#one thing for sure this family has is trauma

[byemambo]

Faifa Character Appreciation: Tough Love

I needed to take the time to make an appreciation post for Junior that's playing Faifa in Perfect 10 Liners. I'm sure that those who read the novel may have different opinions on how the source material is being translated on screen, but since I've only been watching the series, I'll just address my perspective from there.

In the beginning of the series airing, I was introduced to many new actors, as main roles or supporting roles. I knew ForceBook, Perth, AouBoom, and other actors such as Pepper, MarcPoon, JJ, etc. I haven't seen Junior or Mark in anything so they hadn't sparked much interest from me at the start. However, that's changed since the airing of episode 13.

We see the differences between the three brothers Newton, Yotha, and Faifa, roughly understanding that their mother and father split while Newton and Yotha grew up with their father and Faifa with their mother abroad until he was sent back to Thailand. Out of all the siblings, Yotha is the most resentful of their mother, which was illustrated in episode 13 when she visits them at their dorm. While watching the series, Faifa is described as this happy go lucky social butterfly who seems to migrate from group to group, connecting with many people with very little effort. He is someone who thrives off of taking care of others, we see this best with Wine and Gun (this scene with Wine is from episode 11).

However, his kindness also comes with a strong sense of justice if it stems from the defense of those he cares about, which becomes Gun after Yotha and Klao get hurt after leaving Newton's bar. I've seen lots of people tearing up Warich, Klao, Yotha, or all three in terms of their problematic behaviors, but that's not my focus nor do I condone how reckless they all become towards one another. I have a deeper appreciation for how Faifa has no hesitation in defending Gun against Yotha, who is truly the victim being caused the most harm from everything happening between those three individuals.

Faifa becomes the first person at Gun's aid and recognizing his state of shock, as we see the stark difference in Yotha's life and Gun's: the difference between someone who denied himself love vs. someone who basked in it. While Newton becomes indifferent to Yotha's behavior, I'm sure due to him also growing up in the same circumstances as Yotha, both of them have their own unstable relationship with emotional regulation and conflict resolution that becomes unhelpful and perpetuates the cycle of self sabotage and stagnation.

Although Faifa has a free spirit that's fairly lighthearted around Yotha, his more gloom and reserved counterpart, Faifa still has the confidence and strength to stand his ground against Yotha in multiple ways. Just because you're able to understand the features of someone's trauma and where their behaviors stem from, does not mean anyone should enable such behavior that creates a domino effect and harms the person they care about most, the person who has worn his heart on his sleeve only for it to get trampled on and wounded over and over.

Whenever Yotha yells at Faifa for treating Gun like an object after Kong and Gun switch rooms, this is the first time we see someone directly addressing Yotha where it hurts most, which Faifa advocates for Gun and his decision to distance himself from Yotha's toxicity where he has no one else to blame but himself. In a different timeline, Faifa could have easily sided with his brother due to familial loyalty, finding himself sympathizing with Yotha's parental neglect growing up as well as his past relationship with Warich that ended in heartbreak to the point of no longer believing in love. However, despite dealing with his own childhood traumas, Faifa chooses to do the right thing and protect Gun, someone who had become a strong friend while changing his brother little by little.

I'm excited to see where they go with Faifa, especially after Wine becomes the next code nong. I really hope Yotha truly takes this time to self reflect and to move past his own toxic behavior and past, knowing that if he doesn't, he will not only lose his love interest, but potentially his newly found friends and the closeness between him and his younger brother. I'm loving this series and if anyone needs to be convinced to watch, I hope this post will do the trick :)

[weebsinstash]

Sort of a specific idea but

Bruce Wayne returns to Gotham to become Batman in his late 20s and he doesn't retire (at least from working in the field) until I believe he's in his 60s, so

It's entirely plausible to think of a platonic yandere Batman scenario where, you were a child involved in a disaster that he rescued, and some 10, 15 years later he runs into an adult you by whatever means and he can see you're struggling to make ends meet and you're having issues that ultimately stem from the trauma caused by that incident all those years ago, and he wants to help you, save you from your current situation, and maybe even finds out you've fallen to the dark side in all this time you were out of his sight

Like, the added drama if, in a way, he feels partially responsible for your current situatuon; he was still kind of green when you went through your accident. Maybe he feels like he should've kept a closer eye on you after the fact, helped make sure you were OK; you were just a little kid clinging to him in fear, so small you fit into his arms to be picked up. Could you even imagine it's something like, you lose your parents in a villain attack and you're just this frightened little kid and some 10 years later Bruce meets you as an adult and you're either an addict, a criminal, both, and potentially even a metahuman on top of everything else so you have the capacity to be legitimately dangerous

See, a lot of the thematic elements of Batman as a franchise itself is that many of the Batman villains were sort of just, normal people that had horrible things happen to them that, while not being justified, may be understandable. A lot of Batman villains carry underlying themes of, being victims of abuse, victims of society, victims of disability or mistreatment for that disability, so, from a narrative standpoint, you then have Batman seeing you as not just someone he feels he failed to fully save, but now, you could potentially end up going down a dark path like so many others he's personally seen spiral, and he doesn't want to have to put you in Belle Rev or Arkham.

Batman loving you and wanting to protect you but for your own good he ultimately feels has no choice but to contain you until he can either convince you to control your powers or he finds a way to suppress them by force. Then, he wants to take you under his wing; you're broken and hurting, just like a part of him will always be. If you've got no one else to look after you anymore, he can be your new family.

Batman going into full helicopter Batdad mode where he's just, fully convinced that just about every negative action or choice you make is just stemming from trauma or some other problem he has to fix and basically, kind of in a way robs you of the autonomy and accountability that you have making your own choices as a whole. Oh, you haven't had mental healthcare all these years? Prepare for him forcing you to go to therapy and promising you he doesn't know what you talk about which is a lie because he has spy equipment to listen in on your sessions anyway. Hope you like being forced to take medication for conditions and disorders that you're not sure to believe you've even been credibly diagnosed with.

Then of course you have all your new "siblings" and comrades in arms watching over you, ESPECIALLY once Batman becomes convinced that fighting crime with him and the others will be the outlet you need for your anger just like it is for him and most of the others in his traumatized gaggle of adopted children. NOW you've got this entire, basically half dozen or so prodigies with their own sets of skills, traumas, obsessions. Some see you as a playful rival. Others see you as more of an equal. They ALL see you as "sweet cinnamon roll, must protect"

Batman having to keep you from becoming radicalized. Batman dealing with this super-powered angry version of you that wants to take justice into your own hands, in YOUR way, which yeah, involves a lil killing, as a treat. Bruce absolutely convinced, and perhaps being right, that he's the only one that can save you from doing something that will ruin your life forever

You'll don your new costume and you'll like it. You'll have his symbol on your chest marking you as his family and you'll like it. You'll spend basically every waking moment either in his home, with a member of his found family, or with him, and you'll like it. Hell, maybe you'll even be finding your last name was legally changed to Wayne without evem being discussed with you, and guess what? You'll have no choice but to learn to like that, too :)

[crescenthistory]

hi darling carina! all the congratulations and love and hugs to you <3 can i request an explain for this concept — remus and reader with scars !! i thought it was so beautiful and i’d love to hear your thoughts on it :) thank youuu

my lovely lovely san<33 thank you so much darling! big hugs to you too 🤍🤍

✶・•・✦・•・✶・✶・•・✦・•・✶

i will EXPLAIN this post about remus and reader with scars

carina's 2k celebration

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unfortunately, one of the key aspects of remus is immense self-loathing, specifically for his lycanthropy

i personally wouldn't necessarily call it insecurity, because it is less so about him being uncertain and anxious about his worth and more him being adamant that he is inherently bad

he's not unsure of it, remus knows that he is bad

(as readers, we know of course that he isn't; but this is his belief)

and his scars are the permanent physical manifestations of his affliction, so remus has felt nothing but hatred and shame for them his whole life

some of them were from the night he was attacked, but most were self-inflicted from his many moons where he lacked self-control and adequate care and support

he believes they are "proof" he is a monster

he will try to hide them and make them go away, while simultaneously not wanting to be too gentle with his scars either because he doesn't think he deserves it

scars being scars, any rough treatment will of course only make them more prominent

and so the evil cycle continues

however, as with most of what remus dislikes about himself, he would be confronted with his own mistreatment of himself if he loves someone who is scarred

if reader is also littered in scars in whatever capacity, he would never want to make them inadvertently feel the same shame he does

because you have nothing to be ashamed about?? (remus take your own advice)

there are so many ways to become a rather scarred individual, so this applies to many different readers

these can be scars from accidents, skin conditions, surgeries, mental health struggles, scarification, etc.

the last thing remus wants to do is harm the people he loves, whether that is directly or indirectly

(if your scars are somewhere only visible to a partner and he finds out a bit into your relationship, he would be kicking himself for not having been more sensitive and careful)

so when he is around someone else who is heavily scarred, especially if he loves them as deeply as he would you, he will have to catch himself

he will have to bite back cruel jokes on his own expense, because it will no longer just be his; he will have to quit rubbing them angrily in your presence; he will have to stop verbally or visually equate scars with monsters

to him, you are beautiful through and through

he is able to separate whatever trauma may have led to your scarring from the scars themselves and just see them as decorations on his ethereal partner – this is the point where bells may begin ringing in his head

if you are in a relationship, remus will do his best to help you with your own scar care, applying aloe vera, sunscreen and any specific medical creams you may require

and when you insist on putting some on him too, well, he has never been good at denying you anything

it would be a gradual process, but by loving someone with scars, remus would eventually be made to accept his own

to care for them, to not bash them at every opportunity, to look in the mirror and not see them spelling out "MONSTER" in white lettering

in general, i believe this is how remus begins his self-acceptance and self-love journey – he tries to shield his loved ones

lily hates her freckles? remus has to embrace his own, maybe even compliment them. james is insecure about his laughter? remus will make sure he laughs loud enough for him to not feel alone. sirius thinks his poor relationship with his family makes him unlovable? remus will learn to separate his father's beliefs from who he is and allow himself to be loved

you have scars? remus loves them with the same ferocity he loves you, even if that means being kind to his own

slowly but surely, remus is "tricked" into being kind to himself by being kind to the ones he loves

gods, i love him

[the-box-of-mine]

Melinda and demetrius: splitting and dissociation (part 2)

I was talking in the first part here about Melinda and her splitting episodes. In this part I will talk about the oldest son demetrius.

There's no lie in the fact his appearance was surprising, but also everyone knew that he didn't seem right.

But also he's very mysterious and understanding him is quite a challenge with the very little context we have of him. So let's dive into his character a little.

The unfocused look, very intimidating look, and eyebags under his eyes. Hell yeah, he got freaking 6 stellas and didn't even seem happy about it. He just looked very tired and just wanted to go to rest.

Damian and the rest of the gang approached him, and damian went to congratulate him of his achievement. But it seems that Demetrius looked very intimidating to him so he started to stutter. Demetrius took the lead of the conversation and asked him about his Stella (which indicates that Demetrius is actually looking at the progress Damian does academically, which is the most important aspect of demetrius's life). Normally when asked this type of question, it's normal to say "yeah how did you know?" "Yeah what do you think?". But not damian (my little child seems to struggle)😭, he instantly jumped into "how do you think father would think?" ,which is wrong in different aspects, firstly demetrius is the one who asked about his academics, so it felt very disrespectful to do that. Secondly , knowing how Damian gets annoyed with the girls in his class asking constantly about his father (and he's the second son with less remarkable achievements), I'm sure that Demetrius himself has even worse share in this experience, he doesn't even seem to have friends because he feels in different league, and people either intimidated by him or try to use him to get to his father. Lastly, it's their second time talking to each other in school, and damian still asked him in the same matter (about their father) which really gives an impression that he has nothing to ask about but this. But of course Damian didn't mean that, he's a little child who is trying to reach his family, Demetrius himself seems to have also problems with reaching out to others.

But even then he didn't get mad, even in his mind, he didn't get annoyed at damian, he just swayed away keeping his boundaries without any addition, something that neither Melinda nor Donovan did (imo he still got judged wildly). With one struggling with her emotions and splitting episodes, and deadbeat neglectful dad. Which made me believe that he is the one who has higher chances with having a stable relationship with damian. I talked more about this here but to summarise, demetrius is quite surprisingly patient with damian at most times. Considering their parents and his age too.

Now into his interesting mind, in chapter 93, anya tried reading his mind but got nothing at first, and the things she got was he (I don't understand) questions.

This hit very different seeing chapter 110, when Melinda said Donovan can read mind and even demetrius had been saying that.

A lot of people drew to the conclusion that Demetrius has this habit of blocking his mind since he knew his father can read mind, he restricted himself to not have any thoughts at all, which is very painful to think about, making your child anxious to this point is really a new low truly, donovan.

There had been questions about how this is even achievable, a state of blanked mind of barely any thoughts, Mr green talked a little about it when he was with damian and his friends. But let me explain this more.

What is demetrius doing is very similar to something called "dissociation", it's a state of complete stillness of thoughts, flowing through the stress, you can say it's like putting your mind in an autopilot mode. It's a coping mechanism many people do in response to stress and trauma, and its severity changes from one person to another.

Now it seems very peaceful coping mechanism, but it's a hell itself, it's like getting into a deep hole with, the more you get deeper, the more difficult it's to get out of it. The more time you spend doing it, the more it's hard to keep up with your life and tasks.

I'm pretty sure that if Demetrius had been doing it from a very young age, it means he definitely is having difficulty in keeping his thoughts flowing, and that he is not voluntary and completely controls his mind.

Now, what could happen if someone is dissociating excessively? It leads to many mental disorders and problems. The most insightful of them are (dissociative disorders). The three main disorders are (ranked with severity from lower to higher)

1-Depersonalization/ derealization disorder.

2-dissociative amnesia.

3- dissociative identity disorder (aka called multiple personality disorder in the past but the medical term changed)

Now I'm very sure with the amount of excessive dissociation demetrius expressed (and even indicate he started doing it very early). I'm sure he has derealization disorder, he's very out of touch with himself and feels very separated from his reality ,which is a perfect description of this disorder. I wouldn't be surprised if he had dissociative amnesia, like I wouldn't be surprised if he said he doesn't really remember having dinner with his family in chapter 106 (he really was out of touch and just eating his food, not giving care to the tension felt in that time).

(until now he didn't show any signs of being a system or having DID)

I'm sure he also has different mental struggles other than dissociation, but this one is the clearest one. Him and Melinda showed very clear signs of mental health struggles, I tried to analyse that, I hope that they both heal and get the help they need.

[hollyhomburg]

Prey Animals (8)

—  Pairing: Yoongi x reader, Bts x reader

—  Genre: Omegaverse, Mafia au, Polyamory au, Found family, Suspense, Eventual Smut, enemies to friends to lovers, Healing & Themes of trauma,

—  Summary: In a world where Beta's are rare, valuable, and often have more than one pack; Beta Min Yoongi does everything he can to keep his mafia heritage a secret from his primary pack. Little does he know he's not the only one who's living a double life.

—  Words: 6.4k

—  Warnings: Reluctant allies to lovers, Implied/referenced sexual abuse, implied non-con, physical abuse, spousal abuse, stalking, violence, Angst

—  Check in at the end for my notes on this chapter! — 

(Yoongi, 113 days before)

When Yoongi first being taught the ropes of the family, the last beta, now dead- took him aside and taught him the ways of business.

She taught him how to think and how to breathe, how to manipulate and most importantly- how to lie. Her hand digging into his neck, her scent dulled by age but still stinky in his nose, something metallic, something like silver that he struggled not to pull away from. Her lips brush his ear. Yoongi never understood why she needed to get so close.

“Name the facts of the situation, and order them by level of importance, the solution should reveal itself to you without you having to do much more work.”

“What should I consider most important?” he’d ask, childlike eagerness, a willingness to be good- a weapon in her hands.

Her voice had gone low. “Whatever you want to consider important is important. Say what you want and the others will follow.”

Now, sitting on the bed in his hotel room, Yoongi thinks should count himself lucky. He’s the one person that your husband cannot refuse a request from. The one person from whom Geumjae cannot keep you.

Even Yoongi cannot deny that it sends a good message to the rest of the family. He can almost imagine the words that Geumjae might say. See the beta is checking in not only on me but on the people closest to me, she’ll vouch for my character because my wife knows best.

She’s a pretty thing your wife, your mate to be.

No, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s all in good fun dude, don’t take it too seriously.

Yoongi insists over texts that the two of you go alone to look at jewelry. Yoongi wonders if you know that it’s just a simple ploy to learn more about you, to figure out the newcomer, and that he’s not really interested in anything beyond that. Geumjae need not waste his time with the affairs of an omega, he surely has more important things to do than go with you and help Yoongi pick out pretty things that sparkle.

He taps out the message on his phone, looking out over the city in the hotel room, bag packed on the bed a mess of torn through clothing that hardly smells like the pack at all. Not anymore.

New Number (11:32am): Thank fucking god, you know how boring all that frilly omega shit is to me.

New Number (11:32am): What’s mine is yours little bro

New Number (11:32am): Just not her.

Yoongi looks at the text for a long time, and then tosses his phone away.

The city is always rainy in the fall. The towering skyscrapers pierce the metallic clouds like a knife, and the rain hangs low. The rain is the only thing he can smell when he steps out of the taxi and into the street where you’ve agreed to meet. The scent of rain, cold and humid. You are already there on the sidewalk waiting. Peeking out from under the edge of your umbrella.

Yoongi did not bring one, he stands underneath the deluge of rainwater until you step close.

The heals you wear do little to provide you any real height, Yoongi still has to look down at you, but they do keep you out of the puddles, dark and reflective. You look every picture of a rich socialite. Designer bag, gaudy jewelry that clangs together when you reach to shake his hand. Your wedding band cold against his finger. Your introductions routine, formal. Your drop waist dress billows out from your hips gathering rain splotches.

It looks so out of character, so ill fitting, the dress several sizes bigger than would look flattering. You can’t be warm in it.

You’re still wearing the bracelets too; Yoongi wonders if you ever take them off- if Geumjae ever lets you. You smile at Yoongi when you see him, slow, it does not show your teeth.

Just not her.

“Did you have anywhere in particular you wanted to go, or is just the Cartier on 5th avenue fine for now Mr. Min?” You say, idly, your tone gentle, your words perfectly pronounced an enunciated. If you have any sort of accent, Geumjae has trained you out of it.

“Yoongi, you can call me Yoongi, I don’t mind.” Water drips onto the back of his neck. Yoongi feels like he’s under a microscope even though he’s only just next to you. You have your hair tied back again this time with a silk scarf- red with a dark blue boarder. Tiny cherry blossoms speckling it in an indistinct pattern. The only splotch of color on your entire outfit. The only thing that isn’t black.

Everything but your lips. There is a ridge across your bottom lip where you must have bitten them and bitten hard. Yoongi can see it through the lipstick, the family’s usual shade of crimson. Presented to all omega’s after presentation- or in your case- your marriage.  Yoongi wonders if it’s an anxiety tick or otherwise. But there is a tiny imperceptible gash there where it’s split, at the corner.

Your eyes widen, the perfect picture of coquettish surprise. Yoongi doesn’t believe it for a second. Yoongi knows you know better. He pauses on the sidewalk. He is not sure that he can trust you.

He offers his arm, and you are in no position to deny it. You wrap your arm around it gently, like you’re warry of putting too much of your body within reach. You fall into step beside him and Yoongi keeps his tone mild-mannered.

“Tell me, what’s it like being married to a psychopath?”

You pause, looking up at him, making eye contact without fear, Yoongi watches you breathe, watches you force yourself to make it slow.

“You’re the one who grew up with him. Why don’t you tell me?”

You step up to the front of the store and hold open the door for him, the front steps have red velvet on them, and a doorman holds open the interior for you. If you didn’t know what he’s like- you wouldn’t be asking me.

Yoongi steps past you.

“Don’t say it’s all bad.” He says, once a sales associate has been properly greeted and immediately dismissed. Your jewelry all but guarantees you entry and allowance here. Yoongi feels a little grubby by comparison in his ripped jeans and jacket. He gestures to the diamonds on your wrist, the one on your finger. The designer bag on your waist that costs more than what most people make per quarter.

You hold out your wedding ring to show him. You are not smiling. “I guess it’s not bad if you like expensive things.”

From anyone else, it would sound bratty, but you just sound tired. Yoongi takes it in, the ridge on your lips that must be from where you dig in your teeth, the bags under your eyes dotted with off color concealer, a similar discoloration he can see on the back of your hands and your throat when you look to some of the glass cases.

Yoongi moves with you, staying at your side. Gazing down at the things in the cases, the miniature serpents crafted into necklaces, bracelets, the flowers carved into earrings. All of it the finest that money can buy. All impressively ugly.

“Expensive is one way to put it.”

You breathe, and Yoongi watches it hitch. You look up at him, Yoongi sees the impulse to look away when you meet his eyes, sees you give into it.

“I don’t like it, not anymore. You don’t seem like you like fancy stuff either you’re not-” you cast an anxious glance at him, as if you realize who you’re talking too. Someone the family talks about with a hush under their breath. Both a myth and a man. But you do not have to look to far to see that Yoongi is not like his brother. “Like them.”

His fingers tap against the glass, the rhythm on it, a song in the back of his head, “Why would you say that?” He should be asking, if not out of curiosity than to make his mask better. You’ve barely been in his presence what? 3 hours? 4? And yet you’ve figured him out easily.

A little too easily.

You shrug and turn away, “call it a hunch.”

Yoongi has never been able to quite temper his gentleness, he might sneer and scowl like them, might curse like a sailor and walk like one too, but he’s never able to touch things with violence. Everything, everything since he’s stepped foot Infront of you- has been gentle. Yoongi should be more surprised that you’ve called him on his bluff, but he can’t feel anything other than impressed.

His hands move slow, dancing across the glass cases that hide things far rarer and more beautiful than you. You should know, your husband has told you it time and time again hat putting you in diamonds is like putting a tiara on a pig. Yoongi looks at you, his eyes asking you to explain.

“You don’t come home often; you don’t like it. You didn’t do-” You sniff hard, mimicking it instead of saying it, “-after dinner. And you don’t like my husband. Even though he’s your blood.”

Yoongi sucks a breath through his teeth and wonders why he feels a willingness to be honest with you.

“No, I do not.” 

Yoongi doesn’t seem to notice that your jewels are quite so ill fitting, he does not polish his words sharp. Just like at the dinner the other night. He speaks slowly and gently, the sound of rippling waves or the feeling of warm water.

You like the way he speaks.

The door jingles, Yoongi looks over your shoulder. Your hang grips his wrist, hard and cold fingers. Making him turn back out of the very shock of it. You wrap your arm around his elbow and look up at him, your expression almost coquettish. But Yoongi can tell that you’re shaking.

“You have a pack? Across the city?” Yoongi does not comment on your change of topic.

The man in the doorway taps off his umbrella on the marble floor, getting water everywhere. You notice the bulge of something under his arm, the way his eyes slide over you and Yoongi, the leather shoes. Expensive. The way he speaks to the attendant, softly- so as to not draw attention to himself.

Yoongi sees your spine straighten.

“Not across the city, up north. Just outside of…” He knows better than to make eye contact with the man, his hat pulled low.

“Would you tell me about them?” Yoongi closes his eyes just briefly. The memories of them rush over him like a tidal wave.  

The feel of Jin’s hands on his abdomen, splayed wide. The sound of Hobi’s laugher, the tuck of Jimin’s chin when he falls asleep during movie night, the listless way his hand tangles in Tae's sleeve over and over again the same sensation until it goes slack with sleep. The spiky feeling of Namjoon’s hair- shaved short in summer and the sound of Jin’s voice as he counts the grey hairs. The clack of plates at dinner time and the smell of the apartment when they’re all happy. Sugary and sweet. 

But he opens his eyes, and it’s raining outside. No- it’s not the outside that smells like rain- that is your scent. Rainy, wet. Like petrichor only a tad bit sweeter. It’s a melancholy scent, one that doesn’t quite fit your soft practiced smile.

“I’ve got 6 packmates.” Yoongi swallows past the lump in his throat.

“Two alphas and four omegas’?” You guess, walking from glass case to glass case barely pausing from one to the next. The man follows, mirroring your and Yoongi’s position on the exterior of the store. You see him through the displays of cut glass. Yoong passes a chandelier that’s polished so perfectly that he sees a hundred reflections of you and him in it dancing as they twinkle.

“No, the other way around actually.”

“So many alpha’s,” you comment. Whistling low. “They must give your omega’s a run for their money.”

Yoongi snorts and you turn, not expecting humor, not expecting the honesty that Yoongi offers. “No actually they-” Yoongi should remember who he’s talking too but it’s surprisingly hard to resist the urge to talk about them, his pack. Missing them pulses dully in his chest, a deeper wound than any knife could carve. A deeper danger than being honest to you.

You’re hardly the most important person in the family, what harm could honesty really do?

“The idea of anyone giving Jin or Jungkook a run for their money is laughable. They’re-” Yoongi should be more careful, he shouldn’t even be telling you their names but-

You look up at him, eyes brighter than they were at the dinner or at the start of today. They reflect the rainbow of the chandelier. Your scent warms, sweetens, loosing it’s damp edge.

“Disobedient?” Your finger dances across a dangle of crystal.

“No, Jin’s our pack omega, he keeps us all in line, but he also likes to laugh. He takes good care of us and Jungkook,” Yoongi hums. “Jungkook was raised by alphas, practically acts like one himself. He’s the one who gives us a run for our money, sometimes literally.”

You huff, and Yoongi sees real confusion on your face. “So he’s disobedient but you like it?” He knows what it’s like- being in the family where ‘good’ and ‘obedient’ and ‘pretty’ are practically the only thing that matter when it comes to omega and the gold standard. The fact that Jungkook is only one of those things doesn’t make sense to you.

You turn, and the light catches your face, youthful cherub cheeks, not hollow, not yet. Yoongi is reminded of how young you are. How little you understand and how the family must have twisted your mind so to parrot these ideas and yet doubt them.

Geumjae is 35, you can hardly be older than 20. Something about the math, you being married two years ago, doesn’t add up.

“No- Jungkook’s sweet- he just likes to have fun.” Yoongi pauses, then can’t resist adding. “He smells like honey.”

You look up at him, drinking in his soft smile. How is it that he’s smiling. You wonder, who are the people who have charmed this brother’s heart? The better brother. Geumjae and Yoongi look so much alike, so alike that they could be identical where it not for the scar marring your husbands face. You know Yoongi is a few years younger than your husband. He doesn’t have the crinkles by his eyes yet.

Of course you chose the wrong one. That this man, an unseen Jungkook gets what you so desperately want but are denied, safety and a gentle man. Yoongi is surely gentle; you could smell it the second you met him. like blood to a hound, gentleness beacons to a heart as needy as yours.

But perhaps there are still choices to be made.

Your nose wrinkles, but then the man in the hat steps closer, behind the two of you. And Yoongi remembers that he’s being watched and followed. Remembers to be careful with his words.

“I think his style is a little different than this. Less gold. Less diamonds. Jungkook already sparkles enough.” You don’t look behind you, pointedly. He holds out his arm for you to take. Trying to be a gentleman.

“Should we try Tiffany’s?”

You and Yoongi keep your pace slow until you’re out the door. Yoongi grabs your elbow and tugs you along at a quicker pace. You immediately struggle to keep up with due to your height and your heels. The weather has gotten worse, it’s coming down so heavily now. The kind of rain that soaks you through in just a few seconds.

“We’re being followed.” You hiss low, Yoongi doesn’t say that’s obvious. He pulls his hood up but your coat doesn’t have one and you left your umbrella back at the store. The rain comes down hard, catching in your hair like a constellation of little diamonds, little stars. You turn one way than the other, deliberating, but Yoongi is still holding your elbow, tugging you, quickly now.

“Come on, before he spots us.”

Yoongi knows this area well- knows it by the back of his hand because the family has several fronts on this block, these are his alleyways and backstreets. He can pick out the business that the family owns from the sidewalk.

Rent is hard to make. And any real type of protection is even harder to come by. Yoongi’s family provides it for a reasonable fee that quickly becomes unreasonable once minor requests like money laundering or selling drugs out back door come due. But Yoongi does not concern himself with the petty squabbles of the underclass- not in this city, not right now.

His hand fists in the sleeve of your coat and he tugs you along.

Yoongi learned the ways of the family better than Geumjae or the omega tailing the two of you. Because Yoongi was offered an unaltered view of the scope of their operations. No family lines that needed to be maintained. No secrecy separates him from the truth.

He tugs you into the restaurant that he’s brokered many a back deal in, pulling you past bowing chefs, an angry man in a puffy hat that pulls a smaller looking woman down and says, “stay quiet,” voices hushed with the kind of deference offered to gods and not men.

You knock over a pot, and it sloshes, spilling dark bubbling liquid. Narrowly managing not to get it on your coat. “Sorry.” You say, but Yoongi Is already pulling you.

“It’s no problem Mrs. Min,” says the bright-eyed sous chef, all but trembling in her shoes.

You pop out into a back alleyway, tripping over your heals and the uneven step and old cobblestones but Yoongi’s hand goes from your elbow to your waist under your coat. You breathe, and your ribs push against his fingers, he lets go of your waist but not your arm, ignoring it as he pulls you. “Come on.” 

Yoongi doesn’t stop, aware of distant shouting. “I’m sorry sir but customers aren’t allowed back here.”

You sink out into the alleyway and slow your walking, only because it’s raining, and you’re quickly soaked. Yoongi watches as you catch your own eyes in a reflective pein of glass, watches as you tuck your hair back behind your ear, eyes flickering over your cheeks and down.

He scoffs, and you turn to him.

“What?”

He rolls his eyes, turning away to walk down the street, quicker. “Omega’s and their preening.” It’s scornful, and it’s out of character. But Yoongi has not had the easiest week.

You turn, a sharpness on your face that Yoongi hasn’t seen so far.

“If you haven’t figured out that beauty is currency by now, then there’s nothing I can do for you.” Your gaze is so intense that Yoongi has to look away, a tightness in his chest that he cannot name. Shame, or maybe embarrassment.

That’s because you weren’t just checking to see if your makeup was undisturbed, no- you were checking to make sure the bruises on your face weren’t visible. But they are now- wiped away by the rain. They’re a conflagration of purple and blue over your cheek. Pretty like spread ink. They’re going yellow on the side. They must be a few days old. Yoongi watches the rain melt away the makeup.

Yoongi hates them the second he realizes. Hates himself a little too for calling what you were doing ‘preening’. 

His hand comes up, fingers pressing into your cheekbone, it must be tender. It must hurt to put makeup on.

“Does he beat you?” You flinch. Moving your face away from his hand. For the first time you don’t say anything. You just keep fussing, turning back to the window and untucking your hair so that it hides the left side of your face.

“Yoongi” you say softly, almost chiding. It’s the first time he’ll ever hear you say his name. But he’s going to hear you say it thousands of times more in his lifetime. Countless times until the word feels less like his name and more like a promise (If only promises weren’t dreadfully easy to break.)

You look almost sad as you regard him. Pitying. Shoe scuffing on the cobblestone as you step up to him. “Don’t you know by now? There are worse things an alpha can do to an omega than just beat them.”

Yoongi hates the way that there’s pity in your face for him. He doesn’t know why it bothers him but he’ll stay awake thinking about it for hours after. Later tonight once he’s dragged you both across the city to the beta’s residence. Once he’s solidified it in his head the two facts he learned from today.

One, that you are not a bad person.

And two, you need help.

Yoongi stands there in the downpour, looking at you. The two of you spend a few breaths like that. Looking at each other. Sizing each other up. Yoongi watches the bruises become more and more visible; the cloudy water tainted with makeup dripping from your temple to your chin.

“We’re both soaking wet.” Just speaking makes the water move from his lips, like he’s spat it. At least the mascara you’re wearing is waterproof. “We need to get out of the rain.”

There is a yellow cab on the side of the street, and he pushes you into it, you slide across the seat to let him in after you. The cabbie in the front hardly looks up until you’re settles. Yoongi watches carefully. Looking for even a fleck of recognition in his face.

He can never be too careful.

Your wet hair drips onto the leather seat, and Yoongi reminds himself to leave a hefty tip. You lean forward and give the cabbie the address for your and Geumjae’s brownstone and finds his stare similarly blank. The timer on the meter says you’ve got 30 minutes until you reach your destination. Yoongi wonders if Geumjae had instructed you to bring him home to talk.

Yoongi’s long hair tickles his forehead wet, and he slides the partition between you and the driver shut with a shlick of plastic against plastic. Your eyes dart from him to the cabbie, and he keeps his voice hushed.

Your phone slides across the seat and hits him in the thigh, when he hands it back to you it’s faintly warm in his hands. Like the flashlight has been left on in your pocket.

Yoongi doesn’t let his suspicion show. The screen stays dark.

“There. Now we’re not being followed or listened in on we can talk about what matters.”

You eye the driver warily. “There are 1,305 people in our organization, not including law enforcement on payroll, give or take a few, you can’t possibly know them all by name.”

Yoongi blinks, “I do not,” he admits after a careful moment. He glances once again at the cabbie. He makes eye contact with Yoongi before quickly glancing away. “You know an absurdly large amount of information about my family.”

“Am I not supposed too?”

Yoongi chews his words before he says them. “Careful.” You don’t reach to buckle yourself in, hands tight in your lap. Wary again, in a car with this man, in a car with someone whom you do not know, if you can trust yet.

Yoongi reaches over and does the buckle for you, hand brushing your hip. It’s the softest touch- the tenderest touch that you’ve known in weeks, months maybe. You can’t remember the last time someone touched you so gently.

Your hip burns from it. Yoongi clicks the buckle closed.

Instead of acknowledging it you ask. “Why did you help that omega the other night? The one at dinner? The server.”

“Was I not supposed too?” Yoongi raised his eyebrow, “if you haven’t figured out that kindness is currency by now then there’s nothing I can do for you.” You roll your eyes at him, at having your words thrown back at you. Yoongi sees the bravery it takes in you, the way you watch and wait for him to get violent.

Violence with words has always been easier for Yoongi so he changes the subject. “Did you leave the other night because you knew something would happen to Jongho?”

“No, I didn’t know for sure.” Yoongi reads beyond your words.

“Was it Geumjae?” 

“No, it wasn’t.”

“But you won’t tell me who?” Yoongi feels more and more like he’s bickering with a child, compared to him you probably are. You must be 10 years younger than him, maybe more?

“I have my suspicions, as I’m sure you do.” An enigmatic answer.

“There are 1,305 people in my organization, there’s enough suspicion to go around.”

“And yet, you agreed to meet me.”

“In public, we’re not in private yet.”  

He leans forward opening up the plastic partition, now dewy with condensed air. He opens it.

“Actually, I think we have to change our final destination.” When he flops back against the seat, he watches the way your mouth moves, the corners lifting up a little at the edges.

Trust or no trust, Yoongi can’t imagine that he’s making a bad decision.

~-~

Not much has changed at the Beta’s lodgings. It’s less of an apartment and more of a safehouse carved out from the city, a slice of suburbia among the concrete. It’s probably worth fucking millions because of its location- but Yoongi’s never been quite sure who owns it. It’s always belonged to the beta in charge, always. 

And now, that beta is Yoongi, so it’s his.

The small yellow cottage has been owned by the family for almost longer than the city has been a city. Shoved between two apartment buildings and a 7/11. Hidden in an alleyway that’s barely wide enough for a car; most people wouldn’t even know it was a driveway with all of the shrubbery and the high cinderblock wall. The decorative potted plants that line the driveway are cracked in places- no doubt from the late beta’s poor driving.

Yoongi makes the taxi pull all the way up, just so the two of you (and your bruises) won’t be spotted. Yoongi knows the beta’s residence is constantly watched, constantly minded, constantly protected. It doesn’t feel like protection. To Yoongi, having the eyes of the family close feels like a threat.

At night, the street has a large amount of foot traffic, perfect to disappear into if you needed it, It feels like the cottage barely exists on the same plane as the rest of the city. Set far enough back that the sounds of people and cars just seem to melt away.

It’s considered as good as hallowed ground in the gang world. No blood can be spilled there or else an instant hit will be ordered on the person who has. It’s law, people need a safe place to come and seek council. The beta’s safety needs to be preserved.

Most of the late betas belongings have been moved out already, put in storage for however long it takes for someone trusted to go through it and burn anything that might be telling. There isn’t anyone to inherit their things nor much value to them otherwise. Their beta wasn’t a fan of designer clothes or fanciful trinkets that were paid for with blood money. Anything of value and any secrets have died with her.

A small shred of crime scene tape gets pinned to the slate pathway from the water, soaked and strewn about within the dying garden. Once lovingly maintained, it has already started to show signs of neglect in the form of heaps of leaves strewn about. One of the shutters hangs off it’s hinges and Yoongi wishes someone would repaint the whole building. A darker color maybe.

The yellow always shows the mold.  

If you have ever been inside the beta’s residence, you don’t show it on your face as Yoongi leads you inside. They’ve left most of the furniture at least. Yoongi would hate to have to furnish it himself. It’s only got one bedroom, but combined kitchen and Livingroom space has a bunch of windows. Yoongi tells you to sit and is unsurprised to find the bedroom clean with fresh sheets. A whole new bed and an open linen closet full of bright fluffy towels. Someone probably knew he was coming and set the place up for him. The heat’s even been turned on.

You were right not to trust the cabbie.

There are shadows on the wall where pictures hung, stripped of almost everything in the bedroom and bathroom. All of the clothes and trinkets collected in a lifetime stripped from the place. Yoongi wonders if the late beta would be disturbed or pleased. She was always picky with her evidence.

Yoongi’s going to have to get some shampoo from the hotel when he goes back to collect his things. And then maybe pilfer or borrow a bug sweeper from one of the families to double check that there’s nothing amiss here. From the bedroom, Yoongi can just see the neon lights from the street, the glowing seven just over the trees. It’s an interesting mix of quaint old world and blinding toxic neon. It has drafts under the windows and bad heating, the green velvet couch in the living room sags from the weight of years of use.

Yoongi retrieves two of the new towels from the bathroom ripping off the tag on the way through the house. He rubs the first one over his own head, mopping up some of the water and hands the other out to you. You’ve parked yourself on that green sofa, looking out the window at the rain. Your jacket discarded nearby on the back of a chair. Water dripping slowly out of it and seeping through the cracks in the uneven floorboards, warping with age.

Yoongi doesn’t sit down, even after you tentatively take the towel from him and start to dry your hair. Taking it out of its fastenings. Your silk scarf, once colorful. Sits on the nicked coffee table. Flaccid and soaked. The colors dull.

“What did Geumjae tell you?”

Your hair makes a gentle squish noise as you dry it. “About you? Or about the situation?”

About me, did he tell you to be afraid of me? I don’t want you to be afraid of me. Yoongi quiets his tongue around the words and focuses only on the necessities. The thing that will get him out of this city and back to the pack as soon as possible. That’s his priority.

“About the secession.”

Your eyes flicker up and down Yoongi’s body.

“He told me he’d do whatever he had to become Don. That the secession is up to you but that he can’t kill you because you’re on the no kill list now. And-” Your eyelashes are sticking together because of the rain, big globs of it. Yoongi looks at it instead of your eyes, intimidated by your beauty even though he’d sort of scorned you earlier. Your eyes are too open, too vulnerable, too pretty.

“-The next beta in line is like 4 years old and fucking hates his guts. You’re by far the better option.”

Yoongi huffs, as close to a laugh as he can get these days and sits back against the couch.

The kill list is an old and informal piece of information. There are only 3 names on it as far as Yoongi knows, his name, the past Beta, and the past Don. All current and past packmates of the ruling Beta and Don get put on it, to prevent extortion and retribution. The family doesn’t have many rules, but to kill someone on the kill list is as good as suicide.

The list is handed out to everyone connected to the family at the start of every year. Every assassin, even the low-level drug smugglers. Yoongi knows for a fact that Namjoon and Jin and the rest of them are not on it yet- because he hasn’t officially become the beta and he hasn’t announced them as packmates. After he names Don this will change. Yoongi slumps in the couch, sinking into the cushions.

He thinks of bringing them here, thinks of Jin and Jungkook in black with their lips painted red like you. Thinks of gentle Joonie and anxious Hobi. He thinks of Jimin stuck in a room with so many scents making his instincts go haywire. He thinks of Tae holding a gun and cannot stomach it.

Yoongi tamps down on it, cutting to the chase. There’s no real reason to beat around the bush. “Are you going to do whatever you have to do to see your husband on the throne?”

“No.” You reply with a snap, then sigh, tired, leaning your head back against the seat. So much about you is that- tired. Yoongi wonders what about that exhausted you so and why you replied as quick as you did. “You don’t seem like the kind of person to be manipulated without finesse.”

“And would you say finesse is something you lack?”

This is feeling more and more like a job interview. Your bracelets tinkle against each other as you reach up to tuck your hair behind your ear. And your wedding ring catches the light. It’s a true monster; three carats and glittering under the light, more stunning than half the pieces you saw back in that shop. Pretty due to its simplicity but ugly due to its size.

You look too young to look so sad but too old to look so scared.

“What I lack” you choose your words carefully because you don’t know how to not be careful- just like you don’t know how to not be afraid. “Is the motivation.”

Yoongi can’t help but laugh at that. A real laugh, deep and chuckling. And he misses the way you turn away. Hiding the smile on your face is harder and harder with every moment. If you’re not careful- your smile might be used against you.

You and Yoongi. You remind yourself. You’d hate for something bad to happen to him just because you can’t keep your expressions tamed.

“You might be the only person in this whole fucking city that doesn’t want to manipulate me.” If I believe you.

Now it’s your turn to laugh, and it makes Yoongi quiet, it’s high and clear- it’s a pretty sound, the kind of sound that makes the birds pause. The kind of tone that makes intro’s good and outro’s sentimental. Yoongi cannot stop the traitorous flutter of his heart.

You avoid his question and cock your head, and Yoongi thinks you’re angry until he sees your lower lip quiver.

“You act like I have a choice, like I’m like them- this isn’t-” you gesture between the two of you. “Even important. He told me about the succession and the only thing I thought was ‘If he’s got his throne maybe he’ll finally forget about me. Manipulation isn’t anything I’d do if it wasn’t necessary, I don’t like it.”

“Where would you go? If he did forget about you?”

You turn away, looking out the window at the rain, your face leaning on your hand. “I don’t know. Probably somewhere quiet.”

Yoongi’s answering hum is that- quiet. And he lets the silence still for a moment. The inside of the cottage is warm, and the two of you are no longer shivering.

“What do you like to do anyway, plan parties? Shop? Or is fancy jewelry and polite scheming your only hobby?”

“You don’t think I’d take these off if I could?” you hold out your wrists, the bracelets jangle against each other. So they actually are shackles then. Yoongi hadn’t been sure. You swallow, looking down at them. “If I had to choose one thing though, I like to-”

Before you can say anything else. Your phone dings, A different ringtone, a loud one. Yoongi doesn’t mean to look down at it but it’s hard not too since your phone sits between the two of you on the couch.

Yoongi doesn’t mean to catch a glimpse of the text on your phone, the contact at the top is devoid of any emoji’s or hearts. He finds his blood going cold at the sight of the message he sent through.

Husband (5:54): If you don’t come out here in the next 30 seconds, I’ll slit your fucking throat and use it as a new hole to fuck.

The silk scarf you used to tie your hair up still lies wet on the dinged coffee table, so your hair stays down as you bolt to your feet. And grab your jacket, heaving open the door without even putting it on. “Sorry I have to go- I have to-”

There is someone standing at the edge of the driveway underneath the bleed of the neon sign, the purple neon light bleeds onto the wet concrete. The light behind the man turns red. Silhouetting his figure. And Yoongi doesn’t have to look twice to know who it is.

You hurry out the door without offering him much of a goodbye. And Yoongi doesn’t know what to say, even less what to do.

Geumjae waits there at the end of the driveway. And Yoongi takes him in. His pursed lips, the umbrella he holds- the same one you left in the shop, and his hawkish eyes as you hasten in his direction. The black car is non-descript, but Geumjae still shoves you into it, uncaring of your comfort or who might see him do it.

You hit your head on the metal frame. And Yoongi see’s you gasp in pain from far away, clutching your forehead.

His fists tighten at his sides. Geumjae gives him one long look and then walks around to the driver’s side. Yoongi walks out onto the patio, the slate steps, not running but half jogging, bare feet smacking against the wet slate. Re-drenched in the downpour.

But by the time he’s gotten to the end of the driveway. The car has already pulled away.

~-~

(Read the first Version of this story Here)

Notes:

- Tbh, I don’t think Yoongi will ever realize that he was groomed. I’m trying my best to show that his worldview has been skewed a little, I think it’s very telling that when we first see him with Jin he calls omega’s docile and then when he comes home- it’s pretty evident that he doesn’t view omega’s quite that terribly anymore.

- Omega’s that are not in the family that is, the omega’s in the family still get his derision because they uphold the same values and reinforce the very structures that subjugate them- but as the m/c says in this chapter. Beauty is the only way for any of them to gain any safety and she especially is in the position where safety is more important than freedom. I feel the need to unpack this because I think at face value you could easily think that Yoongi’s just an asshole. But he’s not- he’s just hyper critical of the systems that his family imposes.

- Yoongi and the m/c’s dialogue in this chapter is some of my favorite additions to the story that I’ve made with this edit. To me it feels like we really get to see her character before she goes quiet. Like obviously this doesn’t change what happens to her or how traumatized she is when the pack sees her, but I think I did a good job of building up her character a little.

- I know it’s stereotypical, but the scarf that the m/c has in her hair is actually one that I own. I’ve had it forever and I love it a lot. I can’t remember where I got it but!! I have pictures if people really do want to see <3

-The first ever girl I had a crush on had that ridge on her lips, the same one that I describe the m/c having in this. I remember looking over at her during class and just being hopelessly crushed, hopelessly in love. I wish I’d been brave enough to understand it. Jenny, if you ever read this, Ni hao!! 你好 and I hope you’re still making 3 pointers! I am still very bad at Chinese but thank you for letting me practice <3

- In my mind, the m/c and Yoongi Walk through the restaurant in the bear! that’s just what my brain does! Tbh, I think the ‘bright eyed sous chef’ could be Sydney!

- I do think it’s up to interpretation if the mc is manipulating Yoongi or not BUT If we’re getting into the nitty gritty of it, I think that the m/c purposefully wore non-waterproof makeup so that Yoongi would see that she has bruises. Her intent is to make herself a sympathetic character and every so subtly try to manipulate Yoongi to see Geumjae in a poor light. A subtle way for her to make sure Yoongi knows, that someone knows what he’s doing to her.

- Is the m/c’s phone recording them or is it being tracked? What do you think? Why is it warm? I personally think it’s being tracked by Geumjae- but Yoongi in the moment is unsure what’s going on. Like even he’s confused if he should trust or if he should suspect the m/c.

- (tw) When she talks about the ‘worst’ thing an alpha can do to an omega, that is rape. She’s talking about rape.

- (SPOILER) When Yoongi says “he thinks of Tae holding a gun and cannot stomach it.” Yeah, that’s a direct reference to how the story ends and the fact that Tae kills the assassin.

- The bracelets she wears are the cartier love bracelets, if that wasn’t clear! They run about 7k a pop. I do think Geumjae has used them to tie her down before. They are small enough that she can’t pull them over her knuckles and can’t take them off or remove them. They were some of the first gifts Geumjae ever got her.

[smol-bby-bear]

Tips for agere caregivers from an age regressor

I’ve been an age regressor for almost 8 years, and has the same caregiver for almost 5 years. My caregiver wasn’t one prior and became one to look after me, so these are so tips I came up with. Not everything will be relevant to everyone, everyone is different and had different dynamics.

🤍 Give yourself time to think about whether you want to be a caregiver. I understand some people find out their partner is an agere and wants to help, but being a caregiver isn’t for everybody. Do you have the time to be there? Do you have the drive to nurture and protect? Do you understand what an age regressor is?

🤍 Do some research. Learn about age regression, what it is and the benefits.

🤍 Talk to the age regressor. What would change between you? What are the expectations? What does being an age regressor mean to them? What would they need from a caregiver.

🤍 Boundaries, for both the caregiver and age regressor. What’s off limits? What are you happy with or what would make you uncomfortable? Are certain conversations and topics off limits while regressed? Does the age regressor always need the caregiver or do they like to have little space alone sometimes? Are forehead kisses or hugs okay?

🤍 Triggers - Discuss possible triggers so you can avoid them while they're regressed.

🤍 Amount of time regressed. Discuss how often the age regressor goes into little space, how much of that time they’d like the caregiver to be there for little space. How long do they stay regressed each time? Do they want help trying to stay regressed longer?

🤍 Little space and big space. Discuss what things stay in little space and what things stay in big space. Some age regressors may get embarrassed if you mention what they did in little space while they’re big. Some things are only for when you’re big and some for when you’re in little space. (The same way you wouldn’t discuss/do certain things with a child)

🤍 If you already have an existing relationship (Ex. partner, friend, family member), it’s important to discuss what would happen if things don’t work out with you becoming a caregiver.

🤍 NEVER sexualise their little space (regardless if you’re their romantic partner when they’re big). All age regressors do it for a reason, all age regressors deserve to keep their little space a safe space.

🤍 While the age regressor is in little space, make sure they’re in a safe environment to do so, both mentally and physically. For example, work is not appropriate for them to be in little space, so reassure them they can have little space after work. Or if they’re with family who don’t know about agere.

🤍 Maybe prepare a key word that either of you could say if you’re getting overwhelmed. By using a keyword it will make it easier for the age regressor to communicate and understand. Then when the age regressor is out of little space the issue can be discussed and resolved.

Now you know that you want to try being a caregiver, get to know them as an age regressor.

🖤 Be gentle and sensitive - A lot of age regressors use it as a coping mechanism for trauma or stress.

🖤 Be helpful - Depending on the regressors age range, they may need a lot of help. Be there to help your little one for tasks they may find difficult. Like tying their shoes, or cooking food for them, pouring them drinks etc.

🖤 Activities - Learn what your little one enjoys doing when they're small. Do they like colouring? Or watching cartoons? Learn what shows they like, foods they like to eat, drinks they like etc.

🖤 Keeping your little small - Some littles struggle with staying regressed, so learn how to keep them regressed for longer. Does baby talk make them feel tiny? or helping them do tasks? Cartoons? Toys and games?

🖤 Get to know the way the age regressor talks. Some regressors may change words for things. For example, while i’m regressed -

sleepies = sleep

kikky = cat

da = the

🖤 Some age regressors may be non-verbal.

🖤 All caregivers will make mistakes, so don't feel bad if something doesn't go well at first. You're doing an amazing job and you'll be making your little one feel so special and safe.

🖤 If you are unsure about something talk to the age regressor about it when they are out of little space to resolve it.

[starrycometmoth]

GOOD MORNING @that-seems-stupid-lets-do-it !! HERE COMES MORE LUMI RAMBLES AND HOPEFULLY MY BRAIN WON'T RANDOMLY DIE THIS TIME!!

So I wanna talk more about them in Nightcord cuz I feel like I focus too much on their sibling dynamic with the Hinomoris whenever I ramble about them, oopsie. Also (I'm writing this sentence after I finished writing everything else) tw, I got into a lot of dark topics cuz Lumi has a dark backstory and such.

So, Lumi isn't very confident in their singing voice and feels their only good contributions to N25 is managing the social media pages. The others don't agree, which is why eventually they started easing them into letting them sing sometimes!! Kanade told them that they don't have to always sing, that they can do it when they're comfortable, but also that she thinks Lumi's voice is sweet and pretty. This makes Lumi very happy and they try their best to sing more often.

When Lumi initially joined, the group jokingly called them the group's "girlfriend" or "boyfriend," which both flustered Lumi and made them feel honored. They were always making sure everyone was feeling okay, letting them vent to them, making sure they were eating, drinking water, and resting (despite being horrible with doing all of this self-care for themself).

However, for one person, the girlfriend/boyfriend joke was not much of a joke after several months... No one knows how, but Lumi and Mizuki became a thing at some point. All they know is that Lumi told them the day after it happened and of course everyone was shocked, except Mafuyu saw it coming from a mile away with his sixth sense or something idk. It was probably very obvious that they had feelings for eachother whenever they'd do their irl meetups, because Lumi was always the chattiest with Mizuki, and they'd always hold hands with each other or snuggle in the booth in the diner, insisting on sitting together all the time.

Also, I've had this scenario in my head on how a Nightcord sleepover would go with Lumi being a part of the group, and the entire time they're just cuddling eachother. That's it. That's the sleepover. (Lumi was originally intended to be a polycord insert rather than just MizuLumi, but I got a random Mizuki hyperfixation one day and from there MizuLumi was born. Now, they're pretty much in a qpr with the rest of N25.)

ONG I NEVER SHARED THE COOLEST THING ABOUT THEM IN NIGHTCORD.

So, everyone has their usernames that they go by to keep themselves anonymous or whatever... Lumi's is Lumi*neon. Yes, it's a pokemon reference. Is it their favorite pokemon? No. But is it in their top 10? Absolutely. C'mon, Lumineon almost shares a name with them!! Am I the only weirdo who thinks it's really cool when something in a piece of media shares a name with me?? Yes, even my deadname (which has not happened, considering I have a rare spelling, but I've had several close calls).

Ofc every Nightcord member has their reasons for wanting to disappear, and Lumi is no exception (is it really an OC if you don't traumatize and torture them?). I mentioned in the last ramble that they have trauma. It was from their birth family. They did not have a very happy life with their old family that they were born with in America. I'm not going into details, but just picture what you'd imagine a not so happy family looking like. They eventually got put into an orphanage and I have no idea how, but the Hinomoris got them and helped them recover a bit, but Lumi still wants to disappear. They feel they can't be loved, and they're slowly learning to accept that they are loved; by their family, by their friends, by their girlfriend. People love them.

Initially, they weren't sure what they were going to do when they were older, kind of similar to Mafuyu in a sense except because they were discouraged from their old dreams, they wanna divulge completely away from them and into something more "successful" (as music and art were once their passions). Eventually, probably if I were to make a version of them that ages up when the rest of the cast does during the third anniversary, they'd figure out that they want to be a teacher. Of course, that means they can't be a part of N25 anymore. Working late at night and barely sleeping before you have to wake up early to go to school? They couldn't ever manage that. They're planning on being in Nightcord until they graduate college, however, no one in the group knows that, not even Mizuki. Lumi is too scared to tell the others their dream because they don't want to be separated from the others.

I think that's basically all of their Nightcord stuff, but I do have more about them and what they were like when they first came to Japan, just cuz I find it really interesting how different they were from their current self!!

So, they were traumatized. They came to a brand new country with a language they'd never spoken before and new people to call their family. They felt like such an outcast. They were quiet, like very quiet. They didn't speak unless it was necessary. They were always scared to do things without asking first, even things such as getting a s acl or using the restroom. They flinched when people went near them and would often just isolate themselves in their room and do nothing except get wrapped in their own head.

Of course the rest of the Hinomori family worried about them, especially Shizuku and Shiho. Shizuku was definitely more visible with her worry, as she was always trying to help Lumi through it, though it was a bit overwhelming for Lumi, and Shiho knew that. That was why Shiho kept her worry to herself. She knew that Lumi didn't need someone immediately jumping on them in order to help fix them, that it was going to take time.

With Shizuku's constant worry and care, Lumi did slightly warm up to her first, as they couldn't tell that Shiho was silently worried for them too. In fact, Lumi was somehow convinced that Shiho hated them, and Shizuku would reassure them several times that she didn't. She knew Shiho was just as worried as she was.

Shizuku uses her sister magic and after over a year Lumi is now the clingiest sibling you could ever imagine, as in they were affectionate. Shiho pretends to hate it, but secretly she's happy for Lumi being able to touch people now (even at the cost of her own sanity KSKAA). Lumi's favorite people for sure are their big sisters.

They have issues with overthinking and nightmares at night, so they can't even sleep by themself. They've gotta be with Shizuku or Shiho.

Also, the language barrier; did Lumi ever learn how to speak Japanese? Nope. They've picked up a few words and phrases, but for the most part it's actually really hard for them to learn, even with Japanese speakers in the house. So, Lumi speaks English for the most part. Shizuku and Shiho know a good bit of English, thanks to them needing it as celebrities if they wanna go around the world, and will usually speak to Lumi in English. They help translate stuff if Lumi needs it, as Lumi does NOT trust translation apps.

Random facts about them!!

No one knows their gender, they're agender AFAB and bind, but people genuinely cannot tell. If I remember right, awhile back I was explaining concepts for N25 trust ranks with a friend of mine and Lumi and Mizuki's first one was something like "Gender? Girlboss." Because people love calling both Lumi and Mizuki girlbosses, when in canon their genders are both hard for the public to tell, so tis their gender now /silly

They dislike marshmallows. They have a fear of them, specifically raw ones. Dried or cooked are fine, but marshmallows straight out of the bag? That's a NIGHTMARE. If they want to touch a raw marshmallow, they will literally pull out gloves. They think that marshmallows are unnatural and weird, despite knowing they're only made of sugar and gelatin. They're a little paranoid about marshmallows (just like me frfr)

Okay, so the way I talked about MizuLumi kinda made it sound like that's the canon ship for this universe, but tbh it's not. Platonic polycord (with Lumi) is most certainly the canon here, however I've completely divulged from it being the main ship. I'm a multishipper, and naturally I've made up scenarios with other possible characters in my head (by "possible," I mean people who they're most likely to interact with in their canon). If I had to choose a non-N25 ship for Lumi, I'd have to say HaruLumi. It was something I thought of one day while going insane from overworking myself. Lumi would most certainly overwork themselves, I thought to myself. I suddenly thought of Haruka, the queen that he is, and suddenly HaruLumi was born in my head. They take care of eachother when they push themselves too far <3 (I also just really like the dynamic of Lumi being the pathetic non-celebrity and being like "Omg Haruka could've chosen anyone to date and he chose ME??" FJDJWKQ THEY'RE SO PATHETIC JFKSKWA /vpos)

Honorable mention to Saki x Lumi (I didn't think SakiLumi sounded cool so I just said that KDKSKS). Platonic or romantic. They're silly. They probably cuddle with 50000 plushies and then one of them will pick up one and kiss the other on the cheek with it, and then they'll go back and fourth with this for the next hour because they're silly.

Also honorable mention to MinoLumi. I have no dynamic for them in my head, so that's it. That's the ship.

I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU PHOTOS OF THEIR DESIGN BEFORE I FINISH MY RAMBLES HERE!!

you guys should tell me about your ocs. spare no detail i want to see it. i will not be annoyed with you tell me everything. im a newborn baby lamb i know nothing explain all of it and all of them to me. even if i dont know you

[flovoid]

when an alcoholic single dad with a messed up past have three kids that are named after alcohol beverages…

[yunmeng-jiang]

that man does NOT think of wei wuxian as his gege

[asterbats]

i think for the shitty scorpion family, their entire dynamic is definitely toxic (heh) but also neither dusk nor bruno is an inherently terrible person? its just that they’re a) horrible together longterm as they are and b) people who should not have had kids.

[dogsandfrogsandhogs]

You make a lot of good points

1. Fair point, jerky would be one of the best things for them to find. But still, the writers choose for her to pick beef for a reason. It was a food she genuinely enjoyed, for various reasons, and the trauma from the island ruined it for her.

Like, imagine being stranded for almost a year with scarce food, and when you finally get back home you start to find you can’t even stomach your favorite meals because they remind you of the horrors you witnessed. So now your options are to trigger yourself by either eating the food or by depriving yourself of food that you desperately want but can’t bring yourself to eat.

^ This is why I think her being a meat-lover is important, definitely not a core part of her character, but it is, or was, a part of her and it shows how traumatized she is. She’s the only one of the group, so far, who changed their entire diet as a result of their trauma because she literally can’t bring herself to eat it anymore.

2. Now that I’m remembering Sammy saying the campgrounds were almost as big as her family’s ranch, it’s definitely a feedlot if they supply that much beef on that amount of land.

They could have other farms, but that seems to go against canon. She never mentions her fmaily owning any other place than the ranch, and the ranch is the only plot of land Daniel mentions buying from them. If they have any other farms or businesses it’s most likely on that land, and if they don’t and have more farms on different properties, then it kind of lowers the stakes for her family. It’s still horrible but they aren’t losing everything they have like the show implied. At least before the park goes down, they still have a lot to fall back on.

And the borrowing money part is why I’m not sure about the idea that her family’s wealthy. They’re super wealthy but they don’t have enough in their savings account to cover unexpected costs? They don’t have good insurance in case something breaks down or is damaged? They couldn’t get a loan from a bank and had to turn to shady lenders instead?

Granted, we never learned why, or how much(?), they had to borrow in the first place, which is kind of odd. Seven seasons of the show and we’ve gotten no insight on that when it a major plot point (but hopefully season 3 of CT brings it up).

3. Masrani has absolutely no interest in the well being of livestock, he does not care about them. If he did the park wouldn’t use live prey, which may or may not have included cattle, to feed the dinosaurs, he would’ve opted for toys and other things to keep them engaged like regular zoos do, and on top of that the staff would never have been given the okay to use baby animals to draw out the velociraptors. (Seriously, the piglet scene was horrible.)

If the the Gutierrez’s ranch is that humane it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with the them.

Also, the reason we were given for why they refused wasn’t because they were loyal to Masrani. They’ve might’ve been on good terms with him since he invited her in the first place, but Sammy said that they refused because they weren’t going use her like that. And as far as ethics go, not putting your child at risk is the bare minimum for parents.

(Tags)

[#but also she probably didn't get to see a lot of the hand-on stuff and darker sides of the industry] - I don’t know, she was 14 at the start of CC, possibly the oldest child, and was raised on a family owned farm in rural Texas. I feel like she would’ve seen the hands-on stuff and darker sides of farming at least a few times, considering she knew how to calmly and properly handle a large, frightened animal on her own at 14 and, while revealed at 21(ish), knew how to help egg-bound chickens*, and also just since they had chickens. (Idk what it is with people and chickens, but people are a lot more comfortable having kids, even little kids, be present for their slaughter more than other animals.)(*Also, egg binding is more common in younger hens and can kill them/lead to them having to be put down. For chickens it’s an actual medical emergency, and it’s one that she has hands on experience. She doesn’t have chickens on her ranch, so they would’ve have to be her family’s chickens.)

[so yeah no thank you for her that's the trauma] - I wasn’t trying to say what happened wasn’t the trauma that lead to her going vegetarian, because it is. What I’m saying is that witnessing animal suffering and death in of itself wasn’t what caused her to go vegetarian, it was witnessing the suffering and deaths of specific animals (possibly including humans?) that lead her to the point.

It sounds nitpicky, but the the difference matters when going through how her trauma affected her and led her to becoming vegetarian.

Sammy going vegetarian isn’t as simple as seeing/hearing/being around a lot of animal suffering and death, because she’s always been exposed to it, whether directly or indirectly.

The realization of “wait, it’s wrong to do this livestock” didn’t come because she saw the suffering and deaths of animals, she had seen enough of it surrounding livestock already, it came because she saw the suffering and deaths of animals that she wasn’t raised to be okay with. It was a species specific revelation.

If she hadn’t witnessed the suffering of non-livestock she’d probably still be eating meat regardless of how many frightened cattle she calmed or chickens she helped with, or even loss due to, being egg-bound.

It’s like the difference between tagging a cattle’s ear and tagging a dog and/or cat’s ear. The pain the three of them would experience from it is the same, but it’s only considered cruel to do to two of them. And that’s what would cause some people to start thinking about the cattle, not because the cattle suffered, but because a different animal, “the wrong animal”, did.

Eating meat was never a core part of Sammy's character? She wasn't walking around talking about how she only likes hamburgers, or she would kill for a steak, or cracking beef related puns, or anything that would indicate "I like eating meat" is a core personality trait the same way running is to Yaz or dino facts are to Darius. The core personality trait is her devotion to her family on the ranch, where yes they process cattle for food, but that doesn't make eating meat an ingrained part of your DNA lol.

Sammy saw a lot of animal suffering and death on Nublar and beyond, its understandable why she would maybe want to become a vegetarian. I'm not even a vegetarian, I think you're just wanting to see something that's not there.

What about the time Sammy said "I love nothing more than steak and Yasmina, and I'm all out of steak" and then proceeded to suplex a Scorpius Rex

[coulsonlives]

I just had to share this video because holy shit, it hits the nail right on the head! So well spoken. This stuff needs to be circulated more, esp with the growing number of people thinking they have this because of misinformation, or just outright faking it.

[zafiro-anyejo]

very few 'parenting' things frustrate me more than parents who give their screaming kids an ipad, but I think "emotionally neglectful for 20 years and then wondering why their kid isn't thriving/adjusting to adulthood well, so they try to make up for it by being an overbearing helicopter parent" might take the cake.

[donnatroyyyy]

Batman has/had some kind of miscommunication going on with every single one of his kids. The bat family is just one big miscommunication trope after the other.

[truckstoptigers]

i remember i'd hear about how my state is one of the most dangerous places in terms of sex trafficking and i would think, what an awful thing. how terrible is it that my state has such an issue with trafficking that it's enough for it to be a well-known, well-documented serious danger/risk area.

and i still didn't think it would ever happen to me.

[elytrafemme]

so me and my parents are out looking for houses in the area, right, that are reasonably priced. because obviously i did not specify where i was to you all because internet security but we might end up centralized here as a family right. so we were looking and this area is... generally a pretty expensive place with an expensive real estate industry. and there’s a lot of privilege in the fact that my family is financially stable and well off enough to be looking here and i do realize that but i mean obviously we are not made of fucking money and we’re working on a budget for one house right.

anyway one of the agents casually dropped in the middle of the conversation that she owns five houses and. i cannot describe it to you the psychological response i had to that