’t very good, because you still had never had a boyfriend…but you promised to try your best to do it just how Max liked it. After all, that’s what good friends were for, right?
So that’s why you obediently wake him up every morning with your lips on his heavy morning wood. All of his girlfriends woke him up like this, Max insisted, otherwise his balls would be too full for him to go to driving practise comfortably. And since he loved to sleep in late ever day, you had no choice but to miss your morning lectures. Instead of getting the college education you’d promised your parents, you’re worshipping your best friend’s large cock with eager strokes of your hand and wet licks of your tongue, following his instructions. You hadn’t liked going near the base, to his heavy balls at the start, finding them uncomfortable to fit in your small mouth. Max had noticed your dislike for then very quickly and soon kept a strong grip on your curls, pressing your thick lips into his morning wood to make sure you blew him just how he wanted it.
After your daily breakfast of Max’s thick cream down your throat, you two would shower together, just like he liked doing with all his ex girlfriends. This part you did know about, having come home early one day and overhearing Max fucking his latest up against the shower wall. You’d never imagine that one day you’d be getting to replace her, gasping out ah ah ahs! as Max rubbed his drooling, angry cockhead against your slick folds. You bite your lip as you dirtily fantasise about your tall, muscular best friend behind you forcing his way into your cunny. Just a little bit, of course, maybe just the tip, you dreamily thought.
Max had always been good at knowing what you wanted without you asking, given how long he'd known you. So he gives you exactly what you'd been naughtily thinking about, "accidentally" sliding his impossibly hard head into your dripping folds when he reached forward to adjust the already perfect water temperature. You squeal in shock, quickly trying to turn around and see what he was doing, but you're no match for his strength. Max's strong hands pin your thick hips in place as his much taller frame presses into you from behind, his lips brushing your ear to whisper dirty things and making your brain go foggy. Hearing your beloved Maxie huskily groan that your ass felt amazing, like it was built to take my cock, bunny made your heart beat rapidly in excitement. You didn't even notice that he'd bullied a good third of his massive erection into your clenching pussy, or when he came with a desperate groan, his face buried in your neck from behind. The warm shower water mixed with his creamy release and leaving you none the wiser about what he'd just pumped inside your virgin hole.
And little, naive you had no idea just how many times your possessive best friend had exposed your defenceless body to his thick cream. The twisted idea of training your holes to always welcome his, and only his cum, filled Max’s head with dark pleasure. He wanted to leave you begging and desperate for his release, even though you would have no idea just how or why you’d ended up developing such a craving for it. That was why he always made sure to touch and play with your over sensitive body, especially your cute, swollen clit and pretty nipples. Both because he loved feeling you up like you belonged to him, and because when he’d inevitably spurt his cum through your drooling, open mouth as you softly snore against his pillows. Your sleepy brain began to subconsciously associate the unfamiliar taste with delicious, tingly pleasure.
And if you’d make him mad when you spent too long talking to one of the other guys in his garage, instead of diligently at his side, he took his training of you to the next level. That meant cumming all over a batch of freshly baked and frosted white chocolate and rasberry cupcakes - your favourite! You always clapped your manicured hands in excitement when Max would pick up a box for you. They taste so good, you moaned as you eagerly dug into a second one, licking the white sticky frosting messily off your fingers. Even better than I remember!
The blonde Dutchman who’s eyeing you with a pleased smirk couldn’t stop the growing desire in his belly at the sight of you taking so much pleasure at eating his cum. So once he started this dirty habit of feeding you his release, he didn’t stop there - he was never one for half measures. He’d only have to close his eyes and picture your sleeping body, thin camisole mentally pulled up by his wandering hands to reveal your large tits. It’s a sight he’s been getting to enjoy almost nightly now, but it hasn’t stopped getting any less tempting. He easily spurts a generous load in a container of your favourite flavours of creamy vanilla ice cream. Slipping the box back into the freezer, he smirks to himself at the thought of getting to enjoy the sight of you licking it up off a spoon after dinner.
You've always had a major sweet tooth, and now that Max has started mixing his cum into your beloved desserts and sugary treats, you begin to associate his heady taste even more with raw desire. You start getting the same pleasurable high from deepthroating him as you do sucking on a strawberry lollipop. And your best friend just can't get enough of how addicted you've become to having his intoxicating, thick cum flood your mouth. So much so that you’re eager to fall to your knees to greet Max when you come home from class, obediently sucking his impressive cock as you show off your topless figure. And when you can tell he’s close, from how his handsome face is all flushed and he’s biting his pretty lips and murmuring fuck, schatje, it’s so fucking good, just like that-
You open your glossy lips wide, pink tongue poking out and brown doe eyes batting up at the huge cock in front of you adoringly. The sight of you so innocent yet desperate for him never fails to make Max cum, and with a few rapid pumps he finishes with a groan. His drooling, swollen cockhead is aimed right at your eagerly awaiting mouth, and soon his excessive load covers your tongue and drools past the corner of your lips as you struggle to contain it all in your small mouth. Splatters of white semen land on your chubby cheeks and drip down to your plush, caramel tits as well.
Just the taste of it has your eyes rolling and breath hitching, the months of subconscious training having done the job of making you addicted to Max’s cock very well. You swallow it all like the good girl you are, not letting any of his cum go to waste. And when you drop your mouth open again invitingly, shyly saying look Maxie, I drank it all as you display your now clean tongue - well, how is he meant to resist stuffing your tight little cunt next?
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A/N: CANNOT BELIEVE OUR MANS WON BRAZIL WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT FOR THE LATINA FANS ya’ll manifested the FUCK out of this. I have heard you all with your celebration sex requests and I am HERE for it stay tuned!!! 🧙���♀️🧙♀️
#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen fanfic#max verstappen#max verstappen smut#f1 imagine#f1 smut#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#max verstappen x you#18+ mdni#dark max verstappen#dark smut
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But can't my boss just take a laptop into respite????? Do they not have wifi there??? Are they Amish????? Also do they have Scrabble games and communal dinners and fun activities for her to do with the other residents or is it a strictly isolating experience
Do they do morning yoga
Is it like a cult
I have so many questions
#what is respite#like when you really think about it.... what is it#they're picking her up by maxi taxi (Glenn Maxwell is driving obviously) loading her in via wheelchair & taking her to some faraway location#sounds like a cult#she said we can contact her by text but she'll have her phone off most of the time#sounds like I'm going to write 500 fanfics about it#new chapters of my Seb Tania fic#'Tania i found this great place on Tripadvisor three and a half stars i can finally get away from your snoring'#'Seb we're not together any more i thought you were happily moved on with the queen consort'#'ugh her bed is too big i can't get in it with my busted finger and have to sleep on the couch'#'get a new bed?????' Tania suggests wryly#Seb just goes back to looking at places on Tripadvisor 'ooh look at this one - no wifi no TV switch off and take in the scenery'#'no wifi???' Tania asks 'how will you get any work done????'#'i won't it's a much needed two week holiday' seb told her confidently#seb looks at tania 'will you help me pack?' he asks softly 'don't worry i won't make you touch the underwear'#tania loading clothes into the suitcase and seb's like 'no tshirts i need to work on my tan apparently we'll be doing morning yoga outside'
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