#one is actually a diagnosed narcissist and I bet the other is too

[rosereign]

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[myssparklesbookrants]

FICTIONAL CHARACTERS I WISH WERE TRUE SO THAT I COULD DATE THEM or stare at them from afar

HIWow! It was hard choosing a first topic to talk about. I felt like I needed to talk about something big and glamorous to blow the brains out of… of someone. But alas, this is my best, for now..

So, I chose the first one that I had listed on the top of my head ever since I first started reading.

<ta da!>

BOOK BOYFRIENDS!

This is a list of MEN or BOYS who tickle the romantic bone just right! (I had dreamed that there was such an organ in the human body, just near the stomach)

I selected these FICTIONAL BOYFRIENDS as potential members of my harem If I ever defy normal Filipino conceptions of marriage and take up polyandry.

The criteria I used is simple.

  Choose the fictional partners that I can imagine existing in real life  (not too much of an alpha and rich or good looking that borders on unbelievable). The type of characters that I can imagine talking to, who I find fascinating and can be a potential long-time partner, casual hook up or best friend.

 I originally wanted to stick to 10. But as I wrote, a lot of names popped up and I can’t not put them in the list but still, I am sure after I have this article published (Char! Haha) there will be a lot of “Shoot! Why did I not put him on the list???” exclamations. So, maybe I will eventually make another continuation list???

This list is based on the BOOKS I READ so if  you have a bet that I didn’t list, please don’t hesitate to give a recom. A new book to swoon over is always welcome.

 Most Importantly: READ THE BOOKS WHERE THESE AMAZING CHARACTERS CAME FROM. I liked them because of their wit, their personality, how they interacted with other people, their dreams and how their love for their other half made them better people or vice versa. MEANING: THE BOOK WAS WICKED AWESOME AND THE AUTHOR WAS A GOOD STORYTELLER.

(I must apologize for the lack of female to female romantic partner mentions given my current lack of FF Romance reads, which is something I will rectify soon. But if you have recommendations, feel free to comment below and maybe add some MM ones too!)

Anyway, meet…

1. Clayton Danvers and Lucas Cortez

Kelley Armstrong’s  Women of the Underworld Series

Genre: Horror fiction, Paranormal romance, Urban fantasy 

This series is adapted on screen called ‘Bitten’ which is available on Netflix.

Clayton Danvers is the strong, silent, and smart type. He is a professor in a university where he met Elena(his student) and a werewolf! His devotion to Elena was sweet, passionate and faithful to the point that bordered on obsessive but not off putting. The best thing about him was how un-Alpha he was. Although he was strong , his relationship with Elena was a partnership.

This is what romance needs today guys! A PARTNER not a rich and condescending daddy!

Lucas Cortez, on the other hand, is a lawyer/sorcerer, young master of a Cabal Group, who informally separates from his family's company to pursue a life as a lawyer protecting the rights of other magical beings against abusive Cabals(including his family's). Unlike Clayton, he was slender with brown eyes behind glasses. So basically, a cute, smart nerd who is the 'good' black sheep of the family.

(they are in separate books with different female romantic partners)

2. Quinn Sullivan

Penny Reid’s Neanderthal Meets Human

Genre: Contemporary Romance

Quin…*sighs*... So awesome! He was quiet, mysterious,unsmiling, rich and had an almost perfect handsome face. I love that the author imagined small flaws like almost unnoticeable  crooked bottom front teeth and differing sizes of his ears with one prominent feature -his hawk-like stare. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, he took Janie's quirkiness in stride. Asking questions, debating, protecting, annoying, kissing…. You know the drill..😉

3. Beau Winston

Penny Reid’s Beard in Mind

Genre: Contemporary Romance

On first read, Beau was a good looking, charming good boy who is looking for his path after his twin, Duane left to pursue his own.

What I loved about him was how he dealt with Shelley's(Quinn's Sister) clinically diagnosed mental illness(OCD). He researched about it and made efforts to make it easier for her and was just overall supportive. 

It was awesome how much the author has put an effort in researching OCD facts to make details perfectly accurate and how it was NOT at all a hastily placed plot device to get the story going. 

4.Ted Beaudine

Susan Elizabeth Phillips’ Call Me Irresistible

Genre: Contemporary Romance

Hello to my favorite romance book of all time!

 I think I have read this many times already and have to put off re-reading it again for next year(2021)  to give my brain some time to forget some of the plot. We need to keep the mystery going! amiright??

Anyway, Ted was the perfect genius, good boy and people pleasing guy. He is perfectly polite, straight laced  and has basically carried the whole town in his muscled shoulders for years. (Did I tell you he was the Mayor?) 

Meg's carefree life and struggles basically tickled his good boy bone the wrong way.

Read this novel to witness how a perfect boy and wastrel girl turned out in the end. Seriously Please Read!

5.  Patrick Jason 'Pick' Ryan

Linda Kage' Be My Hero

Genre: Contemporary Romance

  He was the tattoed, orphan softie on the wrong side of town who thankfully did not grow up a thug because of a vision he got when he was young from a moled witch.

One day, his tinkerbell, the star of his visions, enters the bar he works at, but PREGNANT!

Gosh! I loved this so much. This was part of the Forbidden Men Series but can read as a stand alone. Although, I advise you to read the other books also, they were all awesome!

6. Colin Bridgerton

 Julia Quin’s Bridgerton Series

Genre: Historical Fiction/ Romance

Charming, green eyed and younger son, Colin was considered a catch of the ton.

He had a case of wanderlust and couldn't stay at one place without getting an itch. I can't say more without giving a major spoiler, but I loved that the author made him major insecurities.

Because secretly,too perfect is boring, right??

7. Sean Cassidy

Penny Reid and L.H Cosway's  The Player and the Pixie

Genre: Contemporary Romance

Wewowewowewo. *sexy flames* 

Imagine a gorgeous jerk of a jock with sexual inexperience and a rainbow haired goody goody shoes girl (whose brother is his ultimate enemy) who is willing to be the TEACHER!

But it was more than that, I liked how the authors highlighted the perils of kleptomania, the privilege of the rich and how gorgeous jerks are set straight by their women who would not suffer in a relationship with a class A insensitive jerk just because he was good looking and rich.

This was a ride! I lost count how many times I re-read this book.

8. Elend Venture

Branson Sanderson’s Mistborn Trilogy

Genre: High Fantasy

Elend was the angsty boy part of the elite class who is disgusted by his privilege and looks for ways to make the government better by reading outlawed books that spark rebellious and forward ideas. In short, he was a closet revolutionary.

Throughout the series there were some major changes in his life from a closet reader to a person who pursues ideas he just once read in books?

How do they say it? Walk the talk or in his case, Walk the read? (talking about it would mean death)

9.Archer Devereux

April White’s The Immortal Descendants Series

Genre: Time Travel Romance/ Historical Fantasy

Dumdumdumdum. Imagine a conservative college boy from the past your future self time traveled in, spends time with you, helps you in your quest, likes you secretly and is shy about it and becomes a vampire stuck in immortality waiting to meet the 'present' you.

Talk about love lasting through time! This was a great book if you love time travel stories with historically accurate and interesting facts injected heavily into the story! 

10. Rupert Carsington

Loretta Chase’ Mr. Impossible

Genre: Historical Fiction/Romance

A hellion younger son of an earl who loves an adventurous carefree life who is without inhibition, just goes along the ride and has a set of surprisingly caring and dependable muscled shoulders.

Meets a beautiful tempered scholar who needs his help finding his kidnapped brother in the sands of Egypt.

This is perfect for those who love adventure romances, and topics on the papyrus, mummies and the french and British looting conflict in the African colonies.

11. Sebastian Ballister

Loretta Chase’ Lord of Scoundrels

Genre: Historical Fiction/Romance

My favorite Historical Romance book ever!! Like Ted Beaudine's book, I try to read this at least once or twice a year to forget some of the plot and keep the mystery going.

He was called the Marquess of Dain and has been raising hell since childhood and in the present day France where he meets the blue stocking Jessica. The author throughout the book continually refers to them as the Beauty and the Beast.

What makes this book SPECIAL is how intelligent, witty and funny most of their conversations were. It's funny how many books are under many sexy, funny and witty lists on goodreads but only some of those on the list are actually true! THIS BOOK IS ONE OF THEM!

Jess was not annoying or shy or too much of a fighter and Dain was not too obnoxious. It was perfect.

And if you have not read this book or others from this author or genre, I command you to start reading after you finish this article.Break some cherries!

12.  Hardy Cates

Liza Kleypas’ Blue Eyed Devil

Genre: Contemporary Romance

A blue neck Town boy chasing dreams outside of town to leave the shithole of a living. He has white knight complexes but leaves the damsel in distress after the case is solved. Also, muscular and has the blunt and bluest  eyes on Texas 

This book I have also reread many times because it talks about dealing with domestic abuse and moving on after an abusive relationship, dealing with people who have narcissistic disorder and the life of the privileged.

13. Connor ‘Mad’ Rogan

Illona Andrews’ Hidden Legacy Series

Genre: Paranormal Romance (PNR)

Wootwootwoot. Imagine a former military but now head of the House 'Mad' Rogan successfully publicly kidnapping you in broad daylight using only wads of cloth. Talk about a powerful telekinetic! 

I loved that he was once again, A partner in the relationship and not an overprotective ape despite him being awfully more powerful than Nevada.

14.Phil Tucker

Jennifer Crusie Welcome to Temptation

Genre: Contemporary Romance

This is written by an author whose ALL BOOKS WRITTEN i have read and loved.

 Phil is part of a long line of male Mayors in the family and meets almost fugitive-like Sophie. 

Read as they deal with each other, try to take down a production of town porn video, deal with an enemy, try to dirty Phil down to win the next election and spend time reading a romance classic.

15.  Ansel Guillaume

Christina Lauren’s Sweet Filthy Boy

Genre: Contemporary Romance

Known for the many explicit sexy times that can be read throughout the book. So, if you want to stay green in the ears, skip this one till you're legal.

Ansel is a sweet, full of life French Lawyer celebrating with friends in LA and Mia with her friends also, celebrating their newly graduated from college selves.

Ansel is soft, a daydreamer, magnificent bringer of orgasms and game with all things Mia is willing to do.

They married through Elvis and decided to not divorce yet to explore the beautiful France and a  possibility of a good relationship.

AND DONE!

I actually have a lot more but these are for now.

CONSIDER THIS LIST AS A BOOK RECOMMENDATION FOR AWESOME ROMANCES WITH WELL WRITTEN AND SWOON WORTHY CHARACTERS 

Topic for my next blog entry:

How to Find the Next Good Book to Read:

A Guide to Good Sources of Book Recommendations

[warmbeebosoftbeebo]

I just began listening to Kala’s podcast from last week. It was q+a style and Z*ck was asking her the questions. The topic turned to social media and how toxic it can be. Z*ck said he’s no longer on social media and that there is a “smaller group of people who are overly negative and overly hateful.” Kala chimed in and said how social media used to be a fun outlet for her but now has become a “weird, hateful place” that makes her mad. (timestamp @ 11:22 / Founders Q+A / Nov. 23) Well did they think social media was going to be rainbows and butterflies after 20+ women accused him of sexual harassment?! Do you think this is there way of giving the middle finger to all of the drama surrounding the accusations? That’s what I perceived it as just by the tone of their voices. Also, at the beginning of the podcast Zack said he was hanging out with Panic’s manager and helping him with a project for a friend. So he is spending time with the rest of the panic team. We know he’s still friends w/B. It infuriates me how someone could be accused and proven in some cases of sexual harassment and not have any consequences. Yes he won’t be around fans anymore but did he even learn a lesson if B and the people around him treat him like nothing happened.

(this is rather jumbled, but i wanted to respond before spring rolled around)

i listened to it and the other ones with zack (unless there’s one with him from the last couple weeks, in which case i missed that one). is there a masterlist of what was said about zack? there’s been several accusations, but i don’t think it’s been anywhere close to 20 women for sexual harassment, and there was only one accusing him of anything physical/sexual assault (which gives me pause, because it’s the only one, and anonymous, whereas there’s patterns, corroboration, etc with the non-physical ones. i will say it says something that breezy found the sexual assault of the 13 year old plausible. that’s how awful she found him. that’s how awful her experiences with him were. him doing that was in line with her experiences with him. maybe they reflect “jokes” he made, for example.)

i can understand kala being upset; i honestly feel bad for her. especially considering how some people commented on her and her dog’s instagram going on about what trash zack was, that she should leave him, etc. but it’s kind of ironic for her to be talking about trauma, sexual assault, etc on her podcast but... she didn’t seem.. prepared or equipped to deal with this. i do like what she said about cancel culture, but it does leave me wondering what she’s read/seen. (obviously fandom twitter in particular is a dumpster fire but the whole fire zack hall thing started off mostly serious, honest, a lot less anonymous, little rumour mongering, etc and therefore, a lot more credible than what followed.)

it is of course a lot harder when it’s a man you love who’s accused of certain things and definitely did other things that are sexually harassive, unethical, misogynist, and/or pornographic. most find it easy to say “death to rapists” “believe victims” and whatnot until it hits close to home (husband, lover, brother, father...). especially when (and i’ve said this before) the man isn’t a monster (breezy and dallon probably disagree). 

i don’t think he is. this isn’t a marilyn manson, harvey weinstein, r kelly, etc situation. (there’s no “fixing” those men, they won’t change, and i’m prepared to call those men and their ilk sadistic, psychopathic, narcissistic, punishing, etc and irredeemable. won’t be upset to hear that they died. i’d even say if a victim killed them, they should damn well get a fucking medal and a parade.) 

this isn’t about the extremes of male sexual behavior and ethics, it’s about the normal. pretty much everything (except zack fetishizing people with amputated limbs that breezy alleged), barring touching the 13 year old, alleged and proven is completely within the realm of normal male behaviour. (and even men assaulting adolescent girls is a lot more common and normal than we think. even then, these are mostly normal guys, not diagnosable as psychopathic or “pedophilic.”) if he’s a monster, frankly so are most men (and some women). 

that includes those outraged posters with uncles, dads, brothers, boyfriends...you probably love men and teen boys who have done the same kind of things. they likely even have women who are so hurt and disturbed by their actions they are where breezy was on him. i wonder what she’s read. has she read them all? has she read at least the named (breezy, ian, ian’s ex ren, dallon) and sourced allegations (links to his twitter)? 

i wish things (behind the scenes/with panic, with b, with breezy, ian, dallon...) would come out, even if on the level of it being handled “in house”. it honestly being recognized, investigated, and handled. obviously, it done privately, we won’t know, but there’s obviously a lot that’s not been done. breezy isn’t making shit up for “outrage points” or “victim points” or whatever. there’s good reasons she thinks as she does about him. and i bet she’s angry and bewildered that brendon doesn’t see it, or why the fact that it is within the realm of normal male behavior provides cover for it. 

the more common something is, the harder it is to see as wrong (harassment, misogyny, demeaning, etc). the more it is actually aligned with mainstream culture, masculinity and male sexuality, the more difficult it is to see the problem. because if one sees the problem, one sees most of male culture/sexuality/bonding/etc as a problem, most men as a problem. it involves looking at himself, his other friends, his male family members... too. looking at jokes he laughed at, jokes he cracked. what he and other men watch as humour, as porn. and so on.

[hvnriks-archive]

🍎, 🍒, 🍐, 🍇, 🍊 — all/you pick

it’s a long boi so under the cut

🍎  :    how stable is my muse’s mental health?  have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and  /  or conditions?  do they or should they attend therapy?  

can we get an f in the chat for wendy ? your girl is struggling. i would bet a solid chunk of cash that she suffers obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, and for sure has anxiety problems. without even realizing it she’s running herself thin and she’s probably going to hit a breaking point soon if i’m being honest. she’s unhealthily concerned about how she’s perceived. but mental health is never something she’s really thought about, at least in respect to herself, and would no doubt just be another flaw for her to pick at ( regardless of the fact it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and certainly not something she would ever shame anybody else for ) that’s a big yes on therapy, girl get some help

narcissistic personality disorder ? i jest, i jest. vidia does have traits of it, though, that i think would probably be good to address in therapy — lack of empathy for others, an excessive need to have her own importance acknowledged. just not enough to say she actually suffers from it. her main enemy is actually her own desire for self improvement; she wants to be the best and nothing is going to stand in her way, so of course what would be the fallout from not being the best ? i think vidia needs help learning that sometimes it’s okay to just ... chill, and that everyone has intrinsic value regardless of what they are perceived to achieve. someone to sooth her deep hidden insecurities and just be like yes, you are enough, simply through existing. but like, you really think vidia is voluntarily going to therapy ?

🍒  :    how much does my muse value companionship?  do they constantly keep people around them,  or do they prefer to be alone often?  do they have or desire to have many friends?  do they see every meeting as an opportunity to make a new friend?  

erik is very much one of those i want to be surrounded by people at all times folk. you would think it would be the opposite, given he spent so much of his life literally trapped on a tiny vessel at sea away from people, but that’s actually exactly what contributes to it. it’s not like he could escape his parents, so he’s kind of just gotten used to people in close quarters with him 24/7. and he’s just a friendly guy at the end of the day — he likes making friends, he likes spending time with them, he’s the life of the party. around campus he’s probably that guy that even if you don’t know him well, you do know of him

🍐  :    how intelligent is my muse overall?  are they smarter than the average person,  or less than?  are they primarily self-taught,  or did they acquire most of their knowledge in school?  are they more street smart or book smart?  

i would call belle ... definitely smarter than the average person, probably one of the most intelligent people at the school, even. not only is she just naturally clever, but she has an almost unquenchable thirst for knowledge and love of learning that drives her to further and further heights. her early learning was primarily self taught, as she took a lot of what she learned in school and then spent her free time researching it, but now she’s a top achieving scholarship student at sherwood on a full ride so her learning is primarily rooted in her classes. obviously very book smart, but her street smarts aren’t too shabby either — it’s not like she grew up with a wealth of money or resources. when you’re poor you get creative

🍇  :    how would my muse describe their childhood?  how much has it impacted the person they are now,  or will become as an adult?  around what age did they or will they start to mature,  and why?  do they wish to go back to their days as a child,  or have they embraced adulthood?  

henrik spent a lot of his childhood basically chasing the expectations of his father, not that he ever met them. he has the misfortune to be born kind of a scrawny clumsy kid, with more of an interest in fiddling with new inventions than anything deemed “ practical ” and that resulted in him getting a reputation around town as kind of the disappointment child. ( not hard when your town consists of like a dozen families max ) he knows his father loves him, but that look of kind of begrudging disappointment in his dad’s eyes every time something new went wrong is seared into henriks brain. he carries it with him into adulthood, a lack of confidence and shy awkwardness born of never being taken seriously ( but also a ruthless and sometimes self sabotaging need to prove himself )

🍊  :    does my muse desire romance?  is it something they would actively seek out,  or prefer to happen more  ‘  naturally?  ’  what is their love life like?  do they have any exes or past flings,  or crushes?  

belle is a secret hopeless romantic and a slave to romance novels, and she would never ever ever dare admit that out loud. her actual love life is virtually non existent, but a girl can dream. she would never seek anything out but i think she’s lowkey hoping it’ll happen naturally  — yknow, her mr. darcy is just going to stumble out of the woods one day and find every way that she’s sarcastic and uncaring somehow attractive. because that’s totally reasonable 

henrik is also a hopeless romantic because of course he is  — he’s just craving validation in general, lets be real. but the idea that someone could love him unconditionally just for being him ? mind blowing. sounds great. he’s kind of held a torch for his childhood crush astrid basically forever, but as he gets older that’s starting to fade and i think he’s realizing that maybe he was never actually into her like that ? like, he was more pining after the idea of her than an actual person, getting hero worship all tangled up in romantic feelings. his actual romantic prospects are slim to none because the fucker is awkward as hell and can barely even stumble his way through small talk, let alone actually believe someone would be into him, but the hope is alive okay

[cummunication]

Are you Dating a Sociopath?

1 in 25. Research indicates that’s how many people are diagnosable sociopaths. When it comes to psychopaths, (luckily) the number is higher… 1 in 100. But let’s not get them confused. “Sociopaths are often called psychopaths and vice versa but there are differences between a psychopath and a sociopath. … And while sociopaths and psychopaths do share some traits, sociopathy (antisocial personality disorder) is generally considered less severe than psychopathy.” For example, a sociopath might be someone who takes advantage of others for money, fame, sex etc. while a psychopath is more likely to be a serial killer and commit mass murders. You can go your entire life without anyone knowing you’re a sociopath while psychopaths are the people more likely to commit severe crimes and end up in jail.

Antisocial personality disorder is the diagnosis in which sociopathy and psychopathy fall (cluster B) and it has been on the rise over the years. If you’re swiping daily on tinder, how many people do you pass each day? (I wouldn’t know because I’m not on the app but I suspect a decent amount). Let’s say you swipe 25 times each day. That means over the span of one week you have passed roughly 7 sociopaths. This can be alarming whilst dating because sociopaths don’t look like Hannibal Lecter and you can’t tell someone is mentally ill by looking at them. Sociopath’s actually tend to be extremely alluring and charismatic. It’s no surprise you may end up falling for one and not find out until it’s “too late”. So what are signs to look out for? Could you actually be dating a sociopath? Let’s learn more.  

“When you’re in love, it’s easy to gloss over some of your partner’s less flattering traits. But if your gut tells you something might really be off with this person, don’t write off those feelings ― especially if you suspect they could be a sociopath. Sociopaths don’t look like the Joker and show up cackling and howling and ready to manipulate They’re not always so easy to recognize. They can appear to be the guy next door. And until you get to know them, you wouldn’t necessarily know they are sociopaths. So what is a sociopath exactly? Characteristics include a persistent disregard for right and wrong, a tendency to lie and manipulate others, a lack of empathy and remorse, emotional volatility, an inflated ego, and engaging in impulsive and irresponsible behavior. And though the label is frequently used in the media and pop culture, it’s not actually a clinical term. The closest clinical diagnosis would be antisocial personality disorder, which is characterized by a pattern of disregarding or violating social norms, laws and the rights of others without remorse ― not being a loner, as the name might suggest. It’s estimated that roughly 3 percent of men and 1 percent of women meet the criteria for antisocial personality disorder. It’s worth noting that some experts prefer to use the term “psychopath” instead. Some use sociopath and psychopath interchangeably to describe a person with a more extreme case of antisocial personality disorder. Others, contend sociopaths and psychopaths are similar, but differ in some key ways ― for example, sociopaths lack empathy but are capable of it, while psychopaths are incapable of it altogether.” If you frequent my blog you are well aware I was in a life-threatening relationship several years ago. Although my ex never sought professional help (as many sociopaths don’t) I would bet my life on him being a sociopath. Since I am not a licensed professional, I can not technically diagnose him but like I said, I’d bet my life on it. I’ve also had my mental health professionals refer to him having a personality disorder… narcissistic, borderline as well as sociopathy. In the beginning, he was beyond everything I could’ve asked for. Little did I know what was to come or who he was behind the mask. If only I’d known what to lookout for I might’ve saved myself years of misery. So due to my own experiences I’m here to help you. Here are some of the most prevalent, common warning signs you or a loved one may be in a dangerous relationship with a sociopath. “RED FLAG #1. Having an over-sized ego. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) notes that sociopaths have an inflated sense of self. They are narcissists to the extreme, with a huge sense of entitlement. They tend to blame others for their own failures. They prey on your good qualities. People with sociopathic tendencies are accustomed to lying, so it’s not as hard for them to fake feelings. Some sociopaths are skilled at pretending they’re wounded and hurt. Sometimes a sociopath will target a woman because she’s big-hearted and maternal and vulnerable to wanting to care for someone who’s been emotionally hurt.” RED FLAG #2. Lying and exhibiting manipulative behavior. Sociopaths use deceit and manipulation on a regular basis. Why? Lying for the sake of lying. Lying just to see whether you can trick people. And sometimes telling larger lies to get larger effects. Their professions of love feel false and hollow. They often will say things like, ‘You’re the girl I’ve always wanted.“ Or, ‘I couldn’t be luckier to find someone like you.’ Sort of pat, trope, cliche expressions, as if they heard that in a movie and they’re merely repeating it. Their professions of love and caring do not feel genuine. Something about it feels off. They do not feel emotions in the same way that regular people do. What they do is see others express emotions in real life or on TV and then they mimic them.” My ex-boyfriend once dropped off a note on my car while we had been broken up and I had gone no contact for several weeks. What first appeared as a heartfelt, long, love letter, I later found out he copied off the internet. Of course he claimed to have created this beautiful poem himself but I guess he forgot the internet is a thing and how easy it would be to access the lyrics. Needless to say, it didn’t mean much after I found out it was copyrighted. “RED FLAG #3. Exhibiting lack of empathy. They don’t really have the meaningful emotional inner worlds that most people have and perhaps because of that they can’t really imagine or feel the emotional worlds of other people. It’s very foreign to them. They treat you or others with contempt and cruelty. You might also want to observe not just how they treat you, but how they treat other people in the room. Sometimes you’ll catch them behaving heartlessly to someone when they don’t know you’re watching. RED FLAG #4. Showing a lack of remorse or shame. The DSM-V entry on antisocial personality disorder indicates that sociopaths lack remorse, guilt or shame. They have volatile mood swings. This person might have unexpected, unstable and abrupt mood swings. You say something and suddenly they go into rage. A sociopath likes to control and manipulate. So if they thought their ability to control was being threatened, that might send them into a tizzy. RED FLAG #5. Staying eerily calm in scary or dangerous situations. A sociopath might not be anxious following a car accident, for instance. Experiments have shown that while normal people show fear when they see disturbing images or are threatened with electric shocks, sociopaths tend not to.” This is due to a difference in biology. FMRI scans show people with antisocial personality disorder have a different sized amygdala than someone without. This physiological difference may explain their constant need for stimulation as the amygdala also known as the “fight or flight” part of the brain, is in charge of emotions such as fear; which sociopath’s display less of. “RED FLAG #6. Behaving irresponsibly or with extreme impulsivity. Sociopaths bounce from goal to goal, and act on the spur of the moment, according to the DSM. They can be irresponsible when it comes to their finances and their obligations to other people. They may have a criminal past and refuse to take any responsibility for those misdeeds. Particularly if they tell you there was a criminal past but say, ‘It’s not my fault. They just did it to me. I happened to be in the wrong place and I was blamed.” Side note - My ex happened to say the same exact thing when he was convicted of a felony. According to him, however, nothing was ever his fault. “They’re constantly making messes you’re left to clean up. There would be regular crises in your life related to money going missing, or other relationships with family or friends breaking down, this is because the psychopath prioritizes his or her needs and enjoys risk-taking and sensation-seeking behavior. You would be left to clean up the mess. RED FLAG #10. Showing disregard for societal norms. They break rules and laws because they don’t believe society’s rules apply to them.” My ex boyfriend would smoke cigarettes inside of public restaurants, and whip out his penis in the middle of a family park. He would also frequently disregard traffic signs and make safety violations while driving. I’m not sure if he did this to be funny, to scare me, or because he felt he was above the law. Perhaps it was a mixture of all three. “They are also extremely controlling. You begin to detect that your partner is excessively controlling, dictating when, where, what time and under what circumstances you’re going to get together. They attempt to manipulate your behavior and control who your friends are and your activities. RED FLAG #7. Having few friends. Sociopaths tend not to have friends—not real ones, anyway. Sociopaths don’t want friends, unless they need them. Or all of their friends are superficially connected with them, friends by association. They don’t have many friends or close relationships. The individual is very, very evasive about their personal life and details of past relationships and very overly guarded and evasive. And if they get irritated when you probe them about it, that could be a bad sign. RED FLAG #8. Being charming—but only superficially. Sociopaths can be very charismatic and friendly — because they know it will help them get what they want. They are expert con artists and always have a secret agenda. People are so amazed when they find that someone is a sociopath because they’re so amazingly effective at blending in. They’re masters of disguise. Their main tool to keep them from being discovered is a creation of an outer personality. They seem too good to be true. They are that man or woman at a club or at a bar who just seems to be paying you too much attention and is too solicitous. However, you quite like the attention. That’s the thing about psychopaths: They can at first be fun to be around, and so you get drawn in. They need to do this, as they are later going to use you and all the information that they have extracted from you during this courting phase. They establish a closeness only in as much as it is useful to them. There’s something glib about their charm. There’s no depth to it. It can be turned on and off. RED FLAG #9. Living by the “pleasure principle. If it feels good and they are able to avoid consequences, they will do it! They live their life in the fast lane — to the extreme — seeking stimulation, excitement and pleasure from wherever they can get it. RED FLAG #11. Having “intense” eyes. Sociopaths have no problem with maintaining uninterrupted eye contact. failure to look away politely is also perceived as being aggressive or seductive.” I’d like to add, even if your partner does in fact, have many or all these characteristics, if you are indeed in a relationship with a sociopath you might dismiss them and brush it off as being “all in your head”. This is due to something called “gas-lighting” which is a manipulative tactic sociopaths use to make you believe you’re crazy. That’s why it can be so difficult to end a relationship with a toxic person. I’d like to reassure you if you suspect something is up with your significant other, you’re probably right. Especially if you spend a decent amount of time researching “am I in an abusive relationship” or look up videos on sociopaths. They’re very good at making you doubt yourself so you don’t leave them. I’d suggest listening to your intuition. Your instincts are there it just becomes harder to recognize while dating a dysfunctional person who abuses you. I hope this helped in even the slightest way. Feel free to reach out with any further questions or comments. Help is available and you are not alone. Contact the national domestic violence hotline for more information/resources.

[kee-writestrashh]

To Marry a Bastard

Ramsay Bolton x Reader

ao3

summary:  Before there were the Bastard's Bitches, the Black Sheep, the Wicked Ones, and the Red King's to worry about there was only the Bastard's Boys. Before there was a bun in the oven there was a possessive, obsessive love. There was raw emotion. There was a rowdy group of men who frequented a small, hole in wall, bar.... There was something evil behind that smirk. But there was also something needing and wanting behind those cold blue eyes.

**prequel to Guns for Hire

Chapter 1:  In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep... 

"How was the gym?" Damon asked, falling into the couch across from Ramsay.

"Shit. Fucked up my shoulder again." Ramsay hummed, finishing off his glass of whiskey and lighting a cigarette.

"Mm. I think you do it on purpose. Like the pain." Damon smirked, pulling a bag of marijuana from his pocket and sitting up to grab the Playboy magazine and rolling papers off the coffee table.

"It is pretty sweet. But nah, I keep hoping that maybe it will all just click again and I can beat the fuck out of Snow." Ramsay sighed, watching Damon break up a bud.

"So I was at the bar last night and that one chick was there..." Damon said rather slyly.

Ramsay tutted, rolling his eyes.

"She's pretty fuckin' hot dude. For sure not from the city. She got a mean right hook too. Should of seen her knock this big guy out. He had to be Ben's size at least." Damon said animatedly as he rolled a joint.

"You keep talkin' about this bitch like I give a fuck. I'm not going to settle down. I'm not going to get married. Perfect little Dom carries all that weight. Him and his whore ass wife. I'm just the freak show of the family. I don't have time. Father has me working my ass off. Got a mile long list of rats and trash to take out." He said, reaching forward to pour another glass of whiskey.

"Rams, get off your little high horse and stop. Like seriously. Do you ever stop and think about anything? At least come down there with me." Damon said, his smug, high grin fading into a serious frown.

He snorted, "since when did you care about my love life, Dame?"

"Since you did. I see the way you calculate every woman who speaks to you. I see the disgust. Come on man. Just give her a look over."

"Fine, fine. But if she's a fucking stupid whore, I'm going to kill her and then you."

"Bet." Damon said, leaning over the coffee table and holding his pinky out.

"Dude, how old are you again?" He asked, with the usual smirk, taking Damon's pinky in his.

"Almost twenty four. But we are forever fucking twelve, Darth Vader." Damon grinned, placing the unlit joint down, standing, and pulling his keys from his pocket.

"As you will, Iron Man." He sighed, setting his glass down and following Damon out of the apartment.

"Dude, quit messing with my shit." Damon hissed fixing his seat belt and slapping Ramsay's hand away from the radio.

"You listen to gay shit." Ramsay retorted.

"No. I listen to rad shit. You're just an angry fuck who likes to think he don't like my music." Damon quipped.

"You're lucky I like you." Ramsay huffed, crossing his arms and staring out of the window. It was a misty night. Maybe good to find someone in the alley.

"Maybe it's you who's lucky you like me." Damon laughed.

"Maybe." Ramsay smirked.

Ramsay glanced over at Damon and took him in. His wild curls and permanently glazed eyes. He felt a sudden fondness for his best friend. Or... well, guess it really was the only word Ramsay had to describe Damon. The word friend was a word that left a sour taste in his mouth.

Ramsay Bolton didn't have 'friends'. Ramsay had men that worked for him. But what were the Bastard's Boys then? They really were more than just employees to him. Though, he would never admit it. They all held a special place with him. But Damon. He was like a brother. Maybe brother was a better word than friend. The Boys weren't friends. They were family. And family was important.

But Damon was most important. Ramsay had met Damon when they were five. He was in the other kindergarten class at the school they went to. One sunny afternoon at recess Ramsay had been sitting on the swing watching a bigger kid pick on a much smaller kid. For whatever reason Ramsay had felt compelled to step in and confront the bully. It had ended in bloody noses, busted lips, black eyes, and sitting in the principal's office waiting on parents to show up.

Roose had beat Ramsay when they had gotten home. It was unjust in Ramsay's eyes. To be punished for doing the right thing. But That wasn't how Roose saw anything from Ramsay.

Ramsay had always felt like his father hated him, and he was never sure why. Even now at 24 he still had no idea. Not that it mattered anymore, but it was a haunting thought.

Ramsay had grown up in hell. It was the only way he could have described it if anyone ever asked. But they would never know. And he would never tell. No one was important enough to ever let in. No one except Damon.

Ramsay couldn't describe the affection he felt for the man sitting next to him. He hated it honestly. To have actual feelings for something. Especially when the therapists screamed he was incapable of legitimate feelings. He was a user, a manipulator, and toxic. Nah, they never said that directly, but it's what they meant. Ramsay wasn't stupid. Far opposite that. He was a fucking genius. Numbers. Numbers were his thing. Everything could make sense if he looked at it through numbers.

"Your therapist called me today." Damon said, watching Ramsay from the corner of his eye.

"Fuck that old ass bitch." Ramsay said bitterly, clenching his jaw.

"You know, if you would just..." Damon began.

'Don't you tell me what to fucking do!" Ramsay hissed.

Damon sighed, saying no more.

Today Ramsay had stormed out of the therapists office after threatening her. She was trying too hard to pry into him. It annoyed him. So what if he was mentally fucked? He was happy. Chaotically happy, maybe. But happy just the same.

He had been diagnosed with multiple behavior disorders as a kid, and it wasn't until he was 18 that he was finally diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. But it went so much deeper than that as he was shunted between therapists. ASPD. Then it was Borderline. Then histrionic. Then narcissistic. Then Paranoid. Then Dependent. Depression. And of course the alcoholism. But he didn't care. It made absolutely no difference what kind of alcoholic psycho they called him. He wasn't going attempt to change it. There was no need. He was fine.

At least, that's what had been telling himself since he was five. Since the first time his father had beat him in a drunken fit.

Ramsay clenched his jaw and cleared his throat, lighting a cigarette.

"What we doing for Halloween, guy?" Damon asked, lighting his own cigarette.

"Dunno. Haven't thought on it. Haven't had time to think about anything, honestly. Have court that day. Maybe I can finally quit going to the fucking head shrink." Ramsay said, remembering he had to be at the courthouse at 09:00 on the 31st.

"Did Alyn tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Ramsay asked, glancing around the half empty parking lot of the bar.

"Wife left him." Damon said, climbing out of the car.

"Mm. What a shame." Ramsay said, not attempting to sound like he gave a fuck.

"Well, he's pretty down. So maybe we could do something wild on Halloween. Gives us a couple weeks to plan some shit." Damon said, pushing the door of the bar open.

Ramsay glanced around and eyes immediately fell on... her. He cleared his throat and looked away.

But it wasn't before Damon had noticed. He let a sly grin creep up his face, but said nothing as he found an empty table and sat with Ramsay.

"I'll get drinks, shall I?" He grinned at Ramsay, who waved him away dismissively. "Her name is (Y/n), by the way."

"Shut your whore mouth." Ramsay hissed, lighting another cigarette to have something to do with himself.

But he couldn't keep his eyes off her.

[tf2humbug]

After I answered a question yesterday about the possibility of Medic (or any other TF2 character) being a psychopath, I got to thinking about what might actually be the deal with these guys. Obviously, they’re abnormal, but I don’t like writing off weird characters as just being crazy and/or stupid.

I dug into what I understand about the characters—the core mercs as well as the Administrator and Miss Pauling—and came up with this run-down of how I think they might be diagnosed if evaluated by a modern psychiatrist.

A disclaimer! First off, please take all my conjecture with a big ol’ grain of salt. I’m not claiming to be an authority on either psychiatry or neurology, and this is just my personal interpretation of the characters. It’s fine if you don’t agree! Also, I want to be clear that I mean no disrespect to anyone who might have any of the conditions I mention. I hope my tone comes off as respectful and not exploitative.

One last thing. I feel like this should go without saying, but just in case: DON’T USE THIS LIST AS A WAY TO DIAGNOSE YOURSELF. If I mention something that strikes a chord with you, by all means research it, but talk to a professional if you seriously suspect you might have a mental issue. I am NOT a professional!

Now that all that hemming and hawing is out of the way...

Scout

Not to rely on stereotypes, but I think ADHD is likely. His impulsivity, hyperactivity, and need for stimulation are strong indicators. He also has a tendency to self-medicate with massive amounts of caffeine and sugar from all the soda he drinks. Oh, and it’s been pretty heavily suggested that Scout is dyslexic, which I believe to be the case.

Soldier

It’s pretty much directly stated in the comics that he has brain damage, resulting in delusions and cognitive impairment that border on dementia. (Think Gary Busey post-motorcycle accident.) The comics suggest he was brain damaged by lead poisoning in the water, but I’m certain he had preexisting problems from old head trauma. That helmet has an important function!

On top of that, I think Soldier’s a good candidate for Tourette Syndrome, but I don’t mean the coprolalia version you see in TV and movies, where someone involuntarily shouts obscenities. He commonly has sudden verbal outbursts (”MAGGOTS!”) and physical tics (saluting, marching, etc.) that manifest in his drill sergeant persona.

Pyro

Oh, boy. Okay. Pyro is a hell of a puzzle, and I could go on for pages, but I’ll boil it down to what I think is most likely. Of course, they exhibit pyromania, but possibly also synesthesia?

One possibility is an “eccentric” mood disorder that manifests as a loss of contact with reality, among other symptoms. That would be either Schizotypal Personality Disorder or full-blown Schizophrenia. The distorted Pyroland version of the world fits this really well, and it’s possible that it might be a chronic thing, with Pyro constantly filtering the world through their delusions.

The other likely possibility is some sort of Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, where seizures in a focal part of the brain yank Pyro out of reality without sending them into the physical convulsions you associate with general epilepsy. This would suggest that Pyro does touch base with reality but gets “transported to Pyroland,” instead of living there all the time.

Demoman

This one is easy. Demo’s a severe alcoholic, to the degree that stopping drinking cold turkey would probably kill him. In the comics, his body even rejects normal food and drink because it’s learned to get energy just from booze, and his body, in times of withdrawal, can make its own alcohol supply, which an actual real thing. It’s called Auto-Brewery Syndrome, where microbes in the gut can convert carbs into ethanol. Demo must just have the most advanced case of it in human history!

Heavy

He seems completely neurotypical to me, aside from the hints of both psychopathy and PTSD that come with being a mercenary. I do think he used to have problems from sleep apnea, but some surgery cleared that up. Now he just snores like a chainsaw. (Yes, I know sleep apnea isn’t a mental condition.)

Engineer

I suspect, but I’m not certain, that he may be in the very high-functioning part of the Autism Spectrum, with savant-like qualities. Maybe he got his 11 PhDs and abilities as a human calculator just from being driven and extremely intelligent, but I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he were wired differently. If it is the case, he’s learned to compensate incredibly well in his interpersonal behavior. That Texan charm is a pretty effective tool for putting people at ease, I bet.

Medic

Like I said before, I don’t like simply labeling characters as “crazy.” Yeah, he’s got the mad scientist thing going on, but I think that stems from Bipolar Disorder. Specifically, I believe Medic has type I, which is what people usually think of when they imagine bipolar behavior: extended periods of elevated mood (or hypomania) punctuated with full manic episodes, which can take on psychotic features. There may or may not be periods of depression. He doesn’t seem to swing that way, but it’s possible.

He’s DEFINITELY a self-medicator. I mean, duh. Huffing Medi-Gun fumes and a bit of drinking probably help to calm him down when he gets too high-strung. I doubt he takes pills for it, e.g. lithium or anti-convulsants, because of the high likelihood of side-effects. I could see him doing some DIY ECT, though. Getting too unstable? A few brain zaps, and he’s right as rain!

Bonus fact! Did you know that a German term to call someone insane is to say that they “have a bird”? It might come from folklore about insane people literally having bird familiars living in their heads, or it might be something like calling someone a “crazy cat lady,” where people who keep birds will talk to them too much and seem a bit off. Just thought that was interesting!

Sniper

I personally believe he probably has some Agoraphobia. Not to a debilitating degree, but he hates being stuck in what feel like insecure places. It’s actually a symptom of Avoidant Personality Disorder, which I think is pretty likely for him. It’s thought to result from feeling abandoned and alienated by other people at a young age. (*cough*orphanedbybirthparentsandraisedinAustralia*cough*) In addition to agoraphobia, signs include self-imposed social isolation, emotional distance, mistrust, and an inferiority complex. If he does have APD, he’s integrated it neatly into his occupation, where distance is a good thing.

Spy

Similar to Heavy, he seems pretty neurotypical to me. It’s possible that he had some similar issues to Scout when he was younger, but if so, he’s learned to compensate. He does exhibit the most psychopathic traits of all the mercs, but like I said before, I don’t believe any of them are actually true psychopaths.

Administrator

Classic megalomaniac! She’s got textbook Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Everything about the way she presents herself screams narcissism: grandiosity, a thirst for power, arrogance, a sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, and extremely manipulative behavior. Maybe she has good reasons for her narcissism, like being an 150-year-old supervillain, but I digress.

Miss Pauling

Poor thing. I’ve mentioned it before, but my pet theory is that the Administrator broke down her original personality and built it back up to make her a useful pawn, capable of appearing very unassuming and responsible while performing cold-blooded acts of violence guilt-free. She’s a perfect tool, with limited freewill and no room in her mind for cognitive dissonance to slip in. To her, I imagine it feels like living with with Depersonalization Disorder, where either the world around her or her own actions take on an unreal quality as a way of shielding her mind from the nasty parts of her job, but on the outside, the effect is seamless.

[thedateranalyst]

LA Bae

Ok, so Brazilian Bae may not have turned out to be the absolute love of my life but he was definitely a vast improvement on Interchangeable Bae. I seemed to be on a steady incline and, feeling rather bolstered from the experience, decided that my plan to venture into the more international waters of the dating pool was worth sticking with. Enter Brody. I matched with Brody on Bumble. His profile told me he was from LA and an Art Director in Television. The smouldering looks and wide brimmed hats in his pictures, combined with the fact that his bio also stated his year 5 teacher would describe him as “filled to the brim with rebellion”, suggested that he was going to fit every stereotype I could mentally concoct of someone from LA. I swiped right. It was a match.

The cyber small talk commenced and things got better and better from the word go. Not only was Brody from LA and working in television, he was currently travelling around Europe working as a videographer and a tour manager from an American band called Twin Peaks. London was the last stop of their tour and he had decided to stay on for three days to explore the city before heading home. Now, my rule so far with The Dater Analyst has been to go into every date with an open mind and the hope that the person I am about to meet could be the love of my life. The fact that Brody was only in the UK for three days strongly suggested that even if this was the case, geographically, a blossoming romance was going to be challenging. Come on though, a Californian videographer on a European tour with a band - that shit’s got perfect blog fodder written ALL over it, it was too good an opportunity to miss.

The cyber small talk continued and I asked what he was doing with his time off in London. A photo pinged back to me. I have never received a photo on Bumble before, how modern! Well, technically, I didn’t immediately see the photo. The Bumblebees clearly aren’t naive to the genre of pictures one might find on a dating app so you actually get a blurred out square with directions to “tap to view image”. An attempt to avoid being blindsided by a big willy. I had only just matched with this man though, how did I know that that wasn’t what I was going to get. Tentatively, I tapped to view the image with one hand whilst using the other to shield my innocent eyes. I peaked through splayed fingers and what greeted me was so much more entertaining than a dick pic. It was a carefully staged cafe scene - a scrubbed wood table, a bunch of flowers and a cup of coffee next to an open window overlooking a quaint London street. It gets better. Front and centre of the photo was a watercolour painting of the scene and a box of paints. Brody was proud enough of his artistic endeavours to not only admit to the fact he was spending his day painting (which, let’s be honest, sounds a bit wanky) but to actually send a picture so I could see his skills for myself. How very LA!

Right, I thought, two can play at that game. I happened to be working from home that day so I curated my own still life. I moved a vase of lilies to my own scrubbed wood table, in front of a gilded mirror and placed a lit candle, open laptop and notebook in the foreground. Even sexier than a tasteful nude, some might argue. I sent it off and told him I was just doing a bit of writing. “What are you writing?” came the response...

Rule two of The Dater Analyst is that I never tell the datees about the blog. In this instance though, I was willing to bet money on the fact that Brody’s ego was a big enough that he would see a dating blog as a challenge rather than a deterrent so I told him the truth. Within two minutes I had a response: “A dating blog! Can I steal you away for a date night? You can write about it. What if we meet for just two hours and you write while I paint. We don’t even have to talk.” Boom! Hook, line and sinker!

I actually had plans that night so sadly the artistic date did not take place. I was free the following afternoon though so we agreed to meet then in a microbrewery in Coal Drops Yard, obvs! I’m about to break a third rule of The Dater Analyst here. I never normally divulge the contents of the cyber small talk but I feel it would be beneficial here in order to give a more rounded impression of the character we are dealing with. The reason I couldn’t make the original date was because I had Book Club. This got us on to the topic of literature and what Brody liked to read. I quote: “I do love Christopher Hitchens, it’s truly stimulating and chillingly current how he addresses the inevitable collapse of capitalism and things like the likelihood of Trump and Brexit but this is stuff he wrote in the 1990s...Huxley fucked me up. Have you read Doors of Perception? That book and its encouragement to experiment with hallucinogens changed my life for the better...I have done my share of experimenting and consciousness expanding but all that is only as valuable as your intention and your mentality”. You get the idea.

I arrived at the arranged microbrewery and there was absolutely no mistaking Brody. The paints were still with him but thankfully stored in his man bag. He also had a baker boy hat and a multi-coloured patterned scarf with a gold thread running through it which I’m sure had a deep meaning and was a gift from a Sharman on a yoga retreat in India but looked more like one of those ones you can buy for a fiver in Camden Market.

As his messages should have highlighted, Brody did not do small talk. We quickly covered both of our career ambitions, an extended American history leading up to the civil war, my neurological disorder and the fact that he could relate to this because his cat also had a neurological disorder. Surprisingly though, he wasn’t as wanky as I had expected. He actually came across as more self-assured than self-righteous. Conversations were two-way and he would quite often start saying something and then say “sorry, I interrupted you, carry on”. This sounds small but is amazingly rare, especially on dates.

Although it’s not something I have discussed a lot on this blog so far, I’m normally quite open about talking about the neurological disorder I was diagnosed with last year on dates (this is largely because it causes me to have shaking fits at random moments - I remain totally compos mentis through these but I kind of have to pre-warn people in case I suddenly start manically shaking with no advance warning). I don’t normally tell strangers though that one of the things I do to help manage it is Qi Gong, a movement based meditations which I do every morning. You can see why, it sounds hippy dippy, fairly out there and a difficult one to explain on a date whilst still sounding halfway normal. I thought it might be Brody’s cup of tea though. Indeed it was, he already knew all about Qi Gong. We had a long discussion about it and a specific type of yoga he used to practise which involved getting up at 4:30am and lots of chanting. It sounded suitably on brand and soul-searching for Brody. Then I realised though, that the way I judged him for his yoga routine was exactly how I was nervous that people judged me for my Qi Gong. Brody didn’t care or judge me though, he was comfortable with what he enjoyed doing, happy to talk about it and open-minded to different interests.

One beer down and I felt I hadn’t got all the details I could out of Brody so I agreed to show him a bit of London. We walked along Regent’s Canal, through Camden Lock and Camden Markets, past the zoo where you can see the warthogs and lions from the canal path, through Regent’s Park and up Primrose Hill for a sunset view of the city (I smashed it as a tour guide). I was right though; I had only seen the tip of the iceberg. Brody’s family life sounded suitably wacky. In brief: he had grown up on a ranch somewhere in the mid-west, which was sold when his parents, Steven and Angela, had split up. Steven currently holds a world record - he had a heart attack and was officially dead for fifty-two minutes whilst they did CPR. That is one of the longest times someone has been technically dead for and been resuscitated with no long-term physical or mental implications. Steven now lives on a houseboat with his new girlfriend. Pretty cool! Angela met her first boyfriend when he moved to America from Greece to avoid conscription. Their next-door neighbour reported him for selling weed though so he had to move back to Greece and Angela went with him, travelling around Greece for two years. It was all a pretty colourful past.

There were other parts of our date that were slightly more dubious. I’m all in favour of vegetarianism but wasn’t quite prepared for an in depth discussion on the perception of an animal’s soul. I swiftly moved the conversation along. I do which I had proved more on one of his more recent ventures though. He told me he was currently involved in the art direction of an all-male feminist magazine. The more I think about this, the more questions I have. I am under no doubt that men can be feminists but to make an exclusively male feminist magazine sounds slightly counter-intuitive to me? Surely this is just more men excluding women from a conversation that is about them, men mansplaining feminism to women? Maybe I got the wrong end of the stick but this seemed to be the patriarchy jumping on the zeitgeist to maintain their control? You never know though, maybe I’m being defensive; maybe this is going to be the next big thing. If you suddenly hear about a new and trendy male feminist publication do let me know, it could be Brody. 

Eventually it began to get dark so the tour came to an end and I dropped Brody off at the nearest tube station and bid farewell before he flew back to LA the following day. I came away thinking that Brody really hadn’t been as narcissistic as I had expected. In many way, I had drunk the Californian Koolaid: as much eye-rolling as there was at the LA cliches Brody embodied, he also had that American confidence that made him totally comfortable in his own skin and with his own interests. He was unashamed in discussing his flaws and his strengths and skipping straight past the small talk to try and really get to know a person.

That would a sickeningly soul-searching end to the post though and absolutely not the light-hearted, scathing judgement that any of you read this blog for. If I’m being totally honest, what really happened was that I just enjoyed the opportunity to be as wanky as he was. For an afternoon I could happily discuss humanitarian politics, the benefits of meditation and what I felt fulfilment looked like rather than dissecting Love Island and complaining about commuting. It’s quite fun to be a knob every once in a while and I would happily spend a similar afternoon with Brody if he were to find himself back in the UK. If distance wasn’t an issue though, would Brody be The One? I think, realistically, probably not. I had had an engaging and enlightening afternoon but there weren’t exactly many lols. I think I’m looking for someone who can chat shit rather than chataranga. Or at least a bit of both.

[personalcoachingcenter]

The Beautiful Truths About Being a Highly Sensitive Human

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/the-beautiful-truths-about-being-a-highly-sensitive-human/

The Beautiful Truths About Being a Highly Sensitive Human

Being intense and sensitive—seeing the world through different eyes and feeling the world on a distinctive wavelength—does not lay an easy path.

You are most likely a deep thinker, an intuitive feeler, and an extraordinary observer. You are prone to existential depression and anxiety, but you also know beauty and rapture. When art or music moves you, you are flooded with waves of joy and ecstasy. As a natural empathiser, you have a gift; yet you are also overwhelmed by the constant waves of social nuances and others’ psychic energies.

You might have spent your whole life trying to fit in with the cultural “shoulds” and “musts In school, you wanted to be in the clique, but you were unable to make small talks or have shallow relationships.

At work, you want the authorities to recognise you, but your soul does not compromise on depth, authenticity and connections.

You feel hurt for being the black sheep in the family, but your success is not recognised in a conventional way.

In these following paragraphs, I want to remind you how precious your unique life path is. Rather than pretending to be who you are not, you only do yourself and the world justice by celebrating your sensitivity and intensity.

(Please click here for a full definition of what it means to be emotionally intense and sensitive)

SENSITIVITY AS A FORM OF BRAIN DIFFERENCE

Emotional sensitivity is a brain difference—an innate trait that makes one different from the normative way of functioning.

While the mass media and medical professionals are eager to use labels to diagnose people with a way of being that is different from the norm, findings in neuroscience are going in the opposite direction. More and more, the scientific community acknowledges “neurodiversity”—the biological reality that we are all wired differently. Rather than being an inconvenience to be eliminated, neurodiversity is an evolutionary advantage, something that is essential if we were to flourish as a species.

Like many brain differences, it is misunderstood. As people naturally reject what they do not understand, the emotionally sensitive ones are being pushed to the margin. Those who feel more, and seem to have a mind that operates outside of society’s norm are often outcasted. In the Victorian era, women who appeared emotional were given the humiliating label of “hysteria.” Even today, emotional people tend to be looked down upon, and sometimes criticised and shunned.

The stigma attached to sensitivity is made worse by trends in the mass media. In 2014, author Bret Easton Ellis branded Millennials as narcissistic, over-sensitive and sheltered; from there, the disparaging term “generation snowflake” went viral. The right-wing media ran with the insult. Last year, a Daily Mail article described young people as “a fragile, thin-skinned younger generation.” This notion is not only unfounded but also unjust and damaging.

The sensitive male is also misjudged and marginalised. Under the ”boys don’t cry!” macho culture, those who feel more are called “weak” or “sissies,” with little acknowledgement of their unique strengths. Many sensitive boys and men live lives of quiet suffering and have opted to numb their emotional pain of not fitting the male ideal with alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, or other addictions.

Being sensitive and intense is not an illness—in fact, it often points to intelligence, talents or creativity. However, after years of being misdiagnosed by health professionals, criticised by schools or workplace authority, and misunderstood by even those who are close to them, many sensitive people start to believe there is something wrong with them. Ironically, low self-esteem and loneliness make them more susceptible to having an actual mental disorder.

SOME OF US ARE BORN SENSITIVE

Since the 1990s, various scientific frameworks have emerged to explain our differences in sensitivity. Some of the most prominent being sensory processing sensitivity, “differential susceptibility theory,” and “biological sensitivity to context” (Lionetti et al., 2018).

From birth, we differ in our neurological makeup. Each baby has their style based on how well they react to external stimuli and how they organises sensation. Medical professionals use tools like the Neonatal Behavioral Assessment Scale (NBAS) to measure such differences.

Harvard developmental psychologist Jerome Kagan was amongst the first scholars to examine sensitivity as a brain difference. In Kagan’s studies of infants, he found that a group of infants are more aroused and distressed by novel stimuli—a stranger coming into the room, a noxious smell. To these cautious infants, any new situation is a potential threat.

On closer examination, sensitive infants have different biochemical reactions when exposed to stress. Their system secrets higher levels of norepinephrine (our brain’s version of adrenaline) and stress hormones like cortisol. In other words, they have a fear system that is more active than most.

Since the regions of the brain that receive signals for potential threats are extra reactive, these children are not geared to process a wide range of sensations at a single moment. Even as adults, they are more vulnerable to stress-related disease, chronic pain and fatigue, migraine headaches, and environmental stimuli ranging from smell, sight, sound to electromagnetic influences.

In 1995, Elaine Aron published her book Highly Sensitive People, bringing the idea into the mainstream. Aron defines high sensitivity as a distinct personality trait that affects as many as 15-20 percent of the population—too many to be a disorder, but not enough to be well understood by the majority.

Here are a set of HSP traits in Aron’s original conception:

Noticing sounds, sensations and smells that others miss (e.g. clock ticking, the humming noise from a refrigerator, uncomfortable clothing)

Feeling moved on a visceral level by things like art, music and performance, or nature

“Pick up” others moods or have them affect you more than most

Being sensitive to pain or other physical sensations

A quiet environment is essential to you

Feel uneasy or overwhelmed in a busy and crowded environment

Sensitivity to caffeine

Startle/ blush easily

Dramatic impact on your mood

Having food sensitivities, allergies, asthma

THE ORCHIDS AND THE DANDELIONS

But does being born sensitive destine one to lifelong unhappiness and turmoil? To answer this question, Thomas Boyce, M.D., founded the “Orchid and Dandelion” theory.

Combining years of experience as a paediatrician, and results from empirical studies, Dr. Boyce and his team found that most children, approximately 80 percent of the population, are like dandelions—they can survive almost every environmental circumstances. The remaining 20 percent are like orchids; they are exquisitely sensitive to their environment and vulnerable under conditions of adversity. This theory explains why siblings brought up in the same family might respond differently to family stress. While orchid children are affected by even the most subtle differences in their parents’ feelings and behaviours, dandelion children are unperturbed.

But sensitivity does not equal vulnerability. Many of Dr. Boyce’s orchid children patients have grown up to become eminent adults, magnificent parents, intelligent and generous citizens of the world. As it turns out; sensitive children respond to not just the negative but also the positive. Their receptivity to the environment can also bring a reversal of fortune.

Orchid children’s receptivity applies to not just physical sensations, but also relational experiences such as warmth or indifference. In critical, undermining setting, they may devolve into despair, but in a supportive and nurturing environment, they thrive even further more than the dandelions.

The Orchid and Dandelion theory holds a provocative view of genetics, which asserts that the very genes that give us the most challenges also underlie the most remarkable qualities. Sensitivity is like a “highly leveraged evolutionary bets” that carry both high risks and potential rewards (Dobbs, 2009). The very sensitive children that suffer in a precarious childhood environment are the same children most likely to flourish and prosper. They may be more prone to upsets and physical sensitivities, but they also possess the most capacity to be unusually vital, creative, and successful.

In other words, the sensitive ones are not born “vulnerable”; they are simply more responsive to their surrounding system. With the right kind of knowledge, support and nurture—even if this means replenishing what one did not get in childhood in adulthood—they can thrive like no others.

THRIVING IN A NEW WORLD

Our world is changing. Qualities such as sensitivity, empathy, high perceptiveness—what the sensitive person excel at, are needed and celebrated.

In Daniel Pink’s book, A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule The Future, he pointed out that our society has arrived at a point in which systematisation, computerisation, and automation are giving way to new skills such as intuition, creativity, and empathy. For more than 100 years, the sequential, linear, and logical were praised. As we move towards a different economic era, the world’s leaders will need to be creators and empathisers. As Pink quoted: “I say, ‘Get me some poets as managers.’ Poets are our original systems thinkers. They contemplate the world in which we live and feel obligated to interpret and give expression to it in a way that makes the reader understand how that world runs. Poets, those unheralded systems thinkers, are our true digital thinkers. It is from their midst that I believe we will draw tomorrow’s new business leaders.”

It is clear that humanity is calling for a different way of being, and a redefinition of power. In today’s world, people yearn to be led by empathy, rather than force. Even in the most ego-driven corporate space, we hear people saying things like “trust your gut instinct,” “follow your intuition,” or “watch the energy in the room.” Sensitivity, emotional intensity, deep empathy—what were previously thought as weaknesses—are now much-valued qualities that make you stand out.

We are in a time where the previously highly sensitive and empathic misfits rise to become the leaders. Therefore, embracing your gift of sensitivity is not just something you do for yourself, but also those around you. If you can summon the courage to stand out as a sensitive leader, you set a solid example for all others like you. The more you can free yourself from the childlike need to trade “fitting in” for authenticity, the more you can channel your gifts and serve the world.

TRUE BELONGING

For years, you have desperately wanted to “fit in.”

But at times, you hear a tiny whispering voice that champions the truth. It asks:

What if what your inner self needs is to be allowed just to be you, even when it means not fitting in the crowd?

What if what your soul is destined to be different, like many rebels, the artists, and visionaries in history?

What if like all the honourable trailblazers and truth tellers, your seat in this world is indeed on the fringe?

Coming to terms with your authentic place in the world might mean accepting the reality that you will never “fit in” the conventional way.

This is not immediately easy.

After all, you want to belong, to be part of a tribe, to feel like a wider part of humanity.

But once you have released the old idea of what “fitting in” meant, you could make room for a new meaning of belongingness.

In true belongingness, fitting in means something different.

It means you have made a home for yourself.

It means you have committed never to reject yourself, even when the world says otherwise.

It means you have asserted your boundaries, and you honour only the opinions of those who have earned your respect.

It means you drop the task of peacemaking and align with the mission of truth-telling.

It means you stop buying membership with the cost of your true self, but instead create membership by making your mark in the world.

With the courageous acceptance of your authentic place in the world comes both beauty and terror, excitement and fear.

See if you can embrace both, but keep your eyes on the prize.

Soon, your courage will bring you what your deepest self have longed a lifetime for—a true sense of belonging.

(Original Post)

Source, N;

[cummunication]

Depression isn’t sexy

If there’s one thing I can always count on its depression (depressed person joke). Depression is like a stalker, it won’t leave you alone at times and at others it disappears; either way it’s always lurking around the corner. Now that I’ve lost about half of you, let’s talk more about this happy subject, shall we? When I was 15, I went to my first nurse practitioner only to be told I was depressed and had social phobia. I started on Lexapro and the rest is history. Actually, it wasn’t until this year I discovered I have bipolar disorder, not depression. Being bipolar isn’t what people think… “omg Becky, you are so bipolar! Make up your mind already.” That’s just being annoying and indecisive. Yes, it is something I deal with on a daily basis but it is not me. Some days I become bitter at the thought of  being on medication until the day I die. It sucks when you’re 23 and take more pills than your 89 year old grandma. Catch me in my spare time and what am I doing? Attending appointments, therapy, medication management, support groups, acupuncture, anything involving doctors or discussing my feelings. Quite frankly, it’s exhausting and for anybody who’s been there, I understand the time and effort it takes committing to recovery. Looking at me, you’d never guess I have an eating disorder because, well, sadly people only connect eating disorders with emaciation. Bulimics and binge eaters typically hold a normal weight or are overweight/obese. My eating disorder [the pal that she is] goes hand in hand with my depression. When my depression is bad, my eating disorder symptoms increase and vice versa. I have also at one point or another, been told I have PTSD, anxiety, body dysmorphia, trichotillomania and OCD. People underestimate the ability mental issues have to hinder a person’s life. Not just mentally, but physically and socially too. I’ve lost countless friends throughout the years. Not to say they were the greatest, but hey, it takes two to tango. I take full responsibility for the way I acted (and probably still do at times) and do not use my diagnosis as an excuse, HOWEVER, if someone had heart disease or stroke, would their friends show them sympathy? Most likely. Having sex/dating with mental illness is no walk in the park either. The last thing I want when I’m in the depths of my depression is someone calling saying they” wanna give me the D”. There are numerous barriers when it comes to having mental illness and sustaining a relationship. Barriers like, when is it appropriate to disclose? Do you tell your new bae you take antipsychotics on date 4 or date 43? Anytime I start dating someone new and become serious with them, I always hate the feeling of needing to “warn them” about my circumstances. Like “oh hey bob, I know we’ve been sexting for like 7 weeks now, but I just thought you should know I was in the psych ward 8 weeks ago, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.” There’s so much stigma attached to psychiatric disorders and a lack of proper education. As if because I used to cut myself I’m gonna cut you in your sleep. Granted, mental illness varies in severity meaning your cousin could have seasonal depression while your sister is schizophrenic, totally different disorders. Yet I bet most of us have dated someone with mental illness only we didn’t know it. For example, that guy you dated in 12th grade that seemed really angry all the time? He might’ve been struggling with depression but never sought help and so you assumed he just needed anger management. I don’t discriminate and won’t write someone off based on their past or diagnoses. That goes without saying, if they have an addiction or personality disorder, I’m out. This may seem hypocritical, but I have dated my fair share of addicts, narcissists and sociopaths and personally, I’m not a fan. Not to say I don’t like people who are addicts [I myself have dealt with addiction] but when it comes to going out with somebody, I have my own recovery to deal with and codependency is detrimental. Besides, 95% of the time for whatever reason, blame it on stress or poor timing, relationships tend to worsen my mental condition. Probably due to the fact most of them have been unhealthy so it’s understandable. Nevertheless, it causes me to avoid dating because of the fear associated with romantic entanglements and deterioration. Socializing is beneficial and helpful for those of us who experience mental illness since we tend to isolate ourselves. It’s imperative if you are dealing with symptoms or relapse of mental illness, you find an outlet in which you can express yourself. Dating is tricky business at best, but even more complicated if you have a history of mental illness. If I have a boyfriend and I’m feeling depressed, I’m less likely to want to go out or talk to him about my day. I will most likely grow cold, making excuses not to see him as much, and forget about my sex drive. This also applies if I’m actively engaged in my eating disorder, which considerably heightens insecurities and causes me to shut down. Even in the beginning of a budding romance, the pressure of not knowing how to reveal your mental health status can be extremely anxiety provoking. I’ve had some pretty traumatizing reactions and still, I’d say it’s best to just be honest. You don’t need to tell them you’ve taken 26 different medications and attempted suicide 7 times, but I would disclose how it’s impacted you in the past and how it may affect your relationship. You might offer some advice as to how your bf/gf can best react or not react; if they notice you display certain behaviors. Some people are going to be unwilling or unable to deal with it, but this doesn’t mean you are a burden or too much work, it just means they were not a good fit and better to know now than in 4 years. Having a mental health diagnosis does not define who you are, and neither does having a boyfriend/girlfriend. Ultimately, relationships enhance your life, improving your overall health and the right person will be by your side through thick and thin.

[personalcoachingcenter]

The Beautiful Truths About Being a Highly Sensitive Human

New Post has been published on http://personalcoachingcenter.com/the-beautiful-truths-about-being-a-highly-sensitive-human/

The Beautiful Truths About Being a Highly Sensitive Human

Being intense and sensitive—seeing the world through different eyes and feeling the world on a distinctive wavelength—does not lay an easy path.

You are most likely a deep thinker, an intuitive feeler, and an extraordinary observer. You are prone to existential depression and anxiety, but you also know beauty and rapture. When art or music moves you, you are flooded with waves of joy and ecstasy. As a natural empathiser, you have a gift; yet you are also overwhelmed by the constant waves of social nuances and others’ psychic energies.

You might have spent your whole life trying to fit in with the cultural “shoulds” and “musts In school, you wanted to be in the clique, but you were unable to make small talks or have shallow relationships.

At work, you want the authorities to recognise you, but your soul does not compromise on depth, authenticity and connections.

You feel hurt for being the black sheep in the family, but your success is not recognised in a conventional way.

In these following paragraphs, I want to remind you how precious your unique life path is. Rather than pretending to be who you are not, you only do yourself and the world justice by celebrating your sensitivity and intensity.

(Please click here for a full definition of what it means to be emotionally intense and sensitive)

SENSITIVITY AS A FORM OF BRAIN DIFFERENCE

Emotional sensitivity is a brain difference—an innate trait that makes one different from the normative way of functioning.

While the mass media and medical professionals are eager to use labels to diagnose people with a way of being that is different from the norm, findings in neuroscience are going in the opposite direction. More and more, the scientific community acknowledges “neurodiversity”—the biological reality that we are all wired differently. Rather than being an inconvenience to be eliminated, neurodiversity is an evolutionary advantage, something that is essential if we were to flourish as a species.

Like many brain differences, it is misunderstood. As people naturally reject what they do not understand, the emotionally sensitive ones are being pushed to the margin. Those who feel more, and seem to have a mind that operates outside of society’s norm are often outcasted. In the Victorian era, women who appeared emotional were given the humiliating label of “hysteria.” Even today, emotional people tend to be looked down upon, and sometimes criticised and shunned.

The stigma attached to sensitivity is made worse by trends in the mass media. In 2014, author Bret Easton Ellis branded Millennials as narcissistic, over-sensitive and sheltered; from there, the disparaging term “generation snowflake” went viral. The right-wing media ran with the insult. Last year, a Daily Mail article described young people as “a fragile, thin-skinned younger generation.” This notion is not only unfounded but also unjust and damaging.

The sensitive male is also misjudged and marginalised. Under the ”boys don’t cry!” macho culture, those who feel more are called “weak” or “sissies,” with little acknowledgement of their unique strengths. Many sensitive boys and men live lives of quiet suffering and have opted to numb their emotional pain of not fitting the male ideal with alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, or other addictions.

Being sensitive and intense is not an illness—in fact, it often points to intelligence, talents or creativity. However, after years of being misdiagnosed by health professionals, criticised by schools or workplace authority, and misunderstood by even those who are close to them, many sensitive people start to believe there is something wrong with them. Ironically, low self-esteem and loneliness make them more susceptible to having an actual mental disorder.

SOME OF US ARE BORN SENSITIVE

Since the 1990s, various scientific frameworks have emerged to explain our differences in sensitivity. Some of the most prominent being sensory processing sensitivity, “differential susceptibility theory,” and “biological sensitivity to context” (Lionetti et al., 2018).

From birth, we differ in our neurological makeup. Each baby has their style based on how well they react to external stimuli and how they organises sensation. Medical professionals use tools like the Neonatal Behavioral Assessment Scale (NBAS) to measure such differences.

Harvard developmental psychologist Jerome Kagan was amongst the first scholars to examine sensitivity as a brain difference. In Kagan’s studies of infants, he found that a group of infants are more aroused and distressed by novel stimuli—a stranger coming into the room, a noxious smell. To these cautious infants, any new situation is a potential threat.

On closer examination, sensitive infants have different biochemical reactions when exposed to stress. Their system secrets higher levels of norepinephrine (our brain’s version of adrenaline) and stress hormones like cortisol. In other words, they have a fear system that is more active than most.

Since the regions of the brain that receive signals for potential threats are extra reactive, these children are not geared to process a wide range of sensations at a single moment. Even as adults, they are more vulnerable to stress-related disease, chronic pain and fatigue, migraine headaches, and environmental stimuli ranging from smell, sight, sound to electromagnetic influences.

In 1995, Elaine Aron published her book Highly Sensitive People, bringing the idea into the mainstream. Aron defines high sensitivity as a distinct personality trait that affects as many as 15-20 percent of the population—too many to be a disorder, but not enough to be well understood by the majority.

Here are a set of HSP traits in Aron’s original conception:

Noticing sounds, sensations and smells that others miss (e.g. clock ticking, the humming noise from a refrigerator, uncomfortable clothing)

Feeling moved on a visceral level by things like art, music and performance, or nature

“Pick up” others moods or have them affect you more than most

Being sensitive to pain or other physical sensations

A quiet environment is essential to you

Feel uneasy or overwhelmed in a busy and crowded environment

Sensitivity to caffeine

Startle/ blush easily

Dramatic impact on your mood

Having food sensitivities, allergies, asthma

THE ORCHIDS AND THE DANDELIONS

But does being born sensitive destine one to lifelong unhappiness and turmoil? To answer this question, Thomas Boyce, M.D., founded the “Orchid and Dandelion” theory.

Combining years of experience as a paediatrician, and results from empirical studies, Dr. Boyce and his team found that most children, approximately 80 percent of the population, are like dandelions—they can survive almost every environmental circumstances. The remaining 20 percent are like orchids; they are exquisitely sensitive to their environment and vulnerable under conditions of adversity. This theory explains why siblings brought up in the same family might respond differently to family stress. While orchid children are affected by even the most subtle differences in their parents’ feelings and behaviours, dandelion children are unperturbed.

But sensitivity does not equal vulnerability. Many of Dr. Boyce’s orchid children patients have grown up to become eminent adults, magnificent parents, intelligent and generous citizens of the world. As it turns out; sensitive children respond to not just the negative but also the positive. Their receptivity to the environment can also bring a reversal of fortune.

Orchid children’s receptivity applies to not just physical sensations, but also relational experiences such as warmth or indifference. In critical, undermining setting, they may devolve into despair, but in a supportive and nurturing environment, they thrive even further more than the dandelions.

The Orchid and Dandelion theory holds a provocative view of genetics, which asserts that the very genes that give us the most challenges also underlie the most remarkable qualities. Sensitivity is like a “highly leveraged evolutionary bets” that carry both high risks and potential rewards (Dobbs, 2009). The very sensitive children that suffer in a precarious childhood environment are the same children most likely to flourish and prosper. They may be more prone to upsets and physical sensitivities, but they also possess the most capacity to be unusually vital, creative, and successful.

In other words, the sensitive ones are not born “vulnerable”; they are simply more responsive to their surrounding system. With the right kind of knowledge, support and nurture—even if this means replenishing what one did not get in childhood in adulthood—they can thrive like no others.

THRIVING IN A NEW WORLD

Our world is changing. Qualities such as sensitivity, empathy, high perceptiveness—what the sensitive person excel at, are needed and celebrated.

In Daniel Pink’s book, A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule The Future, he pointed out that our society has arrived at a point in which systematisation, computerisation, and automation are giving way to new skills such as intuition, creativity, and empathy. For more than 100 years, the sequential, linear, and logical were praised. As we move towards a different economic era, the world’s leaders will need to be creators and empathisers. As Pink quoted: “I say, ‘Get me some poets as managers.’ Poets are our original systems thinkers. They contemplate the world in which we live and feel obligated to interpret and give expression to it in a way that makes the reader understand how that world runs. Poets, those unheralded systems thinkers, are our true digital thinkers. It is from their midst that I believe we will draw tomorrow’s new business leaders.”

It is clear that humanity is calling for a different way of being, and a redefinition of power. In today’s world, people yearn to be led by empathy, rather than force. Even in the most ego-driven corporate space, we hear people saying things like “trust your gut instinct,” “follow your intuition,” or “watch the energy in the room.” Sensitivity, emotional intensity, deep empathy—what were previously thought as weaknesses—are now much-valued qualities that make you stand out.

We are in a time where the previously highly sensitive and empathic misfits rise to become the leaders. Therefore, embracing your gift of sensitivity is not just something you do for yourself, but also those around you. If you can summon the courage to stand out as a sensitive leader, you set a solid example for all others like you. The more you can free yourself from the childlike need to trade “fitting in” for authenticity, the more you can channel your gifts and serve the world.

TRUE BELONGING

For years, you have desperately wanted to “fit in.”

But at times, you hear a tiny whispering voice that champions the truth. It asks:

What if what your inner self needs is to be allowed just to be you, even when it means not fitting in the crowd?

What if what your soul is destined to be different, like many rebels, the artists, and visionaries in history?

What if like all the honourable trailblazers and truth tellers, your seat in this world is indeed on the fringe?

Coming to terms with your authentic place in the world might mean accepting the reality that you will never “fit in” the conventional way.

This is not immediately easy.

After all, you want to belong, to be part of a tribe, to feel like a wider part of humanity.

But once you have released the old idea of what “fitting in” meant, you could make room for a new meaning of belongingness.

In true belongingness, fitting in means something different.

It means you have made a home for yourself.

It means you have committed never to reject yourself, even when the world says otherwise.

It means you have asserted your boundaries, and you honour only the opinions of those who have earned your respect.

It means you drop the task of peacemaking and align with the mission of truth-telling.

It means you stop buying membership with the cost of your true self, but instead create membership by making your mark in the world.

With the courageous acceptance of your authentic place in the world comes both beauty and terror, excitement and fear.

See if you can embrace both, but keep your eyes on the prize.

Soon, your courage will bring you what your deepest self have longed a lifetime for—a true sense of belonging.

(Original Post)

Source, N;