#one person told me it would limit my job options

[larynx-lover]

I have one tattoo on the arch of my foot and like EVERY patient managed to see it and ask me about it today

[remember-the-fanfics]

Gen-Z!Overlord!Reader

• Died at 18, been in hell for a few years.

• Came in after Alastor disappeared, just before Vaggie showed up.

• You were never one to follow what everyone else did. Killing, drugs, theft, or porn.

• Kept to yourself for a few months, getting use to being dead and in hell.

• Accidentally became an Overlord after you killed one in self defense.

"In my defense, she was like super creepy and an asshole. A big one."

• The souls were free but you kept your new territory nice so they didn't leave.

• You made jobs and kept the housing in better shape, only made deals to help souls.

• Gave them a job, house, and protection. You give them a limit of a few years of the deal and if they don't mind it, they can renew it.

"Well I don't want to force them to do something, its rude."

• In return, they keep your territory nice, clean, and less violent than most. Work the jobs you made and protect your little town.

• There's been occasions were you trade souls to other overlords, either the soul did something against them or just an asshole.

• The time on the contract would restart

• To every other overlord, you are a child with a knife and to much power.

• You demolished another overlord because they thought you were weak and tried to destroy you territory.

"You ass eatting bitch-"

• You let others fight for new open territory because you're fine with what you have.

• Panicked when you got invited to an Overlord meeting.

• Apparently you had enough power to be one, then you realized you actually were one.

• It was awkward to meet the most of the overlords. Not knowing who you were to begin with.

"This is for overlords only."

"Oh, I'm (Y/n). I got invited."

• Chatted with Rosie before and after it.

• Camilla likes how you run your territory but you seem so young.

• Did apologized afterwards, introducing you to her daughters, apparently you were around the same age.

• Zestial wanted to know how you took over you territory, interested on how you did it.

• You've only meet Velvette because you need some clothes. She recognized you as the up and coming overlord.

• Throwing the clothes you had in your hands away, saying you need to be in the best lastest trend of clothes.

• You were now stuck having a fashion show as she decided what look good on you.

• While not enjoying all the clothes she had you try on, you kept being nice having conversation when she wasn't yelling at everyone else.

• Velvette learned that you were around the same age so she decided that you were acquainted enough to have her number.

• Apparently it wasn't optional for you.

• You brought back way to much clothes for one person, atleast now you have style.

• Chaotic neutral energy

• Charlie meet you after she heard that you improved a part of hell, wasn't expecting someone so young looking.

"Dying just after I turned 18 just means I look young forever."

• Laughing at your own dark humor.

"Ha...ha.

• Charlie did not find it as funny.

• Told you about the hotel idea and you were right on board.

• Thought it was a good way to stick it to the man and help people.

• Vaggie was surprised when Charlie brought back a child.

• More surprised that you're the Overlord that Charlie wanted to meet with.

• Definitely said Vaggie's name wrong for the first time reading it.

• Meeting Angel Dust after he decided to crash at the hotel.

• Not knowing what he was known for but definitely heard his name from someone.

"You're a kind of actor?"

"Of the sorts."

• After you heard what he was famous for.

"Well, he'll do him and I'll do me but never do each other."

• There was an awkward silence of confusion from everyone.

• Having to explain every reference you make.

• Vaggie made jar for everytime you make a dark joke.

• Charlie has asked you why you were in hell. You shrugged, never living a truly bad life but probably just too chaotic for heaven to handle.

• You leave every few days to check back in your little town to make sure everything was running smoothly.

• You know when something happens, feeling the souls you own in a panic.

• Having to let everyone remember why you were in charge a couple of times.

• Either with your words or actions.

• Luckily Rosie just adores your mannerisms and how you don't completely turn away from her with what or who she eats.

"You could say the food was to die for!"

• She finds your dark humor funny.

• So she keeps an eye out for you, sending letters to you every few days.

• You vist her every other week to just chat, she tells you about easy territories that you could get. You say you would rather show up some punks than have more responsibility with more souls.

• Offers food everytime, you say no thanks everytime.

• Rosie would tell you all the tea about the other overlords or her own town.

• Yay! You have an allie with an another overlord by being friends.

• Also with offering truly worse souls sometimes. On a rare occasion.

• Rosie knowing when you offer a soul to her, she would take her time with it. Enjoying every bite.

• Anyway- Sinners would come up to asking for deal when they are completely down on their luck.

• But whats following a couple of rules for free house and job.

• You give them enough warning before you would shake hands then saying you would know if they even thought of fucking your shit up.

• Putting an add for Charlie's hotel in your territory.

• Charlie almost hugged you to death after seeing it.

• When Alastor showed up, the two of you would have a intense staring contest.

• He wasn't expecting another overlord here, oh wait, you're new.

• Alastor not actually taking the hotel serious, pissed you off but he was more powerful.

• Charlie having to keep you and Vaggie from trying to fight him.

"I didn't know there was a new overlord! Charmed to meet you. Whose territory was up for grab?"

"She was a bitch-."

"I know who exactly you speak of, that's good. She never had any manners."

• Watching him summon Husk and Niffty and was shocked.

• Tried it and summoned one of your workers.

• Excited that it worked! Apologetic for interrupting their day.

"Ah ha! It worked! Oh shit it worked! Sorry!"

• You and Niffty vibe on a similar level. Charmingly violent.

• Vaggie has to make sure either of you give the other one a bad idea to do.

• Husk question your age when you went to the bar. Making you do the math.

"Well I died at 18, it's been a few years so old enough."

• Gave you a hard drink which you spit out after tasting.

• You decide hard alcohol wasn't for you.

• Knowing how technology was when you died making you the most technical advance Sinners in the hotel.

-

That's enough for now, just a thought I had when working.

[kerink]

i want to talk about this idea the fandom has that curly didn't do anything to help anya. the fact of the matter is, curly didn't do anything to help anya on screen.

when we first join the conversation, anya's already told curly about the assault and is just updating him on her pregnancy status. we're never privy to what that first conversation looked like, what anya said or how curly responded or what decisions were made about it. but given that anya confided in him twice more about the situation (that she was pregnant and later that she had told jimmy), i have to assume his response to the initial assault disclosure was sufficient enough in her eyes that she knew she could continue confiding in him.

this exchange reads to me like "what to do about the assault" has been an on-going conversation between them, but curly has limited options to help her. but if he could figure out something to do, he'd do it.

let's look at the options available:

report it to HR. i don't think this option is very viable for a few reasons:

first, pony express doesn't seem to care about its employees. there aren't locks on their bedroom doors, there's only enough food and oxygen to get them from port to port with no emergency allotment, there are more crew than cryopods, they're not allowed to sleep for more than 5 hours a night, etc. i don't think they would have done anything to support her even if they had reported it.

HR may even blame anya for the assault, they may say that it happened because of something she did or did not do. it's her responsibility to take, not theirs.

second:

(thank you to @mudstoneabyss for pointing this one out to me)

curly needs this money because he's considering changing careers, which is likely to result in a pay cut or some amount of time job-hunting without income. swansea has a family back home he needs to provide for. it's daisuke's first year on the job and what a piss-poor welcome a pay cut would be, and he's an intern so the pay cut may be all or most of his salary. jimmy is living in poverty. anya has no savings.

it's entirely possible anya asked curly not to file an HR complaint not only because it would make her financial situation worse, but because she doesn't want to ask him, swansea, and daisuke to literally pay for jimmy's actions.

third:

even if curly did file an HR report he may have been told to do nothing. it's a long trip and they need all hands on deck to make the delivery on time! productivity over employee welfare. it's his job to keep the peace but keep jimmy working.

given how much stress curly's shown to be under, it can be assumed being captain is an extremely taxing job with a lot of both assigned duties and off-book duties. it may not actually be feasible to run the ship without a co-pilot.

maybe all he could do was talk to him.

2. go to the police. are there even police in space? i have to assume so because the alternative poses way too many questions. so there's space police. curly and anya call them and they come to the tulpar and dock on the ship and do an investigation and what happens to that limited food and air supply? the late delivery fee?

i'm a psychologist and my first psychology job was working as a crisis counselor for my county. my primary job was to sit with rape survivors as they had their rape kits done and support them as they made their reports to the police. this may not be true everywhere or across the board or in this dystopia but in my experience the police won't take a rape case seriously, or will have limited options to prosecute, or maybe won't even take the case at all without a rape kit.

so curly and anya call the police. they're going to have to file with HR too, to let the company know what's going on. and now anya has to pay for an HR complaint, a late delivery, and a rape kit.

is she going to get this paycheck at all?

3. curly acts on his own accord. this is the one that makes the least amount of sense to me, personally.

if curly just beats the shit out of jimmy then what? now jimmy's mad and embarrassed and takes it out on anya. we're going to confront him and risk making her suffering worse?

curly can't lock jimmy in his quarters for the duration of the trip not only because, as i said, maybe having a co-pilot is necessary for the ship to operate, but there are not locks on the doors.

curly can't lock him in the cargo hold because a) pony express would probably be beyond pissed off about that and who knows if the crew's pay would get docked or curly would get fired or if dragonbreath would sue them all for property damage and contamination. b) how do we get food and water to him? let him go to the bathroom? we open the doors and he busts out and who knows how violent he'll be then.

curly isn't going to kill him because a) that's one of his oldest friends, and i don't care what he's done or how angry curly is or how badly he wants to help anya, i really don't think it's realistic to think he'd be able to separate the anger from the love enough to end his life. b) it's cold-blooded, premeditated murder. it'd be one thing if curly caught jimmy in the act and killed him in defense of anya, he could maybe get away with that. but after the event is over? curly's going to jail for that, possibly for the rest of his life. if you worked at the post office and a coworker told you your best friend since childhood raped her are you clocking out and going to his house and killing him? it's not reasonable. i'm also just really floored how often i've seen this option brought up on the "prison reform abolish the police no matter how bad you are you still deserve human rights" website.

i also don't think it's reasonable, realistic, or kind to ask curly to act on his own accord without consulting anya. for curly to go against her wishes or act without her consent, that's further taking agency away from her. that's another man deciding what happens in her life. even if curly wanted to beat jimmy up or lock him away or kill him, maybe anya asked him not to.

so i ask, what was curly supposed to do? what did he and anya explore as options? what did anya ask him to do? we don't know and we'll never know. and that was intentional on wrong organ's part.

i don't say any of this to discount or discredit conversations or explorations or analyses about the role The Boys Club, toxic masculinity, and bro culture play into the plot, themes, narrative, or personal take-away players have. i fully 100% agree with, support, and endorse those narrative because despite everything i just said above, it's also true that curly is partially responsible.

it's true that he was irresponsible and an enabler for helping jimmy cheat on his psych exam, but there's no evidence at all that he's a conspirator to sexual assault and abuse, that he was going to cover for jimmy in a court of law. all he said was they would figure it out, and that could mean a whole lot of things.

i think curly has some percentage of the blame for what happened on the tulpar, i just don't think that percentage is as large of a number as a lot of people seem to believe. i'm not asking that we forgive or apologize or absolve curly, what i am asking is that we try to look at the situation with more nuance and empathy and good faith.

i don't think curly was a bad man or a bro who was ignoring anya and covering for jimmy's actions. but i also don't think he did enough to help her. he was never good at seeing the small details amongst the larger picture. he couldn't see jimmy for the dead pixel he was.

i think curly was sleep deprived, possibly under-fed, definitely overworked, and juggling too many balls with not enough options. i think he made the wrong choice, but i think he thought it was the lesser of the evils.

[sansaorgana]

Hiiiii! If you like either version I'd like to request a Benny fic with a Reader who works at some place he frequesnts bc of getting in trouble 🙄🙃

My first thought would be the hospital/doctors office but police or lawyer related jobs could be another option too

hi, love! thank you so much for the request 🥰 I chose a police station where Reader is not a cop but jut a girl sitting by the desk, kinda like Lucy from Twin Peaks 😉

⚠️ TW ⚠️ Reader is coming back home late at night and she is bothered by some guys

I had to close my requests for now because I got so many 🙏🏻

You shook your head with a coffee cup in your hand at the sight of a man being walked inside the police station. He was cuffed behind his back as two big policemen were pushing him by his shoulders.

“Hi, (Y/N),” he winked at you as he walked past your desk. “How are you today?”

“Great, Mr. Cross. You?” You teased him as you addressed him officially.

“Not so good,” he chuckled with a shake of his head and the policemen pushed him to walk faster as they escorted him to his cell.

Benjamin Cross. You knew all his personal information by heart now. You knew his ID number more than your own. Working at the police station was never boring and you had your favourites amongst the Chicago criminals but Benny Cross was definitely your favourite. He had that bad boy charm and sexy mystery behind those baby blue eyes. He reminded you of a wild lion with his golden beard and blond hair. He was a biker – a man of the road, a personification of freedom. Well, hardly, to be honest. Because he was spending way too many nights in the cell for a man loving freedom so much.

Another thing you knew by heart was the phone number to the club where his friends worked. It was the phone call he always wanted to make so you dialled it already after putting the coffee cup down.

“Hi,” you said after some man with an unpleasant voice answered. “It’s the police station. Your friend Benny’s here again,” you informed him.

“Thanks,” he only said and hung up on you.

One of the policemen that had been dragging Benny now approached your desk and dropped a few files on it with a sigh.

“Cross, Benjamin,” he told you and you rolled your eyes.

“I know,” you laughed. “What again?”

“Speed limit. Caused a few crushes,” the man explained. “If I see his face once again, I’m gonna turn it to pulp, I swear.”

“No, don’t,” you giggled and he shook his head.

“Women,” he commented and walked away.

You put the papers aside and fixed your skirt before standing up to go to see Benny. You walked past the cells until you spotted him laying on the bed in an empty cell at the end of the corridor. He had used to be locked with other men but he had been starting fights and since then he was given a single cell.

“I called your friends already,” you told him as you leaned on the metal bars and he raised an eyebrow at you with a smug smile.

“Thanks, doll.”

“You must like it here, huh?” You asked, playfully.

“Well, I don’t hate it,” he answered. “As long as you work here,” he added and sat up on the bed to lean back on the wall. “Can you get me a cigarette?”

“I can,” you sighed and walked back to your desk.

It was confusing, really. The way you liked him although you shouldn’t. The way you enjoyed his teasing and his flirting although you knew he probably was like that with half of the city. And if it was any other man, you would tell him to go to hell. But Benny was already coming from there. And he was making you feel intrigued about it.

You grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter that you kept in your desk. You took one cigarette out of the pack and went back to his cell. He was waiting for you by the bars and you passed the cigarette and the lighter to him. He lit it and gave you back the lighter as he looked deep into your eyes.

“Thanks, angel face,” he nodded.

“No problem,” you shrugged your arms. “You think they gonna bail you out?”

“Yeah, they always do,” Benny sat on the bed again and leaned back on the wall.

“Okay. I’ll prepare the papers then,” you pointed at your desk with your thumb and walked away.

You worked on them for some time and stared at the clock on the wall. Your shift would be over soon and Benny’s friends weren’t showing up at all. You started to feel bad for him. What if this time they stood him up? It wouldn’t surprise you – after all, they had already spent quite a lot of money on him. And perhaps this time was one too many.

“Hey,” you approached the cell again. He was laying on the bed with his hands under his head as he was staring at the ceiling. He lazily looked up at you. “I’m going home soon. I don’t think your friends are comin’ tonight.”

“They’ll come,” he only said.

“Well, whatever you say. Good night,” you looked down, awkwardly.

You went back to your desk to pick your things up and looked behind you one last time while biting on your lower lip. But what did you expect, really? He was a criminal and you were working at the police station. You shook your thoughts away and left the moment you saw your friend walking in – her shift was just starting.

When you came back to work on the next day, Benny was not in the cell anymore. His friends had bailed him out at night. You were glad that he didn’t have to rot there but it was making you feel a bit sad that he was gone for now. For some reason you missed him already.

He didn’t even like you, did he? Well, he was flirting here and there but he wasn’t very talkative when you were trying to engage in conversations. Or maybe that was a part of his bad boy persona to be a man of a few words. Either way, he was messing with your head and you didn’t like it. It was not like you had a chance with him. And not like he had a chance with you… After all, you were a respectable woman.

God, why were you even thinking of such things? It was not like he was thinking of you the same way. He probably wasn’t thinking of you at all.

On that day you worked until late and it was dark already when you finished. You ran to the bus station but the last bus had already left without you in it. You didn’t live away but you feared taking a walk in the dark. However, you had to.

You fixed your jacket and started to walk down the street, turning around all the time to make sure no one was walking behind you. But after a while you spotted two men walking ahead of you. You wanted to cross the street but they already spotted you.

One of them whistled and you kept your head low, walking past them as they stopped and looked you up and down.

“Hey,” one of them suddenly pointed out. “Isn’t she that bitch working at the police station?”

You swallowed thickly. You recognised that voice. It was one of the men that were being arrested often. Kind of like Benny… Except this guy was not one of your favourites. He was actually a man you feared. He had been often threatening the cops and everyone working at the station to teach them a lesson one day.

You picked up your pace as you tried to walk faster and faster, you nearly ran.

“Hey, wait! You’re not running away!” You heard his voice and the heavy footsteps following you.

You were in such a rush and fear that you didn’t care anymore about anything else – the only thing that mattered was to survive. The ringing in your ears made all the other noise inseparable and you didn’t look around before entering the street to cross it.

And then you spotted a huge motorbike right in front of your face. It stopped inches away from you as you jumped in your place and swallowed thickly. Its reflectors were blinding you at first but after blinking a few times, you spotted it was Benny on his motorbike. He looked terrified, too, with widened eyes and hands clutched onto his motorbike’s handlebar. He had just nearly killed you after all and it was all your fault.

“I… I’m so sorry…” You began to apologise and you looked behind you. The man who had been threatening you and his friend were standing on the pavement and watching the scene.

“They been following you, doll?” Benny asked as he pointed at them with his head.

You nodded, shyly. Benny sighed and parked the bike by the pavement. He stopped the engine and jumped on his feet. You felt safer now with him around.

“Go home,” he looked at you sternly.

“But…” You gasped. It felt bad to just leave him here alone with these guys. Benny was a tough cookie but these two were dangerous as well. And they had the advantage since there were two of them.

“I said, go,” Benny ordered. You nodded and hurried back home, too scared to look back.

You couldn’t sleep at night, tossing and turning. In the morning you called the police station and told them you were sick. You were scared of leaving the house, actually. After last night’s accident… You had no idea what would happen if Benny hadn’t been around. What a coincidence it had been, by the way… And what had actually happened? Had he won the fight? Had there been a fight at all? What if the guys had won, hurt him and now they were waiting for you to show up on the streets?

You waited for everyone from your family to go to work before you walked downstairs and prepared breakfast. You didn’t want them to see you in such a state because they’d start asking questions and you didn’t want to worry anyone.

Around ten, you were already after breakfast and you took a quick shower. You changed into comfortable clothes and sat by the TV, not planning to leave the house at all for the whole day.

When someone knocked upon the door, you were startled. The very first thing that came to your mind was that these two criminals had found you. With a heavy heart and trembling hands, you approached the TV set to turn it off. Trying to avoid passing the windows, you carefully approached the front door and shakily looked through the peephole. You sighed with relief at the sight of Benny Cross leaning on the doorframe. There was a bruise on his face but other than that, he looked fine.

You opened the door and he looked you up and down as if he was checking on you.

“Benny. How do you know where I live?” You asked.

“Why aren’t you at work?” He raised his eyebrows.

“How do you know?”

“‘Cuz I been sitting across the street all night long, making sure they wouldn’t come around,” he explained and pointed at his motorbike parked across the street.

“What?” You widened your eyes.

“I saw your folks leavin’ but not you. You okay?” He asked, worryingly.

“Scared,” you admitted and hugged yourself as the cold from the outside was starting to bother you. Then you realised he had been standing out there all night long. “Come in,” you invited him in.

A criminal that had been in your arrest countless times before. Your mother would kill you if she was there. But she wasn’t.

“Wanna eat something? Drink?” You asked him awkwardly as he was looking around.

“Well…” He started. “A sandwich would be nice. And a cup of coffee.”

“Sure,” you nodded and took him to the kitchen. You sat him by the kitchen table and began to prepare the meal for him. “What happened yesterday?” You asked.

“I taught ‘em a lesson. They shouldn’t bother you anymore. But I wanted to make sure they’d keep their word,” he answered casually and yawned. You smiled to yourself.

“You didn’t have to do this…”

“And let them hurt you?” Benny snorted and you pursed your lips.

“It was a miracle you were there. I don’t know what I’d do if you…” your hands started to shake as you dropped the knife you were spreading the butter with. You pressed the hand to your forehead and stood there, trying to catch a breath again. The flashes of the last night came back to you and you fought the tears.

Benny stood up carefully and stood behind you, not knowing what to do to cheer you up without crossing your boundaries.

“Hey, it was no miracle, (Y/N). I’m always there. I mean, whenever I can. I’m always driving around to make sure you make it home safe. That’s how I know where you live. I heard some guys talking one day when I was arrested, they were talking about you in a way that made me realise it’s not safe for you because of your work, so yeah…” He cleared his throat, scared that he accidentally revealed too much.

You lowered your hand and looked at him, surprised.

“You… You do all these things?” You couldn’t believe it.

“Yeah,” he nodded and hid his hands into the pockets of his trousers.

“But… why?”

Benny didn’t know what to answer. He shrugged his arms and watched your face.

“You’re nice to me,” he pointed out.

“Thank you,” you smiled gently and went back to preparing the sandwich. “Do you… Do you want something in return? I owe you,” you told him as he sat down by the table again.

“Nah, I’m fine,” Benny leaned on the wall and watched you serve him breakfast. “I mean, the sandwich and the coffee are enough, thanks.”

You sat in front of him and watched him devour his meal in three big bites. You played nervously with your fingers.

He cared more about you than you had been expecting. It felt nice and surprising and… It was messing with your head even further now.

“Thanks once again. I’ll go home now, need some sleep,” he stood up and you looked up at him with puppy eyes, to which he froze and raised his eyebrows.

“You saved my life,” you whispered.

“It’s nothing, really.”

“To me it’s everything,” you swallowed a lump in your throat. 

Short and awkward silence occurred between you two. Benny looked around as if he was contemplating on something. Eventually, he offered you his hand, which you hesitantly took and felt him pull you up. You stood up and faced him before he cupped your face and joined your lips together in a kiss.

Your eyes widened and at first you didn’t kiss him back out of shock. But after a short while, you closed your eyes and gave in. You placed your hands flat on his chest as you opened your mouth to let his tongue in.

You had always wondered what he would kiss like and it was even better than all your fantasies. It was overwhelming, really. His strength, his smell, his taste, the small groan he let out from the depth of his throat. You moaned in response and Benny’s hands dropped down to your waist and then lower, to your ass as he squeezed it. You giggled without breaking the kiss but he moved away slightly anyway to catch his breath.

“Benny…” You smirked at him and fixed your hair nonchalantly.

“Yeah?” He asked, unsurely, scared of your reaction to the kiss.

“You don’t have to keep getting arrested to meet with me, you know?”

MASTERLIST || BENNY MASTERLIST

[reveriememory]

⭐️ °. • Thank You Neil • .° ⭐️

I pushed myself to finish this in time, and I did! I met Neil, and gave him a physical copy. Till this day, I just freak out when I remember… I really admire him! I’ll talk about that and this art piece after the Read More if you’d like to hear about that.

This art piece started in October, last year as an Astarion fan piece, but overtime I realized I wanted to do something more meaningful. I’ve known of Neil since DBH, so why not create something for him? So I added in Neil, and then I left it alone for months. Didn’t really think anything of it since usually all my art follows this treatment. I focus on it for a whole two weeks and then it fades into the background. However, I got word that Neil was coming to my area, and that’s when I started freaking out. Like, oh my god, I need to finish this… can I give this to him? I’ve never gone to a convention before… what am I gonna do?

So I kept debating to finish this, because I didn’t know what was allowed, and if I could even finish in time, how would I even print this? I mean, I can just finish it at my own pace and tag him or something. In the end, I decided that it’s more important to me to get it to him in person, that way I can also get my copy signed. I had to plan this all out, and long story short, I rushed it in a week. I pulled two all-nighters, and just REALLY rushed on poor Gavin in the background. Gavin was actually a last minute decision! I would’ve added Kamski, but he’s literally just a face copy of Neil so I decided against that, and Gavin was the close second. The reason I chose DBH was because that’s where I first discovered Neil. I was a fan of this game when it first released. Heisenberg was another option, but I never got to his part of the game so I felt it wasn’t a good pick since I was going under personal limitations. Not to mention, really low on time. However, I added some references on the wall, specifically the ones where it was games that I had played! I could’ve added more, but again- time. I drew them in a motion capture studio, because I envision Neil practicing and performing with the characters he had worked on. I just felt like It was a cute little idea, and I admire Neil for his motion capture the most. It’s something I’m trying to get into, or some form of it at least.

Then. The Day.

AHHHHHH. I was starstruck. I’m just going to sum it up and talk about this specific moment. I’m next in line and I just blurt out, “I’m trying really hard not to get starstruck!” But I’m already shaky and half my memory gone. I was so anxious, trying to get through the moment that I didn’t really get to enjoy the moment, but man, am I still happy. I tell him about the piece and he’s like oh, what have you been working on? The drawing got jammed in its protector, so I was just struggling with it. “OH, sorry, it’s stuck!” And he thankfully found it funny. Gave it to him, got my copy signed and perfect. But AHHHH, I’m anxious right? I ask him if he could sign the back of it, because I was worried I’d cringe at the piece in the future. I normally don’t call my art cringe but why, why was I THAT honest—

He’s so quick to reply, super sweet man, just tells me no, don’t cringe. He also asked me about my focus in motion capture, but that’s another post for another day. I have something in the works for that!

Look, in my defense! I RUSHED the piece, so I knew I’d get a bit irritated in the future seeing my art and knowing I had the time to really do a beautiful job! I just meant that knowing how much potential I had, had I taken advantage of that, it would have turned out so much… not better, but to my liking. I’m content, considering the limitations, but… y’know? Anyways, I still wanted to look at his signature and proudly display that, like aye, I got to meet him!

Considering that I rarely draw real people, I’m definitely proud with how Neil turned out. Just like Neil told me, and many others, can’t be too harsh with myself. When working on this, I was super excited and actually thrived while working on it. Yes, under pressure, but dedicated. I can’t remember the last time I ever fixated on an art piece like this. With that said, I definitely want to try again in the future and get better at drawing semi-realism. And Neil is coming back to my area next year so… ideas.

Anyways, thank you for reading my little journal entry! Back to work I go~

[mathsbian]

EDIT: HE IS IN MY REPLIES

If we have “limited information” and predstrogen (among many others) was suspended correctly, THEN GIVE US THE FULL STORY??

Like, you’re saying Avery lied to everyone, but she showed screenshots. People (not me, but I’ve been paying attention to the discussion the last few days) have been aware of the harassment against her for a while because she was archiving examples of it on her blog.

Meanwhile, YOU have only shown us a single screenshot of a post that the FBI and even the US legal system will laugh you out of the building for treating as a credible threat. If there’s actually evidence of things deserving of suspension, show us the receipts. Or send them to Avery at the very least since the email she got does NOT line up with the story you’re telling now.

You can’t whine about us not having the full story when you’re the one who isn’t sharing it.

And seriously?? The options are “better moderation if we can even pull that off” and “stopping investing in Tumblr”? You were promising just a few months ago that just because the number of staff had decreased didn’t mean work would stop. Now you’re holding the entire website hostage because you can’t handle being told you’re doing a piss-poor job with this current situation.

We’re calling it transmisogyny because the bans are only visibly against trans women. Maybe if you followed up on reports and told people when the blogs they’d reported were removed we wouldn’t be so mad about this. But Avery was dealing with mass harassment and way worse death threats than the wish she made about you and got NO HELP. But as soon as she gets mass reported she gets removed. Trans tags are restricted while TERF tags are not. You personally may not be a raging bigot, Matt, but you’re running a site that’s automatic moderation actions completely work against your own (alleged) views. Fix the moderation tools and whatever system automatically responds to things, and everything will get so much better. Why the fuck hasn’t this been a priority before now we’ve been complaining about it for YEARS.

[clownmoontoon]

RAAAAHHH HELLO ITS BEEN A MINUTE!!! \OUO/

YOUR FAVORITE CLOWN IS BACK IN BUSINESS ive been quiet a while, a LOTS been going on in my personal life that brought my social medias to a complete (and unfortunate ToT) standstill til now!

i rlly wanna talk about it, its been honestly life changing and for safety i need to add some warnings:

cw for abuse both physical and emotional, and suicidal thoughts/ideation (dw im ok and not suicidal! i used to be and i finally have real context as to why)

ANYWAYS LETS TALK ABOUT IT

i got the opportunity to see a therapist for free for the first time since i was a kid and it was IMMENSELY eye opening.

SOME CONTEXT: ive lived with just my mother since i was a teenager as i tried to "make it" as an artist. ive had my ups and downs w this career goal and have been heavy in the midst of a very big Down period. entirely brought on by how sick i was at the start of the year to june (infected lymph nodes, pneumonia, 2 pounds of tumors in my uterus that required the removal of the organ entirely etc, i may have a weak immune system im realizing sdlkjd) which resulted in me having very little energy to create and/or post content. by july i needed to basically start over. which i was excited to do! i WANTED to get back to work and i was even excited for art fight! ;u;

aaaand in july is when my mom thought would be a good time to threaten to kick me out unless i found money to give her or got a "real" job. this came as an extreme and horrifying shock as i had just asked her the month before to "believe in me just a little longer" as i finally felt i realized what id been doing wrong all these years before and felt strongly i could succeed before the end of the year, she not only emphatically agreed but even said i didnt need such a time limit and she definitely didnt mind supporting me til i reached my dream lol i couldnt even do anything until july bc i was busy recovering from major surgery, coming home with tape on my stomach to heal the incision that hadnt fully closed yet

ive wanted to see a therapist for ages bc im Full O' Trauma and i knew it would help. The way this worked was basically like getting a free trial, i got six days of therapy (to be spread out as far as i liked) thru zoom.

i used the visits more for getting advice on how to reach my goals thru mental blocks and exhaustion bc ultimately i felt like 6 days wasnt enough time to get into trauma stuff and i really just wanted to get my career off the ground again, hopefully permanently.

i had vented a tiny bit about my mom and by the final visit w my therapist i decided to forgo the "how to better reach my goals" questions and ask if she had advice on how to handle someone like my mother, who i had to live with and rely on and who would often say something cruel whenever the mood struck. as i told her about my situation she stops me and asks

"do you hear yourself? bc i hear you"

and im suddenly so scared shes going to tell me the same, "get a real job" "stop acting so selfish" etc

instead she says, "this is abuse, youre literally describing an abusive relationship"

i was in complete shock

i even asked her how could i be the one being abused when i was the one using the resources and she compared it to a person getting married to someone rich and that rich person treating them like theyre worthless for not also making money.

it shook me to my core especially bc my mom loved calling me an abuser and comparing me to her abusive ex husbands (one of which used to abuse her physically, punch her/beat her etc) and saying im just like them

for the record ive never laid a hand on her, she would say these things whenever the mood struck, often out of nowhere

once bc i told her i couldnt read her mind and didnt know what she wanted lol wild

ANYWAY after this conversation i started looking back on my life and realizing why ive always felt so worthless, why i thought until my early 20's that suicide would be the best option for everyone. i was so exhausted from chasing this dream and feeling like such a worthless burden, my mother would get so angry with me for just existing and i felt like she would be so much happier if i were out of the picture, my sisters (both a decade older and living w their own families) calling me a leech and selfish for "using" our mother etc

any time i would stand up for myself, kindly and meekly as i could my mother would tell me how she wanted to punch my mouth, slap my face etc for years i thought she'd eventually fly into such a rage one day that she'd kill me and... i honestly didnt really mind the thought once while in high school my mom picked me up for lunch and offered to pay for a prom dress. i told her that it was ok, i knew she was struggling w money rn and i didnt really wanna go to prom anyway she flew into such a rage she pulled over on the highway just to pull my hair and beat me, and then dropped me back at school to finish my day lol

realizing that all of that IS NOT OK OR A NORMAL WAY TO FEEL OR BE TREATED AND I DEFINITELY DIDNT DESERVE ANY OF THAT was extremely eye opening

i told my best friends what my therapist had said and they were both like YEAH... DID YOU NOT KNOW YOU HAD AN ABUSIVE MOTHER??

apparently it was very obvious ^^; my friends were shocked to find that i thought everything was my fault, my therapist even used the term "gaslighting narcissist" to describe her which was WILDLY VALIDATING for me lmao

sitting w all these thoughts whirling around my head my mom texts me suddenly and tells me to ask my sisters for money (13 hundred dollars lol) bc she needs it for "bills"

i didnt want to do that at all she told me to "use my big words" to convince them and not to say it was her idea, but instead to act like i was asking bc i wanted to

it felt gross and made my skin crawl and honestly didnt even make sense bc WHY would i need that money so i asked but let my sisters know it was my mom asking and said she prob felt embarrassed to ask, while telling my mom that i asked in the way she wanted

my oldest sister makes good money and has helped our mom w money in the past. she texted me back asking why our mom needed money and why 1300 and i told her honestly i didnt know, i asked my mom what to say and she said to tell her she had an itemized list but she left it at work and couldnt remember what was on it lol

my sister told me to tell our mom that she couldnt help rn, so i did and my mom encouraged me to push harder to my other sister

suddenly the sister i had been talking to texts me and says that our mom left her a voicemail saying she doesnt know WHY i would ask for money, must be bc she threatened to kick me out bc i never help her with money :,( which was WILD bc any time i had money my mom would get most if not all of it, i havent been able to save money since ... ever tbqh, even when i tried my mom would successfully guilt every dollar from me letting me know i didnt deserve to save a penny after all shes done for me aaAA

ANYWAY i was so angry and hurt that my mom would just throw me under the bus i told my sister i had proof i wasnt lying (bc she was already inclined to believe our mother since they both considered me a leech to start with) and sent her screenshots of my texts

she was shocked and hurt too i decided to tell her about my therapy and how my therapist had called our mom an abuser and she answered that she understands more than ill ever know... which is very sad hjghfgf

we havent really talked more since and i deleted my texts to the other sister, more likely than not my mom sent her a similar voicemail

im very tired

i want to get out of here, im finally seeing this relationship for what its been for years and years, even back to when i was a little kid! i didnt know about suicide but id dream of being an animal in the wild bc i felt like if i were just out of the picture everyone at home would be less angry

its something that enrages me now tbqh ive tried all my life to be as little of a burden as possible and now im ready to be a problem LMAO :o)

the long and short of it is that i will be posting art sales and opening my patreon FINALLY to try and save up funds to get out of here ive also gotten a part time job on weekends for a little cushion tho some of that money will inevitably go to my mother, unfortunately

she doesnt know about the money i make online :o)

my family has constantly called me selfish, entitled and spoiled for just asking for common decency and to be treated like a person, theyve dehumanized me to the point that my greatest coping mechanism was creating a creature sona that isnt human but a monstrous equivalent lol AND I LOVE THEM IM EMBRACING CREATURE LETS FUCKIN GO

i know this has been long and if youve made it to the end i love u and im so thankful for your support!! ;u;

FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!! i want to come back full force, i havent stopped drawing at all, just havent had the energy to do much til now

my therapist even pointed out that i probably WOULDVE had at least moderate steady success by now if it werent for my mom's constant abuse

OH ALSO I NOW HAVE FOUR CATS LMAO a stray i had been giving water to and keeping safe from weather things (extreme heat, extreme cold etc) had her kittens here! and my mom gave me the ok to keep them all ;u; (and then ofc rescinded that but thats hardly a surprise now lol) and man, having kids cats sure changes your perspective on what u want and feel like you deserve! I NEED TO DO WELL BC THESE KITTIES DEPEND ON ME AND I LOVE THEM QVQ <3<3

SO YEAH IM BACK BABY IM GETTING THE HELL OUTTA HERE ASAP AND CONCENTRATING ON MY WELL BEING AND MENTAL HEALTH!! 😤🔥

[airenyah]

Get to Know Me Tag :)

was tagged by @telomeke, @ranchthoughts, and @callipigio <3

do you make your bed?

not usually. both in my room at my parent's flat and now in my own flat as well i don't have a couch to hang out on and so i tend to spend a lot of time in my bed during the day bc it's more comfortable there. why make my bed in the morning if i mess it up soon enough anyway? i'll only make my bed when i'm trying to feel/look neat (like for example when people who i don't really know come over)

what's your favourite number?

23! elementary school me was veeery creative in choosing this number.... (my birthday is on a 23rd) anyway this number stuck with me and now it's just part of my personality hahaha

what is your job?

i'm a uni student and i don't have a "fixed" job where i'm employed and get money every month, but i have been working at a specific theater every summer since 2022. this year i'm actually the official assistant director. the rehearsals haven't properly started yet, but i've already one or the other task for it. can't wait for june when we're finally starting with the rehearsals!!!!!!!

if you could go back to school, would you?

depends... compulsory schooling that they make you go through from age 6 to age 15?? HELL NO. adult education? catch me taking 434353 courses on 434353 things

can you parallel park?

i don't have a driver's license

a job you had that would surprise people?

i haven't had many jobs in my life and none of them seem very surprising tbh? if you know me, at least i've worked as a graphic designer before, but i don't see how that would be surprising. also, i'm sure that i've mentioned this a few times in my tag ramblings

do you think aliens are real?

i don't think aliens are real but i also don't think aliens are not real. basically, i don't think aliens exist in the way they are depicted in movies, but if nasa came up to me and told me they found some sort of life somewhere else in the universe i'd be like "yeah i'll believe that". the universe is so vast, so it wouldn't surprise me if there really is something out there, but i don't really think about it tbh

can you drive a manual car?

as i said, i don't have a driver's license. but if i did, the answer would be yes. bc as a european you WILL be taught to drive a manual car at driving school. you could also choose to learn how to drive an automatic car, but that's really the exception to the rool. besides, idk what it's like in other countries, but in austria you're allowed to drive manual cars only if you got your license with a manual car. so getting your license with an automatic car limits your options quite a lot

what's your guilty pleasure?

i don't really feel guilty about my pleasures?? i don't always tell people that i'm really into thai bl, but that's less about feeling guilty and more of a "know your target audience" kind of thing.

tattoos?

nope. my brother has a couple of tattoos and he'd love it if i got one (i think he'd like to have a matching tattoo with me), but i can't do needles. but if i ever did get a tattoo, it would probably be something related to sicily. my brother actually has a tattoo of the trinacria

favorite color?

a really shiny dark blue and a really shiny darker red!

favorite type of music?

uhhhh.... good question?? i grew up listening to classical music and i still really like it, but i don't really listen to it anymore. these days i listen to pop music quite a lot? but that's also a very hit and miss for me, bc i tend to get overwhelmed easily with pop music. idk, just show me a song of any genre of music and i'll tell you if i like this particular song or if i dislike it my playlists tend to be full of song i have some kind of emotional connection too, though! so for example, songs that have been in series/movies that i watched or songs that my loved one's have/had in their playlists and that remind me of them, etc...

do you like puzzles?

i don't dislike puzzles, but it's not something that i would think to spend my time with

any phobias?

spiders!! i've had a phobia of spiders all my life. it's gotten a little better now, and how freaked out i am really depends on the size of the spider, where it is, if it's moving, and also how i'm feeling that day. the worst thing that could happen is a spider touching me in any way, so as long as i have enough distance between me and the spider and the spider is stationary, i'm good. i really dislike spiders right above my head, though i also have a phobia of needles. when i was 12 i had to get my blood drawn when i was sick once and i had a panic attack (or something along those lines). i've tried to avoid needles as best as i could ever since... and as a child i also had a fear of vomit. people vomiting still makes me uncomfortable, but at least i no longer run away and hide behind the door of my room hahaha

favorite childhood sport?

i've never been really athletic but i liked swimming!

do you talk to yourself?

in my own flat when i'm all by myself? yeah!

what movies do you adore?

der schuh des manitu is my problematic fave <3 apart from that, i also adore stardust and tangled and the emperor's new groove and i'm also up for marathoning high school musical, how to train your dragon, pirates of the carribean (1-3), and lord of the rings (extended edition of course) at any given point in time

coffee or tea?

tea!!!!! i LOVE tea!!!!! i had a cup of tea only an hour ago!!!! i'm not big on coffee, apart from a cappucino every once in a while which i also only drink when i'm in italy bc i just don't like it enough to spend 3-4€ on it in austria. coffee flavored things are mostly fine, but coffee as a beverage? not a big fan

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

i don't remember the first thing i wanted to be that wasn't a suggestion by my parents. possibly an actress????

tagging @newyearknwwme @moonkhao @visualtaehyun @celestial-sapphicss @cornflowershade @dimplesandfierceeyes @wack-overflow

as always, feel free to ignore!

[ecosystem-administrator]

the road to Horizon

I was watching a video recapping someone's journey through FFXIV and it made me think back on the start of my own, so I have some thoughts to ramble here, on my departure from Azeroth and arrival into Eorzea. From the perspective of a WoW refugee who arrived before the big waves of exodus, who left before all the bad news broke at Blizzard.

I don't talk about it much. At first it was because I was still grieving what I'd left, adjusting to the new normal I'd found for myself and trying not to be that person who compares everything to their only other experience in the genre; then, it was because the news had broken about all the things broken in Blizzard behind the scenes, and suddenly it no longer felt cool to have ever enjoyed what they were doing. But I started playing WoW during Wrath of the Lich King, and I continued to play until somewhere in the patch cycles of Battle For Azeroth. 2009-2019, a full decade of investment in the lore, of anticipation and disappointment, of theorycrafting my way around plotholes so I could keep enjoying the things that were enjoyable.

At some point, there was a news announcement coming, and I found myself anxious, dreading the possibility that the plot would focus on some of the characters I'd come to like, and in doing so wreck the stories I'd been building in my head. I had to stop and replay that moment for myself: I was dreading my favorite characters getting spotlight time, because I was afraid of what the writers would do to them. This is, I had to finally admit to myself, no way to live. I had reached my limit. My trust was broken, years of disappointment having finally dismantled my hope. I had to walk away. I wouldn't uninstall, not yet - but I would instead try out that beautiful Final Fantasy game my fiancee and some of her friends had started playing. I had watched over her shoulder one time a good while back as a tiny pink cupcake of a girl drank a goblet of poisoned wine, and at the time I had envied the power of the scene on display. Perhaps starting fresh with a new story would help ease the grief of finally stepping away from a decade of giving my heart to a game that was simply no longer giving back.

It takes time to adjust to a new game, of course. New controls, new abilities, what do you mean crafters are classes just like combat classes, wait what's the difference between a class and a job, how do I know whether I'm where I'm supposed to be, what do you mean dungeons aren't optional content, etc. I stumbled my way through the start of ARR, increasingly enthused to be learning a whole new set of lore but still anxious about how new I was. In FFXIV, we call new players 'sprouts' and tend to them; but I hadn't yet learned that mindset. I had to be told not to remove the sprout icon that flagged me as new and learning, because to me it looked like a 'kick me' sign on my back, a bright waving flag that said "Fresh Meat". That's what it would have been, where I had come from. I didn't know any better yet.

I made my way out of Gridania, around the capitals, through the baby dungeons, back to Ul'dah to get my invitation to the Scions, doing my best to absorb new lore, new controls, and new attitudes simultaneously. So it wasn't until I was leaving Ul'dah and headed out into Western Thanalan toward the Scions, on foot because I hadn't unlocked mounts yet, because I hadn't yet gotten the Horizon aetheryte, that I suddenly had a series of revelations.

I couldn't see player levels just by looking at them. I would have to click on a player and examine them in order to identify what level they were. Conversely, no one could see my level unless they went to that effort. They couldn't tell at a glance if I was overleveled or underleveled, if I was out of place in a zone or where I was meant to be.

The plot I had been through so far had gradually converged on this point in a way that suggested the story was melding with the starting storylines from the other two cities. In WoW, there are overarching plotlines for zones sometimes, but the presence of a Main Plot is a very recent development. Players rarely take the same path from starting zone to max level; but here, we were all walking the same road.

There were no factions. We were all walking the same road, and this was what struck me the hardest. From level 1 to level 70 (at the time I started lmao), every single player around me was somewhere on the same plotline. No one was a threat. There was no world PvP. I would never be ganked, griefed, have to wait for critical NPCs to respawn after max-level players from the other faction had come in and killed them.

Me, to me, at level 15 as the light began to dawn:

This is really how it felt, after all those years of WoW. The road to Horizon was the place where I finally realized I wasn't a soldier anymore, an erstwhile mercenary trying to dodge getting drafted back into a forever war. Of course there were still enemies, but all of the enemies were NPCs. I didn't have to worry about enemy PCs coming in raids, about staying out of their way or deciding to stand and fight. There were no such thing as enemy PCs. The war was, finally, over.

And so I trod onward lighter, still on foot until someone saw fit to give me a chocobo, my faction tabard abandoned in the dust of Thanalan, only an adventurer at last.

[makeshiftstory]

So my brain wouldn't focus on anything else, so here's the Familiars Reference Guide super early!

 In the setting of ‘Changes’, spellcasters (like mages, sorcerers, warlocks, witches, ect) often have familiars of their own to assist with their craft. To begin, a familiar is a being that is created through magical means and a slice from their spellcasters’ soul. The trait the familiar inherits from their spellcaster is entirely random and very much like a blind bag. Each one of the three familiars represent the three sections of the person: The Heart, The Mind, and The Spirit. Underneath each section are numerous traits that make up the person’s soul that the small slices are taken from. It can be a good trait such as ‘Oh you have such a kind heart, your familiar reflects that part beautifully.’ or not so great trait ‘Well you were always an envious spirit, no wonder your familiar is an envious little monster.’ The sliced off trait will generate its own sections as well as traits solely unique to the familiar, allowing them to become their own person over time. Because a familiar is made from the spellcaster, they inherit their creator’s special talent. The creation of a familiar can only be done three times without serious harm to the spellcaster, otherwise, if they go over the three limit, they run the risk of losing that part of themselves forever. The more that are made, the more pieces the spellcaster loses until they’re a horrible soulless monster that hunts others for their souls. 

 Familiars can never die, they are often still living with the spellcaster’s family, either waiting for their spellcaster to be reincarnated or passed along to the spellcaster’s descendents. In a family household of magic users, especially the older ones, it’s not uncommon to see numerous familiars living under the same roof in the main house. A prime example is the aristocratic necromancy family of the Muerte where there are numerous bone clay familiars from past family members living there (and one lazarus familiar.) A spellcaster’s familiars could be passed onto the apprentice if the spellcaster passes, though this is considered a rare instance. Reason why an instance like this is rare is because of the naming rituals that familiars have, more specifically, the middle name. The middle name of a familiar holds a lot of power, often acting like a form of restraint should a familiar with a less than savory trait decide ‘Oh hey, I can so totally kill this random person on the street for looking at me funny.’ The middle name is only known amongst the spellcaster and the familiars’ siblings, to be told the middle name is a huge deal. There is that and the work deal familiars have with their spellcaster, assistance with the craft is a paying job for familiars. If they’re not given the chosen payment, the familiar has all rights to not work for the spellcaster or whoever inherits them.

 Feeding is a pretty interesting topic as the spellcaster can set whatever the familiar can actually eat right from the start. Typically, the ‘food’ options are being fed some of the magical energy (risky as this can spiral into a magic devouring parasite if starved too long), can only eat a certain type of food or foods containing this item (like maple syrup or Estelle’s concerning plutonium diet), or a combination of both (insanely strong magic users like dragons often have familiars that can eat anything without issues). There are hybrid familiars, though those are a bit uncommon, but not unheard of. A prime example is Catrina’s familiar, Estelle, she’s a bone clay familiar with botanical infused magic. Most magic users tend to keep their familiars as the same type such as having all three being traditionals while others can have a blend such as one bone clay, one poppet, and one lazarus. Familiars when they are first made, normally are only able to communicate with their spellcaster and other familiars. To the outside world, most people would only hear either ringing bells, pokemon-like speech, animal sounds, or sometimes white noise. Normally, a familiar can be understood what they’re saying after that familiar passes the age of fifty. Familiars that are able to speak with the outside world before the age of fifty are ones created by an insanely strong spellcaster, those normally being familiars with draconic spellcasters or a well renowned magical family background. 

The Six Kinds of Familiars

  Imps: These are the most commonly found familiars out there, especially for staff or wand wielding spellcasters like wizards or sorcerers (though some opt out of imps for personal reasons). They’re highly popular due to their varied ugly cute appearances (think ugly dolls) and the superstition of imps being made from the best part of the spellcasters’ soul (it's not true). Imps are created from access magical build up in staffs or wands that simply spring out into existence. If you see a silhouette on a wooden staff, tag, or cart, chances are that’s the imp’s resting spot. However, if the silhouette is seen in a house, the imp is referred to as a ‘kikimora’ and is often in control of the household (some could say the imp is the entire house). It used to be common about four hundred or so years ago to have one familiar Imp being a kikimora as they were seen as good luck and provided built in home security. However, as times changed, so did that view and less kikimora styled imps were produced since then due to concerns of privacy invasion. Traditionals: The second most common familiars out there, though, causes a lot of literal headaches from the creation process. Essentially, traditionals are created via deep mental concentrations that pop right out of the spellcaster’s mind. They come in a wide range of forms such as a wolf, a coyote, a can of soup, a pet rock, a tree, a cat, you name it that’s a traditional familiar. Traditionals can also adjust how they appear. Such as a crow traditional familiar could look like a regular, realistic crow before becoming a cartoon crow in a blink of an eye (an insanely strong spellcaster’s traditional familiar can take on a human form). It’s very much based on the mood of the traditional themself or even a preference in taste. You can easily see why traditional familiars are highly popular like imps in terms of spellcasters' choices due to the high variety traditionals have to offer. Bone Clays: You’re more likely to see a necromancer with a bone clay familiar than anything else. They’re popular with necromancers due to their components working insanely well with their occult based magic and building up occult energies over time that makes them perfect for necromancy. Bone clay is basically a clay made of ground up bones and earth clay that are then charged with necromantic energy to become a familiar with a hair of the spellcaster mixed in there. When they come into being, bone clay familiars produce a spectral flame to form parts of the body like hair, wings, arms, segments, ect as well as the eyes. Bone clay familiars are on the smaller side of things being about six to eight inches in height (Long ones do exist, though mainly from the spectral flames or interconnecting small pieces). 

Paper Cutters: Paper cutter familiars are more often created by dragons and often reflect this by often having a dragonette appearance (they are also the most likely to be speaking to the outside world before fifty). They are made from carefully cut and folded papers that are strung along with ribbon to hold them together. When completed, the dragon (or that rare spellcaster with a taste for pain) will purposefully cut their finger in the mouth of that familiar, giving it blood and bringing it to life. Dragons love these familiars as they are incredibly attractive with the pattern papers and being the only kind of familiar that developed its own unique magical ability that reflects the maker’s interests. For example, a dragon could have a hoard of books and is an avid reader, the paper cutter made by that dragon would have the magical ability to teleport itself as well as the dragon into the stories to experience it in real life. Lazarus: These are among one of the rarer familiars out there and the second option for necromancers as a familiar. Lazarus familiars are constructed from dead animal remains either as a jointed taxidermy (either anatomical or rogue) or they’re a straight up skeleton before being made into a familiar. They are considered to be among the most riskiest familiar out there to produce (you’re more likely to see an inherited lazarus than a freshly made one) due to them often attracting less than savory entities wanting a body. This is very much the reason necromancy circles often have necromancers submit forms before proceeding with anything, it’s a safety net. If something goes wrong with creating a lazarus styled familiar, there is back up to dispose of the monstrosity before it gets a chance to ‘collect’. If a failed (hijacked) lazarus escapes, chances are that the vessel will begin to rot and often hunt for fresh parts to maintain its body. This is why lazarus familiars are incredibly rare to see and even rarer to see being created in recent times, the risks outweighs the benefits. Poppets: Another rare variety of familiars, poppet styled familiars are something of a showstopper when spotted out in public. They can be made with a lot of things like clay, wax, wood, or fabric. They do, however, have to have a compartment for their heart and stones as well as the ritual to make one has to be done during the full moons. This isn’t why they’re rare though, no, it’s more like a stigma thanks to the haunted doll genre and some just not liking a certain key feature for poppet familiars, ghost limbs. Ghost limbs are basically a manifestation that’s usually invisible (though can become visible if the poppet wanted to) to the naked eye, normally helping a poppet familiar be able to grab and hold things. It’s also what gives them the illusion of blinking or even projecting a mouth for the poppet when speaking, though some tend to opt out of that. They are also the second smallest next to bone clay familiars, though some can be huge depending on who makes them.

[elbiotipo]

I have a worldbuilding question that might be too cultural for your expertise, but any point of view can help.

We have a deep canyon that amplifies every gust of wind to almost instantly lethal speed. There's only one bridge crossing it (that we know of), with twin cities at each side, which started out as both trading posts and settlements for the bridge repair team. As such, they always were heavily technology focused, even more so after legendary First Engineers built domes protecting the cities from the wind.

Question 1: how big of a city can safely rely on vertical gardens?

Question 2: how would you imagine them parting with their dead? For the physical aspect I can see air burials using niches in the canyon walls, making a weather forecaster the most important part of burial rites. But that means disposing of the body in the first windless moment available. There can't be any festivities planned around it. Would they even want to gather together to say their last goodbyes though? Would they throw one last party for their dying beloved? Or gather around the corpse while it's waiting for the burial time? Or do nothing at all, since the person's worth is in their accomplishments, and these won't vanish?

Ohh, this is very interesting! Let me try.

Of course the food question depends on your technology level. From what you've told me, the canyon itself is uninhabitable. My first idea was to make terrace farming on the canyon walls with pumps bringing water from the river at the bottom (if there is one) but the winds would make that hard or impossible. Low tech vertical gardening would involve stacking 'shelves' of plants and pumping water up in a cycle through pipes; for extra protein and food production, the water would be recycled with pools of fish, crustaceans and other edible creatures. This is called aquaponics, and you can extract quite a bit of food from it. The limiting factor here is sunlight.

These structures WOULD be made facing the sun to have the best possible growth. Architects and city planners WOULD priorize sunlight as an advantage, in a way that sunlight will determine land ownership. Perhaps more wacky systems involved mirrors might be possible, especially in an engineering-focused culture. However, I don't see aquaponics being enough to cultivate cereals which are the base of human agriculture, except for perhaps rice, and not in the same amount of having cultivated expanses of land. I see cities like this being a net importer of food, but certainly they would try to produce it too. In fact, these methods of food production might be part of the city identity.

You could also supplement this with raising semi-wild aerial creatures like pigeons, the top of the buildings might be used for that. Palomares in Iberia, and to a lesser extent in Latin America, were once very widespread not because of the food (neither pigeons or their eggs are very tasty AFAIK) but because of pigeon guano used as fertilizer. It's a very smelly, dirty job that is nearly extinct nowadays. You could imagine other kind of fantasy creatures that are fliers and more easy to eat. Another more wild option are insects; rooftop beehives are common in the US lately, but raising insects for food is something often unexplored.

The more high-tech solution is of course to replace the sun with electric lamps. Now, what you need for this is a constant energy source. You have one, of course: Wind. Wind turbines could be geared to produce energy to create indoor automated vertical agriculture. You can see current attempts though to see how expensive and resource consuming this is, so it would have to justify itself against more low-tech attempts and the easiest way of just importing food. And of course, if winds are inconsistent, there will be competition for power between the indoor farms and the rest of the city.

Both systems, of course, imply HEAVY consumption of water and manpower, one to maintain the system itself, the other for the machinery. That would be your limiting factor, where does the water come from, and who are the people who work in these food-production systems? This might be key to your society here.

Now, about funerary rites, there are two things that came to mind when you mentioned this, the sky burials in Tibetan and Caucasian cultures (WARNING: graphic pictures) and the similar "towers of silence" in Zoroastrianism, they have in common the fact that they let the body exposed to the elements to be eaten by carrion birds. Well, actually three. The Chachapoyas in the Andes also did deposit their dead in remote, VERY remote cliff niches (here are some articles about it: 1, 2). We unfortunately don't know their exact burial rites but it is likely they would have face similar challenges to your culture. The wait between wind and windless periods might also be a cultural factor but I see it more as something more "whispered" than formal, like "that man took so long to be buried, it's clear not even the winds liked him". On the other hand, there's always the option of cremation and scattering to the winds, perhaps less interesting than canyon-side niches, but one I can see very appealing in this culture.

I hope this helped! Feel free to ask me anything you like about worlbuilding!

[invisibleraven]

ooh double date, rulie + couple of your choice

Ahhhh it's down to the wire in prompt fills today, but I was determined to get this done as a little present for the gorgeous, lovely, wonderful @bananakarenina on her birthday! Love you sweetie, hope you had a day as amazing as you!

“Flynn just texted me,” Julie said, looking up from her phone.

“Like that doesn’t happen with shocking regularity,” Reggie snaked, causing Julie to stick her tongue out at him.

“She met this girl and wants to know if we would double date to give her the best friend seal of approval.”

"Didn't think she'd ever do dating again after the disaster that was Roxie," Reggie commented. "But I'd be down for judging them worthy."

Julie snorted at that and send the text off to Flynn. "Tomorrow night at Rita's Diner?"

Reggie gave her a thumbs up at that and went back to the 3D puzzle of the Millenium Falcon he had been working on.

The hext night, Julie and Reggie got to the diner first, and decided to grab a booth. "You know anything about this girl?" Reggie asked.

"Nope," Julie said with a pop. "We get to be surprised."

"I hope she's nice for Flynn's sake," Reggie sighed. "She's had a lot of stinkers."

"You mean Mari, or Angelica, or Stevie, or just fine Bex?" Julie listed off. That last one they had to intervene with because it was obvious that Flynn was settling and she deserved better than just fine.

"Or the time she tried dating Kayla?" Reggie replied. "It was just weird and awkward because they were friends for so long first."

"I mean so were we and we made it work," Julie replied.

"Damn straight we did, but we're also amazing," Reggie said, nuzzling their noses together.

"Told you they would be here being disgusting," Flynn joked, causing them to pull apart.

"You weren't wrong," her date snarked, but gave them a kind smile. "You're also adorable, so I'm not going to complain like miss allergic to PDA here."

"You're Carrie Wilson," Julie stammered.

"Holy shit you are!" Reggie said with an inhale. "We're both huge fans."

"Why do my friends know of you?" Flynn asked as she slid into the booth.

"I may be in an odd Hallmark movie or two?" Carrie said with a faint blush and a shrug.

"More like a half dozen plus you were hilarious in that limited series about the star incognito," Julie spoke up. "Did you do your own singing for it?"

"I did!" Carrie beamed. "I'm actually in the process of being signed by Capitol to put out my EP."

"Okay, hold up," Flynn said. "You never told me you were famous. I thought you worked at the TV studio."

"I mean, I do," Carrie stated. "I started there as an intern, got pulled in to do background work, and the rest is history. I still do the odd intern job between gigs, but it's helped me make connections and grow. Are you angry?" Her face turned remorseful then, like it would really upset her if Flynn said yes.

"Are you kidding me?" Flynn exclaimed, "It's super cool! Plus it gives me something else to add to the long list of brags I have about you!"

Carrie blushed and smiled softly as she buried her face in Flynn's shoulder.

"Disgusting," Reggie teased.

"But adorable," Julie echoed.

Soon enough they ordered, with Carrie finding the most vegan friendly item, explaining her dad had raised her not eating animal products and she had no desire to change that. Luckily the diner had a large and delicious section of vegan options, with Reggie suggesting the few he had tried, and Julie telling Carrie that they had great vegan milkshakes here, and their friend Willie was always raving about them.

"So how did you two meet?" Julie asked at they were munching away.

"It's funny actually," Flynn replied, her fingers lacing with Carrie's. "You know that exchange program I did senior year? Well I met Carrie there."

"I was not a nice person back then," Carrie admit. "Major diva, with a chip on my shoulder and thought the world was out to get me. But Flynn saw past that, and we formed a weird friendship."

"We lost track of each other afterwards," Flynn added. "Until the other week when we bumped into each other-quite literally-at the coffee shop."

"That is too cute for words," Julie said.

"Straight out of a rom-com," Reggie interjected.

"What about you two?" Carrie asked.

Julie and Reggie exchanged soft glances, leaning their foreheads in. Explaining how Julie caught Reggie and the rest of his band squatting in her garage after all of them ran away. How her dad fostered them and gave them a home and a family who loved and supported them.

"We formed Julie and the Phantoms after that, became really good friends...but then we both developed feelings," Reggie said with a chuckle. "It was a bit weird, because we were friends and her dad had pretty much adopted me, but we couldn't help how we felt."

Julie went on "So one night, Reggie was hiding out in the studio, and I went to have it out with him since he had been doing this avoidance routine. Only it was pouring, and the power went out, so we were trapped-so we had to talk. Finally confessing and getting together as the lightning lit up the sky."

"Wow, that is adorable," Carrie commented.

"And disgusting," Flynn teased. "We all knew it was coming of course. And if there was any guy I trust my bestie with, well Reggie tops that list."

"Love you too Flynnigan," Reggie stated, teasing but sincere deep down.

The meal passed all too quickly, with the four of them getting to know one another, and lingering over dessert to prolong the evening.

Finally, the knew they had to leave, so after a brief fight over the bill, which Reggie and Carrie agreed to split, they wandered out into the night.

"So?" Flynn whispered as Carrie stood off to the side, ordering their car.

"She's lovely," Julie stated. "And she seems to really like you."

"The feeling is mutual," Flynn assured her.

"I like her," Reggie stated. "I mean, we were already fans, but the real her is a delight. I hope we get to see a lot more of her."

"That's the plan," Flynn confessed, then brought them in for a hug. "Thanks for doing this for me."

"Anytime babe," Julie replied. "Now go enjoy the rest of your night."

"Did I pass?" Carrie joked as the Uber pulled up.

"With flying colours!" Reggie replied.

Carrie did a little happy dance at that, then beckoned Flynn over to get in the car. Julie watched them as they came together, looking natural and sift in each other's presence.

"We used to look like that," she whispered.

"Darlin', we still do," Reggie assured her. "I'm still in love with you just like I was all those years ago-maybe more. Never doubt that."

Julie turned and nuzzled into him. "I never do."

Reggie grinned and spun her out, the two of them dancing in the moonlight to the strains of some distant band, and the sound of LA ringing out around them.

"You wanna go finish this date at home Mrs. Molina?" Reggie asked, tucking Julie into his arms after their dance was over. "I think there's a pint of Chunky Monkey and a bed calling our name."

"With you?" Julie teased. "There's no where else I'd rather be Mr. Molina." She pulled him in for a kiss then, the street lights making their wedding bands shine as they embraced, and then linked hands to head on home.

And laughed when Flynn texted her a picture of the two of them nuzzled together in the booth. "Disgustingly Adorable <3"

Julie couldn't help but agree, and saved the photo to add to her collection-every single one showing the two of them being disgustingly, adorably together and in love-a state she hoped would never change. And given how Reggie looked at her as they got home that evening? She doubted it ever would.

[menlove]

not sure how much traction this will get but! I just got top surgery friday and here's a short list of things I either wish I was told or wish was talked about more that might help some others!

you have to be so so so careful with what meds you take in the month/weeks leading up to surgery. I fucked up and got mine delayed by over a month because my adhd mixed up ibuprofen and tylenol. check the packet they give you a million times and if you're unsure about absolutely anything, ask. but in general: tylenol is the only pain med that's okay to take in the week leading up to surgery. be honest about alcohol/drug use because there's specific instructions for those as well.

a lot of insurances will need you to make sure it's coded as gender affirming surgery rather than plastic surgery or they won't cover as much of it. make sure you ask your insurance if there's anything like that that might screw you over later.

if you have a chronic condition like I do (type 1 diabetes) you and your surgeon might find it best if you stay overnight. if not, you'll likely be sent home day of so make sure you have a responsible adult that can drive you to and from your surgery.

if you are fat, that is totally okay and there's plenty of surgeons that will work with you. however, make sure your surgeon/hospital doesn't have a bmi/weight limit. it's bullshit and completely unfair, but you may have to look elsewhere (I'm lucky and my surgeon was amazing about that). besides, they probably aren't very good at their job if they have that and you'll find better care with another surgeon anyway

speaking of being fat and getting top surgery, ofc it's all personal preference, but I'd really recommend considering leaving some fat on your chest. fat cis men have some fat on their chests and it's easy for it to look concave if your surgeon removes all the fat. discuss some options w your surgeon and look up post op pics of other fat people that have had top surgery to find stuff similar to what you're going for!

they are going to put you on strong pain meds after, probably oxycodone. if you have a history of addiction or a family history, be aware of that and talk to your doctor about other options if you would rather not take it. if you've never taken oxy before, nausea is a super common symptom so you can totally ask your doctor to prescribe you an anti nausea medication to take alongside it. it doesn't always 100% help so I would also recommend making sure you don't take it on an empty stomach.

honestly, for me the pain hasn't reached above a 6. everyone is different ofc but it's a very dull achey sort of pain. the worst parts, according to me and others I've known who've gotten top surgery, are: nausea, itching, fatigue, constipation, the drainage tubes tugging (and if you don't have gauze under them like I do, chafing), and for me I've started to get back pain from having to sleep sitting up

have a ton of pillows on hand because you're going to have to sleep sitting almost the entire way up on your back. it sucks.

have easy to open and grab snacks piled up! even if you have someone around to help you, sometimes you won't have an appetite for a whole meal and it's always nice to still be independent

speaking of constipation, invest in some milk of magnesia or ask for medication to be prescribed to help you with it. the anasthesia and oxy are gonna work together to make you miserable on that front.

drink plenty of water! make it fun w packets if you have to but your body just went through major trauma and you're going to need it

every surgeon/hospital has different instructions. I see a lot of these posts and they'll list certain things as total fact that are completely contradictory to what I've been told and what my boyfriend was told when he got his. this isn't to say either one is correct, but in general take these posts with a grain of salt and go with whatever your surgeon/hospital instructs you to do. especially as far as exercise, arm movement, showering, etc is concerned.

[stefanmikaleson1864]

Every Version Of You

Jay Halstead X Reader 

Requested by anon 

When jays best friend who he always loved even before the rangers gets honorably discharged from the rangers and comes working beside him and mouse at the district he realizes how innocent romantically she is and why she wouldn’t ever be with someone while they were serving because that meant comments being made an he finds out she’s always been in love with him like he has been with her and turns to putty when she looks up At him after a case

A/N: I hope you like this ! I am so sorry that It’s taken a while to write it but I am working through my request. 

If you like my work please comment like and reblog it means a lot to see interactions on my work. 

Jay’s POV. 

Me and and Y/N have been best friends our entire lives. We went to the same school together and we really always kept to the side

.we never really had any other friends so it was always just us. Where one was the other one was as well. We also happened to live on the same block as each other. 

When things got rough at home we always had a spot where we would meet up together.

 A park down a couple blocks from each other. It was pretty run down and gross so no one ever went there which was good for us. 

It was our place and our safe haven. It’s where we could spend hours talking to each other or really say nothing at all.

 All i knew was when ever I was there with her I always felt safe. That everything was going to be okay. 

During one of our long talks there we talked about the future and what we wanted out of life. We both wanted. 

 We wanted to join the army and get out of town and serve a high purpose in life. 

To be able to help people in need to look back and know we made a difference. Not to mention when we left we would have hella benefits to set us up. It would mean we didn’t have to come back here. 

We would be able to start fresh out there and create a new life.

When we finally made it out of high school we graduated and right away we enlisted.

 We went to boot camp about a month later. Y/N was excited but I had more worried about her than myself. 

I know it’s what we wanted but  now that we were there I couldn’t help but feel scared.

 What if something happened to her. The thought of loosing her tore me up inside. I couldn’t loose someone else. 

Boot camp was rough. Both physically and mentally it was the hardest thing I had ever done. Y/n was feeling it to. But there were some good things that came along with it. 

We meant a lot of new people and became friends with them. Were really building our community.

 One person who really stuck with us was this quiet guy named Greg.We gave him the nick name mouse and he hated it but we didn’t care. 

The three of us were a trio and were always together. Mouse was the first person to call me out on my feelings for Y/N. I didn’t even realize it at first. 

That I was in love with her. He just flat out asked me one day because he was going to and I told  him no she was completely off limits. 

I never really thought about it before like that. Being in love with her because there is a different type of feelings that come along with that. 

But once I realized it I felt so different but a good different. 

Our time in the Military had come and gone and I was the first one to leave. My deployment ended first then Mouse.

 After 3 tours we finally decided we were done and hung up our hats. 

Y/N was right behind us after her 4th Y/n decided it was time to hang up the hat as well. When she came home I was able to get her a civilian job with us. She wasn’t ready to go out in the field. 

The trauma of war really did a number on her and she needed to be able to work a more stable position.

 She worked as a investigator for us. She really liked and she was such a huge part of the team. 

Right now we were all gathered around in the pen working on our next case. We had multiple murders out on the west side and we were worried about more violence coming out. 

We had exhausted all of our options and were left with really nothing. Expect one choice which was Mouse.

 He was selling bootleg cd’s and stolen goods. He also had a hard time adjusting and couldn’t hold down a proper job. 

“Come on we need something before there is more bloodshed out there” Hank said in a upset voice” 

“I think I may have something” I said sitting up 

Everyone looked at me with a confused look on their face. 

“Mouse he lived there his whole life I know him he knows something” I said 

“I don’t know if he would be the best help in his situation” Y/N said with a worried look on her face. 

“Why what happened” Kim asked. 

“He just had a hard time after we came home he never really adjusted” Y/N said. 

“I Know but I think he can handle this” I said

“Look if he’s un hinge it could do more damage than good” Kevin said 

“Look i trust him and I’ll watch out for him what ever happens is on me But I do think this is our best choice” I said 

“Let’s do it” Voight said 

Y/N looked at me a concerned voice so i reached over and gave it a comforting squeeze. 

I didn’t bother to tell him I was showing up because I know him and he would have ran off. I went alone incase he got scared and ran off. 

I made my way to him and like usual he wasn’t really even hiding what he was doing out that giant white van. I made my way over and banged on the back of the van. 

“Hey Mouse open up” I yelled. 

Slowly the door opened up and Mouse stuck his head and peaked around the door.. He looked scared like he was caught which I mean he was technically. 

“Hey Uh Jay what are you doing here” He asked in a worried voice. 

“Relax man I need a favor with something” I said laughing. 

‘Don’t say that out loud man what the hell is wrong with you” Mouse said. 

He grabbed my arm and drug me into the back of his van which is very alarming to most people. 

We got in and it was nothing but stolen goods and food wrappers. And my god that weed smel was horrible. 

We sat down in the two empty seats that was barely there. Mouse had to throw stuff around just for us to be able to sleep. 

“So man hey what’s going on” Mouse asked bouncing around. 

“Look man you gotta chill out you good” I asked placing my hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah Man I’m good what’s up” He said. 

“I need your help with a case I know you know about these murders happening” I said 

“Yeah But what’s that got to do with me” Mouse asked. 

“Look I need to see if you can figure anything out I know you know everyone here okay you can figure something out” I said 

“Yeah but If people figure out I’m helping you I can’t risk my business man” Mouse said.

“Man forget your business we got dead body okay innocent people are dying” I said. 

“Okay alright I guess I can think about it” Mouse said 

“Shut the hell up and let’s go and behave when we get there Y/N is already worried about you working this and I don’t want to worry her more or prove her right” I said. 

“Yeah yeah Y/N i heard she was working with you how is she doing if you know what I mean” Mouse said 

I looked at him with a confused and even a slightly annoyed face because he already knew what the situation was he was just instigating the issue.

“Y/n is fine and we work together and we are friends that’s it for that situation” I said 

“You know what I mean” Mouse said shoving his elbow in my arm and laughing. 

“Let’s go now” I said annoyed at him already. 

I got out of the van and headed back into my own car. Mouse was following right behind me and we left headed for the district. 

He was non stop talking the whole way and I tried my best to act like I was paying attention. 

The only thing i was thinking was Y/n probably was going to be right that he wasn’t ready for something like this and I was pushing it. 

If he blew up and this case blew up it means we loose our only chance to get a killer of the street and it means I loose my word that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. 

The car ride back felt long but I knew it wasn’t and I was nervous about him meeting the team and seeing Y/N again. I didn’t want him to blurt out some dumb stuff. 

When we got there we made our way in and I read him the riot act and pleaded with him to act like he had some kind of commonsense. 

“Hey man I got this stop worrying when have I ever done something dumb” Mouse said 

“We don’t have the time to run through that list” I said getting more mad. 

We made our way back into the bullpen and everyone was sitting at their desk looking at their computer. 

When we walked in they stopped what they were doing and looked up at us.  Y/N looked happy to see him but also had worry all over her eyes. It was subtle but I knew her for so long that I could read her. 

“Y/N my girl I missed you how you been baby” Mouse said loudly. 

“I’m good I missed you too” Y/N said smiling and walked over and hugged him. 

“ Hey everyone It’s nice to meet you all I promise to be on my best behavior” Mouse said 

Voight walked out and walked over to where Mouse was. 

“Listen I appreciate the help but if you fuck this up for us” Voight said 

“No sir I am here to help in anyway I can” Mouse said.

I think it was the first time he actually stiffened up and seemed kind of nervous. 

“Good so let’s get started then we don’t want to waste any time” Voight said. 

“We got 4 dead on our hand we think we have a prime suspect John Roberts he hussles out the west side but we can’t prove anything” Y/N said 

“What makes you think him” Mouse asked 

“All 4 people who were killed their phones pinged out his night club , we know he is a known seller and has a violent streak” Y/N said 

“So we need you to make a bid to be a seller for him and get him talking on a wire” Voight said. 

“Um yeah I know this guy he’s dangerous and ruthless he’s just not going to open up to me” Mouse said. 

“Look we know you got a rep in that area okay so you asking for this isn’t going to raise red flags” Jay said 

“Fine but no way am I going alone” Mouse said 

“Me and Jay can go were pose as customers in the club you know we got you” Y/N said 

“Y/N you haven’t been out in the field.” I said worried about her

“I’ll be fine don’t worry about me i can handle myself” Y/N said a little defensive. 

“Listen she says she’s fine I trust her it sounds like a good plan get it done” Voight said. 

I didn’t say anything and we all went back to our desk to get everything ready for tonight. After a couple of hours we were putting the final touches on the plan. 

Y/N went home and changed into something a little more appropriate for a club so no red flags would get raised. 

I was currently helping to bug mouse and I could tell he was nervous but he wouldn’t say anything. 

“Listen your good me and Y/N we got you like we always have before” I told him. 

“Yeah yeah your right” Mouse said. 

We finished up and headed out. Y/N was meeting us there. The car ride over was silent and we both had jitters. 

When we arrived there Y/N was sitting outside and she had on this purple sparkly dress. She was all dressed up. She really looked beautiful. 

I gave Mouse a squeeze on the shoulder and we headed out. 

“Hey come on it’s going to be okay” I said 

Mouse nodded and we walked over to Y/n.She looked up at us and smiled. 

“You go in and were head in a little bit after so we don’t look like were together you got this Greg It’s going to be okay” Y/N said 

“Yeah Thanks” Mouse said. 

He went and in we stayed behind and I looked over at Y/N and I could tell she was nervous to. 

“Hey there is no shame about being nervous It’s been a while sense you been out in the field but you got this I got you” I said 

“I know I’m okay I’m good really Let’s go inside i’m freezing” she said looking up at me and smiling. 

We walked in and grabbed a drink from the bar and headed to a table we where we could see mouse without being to noticed. 

“So how’s things been with you” Y/N asked 

“What do you mean” I asked

“I mean you haven’t been dating anyone sense Erin and we haven’t been able to talk in a while what’s going on” She asked. 

“Not much haven’t been in the mood to date sense she left” I said 

“Come on handsome guy like you it’s impossible to stay single for long” She said smiling. 

“I think I have someone in my mind but it would never go anywhere so i’m working on getting past that” I said honestly 

“Who do I know her” She asked 

“Uh yeah but don’t worry about it” I said 

“Okay fine sure be secretive or what ever” Y/n said taking a drink. 

“How we looking up there” I asked the team out there. 

‘Good mouse is being talkative but John has no clue were on to him. This might actually work” Kevin said. 

“It’s Mouse he always has a way with words” I said laughing. 

“Hey at least he talks to people” Y/N said 

“Damn Jay what did you do to her” Adam asked 

The conversation fell flat after that and I felt bad because I didn’t want to think I was pushing her out. 

Mouse was up there a while and he was doing okay so hopefully it was a sign we got everything we needed. 

After a little bit he headed down and we watched him leave. We again waited a few minutes before we also left. 

When we went outside Mouse was sitting in the back seat of the car and we walked over and got in. 

“Hey how did it go” I asked 

“Good I am now a seller a little bit see how it goes but we got our way in” Mouse said 

“OMG I told you that you could do this , we got a way in” Y/N said 

“Thanks Now let’s get the hell out of here” Mouse said 

“Alright let’s call it a night and we all meet in the morning” Voight said.

Mouse was a little quiet and I could tell he was nervous about this. But I knew it was all going to be worth it once we catched this son of a bitch. 

We drove off and I dropped Mouse off at his apartment. Me and Y/n left and it was quiet in the car after. 

I drove to her place and I parked the car and we both just sat there for a second before sitting in silence. 

She didn’t get out right away and I didn’t know what was wrong but I decided to break the silence. 

“Hey I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to ice you out or anything” I said 

She looked over at me and smiled. 

“It’s okay I just wanted to make sure everything was okay” She said. 

“Listen I need to be honest because if I can’t be honest with you then nothing else matters” I said. 

I could feel the anxiety building up inside of me and I needed to say it to her. Don’t ask me why now seemed like a good time.

 I guess after icing her out earlier maybe I thought I should tell her. 

“Hey so this girl I like I need to get over and move on from it’s you. I love you Y/n I have for a while and I haven’t been able to say because I know you feel about dating and being deployed so i didn’t say anything” I said.

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship or change anything and I was scared” I said

“I uh” she said 

I could feel the anxiety bubbling up inside of me and I was worried that I just ruined my only good thing I had going on. 

She grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze and she looked over and smiled at me. 

“I love you I really do and not just in a friendship type of way like romantic. But i’m scared because you are the only good thing I have but I have a lot going on mentally and I need time you know” She said 

“I want to keep working on being the most best version of myself but I do want this so if we could work slow and build up” Y/N said. 

I squeezed her hand back and looked over at her and smiled. I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. 

“I love every version of you but I want you to be the best version you can possibly be and I will be here for you on the other side when ever your ready I am here so take as long as you need” I said 

“ I love you Jay Halstead and I can’t Imagine what I would do without you” She said 

“Well you never have to know” I said. 

“How about you come up and we watch the hockey game and beers” Y/N said 

“I would live that let’s go” I said. 

We got up and headed in. We watched the game and laid out on the couch together and nights like these are worth everything.

[mushroomwillow]

Is it a fucking sign that

1. I was offered an at home job, signed the offer letter QUIT MY JOB FOR THIS JOB

2. GOT AN EMAIL FIVE (5) DAYS BEFORE THE START DATE THAT THEY CANCELED THE WHOLE FUCKING THING

like. Wtf do I do now? My bills are only mostly covered for the next month. We’re going to have to apply for snap. Stop by food banks. Which isn’t a problem, but also at the same time, bills are not something I can just fucking… not pay.

I keep getting told to:

do Postmates/food delivery. I have horrendous anxiety when driving. I’m sorry it’s nearly impossible for me to go to more than one place at a time especially if it’s somewhere I’ve never been before.

Donate blood/plasma. I have a friend who will go with me once she’s not sick anymore, sweet and awesome, but I’m anemic and idk if they’d allow that? Also the whole, I’m on a lot of meds thing.

Sell my art: how. It’s expensive to start. Even the “cheap” ways. I just /dont/ have extra money. Uploading to places doesn’t make enough to pay the bills I have. They take too much of a cut. And it fucking sucks.

—I’m not at a lack of ideas, I have people that want stuff I’ve made in a variety of mediums. I have templates, I have the art, a way to upload, but social media? Barely anything. A way to print myself? I have: a small stack of sticker paper, a printer I can borrow, and scissors. That’s it. I can’t afford to buy more.

— I do have someone who can do my taxes. That’s a big plus I will say that

—-I’ve been looking at a ton of places to get things printed for cheap yes, and I’ve found a few I’m looking into. iprintfromhome.com seems like a good option and they’ve got a really cool option to see their paper, quality, and a thing to check your work from digital to the print on those papers.

— starting a website I have been researching, it’s confusing and again dk many people and I have next to no social media presence

— suddenly yeah I have a ton of time but also: I have a lot of bills to pay. I’m a parent, I mutually own a house, I have a car, and I’m paying off a credit card. Shits expensive. There’s a lot of things I don’t have that I would need to start. There’s no guarantees for any of selling things I’ve made

Applying for places like crazy. I have been. I swear it’s non stop and takes up way too much of my day. Remote, in person, different shifts, different pay. Applying for things I’m “over qualified for” and “under qualified for “.

I’m chronically ill. I can’t do a lot of physical things. Im extremely limited. Something at home, my own pace but also on a schedule (thanks adhd!), but that pays enough to cover like, at least $1500 in bills a month. That would be ideal.

Idk it’s confusing wtf where do I go??

[castleofcuntdracula]

Renfield and killing

So, I think I can offer a kinda unique perspective on this one. Discussions of killing/death (human and animal) & desensitisation to that below the cut.

For context, I've done work that involves the killing of animals, and while it's probably not quite the same as killing people, there's a sort of... character arc that I've seen other people describe as well.

The first time you are deliberately, professionally, responsible for a death, it's awful. You reassess the entirety of your moral code. No matter how confident you were going into it, how much it was justified beforehand, it's a shock. Nightmares are common. You likely can't find understanding with people who haven't done it. A lot of people discover that they can't be at peace with it, and have to leave whatever line of work required it. But if you can be at peace with it (for a limited definition of peace) you'll probably have to do it again.

You create a sort of separation, in a similar way that first responders do: you look an existential horror in the eye every day and then just get on with business. You become a person who can take a life and then go get a caramel latte like it's normal. Not because your actual moral understanding of the situation changes, but because the options are that or being consumed by it. You have to maintain normality in the rest of your life. It's a job like any other. I have done work that weighs more heavily on my conscious, and I did that entirely on computers, in an office that had "take your dog to work" days and a carpet that looked like fake grass.

Some people develop little rituals that lighten the weight. Thank the cattle before they're stunned and slaughtered. Pray over the bodies of the lab rats. And you are at once radically changed and radically unchanged by the act. You become a person who has killed, and then you become a person who understands that to be not that different from the person you were beforehand. There are situations where there are no effective options besides the killing of an animal. Or where the only option is taking a life, instead of losing yours.

Renfield is in a fun situation where It's both.

Humans are simply prey to Dracula, and while it's probably never made explicitly clear as a threat, it is abundantly clear from the first time he sees his strength that Dracula could kill him with so little effort as to be negligible. I genuinely don't think the guilt would consume him, especially while he was still in the thick of it. It would probably be a similar experience to hunting or slaughtering animals for meat- there's a clear purpose. Death that begets life, and what a wonderful form of life, when it has its claws in your mind and blood in your veins. It would be incredibly easy to justify.

I think he always feels it on some level, though. At first in a religious sense and then in a more personal one, he considers it to be a stain on his soul. Friends of mine have told me it seems like it would be easier to slaughter an animal that's unfamiliar to you, and while that would mean you're less attached, it also means you have less control. When you take an animal through to the end of its life for meat production or research, you can give it the best life resource allows before the inevitable. You can prevent its distress by ensuring that the day it dies is as close to any other day as possible, and as comfortable it can be made up until the very last moments of life.

Renfield can't do that.

His victims are strangers. Likely, strangers he can persuade, and therefore quite probably in bad places to begin with- if you're out and about having a happy, healthy, life, you're probably not in a situation where you're easy to anesthetise and drag back to a spooky vampire lair. Dracula draining your blood could very well be the worst moment of an already-terrible existence.

I think that would be the hardest part for him. Bringing people not only to death but to a painful one. The death has to happen. The suffering does not. That might be part of why he uses chloroform- you're not gonna feel it if you're thoroughly anesthetised. It can't hurt under those circumstances and that might be the best he can do. It might be the only thing he's allowed to do, the only form of empathy he's permitted.

I wonder how he'd cope, what the strategies he'd grown up with would be. Does he pray, for their immortal souls? Keep records?

Did he even know all of their names?